After Jeff had kissed her goodbye, and their exchange with the entrance monitor, Mary walked into the building to begin her first day as a married woman. She went to her locker to put away the lunch prepared by the hotel and to retrieve her books and notes for her morning classes. Then she headed off in the direction of the school administrative offices.

Mother Theresa caught Mary on her way to the office. She greeted Mary with, �Miss Baker, good to see you in proper uniform this morning, even though it doesn�t seem to fit you very well.�

Mary bit her tongue and didn�t reply. Much like the confrontation of a week and a half ago Mary was unable to completely hide her displeasure. This morning Mother Theresa let the look of upset go without remark. However, the nun did question Mary carefully as to why she did not report directly to her homeroom rather than be aimlessly wandering the school halls. Mary answered, as politely as she could, that she hoped to take care of some things at the office before school started rather than waste valuable instructional time. When she said that, Katharine made her presence known.

(Mary, my daughter, you handled that better than I would have.)

(Mommy K., I am trying to live up to the promise I made to Cardinal Paul, not to flaunt my status. But my patience is wearing thin. If she calls me �Miss� one more time I think I will explode!)

(Daughter, you have my permission! Just remember Pater�s caution to Jeff last Saturday - �No heavy hard objects�. Oh, I take it that you had a pleasurable night last night?)

Mother Theresa, seeing the hesitation in Mary, moved in for what she perceived would  be an easy kill. �Miss Baker, I�ve had enough of your disruptions. That spectacle you put on yesterday was a monumental waste of time.�

(Mary, think first, then say what�s on your mind!)

�Mother, I think Cardinal Richardson will be gratified to find out that a Nun teaching at a Catholic High School considers the administration of one of the sacraments to be a �waste of time.� And by the way, two years ago in freshman English, Sister Bonaventure taught us that the proper form of address for a married woman was; �Mrs. Woman�s given name Surname�, when being informal. But in formal situations more properly; �Mrs. Husband�s First name Surname�. So to be totally correct you should address me as Mrs. Jeffrey Baker!�

(You love the sound of that, don�t you dear?)

(YES! Mommy K., I keep saying it to myself over and over.)

This mental exchange had Mary beaming a beautiful smile in seconds. Mother Theresa made another one of her now infamous leaps of logic, thinking that Mary was smirking at her, only to fall on her face again.

�Miss Baker, you are going to accompany me to the principal�s office right this moment,� seethed Mother Theresa. At which point the nun reached out and roughly grabbed Mary�s still healing left shoulder. Mary winced in pain from the protesting joint and said from behind clenched teeth, �Ouch! Mother, you are hurting me.�

Heedless to the pain she was causing, Mother Theresa continued to dig her fingers into Mary. Mary with distress obvious in her voice told the nun, �Mother, I most recently saw the consequences to a person for injuring me as you are doing now. They are in the hospital, and if they recover will be charged with felonious assault. So, would you kindly remove your hand?�

(Mary, child, did you just threaten Mother Theresa?)

(No! Mommy K., I just illustrated that bad things sometimes happen to people who do physical harm to another.)

(Mary, you have been spending too much time around Timothy. You are starting to sound like him in his �high and mighty� mood.)

(Mommy K., I have watched Pater get all formal. It seemed to work so well, I had to try it myself.)

Mother Theresa meanwhile had removed her hand as if she had been clutching a burning lump of coal instead of Mary�s shoulder. With as much disdain as she could muster she herded Mary off to the office, thus taking Mary where she was going anyway.

They arrived at the office at the same time the principal was approaching from the opposite direction. Monsignor Vincente greeted the pair with �Good morning, Mrs. Baker, morning Mother. Mary, I trust that I still may address you that way?�

�Of course, Monsignor,� was our heroine�s response.

�Thank you, Mary. You and your husband had a safe and productive trip to Maryland, then?�

�Yes Monsignor, Judge Kodiak had everything taken care of. I have the license in my pocketbook in case you need it to change my �student information file�.�

�Let�s go see Mrs. Bauer. She can take care of all that for you. Is that all you needed me for?� replied the Monsignor.

�Yes Monsignor, that�s all I wanted to do but Mother Theresa here enh...  err..., strongly requested that I accompany her here, to your office.�

During this interchange Mother Theresa had become agitated. She thought that Monsignor Vincente was treating this very poor example of a student with the respect that is due to a member of the staff. In fact, he was treating her much better than even a parent should be treated. �How did he expect her to maintain proper order and discipline unless parents and students knew their place in the pecking order?� thought Mother Theresa. �After all, I am the woman�s disciplinarian, am I not?�

Principal Vincente looked to Mother Theresa with an arched eyebrow.

Mother Theresa answered with �Miss Baker here...........�

She was interrupted by the principal with, �In my office now!.�  Then, looking to his pupil, �Mary, go see Mrs. Bauer, then wait. I will see to you after I have had a chance to talk privately with the good Mother here.�

With that he escorted Mother Theresa into his office and pointedly closed the door. The Monsignor was a natural administrator. The Lord hadn�t blessed him with the superb intellect that he had bestowed on Father Tim or the Cardinal. But he had been given more than sufficient brain power to be of service in his capacity. The priest walked to his desk and lowered himself into his high backed chair, which he swiveled to face Mother Theresa. The Monsignor purposely did not invite the nun to sit down. He rather perfunctorily said, �Let�s have it, Sister. What has you so upset with our star pupil?�

Mother Theresa sputtered, �Star Pupil? That enfant horrible is being disrespectful of our authority!�

�Get a hold of your emotions, Sister! That young woman out there can pick up the phone and talk to the Cardinal any time she wants; I heard her do it myself. Even if that were not so, she is a likeable individual. She is a much better �example� of a good Catholic woman than some of your �cheerleading� tarts,� answered the principal.

