Back to Chapter 29
Chapter 30 � Extinction is inevitable
A week later, Ruthie had a modeling session at the community college. It
was one of those �art appreciation� events, when the public was allowed
to view projects put out by students and try their hand at drawing.
Ruthie modeled for a life-drawing practice, which she enjoyed, because
everyone drawing her was a complete stranger, not one of the students
from the normal art classes at the university. Following the drawing
session, there was a photography demonstration. The organizer asked her
if she wanted to model for some additional money. Ruthie agreed. The
original plan was for the photography model to pose in a swimsuit, but
Ruthie stated that she�d prefer to model naked. If it was a figure
photography practice, wouldn�t it be better if her body was completely
uncovered?
The instructor was surprised by a model who had suggested herself
that she pose naked instead of wearing a swimsuit. However, he
remembered his friend from the art department in Davenport saying that
his newest art subject was a total exhibitionist. OK, young lady, naked
it is. Ruthie spent the next two hours in an open room, moving about in
front of a large photography backdrop completely undressed. Sometimes
she followed requests to assume a pose; other times she danced to music
and allowed visitors to photograph her at their leisure. The setting was
very informal and visitors wandered in and out of the room. She
calculated that at least a hundred visitors took pictures of her,
including some people with very fancy-looking cameras mounted on
tripods.
Ruthie got back to Mike�s apartment in a good mood. He was gone, at work
of course, which was just fine as far as she was concerned. She�d have a
couple of hours to herself and she knew exactly how she planned to spend
them. She�d first make herself some iced tea and cut up some fruit. Then
she would download and print an erotic story that she had seen a couple
of days earlier on one of her favorite fiction websites from the
Internet. That was something she had become accustomed to doing whenever
she thought she�d have the apartment to herself: download and print a
story that seemed promising, take it outside, sit in one of the lounge
chairs, and read it while masturbating in the warm afternoon sunshine.
The routine was typical for any afternoon she was alone in the
apartment. After not having indulged in �me time� for more than a year,
she had been able to resume that part of her life. Yes, it would be the
perfect way to spend the next couple of hours before having to deal with
her boyfriend.
Ruthie logged on to her computer to get her story. She was just about to
click past the Internet headlines when a title from the local news
caught her attention:
Santa Cruz resident commits suicide - property foreclosure suspected
as motive � neighbors ordered to evacuate
Santa Cruz, California: July 15, 9:30 am: The Santa Cruz County
Sheriff�s Department released a statement concerning the investigation
of an alleged suicide that deputies discovered yesterday at 8:30 am in a
private residence of the Lomas Verdes subdivision. The deceased was
identified as Roger Sinclair.
A spokesman for the Sheriff�s Department stated that deputies discovered
the body of Mr. Sinclair when they arrived on the property to serve an
eviction notice. He added that Mr. Sinclair already was aware that his
creditor had repossessed the residence and that he would be expected to
vacate as of 8:00 am yesterday morning.
Sheriff�s Deputies arrived on the scene shortly after 8:30 to serve the
notice. Upon knocking on the door and not receiving a response, they
forced entry and discovered the body of Mr. Sinclair in the living room
with a single gunshot wound to the head. Deputies had to immediately
withdraw from the scene however, because of the presence of very strong
chemical fumes inside the residence.
The spokesman stated the Sheriff�s Department ordered a Haz-Mat team to
deploy and further investigate the crime scene. Besides the body of Mr.
Sinclair, the Haz-Mat team discovered significant physical damage inside
the house. The Haz-Mat team also determined that a large amount of
industrial-strength herbicide had been poured throughout the residence
and onto the ground outside. Empty five-gallon containers of herbicide
were discovered inside the house and in the backyard.
Sheriff�s Department investigators believe that Roger Sinclair spent the
previous 24 hours breaking the interior walls of the residence and
pouring herbicide around the property. After vandalizing the property,
investigators believe he then killed himself at approximately 6:00 in
the morning.
