Niklas Sverige

Becoming Myself

Chapter One
Summer Camp

Although I've long been comfortable with my sexuality as a boylover, when I was a child I found it hard to make sense of my feelings towards other boys. From the age of seven or eight there were certain children I would see at school or elsewhere that would give me a feeling in my stomach that I couldn't explain or define. I knew it wasn't something I could discuss with my parents, who were highly religious and consequently quite reluctant to discuss anything so sinful, or my friends, as I knew they would think I was weird. So I just let the feelings happen. By the time I was on the cusp of puberty at age ten, I was starting to ask myself if I might be gay, which was not at all what I wanted.

The summer after my tenth birthday, my parents sent me to church camp. I'd been there the previous summer, so knew what it was like: sleeping in a bell tent with five other boys, religious meetings in themorning and evening with lots of singing – which was actually quite good fun, and during the daywe were pretty much left to our own devices apart from having to be present for mealtimes. Looking back now, it is amazing how much freedom we were given.The camp was about three miles outside of the seaside town of Bridlington in North Yorkshire, right next to a beach with lots of sandy dunes to explore, so we were not short of activities.

When I was unrolling my sleeping bag in the bell tent, there were already several other boys lying back, chatting. One boy caught my attention when I said Hi, and gave me that all-too-familiar feeling of butterflies. He looked around the same age as me, had short, fair hair, blue eyes and a smile that just made me melt inside. How am I gonna get through a week of sharing a tent with this really good-looking boy? I thought to myself, already resigned to seven days of frustrated desire. He told me his name was Angus, he was from Leeds, and he was eleven years old, starting secondary school in the autumn. I resolved that, if nothing else, I'd be his friend this week.

In the half hour of talk amongst the group of us, I noticed something interesting: the other boys already knew Angus, and he was the butt of mainly friendly banter implying that he had something different about him, that 'he'd be after your bum if you let him' whatever that meant; I had become quite attached to my bum and had no desire to lose it. But I soon realised that they reckoned he might be gay, without of course any real evidence. Naturally, I said nothing, but I was determined to get to know Angus – maybe talking to him might explain the feelings I had.

The following morning, I made sure that I sat with Angus when we had breakfast and for the Sunday morning meeting. He was very chatty and friendly, and I was really pleased that we were starting to get on well. He told me about his family, his interests and so on, and I felt that we had some kind of special connectionbecause he would look into my eyes while he spoke to me, when I talked he seemed to be really listening, and it made me feel excited inside. The afternoon was free to do what we liked, and I suggested to Angus that we explore the sand dunes. This was Angus's first visit so it was all new, and I felt like an old hand as I pointed out various bits like the lighthouse over at Flamborough Head, the light from which could easily be seen from our tent at night. Angus seemed to really enjoy my company, and I was very much taken by his personality and, even more, his cute, slim body.

When we were sitting on a dune, quite secluded from the beach, I asked him quite tentatively how he felt about what the other boys taunted him over – that they called him gay. Angus just said that it wasn't nice sometimes, but he'd got used to it. So I said, "I wouldn't be bothered if you are gay, I don't mind, I think you're really nice anyway." Angus looked surprised and very pleased, and I thought he looked like he was crying just a little bit. I wasn't sure what to do, but I just put my hand on his shoulder and said, "It's OK, I like you, who cares what other people say?"

He turned to me, and I could see that there were tears in his eyes. He said, "Thank you, you're the first person who's said that to me. I think you're nice as well, I thought that last night when you said hello in the tent." That felt such a lovely thing to say. Without even thinking through the pros and cons of my action, I leant over to him and kissed him on the cheek. I tasted his tears, and his skin was smooth and warm. Angus looked at me, startled at my boldness, and said, "Oh… I liked that, I've never been kissed by a boy before, I didn't think you'd want to."

"Me neither, but I wanted to do it from when I saw you last night," I told him, my heart thumping in my chest. I was astonished at the turn this holiday was taking. I wasn't at all sure exactly what I wanted to do with Angus, I just knew that I loved being this close to him. I hoped no-one would disturb us, but we were far enough away from the camp and the beach to be pretty safe.

