Back to Chapter 13
Chapter 14 - A day of hard lessons
Monday started just like any other weekday between classes. Tracy
entered the room with her usual:
�OK, sleeping beauties: UP�UP�UP! Let�s go�let�s go�let�s go!�
As usual, each pledge got a sharp slap on her bottom as she passed Tracy
to go upstairs for the morning PT.
The pledges began their day with stretching and the normal upper body
workout with the sophomores. There was the usual cooling off in the
pool, a shower, and the usual healthy breakfast. They cleaned up from
the meal while the sophomores left for the university. Heather left as
well, after reminding her charges that the routine would change somewhat
starting the next day because the new Tri-Alpha pledges would start
coming to the house and take over some of the chores.
At 9:30 a.m. Lisa and her companions knelt in the sitting room for a
day-long class to be given by President Alexandra. Pledge Mistress Tracy
was present as well, but only to assist the president with props and the
projector.
The first presentation was about the history of the Four-Beta pledging
experience. Alexandra emphasized that the pledges were part of a long
tradition that went clear back to 1926, when the sorority decided to
distinguish itself from other sororities and use a harsh hazing
philosophy to make sure the pledges really wanted to join.
Alexandra�s slide show contained numerous photos of sorority members and
pledges taken between 1926 and the present, with an emphasis on the
first decades of the sorority. Styles had come and gone, but the four
new pledges saw a lot of themselves in the faces of the young women who
had gone before them. Seeing the photos gave them a strange sense of
personal mortality. Decades before, those women in the black and white
pictures had been little different from the current generation, with the
same hopes and fears for the future. However, they had long since lived
out their lives and passed away. Lisa and her companions realized that
decades in the future they also would become little more than memories
in some future slide show presentation for a new generation of pledges.
Nothing more than a photo. That thought was rather scary.
The pledge program had developed since the 1920�s, but its basic purpose
had not changed much in the ensuing eight decades. From the very
beginning Four-Beta pledges had to undergo a rigorous personal
transformation to be eligible to join the sorority. During the 1920�s
and early 1930�s pledges had to bob their hair and be struck with the
riding crop on the shoulder on the very first day of pledging. One
detail that made the Lisa and her companions giggle was the original
Four-Beta pledge uniform. Before World War II, the pledge uniform
consisted of white drop-seat bloomers. The seat of the bloomers was cut
out, which meant the pledges always ran around the sorority house with
their bottoms and the backs of their upper thighs completely exposed,
but the rest of their bodies covered.
During the first two decades any junior or senior could discipline a
pledge. A metal washtub full of willow switches was kept by the back
door. If a pledge faced discipline she had to go to that tub, retrieve a
switch, dry it off, and return to her disciplinarian. She had to kneel
and hand over the switch, then stand up and put her hands on her ankles
until the punishment was finished. There were several pictures of early
pledges dressed in the drop-seat bloomers, and even through the grainy
black and white images switch marks were clearly visible on the bare
bottoms of some of the freshmen.
The Four-Beta pledging program underwent several important changes in
1946. That was the year that the sorority created the positions of
Pledge Mistress and Sergeant-at-Arms. From that point forward pledges
answered only to those two officers, instead of having to answer to any
senior member of the sorority. That also was the year when housing
developers filled in the pond from where the seniors were getting their
supply of willow switches. With its supply of willow switches cut off,
the sorority turned to using razor straps to discipline pledges,
provided by a member whose father was a barber. Tracy held up an old
razor strap and passed it to the pledges for a closer look. Finally,
1946 was the year the sorority replaced the pledge uniform of drop-seat
bloomers with open-back hospital gowns. The gowns exposed much more of
the pledges� bodies than the bloomers, because all of the drawstrings
except for the one at the very top were cut off. From the front pledges
were adequately covered, but from the back they were completely exposed,
especially if they had to lean forward or bend over.
The hospital gowns lasted until 1965. That year the Pledge Mistress
punished a pledge by strapping her, but then took her punishment a step
further by ordering her to remove her gown and burn it in the barbecue
pit. In an act of solidarity the other pledges stripped off their gowns
and burnt them as well. The entire group then bent over and insisted on
taking the same strapping their fellow pledge had taken. The Pledge
Mistress wore herself out disciplining the entire group and refused to
replace any of their gowns. As a result of their rebellion, the pledges
spent the rest of their time in the house that semester in the nude.