The police spokesman stated that Roger Sinclair�s motive for both taking
his life and vandalizing the residence appeared to be on-going financial
difficulties that resulted in the failure to make house payments and the
foreclosure notice. Among the evidence found by the police were messages
critical of Mega-Mart spray-painted on the walls. Neighbors stated that
Mr. Sinclair had previously blamed Mega-Mart for the failure of his
business, Sinclair Pharmacy.
�The mortgage company�s not gonna get much out of this one. If he wanted
revenge against his lender, he sure got it. He turned that place into a
toxic waste dump, and from the looks of things we�re pretty certain
that�s what he had in mind. The whole property�s going to have to be dug
out.�
The spokesman added that the Sheriff�s Department ordered the evacuation
of several neighboring residences due to the high levels of toxic fumes
released by the herbicide poured around Roger Sinclair�s property. The
residents will be required to remain out their homes until the chemicals
can be neutralized and contaminated soil and debris removed.
Ruthie totally forgot about her �me time�. She stared dumbly at her
monitor. Tears started rolling down her cheeks. She had known it all
along�she had known that Mr. Sinclair was a condemned man�and yet�
So now it had happened. Mr. Sinclair was gone. Perhaps his death was
inevitable, but it did not make it any less painful to Ruthie. Her
grandmother�s death had been inevitable as well, but knowing that was of
no consolation when she was standing alone in that hospital room,
holding the cold, emaciated hand of the corpse that had been her
grandmother only a short time before.
Poor Mike�now he truly is alone�what am I going to do? What am I going
to do with him?
She decided the very first thing she needed to do was to get dressed. If
Mike had been at work all day, chances were that he still knew nothing.
She�d be the one to have to break the news�and it would be inappropriate
to do it in the nude. She put on jeans and a blouse, a conservative
get-up for her. Then she sat down and gazed in the direction of the
monitor again�but just into space�not bothering to focus her eyes.
We understood each other, Mr. Sinclair�I just�I�kinda wish I would�ve
had the chance to say goodbye�I�m gonna miss you. I don�t give a shit
about most people�but I am gonna miss you�
Ruthie lost track of time. She was startled to her senses when she heard
Mike�s key in the door. She stood up, shaking and her face stained with
tears.
�What�s wrong?�
She couldn�t speak. All she could do was stare at him as she continued
to tremble.
�Ruthie�what happened? What�s wrong? Did something happen to your mom?�
She shook her head.
��computer�it�s on the computer��
�What�s on the computer?�
�I�you�look�computer��
He approached the screen. Without saying anything, he read the entire
article. Unlike Ruthie, he was not overwhelmed with emotion. The shock
was too great and for the moment he felt nothing at all. The hurt would
come later. He stood up and put his hands in his pockets.
�I�m kinda wondering how come nobody�s called me. I mean�it happened
yesterday�and nobody told me anything�it sucks�sucks to hear about it on
the news�my dad� on the news.�
Ruthie sat down and started crying. The scene was very
strange indeed: it was Mike�s father who was dead, and yet Ruthie was
the one crying. He just stood, with his hands still in his pockets,
staring off into space.
�I�didn�t think he�d do something like this. I never thought�it�d end
this way�I mean�he�d talk about what things were gonna be like after
they moved out�Mom talked about it��
There was a lot that Ruthie wanted to say in response, but all she could
do was continue to cry. Maybe Mike had not known that Mr. Sinclair would
end up shooting himself, but she did know. She knew, because she
identified with Mr. Sinclair and understood his mindset. Her failure was
not in clearly seeing what was about to happen, but in not expressing
herself so that Mike could understand that there was no reason to be
optimistic about anything having to do with his father�s future.
Not only had Ruthie known that Mr. Sinclair�s time on the earth was
drawing to a close, she also knew why his life was predestined to end
precisely on the day he lost the house. The story he was giving about
living off his kids once the house was gone was total bull. There was no
way he would allow himself to be a burden on his children�no way. He had
too much pride in himself. That story was just to shut them up.
Yes�pride�and also his final act of vengeance. The mortgage company
ended up with not a house, but instead a hazardous waste site that would
cost thousands of dollars to clean up. The Sheriff�s Department would
get nothing either, except the expensive deployment of the Haz-Mat unit
and a lot of very bad publicity. Mr. Sinclair had his vengeance and now
no one could touch him. Not even the corporate elites can sue or file
charges against a man who is dead. He was beyond their reach.
