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From: Stasya T. Canine
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: Tue, 31 Dec 2002 05:02:24 GMT
On Mon, 30 Dec 2002 16:13:21 -0800, Desdmona22 wrote:
The following is the 73rd submission to the FishTank. It is only the second erotic story this author has written. It is a complete story at 2,008 words. In her words, "This story is about a woman who tries something new after a discussion with her best friend. It's primarily a stroke story." Also according to the author, because it is only her second story, anything we might suggest could be helpful.
Three Minutes (F-solo, toys, anal)
By Sagittaria
[email protected]
Good story. :)
I liked the way the early conversation built a consistent image (to me anyway) of a couple of young women who enjoyed sex but hadn't fully explored their own sexuality enough to really know all about themselves. I placed them in their late teens or early twenties based on the clues given.
The scene where Betsy realizes that she has two holes and the dildo has two heads is well done. I like the way she uses that to increase her pleasure. :)
I really only saw one or two things that were 'nits' and only one of those actually jarred the flow for me.
In several places, after consistently using 'she', suddenly it was 'Betsy ..." and then back to 'she'. The story was so well written otherwise that it took something that 'obtrusive' to jar me out of the flow. Consider this a 'reader's quirk' rather than a serious problem. :)
For a 2nd story, indeed, well done.
My past is deeply colored by its future. That is the nature of memories. Things forgotten, things remembered dimly.
Some things remembered with a painful clarity.
Past, present, future.
All blur together to create what is now. - Liaya Stevens -
http://storiesonline.net/Stasya_T_Canine no logins, no ads, no banners, no cookies - no other annoyances Free, text, thanks to Lazeez at http://storiesonline.net General audience furry stories: http://www.furnation.com/Nikkolai
From: Sagittaria
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: 04 Jan 2003 22:17:41 GMT
"Stasya T. Canine" <[email protected]> wrote in news:[email protected]:
In several places, after consistently using 'she', suddenly it was 'Betsy ..." and then back to 'she'. The story was so well written otherwise that it took something that 'obtrusive' to jar me out of the flow. Consider this a 'reader's quirk' rather than a serious problem. :)
I think I was trying to use "Betsy" once at the beginning of each paragraph or so, and then using "she" once I'd established who the "she" was. Of course, since this is a solo story, I probably only need to establish that once, not in each new paragraph. Anyone know what rules apply here, if any?
- - >Sagittaria< - -
Happy New Year 2003!
From: Anoninsac
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: Tue, 07 Jan 2003 05:39:59 GMT
Sagittaria <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected] ...
"Stasya T. Canine" <[email protected]> wrote in news:[email protected]:
In several places, after consistently using 'she', suddenly it was 'Betsy ..." and then back to 'she'. The story was so well written otherwise that it took something that 'obtrusive' to jar me out of the flow. Consider this a 'reader's quirk' rather than a serious problem. :)
I think I was trying to use "Betsy" once at the beginning of each paragraph or so, and then using "she" once I'd established who the "she" was. Of course, since this is a solo story, I probably only need to establish that once, not in each new paragraph. Anyone know what rules apply here, if any?
-
- - >Sagittaria< - -
Happy New Year 2003!
I try to do the same thing. I think the rule is readability, keep the reader with you. Use the name enough so that they know who 'she' is.
From: Kelli Halliburton
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: Tue, 31 Dec 2002 07:21:15 GMT
Desdmona22 wrote:
FishTank guidelines apply:
1) 2 positive comments
2) 2 suggestions for improvement
3) Try not to repeat!
Positive:
1. Wow. I actually began to sweat a little bit when I read that one. It was very evocative.
2. The conversations at the beginning and end were a good bracketing device, lending a structure and coherence to what might otherwise have been merely a vignette. Amazing how short segments like that can flesh out a scene into a full story, even while hinting at more possibilities.
Improvement:
1. I don't have much experience with double-headed dildos, but I have handled two or three, and they didn't seem to be flexible enough to bend and reach both openings at the same time.
2. I would kind of have liked to know more about Vicky's experience, but maybe that's not a suggestion for improvement as much as a request for another story ...?
Repeat:
I think I got in early enough on this not to repeat. I did remember to read all the articles before posting this, but there were only two responses so far on my news server's feed. There's a bit of parallel in that my second positive comment also mentions the conversation scenes at the beginning and end, as does someone else's comments, but I think the direction I went with them was different enough not to be considered a repeat.
From: Jeff Zephyr
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: Tue, 31 Dec 2002 11:09:57 -0600
On Tue, 31 Dec 2002 07:21:15 GMT, "Kelli Halliburton" <[email protected]> wrote:
Improvement:
1. I don't have much experience with double-headed dildos, but I have handled two or three, and they didn't seem to be flexible enough to bend and reach both openings at the same time.
Some are very flexible. As if they were designed for just what Betsy did. She was lucky that Fred was one of those I guess.
2. I would kind of have liked to know more about Vicky's experience, but maybe that's not a suggestion for improvement as much as a request for another story ...?
I think that it could be nice to know more, but my impression based on the ending was that her experiences weren't deeper than Betsy's. Both seemed to have limited exploration of the possibilities of their own sexuality. No clue about who or what they might do it with either, which is just as well because the story is about their relationship and discoveries.
Jeff
Web site at http://www.asstr.org/~jeffzephyr/ For FTP, ftp://ftp.asstr.org/pub/Authors/jeffzephyr/
There is nothing more important than petting the cat.
From: Sagittaria
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: 04 Jan 2003 22:18:57 GMT
Jeff Zephyr <[email protected]> wrote in news:[email protected]:
No clue about who or what
they might do it with either, which is just as well because the story is about their relationship and discoveries.
This is true. I had a hint in there that Betsy might have ended a relationship recently, but no more than a hint. It could make the story longer to include that kind of information, but I don't think it would make it any better.
- - >Sagittaria< - -
Happy New Year 2003!
From: juanwildone
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: 30 Dec 2002 23:50:23 -0800
[email protected] (Desdmona22) wrote in message news:<[email protected]> ...
The following is the 73rd submission to the FishTank. It is only the second erotic story this author has written. It is a complete story at 2,008 words. In her words, "This story is about a woman who tries something new after a discussion with her best friend. It's primarily a stroke story." Also according to the author, because it is only her second story, anything we might suggest could be helpful.
FishTank guidelines apply:
1) 2 positive comments
2) 2 suggestions for improvement
3) Try not to repeat!
Stories and comments are being stored at: http://www.asstr.org/~Desdmona/FishTank
I liked it - alot
It was a rather original take on the basic stroke story (or is this a
diddle or a dildo or a fiddle about story?).
I enjoyed the female pov. Most erotica is way too male and overly basted in testosterone. This was fun although the ending was fairly transparent. I can't say I got to into the whole naming of the double headed dildo part ( but then i hardly named my kids and my car is just a car.)
And about that veined and cornonal, oh so long amd just so thick, double-headed do-the-deed stick - would that really be a girls first purcahse? Actually that might be a great story - "My First Dildo!"
Basically enjoyed it - I'm sure the typo police and grammer nazis will level there spell checkers at you - fear not!
STAND TALL Sag = you wrote a good story
j
From: john
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: 31 Dec 2002 00:22:08 -0800
Story summary: Friends are divided by opposing views. They experiment with each other's recommendations. They discover they have switched views (and perhaps become closer friends.) I think that's the story, even though it's given short shrift in deference to the genre. It's comic in two senses: the plot seems to bring Betsy and Vicky, happily, closer together, and there's enough absurdity in their positions that a light tone seems appropriate. {Forgive my ramble; I had to start with that to keep my thoughts straight.]
Hats off to the author, first of all, for dancing so nimbly through her conundrum: keeping the real story in view (constant references to the opposing views); keeping the reader half-way between a giggle and a sigh when these are contradictory responses (Betsy didn't use a stopwatch, didn't need a movie to get her in the mood); keeping the character balanced on the edge of her mental admonitions and her physical needs.
Second, I applaud her brevity. "Stories" with enough anatomy and groans to be arousing tend to go on forever looking for some literary justification for the sex. Hers didn't. She kept it simple. Spent her words on what those who lined up for the story codes had "paid" to read.
This is "tight." It's hard to make suggestions without looking for nits. It may be but her second erotic story. It's not her second attempt at fiction, I'll bet.
The opening. Paragraph one was excellent. Two was good. Three, for me was too much a diatribe. Perhaps too long. Perhaps too earnest. Perhaps Vicky needed to spill her wine or choke on a dinner roll for some comic relief. I almost quit. I'm glad I didn't.
The ending. The final line. The right idea perfectly. But lacks the punch to remind us that you're an author, not a pornographer. The solution is yours, of course. If she'd said, for instance, "When I tell you what I've been up to, we might have to get together and compare notes." Whatever. I think you missed the opportunity to kick it one level higher ... or lower. That final line is like a Grecian Urn with a bouquet of dandelions. Too ordinary, for me, in light of all the rest.
Overall: well done. Very.
John
From: Katie McN
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: Tue, 31 Dec 2002 08:56:42 GMT
Hi Sagittaria and Desdmona,
On 31 Dec 2002 00:13:21 GMT I noticed your interesting post:
[ ... ]
*********************************************** Three Minutes (F-solo, toys, anal) By Sagittaria
[email protected]
[ ... ]
Sagittaria, Three Minutes provides us with a challenge. There are so many good points, it's difficult to decide which ones to highlight and it is so well written, possible improvement suggestions are no more than minor nits.
Many erotic stories fail because the author concentrates on the sex scenes and forgets that he or she is telling a story. You didn't make this mistake. You told a good story where you set up a premise that provides a solid base for what comes next. Tension was built as we wondered if the person would succeed; what would happen next; and what changes might occur in her life. All the elements readers enjoy from any fiction category. Your ending was unexpected and gave us something to think about later. Perfect.
You included little touches in your story that provide some character insight and also give the reader information about women in general. Yes, women do talk with each other about sex - quite a lot, or so it seems to me. Mood music for masturbation? I doubt many guys would consider this, but women have no problem understanding the concept. A name for the dildo? Certainly. The women I know seem to have names for everything related to sex including body parts, toys and anything else that comes into play. It was also fun to see that you worked the word 'pistoning' into your story after the discussion we had in the group.
