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Chapter 11 - A very serious commitment
Lisa decided to rinse off and brush her teeth before settling on her cot
for the night. She showered as quietly as possible to avoid waking the
other pledges, shaved her armpits, legs, and pelvis, and finally brushed
her teeth as she looked at herself in the mirror. Her face was tired,
but apart from that she felt that she looked pretty good considering
everything she had been through over the past four days.
She took a closer look at her cheeks to check for signs of blemishes.
She was very mindful of blackheads, because she had endured a rather
severe period of acne during her first years in high school. Sure
enough, after nearly a week of not having time to attend to her face,
she found several sizable ones that needed to be pinched out of her
cheeks. Once that task was completed, Lisa soaped her face and rinsed
off. She looked at her reflection again. The pinch marks would fade in a
couple of minutes and her appearance would return to normal, minus the
offending blackheads.
Lisa was quite attractive, but that had not always been true. As a
teenager she had been too tall and too skinny, her teeth covered in
braces, and her face and shoulders covered with painful pimples. As she
thought about her previous appearance, her thoughts returned to Mike,
her old boyfriend from high school. When she contemplated her past she
always thought about him, because in Lisa�s life her time in high school
and her time with Mike went together. He was the one person in high
school who was nice to her before her appearance blossomed, her only
source of fun and social interaction for nearly four years. Yes, it was
true that he was a bit controlling and way too serious, but he was kind
to her most of the time and, anyhow, her appearance denied her any other
options. When her braces came off, her figure filled out, and her acne
receded, Mike continued to be constantly at her side during her senior
year in school. It seemed that he was destined to reap the benefits of
his kindness and patience and stay with her.
That certainty came to an abrupt end with the young couple failed to get
into the university they wanted and decided to study out of state. They
left California to study in Chicago, which at the time seemed a very
logical thing for them to do. However, they could not have foreseen that
the change of environment and personal circumstances very quickly would
force them apart.
Lisa�s exposure to a new city and new people began making her less
interested in her boyfriend. Her tense relationship with Cecilia
Sanchez, who was simultaneously a friend and a rival, forced Lisa to
become much more assertive in her own personality and actions. Lisa�s
relationships with the other residents of her dorm floor also forced her
to be more assertive, because Cecilia drafted her to tutor several
freshmen who were struggling in their classes. Lisa became used to
giving instructions and orders. Over time she was much less willing to
take orders herself.
Another part of her life that brought about a change in her personality
was Lisa�s relationship with the other two members of her small social
group, Jason and Ken. Cecilia�s dominance of her boyfriend Jason
fascinated Lisa, as did the apparent willingness of Ken to experiment
with his sexuality. Seeing the other two guys close-up made Lisa aware
of other sexual possibilities besides Mike.
Lisa�s feelings towards her former boyfriend and what she wanted in her
sexual life began to change as the result of a single incident, a game
of strip Poker that she played back in September with Mike, Jason, and
Ken. Lisa easily won and ended up in a dorm room with three naked guys.
That night her imagination ran wild as she made Jason and Ken submit to
penalties; forcing them to pose for pictures, then ordering them go
streaking across the university to the Student Center and back. The real
fun, however, was when she made Ken do an extra penalty. She put her
nude friend over her lap and gave him a spanking. She completely enjoyed
the experience, having a naked guy over her lap while she slapped the
hell out of him. Lisa was having some real fun as she punished Ken, more
naughty fun than she ever had enjoyed in her life. What was interesting
was that Ken enjoyed the spanking as well. Lisa discovered something
sexual that she really enjoyed doing.
What ruined the evening for Lisa was Mike. While she was cavorting with
Ken and Jason, Mike was becoming increasingly jealous and pissed-off. At
the time she felt bad and was desperate to make it up to him, but deep
inside she resented not being able to pursue her fantasies because of
her damn boyfriend. That seed of resentment, planted that night
following the Poker game, secretly grew inside Lisa�s soul as the
semester progressed.
Mike is so fucking serious and boring. He�s got no imagination at all.
He doesn�t have a clue about having any fun�
Shortly after the first Poker game there was another event that changed
Lisa�s personality and made her feel even more restricted by her
relationship with Mike, her participation in the Tri-Alpha nude 10-K
campus run. The run was the result of a second strip-Poker game, one set
up by Cecilia for a specific purpose. Cecilia wanted to get some
residents from her floor to participate in the race, and decided to use
a Poker game to recruit her friends into running. In playing Cecilia was
taking a risk, because she was no better at Poker than Lisa and the two
women stayed tied almost right up to the end. However, ultimately Lisa
made a couple of mistakes as the game was about to wrap up and it was
she, not Cecilia, who lost and had to join the guys in the running
event.
