Hi, I'm Jaxon!
Chapter 1 - The Rain is falling

– For those who love him. You are not alone.

The first day of August, 2016

They say that it always rains at funerals. The sky is supposed to be cloudy and berry blue, colors washed out with a little bit of rain pouring down on people gathered around the grave. A total silence filling the whole cemetery, which remains undisturbed. Some hidden away emotions, hold back tears, broken hearts. Every funeral seems to be the saddest and most tragic event in most people's lives. The one they will remember forever.

It was not different back then when this story started. Not different and not easier for a family reunited to say the final farewell to their loved one. A young woman lying in the coffin looked like she was just sleeping, taking rest from her endless daily duties. But there was no doubt that Emma, once a wonderful wife, mother of two, friend and a beautiful woman, was no more. They looked at her for the very last time, just a moment before the casket lid covered her face. It was all over. For members of her family a new story started to take shape as they accepted the fact their life will be completely different now. Still, they could not imagine living without her.

No one really questioned her death, the thing that happened was clear and unexpected at the same time. An unfortunate coincidence, a simple accident, a big shock for the small hearts of her kids, who had been deeply affected by the loss. They all went through all stages of loss and grief before achieving a more peaceful acceptance of death. Two weeks passed since the tragic event and they began to pick up shattered pieces and take an interest in life again. They were able to smile, to laugh at times.

The older boy named Jaxon was 12, almost 13 years old and had all the reasons to say that his life was good so far. After all, his parents kept all the troubles and worries away, allowing their son to choose his own path, which was quite different from other boys his age. Considering himself special, but not really more mature, he had both brains and looks and took advantage of it. He was a short and thin kid, one of shortest among his classmates, but nobody ever made fun of him. That is, not recently.

Being an active, popular and easy-going lad, he loved to get a lot of attention and act energetic, being all excited when it came to experiencing new things. There were a lot of people he liked to spend time with, but some said he preferred to be friends with girls. The girls, who were obviously praising him every day and smiling shyly when they saw him walking down school's hallway. He was smiling every time, hearing all the whispers and seeing some younger girls giggling as they turned away from him. A Few of them liked his hazel eyes while others paid attention to his dirty blond hair, always styled in a nice form. Most of the teenage girls kept saying there was not a single flaw in his appearance. Jaxon was perfect. He was the boy you would hug and squeeze his cheeks while grinning. A little angel.

Back then, in the cemetery, he was frantically looking for a way out, being afraid that if he did start crying, he would never ever stop. Watching as the casket was lowered into the deep grave, he clenched his fists, looking down, on the soaked ground. His bottom lip was trembling and he sighed deeply, closing his eyes for a second. Jaxon heard his brother's quiet sob, but ignored it, letting their father take care of the younger boy. To say the truth, he wanted to stay strong and show everyone that he was already a man, but fighting back the tears was more difficult with every moment, more difficult than he could have ever imagined.

The rain began to fall even harder when the casket smashed against the ground with a loud thump. All of sudden, Jaxon's little brother named Daniel dropped down on his knees and started slamming his little fists into the ground, crying loudly, breaking the sound of silence filling their ears. Standing still, Jaxon looked at the young boy whose face was red from crying, Daniel's eyes glistened and bulged with some unshed tears leaking down his face, mixing with the rain and dirt. Their father reacted right away and grabbed the depressed boy, taking him to the side, comforting and hugging him.

"You need to stay strong." Jaxon heard a silent whisper but was unable to tell who said these words.

Taking another deep breath, the handsome boy looked at his family, he knew that all the other people gathered around were watching him. As if this was some kind of show and he was supposed to join his little brother's hysteria. Of course, he felt the incredible sorrow and pity, pain tearing his heart apart. Raising his head up to the sky he squeezed his eyes hard so that a single tear which appeared in them was quickly washed down by the rain. Finally, he was glad that the burial ceremony was almost over. Everyone seemed to assure him that after this final step things will get better. He knew that some day this moment will be absolutely obscured, that he will not remember his mother very well, not able to recall her voice, smell, or touch. But in her last words, she assured him that everything will be alright. That they all need to keep on living.

"I'm sorry for your loss, Jaxon." He heard it again. The mantra of the funeral, words that meant nothing at all but the situation called it. Some people shook his hand while others tried to hug him or give him a kiss on the forehead. As he accepted all the wishes he remained motionless, nodding only his head, and watching as his relatives and distant family members were conveying condolences to his brother and father.

