Summary: mind control, Mf, ff, tg, humor
The Y-Men are a group of
superheroes, the likes of which you probably haven't seen before. Join them in
the most fearsome struggle of their careers.
See No Evil: Contains sexually explicit and politically incorrect material. If you shouldn't be reading this, or if it might offend you, simply stop now.
Legalese: All actors and actresses are over the age of consent. Proof of age is on file. Any similarity of any character, event or place to any actual person, event or place, is purely coincidental. This is all fantasy, and the actors are all professionals -- do not try any of this at home.
Archiving: You are welcome to discreetly repost or archive this, just do not change it, steal from it or claim credit for it.
Author's Ramblings: Fast fun fluff. Yeah, superhero stories have been done before, sometimes quite well. But ... what the hell. Here's my hand at one.
Have fun!
Twelve superheroes were assembled outside the Bobbitt Club headquarters.
The entire Y-Men team was there: Meatier Man, Captain Canada and Buttplug, the Smelly Pit and Kid Testosterone.
The core of the JLA was represented by the three remaining old-timers: Sexual Harassment Woman, Inappropriate Joke Man and Racial Discrimination Man. Their numbers were filled out by the newer recruits: Hayfever Lad, Worry Girl, Princess Gymnast and Schoolbell Boy. They had waited for the Crimson Blush, but she hadn't shown up yet.
"We cannot wait any longer," Racial Discrimination Man spoke. "We need to move in now."
"Did you ..." Captain Canada quietly asked Meatier Man, "... DO anything to keep Miss Blush from showing?"
"Well ... we can't have her spilling the beans of the plan. So I sexed her up and locked her in a closet."
"Cruel, cruel man," the Captain shook his head.
"Move up," Racial Discrimination Man ordered.
The group moved to within a block of the building.
Suddenly, the front double doors burst open, and a busty brunette in a blue spandex thong and a low-cut blue spandex halter, wearing ruby-red goggles, came running out, shrieking, boobs a'bouncin'.
Captain Canada moved to intercept her. He caught her and held her, trying to calm her down. "Easy, lady."
"I'm NOT a lady!" she shrieked.
"Well, that's between you and your boyfriend, I'd say, ma'am."
"No! I'm NOT a lady! I'm NOT female! I'm Ojo Rojo!"
"Of the KS-Men?!"
"They massacred us! It was a bloodbath!
"President Savior got hit by the Ovulator! Now he's wheeling around, an insipid motherly smile plastered on his face, patting his own swollen belly, making plans for the delivery!
"Monsoon got sucked in by Seargant Dyke! I can tell you that she DOES have snow-white fur between her legs, and she's up there now, bending over for and clinging to the dyke!
"Ferret got hit by the Detesticulator, and he's up there beating on the walls, cursing up a falsetto storm!
"And the Effeminator struck me! And now I'm-- I'm-- I'm like THIS!" he shrieked again.
"Well, you DO make a busty -- sexy, if I may say so -- woman. Are you a, uhm, 'she' now, or a very strange 'he'?"
"I don't-- I don't rightly know." Ojo Rojo reached his hand down inside his thong, gasped, then pulled it out. "They're-- they're GONE!" he (author's note: make that "she") sobbed.
"Hey, babe!," Meatier Man called, "You hang around here, sugar-tits. I may hook up with you after this mission."
This caused another round of sobs from the gender-violated superhero.
"NEXT!" came a booming voice from the building.
"Get the feeling they know we're coming?" Meaty asked Captain Canada.
"Time to make our stand," Captain Canada told Racial Discrimination Man.
"Send in the fodder!" RD-Man barked. The four junior JLA members half-charged, half-were-pushed towards the building. Racial Discrimination Man gave a significant cough, and Captain Canada nudged the Smelly Pit and Kid Testosterone forward. Swallowing hard as a group, the six charged slowly and dreadfully up the stairs.
The six superheroes burst into the large penthouse of the building.
There the four members of the Bobbitt Club stood to take them on.
