Back to Chapter 17
Chapter 18 - A weakness in Lisa's character
Bernadette and Cherine returned downstairs fairly late, having spent
more time than they anticipated in the pool. At first they were in the
pool by themselves, but just as they were about to get out, a large
group of women got in, carrying a water-volleyball and a net. They
explained that the Four-Betas played water volleyball in competitions
against other sororities and they needed to practice. The other women
invited the pledges to join them, and a minute later the two freshmen
found themselves playing on opposite sides of the impromptu game. It
wasn�t until an hour later that they were able to excuse themselves,
which set back their plans to spend the night catching up on their
e-mails in the sorority library.
Lisa and Kathleen were sound asleep when their companions finally made
it downstairs. Cherine and Bernadette cleaned up and slipped into the
guestroom, which was dimly illuminated by a single nightlight. It was
just light enough that the two women could see that the main bed was
occupied but the two singles were empty. Cherine was too tired to care
about anything other than her own sleep, but Bernadette was curious. She
slipped closer to the main bed and caught a faint whiff of orgasm. She
couldn�t see much in the darkness, but could tell that Lisa and Kathleen
were sleeping cuddled up to each other.
Bernadette pondered for a moment what she ought to do. On the one hand
she was irritated that Lisa and Kathleen were not making a better effort
to hide their relationship. She felt that it was somewhat disrespectful
to be openly having sex in an area they had to share with the other
pledges. She was certain that if Tracy caught the couple there would be
hell to pay, perhaps for the entire pledge group.
Bernadette wondered whether to wake up Lisa and force her to get in a
different bed, leave the two lovers in place and let them get in trouble
the next morning, or simply get up a bit early and force them out of bed
before anyone else saw them. Finally she opted for the latter. She set
the alarm clock for 5:30, which would give her enough time to get Lisa
and Kathleen out of bed before Tracy showed up. She would do Lisa a
favor, in spite of her unease about the relationship and her on-going
resentment that Lisa had taken charge of the pledge group.
The next morning Bernadette shook Lisa, who was still sound asleep.
�Get up! Get up before Tracy sees you!�
Lisa struggled to sit up, and covered her sleeping lover with the sheet.
She was still somewhat disoriented and wanted to lie back down.
�Get�UP!�
Bernadette pushed on Lisa until she was awake enough to stand. As soon
as Lisa was on her feet, Bernadette crawled back in her bed to get a
final 20 minutes of sleep.
Meanwhile, Lisa rubbed her eyes and went into the pledge room to use the
toilet and brush her teeth. She realized what a huge favor Bernadette
had just done for her when she heard Tracy�s voice in the guest room:
�OK, sleeping beauties! UP-UP-UP! Let�s go�Let�s go�Let�s go�� followed
by the usual hard slap to the bare bottom of each of her three fellow
pledges as they exited the room.
Lisa and Kathleen had been only minutes away from being caught in bed
together by the Pledge Mistress. It was only because of Bernadette they
were not facing her harsh discipline. As the other women entered the
pledge room Lisa whispered to Bernadette:
�Thanks. I owe you one.�
----------
Somewhat better rested than they had been 24 hours earlier, the pledges
began what would be the first routine day of the summer semester. There
would be morning PT, clean-up, and breakfast, followed by morning
inspection and the daily trek to the university.
Part of the daily morning inspection included the formal presentation of
assignments, a time during which Tracy ordered the pledges to kneel in
the sitting room with their homework neatly placed in front to review.
There wasn�t any written homework yet, but the three freshmen had been
assigned some reading for one class that they had to recite. After a few
minutes of questioning Tracy determined that her charges were adequately
prepared and ordered them to put on their uniforms. Thus, dressed and
ready for another day of class, the young women departed the sorority
house with their Pledge Mistress.
