Becoming a BBW - Part 1
by Arachnophile
My name is Celia. I'm 25 years old and I'm a porn star; but not the kind you're imagining. I'm a BBW (Big Beautiful Woman); you know, a fat girl. It's for a new Web site in an increasingly crowded field so maybe you've seen me and maybe you haven't. On a movie set, I have sex with guys who wouldn't look twice at me on the street. The ironic aspect of performing sexually with lights and a camera is that my size, formerly a turn off to most men, is what now attracts viewers to the site thus making me a hot commodity.
How did I get involved in this and why? Well, I'm 5' 5" tall, brunette, pretty (I've been told), with very light skin. My breasts are 44C. I also weigh 235 lbs. so I haven't usually gotten a lot of attention from men; unless of course they needed an object of fun and derision, which I have been at various times in my life. One guy that dated me (once) even said to someone later on that he wasn't sure he could find "it" (my pussy) let alone fit his cock into it, as if that was supposed to be funny.
Until about a month before I started having sex in front of a video camera, I was a virgin. I had some experience jerking guys off and giving blowjobs but nobody was interested in seeing me without my clothes let alone fucking me.
Consequently in matters of love and sex, I resolved to be very cautious. Sex for me had always been about getting the guy off and never about getting me off. I guess because I was so fat I was supposed to be grateful for just being out with any guy. Well, I wasn't. I may have been overweight (whatever that means) but I was still a person with feelings and sexual desire, something that's difficult for many non-fat people to understand. And so my sex life came to consist alternately of masturbation and deprivation. That is, until about six months ago when Tammy, my best friend at work, asked if she could introduce me to Eric.
My day job was, and still is, managing a local framing store. Eric had been friends with Tammy's boy friend, Mark, in college though Tammy said they hadn't seen much of each other since. Eric had come into the store one day and had seen me. He asked Tammy who I was, and expressed interest in meeting me. I was surprised and somewhat curious since I didn't remember him, so I told Tammy I'd meet him after work one day and see what he wanted. Though I had been "burned" a lot in the past, I decided that if we liked each other and he asked me out, I'd go. Mark has always been kind and polite to me so I figured any friend of his was worth the risk. If Eric wasn't attracted to me, that would be OK, so long as he was respectful. If it didn't lead to a date or if it led to a date and no sex, I still had my faithful "rabbit" vibrator and "he" had never failed me.
Eric called me the very next day. Knowing what I know now, that should have made me suspicious. Anyway, we got together after work a couple of days later. Since I assume he had already scrutinized me physically, I was a little puzzled as to why a good looking guy would want to go out with someone considerably less than svelte. I thought, Isn't he afraid of being laughed at in public? In any case, we got on well and he asked if I'd care see a film with him that coming Saturday. I really like movies and while I prefer avant garde or foreign cinema, I was willing to see whatever he wanted, though I told him I drew the line at splatter films. He graciously let me choose and I selected something I thought we both might enjoy. Eric picked me up Saturday evening and we went to the theatre.
Afterward we went to small, out of the way little bar for a drink. I learned that Eric was a film major in college so we had a lot to talk about. We discussed our favorite directors and our favorite films and then Eric got around to telling me about his work. He was working as a cameraman, assistant director, and scriptwriter for a documentary filmmaker. I thought that was pretty cool. How films are actually created has always interested me. I liked hearing about everything he did. He didn't get paid much, with most documentary filmmakers being almost always underfunded, so Eric also worked doing free-lance editing. He also mumbled something vague about producing video for the Internet.
Before I could ask about that, he asked me about my job, which isn't all that interesting, certainly not compared to what Eric was doing. The only thing that kept me from being bored to death was my every other week stint as a docent at an art museum. He asked me if I would ever consider working in film since I had the arts background, an art history degree, and was obviously knowledgeable. I said I didn't think anyone would hire me without experience. I didn't say, "In something as glamorous as filmmaking, no one is going to hire a fat girl with no specific skills who isn't a friend of the director or producer." Eric said maybe he could help if I were interested. I thought that was very nice. At that time I didn't know to what he was referring. If I did, I might have stood up and walked out.
Eric took me home and I thanked him for a lovely evening. I was still a little puzzled about his interest as I couldn't see what he would want with me. Of course we did have a nice time. Maybe I was more intellectually stimulating than his usual companions. He took my hand as he walked me to my apartment door. He kissed me goodnight in a way that was more than just polite. He took my face in his hands and kissed me very deeply. I was surprised and somewhat breathless. One hand moved down to my breast as the other started up and down my back. I was a little woozy; I had a nice looking guy feeling me up on my doorstep; something quite unexpected. I swallowed hard and asked if he'd like to come in for "coffee." I was surprised and relieved and scared all at the same time when he said, "Yes."
Inside the door instead of immediately groping me, Eric took my hand and kissed it. He drew me close to him. It was romantic; but also hot: I could feel his erection. My pulse was racing and my pussy was getting wet. He had been so nice to me and had made this the best date I ever had. I quickly made up my mind: If he wanted a blow job or a hand job, I was going to do it. I led him to my bedroom where I put the table lamp on its softest setting. To my further surprise Eric put his hand up my dress, reached inside my panties, and started caressing my buns!
