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Back to Chapter 14
Chapter 15 - The Second Summer
The Spring semester finally ended. Amy's GPA fell slightly due to the
difficulty of the classes she had taken. However, she had completed
several important requirements for her major and improved her
understanding of working with the formulas needed for Burnside's
materials. This semester had been, by far, the hardest one she had
experienced to date. Amy's character had been tested and she survived.
She had accomplished everything she set out to accomplish five months
ago when she turned in her course schedule.
Amy's biggest accomplishment of the semester was receiving a B+ in
Burnside's Theory of International Development class. Of the 150
students who originally enrolled in that class, only 45 remained by the
beginning of May. Of them, 37 actually received passing grades. For the
semester Burnside did not give any A's. Of the 37 survivors, Amy
received the highest grade of the class. She had proven herself to
Burnside.
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The Spring had been an eventful one for everyone else in Amy's life.
Robert's firm was weathering an ugly ethics investigation over the
behavior of Suzanne's father. Just before finals, Amy read in the
newspaper that Ed Foster had been disbarred and was facing criminal
charges. Robert and the other two partners had been called to testify
before a Federal Grand Jury, but ultimately would not face any charges.
Suzanne's father would face the charges alone, his partners cleared of
any accusations of involvement in his activities. What had impressed the
investigators had been Robert's insistence on cooperating with them. He
never asked for immunity or conditions. He opened his files and the
firm's accounts, protecting only privileged client information. He spent
hours with the investigators explaining what he understood about the
firm's finances. He seemed to want to find out the truth about Ed as
much as they did.
At first Amy was amazed that Suzanne was not upset in the least about
her father's problems or Robert's cooperation with the investigation.
Suzanne was worried about the well-being of her step-mother, not her
father. Amy wondered what had happened between Suzanne and her father
for her to be so totally unconcerned about him.
In April, Suzanne's stepmother divorced her father and moved out.
Suzanne paid her rent for two months to help her get on her feet while
she looked for work. It was obvious that Suzanne was much closer to her
step-mother than she was to her own father. A few days after the divorce
Amy saw Suzanne and her step-mother sitting together in their apartment.
Several boxes of Suzanne's toys and high school items were on the living
room floor. Suzanne's step-mother had saved them for Suzanne when she
moved out. Amy could tell that her roommate had been crying. She had
never seen Suzanne cry before.
As Amy slipped out of the apartment, she realized that Suzanne's life
had been every bit as painful as her own; probably more so. Obviously
Suzanne's father had done something horrible to her when she was still
in school. She now knew why Suzanne could care less what happened with
her father's ethics violations. She wished that Suzanne could have
opened up to her about that part of her life, but perhaps the memory was
too painful for her to talk about with anyone.
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Suzanne completed the final semester of her graduate degree in Physical
Therapy. It was odd that she had struggled to obtain this degree, but
now probably would never use it. Still, Suzanne was pleased to have
completed this part of her life and proudly put on her graduation gown.
Robert, Amy, Paul, Wendy, Suzanne's stepmother, and several of her art
friends sat together to watch her graduate. Suzanne's father was absent.
For once in her life Suzanne did not take a single picture. Paul
commandeered the camera and shot a roll of film of Suzanne and the
others at her graduation. Suzanne's friends and her step-mother held a
small party for her in the apartment that night, and Paul shot another
roll of pictures. It seemed strange afterwards to see two entire rolls
of photos in which Suzanne was the subject of every picture. She was the
image of happiness on this day, her day.
Robert's graduation gift would have been strange for anyone other than
Suzanne. He gave her a collection of antique cameras, which would allow
her to experiment with her photography. Each camera was in perfect
working order, complete with accessories, manuals, and a supply of film
for the cameras that did not take 35 mm film. Suzanne looked at her
graduation present in awe. Robert must have given this gift a lot of
thought and put a huge amount of effort into finding and equipping the
cameras. They embraced, then turned to face Paul, who took the first
picture of them together. Later in life they would pose for other
portraits, but this picture, the first proof of their relationship on
film, always would have a special meaning to them.
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Amy accompanied Paul to his home in western Pennsylvania to meet his
family two weeks after Suzanne's graduation. Both of them were exhausted
after the semester they had endured. Amy, having survived two of
Burnside's classes, particularly needed to get away from Chicago for a
while. There was the upcoming summer semester, as well as a backlog of
Suzanne's photography projects that Amy would have to deal with upon
getting back. She did not want to think about any of that now. She just
wanted to get away and see something else besides textbooks and
Suzanne's camera lens.