�Tarts?� quizzed Mother Theresa.

�Mother, get your head out of the sand! Even I have heard the rumors of after the game congratulations. If I could prove it, I would do something about it.�

�Just what are you implying, Monsignor?�

�Mother, if I were you, I would be more concerned with illicit private �signs of affection� than with public, and might I add, �chaste,� actions. Also, you were there yesterday when our Miss Baker became Mrs. Baker, even if your actions were somewhat disruptive. Now what was your reason for bringing Mrs. Baker to my office?�

Mother Theresa blanched, if you could detect the change with the white bib and the headdress. �My actions were disruptive?� sniveled the Nun. �What about that...that...hussy out there tying up the entire school for the better part of the day just so she could do disgusting things with that boy from public school. Then her essay! It�s going to take me a long time to get some of those heretical thoughts out of the rest of our charges� minds. The very notion that God would consider the �reproductive act� as anything more than excusable in certain situations!  Why else would The Lord have made it so repulsive and degrading....and....�

Mother�s diatribe didn�t end there, but the Monsignor mentally shut her off. He thought maybe this was what Father Strickland and the Cardinal were attempting to rectify. His gut reaction was to have this nun removed from school. That would probably not sit well with some bureaucrats in the chancellery. He understood that while he didn�t lust after women, he was making a sacrifice to remain celebrate. Not like this specter standing in front of him spouting hate and completely missing the point of the unmarried state. This thing... thought she was avoiding a horrible fate by hiding behind the Habit.

When she had finally wound down he spoke. �Mother, I can see that you feel strongly about this subject. There are other considerations however. Things are changing; the laity is becoming more important to Rome. That especially involves the role of women in the church. While I am not entirely happy about some of the things I see happening, I will not be a road block, nor will I allow your attitude to drag me and this school down with you. That young woman out there is the future of the Church; she received something yesterday that you seem to have missed. She received the blessing of our Lord, a way of helping her.... What sacrament did you receive when you took your vows?�

�I didn�t need blessings or sacraments to do the right thing! Are you going to allow that woman to attend our school?� was Mother Theresa�s disdainful reply.

�Yes Mother, I am but it is not all my doing. I follow orders and downtown has made their wishes quite clear. Now I am going to do the same! You will treat Mrs. Baker with respect. You will address her as Mrs. Baker. See to it the word on that is passed to the rest of your nuns. Mrs. Baker will have to follow all the rules as they apply to her. I don�t think that will be a problem for her. Have I made myself clear?�

�Well, she already has broken several rules this morning. She rode to school in an automobile with that boy while in uniform. Then they kissed (shudder) again,� whimpered Mother Theresa.

�Is that so?� replied the Monsignor. �Better check the rules, Mother. The rules specifically permit family members to ride to school in the same car. And how many times have you seen a parent or guardian give a kiss to a student when they are dropped off?� The principal paused and thought for a moment before he continued, �I hadn�t thought about it before, but who do you think will be signing Mary�s report card and if you were to send a request home with Mrs. Baker, demanding to speak to her guardian, who do you imagine will come to speak with you?�

�Monsignor, she also threatened me.�

�Oh? That�s a horse of a different color. You better explain what happened.�

�I came upon your �Mrs. Baker� aimlessly wandering the halls earlier this morning, contra to school rules. When I braced her on her infraction, she became surly. Since I knew you would not tolerate that disrespect for a person of the cloth, I attempted to physically direct her to your office. I simply took a hold of her shoulder to urge her in the proper direction. She pretended that she was in pain.  She related a tall tale about �the last person to do that wound up in the hospital.� I didn�t want to escalate things further so I removed my hand. She then willingly came with me to your office; that is where we were when you met us.�

Father Vincente slumped in his chair. He prayed silently to himself, �Father, who art in heaven, give me strength! Does she truly not understand she is at the edge of the abyss with one foot suspended over nothingness?�

�Sister, did you read the article in the �Bulletin� about the �Parkway Rapists� capture?� was what Msgr. Vincente spoke out loud.

Receiving a negative shake of the nun�s head as a reply, he continued. �It seems that those slime buckets picked the wrong targets this time. The lady was slightly injured before her escort did some serious work on those who were hurting someone he considered under his protection. For some reason known only to the reporter, the paper failed to mention the names of the woman and her champion. I have it on very good authority that the woman was our Mary, and the gentleman, your �public school boy�.

�Some nastiness occurred with the police but that was straightened out in court on Saturday. The judge said something to the effect of the young man�s actions were �reasonable and prudent.� So before you lay a hand on someone�s wife, I suggest that you give it prior consideration. That�s probably a good principle for you to apply before you �attempt to physically direct� any of your students.

�I am going to invite Mrs. Baker in here to discuss your �detention problem�.�

-:-:-:-

While the Monsignor was consulting with Mother Theresa, Mary was busy with Mrs. Bauer, the school secretary. Mrs. Bauer held open the doorway to the back office for Mary, inviting her to enter.

�Mary, I�m Irene. Let�s see if we can figure how to make the records fit your situation. Did you know that you are the first one of us to openly attend a Catholic High School?�

�One of �us�?� stumbled a bewildered Mary.

�Oh, �Us�, we married women stick together. Welcome to the club. I have been married forty two years and regretted it only once when I lost my first one to not taking care of myself. Now the fun begins. We have to make the system understand you.�

Irene rummaged though her desk drawers and came up with a blank �Student Information Form.� She told Mary they would have to shoehorn her new status into the existing system. The ever efficient Irene had already pulled Mary�s current records.

