Note: There is also a Part Deux written by Chrystal Wynd.
The World Series of Mind Control, Part One
“Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the sixty-second ‘World Series of Mind Control’ finals held this year on the beautiful resort planet Borges II. My name is Jack Hudson and with me in the broadcast booth tonight is a man whose name will warm the heart of every Borgesian out there: Mick ‘The Magnificent Mentallo’ Berg. How the hell are you, Mick?”
“I’m doing just great, Jack. It’s a real pleasure to be up here in the broadcast booth for a change.”
“And I understand that we have a special announcement for our off-world audience?”
“That’s right. Four years ago, the sixty-first world series on planet Bolivar broke all records for box office draw. So this year, the Mind Control Commission decided that it would provide a real-time, play-by-play description using audio-bandwidth FTL transmission.”
“Which means that every planet within a five hundred light-year radius will be able to hear about every transformation as it happens?”
“Absolutely, and take it from me, it’ll be a real treat for the interplanetary audience. You know, Jack, I still remember when I was a kid and I used to watch to the great mind controller ‘Psyche-Man’ on Saturday nights.”
“Those were the days, weren’t they?”
“You know, ‘Psyche-Man’ is still around.”
“Really?!? I thought he never recovered from that pseudo-Alzheimers trance back in 2364.”
“Oh, he recovered. It took him ten years but he did get his memory back. But he’s been out of the game for over fifteen years by now.”
“Pseudo-Alzheimers is pretty much a career ender when you’re over forty. Still, it’s great to see that he’s living life to the fullest.”
“You bet.”
“And now, before we begin tonight’s battles, we switch to Barbara Bingo on the arena floor for the rules.”
“Thanks, Jack. The ‘World Series of Mind Control’ is a standard elimination tournament starting with one thousand, twenty-four competitors chosen from planetary contests held across the settled galaxy. Each competitor has what we call a ‘residual self image’, that is, a mental idea about what he or she believes himself of herself to be. As the competitors actively attempt to mind control each other, advanced nanobot technologies will be physically transforming the competitor to match. For example, a competitor who is mind controlled to believe that he is a cat will start growing fur and whiskers.
“Once a competitor has been mind controlled to the point where he or she is no longer able to compete, a winner will be declared and the next match will proceed. If both competitors are disabled, future contestants will be given a bye as necessary. Changes are permanent although competitors are allowed to attempt repair work between matches. Winning the tournament will require both offensive skill to disable opponents and defensive skill to make it into the final match with one’s mind intact. Back to you, Jack.”
“Thanks, Barbara, and here we go with octofinal match one. Entering the arena from stage left we have Angela ‘The Crush’ Orange from Old Earth. She is a six feet tall, slender brunette with willowy features and a winning smile. She works as an accountant for a major FTL shipping line. Entering in on the right is the former ‘Mr. Planet Borges’, Maximillian Maximus. He is six feet, two inches tall with closely cropped blonde hair, and he is also a professional wrestler. Mick, how can such a young woman like Angela compete against a bruiser like that?”
“If I were Angela, I’d be looking to trance Maximillian down to size a bit. Take away some of that muscle mass and let muscle dysmorphia weaken his defenses for her. Maximillian, on the other hand, is almost certainly going to go for a quick bimbo take-down. This looks like a real challenge for Angela.”
“That it is. And here they go. Maximillian has his fingers at his temples giving Angela the dead man’s stare but Angela has her face an inch away from his and is staring right back at him. The focus here is extraordinary. You can feel the tension in the arena as this willowy girl stares down a titan.
“Angela’s T-shirt just changed from blue to pink. Now she’s wearing a tube top instead of a T-shirt. Maximillian is losing a little muscle mass but he still looks strong. Angela is wearing pink plastic hoop earrings now. Maximillian seems to be sweating. It’s a race to see who loses his mind first. Maximillian is breaking the stare! We’ve got some breast growth on Angela but she still looks focused. Maximillian is visibly shrinking now. His gold medallion just turned into a bow tie. We’ve got acne. We’ve got pocket protector. It’s over. Angela is the winner!”
“Wow. That was a total geek-out, Jack. It looks like Maximillian is going to be a little busy rolling up a new ‘Dungeons and Dragons’ character to stay in this match.”
“Angela is bowing for the crowd now and just listen to those cheers as she shows off her new cleavage. Mick, you called it right on the button.”
