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Back to Chapter 25
Chapter 26 - Cecilia's fa�ade
On the first day of classes Jason returned to his job modeling for the
art department. Although he no longer needed the credits, he enjoyed
modeling so much that he decided to do it for the remainder of his
freshman year. Because both Cecilia and Ken had completed their
humanities requirement, Jason did not expect to see any familiar faces
in the spring semester life drawing classes. However, but it turned out
there would be a familiar face in one of the classes; Cecilia's friend
Suzanne Foster. Although Suzanne already had been at the university for
a year and a half as an art major, she had not yet taken life drawing,
which was an art department requirement. So, this time around it would
be Suzanne's turn to study his body in detail and render it to paper.
Suzanne enjoyed looking at Jason's body and thought about various
photography projects she night want to try with him as her model. She
approached him about modeling, which he readily agreed to do. He warned
her that he could only model the nights Cecilia was duty RA, because he
did not want to take any time away from the relationship or his studies.
Also, his girlfriend had to approve of any modeling projects ahead of
time, so it would be best if she were to approach Cecilia directly about
anything she wanted him to do.
However, Jason enjoyed Suzanne's work and was flattered that she wanted
to feature him in her next project. He knew that her work would be part
of a major spring art show and later possibly published in a nationally
published photographers' magazine. Appearing in a widely distributed
magazine appealed to the exhibitionist in him, because he would have the
chance to show off his body to a large audience of photography
enthusiasts.
Jason's public appearances in the nude extended beyond his modeling
sessions for Suzanne and the drawing classes. A European news magazine
approached him about doing an interview for a feature that concentrated
on US college students who were nudists. During February he was also
scheduled to speak on behalf of two nudist organizations in Indianapolis
and St. Louis. He was to be among several speakers at symposiums in
Indianapolis, and would address a college crowd in St. Louis. Ken, Lisa,
and Suzanne had promised to accompany him to the Indianapolis
presentation. Cecilia also had promised to go, but secretly was hoping
that Burnside might come up with some tasking that would make it
impossible for her to break away from the department.
----------
Jason, Lisa, and Ken began their second semester of classes without
having Burnside's Theory of Economics class hanging over their heads.
Having taken and passed that class cleared the way for enrolling in
classes in several departments, making it easier for the three freshmen
to think seriously about what majors they might want to choose. Jason
decided that he wanted to double major in Political Science and
International Affairs, while Lisa decided to major in business
administration. Ken, still trying to figure himself out, decided to
double-major in psychology and education with the eventual goal of
becoming a counselor. As he put it:
�With as screwed up as I am, I'm sure I can see eye-to-eye with everyone
else who's screwed up.�
All three students had gravitated towards departments with classes that
had the Burnside class as a prerequisite. Even the psychology and
education departments had started using Burnside's class as a means to
cut down on the number of students pouring into their programs, using
the justification that anyone able to pass that class was a serious
student as opposed to a dilettante.
----------
Cecilia's future was much more set by her circumstances than were the
futures of Jason and his two friends. She had to complete the
requirements to get a Bachelor's degree in economics within a four-year
period. She had some flexibility with taking electives, but not very
much. For the humanities requirement she had thought about taking
another art class, possibly with Suzanne as a classmate, but her
decision to tackle Spanish changed those plans. She had decided to
exchange an easy credit for one much more difficult.
Cecilia's Spanish professor turned out to be every bit as harsh as she
had heard. It turned out he was the Spanish department's version of Ruth
Burnside. Even worse, he epitomized the stereotype of the snooty
Spaniard who looked down upon the variations of the language that had
developed in Latin America, visually cringing when he heard Cecilia
speaking for the first time with her rough street accent. In response
she quickly snapped in her street Spanish: well, if I knew how to speak
properly, I wouldn't need to take this class, would I?
Over the first month of the semester Cecilia earned the respect of her
professor by demonstrating she truly was interested in improving her
Spanish and that she had taken the class solely with the goal of
bettering herself. Her attitude and background contrasted with most of
her classmates, who of course, were non-native speakers enrolled because
it was a department requirement. The class was perfectly suited for her
immediate needs because it gave her the proper structure she needed to
express herself in both speech and writing.
Besides giving Cecilia proper structure, the instructor also corrected
numerous errors she made that were not normally made by a
Spanish-speaker with formal education. For example, she confused the
letters �b� and �v�, using them interchangeably when she wrote words in
Spanish. Her professor drilled her on that mistake, forcing her to
memorize which letter went with which words and putting huge red circles
around her spelling mistakes. As the semester progressed, Cecilia
noticed fewer and fewer red circles on her papers as she memorized the
lists of words her professor had typed out for her to study. She also
noticed her speech improving as she began editing out the slang and
anglicized words from her childhood. As was true for her English, her
Spanish street accent was stubbornly resilient, but it seemed that in
everything else she showed marked improvement.
By her fourth semester in college, Cecilia already was taking
junior-level classes with the economics department. Burnside's ultimate
goal was to get her scholarship student to take a couple of
graduate-level classes before the end of her senior year and get a feel
for what she might expect as a graduate student. She knew that Cecilia
really had no choice but to continue her studies upon graduating, since
there was little she could do with a BA in economics. She would have the
choice of pursuing an MBA or perhaps work towards a future in economic
development, but, unless she had something in her background that made
her stand out, she would have a hard time getting the financial help she
needed to pursue the next level of her education. Burnside hoped to give
her that something extra and get her through the MA program with some
assistance.
