Sylvia is a woman who really intrigues me; smart, competent, beautiful. But she certainly takes some getting used to as a person. Very strong, but I like that.
I also like it that she´s an architect, and a good one. I feel good about the law, she feels good about creating buildings. It gives us a common ground that we frequently return to when we talk about things.
When we first started dating, there wasn´t much question about the sexual side. She took her time to get to know me, then she took off her clothes.
She´s good in bed, inventive, enthusiastic, willing to experiment, talks a lot.
But, the next thing I knew, she was telling me I couldn´t sleep with anyone else, or we were through. I told her ‘Nothing doing.´ After all, we hadn´t any agreement on a relationship, nor had we discussed going together, or any of that.
I think my reaction knocked her back a bit, because she simmered for a while, then one evening we began talking about things. She actually apologized for trying to nail me to the wall. And so, we went on going out, usually ending up in her bed or mine, having a good time. I wasn´t sure how long it was going to last, but I couldn´t argue with the way it was going.
Right from the beginning she told me about her friends, these people she meets with on Wednesdays at Tom´s. And about how they all seem to sleep together and get naked together. At first I thought she was talking about some kind of a sex club, which both surprised me and turned me off. I´m not into impersonal screwing; I tried it and discovered I didn´t like it.
But Sylvia said that wasn´t it. She talked more and more about these people, and wanted me to join them one Wednesday evening. I kept begging off. I wasn´t spooked by the sex issue any more, not after Sylvia described the relationships more clearly, and talked about how she´d learned to see her own relationship with me more realistically, thanks to their counsel. I just sort of held off for no good reason.
Then, one Saturday, Sylvia announced we were going to Ned and Toni´s for the afternoon and supper. So we went.
They have a great place, very private. They met us at the door and we did the handshakes and all, but then Sylvia just pulled her shirt off and dropped her pants. Ned and Toni looked at me.
“You OK with this?” Toni asked.
I was, and I started taking off my shirt, too. They were bare before I was, and we settled down to some pleasant talk in the sunshine.
“Ned,” Sylvia said, once the idle chit-chat was over with, “Tell Phil what you said about jealousy.” She turned to me, “That´s what got me started with telling you what I expected and all that.”
I said, “Well, you know, one day Sylvia hit me with this list of rules. I said ‘No Way´ because I didn´t think we were that far along. Sure, we were sleeping together pretty regularly, but I don´t think either of us had long-range plans. I just didn´t feature her setting up rules and regulations. And anyway, for me at least, jealousy doesn´t enter into it.”
Ned nodded. “What does, then?” he asked.
I took a while to think about that. It´s not as though it hadn´t occurred to me, but I hadn´t put it into a brief, if you know what I mean.
“I think, when two people get close … That is, when they form a relationship – either a friendship or a love relationship – then there are things that fall into place with it. Loyalty, respect. That sort of thing. I don´t see it as rule-based. I don´t think you can make rules about that.”
“So, Sylvia´s attempt to define rules was premature?” Toni asked.
“As I saw it, yes. Unnecessary. And now that we´ve been together for a while, I sort of feel like they´re understood.”
Ned pointed at Sylvia. “Is he right? That is, do you agree?”
Sylvia brushed crumbs off her breast. “I don´t know, Ned. And, I´m not entirely sure what he says is ‘understood´ is clear for both of us. We need to work on that.
“Back then, I think what I was trying to do was define what I thought we had together so I wouldn´t end up on the short end of the stick.”
Toni said, “You needed to protect yourself, I think. You wanted to know what would happen if …”
“Yeah, if Phil suddenly got interested in someone else, I needed to be able to bail out.”
“Cut your losses?” I asked.
“Something like that,” she said, not really looking at me.
Ned said, “Did you think it was very likely that things wouldn´t work out?”
Sylvia pondered again. “I had it happen before. It happens a lot. I mean with Sheldon, you know. But the more I think about it… I mean, in both cases I was making a move without a lot of thought. I guess I was afraid I´d get screwed over, you know? Guys do that. And they´ve done it to me. Maybe because I´m little.” She held up her hand. “No, not because I´m small, but because I don´t believe I´m important enough that people shouldn´t do that to me.”
“Is that why you shoot from the hip so often?” Toni asked.
“Well, you come right down to it, with me, it´s always been the guy who´s called it quits. When I came out here I made up my mind I was going to call the shots. I´ll be straight with whoever I´m with, but if he isn´t, I´m done. Isn´t that fair?”
“Sure,” I said, “but you´re assuming the worst there. Looking for trouble. And, what if one of us wants to change the rules? Have you figured out how that happens?”
“Change the rules? What do you mean?” Sylvia sat up.
“Well, you´ve told me your friends at Wednesday sort of change around. That´s not how you seem to want things to run for us, and that´s okay right now. But what if you change your mind and I don´t? Or, I don´t know about it.”
“Could you talk about it?” Toni asked with smile.
Sylvia was quiet for a while, then relaxed on the lounge. “You´re right, all of you. I´ve made a lot of negative assumptions and made them come true. Phil talked about loyalty and respect, and guess what, I´ve never expected I´d get that. And, when I did, I didn´t see it. Sheldon gave it to me – he even insisted I stay on his job even after I blew him away. Phil´s the same, I think, but he wouldn´t let me shoot him down.
“I´ve got some thinking to do.”
I got up off the lounge and sat on the end of Sylvia´s. “One of the reasons I like you, Sylvia, is that you stand so tall. I like your little body, but it´s because there´s a giant in it.”