Girl Fag 01
People around here say I can fix anything. They boast about it, as if that was something for me to be proud of. I mean, I don't mind being able to fix things and I am proud of it, don't get me wrong, but I can't fix everything. No matter what folks tell you. But maybe I'd better start a little closer to the beginning.
I grew up the only girl in a house with seven men, my Daddy and my six older brothers. My mom left us when I was pretty small. I guess she had issues with testosterone, since the person she ran off with was an exotic dancer named Suzy. That's pretty much when my life changed dramatically, but I was only four years old so any change was bound to be dramatic. I suppose my Dad was a little upset about losing his wife to another woman. That would be sort of hard to deal with, especially for a manly man like Daddy. Lou Diamond Philips sent Daddy a post card, but I don't think it helped much. I know the guys around town gave him a hard time about it, just like my brothers got it at school. It wasn't like it was much of a secret in a town with one stop light.
They only turned that stoplight on during Christmas, so it flashed green and red, by the way. But the third year they did that, a guy passing through hit Old Man Davidson's truck. So, they don't turn it on at all anymore. It just hangs there. And that, I reckon, symbolizes our town and lives better than most words might. I sympathize with that stoplight sometimes, and I think I should climb up one of the poles it's tethered to and cut it down. But then what? It's just a stoplight.
I think sometimes I should do something about myself too. But I'm just a girl.
Back to fixing stuff...No. Back to my big change. Gosh it's hard to find the beginning of things sometimes, isn't it? Like I say, my mom ran off with the only exotic dancer in town, so that was big news. A lesbian, for most people around here, was like a foreign film. They'd heard about 'em, but never seen one. Never wanted to, for the most part...It might require some thinking. My Daddy is like that and when I was four he decided I wasn't going to be running off with no lesbian strippers. I dressed in boys clothes, old hand me downs from my six brothers. That earned me the nickname 'Patches' in the neighborhood, and worse 'Raggedy Ann' when I was in the second grade.
That's my name, by the way, Ann, so it wasn't much of a stretch even for an inbred like Tommy Wirtengale. His brother married my cousin Janey, so I see him every now and again. He still calls me 'Raggedy Ann' but I think it's more a term of endearment for him. He calls his wife 'The Heifer' and I really wish I could say she had a tattoo on her ass that said 'USDA Approved' but she doesn't, so far as I know. We don't like each other much, The Heifer and me, mostly because she looks like a cow. I was Miss Dairy once precisely because I don't.
Boasting is for fools though; I just want to make clear that I never did let Tommy in my panties, no matter what it says in the men's room at our local tavern, The Junction...
There once was a woman named Annie
Who liked big dicks up her fanny
But I snuck into her twat
And I came quite a lot
So I think she'll be needin' a nanny!
I happen to know he wrote that stupid limerick himself. Just for the record, I did have a bit of a reputation once upon a time. Not really the bad sort, just the kind a girl living in a small town gets when she's...Different. It could have been much, much worse, believe me. I'm not pregnant, either. Momma didn't raise no fool. In fact momma didn't raise me at all, so...Where was I?
Oh, I was dressing as a boy mostly and Daddy would cut my hair short, like my brothers had to wear theirs. The only time I was allowed to dress up was on Sundays for church, otherwise Daddy kept all my girl clothes locked up in the cedar chest, along with my dolls and my jewelry and the little things I'd collected, you know. I didn't have any real jewelry, of course, it was all just plastic mostly, and cut glass that sparkled. I sort of had a ring that was real. It had belonged to my Grandmother, and Daddy said it was going to be mine when I was old enough. It was gold and had a little diamond in it. Not a very big one, but it was real. I got to look at it sometimes.