Working together they filled in the forms. Mary�s home address (in the city) and parish (now Holy Angels) reflected the home that Father Tim had given them. In the area that contained emergency information they put Jeff�s name first and for telephone they looked up the number of his school. They were in somewhat of a quandary as whom to list for the second contact until Katharine came to the rescue. (Mary, have her put down - Timothy Strickland, Esq. And for relationship, �Attorney in Fact.�) Mary, being the mindful daughter she was, did as bidden.

Irene produced two pre-printed 3 X 5 cards and said, �Now we have one last item to take care of, new signature cards are in order.�

Mary hadn�t given any thought to who would sign for her. She had simply assumed (no, my friends, I�m not going to bring up that tired old bromide) that she would not need anybody to give permission for her. Irene saw Mary stiffen and look as if she was going to protest.

�Don�t worry, Mary I�ve got this all figured out. Notice that all the places that requested student�s name we have listed you as - Mary Susan Baker - including on the top of this form. Then we go back to the first form, fill in the parent/guardian section with �Jeffrey M. Baker.� Mary, like it or not the law says you are his responsibility now, even though we know better! So just let it go. Now you sign the top line of the signature card, �Mrs. Jeffrey M. Baker.� Take the duplicate home and tell your hubby to sign the second line. Trust me, no one will ever question it.�

Mary�s mood brightened, �Mrs. Bauer, things are happening so fast. Jeff and I talk about everything. We never thought about things like signing report cards or �giving permission�.�

�Mary, I told you, it�s Irene. Keep talking with your Jeff. It�s the way to have a long and happy marriage. There are things that are scary but you have to make those decisions together. If something were to happen to your hubby this afternoon, people would be coming to you to ask permission to help him. You are now his �Next of Kin�.�

-:-:-:-

The principal keyed his intercom and spoke to Mrs. Bauer. At her behest Mary entered the most dreaded area for a student, the Principal�s office.

The Monsignor began with, �Mrs. Baker, come join us.� As he stood and indicated a chair to Mary, he turned to Mother Theresa and grudgingly said, �You may have a seat too, Mother.�

�Mrs. Baker, Mother Theresa is sorry for interrupting your nuptials yesterday.
However, as much as I disagree with her actions, I can�t let a student assign punishment to a teacher. What I propose is that Mother will say during this morning�s announcements that she and her fellow nuns will be praying a novena for you and your husband�s future. By the way, she has indicated that she understands the proper way to address you is �Mrs. Baker��

(Mary dear, now is the time for an olive branch.)

�Mother, you could address me as Mary or Mary Baker if you would like.�

As Mother Theresa replied, you could hear the venom in her voice. �I will stick to what I have been instructed to do. If that is acceptable to you, �Mrs. Baker�.�

Principal Vincente stepped into the exchange, �Mary, thank you for being understanding about this. Would you tell His Eminence that we have been cooperative the next time you see him?�

(Mary dear, you won this one, let her have her pettiness.)

�I will, Monsignor. I will be seeing him Friday afternoon when my husband and I will be picking up Smokey, if Cardinal Paul will part with him.�

�Thank you, Mary. Now run off to class. Mrs. Bauer will give you a late pass. Remember my door is always open to you. Just ask Mrs. Bauer and she will fit you in quickly.�

Msgr. Vincente then spoke to Mother Theresa, �I believe you have an announcement to make.�

Mary went to her morning classes. Her first class was civics. The teacher was a Miss Teafiend. She greeted her class with, �Today we will take up the �state�s rights� vs �the full faith and credence clause� of The Constitution. This is an obscure matter which I am sure that will never affect you personally. Can anybody explain either concept?�

Mary waited for someone else to respond. When no one else took up the challenge, Mary raised her hand. Miss Teafiend saw Mary�s raised hand and said rather smugly, �Baker, it�s a little early for a bathroom break don�t you think?�

Mary replied, �Ma�am I don�t have to use the ladies room. I was going to attempt to explain what I know of the �full faith and credence� clause.�

�And what would a young girl like you know about constitutional clauses?� replied an incredulous Miss Teafiend.

Mary thought for a moment, (Mommy K? If I tell her, is that taking advantage of my �special status?)

(No, Dear, Timothy and David explained it to you. It�s part of you now. Remember Cardinal Paul said �flaunt;� he didn�t say you couldn�t use your experience! Let her have both barrels...Wait Mary....Do your �get all formal routine.�)

�Miss Teafiend, I have had the opportunity, recently, to consult with my attorney and a Justice of the Superior Court of the State of Maryland, on this exact subject.�

(Dear, keep it factual! Consulted with David?)

(Mommy K., he signed the license, didn�t he? Anyway we talked at dinner last night. And Mommy, I�d like to think of him as Uncle Dave. He and his wife were so nice. She told me some stories about you and Pater. The four of you were quite a wild bunch, weren�t you?)

(Oh! She didn�t, did she? If she did, paybacks are going to be tough.)

(Mary, keep in mind that there was never any poaching. We enjoyed each other�s company, enough said!)

�Baker, don�t be smart with me! A child like you doesn�t have an attorney; let alone �consult� with judges,� sputtered the spinster teacher.

(Mommy K., I will fill you in later. I have to get into my �indignant persona� now.)

�Miss Teafiend, I am not a �child.� I am a woman, a married woman in fact. I will forgo my explanation of those �doctrines� in favor of yours.�

(MARY! What did Elizabeth tell you? I need an answer now! Not the skinny dipping story? I�ll have her soul if she did!)

(Mommy K., that was just one of the stories. I will tell you all about it later. If I don�t pay attention to MISS Teafiend I am going to be in big trouble.)

The rest of the class passed with an uneasy truce between Mary and the teacher.

The third period brought a pleasant experience for Mary, when at the beginning of Spanish class, Mrs. Twist, the instructor, began the class with, �Buenos d�as, Se�ora y Se�oritas� and a meaningful smile in Mary�s direction.