It's difficult to find improvement opportunities in your story, but the rules require me to make two suggestions for improvement so I'll give it a try.
I'm always concerned that I will bore the reader with too much background; endless narration; having the author inject commentary in the story; and, all the other things that irritate readers. Sometimes in my zeal to write a tight story, I fail to include information to help a reader understand why certain things happen - background is often missing. One technique used to overcome this problem is to foreshadow something by including what seems like a throw-away story point which later causes the reader to say "Now I understand" when some subsequent fact comes to light. I feel you might drop an innocuous clue somewhere to let the reader know why your main character always gets off so fast and why she doesn't know about vaginal orgasm. A clue about her upbringing or some life changing event in her prior life would help us understand how an adult woman would get to where she is in your story. This could be done in a sentence or a phrase.
You've done a good job with dialog in your story and the part where your main character talks to the dildo is great. I think you could enhance this by including some emotion at the point of orgasm with her making some sounds and commenting to the dildo. Readers like to do more than 'see' what is going on in a story. A chance to let them 'hear' what is happening is usually a plus. Having her sound out her orgasm and/or call the name of her dildo might be interesting enhancement and provide some intimacy.
Thanks for a wonderful story. It's one of the best efforts we've seen in the Fishtank.
It's Me! Katie McN
<[email protected]>
Read My Stories at:
www.katie-mcn.com
From: Jeff Zephyr
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: Tue, 31 Dec 2002 11:13:18 -0600
On Tue, 31 Dec 2002 08:56:42 GMT, Katie McN <[email protected]> wrote:
You included little touches in your story that provide some character insight and also give the reader information about women in general. Yes, women do talk with each other about sex - quite a lot, or so it seems to me. Mood music for masturbation? I doubt many guys would consider this, but women have no problem understanding the concept. A name for the dildo? Certainly. The women I know seem to have names for everything related to sex including body parts, toys and anything else that comes into play. It was also fun to see that you worked the word 'pistoning' into your story after the discussion we had in the group.
I liked all this stuff. Some men do talk about masturbation, but many won't, that's true. Mood music, however, is a reason for having the stereo in the bedroom. But maybe I'm unusual that way?
The naming, that seems to be a matter of personality more than gender, though it can be fun to do. Anyway, it does add some fun to the situation.
Jeff
Web site at http://www.asstr.org/~jeffzephyr/ For FTP, ftp://ftp.asstr.org/pub/Authors/jeffzephyr/
There is nothing more important than petting the cat.
From: Jeff Zephyr
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: Tue, 31 Dec 2002 11:04:24 -0600
On 31 Dec 2002 00:13:21 GMT, [email protected] (Desdmona22) wrote:
This is a nice story, contrasting two friends who have nice intimate conversations, but limited experiences. The last bit isn't spelled out, simply illustrated by their actions, which is nicely done. The ending twist where Vicky tries out the alternative method works well. Until that, I would have thought that Vicky knew a few more things than Betsy.
Would working women really not know that much about masturbation, though? It works for the story, and maybe both of them are the sorts to learn one way to do things and try no others. Habits do set it, as well. But I can live with that, it just doesn't quite fit my own experiences, or those of many friends. I'm not sure that needs mentioning in the story, because what they do illustrates their inexperience better than any background could.
The story is mostly about Betsy's playing, and that is very good. I like the way she plays with "Fred," and the entire scene is set up perfectly for me.
Are there really women who get off in only three minutes on a regular basis? I thought that was a guy thing, and even then it seems like a lot of them take longer than that ;-)
Jeff
Web site at http://www.asstr.org/~jeffzephyr/ For FTP, ftp://ftp.asstr.org/pub/Authors/jeffzephyr/
There is nothing more important than petting the cat.
From: Sagittaria
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: 04 Jan 2003 22:26:57 GMT
Jeff Zephyr <[email protected]> wrote in news:[email protected]:
Would working women really not know that much about masturbation, though?
I don't understand this question. Why would having a job make a difference to sexual knowledge? Unless you are interpreting it like the slang phrase "working girls." :)
- - >Sagittaria< - -
Happy New Year 2003!
From: Jeff Zephyr
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: Sat, 04 Jan 2003 16:30:51 -0600
On 04 Jan 2003 22:26:57 GMT, Sagittaria <[email protected]> wrote:
Jeff Zephyr <[email protected]> wrote in news:[email protected]:
Would working women really not know that much about masturbation, though?
I don't understand this question. Why would having a job make a difference to sexual knowledge? Unless you are interpreting it like the slang phrase "working girls." :)
Age and experience, that was what I was thinking - younger people would be more likely not to know so much. Though in my case, much of the basic discussion of how to do things happened before high school, so my experiences might be biased a little.
Jeff
Web site at http://www.asstr.org/~jeffzephyr/ For FTP, ftp://ftp.asstr.org/pub/Authors/jeffzephyr/
There is nothing more important than petting the cat.
From: Sagittaria
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: 04 Jan 2003 23:27:58 GMT
Jeff Zephyr <[email protected]> wrote in news:[email protected]:
On 04 Jan 2003 22:26:57 GMT, Sagittaria <[email protected]> wrote:
Jeff Zephyr <[email protected]> wrote in news:[email protected]:
Would working women really not know that much about masturbation, though?
I don't understand this question. Why would having a job make a difference to sexual knowledge? Unless you are interpreting it like the slang phrase "working girls." :)
Age and experience, that was what I was thinking - younger people would be more likely not to know so much. Though in my case, much of the basic discussion of how to do things happened before high school, so my experiences might be biased a little.
I see ... so you meant something like "Would adult women really not know that much about masturbation?" I think many people get into doing it a certain way, and then don't change that unless there's some reason to. Neither Vicky nor Betsy had ever considered that there might be other options, until they started to compare notes.
- - >Sagittaria< - -
Happy New Year 2003!
From: Jeff Zephyr
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: Sat, 04 Jan 2003 18:28:06 -0600
On 04 Jan 2003 23:27:58 GMT, Sagittaria <[email protected]> wrote:
Jeff Zephyr <[email protected]> wrote in news:[email protected]:
On 04 Jan 2003 22:26:57 GMT, Sagittaria <[email protected]> wrote:
Jeff Zephyr <[email protected]> wrote in news:[email protected]:
Would working women really not know that much about masturbation, though?
I don't understand this question. Why would having a job make a difference to sexual knowledge? Unless you are interpreting it like the slang phrase "working girls." :)
Age and experience, that was what I was thinking - younger people would be more likely not to know so much. Though in my case, much of the basic discussion of how to do things happened before high school, so my experiences might be biased a little.
I see ... so you meant something like "Would adult women really not know that much about masturbation?" I think many people get into doing it a certain way, and then don't change that unless there's some reason to. Neither Vicky nor Betsy had ever considered that there might be other options, until they started to compare notes.
My question was a bit rhetorical - there are people who get into a "rut" doing the things which work, no clue about other options. I don't think that is a lack of imagination, really, because imagination often needs some prompting. I could see the two being that sort.
It is just that my experiences don't match theirs, so it is harder to see why you wouldn't figure out a few thing at a much younger age. But then, I know that some people don't really figure out masturbation at all until they are adults, and that too is not really in my experience.
It doesn't hurt the story, though. While I can't say it gave me magical insights, it still was nice to read about a woman's discovery of her own pleasures. Almost as much as watching it in person :-)
Jeff
Web site at http://www.asstr.org/~jeffzephyr/ For FTP, ftp://ftp.asstr.org/pub/Authors/jeffzephyr/
There is nothing more important than petting the cat.
From: dennyw
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: Sun, 05 Jan 2003 18:09:21 -0800
On 04 Jan 2003 23:27:58 GMT, Sagittaria <[email protected]> wrote:
I see ... so you meant something like "Would adult women really not know that much about masturbation?"
Answer to the question there: Yes.
Example being a gal I used to go with for a while. She'd not even had
an orgasm until she was 30 fer gossakes. And not like she was all
that sheltered. Unlucky in her first husband, in the sex department,
certainly. But she'd clearly learned little to nothing about
masturbation.
(I was going to remark that she's a nurse, but I'm not sure if her
nurse-training was after she'd learned the way around her body.)
-denny (curmudgeon)
"I'm full of good answers - sometimes it's the question that's wrong." Miss Behavin'
From: Altan
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: Sun, 5 Jan 2003 03:30:08 GMT
On Sat, 04 Jan 2003 16:30:51 -0600, Jeff Zephyr <[email protected]> wrote:
On 04 Jan 2003 22:26:57 GMT, Sagittaria <[email protected]> wrote:
Jeff Zephyr <[email protected]> wrote in news:[email protected]:
Would working women really not know that much about masturbation, though?
I don't understand this question. Why would having a job make a difference to sexual knowledge? Unless you are interpreting it like the slang phrase "working girls." :)
Age and experience, that was what I was thinking - younger people would be more likely not to know so much. Though in my case, much of the basic discussion of how to do things happened before high school, so my experiences might be biased a little.
Well, if I never learned to masturbate until I was 26, wouldn't there be women who don't know much about it either?
A.
http://www.asstr.org/~altan/
From: Jeff Zephyr
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: Sun, 05 Jan 2003 08:57:44 -0600
On Sun, 5 Jan 2003 03:30:08 GMT, Altan <[email protected]> wrote:
On Sat, 04 Jan 2003 16:30:51 -0600, Jeff Zephyr <[email protected]> wrote:
On 04 Jan 2003 22:26:57 GMT, Sagittaria <[email protected]> wrote:
Jeff Zephyr <[email protected]> wrote in news:[email protected]:
Would working women really not know that much about masturbation, though?
I don't understand this question. Why would having a job make a difference to sexual knowledge? Unless you are interpreting it like the slang phrase "working girls." :)
Age and experience, that was what I was thinking - younger people would be more likely not to know so much. Though in my case, much of the basic discussion of how to do things happened before high school, so my experiences might be biased a little.
Well, if I never learned to masturbate until I was 26, wouldn't there be women who don't know much about it either?
I understand that part. It is just that so many of the people I know and knew figured out things at younger ages. But that impression may be reinforced by when I figured things out, rather than reflecting statistical reality.
Jeff
Web site at http://www.asstr.org/~jeffzephyr/ For FTP, ftp://ftp.asstr.org/pub/Authors/jeffzephyr/
There is nothing more important than petting the cat.