Now, my Daddy is a mechanic. He owns his own garage and that was the place all my brothers worked every summer and after school the rest of the year. Naturally enough, I spent most of my time there too. I learned just about everything there is to know about cars. We even built more than a bunch of 'em, including that '68 Firebird convertible parked out front. That was my 16th birthday present from my brothers and it wasn't always a convertible, but that's the sort of thing we do to cars. They told me we were rebuilding it for some collector in Seattle. If I'd known it was really for me I'd have painted it candy apple red instead of midnight blue. My brother's hate painting, that's why I do it mostly. I hate welding, personally. If I ever hear the words, 'It's gotta look like a roll of nickels!' again, I'm going puke. Only another hot head knows what that means, the rest of you...Count yourselves lucky. It's worse than learning the piano and I know because I did that too.
Of course, there aren't always a lot of cars that need fixing in a little town like ours, even though people bring us cars from as far away as Boise and Portland. We took a Lexus that belonged to Ichiro and made it into a low rider with a Maybach V12 under the hood. It was a gift for the Emperor or Brittany Spears, or somebody. He sent us a picture of him cruising with it in Tokyo. But even with the out of town work, there was still a lot of time on our hands. So, we got used to fixing anything that a person could bring by. We fixed washing machines, televisions, bicycles, lawn mowers, boats, ceiling fans, milking machines...Heck, I even fixed an airplane once.
Fella landed out by Four Tires, which is where four tires are nailed to an old dead tree and everybody goes out there for keggers. He had a little Cessna and we didn't have a manual or anything, but a bad fuel pump is a bad fuel pump. He was just lucky he didn't die! You'd never get me up in one of those things! Of course it was big news, having an airplane land on the county road and all. A reporter came all the way from Spokane, since I guess nothing ever happens there, even though they have five or six stoplights probably. They took my picture, smiling and covered with grease, holding that bad old fuel pump like it was an Olympic Medal. That was the reporter's idea, not mine.
SQUINOSHA GIRL SAVES THE DAY
That's what the headline said, because our town is named Squinosha after some local Indian tribe that was run out of the county back when they thought there was silver here. I think they went to the peninsula and opened a casino. Anyway, I didn't save the day. I just changed out the fuel pump and we billed that guy up the yin-yang for it too! I mean his airplane was sitting in the middle of the road! What was he going to do? Barter? He tried it though. That's why my Daddy has a Rolex now, Oyster Perpetual, whatever that means. It's nice, I guess.
The article in the paper was sort of nice too. It said:
"...16 year old Ann Russet was last month's Homecoming Queen for Squinosha-Edmons-Wilverness High School. When she isn't busy fixing airplanes, the Academic All-American enjoys football, hunting, and rock climbing. Donald Eversman, the Mayor of Squinosha Township explained, "Ann was Miss Washington Dairy last summer and we're hoping she'll enter the Miss Teen Washington Pageant next spring. That girl can do most anything she puts her mind to, fixing airplanes or baking up a fresh Washington Apple Pie; it all comes natural to our Annie." Natural indeed. As this reporter found out, there's nothing shy about Miss Russet. When asked about the incident, the rural beauty queen replied, "Hell, it was just a bleepin' fuel pump. I yanked that bleep-bleeper out by the bleeps, twisted some wires and bleeped it like a 3 dollar bleep. The whole bleepin' thing was done by noon. I even threw in a bleep-bleep cause the guy was so bleepin' cute." It seems Miss Russet certainly has a way with words, as well as airplanes. The plane's owner, Mr. George Timley of Coeur D'Alene, married and the father of two, could not be reached for comment regarding the incident...'
The Mayor was doing his best to hide the fact that I was anything but natural, and trying to sell me as just a cute little homemaker with a wrench in her apron sort of aggravated me. But that's what folks do in a small town, you know? Anyway, I got in a little trouble because of all my swearing, but honestly! I'd been tired, menstruating, and tits deep in a 1958 International Harvester combine when that reporter came around. I really didn't think they'd print it, even using bleeps instead of words!
"Well, I guess you can forget about being Miss Teen Washington!" my 5th oldest brother, Henry laughed.
"Shut up, Henry!" David, my 4th oldest brother said. "Daddy's back from the liquor store. You ready to play, Annie?"
I gave him a dirty look, "Yeah. So what." I took some sand paper to the sparkplug I was holding, filing it like I would my fingernails if I had any, very gently.
"Annie?" I heard Daddy calling for me. "Come on out here girl, we need to talk."
