Jenny arrived at Dana´s on Saturday morning for coffee. It looked like she was after more than talk. As usual, she looked like a well-turned-out junk wagon. Great clothes, well-chosen, becoming colors and not cheap – that she wore like gunny sacks.
“What´s on your mind?” Dana asked, after they´d settled down in the living room with their mugs.
Jenny fought a losing battle with herself. You could see it on her face. Indecision, resolve, doubt, uncertainty, hopelessness. The feelings swept across her like words on the sign in Times Square. Finally, her face red, ‘What the hell!´
“Dana, I need help. I look like hell, and I feel like a frump. You always look so great. I want to know how you do it.”
“Jenny, that´s a load of shit.” Dana lied. “Look at you. Your clothes are great, the colors go with your coloring – they´re the right colors for you. They´re not cheap and you´ve chosen them well.”
“Then why do I look like I do? I look like I´m a hundred years old in these things and I just bought them yesterday... You want to know why I´m so upset? Look at you. You´re wearing shorts and a t-shirt and you look magnificent. Sometimes I hate you. I did hate you when I first met you.”
“Yeah, I know,” Dana said. “I could feel it, but you got over it. How come?”
“How come I got over it? Because you´re such a good friend, because you´re easy to get along with, you don´t judge me or anyone else. How can anyone not love you?”
“Plenty of people don´t, you know. They look at me and decide I´m some stuck-up or know-it-all or something, and then they hear me sounding off with my opinions.” Dana laughed. “Generally, if people don´t like me, I´ve earned it. Most of the time, I don´t care too much.”
“I think you cared with me.”
“Jenny, I saw you disliked me. But I didn´t think it had anything to do with me, personally. You seemed to be reacting to the way I look, not to me. So, I just waited, tried to get to know you. Eventually, you gave up hating me, that´s all.”
“I guess. But I still can´t forgive the way you look so great and I look so...” she waved her hand in the air.
“Jenny, I like you a lot, now. Really I always have. You´ve got a great sense of humor. You´re honest about most things, look them straight in the eye, same as I try to do...”
Jenny interrupted, “That´s what did it for me, you know. We usually agree about things. See them the same way. You´re serious, I mostly laugh it off, but we see things pretty much alike.”
“If that weren´t so, if you weren´t honest about things, you wouldn´t be here today saying what you just said. So, what are we doing today?” Dana asked her. “What´s the agenda? You think I can tell you how to look like me? That doesn´t make sense.”
“No, I don´t want to look like Dana Adams. That´s not me. But I want to know how Dana Adams looks like she does. How do you do it?”
“Jenny, you´re asking me to tell you something dangerous.”
“What? You mean you have a magic cure for the frumps of the world?”
Dana thought about that for a moment. “No. You don´t believe in magic either. See, I´ve thought about why I look like I look. I´m weird, Jenny, I think about things like that. If I think I look pretty good, well, then I have to figure out why. What´s dangerous is that there´s only one thing I can think of to tell you. I might hurt your feelings, make you hate me again – forever this time. And what´s worse, I could be wrong, ´cause it´s only my personal opinion.”
“You mean you want to tell me what you think of me, right?”
“Well, not quite as bad as that. I have some thoughts. About why you think you look like you say you do. And that may be wrong, that is, incorrect, and it may also be wrong to tell you what I think. Of course, since I´ve said that, the fat´s already in the fire.”
“Yeah, now I can go home and tell myself you don´t like the way I look, and confirm my worst fears.” She smiled at me. “Then I can say you´re a snotty bitch and the hell with you.”
“You going to do that?”
“No. Tell me. Tell me what you think. If I don´t like it, I´ll say so. But I asked you, and so I have to at least listen.”
“Okay, I´ll do it. Just remember that I love you, no matter what you think you hear. And ask me what I mean if you get pissed off. Maybe I didn´t say it right, okay?”
“Yeah. Fire away.”
“All right. I´ve got to think about how to get this across... Let me try this. Would you stand up? And, take your shoes off.” Jenny stood up and did so. “How come you wear such high heels?”
“I´m so short. Five feet seven.”
“Not short, slightly above average height, same as me. Okay, what do you weigh? Your measurements.”
“One thirty five, 36, 26, 36.”
“A-cup?”
“Yeah. Not much I can do about that.”
“You realize that´s classic for your height? There´s a couple million women who´d kill to have a body with those numbers.”
