Thursday, January 27 2005

I've been writing this entry on and off for almost two weeks now and every time I wrote only a little bit before losing concentration. I've been worrying too much about Nikki and my work but it's all slowly coming back to normal again.

I guess we haven't had the new year we wished for but it happens sometimes. I'm not angry at Nikki but she made me worried a lot and I hope it's only a phase she's going through. I hope she is only experimenting and people who let her do that are the ones that made me really angry. I wish I had more experience with teen girls. I don't know how much she had to drink but she was in bad shape when we came home.

I don't remember what day it was anymore. The day after the New Year party we were supposed to drive north to [...] but we slept until late and we didn't feel like going anywhere so we went the day after. We were still grumpy at each other and we didn't speak much during the trip. We only stopped once for lunch along the road and then we continued on. Nikki cheered up a little when we arrived. She like the guest house and I liked it too. It was an old big timber house with a half dozen rooms for visitors. Our room was little but enough for two of us. We shared a bed and there wasn't much anything else except a bathroom and a wardrobe and a writing desk but it had a big window which looked out on the hills and the forest. When we unpacked I sat her down and tried talking to her but we just went back and forward over the same old ground. It wasn't worth putting our relationship on ice because of one silly party so I let it drop.

We went out and tried to get to know the place and find out if there were any fun things to do. It seemed like everything was back to normal. We held hands and tried to put everything behind us. There was an ice ring close by and we said we could go there later. We just wandered around for a while, checking out the restaurant and shops and looking at some hiking maps. There were some hiking trails constructed on an old railway embankment passing through small villages. There are no huge mountains but lots of hills and forest, just perfect for walking and relaxing.

In the evening we went early to bed. I was dead tired and I wanted to be with her finally and just enjoy her close to me but she wanted to go out. There was a night club in one of the halls in the guest house and she wanted to go there. I said we could go tomorrow and then she said I always tell her what to do. I said it's not true but I could understand her so I told her she could go on her own because I was tired. So she went out by herself and I went to bed. I think she came back around 10 at night and climbed in bed next to me. I asked her how was it and she said it was all right and how she listened to music and watched people dance. She said she saw a girl I might like and I asked her about the girl. She said she was younger and that I would like her more. I said it wasn't true and she said it was. I asked her what she means by that and she said we weren't friends any longer. I said we were never friends, we were more than friends. Then she just shrugged and laid down beside me as if going to sleep. I think she was just moody and needed a good rest. I told her we'll talk tomorrow and then I kissed her and said good night.

Next day we went out for a hike. We dressed up and took a backpack with us and went out to a nearby lake. I tried talking to her and I told her how much I love her and she said she believed me but she was still moody and quiet. I don't know what got into her. It was like she was under a spell. On the third day we went ice skating. We had some great time that day and we spent all morning ice skating and having fun. We met some other girls there and we talked with them and Nikki seemed to cheer up a little. In the evening we went out to town to get some dinner and stayed there to watch a movie at the local cinema. We watched Ella Enchanted which was pretty good but the girl in the movie didn't remind us of Ella we know.

On the fourth day we met a guy from UK who was there on holiday with some friends. His name was Mark and he actually introduced himself because he could speak [...] and his friends couldn't so we talked a little in [...] and English. He said my English was good. He was very friendly and nice. He asked us if we would like to go hiking with him and his friends and we said yes. He showed us some nice spots to hike and we talked along the way. He said he worked for a computer company and used to have a girlfriend from [...] who taught him [...]. But it was long ago. I think he was interested in me but he never said so and I didn't ask him. He asked me about Nikki and I said we were friends and we came here to have some time together and to relax. I think he was puzzled by me and Nikki being friends but he didn't ask any awkward questions. We hiked for a long time and when we returned he invited us out to a dinner. I asked Nikki if she would like to go and she said OK and rolled her eyes.

We went back to our room first, took a hot bubble bath and then went back to meet Mark. We spoke in English so Nikki was a little bored. She later went on to see what was happening in the night club while we got to know each other little more. Then he asked me if I have a boyfriend and I said no, I have a girlfriend. We both laughed and he said he wasn't expecting me to say that. I said it was all right and then he asked me what is she like and I said she's very sweet and pretty but can be little difficult sometimes. I never said I was talking about Nikki and he never guessed. So our date didn't quite work out but we had a good time and he was funny so we laughed a lot. He told me about his ex-girlfriend and how they met and about his work. Later when it was close to midnight we said bye to each other and I went to look for Nikki. After looking for her at the night club I finally found her in our room watching TV. When she saw me she winked and said how's your boyfriend? I smiled and said he's in better mood than my girlfriend. I saw her frown and then she turned off TV and climbed in bed. I went to bed too and cuddled up next to her.

I saw Mark few more times before we went back home which made Nikki sulk even more. When we returned home she made the point of letting me know how she will go to a sleepover at Sandra's. I said I hope she'll have a good time with her girlfriend and she said she will. It was silly how she tried to make me jealous but it didn't work. We spoke on the phone since we came back and she seems to be feeling better. She's going back to school now and she's among her friends again.

So this is how our "relaxing" trip went by. It wasn't bad at all but it wasn't very relaxing either.

Now I'm back home I try to go to gym at least once a week but it's soooo easy to feel lazy and stay at home. Doing yoga is much easier too and more fun when I practice it together with Nikki but she likes real team sports because she likes being around other girls and playing together with them. I think that is the reason why she didn't like swimming and rock climbing. I don't know what she will choose in the end if anything. She's changing her mind all the time. It's hard to understand a teenager, she's unpredictable.

I'm so sorry for keeping everyone waiting on this diary but I was feeling down and I couldn't make myself do anything. I think things will improve from now and my little miss will feel more cheerful than before. I didn't buy the Lesbian Kama Sutra book because it was too expensive. It's a very large book, I think they call it a coffee table book and it's printed on expensive paper. I would like to have it but I can't afford it right now. But that's ok because there are other thing that can keep us busy.