CHEATING: SAVING YOURSELF THE HEARTACHE
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Hi there, welcome back.  I offer personal sympathy if you've ever lost a
love to straying.  What I'm about to give is advice on how to maintain a
healthy relationship which is the best safeguard aside from having solid
knowledge that you've selected someone who will always be true.  So what
I won't tell you is how to cheat nor how to catch your special someone
in the act.  When you see me mention straying in here, it doesn't always
mean outright cheating, it can also mean loss of affection or a shifting
of loyalties.  If they're not investing that affection and attention in
you, then it means it's going to waste or else going to someone else.
So straying is the mildest form of cheating and is often the first
danger sign.

As for myself, I'm always faithful to the woman who chooses me, that's
just my nature.  However, I've still been on the receiving end of this
brand of heartache, as well as seen other cheating incidents, so I have
experience in that way.  I'm also going to try to give you some insights
on why lovers stray.  Still, I'm no expert and have never opened a
psychology book, so take anything you read as friendly advice not as an
absolute answer.  Besides, everyone's situation is different so these
guidelines might not even apply to you.  But if they do apply, then I'm
pretty sure I can help you.

In all of my advice, be prepared for a backfire, but be happy when the
results work out successfully.  You're your own best judge for your own
situation.

The first thing that you need to realize is that it isn't always because
of you...specifically the way you are, the things you're doing, and the
things you're not doing.  Sometimes the root of the problem is actually
within the person you're with.  Who you are attracted to is not
something easily controlled...if at all...so sometimes you'll be
attracted to someone who thinks monogamy is a hardwood used to make
sturdy doors.  Just as my nature is to be faithful, there are opposites
who don't have that in them or else they have a history of straying and
they're sincerely trying for your sake to be true to you but falling
back into old patterns.  So I'll also give you some tips about danger
signs when you're selecting a match.

Being There.  Something that you can do to protect yourself from a
straying mate though is to keep the relationship healthy.  This means
open communication and sensitivity along with the necessary affection
and kindness.  This relates to the well-known "Mars & Venus" line of
thinking.  The number one cause of a lover wandering into someone else's
arms is that you don't care enough or "aren't there for them" when they
need you.  This involves more than muting the TV when they've had a
rough day.  Guys, I don't care if your team is playing the last 15
minutes of the SuperBowl and you have money riding on it, you'd better
pop a tape in your VCR or else all she's going to remember is you
putting her problems on hold for an hour instead of all the attention
you gave her after the game was done.  And ladies, I know that even the
little details can be important with anything you're doing, but when
your man comes to you all frustrated, you should put what you're doing
on hold even for five minutes to listen because it's the shoulder he
leans on that he's going to emotionally invest himself in.  So this is
one of the main insights, that people develop feelings for the people
who are there for them in the hard times much like they feel close to
the people that make them feel happy during the good times.  I know it
sounds so basic, but a lot of people either forget that truth or else
haven't heard it before.  Let me run it by you in a scenario just in
case you learn from example better than from theory...