“I know the numbers, and my tits are still tiny – the ‘Perfect 36´ is a C. I also know how I look. So do you. I´ll bet your numbers are about the same as mine – you´ve got the Cs, anyway – but you look like a fucking beauty queen. I look like an overdressed bag lady.”
Dana laughed. “It´s not that bad. But, you don´t look your numbers, Jenny. I guess there´s no point my asking you why, that´s why you´re here.”
“Exactly.” Jenny started to put her heels on again.
“No,” Dana said, “don´t. Let´s go upstairs. You game? Will you let me try some things with you?”
“I started it, didn´t I?”
“Tell me if you get worried or upset, will you?”
“I will. So far so good.”
They went up to the bedroom. There was a tall, wide mirror on the wall beside the bed. Jenny looked at it carefully for a moment, thought of saying something and let it pass.
“Yeah,” Dana said, noticing her assessment. “We like it... Stand beside me and look at yourself in the mirror. Now, with your shoes off, of course, your skirt´s a little too long, but that´s all right. Your haircut is good for you, simple, not fussy. The dress is a good color. Is it your favorite color?”
“Yeah. That´s why I wore it today. It looks good on me. As good as anything does.”
“Sure does. Okay, here´s the moment of truth. Take off your clothes.”
“Why?”
“So I can answer your question. You want me to take mine off, too?” Dana pulled her t-shirt out of her shorts.
“That´s up to you. Okay.” Jenny pulled the dress over her head. “Everything?”
“Right.” Dana pulled off her shirt, dropped her shorts and stepped out of her panties while Jenny did the same. Jenny wore a padded bra that ended up on the bed with her other things.
“Now, stand next to me.” Dana said. “Look at you, you´ve got a better figure than I do. Your tummy´s so perfect. Great legs. Here, turn toward me. See, your butt is better defined, mine sort of slopes in. Your breasts are small, yes, but they´re firm – no sag. And those nipples are glorious”
Jenny looked at the two images in the mirror. “I don´t know about the nipples. They´ve always been a problem. That´s why I wear a padded bra – they punch through everything I wear. But why do you look super and I don´t?”
“First of all, if our guys were here, they wouldn´t see any problems, anyhow.”
“Well, that´s not what I´m talking about. Guys go nuts over skin. Reflex.”
“I know. Turn to the side... and back. See, this is how you look all the time. Imagine yourself with clothes on.”
“Yeah, I can see it. It´s the way I´ve always been.”
Dana said, “Now, do this. Back up to the mirror, put your back against it.”
“It´s cold,” Jenny squeaked. “Like this?”
“Well, heels against the wall.” Dana moved closer. “You mind if I touch you?”
“No. I´m not much for going naked, but since we both are...”
“Okay, now, butt against the wall, too. Rotate your pelvis forward a little, get the small of your back against it.” She patted Jenny´s tummy. “Suck this in – not much, you´re flat already. Yeah, and put your shoulder blades flat against the mirror. That´s right. Head back. Tuck the chin in a little. Get those shoulders flat back, Jenny.” She pressed Jenny´s shoulders against the glass.
“Feels weird.”
“Sure. No one stands exactly like that often, or for very long. One thing more – pretend there´s a string coming out the top of your head, and someone´s pulling on it. Right, it pulls you right up.
“Now, without changing the way you´re standing – can you do this? – walk two steps toward me. Right, and stand there. Now hold that, and turn half-way back. Keep your back straight! Now, turn just your head to the mirror. What do you see?”
“God! That´s me and I look fabulous.” Then she giggled. “But I look like I had a pole up my backside.”
“Now, turn all the way and look straight ahead. Here, let me get those shoulders back again. Don´t forget about the string.” Dana´s hands pulled her shoulders into position. “Tell me what you see.”
“I look like I´m ten feet tall, Dana. But I can´t go around like this.”
“Not naked, you can´t, but you can do the rest of it – stand like that, I mean. Look.” She went to the mirror and turned, placing her back against it as Jenny had done. She stepped forward and turned as Jenny had. “Do you see a difference from how I looked before?”
“Golly, you mean you stand like that all the time, naturally? I guess you do. No wonder you look so swell. Is that all there is to it?”
“No, but first do something else. Put your dress on again.”
Jenny reached for her bra. “No,” Dana said, “Don´t put that on now. Just the dress, nothing else. And don´t look in the mirror.”
When the dress was in place and fastened, Dana said, “Up against the wall, Jenny. Pull on the string.”