After a while the young women took a strange pride in their exposure,
since they were in their situation together and confronting the Pledge
Mistress as a team. The idea caught on and the incoming class of 1966
was the first group to spend the entire semester pledging completely in
the nude.
Alexandra expressed her clear admiration for the 1965 pledge group,
holding them up as an example of how pledges should behave. They refused
to let a member of their group be singled out for special punishment,
but rather than argue with the Pledge Mistress, they chose to stand with
their classmate and strip off their own gowns. What they did was in one
way an act of defiance, but on the other hand they had rebelled within
the rules laid out for them as pledges. Their group mate had to suffer,
and they insisted on suffering with her.
The chapter president ended her observation with a picture of the
infamous 1965 group, a black and white photo of 14 determined-looking
young women, all standing completely naked as they waited to be sworn-in
as full members of the sorority.
Alexandra moved on to the final change in the pledge program, one
brought about by the sexual revolution of the late 1960�s. Medical
education traditionally had been part of the sorority's training
program, and sexual education eventually became an extension of medical
education. Sexual health always had received priority as an orientation
topic, but in 1970 the Four-Beta Sorority decided to expand the medical
lessons into an aggressive and comprehensive program of sexual
instruction.
The first goal of the program was to completely separate the concept of
sex from substance use and popular culture. Rather than encourage its
members to either abstain or plunge blindly into the culture of "sex,
drugs, and rock & roll", the sorority insisted they "get all the facts"
before starting any sexual relationship. "Getting all the facts" meant
having an accurate idea of what sex really was, how to safely practice
it, how to maximize orgasms, and how to avoid pregnancy and venereal
disease. Above everything else was the goal of keeping sex in proper
perspective in a woman's life. By 1975 the Four-Beta sexual education
program had gone way beyond just memorizing facts out of books, by
encouraging the pledges to experience real orgasms under the supervision
of their instructors. Over time variants such as oral sex and erotic
discipline were added. The Tri-Alpha Fraternity developed their sexual
education program at the same time as the Four-Betas, and in 1982 the
sorority and fraternity formally merged their two programs into one.
"Everyone keeps calling us 'the sex bitches', but that's only because we
want you to know what's really going on with sex. Knowledge is power,
and to be honest I think that's what scares the other sororities. It
scares the fraternities even more, because the only guys who can handle
us are the Tri-Alphas."
----------
From the development of the pledge program Alexandra moved to discussing
significant events in the history of the Four-Betas. She discussed the
participation of the sorority�s first members in the suffragette
movement, the official founding of the Chicago chapter in 1925, and the
early members� service at soup kitchens during the Great Depression. She
continued with the biography of a member who became a nurse during World
War II and was killed during the London blitzkrieg, and finished off
with a list of women who had graduated and gone on to hold political
office or lead universities. Lisa recognized some of the names and was
quite impressed.
Alexandra backed up in time to display a picture of the 1947 pledge
group. It was a group photo of 18 young women in hospital gowns, but
there was something very significant about the picture. There was a
Japanese freshman standing with the others. Just two years after the end
of World War II, the sorority accepted a Japanese student as a member.
Five years later, in 1952, two sisters, Pearl and Violet Baker, joined
the sorority as its first black members.
�The Baker girls joined us more than 10 years before any of the other
sororities even thought about integrating. What was really great,
however, was the way it happened. At the end of the summer they simply
showed up at the front door and asked if they could join. The sorority
wasn�t trying to make any social statement; they simply took in the
Baker girls like they�d take in anyone else. Now you gotta remember,
this was 1952 that we�re talking about. Having the Baker sisters pledge
with us caused a real stink among the other sororities. We got boycotted
by everyone except the Tri-Alphas, and I think that whole experience
tested us and really helped set us apart. We�re different from the
others. We�ve always been different.�
Alexandra put up a group portrait of the 1952 pledges standing in their
hospital gowns. Standing among the group were Pearl and Violet with very
nervous but determined expressions. Another picture, taken in 1956,
showed Pearl and Violet standing in formal gowns among the graduating
seniors.
----------
The pledges took a break to stretch and eat lunch before re-joining
Alexandra and Tracy in the sitting room. The next presentation was
titled:
In case you are wondering: why are you naked and why are we being so
rough on you?