Angus looked at me steadily and asked, "Can I kiss you back? I mean, on the lips?"

Oh, that was just what I wanted him to say. This young boy, who hadn't even started secondary school yet, wanted to kiss me. My throat felt parched as I swallowed and replied, "Yeah, that's OK."

He moved a little closer so that our bodies were touching, leaned over and kissed me gently. His lips on mine felt like an electric shock went through me. I put my arms around him so that he would keep kissing, and within a few seconds I think both of us realised that we should have our mouths open for a proper kiss like this. We were both completely inexperienced so it took us a while to get it right, but when we did, wow! Angus had passion beyond his eleven years, and I began to respond likewise. We were like two teenage lovebirds on that dune, yet we were just two not-yet-pubescent boys with our first real kiss.

When we pulled away, Angus said, "God, that was fucking amazing."

I was a little shocked by his language, brought up as I was in a religious family, but I liked how daring it seemed to me. "Yeah," I agreed, "I liked that a lot as well." So we went at it again, for quite some time, and I absolutely loved it, this being my first romance/crush/whatever it was, and it felt like the best thing ever. Eventually we started talking, each of us wanting to tell the other how we'd ended up there. Angus said that he'd liked boys for as long as he could remember, and he thought that perhaps, despite his best efforts to keep it secret, other people couldn't help but notice (though, looking back, he wasn't in the least bit camp in his dress sense or anything). This was the first time he'd told anyone or tried anything, he was far too scared back home. So of course I told him about my own story.

What I most wanted to do was to make Angus my boyfriend and walk around the campsite holding his hand like I'd seen boys and girls doing, but as you can guess, that was not going to happen. Can you imagine it, in a religious camp in the late 1970s? We decided that we'd go out to the sand dunes whenever we had free time, and apart from that just pretend like we were only friends. The rest of that Sunday we spent in each other's company, and we couldn't help but actually become good friends, whatever our budding, prepubescent sexual feelings were as well. Back in the tent that night with four other (presumably straight) boys, Angus and I had to almost ignore each other as we all told jokes and stories before dropping off to sleep.

Monday brought another religious meeting on the morning, leavened only by the thrill of Angus sitting next to me. We hadn't had much chance to say a lot in private to each other, apart from agreeing that we'd look for the first chance to nip out to the dunes. That came mid morning, when there was free time until lunch at 12.30. Our tent friends went straight to the beach to frolic in the shallows, whilst Angus and I headed along the coastal path to a suitably invisible spot between two dunes, where we were pretty sure we'd not be spotted.

"Oh, at last!" I said, as we both found a comfortable position on the sand together. Angus was wearing t-shirt and shorts (in those days, shorts were short, not leaving much to the imagination – watch video of soccer players from the 1970s to see what I mean), and I had been surreptitiously staring at his legs and backside since we'd left the tent at eight o'clock. Angus was a fairly typical eleven year old boy, with quite spindly legs and not much of a backside, but to me he was gorgeous. It wasn't until a year or two later that I realised why this was the case, but more on that in later chapters.We both, I think, felt a little shy, and it took a minute or two for one of us – Angus, probably – to reach over to me and kiss the other on the lips. We smooched for a few minutes, then we broke away, I think we both wanted to talk. Angus said, "I really like kissing you, it makes me feel all nice inside."

"Errr," I replied, "does your willy go hard when we do it? Mine does." I lay back, letting Angus see through the material of my corduroy trousers that my childish penis was sticking up. He looked at it with interest. "You can touch it if you want," I told him, hoping that he would.

He reached his hand down to my crotch and placed it on my stiff cock. Oh, yes, that felt good, and even better when he began to experimentally fondle it, as if it were something new and untested. "It feels nice, I've never done this before," Angus told me whilst his fingers gently played with my cock through the fabric of my trousers. Then he pulled down the zip and slipped his fingers inside, so that just the cotton material of my briefs separated Angus's fingers from my cock which I felt was now as hard as it had ever been.