Before lunch period, however, a couple of the younger students cornered Mary. They wanted to know why she was still in school since she was now married. They wondered that since she had reached her goal, why she wouldn�t just drop out and take it easy. This exchange bothered Mary greatly. Being wed to Jeff was the most important milestone in her life but that wasn�t a goal. What she envisioned for herself was making a mark on the world and birthing several little �Marys and Jeffs�.

Between classes Mary noticed most of the nuns greeting her in the halls with a nod and a mumbled, �Mrs. Baker.�

Mary went to her locker and deposited her morning books. She retrieved her afternoon materials and the box lunch the hotel had prepared for her. Mary looked around for her friend Pat. Not seeing her, she took her package to her usual table, sat down and began investigating the meal. The box had barely fit in her locker.  Opening the container, she found a list of its contents and instructions for assembling her midday repast. Also in the box was a set of flatware, a plate, salad bowl and a linen napkin. The paper requested Mary to give the box with the soiled items to any bellman upon her return to the hotel.

Mary had begun reading the information when Pat sat down in her customary seat. �I waited in the hall as long as I could, hoping to catch Terry heading off to his next class. He must have taken the shortcut through the gym.�

�Pat, look at this. This is supposed to be my lunch. There are enough goodies in here to feed three people. Have you ever seen shrimp this big? They have to be bigger than 10-count shrimp. I think this wedge is Brie, this one Edam?  The Julian salad is huge, three kinds of dressing, French, Oil and Vinegar, oh! My favorite - Roquefort. Crackers and I wonder what kind of bread this loaf is, and here�s butter.�

Then Mary found a 4 oz. bottle of Chablis and glass.

�Pat, would you like a sip of the grape? If we share it quickly, Mother Theresa will never know how far astray we have gone,� snickered Mrs. Baker. �And you have to help me eat all this.�

�What, no oysters?� quipped Patricia.

�Oysters?�

�You know, oysters, the aphrodisiac. Maybe newlyweds don�t need them,� responded Pat.

Mrs. Twist, who had lunch room monitor duty that day, wandered past the table. She noticed the bottle, stopped, bent over and whispered to la Se�ora, �Tomorrow or whenever, tell them to substitute a Coke for the �grape juice�.� When Mary and Patricia stood, Mrs. Twist informed Mary that in the Spanish culture �la Se�ora� remains seated to greet a visitor. Then she added, �You should try to learn the customs as well as the language.�

After the teacher left, Pat took up the conversation. �Mary, I didn�t want to take away from your day so I haven�t said anything before. Terry proposed last Saturday night at Jeff�s parents. I kinda said �Yes.��

�Pat, I am so happy for you!� squealed Mary. �Terry is a real nice guy. And he is almost as handsome as my Jeff,� teased Mary. �He�s such a teddy bear behind that jock front he puts on. Before you guys introduced me to my Luv, I had a crush on him.�

�Mary! Terry is much better in the looks department than that scrawny specimen you claim as your husband. As for Terry being a jock; didn�t your �Knight Errant� subdue three of the bad guys last Friday night?�

�Pat, sorry for trying to tease you. I like Terry and I know that you two will be happy. Right now I am enjoying having the upper hand, something I never had before. I have a husband. I am fully a woman now. That is something I can now say without guilt. It�s very heady stuff.�

�He�s kinda soft on you too, Mary. Do I have anything to worry about? After all you are now a married woman and out of the competition, aren�t you?� pleaded a semi-serious Patricia.

(Dear, Pat is feeling left out. You and Jeff have made your vows. She is insecure right now so take it easy on her.)

�Pat, I promise not to steal Terry, as if I could. Just promise me that you won�t shake your �boobies� at my Jeff too often. Mine are so small. I�m swimming around in this uniform you lent me.�

�You should have to carry them around for a while! They get in the way a lot!�

With those preliminaries out of the way, Pat desperately wanted to know, �How was it? Is it as good as they say?�

Mary said, �The reports are not even close! One of the wonderful parts was when Jeff kissed me goodnight. We did not have to separate. We just fell asleep. Snuggling up to your lover sure beats a flannel nightgown any day.�

Mary paused for a breath, eyes shining, before continuing, �Then to wake up to Jeff gently massaging my breast in his sleep, pure heaven! I didn�t have to put his hand there, his reserve is all gone. And.... he woke up in such a nice condition, so we put it to good use.�

�Now tell me, how many times did you two do it?� queried Pat.

Mary giggled, �It?�

�Stop being so smug, you are acting like my mother! Why do married people clam up when I ask about �it�?�, peeved Patricia.

Mary replied, �Who was counting, but enough times that I am a little tender in a certain place.�

�Oh..., it hurt then?�

�No! The tenderness is a reminder of how good it was! Exciting and calming at the same time; tender and rough together; taking and giving; the mind consuming thought that you are �one being� at that moment,� pontificated Mary. �And that�s only the mind stuff. You get all tense; you don�t think you could get any tenser, and then all a sudden the flood gates open. Every nerve in your body fires off pleasure messages. Your mind kinda shuts down like it has too much of a good thing. Your hips are pushing and thrusting like they had a mind of their own, you�re making sounds like you�re dying but you are already in heaven. Jeff is doing the same! Then you feel him erupt, giving you his future. It�s too incredible to put into words! Then you get hugged so tight. Heaven could not be even close to that. So tight that I couldn�t tell whose heartbeat I was feeling. It was such a rush. And you start leaking all over the sheets, the dreaded �wet spot,� but even that is good because then you have to snuggle closer to sleep.�

(Mary, the tenderness in that certain spot will pass quickly. By tonight you will want Jeff to kiss it and make it better and better until you can�t take it any more. Then you will be begging for a repeat performance. Timothy pretended that he could take it or leave it but I know better. Don�t ever let Jeff get away with that fiction. Now tell me what Elizabeth told you!)