"I'm sorry for your loss, Jaxon." Another aged woman blurted out and ruffled his hair.

Their family was rather big and Jaxon was aware that even his parents never had a chance to meet all their relatives. Some people were clearly missing, as only around twenty showed up on the ceremony. He did not mind, not at all, as his only wish was to get back home as soon as possible – he dreamed of being alone again. On the other hand, he wanted to talk to someone, someone honest. A person, who would tell him the naked truth and will stop comforting him every few seconds. Just like his deceased mother used to do. For years he shared with her all his secrets, moments of sadness and joy, she was there when he needed help and when his father was working day and night to assure the survival of their family. She helped him in everyday life, making sure that her little son was growing up and developing without any problem at all, discovering his passions.

"Carter, I can't believe that your brother hadn't shown up." Jaxon heard and looked at an elderly woman talking to his father. Clearly upset, she whispered something into the man's ear, who seemed irritated to talk to her, scowling. "He is a disgrace to the family. Carter, If I were you..." She added in an altogether harsher tone of voice.

"Please, not now." The man said, seeing as Jaxon walked closer to them and grabbed his cold, wet hand.

"Let's go, dad. Please." The boy stated in a low voice, nodding toward the parking lot. "Please. I want to go."

As they drove back home slowly, the young kid felt down again. All the depressing thoughts were returning and the bad weather was not helping him much. Jaxon was sitting in the front seat and stared out of the window, looking at the blurred silhouettes of people, buildings, and trees. His father turned on the music, but the boy was not able to recognize the tune, he never really liked to listen to the old music. Was it the Electric Light Orchestra? Or Pink Floyd? He couldn't tell the difference. Still stuck, fighting his thoughts and emotions, he wondered what was going to happen tomorrow, in one week or in one month. Everything seemed hopeless as if his dreams were washed away along with his tears.

Daniel was sleeping. The little boy was so tired that his overflowing emotions and exhaustion, both physical and emotional, took over. Wanting to use this opportunity to speak with his dad, Jaxon opened his mouth, but could not muster any words at first. He admired his father boundlessly, even though he felt neglected from him at times. All the attention was focused on his younger brother. Everyone was saying that Daniel looked just like Carter in his youth while Jaxon shared some facial similarities with his mother. They always argued over this.

"Dad, what now?" Jaxon asked in a weak voice.

"I don't know yet. I will meet with some of these people today. You must watch over your brother this evening." The man stated, staring blankly at the street through the windshield. Thankfully, it was not raining as bad as before. Traffic in Los Angeles was getting even worse during such weather. "And tomorrow we will back to normal life. Perhaps..."

"No." Jaxon interrupted him and said pleasantly. "I mean who will take care of us now. I know you weren't working for the last weeks to sort things out, but mom was there all the time, spending a lot of time with the baby Daniel." The twelve years old kid explained, and once again clenched his fists and looked away.

"I will be there. You can ring me anytime, just tell me what you need. But you are his brother, I expect you to babysit Daniel from time to time. Just don't call him baby. " He pleaded.

"He is nine, for crying out loud! When I was his age..." Jaxon muttered.

"You were wetting your bed every few days. Give him a break." Carter replied and snapped. Jaxon rolled his eyes.

"Yeah..."

"We will do fine. If there's anything that can make it easier let me know. I know you and mom were pretty close and I will never replace her fully, but we can at least try." The man assured him, paused and looked in the rear mirror before overtaking.

"I know, dad." The boy answered quietly.

"I would rather shoot myself in the face than let anything bad happen to you or your brother." He looked briefly at his son. "We will do fine..."

Soon, they were nearing their single family house where they lived since Jaxon was born in 2003. This was his stronghold, a comfy place filled with people he trusted, which got even quieter in past weeks. Just like the whole neighborhood - West Hills was a friendly and peaceful area with a small town feel. This was why they picked that location. Everyone agreed that was the perfect place to grow up for kids. As it was safe, even late at night, and it had a number of schools and shops all around. What they saw seemed to confirm this - not a single living soul was in a sight, just an empty street filled with the endless rivers flowing down the road. And they say that it never rains in California.

"Wake up your brother and let's get inside quickly. We are in a mess already." Carter pleaded, parking the car in front of the garage and grabbed his things.