“Angela Orange usually looks nice and sweet but she has a fierce mind that’s a real type-A. It looks like the bimbo trance weakened her defenses but didn’t break through. On the other hand, Maximillian was clearly overcompensating going into this match and it looks like it cost him.”
“At least he won’t have to worry about dating girls for a couple of months as he tries to get his old physique back. Congratulations to Angela Orange. In our next match, entering the arena stage left we have Kathy Drum from planet New Minnesota. Kathy is middle-aged, a single mother of two boys, five feet two inches tall with dark hair. Entering the arena from stage right is Barbie ‘The Brain’ Dunn. Barbie is a professional mind controller from planet Foxnews, and she is five feet, nine inches tall with long blonde hair. As far as I know, she’s moved out of the dreamhouse. Mick, your thoughts?”
“This is a total mismatch, Jack. Kathy doesn’t compete much, but when she enters the ring, she’s looking to put food on the table. Look for a brain-crushing.”
“There’s only one way to find out. And the contest is on! Kathy is in a relaxed pose giving her opponent a glaring stare. Barbie is dancing around a little, avoiding eye contact, and shifting her mental stance. Kathy is boring in with the evil eye but can’t seem to focus. And Barbie kisses Kathy on the lips! Kathy looks pissed!”
“Barbie’s going for a lesbian trance here. I’ve seen Kathy handle these before, but keep your eyes open.”
“Kathy is really turning on the mental power now. Barbie just went from blonde hair to grey and black. Barbie has coke-bottle glasses now. But Barbie is kissing Kathy again. Their lips are locked. Definitely some heavy petting now. Kathy is losing control. Her eyes are glazing over. Barbie has a hand in Kathy’s pants. Kathy’s back is arched. She’s breathing heavily. The crowd is cheering. Kathy is reeling. And it’s orgasm time! The crowd goes wild. I can’t believe my eyes. Kathy Drum just got her mind rocked on an interplanetary scale. They are hugging now. Mick, is this start of a beautiful friendship or what?”
“Barbie Dunn just went over the top on one of the toughest minds in the sport. I don’t know about you, Jack, but my kids are going to be attending a community college after that upset.”
“Ha ha. I’m too smart for that action. We’ll have Barbara Bingo on the scene to get to the bottom of this. Ladies and gentlemen, it is non-stop action at the ‘World Series of Mind Control’ here on beautiful planet Borges II. In our third octofinal match, entering the arena from stage left is the self-proclaimed ‘Prince of Mind Control’, Vaxillion Bender from Planet Baudolino. He’s six feet one inch with long black hair, thin and very athletic. And his opponent, entering the arena from stage right, is Clifford Goldberg hailing from Planet Asimov. Clifford is a college professor, five feet eleven inches tall with short brown hair and an average build.”
“Look at that. The match hasn’t even started yet and Vax is already talking some trash.”
“Anything for a win with Vaxillion Bender.”
“You bet. This is going to be one tough match. Vax is the master of mind control humiliation. Clifford, on the other hand, is a friend of mine from the old Asimov Mentallic League. He’s a great guy, a strong mind, and a real gentleman. I think we’re in for a battle this time.”
“And it is on. Vaxillion is dancing around the ring, taunting his opponent. Clifford is sitting down in the center of the arena and entering the lotus position. Vaxillion is rubbing Clifford’s tummy for good luck but Clifford doesn’t seem to notice.”
“What we’re seeing here is a serenity trance. What Clifford is doing is emptying his mind and attaining a partial enlightenment state. If he can open up the same path to enlightenment for Vaxillion, there’s a good chance that Vaxillion will drop off into a permanent no-mind state.”
“Vaxillion’s mind does seem to be slowing down. He’s been trying to verbally humiliate his opponent but it doesn’t seem to be working. And wait! Vaxillion is removing something from underneath his shirt. It’s a folded square of paper. Can you see what’s on it?”
“It appears to be a woman with snakes for hair. It’s the gorgon Medusa.”
“Clifford looked at it. He’s turning to stone! Now Clifford is on his feet. Clifford is pacing around the arena, trying to keep his limbs from stiffening. Clifford is turning grey. He’s starting to slow. Vaxillion just placed an imaginary collar around Clifford’s neck. Clifford is struggling to remove it. He’s trying to keep going. He’s looking stiff and solid now. Clifford is trying to remove the imaginary collar. He’s fighting to the end. He’s slowing down now. He’s giving up on the collar. He is stoned! It’s over! Vaxillion is grabbing his crotch and gloating to the crowd, but it’s nothing but boos from the audience.”
