By the time they reached Los Angeles, the show had shaken down to a truly professional presentation. Everything had gone as expected in New York, with one important exception. But after that, Chicago and San Francisco were a lark.
In New York, when Anne and Saul came on stage for the first time there was routine applause, then silence except for the background music. The video camera caught them as they entered, then zoomed to a closer shot of Anne´s upper body, her face and torso huge on the screen behind her.
She appeared to be wearing a replica of a Balmain evening gown of years before, shoestring straps, the material seemingly pleated over her breasts – one white, one black. The colors swept below her waist where the bi-colored skirt fell from the waistband to the floor. Her legs, in Virtual Stockings of opposing colors appeared through the slits in the skirt when she moved. She wore The Lovers as a pendant, her gold knots in her ears. Her firm breasts moved slightly as she walked to her position at the side of the stage. Only then did the audience begin to catch on.
She began her pitch, “Ladies and gentlemen, today Still Waters Fashions presents a new concept in clothing for the forward-looking women and men of our society ...”
She had hardly gotten any further when the laughter started. They laughed uproariously. They applauded and stamped their feet. They cheered. When they paused for a moment, Anne continued, talking about the new ideas of Virtual Clothing and Virtual Jewelry.
Then, the models began to appear. Every time a new fashion appeared, there was more cheering and laughter. Each new idea, new design, brought down the house.
In the dressing room, after it was all over, she clung to Saul, “I´m terrified! Did we win or have we just been laughed out of the most important market in the world?”
Harry Katz came in and hugged them. “You´ve won, kids. They loved it. Especially your pitch, Anne, just like all the horseshit they get from every other designer. Only your stuff makes it all a joke. A wonderful joke. Congratulations.”
“Well, then, we won´t change a word,” Saul said. “We´ll play it for laughs all the way. Remember what Mei-Ling said Memorial Day? It´s a send-up. The funniest thing is, we meant every word.”
“It´s going to be hard to keep a straight face after that,” Anne said, turning to another visitor.
“Ms. Stilwell, I´m Mary Garden from Women´s Wear Daily. Could I have a moment of your time?”
Anne pulled her face into a professionally serious, chief-executive mien and began her first interview.
.oOo.
In Los Angeles, the press had been forewarned. There was a TV news crew, with the attendant lights, and the photographers were everywhere underfoot.
Once again, Anne and Saul made their entrance, she in her classic gown, Saul in a white, virtual mess jacket with wing collar, bow tie and real black trousers with stripes down the sides. As Anne went into her pitch, Saul dropped back to a panel where three gold fleurs de lys were painted, the center one higher than the rest. It was the trademark of the line.
As Anne went on about their products, Saul folded back the center trefoil to reveal a woman in black Virtual Stockings, a gold trefoil covering her torso, her pubis dyed black. Behind each of the other panels was another woman with the same design front and back, but with red or blue stockings and pubis to match.
The three walked forward to center stage together, the camera following. The motion of their breasts revealed that they were naked. As the show unfolded, they moved silently about the stage handling props, moving scenery, making the show flow.
The first group of designs was ‘Virtual Clothing for the Virtual Business´. Three models came on stage wearing real, blue, pin-stripe suits with professional-length skirts, a white shirt and tie. They came to center stage to meet the three golden girls.
The first took off her jacket, revealing a blue pin-stripe suit jacket with white shirt and tie – all virtual.
The second took off her jacket, revealing a white virtual blouse. She removed the tie, left the collar in place, folded back as though it were on a real shirt. She had cuffs on her wrists.
The third model took off the collar and tie first, then removed the jacket. She wore the face of a snarling tiger on her torso, with her nipples in the yellow eyes. She dropped her skirt to show Virtual Stockings and jazz pants into which the tiger´s nose dipped.
They handed their cast-off clothing to the girls, turned and walked off. They were followed by a series of models wearing virtual daytime wear, frequently accompanied by men in virtual shirts and slacks or with virtual sports jackets. Two oriental models appeared in virtual cheong-sams. Two other models wore exotic oriental designs from Mei-Ling´s studio.
A model walked out in a zippered mini-dress belted low on her hips. She marched to center stage and pulled the zipper down to her waist-band. With a sweep and a smile, she pulled the whole zipper up, off and over her head, leaving only the vee-neck virtual mini-dress. The crowd whooped as she skipped off the stage, twirling the zipper.
The sportswear section of the show included virtual tees, rugbys, polo shirts for men and women, and halters. There was a virtual maillot bathing suit with a demure panel across the loins and nothing else; when the model turned away, the cleft of her buttocks was clearly defined.
The tennis dress consisted of the traditional pleated micro-skirt and a brilliant virtual tee-shirt. One of the golden girls tossed a tennis ball to the model, who attempted to tuck it up the leg of her virtual panties and seemed mildly surprised when it bounced into the audience.
A couple came on stage in combat uniform – camouflage suits with pockets everywhere. Only the pockets were real. They were followed by men and women in virtual safari clothing. The golden girls acted as gun bearers – the weapons were water guns, and the models got well sprayed. When a model arrived on stage in virtual overalls, a girl handed her a toolbox. Another model wearing a tee-shirt was stopped halfway across the stage by the girl in red stockings, who applied pockets to her breasts.
The show went on, and Anne´s commentary never flagged. At last, the evening wear appeared. Saul took over, using the same stream of unctuous hypocrisy.
The virtual gowns were gorgeous. There were jewels here and there, bold sweeps of color. A whole group consisted of virtual re-creations of classic gowns like Anne´s own. The skirts were often transparent, divided or split in ways that showed the legs to the same advantage that the rest of the design showed the body of the model.