From: oosh
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: Tue, 31 Dec 2002 17:31:29 +0000 (UTC)
In a story filled with nice touches, I particularly liked the mention of Betsy turning the clock round!
It's my conviction that f-solo (or m-solo, for that matter) is one of the hardest things to write well - not just because of the obvious limitations of having less scope for dialogue or conflict, but also because it requires a degree of introspection and honesty that many people find difficult. To come up with a story as good as this, that bears re-reading and fires the imagination, is a triumph.
Suggestions for improvement: first, I wonder if Betsy might find it arousing to speculate about what Vicky does in her protracted solo sessions. This might add a bit more charge to the final section.
Second, I thought "Fred" was rather a dull name. I'd have preferred something a bit more whimsical, such as "Cecil" - or what about "Janus"? Or "Zaphod"? - I'm sure others will have better suggestions.
O.
From: Eli the Bearded
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: Tue, 31 Dec 2002 20:59:31 +0000 (UTC)
In alt.sex.stories.d, oosh <[email protected]> wrote:
Second, I thought "Fred" was rather a dull name. I'd have preferred something a bit more whimsical, such as "Cecil" - or what about "Janus"? Or "Zaphod"? - I'm sure others will have better suggestions.
I thought Fred was a bit common a name, but perhaps Sagittaria wants to make a double dildo seem a common thing. "Janus" is a funny suggestion however.
Sagittaria, sorry for not following the fishtank format, I think the story is well written and would have trouble finding two unmentioned things wrong with it.
Elijah
wonders how many women keep a pump bottle of lube on the bedside table
From: Tesseract
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: 5 Jan 2003 04:34:33 -0800
Eli the Bearded <*@eli.users.panix.com> wrote in message news:<[email protected]> ...
In alt.sex.stories.d, oosh <[email protected]> wrote: Second, I thought "Fred" was rather a dull name. I'd have preferred something a bit more whimsical, such as "Cecil" - or what about "Janus"? Or "Zaphod"? - I'm sure others will have better suggestions.
I thought Fred was a bit common a name, but perhaps Sagittaria wants to make a double dildo seem a common thing. "Janus" is a funny suggestion however.
Remember that Betsy named it in the heat of the moment. She may have come up with Janus if she had spent some time searching for a name, but not many people would have Janus at the tip of their tongue in the heat of sexual passion.
I may as well add the rest of my meager comments here.
Improvements? All the minor things I could think of have already been said.
Positives? It is nice to read a female view point. This was a useful guide to female anatomy coupled with the sensations felt. A lover could learn from this.
I liked that she named the dildo. It gives an 'entry point' for male readers. Honestly guys. Would you rather come back as a dildo or as a tampon? British royalty have such a weird sense of adventure.
Tesseract
From: Sagittaria
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: 05 Jan 2003 18:00:56 GMT
[email protected] (Tesseract) wrote in news:[email protected]:
Honestly guys. Would you rather come back as a dildo
or as a tampon? British royalty have such a weird sense of adventure.
Huh?
- - >Sagittaria< - -
Happy New Year 2003!
From: Tesseract
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: 5 Jan 2003 18:50:30 -0800
Sagittaria <[email protected]> wrote in message news:<[email protected]> ...
[email protected] (Tesseract) wrote in news:[email protected]:
Honestly guys. Would you rather come back as a dildo or as a tampon? British royalty have such a weird sense of adventure.
Huh?
http://www.urbanlegends.com/celebrities/prince_charles_tampax.html
Actually it made most of the mainstream papers at the time. This is the best I could find for the actual quote.
Tesseract
From: Sagittaria
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: 06 Jan 2003 05:07:54 GMT
[email protected] (Tesseract) wrote in news:[email protected]:
Sagittaria <[email protected]> wrote in message news:<[email protected]> ... [email protected] (Tesseract) wrote in news:[email protected]:
Honestly guys. Would you rather come back as a dildo or as a tampon? British royalty have such a weird sense of adventure.
Huh?
http://www.urbanlegends.com/celebrities/prince_charles_tampax.html
Actually it made most of the mainstream papers at the time. This is the best I could find for the actual quote.
Hmm, somehow I missed that one. May I just say, EWWW! :)
- - >Sagittaria< - -
Happy New Year 2003!
From: Mat Twassel
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: 31 Dec 2002 23:57:51 GMT
"Three minutes? It only takes you 3 minutes??" Vicky fairly shrieked.
"Shhh!" Betsy replied, looking around to be sure no one else was
seated nearby. "Yes, 3 or 4, like I said. Why? How long does it take you?" <<
I think my favorite part of the story is the opening, or rather just before the opening. I like thinking about whatever it was that was said to get us into the story. Whatever it was certainly isn't crucial to the story. I think the story is fine, but I think I might have liked getting those twenty or thirty seconds before the story started. I think I would have preferred a single question mark and the numerals spelled out. What exactly does "fairly" in "fairly shrieked" mean? After that, "replied" seems fairly tame. How about "whispered" or "hissed"?
"Vicky fairly shrieked" has an odd rhythm. How about: "Three minutes?" Vicky shrieked. "It only takes you three minutes?"
Vicky blushed slightly at that point. "Well, I've never timed it,"
she said. "But what's the point of rushing? I like to be sensual and enjoy all of the feelings, not just orgasm. I don't even bother masturbating unless I know I'll have an hour or more, and if I come, that's great. But if not, then at least I've had a good time." <<
What is the point of "at that point"? I don't see that it adds anything except words. After all we're at the story at this point. Wouldn't it be better to have just: "Vicky blushed slightly"? It also dulls Vicky's reply: "But what's the point of rushing."
"Try it sometime, you silly. <<
"You silly" is a great touch. It places the pair so nicely.
She didn't have a
partner at the moment, but thought, "Like the song says<< An unnecessary roughness between thought and like. Fix somehow.
She'd never
used it with another person, but it was the only way to buy a dildo that was nice and long without having it be impossibly thick as well. <<
Interesting sentence. I guess the grammar/syntax/sense helps define the character. I'd probably like to know more about the buying of this dildo, but I guess that's another story. Why did Betsy want an extra long dildo? Maybe she did have some ideas of using it with another person. I kind of like the little tease here - will Vicky will be the other person.
"Okay, I can do this," she
repeated, <<
I like the way Betsy sees this as a "task." Nice blend of the comic and the erotic. I think there's a missed opportunity to bring Vicky "back in" - Betsy might wonder exactly how Vicky manages the tasks at hand.
Parting her outer lips with her left hand, she moved her
right index finger along the line where her inner lips began, first one side and then the other. <<
I have a hard time picturing this "line." Is it because there is one line but two lips? But that would make the line between, wouldn't it?
Betsy soon began to notice that her arousal was increasing. Her
vulva was hot to the touch and her clitoris was once again erect. Most importantly, one or two fingers tentatively entering her cunt wasn't able to satisfy her any longer. <<
To a degree the comic gets in the way of the erotic. The first sentence is wildly wishy-washy. Intentionally? It is funny. How hot can a vulva get? Is it something she notices by touch? Same question regarding the erect clitoris.
Singular verb with a pair and a plural reads funny.
The dildo was a "realistic" model (even though it was bright green),
meaning each head was penis-shaped, with a coronal ridge, and there were veins on the shared shaft. <<
I really like this detail. I also like the way it's used to "slow down" the action. At the same time I have to quibble that the details come too late - I've already pictured the dildo differently. Sometimes you just can't win.
Although not impossibly thick, the
dildo was a decent width, and it felt wonderful as it stretched Betsy's cunt to let it inside.<<
The pronouns, especially the last, are awkward if not confusing.
She really
did lose track of time at this point, reveling in the sensations, until she realized that Fred had gone where no man had gone before - she had taken about 8 inches inside her and could take no more. Her vaginal muscles squeezed the intruder with delight.
At this point she took hold of the dildo in her right hand again,<<
I'd delete "at this point" at every point.
I'm not sure what to make of "until." That suddenly she hasn't lost track of time? That she's no longer reveling in the sensations? Furthermore, I have to wonder how it is she's aware of the length. We need some different kind of detail here.
She experimented with how to move the dildo so that both ends could
fuck her without slipping out. Finally she settled on a sliding stroke, only about an inch each way, which allowed the dildo to move smoothly between the two openings. <<
I'm not sure what it means for the dildo to move smoothly between the two openings. I suspect "between" is the confusing word.
The part of Fred in her ass suddenly just felt uncomfortable, rather
than erotic, and she removed it and wiped it clean with the towel she had kept nearby. <<
Why "just"? No need to remind us that she'd kept the towel nearby. Consider:
Now the part of Fred in her ass felt uncomfortable rather than erotic, and she removed it and wiped it clean with the towel.
The orgasm seemed to last longer than it ever had before.<<
Possibly: This orgasm seemed to last longer than one ever had before.
In any event, I really enjoyed it!
As she arrived
at the restaurant and was led to Vicky's table, she could hardly wait to tell Vicky about her experiment. But Vicky spoke first. "Betsy! You'll never believe what I have to tell you. Remember last week, when we were talking about ..." she looked around, and lowered her voice in case anyone was in hearing range, " ... your 3 minutes? Well, I decided to try something new this week, and I came in only 15 minutes! I just couldn't believe it! And I'll bet I can get faster with practice." <<
This is nicely done - an excellent frame. Oh, omit "in case anyone was in hearing range."
"That's great, Vicky!" Betsy said. "And I have something to tell
you, too." <<
A good conclusion. Like the beginning, it has an implied extension. The really neat moment will come after Betsy says whatever she's going to say, the moment when both women reflect on the connection. And what comes next?
Good job!
- Mat Twassel
Mat's Erotic Calendar at http://calendar.atEros.com
From: Sagittaria
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: 04 Jan 2003 23:23:53 GMT
[email protected] (mat twassel) wrote in news:[email protected]:
"Three minutes? It only takes you 3 minutes??" Vicky fairly shrieked.
"Shhh!" Betsy replied, looking around to be sure no one else was seated nearby. "Yes, 3 or 4, like I said. Why? How long does it take you?" <<
I think my favorite part of the story is the opening, or rather just before the opening. I like thinking about whatever it was that was said to get us into the story. Whatever it was certainly isn't crucial to the story. I think the story is fine, but I think I might have liked getting those twenty or thirty seconds before the story started.