“Poor Clifford. Tissue regeneration should be able to bring him back, but I think we’re looking at a career-ending transformation this time.”
“The crowd couldn’t agree more. Members of the audience are on their feet giving Clifford Goldberg a standing ovation. This looks like the last hurrah for a dignified mind controller. While we’re waiting for the statue of what was once Clifford Goldberg to be removed from the arena, we’ll turn to Barbara Bingo who has an exclusive arena-side interview with Barbie ‘The Brain’ Dunn. Take it away, Barbara.”
“Thanks, Jack. Barbie, I really have to congratulate you on what can only be described as an upset win over Kathy Drum. Let’s take a look at the instant replay for the planetary audience. The big break is right here with a kiss right to the lips. What was the strategy behind that?”
“Well, Barbara, as recently as a year ago, that kiss would have never happened. Competitive mind control at this level is a game for the young. Kathy is getting a bit older now. Her two boys are becoming young men now. I think she’s been alone for a little too long. In this game, being lonely is usually the first sign that you’re on the way to retirement.”
“Moving on, here we have a late stage rally by Kathy to try to turn the tables. I see you’re still gray and still wearing the thick-frame glasses. What was Kathy looking to accomplish?”
“I think Kathy knew that I was inside her defenses at that point and she was grasping at whatever straw she could find. Of course, my professional name Barbie ‘The Brain’ is designed to trip opponents up with mixed signals. I think that Kathy was playing off of ‘The Brain’ and going for a repressed librarian trance here. That turned out to be a wrong tactic since I was able to twist it around into a lesbian librarian trance.”
‘You turned her own trance against her? Impressive. And now we come to something even more impressive: the first orgasm of the competition.”
“Getting lonely is the first step to retirement. Orgasms in the arena is step number two.”
“Any chance for a future Drum-Dunn relationship?”
“Kathy and I are going to be talking about that over dinner tonight.”
“An intimate dinner for two after the match? Congratulations, Barbie, and back to you, Jack.”
“Thanks, Barbara. For those of you just tuning in, this is Jack Hudson along with Mick ‘The Magnificent Mentallo’ Berg. Down in the arena below, the crowd is cheering once again as the statue of Clifford Goldberg is being carted away for tissue regeneration. Mick, I’m told that you have some experience with tissue regeneration.”
“Boy, that must have been twenty years ago. I was up against a woman from planet Steinem in my very first Olympics match and she turned me into the Tin Man from ‘The Wizard of Oz’. It took me six months in the tissue regenerator to grow a new heart after that.”
“Brutal, Mick. Brutal.”
“The worst part was that I thought my opponent was Dorothy for six months. She never did return any of my phone calls.”
“That’s one lesson every tin man has to learn at some point in life. And we’re back to the action! Entering the arena from stage left is Bobby ‘The Don’ Calvecchio. He is a professional poker player from Old Earth New Jersey, 6 feet tall, thin, and with thick black hair. Entering the arena from stage right is Vladimir Plinkov, a space construction worker from the Russian colonization zone. Vladimir is 5 feet, eleven inches tall with a muscular build and a military style crew cut. Bobby and Vladimir shake hands and now they’re staring into each other eyes, forehead to forehead.”
“Bobby and Vladimir are two class acts. This is going to be more a chess match than what we’ve seen so far.”
“So far, it’s pure mental concentration. The two men have separated a couple of paces now and they seem to be mimicking each other’s movements.”
“It could be a mode lock. We’ll have to see who breaks first.”
“The two men are waving their arms in the air. Now they’re hopping on one foot. Now the pattern is broken and it’s ‘mime in an imaginary box’ for both contestants. Bobby is starting to sweat as his box is shrinking on him. Vladimir looks confident. Bobby is crouching now. Vladimir is turning an imaginary key in the air and he’s out of his box. Bobby is doubled up now. He can’t find a way out. And Bobby surrenders. It’s a clean win for Vladimir Plinkov!”
“Vladimir just unlocked Bobby’s imaginary box for him. Now that’s class.”
“That it is, Mick. Moving into the arena from stage left is Brian Kraft ‘B. K.’ Dax, a laser repairman from planet Borges II. Brian is five feet, ten inches tall with short, curly black hair and a muscular build. Entering the arena from stage right is Barbara Dijon. Barbara is six feet tall with short black hair and she is a feminist theorist from planet Steinem. Mick, is feminist theory a trump card in the battle of minds?”
