
Boomerang
“Don’t push me!” I shouted at John
I wanted to hit him, but he was
too strong. It was a common day occurrence that John
would tease me whenever he had a chance. He was not
as smart as me and not as cute. The only thing that
he had going for him was his strength and his
ability to make others afraid of him. It seemed like
that bullying me was his main hobby. He would call
me a cherub or a geek. He thought I looked like an
angel that was painted in our local church. I do
admit that there is a strong resemblance but there
is also one big difference. The angel in the church
is a girl and she is a bit older than a toddler.
I was definitely not a girl and
I was 12 years old! I admit my hair was wavy and
blonde, and I had huge blue eyes and everyone was
jealous of my rosy cheeks and long eye brows. I was
also very small for my age. I had a twin sister, and
many thought I was her little brother. Some idiots
even said I looked like her little sister. Mom and
Dad thought I was cute, as every old woman that seen
me and pinked my cheek.
This was an excuse for John to
bully me every day. I was not as strong, stupid or
ugly as he was. Today was no exception. When I went
out to the playground, I tried to hide over by the
sandbox. He must have some in built radar, because
he found me. I tried walking away but he pushed me
on the ground and this caused me to cry as I
scratched my knee. This was another weird thing
about me. I cried very easily. But let’s face it.
When you scratch your knee, it hurts. Then came the
verbal bullying, that the cherub was a cry-baby and
would go home crying to his mother. I stood up and
looked defiant. Deep down I was very afraid, but I
tried not to let this show. I told him it was enough
and it was wrong that he bullied people better than
him. This made him mad, and he raised his fists
ready to strike me. However the bell rang and I was
saved by the bell.
School was finally over. I ran
home and locked our door. I went up to my room and
sat on the bed in just stared at the walls. Tears
were running down my cheeks. I was tired of John and
being his punching bag every day. What could I do? I
could not tell my parents, as I would be known as a
little baby that cries to his mom. I could not fight
him, as it would mean that I would need a bus to hit
him. It would take me years to train and be strong
enough to lift a bus. Moving to another school would
be an option, but I bet there was a John in every
school. It seemed like there was no hope!
My twin sister came in to me and
asked why I was crying. I threw a pillow at her and
told her I wanted to be alone. However she really
wanted to help me and gave me that speech that she
is my twin sister, and we have a stronger connection
than other people have. This means she was genuinely
concerned in seeing her brother crying on the bed. I
yelled and called her names and told her to get out
and leave me alone. I could see her eyes become
teary and she was mumbling that she only asked
because she cared. I told her to get her ugly face
out. I didn’t think she was ugly. I knew she used a
lot of time in front of the mirror because she had
low self-esteem and thought she was ugly. I didn’t
mean to call her ugly, but I knew it would get her
of my room, even if it meant she would cry.
Mom came in the room and was mad
at me. She started by asking why my sister was
crying. She got no answer. She then told me not to
give my sister a bad time and definitely no to make
her cry. I shrugged my shoulders and did not know
what to say. Mom gave me a speech for a long time
and then finished up by saying that in a few days,
my room would be painted. I started complaining but
that did not help. Mom said if I liked the colour, I
would be happier and my room would look so pretty.
Pretty???
Before she went out, she said
that she had to figure out what to do with my wavy
hair that was getting too long.
The next day was no better at
school. John bullied me once again. He pushed me
against the wall and asked why I not fought him. I
wanted to tell him I valued my life, but I just
begged to let me go. He called me a momma’s boy, and
asked if I wanted my twin sister or my mom to come
and fight for me. I tried one last time begging John
to let me go in peace. He just laughed and hit me in
the stomach. I fell to the ground as everyone
started laughing, I pretended to be hurt more than I
was, and this worked as he did not hit me again. I
looked around to see where a teacher was. There was
none, so I had to wait and be teased until the bell
rang.
Once again, I came home. My mom
was getting all her paint things ready and my dad
was reading the newspaper. Mom asked was I bullied
again. This made Dad sigh. I told them I did not
want to talk about it. My dad said I should stand up
for myself and not be such a wimp. Bullies need to
feel pain to stop what they were doing. My mom got
mad at him and said we did not live in the Wild
West. She said she had arranged a time for me to
speak with a shrink.
I ran into my bedroom and closed
the door. My dad wanted me suddenly to be a boxer
that would only end up in pain for myself, while my
mom wanted me to see a shrink. She thought I was
crazy. Why could the world not just let me in peace?
Why did I need muscles and the ability to punch
stupid bullies? I was not even a teenager yet. I was
still a child and I just wanted to be happy and
safe.
