![]() |
edited by: DecipleoftheForest & Aenae Enjoy the journey of a young man lost through life |
Bear's Den Stories Page | Rising Wind Homepage | PREVIOUS | NEXT |
I got home and cracked open the books. It seemed so long since I had done any homework. And in truth it was a few days since I did any. The only saving grace I had was that it was almost winter break so I really didn't have all that much homework these past couple of weeks. Thank God. Because I don't think I concentrated really well on my Government homework. I kept reading the same paragraph over and over again. My mind was fixated on how the hell I was going to deal with Rick and Cynthia.
I didn't realize how much time had elapsed as my mom knocked on the door and told me that dinner was ready. Damn, I spent the past three hours on just that one paragraph. At this rate, it would take me until next year to finish my homework.
My parents kept pestering me about wrestling, school and everything else at the dinner table. Well, they really weren't pestering all that much. It's just that I didn't want to deal with it. So any questions about it just felt really bothersome. I already had to deal with this shit at school. Now I had to deal with it at home too? This was a nightmare.
"So you're telling me that you quit wrestling because your coach was being unreasonable? Son, it sounds to me like you were the unreasonable one."
"Dad, you just wouldn't understand. The coach was way out of line questioning my loyalty to the team."
"So how does quitting prove that you are loyal to the team." That hit me like a ton of bricks. Damn. But I just didn't want to hear it. I wanted nothing to do with this shit. Why couldn't they understand that and leave me alone?
"Dad, could we just drop this. I don't feel like talking about this anymore."
"Tah Mah Deuh!" He said as he slammed his fist on the table. "I'm trying to talk to you son!" Oh shit, I rarely ever heard my dad cuss in Chinese.
I took a deep breath. "I know dad. I'm not trying to be rude. It's just a sore subject right now. And I don't really feel like talking about it."
"We are a family. Jia ting. Family. That's what a family does. They help each other. If you are hurting because of this, you need to let it out."
That's always one thing that I never understood about my family. My parents were pretty traditional. And usually Chinese people didn't talk things through. You just don't bring up anything to your family. It might dishonor them. But I had to end up with the Chinese version of the Cleavers for a family.
All throughout this, I could see my mom watching with more and more despair. She saw my dad starting to get mad about it. So she tried to be the peacekeeper. "Hao la, hao lah, buo yao jang lah. No need to talk about this any further, especially at the dinner table. If Chris doesn't want to talk about it right now, let it go. Don't push it. He'll talk later. Hmm? Won't you Chris?"
I saw my mom give me an out here. And even though I knew that I wouldn't want to talk about it ever, I decided that I would take her out. "Ok. I'll talk to you both about it later."
"Good now that that's settled, let's get back to dinner." The rest of the dinner remained pretty civil. My father wasn't really looking to talk too much after that. My dad was typically a pretty easygoing guy. But when he gets mad, it takes him a while to cool down. He doesn't explode like most people do. He just stays pretty quiet. And we just leave him alone to cool off. After dinner, I went back up to my room to finish my homework. Though I still hadn't gotten past the first paragraph.
It was late but I was glad that I finished my homework. My eyes were red and bleary; my head hurt from trying to concentrate so hard and my neck and shoulders were stiff and tired. I did a half ass job on homework. But at least I had it done. I was so tired that I fell asleep on my desk.
I woke when I felt a flick on my ear. It was Rick.
"Good morning sunshine." Rick was smiling as he was trying to get me awake. "Looks like you had a late night doing homework."
"Yeah." I said as I yawned. I was rubbing my eyes trying to get the cobwebs out.
"Listen, Chris, we need to talk."
"It's too damn early to talk Rick."
"I know why you've been dodging me for the past couple of days."
"I have not been dodging you. I've just been busy."
"Yes you have. But it's ok. I understand. I can't say I would do the same thing. But I can sympathize."
"Sympathize? Sympathize with what?"
"Chris, stop playing games. I know you saw Cynthia and me."
And there it was. All the skirting around that I tried to do came down in one fell swoop with that last sentence. My face fell. I tried to hide it from Rick, but he still saw it as I turned away.
"That's what I thought. I don't know why you are acting like this."
I turned back to face him. "Acting like what?"
"Acting like you don't want to be my friend, turning away from your friends, family and everyone else. What is wrong with you?"
"Nothing's wrong with me. I told you. I've just been busy. Look, I don't want to talk about this. Let's just drop it."
"Bullshit. You're just hiding."
That hit me pretty hard. I was clenching my jaw, trying to keep my composure. It was getting increasingly difficult. Why was I acting like this? Why was I getting so angry from just talking to Rick about this? I just wanted to run away from it. So I tried to brush Rick off. "I'm not trying to hide. But I gotta go take a shower and get ready." With that I walked out the door as quickly as I could.
Behind me I could feel Rick's eyes burn into the back of my head. I heard one last thing from Rick before I closed the bathroom door, "You can't hide forever." Watch me.
The shower felt nice. And I needed it. Even though my head just wouldn't clear completely, it still felt good. I dried myself and put on my clothes. It took a bit of work as I still had my left shoulder heavily bandaged. But I finally got dressed and headed back to my room to get my things. By that time, Danny and Dyl had already got there. Both of them could feel the tension between Rick and me. But they kept quiet about it as we picked up Gil and then Ernie. We all rode to school in silence. It was actually pretty creepy.
I found a parking spot and stopped in it. We all got out and Danny pulled me aside and asked me to come with him so we could talk. Man, this was all I needed. Another person I had to talk to. I was getting sick and tired of talking about it. And the funny thing was I hadn't really talked about it with anyone yet!
But Danny was cool about it. He took a look at me for a few seconds and then told me something that at the time seemed inconsequential, but I would come to find out later that it changed my life forever.
"Hey you look down man."
"Yeah, just some shit to deal with. I don't really want to talk about it though."
"That's cool. I don't really want to hear about it. Anyway, the reason I asked you to talk was because I saw that you were down and I figured that you would need a pick me up." With that, he handed me two small yellow pills.
"What the fuck is this? Nuprin? I don't need no stinking aspirin. I already got Vicodin from the doc."
"Shit, this ain't aspirin man. But you're gonna love it. It's got a kick you wouldn't believe. Vicodin can't hold a candle to this shit. It'll make you feel really good real fast." And then he said in a fake Vietnamese accent, "Make you feel good long time."
I had to crack up at that. I looked at the pills. I knew they had to be some sort of uppers. I knew Danny had experimented before. He was actually the only one of us who did. I thought about just taking it for a few seconds. But my better judgment won out in the end.
"Naw, thanks man, but I don't want to get fucked up."
"This ain't gonna fuck you up. You'll just feel good. Getting through school ain't shit when you go through it hopped up on this stuff. It's the best thing out in the market right now. You don't feel any after effects. You just feel good."
I shook my head. "Thanks man, but I don't think I want to try it."
"Alright man, it's cool. But if you feel the need to, just let me know. I got a whole stash at home."
"Ok. If I do feel I need some, I'll let you know."
"Laters"
We departed, each heading to their first period class. But he started to get me thinking. I saw shit like that all over the place. It wasn't hard to find. I wasn't necessarily thinking about taking it. But I was thinking about how Danny got a 'stash'. We all knew that Danny was a fuck up, but I never would have thought that he would be dealing drugs. Actually I think it was just the thought of Danny not being SMART enough to deal drugs. I needed to ask him what he was involved in. Too bad I didn't have the same lunch period as Danny. Oh well, I would give him a call about it tonight.
Bear's Den Stories Page | Rising Wind Homepage | PREVIOUS | NEXT |