Maria is walking out the door to drive to the store to buy something
she's had her eye on that just went on sale.  The car won't start, she's
mentioned it to you before to get it fixed.  After much thumping and
cursing, the car starts and she drives to the store.  Maria gets stopped
by a few red lights on the way, but that's all part of driving even
though frustrating.  She dashes in and spots the item she's after, she's
pretty sure it's the one she wants.  She takes it to the dressing room
and it fits perfectly, makes her ass look fantastic and it's totally her
color since she's a Summer.  She flips it up across the top of the
dressing room door while she gets dressed again, grabs her purse and
when she looks up it's gone.  Maria is not thrilled.  She comes out and
spots a sales clerk walking towards another woman with the skirt in
hand, offering it to her.  Maria flips out and tells the clerk off,
saying that she's going to buy it and only had it hanging on the door
while she got dressed.  The clerk is less than polite at Maria's tone.
After some arguing, Maria gets the skirt back and goes up to the counter
to pay for it.  The clerk at the counter is fairly new to the store, and
while using the machine to remove the anti-theft device, they slip and
the device breaks open ruining the new skirt with the ink.  Harsh words
fly back and forth since that was the last one in stock.  Maria storms
out of the store.  This time the car won't start at all and she has to
use that skirt money for a taxi cab home.  Maria walks in the door,
Todd's dirty shoes are in the middle of the hall so she knows he's home.
Todd's got a book open that he's reading when Maria comes in with a
barrage of frustrated curses.  She tries to tell Todd about her horrible
day and all of the frustration she went through over a skirt she didn't
even get.  She sees Todd's eyes glaze over as he gives a bare
recognition that he's been listening, but no real sympathy nor any
meaningful comment that he's heard her.  This is the last straw.  Maria
yells at Todd that if he'd fixed the damn car like she asked it wouldn't
be stuck in the parking lot downtown.  Todd takes this opportunity to
chew her out for "just leaving the car there".  In a big huff, Maria
turns around and storms out of the house.  She tells herself that she's
not going to go for the bar to grab a drink, but is just going to the
local park until she cools down a bit.  Don't worry, it doesn't rain.
She flops down on a park bench, exclaiming "Serenity now!" as she
attempts to take her mind off of things by watching the birds.  Maria
jumps a little when a male voice beside her asks, "tough day?" since she
hadn't realized there was someone sitting on the bench before she sat
down.  All it takes is those two words to open a floodgate of
frustration that's been building up all day.  She's not even thinking
about Todd, apart from putting a nasty spin on their last argument as
she tells this stranger about him.  The stranger comiserates by telling
her that life really sucks sometimes and cracks a little joke.  She
laughs a little bit and with a big sigh she feels a bit better now.  He
tells Maria that he comes to this park a lot and is willing to show her
one of the better paths for walking on when he gets frustrated.  Maria
agrees, and they go off on a walk together...

Now, in that example, the situation was a recipe for disaster since
Maria felt brushed off at home even though to her the moments of
frustration felt urgent and crucial.  She needed to get it out in order
to feel better, and even a nod & frown can mean a great deal sometimes.
Offering a frustrated person advice isn't always the right thing to do,
but letting them know that you were listening is vital.  She probably
wouldn't have strayed based on this one day, but it would have been a
turning point where trouble started brewing later.  Maybe she'd find
herself walking to the park more and more often to look for her
'listening stranger' since she now felt she wasn't being heard at home
but was always welcomed in the park.  You're probably thinking that Todd
is a real jerk...but since I gave you the scenario from Maria's eyes,
what you don't know is that out of the blue that morning he was fired
and his mind was buzzing with how he was going to break it to her that
they were in financial trouble now, just as soon as he had a chance to
relax with his book until she got home so they could talk.  So sometimes
partners need to lean on each other and don't always handle things the
best way.  And no, I'm not Todd.

