Goo
mc; bF; Mg; bdom; oral; humor
Dan looked. Looked away. Looked again. Yes, there was definitely a lady breastfeeding, in the middle of the mall. It was not a subtle covered-with-a-blanket feeding, either. The woman's top was pulled up to her collarbone and she was holding the baby's head against her left tit. Her babyless nipple was also lactating, staining her skirt as milk dripped freely. Dan looked around but no one else acted as if it was unusual. Dan took a tentative step towards the lady, not entirely sure what he was going to say. The woman was even smiling at Dan as she fed the child, although her eyes were not entirely focused on him. Dan was not an especially sensitive person, but he found the sight gross and thought he should say something.
Why's the fucker still coming?
Dan froze. Where had that thought come from? People continued to pass by on either side of the bench; he might as well have been on an island with the woman. She continued smiling at him but her eyes remained vacant as well. Then she pulled away the leech that was attached to her chest and turned it to face Dan. The pudgy infant was pretty much as shapeless from the front as from the back. Its only clothing was a white diaper, which again looked pretty much the same from both sides. If not for its face, Dan would have been hard pressed to tell which side of the baby was which. The baby blew a bubble of spit – tinged white with breast milk – and burbled at Dan, “Goo!”
Dan eyed the child flatly. Now both of the lady's breasts were exposed on either side of the baby's head, but Dan was not sure what to do. He was not confrontational at the best of times and it was unnerving that the woman was not speaking or covering herself.
Get out of here, ass-wipe.
“Ass wipe?” Dan blurted out, thinking that someone must have said it out loud. The passersby and even the woman did not react, but the baby stopped swinging its arms and regarded Dan with its wide eyes.
You can hear me?
Dan squinted around suspiciously. Then looked at the baby. Then up at the mother's empty smile. Then at the surrounding stores, again. Either this was the most bizarre hidden camera show in the world or that baby had somehow spoken – inside Dan's head. Without ruling out the TV show, Dan addressed the infant. “Uh, I guess so.”
Thank-fucking-God. No one else does. Do you know how long I've been waiting to have a legitimate conversation with someone?
“Well, no,” Dan answered honestly.
Over 200 years.
“You're 200 years old?” Dan gaped at the tiny child.
Maybe. I don't know how to use a calendar. I'm a damn baby.
“Oh,” Dan wondered why he had not had any warning signs of a stroke before he started hallucinating. “But, you know, you talk pretty good, for a baby.”
I speak pretty well.
Dan bristled at the correction, sure that he could see condescension on the cherubic face. The man grunted and said, “Yeah, well, I'm going to go check into a hospital now, until I get over... whatever's happening to me.”
Wait! Don't go. I really am a talking baby. And I've been stuck like this for... decades, at least.
Dan looked the baby up and down, which did not take long. It was a very small baby. “And what does your mom think about it?”
This one?
The infant seemed to lack finger control but it waved a doughy arm up towards the blank face of the woman. Dan nodded.
She's not my mother. She's my milk for today. It's her last day, actually.
“I... what?” Dan was losing track of the conversation again. Was it possible to have a stroke in a stroke?
I'm a psychic baby.
“Sure you are,” Dan said agreeably. Mental hospitals were supposed to be pretty comfortable. Maybe it would not be so bad to be in a place with padded walls all day.
Hey, seriously. I hypnotize people with my cuteness.
“Well, I'm out,” Dan said, turning away and continuing in the direction he had been heading. Magic talking babies were one thing but there is only so much a man can take.
Behind him, the baby started crying. It sounded like any other baby, which meant it was loud and annoying. Dan ignored it and kept on walking. Other people turned to look, though. Dan suddenly noticed that everyone around him had stopped walking. They were all looking back past him. Then everyone around him – men, women, and children – closed in and started pushing him back towards the baby. With so many bodies, Dan gave up trying to push them all away and let himself be steered back towards the woman. The herd sent him sprawling to the ground, and he was pretty sure that he cracked his tailbone. He sat up, kneeling in front of the fat baby as it sat regally on the woman's lap.
I told you, I hypnotize people.
“Why didn't you just hypnotize me to stay?” Dan asked irritably, rubbing his injured bottom.
It doesn't work on you. That's how you noticed me when I was eating.
“Eat– oh,” Dan remembered the breastfeeding. “Why doesn't it work on me?”
Because you can hear me.
“Really?”
How should I know, numb nuts? Didn't I say this is the first time anyone has heard me?