At first Lisa and Mike were mortified at the thought of running naked
for 10 kilometers in front of 50,000 university students, professors,
and alumni. However, Lisa�s attitude completely changed when she
actually managed to win the women�s division of the race. She cheerfully
posed nude for hundreds of pictures and realized that she enjoyed being
naked in public. Just as the first Poker game unlocked Lisa�s secret
sexual desires; the 10-K race unlocked her exhibitionist personality.
From that point forward she changed her wardrobe and dressed very
provocatively, always wearing as little as she could without risking
arrest for indecent exposure. Lisa�s new manner of dressing made Mike
very uncomfortable, because her attractive and mostly uncovered body got
plenty of attention from everyone on campus.
As the fall semester progressed Lisa became more and more impatient with
anything Mike did. The biggest problem for her was their sexual
relationship. Mike always made love the exact same way, always between
8:00 p.m. and 9:00 p.m. and always took the same amount of time to
climax. Try as she could, Lisa could not get him to experiment with any
new positions, let alone explore foreplay or any variation such as oral
sex or anal intercourse. Finally, by December boredom set in and Lisa
began fantasizing about having sex with other guys. She later realized
that by the end of the first semester the breakup with Mike was probably
inevitable.
Even so, there were plenty of times that Lisa still missed him. He was
smart, politically aware, and could answer almost any question she had
about the world. Sometimes she had to keep reminding herself why they
had broken up. They had gone their separate ways not over jealousy, or
betrayal, or any other dramatic reason, but simply because the time for
their relationship had come and gone. The first few months of college
changed Lisa, but did not change Mike. As Lisa became more outgoing and
more confident she got bored. He was smart enough to see what was
happening, and after just one semester decided to go back to California
and take Lisa with him. Lisa had no desire to go back, Chicago suited
her just fine.
They went home together and had a very tense Christmas dinner at her
mother's house in Santa Cruz. The break-up happened the day after
Christmas. Mike told Lisa that he had re-applied to study in Berkeley
and this time expected to get in. In the meantime he would take
community college classes in Santa Cruz. He told Lisa to resubmit her
application as well, since he knew one of the employees in the
admissions office and was sure it would be accepted. Lisa responded:
�That�s real nice, except there�s one problem. I don�t want to go to
Berkeley. And I don�t want to sit on my ass taking community college
classes until next fall. Fuck that!�
�Well, I don�t want to go back to Chicago. I�ve told you that several
times, and it doesn�t seem you�re listening.�
�Who said anything about you going back to Chicago? I never said you
needed to go back there! You can do whatever you want, but don�t you go
making arrangements for my life behind my back! You can go to Berkeley,
or Santa Cruz, or wherever the fuck else you want to go, but I�m going
back to Chicago! Tell your friend in the admissions department to take
my application and stick it up his ass!�
��and so you don�t give a damn about our future? About me or anything I
want? You�re telling me that Chicago�s more important than I am?�
�That�s right, Mike. That�s exactly what I�m telling you. Chicago�s more
important to me than you are.�
Mike�s expression changed. He looked dazed, as if he had been hit over
the head with a rock. He didn�t know what how to respond, because he had
not expected Lisa to be so blunt with him.
One of Mike�s good points was that he was never willing to do anything
that he thought would humiliate himself. He had backed himself into a
corner, leaving only two options. He could cave in, beg Lisa to forgive
him, and meekly return to Chicago, or get up and leave with the
understanding they were breaking up. Either way, as far as Lisa was
concerned the relationship had ended. Mike realized that as well, and
did the one thing he could to salvage what was left of his dignity.
Without saying another word he walked out, knowing that he was leaving
behind the girl he had dated for the past four years.
Lisa was relieved to see Mike go. He would have disappointed her had he
done anything else, because his stubbornness was one part of his
character that she admired. They had drifted apart and broken up, but in
spite of everything, Mike managed to keep her respect. She couldn�t
share her life with him, but at least she could continue to respect him.
----------
Less than two weeks later Ken had replaced Mike as Lisa's sexual
partner. They began as a couple on a bitterly cold January day, after he
picked up her from the airport and listened to her complaints about her
breakup with Mike. They later went shopping to pick up some textbooks. A
day that stated out as a simple shopping trip ended with a bet, a strip
Poker game, a spanking, and a night in bed.
That was the beginning of Lisa's second relationship, one about as
different from her first relationship as possible. She ended up with a
boyfriend who was totally unsure of himself, could not match her
intellectually, and who she was not particularly proud of. However he
did the one thing Mike couldn't do; he satisfied her sexual desires.
Physically she was happy for the entire spring semester, as her body
reveled in one new sexual experience after another. It was with Ken, not
Mike, that Lisa learned how satisfying, and addictive, good sex truly
could be.
