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My Mum and Dad
died in an accident when I was 10. I was then put in
an orphanage. I was no angel. I was considered one of
the wild boys. I got into trouble all the time. The
people that worked there considered me a bad boy, a
boy with a bad future. They washed their hands of me,
and would not take the blame for what I did or what I
would do. It became so bad, that the headmaster there
decided to send me to another orphanage. The Pink
institute which was a special orphanage for bad boys
and good girls. As I drove in
the car, through big gates, I got my first view of the
orphanage. It was cut off from the rest of the world
and was hidden in the middle of a forest. The
orphanage itself was a big Victorian building. It had
a huge statue of a woman outside. We parked the car
and went through some big doors. The ceiling was high
and the floors shined. There was a smell of polish. My
contact person from the old orphanage led me to the
head mistresses office. She was a little fat woman,
with a beehive hair style. She had very thick glasses
on. She looked a bit like my granny. If she thought
she was strong enough to make me a good boy, then she
would be I trouble. �Welcome to the
Pink Institute,� she started, �I hear that you
misbehave all the time. This institute has a 100%
success rate of changing bad boys to good� well; you
will just have to see. I see that you have long curly
hair and a small fragile body. Just look at your eyes.
You have very long eyelashes and deepest eyes that I
have seen. I am sure that you will do well here. It
might take some time, but you will do fine. You are
also 11, so you have plenty of time.� I frowned at her
and nearly stuck out my tongue, but managed to keep it
in. She was allowed to think what she wanted. The last
orphanage thought they could control me, and now they
have given up. The head
Mistress was called Polly. She was one of the older
girls. Her job was to show me to my room. She
explained that each room had two beds, and I would be
sharing the same room with a new boy called Brian. He
would also be starting today. The corridors were long
and had tree panels. It smelled like perfume that Mum
used to have. I could feel a tear coming to my eyes.
Why did God take my mother from me? One thing I
noticed was that there were no boys. There were many
girls in the corridors and girls in bedrooms with
doors open. I tried asking Polly where the boys were,
but she wouldn�t answer. Where are all the good boys
that she boasted about? They were probably in some
dungeon. At last we came
to my room. When the door opened, I could have
collapsed. The top was painted white while the bottom
was painted pink. There were two beds. Both had pink
bed sheets and blankets. There were two dressing
tables, both with mirrors. There was also a pink
fluffy rug on the tree floor. The other boy
was also there. He was playing with a Barbie playhouse
on the floor. I started laughing when I saw that. Boys
do not play with dolls. He looked embarrassed when I
started laughing and threw the doll down. He said
there was nothing else to play with. He was right. The
room was a girl�s room. I asked Polly for an
explanation. But she just said nothing and told us to
wait here until someone comes. It did cross my mind on
if I should stay or not. There was a whole building to
explore. Plus I had to find the boys. The other boy
was Brian. He was also 11 years old. He got into a lot
of trouble at home. He was in a gang that sold drugs.
They made him be the lookout for any police. Then he
was caught and the judge said that he could come here.
He was small for his age, and had long hair like me.
He also had an earring in his left ear. I was thinking
if he would be dangerous or not. I mean he was in a
gang, He would know how to use a knife. I quickly
apologized for laughing at him and seeing him with a
doll. He said OK. It was his first time playing with a
doll. To show that I was willing to be friends, I
started playing with the dolls. For the next few
hours, we have played with dolls. We brushed their
hair. We changed their clothes. We pretended that they
were going out shopping or to the beauty salon. We
didn�t notice that hours went by. The head mistress
opened the door and smiled when she seen us playing
with dolls. She said that we were to eat supper in our
rooms that night. We quickly ate the Hotdogs that she
had given us. After dinner, we
decided to explore the room. We looked in the table
with the mirror. There was nothing except brushes, a
small mirror and makeup. We laughed at this. Then we
opened the closets. There were dresses, uniforms, and
petticoats. We agreed that the girls that lived here
before had forgotten their clothes. It was then that
Brian suggested that we try on one of the dresses. He
already was taking his clothes off and putting one of
the petticoat dresses on. It was so fluffy and lacey.