No one had ever gone for my butt before. I unzipped his pants, pulled them down, freed his fair-sized member, and dropped to my knees. I started fellating him by taking the head in my mouth and stroking the shaft as he ran his hands through my hair. Even if this was all he wanted, I enjoyed doing it for him and wasn't going to regret it. Instead of cumming in my mouth as I expected, he stepped back and helped me to my feet. He then proceeded to unzip my dress and lift it over my head. He actually wanted to see me naked! He knelt in front of me and pulled down my panties. Then he kissed my pussy. I was literally weak in the knees by this point and completely in his hands. He stood up and finished taking off his clothes. He turned me around and undid my bra. It was then, as I was completely naked, that I remembered how fat I was. I started to feel embarrassed about my size.
I put my head down but Eric, seeming to sense exactly what I was feeling, held me close to him and said, "Look at me: I think you're hot and I'm going fuck you like you've never been fucked."
Wow! I was finally going to get laid.
As he was taking a condom out of his pocket, I said, "Eric, I'm a virgin. Please don't be upset."
He stopped, looked at me, and said, "Do you want to just do oral?"
"No!" I said quickly. "No, I want you to fuck me. Please."
"Celia, are you sure? Are you sure you want me to do it?"
I said excitedly, "Yes, I'm sure; surer than I've ever been about anything."
"OK, get on that bed," he commanded playfully.
I lay back, spread my legs, and bent my knees. Placing the condom on the bed next to us, Eric put his face between my legs and started licking my pussy. I couldn't believe the sensation! I started moaning softly. I was hoping he liked doing it; I hoped I smelled and tasted OK. Was I crazy to agree to this? Would I be embarrassed by it the next day?
As if on cue, Eric lifted his head and said reassuringly, "Your pussy is luscious." Was I dreaming?
I was too uptight, too nervous to cum so he finally got up and put the rubber on his still-hard cock. I lifted my arms up to embrace him as positioned his erection at my entrance. He fell slowly forward and sank into my softness. I felt the pressure of the hard cock on my hymen. He moved in and out with shallow thrusts, gauging my tightness. (He was clearly experienced with the defloration process. I was glad one of us was.)
He said, "On the count of three, I'm going to push hard into you. Is that OK?"
"Yes," I said, hoarsely. "Do it! Split me open! Take me!" (OK; I got a little carried away, though I think I can be forgiven under the circumstances.)
"One?"
Yes, finally!
"Two?"
At last: I was going to be a real woman ... sort of.
"Three!"
Down he thrust, quickly and forcefully. My hymen gave way with a 'snap!" I was amazed: some pressure; very little pain; and it was done. I held him as he fucked me until he came.
When he had finished, Eric lay close to me, cuddling and caressing me. I'd half expected him to doff the condom and run out the door but no, he kissed me and asked how I felt about the loss of my virginity. I wasn't a girl; I wasn't going to get overly emotional about it but it was so nice of him to care. If I had been 16, it might have meant more. I was happy to have done with it, frankly. Virginity is overrated. I was happier still to have lost it to someone so sexy and so solicitous of me. As we lay on my bed, he actually started complimenting me on my body. Me! This had to be a dream, right?
However nice he was to me, I was under no illusion that we would become a "couple" after this and told him so.
He was caught off guard by that and hemmed and hawed before I let him off the hook with the question: "Do you have a thing for fat girls? Is that why you went out with me?"
He said, "Well ... yeah, sort of; I mean, I like all types of girls but I must admit, big girls really turn me on."
That was OK, however, since my level of expectation regarding love is always fairly low anyway.
"That's fine," I said. "I'm glad we went out. I'm glad you fucked me; really."
"Celia," he said, "I'm surprised you were a virgin. You're very attractive."
That was nice, even if he was lying. It was then that he surprised me by asking how open-minded I was.
Hmm ... was he going to suggest a threesome or something even kinkier? Or maybe abusive? I said warily that I was fairly open-minded, at least to a point. He asked if I had done any modeling. Modeling? Me? Even the plus-sized store models were slimmer than I was.
"OK," I said, "stop beating around the bush (no pun intended) and get to the point."
It was then that he told me about the BBW Web site he and some friends had started and wondered if I would consider modeling for them. I didn't even know what a BBW was until he told me all about this phenomenon in the world of pornography. He described how they set up the site and how they interviewed women to perform sexually with them in front of the camera.
I was instantly deflated: it wasn't a dream; it was an audition.
"So when were you going to ask me to fuck for your Web site?" I said with a note of indignation.
He looked rather sheepish as he replied, "Please don't be angry, Celia. Tonight was really great. Like I said, you're very attractive; you'd be so hot on camera."
I didn't know what to say. I was angry, hurt, irritatingly buoyed by the back-handed compliment, and intrigued all at the same time.