(Later Mommy K., please!)

Pat sat back in confusion. �Mary, is it ok to like it that much? Some parts of me tell me that I need that feeling but I keep hearing that I have to be a good girl and that those feelings are wrong. Last Saturday night Terry was starting to make me feel good and helpless at the same time, and then you went and kicked over the flower pot. At that point I would have killed you if I had the chance. I want to do more, I need more but I want someone else to make that decision for me, like to be forced into what I want. I know it doesn�t make sense.�

Before the friends could continue, the bell rang signaling the end of lunch. As Mary was leaving the cafeteria a group of freshmen girls approached her. The leader of the pack was the young woman who had given Mother Theresa the four days detention.

�Mrs. Baker? I want to apologize for my friends� behavior last week.� Indicating her three friends, �They were the ones who were doing the �Mary has a boyfriend� chant.�

Mary replied, �No need for apologies. I have a husband now. That�s much better than just having a boyfriend. Anyway, your friends will soon learn how wonderful it is to have a boyfriend of their own.�

The future corporate president pleaded for her cohorts, �Could we see and touch your ring for good luck?�

Mary wasn�t sure how to react.  She numbly extended her left hand for the girls to examine. The young women looked over the ring carefully and each touched it reverently. When they were done, Mary continued to her class.

(Mommy K., don�t they know it�s not the ring that counts? It�s the commitment we made to each other that�s important.)

(Yes dear, you are so right but they are so young. They have to learn the difference.)

Mary�s first class after lunch was religion, taught by an elderly priest. He was the only teacher to actually call the roll. When he came to the former Miss Mary Baker (Mary�s was the third name in the class), he asked her, �Your last name is still �Baker� isn�t it?�

Mary replied, �Yes, Father, some friends thought it would be funny to introduce the two �Bakers.�  It worked out really well.�

The priest took it from there, �That�s going to be confusing for your children, having your maiden name the same as your married name. Now, Mary, since you are the only person in this class to have received the Sacrament of Matrimony that makes you our resident expert. You will be required to assist me next week when we take up that subject.�  Then with a gleeful look in Mary�s direction, he continued to call the roll.

Mary finished out the day in somewhat of a fog. She was being confronted with so many things that she never thought of before. Most troubling was the attitude of the two different factions of her classmates; the �girls� expecting her to drop out of school since she was married and other �girls� being in awe of her ring.

-:-:-:-

The novelty of Jeff�s day began early. He had been dreaming, at least he was in the stupor of sleep. He was imagining he was wrapped around the most desirable creature in the universe - Mary. As consciousness began to return he found himself with a handful of breast, not some picture in a magazine but Mary�s breast. His second thought was, I�m a dead man. If Dad and Mom walk in here and find out what we have been up to, they are going to burn me at the stake. His first thought?  �I�ve died and gone to heaven.�  When he opened his eyes all he saw was a crop of red hair. His nose smelled a fragrance known to man from time immemorial, the essence of mate. Jeff prayed �Oh Lord, don�t take me now!� At this point details are unimportant but the beam on the lovers faces would tell any astute observer what had transpired.

When Jeff reached his school he was treated to many pats on the back and greetings of �Lucky Dog� and �Cool.� He was even more surprised when the school�s head jock and captain of the football team confronted him with, �So now we even have to call �Track and Field� peons men.�

To which he added, �Jeff, you�re a better man than I. I am trying to work up the guts to ask Louise to wear my class ring and then you go out and actually marry your girlfriend! The way she looked at you yesterday during assembly! She adores you. She looked like the cat that ate the canary. What�s your secret?�

�Mike, there�s no secret. We are in love, and, as mushy as it sounds, that�s it.�

Mike begged Jeff to bring Mary to the local drive-in so he could impress Louise, when he introduces the married couple as his friends. Jeff told Mike that he would talk it over with Mary. He had no objections if it was ok with her.

Jeff�s box lunch was much simpler than Mary�s. His contained an over-stuffed roast beef on rye with sides of coleslaw and potato salad, a quartered dill pickle, a container of fresh grated horseradish, bell peppers and some chips. The horseradish was so fresh that when Jeff smelled the aroma his eyebrows began to sweat.

During the day, Jeff realized that there was a very subtle difference in the way the other students and teaching staff treated him. It took awhile before he could pin it down. He finally came to realize that his classmates were treating him as someone they should call Mister. At the same time, the teachers were acting like he was a returning graduate.

Late in the day his mentor, the biology teacher, took Jeff aside and told him he should contact the local personnel office for the USDA.  The teacher had checked with Jeff�s current teachers and had been assured by each there was a zero chance that Jeff would not graduate and the probability was that he would even achieve honor status. This information was passed to his friend at the Agriculture building. He then invited Jeff and Mary over sometime, saying �Jeff, my man, Sally says that you and Mary have to come over for dinner and a quiet evening some time real soon.� He added, �Since I no longer have you in class, you can call me Sam. Have you talked to the office yet?�

�Why would I have to do that?�

�Jeff, start thinking and acting like a husband, not a boyfriend! If some medical emergency came up, who would you want the office call, your mom or Mary? I know it�s only two weeks to graduation, but what is your current address?�

A somewhat mollified Jeff demurred, �Mary and I talked on the way to her school this morning about her updating her records. I was thinking that it�s my job to take care of her; I wasn�t thinking that she might have to do that for me.� Jeff shuddered at the thought.

Jeff�s day finished quickly as most teachers dismissed their senior classes early. After all, senior exams started on Monday. It was a little late for them to attempt to cram more knowledge into their students� heads. At this point they were well aware who was going to pass and who would be attending summer school. Jeff used the time to visit the school office and revise his records.