Although Cecilia's probation had ended and the exam crisis from the
previous year was forgotten, Burnside was her usual unpleasant self when
dealing with her student on a day-to-day basis. At least once each week
Cecilia had to stand in Burnside's office justifying why she had not
mentioned some famous economist in a research project, or why she did
not have a formula properly memorized, or why she had not properly
applied some theory to a real life situation. In addition to her own
work, there were endless tests and essays Cecilia had to grade, her
ongoing duties as RA, and her self-appointed project to fix her Spanish.
At the end of each day she relieved her stress in the gym, and then
relied on Jason to massage her and give her an orgasm to settle her
nerves. She reflected how reliant she was on her nightly routine;
without her nightly massage and orgasm she really would be going nuts
with all the pressure she was under.
At first it seemed that the relationship between Cecilia and Jason would
continue during the spring as it had during the fall, as least on the
surface. It still was Cecilia who was telling Jason what to do most of
the time. It would remain his responsibility to attend to her needs, to
massage her body, give her shoulder and neck rubs, satisfy her clitoris
with the gentle caresses of his tongue, hold her, and comfort her. When
she needed him to be there for her, he would be there for her. He was
taking another Burnside class during the spring, and spent hours
standing at attention in the nude, answering her questions about what he
was studying. Whenever he did anything to offend her, it was clearly
understood he would bend over to receive the belt. As for his outside
activities, he would ask her permission before making any commitments.
However, as she interacted with Jason and watched him running around the
dorm and hanging out with his friends, Cecilia reflected that he was
changing. He certainly seemed more self-assured than he did in the fall,
which was something she had not expected. During the fall she had forced
him to be successful in his studies, but that very success made him more
willing to stand up for himself, defend what he believed in, and also
defend his relationship with her. Jason had started growing up.
------------
During the second week of classes Cynthia Lee got together with Cecilia.
Cynthia had spent New Year's in Danube City celebrating with her sister
and brother-in-law, and came back with some good news. The Danubian
government of Vladim Dukov and the national government of his
counterpart to the south had finalized a border treaty that incorporated
the idea of moving the Danubian consulate to Sumy Ris. The consulate
itself would be a compound enclosing the disputed church and graveyard,
along with two buildings built in the 18th Century that would contain
the offices for the Danubian diplomats. However, what was really
exciting was that the nearby castle and several other ancient buildings
in Sumy Ris would be sold to a private group of Danubian investors who
were planning a restoration and tourism project. If the project went
ahead as planned, Sumy Ris would become a major destination for
Danubians making pilgrimages to the church and traveling south to other
parts of the Balkan Peninsula.
As for the rest of the border, the negotiations had gone extremely well.
About 40,000 ethnic Danubians would be re-incorporated into the
territory of their native country as a result of the border changes.
There would be customs agreements and several internationally managed
nature preserves. Most importantly, there would be a bi-lateral
agreement to de-militarize the border region in exchange for better
cooperation between the two countries' police forces. For the first time
in its history, Upper Danubia would have completely secure borders and a
formal ally.
The arrangement also would affect all criminals who were ethnic
Danubians incarcerated in the country's southern neighbor. Once the new
border between the two countries was demarcated, about 400 criminals of
Danubian descent would be transferred by bus to the Duchy. On the
Danubian side of the border there would be judges and police officers
waiting for them. The criminals would be granted Danubian citizenship
and then re-tried under Danubian laws. Those who still had time left on
their sentences would have to finish their terms under the Danubian
justice system, which meant they would be assigned a Spokesperson,
collared, switched, and forced to live in the nude. It was a convenient
way for Upper Danubia's southern neighbor to rid itself of 400
prisoners.
The arrangement could not have come at a more crucial time for the
government of the Duchy's neighbor. Even before the treaty was
finalized, Dukov's counterpart was forced to move troops away from the
Danubian border to deal with another border dispute that was not going
nearly as well. Had Dukov been less trustworthy, his government could
have taken advantage of the troop withdrawal to grab the land in
question. However, the treaty had been negotiated in good faith and
awaited approval by both parliaments before the Danubians would take
possession of their new territory.
Cynthia confided that she was worried, in spite of the amiable
arrangement between the two leaders.
�The commercial attach� at the US Embassy tried to undermine the
negotiations, and no one can figure out why. Also, it seems that
Mega-Town Associates doesn't like it and they're trying to get the World
Trade Organization to stop the treaty. I don't get it. You'd think that
one less border conflict in Eastern Europe would make everyone happy,
but it hasn't. Something weird is going on behind the scenes, and
whatever it is, I don't have a good feeling about it.�
----------
The final two weeks of January passed by very quickly, but at the same
time were hectic for the residents of Huntington Hall. Cecilia had to
choose her spring semester research topics for Burnside, which took time
away from her efforts to learn correct Spanish. She and Lisa continued
to work out together, more out of habit than anything else. Cecilia was
in much better physical shape than she had been during the fall and knew
as much about using the gym equipment as Lisa.