Amy and Paul had a relaxing drive to his hometown. They took turns
driving, neither driving for more than an hour before changing. They
took three days to drive a distance they easily could have covered in a
day, stopping to take short hikes and eat at small restaurants that Paul
was familiar with along the route. Amy's feelings towards Paul
intensified during the trip, since she quickly realized that she could
spend time with him doing anything, or just doing nothing.
If Paul was somewhat out of place in Chicago, he was even more out of
place in his hometown. He came from a small town of about 150,000
people. The town was set among a large number of abandoned mines and a
small steel mill which had closed about three years before. The downtown
had been picturesque at one time, but now was mostly shut down. Looming
over the downtown, up on one of the hills, was the huge Mega-Mart that
had finished sucking the life out of the downtown businesses after the
mill closed. Now the Mega-Mart itself was shut down as well, its mission
of wiping out the local businesses accomplished.
Paul and Amy cruised down the main street of his town. While Amy saw
nothing but abandonment and depression, Paul was trying to bring this
area back to life in her mind through his conversation. He told her of
the numerous adventures that he had with his friends here while in high
school. Apparently he ran with a small group of friends who were every
bit out of place as he had been. There was no mention of sports, or
drinking parties, or anything else other than simple hanging out and
driving around.
Paul's family consisted of his mother, his sister Julie and her
3-year-old, an unemployed aunt, and a cousin. All of them liked her.
Amy could tell that at one time the family had been much better off than
they were now. Their house was nice, but needed repairs, their furniture
had been expensive, but was badly in need of a good re-finishing.
Paul's mother was a school teacher who had moved here after marrying his
father. She was well educated, but beaten down from years of living in a
bad town and a bad marriage. After divorcing Paul's father, she had been
determined to give her two children the ambition and drive needed to get
them out of this town. For a while it looked like she would succeed, as
both Paul and his sister did well in school.
To expose Paul to the world his mother sent him to France as an exchange
student during his junior year in high school. The experience of having
traveled in Europe opened the world up to Paul, but also made him out of
place in his hometown during his senior year. Upon returning home he
quickly bored his classmates with his stories about things they had no
comprehension of. During his senior year he gravitated towards the other
"brains" of his school, all of whom were so different from each other
that they continued to learn from their mutual friendship. All of Paul's
closest friends, without exception, were gone by the end of the summer
after graduating. All of them managed to get out and develop themselves
outside their hometown.
Paul's sister Julie also had shown great potential in high school, but
was undone by the same social pressures that came close to killing Amy.
She was a cheerleader and active in the student government before she
got pregnant during her senior year. Although she managed to graduate
before her pregnancy became too obvious, the stress of dealing with a
child had killed her ambition to pursue anything other than her job at
Mega-Mart. The Mega-Mart job lasted until the store closed last year.
Now she sat home with Paul's nephew, watching soap operas and talk shows
with his aunt.
Amy and Julie got along, oddly enough. They were the same age, had
enjoyed the same music in high school, and had run with similar crowds.
Really the only difference between them was that Julie became pregnant
in high school and Amy did not. Amy saw a lot of herself in Julie, and
Julie saw in Amy what she could have been had she not squandered her
opportunities in high school. Meeting Amy had one positive effect on
Julie. She was jealous enough of her brother's new girlfriend that she
decided to enroll in some community college classes.
Paul was typical of a small-town boy in one aspect. He loved to drive
around the empty streets for no good reason. Driving seemed to clear his
mind and let him think. He seemed to be able to philosophize best when
behind the wheel on the streets of his high school years. It was while
he was driving up and down the deserted streets that he discussed his
sister Julie with Amy.
Paul was well aware of the social pressures exerted on Julie when she
was in high school. He did not place much blame on Julie for getting
pregnant, nor even that much on child's father. Instead he placed the
blame on the entire social system and culture, one he considered almost
forced high school students into making bad choices. Amy thought about
Paul's observation and her own past. She was impressed with his insight.
For example, there wasn't much that disgusted him when he was in school
more than a pep rally. During his senior year Paul confronted his
principal over being forced to attend pep rallies. He said quite bluntly
"I don't believe in pep rallies because I don't believe in the values
they promote. I don't support glorifying football. And I don't support
football because it was a football player who got my sister pregnant.
