Air Erotica
Hunting around on the Net can turn up some cheap, rare gems. And it can also turn up some rubbish. Air Erotica is yet another example of how softcore cinema has degenerated into poorly made rip-offs of hardcore flicks. (In fact, there is a hardcore porn film of the same name).
Subtitled Inflight Fantasies (and possibly renamed because there's also a softcore vid called that too!), Air Erotica tries to trade in on the time-honoured sexual fantasy of sexy stewardesses. Only the production values are so cheap the movie never gets within spitting distance of an aeroplane. Jane wants to open her own airline, and starts auditioning prospective stewies at "The Landing Strip", which may or may not be a stripclub (the movie makers were too cheap to hire extras so it's always empty). Inevitably, things get screwed up... and Jane's would-be airline becomes an "in-flight gentleman's club" with strippers for hostesses (or rather, hookers, as it's pretty rare for strippers to actually have sex with their patrons during a performance).
Sounds alright? Well it isn't. The movie is just a string of sex scenes that take place at "The Landing Strip" as Jane and her co-pilot friend auditions girls. The "plot" complication occurs when Jane's boyfriend becomes jealous, but after he gets to take a crack at one of the would-be sky bunnies, their relationship is miraculously patched up.
Sandy Sage as Jane is a surprisingly good actress, but, although cute, seems a little dowdy for T&A fare. The rest of the cast are wanna-be pornstars, i.e., they don't look too good and act even worse.
I bought Air Erotica hoping for a cheap thrill. What I got was a disappointment. Definitely avoid, unless you really want to see a hardcore film with no hardcore sex. I'm giving it 1/5 just for having naked women in it.

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Attack of the 60ft Centerfold
When I first got on the Net back in 97, this was the first title I ever ordered online. Since then I've bought a number of T&A flicks from the comfort of my own home, but Attack of the 60ft Centerfold remains one of the cuter, if a little tamer, favourites.
J.J. North is a model vying for a magazine title with her friend Raelyn Saalman and bitchy rival Tammy Parks . Wondering if her boobs couldn't do with something extra (!) she tries an experimental bust-enhancement formula. Unfortunately, it has an usual side-effect: J.J. grows to 60 feet tall! Ironically, this secures her the coveted centerfold role, much to Tammy's annoyance.
Attack of the 60ft Centerfold features a great cast of B-starlets who make an excellent on-screen trio. J.J. is one of those adorable actresses whose career seemed all too brief. This is perhaps her best-known role, as she looks gorgeous trying to hide her naked body after she's grown out of her clothes, and later when all she has to wear is a tatty bikini. One memorable scene has J.J. asleep, with her gigantic boob hanging out, and her normal sized male love-interest can't help but have a feel (the SFX aren't exactly ILM though). Raelyn is cute, even if her boobs look a little odd. And Tammy Parks is always worth a look, especially in a comedy 'bitch' role. The cast also includes Nikki Fritz as the publisher's jealous PA and a non-nude Michelle Bauer.
However, I keep feeling that Attack of the 60ft Centerfold could've had more nudity. There's no full-frontal, and the climatic catfight between the giantesses J.J. and Tammy doesn't feature any clothes ripping. But at the end of the day, it's a cute movie with some good-lookin' babes who get their tits out, and what more could you want that that?
Titty rating: 3.5/5. A near classic and definitely one for fans of T&A movies to check out.

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Babe Watch: Forbidden Parody
Forbidden??? What, does Rick Sloane live in mortal dread the Hoffinator will beat down his door and kick his ass? Given that everybody including Spongebob Squarepants has performed a pissectomy on Baywatch, the Forbidden Parody line seems laughable.
Ashlie Rhey is an aspiring actress, Raelyn Saalman owns a bikini store. The two friends decide to become trainee lifeguards, along with the requiste lineup of goofy guys, plus bitchy model Tane McClure. What follows in this 1996 flick is not strictly a parody of Baywatch at all, but a silly comedy very much in Sloane's style of zany antics and mild nudity. The girls chase guys, fight with each other and Tane, and try to complete the lifeguard course.
All three female leads get naked at some point, with Ashlie and Raelyn stripping off for love scenes. Tane finds herself either being tricked or accidentally losing her clothes: her bikini top is snagged off in a limbo contest, and the girls trick her into stripping for a stranger who she thinks is looking for a spokesmodel.
If you've ever seen Sloane's Vice Academy movies you know what you're in for, although I think the sexuality has been toned down a bit here, as in his other movies the girls tend to dress like hookers, while here even the tiniest of bikinis makes them look demure by comparison. Still, I'll always take time to watch Ashlie Rhey and Raelyn Saalman flash their boobs, and even though I'm not a big fan of Tane "My Dad Was Immortalised By 'The Simpsons'" McClure, her scenes are both memorable and mammarable. I'm giving Babe Watch a 2.5/5.
Note that Babe Watch has been released on DVD under the title Bikini Academy. Maybe Hoff did threaten Sloane after all...

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Bare Exposure
Now this is a difficult title to get hold of. Released back in 1993 for the rental market, Bare Exposure was only available to purchase for a ridiculous price. However, after a few years of trying, I've managed to get hold of this on DVD.
An early starring vehicle for Ashlie Rhey and Tammy Parks , along with one-shot starlet Andrea Suzzane, Bare Exposure is a T&A flick in the classic STSWB tradition. Only what needs to be saved here is not a business, but the ass of nerdy Clancy, who is on the run from mob after he comes up with a never-fail gambling system. They decide to hold a wet t-shirt contest to raise enough money to pay off the gangsters, and provide us with some gratuitious nudity.
This movie perfectly illustrates the good girl/bad (or slut) girl dichotomy of many T&A comedies (see Attack of the 60ft Centerfold ). Ashlie is a good girl, Andrea is a very good girl, and Tammy is a slut. Their costumes reflect this, the badder the babe the fewer clothes she wears: Andrea wears a 1-piece bathing suit and shorts, Ashlie a check-shirt tied under her breasts and shorts, while Tammy sashays round in a halter-top and very brief denim shorts. She's also the only one game enough to volunteer for a tit-soakin'.
Right from the get-go, Bare Exposure doesn't muck about, as our story begins with Tammy gettin' banged. With lines like "Let's have a boob contest" and "May the best pair win", you know what you're in for with this movie. The contest itself is disappointing, with some unattractive actresses, and, strangely, Tammy doesn't take her top off for the crowd (even though she was happy to strip for Andrea and flash Ashlie's boyfriend). However, all three girls appear fully nude at some point or other.
Bare Exposure is a good soft-core movie, but there's something wrong with it. Maybe it's the small cast, maybe it's the somewhat limp wet t-shirt contest, but it just doesn't scream out greatness. I'm giving it a 4/5, and it's above average tit-ilation, but not a classic. Highly recommended for fans of Tammy and Ashlie.

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Bazookas: The Movie
Bazookas: The Movie (2009) is another independent, low-budget T&A flick, offering an alternative to the churn of Fred Olen Ray or Jim Wynorksi. Directed by Michael G. Leonard, whose previous credits include "In The Flesh", a documentary about strippers, the titles this closest compares to are Stripper Academy and Inside the Girls Locker Room, especially the former, as it is also a narrative comedy.
When Gus Bazooka suffers a heart attack watching a spirited game of strip racquetball, his sons Angus and Judah are set to inherit his gym. Scheming Judah plans to demolish it, while Angus hopes to keep the failing business afloat. Just how does one make a struggling company turn a profit? Yup, Bazookas: The Movie is an STSWB flick. Woo-ho!
There's the strip aerobics class. And the topless swimming instructor. And the obligatory shower scene. In fact, for a low budget offering, there's quite a bit of nudity. Virtually the entire female cast appears topless at some point, although the credits list one single female body double (and a couple of male body doubles - Michael must be the only director on this page to appear nude in his own movie!).
Angela Cohen and Nicole Galati head the cast as Bazookas's comely staff members, although its hard to tell them apart - I was taught in film school to avoid this, and it applies to T&A as well. Also noteworthy is supercute English/Indian actress Anita Sabherwal as the accountant, who is subjected to one of Angus's daydreams. It's a shame many of the characters aren't given names, it would flesh them out more.
Director Michael G. Leonard knows what the viewer wants and he delivers it: when the title appears at the start of the movie, the "oo" in "Bazookas" are a pair of bare breasts. Sure, Bazookas: The Movie is a zany comedy, but its a zany comedy with tits. There's even a homage to Phoebe Cates's delicious topless scene in Fast Times At Ridgemont High. The calendar-shoot scene is a disappoinment, though, with no nudity.
The big problem though is that the low-budget, amateur production values are painfully obvious. The lighting is flat and uninspired (and, in the scene with the swimming instructor, over-exposed). The directing includes a number of obvious mistakes (Michael, figure out what "crossing the line" means), and there's some pretty shoddy camerawork. I liked Bazookas more than Stripper Academy, despite the latter looking alot more professional (to be fair, I believe the budgets were $2 million for Stripper Academy versus $500,000 for Bazookas).
This makes the production look like a student movie, albeit a student movie with boobs. While this gives Bazookas a certain charm, it can't escape being an amateur effort. Part of the reason why Bikini Carwash Company is the king of T&A is because Gary Dean Orona did an awesome job with the cinematography. I'm also going to be a grammar Nazi and point out that whilst boobs may be "bazookas", a gym owned by a guy named Bazooka would be "Bazooka's" (with an apostrophe).
Hopefully, Michael makes another T&A comedy. My suggestions would be, add some beefcake to the cast (yeah, I'm secure enough in my sexuality to say that), give all the characters names, get a DOP who knows what they're doing, and learn the basics of directing. Oh, and don't censor the production stills in the DVD extras - I paid to see tits, dammit.
I'm giving Bazookas: The Movie 3 1/2 boobs out of 5. It's a worthwile addition to yout T&A collection, and at only $4.99 plus S&H direct from the webiste http://www.bazookasthemovie.com its wonderfully cheap entertainment.

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Beach Bimbo's
Beach Bimbo's (sic) is one of those girls-on-spring break type videos that seem to be quite popular these days, though this one dates from 1990. However, unlike the modern ones, this has some decent production values, shot multi-camera BetaSP and not on some cruddy domestic DV cam by some jerk whose training consists of skim-reading the manual.
Contests covered here include a bikini contest, fake orgasm contest, tassel twirling and finally the wet t-shirt contest. Each event is covered from beginning to end, starting with the bikini contest and finally moving on to the wet ts, interspersed with little vignettes of the contestants.
The girls are very good looking. They seem to be regular college babes, though their full names are given in the credits. That and the interlude sequences (in which the girls describe a fantasy while rolling around topless) would suggest they're models. There's a good mix, including a very out-going Puerto Rican girl (who wins the wet t-shirt contest), a Hawaiian honey, tanned, blonde Lauredalians, and a tall chick from Seattle who looks like she's never been to the beach before. No black girls, though.
The first two events are pretty mild, the tassel twirling is a sight to behold, but the sequences in-between expose enough boobflesh to keep you watching. The wet t-shirt contest gets moderately wild, all the girls are not shy to get their tits out and keep 'em out. Afterward, three topless cuties hang out and talk about how great it is to be in a wet t-shirt contest (even though one of them wasn't).
Beach Bimbo's is a decent little program, fun and although it didn't have huge amounts of bare skin (no full-frontal nudity whatsoever) I came away contented. The only downside is that some sequences use a 'pixelated' effect, which looks really horrible. Otherwise, these beach bimbos are worth 3.5/5 titties.
I'm not sure, but I believe this was released in the US under the somewhat less demeaning & correctly punctuated title of Summers All Stars. .