"Talk hell!" Henry giggled softly. "Yes Daddy!" he called out in a high pitched falsetto and I punched him in the arm as I walked by.
"Right now, girl!" Daddy always called me girl. Like he needed to remind me or something.
"Just a bleepin' minute Daddy!" Henry called again and then he was running out the other way, with David laughing close behind.
I frowned and rubbed my ass through my coveralls. I didn't have much padding back there, I was small all around really. Narrow hips, small round butt, my boobs were nice sized, if you like that kind of thing. I mostly thought they were just big enough to get me in trouble and I seriously considered getting a boob job, a reduction I should say. I'd be happy with no tits at all. But that wasn't really on my mind right then. I knew what Daddy was going to do, all of us kids did. It was a game we grew up with.
"Annie, I'm gonna teach you a new game..." he'd said once.
I think I was about six or so, that time he'd caught me playing finger puppets with Marilee Hoskins. She was my older cousin, almost 16 then, and she knew a lot of good tricks. It didn't really feel good for me at the time, but she swore that when I was older, I'd thank her for showing them to me.
"What game is that, Daddy?" I'd asked, trying to pull up my trousers real quick.
"You get on home, Marilee," Daddy looked at the girl and she was getting her panties up in a hurry! I remember thinking how lucky she was that her Daddy let her dress like a girl. "This game is called Trip to the Woodshed, Annie."
That's what we were going to play now, ten years later, all because that stupid reporter from Spokane had quoted me word for bleepin' word. Well, technically we didn't have a woodshed, so it should have been called 'Trip to the Generator Shack' but woodshed sounded better somehow.
"Yes Daddy?" I was wiping my hands on a rag, figuring I'd stuff it in my back pocket. Every little bit helps, believe me.
"Did you see this?" he was holding up the newspaper from Spokane.
Larry, the druggist who owned the liquor store, had gotten 30 copies and was selling them for two dollars each, even though they were only 70 cents in Spokane. It sort of explained why he was selling beer now, instead of Viagra. The big Wal-Mart opened up over in Beaverton and most folks went there for their prescription stuff. All the rest, like combs and film and condoms, Larry sold right there at the counter next to little airline bottles of vodka.
If life has taught me nothing else, it's that all a town really needs to survive is a gas station, a liquor store, and a 7-11. A bar don't hurt none either, unless it has lesbian dancers. The Junction lost a little business for awhile there, but then the Kelroyce sisters, Emma and Geena, came back from the war and it picked up again. They're twins and that explains a lot probably.
Now, you're probably thinking this is the part where I tell you how my Daddy put me over his knee, pulled my britches down and paddled my bare butt until it was red. How I was biting back my tears and promising never to say bleep again! You might think I'm going to tell you how he always rubs my bare little behind afterwards, massaging it with his big calloused hand until it starts feeling better again, so much better I have to spread my legs just a little so he can rub a little lower too. Perhaps Daddy even likes it when I tell him how sorry I am for making him spank me like that. How I turn around on his lap, letting him feel my young female form against his strong manly chest, since I know he hasn't been with a woman since momma left us. Daddy's manhood is pressing up against me, all swollen from spanking the prettiest girl in three counties, his very own daughter. A blonde haired, blue eyed, 16 year old grease monkey who would one day have dirty poems written about her on men's bathroom walls. Yep, I bet you think I'm gonna tell you all about that stuff, huh?
What do they call that? Oh…Middle-aged male sexual angst? Thanks.
Where was I? Oh...You might think growing up as a boy was a strange thing. Well, let me tell you…It was. By the time I was eight I'd pretty much given up on wearing dresses, even on Sundays. It just felt too weird, you know? I'd put on my little pink panties, a white dress, or maybe my blue one sometimes. Little white lacy ankle socks and little black shoes. My hair was short like a boy's, cut above my ears, so I'd wear a little hat mostly, with a ribbon around it to match my dress. It didn't look as bad as it sounds. But it felt…Wrong.
