Surgeon General's Warning
For Homer, wherever I may find him
Since Homer seems bound and determined that every thread should have a pregnant woman in it, I figured I'd go ahead and make one for him…
A thread, I mean, not a pregnant woman; I'd need a little help with that. -rr
Copyright Sept 11 2010 9:23pm Rachael Ross all rights reserved
Synopsis: When a professional young woman can't find the urge to have children, her twin sister comes to the rescue.
Codes: No Sex, Preg, MC
Download the plain text file here: fruitful.zip
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Lil' Miss
Fruitful
by Lisa Oquias
"Well, aren't you little Miss Fruitful?" Liza said with no small amount of rhetorical sarcasm.
"Surprise!" Beth said, ignoring her twin sister's tone as she rubbed her tummy. "Isn't it great?"
"I thought you just had a baby?" Liza shook her hair, which was long and thick and falling in an auburn cascade around her pretty face.
"What? That was over six months ago," Beth reminded her with a smile. "I really didn't expect to get knocked up right away again, but two months later…"
"Knocked up?" Liza rolled her green eyes and sipped some champagne. "Do you even know who the father is this time?"
"I've narrowed the list of suspects down," Beth said, feigning indignation with a playful pout. "Oh!" She suddenly grinned, reaching for her sister's hand. "It's kicking. Feel it!"
"I don't want to feel it!" Liza said, finding her left palm pressed to the soft, round swell of Beth's tummy.
"I think it's a girl this time!" Beth said happily. "She's going to be a dancer when she grows up."
"Right!" Liza pulled her hand away as if she'd been burned and looked at it for a moment. "She'll probably grow up to be a sluuu…uh, hi Mom."
"Elizabeth!" Debbie Skyler drew a happy sigh. "Wasn't the wedding beautiful? Didn't Tina make the most wonderful bride? She looked so happy I thought she was going to pop! Right there at the altar!"
"Uh, yeah," Liza agreed, letting her eyes drift across the crowded wedding reception to find Tina and her huge tummy stuffed into a satin wedding gown. "Why is she wearing white?"
"And what about you, Elizabeth?" Debbie looked at Beth. "When are you going to find some nice man to take care of all those babies?"
"I have a nice man," Beth giggled. "Six of them, remember? They take care of me just fine, Mama."
"Oh! I can see that!" Debbie laughed lightly, finding her daughter's tummy with both hands and caressing the young woman with obvious pride.
"Liza's the one you should worry about," Beth suggested, looking at her sister. "We're going to be 28 next month and you haven't had any babies!"
"I do worry!" Debbie frowned, looking at Liza and clucking her tongue. "I spend all my nights worrying about those lonely eggs in your belly."
"My what?" Liza took a deep breath. "Don't start, Mom."
"Look at your sister," Debbie continued, still rubbing Beth's tummy. "Elizabeth gets pregnant if a man looks at her funny! But you…What is it you do again, Elizabeth?"
"I'm a sports psychologist," Liza answered and she'd told her mother that plenty of times, but…
"Oh, whatever," Debbie said with a sad shake of her head. "Turning out babies is what you should be doing. You're so thin! It isn't healthy, you know. A girl like you should take care of herself…"
"I do, Mom."
"…Look at Elizabeth. Isn't she beautiful?" Debbie smiled at Beth, bringing a hand upward to cup one of the girl's heavy, braless breasts through her dress. "I can't wait to see these full of milk for my grandchildren!"
"Careful, Mama!" Beth grinned at her mother. "I think I might have some in there already!"
"Well, of course you do!" Debbie pinched her daughter's nipple, dark and distended and obvious through the thin silk. "You were made for pumping out babies! Both of you were, Elizabeth!"
"I need a cigarette," Liza decided, feeling more than a little ill at ease with her mother's antics and all too aware of the crowd of men eagerly watching them.
"You smoke?" Debbie gasped.
"She's smoked since she was sixteen, Mama," Beth sighed.
"If I hadn't been there to see it with my own eyes," Debbie said, and not for the first time, "I'd think Elizabeth was adopted."
"I wish," Liza frowned and that was about all of her mother the poor girl could take. "I'll see you guys later."
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
"Hi there…" a man said.
"Get lost," Liza told him, standing at the rail of the ballroom's balcony and breathing deep the cool, evening air.
"Excuse me, but…" another man tried to say.
"Fuck off." Liza frowned, wishing she'd brought her cigarettes and looking at her watch.
"Say! Aren't you…" a third man wondered and he was followed by a fourth and a fifth, all of them rudely turned away.
"It's your pheromones," Beth said with a knowing cluck of her tongue.
"What?" Liza looked at her twin, letting the doubt show on her face.
"Your body," Beth explained. "You're probably ovulating, huh? Putting out that perfume that says, ‘I'm fertile! Knock me up!'"
"Shut-up," Liza snorted. "Like you'd know anything about that."
"I know you're being a bitch," Beth said unhappily. "And I know why too."