I reached down and undid the top button of my trousers. This enabled Angus to put his hand down the front of my briefs and fondle my penis. I was still some months short of any sign of puberty, meaning I was still hairless down there. I hoped that Angus wasn't disappointed by my lack of pubic hair, but his pleasure seemed to be as great as mine, judging by the look on his face. I felt his small fingers stroking, caressing all around my penis and, as I parted my legs, around my smooth scrotum too, his palm cupping my balls in a way that I found irresistible. "Oh, God, that feels good, Angus," I told him in a low voice. Wanting to make it easier, I grasped the waistband of my corduroys and briefs together, and lowered them tomy knees.

I watched Angus as he stared at my stiff, small penis and its diminutive scrotum as I lay on the sand, enjoying this young boy's attention. After a few seconds, he looked at me and said, "Your cock is just the most fucking beautiful thing I've ever seen."

I was relieved and pleased that he liked my body so much. I said, "Angus, can I touch you as well?" I think he'd been so caught up in his first close encounter with another boy's cock that he hadn't considered that I might want to touch his as well.

Angus was lying on his side so that I couldn't really see even through those tight seventies shorts if he had an erection, but he said, "Sure, I'd really like you to." I reached down as he lay back on the sand and placed my hand over his crotch. Through the thin material of this shorts I could feel his cock, the first time I'd ever done so with another boy, and it was a strange sensation to know that this was the penis of ayoung boy that I liked and who liked me enough to want me to touch him there.I moved my fingers around its shape, loving the smallness of it and its hardness – Angus's cock was hard because he was excited by me, I found that such a new idea and it was immensely intoxicating.

Just like Angus had done with me, I slipped my hand down the front of his shorts. He was wearing y-fronts (this was the seventies, remember) which were easily loose enough to allow me to slide my fingers underneath. My fingers felt around the shaft of his penis, causing Angus to murmur, "Ohhh, mmmm," encouraging me to keep going. It was deeply thrilling to be fondling my eleven-year-old friend's crotch, to be allowed to touch him so intimately. Then Angus pulled his shorts and underpants off completely, placing them to one side, prompting me to finish removing my own trousers and briefs. Now the two of us lay side by side, our stiff little cocks pointing up to our stomachs. Looking closer, I could see just a few wispy black hairs around the base of Angus's penis, and I said, "You're starting to get hair there, mine hasn't started yet."

Angus replied, "Yeah, I noticed it a few months ago, it's started all right, yours'll start soon I expect."

"Umm, do you get, you know, semen coming out when you rub your cock?" I asked him, as I hadn't yet, all my orgasms were dry so far.

"Yeah," he told me, looking quite pleased with himself, "that started about the same time."

Angus placed his fingers around the foreskin of my penis. His hand felt cool against the warmth of the sunshine. Slowly, he began to move his fingers up and down. I'd played with my cock plenty back home, usually whilst I thought about certain of my friends at school, imagining them naked, but this was the real thing and it was so much better. I leant over to Angus and put my fingers around his penis. Together we pleasured each other. It wasn't as easy as I'd so often fantasised to masturbate another boy, and each of us had to guide the other – not so hard, a bit faster, keep going like that – until I felt the amazing sensation of another boy bringing me to a climax whilst I did the same for him. Angus was breathing quite hard, as I probably was too, and he was making little gasping noises. His excitement drove my own, and soon we both reached orgasm at around the same time as our fingers satisfied each other. Angus's pubescent penis spurted little gushes of semen over my hand, once, then again, then one last time, as my own orgasmrippled through me. "Uhh, ohhh, mmmm, Angus… oh, Angusssss," I gasped, then it was over.

I had some tissues in my pocket, and I used them to wipe my hand of Angus's semen.

"Ah, sorry 'bout that," he said with a grin, 'that's what happens, you'll see when you start doing it."

"'S'OK," I replied, lying back on the sand to enjoy the great feeling of relaxation which was spreading through me. I knew then that, whether I was gay or not, I'd just enjoyed a sexual experience with a boy, and it was the most fantastic thing ever.

"Angus," I said lazily, as we lay there together, semi-naked, and my hand found his to hold.