----------
As soon as she was deposited in her professor�s office, Lisa stripped
and stood at attention while Burnside talked to her about the day�s
lectures and seminars. She would be with the professor nearly the entire
day, with the exception of a political science class that she had to
take as a general requirement. However, Lisa would spend most of her
time out of the office and in her pledge uniform, given that she was
attending lectures and helping the professor with her freshman classes.
At 9:00 a.m. Lisa followed Burnside to the main lecture hall in the
adjacent building wheeling a cart full of teaching supplies, syllabuses,
reading lists, and the professor�s PowerPoint projector. Her shorts and
T-shirt contrasted with the formal outfit of her boss and drew attention
from passers-by. Lisa�s bottom got plenty of stares from passing guys
because it was obvious she was not wearing any underwear under the thin
fabric of her gym shorts. As she continued to push the cart behind
Burnside, Lisa�s shorts began riding up into her bottom and she could
feel the hot morning sun shining on the lower part of her buttocks.
Every so often she had to stop and pull them back down, but as soon as
she started moving again the shorts immediately began working their way
back up.
Lisa sighed as she helped Burnside set up for her lecture. She was
beginning to feel aroused from being so scantily dressed in public and
having had part of her bottom on public display. Her outfit (especially
from the waist down) left very little to the imagination and barely
stayed within the limits of what was considered acceptable clothing in
public areas of the university. Her feelings about her exposure were
complex and contradictory. Perhaps wearing the skimpy shorts was
somewhat embarrassing, but deep down Lisa enjoyed the stares and
attention directed at her body. She remained quite the exhibitionist and
secretly enjoyed being stared at.
Fortunately Lisa was able to push aside her erotic thoughts and focus on
her duties as Burnside�s student and student aide. She spent the rest of
the day attending a total of five classes, the two sophomore-level
lectures that she was taking as a student, the two freshman-level
classes she was proctoring, and the political science class. During the
later part of the afternoon she returned to Burnside�s office, stripped
off her uniform, and worked on an assignment for Dr. Halsey�s class.
Lisa was not nearly as tired as she had been 24 hours earlier, so she
was able to concentrate on her assignment. Burnside, meanwhile, was in
and out of the office with various errands and thus not really paying
much attention to her student. The strange flirting that had taken place
between the two women the day before was absent that afternoon and they
talked normally with each other. Lisa still had to be naked whenever in
the office, but by the third day had become used to it and automatically
undressed as soon as she was in the room and the door was shut. Within a
few days even standing at attention in front of her boss with her hands
behind her head and her legs spread would become routine and something
she did automatically.
----------
Tracy entered the Economics Building in the evening with the other three
pledges trailing behind her. As the group entered Burnside�s office, the
three pledges immediately sank to their knees. Lisa nervously stood at
attention while the professor and the sorority officer discussed the
day�s performance and her work plan. Burnside handed Tracy a diskette
with her notes for the day�s training log and released Lisa for the
evening. Lisa turned to Tracy and knelt, asking for permission to get
dressed. A minute later Tracy and her pledges left the building and
continued on their way to the sorority house.
The pledges stripped off their uniforms and dropped them in the washer
upon being informed they would not be going back out that evening. As
usual, they ate dinner with the sophomores, cleaned the table, and knelt
in the sitting room. The pledges noticed three massage tables set up and
realized the night�s lesson would be in giving massages. Tracy entered
the room with Lisa�s acquaintance Suzanne Foster, who had just been
certified as a massage therapist. As the pledges continued to kneel,
Tracy announced that learning massage therapy counted among the
expectations the sorority had of them.
Suzanne began the presentation with an overview of the various muscle
groups in the human body, focusing the differences between women and men
as the introduction of a comprehensive course that would continue
throughout the summer. She would start by teaching basic Swedish
massage, concentrating on a different section of the body each week. Her
program would continue with other types of standard massage such as
sports massage, and finally would finish in August with two sessions of
erotic partner massage.