Cool. I'll say more about this at the end of my post.
Mat, thanks for all the slashing you've done here. I know I overuse needless words - that's been one of my ongoing writing problems despite having been thoroughly indoctrinated with Strunk and White at a very young age - so I greatly appreciate your pointing them out. I'll only reply where I have a question or comment.
I think I would have preferred a single question mark and the numerals spelled out. What exactly does "fairly" in "fairly shrieked" mean? After that, "replied" seems fairly tame. How about "whispered" or "hissed"?
"Vicky fairly shrieked" has an odd rhythm. How about: "Three minutes?" Vicky shrieked. "It only takes you three minutes?"
"Fairly" is meant to be a modifier. Since they are in a public place, she doesn't really shriek, but does get excited. Would "almost" shrieked work better for you?
I agree on "hissed." I thought of that word while writing and decided to change it to "replied" based on comments I've seen here to the effect that one can't really "hiss" words - but "shhh" is a hiss by definition.
She didn't have a
partner at the moment, but thought, "Like the song says<< An unnecessary roughness between thought and like. Fix somehow.
Yes, it's strained. I wanted to work in the song title because it was being discussed on ASSD at the time, but now I think I'll remove the reference if I can't come up with a better way to say it.
Parting her outer lips with her left hand, she moved her right index finger along the line where her inner lips began, first one side and then the other. <<
I have a hard time picturing this "line." Is it because there is one line but two lips? But that would make the line between, wouldn't it?
I was trying to get across the idea of where the inner labia start to rise from the vulva, or between the outer labia and inner labia. But as I said in my group reply, I don't think I need to be this detailed after all.
Betsy soon began to notice that her arousal was increasing. Her vulva was hot to the touch and her clitoris was once again erect. Most importantly, one or two fingers tentatively entering her cunt wasn't able to satisfy her any longer. <<
To a degree the comic gets in the way of the erotic. The first sentence is wildly wishy-washy. Intentionally? It is funny. How hot can a vulva get? Is it something she notices by touch? Same question regarding the erect clitoris.
Not intentionally, and I'm not sure I understand the problem with this one. Are you questioning the phenomena or the way they're described? As I masturbate and become more aroused, I do notice those things, but I don't want it to seem strange or funny to a male reader.
She really
did lose track of time at this point, reveling in the sensations, until she realized that Fred had gone where no man had gone before - she had taken about 8 inches inside her and could take no more. Her vaginal muscles squeezed the intruder with delight.
I'm not sure what to make of "until." That suddenly she hasn't lost track of time? That she's no longer reveling in the sensations? Furthermore, I have to wonder how it is she's aware of the length. We need some different kind of detail here.
Good catches. "Until" should be replaced with something like a full stop and a new sentence beginning with "Suddenly," and the exact length can be left out.
She experimented with how to move the dildo so that both ends could fuck her without slipping out. Finally she settled on a sliding stroke, only about an inch each way, which allowed the dildo to move smoothly between the two openings. <<
I'm not sure what it means for the dildo to move smoothly between the two openings. I suspect "between" is the confusing word.
Hmm. Is it clear what stroke she is using? The dildo isn't long enough to properly fuck either hole, as it will slip out of the other, so she is sliding it back and forth. I'll work on that.
The part of Fred in her ass suddenly just felt uncomfortable, rather than erotic, and she removed it and wiped it clean with the towel she had kept nearby. <<
Why "just"?
Previously it was both erotic and slightly uncomfortable; now it is only uncomfortable. She's never done this before, remember.
In any event, I really enjoyed it!
Thanks!
"That's great, Vicky!" Betsy said. "And I have something to tell you, too." <<
A good conclusion. Like the beginning, it has an implied extension. The really neat moment will come after Betsy says whatever she's going to say, the moment when both women reflect on the connection. And what comes next?
I really like that you wonder what happened both before the story began and after it ended. I consider that a sign that the story was successful in engaging you as a reader. I don't think I'll add anything, though. The ending leaves so much room that it could turn into another complete story, which I'm leaving for anyone else who might be interested. The beginning wouldn't be harmed by a little more conversation, but then I'd lose my "hook" of an opening line. Although I guess I could add a little backstory in the 2nd paragraph, after "Shhh!" and before Betsy continues speaking. I'll consider it.
Thank you again for all of your comments. I don't know what you do for a living, but I sure hope you're an editor or an English professor! Every writer can benefit from this kind of assistance. :)
- - >Sagittaria< - -
Happy New Year 2003!
From: Altan
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: Wed, 1 Jan 2003 21:54:29 GMT
On 31 Dec 2002 00:13:21 GMT, [email protected] (Desdmona22) wrote:
Hello Sagittaria,
"This story is about a woman who tries something new after a discussion with her best friend. It's primarily a stroke story." Also according to the author, because it is only her second story, anything we might suggest could be helpful.
FishTank guidelines apply:
1) 2 positive comments
2) 2 suggestions for improvement
3) Try not to repeat!
A tough one to comment on, this story, because as others have already noticed, it is a very good little story.
You say this is "primarily a stroke story." As I understand the term "stroke," this means a story with the primary purpose to sexually arouse the reader. I do not doubt that this story arouses many people, but it did not do so for me. So clearly, there is much more to this story than sexual arousement. It is a story about a woman embarking on a voyage of discovering her own sexuality. A woman who is discovering a new world inside herself. To me, what she is discovering is not only a new way of masturbating, but also new possibilities to try out the next time she is with a partner.
A second positive is your description of "fireworks went off under her closed eyes." A beautiful phrase for such a climax.
Suggestions to improve: very hard to find. I was left wondering how long Betsy DID stretch her masturbation session. I know, the whole point of the story is that it doesn't matter, but my inquisitive mind still wanted to know.
Finally, this conclusion:
Finally she was able to open her eyes and breathe normally again. She stretched and yawned, and then got up to begin her day.
was a bit of an anti-climax. It reads as if she jumped out of bed as soon as her breathing was back to normal. I would expect her to lie down for a while longer, maybe turn the clock back and be surprised about the time passed. Maybe wondering why she had never done this before. Maybe touch herself a little bit more, just like a 'cool down' period after excercising.
Thanks again for sharing this story with us. I'll be looking over your web site soon. :-)
A.
http://www.asstr.org/~altan/
From: Sagittaria
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: 04 Jan 2003 22:54:41 GMT
Altan <[email protected]> wrote in news:11388.1041458069.altan1 @bigfoot.com:
A second positive is your description of "fireworks went off under her closed eyes." A beautiful phrase for such a climax.
Thank you. :)
Suggestions to improve: very hard to find. I was left wondering how long Betsy DID stretch her masturbation session. I know, the whole point of the story is that it doesn't matter, but my inquisitive mind still wanted to know.
I understand this urge. I had a hard time deciding whether to have her check the time at the end. However, one of the themes running through the story was how she gradually becomes less concerned with time. By the end, it no longer matters in the slightest how long she took - she doesn't even think to check. Maybe this is too allegorical for a sex story. :)
- - >Sagittaria< - -
Happy New Year 2003!
From: Jack C Lipton
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: Sat, 04 Jan 2003 23:12:15 GMT
Sagittaria wrote:
Altan wrote:
Suggestions to improve: very hard to find. I was left wondering how long Betsy DID stretch her masturbation session. I know, the whole point of the story is that it doesn't matter, but my inquisitive mind still wanted to know.
I understand this urge. I had a hard time deciding whether to have her check the time at the end. However, one of the themes running through the story was how she gradually becomes less concerned with time. By the end, it no longer matters in the slightest how long she took - she doesn't even think to check. Maybe this is too allegorical for a sex story. :)
OK, I should've said something earlier. I like the story, I like the characterizations, I enjoyed the twist at the end. Other than not being equipped to properly appreciate many of the details placed in the story (though, given that you think it may be useful as a "training aid") I'll probably re-read it when I need the lift.
And, no, a little bit of indirection and mystique went a long way. It was a nice closing point.
(Something I've had some trouble with is when to end a story. If you look through the shambles of the "In Progress" stories on my site you'll discover that I've got a long way to go in finding a good note to close on. This one closed wonderfully.)
Jack C Lipton | [email protected] | http://www.asstr.org/~CupaSoup/
"If you're not confused you obviously don't understand humanity"
From: Sagittaria
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: 04 Jan 2003 23:24:38 GMT
Altan <[email protected]> wrote in news:11388.1041458069.altan1 @bigfoot.com:
Thanks again for sharing this story with us. I'll be looking over your web site soon. :-)
Oh BTW, I don't have a website! 2 stories isn't enough to make it worthwhile, IMO. Maybe in the future.
- - >Sagittaria< - -
Happy New Year 2003!
From: Altan
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: Sun, 5 Jan 2003 03:39:07 GMT
On 04 Jan 2003 23:24:38 GMT, Sagittaria <[email protected]> wrote:
Altan <[email protected]> wrote in news:11388.1041458069.altan1 @bigfoot.com:
Thanks again for sharing this story with us. I'll be looking over your web site soon. :-)
Oh BTW, I don't have a website! 2 stories isn't enough to make it worthwhile, IMO. Maybe in the future.
I respectfully beg to differ. One story (especially one as good as this one) is more than enough to make a website. Gazillions of sites out there that have less total worth than this story.
Or, to look at it another way: having a website will allow many more readers to enjoy your story. I won't say you owe it to them, but I'm sure a lot of people will appreciate.
Unless you mean by "worthwhile" that you don't want to bother with it. Hmmm, that I can understand, but I would still disagree ...
A.
-
- - >Sagittaria< - -
Happy New Year 2003!
And a very happy New Year to you too!
http://www.asstr.org/~altan/
From: Sagittaria
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: 05 Jan 2003 06:39:43 GMT
Altan <[email protected]> wrote in
news:[email protected]:
On 04 Jan 2003 23:24:38 GMT, Sagittaria <[email protected]> wrote:
Oh BTW, I don't have a website! 2 stories isn't enough to make it worthwhile, IMO. Maybe in the future.
I respectfully beg to differ. One story (especially one as good as this one) is more than enough to make a website. Gazillions of sites out there that have less total worth than this story.
