Oscar Meyers
Part 2: Academia
By 
Lazlo Zalezac
Copyright (C) Lazlo Zalezac, 2005

Chapter 12

"It's simple. He wasn't allowed to talk about it," said Cole in a 
quiet authoritative voice. The volume of his voice was just loud 
enough to overcome the background noise of people eating, but not 
loud enough to carry beyond the table.

"He still should have told us," argued Lisa. She looked over at 
Sharon hoping that her roommate would support her. The tall thin 
woman looked as if she had something else on her mind.

"Did it hurt anyone for them to hide that from us?" asked Gabby.

"I'm hurt," answered Lisa. She'd felt betrayed upon learning that 
Oscar was a Druid.

"No. You're insulted that you weren't included in the secret," said 
Cole. Looking over at Lisa, he asked, "Do you think you would 
ever have gotten to be friends with him if you had known he was a 
Druid?"

"Probably not," answered Lisa. Considering his actions the first 
day of classes, she would have probably resented him. She'd seen 
him as a poor slob in the same position as herself rather than 
someone slumming.

Mark said, "We're better off that we got a chance to know him 
before we discovered that he was a Druid. Let's face it, I would 
have probably dropped out by the end of the first day. I'm sure the 
same is true for you and Sharon."

"You're right," answered Lisa. She looked around the table at the 
normal crowd. The only one missing was Oscar. Picking up a slice 
of her toast, she asked, "So how do we treat him when he gets 
back?"

Sharon looked at the door and saw a naked Oscar enter the first 
year dining room. He looked happy for a change and moved with a 
lot more energy than usual. Gesturing in his direction with her 
head, she said, "Speak of the devil."

Everyone at the table turned to look at him. Others in the room 
watched him walk to his dining companions. The volume in the 
room rose as some of the people whispered about the fact that he 
was a Druid and others discussed his activities in the Middle East.

Walking over to the table, Oscar could see the uneasy shifting in 
their seats by his friends and understood they didn't know how to 
deal with him as a result of their new knowledge about him. Sitting 
down, he said, "I never did make it by a potato chip factory to find 
out how they peel all those potatoes."

The comment was so unexpected that everyone stared at him 
wondering why he would bring up the potato chip factory. Looking 
around the table, Oscar asked, "Isn't that what we were talking 
about when our conversation was interrupted?"

Cole was silent for a moment and then answered, "I thought we 
were talking about Debbie and Georgia."

"Oh, yeah. You were talking about Debbie and Georgia. I was 
talking about potato chips," replied Oscar. He picked up the menu 
and flipped it open to the breakfast section. He still had forty-five 
minutes before class and that was enough time to get a real meal. 
He decided on waffles knowing they could have them on the table 
in fifteen minutes.

Everyone was silently watching him while he examined the menu. 
It was obvious to everyone that something had happened 
concerning his love life since he didn't have his normal sad look. 
Unable to contain her curiosity, Sharon asked, "So what's up with 
Debbie and Georgia?"

"I never thought you'd ask. We're now a triad," answered Oscar 
with a grin glancing up from the menu. 

"A triad? What's that?" asked Gabby looking around to see if 
anyone else knew what he was talking about.

"Congratulations," said Sharon, Abby, and Lisa together. Cole 
nodded his approval while Mark wiggled his eyebrows. Greg 
looked thoughtful as he considered the news. He wasn't sure what 
to make of it.

"We are a threesome," answered Oscar looking over at Gabby. 

"Oh." She thought about his while wondering if such an 
arrangement would work for her. It was an intriguing concept. A 
smile came to her face as she pondered the existence of a rule that 
good girls did not have a boyfriend and a girlfriend.

It was Greg who asked the question that was on everyone's mind. 
"If you're a Druid, why are you here as a student?"

"I don't know. You'll have to ask the Two-Sided One since I'm 
here on his command," answered Oscar happy he could talk about 
it at last. His days of hiding who and what he was were over. He 
glanced over at the far end of the dining room and saw Oliver 
watching him with a small grin on his face.