"He doesn't want to wake up." Jaxon stated, pinching his brother's nose jokingly and punching him in the arm. "Get up, shrimp!"

"I will take him to the bed." He heard his parent's voice and watched as the well-built man lifted the sleeping boy, placing him in his arms. "Open the door and close the car."

Upon entering his home, Jaxon looked at himself in the mirror. His father was true, they were all in a miserable state, soaked from feet to head. He slicked his wet hair back and grabbed a nearby towel to dry himself up. The black suit he was wearing molded tightly to his body and dripped water down on the floor. Even his boots seemed to be full of it. Kneeling down Jaxon untied his black shoes and then peeled his wet, black socks off. He did not want to leave any footprints on the floor or make it dirty - his mom complained for years that he was wearing shoes indoor and she had to clean it up after him. At some point he learned the lesson.

Jaxon rubbed the damp towel across his bare foot, between toes, up to the heel. One foot, then the other – he rushed to his room, closing door behind him. Once in there, he slipped off his jacket and unbuttoned his pants, sliding them down in one motion, which left him standing in a white shirt and cotton briefs. Thankfully, these were not as soaked and dirty as the rest of his clothing.

"Dad?" He shouted, hearing no answer. Suspecting that his father could still be in Daniel's room Jaxon sighed and jumped onto the bed.

While lying in the bed, covering himself with a warm blanket, he started thinking about the events of the day and what to do for the rest of it. He wanted to return to his usual routine. After all, things could be like before, he loved it, he loved his life. Every day after school he would come home, hastily eat dinner and spend rest of the day playing some computer games, learning how to draw, having fun with his classmates and other kids, doing usual boyish things. Now, when the summer was high he had much more time to spend with his friends and a lot of new opportunities to use. This was what he called it - "My awesome life".

Many things interested him. Carter introduced him to sports, and would often take him to some games. Jaxon played golf since he was ten, but he never really liked it, knowing how much of experience, an amount of time and practice this game required. He enjoyed soccer more, but he felt best developing his own, very special passions. There was no exception – he consumed the web popular culture like other boys all around the world. Jaxon was a bit of a nerd, able to name all YouTube stars and his favorite channels. He impatiently waited for yet another episode of his beloved shows. Yet, he always had his own opinion and it was not easy to change it. Clearly, he was someone you could call a fanboy, ready to defend his idols from all the negative feedback, praising them, and getting into arguments with people who refused to see his point. But he was not stubborn, not all the time.

Gaming was another thing he liked, and his parents were not against it for as long as the games he played were non-violent. He recalled playing Minecraft and Terraria not so long ago, and spending time building and exploring the world with his friends. Some of them recommended him Team Fortress 2, an online cartoon shooting game, and he was playing it lately, but quickly noticed the obvious truth. It was no different from golf in his opinion – it required a lot of dedication and practice. Besides, he wasn't in a mood for the games at that moment.

As for girls and relationship things - he had no interest in them yet. Sometimes his friends were mocking him, saying that yet another poor girl was drooling all over him, and he did not care about her booty and titties. This happened over and over. He was not feeling lonely and considered having a girlfriend a waste of time (and pocket money!), knowing that their relationship would be really fragile, and won't survive for long. Sure, some of the girls were physically attractive, but his sexual drive was not fully awakened yet - he was a late bloomer when it came to these things. Despite the fact that Jaxon was almost 13, no visible signs of puberty appeared on his body, his voice had not yet broken, he lacked any body hair or acne. There was only one thing that reminded him that something unusual was happening. Jaxon was getting occasional erections, but he quickly noticed that ignoring them worked fine as they disappeared rather quickly.

Strangely enough, he was not feeling insecure seeing that all of his friends started changing slowly. He figured out that this was just a part of life and did not care that much. Still, his father assured him that there was nothing to worry about. His parents also refused to give him the famous talk, but he figured it out more or less by himself. After all, in the age of the internet it all changed, any curiosity could be instantly satisfied, and he managed to get some answers despite having the damned parental control and internet filtering software installed on his PC.

Yes, Jaxon was a bit different from all the sex-obsessed teens, but that was about to change. His inner demons called Lust and Desire were biding their time, preparing to change his life forever. He could not know it yet that once you are aware of your sexuality there's no coming back. That every boy loses his innocence only once.

"Jaxon, you ok?" His father knocked on the door and walked inside.