She added that the pledges would first learn how to massage each other,
and then would learn how to massage male subjects. �The Triple-A pledges
are doing this as well, starting with each other, and then they�ll be
practicing on you.�
Suzanne briefly discussed the issue of �draping�, the practice of
covering a massage patient with a sheet. She noted that in Europe
�draping� was less important than it was in the US, and that she
preferred for her patients not to be draped.
�I like to see my patients as nature created them and not worry about
moving a sheet around. Anyhow, with you modesty is not an issue, so we
won�t be worried about draping.�
With that Suzanne directed the pledges to pair off. Lisa knew better
than to pair off with Kathleen, in spite of her lover�s longing
expression. Take it easy, Kathleen, thought Lisa to herself. We�ll have
plenty of time to massage each other later in the summer. Instead Lisa
paired off with Cherine, leaving Kathleen to take Bernadette as her
massage partner. Lisa instructed Cherine to hop up on the table and
awaited Suzanne�s next instructions.
Tracy dimmed the lights, stripped off her own clothing, and sat on the
third table. She would serve as Suzanne�s instruction subject and get
several free massages in exchange. As Tracy lay quietly on her back,
Suzanne began by explaining the importance of warming the oil before
applying it to the patient. She spread the oil over the lower part of
the Pledge Mistress�s body, explaining that she would concentrate on her
subject�s feet, the fronts of her legs, and her abdomen during the first
part of the class. Lisa followed suit on Cherine�s body, applying oil to
her feet, legs, and abdomen. Suzanne�s disregard for modesty became even
more evident as she ran her fingers over the upper part of Tracy�s
pelvis, applying oil in that rather private spot at the same time she
lubricated her stomach.
Cherine�s body seemed to get darker and more exotic-looking when her
skin was wet with oil. Lisa felt a surge of erotic longing sweep through
her. Now, on top of everything else that was messed up about her life,
she was feeling sexual desire for Cherine. Guilt swept over her as she
glanced at Kathleen, but her guilt only increased her secret attraction
towards the unsuspecting freshman lying on the table in front of her.
Lisa finally pushed her thoughts aside and concentrated at the task at
hand, using her hands to bring pleasure and relaxation to the young body
under her control. She would do her best to give Cherine a good massage,
and look forward to the massage she would be getting in return after a
few minutes. However, as her hands worked their way up the soft flesh on
the inside of Cherine�s thighs and her fingertips came close to touching
her dark vagina, Lisa�s feelings of arousal returned. She worked her way
around to her companion�s stomach and followed Suzanne�s instructions to
massage in a circular motion to help her digestion. Then her fingers
ventured towards the top of Cherine�s pelvis, working their way into her
short black public hair. Lisa so badly wanted to continue downwards,
touch Cherine�s clitoris, explore the young virgin�s vagina, and bring
her to orgasm. So close�and yet�
Lisa sighed with a combination of disappointment and relief when Suzanne
ordered the women to switch places. Tracy sat up as well, but Suzanne
explained that she would need to lie back down to serve as her model for
the second half of the class. Tracy certainly had no problem with that;
she was getting a double-massage on her legs as a result of her role as
Suzanne�s model.
As Cherine�s hands worked their way up her legs, Lisa continued to feel
very aroused. She was getting wet between her thighs, and because she
kept herself completely shaved, there was absolutely nothing to hide
what was happening to her vulva. Her clitoris was swollen and her vagina
increasingly wet. Of course, Cherine did notice the wetness building on
her companion�s most intimate areas, but decided not to make an issue
out of it. She quietly followed Suzanne�s instructions and simply hoped
for the uncomfortable session to end quickly.
What Cherine wished was that she could have been massaging Jacob. If
only Lisa were Jacob, then she really would be getting some pleasure out
of the experience. As she thought about Jacob, Cherine resolved to learn
how to give a proper massage, because that would be her first intimate
gift to him. Cherine thus ended by giving Lisa a very good massage, not
because she was interested in pleasing Lisa, but because she was
fantasizing about massaging Jacob.