The news stunned everyone at the table since they all understood 
that it was highly likely that upon graduation he would be serving 
the God and the Two-Side One. Serving two of the Gods and 
Goddesses would put him in the highest levels of the Druid 
Organization. Their friend was close to becoming one of the most 
powerful people in the country.

Although he didn't doubt that Oscar was telling the truth, the 
answer didn't satisfy his curiosity. Trying to make a point, Greg 
said, "I'm not quite sure how to go about doing that."

Oscar laughed and replied, "Neither am I."

The waitress came over to the table and said, "Sorry, I didn't notice 
you arrive. What'll you have for breakfast?"

"Waffles and coffee," answered Oscar ignoring the looks from the 
others around the table. He knew they needed a moment to digest 
the bombshell that he had just dropped.  

"I'll be right back with your waffles."

Feeling guilty about not having seen him earlier, the waitress 
walked away from the table to deliver the order and wait for it to 
be prepared. She'd ask the cook to rush the order to give him 
enough time to finish them. 

"So what are you supposed to study?" asked Cole trying to figure 
out what Oscar would be doing in the future.

"I have no idea," answered Oscar with a shrug. He'd asked himself 
that question a hundred times and figured he'd know when the time 
was right. Until then, he'd take the courses he was offered and do 
his best on them.

"You can't be serious," said Cole. He didn't understand the Gods 
and Goddesses at all. It bothered him that he didn't know what they 
wanted from the people who believed in them. He didn't believe 
that it was enough to follow the two rules.

"So you are a servant of the God," said Lisa steering the subject of 
conversation to something that was a little more concrete. At least 
everyone knew he was a servant of the God. That was a topic that 
was worth a day's worth of discussion.

"Yes."

Sensing an opportunity to get a few of his questions answered, 
Cole asked, "So what do the Gods and Goddesses want us to do?"

"Follow the two rules," answered Oscar looking at Cole. The 
disappointment on the young man's face showed his dissatisfaction 
with the answer.

"Oh come on. There's got to be more to it than that."

Oscar leaned forward and rested his elbows on the table. In a very 
serious voice, he said, "You think that is such a little thing."

"Yes, I do."

"Let me ask you to imagine what the world would be like if more 
people followed those two rules. Poverty, war, and hunger would 
disappear. We'd have utopia if everyone only did things that hurt 
no one. The weak would only exist because of natural disasters and 
the whole world would help them recover. It is not such a little 
thing that they ask us to do."

Staring open mouthed at Oscar, Cole had an epiphany. For the first 
time since arriving at the college, he understood the full 
implications of the two rules. They weren't just rules for 
individuals; they could also apply to whole nations. What came to 
mind was a fantastic vision of what could be.

The waitress returned with a waffle and set the plate down in front 
of Oscar. Sharon, realizing that he didn't have syrup, fetched one 
of the syrup containers from one of the stations. She set it down in 
front of Oscar.

"By the Gods and Goddesses, why hasn't anyone said that to us 
before now?" asked Cole.

Cutting a square out his waffle, Oscar stabbed it with his fork. Just 
before putting it into his mouth, he answered, "Every Druid here 
has been telling you that since the first day of college."

Stunned, Cole stood up and left the table to be alone with his 
thoughts. Of all the people at the table, he was the most 
introspective. He needed to internalize what he had just learned 
and that required being alone. He headed towards the 
administration building to take a walk outside knowing that he'd 
miss a class, but he had other things in his mind. 

Oscar took his time eating his waffle. The discussion raged around 
the table as the others discussed what Oscar had said. It was clear 
that none of them understood what he had said with the depth and 
clarity of Cole. They each took a part of what he said for 
examination and thought. 

Before Oscar finished his meal, Debbie came over to the table and 
sat down with a bowl of cereal and a pitcher of milk. Smiling 
across the table at Oscar, she said, "Good morning Oscar. Sleep 
well?"