When nearly everything had been shown, the three golden girls came to center stage, each with a small bag. As Anne was describing their pricing, distribution and other business details, the girls took turns applying tapes of virtual clocks to each other´s stockings, peeling away the backing.
They took out white cotton collars and put them around their necks, pulled out khaki skirts and put them on. As Anne came to a conclusion, the three girls slipped on blue blazers and stepped to the back of the stage.
“As our final presentation, ladies and gentlemen, Still Waters Fashions is proud to present the traditional closing design, the Virtual Wedding Dress.”
The girls walked forward with bouquets in hand, showcasing Mary Travis in a white gown of virtual lace that covered the front of her torso, left her back bare. The skirt was lace, too, but real, flowing down her buttocks and from the girdle that dipped far below her navel in front. Her tanned legs were bare. She wore her hair long, with a short, net veil. A spray of flowers was across her arm. Saul walked at her side in a virtual tuxedo.
As Mary came to the end of the runway, she brought Anne with her, Saul on the other side. They bowed to the howling, stamping, cheering audience. The three golden girls threw their bouquets into the audience, walked down the steps of the runway and out the door of the auditorium.
.oOo.
“First thing I´m doing,” Mary said, “is wash off this fucking wedding dress. I´ve been wearing it since New York and I´m so sick of it I could puke.”
“Make room for me, hon,” Anne said. “I´ve had this gown on just as long. Scrub my back.”
The phone rang and Saul answered, talking for a while.
“Anne, hurry up. We´re on the Night Show tonight. Live.”
“Shit. I haven´t got a thing to wear.”
“It´s all right. They want us to dress virtual. I´ll call Heather, see what she´s got up her virtual sleeve.”
“Check the news, too, Saul,” Mary called, as the shower washed her lace down the drain.
When they were dry, Heather was there, looking worn, but jubilant.
“Heather, you wonder! Bless you for all you´ve done.”
“Thanks, it´s been a ball. How about I get Quickies for a month?”
“No way, you horny bitch. You take your turn with the rest of us. I nearly went nuts last winter. That was only two weeks.”
“Oh, well ... Look, here´s your outfit for tonight. Simple. Conservative. Not obvious in any way.”
“Just what we need. Saul, can we order dinner? I´ve drunk about six gallons of water, I´m so dry after all that talking. But how about some wine?”
The evening news had a two-minute feature on the introduction, with pictures of Anne, the zipper dress, the business women and Mary´s wedding dress. The network news ran a 30-second clip of Mary. The late news showed the golden girls.
.oOo.
Anne wore a long-sleeve virtual blouse of navy blue with a pattern of tiny flowers that were really skin. She had a white collar and button band and white French cuffs. The Lovers were in her ears. Her skirt was mid-calf, slit to the waist on the camera side. She wore dark brown Virtual Stockings with a tiny clock to the waist. Saul wore a red virtual polo shirt with matching collar and a silvery tiger on his left breast. His very real trousers were khakis.
They waited off stage during the monologue, going over the things they were supposed to say and the intro they had agreed on. When they were called on stage, they met Homer, the guest host, and shook his hand.
“Please welcome Anne Stilwell, president of Still Waters Fashions, and Saul Katz, chief operating officer. Today, they introduced Virtual Clothing here in Los Angeles. Here´s a clip ...
“Anne, you´re wearing a virtual blouse. Let the camera get a good shot of you. Now, what´s that on your, uh ...”
“That´s Virtual Jewelry, Homer, our VeeJay line. It looks like a brooch, but that´s an optical illusion. See, it´s just color on my skin.” She passed her hand across her breast, which jiggled. “The collar and button-band are real, they´re stuck on my skin ...
“Now, look at Saul, he´s wearing a VeeCee polo shirt. The tiger over here is VeeJay, too. We have hundreds of different designs like that.
“Terrific, Anne. And what else are you wearing?”
“Well, I´m wearing our Virtual Stockings, as you can see.” She put a steadying hand on Homer´s shoulder. Reflexively, his hand went around her waist. Anne raised her leg, flexing it at the knee. Her skirt fell completely away.
“The clock up the side is virtual, too. We have over forty designs, and you just put on whatever pleases you.” The camera took an extreme close-up of her colored thigh.
“How do you get it all off?”
“All our VeeCees and VeeJays wash off with a special, hypo-allergenic soap. Only takes a second in the shower.” Anne, who was watching the monitor, saw her whole body on the screen and decided to ad lib.
“Homer, the only thing I´m wearing that´s real is this skirt.” She pulled the skirt aside so it revealed her leg from foot to thigh, including her tummy, where the blouse met the color of her stockings in the vee. The audience applauded wildly.
When they sat down, Anne found herself in a draft. She shivered and hugged herself.
“Something wrong?” Homer asked.
“Just a draft, Homer. Gives me goose pimples.”
“Hope we´re getting a shot of that!” Homer said. They were.
They chatted with Homer, enduring sly and obvious remarks about virtual clothing. Finally, Anne said, “You know, Homer, you´ve got the wrong idea about this. Virtual Clothing really is a new way to dress. Not at work, probably not on the street, either, unless you disguise it. But for fun, when you want to turn on your lover, when you want to do something really silly, you can´t beat VeeCees. And the VeeJays let you have fun in a small way, too. You can wear a lot of VeeJays to the office. It´s all cheap, disposable and good clean fun, fun, fun.”
Homer said, “Thank you Anne. I´d say your Virtual Clothing is whatever kind of fun you want to make it.”