I said I�m keeping my clothes on. This was not good
enough for Brian; He was sitting down putting mascara
on. He looked at me, smiling and said that he didn�t
think that I needed mascara, because I had very long
eyelashes. I smiled back. I heard this all my life.
How pretty my eyes were. Brian put his hair in a
ponytail and stood up. He did a small dance and then
looked in the mirror. He just stood there and stared,
the only thing he said was what would his gang say if
they saw him now? It was time to
go to bed, so we both went to our own beds. It was
hard to sleep. This place was not like the old place.
It seemed like they were more disciplined here. I
wondered why there were girl clothes and toys. Why were we
put in a girl�s room? Anyhow, it was time to sleep.
Brian fell asleep straight away. I just looked at the
ceiling, thinking of what happened and unsure of my
future. Suddenly I could hear voices in my head; �You have been a
bad boy� �It�s easier
being a girl� �Girls are well
behaved and polite� �Boys can be
girls as well� �Boys can wear
dresses and girls clothes� �Boys can play
girl games and play with girl toys� �You will be
better off as a girl� �Dresses look
good on boys� �Ask to wear a
dress� I couldn�t wake
up, but I was only half asleep. Where were these
voices coming from? It was like they were coming from
my head. After the voice said something, I would hear
my brain shouting NO! No way was I going to be a girl.
No way was� (I fell asleep, but didn�t realize that
the voices were still pounding their subliminal
messages in my head.) The next
morning, Polly woke us up. She said that it was time
to put the school uniform on, make sure our hair
looked pretty and our faces were
washed. Brian asked if he could wear the dress in the
cabinet. I went over to him and asked him what the
f(Censored) he was talking about? �Why do you want
to wear a dress?� I asked �Because it�s so
pretty and everyone else here wears it� �But you are a
boy!� �Well, it�s
easier being a girl. Girls are more behaved and
polite. Boys can wear dresses and girl clothes too� Then I thought
of the voices that I heard at night. Brian heard them
too. In fact he believed them. It was a good thing
that I knew what I wanted. They would have to point a
gun at my face before I begged to wear a dress,
although dresses did look good on boys. What was I
saying? Polly asked me
if I was going to wear the school uniform. I told her
in a matter of fact way that there was no uniform. It
was only a girls uniform. She answered in her superior
tone that boys and girls wore the same uniform. This
explained why I couldn�t see any boys yesterday. They
were all sissies. I told her that I was not wearing
any dress or girls clothes. In my mind I was thinking
that boys do look good in dresses. I shook my head. I
shouldn�t be thinking like this. Polly was smiling for
the first time. I bet she knew what I was thinking.
Polly asked me for the last time if I would put the
uniform on. I said no. She said that was my choice.
Then she told Brian, who was already dressed that he
should go to the canteen for breakfast. She told me to
stay where I was. I sat on the
chair, thinking that I would be punished or they were
getting me a proper boy�s uniform. Two janitors came
in. they moved my bed out of the room. I was happy
because this meant that I was getting a boys room. I
sat and waited with a smile on my face. The next thing
that I knew was that the two men were bringing this
oversized crib in the room. The smile on my face
disappeared. They put the crib where my bed was and
then removed my table and mirror. They put a changing
table there. I tried asking several times what they
were doing, but was met with silence. After they
changed my part of the room into a nursery, Polly told
me to follow her. We went to the nurse�s room. I sat
on a chair waiting for them to speak with each other.
Then the nurse told me to get up on the examination
table. She took my hand and gave me a shot. She said
that would weaken my muscles, I wouldn�t be able to
walk anymore, but I could crawl. She gave me a shot in
my neck and explained that this will limit my speech.