"Very well. I was nestled between the two most beautiful women 
in the world," answered Oscar. 

His comment turned everyone's attention to Debbie. She was 
besieged by questions about the relationship. Gabby was 
wondering if Debbie had suddenly become bisexual. Abby was 
curious about what it was like sharing Oscar. In answering their 
questions, Debbie barely had enough time to eat her bowl of cereal 
before it was necessary to head to class.

After walking with Debbie to her class, Oscar made his way to his 
classroom. Arriving just in time, he entered and took his seat. He 
had just sat down when the instructor, Dr. Ron Marcus, came over 
to his desk and dropped a book on it. Looking up, Oscar asked, 
"What's this?"

"The book you are to read. You weren't here when I handed out the 
books to the other students," answered the professor.

Oscar looked down at the book and then looked up again sharply. 
Surprised by the book on his desk, he asked, "The Bible?"

"Yes. Do you have a problem with that?" asked Dr. Ron Marcus. 

Although he was about to argue that he was a Druid and didn't 
believe in the Bible, Oscar thought about it for a minute. He looked 
at the green-robed Druid who had given him the book to read and 
knew that any argument he could generate wouldn't last a second. 
This was a literature class and the book had been assigned as 
literature. Accepting the assignment, he answered, "No. I was just 
rather surprised."

"Good. You have a little less than four weeks before your paper is 
due on it," answered the professor as he returned to the head of the 
class. He knew it was a little unfair to hold Oscar to the same 
deadline as the other students since he had been called away in 
service to the God. However, it would have been unfair to the other 
students for him to do otherwise.

Oscar flipped through the pages and realized that he was going to 
have read it every chance he had. For the next fifty minutes, the 
professor lectured on the use of symbols in literature and the 
importance of understanding the symbols in order to interpret the 
material properly. Oscar listened to the lecture carefully. It was 
obvious from the lecture that the Bible was the source of many of 
the symbols used in literature. He knew he would have his work 
cut out for him in order to make a passing grade in this class. 

When the lecture was over, Oscar went to the front of the room. 
After the other students had left, he said, "Excuse me, but I have a 
couple of questions."

"Only a couple?" asked the other Druid with a wry grin. 

"Yes. The first question I have is -- the Bible is really two books, 
am I supposed to do one or both of them?"

"It is actually a lot of little books organized in two parts, but you're 
to do all of them."

"Well, the assignment is to analyze the book in terms of the 
symbols it contains. There are two kinds of symbols contained in 
this book."

"And they are?" 

Oscar answered, "There are the symbols that resulted from this 
book and there are the symbols that were used in the book."

Pleased that Oscar had grasped the critical distinction, the Druid 
answered, "The latter, of course. If you want to truly understand 
the book, you have to understand the symbols used within it that 
were current when the book was written. Those are the symbols 
used to convey the meaning intended by the authors."

Oscar hung his head at the impossibility of the assignment and 
said, "Okay."

Leaving the classroom, Oscar found Debbie waiting for him at the 
door. She took one look at him and asked, "Let me guess, you're 
behind on your assignments."

"Worse, I've been given an impossible assignment," said Oscar 
with a groan. He understood the assignment would require him to 
go through the Bible line by line looking for symbols 
contemporaneous with its origin. For all he knew, it was likely that 
most of those symbols had not propagated into current times. 

"You'll do alright. I know you," said Debbie. She kissed him on his 
cheek and then said, "We better head to our study groups."

They walked to the library and left each other at the last minute. As 
Oscar took a seat, one of the members of the study group 
commented, "I see that you are walking around holding hands with 
Debbie. Did something happen finally?"

"Yes. We're part of a triad," answered Oscar wondering how long 
it would take the news to spread around the campus. Bad news 
usually took about three hours. He figured that good news would 
take longer to spread.

"About time."

Oscar put the Bible on the table and asked, "So what did I miss?"

