JOANNA, chapter three
WEDNESDAY
The twins decided to come down early for breakfast.� �We saw you on the telly.�� �And those men had to take your clothes off.�
�That�s enough teasing,� said Mum firmly.� She looked tired.
�Didn�t sleep?� I asked.
�Not much,� she admitted.� �But granny and I were talking a long time before I came home.�
�Did you get anywhere?�
�Maybe.� Your granny had a few ideas.� The trouble is, nobody�s going to listen to me now.� Your little stunt discredited me.�
�You mean who wants someone on the Program Committee whose own daughter is too scared to go through the Program?�
�Yeah.� And I know that�s not why you did this.� But nobody else will believe either of us.�
I grinned.� �Wait and see, Mum.�
�What have you got planned now?�
�You really don�t want to know.�
�Be careful.�
I got up to go, then turned and said, �And if I can�t be careful, I�ll be good.�� I shut the door quickly before she could reply.
There were a few TV crews outside school this time.� �Hi, Joanna.� Have you anything to say to us?�
�After all those lies you�ve been spreading about me?� I asked.
This time I undressed myself, putting my clothes in my school bag.� When the other proggies arrived, they followed my example.
�So the protest is over?� a reporter asked.
�No,� I said.� �I�m just proving a point.�
Edward look unsure, so I gave him a discreet nod.
�I�ve got a Reasonable Request,� he said.� �I want to fuck you.�
I pulled out the sheet I�d secretly put in my bag earlier and spread it on the ground.
I lay down and he got between my legs and began licking and fingering me.� After a few minutes I�d almost forgotten the cameras and gasped, �That�s enough.�
He positioned himself over me, and, completely ignoring the cameras, asked, �Are you sure you want to do this?�
He took my smile as a �yes� and I held myself open for him.� He pushed a tiny way into me, then stopped.
�Go on,� I urged, then �Yow!� as he did what I�d said.
He waited until I said I was ready, then began moving in and out of me.� I swear he was going deeper each time.� He came quite quickly.
�Sorry,� he said, seeing that I hadn�t had an orgasm.
He pulled out and I yelled out, �Any more Reasonable Requests?�
I let two more guys fuck me and a girl sit on my face as I licked her out, before I decided I�d made my point and got up.
I held up the sheet, now marked with my blood.� I walked to the First News Channel crew and said, �You can give this to that idiot spokesman that said I was just scared of the Program.�
Their reporter took it silently.
�Now we�ve got that crap out of the way, you�ll have to understand that some in the government are trying to use this story to discredit my mother and force through their own changes to the Program.�
This was obviously news to them.� �What do you mean?� asked someone.
�The Program has been accepted because it helps us come to terms with our sexuality.� But there are those in government who want to twist it and use it as a punishment for almost any kid who gets out of line.� My mother has stood against that, from the time the Program started here.� But they were willing to wreck this protest to discredit her for their own political ends.� Now I�ve had to lose my virginity just to prove them liars, I hope the media will concentrate on what we are saying.�
�Which is?�
�Nobody should have her future wrecked because the Program rules are too inflexible.�� At the moment if your daughter was raped today and called into the Program next Monday, her only way out would be to get a psychiatric exemption.� That would mean losing any chance at university or a good career.� Do any of you think that�s fair or right?�
Nobody answered.
�I�ll take that as you agreeing with me.� Perhaps your stations can cover this protest with a bit of balance today then.�
And I walked off, ignoring their questions, leaving Nick to explain that the protest was still on, until the rules were changed.
I almost ran into the showers and stood under them, letting the water hide my tears.
Nobody even attempted a Request the whole morning, then at lunchtime, Miss Robinson made an announcement.
�The National Program Committee has suspended the Program for one week.� It will restart next Tuesday morning.�
�Does that mean we�ve won?� Edward asked me.
�I�m not sure.� I think so.�� Then I burst into tears.
He was at my side in a few seconds, holding me.� �What�s wrong?�
How could I answer him without hurting him?
�Is it about this morning?�
Too close.
�You wish we hadn�t done it?�
I couldn�t deny it and I felt his arm fall away.
�It�s not that, I just wish�� I always wanted it to be special.�
�And it wasn�t,� he said heavily.
�Hey girl,� said Destiny.� �You just became the first proggie ever to lose your fucking virginity live on every bloody news channel.� How much more special did you want it?�
Everybody laughed and I couldn�t help laughing too.
I got dressed when lunch had finished and wandered to class.
After school I went to the gym and beat the hell out of a punchbag.� I still didn�t feel any better.
Again I walked home instead of taking the RT.� The twins were home before me and just looked at me openmouthed when I went in.
�Not a word,� I said.� �If you want to eat, not a damned word.�
I cooked their tea and went upstairs to my room.
