Bullets for Butter
by Rachael Ross
"Ideal conversation must be an exchange of thought, and not, as many of those who worry most about their shortcomings believe, an eloquent exhibition of wit or oratory." - Emily Post (1873-1960)
Synopsis: The worst of Rachael Ross. See Prologue for details. With Foreword by Evil Little Sister (scares away the poseurs) Ten short stories for the Faithful 39. See my blog for a chance to win. Contains 0 calories from fat. Lyrics for "Rearranged" courtesy of Limp Bizket used without permission. Excerpts from "Moby Dick" by H. Melville and "Hamlet" by W. Shakespeare swiped without remorse or apology to the authors. Fuck 'em if they can't answer their email. The author would like to thank Edward Teller for the hydrogen bomb and Betty Crocker for those awesome brownies. I'd also like to say, "Goobglob!"
I'm in a bit of a mood.
Foreword by Evil Little Sister>
Once upon a time there lived a little girl named Rachael and she liked to play with her Daddy's computer. She especially liked to look at all the funny pictures of naked boys and girls doing all kinds of weird and goofy things with each other! She wasn't supposed to, even Rachael knew that, but she liked it and her Daddy never found out because he was always very busy.
One day, while Rachael was looking at the pictures and clicking her mousy on funny icons of naked dancing girls no bigger than her thumb, she found herself in a secret place! A magical place called Bad_Daddies_Chatroom and that sounded kind of silly because everybody knows that Daddies are always good!
Rachael knew that too and so she wasn't afraid or even shy, although there were a lot of Daddies in that place looking for little girls like Rachael to talk to. It was fun writing messages, like secret messages, to the men who lived there. They were all very nice and they all wanted to be Rachael's "Secret Daddy" and it was hard to pick which one she liked the most.
Finally, after almost a whole hour of chatting with a very nice Daddy named CherryPicker, Rachael agreed to turn on the computer's web camera so her secret Daddy could she what she looked like! She didn't really know how to do it at first, but the man helped her. He was very smart and knew all about stuff like that!
CherryPicker told Rachael she was very pretty. Like a Princess, he said. Like an Angel come down from heaven just for him.
That made Rachael laugh, but it made her feel good too because nobody ever told her that stuff before, not even her real Daddy. After awhile she did other things for her secret Daddy. Rachael liked showing off and everything she did made her secret Daddy smile. He had a nice smile too and she liked it a lot.
He wanted to see how grown-up she was and even though Rachael wasn't grown-up very much at all, CherryPicker said her little body was perfect! Especially her pink nipples and her little round butt, even her girl part that didn't have a single hair growing on it yet! Rachael had been shy about showing him that part of her, but he was so nice that it was easy to forget to be scared.
Rachael got to see her secret Daddy too, because he wanted to show the little girl how much he loved her. CherryPicker loved Rachael so much that his thing got hard. He called it his Baby-Maker and it looked very big to Rachael. It was long and hard and dark. He played with it for Rachael, rubbing it with his hand and the man told her that someday she'd get to play with it too! It was fun, CherryPicker told Rachael. The most funnest thing in the world and he couldn't believe her real Daddy never let her play with his thingy.
The man told her that he knew special, secret ways to love little girls like Rachael. He used to have a lot of daughters but they all grew up and moved away. He was all alone now and he needed a new little girl, a special little girl to love in his special way. He wanted Rachael to be his new daughter. She could come to the Bad Daddy place and live there in his big house. He'd buy her all the stuff her real Daddy wouldn't. When Rachael asked if she could have a pony, CherryPicker promised she could have two of them! All she had to do was tell him how to find her after school.
So Rachael did tell him and do you know what happened then?
Rachael's secret Daddy picked her up after school one day when she was walking home and nobody ever saw her again.
I think he ate her!
The End
Vote for "Most likely to come back from Spring Break in the trunk of a car." (I like the one in the middle's chances, personally)
Table of Contents
01 – Shiny Faces (2006) f/f, First, Masturbation, Romance - Ahhh...The story that always makes people cry! Hope does spring eternal, but for a jaded, over-the-hill orphan like Stacy, an adoption fair is nothing to get excited about...Or is it?
02 – Blind Date (2008) F/M, Romance, Crossdressing, Toys - Didn't you ever just want to believe that sometimes, once in awhile, we really do find the one perfect person we're supposed to be with?
03 – Amour-Propre (2007) M/F, Romance, Safe Sex - I'll tell you right now that there is nothing extreme in this, nothing graphic to get squicked about. But a young woman does go to unusual lengths to feel better about herself. This is fundamentally a feel good romance and it isn't a very serious story. I just wanted to fall in love today.
04 – The Chair (2007) MF/f, Fantasy, Alien, Medical, First - Hey, it's a tentacle story, my first and only, but you know what? It's still pretty freakin' good, believe me. Everyone should write one at least once!
05 – Love Letter (2006) F/f, First, Romance, Public - What’s to say? It's the best First Time Lesbian story I've written to date, or at least my favorite. I may have written some better ones since this came out.
06 – Interview with the Rapist(2001) M/F, No Sex, Erotic Horror - Originally written for Halloween in 2001 and soooo...The Green River killer was still at large then. I thought about changing my story, editing something that dates it so badly, but I don't want to.
07 – Kelly's Poker Party (2007) MM/F, Rom, Incest, First, Inter, Oral, Amp, Preg? - A bit of a love story about a girl who isn't nearly so crippled as most people would assume at first glance.
08 – Second Chance (2005) F/f, Nuns, Catholic Schoolgirls, Minimal Sex - I like to blame God for my problems, as do most people I know, and having suffered through a sexual crises as a curious teen lesbian...Well, here it is.
09 – Of Sand and Pipers (2004) M/F, Romance, BDSM, Spanking, Toys, Safe Sex, Hot Wax, and a little Pie - A semi-true, autobiographical story about meeting the perfect stranger and like a few other stories in this collection, it's won a Golden Clit among other awards, so that's cool. When I wrote this story originally, I was...How should I put it? Pretty fucked up.
10 – Little Birds (2004) M/F, Romance, Coercion - This is my favorite story and one of the best I've ever written anywhere. I was 21 years old and the world was my oyster. Special thanks to Anais Nin, who's style I very much attempted to emulate here, but with only limited success.
All Stories Copyright 2009 Rachael Ross all rights reserved
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