Seeing that I hadn't firmly rejected the idea, Eric tried another tack: "Let's look at the site. If you don't want to do it, forget I ever asked you."
So, we got out of bed and went to my computer. We navigated to the Web site and there were profiles of large women with images of them masturbating or sucking cocks or being fucked from behind. I must admit that it was exciting as well as astonishing to see.
I navigated through the "Free Tour" and asked Eric some questions. "Are these professional models? Were they already porn stars?"
He told me that they tried to find new and different girls all the time and that it was an amateur site. Their intent was that the production should not look too professional. So, the models needed to be the "girl next door" type. (Fat girl next door, of course.) He and his friends did the fucking, etc. and paid the models by the session.
"You could be a star," he said to me.
Oh, sure. The women on the site actually were amateur looking. Some had tattoos, some had stretch marks, and all of them were fat.
"Do people actually pay to watch fat girls having sex?" I naively asked.
"Yes, they sure do! It's becoming lucrative; we're really starting to pull in the subscriptions. We just got a good review from one of the bigger porn site reviewers. That's helped us."
He looked at me and said, "We're looking for new models all the time. I think you'd be great."
He took my hand. "The guys are really nice. They always treat the girls respectfully, if that's what you're worried about."
I reached for a tissue to clean up the little smear of blood on the inside of my thigh. "And remember: It's a sub-culture. No one you know is likely ever to see you."
Eric leaned over and gently kissed my lips and stroked my hair. He started to feel my tits and I could see him getting hard again. We went back to the bed for another fucking after which Eric left, excusing himself with some story about needing to do some documentary editing early the next morning.
He kissed me good-bye very tenderly, though, and said, "Promise me you'll think about it?" I said that I would.
Think about it I did. Of course, I had more than a few reservations. On the one hand, I'd had sex with an attractive man, more attractive than I'd have had any right to expect. On the other hand, he fucked me as part of a strategy to help him make money by persuading me to perform sex acts in front of a video camera. Still, that had its "plus" side, too. Before this evening, I would never have thought someone would pay money to watch fat women have sex. It became apparent that a lot of people were prepared to do so; all they needed was an easily accessible place that provided them with continuously refreshed images and the assurance of anonymity.
In a fit of imagination inconceivable before this evening's events, I started to fantasize about having sex with attractive men on what was essentially a movie set. I would be the star, the center of attention. More assertive sexuality than that probably wasn't in the cards for me. I decided that I should really think about this seriously. If I was going to blow and fuck guys like Eric and even get paid for it ... well, it was worth considering. I liked the way he made love to me, even if he had been sneaky about the modeling proposal. I knew all along that I wasn't the prize he made me out to be. Though I had suspended my disbelief while it was happening, I was back to reality now. Still, he got it up for me more than once tonight. That was something.
I also thought of the down side. First of all, would I have the nerve just to take my clothes off in front of people let alone have sex? Wouldn't I be embarrassed to have my sexual performance available for anyone to see? What if someone I knew saw it and recognized me? Wouldn't I be stigmatized? Wouldn't I lose my job? Wouldn't the evidence of my depravity cause me to be ostracized from the rest of society (a society that didn't like me that much anyway, I reminded myself) and condemn me to a downward-spiraling life first of pornographic sluthood, then drugs, and finally, crime? I saw myself disheveled, without makeup, clad in gray, and sitting alone in a prison cell as the bars clanged shut.
As part of his entreaty, Eric had given me a temporary password to the site. I returned to it, curious about these women who seemed to have risked everything for a few minutes of fame or was it infamy? Were they social deviants ... ex-cons and biker chicks? Were they on drugs during the shoot? As it turned out, none of that was true. As I watched them, I was struck by how ordinary they looked. These were women I might see anywhere: shopping in the grocery store, standing in line at the movies, or ... managing a framing store. Did men really get off seeing fat women fucked and cummed on?
Well, apparently they did. I noticed, too, that the men in the films (the same two, by the way) really were respectful of the women as Eric said they were. They complimented them and treated them in a way that I thought was reserved only for the slinkier among us. I had been prepared to see something bordering on the grotesque. Instead, what I saw was plus-sized women having explicit sex with normal-sized men and accepting it as their due. No one made fun of them. There was no humiliation involved. There was the impression only of lust and pleasure for both the male and the female. It occurred to me that there was something both uninhibited and accepting about it that was missing in most of the rest of society and certainly in my life.
About a week later, I got up the courage to call Eric.
"Celia! I was hoping you'd call," he said. I asked him if I could watch a filming, if that was allowed.
"Of course," he said.
They didn't let just anyone on the set but that they were always happy, understandably, to have prospective models come to check things out. He told me they were filming the next Sunday morning and asked if I would I like to see how things were done. I swallowed hard and said "Yes." He gave me the address and said he'd see me on Sunday.
I arrived at the location, a house in a nice, quiet neighborhood. I knocked on the door hoping I hadn't gotten the address wrong.