Fucking.  There, that caught your attention.  This is something else you
can do to maintain a healthy relationship if you're already sexually
active with your special someone.  If you're not sexually active (either
with them yet or if you're still a virgin even) then this section isn't
for you just yet.  The advice still holds true though.  Recognize that
people have varying sexual needs and wants, so another big reason why
lovers stray is because they want something different than what they
already have or are getting.  I deal in fantasies, but even the smallest
and most common things still interest me a great deal, so this advice
isn't about reaching into your closet for the kinkiest bag of tricks you
can find.  That works for some people to start spicing up their sexlife
with new things, but it's not for everyone especially if your lover is
conservative in the bedroom.  Also, even in an open relationship, you'll
want to avoid adding new partners to the mix since it invites
eye-opening comparisons even if you both enjoy a swinging lifestyle it's
still playing with fire.  The true advice for this section is that you
need to see that if having sex is the average on the scale, lovemaking
and fucking are on the opposite sides of it.  This is where varying
sexual needs/wants come into the picture.  Sometimes a person just wants
to get fucked.  Hard, fast-moving, passionate, don't-stop-til-you-get-
enough, lust-filled fucking.  Don't be ashamed of it, that desire is
there even just for rare moments.  Lovemaking is also another answer.
Romantic, slow, tender, intense, kissing, teasing, appreciative
lovemaking.  By comparison to those two extremes, sex is a more casual
"oh look it's Friday night again, let's enjoy each other and then sleep
in tomorrow"...it's not actually boring or that routine, but it may feel
that way to either you or your partner.  So mix it up a bit, surprise
them with the candles and bubblebath, or pounce them when they walk in
the door and with a passionate kiss pull their clothes off right there
on the floor and ride them hard while telling them how you've been
getting worked up all day thinking about them.  However, try not to use
the fucking end of the scale too often or it may swing your relationship
in that direction and make them feel like all they are to you is meat or
just a quick fuck.  Also, try to find what things they are interested in
sexually, which can be difficult if there's a problem with the interests
not being shared or even if you have trouble talking about the subject
since a lot of people are shy about their interests in sex, almost
ashamed.  What you need to let them know is that if they open up to you
that you're not going to push them away or make fun of them, you have to
be approachable to them.  If you have problems with trying new things,
then by all means start small.  But recognize that the happier they are
at home with what's going on in the bedroom (or wherever you like to
share your moments), that they'll be much less inclined to seek their
sexual needs elsewhere.  Another idea, is that when they share a sexual
interest with you, feel free to share one of your own with them...this
proves to them that you think about sex as well and have your own
fantasies, since they might think that perhaps you're the more
conservative one out of the two of you.  Discovering more layers about
each other will always bring you closer together, but realize that
there's really no good way of relating some of the most kinky fantasies
that are banned by the United Nations, so feel your partner out before
unloading the deep dark fantasies if you have them...everyone's scale
for what kinky is can be quite different.

Dang, I could talk about sex and givce you good tips on it for hours and
STILL feel like I hadn't covered the topic well enough.  But we'll just
move on for the time being...

Appreciation.  For some, this involves making yourself vulnerable since
it's about telling your special someone just how much they mean to you.
However, the third reason for a straying lover is lack of appreciation,
not feeling enough that you care about them.  The most effective way is
to sit them down face to face and look into their eyes as you tell them
slowly what your favourite things are about them, what they mean to you,
and just how much you care for them.  Don't say it if you don't mean it,
though...there's no excuse for tarnishing an "I love you", if you say it
make sure you mean it.  Sometimes the appreciation is as simple as an "I
love you" said at the right time.  Often a good hug or even a brief
kiss, unless your love has issues with intimacy where it makes them
uncomfortable.  Perhaps you could be more subtle by writing them a short
one-line note that you slip into their pocket or ball it up and stuff it
in their shoes.  They'll stumble across it during the day while you're
not together and when they read it, they'll know that you spent time
thinking this surprise up as well as the sentiments of whatever you
wrote to them.  If you don't think the idea too corny, maybe make up a
coupon book for your lover...things like "I owe you 2 big kisses", "This
card entitles you to five minutes of sucking & licking", or "backrub,
party of one".  Little things can bring you closer together even if they
seem cheesy.  You're trying to let them know that you do think about
them when they're not right in the same room with you and that they do
mean more to you than just a surface, "we're together for now because we
each don't want to be alone"...tiny efforts can make a big impact.
However, watch out for the pitfall of "too little, too late" where the
small efforts might not be enough to save a fading relationship, instead
needing bigger steps to secure a happier future together.  Another thing
to watch out for is the mid-day calls.  Notes aren't immediate but being
on the phone to talk to them directly can come off feeling like you're
checking up on them, especially if you're doing it out of the blue.
Also, stopping by to invite them to lunch out of the blue might also not
be appreciated, so if they turn you down because they're too busy or
don't like bringing their personal life to work, then the stop-over can
open up a can of worms.  Also, too much during-the-day contact can make
them feel smothered instead of feeling genuinely appreciated, so that's
another thing to keep in mind.  Just like chocolate, appreciation is
really good but don't overdo it...you'll know the limits for your own
relationship.