----------
Fortunately Bernadette and Kathleen got through the session without any
hint of sexual arousal. Kathleen was so enamored with Lisa that she paid
no attention to Bernadette, apart from making the effort to give her a
proper massage. Bernadette, meanwhile, was totally straight and never
would feel any attraction towards another woman, no matter how
attractive. Now if Kathleen were a guy�then Bernadette�s physical
reactions would be completely different. Yes, she most definitely would
be aroused if she were massaging a guy in such an intimate manner. In
fact, she very much was looking forward to the upcoming practice with
the Tri-Alpha pledges and hoped to exchange massages with all of them.
----------
The massages put the three freshmen in a better mood and made them more
relaxed for their next activity, the nightly study session. Because they
were taking the same classes, Tracy expected them to study together and
exchange knowledge and ideas with each other. The study groups were an
important part of the pledge program, because the sorority wanted the
pledges to learn to work in a group and also bond with each other.
Assuming that the freshmen were not used to college-level academics,
Tracy sat with them and directed the study group during the first week
of classes.
Lisa presented a bit of a problem to the study program because she was a
sophomore. She already had taken the classes that her group-mates were
enrolled in, so to study with them would do her no good. Had she not
been worried about all of her responsibilities to Ruth Burnside and the
Economics Department, Tracy might have wanted Lisa to lead the study
group. However, she was smart enough to realize that Lisa�s time was
very limited and that she would need the opportunity to study
separately. So, while Tracy and the freshmen talked in the library, Lisa
quietly sat in the sofa in the guest room downstairs with her economics
textbooks. Taped to the sofa was a hand-written note from the Pledge
Mistress, authorizing Lisa to be separated from her group and to use the
guest room, which normally was off-limits to pledges.
At 10:00 p.m. Tracy ordered the pledges to put away their books and go
downstairs for bed. Lights-out was at 10:30. The pledges would be
restricted to their cots, permitted to get up only to use the toilet.
When the three freshmen went downstairs, Tracy chased Lisa out of the
guest room and locked the door.
With that the normal daily routine of the summer pledge group was
established. On weekdays the schedule was as follows:
5:30 � 6:00 � wake-up, pledge area cleaning, and personal inspection by
the Pledge Mistress
6:00 � 7:00 � morning PT with the sophomores
7:00 � 7:15 � personal hygiene and packing book-bags for class
7:20 � 7:45 � breakfast with the sophomores, clean-up from the meal, and
brushing teeth
7:45 � 8:00 � walk to the university for the first class of the morning
8:00 � 17:00 � classes on campus and chaperoned library study breaks
17:00 � 18:00 � return to the sorority house, dinner with the
sophomores, clean-up, personal hygiene
18:00 � 20:00 � Four-Beta pledge training
20:00 � 22:00 � study group and homework assignments
22:00 � 23:00 � personal hygiene, uniform maintenance, and lights-out
----------
At 10:30 Lisa�s three companions fell asleep immediately, even Kathleen.
However, as was becoming normal for her, Lisa lay awake on her cot in
restless thought. She glanced at Cherine�s body in the dimly-lit room
and felt her erotic desire return full-force. She quietly began
masturbating as she remembered Cherine�s lovely dark skin glistening
with massage oil and sliding under her hands. She relived the feeling of
her fingers pressing through the freshman�s black pubic hair and being
so close to�oh yes�oh yes�
Lisa climaxed and came to her senses. Then she felt horrible about what
had just happened, deeply troubled by her sudden sexual attraction to
Cherine.
What�s wrong with me, she wondered to herself. What the fuck is wrong
with me?