Now Ken was drifting into Lisa's past as well. She wondered...maybe she
had gone to far with the beatings, that maybe she been too rough on him
without realizing it. Or maybe he just needed a break. Or maybe he
really was gay. Anyhow, as Lisa saw it, it really no longer mattered
because Ken wasn't her problem anymore.
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The front door opened upstairs and Lisa heard multiple pairs of feet
come into the entryway. Instantly water started running and toilets
started flushing as the sorority members piled into the bathrooms and
got ready for bed. I guess I'd better get to bed too, thought Lisa to
herself. Stupid me. The one night I have a chance to get some extra
sleep and here I am looking at myself in the mirror and popping zits
instead.
----------
The next morning Lisa had two surprises. First, she was woken by a very
quiet tap on the shoulder. It was Tracy. When Lisa saw what Tracy was
wearing she was startled wide awake. Tracy was dressed in Army BDU's
(Battle Dress Uniform).
"Don't be so shocked, Pledge. I'm a Reservist and I got drill today.
They're picking me up in a few minutes, but before I go, you and me
gotta talk."
Lisa rolled off her cot and got on her knees.
"Not here. Follow me to the library. And don't make any noise, 'cause I
don't want to wake the others."
Lisa followed Tracy into the library. Tracy closed the door and sat
down. Her normal severe appearance was made even more so by her
no-nonsense uniform. Her BDU's were immaculate and her boots perfectly
shined. Lisa noticed three stripes on her collar, indicating she already
was a sergeant. There were several patches on her shoulders and chest,
but not being familiar with the military, Lisa didn�t know their
meaning.
Lisa knelt, already concerned that the topic of the conversation was not
going to be pleasant. The Pledge Mistress got right to the point.
"Pledge, I'm gonna ask you, and you'd better be honest with me, what you
did last night."
"I went outside in the backyard for a bit, and...Pledge Kathleen joined
me, and we...spent some time together."
"Having sex?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"Where?"
"By the pool, ma'am, on one of the chaise lounges. I mean...I didn't
think there'd be a problem, 'cause everyone was gone."
"By the pool. Alright, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. Now, another
question. Do you remember the advice I gave you about Pledge Kathleen?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"What was that advice, Pledge?"
"To not rush into anything, ma'am."
"And you chose not to follow my advice."
Lisa felt an overwhelming need to try to explain, but what on earth was
she going to say? Finally she simply responded:
"No ma'am. I decided not to follow your advice."
�And you think you made the right decision?�
�Probably not, ma�am.�
�Now, another question. Do you love Pledge Kathleen? Do you know what
you feel for her?�
�I�I don�t know, ma�am. If you want me to be honest, I don�t really know
what I feel for her. I mean�I feel something for her�but I don�t know
what, not really��
�What about her? Do you know what she feels towards you?�
�She�s in love with me, ma�am.�
�Alright�that�s what I thought. At least you�re being honest with me and
that�ll make this a bit easier.�
Tracy took a deep breath and continued: �Pledge Lisa, I�m about to do
something, that if you tell anyone, is going to get both of us kicked
out of the sorority. I have to do it, because you need to understand
what you�ve just gotten yourself into and how I expect you to handle it.
I need to talk to you about Pledge Kathleen. Get up off your knees and
sit in that chair. For a few minutes we�ll put the pledging stuff
aside.�
�Yes, ma�am.�
Lisa sat in the chair opposite Tracy. The Pledge Mistress, meanwhile,
pulled out Kathleen�s folder.
�I�m gonna guess that you don�t know much about Pledge Kathleen�s past,
do you?�
�No ma�am, not really.�
�Well, I do. I have her pledge packet and the answers to the questions
about her life that she put in here. I�ve interviewed her and have that
information in here as well. But I�m also a psychology major, so I know
a lot more about her than she realizes, and probably some things she
doesn�t know about herself.�
Tracy paused to let her last comment sink in and continued.