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Beauty School
Sometime in the early 90s, Penthouse Pet Amy Lynn Baxter teamed up with director Ernest G. Sauer to form Private Screenings, a production company specialising in T&A comedies. While most of their titles starred either Baxter or Marilyn Chambers, Beauty School (1993) was headlined by Sylvia Kristel, best known from the famous 70s softcore flick Emmanuelle. Indeed, the film is also known as Sylvia Kristel's Beauty School.
Sylvia (like Marilyn in many of the other titles), basically plays herself, the former manager of an internationally acclaimed beauty school whose skill at cultivating poise, grace and femininity has seen her graduate to running a strip club (actually GoldFingers, a real New York strip joint). Only a man would dream up an elevation like that!
Entrepreneur Otis P. Otis has invented a new kind of bra (although it looks like some hideous thing from the 50s), and is looking for the perfect spokesmodel. Rather than hiring an agency, he dreams up a competition between Sylvia and her former rival, Countess Sophia von Spatula, to train his new star. Although he claims he doesn't have the time to do it himself, Otis hires 8 models for them to teach. The Countess waylays Sylvia's 4 and has them replaced with 4 deliquents from a girls reform school.
As Sylvia tries to lick her topless tearaways into shape, a private eye is looking for a missing person, and the Countess is still causing her grief. Like a few of the other Private Screenings titles I've seen, there's quite a degree of plot and sub-plot, all of which come together in the climax as everybody except the evil Countess pairs off and gets humpin'.
My main interest in Beauty School is that it was JJ North's first major role, as one of the deliquents, along with Kimberley Taylor as a tough girl and Grace Renn as that archetype of T&A cinema, the shy-girl-who-learns-to-strip. Sylvia gives a muted performance, drifting through the role in this Z-grade comedy, but she does perform a love scene (although there is zero chemistry with her partner). Pornstar Veronica Hart (credited as "Jane Hamilton") is astonishing as the Countess, revelling in the role of Elvira-wannabe and showing a notable degree of comic acting ability (and also showing a notable pair of tits). There's also a number of topless extras courtesy of GoldFingers' staff, although this results in the curse of many a T&A flick, the inexplicable nude-except-for-bikini-bottoms shower scenes. Look out for JJ's co-star from her later flicks, Theresa Lynn, in a non-speaking (and non-nude) role as one of the Countess's trainees. (I say "non-nude", actually during the contest at the end of the film, when our heroines douse the other models with water their dresses bizarrely fall off, but if you can see any skin in this fraction-of-a-second, good luck!)
Beauty School is a rarity (although its now available to download, as Private Screenings flogs its back catalogue online via VOD), and probably a little too silly for modern softcore fans. As with Marilyn in Breakfast in Bed, Sylvia Kristel fans would likewise be disappointed, her heart is obviously not in this and despite her professionalism there's more than just a hint she's doing it just for the cheque. I bought a 2nd hand VHS copy, and the quality is pretty bad, so its hard to judge just how well photographed the original was.
All things considered, I'm giving Beauty School 2.5/5. It's really just one for the collectors.

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Bikini Airways
I'll admit I was a little concerned that this recent release (it was released in April 2003) bore just a tensy similarity to Bikini Stewardesses 2 , but upon seeing it I realized I had nothing to worry about.
As the title suggests, Bikini Airways is a STSWB b-movie about a failing airline, directed by veteran Fred Olen Ray of Attack of the 60FT Centerfold & Bikini Drive-In fame. Regina Russell inherits the company and, after seeing her photographer-boyfriend shoot some strippers, has the idea of having them parade around the terminal in bikinis to drum up business. Actually, it doesn't work, but the girls end up holding their client's bachelor party on the plane. The plot is amazingly simplistic even by b standards, there is no anatagonist to overcome and everything unfolds in a very predictable fashion. Bikini Airways is so thinly plotted it makes Bikini Carwash Company look like Mulholland Drive.
Apart from Ms. Russell, the female cast are new faces who unfortunately sport a few tattoos but are nevertheless cute. Loni Lynn stood out as a ditzy blonde. As I noted with Hot Club California , sex scenes in b-comedies seem to be getting more explicit to compete with the (so-called) erotic thrillers, and Bikini Airways is no exception. The 'let's-just-get-naked' scenes are giving way to pseudo-artsy couples-making-love. Indeed, Regina Russell's only 2 nude scenes are love scenes, and she never once suits up and joins the girls in good ol' fashioned exploitative nudity (management, hmph!).
The photography is sharp and clear (a welcome change from Bikini Drive-In ) although there are no external locations and everything takes place indoors (except one brief excerpt made to look like old BW film and the requisite stock shots of airplanes).
I believe Bikini Airways has only been released on DVD, and a good attempt has been made to utilise the technology. The disc includes a few publicity stills (which contains no nudity) and a behind-the-scenes (which does).
On the whole I was disappointed. Maybe I'm just too nostalgic for the old b-movies of the 80s and early 90s, but I felt Bikini Airways just wasn't in their league. Plot is, for me, a big part of the sexiness of these movies and the script here is just too underdeveloped. I'm giving Bikini Airways a titty rating of 3/5. Worth a look though, if only to see where our beloved genre is going in the 21st century.

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Bikini Bistro
While most "Private Screenings" productions usually starred either Marilyn Chambers or Amy Lynn Baxter, Bikini Bistro (1995), paired the two together. The result is other of their better titles.
This time Marilyn plays herself (rather than a character based upon herself), although now a director of sexy movies rather than a star. Meanwhile, Amy's vegetarian restaurant is struggling to find customers. With a sleazy landlord scheming to get rid of the joint, Amy needs to revamp her cafe. Enter Marilyn, and "Gentle Nibbles" becomes "Bikini Bistro", with the girls (excluding the aging Marilyn) wearing skimpy swimsuits as they serve the customers.
As with other Private Screenings movies, there's quite a bit of plot, with Marilyn dealing with a restaurant critic and a morality campaigner, while eveyone experiences various romantic entanglements.
Marilyn and Amy are backed up by supercute Playboy Playmate Isabelle Fortea and Private Screenings semi-regular Joan Gerardi. Amy is (as always) gorgeous, and even Marilyn looks better than she did in Breakfast in Bed made 5 years before.
While the higher-than-usual production values (there are some exterior shots!) lifts Bikini Bistro above Fred Olen Ray's efforts, there is less of an emphasis of nudity and more on soft-focus softcore sex. I'm awarding these girls 3 out of 5 Michelin titties.

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Bikini Carwash Company
If you only ever see one of these movies, this should be the one. And if you can, try and get the unrated version: it includes a number of sex scenes plus an unforgetable sequence of three naked girls showering in the carwash.
Bikini Carwash Company is the ultimate STSWB movie. The plot is simple: mid-western guy arrives to look after uncle's Californian carwash, with the help of five bodacious babes willing to show their tits business is booming. Kristi Ducati is adorable in the lead, with a pre-boobjob Neriah Napaul (Davis) and Sara Suzanne Browne as her blonde buddies, plus super-cute small-breasted Rikki Brando and some photographer girl who almost never shows her tits.
I wonder if the fact that Rikki has such a petite chest is the reason why she gets her clothes off far fewer times than the rest of the cast? Personally, I find her pretty hot. Oh well. In the shower scene, Sara reaches out to untie her bikini top twice, but it never does come off.
There's really nothing more to be said in praise of this classic. Big, soaking wet boobs on gorgeous babes. Titty rating: 5/5

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Boys Night Out
Another cheap but fun video from Bert Rhine productions. Very similar in concept to Stag Party, and with the same host (Garrett Adkins), but I prefer this one a little more because of the content.
Basically, it's a strip show. Girls come on, they strip, and between each one stand-up comedian Adkins makes dumb jokes. There's no plot or story.
You're not likely to recognise many of the faces, perhaps Penthouse Pet Teri Lynn Peake (whose name appears on the cover). The tall, slim beauty who was in Centerfold Screentest 3 (and who provided the inspiration for Nicola's Hot Screentest) is a stripping scientist (!).
Perhaps the most arousing performance is one that involves no nudity- two women partake in a banana eating contest. At the end, the pair come back and wrestle in whipped cream. Terrific!
I have one gripe: both the US & British covers feature different pictures of a model wearing a black bow tie and little else, but she doesn't appear in the tape! Titty rating: 5/5

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Buford's Beach Bunnies
Now here's something that's really odd: this 1993 movie is a T&A comedy that actually tries to be a comedy!
Jim Hanks (who bears a startling resemblence to his slightly more famous brother) stars as Jeeter, a nerdy virgin. His father owns the Bunny Hole, a surf-side fast-food restaurant specialising in barbequed rabbit. Buurrrgggcch! At least this gives him an excuse to dress his 3 waitresses in fluffy bunny costumes: Rikki Brando (of Bikini Carwash Company fame), Monique Parent , and Suzanne Ager .
Harry Buford doesn't want his only boy to remain unsoiled, so he offers $100,000 to the first girl who can seduce him. Suzanne and Monique throw themselves into this with gusto, but good-girl Rikki doesn't. Of course, her and Jeeter end up falling in love.
There's a fair amount of toplessness. This is one of Rikki Brando's few screen appearances, and it's good to see her modest mammaries uncovered. Monique and Suzanne have a few good scenes, and there's also a lady doctor who tries to get in on the cash, plus a hypnotist who mesmerises his assistant into having sex with him. Keep your eyes peeled for Avalon Anders topless and smooching with Santa!
But Buford's Beach Bunnies doesn't try hard enough to be T&A. It's cute in parts, but not consistently. If you're a fan of these three actesses, it's worth a look, but I'd hardly recommend it to the discerning collector. Titty rating 2 out of 5.
Like many T&A flicks, Buford's Beach Bunnies is available in a rated and unrated version. However, the unrated version doesn't have more nudity, it has more jokes.

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Busted
Busted, like Golfballs!, suffers from a bit of an identity crisis. Is it a low-budget comedy in the zany, surreal style of Naked Gun? Or a no-budget T&A screwball comedy? Certainly, it's director, writer and star is a failed A-list celeb (Corey Feldman), but the top heavy cast includes the familiar faces and chests of several b-movie babes.
Set on Amity (yes, that Amity), the local Police Dept. has gone down a hill quite abit since Chief Brody's days. The cops are lazy and stupid, while a couple of hookers (Monique Parent and Griffen Drew) openly ply their trade in the station. A pair of well-endowed officers (80s Playmates Ava Fabian and Devin Devasquez) are more interested in chasing a nerdy colleague than fighting crime. And Julie Strain also pops up, or rather, pops out, in a brief cameo.
When their wacky captain is replaced by an uptight female commander, the crew scramble to hide their non-regulation activites while trying to demonstrate they're not the uncouth morons they appear to be. Unfortunately, they fail. Fortunately, the new captain is receptive to Feldman's alledged charms, and before you can say "Lost Boys", she's unpinned her hair bun and has a steaming hot load of Corey between her thighs.
I'm kinda interested in how costume work in T&A flicks. It's interesting to note that Captain Mary Mae, a serving officer, appears only in a suit, but once Corey has "sluttied her up", she dons a uniform with a very brief skirt.
Mildly funny with a decent bit of nudity, my main problem with Busted is that the DVD transfer is the worst I've ever seen. The direction is annoying; the shower scene between Ava, Devon and Corey features so many lap-dissolves its either badly edited or a parody of softcore sex scenes.
But if the words "un film du Corey Feldman" don't daunt you, then Busted is well worth a look. 3/5 titties.

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Busty Coeds vs. Lusty Cheerleaders
Regular readers know that if there's one thing I don't like it's modern T&A flicks. So stand by to be amazed, because what we have here is a modern T&A flick that I actually enjoyed!
Busty Coeds vs Lusty Cheerleaders is yet another modern softcore flick (i.e., a hardcore flick with no hardcore sex) from Big Jim Wynorksi. The storyline revolves around some kind of contest for the title of hottie of the year. Although there are a number of girls competing, it's all between good-girl Angie (Angie Savage) and bad girl Titty Tiffy Nightsprings (Kylee Nash).
What makes BC v LC stand out is that there's a considerable amount of tongue in cheek humour. It doesn't take itself too seriously, and while that can be said for alot of this dreck, in this particular case, the tone works perfectly.
The big thing I didn't like is star Angie Savage. Her body, her face and her voice all turn me off. Her opponent, Kylee Nash, though is totally awesome and I'm now officially a fan of Kylee: her breezy acting style, cute face and fantastic fake rack.
The rest of the cast includes fellow pornstar Charlie Laine as the contest referee (or whatever), and real T&A actresses Heather Vandeven and Glori-Anne Gilbert, who seem to be randomly thrown into the plot, but they get naked so I don't particularly care.
So, in conclusion Busty Coeds vs Lusty Cheerleaders is a softcore flick worth getting. I enjoyed it (ahem) several times and probably will again in the future. Three and a half out of five titties.