Lisa realized something very distressing about herself, a huge defect in
her personality. Her mind ran through the events of the past two weeks
and her fleeting attractions to various people in her life. On the very
first day she had wanted that guy examining her to fuck her up the ass,
then fantasized about giving herself to Tracy. After that came Kathleen,
a frighteningly serious relationship she had just walked into with
almost no thought or hesitation. With no thought at all she briefly
reunited with Ken, only to yell at him and insult him seconds after he
had given her what she wanted at the moment. The following morning she
had flirted with Ruth Burnside, vaguely hoping for a sexual encounter
with her professor. Hours later she was again with Kathleen, pleasing
herself with no thought about her earlier encounter with Ken.
Finally, with very little consideration for Kathleen, who now adored
her, she found herself attracted to Cherine. With Cherine there was
absolutely no way she could hope to pursue her desires, because it was
obvious that she was as straight as Bernadette and never would be
attracted to Lisa at all. Not to mention the devastating impact such a
betrayal would have on Kathleen.
There was more, much more. Over the past week, Lisa had wondered about
her sexuality. Before her relationship with Kathleen it never had dawned
on her that she might be lesbian, because her two previous lovers had
been male. So, had she discovered that she was lesbian? If only it were
that simple. Lisa�s attraction for various guys had not diminished, even
though at the moment she had a female lover. So, was she bi-sexual?
Well, not exactly that, either. She realized that, if not restrained by
personal commitments or the disapproval of society, she would be
sexually attracted to whoever happened to be close at that moment, male
or female.
Lisa�s short attention span explained why her relationships had started
so abruptly, going back to her sudden attraction towards Ken in January.
United with him by random circumstances, she became attracted to him.
The moment she was separated from him, her attention shifted elsewhere
and within a week had focused on Kathleen. The moment her hands touched
Cherine, her sexual desires shifted yet again. Fortunately for Kathleen,
Lisa knew that there was no way Cherine could ever be interested in her.
Whatever sexual experimenting Lisa might have wanted to try with her
would have to remain within the confines of her own fantasies. In other
words, Lisa would not cheat on Kathleen because the opportunity had not
presented itself. Not a very pleasant thought.
Lisa�s mental journey returned to her first boyfriend Mike and their
break-up. As she re-examined her role in the break-up of their
relationship she wondered how much she really had loved him. She had
always thought that the reason she had broken up with him was because
she had changed in Chicago, while he had not. Now Lisa was forced to
re-examine herself. She realized that what had changed had not been her,
but instead her circumstances. The moment her environment changed and
her options opened up, she got bored with Mike and the restrictions the
relationship with him placed on her. The only reason she had not been
bored with him earlier was because her life did not give her many other
romantic options while still in high school. In reality her relationship
with Mike had been doomed from the start, although it took her nearly
five years to realize that. What he had to offer her was stability, and
stability was something that Lisa Campbell could not handle.
Lisa sat up and ran her fingers through her hair. What she had just
discovered about herself frightened her. Was she even capable of
maintaining a long-term relationship? What if she couldn�t, and was
condemned to spending her life going from lover to lover, hurting
everyone she came in contact with? If that was all she was good for,
then did she have any value as a human being at all?
She had to talk to someone. The only person who she could talk to in the
entire sorority was her Pledge Mistress. She took a deep breath and
nerved herself to go upstairs. She was fully aware that she was risking
being disciplined by being out of the pledge room without permission
after hours, but she would just have to take that risk. She had to talk.
Lisa nervously slipped into the quiet hallway of the sorority house,
hoping to find the Pledge Mistress in the office or the library. She
tried the office first, and to her huge relief saw Tracy sitting alone
in the room at the computer. Lisa nervously sank to her knees and
requested permission to speak.
�You can speak, Pledge, but I hope you have a real good reason being out
of your bed at this hour. If you don�t, the next thing you�ll be doing
is bringing me a strap out of the storeroom.�
Lisa swallowed and began trying to explain her inner struggles with her
relationships. To Tracy�s credit, as soon as she realized that Lisa was
trying to share something very important about a personal situation, her
entire demeanor changed. She put aside her Pledge Mistress fa�ade and
began speaking to Lisa in the same manner that a psychologist would use
with a patient. She asked Lisa some questions about her high school
experiences and her emotional dependence on Mike.