Of course, among the things that interested Cecilia were the latest
details of Lisa's love life, because the Californian had given up a
boyfriend the RA respected for one who she thought was a total idiot.
Cecilia made no effort to hide her disdain for Ken and clearly expressed
that she felt Lisa had made a very poor exchange. Lisa, in trying to
justify herself, gave up more about her relationship with Ken than she
had intended, giving her friend a full account of Ken's desire to be
punished and the real satisfaction she felt having him over her lap.
�I don't know how I can say it so you'll see where I'm coming from. The
truth is I totally love punishing him. When I have him tied up and I'm
hitting him�I don't know�I just feel really good. It's a total
adrenaline rush. And he likes it too. As soon as I do anything to him,
spank him, slap him, or best of all, give him a really good pinch�it's
like flipping a switch. He's as hard as a dildo. And it's total, you
look in his face, and you can tell he wants it so bad��
�OK, that's real nice. So he likes you whippin' his ass and you like
whippin' his ass. And what else is goin' on between you two, besides his
sore ass?�
�You make it sound like there ought to be more. Why? Why should there be
more? Right now I'm having fun. He's got a lot of imagination and he's
willing to try anything, which was something Mike absolutely refused to
do. It's fun, and that's what I want. I'll tell you, I've never had sex
like what I'm having with Ken.�
Lisa's relationship with Ken was very different from Cecilia's
relationship with Jason. The level of personal commitment between Lisa
and Ken came nowhere near the commitment Cecilia and Jason had with each
other. Outside her room Lisa saw Ken as her equal, so she was not trying
to raise him or influence his personality like Cecilia was trying to do
with Jason. Lisa never disciplined Ken with the goal of influencing his
behavior. Her viciousness was a manifestation of her sexuality, nothing
more. Unless they were building up the mood for a sexual/discipline
encounter in her room, Lisa never told Ken what to do, what to wear, or
how to behave. There was no hint that she wanted to control his life or
form his personality, so the punishments she inflicted were just for
sexual stimulation and had no larger purpose.
In contrast, in Jason's life a belt-whipping served a completely
different purpose from an erotic spanking. Cecilia felt that she was
finishing the job of raising her boyfriend and was trying to form his
personality. She wanted him to behave responsibly and used the threat of
the belt to keep his weaknesses under control. She threatened him much
more than she actually punished him, one example being her insistence
that he quit driving. If she ever caught him behind he wheel of a car
she really did plan to flog him to the point of drawing blood, but she
also expected never to have to carry out that threat. She had warned
him, and if he knew what was good for him, he'd obey her.
A second difference was that Ken wanted a more intense experience that
focused on pure pain. He enjoyed being tied up, slapped hard, savagely
pinched, and cruelly humiliated. During their sexual sessions, �fucking
little pervert� was only one of many insults Lisa hurled at him. As
serious as Lisa might be at the moment, both she and Ken knew that her
insults were not what she really thought of him, they simply were part
of the mood they needed to make his punishments truly satisfying.
As for Lisa, the punishments gave her a way to vent her anger and
frustrations, as well as satisfy her craving for combining cruelty and
dominance with physical stimulation and sex. She loved attacking Ken by
jumping on him, digging her fingernails into his skin, slapping him hard
across the face, and above all, viciously pinching him. All that was on
top of punishing his bottom, photographing him, and telling him what a
little pervert he was for getting so aroused. The savage animal in
Lisa's being had escaped its cage and now roamed freely in her room
whenever Ken was there. The inner tension in Lisa's soul was gone now
that she had a partner who could satisfy her. She was much happier than
she had been in a very long time.
With that Lisa concluded her response to Cecilia's doubts. There was no
question that Mike was smarter, more worldly, and had a stronger
character than Ken, but none of that mattered. It was Ken who satisfied
her needs. It was Ken who was feeding her inner animal.
Cecilia shook her head. Most of that stuff Lisa was doing to Ken she
couldn't even imagine doing to Jason. Her boyfriend did enjoy being
spanked, but what Jason considered erotic paled in comparison to what
Ken wanted. During an erotic spanking, the moderate pain from the smacks
of her hand or the leather paddle were only one out of many ingredients
of a much more complicated experience, which also included caresses,
sensuality, foreplay, and love. The raw meanness Lisa inflicted on Ken
was absent from the sessions during which Cecilia spanked Jason.
----------
Jason's public responsibilities took him to Indianapolis the second
Saturday of February, where there was yet another conference for
naturists concerned about increasing the appeal of nudism to college-age
people. The conference not only emphasized the idea of nudism as a
fitness movement, but also its philosophy and perceived conflicts with
organized religion. It was a far-reaching conference that also sought to
address some of the moralistic arguments being used in the US to keep
the movement as restricted as possible.