My twin sister came in. I
figured everyone else had a go at me so why should
she not? She told me that she will leave me alone,
but had a present for me. She said she found it on
the net. It was a spell that would stop bullies. All
I had to do was look at him and read the spell. I looked
at the spell and smiled. I asked would it work. My
sister nodded and said even if it was uncertain, it
would be best to try it. I nodded my head and my let
me sister sit down where we chatted about
everything. She ended up by chatting about boys. I
did not want to say about them, as she was telling
me who she thought was cute or not. It was when she
asked me who I thought was cute, that I told her I
wanted to be alone.
Lunch came the next day and I
was standing brave and did not even hide. John came
up to me and asked me if I was ready to fight? I
started reading the spell that my sister gave me.
Beware thee bully of
people
and thee shouldst he'd t
the next timeth thee
teaseth
the next timeth thee
useth violence
the next timeth thee
subdue valorous people
thund'r shall roar
people shall nay
longeth'r seeth thee as a sir
those gents shall seeth
thee as a female
a wench
a princess
nay longeth'r beest
afraid of thee
and may this teachest
thee respect and compassion
John looked at me, and he
was silent for some time and started laughing
calling me an oddball. He hit me in the stomach and
said this was not a poetry class and poetry was for
geeks. I fell to the ground once again, thinking
where the thunder that would put a spell on him was?
The only thunder that came was a second fist hitting
me. I was in tears not only from the pain, but also
from the fact that I really hoped this so called
spell would work. Now look at me, I was on the
ground once again, in the mercy of someone that had
a brain the size as a pea. Maybe dad was right. Only
the strong survive. Intelligent people get treated
like dirt and under the control of the bullies.
I was mad when I came home.
My twin sister was already there talking to my mom
and dad. I rushed into the sitting room and started
yelling that she tricked me. The spell did not work
and everyone just laughed at me. My sister tried
consoling me saying that at least I tried. I pushed
her on the floor which made mom start to panic. I
called her every name in the book while I picked up
a teddy bear that was there and tore its head off.
Then I jumped as I heard a
huge thunder noise. Suddenly there was stormy
weather outside and I never seen so much lightening
and heard so much thunder. My sister crawled into
moms lap and cuddled for some protection while I
found myself in my dad’s lap, burying my face in his
lap every time thunder came. I asked my sister to
forgive me. She said it was ok.
It thundered again and I
remembered the spell.
I went to bed and hoped my
sister forgiven me. There was no excuse for me to
take out all my frustrations on her and be the bully
I so much hated. The storm lasted for a long time,
so I could hardly sleep, and when I did I must have
twisted and turned in the bed, as when I woke up,
the sheets were everywhere. I hated the storm but
the sun was shining today and it was great spring
weather. I smiled as I walked to school, looking at
the flowers springing up and noticed how busy the
birds were. God done such a good job when he created
the world. The only bad thing he done was to allow
bullies. Despite this, I was in a good mood
It was time for my daily
punishment, but on the way out to the playground,
the school counselor
asked me to come to his office. I
went in and sat down on this comfortable chair. He
asked me if I had anything to say. I said no. Then
he told me that anything that was said in here would
stay in his office. I still had nothing to say. This
made him sigh as he explained that he knew the other
children bullied me and treated me bad. I wanted to
open up to him about his but knew it would not help.
The counselor just
said that some people get teased because they are
different. He knew I was different I was not like
other boys. I still said nothing. In a way I would
rather be outside getting punched by John than
listening to this. He told me that some children
hide a big secret and they are afraid to tell others
because they think they are weird. They should tell
an adult so the adult can help. He looked at me and
asked did I want to tell him anything. I said no and
this frustrated him. He said that if I felt like I
should have been born as a girl, I should tell him.
It was about now that my body will be entering
puberty and if I felt like a girl, I would need some
help with my body. This was now too weird and I
closed my ears to whatever he had to say.
I didn’t get bullied that
day.
When I came home, my
bedroom door was locked. I was told I would be
sleeping with my twin. My room was being painted.
This was ok. I
really needed to speak with someone about what the counselor
said. I
told her everything as we sat on the floor playing
with her dolls. She did not have much to say except
it could be the spell. This made me shake in fear. I
bullied my sister and now the counselor
thinks I want to be a girl! I would have to march
into his office the next day and say I was a boy and
only a boy. I quickly forgot about the counsellor
and the spell as I got involved with playing with
the dolls. I even told my sister we should redo her
dollhouse, and move the furniture around so it
looked prettier.
Before I knew it, it was
time to go to bed. It was only when I was trying to
sleep that I realized that I was playing dolls with
my sister and I loved it. Was this bad?
