Review of 'Bill's Not-So-Secret Urge'
From Celestial Reviews #345

I don't review a lot of stories that deal with male homosexuality. The reason is simple: I'm a heterosexual female; and if I am going to be motivated at least partly by what turns me on, male homosexuality themes just aren't likely to do the trick. So I usually just go about my life, ignoring mm stories—except that this time the author mailed it to me and asked me to review it for the Grand Opening of a.s.s.m. Oh well, que sera sera.

The story focuses on a man exchanging sexual favors with another man in a booth where they are watching a porn video of guys having sex. While he's engaged in this activity, he reflects back over the major milestones in his sex life with other men.

I didn't find this to be a turn-on, but I did find it to be very interesting. A reasonable goal in reading this story would be to find out 'how gay guys do it'. I really don't know how well this story helped me achieve that goal. After all, I just reviewed a story about heterosexual couples coating themselves with peach juice and switching partners during an orgy. I doubt that anything very close to that happens to the average heterosexual, and I suspect that most gay guys don't have sex in booths at video stores either.

The guys in this story have cocks that range from 6.0 inches to 11.5 inches. This leads me to believe that the author errs on the side of the sensational—or at least the fascinating.

Anyway, the story deals with several interesting ideas that certainly must influence male homosexual activity, including the higher likelihood of getting AIDS by swallowing.

Even if the story is comprised of wild exaggerations, it had a tone of authenticity that kept me interested. If you enjoy stories about male homosexual activity, you may like this one even more than I did.

Ratings for 'Bill's Not-So-Secret Urge'

• Athena (technical quality): 10
• Venus (plot & character): 10
• Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 10

Review of 'Double Take'
From Celestial Reviews #366

The author says this story is a variation of Erich Kästner's Das doppelte Lottchen, but it is easier to recognize Walt Disney's hand than Kästner's in this madcap adventure. Imagine this: twin twelve-year-old girls—one has lived only with the mother, and the other has known only the father. The twins meet at summer camp, notice their similarities, and realize that they are twins when they discover themselves having simultaneous orgasms accompanied by a sort of harmonic vibration during masturbation.

The author is somewhat vague about the exact nature of what happens when the twins masturbate together. Even when they work out on different sides of the Pond, an orgasm in London leads to a sympathetic vibration in Texas. When they're together, the earth moves, so to speak. I interpret this as a special case of harmonic theory, which I learned about back in high school. Harmonics play an important role in everyday life. For example, harmonic vibrations sometimes cause cars to shimmy at high speeds. The harmonic series is a mathematical definition, generally used when talking about frequencies. The harmonic series is important in musical applications because most instruments (including guitar) produce sounds that contain harmonic frequencies. My theory is that the girls hit upon something here that the nuns managed to suppress back in high school physics. This sort of information explains why rocket scientists are so damned good at sex. But I digress.

As Disney would suggest, the two girls trade parents. That is, at the end of their vacation (i.e., holiday) at Camp Keweenaw, Sandi goes to London and Sarah goes to Texas to meet her Pa (i.e., father).

Sarah-as-Sandra, of course, discovers that her father loves his little girl more deeply than she had suspected. As in most Disney variations on this theme, the girl is eager to get to know her parent more biblically.

So you might suspect that Sandi-as-Sarah goes off to England and does the wild thing with Mum. Wrong! What kind of perverted story do you think this is? 'Tis her grandfather whom she shags.

And of course, the girls plot to bring Mum and Pa back together. Otherwise, one or the other would lose access to Daddy's cock, and Grandpa doesn't taste near as good. To accomplish the reunifuckation, they have to enlist the assistance of the other woman who caused Mum and Pa to break up for some really bad reasons. As is always the case with Disney stories (which support family values), the parents are really meant for each other, and they realize this during the ensuing orgy.

The harmonic vibrations were interesting, but distracting. I kept wondering what applications there might be of the Doppler effect to the undulations of sex.

The best accidental pun in the story was this one: "It wasn't long before he came." Well, it was longer before he came than after he came! (Author's note: the actual phrase was, "It wasn't long before she came again".)

As usual, upon my return from a hiatus I am trying to start a new life and stop giving every fucking story I review a set of tens. Taken as a serious attempt at an interesting romance (as serious as Das doppelte Lottchen, that is), this story is weak. I mean, even given the suspension of huge amounts of disbelief, normal people don't act this way without screwing up one another's lives. Likewise, as a testimony to hedonism the story is simplistic compared to, say, the 'Trinity Trilogy' or to the adventures of the Allen sisters.