Very haltingly, Lisa continued by confessing everything that she had
felt over the past two weeks and her very confused state of mind. She
even admitted her fleeting attraction to her listener, expecting a harsh
reaction, but instead she just got more questions. Finally Tracy was
ready to share some of her opinions.
�Pledge Lisa, let�s break your feelings and your situation down person
by person. I think we can knock-off myself and Dr. Burnside from the
start. The deal with us is that, for you, we are authority figures. You
have to bust your ass making us happy, because if you don�t, we can make
your life miserable. Constantly having to put forth effort to please an
authority figure will invariably affect how you feel about that person.
You have to make a real effort to please us, and when you do manage to
please us it makes your life a lot easier. In other words, our mood
affects your life and sense of accomplishment. That�s going to affect
what you think about us, and it�s very easy for that feeling of
emotional dependency to get sexual. So that�s where you stand with me,
and presumably with Dr. Burnside.�
�I�uh�I 'spose so, ma�am.�
�As for the guys in the fraternity, yes, we will expect you to be open
to sexual exploration. But that�s part of the pledge program and is more
for your own knowledge than anything else. So that leaves four people in
your life that you need to be concerned about: Mike, Ken, Kathleen, and
Cherine.�
�Yes, ma�am.�
�Let�s eliminate a bit more. Mike�s in California and out of the
picture. Cherine�s also out of the picture, because you�ve told me
yourself there�s no way she�d be interested in you. That leaves just Ken
and Kathleen. Kind of simplifies things, doesn�t it?�
�Not really ma�am, �cause my attention�s going all over the place. It�s
like�I want whoever�s in front of me. I mean, what happened with Pledge
Cherine�I mean��
�Well, Pledge, you know what? I think your situation is a lot simpler
than what you think it is. It�s real simple, in fact.�
�I�don�t��
�Let me finish with my thoughts. Your short attention span in your
relationships is due to a lack of maturity in your personality. You
didn�t have a lot of excitement in high school and only one
relationship, so you don�t know how to balance your needs against those
of everyone who's close to you. You're extremely impulsive, and to me
that explains what's going on with your personal life and your sexual
whims. As for excitement, subconsciously you think you�re entitled to it
now, because you didn�t have it before. The problem with that mentality
is that you�re not thinking about the consequences of letting your
attention and sexual energy jump around so much. Not once did I hear you
say �I�m going to do what I can to overcome this, because if I don�t,
I�m gonna end up hurting myself and a whole bunch of other people.� Not
once did I hear that from you.�
�So you�re blaming me?�
�No, I�m not. I�m simply stating a fact. I think you've got this idea
that you�re going to simply indulge yourself, even though you know
perfectly well that you can�t. You don�t have that luxury, because too
many other people depend on you right now.�
Lisa stared straight ahead, not knowing how to respond. Finally Tracy
added:
�A minute ago, I said your situation was simple. I didn�t say it was
easy. Simple and easy are two totally different things.�
�Ma�am. I never wanted all this responsibility. This isn�t what I came
here for. I just wanted to get some experiences and find out who I am.�
�Yes, I remember that from your pledge packet. You came here to have
some fun, and to find out who you are and what you want. You�re now
starting to find that out, and it isn't what you expected. Maybe the
answer to your question is starting to get a bit scary, because you're
not quite who you thought you were. And as for the responsibility,
you're stuck with that. You've got commitments to the sorority and the
Economics Department, and more specifically, to Dr. Burnside and your
fellow pledges. And you'd better think long and hard before doing
anything that's going to hurt Pledge Kathleen or Pledge Ken."
"But, ma'am, Ken's out of my life."