Once he left the office, he found a payphone, put in his dime and called Mr. Sutcliff at the USDA. The personnel manager extended an offer of employment to Jeff at an unbelievable rate of $2.25/hr plus benefits. He further explained that the job was temporary at first but assured Jeff the position would become permanent once he passed his Civil Service test. He appeared relieved when Jeff quickly accepted. Jeff and the manager agreed that a good start date was the first Monday of July. Jeff was then turned over to a secretary to make arrangements for completing the paperwork and his pre-employment physical.

Our new husband & breadwinner hurried the few miles to Mary�s school. In the parking lot he got out and assumed a pose that one day would be immortalized by �The Fonze,� arms folded, butt leaning against the fender of his car with legs crossed. Mary came out of the building carrying the books and notes she needed for her homework as well as the remnants of her box lunch. Seeing Mary�s burden, Jeff hurried to his lover. He took the book bag with its heavy contents. As he reached for the box lunch, Mary admonished him that she was not a cripple but would split the burden.

Walking the short distance to the auto, each caught the �I have a lot of good news� look on the other. A humorous exchange ensued, with both of them attempting to give the other the opportunity to tell their news first. Finally Jeff saw the futility of a man trying to outtalk his wife. He capitulated saying, �Your choice, wife of mine.�

By this time they were seated in the car. Mary scooted closer to Jeff, wrapped her arms around his shoulders and breathed in his ear, �You first, but remember that means that you have to wash my back tonight.�

�Oh! My Lord! I think the price is steep but I will pay it,� was Jeff�s gleeful comeback.

(Mary, me thinks that you could teach Brer Rabbit a thing or two.)

�I got the job! And you won�t believe what they want to pay me. If we are careful, we can cover your college,� reported a happy Jeff. �Now your turn!�

Mary broke into tears. �I don�t want to be a burden. Luv, I�m scared. You�re so caring that I didn�t think �tiny titty� me would ever attract someone like you. I got all upset with Pat at lunch; I made her promise not to try to steal you. I was acting so brave lording over her about last night.�

Jeff pulled the car off to the side of the road. Turning to his...  love?...  his reason for existence?... the other half of his real self?...  he spoke softly, � �Tiny Tits�? As far as I am concerned this one is Everest and this one is K2,� as he fleetingly palmed each of Mary�s breasts in turn. �I adore your body but, more important, I love you! All of you! Why would you, someone who has it all, settle for a nobody like me? I�m the one who won the prize!�

The area where they had parked was in full view of passersby, which was probably a good thing or our Romeo & Juliet may have continued to a point where they would have fallen into disfavor with Officer Ceepeeoh, not to mention Mother Theresa�s reaction if she were to have observed them.

Composed again, Jeff entered traffic. �Shall we go look over our new home?� asked Jeff. �What is your good news, O� Wife of Mine�?�

(Mary, I do believe he enjoys saying that as much as you like repeating the �Mrs. Baker.�)

�Luv, I will give you 100 years to stop calling me that!  Not a moment sooner.�

(Daughter, good come back! Remember chiding is fine when done with a smile and you keep it fun. Don�t ever do it to hurt.)

Mary then related the events of the day. She started with the most important: the engagement of Pat and Terry. She went on to relive the confrontation with Mother Theresa and the principal�s reaction. Mary then told him about filling out the paperwork with Irene. She included exquisite detail. Then she moved on to the two confrontations in the hall with other students. The one with the budding executive was humorous and uplifting. The one with the girls who said she should drop out was a dark experience.

She told Jeff of the events in civics, Spanish and religion class. Then she went on to relate occurrences at lunch with the wine.

Poor Jeff was experiencing for the first time the intimate detail in which a wife will describe her day. He expended considerable effort in attempting to separate the important information from the chaff.  Jeff finally reached the saturation level and his mind wandered to other things. Their arrival at their new home saved Jeff from having Mary notice that he hadn�t been following her every word.

They were struck with awe when they first glimpsed their house. �My God, it�s bigger than either of our parent�s houses!� exclaimed Jeff as he pulled to the curb.

They were in the city now, about halfway between Mary�s school and the suburbs where they had grown up. The area was called West Oak Lane.

�Jeff, are you sure of the address, this is it?� Mary asked.

�Twelfth and 68^th, right?� came Jeff�s answer.

The home was massive. A three story structure constructed of stone. It had a small front and side lawn. In the rear was a yard dominated by three large oak trees, each of which stood at least 150 ft. tall. (They later learned the property even had the name �The Three Oaks.�)

They alighted from the car as if they were interlopers. This neighborhood while not being �upscale� spoke of �old money.�

(Mary dear, this is the house were I was born. It�s where Tim and I lived until I got sick and it was too much for me. Now it�s yours. Treat it carefully, please?)

(Mommy, I will! Please let me tell Jeff that we can talk. I don�t like hiding things from him.)

Jeff took Mary�s hand and began walking down the sidewalk towards the front steps.

�O� Wife of Mine, is this real?�

Before Mary could answer, Jeff scooped her up and carried her to the front door. Mary was squirming around in Jeff�s embrace but not trying to get away. He set his burden in front of the door.

�O� Wife of Mine, unlock us please,� Jeff said as he handed Mary the keys.

�Luv, I�ll open the door but that�s only because it�s lady�s first. It�s not mine, it�s ours!�

�O� Wifee, don�t even think of walking across that threshold! I get to carry you over it! That�s my reward for putting up with the most adorable creature God ever created.�

Mary melted into Jeff�s arms. He wrapped his left arm around Mary, reached with his right, gathered her knees and shuffled through the door.

�There, the heavy lifting is done! When�s dinner?� joked Jeff as he ducked to avoid the roundhouse punch aimed a foot to the left of his jaw. They both began to giggle uncontrollably. The lighthearted mood continued as they explored their new home.