So I decided to treat the story as a parody of the vaguely serious identical twin motif in The Parent Trap. From this perspective, it's a fun story, but not a great parody in the tradition of Shelby Bush. I think maybe the story would be a little better if the sexcapades didn't appear to be piled on quite so heavily with sometimes inadequate logic.

I'm also trying to stiffen my requirements for the Venus (technical quality) rating. I'm going to dock this story a point not because there are egregious errors, but rather because the transitions are sometimes weak. That is, although the story was generally clear, I sometimes felt that I was being jerked around in an uncomfortable manner.

Ratings for 'Double Take'

• Athena (technical quality): 8
• Venus (plot & character): 9
• Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 8

Review of 'I'm Not a Little Girl Anymore'
From Celestial Reviews #343

Here we have one of those stories about 'preteen sex'. I'll refrain from giving my lecture on the lack of wisdom in taking childhood away from children by pushing them into sexual activities that they should reserve for their more mature lives. My lecture says something like, "For God's sake, let kids be kids." But I won't go into that.

Our Little Narrator is writing this story when she has just turned twelve and has for the first time been treated like a 'big girl' by her loving daddy. That means they had full penetration sex together for the first time. She had her first orgasm with Daddy when she was six. Now she and Daddy can have fun all the time.

If I approach this story as HUMOR, it's actually pretty good. Under the circumstances the kid describes here, sex could be pretty funny, and nobody would be hurt. The style of having Dad interject his comments as a sort of proofreader is also effective.

The narrator points out that "... laws are made to protect people who can't (protect) themselves (from sexual predators) and there are grownups who like to hurt children and they need to go to prison. But the law says ANY adults and kids so they could come after my Dad too. They still could, I guess. That's like TOTALLY not fair!" Taken as the wisdom of a sexually satisfied child who is the heroine of a silly story, this is a comical insight. Taken as actual advice on how to run a society, of course, it would border on the moronic.

This story uses a format that includes deliberate grammatical mistakes and misuse of words, in order to give the impression of being written by a young person. I've tried to take that into consideration (*) in the Athena rating.

Ratings for 'I'm Not a Little Girl Anymore'

• Athena (technical quality): *9
• Venus (plot & character): 10
• Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

Review of 'Jo and Lexi'
From Celestial Reviews #337

Joanne's best friend for fifteen years has just confessed she's bisexual—and attracted to HER. So what we have here is a vivid description of the first sexual encounter between the two, which occurs right after Lexi has revealed her interest to her friend.

The sexual activity is extremely hot. There's not much plot, but then there's not supposed to be much plot. If watching a sexy woman do it for the first time with another woman who is really good at it sounds interesting to you, you'll enjoy this little story.

Ratings for 'Jo and Lexi'

• Athena (technical quality): 10
• Venus (plot & character): 9
• Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9

Review of 'My Neighbor'
From Celestial Reviews #334

Guest review by BillyG

I once had a patient, an attractive woman and movie critic who, during a hospital stay, was reviewing movie videos most of the waking day, some of which included socially distasteful scenarios. When I inquired how she managed to sustain her enthusiasm for her reviews, she explained that her suspension of judgment only necessitated an ongoing awareness that she was dealing with a story—fiction, not fact.

There are some story topics I find sufficiently distasteful, fiction or fact, that I don't care to visit. Other questionable scenarios fall somewhere on a continuum from more to less objectionable. Adult men having sexual interactions with young girls is an example. While my personal experience is zero, my rich and wide ranging fantasies of sexual play with pubescent girls is not.

So, my mindset on reviewing 'My Neighbor' was one of guarded expectation—fearing the worst but hoping for the best. As is often the case, the realization was somewhere between those poles.

First, the Prologue to the story is mostly a disconnected personal statement by the author that serves no obvious purpose. The long sentences were at times confusing and the meandering details didn't relate to the story. Skip that.

On a positive note: In contrast to a no-paragraph, block story, this tale effectively employs white space, paragraphs and chapters to highlight thoughts and set a compelling pace.

The story itself was well thought out and flowed easily. The descriptions and sexual build up between the protagonist, an adult man and Jennifer, his not-yet-11-year-old neighbor, were well paced and quite erotic. Jen, the Lolita next door, frequently visits his house and the stage is set for the seduction. Her mom, largely invisible, is the babysitter, which allows intro for him to visit her house and, of course, to play out the seduction. Sexual tension builds between them in a compelling manner. The man paints himself as a somewhat hapless male, beguiled by the sexual allure of a forward young girl. It moves slowly and believably, leaving one with the impression that yes, this could really happen.

Ratings for ''My Neighbor'

• Athena (technical quality): 9
• Venus (plot & character): 10
• Celeste (appeal to reviewer): 9