"Yeah. How is he?" Jaxon asked softly, looking at his father and remarking how tired the man was looking. He had never seen him in such a state. Carter was a hard worker, but the recent event seemed to leave its mark on him.

"Sleeping now. Listen, as I said before, I need to meet a few people. They wanted to come here, but I insisted that we meet in a restaurant or some pub." He sighed. "I just hope she won't be there."

"The old woman you were speaking with?" Jaxon asked curiously, looking up his father's eyes. "Was she speaking about our uncle?"

"Yes." A frown crossed Carter's face. "She does not approve his way of living." He explained quizzically and added. "Anyhow, I will be back in two, maybe three hours. Also, I almost forgot. Is your tomorrow's sleepover still on?"

"Yes, I think so." The boy replied casually and stretched his arms above head, yawning.

One of Jaxon's good friends called Sergio asked him to sleepover almost three weeks ago, but it was postponed due to the obvious reasons. Jaxon always enjoyed these nights, filled with games, some junk food, watching late night TV and discussions about boyish things. He considered Sergio one of these guys, who were always fun to be around. They shared a lot of memories already, and Jaxon knew that yet another sleepover will only make him feel better. He just hoped that his friend will behave the same way as before, regardless of what happened.

"Alright, take care of your brother." Carter stated and left his son's room, getting ready for appointed meeting.

The clock showed that it was a little before eight when he got out of bed. Jaxon did not bother to dress up properly and walked barefoot to the kitchen, still wearing only white shirt and briefs tightly clinging to his body. "I just need just some quick snack." He thought and grabbed a pack of potato chips and headed back. Stopping midway he decided to check on Daniel, taking a peek into his room. His brother was still sleeping.

The bright light filled his place when Jaxon turned his PC on. Having no other things to do in the evening, he wanted to spend time looking at his favorite YouTube channels, hoping that some new videos were uploaded recently. These were usually cheering him up, and he was amazed how popular can people become thanks to the Internet. Sometimes he wanted to be as famous as them. So people would write all this silly stuff to him. From "I love you" to "You are so cute, Jaxon.". They would await every news regarding him. A new photo, any post, any update at all. Sure enough, he loved being in the center of attention.

"What's this?" He muttered, making a confused face. "No way..."

There was a video thumbnail listed in the related videos section that caught his attention. It lasted just nine seconds and showed nothing more and nothing less but a woman's naked breast. He clicked it tentatively, not sure what to expect. "How come this is not deleted yet?" Jaxon mused. "Must be some scam."

The video started buffering, and he repositioned himself on the chair, waiting. In the meantime, he made it go full-screen. A sudden adrenaline rush filled him, as he never had an opportunity to see any erotica or porn, especially in such a quality. Of course, among his friends, he pretended that he knows things so they wouldn't make fun of him. A Woman in her twenties appeared on the screen, she drew her hands up over her stomach to her breasts. She cupped them with both hands, squeezing and massaging the skin, causing her pink nipples to stand out in all glory. Grabbing a bottle of lotion, she poured some of it over her chest. Rubbing her breasts with oily hands, and making the sexiest possible face she winked at the viewer. The video stopped abruptly, showing nothing more but just a black screen.

"Shit." Jaxon cursed and looked over his shoulder to make sure that the door was still closed. He never suspected to find such a video on his favorite website. Somehow it got past all the filters.

Then the blond-haired kid realized two things. First of all, he could feel the tight fabric of his briefs pressing along his sensitive, throbbing erection. It seemed to appear out of nowhere, but a nine seconds video was enough for a boy his age. Jaxon was just not aware of what to do. A single rub against his underwear caused his hard shaft hidden inside to twitch, awaiting another caress, sending shivers down his spine. Secondly, when Jaxon scrolled down to the comments his attention focused on the most recent text. "Sexy girls to ease your pain. Join our cam chat!" It said. His parents always warned him to not click random stuff on the internet, but he did not care about it right now. He waited for his heartbeat to slow down and clicked the link holding his breath. Was it really true?

The website loaded, Jaxon allowed it to use his microphone and camera. "Oh, so this is a chatting site? Like Skype?" He thought, awaiting the results impatiently. Within next two seconds, an older boy, around 14, showed up on screen. A Look of confusion appeared on Jaxon's face and he was about to click "Find next person to chat with." when he heard the stranger's voice.

"Hi there?" A sudden sound caused Jaxon to jump on his chair.

"Hi."

