F.A.Q. of the Purple Herald!

Every story has a different author listed. Does The Purple Herald write the stories or not?

This is a complicated question but the short answer is yes, The Purple Herald writes all the stories.

The long answer is that when I started telling these tales, I wanted to give the reader the impression that these words were coming straight from the mouths of the characters that lived the stories. Unfortunately, in today's world of limited imagination, a lot of people assume that whoever followed the word "by" as in "by Tsukki" meant that Tsukki wrote the story and The Purple Herald just ripped it off. I was trying to help with the suspension of belief and instead just confused people. Despite this, I'm going to keep crediting the stories the way I have.

Who is the Purple Herald?

The Purple Herald will reveal all in a future story. For now, just understand that the Purple Herald is telling the stories of an erotic world to those who seek it.

Who is this Two-Headed God of Lust that keeps appearing in these stories?

To answer this question, I have to credit the excellent resource book "Under a Purple Cock" by Maxwell Quartermain <1996 Crystal Goblin Press> and "Throw Down Your Penis-Images!" by Morgana Stone <1969 Great Goddess Publishers>

According to Quartermain, several religions around the world have some sort of 'Lust Deity' in their mythologies. However, due to a general censorship of all things lewd, this 'Lust Deity' never gets any academic interest. When scholars encounter a thirty-scroll book describing strange orgasmic rituals, they tend to catalog it as a 'fertility rite' and move on.

Quartermain argues that this censorship has denied scholars the opportunity to recognize that the 'Lust Deity' that is mentioned around the world has quite a few similar qualities. For one thing, all religions refer to the Lust Deity as having two heads. They also refer to the Lust Deity as living in a Crystal Palace. There are other similarities but for the purpose of example, I'll just list their names:

• In Egypt, the 'Lust Deity' is referred to as "The Wet Tongue" for it by performing oral sex on the Goddess, Isis, The Wet Tongue caused the river Nile to spring forth.
• In Hawaii, a wise man known only as "Tongue of Water" gave the Goddess, Pele', her first orgasm. This orgasm came out as the first volcanic eruption.
• In Britain, the Goddess Morrigan took to bed a Fey known as "TongueWet" and from this union the Morrigan first knew the concept of Mercy.
• In Sumeria, a powerful demon known as "The Thigh Crusher" seduced Inanna for forty days and forty nights before she finally pushed him from her bed. It is said that while she had sex, the fields became over abundant and the world was nearly smothered in crops.
• In Africa, a mighty Storm Spirit called "Crusher of Thighs" was said to possess a phallus so large, it would destroy the thighs of any woman who lay with him.
• In Iraq, women are still unmarried at 30 pray to the genie "Crusher of Virgin's Thighs" to grant them the skills to win a husband.

Quartermain noticed that all Lust Deities were either referenced as possessing a 'Wet tongue' or 'Crushing Thighs'. He felt this meant that either some sort of powerful being visited every major culture through the ages OR that every culture had a common ancestral origin that remembered the legend of a lusty god who gave pleasure to those who sought it.

Morgana Stone on the other hand believes that the common uses of the words 'tongue' and 'thighs' point to a common perversion shared by all men. She points to the twin penises that are sported by the Lust Deity as obvious wishful thinking on the parts of penis-obsessed men. Stone believed that when Goddess worship was prevalent, men tried to introduce a Male God by extolling his sexual prowess.

What is this 'Crystal Palace' that is referred to in the stories.

According to Quartermain, the Crystal Palace is another common thread in the religions of the world. It was the legendary home of the Lust Deity in several religions but also his prison in others.

Perhaps the most startling occurrence of the Crystal Palace is on the small island of Iwo Gowa in the South Pacific. The natives there require all newly married couples to pray to the "Crystal Flower" to bless their sexual happiness. The wise men say that the Crystal Flower is located near the constellation Monoceros. Quartermain did some research and found that the Rosette Nebula is near that location and that with the aid of powerful telescopes, it does look like a flower. The primitive people of Iwo Gowa could not possibly know what the Rosette Nebula looked like, yet they accurately describe it in their legends. It is there that they say 'The Sweet Tongue' resides and that it is to him that all sexual happiness depends.

Credit must go to http://antwrp.gsfc.nasa.gov/apod/astropix.html. For the following fascinating look at the Rosette Nebula.

Morgana Stone believes more in the prison theory of the Crystal Palace. She notes that the Titan 'Woman-Crusher' was imprisoned by Zeus in a "Crystal Fortress" for his crimes involving the Muses. Stone goes on to say that even the woman-hating Greeks understood that the raw male sexuality of the 'Woman-Crusher' had to be contained.

Little is known about the alleged crime but Quartermain notes that the crime was done with the Muses' permission! He speculates that it wasn't a crime against the Muses as much as it just annoyed Zeus.

Stone is unperturbed by Quartermain's Muse argument and quotes one of the Dead Sea Scrolls that was leaked to the public. In the scroll, Satan is credited with tempting Eve, but a 'two-headed snake' was credited with showing Adam and Eve how to have oral sex. The Two-Headed Snake was banished to a Crystal Tree where he is said to be imprisoned for all eternity.

What is the 'Purple Book'?

The Purple Book is no less than the most banned/burned/hunted book in human history. Stone notes that in 1182, the Vatican decreed that simply TOUCHING the Purple Book was punishable by death. Stone also notes that the Burning of the Library of Alexandria was started by people searching for 'filth written in purple'.

Morgana Stone speculates that the Purple Book is a collection of Lust Deity myths and rituals and is so offensive, that any man who has a sister would burn it on sight. She points to the fact that even the decadent Roman Emperor Nero ordered that all 'Books in Purple' be taken from the public and stored safely in his private library where it can do no harm to the innocent.

Maxwell Quartermain's quest to find a copy of the Purple Book is well documented and is blamed by psychologists for Quartermain's mental degradation and eventual commitment at Chandra Asylum in 2001. Quartermain thought the book contained the secret history of the Lust Deity and that "only the worthy can find it." His infamous orgies and strange ritual reenactments were part of his desire to prove himself worthy to a God he thought was ignoring him.

At his 2002 mental evaluation, Quartermain was asked if he was still looking for the Purple Book. Quartermain laughed and said he had found it. When asked where it was, Quartermain started to remove his pants. That was when the evaluation was concluded and he was returned to his room.

In 1966, Phantoma Books published a paperback version of the Purple Book. This cheap pornographic book is filled with lewd limericks and bad vagina sketches and should not be mistaken for the real book.

Why does the number six keep appearing in the stories?

Six is the sacred number of the Lust Deity. Quartermain argued that the number six refers to what he calls the six major races of the earth. He says that the Caucasians, the Asians, the Africans, the Native Americans, the Arabs and Polynesians were all created by the Lust Deity to give the world variety in sex. It should be noted that the majority of scholars decline to segment the world in six different races, usually only using three or four. Quartermain called these scholars "damn fools blind to the truth."

Quartermain also speculated that six is the most people you can have in an orgy before things get too complicated.

Morgana Stone said the number six was holy to the Lust Deity simply because the Arabic number six can be reversed to form a crude joke in '69'.

Why are some of your stories deep and meaningful while other stories have as much substance as a wet dream?

Because sex is like that. Sex can be fun, meaningless, insightful, scary, thought provoking, humorous, silly, intense, powerful, casual, and other emotions that I haven't even begun to think of. Although I tend to focus on the more obscure aspects of sex, the facets of possible sex demand that my stories vary in content.