Summary: mind control, Mf, ff, tg, humor
The Y-Men are a group of
superheroes, the likes of which you probably haven't seen before. Join them in
the most fearsome struggle of their careers.
See No Evil: Contains sexually explicit and politically incorrect material. If you shouldn't be reading this, or if it might offend you, simply stop now.
Legalese: All actors and actresses are over the age of consent. Proof of age is on file. Any similarity of any character, event or place to any actual person, event or place, is purely coincidental. This is all fantasy, and the actors are all professionals -- do not try any of this at home.
Archiving: You are welcome to discreetly repost or archive this, just do not change it, steal from it or claim credit for it.
Author's Ramblings: Fast fun fluff. Yeah, superhero stories have been done before, sometimes quite well. But ... what the hell. Here's my hand at one.
Have fun!
The Crimson Blush walked quickly out of the building and to the car in which the remaining three Y-Men were sitting.
"I got it!" she smiled through the car window, then opened the door and got in the back seat with Meatier Man. "The Cloak of Invulnerability."
"And the Shadow Lord didn't mind giving it up to you?" Captain Canada whistled.
"Oh, baby," she smiled at Meaty, "You would have been SO proud of me. The whole room was red with embarassment and shame! Maybe the whole building! He had no choice but to give it up to me! Now, touch your crotch and say that thing you say."
"Like this?" Meatier Man laid his hand in his lap, but did not flex his pud, teasing her. "That thing you say."
"No! Make me-- make me BEG! Please!"
"Oh, like this? Spread and beg."
"Nnnngggg! Yes! BABY! EXACTLY like that! Let me suck you! Pleeease!" She wriggled her hips.
"You mean," Captain Canada asked from the front seat while Buttplug leered at the hot woman, "You mean she wasn't under your influence? But she just tricked Shadow Lord out of his magical artifact! The JLA would disapprove of anything so unrighteous."
Meatier Man looked to the front seat, the pretty woman's head starting to bob in his lap. "I've been telling you, Captain. The pud gets good to them after a while. They'll do anything for it. Besides, women don't like to make decisions. They feel better if a man tells them what they should be doing. Less stress for them that way. Isn't it, sweetie?"
"Mmmphth (shlupp!)"
"Wow." Captain Canada decided that he needed to rethink women.
The vehicle pulled up in front of the Strip Mall, the city's largest men's club.
"Not that I'm complaining, mind you," Meatier Man commented from the back seat. "But is there a purpose to going in here, or is it just some wild entertainment before this suicide plan you've cooked up?"
"We need to catch Guido Scarpacci. He'll lead us to the Globfather. And he spends more time here than anyplace else."
"Good enough."
The four superheroes entered the strip joint. Meaty and the Crimson Blush stopped by the bar to get drinks all around, while Captain Canada and Buttplug walked over to get a table.
A beautful dark-skinned topless big-boobed woman walked past Canada as he pulled a chair out at a table, causing his eyes to widen in recognition.
He spun around. "You! You're--"
"Yes?"
"Didn't you used to be--"
"I did!"
"But you used to be so--"
"Boy, I was, wasn't I?! But I'm all better now!"
"But, don't you--"
"Not any more. Honey, you KNOW I did for a while. But look at me now.
"But you--"
"Ain't it wonderful!"
"But--"
"Oh, baby, stripping is what I was BORN for! I SEE that now!"
She lightly tapped him on the nose, smiling. Meaty and the Crimson Blush walked up then.
"Hey! Racial Discrimination Man!" Meaty greeted the stripper. "Nice rack!"
"Well, if it isn't the Long Schlong! Thanks baby! These new boobies are really paying off. And I just LOVE my vagina! We women have it MADE!"
"If I comment on your lovely, dark, exotic nipples there, are you going to--"
"Oh, no, baby. I'm PROUD of my skin color NOW! Makes it easier to get the men to stick their ... you-know ... up my ... mmmm! I'm proud of my gender now, too, so, please, call me RD-Girl! Is this YOUR table? Here," she said, climbing up on top, "Let me give you a free table dance! Just for my superhero friends!"