Jason's part of the presentation would be to discuss his love of
exercising in the nude, and how, without any prompting from anyone else,
he had become accustomed to being naked at home while he was still in
high school. The point he was making was that he considered himself
fortunate because his privileged upbringing allowed him to have the
privacy to pursue his beliefs. His argument was that other young people
should have the choice of exercising naked regardless of social class or
privacy and society needed to accommodate that need. He would conclude
by citing research about Danubian high school students who exercised
nude in their gym classes. The research clearly demonstrated that the
typical Danubian high school student led a lifestyle that was far
healthier and free from vices than the lifestyle led by a typical
student in the US and did not have the same sexual hang-ups.
When Jason informed Cecilia that a representative of the Danubian Clergy
was planning to be present to discuss traditional Danubian values and
the Church's attitude towards nudity, her interest in going was sparked.
She was curious to see a Danubian religious leader in real life, given
the Church's importance in the society of the Duchy. She dropped her
idea of trying to get out of going, instead asking permission from
Burnside to be excused from any duties to the economics department that
weekend. She would go, partly out of curiosity about Upper Danubia, and
partly because she wanted to see why Jason was becoming such a popular
speaker at nudist events. The two couples piled into Ken's car and drove
into Indiana towards the state's capitol. Suzanne, who originally had
planned to travel with the group, had a contract to take pictures and
already was at the conference site getting set up.
The conference was at a rented country club, which made the entire
affair surreal to Cecilia. Outside there was nothing unusual about the
entrance; it was just a parking lot full of cars like anywhere else.
Inside was a different story. There were lines of people checking in,
still dressed in winter clothing. However, beyond the check-in there was
a sign that read:
Nudity required beyond this point
Beyond that sign, not a single person was wearing anything except shoes.
It was when Cecilia saw the sign it hit her that she would have to
surrender her clothes and, for the first time in her life, appear naked
in front of a bunch of people, most of them much older, who did not know
her. She struggled to catch her breath, thinking: what the fuck have I
gotten myself into? It was too late to reconsider; now she had to go
through with it.
As Cecilia nerved herself to go into the women's locker room, she saw
Suzanne off in the distance, loaded down, as usual, with her photography
supplies. Apart from the black camera bag straps crisscrossing her
shoulders, she was as naked as anyone else in the corridor. Cecilia
called out to her, and she waved back. Suddenly Cecilia became more
concerned about talking to Suzanne than anything else, so she rushed
into the locker room and quickly pulled off her clothes. As the cool air
hit her bare body, she felt extremely exposed and vulnerable, but she
quickly ran out to greet her friend.
Cecilia posed for a snapshot with Jason and Suzanne, the three students
standing completely naked arm-in-arm. Only later would Cecilia see a
huge irony in the photo, standing as she was between her boyfriend and
her one-time lover. Lisa and Ken stood together for another picture, her
fit, deeply tanned body contrasting with Ken's somewhat lighter skin.
Fortunately the couple had toned down their sexual adventures prior to
coming to the event, so Ken's skin was unmarked. Cecilia noticed Ken
glancing at her body, and then remembered he had never seen her without
her clothes before. The closest he came was that night he saw her in her
underwear during the Poker game when she had battled Lisa and narrowly
won.
Cecilia's initial unease diminished after a few minutes. While Jason
took off to meet with the group organizers, Suzanne recruited her friend
to help her with her equipment, carry camera bags, and reload film.
Cecilia stuck close to the photographer, grateful to have something to
do that kept her mind off the fact she was naked for the first time in
her life in front of hundreds of strangers. It also helped that Suzanne
was equally naked, looking perfectly at ease as her statuesque body
moved about the main conference room.
It was mid Saturday afternoon when the first of two presentations that
interested Cecilia was given, the speech by the Danubian Clergy. A
severe-looking older man, accompanied by a somewhat younger but equally
severe-looking female companion, entered the room. Both were dressed in
their religious outfits: a long black robe with a tall hat for him, and
a long black dress for her. The dress looked like a typical Danubian
formal gown, except the color. Cecilia later learned that the Danubian
Clergy had to wear their religious garb whenever performing official
duties or representing the Church. That was why, even at a nudist
conference, they had to stay dressed.
Cecilia then had the shock of her life. Cynthia Lee followed the priest
and priestess onto the stage. She was completely naked. The two
representatives of the Danubian Clergy stood at attention while she
moved in front of them, knelt, and touched her head to the floor. Then
she stood up. The two Clergy members saluted her and she saluted back.
It turned out that Cynthia was a convert to the Danubian Church. She
really was taking Danubia seriously.
Cynthia and the Priestess took their position at the main podium, while
the older man stood behind them. The purpose of the arrangement became
evident when the woman started speaking in heavily accented English.
Cynthia was there to make sure she could be understood and translate any
questions posed by the audience. The Priest was there to back her up if
she had any theological doubts, but the presentation would be mainly her
show.
The Priestess gave a brief history of the Danubian Church, but quickly
moved to the topic of interest to the conference, the role of public
nudity in Upper Danubia and how it was viewed by the Clergy.
It turned out the Danubian Church was accepting of nudity under certain
circumstances. People performing religious duties such as public penance
or ancestral remembrance marches used nudity as a way to distinguish
themselves from people living everyday lives. To the Danubian religion,
to be naked was to humble oneself before the Creator and the Spirits of
the Ancients. The Priestess was well-aware that the attitude of the
Danubian Clergy horrified many foreign religious leaders who viewed the
uncovered body as something shameful and definitely not something to be
openly incorporated as part of the believer's personal atonement. The
Danubians, on the other hand, were horrified by other cultures that had
placed such a huge emphasis on the fashion industry and the �evil
worship of cloth�.