I woke up and was in a good
mood. It was like being on a sleepover when I was in
my sister’s room. I know I played with her dolls,
but I just thought I done that to be nice to her. It
was now a new day and it looked like it would be
great weather today.
Mom looked like she was
worried. At last she said she had a story that we
would not believe. When she was painting my room,
the bucket of paint fell on my dresser, so when she
was cleaning up and opened all the drawers, she
could see that all my clothes were destroyed. My
first reaction was that I did not believe it. My
second reaction was to cry and my final reaction was
to think at least I get new clothes. My mom put some
clothes on the bed. It was football shorts and a
t-shirt. I didn’t mind this despite the legs of
football shorts were so baggy. Mom looked at me and
said that she was sorry, but the only briefs she had
was my sister’s old panties. I held them up in shock
and asked am I expected to wear them as they were
pink with white lace around the edges. Mum said that
no one would see them. That may well be the case,
but I would know I had them on.
At breakfast, I was in no
mood to talk as I felt like a freak with panties on.
To make things worse, mom said she does not think I
needed a haircut. She was thinking out loud while
she said my hair would look great in pigtails. I
could feel my heart beating hard as I was wondering
if the spell was now affecting her. Did she ruin my
clothes because she wanted all my boy things gone?
Things did not go better at
school. I was sitting at my desk and trying to
concentrate on the class when a girl dropped a pen.
I did not even notice her dropping it or going under
the desks to look for it. When she found it and sat
on her chair again, she was staring at me. Then she
sent a note to her friend and the note went to
everyone in class, until the teacher got it. The
teacher picked it up and read it silently. I was
worried to what was on it, especially when the
teacher asked me if it was true. How was I to know?
I was the only one not to read it. I stayed silent
and the teacher told me I could go to the counsellor
and explain to him why I was wearing pink panties. I
wanted the earth to swallow me. My legs were spread
and the girl seen up my shorts when she picked up
her pen.
The counselor
asked me if I wanted to speak today. I tried
explaining the truth that my mom destroyed all my
clothes. He sighed and said that he found it very
hard to believe. Then he gave a speech about it
being easier if I admitted how I felt. When I
admitted it, I could be helped. I sat and thought.
If he didn’t believe my mom destroyed my clothes, he
would never have believed I was under a spell…. a
spell I put on myself. I looked at him in the eyes
and told him I did think the panties were pretty and
they felt better than briefs. They were snuggly and
were so soft. I admitted this and could see a smile
come on his face. Then I told him I was a boy, I was
not a girl and did not want to be a girl. He sighed
and told me I knew where he was if I needed him.
On my way out from school,
everyone was staring at me and giggling. Some were
whispering I was the one with the pink panties.
Others were brave enough to come up to me and ask me
if I was a girl. I wished the school hallways were
not so long and there were so many children in them.
I didn’t answer any of them. I just marched towards
the front door. I wanted to get out and go home and
hide myself.
The strange thing is that
John stood there behind others. He had his hands in
his pocket and leaned against the wall and just
stared. He did not say a word. That was a relief.
When I came home, my mom
looked like a pink monster, with all the paint on
her. She wanted me to see my newly painted room. I
looked at the pink on her and my heart started to
beat fast. She did not paint my room pink? Surely she
must also have painted my sisters room? I got my
answer when she opened my door. My room was now pink
with posters of puppies and rabbits and butterflies
and Disney princesses. There were teddy bears on my
bed and there was my sisters doll house. My mom was
excited and asked what I thought. I thought this
spell was working too fast and the only word I said
was “pink”.
She told me it was light
lilac, and not pink. My sister gave me the dollhouse
because I played with it. I only played with it
once. I wanted to destroy my room but I knew that
mom worked so hard to do it. She did not know about
the spell, so it was not her fault. When the spell
wore down, she would probably redo it. I gave her a
hug and not knowing what to do, I sat down and
played with the dolls.
My mom said I should sleep
early, as I had to see the psychologist the next
day. At least I didn’t have to go to school.
I wore my sisters denim
overall to the shrinks and sandals. It was not that
sissy like, despite it had a cute bear on the front
of it. The sandals were light blue with small
hearts. I looked like a mommas boy that found his
sisters clothes. The shrink was a nice old woman and
told me to sit at a table when she talked with my
mom. There were Legos and some dolls. I hate Legos
and picked up a doll and started fixing its clothes.
I bet a 5 year old tried to dress it. I finished by
brushing the doll’s house.