Dan sighed. Maybe it was stress. He could try therapy, or a vacation.
So, back to what I was saying before. I have to find “mommies” to give me milk. I can't take care of myself. But I have to keep switching...
Hawaii might be nice, although it is summer. Does that mean it would be more busy, or less?
Hey jackass, are you listening?
“It's probably busier,” Dan mumbled dejectedly.
What the fuck, man? That's my shit luck. The only guy, maybe in the whole world, who can hear me, and he's a fucking idiot.
Dan looked up and eyed the infant balefully.
Listen, I'm trying to explain something. I have to keep switching, uh, caretakers because my control doesn't last. After 25 or 30 days, it just wears off.
“How does it wear off?” Dan felt a bit of curiosity in spite of himself.
It just does. The clock starts running the first time I hypnotize someone. After enough time passes, BAM. I can't do anything to them anymore. And not only that, they forget all about me and the time we've been together. They ignore me completely. I could be crying right next to them and the won't even notice.
There was a pregnant pause as Dan digested that information. “Why does it wear off in 30 days?”
It's tied to the lunar cycle.
“Really?” That would explain why the baby said it took 25 to 30 days.
I don't fucking know. It just does. Why am I stuck as a baby? I just am. Why can I hypnotize people? I just can. My god, will you let me get a word in edgewise?
It seemed to Dan that the baby had been doing most of the talking anyway but he decided not to mention that. Arguing would only make a tantrum last longer, and that seemed to be as true for magic babies as regular ones.
Look, man, I'm tired of having to keep moving around every month. It'd be so much easier if I could stay in one place and grab some passing tits when I'm hungry. You know, like say, with a kindly man who can understand me and who I don't need to hypnotize.
"Listen, I get that it may be nice for you-" Dan tried to begin diplomatically.
What, you think I won't pay my way? I only need a few meals a day. You can do whatever you want with whomever we bring home, when I'm not eating.
The man looked up at the pretty woman attached to the lactating breasts, then back down at the chubby baby. "Look, that's nice and everything-"
Why are you being such a pussy? I'm offering you an unlimited-sex pass and all you have to do is put a crib in your apartment, or house, or whatever.
"Apartment," the man said absently.
You're missing the point here, dipshit. What's the problem? Are you a cock sucker?
"What? No," Dan dropped his eyes.
The fuck is up with that schoolgirl act? Stop blushing and grow some hairy ones.
"Look," Dan took a deep breath and looked up. The woman was still sitting vacantly on the bench and no one else was paying attention. "I'm... the kinds of girls I'm interested in... wouldn't exactly help you."
You know, I've been a baby for years and I'm pretty sure I'll be middle age before you actually tell me what the fuck you're talking about.
Dan leaned in close, his eyes hard and his face dwarfing the infant's. "I like... young ones, okay?"
Oh shit. You're a baby-fucker? I have the worst luck. Jesus, fuck me. Er, I meant that euphemistically. Seriously, dude, just back away slo-
"I'm not a baby-fucker," the man hissed, interrupting the stream of thoughts from the infant. "I just, uh, I'm attracted to girls who haven't hit puberty yet. B-but, I mean, they've got to be at least, like, in kindergarten or something."
Oh.
Coming from the normally talkative magic baby, the one-word response was enough to make the man start sweating nervously. He stammered to explain, "I-I mean I've never done anything to one. N-never. It's only that-"
A tap on the shoulder scared five years off Dan's life and he flinched violently away from the faceless law enforcement officer who had surely been lurking nearby, heard everything, and recorded it for use in court. But instead of a burly uniformed man, Dan gaped up at the face of a pretty brunette tween. The girl was bending down and holding something out. Dan took it from her dumbly, wondering whether she had heard his confession. The girl smiled in a way that would have melted Dan if he had not been in such shock. She lifted up the front of her frilly white skirt, which was conveniently at Dan's eye-level. Dan gaped as he stared at a bare pussy, a foot away from his face. It was the object of years of fantasies. He did not even mind that there was a dusting of pubic hair beginning to come in.
The girl abruptly turned, flashing her tiny butt as her skirt flared up. She sauntered away without a backwards glance but Dan felt sure that the little minx was putting more swing in her step than she normally would have. He looked down and unfolded his fingers. Pressed into the palm of his hand was a tiny pair of white panties with a small pink bow. Dan turned back to the baby. It somehow managed to look smug despite being toothless.