Then she took my clothes off. I was embarrassed that
Polly was there, but the only thing I could say was
�out�. Did she go? No! The nurse then proceeded to put
a diaper on me. This was after she gave me a shot on
my bum. She explained that I would now need a diaper,
because of the last shot. After she put the diaper on,
that quite honest felt comfortable, she put this pink
romper on me. She then put a pacifier in my mouth and
said I was finished. I was now a sissy baby. When Brian came
home he was all excited. I looked at him thinking that
he looked like a real girl. I smiled. He was a sissy
now. Brian was also smiling. Who could blame him? I
was now a sissy baby. �I see that you
had a busy day� He said, �You should have put the
dress on. It�s so pretty and in the weekend we can
wear the nicer dresses and even a little make up. I
went down to eat breakfast. I was a bit afraid that I
would be teased, but everyone there were boys. I sat
at the table. There was no teasing. They acted like we
were best friends. Then we had sewing class. I am not
so good at that, but I will try my best. Then we had
cooking class. I did quite well here. I made lunch. It
was only sandwiches but I never made my own food
before. Then we ate our lunch. Then we had a meeting
with the head mistress. She said that we were bad
boys. Now we will be trained to be good girls. When we
were finished with the institute, some rich man would
take care of us. Some of us would be maids, some of us
would be companions, and some of us would be closer.
Then we got time to play. So we played with hula loops
and jumping ropes. They were really girl�s games, and
I know that I would never have played them before. But
they were quite fun. What did you do today?� No matter how
much I tried to tell him of the injustices that I have
experienced, no words came out. Only baby words. The
one word he knew was �wet� which explained how I was.
Another word he understood was �bubba�, which of
course means bottle. He understood
this he gave me something to drink from a
bottle. I felt my eye lids grow more and more
heavy. I feel asleep in Brian�s arms. While I was
asleep, I heard more voices: �You have been a
bad boy� �It�s easier
being a girl� �Girls are well
behaved and polite� �Boys can be
girls as well� �Boys can wear
dresses and girls clothes� �Boys can play
girl games and play with girl toys� �You will be
better off as a girl� �Dresses look
good on boys� �Ask to wear a
dress� �Do you want to
be a baby or a proper girl?� I woke up in my
crib. My diaper was wet. I wanted to get out. I woke
Brian up, that came over to me in his pink night
dress. He asked what I wanted. I tried to speak, but
only baby noises came out. I started crying. I wanted
to get out, but a crib has bars you know. The dummy
made me stop crying. It was actually soothing to suck
it. Brian stroked my cheek as he calmed me down. I saw him get
changed, in the school uniform dress. He even looked
like a girl with just panties on. The dress was
quickly on and he was sitting down putting his hair in
a ponytail. �Today will be
fun.� He said, �I will see the other girls. Then we
have gymnastics. It will be fun stretching and
learning how to move gracefully. Then I get to gossip
with the other girls about nice clothes and even boys.
After gymnastics, we have dance. I love ballet, don�t
you? I am looking forward to wearing a leotard and
tights.� Then Brian�s
face looked puzzled. He asked me to stand up in the
bed. Then he told me that I was much shorter than the
day before. I was as short as a 7 year old. I looked
down at my body and it was true. I was much shorter. I
couldn�t say anything about it, so I started crying.
Brian put the dummy in my mouth and gave me a hug. I
felt snug in his arms, although I was much smaller
than he was. After what seems like ages, Brian left so
he wouldn�t be late for gymnastics Polly came and
took me to the babies section. We were all changed and
put in our pink rompers again. Polly even put my hair
in a ponytail. I looked in the mirror and started to
cry once again �Me�. Ga ga� me�
small� �I know darling.
You will get smaller every day until you are the size
of a toddler. Then you will forget that you were born
a boy. We can raise you as a girl.� This was it. I
cried as loud as I could. I was now in a baby room,
with baby toys. I found some blocks and tried to build
a tower. My hands were a bit fumbly, so the tower kept
on falling. This was basically my day. Getting my
diaper changed, eating baby food, crying because I
couldn�t tell what I wanted and missing Brian. He was
busy being a girl. My fate was to be a baby When I got back
to the room, Brian and two of his friends were there.
It was a real girl party. His friends seen me and were
amazed at how cute I was. They wanted me to sit on
their lap, while they gave me a bottle of milk. I knew
what they were playing. They were playing baby. This is when I
decided �Gr, ga, I la want a dress� |