Roles.  I have to be careful with this one since people can get rubbed
the wrong way really easily.  I personally don't have any pre-
conceptions, but when I suggest to you that sometimes you might need to
give an inch, some people don't take kindly to that.  If you have a
driving need to be right, no matter the argument, you'll find yourself
to be a winner...you'll be sleeping alone but you'll have the knowledge
that you didn't back down...which makes it a hollow victory.  Maybe the
other person is in the same boat with always needing to feel like
they're the one who is right.  Sometimes you need to back down a bit in
order to keep the peace, since you need to always be the winner means
that you're making them always be the loser.  Also stalemate arguments
can be deadly to a relationship's health.  Anyways, when I mentioned
roles I meant that sometimes you each have notions of what you want the
other person to be.  Maybe you're the one who makes sure things get done
but they'd prefer that your role was the one who is always available.
Perhaps they're going to school but you'd prefer to see them earning
money at work.  Or perhaps the roles are smaller, like you'd prefer to
change who's on top during sex or who goes out and grabs the snacks &
movies or who cooks dinner more often.  These may seem petty things or
huge things, but a difference of opinion between you and your partner
can lead them to seek out someone who will better fit that role in their
life.  These roles can also mean the difference between dating, starting
to have sex with each other, living together, getting engaged, getting
married, having kids, the choice between renting an apartment or buying
a house.  These things all fall under roles since they involve the role
of your relationship.  If you're just coming out of a messy divorce from
the asshole of the century and just want a casual relationship at best
but your new lover is looking to settle down...then there's going to be
a relationship role problem that will cause one or both of you to look
elsewhere.  That situation is surprisingly common.  I'm the type of guy
that enjoys committing myself to someone special, but many of the ladies
I see online are in the boat of either being recently divorced or
unhappily married...so I back down from my own dreams of a serious
relationship in order to keep the peace.  Hmmmm, okay so I'm one of the
exceptions to the rule, but in some relationships roles can be either no
problem no matter what the difference, or roles can be "make-or-break"
obstacles to them.

Okay, those were the four major areas for things you can do.  So now
we're going to focus more on what causes straying and those possible
dangers when selectin a new lover that I mentioned in the beginning.

You are with (or your next love will be) someone that you're attracted
to.  You don't necessarily have a "type" that you look for, and contrary
to what friends may say you're not looking for a partner like your
father/mother and you're not drawn to losers.  Oops...back that up a
second...sometimes you are attracted to the very people that are worst
for you.  I'm not an advocate of one-night-stands, but that "player"
down at the club is best suited for you in that one night role.  If
you're drawn to players, the guys/ladies that like to flirt heavily with
everyone around them but never have a steady, sole partner...then that
should tell you right there that they make lousy relationship material.
You might be their favourite lover, you might be the person they feel
they can "finally settle down with and stop clubbing", but you're
inviting your own heartache by choosing them.  I'm not judging you, I'm
just saying that it's not a stable beginning to a good relationship.
Another unstable beginning...other people's lovers.  You need to
remember that the biggest rule of selecting who to be with is that the
way you gain them can also be the exact same way that you lose them.  So
that married guy stuck in a dying marriage to a wife who is not at all
right for him, well he's not right for you either until the dust
settles.  By being with them, you're admitting that you know you're a
better match and that you're okay with them choosing happiness over
committment.  I'm not saying don't be with them at all, I'm saying that
you don't want them to be cheating on someone to be with you, as well
make sure that you are ALWAYS their best match so that they don't find
someone else who is an even better combination for them than you are.
This is part of that Pandora's box of threesomes and inviting
comparisons...since they might decide they can do better than what they
have, even if your relationship is happy and good, you still risk them
looking to see if they finally have met their ultimate true love.
Besides, they might be conning you with the age-old "I'll tell her about
us next week really...then we can be together like we both want so
much."  Sometimes next week never comes, always more excuses which just
makes you tear yourself apart emotionally of it.