"A bunch of Druids kicked ass on some terrorists while you were 
gone," answered George with a grin. He was tall with blond hair 
and an athletic build. He'd attempted to join the Army, but had 
failed the physical because he had flat feet. George entered the 
college in the hopes he could fight terrorists by serving the God. 
His motives were purely personal since he'd had a family member 
die as a result of terrorist activities.

Frowning, Oscar didn't like how George reveled in the deaths of 
terrorists. There was a touch of the fanatic about him that reminded 
him of the terrorists. He said, "I meant with respect to class."
 
It was four in the morning and Oscar wasn't done with his 
assignment. Frustrated beyond belief, he looked at what he had 
accomplished over the past four weeks. He had been assigned the 
whole Bible and had only managed to get through the first book of 
it. Genesis had been loaded with symbols. Most of the symbols had 
origins in the Egyptian civilization from which Moses had fled, but 
there were elements from earlier civilizations such as 
Mesopotamian.

His paper was due in five hours and he was exhausted. Shaking his 
head at the knowledge that he wouldn't be able to finish it, he 
chose to end it. He cut off the part that started to deal with the 
second book of the Bible and added a conclusion for the part that 
he had done. 

Disgusted at his failure to complete the assignment, he clicked on 
the print icon and sat back to watch the printer spit out pages. It 
would time some time to print since it was over a hundred pages 
long with quotes in Aramaic, Hebrew, Greek, and Latin. He 
thought that, at the least, the gift of languages had come in very 
useful.

He stood and went to the supply room to get a binder. There were 
several different styles, but he chose the simple black three-ring 
binder. He picked up a hole-punch before returning to the library. 
Putting everything down on his table, he took a moment to rest his 
head.

"Wake up, Oscar. It's eight and you need to get something to eat 
before class starts," Lisa said as she shook him awake. When she 
had gotten up that morning, she had seen that he'd never returned 
to his room. It wasn't the first time that had happened over the past 
month. Oscar had spent a lot of late nights working on the 
assignment from his literature class. 

His head flew off the table and he looked around horrified at 
seeing how late it was. Irritated at himself for his weakness, he 
said, "I'm never going to get that paper done in time."

Smiling, Lisa held out the binder for him. To his surprise, someone 
had inserted the pages and put a title page on the front of the 
binder. He looked over the cover and said, "Thank you. It looks 
great."

"Sharon took care of the title page. I put the pages in the binder," 
Lisa said. She had looked over the paper while punching holes in 
the pages. It was an incredible piece of work despite the fact that 
she didn't understand the foreign language quotes. The last ten 
pages had listed the works of Biblical Scholars who had been cited 
in his paper. 

"I thank you both. I just wish that I had completed the assignment," 
Oscar said with a heavy heart. Lifting the binder, he added, "I can't 
believe that I put so much effort into this. I'll probably get an F on 
it."

"An F?" asked Lisa in surprise. There was no way that what she 
had read deserved an F, particularly when she compared his work 
to hers. Her paper seemed to be a superficial treatment of the 
subject.

"I was supposed to do the whole book and only managed to get 
through Genesis." He had known it was an impossible task when it 
had been assigned. His research had identified scholars who had 
spent their entire lives trying to understand the Bible. The book of 
Genesis was a monument to the power of word magic and naming. 

Looking at the binder, Lisa didn't think it was humanly possible to 
fulfill the assignment to the level that Oscar attempted. Resting a 
hand on his back, she said, "I'm sure your instructor will 
understand."

"He's a Druid."

She laughed and retorted, "So are you."

"We'll see. I guess I should go get something to eat," said Oscar as 
he stood. He stretched trying to get the stiffness out of his joints. 
Looking down at the table, he said, "I guess I should straighten this 
mess out first."

"Go ahead and eat. I'll straighten it out for you."

"Thanks."

"Get something good to eat. You need to keep your strength up," 
said Lisa. 