A guy opened the door, introduced himself as Terry, and said, "You must be Celia. C'mon in. Eric said you'd be coming over. He said you might be working with us."
Hastily, I told him I was still thinking about it.
"Cool," he said. "Let me introduce you to the guys."
I met Todd, who I recognized from the Web site, and Mike, another performer who, today, was doing the lighting, and Chris, the cameraman. I also met David. He was sort of nerdy compared to the rest of the guys, shy but very nice and kind of cute. David was the one who took care of the technology on the set and maintained the Web site as well. He was busily preparing the monitor and the digital recording equipment. The filming was set to start in about 15 minutes so there was a flurry of activity. I stood to the side, trying not to get in the way. Eric came into the living room and greeted me.
"Hey, Celia," and kissed my cheek. "Stick close to me; I'm going to be directing today."
I looked around for the model who was nowhere to be seen.
When I asked Eric where she was, he said, "Andrea is in the bedroom, being made up by Marsha."
As he said that, two women came into the living room. One was obviously Andrea, red haired, busty, and bigger than I was. She had on a black spaghetti-strapped gown. The other woman was blond, pretty, and normal sized. That was Marsha. In addition to doing the makeup, Eric told me, she was also the "fluffer."
Before I could ask what a "fluffer" was, I heard David say, "Ready, Eric."
Eric then called everyone to attention. "OK, guys, we're ready to start. Andrea, you look great, doll."
Andrea, very nicely made up, smiled, tossed her curly hair, and nervously kept smoothing imaginary wrinkles in her dress. I thought she looked very pretty. Mike had moved the lights into position. Terry had the boom microphone ready. Todd waited alongside Andrea. Apparently he was going to be the male performer today.
"Andrea, we'll start by interviewing you. You read the script. Remember, it's less important to get the words exactly right as it is to keep things flowing. OK?"
"OK," she said.
"All right, everyone let's get into position. On my count, now: ... three, two, one. Action!"
Todd stood off camera and "interviewed" Andrea, who was seated on the sofa. He asked her name ("Misty" was what she had chosen as her stage name), her height (5' 3"), and how much she weighed (250 lbs.); establishing, no doubt, her BBW credentials. Andrea was clearly not a professional actress but that made her answers fresh, believable, although she was just the slightest bit stiff on camera. But then it was, after all, an "amateur" site. Todd asked her about her sex life and she described her preference for various acts ("I like it doggy style." and "I love giving head." and "Yes, I swallow."). As she was speaking, Andrea's right hand started fondling her breast. Apparently part of the script, Todd mentioned noticing this and asking if she needed some "help," entered the shot, and sat next to her and started feeling her boobs. Just like that, the sex scene unfolded in front of me.
Todd and Andrea were passionately French kissing as he caressed her big tits and ran his hand between her legs. Todd freed one of Andrea's boobs from the gown and began to suck on it. Andrea watched him and rather absent-mindedly stroked his head as he sucked the nipple and kissed her breast.
"Wow! These are amazing!" Todd said rather convincingly.
Andrea, loosening up now, giggled. Todd got her to stand up and lift off her dress. She had on a pair of red, lace panties. Her belly was big and her thighs wrinkly. She had soft folds of flesh all over her. Todd was busy feeling her up while Andrea stood there watching him. Todd had her bend over showing her butt to the camera; Chris moved a little closer.
Todd slowly took off Andrea's panties saying, "look at that butt! OK, Misty, let's see what you've got here."
Todd pulled one of Andrea's ass cheeks aside to reveal her pink slit and her brown asshole for the viewer. I noticed that, when bent over, Andrea's skin was smooth and very lovely, very sexy despite her size. They had undoubtedly learned how to show large women at just the right angles, emphasizing their best features. He stroked her bottom and inserted a finger into her pussy. Andrea was moist. She turned to face Todd as he began to get undressed.
"Cut!" Eric said.
Cut? I thought. They were just getting into it! To save editing time, I learned later, the director cut out anything not likely to be appealing to the male viewer, such as the male actor taking off his clothes. Quickly undressing, Todd was in an obvious state of arousal. The boom mike was shifted and everything made ready. It was then that I noticed Marsha had undressed as well. Was she going to participate in the scene"
"OK, Andrea, start giving Todd a blow job and we'll zoom in on that. Keep sucking him and licking until I tell you to stop."
Andrea nodded and, seating herself on the sofa, bent down taking Todd's erection into her mouth.
"Action!" Eric cried, and the camera started picking up the activity.
Eric watched everything on the monitor. Terry was ready with the microphone while Chris got in close to pick up Andrea's performance.
They kept this up for about five minutes when Eric said, as the sound was turned off, "Andrea, get on your knees on the sofa."
Andrea brushed her hair from her face while positioning herself on the sofa facing right with her ass turned toward the camera. Looking obviously at the director, she got ready to receive Todd's hard penis. While the camera was focused on her, Todd had put on a condom.
Then Eric said, "OK, Todd: insert."