Thank you Altan, that's very kind! With that kind of persuasion, you may convince me. :) When I write my 3rd story, I'll do a website to go with it- how's that?
- - >Sagittaria< - -
Happy New Year 2003!
From: PleaseCain
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: 02 Jan 2003 21:46:23 GMT
The lunch conversations lend plenty of personality to the story, and the last line worked for me. I think the effect might even be heightened if Betsy blurted out her exciting news first (about an experience which we, the readers, shared with her), and then instead have Vicky pronounce that final line, so that we learn along with Betsy that the previous conversation had as much effect on Betsy's friend as on Betsy herself. Just an idea.
Second, after she names the dildo Fred, it's still referred to a time or two later as "the dildo," which kind of stomps on the charm of naming it in the first place - sustain the personification, or build it, making Fred her partner in her new project.
Nice story, and welcome to the Fish Tank!
Cain
Mat's Erotic Calendar - http://calendar.atEros.com
From: Bradley Stoke
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: 2 Jan 2003 14:54:19 -0800
Sagitarria
I envy women. Not only is it scientifically proven that they enjoy sex more than men, they also enjoy masturbation more. And it can last much more than the three minutes which is all that most men can manage. Perhaps that's why the popular song is only three minutes long. What we need are more extended plays and a longer break.
I liked the story, even though it sometimes reads a bit like a guide to the female organs. But if you're writing a story about masturbation, that's probably difficult to avoid. At least it doesn't sink into the so easily satirised purple prose that stretches credulity while also struggling with the very limits of the thesaurus's usefulness.
"Fred"? What a weird name for a dildo. But it's a good cluster of keyboard keys. It could so easily have been "Qwas" or "Yuhj". Do people name their dildos? Well, they name their cars. Perhaps it's easier to shout out "Fred! Fred!" rather than whatever the dildo's serial number might be. Or the name on the box.
I liked the sandwich structure of the story. And I liked the twist, where Vicky tries to shorten her masturbation sessions whilst Becky lengthens hers. Hour long masturbation sessions as a habit though might get in the way of other things though. What if the phone goes? At least in three minutes you can get busy while waiting for an egg to boil or a coffee to percolate. Twenty minutes I suppose might see you till dinner is cooked. Maybe an hour isn't so bad if you're waiting for a casserole to get ready.
Who knows?
Perhaps Fred has the answer.
Bradley Stoke
http://www.asstr.org/~Bradley_Stoke
From: Elf Sternberg
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: Thu, 02 Jan 2003 15:52:26 -0800
[email protected] (Bradley Stoke) writes:
"Fred"? What a weird name for a dildo.
Giggle. I can't help it.
My dildos are named (ready?): "Luthor", "Opener Of The Way", "Fist Of God", "Dragon's Egg", "Gerbil Simulation Device Number One", "Hamster Simulation Device Number One", "Just Like Me", and "Aaden". I once had one named "Ramsey", but I leant it to a friend and she lost it.
Elf
From: oosh
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: Fri, 3 Jan 2003 00:01:39 +0000 (UTC)
Elf M. Sternberg <[email protected]> wrote in news:[email protected]:
I
once had one named "Ramsey", but I leant it to a friend and she lost it.
Lost what? Ramsey? Then it must have been either too small, or too good.
O.
From: Elf Sternberg
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: Thu, 02 Jan 2003 19:44:57 -0800
oosh <[email protected]> writes:
Elf M. Sternberg <[email protected]> wrote in news:[email protected]:
I
once had one named "Ramsey", but I leant it to a friend and she lost it.
Lost what? Ramsey? Then it must have been either too small, or too good.
Actually, it was HUGE. It was the biggest dildo I owned at the time. She borrowed it not to use, but for show - she was in a semi-pro production of Lysistrata and for the scene where the women are discussing "dingi" she wanted one the audience could see from the back row.
Elf
From: oosh
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: Fri, 3 Jan 2003 14:57:43 +0000 (UTC)
Elf M. Sternberg <[email protected]> wrote in news:[email protected]:
Actually, it was HUGE. It was the biggest dildo I owned at the time. She borrowed it not to use, but for show - she was in a semi-pro production of Lysistrata and for the scene where the women are discussing "dingi" she wanted one the audience could see from the back row.
I hope she had it out with the props manager, then. Actually, that's one play for which I think people would queue up to be props manager.
O.
From: Eli the Bearded
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: Fri, 3 Jan 2003 20:54:01 +0000 (UTC)
In alt.sex.stories.d, Elf M. Sternberg <[email protected]> wrote:
My dildos are named (ready?): "Luthor", "Opener Of The Way", "Fist Of God", "Dragon's Egg", "Gerbil Simulation Device Number One", "Hamster Simulation Device Number One", "Just Like Me", and "Aaden". I once had one named "Ramsey", but I leant it to a friend and she lost it.
Here's my guesses:
Luthor: a large imposing black dildo
Opener Of The Way: small at the tip, but tapers to a large base
Fist Of God: A spherical anal plug, or a hand in fist form
Dragon's Egg: Large egg shaped plug
Gerbil Simulation Device Number One: Rubber gerbils on a string
Hamster Simulation Device Number One: Rubber hamsters on a string
Just Like Me: A casting of yourself
Aaden: A casting of Aaden
Ramsey: Shaped like a ram's horn
I recall hearing about your rodents on ropes toys before, so those aren't really guesses, just trying to remember the details.
These names are okay, but some don't seem very conversational. Compare "I had Fred fucking me hard and fast this morning" with "I had Hamster Simulation Device Number One fucking me hard and fast this morning".
Elijah
has not named any sex toys
From: David Formosa (aka ? the Platypus)
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: Sun, 05 Jan 2003 19:19:53 GMT
On Fri, 3 Jan 2003 20:54:01 +0000 (UTC), Eli the Bearded <*@eli.users.panix.com> wrote:
[ ...]
Just Like Me: A casting of yourself
Aaden: A casting of Aaden
Aaden exists?!
Please excuse my spelling as I suffer from agraphia. See http://dformosa.zeta.org.au/~dformosa/Spelling.html to find out more. Free the Memes.
From: Eli the Bearded
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: Mon, 6 Jan 2003 20:13:26 +0000 (UTC)
In alt.sex.stories.d, David Formosa (aka ? the Platypus) wrote:
Aaden: A casting of Aaden
Aaden exists?!
I don't know. I was just speculating.
Elijah
bystander note: Aaden is a character in Elf's Journal Entries
From: Jeff Zephyr
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: Thu, 02 Jan 2003 21:21:13 -0600
On 2 Jan 2003 14:54:19 -0800, [email protected] (Bradley Stoke) wrote:
Sagitarria
I envy women. Not only is it scientifically proven that they enjoy sex more than men, they also enjoy masturbation more. And it can last much more than the three minutes which is all that most men can manage. Perhaps that's why the popular song is only three minutes long. What we need are more extended plays and a longer break.
I've heard that rumor, but I've known a fair number of men who can manage much more than three minutes. I'm not sure what the real average is.
I liked the sandwich structure of the story. And I liked the twist, where Vicky tries to shorten her masturbation sessions whilst Becky lengthens hers. Hour long masturbation sessions as a habit though might get in the way of other things though. What if the phone goes? At least in three minutes you can get busy while waiting for an egg to boil or a coffee to percolate. Twenty minutes I suppose might see you till dinner is cooked. Maybe an hour isn't so bad if you're waiting for a casserole to get ready.
If you want to have an hour or more of playtime, you need to pick your timing so you can get it. Don't answer the phone, maybe even turn the ringer off. Do it before or after sleeping, with plenty of time to spare in the morning (work schedules do make a difference, jobs which start at 9AM or later make this much easier than one starting at 6AM).
The shorter times are nice when that is all the time you have. Plus of course, at least for me, there is a lot more time spent getting mentally prepared for the physical event. With the right inspiration, it doesn't take much physical stimulation to get off.
Who knows?
Perhaps Fred has the answer.
If you've ever done it for an hour or more, you'd know?
Actually, there is no reason to let an orgasm stop you. You need to be in the right mood, and have time, but you can keep going and going if you try.
Jeff
Web site at http://www.asstr.org/~jeffzephyr/ For FTP, ftp://ftp.asstr.org/pub/Authors/jeffzephyr/
There is nothing more important than petting the cat.
From: Shadow Wolf
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: 3 Jan 2003 13:09:30 -0500
Jeff Zephyr <[email protected]> wrote in news:[email protected]:
On 2 Jan 2003 14:54:19 -0800, [email protected] (Bradley Stoke) wrote:
Sagitarria
I envy women. Not only is it scientifically proven that they enjoy sex more than men, they also enjoy masturbation more. And it can last much more than the three minutes which is all that most men can manage. Perhaps that's why the popular song is only three minutes long. What we need are more extended plays and a longer break.
I've heard that rumor, but I've known a fair number of men who can manage much more than three minutes. I'm not sure what the real average is.
Hell, my usual masturbation period is anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour or more. Admittedly, I'm not directly stimulating myself the entire time. (A few strokes, press page down to get more of the story, repeat)
If you've ever done it for an hour or more, you'd know?
Actually, there is no reason to let an orgasm stop you. You need to be in the right mood, and have time, but you can keep going and going if you try.
Now that part I've never managed. After an orgasm, I usually lose the mood completely. That's probably the real reason I stretch it out for so long.
Shadow Wolf
[email protected]
http://www.asstr.org/~Shadow_Wolf
From: Jeff Zephyr
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: Fri, 03 Jan 2003 13:25:21 -0600
On 3 Jan 2003 13:09:30 -0500, Shadow Wolf <[email protected]> wrote:
Jeff Zephyr <[email protected]> wrote in news:[email protected]:
On 2 Jan 2003 14:54:19 -0800, [email protected] (Bradley Stoke) wrote:
Sagitarria
I envy women. Not only is it scientifically proven that they enjoy sex more than men, they also enjoy masturbation more. And it can last much more than the three minutes which is all that most men can manage. Perhaps that's why the popular song is only three minutes long. What we need are more extended plays and a longer break.
I've heard that rumor, but I've known a fair number of men who can manage much more than three minutes. I'm not sure what the real average is.
Hell, my usual masturbation period is anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour or more. Admittedly, I'm not directly stimulating myself the entire time. (A few strokes, press page down to get more of the story, repeat)
Real sex with someone else can work like that too. You spend a lot of time not getting direct stimulation, because the goal is overall pleasure, not merely getting to the ending.