"No, he isn't. You jumped to a conclusion about him, when what I was
telling you was to keep an open mind. You're still jumping to
conclusions about him, and you�d better knock it off. You don�t know
what�s going to happen with Ken. No one does, not even Ken himself. Now
here�s something else for you to consider. I know that in your own mind
you�ve used Ken�s confusion about his sexuality to justify some of your
own behavior. I suppose you think that Ken�s even more self-centered
than you are, which I admit he is. However, he�ll have to work through
his own issues with the Triple-A�s, just like you have to work through
yours with us. You have no business using his problems to justify your
own irresponsibility.�
A surge of anger and frustration swept over Lisa. Why was she getting
all the blame?
�Ma�am, how come you�re ripping into me like this, calling me
irresponsible? What is it that you want me to do?�
�I�m not ripping into you. I�m simply saying that you have an issue in
your life, something that I would consider a weakness of character.
You�ve identified it, and if you don�t want to hurt the people who care
about you, you�re gonna have to deal with it. That�s all I�m saying.�
Tracy stayed silent for a moment, giving Lisa a moment to think over
what she had just said. When Tracy realized that Lisa did not have any
more pending questions or comments, she shouted:
�PLEDGE! STAND UP!�
Lisa scrambled to her feet and was dismissed.
----------
Lisa went back downstairs with Tracy�s psychoanalysis still ringing in
her mind. The Pledge Mistress, in her usual blunt manner, had given Lisa
a new perspective about herself. It had not been what she wanted to
hear, but if Tracy was right, Lisa�s problems grew out of a single
weakness in her personality that she could combat, now that she had
identified it.
The conversation already had resolved an issue Lisa�s life by settling
her feelings towards Cherine. The temptation she had felt earlier in the
evening had passed. Cherine was off-limits and Lisa was able to accept
that.
Lisa�s feelings towards Kathleen also were settled, at least for the
time being. Lisa felt committed to giving Kathleen a decent
relationship, doing what she could to satisfy her needs, and using their
time together to help her lover build up her confidence and self
respect.
The difficulty facing Lisa (and Kathleen) was that Lisa was not lesbian.
She enjoyed sex with guys and usually men figured in her erotic
fantasies much more than women. Her attraction to Kathleen began not
because of sexual orientation, but because of the two women�s personal
circumstances and isolation from the outside world. Her attachment to
Kathleen was still much more emotional than sexual.
As for Kathleen, her emotional needs were quite clear. Her soul was
starved for affection and she needed someone to care about her. However,
her sexual needs were a different matter. Lisa suspected that she was in
the same situation as Ken, not sure what her sexual needs were. Lisa
knew that in high school she had been sexually active, but her partners
always had been the type who had taken advantage of her desperation for
love as an opportunity to have easy sex. Kathleen�s experiences with
guys were nothing but a collection of bitter memories of betrayals, and
as a result her perception of men was very warped. Kathleen hated young
men because nothing good had ever come out of them as far as she was
concerned. However, did that make Kathleen gay, or was she just
embittered against men due to her personal experiences? What would
happen if she did meet a guy who treated her decently?
Lisa pondered that question, because it was important for the future
direction of her own life. In spite of her relationship with Kathleen,
there was no way she wanted to give up sex and relationships with men.
That night she had resolved to stay loyal to Kathleen, but that loyalty
would only extend to encounters with other women. To deny herself the
pleasure of sex with men was to deny part of who she was, and Lisa
suspected that was not what Tracy wanted her to do.
The issue of men brought her thoughts back to Ken. Lisa realized that
she had been unfair to him, in spite of having plenty of reason to be
angry at his deception throughout the spring semester. Lisa wanted to
somehow atone for her unpleasant behavior and maintain a relationship
with him, even if they ended up as just friends. The next time she saw
him and had some time alone with him, somehow she would have to take the
initiative to make up for her recent nastiness
Lisa finally managed to go to sleep; satisfied that some of her
questions had been resolved. As for her other personal issues, at least
Tracy had helped her identify some of her weaknesses and now she could
confront them.
The Pledge Mistress - Chapter 19
