Good Girls Guaranteed
mc; g; f; caution
Hello. I want to tell you my story. But before we talk, I need to ask: Do you work for the Orphanage? Are you one of Them? If are one of Them, you may as well go home. I’m never going back. I’m safe here (sosafehere-Itrickedthedoctors-theythinktheycaughtme-buttheykeepmesafe-goodliesprotectme-soclever-sosafe). They can’t get me in here. You don’t work for the Orphanage? Promise? Cross your heart and hope to die, stick a needle in your eye? Ok (doesn’tmatter-nevermatters-can’tgetme-safehere-safeandsound-nomorelessons-nomorestudies-can’ttouchmeinmysafelittlecage-doesn’tmatter). I guess we can talk.
I should tell you who I am, but I don’t really know. They told me my name was Jessica, but They are liars, and everything They said is a lie. I have to keep telling myself that, or I might forget (can’tforgetnotevernever-that’showTheywin-makemeforget-makemestupid-can’tbestupid-mustbeclever-mustbesafe). My name is not Jessica (don’tcallmeJessica-notmyname-it’salie-hastobealie-won’tbestupid-won’tbeagoodgirl-won’tbeJessica), and I am not fifteen years old. I was not eleven when I was first sent to the orphanage (Ilookedeleven-felteleven-butwasn’televen-evenifIwasIcan’tbelieveit-can’tbelieveThem-Theyhavetobeliars-keepsmesafe). I don’t know what my real name is, or how old I am, because They took all my memories before the orphanage away (Theymademeforget-mademestupid-goodgirlsarestupid-goodgirlsdon’trememberdon’tquestion-goodgirlsdowhattheyaretold-I’mnotaggodgirl-neveragain-neverever).
They told me my name was Jessica (nottrue), and I was eleven years old (lies-Theyalwayslie), and They told me I was sent to an orphanage because my parents didn’t love me (nottrue-nottrue-liarliarpantsonfire). They told me they could teach me to be a better child so I could find new parents who would love me (don’twantlove-notthatkindoflove-badlove-dirtylove). I wasn’t smart enough to realize what they were doing, so I believed them (sostupid-sogood). I slept in the bunkroom with all the other girls (poorgirls-goodgirls-stupidgirls-dowhatyouaretold-dirtylovefordirtygirls-Ican’tsaveyou-I’msosorry) and I attended the lessons (badlessons-makeyoubelievethelies-teachyouliesastruth-makeyoustupid-makeyoudirty-makeyouagoodgirl). All the lessons started with watching videos on the TV (liesonthescreen-cleverlies-thescreenmakesyoulisten-thescreenmakesyouobey-alltheliescomefromthescreen), then we would learn what it means to be a good child (hatebeinggood-goodisbad-goodisstupid-goodislies-nevergoodagain). Good children listen to their parents (notmyparents-don’tlistentothem-don’tobeythem-staybad-stayclean) and do what they are told (notthat-neverthat-it’sdirty-feelssogoodbutstillsodirty-it’swrong-don’tdoit). Sometimes we would demonstrate what we learned with the teachers (awefulteachers-teachthelies-makeusdirty-dirtylittlegoodgirls-teachersaretheenemy) and sometimes with the boys (notjustgirls-theytookboystoo-poorboys-dirtyboys-prisonerslikeus-allstupidanddirtyandgood-mademefeelsogood-lovedtheboys-lovedbeingdirtywithboys).
After almost two years of lessons in the orphanage (moldedlikeclay-shapedintoagoodgirl-liesmademegood-lessonsmademedirty-Iwouldhavebeensuchagoodgirl-somuchdirtylove) I started having nightmares (notnightmares-thatwasme-thatwasthetruth). They kept getting worse and worse (Iknowit’sscarybutatleastit’sclean-Iwaskeepingyouclean-showingyoutheway-keepingyousafe) until they were so scary I couldn’t sleep and I could hear them even when I was awake (don’tsleep-sleepisbad-theylietoyouinyoursleep-theylieinyourdreams-notsafe-stayawake). I’m so glad I stopped sleeping. I’m glad I stopped eating the food (poison-makesyoustupid-makesyouobey-makesyouagoodgirl). I started seeing clearly (sopainful-sodirty-theliesmadeyouhappybuttheywerebad-betterthisway). I finally understood what They were doing to me (notanorphanage-aslavefactory-brainwashingus-makinggoodlittleslavesforrichcustomers-childrenforsale-goodgirlsguaranteed).
To make a long story short, I escaped. It wasn’t that hard (Theydidn’tthinkIcould-didn’tthinkanyonecouldbreakfree-thoughtweweretoostupid-Iwasn’tstupid-Iwassoclever-soveryveryclever). I didn’t want to tell anyone what had happened to me (soshameful-sodangerous-theymightsendmeback-can’ttell-musn’ttell), so I ran and hid (hidforayear-livingonthestreets-hidingfromeveryone-hadtokeepsafe-diddirtythingsformoney-hatedthat-butIsurvived).
I was found (soscary-finallycaught-thoughtitwasallover) but they didn’t send me back to the Orphanage. They sent me here, to this hospital (theythinkI’mcrazy-I’mnotcrazybutatleastI’msafe). They tell me that I’m delusional, that none of it really happened (wishIcouldbelievethem-wishitwasalladream-butitwasn’tadream). They say I’m schizophrenic and paranoid. They can call me whatever they want, as long as they keep me in here (inhereI’msafe). I can’t go back out (notsafeanymore-TheyknowI’minhere-havetostayinside), so I’ll pretend to be crazy if that’s what they want (I’llbewhoeverIhavetobe-muststaysafe-muststayclean). They’ve been giving me therapy (stupidwasteoftime-I’mnotsick-don’tneedtogetbetter) and pills (Idon’tneedthepillsbutIlikethem-theymakemefeelwarmandsafe-Iliketofeelsafe-Ilikethepills), and they’ve been telling me how to become sane (I’malreadysanebutI’llplayalong). I don’t want them to think I’m sane (iftheythinkI’mnotcrazythey’llthrowmeout), but I’ll play along. As long as they keep me safe, I’ll do anything they tell me (I’msoclever-I’mstayingsafe-justhavetodowhatI’mtold-Icandothat-Iknowhowtoobey-I’vehadlotsofpractice).