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California Girls
Contests make for great T&A fodder, because everyone likes to win money, and gorgeous gals will usually go that little bit further to come first. That's the basic premise of California Girls. Made in 1984 for a theatrical release, but only released on video, it's a little blast from the past.
A radio-station DJ puts out the word that they're willing to pay $10,000 to California's hottest babe. Three aspiring actresses decide they will do everything and anything to win the prize, and that includes making the most of their assets.
My guess is the producers had a sack load of film clips to dispose of, and contrived a plot to hang them off, as most of the movie consists of short sequences of West Coast cuties doing travelogue-y (and rather wholesome) activities like jogging, working out, hang-gliding, rollerball, playing softball, etc. I must say, however, whoever dreamed of combining foxy boxing with a wet t-shirt contest is a genius, as one of the better sequences shows a jiggle-fight where the girls' chests are sprayed down with water between bouts.
Thankfully, our three heroines are not shy. First, there's the "Lady Godiva" bit: two wear a horse costume, while the third strips off and rides her chums naked through the parking lot. Next is the nude rollerskating. Finally, the girls seal their victory by sky-diving nude onto the roof of the radio station, and joining the DJ live on air.
Despite a very dated look, California Girls is kinda fun. It has a real innocence to its sexiness, conjuring up an era when it was ok to be a hot naked babe and equally ok for guys to leer at her. There's long gaps between "the good bits", but the sky-diving is a big pay off, and easily tops that featured in H.O.T.S.
These California Girls don't quite win the $10,000 prize in my books, but I'm giving them a score of 3 1/2 all the same, and the distinction of being the only T&A flick in my collection featuring Ronald McDonald.

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Can It Be Love
This 1992 teen sex-comedy would be much better served by its original title Spring Break Sorority Babes, which kinda says it all without sounding like a romantic comedy.
Two dudes, one cool and laid back, the other a little geeky (but not too geeky), go to Fort Lauderdale for spring break, and quickly hook up with Lisa and Jesse. But a sexy female private eye and her equally sexy computer-expert galpal waylay the guys with a quest to locate a sorority chick with a birthmark somewhere on her body. Which means, of course, our heroes must cruise the beach trying to see as many naked Delta Pi bunnies as humanly possible, with the added inconvenience of getting paid for it.
Spring break is always a good setting for T&A, and Can It Be Love starts well with a wet t-shirt contest at the famous Summers club. Soon after, we are treated to the sight of Jesse working hard at her job as a jello dancer (dressed in frilly red lingerie, she cavorts in a tank of jello before the crowd sprays her with whipped cream).
However, Can It Be Love turns out mostly to be tease. Sure, all the elements are there: wet t-shirt contest, hot babes in string bikinis, 80s hair band playing themselves, even a cheerleader shower scene. However, despite all the rampant sexiness, there's not too much skin on show. None of the four female leads gets naked, we see Jesse in the shower from behind but that's it. Even the scene where Hope, the computer cutie, proves she's not the one they're looking for by opening her towel and flashing th'dudes, is shot so we don't see anything.
The cast are unknowns, but look out for Lorissa McComas in her very first role as a ditzy sorority babe who poses for a phoney photo shoot.
So, Can It Be Love is a disappointment, but really, T&A is all about tease, right? And it is quite a dopey, fun, movie to sit through. So I'm giving it 3 out for 5 for making me drool in anticipation, even if I came away unsatisfied.

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Centerfold Screentest
Centerfold Screentest (1985) was the first in a series of videos produced by Bert Rhine that purportedly feature real topless and nude auditions by Hollywood hopefuls. Having already seen the later instalments, I was surprised by how tame this first one was by comparison.
It isn't until the third actress of the first audition that the director decides to do something "a little sexier" and asks her to open her robe.
Then its into the hot-tub. While some of the girls only tease us with a wet t-shirt (including, astonishingly, Becky LeBeau), two others (including Jackie Easton) get into the spirit of things and take their tops off.
Next is a dance audition, featuring five beautiful ladies. While Leslee Bremmer looks very fetching in a mesh top, it's not until the second round that one girl lets her boobs pop out of her corset, while a second pulls her dress off. The hottest girl in the line-up, regrettably, doesn't strip. We get a look at casting director Laura Lee Kasten, whose voice can be heard on the other tapes (and is often credited as "talent co-ordinator" on Bert Rhine productions), it's just a shame that they didn't take her not-so-oblique advice to "loosen up".
The next segment features the series few attempts at verismilitude, as one actress storms off when asked to remove her bathing suit. At least pornstars Ashley St Jon and April Maye aren't so shy. The (alledged) part ends up going to a gorgeous unknown.
The final audition is perhaps the most laughable attempt at reality. The would-be starlets recite some lines and strip at the top of a staircase. The final girl is cut off by the director calling a wrap for the day, leaving her incensed that she wasn't allowed to take her clothes off.
I still don't buy the "reality" of these casting tapes, and it's a real shame that there are some gorgeous women here who aren't shown naked. While Centerfold Screentest isn't quite as sexy as the episodes that were to come, I can still definitely recommend it as a must-see. 3.5/5 titties.

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Centerfold Screentest Take 2
Bert Rhine continued to churn out the supposedly real casting tapes, with Centerfold Screentest Take 2 appearing in 1986.
Things start with a series of starlets removing their tops in a jacuzzi while flirting with the camera. Next up is three actresses (one of whom is Michelle Bauer) enacting a sexy scene that leaves them naked with their boss.
The third segment has each hopeful naked, as she recites her lines in a bath-tub (filled with what looks like unpleasantly tepid water). Who knew pornstar Julia Parton enjoyed playing with her guinea pig? It's a real shame that the girls are interviewed wearing a towel, and then they drop the towel to get into the tub, but the camera doesn't actually showing them pulling the towel off.
On to yet another dance audition, again featuring the klutzy Leslee Bremmer, and this time the girls strip, one of them full nude.
Next is an oddity in the whole series. Supposedly coming from "Marc Dean Productions", it features the eponymous Dean interviewing would-be actresses and asking them to take their clothes off (which they do, some happily, one reluctantly). What makes this unusual is that it's a hidden camera. However, the set-up is very fake, and the sequence is almostly certainly as staged as every other audition in the series.
Finally, there is an audition for a tire commercial. Doesn't sound too sexy? This is a European tire commercial, so the models open their fur coats and reach down to sensuously caress the steel-belted radials. One of the hopefuls gives her name as "Dusty Rose". According to the imdb, her real name is Sheila Lussier, and "Dusty Rose" was the name of a character she played in a 2006 movie!
Centerfold Screentest Take 2 is a progression in the series. There are fewer gimmicks, more nudity, and more full-frontal nudity. It is a step up, so I'm giving these hopefuls a score of 3.5/5 titties.

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Centerfold Screentest Take 3
By the time Centerfold Screentest 3 was made in 1988, Bert Rhine had the formula down. Gone are the gimmicks, and the attempts to demonstrate the auditions are real (which actually makes them more believeable). Also gone are the clothes, as almost every would-be starlet appears fully nude. There's no teasing here, Bert knows what the viewers want to see and this tape delivers it.
The first segment features two models auditioning for a "roll" (as the opening crawl mistakenly calls them, unless Bert pays his actresses in sandwiches) in a European perfume commercial. Maybe I spoke too soon about the gimmicks - the supposed director is French, so this must be a genuine European commercial, right? In any event, both women are cajoled into removing their clothes so he can make his commercial "perfect".
Next up is a series of auditions for a scene where a waitress in a strip bar gets up on stage to earn more tips. Each girl is less inhibited than the last, with the winner (Julie Wilson) claiming to be a professional stripper.
This is followed by an even sillier sketch where a California Highway Patrolman stops a naked woman driving down the freeway. Each actress has a different excuse for why she's nude, and the whole set-up is made all the more moronic by taking place in a studio.
For the fourth segment, Bert couldn't be bothered dreaming up a scenario. The movie is called "Mistress", but the casting director Laura Lee Kasten simply asks the starlets to strip and pose nude. Jasae even uses her real name (or, at least, her real stage name).
The final sketch, ironically, brings the Centerfold Screentest series to a conclusion back where it began, with actresses auditioning in a scene set "the night after". This time the girls are in bed with a real man, and they're nude. Party Plane's Iris Condon ("Candy"), is very cute, but her ditzy persona means she loses out to a less attractive but more outgoing actress.
Many of the actresses have appeared in other Bert Rhine productions, and its great to see these familiar faces, even if I don't know their names. It seems Centerfold Screentest 3 is the rarest of the series - unlike its sister tapes, it isn't listed in the imdb - but it is the best of this series, and as equally raunchy as the Starlet Screentest programmes. 4/5 titties.

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Cheerleaders Beach Party
There's something about these 70s "softcore" cheerleaders movies that, while to the original audience they seemed as sleazy as hell, to my modern eye, seems rather tame. When I first saw our four heroines in their less-than-sexy skirts and sweaters I thought "ah, they must be the rivals, our girls will not be dressed quite so conservatively." But no, I was wrong. Written by nudie auteur Chuck Vincent, this 1978 drive-in sex-comedy is considered the most obscure of the cheerleader movies.
Sissy, Toni, Monica & Cheryl are cheerleaders who love their college team, the Rams. And I mean "love" them. But when the starting line-up (or whatever the fuck they call them in American football) is invited to a camp run by a competing school ("rats!"), our girls tag along to convince them to stay. Unfortunately, three other babes (Honey, Sugar, and Ginger) are provided by the headhunter to entice the guys to defect ("double rats!").
While Monica quickly finds romance, the others try their best to "wear out" one of the rival football players. The girls also attempt to sabotage a fancy pool party, but their antics only help the Rams enjoy themselves. They resort to throwing the eponymous beach party, but to no avail (though a raunchier strip routine would've helped).
Cheerleaders Beach Party is really just too tame for a modern viewer to find outrageously titilating. Most of the nudity is shot with the actresses' backs to the camera, and while their are some great sexy moments (such as Honey accidentally on purpose slipping off her bikini top), the direction is so poor you can't really see anything. The nudity isn't as explicit as Cheerleaders Wild Weekend, even if the story is better.
It's really another case of too much tease, and not enough please. 2.5/5.

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Cheerleaders' Wild Weekend
Don't be fooled- this 1979 drive-in exploitation flick may carry the hallowed 'cheerleader' name and look like a teen sex-comedy, but it ain't.
The story begins when cheerleading teams from three different schools board a bus for the championships- middleclass Pierce, lowerclass Polk (woo-hoh! Al Bundy's old school!), and upperclass Darwell. Instead of getting involved in all sorts of hi-jinxs, the girls are kidnapped and held to ransom. From there on the story becomes a dull melodrama.
Still, there are some memorable scenes. Enroute, one of the Darwell girls challenges a Pierce cheerleader to a 'flashing' contest, as they compete to expose the most flesh in order to drive a hick in a pickup off the road. Later, the kidnappers organize a beauty contest, where the girls defend the honor of their respective schools by getting their tits out.
The cast features Kristine DeBell , former "Days of Our Lives" actress who started her career by starring in an X-rated version of 'Alice in Wonderland', but eventually moved up to such plum roles as 'BJ & the Bear' (remember that show?).
I'm giving this a 2/5. Some nice scenes, but the story just ain't sexy or cute.