Right...cross those players and married people off your list right now.
Tell the player where they can find you when they're done playing and
clubbing or when they're ready to get serious with just you in the
picture.  And tell that married person to look you up when they have
their own place and have their divorce filed (or beter yet, settled)
because you don't want to look back and see that you were the reason
they split up with their ex.  This might seem silly or stupid to you,
but even this little bit of honor in the beginning will make you trust
them a lot more when you do get together so that you won't be worrying
about them leaving you the same way or cheating on you.  I think this
section just ruffle a whole lot of feathers with my faithful
readers...sorry about that.

Attraction can also bite you in the ass if you're attracted to the
dangerous types.  If they look like they're abusive and have a short
temper, then listen to those warning sirens now in the early stages
before you get stuck with someone who will either treat you like you're
nothing or much worse.  While we're crossing people off, strippers can
make for lousy boyfriends/girlfriends.  I'm not saying that they're
going to cheat on you at work or that they aren't people worthy of being
with and loving.  You could have a very rewarding relationship with
someone in the sex industry for all I know.  Anything is possible.  I'm
saying that it will raise insecurities in you as to what happens if the
passion they're faking becomes a genuine desire in them.  Besides having
a couple of hundred guys lusting after your lady will either be a big
turn-on for you since you're the only one she actually sleeps with and
cares for, or else it's going to start making you feel like a face in
the crowd to her and fortunate indeed to have even a moment's attention
from her.  And that what if after a night of dancing, they're feeling
all numb or sexed-out and the last thing they want to see when they get
home is you all frisky and ready to play.  Or a hundred other common
problems.  I'm not saying "avoid entirely", I'm just asking you to be
careful.  You'll find your heart or your hormones draw you to certain
people but it takes more than just that attraction to secure a happy
relationship together.

Comparison.  The reason why this is bad is because it opens up a can of
worms.  I have a love-hate relationship with the "Temptation Island"
series.  The premise of the show rubs me the wrong way because I'm so
against cheating, but still I find myself drawn to watch.  I've enjoyed
the non-American versions the most and right now the Australian one is
airing and looks like it will heat up.  But the shocker was during one
of the American series where at the end, both of the people in the
relationship had remained faithful while on the island, however they
split up because one of them decided that they could do better and had
no idea that they could be so successful with members of the opposite
sex.  So too much exposure to people your lover might be attracted to is
a bad idea, which you already knew.  So here's what you do about it...

Together alone.  Not only is that a saying, sometimes said as "alone
together", but it's also a choice.  Every relationship differs in how
much time you spend doing things together actively, sometimes just being
in the same room or both being home is enough and you and your love feel
content with this.  If so, that's great.  However if you or your special
someone are more active, either socially or physically, then it's time
to find a common ground for doing things together.  The more active
either of you are in your activities, the more important the need to be
involved.  Calmer relationships filled with quiet evenings are low
maintenance relationships, very fulfilling and happy since the
requirements are lower and you don't need to bend over backwards to be
happy together.  More active relationships mean that you have more
energy to spend and it's more about the thrills and highs so you always
need to be pursuing those things together...be it rock climbing,
clubbing, working out, sports, things like that.  If you make the
interests at least somewhat-mutual then it means you're showing them
that the things they enjoy do matter to you as well.  At the same time,
you're limiting the risk of them bumping into someone there who shares
that particular interest in that activity since sometimes that's all it
takes to turn someone's head and make them start thinking about being
with someone else.