"What?" he replied, in a dreamy voice.

"That was the most amazing thing I've ever done, I think," I told him.

"Yeah, it was good, wasn't it?" Angus replied, continuing, "The number of times I've thought about doing that with kids I know back home, but I've never had the chance until today. Do you wanna do more tomorrow?"

"Oh yeah, you bet," I said sincerely.

When we dressed and walked back to the campsite, it was like having to go back into the real world, once more havingto pretend that we were just friends. I was uncomfortably aware that Angus and I had only a few days before we'd have to say goodbye, and it was likely we'd never meet again. He lived in Leeds, and I was up in County Durham, and for two young boys, that was an impossible distance to bridge.

Through that night, I was awoken more than once by the sound of rain on the canvas, not what I wanted to hear when Angus and I needed fine weather for our al fresco fun. Tuesday morning dawned drizzly and grey. What else is to be expected in Yorkshire? Sunshine? Whilst Angus and I joined the rest of the campers in the breakfast tent, we fretted about what to do today, specifically after lunch with the free afternoon. The dunes were a washout, so we decided to walk together into Bridlington, which would at least be spending time with each other. As I'd walked there the previous year, I knew it was some distance, but being with Angus made it seem somehow not far at all. He was good company, he knew more jokes than I did, and I told him stories of awful things that happened at my church.

Once in Brid, we wandered about for a bit, looking at the harbour, then found a cinema showing a Bond movie (something dreadful with Roger Moore, probably). Angus had more money than me and was happy to pay for our two half tickets, but insisted that we take seats at the back. In some ways, it can be easy for two prepubescent boys who are in love with each other, as everyone thinks you're just friends. Being midweek, the cinema was almost empty and we could sit in the back row, well away from anyone else. We giggled and whispered until the lights went down and the film started (well, after all the ads and trailers). And then I felt Angus take my hand. Oh, it felt so wicked to be holding my lover's hand in that public place, even in that semi-darkness, but I loved it, just the utterly novel state of being desired by this young boy.

Angus was more daring than me, and after a while he moved my handover his crotch. Through his jeans I could feel the outline of his small yet hard penis. I wanted to touch him, oh how much I wanted to feel that penis between my fingers, so I slowly unzipped his jeans, popped the top button, then lifted the waistband of his underpants. I put my hand inside, fondling Angus's little penis, loving his still childish, immature cock in my fingers. Angus shifted in his seat and slid his jeans and underpants down to his knees, allowing me to feel him properly. The darkness of the cinema and the noise from the film were enough to conceal our activities, and I was able to begin masturbating Angus. He held a hand to his mouth while I rubbed the foreskin up and down over the glans of his penis. God, how exciting that felt, to be giving Angus this pleasure, I didn't want it to end. But it did, with Angus stifling his moans of ecstasy when he climaxed and his cock gushed his cum over my hand. I found that I actually liked having his warm semen on my skin, it felt deeply erotic to have something so intimate of Angus's on me. But now I had to clean it off, and Angus helped me get some tissues from my own pocket. Once Angus had pulled his underpants and jeans back up, and I'd wiped off his cum from my hand and wrist, we sat back and watched some of the film, which wasn't getting any better. Angus and I were holding hands, of course, which to a boy like me made it an occasion to be celebrated in verse.

To my delight, after a few minutes, I felt Angus put his hand on my corduroy-clad thigh. My cock was still fairly hard from wanking him, but I hadn't expected that he'd be wanting me after he'd climaxed. But I suppose that's what young boys are like. I let his hand slide over to my crotch, whilst my penis grew hard again and I felt excited stirrings in my stomach. It took him only a few seconds to unbutton and unzip my trousers, and I gladly pulled them down, along with my briefs. Angus played with my cock for a little while, I think both of us were just enjoying the deliciousness of sex play together, and then I felt his fingers around my foreskin as he started stroking it. Oh, my God that was good, I felt wonderful pleasure all through my body as he worked his fingers on my hairless little cock. It took very little time before he made me climax, and I shuddered in that cinema seat as the orgasm flowed through me. As I was still not ejaculating to orgasm, no tissues were needed. We left before the end of the film so that we could drop the tissues soaked in Angus's semen into the bin at the back of the cinema. I can remember us both in fits of semi-hysterical giggling as we walked back to the camp, talking about what we'd just done to each other. I think it was the fact that we were 'getting away' with something so clearly forbidden by our own parents and the teachings of our churches.