After Oscar nodded his agreement, Lisa watched her roommate 
head towards the dining room. She shut down the computer and 
straightened up his work area. Sharon who had just finished eating 
a bowl of cereal joined her. Together, it didn't take them long to 
organize his loose notes and stack the books he had used. 

Oscar turned in his assignment and then skipped classes for the rest 
of the day. He knew he was too exhausted to pay attention to his 
classes. Still tired, he managed to make it to the dining room in 
time for dinner. Yawning, he dropped into a seat at one of the large 
tables. He hadn't been there for more than four minutes when 
Georgia and Debbie arrived and bracketed him between them. 
Georgia said, "I heard you were a lazy lay-about today."

"I heard the same thing," Debbie said. They had both been worried 
with how much time Oscar had spent on his paper. He had worked 
on it like a man possessed. In the process, he had not been nearly 
as attentive to them as they would have liked. 

"I didn't sleep last night in a last ditch effort to finish my paper," 
Oscar said. He grabbed some menus and passed one to each of his 
two girlfriends. Opening a third, he scanned down the list of items. 

"I never thought of you as the kind that would put something off 
until the last minute," said Georgia.

"I didn't."

Debbie, having done her own version of the assignment, said, 
"Everyone else managed to finish their papers with lots of time to 
spare."

Oscar shrugged and said, "I was the only one who had to do the 
Bible."

"That's an odd choice of literature to give to a Druid. What did you 
think of it?" Debbie asked.

Oscar looked up from his menu and stared across the room for a 
minute while he marshaled his thoughts on the subject. Finally, he 
said, "Actually, I dreaded the assignment. Then I read the Bible 
and thought it was a pretty powerful document. After studying it, 
I've come to the conclusion that most of the people who claim to 
be Christians don't really understand their religion. The experience 
tempts me to examine the Koran with the same kind of attention to 
symbolism."

The assessment surprised Georgia. She had assumed that he would 
have torn apart the Bible in some sort of religious competition. 
Curious, she asked, "So are you thinking of becoming a 
Christian?"

"Not at all. I serve the Gods and Goddesses."

"Then why the exploration of other religions?" Debbie asked. 
Perusing the menu, she decided upon a salad with grilled chicken 
for dinner. 

Having decided take the seafood sampler, Oscar was free to ponder 
the question with far more consideration than his dining 
companions expected. He was about to answer when his 
roommates arrived and settled around the table. Mark said, "Hey 
sleepy head. It's good to see you are awake."

Lisa said, "I hope you can sleep tonight."

Putting his arms around Georgia and Debbie, he said, "I'm sure 
these two lovely ladies will help tire me out if I have any 
difficulties."

Nodding her head, Georgia said, "Yeah. I've got more than enough 
work around the house to keep you busy all week. You can paint 
the bedroom for starters."

"Don't forget my garden," added Debbie struggling to identify 
some task for Oscar to perform. The fact that it was the middle of 
winter didn't dawn on her until after she had made the suggestion.

As everyone around the table laughed at the expression on Oscar's 
face, the rest of the normal meal group arrived at the table. Gabby 
took one look at Oscar and said, "Looks like Oscar has woman 
trouble."

"You can say that again," Oscar said. The women gave him 
affectionate kisses on the cheeks.

Oscar trudged into the classroom with a heavy heart knowing that 
he was to learn of his grade that day. So far, he'd had straight A's, 
but now he expected that record to be ended. He sat down at his 
desk and didn't look around at the others. He was embarrassed to 
look any of his classmates in the eye.

The instructor went around the room handing out the papers. Most 
of the papers ranged in length from ten to twenty papers. He 
stopped when there was one binder left in his hand and went to the 
front of the room. Oscar watched him with narrowed eyes 
wondering why the instructor would use his failure to complete the 
assignment as a lesson to the class. He frowned and stared at the 
top of his desk.

"Occasionally, a student takes an assignment to an extreme that is 
unimaginable by the instructor. Thankfully, it doesn't occur often."