Todd then put his cock into her pussy and started fucking her, making sure to keep his right hand out of the shot. Chris filmed them for a few minutes from ten feet away and then moved in for a close up. Andrea looked as if she wasn't sure what she should do. The focus at the moment, however, was on her ass, pussy, and Todd's cock so it didn't matter. Chris was inches, now, from Andrea's pussy while Todd kept fucking her.
Eric then said, "Chris, get Andrea's face, then her tits. Andrea, look like you love it; moan softly, not too heavy."
Andrea started to breathe harder and emitted some moaning as Chris focused on her face, then her swinging breasts and back to her face. I noticed Todd looking over at Marsha who had seated herself with her legs on the arms of a chair and was masturbating. I was a little surprised to see that, even though sex was the point of the assemblage. I found out later that Marsha's little performance was designed to keep Todd erect. I hadn't thought about the difficulty of fucking so mechanically. The sight of Marsha fingering her pussy was designed to keep Todd "in the game," so to speak. Marsha also took care of things directly when necessary. After 15 more minutes of fucking with Chris filming from all angles, Todd's ardor began to flag. Seeing this, Eric called for a halt in the action and signaled for Marsha. Marsha walked into the scene, as Todd withdrew his drooping member, and very matter-of-factly began to give him a blow job through the condom.
Todd stiffened quickly as a result of Marsha's ministrations and the filming resumed. Eric had explained later that having Marsha do the "fluffing" (sucking the male actor into an erection), and not Andrea, kept the action flowing without a break. The climax came as Andrea knelt in front of Todd, sans rubber, who then masturbated onto her breasts. Andrea dutifully rubbed the semen into her boobs as Todd complimented her on her performance ("You were so hot!"), asked if she enjoyed herself, ("I really did!") and inquired if she would like to come back again ("Sure, you bet!") as the scene ended and Eric called for a wrap. Marsha, by now dressed, handed Andrea a towel. Eric kissed Andrea's cheek and assured her she did very well and complimented everyone all around. Andrea picked up her clothes and walked quickly to the bathroom to shower, followed by Todd.
I told Eric as they packed up the set that I found the experience interesting but ... well, a little pedestrian; almost underwhelming.
"Yeah," he said, "it's about illusion. Being a film editor certainly teaches you that."
After seeing it I could understand it better, but until that day, I was as susceptible as anyone to the finished product. The resulting video would have been edited into a seamless whole. It wasn't like the herky-jerky reality I had just witnessed. My respect for Todd and the other male performers increased after seeing that. The "star," Andrea, was completely passive by comparison. After all, she did not need to be aroused in the least, just properly and effectively lubricated. I thought to myself, 'I can do that,' and just as quickly, 'But would I really want to?' It was in some respects flat and workmanlike, not very arousing. I could see why Marsha was so essential to the process. I stayed around to talk with everyone about what each of them did.
As I was leaving, David stopped what he was doing, came over to me, and said, "It was nice meeting you, Celia," as he gently and shyly pressed my hand and touched my shoulder. I liked David.
For the rest of the day, I thought about all I had seen. It occurred to me rather forcefully that I had been on a real porn shoot! What impressed me the most was how lovely Andrea looked having sex; how they had positioned her in ways that captured her at her best. Andrea, though conventionally "fat," was very appealing, very sensual. That mostly mechanical process had made her so. The finished product would be just like the videos on the Web site: faster moving and salacious, designed to assist male masturbation but, for me, it did something else. It made fat girls appealing. I thought then that it could even make me appealing in a way that did not degrade or abuse me, despite what most people believe about pornography. That night I made my decision: I would screw in front of the camera for Eric and the rest of them. I would become a BBW.
"I can't tell you how glad I am," Eric said when I called him on a Thursday and asked when I could start. "Let's see ... Can you be ready a week from this Sunday?"
Since I was just getting over my period, I said that I could. I asked him what I needed to do to get ready. What he told me was interesting. I should first of all wear clothing that was loose fitting, perhaps sweat pants and a roomy sweat shirt and no underwear. The reason was that I could put lingerie on there at the set and keep the clothing from making indents in my skin, the kind we all get from wearing anything that fits snugly. (It takes about an hour for the marks to go away, he said.) Marsha would see to the makeup and trim my pubic hair. I told him that after seeing the girls on the site, I thought I would get a Brazilian wax. He wholeheartedly agreed.
"Bald pussy is definitely 'in' right now," he said.
I couldn't believe I was discussing something so intimate with him so matter-of-factly. I also couldn't believe I was going to have sex not only in front of other people but on film! (I hoped my father was not a fan of BBWs.) Eric said I should take a warm bath in scented water to relax me and to make sure I was clean smelling everywhere. The male performer was going to be exploring my nether regions pretty intimately and very closely. I would be required to perform fellatio and be penetrated in a variety of positions. It would be filmed in the bedroom of the same house. We would start with an interview. He asked me what name I would like to use. I hadn't thought about that.
"Uh ... how about ... Shauna?" I said, using the first exotic name that came to mind.
"Great," he said. "Shauna it is."