I was a boy, I was pretty sure, although I didn't know exactly why I didn't have a thing down there like my brothers did. When I got my first period though, I finally got over my denial and that was hard. Probably harder for me than it was for any of the other girls in town. I was really mad at my body. Anyway, in a small house in Squinosha, Washington there just isn't a whole lot of room for modesty. I shared my room with my two youngest brothers. Greg is a year older than me and Henry is about ten months older than him. My four other brothers shared two other bedrooms, but we all shared the one hallway bathroom. Being naked around a bunch of boys wasn't any big deal for me then and it still isn't today.
This causes problems for other kids though. When I was 14 and got to Middle School, in the eighth grade, I tried out for football. For most of the kids at school I was just another guy, although a lot of them treated me strangely. But nobody gave me a hard time, mostly because I wasn't afraid to get in a fight, you know? I felt like that guy in that song 'A Boy Named Sue' except I wasn't really a boy and my name was Ann. My brothers didn't mind a good fight either, we practiced a lot at home, of course, so generally if somebody was going to fight one of the Russet boys, me included, he'd better be bringing his whole freakin' family, you know? Because we did.
One good thing though was that I could fix anything, or so people say, and my brothers mostly just fixed stuff for girls, or their friends, so lots of guys I didn't even know would be nice to me and ask me to help them do a brake job, or maybe roll back the odometer on their dad's cars. Fixing stuff was my ticket to acceptance. Some kids are the class clowns, you know? I was the class mechanic. Those guys didn't hit on me or anything. I was dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, with short hair and no make-up at all. They just called me buddy mostly or dude, and we'd hang out. Somebody would swipe some beers, another guy would have a few cigarettes, and we'd be like any other bunch of teenage boys.
"Hey, check it out!" John Relton always had something for us to check out. "I found it in my old man's tool box."
I was under Kyle's car, fixing his oil pan because he'd tried to change the oil himself and had stripped the drain plug. I could hear the guys giggling and whispering and that was sort of strange. We were all 14 or 15, except Kyle, he'd just turned 16, and the only reason we ever whispered was if somebody's parents were around. I crawled out from under the car and looked up at the guys, sitting on the hood.
"What you got?" I started getting up, wiping my hands on my jeans. They were looking at a magazine, John and my three best friends, Kyle Glass, Matthew Lickler, who had the worst name in school obviously, and Lance Finley.
"Uh, nothing," John was trying to hide it and all the guys sort of looked away from me.
"What?" I grabbed the warm Buckhorn beer I'd been drinking and took a swig. "You better show me, dude," I laughed at them, because they looked so guilty. We were at Kyle's house, in his garage and his parents were always working, so mostly we hung out there.
"Yeah, just show her," Kyle shrugged and grabbed the magazine from behind John's back and opened it up in his lap. It was a Penthouse, dog eared and old. I leaned against the car next to Kyle, looking down at it.
"What do ya think, Annie?" Matt asked me, he was a little nervous I thought and I didn't know why exactly. I'd grown up with these guys.
Kyle had opened it up to the Pet of the Month picture spread and the girl was bare ass naked, showing everything, even her shaved pussy. "She's got no hair!" I laughed and we stared at it for a long minute. "That's pretty cool though. Turn the page already."
Kyle turned the page and then she was on her hands and knees, facing away from the camera, but looking over her shoulder, smiling like it was her birthday.
"Holy crap!" Lance breathed.
"That's a big butt!" I stared at the picture.
All the guys were sort of quiet as we crowded around Kyle, turning pages slowly, back and forth, looking through all the spreads. "I bet she's the most beautiful woman in the world!" John said.
We were looking at one of the other girls, a blonde woman wearing some kind of leather bikini and she had a dog collar around her neck.
"No way," Kyle shook his head. "This chick's hotter." He flipped it back to the Pet of the month on her knees, having marked that page with his thumb.
"I like the other one," Matt said. "The one John said."
"Nah," Lance agreed with Kyle. "That one in the middle is totally intense, dude!" he was practically drooling.