Alexandra answered that question with her next words:
�The reason you are naked right now is the same reason we dressed
pledges in bottomless bloomers in 1926. The outfit may be different, but
its purpose is the same. We believe you need to give us a gesture of
humility as pledges. The right to wear clothing again, just like
membership, is something you have to earn. We won't be giving you
anything, you have to earn it. Just like me, Pledge Mistress Tracy, and
every other member of this house, you�ll have to earn everything you
get. You will suffer, you will be scared and pissed-off, you will be
tired, and your body will be subjected to both real pain and real
pleasure. You have to be tested in order to make you a person worthy of
respect. When we push you, challenge you, or punish you, that's what
we're after, making you someone worthy to join us. We expect you to obey
us, but we also want to transform you. If you make that transformation,
four years from now one of you will be standing where I am right now."
So, why pledge in the nude? The president explained that the practice of
naked pledging was a crash-course in killing any modesty or personal
inhibitions. The Four-Beta pledge program considered eliminating modesty
from prospective members top priority, because modesty was a holdover
from a time during which religion suppressed women�s aspirations.
The pledge program of the sorority and its associated fraternity openly
confronted religious reasoning concerning modesty. Most religions argue
that the body and its needs and desires are evil and impediments to
spiritual development. The Tri-Alphas and the Four-Betas argued exactly
the opposite; that unless a person first satisfied the needs of �the
temple of the body�, there was no point in seeking spiritual
development. Every person�s soul was given a body, and it was the duty
of the soul to take care of that body before taking care of itself. The
argument was that if the body was denied the care and sexual pleasure it
needed and deserved, the soul became damaged. The damaged soul sought to
satiate itself with material wealth and possessions, but acquiring those
possessions never resulted in happiness because the basic needs of the
body were still being denied.
Therefore, in order to free herself from the repressive past, a member
of the sorority had to openly reject modesty. If a woman could be open
and comfortable with her body, it would be much easier to reject all
other efforts by society to suppress her intellect. The sorority
considered constantly being naked a necessary first step in radical
re-education away from a sexually repressed culture that drowned a
person�s true needs with materialism.
Pledges completing the program always finished very different than when
they started. They returned to wearing normal clothes in public simply
because that was what society demanded of them, but in private and among
each other there was very little distinction between being dressed and
being naked. Lisa noticed that total lack of inhibitions the first day
she was in the sorority, a complete casualness about what each person in
the house chose to wear or not wear. There were several sorority members
who were a lot like her, who never bothered to put anything on unless
they had to go out. If there were guests in the house, that made no
difference to them. They could calmly sit down in the nude and have a
conversation just as easily as they could have a conversation if they
were dressed.
That detail of sorority life very much appealed to Lisa. She knew that
once she became a full member she would be one of those residents who
casually went about her daily routine without ever bothering to get
dressed. If Kathleen remained her lover she would expect the same from
her. Whenever in the house she would expect Kathleen to set aside any
remaining modesty and remain undressed out of principle.
----------
The pledges ate dinner with the sophomores. Following dinner Tracy took
them back to the sitting room and ordered them to set up for a formal
presentation to be given in the evening. The setup included President
Alexandra�s speaking podium and 40 folding chairs set up in rows.
Another row of six chairs was set up behind the speaker�s podium, where
the officers of the Tri-Alpha fraternity would be sitting. Finally Tracy
ordered the pledges to clean up and brush their teeth, then return
upstairs for a formal presentation.
The sorority members filed in and took their seats in the chairs. The
seniors sat in the front, followed by juniors and the sophomores in the
back. The pledges knelt on the floor in front of the seniors. Sitting in
a chair during a formal event, just like wearing clothing, was a
privilege they would enjoy only after being sworn in as full members.
The doorbell rang and one of the juniors let in the six officers from
the Tri-Alpha Fraternity. The men handed a list to the Four-Beta
president and took their seats. Lisa noticed Vice-President Jacob and
Pledge Cherine flirting with each other as they exchanged looks.
Alexandra began by briefly reciting the tradition of the sorority and
fraternity participating in each other�s pledging responsibilities and
in hazing new members. As of the next day the Tri-Alphas would be
swearing in six prospective new members. Tracy dimmed the lights and
turned on a projector while Alexandra named the six new male pledges and
showed their pictures to the audience. She gave brief biographies of the
six young men, their interests, and finally some information about their
sexual orientation and sexual fantasies.