If you've ever done it for an hour or more, you'd know?
Actually, there is no reason to let an orgasm stop you. You need to be in the right mood, and have time, but you can keep going and going if you try.
Now that part I've never managed. After an orgasm, I usually lose the mood completely. That's probably the real reason I stretch it out for so long.
I don't lose the mood completely. But if I'm alone, especially if I'm in bed before sleeping, I may fall asleep before the recycling of my desire picks up well. For me, that often takes a couple of hours unless I'm in the right mood.
But if you take an hour or so getting to the climax, another hour for the next one works out fairly well. Though again, in a hot mood the first one happens for me fairly fast, which isn't so satisfying, and if I've nothing better to do, I might as well make another one.
This works with others around as well. Masturbation has the disadvantage that your timing and demands control it all. You can't be pushed to continue because your partner(s) want it. I happen to enjoy the results of being pushed around a bit sexually, because it really does feel nice to do it all night long :-)
Jeff
Web site at http://www.asstr.org/~jeffzephyr/ For FTP, ftp://ftp.asstr.org/pub/Authors/jeffzephyr/
There is nothing more important than petting the cat.
From: meme misspelt
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: 2 Jan 2003 21:11:04 -0500
In article <[email protected]>, Desdmona22 <[email protected]> wrote:
The following is the 73rd submission to the FishTank. It is only the second erotic story this author has written. It is a complete story at 2,008 words. In her words, "This story is about a woman who tries something new after a discussion with her best friend. It's primarily a stroke story." Also according to the author, because it is only her second story, anything we might suggest could be helpful.
FishTank guidelines apply:
1) 2 positive comments
2) 2 suggestions for improvement
3) Try not to repeat!
well, late to the party as i am, i think most of what i would say has already been said. here's a positive comment: i'm going to commend it to my girlfriend's attention! (i don't do that too often). here's another: i was delighted at the notion that the young woman would be a little uncertain about the location of her own g-spot ... that rang pretty true. and if i can lump a bonus positive in there (bearing in mind that i was away for a while & missed a whole lotta stuff and may even be forgetting something else excellent that doesn't come to mind at the moment) this was one of the most successful FT entries as an actual, y'know, story, with tension and resolution and theme and all that i can remember since, um, "Curtains?"
improvement:
about the only thing that struck me was a few sentences that could
be smithed to read a little more smoothly, imho. uhm, i think mat
twassel flagged all the ones i noticed, basically, and rather more
than i did.
except:
starting slowly but soon picking up speed. Within 1 minute, her clitoris was erect and this was beginning to feel very good indeed. Within 2 minutes, she had moved her left hand down to her vagina and
seeing "1 minute" "2 minutes" etc., feels a little too much like a chemistry experiment. i'd write out "two minutes" "two fingers" "eight inches" etc., and would prolly sub "within a minute" for "within one minute" (or "after a short while," mebbe, but i can see why you would want to emphasize the three/four minute mark here.)
The orgasm seemed to last longer than it ever had before. Betsy
did Mat call this one out? can't recall, sorry. i think this needs to be "Her orgasm" or "longer than any other orgasm she'd had" or something, otherwise it reads a little like there's just one orgasm and you get it for different amounts of time when you get it, but it's still the same essential thing. which might be an idea for a story in its own right, but doesn't seem to belong in this one.
anyway, again, great job. i'll join the others who supposed: second erotic story, mayhap, but surely not second attempt at fiction?
- Meme Misspelt
- http://www.asstr.org/~meme_misspelt/
From: Sagittaria
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: 04 Jan 2003 21:58:39 GMT
Yay, I finally get to reply! This is the author's first fishtank reply, and it is a complete reply at 1849 words.
First of all, I consider it a special honor to be in the fishtank that spanned the new year. And I'm very glad Desdemona was able to use the story as soon as I sent it. I don't think I could have stood the anticipation if I'd had to wait! Thanks, Des. :) And thanks to everyone who commented. I'll reply to most in this combined post and then a few individually.
POSITIVES
Positives first. Do you all mind if I just bask in the pozzies for a
while? I'm overwhelmed at all of your kind words.
...
<bask>
<bask>
<bask>
<bask>
...
Okay.
I think everyone liked the story structure. Several people complimented the use of a prologue and epilogue (or "sandwich structure" - I like that phrase) that provided context but didn't get in the way of the action. The overall tone worked well, although I would prefer to call it "light" rather than "comic." A few people also mentioned particular phrases that they enjoyed. Finally, the ending led some people to ask for another story to be written about Vicky's experiences, although I probably won't be the one to write it (more on that below).
I was glad to hear that the story wasn't just a stroke story, but that readers were interested in the character development and plotline and were able to keep those in mind and follow their progression through the story. And yet for at least one person it could also work as a stroke story. Kelli, thanks! That was just about the best compliment a sex story writer can get! Meme, it's also very complimentary that you are recommending the story to your girlfriend. High praise, indeed!
The last major positive area is one where I have a (possibly unfair) advantage, being female and therefore in the minority of sex story writers. I have to write what I know, and that included some POV touches which female readers could relate to (and which educated or simply confused some male readers). These include discussing sex with friends, having an extended masturbation session, using mood music, and of course naming Fred! This led to some interesting sideline conversations about whether these are really female preferences and it turns out that some men also do things this way, but others just didn't get it. It's always nice when a fishtank story can inspire conversation unrelated to the story itself so I consider that a compliment too.
NEGATIVES
The negatives were also good to hear, in that they can help me improve the story. Thanks to all who made suggestions on wording or grammar. Not much to say about those here, but I appreciate the corrections. I will spell out the numerals and work on clarifying some of the language. Meme and Mat both mentioned the problem with the singular orgasm, and I will fix that sentence.
John thought the beginning got bogged down and needed some comic relief. I'm not sure I agree with that one, since I don't consider this a comic story. Light, yes, with humorous moments, but not a comedy. Did anyone else have trouble getting through the opening? I thought it was pretty spare, saying just what was necessary to set up the story, but I would appreciate other perspectives.
John also suggested some improvement to the ending, and this I agree with completely. The ending was my main sticking point, so I was thrilled to finally come up with something, but I would like to make it better. I may work in some hints of the women getting together in the future. I also really like Cain's suggestion of saving Vicky's revelation for the last line.
Another area of weakness was in the anatomical details. Leowulf, I also wondered whether Betsy would have been too dry to use the dildo without any lube. I think that although she was close to orgasm, she had to get up and go dig around in the closet for the toy, so she would have "cooled off" some; also a rubber toy is going to require more lubrication than fingers do to glide smoothly.
Bradley found the story too clinically anatomical, and Mat found some of the anatomical details unclear. I'll try to tone down this area without losing any of the excitement. Katie suggested more obvious excitement at the point of orgasm. Betsy did shout out Fred's name, but I will try to spice up that scene a little (since it is after all the climax of the story [pun intended]). A couple of folks also thought Betsy should speculate more during her playtime about what Vicky commonly does, and I think that's a great suggestion. Altan thought she shouldn't just jump out of bed afterwards, and he's probably right. I'll give that more thought as well.
Juan, thanks for jumping in! I think you are right that a double dildo wouldn't have been her first purchase. I struggled with this when writing the story. I thought it might work better if she got the toy as a gag gift and had never actually used it, but then I also wanted to work in that line about choosing it for the length. I think I will go with the gag gift when I revise the story. Mat, my thinking about the length is that it provides a nice handle which makes it easier to use the toy. Once they get slippery with lube, the 6 or 7 inch ones are hard to get a grip on! Maybe it's just me. :) But it's interesting that you found that to be a possible teaser, especially when put together with John's suggestion to have the women get together at the end.
Kelli and Mat had different ideas of the dildo than I did. This toy is jelly rubber, extremely flexible (and I have used a 12-incher that way, dare I admit it, but it doesn't work very well. I should buy a longer one.) But since there are other types which spring to readers' minds, I'll try to make that clear earlier in the story.
Finally, the dildo's name! I didn't give this nearly as much thought as everyone else did. I think Betsy felt silly, since she hadn't used toys before, and naming it was partly an attempt to anthropomorphize it and partly self-deprecating humor to help her go through with her task. I don't see her as sophisticated enough to choose Janus, nor hip enough to choose Zaphod, although I love the latter suggestion myself. (Oosh, I don't understand the "Cecil" reference.) I think Bradley hit the nail on the head when he said "it's easier to shout out "Fred! Fred!" rather than whatever the dildo's serial number might be." For some reason Fred has always struck me as a humorous- sounding name, but I will consider other choices. Cain commented that having named the dildo, I should continue referring to it by name. As the narrator I was trying to keep some distance between myself and Betsy, but I will re-read and see if it works better to consistently use the given name.
OTHER COMMENTS AND BACKGROUND
Now for the comments that weren't really positives or negatives, but that I want to talk about. This actually is my second work of fiction, ever. (I posted my first to ASSM over a year ago.) I've heard the statement made that if you can stand to not write, you aren't a writer. Well, I'm not a writer. And when I have written, it's always been non-fiction. I probably shouldn't admit how much of this story is autobiographical. It is fiction, but based enough on personal experience that I was able to put it on paper without needing too much creativity.
The journey that Betsy made in an hour, I made over the past few years (without any specific catalyst like Betsy had). Since I first learned how to do it in my teenage years, when I wanted to come, I came as quickly as possible. Katie, I'd never thought about what factors might have gone into that. As a teenager, perhaps fear of discovery and raging hormones created the "need for speed," and it then became a habit which I saw no need to break? And after I climaxed, I was done, completely sated and uninterested in further stimulation. After I turned 30 (so a little older than Stasya placed the women), a hormonal shift or something occurred which left me ravenously horny for several months. It was during that time that I began to experiment with different masturbation techniques and also for the first time wanted and was able to have a 2nd orgasm during a session (and then a 3rd, etc. etc.) :)
Most of the time, I will still masturbate quickly (yes, I can finish in 3 minutes; and yes, Eli, I need a bottle of lube handy to make that possible!) Jeff is right that it isn't as satisfying as an extended session, but that extended session has to be scheduled (difficult when there are kids around) and takes time away from other fun things one could be doing, like reading ASSD. Vicky may be satisfied with her hour long sessions monthly, but Betsy needs relief every couple of days. She can't afford to take an hour each time, although she's learned it's fun when she does have more time available to play. So this is why I won't be writing Vicky's story. I just don't know enough about her POV, or what her experiences might have been like. If someone else would like to write Vicky's part, please feel free. I'd like to read it.