On waking the following morning, Wednesday, I was pleased to see the sun shining again. Angus had contrived to swap sleeping bags so that he was next to me, and when the rest of the boys in the tent were asleep, we could look at each other and whisper, which was better than nothing, though I really wanted to share a sleeping bag with him. Anyway, when we awoke, Angus leant over to me and said softly, "If we can go to the dunes today, I wanna suck your cock," and gave me his most wicked grin. I can't deny that I had been thinking about such a progression to our sexual adventure, but I was still too shy to ask Angus about it. I was thrilled that he suggested it, and I nodded vigorously back to indicate my acceptance.

Through all the morning's tedious activities – breakfast, washing the pots, morning religious meeting – I was thinking only of Angus and his promise. By 10.30 we were free until lunch, and Angus just said, "Beach?", I replied, "OK," and off we went. I don't know what others in the camp made of our constant association, but what did I care? Eleven year old Angus was the most marvellous boy I'd ever met. This time we looked further for the most private part of the sand dunes, maybe a good half mile from the campsite. We flopped down on the sand after putting our jackets down to lie on. We talked for a while, while we lay in each other's arms. It felt so wonderful to be feeling this young boy's body close to my own, so close that I felt his breath on my face and the warmth of his skin. Eventually Angus just said, "I'm gonna kiss you," and he did, but this time he climbed on top of me and stroked my hair whilst his mouth met my willing, hungry lips. It is difficult to describe the combination of immature arousal and fulfilment that a ten year old boy would feel when he is being kissed by an eleven year old boy that he finds irresistibly sexy. I knew by this time that I really liked boys, that I was not interested in girls like my friends were.

Then Angus rolled off me, shuffled down to my waist, and began undoing my jeans. It took just a few moments for us both to take them off along with my briefs, and Angus looked once more at my small penis, standing stiffly ready for him. I couldn't help but confess to him, "Oh, God, I really want you to suck it, Angus."

To my utter delight, he leant down and lightly kissed the end. His lips felt warm on it, and it was a slightly unusual sensation. But then Angus took the glans into his mouth, and I felt the moistness of his tongue licking all around the foreskin.

"God, yes, that is just so gooooood," I told him, and began stroking his lovely, fair hair with my fingers.

In response, this wonderful young boy started sucking properly, his lips clamped hard on my foreskin to rub it against the glans underneath. Because my penis was still small, my friend had no trouble getting much of it in his mouth. I felt his tongue licking around it whilst he sucked, the warm, wet feeling of it deeply satisfying, as much as knowing that Angus loved having my cock in his mouth. After a while I could tell I was nearing my orgasm, and my body stiffened as I reached a climax. Angus seemed to know instinctively to slow his sucking, until he was just holding my stiff little penis in his mouth as I shuddered with pleasure.

I lay, limply, on the sand. Angus grinned at me. "I liked the taste, it wasn't really bad at all," he informed me. "And it was really good to make you get so excited like that."

My friend clearly enjoyed giving me sexual pleasure, nearly as much as I liked receiving it. We lay back together side by side, holding hands, not saying anything. I looked up into the blue sky. Gulls were flitting around, the sun was high and hot, and it felt just great to be therewith Angus, even though I knew our time together was slipping by. Now I wanted to make him as happy as he had just made me.

I leant over to him and kissed him gently but lovingly on his warm lips. His breath caressed my skin as our lips met, and Angus opened his mouth to let me kiss him more passionately. In a few short days I had learned so much about fulfilling my deepest sexual desires with this boy and the joy of giving him the same pleasure, and I so much wanted to take his penis between my lips. While we kissed, I put my hand between Angus's slender legs. Through his shorts I felt his young cock, already erect. Angus now helped me to slide off his shorts and the boxers underneath. Oh, yes, my God, how I loved seeing this young boy's cock, still so undeveloped, the few dark hairs around the base not detracting from its eroticism. I got on my knees and leaned down to it. His body had that beautiful, boyish smell which I have since come to know is common to most little boys, somewhat musky, and so deeply arousing to me over the years.