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Co-Ed Starlets
This cheap, obscure little 1994 program can best be described as a very low-budget sex-comedy.
Two film students compete to win a prize by making the best movie. One makes a soft-porn T&A flick, the other a schlocky horror. There is actually quite a few laughs in here, as well as oodles of gratuitious nudity. The story is padded out with sequences of girls stripping that appear to have been lifted from other tapes.
The cast of Co-Ed Starlets was a bit of a surprise. Spending most of the movie naked in the showers are 80s babes Jacklyn Palmer (Party Plane , various episodes of Playboy Late Night) and Jasae . It was a treat to see these two a decade on from their earlier appearances. Jacklyn still looks great, with long reddish-brown hair and pronounced tan-lines on her generous boobs, but Jasae has gained quite a bit of weight. She still looks OK naked, though, her large tits sag-free.
The inserted material includes Cathleen Raymond as a nude cowgirl (I believe this material is lifted from Nude Cowgirls ), plus brief snippets of nude cheerleaders, a hand of strip poker and some backstage strippers. The video-stock matches, but the inserts are obvious. However, unless you already have these tapes you're probably not going to worry too much about the re-hashed material.
The production values are pretty low (shot on video, very cheap sets, etc), but not as bad as some other movies. By no means a must-have, but an amusing diversion. Titty rating: 2.5/5

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Fraternity Vacation
I can't believe it took me so long to see Fraternity Vacation, having finally bought it on DVD ($5 from my local supermarket). For the longest time, Barbara Crampton and Kathleen Kinmont's nude scene comprised the most vidcapped in my collection.
As the title suggests, this is another 80s "dudes on spring break looking to score" teen sex comedy, albeit it starring a young Tim Robbins(!). The famous scene in question features the two minxes inviting themselves up the room of two of our heroes (who have successfully shaken off their nerdy companion). Then, purely for a joke, the girls seductively slither out of their bikinis and give them (and us) a good look at their naked bodies. If only I was the butt of these kind of gags!
However, one nude scene does not a T&A classic make. There's about 70-odd other minutes too. Fraternity Vacation starts out with the guys competing to see who will score first with a hot chick (Sheree J. Wilson- but don't bother, she used a body double), but ends up with something approaching a message, as the laid back guys are arrested by the wonderfully evil Palm Springs police chief John Vernon, and their former rivals, the jocks, campaign to set them free (the back of the DVD has a shot of a banner reading "Free the PS2", which will doubtless confuse the hell out of today's kids).
So, only 2/5 for Fraternity Vacation, but despite the low score, it's a must see for this one scene.

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Gas Pump Girls
If there's one thing you can learn from T&A flicks, it's that any business venture can succeed thanks to breasts. And that's OK as long as it's the girls idea, as ably demonstrated in this 1979 drive-in flick.
Fresh-faced June (70s starlet Kirsten Baker) takes over her uncle's rundown gas (petrol) station, enlisting the help of her chums Betty, April, January and Jane. Kitted out in crop-top t-shirts and Daisy Dukes, the girls re-define the term "personal service", and before you can say "What energy crisis?" the double entendres are flying thick and fast. But the gas station across the street is run by an evil genius who smokes stogies on the forecourt, and he'll stop at nothing to shut the girls out of business.
Near the beginning of the flick, as the girls are attending graduation, 3 greaseball bikers play a trick on our heroines that leaves them topless in the gym. April (H.O.T.S bunny Sandy Johnson) has a kind of "stripping epiphany" and decides she likes being naked with people watching. In the locker-room (in no hurry to get dressed), Betty counsels April that she should give men what they want but not "too much". And this is where Gas Pump Girls starts to disappoint, as it appears the producers take Betty's advice to heart.
This flick promises to be a T&A fest but turns out to be surprisingly mild. Sure, the girls are happy to strut around in skimpy attire (later they don satin hot-pants and tie-up halter tops), but for the most part the clothes stay on. There is a brief bout of flashing, to foil a pair of gangsters (who are about as dangerous as Don Knotts), but these Gas Pump Girls are all tease and little please.
Cute, but ultimately unfulfilling as T&A fare, especially when compared to flesh-fests like Bikini Carwash Company. If you're a fan of drive-in movies, or these actresses, or you're looking for a T&A flick that might be inoffensive enough to watch with your girlfriend, then Gas Pump Girls is for you. As I don't really fit into any of those categories, I'm only giving this movie 2.5/5.

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Girls Games II (2nd Annual Girls Games of Summer)
The first Girls Games (which I haven't seen but is featured here in a few recaps) was set, as you'd expect, on a beach featuring co-ed cuties participating in raunchy games. It's only logical, then, that this follow up takes place in a New York stripclub (Goldfingers) and feature professional strippers. Huh? Oh, well, the basic idea is still there: girls getting topless as they participate in a series of sports we'd really like to see at the Olympics.
Events include hot oil wrestling, a brief bout of foxy boxing, banana eating contest, fake orgasm contest, best buns, and, of course, the obligatory wet t-shirt contest. The games have been edited and segments inter-cut, which actually makes the whole tape more interesting to watch, as you see the first round of oil wrestling, then it's back to the final judging of the wet t-shirt contest.
Everything takes place in-doors under a lighting rig, so it's all well shot on a professional, multi-camera set up (just like real sports!). There's even a couple of announcers who make stupid jokes, adding to the wonderfully cheesy appeal of the program.
The girls seem to be professional strippers, so you better like your hooters big 'n' fake. At least it means they give a good performance, except for a wrestler named Heather, who looks like she'd rather be in Philadephia. There are a few competitors who sport smaller bust sizes, but curiously they don't take their tops off. Actually, only the oil wrestling and the wet t-shirt events feature bare boobs. I found the banana eating contest less a-peeling than that in Boys Night Out , but that's probably because those girls were cuter, and didn't just inhale their nanas.
Girls Games II is an entertaining title, though it may not appeal to regular fans of these sports-type T&A programs because it uses professional strippers rather than real college girls, but I didn't worry about it too much. I'm giving these cutie contestants a titty rating of 3.5/5. Well done, girls!
Note: Apparently, these tapes are getting pretty rare. It seems 1 & 3 are no longer available.

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Girls of Topless Volleyball
In the world of T&A videos, there's cheap and there's cheap. And then there's Girls of Topless Volleyball, a tape that takes the whole concept of 'budget production values' and just runs with it.
There's very little in the way of story to this. A blonde girl is having a birthday party. Her three little chums come over and they spend the day frolicking in the backyard. Most of the program consists of (as the title suggests) the girls playing volleyball sans bikini tops. But there's also segments of the girls splashing about nude in the pool, lounging around, and a very brief tug-of-war.
Probably the biggest drawcard here is Tammy Parks (under the pseudonym Brigette Lansing). I swear though, this girl must've just come back from the plastic surgeon's, cos when she's lying on her back there are some damn ugly scars visible under her boobs. The rest of the cast includes a busty girl with a deep tan, and a very cute brunette with petite, perky boobs (who is the only girl not to take her bikini bottoms off).
Either by accident or design, no audio was recorded on the day of shooting (a production no-no), so Girls of Topless Volleyball features a long, annoying sound track. There are several scenes of the girls chatting, but all you hear is crappy background music. At least the video-photography is very clear and sharp. The sequences are badly shot though, with little camera skill.
The volley-ball sequences get tiresome pretty quickly. It's obvious that the girls aren't actually playing, they're just whacking away at balls tossed to them by an off-camera stagehand. Tammy tries to liven things up abit by trying to hit the ball with her ass, and her 'victory dance' is a sight to behold.
It sounds like I really hate this, but despite it's many flaws I quite like it- probably all because of the charming Ms Parks. However, for a 1 hour tape it's about 45 minutes too long, and can't recommend it for anyone but die-hard Tammy fans, so despite the almost constant nudity I'm giving it a titty rating of 2.5/5.

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Golfballs!
I couldn't believe the date-of-release for Golfballs!: 1999. More like 1989. Everything about it smacks of those 80s comedies, especially Caddyshack which is desperately wants to be.
The storyline is classic STSWB. There's two rival golf clubs, one of which is cool and laid back, the other uptight and nasty. The cool club falls on hard times, and hires good lookin' babes in bikinis to serve as caddies, with extra services such as topless cart wash. There's a good girl who doesn't take her clothes off, a snarling villain, some radical dudes, and a couple of background babes. The only notable star is Amy Lyn Baxter , who flashes most of the flesh.
Is Golfballs! a T&A flick like Bikini Carwash Company ? Or is it a zany comedy like Caddyshack? Well, it is quite funny. But there's not much in the way of gratuitous nudity, and it almost seems to have been tacked on. A carwash scene is always good, but when it's only short and the girls have no personality it's pretty forgetable.
This is not a bad comedy, though not a good T&A flick. The production values are quite high and it looks some someone sunk alot of cash into this. But there's not too much skin for the decerning viewer, so I'm only giving it 2.5/5, and can only really recommend it to Amy Lyn Baxter fans.
And and don't bother trying the official site mentioned in the credits, it doesn't exist (if it ever did).

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Hardbodies 2
A sequel-in-name only to the original T&A classic Hardbodies, this 1986 flick is not quite as sexy as its predecessor, but it is interesting in two points.
Firstly, Hardbodies 2 uses the post-Modern, self-reflective technique of a movie-within-a-movie. To make things a bit easier, everyone has the same name in the movie as they do in real life, and their relationships are pretty much the same as well.
A crew arrives in the Greek islands to shoot a T&A flick called Foreign Affairs, about two dudes who, after exchanging identities with a rich oik, find themselves chasing girls aboard something called "semester at sea".
Off camera, the star finds himself falling out of love with his spoilt girlfriend (Brenda Bakke) and in love with his on-screen love interest (whose "will she/won't she" nude scene is a plot line that leads only to the viewer's disappointment).
Secondly, and of more interest to us, Hardbodies 2 sets an astonishing record for topless extras. Almost every shot of Foreign Affairs has a nubile hottie sunning her bare breasts. Even minor celebrity Brenda Bakke shows her boobs soaking in the tub.
While Hardbodies was an all-out T&A flick, this "sequel" is more mild, and the main romantic plotline makes it almost a rom-com. However, I do recommend seeing it, if only to experience the boggling amount of booby background filler. 3/5 titties.

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H.O.T.S
This 1979 drive-in nude-fest isn't the greatest sex comedy from that era, but it's certainly one of the more enduring, and is now available on DVD for a whole new generation of fans of naked co-eds to drool over.
A group of gorgeous college babes, snubbed by the snooty Delta Pi girls, set up their own sorority called "H.O.T.S". Both sides become involved in a feud. And somewhere in there is some gangsters trying to recover stolen loot. The plot is, as you'd expect, little more than a series of hi-jinx in which the girls lose their clothes.
The climax of the film is a game of strip touch football that leaves virtually the entire cast topless (except, mercifully, the fat chick). That alone is worth the price of the disc! Other scenes fall flat though. A great idea of having Angela Aames sky-dive topless into a swimming pool is not terribly well realized, and the wet t-shirt contest has to be the tamest ever filmed.
And if you thought the male lead in Bikini Carwash Company was a pain to sit through, H.O.T.S features none other than Danny Bonaduce!
All-in-all, H.O.T.S is well worth a look. If you've got the cash, buy the DVD and enjoy a sports game you'll never see on ESPN. I'm giving this blast from the past a 3.5/5.
Of note: Two other drive-in movies were released on video under the titles of H.O.T.S 2 and H.O.T.S 3, although in fact they were made in 1974 and 1976!