Schoolbell Boy was the first to strike. He concentrated, hoping to disperse this congregation with an end-of-schoolday bell, and the ring started to sound. The Detesticulator immediately fired upon him, and the sound climbed in pitch until it was the delicate lace tinkling of little silver Christmas bells. Schoolbell Boy sat down cross-legged and sobbed into his hands, mourning the loss of his gonads.
The Smelly Pit took his chance to make the next move. Hoping to force everyone from the area, where they could take on the Bobbitt Club one at a time instead of as a united front, he parted his shirt and began fanning his armpits. The Effeminator stepped forward and pointed a hand. Within moments, all he was getting from his pits was perfumed elegance. Realizing that he now had a C-cup of boobs, he pulled his shirt closed, uncomfortable bearing his chest any more. Seargant Dyke yelled, "Boo!", and he spooked and ran.
Princess Gymnast began doing flips and cartwheels, covering the distance to the four villains. The Ovulator pointed. Gymnast's flips slowed as her belly swelled, until she stopped and stood, nine months pregnant. "Oh! We have to CLEAN this place and get READY for the BABY!" she said, then squatted and began straining.
"You leave her alone," Hayfever Lad charged forward. You see, he and Princess Gymnast had a thing going. The Ovulator moved her pointed finger to aim at him, and he, too, slowed as his belly swelled.
Princess Gymnast grunted, and popped out a foot-long egg. She grabbed it and positioned it under her ass to keep it warm while she strained to lay the next one.
"Oh shit, man! She just laid an egg!" Hayfever Lad blurted out in astonishment, then howled in pain. He clawed his pants off to reveal that his penis had a huge bulge in it. He strained, and a moment later, a similar egg popped out of his pecker. "Jesus Christ!" he gasped, but then the next egg was descending, and he concentrated on passing it.
"Not faring very well!" Seargant Dyke commented loudly.
Kid Testosterone stepped forward, hands on hips. "Let's go," he slowly said with grit and determination.
The Detesticulator pointed.
"I'm sorry," he said, backing up timidly. "Please just ignore that squirt of testosterone. I don't know what came over me."
The Detesticulator just smiled.
"Mother of God!" he cried out in his now high-pitched voice. "That's just MEAN! You're just MEAN PEOPLE!"
The Detesticulator moved her index finger, then pointed it at Kid Testosterone again.
"No! You're just BRUTES! BAD people! Leave me ALONE!" He turned tail and ran back down the stairs then.
That left Worry Girl wringing her hands as Seargant Dyke stepped forward. "Aren't you ... uhm ... feeling a little anxious right about now?" Worry Girl asked as her powers seemed to be having no effect.
"Oh, I'm sure not as anxious as you. Strip for me, little kitten."
"But--"
"Strip out of your clothes. Now."
Worry Girl began undressing and didn't stop until she was naked before Seargant Dyke.
"Beautiful little kitten. Now bend over for me."
"Bend ... OVER?"
"Yeeeessss ..."
Worry Girl turned her back to her opponent, then bent over far at the waist. "Like this?" Seargant Dyke pressed two fingers up Worry Girl's stunningly wet hole. "Oh! Yes! YES! EXACTLY like this!" Worry Girl exclaimed, wriggling her ass against Dyke's hand.
Back on the street, the remaining six saw Hayfever Lad come running out of the building with no pants on.
Captain Canada caught him. "Hold on, Lad. What happened?"
"They slaughtered us! The Smelly Pit has boobs! Kid Testosterone no longer has any balls! Princess Gymnast is laying eggs! So am-- rrrrght!" -- an egg fired from his penis at that moment --" so am I! And Worry Girl bent over for Seargant Dyke! We lost! We lost miserably!"
Captain Canada let the boy go, and he fled up the street.
"Well, men--" Captain Canada started.
"That is SEXIST!" Sexual Harassment Woman barked.
"AND women!" the Captain gave her a dirty look. "Let me finish my statements, please. Well, men and women--"
"That's SEXIST! It should be 'women and men'!"
Captain Canada scowled and continued. "Looks like it's up to us now."
"Send in the second wave of fodder!" Racial Discrimination Man bellowed.
"That's us," Meatier Man told him.
"Right. You all go in. I'll direct from out here. Good luck, men."
"That is SEX--!"