He mailed me the rough outline of a script with scene details and some pointers about knowing where the camera was and the importance of showing the erect penis in my mouth and my vagina. He cautioned me against phony moans: those were definitely out and I should practice being realistic before the shoot. I ended up employing my faithful "rabbit" dildo to get the right feel in order to deliver the appropriate reaction.
At work for the entire week before the shoot I would suddenly flush thinking about Sunday.
"Are you feeling all right?" Tammy asked me.
"Yeah, I'm OK."
"Well, you just turned red in the face. Are you coming down with something?"
She felt my forehead. 'No,' I wanted to say, 'I'm going down on someone and he's coming on me.'
"Really, I'm all right." And blushed again.
"Maybe you should sit down." Good idea, I thought. I went in to the back room and busied myself checking some inventory.
"Oh, wow," I said to myself, "should I really go through with this?"
Then I thought about how much more interested I was in sex now and about how nice the crew and actors seemed. I'd had my first good sex little more than three weeks ago. I liked being wanted and desired. It was new for me; I wasn't so used to it that I took it for granted. I wanted that feeling again, no matter what the reason. I knew that despite some misgivings, I would show up on Sunday and perform.
On Sunday morning, I woke up early. Since I didn't have to be there until 10:00, I sat at my kitchen table and read the script and the scene summary over and over. I laid out my gray sweat pants and pink hooded sweat shirt. I would wear my sunglasses going in and out of the house. I even considered renting a car so no one would see my license plates. I took a leisurely bath; as leisurely as possible with my heart pounding through my rib cage. I made sure to wash myself completely and put on deodorant and powdered myself lightly.
I had gotten a wax the day before. "Your boyfriend asked you to do it, right," said the gum-snapping attendant at the hair removal salon.
I didn't want to say, "No, I'm just preparing for my first porn film," so I said, "Yeah, he said it tickles his nose."
I thought that it was an outrageous thing to say to a stranger but the girl just shrugged her shoulders and nodded in agreement. "Yeah, mine, too."
Ohh-kay. Tainted screen, here I come.
Having arrived with my hood up and sunglasses on in an all-too-obvious attempt at being clandestine, I must have looked really silly. I knocked softly on the door while nervously looking around. Terry came to the door.
"Hi, Celia! Big day!" he said, without a trace of irony.
'Jeepers! Not so loud!' I thought.
"Yeah," I said as I slunk through the doorway. "I guess so."
Terry said, "You look great. Go right into the first bedroom on the left. Marsha's in there with the makeup and costume."
When I walked in on the set and saw everyone working away I suddenly realized that the finished product of this group of busy people depended an awful lot on me. I started feeling, well, important; not important in an exaggerated, egotistical way but more a feeling of responsibility for making this film and all the people working on it a success. OK, it wasn't Shakespeare or "Gone with the Wind" and it wasn't even going to be a porn classic like "Deep Throat," but it was a film nonetheless and people were depending on me. I was determined not to let them down. And it was all for me. I was literally going to be "center stage" though not in any way I could have anticipated but the center of attention nonetheless. I was going to be prized for my physical self. That had never happened before. People who liked or loved me did so despite my size. Here, I was being "loved," or at least desired, for my size.
"Hi, Celia. Sit over here. You can take off the sunglasses," Marsha said. "Or should I call you 'Shauna?'" she smirked.
Seeing the worried look on my face she said, "Relax, you're going to do fine. You're really cute and the guys are good at this. Did you bring some lubricant? I have some if you need it. Most of the girls bring their own."
I had, actually.
"OK," she said. "I'll tell you when to put it in and how much to use. I'll wipe up any excess before you go on."
She was like a mother hen. She really took charge, which was exactly what I needed at that moment.
"All right, get out of those clothes."
I slipped off my shoes and stripped, dropping the pants first and then doffing the sweat shirt.
"Did you shave just for this or are you always hairless down there?" she said as she brushed makeup onto my forehead and cheeks.
I told her about the waxing. "Smart," she said, "saves you from razor burn."
Marsha certainly knew her stuff. She accentuated my eyes in way that made me look sexier without looking like a trollop. (Though in the back of my mind I thought I might yet be one step removed from prostitution and a jail cell.) Eric stuck his head in the doorway.
"You look beautiful, Celia. Are you nervous? Don't be; you'll do great."
Thanks; just what I needed to hear.
"Oh, you're working with Mike today. We start shooting in 15 minutes."
Marsha helped me lubricate. I thought I might get wet but you can never count on it, I'm told. I was surprised at how unselfconscious I was about letting a woman stick KY jelly up my vagina as I sat on the edge of a bed. I was given a black thong to put on. Marsha helped me put on an electric blue gown with obligatory spaghetti straps. (All the girls on the site who were "interviewed" wore them; the team had them available in a variety of colors.) It fit OK. I was ready. I took a deep breath and walked into the next bedroom. I thought to myself, 'This is going to be only my second fuck and it's going to be in a porn movie. How strange life can be.'