To emphasize her point the Priestess held up several glossy fashion
magazines.
�This how we the Danubian view the Sin! This the real Sin, the material
worship of thing no made by Creator! No made by Creator, but capitalist
say we must give much money to company, and we must worship the cloth,
no worship the Creator. This�the capitalist Sin!�
With that the Priestess tore the magazines and threw them to the ground.
It was a rather shocking display, the Danubian version of a
fire-and-brimstone sermon attacking the fashion industry and its
materialistic values.
The leaders of the conference had invited the Danubian Church
representatives to encourage the conference attendees and reporters
covering the event to see the issue of religious morality in a different
light. The Priestess's angry tearing of the fashion magazines to
emphasize her point certainly caught the attention of the audience and
of several reporters filming her. The Danubian priestess was presenting
a moralistic and philosophical counter-argument to much of what was
being preached in the US about the human body, which was why she was
there. She wanted to get her audience to urge the people of the US to
re-assess their priorities.
----------
Jason was at the podium shortly afterwards, with a much more
light-hearted portion of the presentation. He was an excellent and very
likable speaker. Cecilia watched him with intense interest, wanting to
see her boyfriend in action. He commanded the stage and the room,
surprising her with his on-stage charisma. He joked with the audience,
told amusing anecdotes, and confidently moved back and forth between
serious thoughts and humorous ones.
Dang�he's good, thought Cecilia to herself as the audience chuckled and
clapped.
Jason continued with some jokes about the Tri-Alpha run and gestured to
his fellow-runners Ken and Lisa, who were sitting in the audience. A
light shined on them as they stood up and waved to the group. Jason's
presentation concluded shortly afterwards, to much cheering and
applause.
There were other presentations, but Cecilia missed them. Suzanne quickly
drafted her to help move some lighting, pulling her away from Lisa and
Ken. As she walked down the hallway following her friend, she had time
to reflect about how much Jason really was changing. She had known about
his changes since the beginning of the spring semester, but now she had
actually witnessed it, seeing him perform so well in public. Jason was
completely self-confident and clearly enjoyed himself on stage. For half
an hour he had captivated a room of nearly 400 people.
It was at that moment, as she walked down the hallway studying Suzanne's
bare backside, Cecilia had an awful realization�Jason isn't gonna belong
to me after all. It just isn't gonna happen. I�m not gonna be able to
have that kind of relationship with him, not with the way he's goin'.
The relationship she had envisioned, where he would be kneeling and
meekly obeying her commands�there was no way he would be able to give
that to her. His character was too strong.
Cecilia had to reflect on her situation alone. She excused herself from
Suzanne and looked for a place she could think in peace for a few
minutes. Finally she found an indoor tennis court that was empty and
poorly lit. The court reminded her of Jason's mother and the Schmidts'
moribund lifestyle, but she pushed that thought aside to deal with her
own inner turmoil.
Cecilia realized she was very frightened. She had promised herself that
never again would she allow a relationship to take over her life, but
now, with Jason, that was precisely what had happened. She had wanted to
change him, and indeed did change him, but not into what she had
anticipated. The changes in his character were because of her, because
she had forced him to overcome his weaknesses and stop hating himself.
She had made it impossible for him to fail, because she wanted to create
a partner who would not be a loser. She had created a person whom she
could respect, showed real potential for success, and could contribute
to the world. But in doing all that, she had lost her control over him.
What a huge irony. In trying to control him and mold his character,
Cecilia had ended up setting Jason free from his own failings. In
setting him free from his own failings, she had made him much more
difficult to control. He had accomplished too much, and there were too
many other people and events influencing his life, for him to become the
meek servant she had wanted back in September.
And yet�and yet�she knew that he still desperately needed her. Without
her, he would not be asking the big questions about his life and
reassessing the values he had grown up with. Without her, he still would
be tormenting himself over the death of Heather Jones and the fact his
father held him in such disdain. Without her, he still lacked the drive
to pass difficult classes on his own. Without her, his inner inertia
would take control of him and make him do nothing.
He still needed her. She knew that if anything were to force them to
break up he would be devastated. Not just devastated, but broken. His
weaknesses and character flaws, stronger than ever, would return to take
over his life and ruin him. She couldn't leave him. She was committed to
the relationship and committed to him. She also realized she was
committed to changing herself to accommodate her life with him. She had
to accept the fact there were things he could teach her and ways over
time he might influence her own life and values. Yes, in fact he already
had changed her, much more than she previously had realized.
The question she now faced was; how could she let go of her obsessions
and fears? How could she accept her life, now that her original plans
were so completely undermined? Would she find happiness with him, even
though he wasn't going to be the partner she had envisioned? Could she
face down the inner terror that had been the root of everything she had
done since she was 15, the fear that she once again would have to
relinquish control of herself?
I ain't got no control, she kept thinking, I ain't got no control over
my life, and that ain't what I wanted. It just ain't what I wanted.