Finally, the word you all picked up on: "pistoning"! I started this story almost a year ago, intending to submit it for the fishtank. I got most of it written, but got stuck because I couldn't think of how to end it. I meant to let it sit for a week and then come back to it fresh, but as things sometimes happen, I let it sit for 10 months. When I came back and re-read it, I was surprised to find that I liked it pretty well and didn't make many changes, and a good ending came to mind so I was finally able to complete it and send it to Des. But, the word "pistoning" was in the story the whole time. I just like that word in sex stories. :) Who knows, maybe the recent discussion of the word is what made me remember this story and come back to it. There were some references to contemporaneous ASSD threads in the story, though. Did you notice the song Betsy thought of when she started to masturbate? I think there may have been other references too, but after 10 months I don't remember for sure.
Thanks again for all of your replies. This has been so much fun, I may write a third story before the year is over. :)
- - >Sagittaria< - -
Happy New Year 2003!
From: Jeff Zephyr
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: Sat, 04 Jan 2003 17:01:46 -0600
On 04 Jan 2003 21:58:39 GMT, Sagittaria <[email protected]> wrote:
Yay, I finally get to reply! This is the author's first fishtank reply, and it is a complete reply at 1849 words.
Finally, the dildo's name! I didn't give this nearly as much thought as everyone else did. I think Betsy felt silly, since she hadn't used toys before, and naming it was partly an attempt to anthropomorphize it and partly self-deprecating humor to help her go through with her task. I don't see her as sophisticated enough to choose Janus, nor hip enough to choose Zaphod, although I love the latter suggestion myself. (Oosh, I don't understand the "Cecil" reference.) I think Bradley hit the nail on the head when he said "it's easier to shout out "Fred! Fred!" rather than whatever the dildo's serial number might be." For some reason Fred has always struck me as a humorous- sounding name, but I will consider other choices. Cain commented that having named the dildo, I should continue referring to it by name. As the narrator I was trying to keep some distance between myself and Betsy, but I will re-read and see if it works better to consistently use the given name.
Cecil the Seasick Sea Serpent, a puppet on a TV show (later an animated show), Cecil and Beany (or Time for Beany). One of the very early classic kids' TV shows.
Since the dildo is bright green and shaped rather like a snake, I think that the name would fit.
Only problem is would younger people recognize that name? There is some hope with the nostalgia and cartoon sorts of cable/sat network TV of seeing it.
The journey that Betsy made in an hour, I made over the past few years (without any specific catalyst like Betsy had). Since I first learned how to do it in my teenage years, when I wanted to come, I came as quickly as possible. Katie, I'd never thought about what factors might have gone into that. As a teenager, perhaps fear of discovery and raging hormones created the "need for speed," and it then became a habit which I saw no need to break? And after I climaxed, I was done, completely sated and uninterested in further stimulation. After I turned 30 (so a little older than Stasya placed the women), a hormonal shift or something occurred which left me ravenously horny for several months. It was during that time that I began to experiment with different masturbation techniques and also for the first time wanted and was able to have a 2nd orgasm during a session (and then a 3rd, etc. etc.) :)
Most of the time, I will still masturbate quickly (yes, I can finish in 3 minutes; and yes, Eli, I need a bottle of lube handy to make that possible!) Jeff is right that it isn't as satisfying as an extended session, but that extended session has to be scheduled (difficult when there are kids around) and takes time away from other fun things one could be doing, like reading ASSD. Vicky may be satisfied with her hour long sessions monthly, but Betsy needs relief every couple of days. She can't afford to take an hour each time, although she's learned it's fun when she does have more time available to play. So this is why I won't be writing Vicky's story. I just don't know enough about her POV, or what her experiences might have been like. If someone else would like to write Vicky's part, please feel free. I'd like to read it.
I think that youthful experiences make a big difference in this sort of thing. For me, my discovery wasn't entirely solitary. I developed my own methods, but I had others give advice and demonstrations, and not so long after, shared methods with my other friends. Sharing with girls also helped, not so much purely because what they did always translated to my solitary endeavors per se, but learning their pacing affected my style.
While I could have quick times, it was nice to know that other methods were available. I tried a lot of them, and it helped amazingly to have articles and books to read, as well as friends to explain how they did things. The girls, BTW, could make nice suggestions of things to try, despite not knowing the anatomy. Or maybe not knowing made it easier to suggest ideas, just to learn things?
It helped some that I had time alone long enough to allow long sessions, and night time in bed was a nice place to try out different things. Note that I did this with a younger brother around, and sister who could interrupt, but that didn't seem to be a real problem (both of them knew what I did, and were more curious than teasing, and never did do the "I'll tell Mom" thing about it.
Jeff
Web site at http://www.asstr.org/~jeffzephyr/ For FTP, ftp://ftp.asstr.org/pub/Authors/jeffzephyr/
There is nothing more important than petting the cat.
From: Eli the Bearded
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: Mon, 6 Jan 2003 20:39:31 +0000 (UTC)
In alt.sex.stories.d, Sagittaria <[email protected]> wrote:
and yes, Eli, I need a bottle of lube handy to make that possible!)
I wasn't questioning the need for lube, just the unabashed bottle type and location.
Elijah
is more discreet, typically
From: Sagittaria
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: 07 Jan 2003 01:20:24 GMT
Eli the Bearded <*@eli.users.panix.com> wrote in news:eli$0301061513 @qz.little-neck.ny.us:
In alt.sex.stories.d, Sagittaria <[email protected]> wrote: and yes, Eli, I need a bottle of lube handy to make that possible!)
I wasn't questioning the need for lube, just the unabashed bottle type and location.
Elijah
- - -
is more discreet, typically
Ah well, no one goes in my bedroom except my husband and me, so no need to be discreet.
- - >Sagittaria< - -
The eastern moon looks ready for a wet kiss to make the tide rise again. Moonlight feels right ....
From: Leowulf
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: 01 Jan 2003 02:36:21 GMT
Jeff Zephyr <[email protected]> wrote in news:3e11d052$0$1398$272ea4a1 @news.execpc.com:
On Tue, 31 Dec 2002 08:56:42 GMT, Katie McN <[email protected]> wrote:
You included little touches in your story that provide some character insight and also give the reader information about women in general. Yes, women do talk with each other about sex - quite a lot, or so it seems to me. Mood music for masturbation? I doubt many guys would consider this, but women have no problem understanding the concept. A name for the dildo? Certainly. The women I know seem to have names for everything related to sex including body parts, toys and anything else that comes into play. It was also fun to see that you worked the word 'pistoning' into your story after the discussion we had in the group.
I liked all this stuff. Some men do talk about masturbation, but many won't, that's true. Mood music, however, is a reason for having the stereo in the bedroom. But maybe I'm unusual that way?
Katie's mention of mood music reminded me of why I was so in love with "Easy 106.3" then an easy listening station in the DC area. Lots of pieces, like "Love's Theme" or the instrumental "Midnight Cowboy," that I so love today are fused with my unconscious because they formed the "mood music" for my masturbatory fantasies in adolescence. Without words to get in the way, they were perfect for setting a mood, whether rapturous, when imagining myself and my partner in passionate love with each other, or melancholy, when imagining myself as a tearful, emotionally needy little boy being comforted (and more) by my imaginary mistress, or whatever else the mood set.
Also, the lack of commercials on easy listening stations made them very useful for those of us who liked to spend long evenings exercising our imaginations, and other things.
Leowulf
From: Jeff Zephyr
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: Thu, 02 Jan 2003 13:50:32 -0600
On 01 Jan 2003 02:36:21 GMT, Leowulf <[email protected]> wrote:
Jeff Zephyr <[email protected]> wrote in news:3e11d052$0$1398$272ea4a1 @news.execpc.com:
On Tue, 31 Dec 2002 08:56:42 GMT, Katie McN <[email protected]> wrote:
You included little touches in your story that provide some character insight and also give the reader information about women in general. Yes, women do talk with each other about sex - quite a lot, or so it seems to me. Mood music for masturbation? I doubt many guys would consider this, but women have no problem understanding the concept. A name for the dildo? Certainly. The women I know seem to have names for everything related to sex including body parts, toys and anything else that comes into play. It was also fun to see that you worked the word 'pistoning' into your story after the discussion we had in the group.
I liked all this stuff. Some men do talk about masturbation, but many won't, that's true. Mood music, however, is a reason for having the stereo in the bedroom. But maybe I'm unusual that way?
Katie's mention of mood music reminded me of why I was so in love with "Easy 106.3" then an easy listening station in the DC area. Lots of pieces, like "Love's Theme" or the instrumental "Midnight Cowboy," that I so love today are fused with my unconscious because they formed the "mood music" for my masturbatory fantasies in adolescence. Without words to get in the way, they were perfect for setting a mood, whether rapturous, when imagining myself and my partner in passionate love with each other, or melancholy, when imagining myself as a tearful, emotionally needy little boy being comforted (and more) by my imaginary mistress, or whatever else the mood set.
A lot of music can work for mood. Different moods work for different fantasies, but I found a wide range of music effective. Plus of course, a lot of it is about sex, and nice for making love to with someone else too.
Also, the lack of commercials on easy listening stations made them very useful for those of us who liked to spend long evenings exercising our imaginations, and other things.
I happen to like the jazz and alternative stations.
Jeff
Web site at http://www.asstr.org/~jeffzephyr/ For FTP, ftp://ftp.asstr.org/pub/Authors/jeffzephyr/
There is nothing more important than petting the cat.
From: Conjugate
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: Mon, 6 Jan 2003 22:42:48 -0700
"Tesseract" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected] ...
Eli the Bearded <*@eli.users.panix.com> wrote in message news:<[email protected]> ... In alt.sex.stories.d, oosh <[email protected]> wrote: Second, I thought "Fred" was rather a dull name. I'd have preferred something a bit more whimsical, such as "Cecil" - or what about
"Janus"? Or
"Zaphod"? - I'm sure others will have better suggestions.