"Action!" Eric called.
Mike spoke as the camera rolled and the microphone moved into position, "Hi, what's your name?"
"Shauna."
"Hi, Shauna. What brings you here today?"
"I'm here to audition for sexiestbbws.com."
"Great. Well, you certainly look gorgeous today," he replied.
"Thank you." I was seated on the end of the bed with my hands folded in my lap.
"I just want to ask you a few questions to start. How old are you?"
"I'm twenty-five."
"How tall are you?"
"I'm five feet, five inches."
"And how much do you weigh?"
"Oh, around 235; give or take a few pounds." I couldn't believe I was saying this on camera.
"Well, from what I can see all of it is sexy; very sexy."
"Thank you."
"So, would you describe yourself as sexual?"
"Yes, I love sex."
"What is your favorite way to have sex?"
"I like getting it from behind. (In reality, I had yet to experience that.) And I like to give blow jobs."
"Really; you like giving head?"
"Yes, and I'm told I'm very good at it."
"Do you swallow?"
"I love to swallow." I started playing with the strap of my gown and let it "slip" down revealing my aureole and nipple.
"It looks like you're having trouble with your gown. Can I help?" Mike said as he sat next to me.
I smiled at him and he kissed my lips while he held my breast in his hand. It was cold but I resisted the impulse to pull away.
"Umm, that feels nice," I said, cooing as best I could.
Mike kissed my neck as I reached down to feel his cock through his pants. Then I took down the straps of the dress and held my big tits in my hands. Mike started sucking first on one, then the other. It felt so nice. I thought, I could really get into this. Mike stood up and I unzipped his pants. I reached into his underwear and took out his fairly large erection.
"Is this for me?" I said, coquettishly.
And I put it into my mouth. He was rock hard as I began to suck his prick lovingly with long strokes of my mouth and hand. "Ooh," he said, which I took as a compliment and continued the blow job. The lights were shining so as to obscure everyone else in the room but I resisted looking over at the director.
"Cut!" Eric said.
Mike hurried out of his clothes as Eric said, "You're doing great, Celia. You're a natural. OK, are we ready?"
Mike nodded and put his cock back in my mouth. I sucked him vigorously and with my off hand stroked him up and down his belly and chest. He thoughtfully pulled my long hair back so as not to obscure the fellatio. After a few more minutes of this, Mike pulled away, helped me to my feet, and took off my dress. I stood there in the black thong as he kissed and caressed me all over. I tossed my head back to show I was enjoying it (I really was) and he turned me around with my back to the camera.
"Let's see what you have back here, Shauna."
I bent over and he removed the thong. I stepped cleanly out of it and Mike spread my ass cheeks.
"That pussy really looks good." He fingered my vagina and ran his finger around the rim of my anus. "Your ass is incredible!"
I giggled in accordance with the script as Mike gently turned me around and laid me on the bed. I spread my legs and started rubbing my now-bald pubic mound. I moved my fingers through the lips and into the cunt. Mike was kissing and sucking my tits. He started working his way down to my pussy and positioned himself to the side and pulling my big belly up began to flick his tongue over my clitoris. I started moaning audibly but softly, conscious of not overacting.
Chris shot the scene from many different angles, finally concentrating on my face while Mike put a rubber on his cock. Finally Mike positioned me on my elbows and knees facing right with my bottom one-quarter turned toward the camera and penetrated me with his erection. This was a new position for me and I have to say I enjoyed his thrusting. I really was getting wet.
Eric said, "Reach back with your left hand and rub your clit, Celia."
I started masturbating per his instructions. Mike continued to drive his cock into me. I sneaked a peek over at Marsha who gave me a "thumbs up." She still had her clothes on. Mike, it turned out, really liked fucking and didn't care how big the girl was; he needed no other stimulus. This gave me more confidence.
I recited my lines, hoping I got them in the right order.
"Oh, yeah, baby; fuck my pussy! Fuck my big fat pussy! Give it to me!"
Mike got into it and screwed me harder and faster. Oh, that felt so good!
Then he stopped and said, "C'mon, baby, get on top of me."
I froze for the briefest of seconds. Wasn't I going to be too heavy for him? As I moved into position, making sure to show my asshole and pussy in the process, I realized that most of the weight would be on my knees and thighs and silently breathed a sigh of relief. I grabbed his cock and guided it into my very wet cunt. He pushed up into me as my boobs bounced inches from his face. Mike enthusiastically sucked my tits as he fucked my hairless snatch.
"Let's see more of your anus, Celia," Eric called.
I arched my back and lifted my ass to give the camera, and my online audience, a better view of my little brown star. Chris got onto the bed and was standing above Mike filming us. He shot us from the side and the back again. He then came around to the side of the bed and filmed my face. Terry positioned the microphone over my head.
I looked down at Mike and softly, but urgently, said, "Yeah, baby! Yeah, baby! Bang my beaver! Fuck me!"
At least I think that's what I said; it's all a bit fuzzy in retrospect.