"I'm Kyle. What's your name?" The black-haired boy asked, smiling to the camera.

"I'm Jaxon. Listen..." He replied in low voice, hoping that this unexpected chat will not wake his little brother up. Besides he did not want to talk with some random boy on the internet, he had enough friends. "Are there really some girls on this chat?"

"Just a bunch of old perverts wanking." Kyle assured him, smiling nervously. "You are the first normal person I've met here."

"Oh..." Looking away Jaxon tried to hide the fact that he had no idea what this was about. He was also a bit disappointed to learn that yet another way to bypass the parental control on his computer failed.

"What are you wearing? A suit shirt?" The boy asked as their conversation continued, he could not know why Jaxon's face suddenly saddened.

"I was at my mom's funeral a few hours ago."

"Shit man, I'm sorry, really." Kyle spluttered. "I know this will not make you better, but... My mom died three years ago and I was sick of people telling me how sorry they are. I just needed someone to talk with, but all of my friends were also going easy on me. They were not able to understand me."

"Exactly! I wish to live like before but everyone reminds me of her every few seconds." He exclaimed.

Nodding his head twice the younger boy delved into his thoughts. He was thinking about it this afternoon! What were the chances? At first, it seemed not possible to find someone so similar to him. A stranger boy who was just a bit older, more mature, had more experiences and time to talk to him. Someone, who did not mind that Jaxon was a young child. "Maybe this is my problem" A sudden thought appeared in his head. "I should be friends with people older than me." Always considering himself smarter than his peers Jaxon loved when some older people were paying attention to him, listening to his stories and jokes. His mother was like this!

"Listen, where are you from? W-we could talk sometime. I know this sounds silly... I'm just..." Pleading nervously Jaxon bit his lip and looked away. Usually, this was the other way around – people wanted to be friends with him.

Thankfully the stranger did not laugh or grin. A shadow crossed his face, and he seemed to turn it to the side as if he was looking at something or someone.

"Give me a second." The black-haired teen said, getting up from his chair and taking off his headset, before walking out of the room. In the meantime Jaxon checked YouTube again, only to see the adult video removed due to the violation of terms. When Kyle returned he was smiling and gave the most heartwarming answer the younger boy could expect. "I will be happy to exchange Skype names with you if this will cheer you up. Can't stand your sad face."

"Thanks. I do really appreciate it. Kyle, isn't it? Hey, do you play..."

Jaxon felt much more confident. Every moment as his conversation lingered they discovered some common interests and as it turned out they even followed same people on the Internet. Sadly, Kyle stated that he was living in a different state and it was not quite possible for them to meet anytime soon. A single hour passed by when they finally decided to say goodbye to each other and promised to talk soon again. Jaxon's father, Carter, was to return within a few minutes, and the boy did not exactly want anyone to know about the friend whom he met on-line. He needed to check on his brother and turned towards the door, but walked back to the computer hearing a Skype incoming call. To his surprise, it was Kyle, again.

"Hey Jaxon, just thought..." The teen said and paused. "Oh, wow... man. Were you talking with me with no pants on?"

Jaxon's face and neck were all red as he covered himself and sat on the chair. When he was standing next to the desk his web-cam pointed directly at his crotch, and he failed to realize it earlier. Remaining speechless he tried to explain himself, but could not mutter a word due to the humiliation.

"Just wanted to wish you good night." The black-haired boy explained. "And check if Skype is working."

"Goodnight!" Jaxon said softly, still covering his face with both hands.

"Nice briefs! Take care!" The call ended, leaving Jaxon astonished.

The blond-haired kid could not hide his delicate grin, thinking that his new friend was really cool. Kyle did not laugh at him and this was what Jaxon expected. Especially, because during summertime Jaxon was usually wearing the tight briefs instead of the popular boxer-briefs. He usually switched them as soon as the new school year started. And there will still some days left, he wanted to enjoy them all. Outside, it had evidently just stopped raining, he sat in a silence, enjoying his loneliness, and closed his eyes. This was a good day after all. First one in two weeks, when he felt that he wanted to live fully again. To experience things, to talk to people, to love the sun and the rain, the day and the night. To seize the moment and enjoy it. He wondered what would happen tomorrow. Was he going to play some new games with Kyle and then go for a sleepover at Sergio's house? Or maybe make yet another older friend? There were so many possibilities.

"My awesome life." The handsome blond-haired kid said to himself and walked out of his room.