"Yeah," I nodded. "That one. She needs a tune-up bad!" I giggled, but I was feeling sort of weird too. Like hot inside, I wasn't sure why. And it seemed like my boobs were trying to grow a little. I thought maybe it was that crappy beer, because really the pictures weren't nearly as exciting to me as it was seeing my friends' reactions.
"You like this one?" John looked at me. All the guys looked at me.
"Yeah," I lifted my hands a little. "She's hot."
"You're a girl though!" Lance blurted out.
I just looked at him, "Huh?"
"Shut-up, Lance!" Kyle hit him on the thigh, trying to give him a Charlie-horse. "She ain't a real girl."
I didn't exactly know how I was supposed to feel about that, but I guess at the time I mostly liked it. I wasn't a real girl, not like the woman in that magazine, I knew that. The guys were quiet for a few minutes after that, maybe wondering what I was going to say. But I didn't say anything. I just looked at the magazine, like they did.
"Hey, look at this," Kyle had found the Letter's part of the magazine.
"Dear sirs," he started reading out loud. "I want to tell you about how I ended up sleeping with my wife and her sister."
"God dang!" John laughed a little nervously and looked around at us.
"My wife is a real fox, 5'4" tall, dark haired and perfectly proportioned, with real 36C tits and a great ass. Her name is Raquel and her sister, Caroline, is her identical twin!" Kyle continued and we all held our breath. "One night Caroline came over to our house, crying and heart broken because her long-term boyfriend had left her for another woman."
"That's ass!" Lance whispered.
"Maybe that's the Kelroyce sisters," John had big brown eyes.
"Shut-up!" Matt shushed him.
Kyle looked at us real quick and then went back to reading, "My wife and I were always close to Caroline and so it was only natural that we tried to comfort the 20 year old woman. I suggested that maybe a little wine would be good, hoping that the alcohol would relax her. As we sat in the living room drinking our wine, Caroline did seem to calm down and my wife, who doesn't handle her alcohol well at all…"
"Light weight!" John grinned because he was always falling down if he drank a beer too fast. Everybody called him light weight.
"Like you!" I grinned at him.
"…was getting a little horny. We were all sitting close together on the sofa, Caroline on one side and Raquel on the other with me in the middle of those two beautiful women. I soon found myself kissing my wife and our hands were all over each other when I heard Caroline whispering, 'What about me?' My wife looked into my eyes and smiled. 'Yeah, what about my sister?' she asked me. Well, what could I do? I turned and Caroline's soft lips found mine while my wife started pulling my straining cock out of my pants…"
"Jeeeze!" Lance breathed and we all giggled a little nervously because I think all of us were picturing that little scene in our heads. Even me and I don't even have a penis!
"Cock!" Matt grinned and we giggled more at the dirty word.
"Shhh…" I waved at them. "Keep going," I told Kyle and I felt like there were ants crawling inside my stomach.
"…Soon Raquel took my 10" schlong in her mouth, stretching her lips over the enormous head of my tool and taking me all the way into her throat! My wife loves deepthroating my cock and it felt so good while I was pushing my tongue into her twin sister's mouth…"
"Schlong!" Matt laughed and gave Lance a high five.
I pushed off the car and went to the toolbox, finding a 10" Craftsman Adjustable Wrench. I held it up, grinning at the guys, "Hey, look! I got a 10" tool."
"That chick was sucking a dick that big?" John looked down a little self-consciously, all the guys did I think, and then sort of avoided looking at each other.
"Wait! Like this…" I was giggling and I turned around, away from the guys so I could surprise them. I turned back around and the wrench was sticking out through my zipper while I held it in my hand.
"That guy's lying," Lance shook his head. "Nobody has a dick that big."
"Some guys do I bet," John looked at my wrench.
"Yeah," Kyle laughed, "and some guys don't!"
"How big's yours?" I asked John. I'd seen it before, when we'd go out to Silver Lake swimming. I'd seen all these guys naked and they'd seen me too, but I never thought about if they were big or not. Ten inches looked pretty huge.
"I don't know…"
"Bigger than it was a little bit ago!" Matt laughed and pushed him.
"Mine too!" Lance grinned.