"I'm not ...," the Crimson Blush muttered while she, well, blushed. " I'm really not comfortable with this."
"Oh, sit! Enjoy! We have a hot woman dancing on our table!"
"But she-- she-- she used to be a man. One that I really respected. A hero of a man. A man that meant-- well, everything that was good and right and noble in the--"
Meaty flexed his pud.
"Nnnnng! You're right!" She threw her arms around Meaty's neck. "Fuck her! Let the slut dance for us. Does she make you HOT, baby? Do you need me to SERVICE you?"
"Why don't ..." Meaty mused "... why don't you get up there and dance with her?"
"Noooo ... no, baby. I just want to strip for YOU. Only for you."
Meaty flexed again.
"Whoooo-eee! BABY!" The Crimson Blush stood on her chair and stepped up on the table. Racial Discrimination Girl groped Crimson's breasts through her costume while Crimson held her hands behind her head and pushed her chest out. Soon RD-Girl had Crimson's costume peeled down to her waist, exposing her bare boobs. The Crimson Blush did away with RD-Girl's thong, leaving her naked except for her high heels. RD-Girl then removed Crimson's costume the rest of the way. Soon the two naked beauties were french kissing and caressing each other wildly, oblivious to the rest of the room.
"That's him," Captain Canada whispered as a short oily man moved towards their table, dragging another man along by the collar. "That's Guido."
"You two ladies," Guido said in a raspy voice, ignoring the three superheroes sitting below them. "You keep your holes juiced up. I'll be right back after I take care of this punk."
"Wait!" the punk said. "I have a Retaliator!"
"A what?!"
"One of those!" he said, pointing at a television set over the bar.
"Remember," a narrator said as a middle-aged woman, who had been walking up the street on the screen suddenly keeled over, "Exercise is a medicine. So before you go walking up the block, get a doctor to write you a prescription." She struggled, trying to get back up, but could not. "Not only is it the right thing to do, it's the LAW!" A cop ran up to the woman, pulled her up off the ground, slapped a pair of handcuffs on her, then dragged her away. "Brought to you by the Physicians Alliance for Widespread Dependency on Physicians That Write Prescriptions. Remember: we dispense prescriptions for manual exercise over the Internet for only $49.95 per 60 minutes of exercise."
"What the fuck?" Guido furrowed his brow.
"No, not THAT one! THAT one!" The punk jabbed at another screen, also on the bar.
A young couple stood, his arm around her, while their eight year old daughter played in front of them. He spoke, "We just feel safer with our young daughter wearing the Retaliator. If some young punk blows her life away, he's gonna pay!"
The narrator spoke then in his deep voice, "With his LIFE!"
"Racial Discrimination Man would've had something to say about that pronoun," Captain Canada muttered. "How do we know the attacker is a 'he'?"
"Yes," the narrator continued, "If little Suzie bites the big one, you can be guaranteed that everyone in a one block radius -- INCLUDING HER ATTACKER! will similarly pay WITH HIS LIFE!"
"There's that pronoun again."
"A small lead is connected to an implant in little Suzie. If her heart should stop beating, it will trigger a small explosive charge, and EVERY OTHER HEART within a one block radius is GUARANTEED to STOP BEATING as well! Be safe! Be protected! Protect your children! Your loved ones! If you can't PREVENT the attacker from killing them, at LEAST you can make him PAY!"
"That same pron--"
"You spent too much time with Racial Discrimination Man, didn't you?"
"No. It's just that it implicitly -- and therefore inarguably -- paints men in a bad light, like they're always the attacker."
"Oh, for Pete's sake, Captain!"
"Okay. Okay. I'll shut up."
"Good."
"But, still--"
"Not another word."
"But--"
"Not one."
"So you have one of them there 'Retaliator' things inside you, do you?" Guido was asking the punk.