Ruthie stopped crying and managed to calm down.
�I�I �spose you ought to dial Colleen�maybe she knows�something��
Without saying anything more, Mike dialed his sister, who added a few
details. There was no question Mr. Sinclair had thought long and hard
about how he was going to depart this life. Even the funeral
arrangements had been partially taken care of. On the same day she found
out about the tragedy, Mike�s sister received in the mail the deed to a
funeral plot and an envelope containing the cash that would be needed to
cover the burial.
�Dad was totally obsessed with not being a burden on us. That must have
been what was eating at him�him losing everything and having to make us
put him up in our places�and it would have been me who would�ve had to
do it. He saw himself as useless.�
Mike�s sister was silent for a moment, and then continued: �When he was
talking crap, you know, saying things like he thought most people live
too long�that life passes them by, and they don�t know when to call it
quits�I thought he was just depressed and talking a bunch of shit. It
didn�t dawn on me that he was seriously thinking about killing himself.
Now I feel like a total moron.�
�So�what are we going to do?�
�Go to his funeral. What else can we do? I had the funeral home pick up
the body�and had them send out e-mails�we�ll bury him on Saturday�give
people a chance to respond�and then�I don�t know�I don�t know what we�ll
do. Move on with our lives, I guess.�
Mike was quiet for a moment as the shock started to wear off. There were several things he wanted to say,
but all he could get out of his mouth was:
�Move on with our lives��
Colleen waited for him to say something more. Finally she added:
�Anyhow, about Saturday�Reverend Chandler told me he�d do the eulogy. I
do have a question�you�ll be bringing your girlfriend Ruthie Burns?�
�Yeah.�
�OK, I�ll put her on the list. Anyone else?�
�No. It�ll just be me and Ruthie.�
Mike�s words resonated in her mind. She realized he was saying that
about his entire life, not just his father�s funeral.
�It�ll be just me and Ruthie.�
----------
For the second and final time of her life, Ruthie accompanied Mike to
his parents� church. As she looked around at the cavernous chapel with
its fine wood and modernistic stained glass, then at the forlorn
collection of old white people sitting around her, once again she had
the feeling of seeing the final phase of a bygone era. There was, of
course, that weird organ music coming from the background. Her
imagination wandered and the thoughts of her own death, now indefinitely
postponed, eclipsed the death of her boyfriend�s father. That eerie
music made it very easy for Ruthie to picture herself underwater. Her
lifeless body was drifting beneath the surface, illuminated by the
sunlight passing through the waves. She was relaxed and finally at
peace, drifting through her silent world as the sea-lions and fish swan
by. At peace�yes�to be dead was to be at peace.
A line from the Book of Ecclesiastes, the only book from the Bible that
ever made any sense to her, surfaced in her thoughts:
For to him that is joined to all the living there is hope: for a
living dog is better than a dead lion.
Ruthie silently wondered: is that really true? Is it better to be a live
dog than a dead lion? No, it isn�t, she answered back. Life sucks. It�s
only gonna get worse because CEO�s of Mega-Town Associates, and the
narcos, and all the rich�the religious clerics, the bullies�they�ve
taken over the planet and are gonna make life a living hell for the rest
of us. So�why wait? What�s the point? Why stay around just to serve
those parasites and predators? Mr. Sinclair understood that. There would
be no more exploitation, or profits, or whatever, at his expense. He�s
gone�and now they can�t touch him. I wish I could be there with him.
This sucks, having to stick around like this.
For the living know that they will die, but the dead know nothing;
they have no further reward, and even the memory of them is forgotten.
The dead know nothing�not even pain. That was what Ruthie Burns longed
to feel: nothing. She had given up hope that she could ever be happy:
there were just too many things working against her. The only
alternative to being happy was to be unhappy, and the only alternative
to being unhappy was to be nothing at all.
Their love, their hate, and their jealousy have long since vanished;
never again will they have a part in anything that happens under the
sun.