She began having flashbacks, thinking back to a time when she really did
feel that she had no control over the direction of her life.
I ain't your fuckin' bitch, Vicente. I just ain't�
Jason burst into the room, looking for her. Seeing her standing alone
with a terrified look on her face made him assume that perhaps she had
become intimidated by the conference and by being surrounded by so many
naked people. However, the conference was the farthest thing from her
mind at the moment. She made it very clear that it wasn't the conference
that was bothering her. When he asked if there was something he could do
for her, she thought for a minute, and finally responded.
�You can hold me, Jason. That's what you can do for me. You can hold me
and don't never let go.�
For a very long time he did hold her, assuring her that he would be
there for her, no matter what. He didn't bother to ask her what was
wrong, because he knew she couldn't put it into words. There were things
about her he would never understand, but he didn't care.
Finally, she pulled out of her strange mood and kissed him. She gave him
that loving look and sarcastic smile, kissed him again, and with that
they went out to find the other members of their group.
----------
The following morning the group headed back to Chicago. They studied
during the afternoon, but Jason asked Cecilia to come to his room at
7:00. Cecilia wondered why he would want her over there so early, but
she decided to satisfy her curiosity and show up at his door at 7:00.
When she walked in there was a loud �Surprise!� She looked around and
noticed a banner reading �Feliz Cumplea�os� and a small cake sitting on
Jason's desk, with 20 lit candles burning on its top. Lisa, Ken, and
Suzanne, each holding a small gift, accompanied Jason.
Cecilia had forgotten that she was turning 20 that day. It had been such
a long time since anyone had celebrated her birthday that she barely
noticed the passing of the years in her life. Her birthday simply was
another day that came and went, another date on the calendar
indistinguishable from any other day. Tonight, on her 20th birthday,
that pattern was to be broken. It turned out that Jason had learned her
birthday by sneaking a peek at her student ID several weeks before and
had told the others, thus allowing them to prepare a small surprise. It
wasn't much, just a cake, a banner, and four gifts, but it was more
celebrating Cecilia had been given for a birthday since she turned 15.
She was overcome with emotion, because the surprise had been total.
Because she never thought about her birthday, she figured no one else
would think about it either. She had been wrong about that, since there
were four people in the dorm who did care about celebrating her 20 years
on the planet.
Jason's gift was something Cecilia actually wanted and had been planning
to buy for herself, a Danubian shawl to go with her formal dress. The
shawl was made of expensive linen and imported from Upper Danubia. Upon
seeing it, he could tell that she was genuinely excited about it and
eager to see how it would look with her dress.
Lisa cut up the cake and passed it out, Suzanne took some pictures,
Cecilia said thank you to her companions and hugged them, and with that
her first birthday party in five years concluded. She escorted Jason
back to her room so she could model her new shawl with her dress. To him
it was very strange seeing her in her Danubian get-up, because she
looked so different in that dress than she did in her normal knee-length
skirts and tight blouses.
Cecilia carefully took off her dress and hung it up with her new shawl.
Only her thong remained covering her body, and she approached Jason,
signaling he would have the honor of lowering it that night. He did so,
admiring her flawless dark body. He stood up and hugged her. She pulled
back slightly, so he could see her dark eyes and sarcastic smile.
�I'm in my birthday suit, and it's my birthday, and maybe I've been just
a bit naughty. So, what are you gonna do about that, Jason? What are you
gonna do about it?�
She was breathing heavily and he could feel her heart pounding. She was
in a very strange mood, but was obvious what she wanted. She wanted him
to celebrate her 20th birthday with a birthday spanking. The moment
Jason had waited for had come, the moment she would go over his lap.
To make absolutely sure he understood what she was asking from him, he
ran his hands down her back to her bottom. He gently rubbed and patted
both sides, very softly mimicking a spanking motion. A sensuous sigh
gave him his answer. Yes indeed, she wanted to go over his lap.
He sat down on the bed, reached up, and grabbed her hand. He pulled her
across his thighs and positioned her so that her backside was nicely
displayed, with her bottom cheeks relaxed and her legs slightly spread.
He ran his hand over both sides and gently explored the sensitive skin
in between. She sighed again. There was no tightening of her muscles and
no hint she would try to resist.
She was ready to be spanked. The only doubt in Jason's mind was how hard
she wanted her bottom to be slapped. He already had decided on the
number of slaps: 20, since it was to be a birthday spanking.
He continued exploring her right bottom cheek with the palm of his hand,
but began building up the tension by patting her soft dark flesh.
�So, are we keeping count, Cecilia?�
�Uh-huh��
SMACK!� �One!� SMACK!� �Two!�
Jason had landed a crisp slap on each side, and paused to gently caress
his target before spanking it again.
SMACK!� �Three!� SMACK!� �Four!� SMACK!� �Five!� SMACK!� �Six!�
He paused to let the sting sink in and change over to a comfortable warm
burning. With loving attention he absorbed every detail: the feel of her
beating heart, the first smell of her arousal, the sight of her sweaty
skin, the sound of her tensed breathing and very faint groans. She was
scared and excited, wanting to experience first-hand what Jason was
feeling when she put him over her lap. Now it was her turn, and she was
loving it.