Either you let me skip these rallies or I will take this up with the
ACLU."
His principal threatened him with expulsion but Paul held his ground.
Finally, when the principal realized that Paul was determined to stand
by his opinions, he relented and let Paul volunteer in the school
library during pep rallies.
Amy realized that most of Paul's memories of this town were not very
pleasant. Yet Paul's heart seemed drawn to this place in a way that she
could not understand. As much as he opened up to her, there were things
about him she would never understand.
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Of the people at Suzanne's graduation party, the most troubled was
Wendy. She stood quietly, forcing herself to smile whenever included in
group pictures. She still was stricken by her experience in Atlantic
City. Amy had taken over her finances and kept her out of debt. However,
Wendy now was almost out of money. She hated herself, because the income
from Suzanne's photo book should have taken care of her needs for the
next several years. Instead she was broke, due to this thing inside of
her, this urge to gamble, and her own unbelievable stupidity.
What scared Wendy was that her parents were educating her to take over
their business. They were about to entrust the entire family enterprise
in her. How could she tell them not to do it? How could she tell them
that she would wreck the business within a few weeks and gamble the
family fortune? That she had wasted $ 30,000 over six days? That she had
tried to steal her friend's credit card number? That Amy had to take
away her checkbook and credit cards to keep her from wrecking her life
any further? That she had pawned her great-grandmother's pendent?
The pendant, now safely locked up in Robert's vault at work, was the
detail that hurt Wendy the most. When Wendy was a year old, her great
grandmother had her fortune told, and put the pendant around her neck.
There was a picture in her father's living room of Wendy, wearing the
pendant, sitting on her great-grandmother's lap. Her great-grandmother
died three days after the picture was taken, but Wendy always felt a
connection to her, as though they really did know each other.
Wendy rarely wore the pendant, but for some insane reason had decided to
wear it to Atlantic City. Wendy's family had entrusted her with its most
important treasure, only to have her betray that trust. Wendy knew that
her pendant, passed down from generation to generation in her family,
now had to be protected from its current owner. No one knew any of this
except Amy and Suzanne. It did not matter. Wendy knew it. She felt that
her great-grandmother somehow knew it as well.
Several days later, when Suzanne developed Paul's pictures of her
graduation party, she started noticing Wendy's eyes and her forced
smile. Suzanne thumbed through the pictures, looking for Wendy. She now
remembered that Wendy had been very quiet during her graduation party.
Wendy was only in the pictures where someone specifically had asked her
to join in. Suzanne looked again at her friend's eyes, and noticed the
real sadness in them. She realized with alarm that Wendy had not
recovered from her experience in Atlantic City. Not at all.
Suzanne wondered whether to discuss Wendy with Amy, or to try to get
further information herself. Finally she decided to invite Wendy for a
photo shoot, this time without Amy. She chose the weekend Amy planned to
visit Paul's family, to not raise any questions in Amy's mind about
going out alone with Wendy. Wendy's sad expression gave Suzanne an idea
for a photo shoot. She asked Wendy to bring several sets of her most
worn-out clothing. They went to several abandoned factory sites in Gary
on a dreary overcast morning. Suzanne had decided to take a series of
black & white photos with one of the old cameras Robert had given her.
The bleakness of the locations and the weather matched the bleakness of
Wendy's face. Suzanne felt guilty about exploiting Wendy's depression
for a photo shoot, but the pictures would sell and it was obvious that
Wendy needed the money.
Suzanne and Wendy then headed south, to the forest location where
Suzanne had photographed Amy the year before, for some outdoor figure
studies. Even though it was the weekend, Suzanne did not have to worry
about hikers running into them during the photo shoot. There was only
one entrance to the area. More importantly, one of the park rangers was
a fan of Suzanne's work and agreed to help her. He kept the entrance
gate to the parking area locked until Suzanne arrived, then locked it
behind her after she drove in. He hung a trail closed sign on the gate,
waved at Suzanne, and drove off. They had four hours to complete the
shoot before the ranger returned to open the gate.