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Hollywood Dreams
I'd heard about this 1993 sex comedy before I saw it, reviews which mentioned bad acting, bad story and low production values. But that doesn't matter as long as there's oodles of tits 'n' ass, right?
The story is fitting for this site. Talentless director Lou Baghetti is making a Baywatch-type sex comedy. Casting provides a good opportunity for Lou to get it on with some good-lookin' babes eager to show they've got what it takes to be in his movie. Lou ends up casting goody-goody blonde Veronica (Kelly Cook ) and slutty, can't-wait-to-take-her-clothes-off Sara ( Debra Beatty ). Also on board is Wild Malibu Weekender Kathy Pasmore as another eager beaver.
Shooting is less fun for Lou than casting. His crew bumbles around the set, while backstage his bi-sexual makeup girl is busy fucking the cast. There is a nice scene of her and Kathy getting it on which quickly becomes a three-way when one of the crew walks in.
There are a few laughs along the way. Hollywood Dreams does succeed in capturing the tedium and frustration of indie movie-making (though I don't remember there being so much sex!)
Hollywood Dreams is an OK sex comedy. Not in Bikini Carwash Company's league, though. The production values are quite low, the film looks very cheap and the photography very flat and a little murky. The girls are fairly good-looking, but not truly memorable, and although there's quite a bit of full-frontal nudity, there ain't enough of it. The basic premise is sexy, but underdeveloped. For example, in one scene a couple of bikini'd beach babes agree to be extras. What would've happened if they found out later they had to be topless? We'll never know, because they're not used very well!
The early part of the movie is the best, with the girls auditioning, and Debra Beatty skinny-dipping in Lou's pool to help her get the part. There's also a cute (but brief) moment on the set where Debra is lying naked on a bed while the DoP takes light readings off her body. As he's shooting on videotape, there's no reason for him to do so!
I don't recommend buying Hollywood Dreams. If it's on TV late one night or you find it tucked away in the video store, then it's worth a look, but the bottom line is it's just average. Titty rating: 2.5/5

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Hot Club California
Genuine b-movie sex comedies seem to be a dying breed these days. Movies such as Bikini Carwash Company are few and far between. They were made for the rental market, which is now giving way to cable. Hot Club California, made for Playboy in 2000, is kinda like those early 90s STSWB movies. Kinda, but not quite.
A group of strippers find themselves with a suitcase full of mob money. They head out to California, and wind up with an ailing club. By hiring some other strippers to dance at the club, they turn it around and soon business is booming. But when the staff walk out on opening night, it's up to the girls to entertain the punters themselves.
So what makes this so different from the classics? Well, Hot Club California is very high gloss. Beautifully photographed, and all the girls look like modern-day Playboy types (which I believe they are). And I think that's where this flick goes wrong. It has none of the charm, warmth or humor of its predecessors. Angela Davies has kind of a plastic look about her, not the sexy girl-next-doorness of Kristi Ducati. It's not about implants (which both have), it's about projecting an image. (And what the fuck is this thing about models with tattoos? Ugh.) Kristi is cute. Angela is airbrush, designed by committee to appeal to the male viewer. And she does, just not in the same way.
Sure Hot Club California has plentiful nudity- explicit nudity unknown in Bs (but not PBTV) of open crotches and labias. And it has a different, more open attitude to lesbian sex. These are certainly things you'll appreciate in a nudie flick, and you'll enjoy them here, but I doubt that Hot Club California will be remembered as fondly as these other titles.
Hot Club California sits uneasy between porn & B. It lacks the explicitness of hardporn, and the breezy cheese of B movies. I doubt it will completely satisfy fans of either. I give it a 3/5. It's a turn-on, but hardly a classic.

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House Sitters
The 2006 DVD House Sitters is my second bite of Peach after Road Strip, and it suffers from all the same faults: lack of plot, unappealing models (not actresses), and cheap product.
Samantha Ryan is a secretary with a sleazy boss. Sleazy, but rich. In a burst of exposition we learn that his hot young wife was his previous secretary, who caught his eye after she housesat his CCTV-wired mansion. In a flash, Sammy agrees to spend the weekend in his pad, hoping there could be some kind of financial benefit in it for her.
Joining her are chums Lux Kassidy, Kimberly Kane and Justine Joli. The rest of the movie consists of the four girls, singly or in combination, writhing around naked in various locations in the mansion, hoping that Sammy's boss is watching (which he is, on his laptop).
There's nothing else to say about House Sitters. It's kinda interesting how the technology of DVD has moulded the "storyline". The starlets are not my cup of tea, all tattoos and piercings, although red-head Justine Joli is pretty cute. Probably the nicest thing to say about House Sitters is that it's inexpensive, shameless soft-porn entertainment.
And that makes it (just) OK by me. 2.5/5

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In Search of the Perfect 10
This little gem from 1986 is a must-have for fans of T&A from that memorable decade. Farley Buxton takes to the streets of Hollywood with his trusty "mamometer" and a video crew in hopes of finding a girl who is the perfect 10. In his quest for breast heaven, he encounters a number of notable starlets, and with some slick talkin' Farley convinces them to bare all for the camera.
Among those whom Farley meets up-close and personal are: Lois Ayres as an irate sun-bunny; Blondi as a ditzy hitch-hiker; Krista Lane and Party Plane's Iris Condon playing topless twister(!); Teri Lynn Peake as a girl who's proud to show off her "assets"; Gail Harris caught unawares trying on lingerie; Venus Delight , who has to prove herself to the IRS after filing a deduction for having perfect breasts; and finally the "10" herself, Michelle Bauer , who thinks she's at a job interview.
It's hard to find fault with this program. The two biggies (oo-er) are it's only 1 hour long, and there isn't much in the way of full-frontal nudity. Gail is the only girl to strip buck-naked, and even then she's in profile most of the time. (And she doesn't have any lines.) There's some annoying vox-pops segments, too, but you can fast-forward through them.
This has all the ingredients I love of T&A. It's cheesy and funny, and loaded with gratuitious nudity. The cavalcade of well-known faces (and bodies) is the icing on the cake. In Search of the Perfect 10 is a classic! Titty rating 4.5/5
Of note. This video was directed by famed music-video director Gregory Dark, who was fired by Britney Spears because he used to make this sort of stuff.

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Inside the Girls Locker Room
Imagine: you're sitting around at home watching Bikini Carwash Company and you think, I wish I could make something like that. Well, that is what the writer/director/producer of Inside the Girls Locker Room has done. Called Midnight Owl Productions, this is the first in a projected series, released on DVD only in mid-2004.
The story is pretty simple. The Owls are an all-girl basketball team who've just come off the court. A student girl-reporter brings her camera crew into their locker room for a post-match interview, thus giving us a good, upclose look at the female athletes. After she is finished, the Owls cajole her into stripping down and getting hot & wet under the showers, followed by a vigorous rub-down.
OK, so this is a first effort, but the result isn't too bad. It's not terribly polished, but neither is it amateurish. The girls (who are professional strippers) are good looking, not supermodel material, but they look great naked, though they won't win any awards for acting. The production values are uneven, the early scenes are shot very wobbly, but the shower and massage scenes are very professionally photographed.
The lack of narrative makes this less of a title that interests me. It seems to be more targetted at fans of Playboy/Penthouse type videos, but with more of a 'girl next door' quality to the starlets. At times both cute and glamorous, I think Inside the Girls Locker Room will appeal to mostly collectors of Playboy/Penthouse videos, especially those who (I gather) are becoming dissatisfied with their latest offerings.
Inside the Girls Locker Room is a cheap 'n' cheerful addition to your T&A library. It isn't brilliant, but I think it bodes well for future Midnight Owl productions. I'm giving it a titty rating of 3 1/2 out of 5. Well done, guys, you can be proud of yourselves.

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The Malibu Bikini Shop
The Malibu Bikini Shop (or simply The Bikini Shop) is one of those 80s teen sex comedies I saw on video over a decade ago and now revisit thanks to satellite TV.
Two guys, one rich the other a "dude", inherit a struggling bikini shop (as one invariable does in these kind of films), and together with the three cute clerks help turn it around. However, this isn't an STSWB flick.
Most of the nudity here comes from a series of tricks that get played on the female characters, including "pull down the changing-room curtain", "install a one-way mirror", "water-soluble bikinis", and the ol' "rip her top off". Still, there's also a tan-lines competition for the girls who actually want to flash their boobs.
Barbra Horan is the romantic female lead, who falls for the good-natured rich guy, while his pal just leers at all the bare flesh. The cast includes the adorable Debra Blee, who made such an impression in The Beach Girls, but sadly this was her last screen appearance, and she doesn't flash any flesh.
Much of the movie is crammed with bikini clad extras, yet The Bikini Shop seems rather tame. Despite some tantalising glimpses of Barbra, her two co-stars are never shown in anything less than a bikini. The climatic beach race, in which the competitors are wearing swimsuits which disintegrate in contact with the surf, is badly directed so that little to no skin is shown.
Really, you only want to revisit this bikini shop for nostalgia, and even then you'll just be browsing. 2.5/5 Titty rating.

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Naked Run
Naked Run (2007, although IMDB gives a date of 2011) is the second T&A feature from writer-director-actor Vince Foster, after Stripper Academy. He made a similar short in 2002 called "The Naked Run", with a similar cast but different lead actress. Furthermore, I assumed this movie was made before Stripper Academy, but an actress can be seen wearing "Stripper Academy" booty shorts, so there's some overlap.
Eve Malone (Ciera Rose Allen) is a young law graduate with an unusual condition that makes her very cold, so she's often swathed in clothes to keep warm. Eve learns her neighbourhood is to be demolished on the orders of corrupt Congressman Davenport, so she runs against him in the election.
The movie's marketing would have you believe that Eve's campaign is mounted completely naked, as if she had pledged to forego clothing as a publicity stunt. Actually, her campaign is relatively modest. While registering as a candidate, she apparrently loses her dress. Only once does she actually show up at one of Davenport's "rallies" nude.
Eve agrees to pose nude for "Hott Stuff" (sic) magazine, and finally, after a fully-clothed debate, Davenport is exposed and Eve wins. Yay!
Naked Run is an unbelievably inept film. In the scene in city hall there is a hand-written sign that reads "voter regestration" (sic) taped to the wall. Eve's name is spelt wrong on the cover of Hott Stuff (or maybe it's supposed to be like that???). Eve never finds out that Davenport is corrupt, she is simply told this by a kooky lawyer. In the scene where she first loses her clothes in public, it is set up that there's a couple of pipes that passersby keep snagging themselves on. But Eve doesn't even get close to them - her dress starts to slide off, and then she simply takes it off.
There are whole scenes that make no sense whatsoever. At one point a tour guide is showing a group of hillbilly Baptists a pod of whales - which are actually an obese couple getting a massage from a buff guy. A golf cart drives by, snags the pavillion, and the "whales" suddenly turn into Eve. WTF???
The shoddy production extends even to the DVD itself - although an 82 minute feature (!), there are just four chapters.
With such an amateurish production, it's amazing that Vince managed to coerce so many name actors to appear.
But we're not interested in Naked Run's artistic endeavours, and shall limit ourselves to judging the film on it's T&A merits. Ciera does spend a fair amount of time naked - after her all-too-brief nudity in Stripper Academy, I was suspicious how much exposure Eve's campaign would get, but Ciera is game enough to show quite a bit of skin. The character is winsome and dippy, but not a bimbo, a characterisation you don't often see in softcore.
However, apart from Janae Altschwager as Eve's sister/cousin/roommate/whatever, no-one else in the movie appears naked, despite some quite attractive actresses (Sandy the tour guide desperately needs to be topless).
While ENF fans might get a kick out of seeing Eve disrobe, and there is enough nudity from her to satisfy, the lack of skin from the rest of the cast, combined with the general crudiness of the movie, mean that Naked Run only earns two and a half ticks from this voter.