Clubbing.  This one is going to rub some people the wrong way.  OK, boil
down the reason to go out to a bar or dance club (strip clubs are too
obvious).  The most innocent reason is that you go clubbing to unwind
and have a good time.  We all have our ways to unwind and enjoy
ourselves, so no problem there.  But the cheater's paradise comes in
because it's about people coming out to a popular spot, dressing as sexy
as possible even if the true reason behind that is feeling good about
the way they look (self-esteem).  Now you add in the loud music, no
problem, but the music's good, so you've gotta dance even just a little
sway while you're standing there in line.  Just add alcohol...even if
your lover can drink responsibly and doesn't get hammered drunk, you've
no way of knowing how drunk the other people in the place are getting
and then hitting on your lover.  So after a drink or two, maybe they
start dancing more and someone offers to join them.  Even if it ends
there after a simple dance, your special someone suddenly finds
themselves wishing you were there with them.  So guys, I don't care if
it's western line dancing, you'd better buy yourself some cowboy boots
and join those lessons.  And ladies, don't worry if you don't have shoes
that you think will look killer on the dance floor if you don't have
them in your closet, just dress up as sexy as possible and start joining
them for a night out.  However, if your special someone starts to resist
this new change, suggesting you'd be better off just staying at home
instead because it's not that big a deal or that exciting, then you
might have cause to start worrying.  At the very least the resistance
means that they act differently when you're not around and having you
there is going to "waste their flavour" as it were.

Night out.  This is another topic that is difficult to handle.  Let's
start with going out with the guys/girls.  Male bonding time and women
talking together, that's natural and good, but not everyone really does
it.  Ladies, if you start to raise questions about the night out with
the guys, you're going to meet heavy resistance, and he certainly won't
want you going along with him for that.  Guys hanging out together
always act differently than they would at any other time, so before you
start inquiring about what they do together, take a look at his friends.
If more than one or two of his friends are trouble out of the group,
then there might be some reasons for concern since peer pressure is
there even when you're a senior citizen.  Case in point, watch an
episode of the series The Mind of the Married Man which is an HBO
production.  If the guy in your life is soft spoken you have much less
to worry about than if he's a major socializer, but it takes more than
that to invite trouble.  Just like you wouldn't want him asking a lot of
questions about when you're out with the girls, there's not much you can
do about it.  And guys, the same applies where you can't exert influence
on limiting what she's doing since that social time apart can be
important, and a whole lot of venting about the relationship happens
while you're apart...that's natural.  Also, it's hard to tell your love
who they should and shouldn't be friends with since things can get very
complicated either because they resist or else because breaking off the
friendship gets messy.  So all you can really do for sure is to consider
what sort of friends they're hanging out with and what they're doing
together while you're apart.

Friends.  OK, I've never strayed, but I've been the guy who has had a
woman stray from me this way as well as being the friend they've strayed
to, so ouch and sorry both apply.  Introducing your loved one to a
friend of yours is natural and not a problem, but the mental process
behind it is that they're thinking your friend must be a nice person
since they're your friend.  So the essential difference is that they're
not meeting a stranger here, they're meeting someone who is vouched for
as not being all bad, much like a resume with references and a letter of
recommendation.  On the scale of things, you need to now trust them
both, since the situation is better with them seeing their ex but worse
than just bumping into a stranger.  The real cause for concern is if
they're spending time together when you're not there, even things as
small as having your friend meet you at home but you're running late.
The largest common ground is that they both know you, so that's what
they will most probably be talking about, specifically the things they
think are good about you but soon that drifts into their frustrations
about the way you act or the things you do.  That forms a bond doing
that, which can be the beginning of trouble, especially if your friend
is nodding to what your lover is saying and them telling them "I'm not
like that at all" or else "I'd never treat you like that" or even
complimenting them when they voice a frustration about you.  This can
drive a bit of a wedge between you two and bring the other two closer
where they feel like telling them "I feel I can really talk to you".
This can be good therapy for them, but it could also be the catalyst to
have them stray.  There's also the risk of your lover finding they
prefer your friend or have more in common with them.  I'm not telling
you to keep your friends and lovers separate like Church & State, I'm
just asking you to be watchful and aware of your decisions and what they
might be thinking or feeling.  The friends principal can also extend to
family, watch a few episodes of Judy Judy and you'll notice the word
"cousin" comes up a lot when they mention who their ex left them for.
So just consider if your lover is spending a great deal of time with
someone else you trust because your trust makes each of those people
more appealing in general.  In movies and on TV, over and over again you
can see that having a friend who is down on their luck come stay with
you and your lover until they get back on their feet can be a bad idea.
Again, I'm not telling you not to, I'm just suggesting you keep close
tabs since the potential for straying is there.