"You guys want to hear this or not?" Kyle looked around at us.
"Yeah…Sure…Yep…" we all agreed and I walked back over, still holding my wrench as I sat next to Kyle. I had to pull it out of my pants, but I kept it close just for luck.
"…A few minutes later I could hardly believe it when Caroline moved her head down next to my wife's and both of the girls started taking turns sucking my cock. One would slide her pretty mouth up and down the thick shaft, while the other one would lick and kiss my heavy balls. It wasn't long before I felt my orgasm building and it just happened to be Caroline who had her mouth on my prick when I couldn't hold back any longer! 'AAAGGHHH!'…" Kyle paused while everybody imitated the sound, wide-eyed and laughing. "…'AAAGGHHH! I'm cumming!' I warned my gorgeous sister-in-law and she immediately started sucking harder while my wife watched, urging her sister to take it all. 'Swallow it, sis! Swallow all that cum! Doesn't it taste good?' Hearing my wife's voice talking like that really pushed me over the edge and I groaned as my sperm shot down Caroline's eager throat…"
"Gross!" Lance made a face.
"Yeah, no doubt, dude!" John nodded.
I tried to imagine doing that and couldn't. I'd seen sperm before, mostly old and kind of dried sperm from my brothers when they'd have a wet dream, or sometimes I'd find a towel in the bathroom hamper that one of them had used to jerk off. But I'd only caught one of them actually doing it. That had been my oldest brother Steven when he was in the shower. I caught him a bunch of times and I think he left the door unlocked on purpose. But I didn't stick around to watch him and I wondered what that stuff was like when it was fresh.
"I heard Kelly Macken does that," Kyle said.
"Kelly Macken?" Matt looked at him. "She's skank, dude!"
"Maybe that's why!" John laughed.
"Lots of girls do it," I said, feeling a little self-conscious.
"How would you know?" Kyle looked at me.
"What do you mean, how would I know? I hear stuff," I frowned a little. "They talk about it sometimes. My cousin Marilee does it."
"Really?" Matt grinned and I ignored him.
"She's old though," I shrugged.
"Would you do it?" Lance looked at me.
"You want me to hit you?" I stared at him.
"No, but I mean…You know…"
"Shut-up," Matt told him and all the guys were quiet again, now that they'd been reminded I wasn't really a guy like them.
"After Caroline had swallowed my cum, I sat back feeling very relaxed and it was then that I got a real surprise. My wife, Raquel, took Caroline into her arms and they began kissing. I sat in stunned disbelief as I watched the twin sisters make out passionately just a few feet in front of me! They undressed each other slowly and I marveled at how identical they truly were. Both of them had perfect bodies, but more to the point, they were both clean shaven between their legs! It was amazing and the sight of my wife and her sister getting down and dirty made my cock harden again immediately…"
I thought about that girl in the magazine, she'd been clean shaven too. I didn't have much hair then, being just 14 years old, but I had a little. I sort of liked it because it made me feel older and covered up my pussy. I really wished I had a dick.
"I wish I had a dick," I said, pretty much without thinking about it.
"Huh?" Kyle looked up at me.
"You wish you had a dick, Ann?" John laughed.
"I got one, it's hard too," Lance sort of rubbed himself through his corduroys.
"Me too," Matt grinned. "That's a cool story. Keep reading."
I noticed all the guys were kind of rubbing themselves through their pants and I felt like I wanted to do it too. I was warm and I felt a little moist down there, like I do sometimes when I'm on my period, but this was different. I didn't have a pad either, I imagined I could feel that wetness trickling down my thighs, since I was wearing some boxers and that was all. They were loose under my jeans.
"…Raquel and Caroline were soon on the floor, engaged in a hot passionate 69 that made my mouth water. I sat there stroking my massive penis slowly, enjoying the erotic view that my eyes were feasting on. I could see my wife's long pink tongue as she pushed it deep into her sister's fiery sex, tongue fucking her twin while Caroline returned the favor. Raquel was lying on her back, pulling Caroline's pussy open with her fingers and I could only imagine what that beautiful pussy must have tasted like…"
"Oh man!" Matt groaned. I watched in shocked surprise as the 15 year old boy that I'd known since kindergarten unzipped his pants and pulled his penis free. It was hard and about half as long as the wrench I was holding.