"Yeah! And if you kill me, you're dead too!"
Guido drew his pistol. "What if I don't fucking believe you?! What then?!"
"Then you'll die a horrible" -- the punk demonstrated with audiovisuals here, hurling shrapnel of spittle out into a three foot blast arc with his "b" consonants -- "death! Blown" -- audiovisuals again -- "to smithereens!"
"Let's ... find ... out ..."
Snapping into action, Buttplug whipped out the Cloak of Invulnerability, and in the blink of an eye wrapped it around himself, Captain Canada, the two girls making out on the table, Meatier Man and Guido himself, though Guido got off one round before Buttplug finished.
WHA-BAM! The whole room caved in.
Shaking his head to dispel the concussive shock, Meaty pulled the Cloak back from his head. Everyone around was dead, bodies crushed and strewn everywhere.
"Wow. I gotta get me one of those."
Captain Canada's head emerged next. "No, I don't think that would be a good idea. See, over in that direction?" He pointed to where a hole had been blown into the next room over in the Mall. "There will be some wounded in there that should right about now be--" he pulled the Cloak over their heads.
WHA-BAM!
"Expiring now. Of course, next door to them, will be some more wounded, some of them wearing Retaliators, that in just a few seconds will die too ..."
Wha-Bam! from a little farther away.
"And next door to them, of course, in just a few more seconds ..."
Wha-Bam, from a little farther away still.
"And so on down the line. We should get out of here before the whole building collapses."
Wha-bam.
Guido's head popped out from under the Cloak. "Wow. I guess he WASN'T foolin'."
Whabam.
"We may not have much time." They stood and began moving as a collective being with twelve legs beneath the Cloak towards the stairwell.
whabam.
Quckly, they moved down the stairs and outside of the building with barely enough time before the whole place came tumbling down.
"Damn," Guido cursed. "That was my favorite place to hang out."
"We wish," Captain Canada changed the subject and began speaking in a deliberately hoarse voice, "To speak with the Globfather."
"Yeah? Well, what do you have to offer him?"
"A chance to save the world."
"Yeah? Well, FUCK the world. It can go to hell in a ... I ... uhm ... ohgod, how could I say such a thing? I-- I'm sorry. Please, I'll take you to him. We'll convince him to do the right thing."
Captain Canada stared gape-mouthed at the criminal. He sure thought it would be a lot harder than that!
Meaty noticed a faint crimson glow around Guido, connected by a thin wisp to Blush. She gave him a quick reflexive smile when she noticed him looking at her.
"Where is your car? If the future of the world is at stake, we need to speak to him at once. I'll take you there!"
The six piled into Captain Canada's Chevy and were at the stronghold of the Globfather within twenty minutes.
Guido ushered them inside, where a tall man in a dark suit barred the way. "What do you want with the Glob, Guido?" The tall man coughed out a handful of feathers, which condensed into a small bird that spoke, "What makes a little turd like you think he can just waltz right in to see the big man?!" Then it dissolved back into the feathers, which dissolved into wisps, then into nothingness.
"These folks need to talk to the big guy, Fowl Mouth. It's about the future of the world."
The two men stared at each other several moments.
"There's fortunes to be made at the end of times, ducky boy," Guido pushed, "If you cheat the big guy out of what's his, you won't be around much longer. Not much longer at all."
Fowl Mouth yielded and stepped to the side to let the group pass.
"You have beautiful eyes," Fowl Mouth spoke softly to the Crimson Blush as she passed, then he coughed out feathers that congealed and spoke, "Fuck, bitch, I'd love to ram my piston up your slutty little cylinder any day of the week!" Then the bird dissolved.
RD-Girl stepped towards the bodyguard. "You got somethin' against black chicks, baby?"
"No, certainly not, ma'am." Again, the feathers, "I'll stay with the WHITE meat, black slut! The DARK meat will give you indigestion!"
"Oh! Is that so, lover!" She concentrated several seconds while Fowl Mouth swallowed hard.