"AND women!"
Meatier Man did not like having his statements misconstrued by cowards. "I said, that's us. All of us. Including you, kimosabe."
"That is RACIAL discrimination!" RD-Man sang in front of him, jabbing a finger.
Meaty glared at him. "Okay, including you, toots."
"That is SEXIST!" SD-Woman sang behind him.
"I don't care WHAT it is! All of us are going in there TOGETHER! Now!"
Captain Canada saw the reluctance in the eyes of the three JLA members, so spoke up, "For the sake of the wooo-o-o-oorld!"
"Oh, all right," Inappropriate Joke Man said.
"Why don't you three go in, Y-Men, and we'll provide backup," Racial Discrimination Man said. "My race has been sorely put upon by you and your kind, and we deserve reparations!"
"What race is that?" Captain Canada inquired.
"That question itself is racial discrimination, man!" RD-Man bellowed.
"Look, you boobs are coming in there with us right now!" Meatier Man said, his patience at an end.
"That's sexual discrimination!"
"That's inappropriate humor!"
"AND ... it's racial discrimination to deny me my REPARATIONS!"
Well, that track didn't work. Captain Canada tried a different angle. "Hey, Buttplug. Are your videotape powers rolling now?"
"Yeah, Cap'm!"
"Videotape?" SD-Woman asked.
"Rolling now?" RD-Man asked.
"Yeah, Buttplug was born with the marvelous ability to record events and then later commit them to videotape. I want him to film this so that future generations can see us fighting villainy in all our glory."
"In that case," RD-Man said in his best FM radio voice and posed, hands on hips, "Let us engage the enemy. Onward ho, men!"
"AND women!" SD-Woman declared with a similar stance.
The six senior superheroes marched forward, Meatier Man and Captain Canada distinguished by their slouched walks compared to the bold, forceful strides of the JLA members for the imaginary camera.
"What took you guys so long?" Seargant Dyke taunted them when they finally appeared. "Trying desperately to find your missing balls? Hmmm?"
"THAT'S sexual discrimination!" came a voice from the new group.
"Effeminator, the cheeky one has a flat ass and no boobs. Pretty her up for me, will you?"
"THAT'S sexual discrim-- oooooh!" SD-Woman looked down. "Where'd my AAA-cups go?!" she asked in her new high-soprano voice.
"I'd say those are nearly C-cups, wouldn't you?"
"Look! This is ENOUGH! Any further, and I call this RAPE! Understand?!"
"Sorry, babe. All my bitches have at least D-cups. Effeminator: again."
"Hey, that's inapprop--" IJ-Man shut his mouth quickly when Seargant Dyke's gaze moved to him. "Sorry, Seargant. Don't know what came over me."
"Oooooh!" SD-Woman moaned, her hands moving to her new huge honies. "Look! If this goes any further, I call it RAPE! Absolutely!" The Y-Men noted that her voice was at the upper pitch of the human hearing range.
"I want my honies to have handfuls of mammaries! Effeminator, do her again!"
Suddenly, SD-Woman was bearing bigger-than-basketball mounds. She began moving her lips, mouthing the "if this goes any further" line, but no sound was heard by anyone in the room. In the distance, several dogs began to howl.
"One more time, Effeminator."
SD-Woman's costume burst, and she was baring bigger-than- bigger-than-basketball boobs. Her hands couldn't seem to stop squeezing them, though.
Seargant Dyke walked over to one of the tables covered with fruit bowls at the side of the room and reached for a bowl of figs and dates. Picking up a date, she walked towards SD-Woman. "I keep that one bowl here for just this type of situation. Bend over, bitch!"
SD-Woman bent at the waist, presenting a simpering smile to the seargant and helpfully peeled the lower half of her costume off.
Seargant Dyke slowly pushed the fruit up SD-Woman's rectum, inserting her fingers to get it as far up as she could, while her victim wore an absurd grin on her face and quivered.
"Now, what type of rape would you call that?"
SD-Woman mouthed the words, and, again, dogs howled in the distance.
"Go wait in the corner. I'm gonna fuck with my bitches later."