A second later Lance had his cock out too, about the same size as Matt's, and the two boys rubbed themselves slowly.
"What are you guys doing?" John was shocked too.
"What? You never beat off?" Matt looked at him.
"N-No…" John turned a little red and Kyle laughed at him. I thought it was funny too, but I forgot to laugh, since I was staring at Lance and Matt.
"Do it, dude," Lance urged him. "Just whip it out, it's cool."
"But what about…" John looked at me and the other guys did too.
"What?" I snorted. "Just do it if you want. I don't care." I acted like it didn't mean anything at all to me if he did it or not. But really, I was feeling seriously light-headed right then. Like I was going to fall down and I leaned back on the car, bracing myself with my hands on the hood.
Kyle grinned at me. He was sitting close, right next to me, so our legs were touching and I looked at him too. I'd never noticed how blue his eyes were before. I swallowed nervously.
"What?" I challenged.
"Nothing," he smiled more. "You still wish you had a dick?"
John was taking his penis out too and it was bigger than Lance and Matt's, which surprised us all I think. But it was only a little bigger. I glanced at it and then looked down, blushing.
"Yeah, I don't know," I said, not really knowing what I was doing or feeling.
"You can feel mine if you want," he said softly and a little nervously, like the words got stuck.
"Huh?" I looked up again.
"I gotta read, so…" he licked his lips. "If you want to, you know."
You know how certain things happen and it like changes your life forever? I knew, somehow, I just knew that if I did it. If I touched him, or any of my buddies then…Everything would be different. I wouldn't be one of the guys anymore. Kyle wasn't asking Matt or Lance or John if they wanted to feel his dick. He was asking me. Because I was a girl. I wanted to do it, more than anything, just so I could close my eyes and pretend it was my dick. That I was a guy like them and I could jerk off like any other boy. But the price was too high. Even a 14 year old motor head like me could figure that out.
"No!" I gave him a disgusted look. "I ain't a fag!"
And everybody laughed at that, even Kyle, and it was okay again. I was one of the guys again and not a girl like in that magazine who would do the stuff they did. I regret my decision sometimes, wondering how it might have changed my life later. But really, I doubt it would have changed much at all.
"Yeah, she ain't a fag, Kyle!" Lance grinned at me and I remembered when we were 12, how he and I had fought over a dollar we'd both found at the same time. I'd given him a bloody nose and he gave me a black eye. Then, without apologizing, we'd bought a pack of baseball cards with the dollar and split them up. He got the Sammy Sosa, but I got Alex Rodriguez and we split the gum. Everything was fine after that.
"Here, just give me that," I said.
I took the magazine from Kyle and he got off the car, standing around like our friends, jerking off while I read the letter. His dick was nice too, bigger than John's even and I felt more than a little envious. It was totally confusing my brain, believe me.
"Uh,here…Without thinking I got off the sofa and knelt behind my lovely sister-in-law's perfect ass, straddling my wife's head with my knees, and positioned my huge cock at the entrance of Caroline's tender womb. My wife didn't even slow down when she saw my sperm filled balls hanging over her face, she just tickled my shaft with her tongue and guided my prick with her hand, urging me to fill her sister's tight, warm, and more than ready hole! Caroline cried out with muffled joy as she felt my hot shaft of man-meat splitting her tender walls and when I was balls deep as far inside her as I could get, Raquel started sucking my balls! I was in heaven..."
So, I was trying to read, but mostly I was watching my best friends rub their dicks until they started cumming. They tried to see who could shoot the furthest, and who could shoot the most, and it was pretty funny. When they were done I tossed the magazine and slid back under the car, but I didn't tap that oil plug, mostly I just thought about having a penis of my own and standing with my friends, jerking off while we looked at a magazine. I rubbed my pussy through my britches the way Marilee showed me. And she was right, I was grateful. Sorta. I was a little ashamed though too; it might have felt good, but it didn't feel right.