I thought Fred was a bit common a name, but perhaps Sagittaria wants to make a double dildo seem a common thing. "Janus" is a funny suggestion however.
Remember that Betsy named it in the heat of the moment. She may have come up with Janus if she had spent some time searching for a name, but not many people would have Janus at the tip of their tongue in the heat of sexual passion.
See, I think there was a great opportunity missed here. Obviously, the viewpoint character should've been named "Alexandra," and her "steed" should have been a beautiful, jet-black dildo named Bicephalus.
Conjugate
"I never apologize! I'm sorry!" - Homer Simpson
From: Sagittaria
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: 07 Jan 2003 06:49:29 GMT
"Conjugate" <[email protected]> wrote in news:[email protected]:
[re: naming a double dildo]
See, I think there was a great opportunity missed here. Obviously, the viewpoint character should've been named "Alexandra," and her "steed" should have been a beautiful, jet-black dildo named Bicephalus.
LOL! I think I like that one best. :)
At one point, the main character was to be named Desdemona, since I was going to finish the story and send it for the fish tank anniversary ... didn't do that of course.
(BTW, did you know that Alexander the Great didn't exist, and that he had an infinite number of limbs? This has been proved mathematically. Of course I will be happy to post sources and/or summary if you happen to have missed this one.)
- - >Sagittaria< - -
The eastern moon looks ready for a wet kiss to make the tide rise again. Moonlight feels right ....
From: Conjugate
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: Mon, 6 Jan 2003 23:59:58 -0700
"Sagittaria" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected] ...
"Conjugate" <[email protected]> wrote in news:[email protected]:
[re: naming a double dildo]
See, I think there was a great opportunity missed here. Obviously, the viewpoint character should've been named "Alexandra," and her "steed" should have been a beautiful, jet-black dildo named Bicephalus.
LOL! I think I like that one best. :)
At one point, the main character was to be named Desdemona, since I was going to finish the story and send it for the fish tank anniversary ... didn't do that of course.
(BTW, did you know that Alexander the Great didn't exist, and that he had an infinite number of limbs? This has been proved mathematically. Of course I will be happy to post sources and/or summary if you happen to have missed this one.)
Seen it. Nice parody of proof by induction. Hmm ... Journal of Irreproducible Results, perhaps? It sounds like it would go well with their articles on how National Geographic Magazine is causing the continental US to sink.
Conjugate
From: Sagittaria
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: 07 Jan 2003 07:11:39 GMT
"Conjugate" <[email protected]> wrote in news:[email protected]:
"Sagittaria" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected] ...
(BTW, did you know that Alexander the Great didn't exist, and that he had an infinite number of limbs? This has been proved mathematically. Of course I will be happy to post sources and/or summary if you happen to have missed this one.)
Seen it. Nice parody of proof by induction. Hmm ... Journal of Irreproducible Results, perhaps? It sounds like it would go well with their articles on how National Geographic Magazine is causing the continental US to sink.
I read it in a book called "A Stress Analysis of a Strapless Evening Gown: Essays for a Scientific Age." Fascinating reading. :)
- - >Sagittaria< - -
The eastern moon looks ready for a wet kiss to make the tide rise again. Moonlight feels right ....
From: Conjugate
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: Tue, 7 Jan 2003 00:28:52 -0700
"Sagittaria" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected] ...
"Conjugate" <[email protected]> wrote in news:[email protected]:
"Sagittaria" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected] ...
(BTW, did you know that Alexander the Great didn't exist, and that he had an infinite number of limbs? This has been proved mathematically. Of course I will be happy to post sources and/or summary if you happen to have missed this one.)
Seen it. Nice parody of proof by induction. Hmm ... Journal of Irreproducible Results, perhaps? It sounds like it would go well with their articles on how National Geographic Magazine is causing the continental US to sink.
I read it in a book called "A Stress Analysis of a Strapless Evening Gown: Essays for a Scientific Age." Fascinating reading. :)
No wonder it's familiar. I have a copy of it. :-) Being a compulsive bibliomaniac is a mixed blessing. I know I've got the book, but I don't know where it is at the moment.
Conjugate
From: dennyw
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: Tue, 07 Jan 2003 04:00:07 -0800
On Tue, 7 Jan 2003 00:28:52 -0700, "Conjugate" <[email protected]> wrote:
I read it in a book called "A Stress Analysis of a Strapless Evening Gown: Essays for a Scientific Age." Fascinating reading. :)
No wonder it's familiar. I have a copy of it. :-) Being a compulsive bibliomaniac is a mixed blessing. I know I've got the book, but I don't know where it is at the moment.
In a box.
<points>
That one.
-denny (curmudgeon)
"I'm full of good answers - sometimes it's the question that's wrong." Miss Behavin'
From: Father Ignatius
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: Tue, 7 Jan 2003 11:00:25 +0200
"Sagittaria" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected] ...
(BTW, did you know that Alexander the Great didn't exist, and that he had an infinite number of limbs? This has been proved mathematically. Of course I will be happy to post sources and/or summary if you happen to have missed this one.)
- - >Sagittaria< - -
Hey, a math-geek chick. What a turn-on.
From: Father Ignatius
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: Tue, 7 Jan 2003 11:03:50 +0200
"Conjugate" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected] ...
"Tesseract" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected] ... Eli the Bearded <*@eli.users.panix.com> wrote in message news:<[email protected]> ... In alt.sex.stories.d, oosh <[email protected]> wrote: Second, I thought "Fred" was rather a dull name. I'd have preferred something a bit more whimsical, such as "Cecil" - or what about "Janus"? Or "Zaphod"? - I'm sure others will have better suggestions.
I thought Fred was a bit common a name, but perhaps Sagittaria wants to make a double dildo seem a common thing. "Janus" is a funny suggestion however.
Remember that Betsy named it in the heat of the moment. She may have come up with Janus if she had spent some time searching for a name, but not many people would have Janus at the tip of their tongue in the heat of sexual passion.
Well, I call mine "Doolittle," in memory of the pushme-pullyou in Hugh Lofting's "Dr. Doolittle" books (nothing to do with bombing Japan).
That animal's digestive system always worried me.
And, of course, Doolittle does much.
From: oosh
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: Tue, 7 Jan 2003 21:55:12 +0000 (UTC)
[email protected] (Tesseract) wrote in news:[email protected]:
Remember that Betsy named it in the heat of the moment. She may have come up with Janus if she had spent some time searching for a name,
I think it should have had a name before it was put away in the cupboard!
O.
From: Tesseract
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: 8 Jan 2003 04:59:41 -0800
Sagittaria <[email protected]> wrote in message news:<[email protected]> ...
"Conjugate" <[email protected]> wrote in news:[email protected]:
"Sagittaria" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected] ...
(BTW, did you know that Alexander the Great didn't exist, and that he had an infinite number of limbs? This has been proved mathematically. Of course I will be happy to post sources and/or summary if you happen to have missed this one.)
Seen it. Nice parody of proof by induction. Hmm ... Journal of Irreproducible Results, perhaps? It sounds like it would go well with their articles on how National Geographic Magazine is causing the continental US to sink.
I read it in a book called "A Stress Analysis of a Strapless Evening Gown: Essays for a Scientific Age." Fascinating reading. :)
Remember reading that book many years ago but I don't remember that proof. I do remember that heaven is hotter that hell, though.
Tesseract
From: Sagittaria
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: 08 Jan 2003 06:06:12 GMT
"Father Ignatius" <[email protected]> wrote in news:[email protected]:
"Sagittaria" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected] ...
(BTW, did you know that Alexander the Great didn't exist, and that he had an infinite number of limbs? This has been proved mathematically. Of course I will be happy to post sources and/or summary if you happen to have missed this one.)
- - >Sagittaria< - -
Hey, a math-geek chick. What a turn-on.
Want to come up to my place, and factor some equations together?
- - >Sagittaria< - -
The eastern moon looks ready for a wet kiss to make the tide rise again. Moonlight feels right ....
From: Father Ignatius
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: Wed, 8 Jan 2003 19:57:05 +0200
"Sagittaria" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected] ...
"Father Ignatius" <[email protected]> wrote in news:[email protected]:
"Sagittaria" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected] ...
[ ...]
Hey, a math-geek chick. What a turn-on.
Want to come up to my place, and factor some equations together?
Alas, you blew it. Expressions are factored, not equations.
But thank you for not saying, "factorised."
From: Elf Sternberg
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: Wed, 8 Jan 2003 19:57:05 +0200
"Sagittaria" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected] ...
"Father Ignatius" <[email protected]> wrote in news:[email protected]:
"Sagittaria" <[email protected]> wrote in message news:[email protected] ...
[ ...]
Hey, a math-geek chick. What a turn-on.
Want to come up to my place, and factor some equations together?
Alas, you blew it. Expressions are factored, not equations.
But thank you for not saying, "factorised."
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From: Leowulf
Re: Three Minutes, by Sagittaria
Date: 31 Dec 2002 04:17:14 GMT
[email protected] (Desdmona22) wrote in news:[email protected]:
<truly excellent story snipped>
Sagittaria's written a way cool story here! Looking at beginnings, she starts by giving the reader a good prologue - a context for the rest of her story. She is similarly skilfull with the epilogue, which leaves the reader with a sense that there is more than one story that could be written here, again a larger context that makes even "stroke" fiction more believable, more real.
As for the journey itself, there are a couple of good things here. I really liked the protagonist anthropomorphizing her dildo. Not anything specific from a literary perspective - I just thought it was cute! :) But I really liked how the experimental setting is maintained. Betsy is experimenting not just with time, but with her toy as well, using him in the first place (the story indicates she is unused to the feel of the dildo filling her vagina), and using him in variant, anal/double penetration play as well. It plays out well.
As usual, it's kind of difficult to find the flaws in the gem. One thing that gave me pause was that after putting her fingers into her vagina, Betsy later finds herself too dry to accomodate the dildo. Even being married I don't know enough about female anatomy to know if it really works that way or if it's really an error. The second thing that gave me pause was actually kind of fun: "pistoning!" LOL! I wonder if she put the word in just to see if it would be noticed! <g>
I think I'm among the first - isn't time off fun! - so I don't think there's any duplication. Great story - write more!
Leo Wulf