Jenny backed up to the wall, and Dana made sure her posture was as before. “Hold on a second,” she said, and went to the laundry basket, picking up a clothespin.
“Now, step on out again. Hold still.” Dana gathered the top of the dress and pinned it with the clothespin. “Now turn again, and look.”
“Know what?” Jenny said. “I don´t need those heels. See, I look tall. And the skirt´s the right length when I stand like this... I think I see what you´re telling me. It´s not the clothes, it´s what´s inside them. But, you can see my nipples, the way they push my dress out.”
“Mostly, you look better because you´re standing better. The nipples show because they´re you, and pinning the dress just makes it fit correctly – I think you must have let it out, didn´t you?”
“Yeah, those things scare me.”
“Well, they shouldn´t. Now, come downstairs again. There´s more to this than just how you stand.”
“What about my undies? Aren´t you getting dressed?”
“Bring ‘em if you want, you don´t need them for now. I´ll get dressed later, if I feel like it. I´m not finished with you yet.”
They went downstairs, rummaged in the fridge for iced tea and went into the living room again.
Jenny said, “So far, it´s an eye-opener, Dana. I won´t forget it. Thanks.” She looked at Dana quizzically. “Do you go around bare a lot?”
“Yes, it´s comfy, and I feel good in my skin.” Dana sipped her tea. “Now, don´t change the subject. Remember, I said I wasn´t finished? A lot of your problem is you don´t feel good in your skin – in your body. Your view of yourself shapes your body. Look at yourself in that mirror over the sofa.”
Jenny turned and looked. Her face dropped. “Shit. It´s me again. I left that other lady upstairs.”
“Yeah. But, you see, you´ve seen how you can look. Now we need to talk about how you do that. All the time.”
“You mean, I need to overhaul my whole outlook on life.”
“Not the whole thing, Jenny. But you need to start thinking about yourself differently. Part of that is your body. You saw your body upstairs and you know you can look great. And don´t give me that stuff about nipples. If you had tits like mine, you´d be saying, ‘they´re too big, I look top-heavy´. You don´t like your nipples because you don´t like your body. You don´t like who you are. The nipples are just a symbol. Do you see what I mean?”
“Well, it´s logical, I guess, but I don´t think how I feel about myself is all that logical. I just don´t have any real faith in the way I look.”
“I think it has to do with how you feel about yourself in other ways. There are a lot of things you do that say you´re not sure of yourself, that you´re afraid of what people would think if they knew the person you are. You dumb yourself down a lot, and some – not all – of your comedy stuff is cover-up for the fact that you´re a perceptive and intelligent person. I´ve always thought you´re afraid people will catch on that you know a lot about them; that you sense who they are, and so you pretend to be a clown or play dumb and won´t talk about anything serious.”
“I don´t know if you´re right about all that. I´m never sure if what I think about people is – well, when I think, ‘Dana Adams is stuck up´ I´m always afraid I´m wrong. And I was.”
“But you didn´t act on it, and you changed your mind. That´s what I mean about being perceptive and about being honest. So you decided you were wrong! Nothing to be ashamed about in that. We all have doubts, and it´s smart to re-evaluate how we feel about people and not do things that are going to make enemies of people we might later come to like.”
“I suppose you´re right. If I keep my mouth shut long enough, I generally find out I´m happy with what I end up with.”
“Good. What you need to do, I think, is you need learn to be just as perceptive about what other people think of you. To recognize how much people like you, how good and loveable they think you are, and funny – not just when you´re playing the fool. And then accept it. You´re smart and you´re good at your work, but you pretend you´re just run-of-the-mill. You need to look in the mirror – the one on the wall and the one that´s the people who know you – and see what you saw upstairs. Then, you need to tell your self that it´s you.”
“Somehow, I don´t think that´s going to be easy.”
“No, it´s hard work. But you can do it, cause you´ve seen it´s true ... Want me to give you a mantra?”
“You mean like those phony gurus do? What for?”
“Well, I´m not thinking of ‘Om,´ but there´s good psychology behind having something you tell yourself that´s good for you.”
“Okay, try me.”
“Well, we might as well do this right. Take off your dress again, and sit on this chair in front of this mirror.”
Jenny took off her dress and sat where Dana told her.
“Now, put your shoulders back like I told you. That´s right. And stack your spine up on the chair. Straight. Good. Now, look at yourself and repeat after me. Tall”
“Tall,” said Jenny.
“Straight...”
“Straight.”
“Smart...”
“Smart.”
“Again,” Dana said.