Wendy stripped and left her clothes in Suzanne's minivan. Like Amy
before her, Wendy felt the thrill of the sunlight and warm breeze on her
body as she walked down the trails for Suzanne's figure shots. She sat
on the rocks along the stream and put her feet in the water. She
balanced herself on the rocks as she walked upstream. She walked among
the trees and across open meadows. However, there was no smiling in this
series of pictures. Suzanne was interested in Wendy's underlying
sadness, which she planned to incorporate into the over-all mood of this
shoot. She took a large number of close-up shots of Wendy's face as the
shadows from the leaves seemed to splash darkness on her face. Towards
the end of the four hours Wendy's mood seemed to brighten a bit, as the
effect of the sun on her body and being outside in this pretty location
lifted her spirits slightly.
When they returned to Suzanne's vehicle and were ready to leave, the
ranger talked to Suzanne for a few minutes and handed her copies of two
of her books for autographs. Wendy noticed that Suzanne took her time to
write thoughtful comments in them; she did not just sign her name.
It was too late to head back to Chicago when they finished, which was
what Suzanne had in mind. She rented a room for herself and her model at
the small town near the park, then invited Wendy to dinner. It was hard
for Suzanne to get anything out of her model about her mood, but upon
returning to the room she noticed a folder of drawings that Wendy had
been working on whenever she had a few minutes to herself. Suzanne asked
to see them. Wendy at first resisted. Suzanne did not press her.
Suzanne got undressed, cleaned up, and got on top of her bed. Suzanne's
openness about being naked in the room still surprised Wendy, even
though she had seen her naked in her apartment daily during the weeks
after Spring Break. Wendy could not get away from wearing her oversized
T-shirt when in bed, no matter how hot it was. She looked over at
Suzanne, who was reading an instruction manual for one of the cameras
Robert had given her for graduation. Finally Wendy decided to call out
for help.
"Suzanne, do you still want to see my drawings?"
Wendy passed the folder to Suzanne. She fidgeted nervously as Suzanne
carefully looked at them.
The quality of Wendy's drawings surprised Suzanne. They were
exceptionally good. She drew the pictures Anime-style, as good as the
black & white pictures of any published Anime artist. Suzanne was less
surprised by the subject matter, having studied Wendy's expression over
the last several days. These pictures were clearly the product of a
tortured mind, which was what made them so powerful.
Suzanne clearly recognized Wendy as the subject of all the pictures. She
had done an excellent job converting her own face and body to Anime.
Some of the pictures were simply of Wendy's face, reflecting the torment
in her soul. The other pictures were S&M images, pictures Wendy had
drawn of herself being subjected to all sorts of whippings, bondage, and
humiliation. The punishments in the pictures were far worse than
anything she had endured in real life. In some of the pictures Suzanne
recognized Amy or Dr. Burnside. Images of gambling items were
everywhere; slot machines, cards, roulette wheels, neon signs, casino
chips. There were dozens of pictures, all variants of the same theme.
The picture that was the most telling about what was happening to Wendy
was one of herself hanging by the hands on chains in front of a roulette
wheel. Each space on the wheel had a different punishment written on it.
There were numerous implements at Wendy's feet. Wendy's body had been
flogged bloody and was hanging limp. Suzanne could not tell if Wendy had
meant to portray herself as dead, but she looked dead in the picture.
The other picture that most struck Suzanne was of Wendy kneeling, naked,
her hands tied behind her back, in front of the Ace of Spades. Wendy's
terrified eyes stared straight out at the viewer. There was a rope
around her neck. The desolation of this image, especially knowing the
story behind it, deeply troubled Suzanne.
Suzanne, who had spent her college years learning how to heal the human
body, was repulsed by the torture portrayed by Wendy being inflicted on
herself. However, she found herself fascinated by the power of the
images and Wendy's obvious talent.
Suzanne looked up at her model, who was staring straight at her. Wendy's
expression clearly indicated that she hoped that Suzanne could help her.
Suzanne was not sure what to say to Wendy. The pictures spoke for
themselves. Finally she forced herself to speak.
"Wendy, I don't know what to tell you. I'm grateful that you shared
these with me." Suzanne searched for something positive to say about the
pictures.
"Your work is very good. The self-portraits are as good as anything in
this style I've seen that's been published."
Suzanne's attention returned to some of the self-portraits done by
Wendy. In spite of the obvious difference in styles, the pictures
reminded her tremendously of the self-portraits done by the Mexican
artist Frida Kahlo. She thought about her comment about publishing. She
had good rapport with her editor. Maybe she could get him to publish
some of Wendy's work.