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The Party Animal
OK, let's get the plot of this 1984 comedy out of the way: a hick arrives at college, and is promptly served a veritable smorgasbord of comely female flesh. However, he's hopeless at picking up the babes. Thankfully, the campus lothario befriends him and gives our hero a series of tips on how to score. But to no avail - until he falls into a vat of super-strong aphrodesiac, then the chicks can't get enough of him.
On paper, The Party Animal sounds like a straight-forward teen college sex comedy (and maybe that's how it was intended), albeit with elements of Faust, Cyrano de Bergerac and The Hunchback of Notredam. However, the way the movie is directed makes it seem more like an art house flick. There's a number of weird and non-realistic narrative techniques - the characters talk to the camera as if they were interview subjects in a documentary. Some of the humour is bizarre - when the hick (in a depressive moment) accidentally shoots dead one of his stud-buddy's bedpals, the result is a grotesque, throwaway gag. There's even that much derided blemish of modern cinema, the magic negro, as a wise old janitor.
But despite all of this, there are genuine moments of T&A. Our hero's attempt to disguise himself as a woman to infiltrate a sorority is reminiscient of Loose Screws (and packed with more nudity), and The Party Animal boasts some of the sexiest non-nude scenes ever seen, as the camera (accompanied with fluffy 80s music) lingers on the spandex-clad bodies of the co-ed cuties.
So, with all the weirdness, I'm giving The Party Animal a score of 2.5/5. It's OK, being both witty and surreal, and there's some great scenes, but ultimately the movie is memorable more for it's odd style than for great tits.

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Party Favors
Party Favors is the 1987 sequel to Takin' It All Off, although only Gail Harris and Candi Evans remain of the original cast. They're joined by Blondi (Candi's long-time porn-pal) and Jill Johnson .
The strippers have fallen on hard times. With the evil evangelist Dr. Honeywell closing down all the clubs, our hottie heroines are forced to go into the pizza delivery business. Trouble is, the pizzas are revolting. But when Blondi accidentally loses her top during a delivery, they hit upon a whole new kind of entertainment.
The nudity has been toned down somewhat since Takin' It All Off (the girls don't strip off completely until the very end when the credits roll), and the quality of the filmstock is questionable (the colours seem very strange). But don't be put off- Party Favors is another enjoyable nudie romp, filled with cute strip sequences (many involving costumes such as cheerleader, cowgirl and cop), climaxing in a strip party thrown for Dr. Honeywell himself.
Well worth a look. 4/5.

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Party Plane
Bikini Carwash Company was the pinnacle of the career of a filmmaking team who earlier cut their teeth on a series of nudie flicks: Takin' It Off, Takin' It All Off, Party Favors, Party Plane, Takin' It Off Out West and some others I haven't seen.
Party Plane is a classic STSWB movie, this time it's an airline. Cue some cute babes in stewardesses outfits stripping for their passengers. Features Jacklyn Palmer (who appeared on Playboy TV and a number of nudie tapes through the 80s) and Jill Johnson (who later moved to England).
No frontal nudity, unfortunately (unless there's an 'unrated' version somewhere). Titty rating: 4/5

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Penthouse: Ultimate Pet Games
I don't normally go in for videos from the big 2 Ps of T&A (too glossy and not cheesy or tacky), but after seeing some pictures and videoclips from Playboy's Playmate Playoffs, I thought the idea of girls participating in a naughty Olympics sounded fun. However, the Playboy one is no longer available, so I settled for this, Penthouse's 1996 rip-off (on DVD).
The basic idea is simple: two teams of Penthouse Pets compete in various sports, with two unseen guys serving as announcers. Between each game is a 'video centerfold'-type sequence of each girl stripping. The sports include obstacle course (1 time through clothed, and again nekkid), strip badminton, nude oil wrestling (of the giggle & jiggle variety), tug-of-war, 'strip' volleyball (they don't lose an article of clothing after losing a point, the girls just strip en masse halfway through), and finally paint wars.
I found myself comparing this to the Playboy video, which is odd cos I've only seen a bit of it, and pointless cos it's unavailable, but still it seemed like a benchmark. Ultimate Pet Games suffers from a lack of big name starlets, only Seana Ryan and the late Leslie Glass . The Playboy version featured a male and female announcer, and the female voice was a sexy addition (it's great when women sexually exploit other women). Sorry, Bob, but from the little I've seen, this comes second.
Pet Games ain't for serious sports fans. There's no scoring or real competition, and the yellow team mysteriously becomes the red team. The editor's also used some annoying frame stutter a couple of times. And the interludes don't really add much.
All in all, a sexy, fun diversion. I liked the cute little costumes- shorts and color-coded mesh croptops enblazoned with "Penthouse" that bounce upward in the heat of competition- but they were only worn in the first game and the volleyball. I'm giving the "Ultimate" Games 3.5/5.

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Road Strip
This is a 2003 release from Peach, the contemporary production company specialising in interactive DVD features. Of all their titles, Road Strip caught my eye as the most interesting, with the possibility of a sexy story. Boy, was I wrong.
You're on springbreak (although why you're hanging around town instead of on the beach is never explained), when Lexy and Teri Weigel drive up and offer to give up a lift. Most of the video is shot from your point-of-view, which is fine and rather cool when the girls turn and talk directly to you. However, there are times when the POV is both you and the girls, which puts you in the uncomfortable position of having some of the unappealing male characters leer directly at you (I assume this was done so Peach wouldn't have to pay the actresses to be in all the scenes!).
Load up the disc and you'll be presented with a quick run-down on how the "game" works. It runs from a menu in the form of a map where you select destinations to go. The "ultimate" destination is the Peach audition, to where you must eventually take the girls. The instructions mention a time limit, but it seems that you can visit the stops as often as you like and always make the audition on time.
You'll quickly discover that many of the places on the map are just gateways to the disc's special features. The Crisis Center is just the bloopers, Big Earl's Erotic Kingdom is trailers for other Peach discs, Joey's Photo Lab is the production stills, and Alaska Bob's Service Station is just a help screen.
That really only leaves the sorority house, Club Blue Screen, the Spearmint Rhino (what product placement!) and the audition as the only "interactive" destinations. If you remember those "Ch00se Your Own Adventure" books, this is pretty much the same thing. When you go to the sorority, the girls ask you if they should just walk in or sneak around the back. Choose the wrong one, and you end up alone on the street. The right choice is a matter of sheer luck: to get into Spearmint Rhino, you have to drop a name from the list of 4 provided. Of course, the correct one was the last one I tried (it's Jimmy by the way). Each wrong selection has you going back to try again, and you can't fast-forward these parts, making it a little tedious.
Despite the 180 minute advertised run-time there's no story whatsoever, and the bulk of the onscreen time consists of watching well-known models such as Crissy Moran and Mason Marconi stripping. When you get to the audition, Lexy and Teri also strip (they can also be spotted frolicing naked in the sorority pool, though Teri looks bored shitless until she notices the camera is on her), however the hyped pay-off after the girls land the Peach modelling gig is nothing more than a screen that reads "Congratulations, Lexy & Teri are Peach girls...!!!".
Overall the production values are pretty cheap, and there are moments (such as the opening scene where the girls pick you up and at Club Blue Screen) where it's so tacky you'll laugh out loud. Despite this, Road Strip is a fair implementation of DVD technology (it's the first DVD I've ever owned with multiple angles!) even if it leaves behind all the stuff that, in my opinion, makes a production really sexy: good story. I'm giving this a 2.5/5: Road Strip just didn't hold my attention.
This was the 1-disc version. There's also a 2-disc version, though I have no idea what the additional material is.

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A Sensuous Summer
What would you think a movie called "Bikini Ski School" was about? An 80s teen sex comedy? A Ray or Wynorski 90s cheapo bikini flick? That was my thinking when I bought this 1991 movie on DVD a few years ago, only to discover I've already seen it years before under its original name of "A Sensuous Summer".
Bobby returns home to manage his family's water ski school. Alex, an evil banker has his eye on the school, and Bobby and his brother Nick must find a way to turn a profit. Like me, you're expecting a bevvy of bikini'd beauties to come to their rescue, but this never happens. Instead, we see a variety of love triangles form between Bobby, Alex and the women in their lives (namely Alex's good sister Cindy). This is padded out by scenes of the supposedly hilarious handy-man fantasising about naked women. Finally, the two settle their differences with a water-ski race (??). This is not a STSWB comedy, but a rather dull melodrama about a prodigal son thinly disguised as softcore.
Made by the prolific Greenbergs (Marc and Richard), who also produced Bare Exposure (amongst numerous others), A Sensuous Summer is a pretty poor film, but at least compared to a few other movies on this page, production values are a little higher - there's alot of location shooting and even some water-ski footage. But the plot is ridiculously simple, acting terrible, and generally pretty amateurish. The actor who plays Bobby isn't credited on the IMDB, and I can only imagine he had it removed.
If you're a fan of softcore erotica that you can share with your wife or girlfriend, the kind with good-lookin' boys and girls making love very slowly in soft light and even softer focus while bad music drones on, then A Sensuous Summer might just pass muster. Might. But for me, I was just taken in by the deceptive title and packaging of the DVD, and A Sensuous Summer earns only 1 not-so-sensuous titty.

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Sirens of Seduction
Alot of softcore movies seem like wannabe art-house flicks. The strange cinematography, the incoherent storylines, the bland acting. Sirens of Seduction could almost be a STSWB movie as conceived by David Lynch.
On paper the plot seems like STSWB. Warren inherits an ailing gentleman's club after the owner dies of a heart-attack. A mysterious blonde (Tane McClure) appears and offers to become his bar girl. Her first order of business is to hire a pair of topless waitresses (Ashlie Rhey and Tamara Landry). When the girls sleep with one of their customers, this inspires Tane to hire a bevvy of hookers and launch an evening of debauchery to make enough money to save the club from the assorted feminists and property developers that want to shut it down.
Despite the identity crisis (it was released under the meaningless title "Sexual Impulse", but was known as "Flanagan's Last Resort" in pre-production), Sirens of Seduction is an entertaining little sex flick. Ashlie & Tamara make for a winsome pair of wenches, and there are some cute scenes, such as where Warren finds his wife in bed with another man. A reader once said they couldn't conceive of a movie having all the topless extras featured in Bikini Sorority House Party, but Sirens of Seduction manages to throw a great party with lots of naked babes.
This is a near-classic, not to be missed but perhaps not a keeper, so I'm giving Sirens of Seduction 4 titties.

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South Beach Academy
There comes a time when many B-starlets decide that, while they're not quite ready to ditch low-budget T&A flicks, they don't want to be the one flashing their boobs in them. And for Elizabeth Kaitan, that decision must've come around the time South Beach Academy (1996) was produced. Apart from one dimly-lit love scene at the end of the movie, Liz carefully keeps her perky boobs tucked away inside her bikini.
Harry, a cool beach dude (cast more in the leading romantic male mould rather than the usual goofus or nerd you normally find in these kind of movies) works at South Beach Academy teaching volleyball and helping out running his uncle's bar. Unk (AL Lewis) is an inveterate gambling, and has bet everything he owns on a volleyball game against a team managed by his evil, scheming rival (James Hong, Bladerunner). So when Harry meets former Olympic volleyballer Kaitan, he sees the opportunity to put together a team of ringers to win the bet. But is he willing to sacrifice love to save his uncle's bar?
Did I mention Corey Feldman is in there somewhere? However, this ain't a Corey Feldman movie. In fact, if you removed his character entirely, it wouldn't dramatically affect the plot. He really only seems to be here to get us into Madonna Club, a strip joint run by Ron Jeremy (our sensitive male lead would never frequent such a dive).
So, South Beach Academy is a titty flick with heart. So much heart that after an encouraging start, it seems to lose interest in the "titty" part and focuses on the plot. But there are a couple of great scenes - Harry & Liz must recruit her former team-mate Ute Weigel off the scene of a topless beach car-wash and the first half of the movie has a few flashes of boobs. There's one weird continuity error, though: the opening credits proudly introduce "Nina the hot dog girl". When we finally see Nina from the back, she's topless. In the next shot, her bikini top appears. What gives? Why didn't Corey use his enormous star power to make her take her top off? Oh well. The South Beach Academy graduates with a paltry score three titties, and poor Liz is forced to work as a secretary to a some Republican.