The interior was spotless, but largely devoid of furnishings. There were two noteworthy exceptions; all the windows on the first two floors had curtains and drapes. The third floor rooms had just pull down shades. The other area that offered something else was the formal dining room.  It had an entire suite of furniture.

The table was massive to say the least. As they first saw, it was capable of seating eight people. In a few weeks Mary would discover two table extenders for it. With these in place it could easily accommodate twelve people. At the head and foot of the table were two chairs that might be described as mini thrones. They both were ornately carved �captain�s chairs,� the backs on each standing at least five foot above the ground. Six other chairs surrounded the rest of the table. There was a huge buffet topped by a mirror and shelf. Parked beside the large fireplace was a wheeled cart fashioned in the same style as the rest of the suite.

(Mary, that�s a carving table. When I was young the butler would take it to the kitchen where cooks would load it with the meat. It would then be wheeled into the dining room for my father to carve.)

(Mommy K., is that the one that had the naughty Valentine�s cake on it? The one with the strawberries and the whipped cream?)

(She�s a dead woman! And I know all about dead. Mary! Get her up here where I can reach her. She was always the prudish one, now she�s telling stories out of school! I�ll have you know we each went to our separate bedrooms to enjoy our treats! I never did get the red berry stains out of those sheets.)

(Mommy K., I think that I will keep her away from you for awhile until you calm down and realize that I love the stories. They make you a living breathing person.)

Mary was holding in the laughter when Jeff asked, �Wifee, what�s so funny?�

�Luv, I have been able to talk to Pater�s Katharine since last Saturday. She was telling me about the �Carving Table.� She is more fun than Pater, even if she is a chatterbox.�

(Daughter, I am not a chatterbox. I just say what�s on my mind. Humph! To prove it I will take my leave now. I have to check up on Timothy.)

�Luv, last night when you, Uncle Dave and Pater were off talking sports, Aunt Elizabeth filled me in on what Pater and Katharine were like when they were our age. I have been having fun teasing her. She has been pretending to be upset, but I think that she likes it as much as I do.�

Jeff took all this in with a shrug. He had experienced too many novel ideas in the past week to be troubled by this latest revelation.

After exploring their new home for another hour, they decided that they had too many things to do before they went back to the hotel. They locked up and drove to Jeff�s parents.

During the drive Jeff asked Mary how they were going to keep up with such a large home. He said at one point that it was large enough for two families. This planted a seed for an idea in Mary�s mind.

Arriving at Jeff�s parent�s, they were greeted by an excited Barbie who wanted to know if Mary was a mommy yet. Val scolded her younger daughter about asking questions of a too personal nature. The child proceeded to go into a sulk. Barbie pulled Mary aside and asked, �When you become a mommy, will you make it a girl for me? All you have to do is tell the hospital you want a girl before you go to pick her up. I hope you don�t get all big and fat like Carol�s mommy did before the hospital told her the new baby was ready.�

Mary told her sister-in-law, �We will have to take what we get. It�s up to your brother.�

Barbie assumed a defiant pose and spoke, �But you are going to be the mommy! Jeff is just going to be the daddy.�

Val saved the day by packing Barbie off to her room for her nap. The newlyweds� Aunt and Uncle had arrived in the meantime.

As the three couples sat at the kitchen table, Jeff and Mary excitedly told everyone about their new home. Mom Val let them know that she and Bill were going to get the youngsters a bedroom suite as a wedding present. The bed frame, mattress and box spring would be delivered on Saturday. Ralph and Helen offered a used but serviceable sofa and chair for the living room. Val related that Father Tim had mentioned he had a lot of furniture in storage. He wanted the couple to look it over and take what they needed.

Near the end of this discussion, there were several nonverbal conversations occurring. Bill, Val, Ralph, and Helen were involved in one and Jeff and Mary in a completely different one.

Jeff to Mary: They are getting ready to do something that they think will upset us.

Mary to Jeff: Any idea what?

With a small smile and shifting of his eyes Jeff managed to convey, �No idea. I just hope it�s nothing too serious.�

Bill to Ralph: He�s my son so I will start it.

Then Bill to Valerie: You�ll take care of Mary?

A twinkle in Val�s eye answered Bill�s inquiry.

-:-:-

Jeff was taken outside behind the garage by his Dad and Uncle Ralph. There he was told about a tradition in the family. As each of the children marry, they are informed of a hard and fast family �law.� If Jeff ever raised his hand to his wife, he will have to answer to his father, uncle and probably Cousin John (John was a second or third cousin, Jeff was never sure on the fine points of first vs. millionth cousin. The man was a giant, and worked as a lumberjack upstate - up-Commonwealth to Father Tim, Esq.). On this matter there will be no allowances for excuses. The Bakers revere their women as partners, not servants. The two older Baker men told Jeff that they didn�t think he would ever harm Mary. He was put on notice that Mary is now their daughter and niece as much as if she had been born to Jeff�s mom. They will take her side if it ever becomes necessary. In their collective memory there has never been an incident of a Baker harming his wife. They told him that when it comes time for his brothers and his cousin to marry, they expect him to join them in a similar conversation. With that Bill Baker produced a six pack of beer. He opened three cans while saying, �Son, with your mom it�s coffee, for me it�s a good brew. If you ever need to talk about troubles, Ralph and I will be here. That�s the way it works.�

While the male contingent was out �behind the woodshed,� Valerie and her sister-in-law took Mary upstairs to the master bedroom. Valerie began the conversation, �Mary, after hearing your �little� essay yesterday this conversation will probably not amount to anything, but tradition says that I must inform you. In the Baker Family women are partners in marriage. While we can use persuasion on our husbands, we don�t allow the use of the marital bed as a tool to get your way. Argue anywhere else, disagreements happen. But they are to be left outside that door (Valerie was pointing to the bedroom door). Inside here is where you show each other winning does not count, as long as you are willing to communicate. And yes, Mary, it is communication besides being fun. If you ever feel the need, Helen or I will drop anything we are doing to listen to your problems. When Barbie and Helen�s girls return from their honeymoons we hope you will join us on this side to give them this little set of instructions.�

(Mary, They are offering some good advice, I agree with them so add my voice to the group.)