Lisa felt a pang of emotion when Ken�s picture was displayed. It was
very strange to hear her boyfriend�s biography given in Alexandra�s
matter-of-fact tone along with the others. She held her breath when
Alexandra approached the topic of his sexual orientation, grateful that
Tracy had warned her about what was coming. Sure enough, Alexandra
stated that Ken had described himself as bi-sexual. He had indicated
that he wanted to experiment having sexual contact with other men, given
that he already had experimented with women. Among his expectations for
joining the Tri-Alphas was to finally determine his orientation. He
needed to settle in his own mind once and for all whether he should
focus on gay relationships or straight relationships.
Alexandra added: �Due to Pledge Ken�s sexual situation, his medical
examination will be conducted by male examiners. If he needs to be
masturbated, my guess is that will be by males as well. I ask, however,
that you respect Pledge Ken in the same way you would respect any other
pledge. Ken has a journey in life to fulfill just like the rest of us,
and given the struggle in his own mind, that journey will be more
difficult than what most of us have to deal with.�
Alexandra did not mention anything about Ken being Lisa�s ex-boyfriend,
for which she was grateful. Lisa wondered how she should deal with him
once she saw him in the sorority house. Her thoughts ranged from
tormenting him as much as possible, to ignoring him completely, to
making him watch her flirt with Kathleen. As tempting as the idea of
making him watch her flirt with Kathleen, Lisa realized that would be a
very bad idea. Tracy had told her that under no circumstances should she
make any type of public spectacle out of the relationship, but also Lisa
realized that to use Kathleen to make Ken jealous would be a betrayal of
her trust. So, that left her with the options of constantly beating the
crap out of Ken or ignoring him entirely.
Finally she decided to ignore Ken as long as he didn�t say anything to
her. The moment he did try to talk to her, Lisa would teach him the real
meaning of the word �hazing�, and do what she could to totally humiliate
him.
----------
When the meeting ended and the Tri-Alpha officers left, Tracy ordered
the pledges to fold up the chairs and put the sitting room back in
order. Lisa noticed that Cherine seemed to be in a particularly bad
mood, probably from having Jacob so close to her without being able to
talk to him or interact with him. Cherine�s bad mood became more evident
when Lisa told her to move some of the folding chairs and she let out a
disgusted sigh. Tracy came back into the room just as Cherine banged
several of the chairs together as she tried to pick them up. Instead of
taking two chairs at a time and making several trips, Cherine tried to
pick up all eight of the chairs in the row at once. Of course she was
not capable of carrying that many, so the chairs fell back to the floor
with a loud crash. Tracy became clearly irritated.
�Pledge, what hell are you doing?�
Cherine, instead of answering Tracy�s question, rolled her eyes and
reached down to pick up the chairs.
The pledge mistress was on her in an instant, directing the full force
of her wrath on the unfortunate freshman. She stuck her face in
Cherine�s face and snarled:
�Look here, PLEDGE! You do NOT roll your eyes around me!�
She jabbed her finger hard into Cherine�s chest.
�You do NOT roll your eyes around any officer! That is nothing but total
disrespect, and I resent it!�
Again Cherine suffered another sharp poke to the chest.
�I�I��
�And you do NOT talk out of turn, Pledge! You know what you just did?
You just pissed me off!�
She turned to the other three pledges:
�All of you, front-leaning rest position! Now!�
The four young women scrambled to comply.
�In cadence, EXERCISE! ONE�TWO�THREE��
�One!�
�ONE�TWO�THREE��
�Two!�
�ONE�TWO�THREE��
Heather poked her head in the doorway to see what was going on. She and
Tracy exchanged nods and Heather briefly disappeared as the pledges
continued doing pushups. Lisa glanced at the doorway with apprehension.
Sure enough, Heather returned to the room carrying two leather straps
and a set of handcuffs. She gave the handcuffs and one strap to Tracy,
but kept the second strap for herself.
�Pledge Cherine! STAND UP!�
�Yes, ma�am!�
Tracy lost no time ordering Cherine to put her hands out in front to
cuff them. She grabbed the trembling freshman by the wrist and led her
to a table that Heather had pulled out into the center of the room.
Cherine bent over the table and grabbed the far end with her hands.
Tracy tapped the insides of her thighs to force them apart.
�Tilt your butt up so we can all see it! Now�here�s a question for you!
How�d you like your three friends to get it too? Would you like that?�
�No ma�am!�
�Then you will not move until I�m done! You move, and all four of you
are getting it!�
Tracy put her face next to Cherine�s and rolled her eyes.