"Hubba hubba hubba ..." he spoke, dazed. Again, the cough and the feathers, "Once you've (gulp) gone AC you won't ever settle for DC again! Can I-- can I lick your ass, mistress?"
"Maybe later, honey. First we talk to your boss."
Guido led the group up the hallway and into a large room in the center of which was a large, round, thousand pound man watching a television.
"This is reporter Kim Ching," the lady on television spoke, "And we are live at the southwest district of town, where mysterious explosions are spreading across the community."
The soft wha-bam sounded from behind the pretty oriental reporter.
"There goes another one."
"Captain," Meaty whispered. "That isn't from --?"
"Yep. Too many people with the Retaliator installed in them. A chain reaction, tearing across the city like little explosive dominoes. No doubt!"
"Wow."
"Police have yet to determine what is causing these, though some have speculated that a mysterious wave from space is passing through the region, causing people in its wake to not only spontaneously combust, but to spontaneously explode!"
"Hey! Hey!" an officer on the television barked at her. "Noone but you has speculated that!"
"No, SOMEONE else did!" she replied defensively.
"No, no, you and I were talking just a few minutes ago, and you asked, wouldn't it be weird if this was some mysterious wave from space. I said that was bullshit, and you stormed off."
Kim turned back to face the camera. "The mysterious wave seems also to be affecting people's memories and sanity, as you can see from this crazed police officer."
"I'm not crazed! You quit lying to the public!"
Kim spun around and buried her high heel in his crotch, taking the officer down. Moments later, three other officers tackled the pretty reporter.
"Help! Help! I'm being groped! This is SEXUAL DISCRIMINATION!"
"I hope," the Globfather spoke hoarsely, "That this mysterious wave stays on the far side of town. Could you imagine if I spontaneously combusted, Guido?"
Dead silence.
"That was a joke, Guido."
"Ha! Yes, sir!"
"Why have you brought these people here to see me?"
"They are afraid the end of the world as we know it may be nigh."
"Nigh, hungh? Pretty exotic word for you, Guido. You been hanging around with those Thai strippers again?" The Glob turned his head to the rest of his audience. "Well, what do you people want from me?"
"You are the Globfather," Captain Canada spoke hoarsely.
"I am Tuna Generico ... the Globfather."
"We wish ... to acquire a glob from you so that we can save the world."
"A glob, eh? And what do I get in return?"
Captain Canada nobly raised his hand up high. "You will get to help SAVE THE WORLD! Help bring JUSTICE to SOCIETY! BRING SAFETY and COMFORT to the POOR and DOWNTRODDEN of the WORLD! Help establish--"
"Piss on the world."
The Captain deflated. "Hungh?"
"Piss on the world. What's it ever done for me?"
"But ... it's provided you with the millions of dollars that you have earned, this huge estate, good health and-- and it's time that you returned a little of that enormous benefit that you have received!"
"A man in a glowing red bodysuit is going to tell me what I should do?"
"But it's the right thing to--"
"Be quiet, pansie-tights. I want to make you an offer you can't refuse. He, he. Leave the white slut with me, and I will give you TWO globs."
Captain Canada did not like dealing with the devil, but this was the only plan that stood a chance. If one woman had to give up her way of life to save the world, well ... He looked at Meaty.
"No can do," Meaty said without hesitation.
"He, he. All right," the Globfather chuckled. "What if I throw in another bonus. Leave the slut, and I will give you two globs AND let you all out of here alive. How about that?"
"Out of the question. The woman goes with us."
"Why?"
"Meaty, it's okay. I can--" Crimson started.
Meatier Man ignored her. "It doesn't matter why. Her staying is not an option."
"Vinnie!" the Globfather bellowed. Fowl Mouth and a dozen other men barrelled in.
Captain Canada moved into action, a whirl of kicks and fists, attacking the men to the right.
Buttplug furrowed his brow, and one after another, the six men to the left shat their britches.