SD-Woman scurried to the corner, grinning mindlessly and piled in with the naked black-skinned white-haired Monsoon and the begging Worry Girl.
"Detesticulator. Go."
All the men swallowed nervously, then groped themselves to see who got the short straw, so to speak.
"Oh, man!" Inappropriate Joke Man whined falsetto. "This is REALLY inappropriate humor!"
He started to run towards the staircase, not wanting to play in this game anymore, when Seargant Dyke ordered, "Ovulator!"
"Nooooo!" IJ-Man wailed. Suddenly, he slid down on his butt, and found himself laying eggs from his now-swollen belly.
"Meaty!" Captain Canada whispered. "Any success yet?"
Meatier Man guiltily dropped the grin from his face. "Sorry," he whispered back, "I got distracted watching the show." He squeezed his crotch, looking at the Ovulator and whispered, "Spread and beg, baby."
Seargant Dyke's gaze then landed on RD-Man.
"Don't look in MY direction! This is just RACIAL DISCRIMINATION, man!"
"Discriminating against what race?" the Seargant asked.
"That QUESTION is just RACIAL DISCRIMINATION!"
"Oh, puh-lease. Detesticulator."
RD-Man gasped and groped at his crotch. "My race has been PUT UPON by you and yours!" he shreiked. "We deserve--"
"Effeminator."
"-- reparations! You OWE us REPARATIONS! You-- ohmigod!" RD-Man realized that his new busom was huge!
"What have you DONE to me?!" The dark soprano huge-boobed woman whined.
Meanwhile, behind the Seargant, the Ovulator had sunk to a squat and was frigging herself. Meatier man squeezed again, looking at the Effeminator.
"I've got triple-D cups! Triple-E cups! Oh, MAN!"
The Effeminator bit her lip, then sank to a sitting position and began inserting fingers up her vagina as well. Meatier Man rubbed again, looking at the scariest of the Club, the Detesticulator.
"Effeminator," Seargant Dyke smiled, enjoying this. "Hit him again."
"No, man, NO!" RD-Man shrieked. "Don't make 'em any BIGGER!"
After a few moments, his boobs had not changed.
RD-Man was squeezing his basketballs, wondering why they weren't growing. "I said, 'DON'T make them any BIGGER!' I don't know if I could TAKE it if you made them any BIGGER! DAMN, these feel good!"
Seargant Dyke looked over at the Effeminator and saw what she was doing. "What are you THINKING OF, you little cunt!" she chastised her.
"YOU, Dyke! I'm thinking of YOU! Unnnghoooh!"
"Oh," the Seargant smiled slightly. "Still! You can't be doing that in the middle of a fight!"
The Detesticulator stepped forward and whispered something to Seargant Dyke.
"It's not working on her," Meaty whispered to Captain Canada. "It's not WORKING!"
"Try the Seargant! She may be mind-controlling the Detesticulator!"
Meaty rubbed again and looked at the butch lesbian.
"Oh, ho!" she said, turning around. "There's gotta be some woman left inside for that to work, you little pissant! Detesticulator. Do them all."
Meaty gave up on dominating the Seargant and dove for Inappropriate Joke man, who looked like a beached whale trying to give birth to large river rocks.
The Ovulator and Effeminator shook their heads, coming out of the spell.
Meaty grabbed one of the eggs that IJ-Man had laid and hurled it at the Detesticulator, hitting her in the face.
"Run!" he bellowed.
Buttplug ran for the stairwell they had come up. RD-Man ran for a service elevator in the back of the room. Captain Canada ran towards Meaty and IJ-Man.
The Detesticulator wiped the yolk from her face and looked angrilly for Meatier Man. Another egg hit her in the face, hurled by Captain Canada.
Seargant Dyke ran towards Meaty and Canada, fury in her eyes.
Captain Canada hurled an egg at the floor in front of her while Meaty hurled another egg at the Detesticulator.
Seargant Dyke's footing went when she hit the yolk on the floor, and she slid across the room and into a wall, knocking herself out.
Meaty and Canada scampered to the stairwell they had come up while the Detesticulator wiped the last egg from her face.