SMACK!� �Seven!� SMACK!� �Eight!� SMACK!� �Nine!� SMACK!� �Ten!�
He noticed a reddish tint in her brown skin as he gently rubbed her and
waited for the stinging to fade into that wonderful burning that so many
spanking enthusiasts seek as the fulfillment of sexual desire. He was
gentle with her, but firm with his slaps. They had to sting for the
experience to be real for her.
�So, how's it feel to be the naughty birthday girl?�
��Mmmm��
She smiled slightly and wiggled her bottom to let him know she was ready
to continue.
SMACK!� �Eleven!� SMACK!� �Twelve!� SMACK!� �Thirteen!� SMACK!�
�Fourteen!�
He continued gently massaging, now expanding his explorations to the
very wet region between her legs. He teased her clitoris, but just for a
second, just long enough to force her to turn her bottom up in a
desperate effort to make contact with his fingers. She was nicely
spread, her bottom-hole on full display.
SMACK!� �Fifteen!� SMACK!� �Sixteen!� SMACK!� �Seventeen!� SMACK!�
�Eighteen!�
�Well, it looks like we've gotten you through high school. But you know
that college has been a lot harder. It's the last two years that really
count, don't you think?�
�Uh-huh��
She sighed as he again brushed her clitoris with his fingertips. Once
again she pushed her pelvis upwards, desperately seeking his fingertips
with her vagina. Oh�she was so aroused�
SMACK!� �Nineteen!� SMACK!� �Twenty!�
By the twentieth slap she had a nice reddish color in her bottom, which
looked truly sexy as it contrasted with the unmarked brown skin of her
thighs and back. He kissed the sweaty, warm, swollen skin and was
rewarded with a gasp.
�Jason! Take me! Please take me!�
�Not quite, Cecilia. You know good things come to those who wait.�
With that he very gently brushed her entire vagina with his fingertips,
and then leaned down to kiss her bottom. He made her get up and swept
her up in his arms. He gently laid her back on the bed and again brushed
her vagina with his fingertips. It was with total desperation that she
watched him take off his clothes and slip on a condom. He kissed her,
and finally gave her the long-awaited reward, thrusting as she groaned
with delight and moved about furiously underneath him. She gasped as the
soft burning heat in her bottom warmed her entire soul and filled her
with sexual desire. She climaxed, but Jason stayed in long enough to
climax a second time. By the time he finished, both of them were
completely exhausted.
She cuddled up to him and fell asleep. For once it was not Jason's
bottom that was sore but Cecilia's. He was immensely happy, because he
understood that something significant had happened that night when she
went over his lap. She had opened herself up to him and, for a few
minutes, however brief they might have been, submitted to him. He was
well-aware that she had never intended to surrender herself at the
beginning of the relationship, but things between them were changing.
She had learned that she would need to trust him, and in trusting him
would discover the real meaning of love and happiness.
----------
February ended with another public appearance for Jason in St. Louis.
Unlike his previous appearances, Jason was dressed, since he was
addressing a college crowd in an auditorium on campus, and his
presentation was part of a symposium titled �The Philosophy and Practice
of Fashion in Modern America.� Jason�s audience was a very mixed group,
ranging from students who were receptive to public nudity to ones who
were downright hostile to the idea.
Jason was dressed in one of his better suits and struck a very dignified
image for an 18-year old. However, the truth was he felt much more at
ease speaking in the nude than he felt speaking wearing a suit. Given
that he was not speaking to an audience of fellow nudists, and that he
was standing before the harsh judgment of people his own age, he
realized that the St. Louis presentation would be by far the most
difficult one he had given so far.
Jason�s presentation was restricted in other ways. He knew many of the
jokes that drew laughter from fellow nudists would fall flat to an
audience not familiar with the quirks and inside humor of the movement.
In the end Jason realized that he had better set aside any attempt at
humor and give a straightforward appeal to the idea of accepting nudism
as a lifestyle.
To prepare his speech he decided to draw upon the experience of the one
country where public nudity was a part of daily life, the Grand Duchy of
Upper Danubia. He was able to cite the Danubian Church�s view on the
matter and the sect�s hostility towards the fashion industry,
incorporating much of the sermon given the previous week by that
Danubian Priestess. He was able to draw upon the fact that swimsuits
were actually illegal in the Duchy and that families spent their summers
at public beaches in the nude and thought nothing of it. He decided to
leave out the fact that criminals also were punished be being denied the
right to wear any clothing during their sentences, because he wanted to
play up the positive aspects of nudity in the Duchy, not the negative
ones. However, he anticipated being questioned about that, and asked
Cecilia to write Kimberly Lee and get her perspective on the Duchy�s use
of mandatory nudity to punish criminals.
Kim wrote back that the reasoning behind forcing criminals to be naked
throughout their sentences was two-fold. First of all, it made them easy
to identify. It also was a useful means to reform petty thieves, because
upon being sentenced they had no clothing in which they could conceal
weapons or stolen items. Much of the temptation to continue stealing
disappeared because it was so difficult for a naked person to take
anything and not be noticed.