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Stag Party
Similar to Boys Night Out, Stag Party is a 1 hour tape featuring the sort of hi-jinxs one would expect to see at a stag party (it's not a real, filmed stag party but a mock-up). There's more variation in content, though, with a wet t-shirt contest, a kissing contest, and a dating game. However, there's less nudity, and you still have to endure alledged comedian Garret Adkins.
There are quite a few famous faces here. Ashley St. Jon performs a strip. Candi Evans does a turn as the groom's secretary talked into stripping. And semi-regular "Jessie" does her usual cop routine. Keep your eyes peeled for director Andy Sidaris (the 'guns n boobs' b-movies) helping out in the wet t-shirt contest.
Personally, I don't think this tape is as enjoyable as Boy's Night Out - there's less nudity, the girls aren't as attractive, and the whole production is cheaper, but it's still an OK little number. Candy is very cute and shy as the secretary cajoled into stripping, and Jessie gives an enthusiastic performance. The wet t-shirt contest isn't brilliant, as there are only three girls and only one of them takes her top off. One of the strippers doesn't even strip to topless.
Overall, I'm giving it a 3.5/5 titty rating.

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Starlet Screen Test
My favourite of the Bert Rhine produced "screentest" series. If you haven't seen these, basically they're (alledged, I don't think they're real) auditions of actresses reading for parts that require nudity.
Best bit: Starlets are being interviewed in a hot-tub. Leslee Bremmer appears with a towel wrapped around her. The director asks her if she's shy, and she replied she sure isn't. Then he asks her if she's got her bathing suit on, and Leslee replies "I sure don't". She then drops the towel to reveal a very nice naked body. Titty rating: 5/5

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Starlet Screen Test 2
This isn't so much a review as a warning. Starlet Screen Test 2 is just a rehash of material from Centerfold Screen Test 1,2,3 & Starlet Screen Test. So, if you've already got them, don't bother with this!

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Starlet Screen Test 3
After the disappointment of Starlet Screen Test 2, it's good to see that volume 3 contains nothing but new material and fresh faces. Not too many recogniseable ladies, but Ashlie Rhey makes an appearance.
Here is more of the same. Girls audition for movies such as Ski Bunnies and Sorority House 2, roles that require nudity. Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think these films have actually been made? Anyway, the girls are quite willing to strip off and show they've got what it takes to fill the part, and that's what counts (if you're looking for shyness here, you'll probably be disappointed).
The sequences are cute and more convincing than those in previous volumes. One girl acts out a scene where she is surprised in a tub, two others try to seduce a college professor. In a screen test for a lingerie video, the director asks the starlet to change, and she asks if he wants her in front of or behind the screen. When he says 'in front', she's more than happy to oblige. Two actresses cover each other in baby-oil, and in the final audition, a model poses nude while enthusing how she really wants to meet the director. All very sexy, and more than a little cheesy.
Although this tape didn't leap out and grab my attention like the others in the series, it's still an enjoyable little program. Titty rating: 4/5.

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Stripper Academy
Like a number of movies on this page, Stripper Academy (2007) seems to be having an identity crisis. Is it a straight T&A flick? Is it a sex comedy? The makers don't seem too sure what they're aiming for.
Writer-director-producer-star Vincent Foster plays the owner of the titular Stripper Academy, a strip joint-cum-school for strippers. Foster (who bares a passing resemblence to Will Farrell) is a sleazy yet loveable businessman, seldom without a drink or a stogie in hand, who spends most of his time gettin' it on with his cute employees, much to the chagrin of his beautiful manager Ciera Rose Allen. Of course, the two end up falling in love and getting married, but along the way they have to deal with the latest batch of would-be strippers one of whom is a former Deal or No Deal model (tastefully shot, of course).
The production values are surprisingly high, with good photography and even an annoyingly-catchy theme tune. Quite a bit of money has been spent on this one and it shows. One tip, though: don't use Comic Sans MS as your font for the credits, nothing screams cheap like a public domain typeset.
But in a movie like this, how much nudity is enough? On first viewing, I came away thinking it was too little. Later viewings make me think there's more than my original impression, but still not what you'd expect from a movie called "Stripper Academy". Certainly, Vince is often bookended with a pair of blonde twins who never show anything, although the female lead Ciera Rose Allen does take her top off a few times. And the supporting strippers are pretty cute.
Foster has two other titles to his resume, a documentary about comedians at war, and another T&A flick called "Naked Run". I'm a little disappointed by Stripper Academy, but it's still worth renting and I'm now keen to see Naked Run. So, these strippers graduate with 3/5 titties.

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Takin' It All Off
It's kinda a toss up between this 1987 film and Bikini Carwash Company as my all-time favourite TNA comedy. Not surprisingly, they were produced by the same team.
Becky Le Beau runs a school for strippers. Only the money's running low, and the landlord is hankering after the rent. Into this conumdrum walks 'Jean Poremba' (actually 80s pornstar Candi Evans ) a shy country girl who wants to strip but can't. The solution to both problems is big-bust starlet Kitten Natividad . Becky launches a show with Kitten headlining, and the money rolls in. Meanwhile, Kitten relates how she overcame her case of 'cold tits' with hypnotism. One visit to the shady hypnotist, and Candi is getting her gear off whenever she hears a certain song (the titular 'Takin' It All Off'). The corny ending features the entire casting stripping on stage and hypnotising the audience.
So, a STSWB movie where stripping girls are used to save a business that is all about stripping girls. Huh? Never mind the logic, just revel in the frequent and senseless nudity.
Perhaps the only problem with Takin' It All Off is that it lacks the production values of the later Bikini Carwash Company. The cinematography is a bit murky, the lighting is very flat, the colours aren't vibrant.
Personally I love the cast of well-known 80s starlets: Becky, Candi, and my personal fave from that decade, Gail Thackray (later Gail Harris). Girls from that era had a different quality to the 90s starlets of many of these other movies, but don't be put off.
Titty rating: 5/5. Takin' It All Off is probably pretty hard to find these days, but perseverance will pay off. Followed by a sequel Party Favors.

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Takin' It Off
After nearly twenty years since I first saw the sequel Takin' It All Off, and a quarter century since it was made, I've finally seen Takin' It Off, a (ahem) seminal sex comedy from the eighties which practically launched the genre back in the heady days of home video. And boy am I surprised.
The movies it directly spawned, Takin' It Off All, Party Favors, Party Plane, Bikini Carwash Company, Takin' It Off Out West, all had a pretty similar theme. I expected Takin' It Off to be the same, but instead of STSWB, the original strives to capture the essense of American burlesque, both literally and spiritually.
Kitten Natividad is a head-line dancer for The Little Playhouse, a strip club/burlesque theatre, whose chesty charms make her an audience favourite. However, Kitten yearns for better work on TV, where her "humongous tits" are more of a disadvantage. So she launches on a series of quack diets to lose those inches, often resulting in light-hearted romps with male characters.
The movie evokes the golden age of low-brow "blue" American burlesque. There are crummy jokes spoken out of the side of the mouth by baggy-pants bananas. The dance routines are elaborate strip teases, and one of characters does a number with a puppet naked "The Nooky Monster" (Avenue Q eat your heart out). Everytime Kitten grabs her bosom, its accompanied by a comic sloshing sound. Clearly, this is a different kind of movie to the sex comedies that followed it. I'd even say its raunchier, I've never seen another b-movie were the lead cast make so many direct references (& corny jokes) about the lead character's tits.
There are some bad points, though. There's not too much nudity from the supporting cast; The Little Playhouse's manager Angelique Petty-John doesn't show anything and the troupe includes a trio of dancers who never strip. But the point is that you're supposed to oogle the boobs and groan at the gags.
Takin' It Off is a classic. It's a relic of a by-gone age that itself tries to capture a bygone age. It bridges the gap between the nudie-cuties of the 50s and 60s and softporn of the video age. The gratuitious nudity alone is great, but the charming, naive "dirtyness" make it a classic. I like it, albeit in a different way than I like Takin' It All Off and Bikini Carwash Company. Definitely 5 tits.

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Takin' It Off Out West
Not a sequel, prequel or even equal to Takin' It All Off, this 1995 flick from the same production team isn't quite as cute as the older films, and isn't as good as their masterpiece Bikini Carwash Company , but is nevertheless an entertaining B sex comedy.
Set in the old west, a group of strippers are despatched by the US government to a remote mining town to cheer up the locals. The girls arrive to find the town beseiged by outlaws. It's a STS storyline alright, but not really WB.
The main cast is largely unknown, but Julie Strain appears (in a striptease sequence drawn out across the entire length of the movie), as does Kathy Pasmore as a hard-bitten gunslinger transformed into a babe.
Probably because of the Surrender Cinema-type movies that were starting to come through at that time, Takin' It Off Out West has more sex scenes than previous comedies. There's also no full-frontal nudity.
However, the girls are good looking, and the strip sequences are cute (thanks to the period costumes). The buxom babes always seem to be changing clothes or otherwise letting it all hang out.
All-in-all I'm giving Takin' It Off Out West a titty rating of 3/5. A better story would've pushed the score higher, though. It's pretty hard to find, but well worth the look.

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Wild Malibu Weekend!
I can't remember if it was this movie that got me onto Maria Gonzales' Everything Goes or vice versa, but at some point I got hooked on the idea of naughty adults-only gameshows. Wild Malibu Weekend! is a 1995 comedy about a group of girls who appear on a fictional cableTV gameshow entitled "Bikini Challenge". The cast includes pre-boobjob Shauna O'Brien (under her Penthouse nom de plume of 'Stevie Jean') and Playboy playmate Barbara Moore .
Unfortunately, "Bikini Challenge" (and therefore Wild Malibu Weekend! ) isn't quite as raunchy as it could be. Sure, the girls get to play some saucy games, like rolling condoms onto gerkins, but it isn't until the last round of the gameshow that the girls actually take their tops off.
This at least gives Wild Malibu Weekend! a finale to look forward to. The host asks the girls to remove their bikini tops, and then the house band (who appear to be a real SoCal indie rock group) plus a nerdy stagehand cover the competitors' tits with whipped cream. The girls are then armed with water pistols and squirt away at each others chests. Whoever's breasts are exposed is eliminated, until only one girl remains.
There are a few other brief scenes of toplessness scattered across the film, including Shauna lounging on the beach and Kathy Pasmore attempting to seduce a TV producer. However, given the sexy premise Wild Malibu Weekend! could've had alot more gratutitious nudity.
I think this is Shauna O'Brien's only comedy role (she's done lots of more explicit erotic thrillers), and she is quite cute. Barbara Moore is not though, and I can only assume Playboy did a hell of alot of airbrushing to make her presentable.
Overall, I'm giving Wild Malibu Weekend! a 2/5 titty rating. A good idea, but not well executed.
Of note: before I bought this tape, I popped onto the imdb to check out its credits, and apart from the title and the year it had nothing. I came back later to fill out the details and found it had been loaded with full cast & crew list. Weird...

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The Wildest Office Strip Party
Bert Rhine was never one to let a good formula fizzle, so it comes as no surprise that Boy's Night Out and Stag Party have a stable-mate, The Wildest Office Strip Party (or just The Wildest Office Party according to the video sleeve, maybe to play down the softcore content).
The phoney situation this time is a "company picnic" (in a studio), with Cory Pepper (?who?) taking over hosting duties, but just fast-forward through his bits to enjoy a series of striptease acts dating from the 80s. Things don't start too well, the first dancer, from the company softball team, strips out of uniform but doesn't take her bikini top off. There's always one of those in every Bert Rhine production! The party gets better with a sexy secretaries contest, then Jasae does a solo strip. There's even a male stripper, but don't worry, he's joined by a female member of the audience who shyly strips down to her underwear.
Like Stag Party there's a dating game, but this time its 1 guy choosing from 3 girls. Blindfolded, he chooses his date by listening to the audience appreciation as each contestant takes off her clothes. Understandably, he winds up with the only girl who shows her tits.
There's one last single striptease, then finally the wrinkled old CEO comes on stage to receive his "gift", a busty stripper popping out of a box.
Really, there's less nudity here than The Wildest Office Strip Party's companion tapes, and of the three of them, this is the least sexy. What's with all these dancers who just strip down to a bikini or bra? And there's no full-frontal nudity, except for a brief flash from one of the sexy secretary contestants. I'm giving this party a 3/5.