As the two heroes fled down the stairs, they heard the footsteps of the enraged Detesticulator on their heels! They hit the doorway at the bottom and bolted out into the street.
The Detesticulator banged open the double doors, bellowing like a bull. Eyeing the two heroes, she started to concentrate.
Suddenly, all of the trash currently in the city condensed on the villain, covering her under a mountain of garbage jammed in the doorway of the building.
Meaty and Canada reached the corner of a neighboring building, where Buttplug was peeking around the corner.
"Thanks, Buttplug," Captain Canada said extremely sincerely, double-checking to verify that his own goods still really were intact.
"You (pant)--" Meaty gasped from his sprint. "You did (pant)-- that (pant)-- Buttplug?"
"I am the Master of Constipations of all kinds," he smiled, "Including blocking hallways and doorways!"
"Good man!"
"Now, let's get out of here," Canada suggested.
The trio dragged themselves up the stairs to Meatier Man's apartment. When they entered, they heard banging coming from the coat closet.
"Is that?" Canada asked.
"Yep."
"Can I let her out?" Buttplug asked. "She makes really neat sounds of disgust when she gets angry."
"Sure. Go ahead."
Buttplug flung open the closet door. "Hi, sugar nipples!"
"Don't you 'sugar nipples' me! YOU!" She jabbed an index finger in Meatier Man's direction. She flared, her whole body turning crimson, as well as the rug underneath her and the corner of the sofa beside her.
"Sorry. Still nothing. I guess I'm just guiltless."
"You bastard!" she clenched her fists.
"Tell you what, though," Meaty said, pushing his pelvis forward and cupping himself.
"NO! DON'T!" Her eyes widened, then narrowed. "Don't you DARE!"
"Spread and beg, baby."
"NO! Nnnnngggg!" Her hands came up to cup her boobies through her costume. "Oh FUCK! You make me sooooo HOT when you do that! I could just BEG!"
"Why don't you go get us all some beers."
"YES! Baby!" She traipsed to the refrigerator and brought back three beers, then handed one to each man, bending over as she did so to give each a nice view down her costume.
"Man, we got our asses WHIPPED!" Meaty complained. "Kid Testosterone now has no gonads! How silly is THAT irony?! The Smelly Pit is coming out with his -- or her? -- own line of potpourri!"
"You're right. We lost miserably today."
The three moped in silence while the Crimson Blush caressed Meaty's cock through his costume. "GOD! This thing is HUGE! How in the world does it FIT inside me?!"
"It's an extra-dimensional thing."
"Oh."
They drank their beers in silence.
"I think ..." Captain Canada said finally, "That the Destesticulator was immune to your 'influence' because she is under Seargant Dyke's mental control. And Seargant Dyke is immune because there's no more woman left in her."
"Great. That really gets us places. So now what? They detesticulate every man in the world? So that every woman can serve as one of Dyke's bitches?"
"I'm starting ... to get an idea."
"Hope it's better than the last one."
"What if ... we trick the Effeminator into blasting Seargant Dyke. That might make her susceptible to you. And all those that she's controlling in turn."
Meaty was quiet a minute, then raised his eyebrows, then leaned forward. "And how do we trick her?"
"Ever ... hear of the Globfather?"
"I think so. Just the name. Super villain, isn't he?"
"Yeah. Came to earth on a meteorite."
"Right down your alley, honey," the Crimson Blush said perkilly.
"No, it isn't. Now keep your mouth shut unless you're sucking on a cock."
"I thought you'd NEVER ask!" She pulled down the pants of his costume.
"He was a glob on a meteorite. He landed here and took human form. But he still excretes the stuff to make globs, simulacrums, really. If we do things just right, we can get Dyke on one side of a glob that has taken on your form, Effeminator on the other, and have the glob turn back into a, well, glob when the Effeminator fires. The blast will go through and hit Dyke."
"Could work, I guess."
"I don't hear any other plans here."
"But, baby ... (slurp) ... you can't ... (slurp) ... consort with supervillains, can ... (slurp) ... you?"
"Just do what you do best, sugar," Meaty said, pushing her head back down on his erection. He looked back at Canada. "It's worth a try," Meaty admitted.