Mike replied, "Oh, yeah, Shauna! You are so hot! Give me that pussy!"
And give it to him I did. We switched over to me on my back with Mike driving into me from above. We continued this way for another 10 minutes or so with Chris getting us from a variety of angles when Eric said,
"Cut! OK, Celia, we'll need you to kneel down on the bed. Mike is going to cum on your chest."
Mike stood up in front of me on the very firm mattress and took off the condom. Marsha walked over and applied lubricant to his bare, erect penis. I held my breasts up with my hands and we both awaited the director's signal.
"OK, Mike." And Mike started stroking his cock as I prepared to take his cumshot, the 'money shot," on my big tits. It didn't take him long to start creaming. He shot his warm semen on my chest and even got some on my chin. He rubbed his cock in the pool of cum running down my chest and over my boobs.
"That was great, Shauna," he said, "I guess you qualify for sexiestbbws.com."
I recited my lines perfectly:
"Oh, wow! That's great! And I had fun doing it."
I looked at the camera with a smile as Eric said, "Cut! Great, Celia. Good going, Mike." And everyone clapped. I felt like a star. Mike kissed the top of my head, Eric kissed my cheek, and Marsha handed me a towel.
As I stood in the shower I smiled to myself and thought: I did it! When I got home, I would need to spend some time with my "rabbit." Since reaching orgasm is not required of the female performer, I was left somewhat unsatisfied. Still, I had done at least one of things I set out to do. I had asserted my sexuality in one of the few ways open to me. And it was a pretty public assertion! (And "insertion," ha, ha) I also marveled at how it easy it was. I was concentrating so much on doing everything "right," the way it was expected of me, that I didn't have time to be nervous or to have second thoughts during what I and everyone else were now pleased to call the "performance." Mike had showered quickly, gave me hug, dried himself, and left; I stayed under the warm water for a bit, thinking. Would I do it again? Would I even be asked?
"We definitely want to have you come back at least three more times."
Eric was explaining the business end of things.
"Today was your 'interview' scene; the next ones will be different scenarios in different locations. How far you go depends on your popularity as determined by the number of Web visitors to your scenes and e-mail responses."
I had dried my hair and was dressed in my sweat clothes (sunglasses at the ready). Everyone said nice things to me. David even mustered up the courage to kiss my cheek. (As it turned out, he was developing a crush on me.) I thanked them all, Marsha especially; she was amazing. I felt accepted by them all. It mattered because I respected what they did, the effort they put into it.
The post-production routine was that Eric would edit the "performance" and David would have it uploaded to the site in a couple of days. I wasn't sure I wanted to see it but Eric said,
"Watch it. You need to see what you might want to do differently next time." Next time!
I still wasn't completely sure there would be a "next time," but I was definitely leaning that way. In fact, later on the way home, I remembered what a tattoo artist said to me once.
"Some people who get tattoos may have thought about it for years before they got that one little flower or something and had it stuck someplace you can't even see. Once they do it, though, it typically takes five minutes for them to decide on their next one."
Maybe that's how I would be after having bitten into this forbidden fruit. I must admit that I really liked feeling "naughty." As I started to leave, Eric said, "Wait, Celia," and handed me an envelope: my modeling fee. I guess I was a "pro" now.
I put my sunglasses away and left my hood down as I walked out to my car. Putting the key in the door, I stopped for a moment and, closing my eyes, felt the warm sun on my upturned face.
I've done eleven videos for sexiestbbws.com so far, all heterosexual. Eric is trying to convince me to do a lesbian shoot. I must admit, I'm thinking about it. "In for a penny, in for a pound," I suppose. It seems "Shauna" has developed a devoted following; a fan in New Zealand sent me a very pretty necklace in the hope that I'd wear it in an upcoming scene. (I will.) Shy, nerdy David proved to be very interested in me. The next week, he called at the framing store to ask if we could go out sometime. I realized as I said "Yes" that the playing field had started to level a little bit for me; all I ever wanted was equal consideration once in a while. Maybe fucking on camera in a room full of people helps build confidence. If that was so, other people, like David, were starting to see it. I was certainly starting to feel it.
While waiting at a stop light on the way home after, oh, I think, my third shoot, I glanced at the car next to mine and saw a young woman, probably about my age or a little younger. She was trying hard not to be caught looking at me in the freak show-fascination kind of way that non-fat people look at the obese. Poor thing; at least she wasn't openly insulting or pitying.
There was a time when I might have felt uncomfortable under her surreptitious gaze, embarrassed by it, or maybe even annoyed. Instead, I thought about saying to her, 'I just got fucked by a nice looking guy on a movie set and got paid for it. In a few days men will be masturbating to my video in places as far away as Australia, Sweden, and India; and paying for the privilege. And I loved it. What did you do today?' That made me start laughing out loud. Startled, the woman now looked directly at me. When I made eye contact with her, she hurriedly turned away.
I laughed again when I drove off as the light changed and thought, 'You're the one with the problem. You're the one who's scared and uncertain; not me. Not anymore.'