“Listen, I don't-”
That little tween twat is going to the handicapped changing room in Macy's right now. You've got three choices. You can spend the rest of your life sitting while you pee, if you're really dickless. You can go fuck her and hope no one catches you so that you don't spend the rest of your life as Bubba's cock-sleeve. Or you can go fuck her and take me with you, and I'll make sure everyone leaves you alone. Then we'll spend the rest of our lives decimating the population of mothers and daughters.
Dan picked up the baby.
Dan woke up to a wet, warm mouth wrapping around his cock. His blanket had fallen off of his bed during last night's tumble, so he had an unimpeded view of naked flesh as he tilted his head to look down at himself. One of the 10-year-old blondes was still sleeping, curled up against Dan's side and using his bicep as a pillow. Her twin was the one currently trying to get breakfast from between Dan's legs. Was it Abby or Annie sucking him off right now? Oh, no, Abby and Annie were the twins from three months ago. Dan was not sure that he had ever asked for the names of his current bed-mates.
Half an hour later, both twins were wide awake, fed, and Dan's supply of sperm was once again nearing empty. Seeking nourishment, he left the twins cuddling together on his bed and went out into the main area of his apartment. The single large room encompassed a kitchen and living space. In the living area, a large crib was stationed next to the couch, and an Asian woman with C-cup breasts slept soundly after having been woken up several times during the night for feeding.
A pretty, blonde teenager bustled around the kitchen, making toast and scrambled eggs. She was the older sister of the twins, and Dan had taken her on a whim when he and the baby had stopped by the twins' house to make sure their parents would be okay with their month-long hiatus. The teenager was working as a maid and had done an excellent job of cleaning up Dan's small apartment since she had started living there. She was the only one fully-clothed, since she had too much tit for Dan's taste and not enough for the baby's. Despite that, she turned out to be a goldmine, since she babysat several local kids and had pictures of them on her Facebook page. For Dan, it was like having a menu in advance for a change.
Is she still not doing anything for you, jerk-wad?
Dan had no idea how the baby had known that he was looking at the teenager but he had grown used to its unusual perceptions. Dan turned in the direction of the crib and said, “Not really. Too curvy.”
Yeah, well, baby steps, so to speak. Once you graduate to jailbait, it's only a tiny jump to a real woman.
“I'll leave the real women to you. Wouldn't want to get in the way when you're hungry.”
Meh. “Between the two of them they licked the platter clean.” I suppose it's worked well so far. How much time do we have with these?
Dan looked at the calendar on the wall, where the girls' expiration dates were marked. “Five days on the safe side, a little more than a week if you want to be dangerous.”
Do you want to trade out now? I'm in the mood for a new flavor.
Dan shrugged and then realized the baby could not see him. “Sure. But maybe I could hang onto the twins for a couple more days? With a new one?”
Ha! The walls aren't that thick, kiddie diddler. You've had your hands full keeping two happy. Quit while you're ahead.
With a grimace, Dan agreed and went over to the crib. The fat baby was just the same as it had been six months ago. Dan lifted the baby over to a stroller and made it comfortable. The Asian lady sat up on the couch and started to retrieve her clothes from the corner of the room. She would drive the three sisters home and then return to her own family. When the month had lapsed, none of them would have any recollection of their time in the one-bedroom apartment.
“What are you looking for today?” Dan asked conversationally as he rolled the stroller out of his apartment.
S'more Cs. Hell, maybe even B-cups. Your pedo shit may be rubbing off.
“That's still a long way from my, ahem, shit.”
Mmhmm. What are you looking for?
“Six-year-old,” Dan said, bracing himself.
God damn. And here I thought you might finally get it up for a teen this morning. You're not sliding the other way, are you? Are you getting any feelings about shoving that pedo cock up my ass?
“Fuck off,” Dan said tiredly. “She's one of the girls that, um, that girl babysits. She looks really cute in the pictures.”
And, what? Your first thought was “she'd look even cuter with my dick in her mouth.” Well, whatever. At least we'll be quicker this time. It usually takes you fucking forever to shop.
Dan lifted the baby out of the stroller and into the car seat in the back of his car. He folded up the stroller and tucked it inside. Then he got into the driver's seat and took off in the direction of a pretty first grader's house. A few hours from now a very small mouth would be filled with his erection. Despite all of the verbal abuse he received – and there was a lot – Dan would never give up the baby. It was the most important thing in his life.