The shrink sent mom out and
I sat on a chair. She said I looked very pretty. I
tried explaining they were my sister’s clothes as my
mom destroyed my clothes. She told me I was very
brave as most boys would demand new clothes straight
away and refuse to be seen with girl clothes. She
quickly changed the subject and said she noticed I
played with the dolls and my mom said I had a dolls
house. I sighed and told her I am not a girl in a
boy’s body. I explained I tried putting a spell on a
bully that would make him a sissy and things
backfired when I bullied my sister, now everyone
thinks I am a girl. I asked her how to stop it. She
wrote some notes down on her pad and told me the
spell could be wishful thinking, and an excuse for
me to show how I really feel. I didn’t say anything
more. She didn’t believe me.
When we came home, my mom
was putting all my sister's old clothes in my
dresser and wardrobe. She said if I ever wanted boy
clothes, they would have to save up. She added that
I had to be sure I wanted boy’s clothes. My dad came
in and looked like he did not want to look at me and
my new sissy bedroom. Mom spoke in very adult words
that the shrink said I had gender identity problems.
Mom said it was very important that I be helped in
my transitioning or I could become very unhappy or
even suicidal. My heart was once again beating hard
and I wanted to yell at them that it is a spell, but
I knew they would not believe it.
I looked on the internet
for the spell, but could not find the spell. I hoped
there would be information how to reverse the spell.
I could not even find it.
The next day, I wore some
cotton legging shorts and a t-shirt with and cute
kitten on it. My hair was long and wavy, and looked
more girlish the more that I brushed it. I had the
sandals on and ankle socks. Mom told me I had a good
fashion taste and I looked pretty. She put my hair
in a ponytail saying it looks better that way. Dad
didn’t say anything, he was reading a brochure
called “blocker shots, stopping puberty”. I saw two
others on the table. One was called “hormones for
transgender boys” “and the last one, “Help, my son
is a girl”. I knew what he was trying to find out. I
did not protest, as I was hoping the spell would
wear out.
It did not. It was just as
bad at school. People did not whisper or point at me
that day and that was strange. I was expecting
people to point and laugh and giggle. No one done
that. I was afraid and it meant something unknown
would happen. I doubt very much that they would just
forget about the pink panties and more important
they would notice the clothes I was wearing. No one
teased. In fact I could have been invisible. I was
afraid of lunch break.
I hid in a corner during
lunch break, but John found me. This meant he would
beat me up and things would get back to normal.
Maybe the spell would break.
He sat down to me and spoke
in a soft tone. He said he was sorry he always
bullied me. He told me that he now respected me
because I was not afraid to show that I had a boy’s
body but girls mind. This takes a whole lot of
courage. It took more courage than letting him hit
me. I told him it was a spell that made others
believe I was a girl and the spell should have been
for him. I told him everything that happened until
now. He actually believed me. However he added that
I did not fight the spell, I did not protest. In
fact I accepted it and didn’t mind.
He was right
He continued to tell me he
could always see a girl hidden in me, and that is
why he beat me up. Now he could see how brave I was.
This impressed him. In fact he would find it hard
not to fancy me if I wore a dress. He hoped I would
be brave enough to ask me out.
John went. I knew now that
people now considered me a girl.
I went home and sat down
holding a teddy bear. I was so confused. Why did I
just accept the spell and not fight it? Why did I
not fight it? What did I think that I was being
treated more and more like a girl? Then I thought of
John, would he be fun going on a date with John.
My twin sister came in and
sat down. We were quiet for some time until she
started brushing my hair. I loved when my hair was
brushed. My
twin said in a soft voice, “I am not stupid. You
thought that you put a spell on yourself when you
were mean to me. I do not think that is enough for
how much you accepted wearing my clothes, and your
bedroom and dolls. You could have said no. You
accepted when people said you were a girl. However,
you slowly accepted it. You even picked your clothes
today. You did not argue over a girl’s room. You did
not argue when mom put your hair in a ponytail”
I started crying
My sister continued, “The
spell was not real. I made it up. The spell gave you
an excuse to let others see you as a girl, and treat
you like a girl. I think you slowly are starting to
think and act like a girl. The spell did nothing.
Its empty words. However it opened your mind and
heart. I do not know what you want, but I am your
sister. You always have my support”
I was left alone. I looked
around my room. The words of my sister were in my
head as well as the counselor's,
shrinks and Johns. I was playing
with the dollhouse and the words were still going in
my head
Before bed, I prayed to God
to be at my side
The next day, I woke up. It
took me a long time to pick the clothes I needed
that day.
I looked in a mirror. I had
a purple dress on with a glitter heart and white
tights and Mary Janes. I would ask my mom to put me
in pigtails.
I was smiling and I felt
great
I
wanted to look good for when I visited the counselor.