Holding up Oscar's binder, the instructor continued, "I assigned a 
very difficult book to Oscar Meyers. I expected that he would find 
a dozen symbols from the time when the book was written. You 
can imagine my surprise when he found that many symbols in the 
first two pages. Rather than the typical description of the symbols, 
he provided original source materials that explained the genesis of 
those symbols and their significance in the context of the society of 
the time.

"He peeled back layers of symbolism within the text. He exposed 
the symbols that arose from translating the text a thousand years 
after it was authored. He traced back the text to the Latin version 
and identified the subtle changes in symbols incorporated within it. 
He then turned his attention to a still earlier version written in 
Greek and identified how symbols incorporated within it had even 
more different meanings. He did the same with the Hebrew 
version.

"He captured the original meanings of the symbols by identifying 
earlier texts that told stories of a similar nature. He cast the 
symbols in terms of the culture of the time. The society that he 
described is based on historical evidence that has emerged through 
generations of research efforts. It is a first-class piece of work."

The instructor stepped up to Oscar's desk and handed him the 
binder. He said, "I've submitted this for publication by an 
organization known for its Biblical Treatises on your behalf. I hope 
that is not a problem."

Stunned, Oscar replied, "No problem."

"I apologize for the misunderstanding. I can tell that you put in far 
more work into the your analysis of Genesis than I had expected 
for the entire Bible."

Oscar looked up from the binder and said, "No problem."

Laughing at the stunned expression on Oscar's face, the instructor 
stepped back to the front of the class. Finished with handing out 
the papers and his apology, he started his planned lecture. Oscar's 
attention wasn't on the lecture.

When the class had finished, everyone stood to leave. Oscar took 
the opportunity to open the binder to see if there were any 
comments written in the margins. The sound of Dr. Ron Marcus 
clearing his throat attracted his attention and he looked up. "Oscar, 
have you given any thought concerning your major?"

"Not yet," answered Oscar.

"May I suggest that you consider Religious Studies?" asked the 
instructor.

"Religious Studies?" asked Oscar wondering why a Druid would 
major in Religious Studies. For that matter, he wondered if there 
was even a program in Religious Studies in the Druid College. 

"Yes."

"Why would I do that?" asked Oscar. There was no way the Two-
Sided One would have sent him to the Druid College to study 
Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. There had to be another subject 
for him to study.

"Three religions, all of which originated from the same part of the 
world, are at war with each other. You know this is a fact. You 
have participated in that war."

"So what has that got to do with me?"

"There are leaders of each of those religions who have predicted 
that a major event to end that war is about to occur. Even one of 
our own has predicted this shall occur."

Confused by the assertions of prophecy, Oscar asked, "What Druid 
predicted that?"

"He's not a Druid, yet."

"Who?"

Dr. Ron Marcus smiled and answered, "William Redman Carter."

Oscar was smart enough to connect the individual named to John 
Carter, but beyond that connection he was lost. Confused, he said, 
"I'm sorry. I just don't see what that has to do with me."

"You don't?"

"Nope."

The instructor took a seat at the desk next to Oscar and considered 
his answer. He knew the reasoning was very weak, but it felt right 
to him. He said, "If anyone is going to make peace in that region of 
the world, then it has to be someone who understands all three 
religions to a depth in which they can argue with the religious 
leaders. You are unique in that you can become that person. You 
understand the languages of those religions. You have 
demonstrated the ability to delve beyond the surface of their most 
holy writings."

"So you are saying that I'm supposed to go in and negotiate peace 
in the Middle East?"

"I guess that is what I'm saying."

Oscar laughed at the sheer ridiculousness of the assertion. He said, 
"I serve the Gods and Goddesses. I'll do whatever they ask of me. 
Just remember, I'm human and it's not humanly possible to bring 
peace to the Middle East."

"Please consider majoring in Religious Studies."

Incredulous, Oscar looked at the instructor and said, "You are 
really serious."