"Don't say it!" Liza warned her.
"It's because you…"
"Don't!"
"…need a baby," Beth finished with a nod. "Your body wants one, Liza. It's craving sperm, can't you feel it?"
"The only thing I'm craving is a cigarette," Liza corrected her sister. "I never should have quit."
"You quit smoking?" That made Beth smile.
"Trying to," Liza said. "My third time, actually."
"Three times a charm." Beth put her hand on Liza's shoulder, giving her some tender support. "You can do it."
"I know," Liza agreed. "I'm trying something new this time."
"What's that?"
"Self-hypnosis," Liza said, going on to explain how it worked. "I just listen to the CD every night when I go to bed and…"
"So, if you hear Fur Elise, it hypnotizes you?"
"Yeah," She nodded. "It puts me in a relaxed state, you know? Kind of half-asleep and my subconscious receives the suggestions I put under the music…"
"More Beethoven?" Beth smiled.
"Yeah, the Sixth Symphony," Liza said with a self-conscious smile. "The Pastoral? I love that one."
"And then…"
"And then, after I get the hypnotic suggestion reinforced, I end with a little Wagner…"
"Wagner?" Beth laughed. "I have no idea what that is."
"Flight of the Valkyrie?" Liza looked at her sister. "Never mind. I just like to finish with a big climax, you know, a feeling like I'm invincible."
"Oh yeah!" Beth clapped her hands happily. "God! I always feel great after a good cum!"
"Uh…"
"It's good for moving all those spermies into the womb," Beth agreed eagerly. "I can't believe you're not pregnant."
"I didn't mean…"
"You're not on the pill," she asked, narrowing her eyes suspiciously. "Are you?"
"That's none of your business!" Liza said with a frown.
"Condoms?" Beth wondered. "Diaphragm?"
"Stop!"
"Not…" Beth widened her eyes and shuddered, "…that spermicidal cream stuff! Yuck!"
"Condoms, alright?" Liza sighed theatrically. "Will you let it go now? Please? I haven't had sex in six months anyway."
"What?" Beth stared at her sister. "You should be getting it three times a day! At least!"
"Well…" Liza shrugged. "I don't, okay? And I don't want to. I have a good career and men are just too…"
"Hmph!" The other woman pursed her lips. "You should get out of that office of yours once in awhile, Liza."
"Maybe you should come by my office more often, Beth." Liza looked at her sister, at the swell of her belly. "I could probably do you some good. A little hypnotic therapy and…"
"Oh no!" Beth shook her head. "I like doing the math! As soon as this one is born, I'm going on a fertility program."
"What?"
"I want twins!" Beth said. "Girls, like us. I already picked out a name and everything."
"You want twins?" Liza almost laughed. "It's a sickness, Beth."
"Carolyn," Beth said with a smile. "I'll name them Carolyn and then one will be Carol and the other one Lynn, see?"
"You're as bad as Mom."
"That's what Daddy says!" Beth giggled and Liza could only shake her head.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
"Still smoking, huh?" Beth frowned as she saw the ashtray, empty but stained with ashes nonetheless.
"I'm down to three a day," Liz said. "Give me a break."
"I will," Beth promised, looking around her sister's spacious condominium, "but you know Mom…"
"Elizabeth!" Debbie threw her arms wide and then frowned, sniffing the air. "Why does it smell like Pittsburgh in here?"
"Hi Mom," Liza sighed.
"Where's your bathroom?" Beth asked, cradling her swollen tummy. "The last trimester is the worst! All I wanna do is eat and pee!"
"Upstairs," Liza replied and then grunted as her mother wrapped her up in a warm hug. They hadn't seen each other over three months and that was a long time for a woman like Debbie.
"Why did you move so far away?" Debbie asked. "And you never call…"
Beth giggled, knowing her sister was going to get a whole lot of motherly attention that evening. A whole lot of questions about Liza's non-existent love life too, probably. Or, sex life, to be more accurate. A woman can live without love, but sex? That was unthinkable to their mother and Liza would get an earful.
"Hmmmm…" Beth grimaced slightly as she climbed the stairs, thinking Liza was going to have to move again. It might be a nice place, and certainly expensive enough, but those stairs weren't made for a pregnant woman!
"Probably a man," Beth said to herself, meaning the architect, of course. A woman would have known better, or a mother would have anyway.
"Ahhhh…" Beth smiled when she saw her sister's clock/radio/CD on the nightstand next to Liza's bed.
She ejected the CD and looked at it. "No Smoking!" it was labeled with a black magic marker and the woman giggled happily, opening her purse and finding the slim jewel case tucked inside.
That night and for many more to come, in between Beethoven's soothing Fur Elise and Wagner's rousing flight of the Valkyrie, Liza's subconscious nursed eagerly on her loving sister's good advice. "I need a baby…I should be pregnant…My empty womb needs sperm…"
And oddly enough, it even gave Liza the incentive she needed to finally quit smoking…On her obstetrician's stern orders.