Overtime.  This is a slippery slope.  It ties in with roles and being
there.  Your partner wants you to be successful and they know that you
need the money as well as they enjoy the support of the added money in
the relationship.  However, the other side of the coin is that they
start feeling like they don't see you as much as they'd like, that they
miss you, and if all you do is come home exhausted and want to relax or
sleep, then they feel like they're getting the money from your job but
they're losing you in the bargain.  They'll feel like you're not there
enough, or that all you think about is work and have no idea what's
really going on with them, or maybe they just feel left out.  So the
very least you can do is try not to go home exhausted all the time or
else make it up to your lover by doing special things together.  Do not
make the mistake of trying to make it up to them by buying them gifts
since this relates to the money your job is bringing in and it's you and
your attention and time that they're craving more than money and gifts.
A gift can tell them you care enough to consider them and get them
something, but the time together is much more vital to the relationship.
Also, if you or they start calling to say you're working late, that
doesn't necessarily translate to mean someone is cheating instead of
working.  However, coming home showered can be as suspicious as coming
home smelling like someone else.  Overtime directly relates to...

Excuses.  Running into a whole lot of "ummmm, don't come over tonight, I
have somethng else to do and don't feel like getting together" should
throw up red flags that your relationship needs improving.  It doesn't
mean they're cheating on you, it just means that the relationship isn't
everything that it should be at the moment.  Similarly, when you make
excuses to them about missing out on doing things together, you send the
message that things aren't great even if your reason behind the excuse
is that you're legitimately obligated.  So if you have to miss an
opportunity to get together or break plans, then it's an excellent idea
to make concrete plans at the same time, and sound excited about the new
plans which means more than focussing on how disappointed you are about
the missed plans.  Again, sometimes a gift can be nice, but it's
apples-to-oranges compared to spending time with you and they might feel
like you're trying to buy them off or buy their affection after having
had to disappoint them.  So ordering a "candygram" with a note in it
saying that you can't make it tonight is going to be really
disappointing.  What you should be doing is saying things like, "sorry I
can't make the movie tonight, I'd been so looking forward to it, but how
about Friday I take you out for the whole evening, just you and I all
night, and we can watch a movie then, too.  I'm really looking forward
to seeing you again."  I'll also tell you this again, if you say it then
mean it.  And remember that the only trade off for time with you is to
replace it with special time with you, no substitutes although you can
feel free to add a gift either when you see them again or after they've
spent that make-up time with you, but no gifts before the time or else
you're sending the message that "just in case I have to break my new
promise, here's this to hang on to".  This principal of excuses and
time-for-time also applies to friends, family, and if you've got kids
toys are great but it's time with you that is going to be really
important to them especially once they've grown up and appreciate that
you were really there for them.

Dang, this simple set of tips is starting to get pretty big, so even
though there's so much more advice I could give you, I'm going to wrap
it up here.  I might write more of these though, I'm enjoying giving
advice, maybe my next one will be bedroom tips...something to look
forward to.  Thanks for listening to what I had to say, even if you
think it's all crap.  I hope to write something even more meaningful
next time.  And I sincerely hope that I'm able to help you improve your
relationships with my advice.