“Again,” said Jenny with an arch grin, then, “Tall... Straight... Smart”
“Good. And you do that every time you can think of it – with conviction, especially every time you look in a mirror, or see yourself in a shop window. Anytime, anywhere. Fifty times a day won´t hurt you. A hundred´s even better at the beginning. Now, stand up straight and pull on that string.”
Jenny stood up and looked at herself in the pier glass. “Tall,” she said, “Straight... Smart.” She turned to look at Dana. “Do you think it´ll work?”
“It will if you want it to. And if you don´t get discouraged. You´ve got a lifetime of habit to overcome, you know. There´s another thing – turn sideways.”
Jenny turned and looked at herself in the mirror.
Dana came and stood facing her. “See why I don´t wear a bra?”
“Uh-huh. If I stand straight with my shoulders back, it looks the same as if I´m wearing a bra. How come? What do you mean?”
“Because you´re using your body as it´s supposed to be used. Now, if you want to wear a bra, go ahead, but you can see that, if you stand correctly, you really don´t need one. Your shoulders support your breasts, and with your shoulders back properly, the ligaments shape and support them. Of course, when you walk, you´ll jiggle – some people like that, some don´t. And, since you´re smaller than I am, you won´t jiggle as much as I do. And, you have to think about how much you want to show off your nipples.”
“I´ve always tried to hide them.”
“Why? They´re cute, they say ‘Hey, I´m a woman´. I think perhaps you aren´t all that happy about being a woman. Is that it? Anyway, with your figure, a bra is optional.”
“That´s why you don´t wear one. You like looking like a woman.”
“Yes, I do. But I don´t wear a bra because I don´t like to feel my breasts confined. My breasts hang down some – that´s natural, I think. And I really like to feel them move. See them move. So does Ed, and that works out great for both of us. And we both love nipples.”
“Yours are hard.”
“Yours too. They look yummy.”
“You think so? Know what? I´m horny.”
“Happens when you feel good about yourself.”
“You must be horny all the time,” Jenny grinned. “You always feel good about yourself. How come?”
“Almost all the time, I do feel good about myself. And yes, I´m almost always ready for an offer from the right person. It´s a lot of things, of course – the way I grew up. My folks helped me a lot with that. Taught me it´s okay to like yourself as long as you´re honest with yourself, don´t fool yourself. And I learned to like my body and what it can do for me. That helps a lot.”
“Tell me how you do that. Learn to like your body. It´s something I´ve never been sure about.”
“I guess none of us is really sure. I mean, it´s real easy to kid yourself.” Dana grinned. “Like telling yourself that nipples are ugly, when they´re not.”
“Got me there.” Jenny grinned back, and then she straightened her shoulders, thrusting her pert, rose-tipped breasts forward. “But that´s not all there is to it. You can wander around in the buff without a thought. I´ve always felt funny doing it.”
“I had practice. Always gone bare a lot.”
“And, that´s how you got happy with your skin?” Jenny said.
“Yeah. Just wore it a lot. Still do – it´s my favorite outfit.” Dana said. “You might try it yourself. Never know what it´ll do for you, wandering around naked most of the time. Get in touch with yourself. Get yourself feeling tall...”
“And Straight and Smart.” Jenny chimed in. She laughed and stretched, then got up and looked at herself in the mirror, visibly pulling herself erect. “Thanks for telling me all that, Dana, it helps me understand where you´re coming from, why you see things the way you do. I´m really going to try what you´ve suggested.” She looked in the mirror, her body tall and proud. “Look at me. I really do look great. And I feel pretty great, too.”
“You could be about to change your life, you know.”
Jenny went to where she´d dropped her dress, slipped it back on.
“That wouldn´t be too awful, you know. I haven´t been getting all the loving I need from Sid. Just might be that some of it is my fault.”
Dana smiled at her friend. “Worth a try.”
Jenny walked to where Dana leaned against the doorway. “Thanks. Dana. It´s going to take a while, but you´re right. And I´m going to try.” She pulled Dana toward her to hug. “Uh, you´re still naked.”
“Does that mean you can´t hug me?”
“No. No, it doesn´t. And you feel good. Watch out, I might make a pass at you.”
“Say your mantra for two weeks and I´ll be making passes at you.”
“You´ve got a deal.”
“You left your undies upstairs.”
“Tell you what. Toss ‘em. I´m going to see what it´s like to walk through the middle of town like this when I´m Tall... Straight... Smart.”