I licked around the shaft, breathing on the foreskin, then finally taking about an inch between my lips. Licking it gently, I found it tasted kind of salty, not too bad, not a strong taste. It was surprisingly easy to begin sucking him off, it felt like something I had always done, completely natural to feel this eleven year old boy's glans in my mouth. I got into the motion of it, moving my head up and down to give Angus the pleasure we both craved. He was moaning, "Ohhhh, uuuuhhh, yeah, that's it, keep doing that," letting me know I was sucking him right. In a minute or two he reached his climax and I let him ejaculate into my mouth, as I wanted to know what it would be like. Angus's penis spurted small gushes of semen, three times I think it was, and I let it fill my mouth whilst I held his hard little cock between my lips. I didn't really like the taste, if I was honest with myself, but I did like having Angus come in my mouth – it was just so great to know that I'd made him do that. After a few seconds, I swallowed all my friend's semen and let his softening penis out of my mouth.

Once more, the two of us relaxed back on our jackets. I felt like I'd passed a milestone to maturity, having sucked off a friend and taken his semen in my mouth. "That was incredible," I told him truthfully. "I really loved making you spurt your stuff in my mouth. I mean, it wasn't the best taste ever, but it wasn't too horrible, y'know?"

Angus looked at me and smiled. "How should I know, you can't do it yet."

I knew he was teasing me a little, and I just said, "I bet it won't be long."

"It's no good that I won't be with you when it happens," Angus said, sadly.

"Yeah," I replied, thinking how much I'd miss my friend. "We'll have to write, maybe you could visit me, it's not the other side of the world."

Angus was more realistic. "No, I don't see that my parents would let me. It's OK, I bet you'll find another boy to suck off, 'cos everybody likes it." He was right, but it didn't make it easier.

On Thursday there was an organised trip which we had to go on, otherwise they'd have wanted to know why. So we had to spend the whole day in Scarborough, a large seaside town to the north. Being with Angus was a pleasure, though I wanted to be alone with him and just couldn't. However, I began to notice how cute were some boys I would see around the beach and the town. There were plenty of beach boys wearing the tight swimming trunks that were pretty much the only type available then. These were mostly children hanging around with their parents, but it felt extraordinarily good to look at them and to finally admit to myself how sexy was the small bulge under the trunks, or the oh-so-cute backside.

I couldn't help but see Angus glancing at them too, and when I got the chance, whispered to him, "Are you looking at that boy over there? I think you are, you pervert," and smiled at him. He grinned back and whispered in my ear, "Well, he does have a really nice bum, doesn't he?" It seemed that our experience of th last few days had started toopen our eyes to the sheer sensuality of certain little boys.

The last day together, Friday, at least was hot and sunny. I was determined to spend as much time alone with Angus as I could, but it proved difficult. Angus himself was, I felt, a little less bothered, probably because he was already anticipating our parting the following day. When we found time in the late morning to go to the dunes, he even started chatting about this younger friend of his back in Leeds that he wanted to try to seduce. That felt quite insensitive, but I supposed that it was his way of coping with it. So we spent more time just talking than any kind of kissing or anything. But in the afternoon, Angus warmed up a bit and we had maybe ninety minutes alone there, a time which I look back on now with intense nostalgia. I felt then that I loved Angus, that I would find it so hard to leave the boy and just forget him, and I kissed him with all the passion that a ten year old with a crush can muster.