�How do you like that, Pledge? You like it when I roll my eyes?�
�No, ma�am. I don�t like it.�
While Tracy was positioning Cherine on the table, Heather was busy
tormenting the three pledges still in the front-leaning rest position on
the floor. She tapped the strap she was holding in the palm of her hand.
�You three better get your backs straight! I didn�t say anything about
you relaxing!�
Lisa tried to straighten up, but it was too late�
CRACK!
A painful smack exploded across her unprotected backside.
�I told you to straighten up, Pledge!�
�Yes, ma�am!�
CRACK!
Lisa struggled to stay quiet as the burning from the two strokes mounted
in her bottom.
�OK, you three, in cadence, EXERCISE! ONE�TWO�THREE��
�One!�
�ONE�TWO�THREE��
�Two!�
�ONE�TWO�THREE��
It wasn�t long before the strength gave out in the three pledges� arms
and they could barely support their weight. Their bodies trembled and
their arms shook as they tried to continue doing push-ups. As their arms
weakened they knew better than to allow themselves to collapse on the
floor. Their only alternative was to relieve the pressure on their arms
by pushing their bottoms into the air. However, every time one of the
pledges pushed her backside up, the response from Heather was a painful
smack. The pledge cried out and tried to straighten herself out as best
she could. Heather admonished them:
�Anyone who drops to the floor will be getting the full treatment along
with Pledge Cherine. Get it?�
�Yes, ma�am!�
�Now keep your backs straight!�
CRACK!
Bernadette let out a yelp as the thick leather marked the pale skin of
her trembling bottom. She straightened up as best she could as Heather
menacingly tapped the strap in her hand.
While Heather tired out Lisa, Kathleen, and Bernadette doing push-ups,
Tracy patiently waited next to Cherine. She tormented the frightened
pledge by gently rubbing the strap on her bare bottom to raise her
anxiety. Finally she was ready to start punishing the young freshman
extended over the table. She positioned herself, tapped Cherine�s dark
bottom one final time, and twisted back�
CRACK!!!
Lisa flinched in sympathy, in spite of the burning from Heather�s two
swats and the physical discomfort from trying to stay in the
front-leaning rest position.
CRACK!!!
Tracy paused between the second and third swat to gently rub the burning
skin of her trembling victim with her free hand. She tapped Cherine�s
bottom with the leather and twisted back a third time:
CRACK!!!
Tears began running down the pledge�s cheeks after just three swats, but
she struggled to stay quiet. She bit her lip and pressed her forehead
against the tabletop as she waited for the fourth stroke�
CRACK!!!
Again Tracy paused to pass her hand over Cherine�s dark bottom. Already
her skin was swollen and hot to the touch, after just four swats. Good,
thought Tracy to herself. Looks like my little lesson in manners is
starting to sink in. Tracy repositioned herself, tapped the freshman
with the strap, and struck hard a fifth time.
CRACK!!!
Tracy continued to wait between swats and casually rub Cherine�s bottom.
Following Ruth Burnside�s advice, she punished her charge at a very
leisurely pace, letting the passage of time and the painful anticipation
wear down her victim�s resistance. As she remained bent over in agony,
Cherine actually wished Tracy would hit her and get closer to finishing
her torment. Instead the Pledge Mistress casually patted and rubbed her
bottom and walked around admiring her attractive figure.
The waiting was very hard not only on Cherine, but also on her three
companions who remained in stuck the front-leaning rest position. They
desperately struggled to keep their backs straight and avoid additional
swats from Heather. Kathleen took a stroke when she moved her bottom up,
and then Bernadette took a couple of strokes.
Staying in the front-leaning rest was hardest on Lisa, however. Her tall
body was not suited to hold that position for an extended time. Her arms
shook and her back ached as the minutes slowly went by and Cherine�s
punishment seemed no closer to ending. She dared not let her knees touch
the floor, so every so often she had to push her bottom up to relieve
the stress on her lower back. Every time she pushed up her bottom,
Heather gave it a vicious swat with the strap. Every time Lisa
straightened her body, her lower back started throbbing.
Finally Lisa decided to sacrifice her bottom to save her lower back. She
pushed up and felt yet another painful swat, but did not bother to go
back down. Heather struck hard several more times. Finally Lisa couldn�t
stand the swats anymore and straightened herself. Instantly her back
started throbbing. Tears started running down her cheeks, not just from
the increasing physical pain, but from the fact her suffering seemed no
closer to ending.