----------
Ruthie�s mind continued to wander throughout the memorial service. The
pastor talked about the �tragedy� as though Roger Sinclair had died in a
car accident or an airplane crash�we can�t understand God�s plan�but we
must not give up hope. Must not give up hope? Why? Of course we need to
give up hope, because hope serves no purpose. Hope is like God, a
figment of the imagination based on nothing but wishful thinking.
Tragedy. Yes Mike�s dad did die as the result of a tragedy, but it was
not the �tragedy� that took place in the Sinclair�s house. The real
tragedy was that the suicide was inevitable, and it had been inevitable
ever since Mega-Mart decided to build a Mega-Center in Mike�s
neighborhood. The death of one middle-aged man was only a tiny part of a
much bigger tragedy of globalization. It�s predestined�what�s happening
to the United States�the obliteration of an entire society by its own
elite, but still, it�s sad to have to live through and witness the
process.
That�s why I didn�t want to stick around�why I wanted to get out. Life
sucks, and it�s only gonna get worse. I can�t stop it from sucking, and
I can�t stop it from getting worse, but I can�or I could�ve, gotten
away.
----------
The funeral moved outside�from the church to a nearby cemetery. Not much
left to do�just put a boxed object in the ground and cover it up�and
that would be that. As for what would happen next, Mike�s sister had
said it best: �I don�t know what we�ll do. Move on with our lives, I
guess.�
An hour later, Mike said good-bye to his mother and his sister. He was
very curt with them, making it obvious that he held them responsible for
his father�s death. Neither of the two Sinclair women had anything
further to say to him. If Mike wanted to blame them for Mr. Sinclair�s
death, there wasn�t much they could do about it. The opportunity to talk
about it had come and gone. Ann Sinclair would face a future by herself
in Arizona, and Colleen Sinclair was headed to the east coast. No point
in sticking around in California with its wrecked economy, no hope for a
job, bad memories�it was time for both of them to move on. So, that was
it. Mike, his mother, and his sister would part ways in bitterness.
Ruthie was at a loss for words as she watched the restrained goodbyes
and the departure of Ann and Colleen Sinclair. Mike�s family had broken
up, just as her own family had broken up just a few months before. I
thought the Sinclairs were so different from my fucked up parents, but I
guess they weren�t.
After most of the people attending the funeral had left, Mike remained
next to Mr. Sinclair�s grave. He had his hands in his pockets and just
stood quietly. His eyes seemed not to be focused: he was just staring
blankly ahead. Ruthie moved closer to him, silently inviting him to hold
her if he wanted. He put his arm around her, but was still dazed�still
trying to accept the reality that his father no longer was alive. Ruthie
rested her head on his shoulder. She tried to comfort him, but all the
while she was thinking: Mike, I can�t believe you didn�t see this
coming�
Undoubtedly, once he recovered, he�d hate the CEO�s of Mega-Town more
than ever. Right now he blamed his mother and his sister for avoiding
his father during the final weeks of his life. However, that blame would
shift soon enough, to the real culprit that took away the family�s
livelihood and Mr. Sinclair�s purpose in life. The company�s greed and
marketing strategy had not merely impoverished Mike�s parents and taken
away his future, but had destroyed his entire family.
Ruthie�s wandering mind gave her a glimpse of the future. It was a very
bleak future, for both the US and for Mike in particular. Hatred would
consume him and he would spend the rest of his life figuring out what he
could do to avenge his father. He would be a mortal enemy of Mega-Town
Associates�and not just its CEO�s, but of the entire society that
allowed that corporate monster to destroy everything it touched. Ruthie
wondered how many more Mike Sinclairs were out there�hundreds of
thousands�.millions�tens of millions�the outsiders destined to comprise
the mob of the future that will bring down the corporate system and
annihilate the United States in a storm of fire and blood.
Not that any of it mattered, because if it had not been Mega-Town it
would have been something else. Our society is dying, and Mega-Town is
just the disease that happened to enter the body first. If not
Mega-Town�our annihilation would come anyway, from some other cause.
Extinction is inevitable. If the fossil record proves anything, it
proves that.