When he lay back, after stripping off all his clothes this time, and let me take his immature penis in my hungry mouth, I felt that this was the best thing I'd ever experienced. I gently licked around the foreskin, savouring the tang of the moisture oozing from the end of his penis. In response, I felt Angus's hand on my head, stroking through my hair, then guiding me to the best position to suck him. I wanted to make him come, I wanted to show Angus how much I felt about him and his beautifully cute little body. My mouth enclosed that whole childish cock and the few hairs at the base brushed my lips. As I began to suck, Angus placed his hands on each side of my head, keeping me where he most wanted, and I could tell he was loving the feelings my tongue and lips were giving his pubescent body. Although I tried to make it last as long as possible, Angus was unable to stop his climax and I felt the welcome gushes of semen into my mouth, three times, filling me up with that odd-tasting fluid that I wanted so much from those eleven-year-old testes.

"Oh, God, that feels so fucking gooooood," he groaned as the orgasm ebbed away, leaving us both flopping back on the sand. I was hot and sweating with the effort of bringing Angus to his climax under that hot sun, and his body felt similar as I stroked his stomach whilst we lay together, listening to the waves on the shore, the laughs of people playing some distance away, and I wanted this to just go on and on. For maybe ten minutes we lay there, not saying much, just enjoying our last afternoon together on that secluded sand dune, and then I felt Angus's lips against my cheek, his soft kisses and child's fingers caressing my face. "Angus, oh God that's nice," I told him softly, delighting in his unschooled, almost innocent touch. I could feel my little penis starting to harden, and I reached down, unbuttoning my jeans, unzipping then sliding them off my slender legs. My briefs showed the little tentpole of my erect, childish penis, causing Angus to tell me, "Shit, that looks good down there."

I lay back and let him slide a hand under the briefs, his fingers feeling slightly cool against my skin, and he enthusiastically fondled my immature cock and scrotum. "I love that you don't have any hair yet," Angus told me, "it's sort of better that way." I was starting to understand what that was about, although it would take several years to comprehend the nature of my sexuality. Angus took the waistband of my briefs and, as I lifted my hips, slid them off me and dropped them by his side. My little cock, once more erect and ready, felt really hard and I was longing for Angus to suck it. When he finally did, holding my buttocks in his hands so he could bring my cock closer to his mouth, it was the best yet. His tongue swirled around the tip and he sucked it so hard, I thought he'd pull it off. Then I was climaxing, too soon, too soon, my body jerking upwards with the ecstasy. To my shock, when I relaxed and looked at Angus, I could see tears in his eyes.

"What's wrong?" I asked him, "didn't you like doing that?"

"No, it's not that," he said quietly, "it's just that I don't wanna have to say goodbye tomorrow, it's been really, really good this week with you."

I wasn't sure how to handle this. Remember I was only ten years old and not at all used to dealing with real grief in a friend, so I just kind of patted his arm and said, "It's OK, you can write to me, I'll give you my address, you can phone me too if you want."

He looked sadly at me, and shook his head. "You know that won't work, like we talked about, you're too far away," then burst into real tears. It felt very strange to be trying to comfort this boy a year older than I was, especially as I felt pretty worked up about it too. But I kissed him on his cheek, the salty taste of his tears reminding me right away of his penis, which I had been enjoying for the last time just a few minutes ago. We lay together on the sand, hugging, feeling the first real sorrow of loss in our short lives. We kissed, but this time the passion was more intense, more definite than at any time during that week of camping. We both knew there was nothing to be said, nothing we could do.

During the night, I woke to hear Angus sobbing quietly into his pillow, trying not to let any of the other boys hear. In my childish heart I felt deeply touched that this eleven year old boy felt this way about me.

Saturday was as little fun as I knew it would be. By mid morning my dad had arrived in his car and, though I was glad to see him, he was a little mystified by my need to say goodbye in private to my new friend Angus. We found a spot at the back of the camp and hugged. It felt oddly formal, like the last few days hadn't even happened.

"Angus, I really liked getting to know you," I told him sincerely, looking into his blue eyes.

I could see Angus was struggling to think of anything that would fit the moment. "Yeah, me too," he replied, looking utterly depressed. It was a sad end to a week that I have remembered with nostalgia ever since. We kissed one last time, our lips giving each other an indication of the level of our still childish love for each other. And then I left, knowing that would be the last kiss we would share.

The End?