"Hey, sugar," RD-Girl smiled, then lifted her short skirt to expose her bare ass.
"Nnnng!" Fowl Mouth whimpered. "Goddam!" the animated bunch of feathers spoke as he stepped forward and began running his crotch up and down her ass.
After a few moments, the left side of the room stank as they moaned with cramps and passed more stinky stuff. The right side of the room was unconscious. And Fowl Mouth was humping RD-Girl while she stood bent over and grinned.
"Tell you what," Buttplug boldly strode up to stand in front of the Round Italian. "If you give us a glob, we'll let YOU live!"
"Wha--?! My-- my osmotic pathways! Grrrkkkhh! What are you doing?!"
"Produce the glob!"
"Anything! Here!" He pinched off a glob and slid it across the floor to Buttplug's feet.
"We are going to leave now. Once we're clear, I will free you to osmose again. If anything happens to us, though, I'm afraid you'll stay plugged until you die, which of course with your alien physiology won't take very long. Understood?"
"Grrrrkkkh!"
"Good." He bent and picked up the glob, RD-Girl disengaged from Fowl Mouth, then the entire group began backing out.
"Buttplug," Captain Canada muttered as the group scurried out of the stronghold, "What courage. I didn't know you had it in you."
"A Y-Man's gotta do what a Y-Man's gotta do, Captain."
They reached Captain Canada's Chevy and within 30 minutes were at Meatier Man's apartment.
"Can you answer a question for me?" the Crimson Blush asked Meatier Man in his bedroom. They had both just walked in there, leaving Captain Canada on the couch and Buttplug on the floor to rest up before tomorrow's suicide battle. The glob was in the refrigerator to keep it from spoiling.
"What's that?" he asked, pulling his pants down.
The Crimson Blush found her eyes drawn towards that enormous member, but she steeled her will and concentrated. There was something she needed to find out.
"Why didn't you leave me with the Globfather? Your chances would be a lot better in tomorrow's battle with two globs. And I don't mean anything to you."
Meatier Man was silent several moments as he finished undressing and crawled into bed.
"I mean--"
"It just wouldn't have been the right thing to do, okay?"
"Why?"
"I don't know. It just wouldn't." He started to reach for his crotch to end the discussion.
"You don't need to use that on me."
Meaty stopped. "Hungh?"
"You don't need to use your pud on me tonight. I ... uhm ..." She pulled her costume off her body and stood there before him, nude. "You don't need to make me."
"Don't you want--"
"Yeah," she smiled, "Nothing feels as good as when you flex your pud on me. But-- but tonight you don't need to use it." She crawled into bed with him and hugged him lightly.
The two laid there several minutes.
"What do you think your chances are tomorrow?"
"Ah, no problem! I'll whip their asses!"
"No. What do you ... really ... think your chances are?"
Several moments of silence.
"I don't know. We-- I don't know how it's going to go tomorrow. I guess I'll tell you after the fight."
They laid several more minutes.
"You don't even know my name," the Crimson Blush whispered. "I've done things with you I never would have DREAMED of doing with ANYONE, and ... you don't even know what my real name is."
"What ..." Meaty whispered, "What is you name, Miss?"
"It's Elinor. Elinor Shame."
Several moments of silence.
"Thank you."
"You're welcome."
She leaned in and kissed him, then began running her hands over his body. He responded in kind, and soon they were running their hands all over each other.
"Frances," Meatier Man said slowly.
The Crimson Blush froze in place. "That is ... what?! ... the name of your old girlfriend?" she asked sharply. "Can't you even keep my name straight?"
"No ... it's my name. Frances. My dad thought it was funny. I think he was just jealous of the size of my ... when I was born. So he gave me a girl's name. I always tell everyone that it's Frank, but it's actually Frances."
The Crimson Blush, Elinore Shame, laid her head on his chest and the two held each other. As it turned out, they didn't do any more than that for the rest of the night, and for some strange reason, Meatier Man did not mind "the snuggles" on this one particular night.