Cherine remained as quiet as possible as she withstood Tracy�s
slow-paced punishment. At that moment she totally hated the Pledge
Mistress. All she did was roll her eyes, and just for that she was being
so viciously treated? For that simple gesture her companions were being
so cruelly treated? And yet, she was determined to finish what she
started. She would deal with her punishment as bravely as possible and
ignore what was happening to the others. Unless she was willing to quit
the pledging program (which she wasn�t) there wasn�t anything she could
do for her companions, just like there wasn�t anything they could do for
her. Her only choice was to endure her ordeal in silence and hope to get
through it.
CRACK!!!�CRACK!!!�CRACK!!!�
Tracy delivered a total of 25 swats. Nearly 20 minutes had gone by
before she finally set the strap on the table. During that entire time
Cherine managed not to make any noise or move. When Tracy told her to
�recover� she stood up with difficulty and the tears were running down
her face. However, she had taken her punishment very well. Her stoicism
impressed the Pledge Mistress.
As soon as Cherine struggled to push herself off the table and Tracy
unlocked her handcuffs, Heather ordered her three subjects to �recover�
as well. Bernadette and Kathleen seemed not much the worse for their
experience. However, Lisa was in bad shape, with her back aching and her
bottom covered with painful welts. The pledge�s expression indicated she
had come very close to being broken. Heather realized that she had found
Lisa�s weak point; apparently she couldn�t handle pressure on her lower
back.
The two officers ordered the pledges to stand at attention. Tears
continued to run down the faces of Lisa and Cherine while Tracy gave
them a long lecture about the need to always show respect.
Even after so cruelly punishing Cherine and nearly breaking Lisa, Tracy
was still incensed over the eye-rolling incident. The pledges realized
that eye-rolling was a pet peeve of the Pledge Mistress, a trivial
gesture that really set off her temper. She poked Cherine in the chest
and snarled:
�Don�t you EVER roll your eyes at me again, Pledge! If you ever pull
that shit on me a second time, I will cane you! If you think the strap
hurt, wait �till you feel the cane! GET IT?�
�Yes, ma�am!�
Upon being released the pledges resumed cleaning the sitting room.
Cherine sullenly picked up the chairs to put away. She carried them out
of the room two at a time and was very careful not to bang them.
----------
The pledges were quiet as they went downstairs for the night, each one
full of doubts about whether or not she should continue with her effort
to join the sorority. Finally Lisa spoke up:
�I guess we should�ve seen this coming. I mean, they kept warning us it
was gonna be rough.�
None of the others said anything. Lisa took a deep breath and continued:
�A couple of things to remember. We�we can�t hold any of this against
Tracy. Or Heather. They�re just doing their jobs. They�they�ve been
doing the same thing since 1926.�
Cherine snapped:
�She�s a fucking bitch! She�s just a worthless, psychotic,
mean-spirited��
�She isn�t! I know I sound crazy telling you this, but I know for a fact
she�s not! She�I mean...I can�t believe I�m saying this�but...she
actually does care about us. It�s just that�she�s gotta follow the
rules.�
Tears began running down Cherine's face again. Lisa tried to reassure
her.
"And don't blame yourself. It's not your fault. None of this is your
fault. This is...I guess...what they're doing...it's sort of like Basic
Training. They're gonna fuck with us no matter what. We could be a group
of perfect goddesses and they'd still fuck with us. It's just the way it
is."
Cherine nodded. Lisa exchanged glances with the others. The crisis was
passing, but that was mostly because the pledges were getting too tired
to think about anything else besides sleeping.
"Come on. Let's get some rest. Tomorrow the Triple A's are bringing over
their new guys and it's us who'll get to mess with them."
----------
Once she was sure the others were asleep, Lisa afforded herself a small
luxury. She broke down and for a long time quietly lay crying in her
cot. She was convinced she couldn't let the others see her break down,
because she felt her companions looked up to her and to see her cry
would disillusion them. They were asleep, so now Lisa could express her
real emotions, even if only to herself.
She had to be strong for the others, but she wondered: could she be
strong enough for her own needs? Could she really make it through an
entire summer of this pledging crap? Three months of not letting her
doubts and weaknesses show to the others? Could she really do it?
The Pledge Mistress - Chapter 15