�Pledge Kathleen had a pretty rotten time in high school. Her life
really sucked because she never developed any social skills. She didn�t
have any friends, and whatever boyfriends she had left her as soon as
they screwed her. Nothing she tried ever worked out, and she considered
herself the laughing stock of the school. She did participate in track,
but even that didn�t help her social situation any. She never went to
any parties or dances, and her experiences with guys left her totally
bitter. She even got stood up for the Senior Prom. The point is, none of
her classmates ever treated her decently, and she could never figure out
why.�
�Well, ma�am, I kinda had the same thing when I was in school��
�No, you didn�t. Not like Pledge Kathleen. You had a boyfriend, and from
what you�ve told us your senior year was OK. Pledge Kathleen�s senior
year was not OK. Her life never got any better. Yours did.�
�Yes, ma�am. I �spose my senior year, at least, wasn�t so bad��
�Anyhow, my reading of her situation is that Pledge Kathleen joined the
Four-Betas for two reasons. First, she�s going to go nuts if she can�t
become part of a social group, have normal human interaction, and be
accepted as part of something larger than herself. Our sorority is so
different from anything she�s used to that she�s hoping we might be able
to fill that need in her life. Second, she totally hates herself and
wants to change who she is. She�s with us because she needs to make a
break with her past.�
�The point is that right now she�s scared, stressed out, starved for
affection, and has very low self-esteem. She�s got no self-confidence
whatsoever, and so, guess what? It�s inevitable, especially in a
situation as stressful as what you guys are dealing with, that a person
with her psychological makeup is going to become emotionally dependent
on another person. I knew, when we took her in, that�s what was gonna
happen. I figured she�d focus on either me or Sergeant-at-Arms Heather.
Had it been one of us, we were prepared to deal with it. Instead, you�ve
just selected yourself.�
�But�I mean�I��
�Let me continue. I want you to understand that you�ve taken on
something much bigger than you realize, because you�ve just made
yourself the focus of all her emotional needs. Pledge Kathleen is very
fragile psychologically and because of that you have a very serious
commitment on your hands.�
�But�ma�am�how do you know��
�Simple, because I�ve studied it. There are several technical names for
her situation, but basically what Pledge Kathleen has is a condition
called �non-verbal communication disorder�. Her brain is not wired like
an average person�s brain, because the only way she can learn things is
through rote-memory. The nuances of non-verbal communication and body
language are not something she�s capable of picking up. She won�t
understand anything unless you actually tell it to her or she reads it.
A person like Pledge Kathleen does just fine in class, because our
educational system relies on rote-memorization. They tend not to do so
well in real life.�
�Her brain�s reliance on rote-memory is the reason she had such a
miserable time in high school, because she never developed any social
skills. Her condition went undiagnosed and she did not get the
counseling and training she needed to lead a normal life as a teenager.
It is possible for someone like her to have a normal social life, but
they have to be taught certain things that the rest of us simply pick up
on our own. She never got that training, so the only thing she took away
from high school was a bunch of rejections and traumatic memories.�
�But�I didn�t mean to�I mean�things between us just kinda happened��
�It�s not really your fault, Pledge, and I�m not blaming you. Unless
you�ve studied psychology or psychiatry, there�s no way you�re gonna
know. But the point is; I�m committed to pulling Pledge Kathleen out of
the rut she�s fallen into, and now you�re committed to helping me. She
needs to feel that she belongs and that someone truly cares about her.
If we can get her to successfully pledge and be accepted into the
sorority, that�ll go a long way to helping her overcome all the
rejection she suffered in high school. That�s another thing. In spite of
whatever I might say to her at the moment, I have every intention that
she will complete the pledge program and join the sorority. But that�s a
secret between you and me. You are not to tell her what I just told
you.�
�No, ma�am. I won�t say anything. You have my word on that.�
�Thanks. Pledge Kathleen will need lots of attention, affection, and
emotional support to get through the summer and that support�s gonna
have to come from you. I can�t really provide it because of my duty as
pledge mistress. You can, because you�re her lover. I�m holding you
responsible to keeping her happy and motivated. It�s important, because
the future of her life will be determined by what happens to her over
the next three months.�
�Yes, ma�am.�
�There�s something else. You and I did not have this conversation. I�ve
broken a bunch of rules by having you in here, talking to you like
normal person, and discussing someone else�s confidential information.
I�ve just put a lot of trust in you. You understand that, right?�
�Yes ma�am.�
�PLEDGE, STAND UP!�
Lisa quickly rose to her feet and stood at attention.
�You are dismissed, Pledge. Wake up the others and have them out by the
pool area for upper body PT. Bring your shoes and a towel. You won�t
need your PT uniforms.�
�Yes, ma�am!�
With that Tracy headed for the front door. As she passed the doorway she
put on her cap. She struck a very imposing figure as she crisply walked
down the driveway in her military uniform. She got into a car with three
other Reservists and they drove off.
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Lisa went back downstairs. She looked at her three companions, but was
reluctant to get them up. She took a closer look at Kathleen's sleeping
face, which looked younger and much more relaxed now that she was
asleep.
She's my responsibility, thought Lisa to herself. She's my problem and
I'm the one who's got to take care of her. What the fuck have I gotten
myself into?
She pushed that thought aside and brushed her lover's cheek to wake her
up. She then woke up Bernadette and Cherine. The women took turns using
the toilet and put on their shoes. A minute later they were lined up in
that back yard ready to exercise with the sophomores.
The Pledge Mistress - Chapter 12