Suzanne's thoughts returned to Frida Kahlo. Wendy was still staring at
her.
"Wendy, do you know who Frida Kahlo was?"
Wendy thought for a second, then shook her head. "I've heard the name,
but I don't know what she did."
"She was a Mexican artist who died of cancer. She was as obsessed with
her own suffering as you are with yours, and it came out in her work.
Your pictures remind me of Frida's. Tomorrow we'll stop at a book store
so I can show you her work. You need to see it."
The next day Suzanne and Wendy visited a bookstore on their way back to
Chicago. Wendy looked intently at Frida Kahlo's pictures, slowly turning
the pages. Suzanne ended up buying Wendy the book that had the most
complete collection of Kahlo's work, and a separate biography. For
almost all of the rest of the trip back, Wendy was engrossed in the
images. She especially paid close attention to Kahlo's paintings of
herself dismembered. Kahlo's most morbid pictures struck home with
Wendy.
Suzanne decided to invite Wendy to dinner and to stay with her overnight
at the apartment, since Amy still was in Pennsylvania with Paul. Wendy
gladly accepted, not wanting to be alone. Suzanne massaged Wendy, which
seemed to calm her down somewhat.
When Suzanne finally went to bed, Wendy sat at the kitchen table looking
at Frida Kahlo's paintings again. Then she started to draw. The tortured
images in her own mind spilled out onto sheet after sheet. She was still
drawing the next morning when Suzanne got up. Suzanne prepared breakfast
as Wendy continued to draw. Finally she asked Wendy to stop and eat.
Suzanne looked at the new batch of pictures. These pictures were even
more morbid than the ones she looked over two days before. The image
that most disturbed Suzanne was one of Wendy's corpse, lying on its
back, tied by the hands and feet to a blackjack table. Wendy's stomach
had been cut open and her body was filled with cards, money, and casino
chips. Suzanne had a hard time looking at the image without getting
sick.
Suzanne realized what was happening. Strangely relieved, she saw this as
a good sign. Wendy was venting her self-hatred through her art.
"Wendy, I want to borrow your work. I have an idea."
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Suzanne's next book turned out to be her most successful, and her most
controversial. Several casinos sued her publisher, unsuccessfully, to
keep it from being distributed in Nevada. Robert's partner, the one who
had defended Amy from her shoplifting charges, argued the case for
Suzanne's publisher. Robert's partner was at the peak of her courtroom
performance, savagely confronting the highly-paid casino attorneys.
Suzanne, for the first time in her career, had to deal with a large
amount of hate mail.
The book's title was simply "Wendy". Half of the images in the book were
not Suzanne's photos; they were Wendy's drawings. In page after page,
Wendy's tormented face stared out at the viewer from both Suzanne's
black & white photos and Wendy's Anime images. Suzanne supplemented her
photos of Wendy with ones of gambling equipment and casinos. Both
Suzanne and Wendy wrote essays for the book, which Amy edited to make
flow better.
With the success of her friend's joint book with Suzanne, Amy had hopes
that perhaps Wendy had recovered from her urge to gamble. At the end of
the summer Amy asked Wendy if she wanted her family's pendant back and
resume control of her own finances. Wendy thought about it for a moment,
then sadly shook her head no.
The success and controversy of "Wendy" forced the book's subject to
finally face her parents with her gambling addiction. It was a hard blow
for them. Wendy openly admitted that she was not sure if she could ever
take over the family business. She certainly would not be able to take
over any time soon. The only thing she could do was continue her
studies, go to counseling, and hope for the best.
This did not sit well at all with Wendy's parents. Her father, who had
carefully re-invested everything he earned, was stupefied at the thought
of $ 60,000, gone, just like that. It just goes to show you can't trust
women with money. Wendy's mother glared at her. She had spent her life
trying to convince Wendy's father to change his hostility towards women
in business and his disbelief in their competency in general. In a flash
Wendy had destroyed everything she had accomplished with her husband. It
was Wendy's mother who announced Wendy's punishment.
"You are not fit to stay in this country. You will go back to Taipei,
and my brother will find you a husband."
Wendy said nothing, but that night packed some of her clothes and fled
to Amy's apartment. Amy tried as best she could to comfort her.
Wendy stayed up all that night drawing. The product of her night's work
was a detailed image of her family pendant, broken into pieces and
splattered with blood.
The Wanderings of Amy - Chapter 16
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