A long while later Mum came in.� �What�s up?�
�What do you mean?�
�The first thing the twins said when I came in was �There�s something wrong with Jo�, so what�s wrong?�
I burst into tears.
Mum sat on my bed, pulled my head into her lap and just stroked my hair as I cried myself out.
Finally I was able to speak.� �I messed up everything.�
�I wouldn�t say that,� she replied.� �Though I admit I wasn�t happy with what you did.� But as a form of protest it was, as one commentator said, unique.� I�m late home because I�ve spent half the day giving interviews and the other half in tele-conferences with the Program Committee Vice Chair and the Education Minister.�
�And?�
�The Junior Minister who spread the lies about you has been asked to resign. The Education Minister said in an interview that I have his fullest confidence.�
�Doesn�t that mean you�re next to go?� I joked.
�Cynic.�
�I wonder who I get that from?� I asked seriously.
She ignored the question and continued, �He also stated catagorically that there are no plans to use the Program as a corrective tool.� But when he was asked if that meant you�d been lying, he admitted that some had wanted that to happen, but it had been ruled out.� He said that the Government called on the Program Committee and the Student leaders to resolve the dispute as quickly as possible.�
�I heard the Program was suspended.�
�Yes, that was our Vice-Chair�s idea.� The Program Strike is causing too many problems between students, and he felt the situation could become dangerous.� The Program Committee will be meeting with the whole of the National Student Advisory Council on Friday.� Auntie Shelley and I won�t be there as people could say we�d be prejudiced.� But the ideas we came up with last night will be put forward.�
�What were they?� I asked.
�Local Program Officers to have the right to exempt a student or to partially exempt a student at their discretion, but they have to report it to the National Program Committee giving the reasons.� The student�s participation is suspended until the Program Committee or a delegate acting on our behalf has decided.� If our delegate and the local P.O. disagree, it goes before the full Committee.� Once the decision is made, if it is a full exemption, rather than showing an exemption, the student�s record will be credited with a satisfactory pass in the Program and all records of the decision will be destroyed on privacy grounds.� If it is a partial exemption, the school will be notified, but all records of that will be destroyed at the end of their Program week, again on privacy grounds.�
�What do you mean by partial exemption?�
�In Edward�s case for example, he could be exempted from accepting certain or all requests from other boys.�
�So if your Committee agree, it�s sorted?� I asked.
�If they agree.� Some might feel that they don�t want to give in to student protests, but I think it�ll get through.� But it�s not quite sorted, as you put it.� Your Nick Warner wants some appeal facility built in for those who have local P.O.s who refuse exemptions.� That might be harder to get through.�
�But Edward will be okay?�
�Hmm.� He could get an exemption.� But after being involved in this week�s protests, it might be hard to keep it out of the press.�
�So it was all for nothing?�
�He will have to decide what he wants to do.� Do you want to ring him and tell him?�
�Nah.� �s okay.�
�You still seem fed up.�
�I�m okay.�
�Joanna Peters, I�m not leaving this room until you tell me what�s wrong.�
�Edward.�
�What about him?� I should think he adores you after what you did for him today.� Or is that the problem?� You don�t feel the same way?�
�No, I don�t know what I feel.� I had sex for the first time today and��
�I noticed,� Mum interrupted.� �In fact I think half the country noticed.�
I couldn�t help a giggle.
�Sorry.� I interrupted you.�
�Well.� I had sex for the first time, and I hated it.�
�Was he rough, or should I say they?�
In spite of myself, I felt myself reddening, but answered, �No, he was okay, but it didn�t turn me on at all.�
�I�m not surprised under the circumstances.�
�And he knows I was upset afterwards, and thinks he did something wrong or I didn�t want it to be him.�
�And you did?�
�Yes, but not like that.� I know it was my idea, but I didn�t know how I�d feel afterwards.� I tried to explain, I�d just wanted it to be special, and Destiny went on about me being the only proggie who lost it live on all the news channels, how special did I want it?�
Mum laughed at that.� �She has a point.�
�Was it really live on all the news channels?�
�I don�t know about all, but on most of them, yes.� And you could have knocked me down with a feather.� And you can do chores to replace that sheet you gave away.�
I smiled a little.
�So it wasn�t what you dreamed of?� she asked.
�No.� Not at all.� And now I�ve made Edward think it was his fault.� Either because I did it for him or because I didn�t want to do it with him or because he wasn�t any good or..� Oh, I don�t know what he thinks.�
�Have you asked him?� Or have you told him how you feel?�
�I can�t, Mum.�
�You really should.�
�I know.� But at the moment I�m not even sure how I feel, so how can I tell him?�
�You�ll figure it out.�
THURSDAY
By the time I got to school in the RT I was fed up with hearing about my live sex show, as everyone insisted on calling it.