That at least will give you some idea of how different my relationship with boys was. I suppose you're thinking I was a lesbian. That my Daddy, in his eagerness to keep me from turning into the sort of woman my mom was, had gone too far and had turned me into the very thing he feared. But no, he hadn't, even though I thought sometimes that maybe I was almost a lesbian. Like that first time I saw a Penthouse. I really did try to imagine what it would be like being with that beautiful woman in the pictures, but only as a boy. I had some thoughts about girls at school too, and that wasn't really my fault either, since I hung out all day, every day with teenaged boys whose brains turned to sex every 12.3 seconds.
We talked about which girls were hot and which were dogs; who put out and who didn't; and generally the consensus was that just about anything with two legs and no dick was fair game. I'd laugh and nod and say, "Yeah, I'd do her!" But in my head I was thinking I'd only do it if I had a cock and balls. Maybe. I didn't want to just lick another girl, and do all that touching and stuff. Where's the fun in that? A guy would be different though. I thought sometimes that touching a guy, or just kissing, would be pretty good even if we didn't go all the way.
And so my thoughts, for the most part, when I was alone, sort of evolved into which guys I'd like to do it with. I started telling myself, "Yeah, I'm a girl so…" But the idea of a guy doing…That…To me? Sticking his thing in my pussy, just totally didn't do it at all. I thought mostly about kissing them, sometimes sucking them if I was horny, or just jerking them off. Sometimes it was Kyle in my dreams, sometimes Lance or Matt or John, sometimes all of them. Sometimes it was just a stranger, or one of the other boys in school. Even my own brothers weren't exempt from my thoughts, when I was really horny.
I didn't want sex though…No, I did want sex. I just didn't want intercourse. I didn't know what I wanted and it was confusing the hell out of me! There wasn't anybody I could talk to about that. I felt like the ultimate imposter. I was pretending to be a guy, acting and dressing and behaving like one, so much so that my friends, and even just the people who hardly knew me, pretty much forgot I was a girl until something reminded them. The girls at school figured I was a total lesbian. A few of them who really were had even approached me a couple times, really quietly because in a town like this one the closets are deep and dark! But everybody figured I was out, even if nobody actually used the L word to my face.
The guys, the ones I didn't really know, and even a few I did know, but didn't care for…Like Tommy Wirtingale…Would talk to me sometimes, asking me out, sort of. But not like a real date, more like if I wanted to come over and drink beer and watch the game on TV. But they just wanted to have sex and I heard that some guys made a bet about who would fuck me first. I told my brothers and later they pounded on a guy named Carl Papersmith because he was saying he was gonna do me at a party.
"I'm gonna fuck that lesbo! Where is she? Where's Annie?" He was wasted and probably didn't know what he was saying, but that didn't matter to Steve, Greg and Henry. They tried to shove his head up a cow's ass. They were pretty drunk too.
I felt bad about that, actually, because Carl really did like me a lot. At least I believe he did. He used to write me these poems, really bad ones, but they were so cute. And he'd crush a wildflower and put it in with the unsigned note, folding it up and dropping it through the slot in my school locker. He never realized that I knew it was him, I think. He wrote one like this:
My heart is on fire
Like the sun you inspire
And my heart is a song
Until you are gone
And I feel like snowing
And the north wind is blowing
Me away til the end
When I see you again
And then…
My heart is on fire.
My brothers shouldn't have beaten him up. I would have sucked him, maybe, if he'd given me a poem personally and asked. Or at least jerked him off, for sure.
Anyway, I'm just trying to explain that I was sort of like that girl in 'Boys Don't Cry' except I wasn't hiding it, you know? And I wasn't a lesbian; I just wished I had a dick. If I had one, yeah, I would have asked a girl out and done everything I could to get in her panties. But being that I didn't, that I was a girl on the inside as well as the outside, I wanted a man, really. I just wanted a dick too…Argggh! Being with a guy and both our dicks touching when we kissed and stuff…See what I mean. Even now, comfortable as I am with myself, I have a hard time explaining it.