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The World Wet T-Shirt Finals
Another offering from the Bert Rhine stable of 80s T&A videos (together with "The American Wet T-Shirt Association"), this is, as the title suggests, a wet t-shirt contest video. However, this is not amateurs/college babes performing before a drunken crowd on springbreak, but rather professional models (including Candi Evans) struttin' their stuff before a rather sedate group of guys seated at tables in a studio.
Basically, it's Boy's Night Out, but with wet t-shirt contestants, and astoundingly-dull host Doug Zedon instead of the just-plain-annoying Garett Adkins. Call me cynical, but I doubt if there's any such thing as "The American Wet T-Shirt Association", and this could only be called "The World Wet T-Shirt Finals" if by "The World" you meant "the starlets in Mr. Rhine's casting files".
Okay, so the whole set-up is about as genuine as the hooters on some of the contestants, but does that matter? Frankly, no. What we have here is some good-lookin' babes getting their tits soaked for your viewing pleasure. To add a little variety, each of the girls draws from a hat to see just how her assets will be hydronated. There's the standard watering down from beer glasses, a liberal spritzing from soda bottles, and finally a bubbly shower from champagne bottles, all administered from guys in the audience.
The girls are cute, many of them recurring faces from the Bert Rhine videos. All but one removes her top, and none go all the way to strip buck naked. Still, they're energetic and enthusiastic performers, and rather brave when you consider that TV studios and water don't mix very well.
If you're a wet t-shirt fan, you might be interested in this. It's different from the more standard fare, making "The World Wet T-Shirt Finals" a little more polished, but perhaps more tame. Hard to find (my order took 3 months to fill), but not especially worth the wait. 2.5/5.

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Blue Ribbon Babes
Basically, this is another Bert Rhine tape -- the guy who did Boys Night Out, Stag Party, Foxy Boxing, etc. It's not nearly as good as BNO, but it equals most of his other tapes, at least in my opinion.
Overall, the tape is a series of exhibition contests. The nudity only goes as far as toplessness, and the girls range from average to very, very cute. They have a "lighter" quality than Playboy women -- a sense of fluff, fun and general cuteness without the unpleasant emphasis on youth often seen with cuteness -- these girls are all 100% adult -- mid-20s or even mid-30s -- but their playfulness makes the tape very viewable.
Scene 1 -- Oil Wrestling
Two girls wrestle in oil. One wears a bikini top and the other a tiny white t-shirt that goes transparent when wet. These aren't the prettiest girls on the tape by a long shot, but the good news is that both tops get ripped off, and they used LOTS of oil. The girls' wrestling is more aggressive and angry then sensual -- that might be a plus or minus depending on individual tastes. The scene starts with a very nice montage of girls in bikinis. The round girl looks very nice in her bikini, and is notably sexier then the wrestlers -- a continuing theme with this video.
Scene 2 -- "Best Chest" Contest
This is why you want to buy this tape. About 10 women -- I lost count -- come on stage and strip down to toplessness from some very sexy lingerie. These girls are really, really cute -- arguably nicer then the average Playboy model. They seem to have fun with their routines, too, and have an exhibitionistic quality that's really very erotic.
The repeated strips sound repetitive, but they really aren't. The girls have very different, very nice lingerie, different attitudes and different gimmicks. One girl has some of the nicest breasts I've seen anywhere ("Rose"). Some of the girls are quite skilled at dancing sexy, and others are very good at "vamping". They all seem to get a real kick out of showing off. I think Gail Harris may be one of the girls (I know we have a fan here...), but I'm really bad at identifying models and I'm not sure.
One gripe -- there's no way the girl who won should have won. She had large breasts, but her routine consisted of shaking them so violently she made me wince in sympathy and jumping up and down like she was on a sugar rush. Lots of the other girls put on much more skillful shows. One of the girls also didn't get topless, but her large busts and very skimpy lingerie made up for it. All the girls were very "80s" in a nice way.
Scene 3 -- Mud Wrestling
If you like mud wrestling at all, then I guarantee you've seen this scene before. It's a very nice scene, mind, but it's on Battling Beauties (another Rhine tape), every mud wrestling complation sold on e-Bay, and in various other places. I think it may also be on a third Bert Rhine tape -- shame! It's the one with the cheerleader "Boom Boom" and the nurse. It continues the tradition of this tape by having a round girl who's so hot you hope she'll get pulled into the mud and relieved of her bikini, but no such luck. The wrestlers are quite attractive, however, more so then the oil wrestlers by far. No nudity, but the rinse-off after the fight has some very nice cleavage shots.
Scene 4 -- Wet T competition
This scene is crap. It was also on Stag Party (I think). Three girls, reasonably pretty, get doused in a wading pool. The shirts they used suck -- they're very skimpy, and don't get THAT revealing when wet, which kills the point of a Wet T contest. Only one girl takes her shirt off, and the dancing isn't that sexy.
Scene 5 -- Striptease Routines
If you've seen a Bert Rhine tape, you know the deal here -- girls come out in costume and strip to topless. The first girl is a sexy black nurse -- small breasts, but still quite hot. The second is a blond, aggressive cop who is very sexy and quite busty. The third is the weakest -- some kind of punk / domme in an AWFUL wig. The cop did "domme" way better than the domme!
There are more girls at the judging then did routines, which makes me think this was lifted from somewhere and shorted.
Scene 6 -- Foxy Boxing
"Sugar Ray Renee" vs a cowgirl. No nudity, but both girls fill out swimsuit very nicely. The girls have comically oversized boxing gloves, but fight quite aggressively. There are two redeeming qualities of the segment -- another VERY sexy round girl in a very skimpy bikini, and lots of sweaty cleavage shots. This scene was also on Battling Beauties -- in fact, all of the wrestling scenes may have been -- I'm not sure.
The protective face gear the girls wear takes away from seeing their reactions somewhat, especially since their gloves are so obviously harmless. If you like watching hard-bodies girls get all sweaty fighting each other, this seg might be really nice for you. I just wish bikinis had gotten torn off...
Scene 7 -- Coed Mud Wrestling
Five girls take on three guys. One has a very obvious wardrobe malfunction showing nipple. Several other men quickly get dragged into the ring, basically ruining the segment for me. It's short anyway.
Scene 8 -- The Credits
The "best chest" girls come out and dance with audience members all together on stage. I wish they hadn't run the credits over this, as these girls are the best part of the tape and this is the only time they're together. Some get topless, and fully-clothed men (and the credits) block the view annoyingly.
Overall? 3.5 out of 5.
My two cents:
Haven't seen it, although it sounds like it might be a compilation tape.

The Great Bikini Off-Road Adventure
The Great Bikini Off Road Adventure is classic SWSTB.
The girls have to figure out a way to save a Jeep tour company, so (surprise) the girls conduct tours in bikinis which keep flying off at just the wrong (RIGHT...) moments.  And (un)fortunately, it occurs repeatedly with each guest, so they begin a bidding war which drives the tour cost way up and profits along with it! 
Of course, there is a villain who wants to take the business; he also hires his own babes on the river. 
There is a mystical old Indian who seems to be the girls' guardian angel, but he also makes a habit of collecting the aforementioned lost bikini tops. However, in the end, the assets the girls bring to bear ensure success. 
Throw in rafting, a water fight, and a few other gratuitous scenes and this film becomes a must own for fans of the genre.  Avalon Anders delivers what you expect, and Laura Hudspeth is impressive in her own bouncy way.  A definite 5/5! .
My two cents:
I've finally seen this, and it is a good STSWB, with some cute actresses and great scenery. I wouldn't go as high as 5/5, but definitely a title to catch.

Knockouts
Knockouts just missed classic SWSTB status. 
Samantha and her friends belong to a health club, where we see several working out topless (clearly standing on a chair as they pretend to do pullups, and all too briefly).  We are then treated to the classic topless/nude locker room shower and change footage.  
A scene or two later the girls are playing strip poker, when her deadbeat male friend tells some other chicks from the gym where Samantha's tuition money is stashed...in her teddy bear!  The bad girls (who are also from the previous topless/nude gym scenes) steal it, so Samantha and her friends have to find a way to get back her tuition money. Surprise! 
The deadbeat "just so happens" to know two struggling film producers who will shoot a bikini calendar which will get the girls the money they need.  They also happen to install dressing room cameras to capture the nude footage to sell to two old "collectors", one of which happens to be Samantha's father!  That's why he couldn't make up the lost tuition money. 
The nude scenes in this film are too short in this writer's opinion, and it also completely failed to deliver in two important scenes.  The first is the "training" scene where Sam and her friends get ready to wrestle the bad girls (starring Bambi of Penthouse fame).  The girls hit a heavy bag and do aerobics supposedly topless, but the scene is shot in silhouette so one can't be sure.  The second is the entire wrestling bout, which is shot clothed (DAMN IT!) except for the occasional pulled down wrestling outfit.  These two factors knocked a 5/5 to a 3.5/5.
My two cents:
It's been a while since I saw Knockouts, but if I remember correctly, I was a little disappointed by the wrestling scenes as well.

Screwballs 2
Silly T&A movies come in two kinds, in my experience : Trick or Treat. "Trick" is when girls are tricked or coerced to strip, spied upon and generally exposed against their will. "Treat" is what Knickers and "Let's save our business by stripping" is all about : girls treating men to a ogle-feast, and being big teases, reducing the men to drooling morons that can't produce their wallets fast enough. The best thing about both is the ludicrous reasons and pre-texts for stripping that they come up with.
Screwballs falls into the "trick"-category. 30 seconds into the movie a guy wins a game of strip-dice against two girls, who strip off bra and shirt respectively. And it goes on like that… Four boys (fat one, smooth operator, nerd and somewhat normal) go to summer school and try to ogle the girls as much as possible. They spy on them in the girl's locker room, they go drag and sneak into their dorm (and bath). They invent an acid that dissolves cloth, and drops it into the pool when the girls are swimming. There are girls in underwear, girls in gym wear and girls in bikinis. The best thing about this movie is that there's no plot apart from the desire to strip or bed girls. Below is a description of the best scene in the movie…
The four protagonists arrive to summer school ten minutes earlier than the regular bus, and pose as school officials when the others get off. After having separated the girls from the boys, they lead the girls into an improvised medical office.
Fake Doctor: (young and quite good-looking) "Over there so we can all fit in. Now, to begin this examination, I'm going to have to ask you young ladies to strip down to your bras and panties. Right behind that partition."
Nerd girl : (glasses and dark hair, very pretty) "Doctor, I have this little problem… I don't wear a bra."
Fake Doctor: "Hmm.. Do you have tits ?"
Nerd Girl :"Little ones"
Fake Doctor : "Hmm.. I'm going to make an exception. You may take the examination."
Nerd Girl: "Thank you, doctor."
The next (interesting) scene has the girls all lined up in their underwear, except the nerd girl, who is topless (and her boobs are looking quite good, thank you). The fake doctor is walking along the line, weighing the girls' tits with his hands. The girls are smirking at each other. The nerd is zooming in on the girls' chests with his video camera, especially the topless nerd girl, who have to suffer through close-ups of both her nipples.
Nerd Girl: "Hey, how come he's got a video camera ?"
Fake Doctor: "Well, have you ever heard of video dating ?"
Nerd Girl : "Yeah."
Fake Doctor : "Well, this is video X-ray."
Nerd Girl : "Ohh."
My two cents:
Only to add that Screwballs 2 features perhaps the finest wet t-shirt contest in a comedy ever. One question though: the boys get in trouble for sneaking out of school to attend the contest, but not Nicki for appearing in it??? Titty rating: 5/5.

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