I admit, I avoided Edward, even turning around in the corridor once when I saw him coming.
I felt really bad about that.� He didn�t deserve it.� He didn�t make me do anything yesterday and I was treating him like crap.
At lunch I caught him staring at me.� He looked so sad.� I spent half the time after that trying to summon up the courage to go and speak to him.
Finally I got up and the damned bell went.� I didn�t see him again after that.
�Jo�s still sad,� Sammy told Mum when she came in in the evening.
�Shut up,� I told her.
�Are you?� asked Mum.
�A bit,� I admitted.
�You didn�t see him then.�
�Yeah, I saw him.�
�What did he say?�
�I didn�t speak to him.� I just saw him.�
�When are you going to act your age?�
�I�ll speak to him tomorrow, okay?�
�Okay.�
FRIDAY
Shit!
He came in with Lindsey Ward and she looked like the cat that had the cream.
Sure enough, she was saying in class that for a geek he was pretty good in the sack.� I could have killed her.� But what could I say?�
I caught him looking at me at lunchtime but I couldn�t read his expression.
I actually got told off in class.
�Joanna Peters, stop looking out of the window and pay attention!�
I never get told off in class.� Never.
Just because I�d felt bad about some kid I�d felt sorry for and tried to help.
He�d obviously moved on, so why couldn�t I?
Let�s face it our only time having sex was crap, so why worry?� Okay, the crap sex wasn�t his fault or mine, but we didn�t exactly set the bedsheet alight with passion.
�Did you speak to him?� Mum asked when she got home, before she even said �Hello.�
�No.�
�Why not?�
�He found someone else,� I admitted.� �I guess I wasn�t that great for him either.�
�Oh.�� She sounded deflated.
�How did the meeting go?� I asked, glad to be able to change the subject.
�Fine.� The Student Council asked for some other powers while they knew they were ahead and the Program Committee pretty much gave them whatever they wanted.�
�You don�t sound pleased.�
�I�m just worried that too many people and groups have the power to disrupt the Program.� NSAC can now suspend the Program in any school for up to a week for safety or abuse reasons.� This lot are alright, but in the future, what happens if a politically motivated group just disrupt everything?�
�Mum.� It�s our Program.� We�ve all seen friends go through it and most of them come out of it better than they went in.� Do you really think we�d want it screwed up any more than you do?� I mean, look at Destiny!�
She had to laugh at that.� Destiny, my best friend, had really low self esteem from her father who just criticised her all the time.� After a couple of bad days, she discovered that she loved oral sex, giving and receiving, preferably at the same time.� She actually got carried away in the corridors the week after she was in the Program and got caught giving a guy a blowjob.� The trouble was, he wasn�t in the Program either, so they both got a week�s detention.
Okay, she settled down a bit after that, especially when we threatened to make an oral sex film, Destiny Downs the Docklands, but she never let anyone put her down again.�
�And how about you, when it restarts, are you going to come out of it better than you went in?�
�I don�t know, Mum,� I said quietly.� �It still scares me.� I don�t like loosing control. It�s not as if I haven�t done it now.� Hell, as you said, half the country probably watched me do it.� And I don�t see what all the fuss is about.�
�That�s hardly a good experience to judge sex by,� she pointed out.
�I thought it would be so great.� We were so good together Monday evening.� Then it all went wrong.�
�You lost a boyfriend.� You�ll have others.�
�I don�t want others, Mum.� When we were together I felt like we could tackle anything.�
�I noticed.� Me and the whole Committee for starters, then a government Minister.� Perhaps it�s just as well you split up.� I�m not sure the country could handle it if you stayed together.�
I smiled at her attempt to cheer me up.� �Well, you know what I mean.� I felt safe when he was with me.�
�Safe?�� She sounded concerned.
�Like he�d never let anything happen to me.� And he�d always be there for me.� I�m not as scared about next week, but that�s only because I know I�m not going to feel anything anyway.� And that�s scary too.�
�Do you love him?�
Ouch.� That hit home.� I had to think for a minute before replying, �I don�t know.� It�s stupid.� We were only really together one evening.� Now it just hurts to think of him with someone else.� I can�t imagine being happy without him.�
�Oh Dear.� You�re not going to like what I�ve done.�
�What?�
�Invited him and his mother for dinner Sunday Night.�
�How could you interfere like that?�
�Hey, this had nothing to do with you.� I invited them so we could discuss what to do about his Program next week.� He understands that simply not doing it may draw attention to him which he can�t afford to have.� You can go out for the evening if you like.�
Yeah, I thought.� That would make me seem really callous.
I didn�t answer.� I just sat there scowling.
I decided on an early night.