The second reason behind the sentencing practice was the Danubian
religious concept of humility. The Danubians believed that most
criminals acted out of selfishness, which was the logical outcome of an
over-developed sense of pride and entitlement. The criminal�s sentence
was designed to strip the criminal�s soul by stripping his body, and in
doing so force him to accept the fact he had no reason to be proud and
was not entitled to anything.
Jason gave his speech, dividing his time on stage between his personal
experiences and the collective experience of the Danubian nation. At the
end of his speech, sure enough, he was questioned about Danubian
sentencing practices and was prepared with an answer. When his critic
interjected his objections to Jason�s comment about the Danubian justice
system, he responded:
�The Danubians have their way of looking at the world and doing things
that has kept that nation going for 3000 years. They still have the
lowest crime rate in the world, so obviously there�s something they�re
doing right. What is it that makes your values superior to theirs? What
is it that makes them wrong and you right?�
Jason surprised himself with his response, which threw the hostile
question right back into his critic�s face and silenced him. Jason won
that small confrontation and succeeded with his goal, to get his
audience to re-examine their own values about clothing, fashion, and the
human body. He left St. Louis with his reputation as an effective public
speaker enhanced and his own self-confidence boosted even more.
----------
Since the beginning of the year, the Jason pondered what he should do
about the CD of pornographic images taped to the back of the drawer of
his desk. Although he had fantasized about presenting the CD to Cecilia
and getting her to punish him over it, he realized that perhaps the time
for doing that had passed. She had not given him a belt-whipping since
the fall semester, and Jason sensed that she really had no further
desire to do so. The relationship was changing and slowly Cecilia was
becoming his equal. More and more she was letting down her guard and
exposing her vulnerabilities to him, more and more she wanted to be held
and re-assured. Jason realized the relationship was becoming much more
�normal� than it had been when they were starting out.
Finally he did take the CD off the back of his drawer and spent a long
time sitting with it, fingering its blue surface. Then, suddenly, he
held it over his trash can and bent it with both hands. It shattered
with a loud crack, exploding into plastic shards that shot into the can.
There�it was done. Jason�s final secret from his girlfriend now was
nothing more than a bunch of sharp pieces of plastic sitting in the
trash.
Even though the CD no longer existed, for some reason he felt the need
to tell her about the incident. With the CD broken and the relationship
changing, he doubted she would lose her temper, but still, he was
curious to see what would happen. On the very first day of March he told
her, and even though he had not known what to expect, was surprised by
her response.
�Jason, I don�t have any right to be pissed at you over that, not if you
don�t have that CD any more.�
�No, I busted it in the trash, and I didn�t make any other copies, and
now I�m telling the truth.�
For a long time Cecilia sat looking at the floor, obviously struggling
with something she was trying to decide whether or not she should tell
him in response. Without looking up, she began speaking:
�Well then, it�s my turn to confess somethin� to you, which is why I
don�t have no right to be mad about a CD. Last fall, there was somethin�
kinda important I hid from you��
Cecilia took a deep breath and continued.
�Do you remember, them days after Halloween, I wouldn�t let you see my
ass? That I didn�t want any massages and I blindfolded you when we had
sex so you couldn�t see me? Do you remember that?
�Yes, I remember that. I thought you�d gotten bored with the massages or
something.�
�No, that�s not it. I�I didn�t want you seeing me �cause�my butt�it was
all marked up. I did something�something just plain stupid�and I�I got
in a lot of trouble with the department�I mean like�a lot of trouble�and
Dr. Burnside had to go up in front of the ethics committee, and beg them
to let me off, and she got me out of it, and she fucked herself doin�
it. Afterwards she was really pissed, and I was all scared, but she got
me out of trouble��
�But what was it? What�d you do?�
Cecilia explained how she accessed the midterm on Burnside�s computer
and how the university�s examination tracking system caught her. Then
she continued:
�Anyhow, after the ethics committee said they weren�t gonna kick me
out�what Dr. Burnside told me�was that she was gonna whip my ass, �cause
I got her in so much trouble. She wanted to punish me, but she didn�t
want it goin� in my record, so she found another way to do it.�
Cecilia then admitted that, right under Jason�s nose, she had endured
two physical punishments at the hands of her professor, including the
severe switching she received on Halloween. She described it in detail
along with the party that followed, and concluded with her efforts to
keep him from finding out about it.
�I feel bad about all this, �cause that�s when I was tryin� to make you
think I was perfect. I wanted you to think I was fuckin� perfect, and
here I was, nearly gettin� my ass kicked out of the university. I wanted
to fool you�and I did fool you, and now I don�t feel good about it.�
Jason paused for a long time, trying to think how he should respond. He
was shocked by how quickly Cecilia�s defenses were coming down, how
quickly her vulnerabilities were being exposed to him. He knew that he
was seeing the real Cecilia Sanchez, the very flawed, frightened young
woman who was hiding behind the fearsome fa�ade she had used to protect
herself for the last five years. She had given him peek behind that
fa�ade, and in doing so had placed herself at his mercy.
�So, I guess we�re still even, then, aren�t we?�
He took her hand. She nodded, trying to force a smile while holding back
some tears.
�I guess so, Jason. I guess we�re just even.�
The
Freshman - Chapter 27
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