(Mommy K., I don�t think that following their advice will be a problem. If Jeff and I can work things out half as well as Mom Valerie and Dad Bill have this past week, we will be a very happy �old married couple�.)

Helen�s voice broke Mary out of her mental musing. �Val, what say we convene a meeting of the �Baker Bad Broads� to welcome our newest member?�

At the kitchen table the two women regaled Mary with all types of tales about the ineptness of their husbands and some of the times they themselves had made major social blunders. The stories were told in a humorous fashion rather than as putdowns.

Mary related to her mother-in-law and new aunt about Terry and Pat�s engagement. Then she sought their advice on what to say to Patricia about her need to be forced. Mary related that she never felt anything similar. Blushingly, she admitted what she and Jeff were going to �talk� about in the park. She looked to Val and said, �I had to lead Jeff by the hand, he is such a noble goof. He was concerned about leading me astray, so he never fed me any of the �prove your love� stuff.  I always had to be the one to take the next step - that is, until last night. Once we were in the room, he led the way. Last night was the best night of my life. I�m expecting more of the same tonight. The way you and the rest of the family have accepted me, I almost feel sorry for stealing your little boy.�

�Little boy!?� snorted Val. �He hasn�t been one of those since he supported us after Bill�s accident. I just didn�t want to admit it, and from the sound of it he takes after his dad in the bedroom.�

Val then leaned over and hugged Mary, �Mary, seeing how happy he was yesterday was priceless. Go ahead and �lead him astray� all you want. But, make him do it right. You have to be partners. Not a couple of 5 year olds demanding �give me� or using that �you don�t love me� sh ....er, pardon my french..., crap.�

The men�s return to the kitchen signaled the end of the story telling. The boys told the girls that they had allowed Jeff only one can of beer to keep him sober enough to perform his �duties� that evening as well as drive �the Newlyweds� back to the hotel. This caused much commotion with the �Baker Bad Broads� ostracizing the boys. Helen was the most vocal. �How dare you! It�s their second night. And they have school work to do as well as important homework.�

(Mary, these are real people! Maybe you can get some of that to rub off on Pater. He can be a stick in the mud sometimes.)

With Helen�s last remark, Mary noticed the time. She said to Jeff �Luv, we best be going, but first can I change out of my uniform? I�ll wear one of the skirts Mom got me last Saturday.�

Jeff, being the model gentleman, offered his room for the task, then took it one step further by accompanying Mary to help with her laborious piece of work. This produced resounding laughter from the older Bakers. In Jeff�s room, Mary noticed the pictures on his chest of drawers. One was of her playing with Smokey. Another was of her with Jeff. In it, Jeff is standing behind her, his arms wrapped around her. She is looking off to the side. Jeff is peering over her shoulder admiring her with a huge grin on his face. Then there was the largest. It was a blow up of her head and shoulders taken from some snap shot.

�Luv, where did these come from?� asked a pleasantly surprised Mary.

�Your brother-in-law, Mark, may be only 12 but he is a wiz with a camera and in the darkroom,� answered Jeff. �I bribed him with a month�s supply of chemicals and a few rolls of film.�

Mary disappointed Jeff by only showing him a brief glimpse of her panty covered bottom as she whipped her uniform over her head and put on her new skirt.

�Don�t worry, Luv. You will get more than just a look tonight when you wash my back!� giggled Mary.

The young couple took their leave and drove into the city. Being teenagers, they stopped at the White Castle for burgers instead of having a dinner at the hotel.

Back in their hotel room they attempted to study, but they kept interrupting each other�s concentration with innuendoes and quick kisses. Not to mention Jeff�s putting his hands where they were now allowed to be (at least in private). This lead to Mary doing some �unlady-like� groping of her own. Finally Jeff proclaimed, �I always wanted to ravish a Catholic School �girl�.�

�Oh! But sir, I am not a �girl�. I am a married woman in disguise. If you try to have your way with me, you will have to answer to my husband and he has already put two of your ilk in the hospital.� Mary giggled.

Jeff stopped and became somber. He related �the talk� he went through with his father and uncle. Then he added, �Mary, I would slit my own throat before I would ever hurt you.�

Mary replied, �I had a talking to also. You never will have to �ravish� me. I am yours, body and soul.�

Mary began unbuttoning her blouse and made a mad dash for the bathroom, calling over her shoulder, �The last one in the shower is a rotten egg.�

Jeff took off in hot pursuit but only managed to trip himself with his half-removed pants, thus confirming an age old saying by Confucius. �Rape impossible, woman with skirt up run faster than man with pants down.�

Jeff collected himself and removed his remaining clothing. He walked into the bathroom to find Mary standing under the running water in all her glory. Jeff stood still, in awe of his wife�s beauty.

Mary held out a bar of soap and said, �Luv, before you wash my back would you please wash my front?�

Jeff was very happy to comply with her request. Half an hour later they got out of the shower very excited as well as clean. They quickly dried each other and walked hand in hand to their bed.

Tonight, things were less hurried, but not less pleasurable. Mary even took Katharine�s advice and asked Jeff to kiss away the tenderness. When the kisses produced spectacular results they decided to make them a permanent part of their love making.

Afterwards, they cuddled as they marveled at the way things had happened to them. Each promised to do whatever was necessary to keep them together. Finally, worn out from their busy day, they fell asleep still in an embrace.

TO BE CONTINUED

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