“That’s a tough question, Jack. One school of thought has it that ideology is essentially irrelevant to mind control. Other people point out that the women of planet Steinem are very adept mind controllers, although they tend to do well in group mind controlling rather than individual events.”
“I think there’s only one way to find out for sure and that is in the arena. And the mind-control action begins. Barbara Dijon has dropped into a martial arts pose and is making fluid hand movements. B. K. Dax has his hands at his temples and is staring intently. Barbara seems serene and B. K. seems totally focused. Wait! Is Barbara starting to turn blue? Yes! Barbara is turning blue. Her hair is turning blonde. She’s concentrating on her martial arts movements now. She’s looking anxious. B. K. looks totally confident.”
“Is that a white cap starting to form on her head, Jack?”
“Yes, it is! Barbara Dijon is getting smurfed right before our eyes! Her dress is turning white. Her shoes are turning white. She is starting to pick imaginary flowers. She getting smurfed from her head to her smurf. It is over for Barbara Dijon. B. K. just offered her his arm to escort her back to smurf village. What went wrong for Barbara Dijon?”
“Women mind controllers from Planet Steinem are very focused on mind control systems. They don’t usually incorporate physical movements, though. It looks like Barbara Dijon was trying to break new ground with some kind of martial mind-body system for battle testing.”
“Apparently, it flopped. The action continues in the mind control arena. Entering the arena from stage left is Darcy Dinkins from planet Neo Tokyo. Darcy Dinkins is an immigrant farmer and software engineer, five feet, four inches tall with long blonde hair. Her opponent, entering the arena from stage right, is Diana LeBeuf from Old Earth New Mexico. Diana is also five feet, ten inches tall with long, flaming red hair, and she is a professional kickboxer.
“The battle is on! Darcy is looking focused on her opponent while Diana is dancing around the ring like a prize fighter. Darcy is really zoning in. She looks like she could drill a hole through a board with her stare. Diana is looking good. She’s keeping fluid. Now she’s pulling a – it looks like a beret – out of her pocket. She is putting it on.”
“It’s a thinking cap! Darcy could be in big trouble.”
“Darcy is stepping back a pace. She’s off her game. Now Diana is giving her the power stare. Darcy’s chest is heaving. Is that breast growth?”
“Definitely some breast movement there, Jack.”
“Darcy is straining to stay on her feet. Her blouse is starting to swell. Darcy is trying to hold the weight of her expanding breasts. Diana is behind her now. She’s reaching under Darcy’s blouse to undo her brassiere clasp. Darcy is struggling to hold her breast growth in check now. Diana is breathing down her neck. And Darcy pops a button on her blouse. She pops another button! The breasts are spilling out all over the place. And they are huge! Darcy can’t take the weight anymore and she’s on her knees with fifty-pound breasts in front of her. It’s over and a win for Diana LeBeuf.”
“Look at that! Diana is making a ‘milk the cow’ gesture to the crowds. Darcy is in tears.”
“Darcy’s support staff is escorting her out of the arena now. Moving on to octofinal match seven, we have Toshiko Fukimari from planet New Tokyo entering the arena from stage left. Toshiko is five feet, five inches tall with long black hair, and her official occupation is ‘homemaker’. Her opponent, entering the arena from stage right, is Daniel ‘Darth Vader’ Bison. Daniel is six feet tall with brown hair and looks like a mafia hit man. He is a professional mind controller from planet New Toledo. Mick, your thoughts?”
“I don’t believe that Toshiko is a homemaker for a second. She’s more of a professional ninja from what we’ve seen of her. She’s still infamous for taking out the great mind controller Rick Ransom in her first high-level competition.”
“But they don’t call Daniel Bison the ‘Darth Vader of Mind Control’ for nothing. And the battle is on! Daniel Bison is using his trademark ‘telekinetic kill’ throat-crushing hand gesture. Toshiko is raising her glance to match his. Her eyes are flashing. Her nostrils are flaring. The crowd is cheering in anticipation.
“Daniel and Toshiko take a step towards each other. Daniel has his fists on his hips and is thrusting his pelvis – the classic ‘package’ shot. Toshiko is moving in closer now. She seems to be losing her edge.”
“It’s animal magnetism. She’s getting cock tranced.”
“Toshiko has moved within Daniel’s personal space. She is looking down at his groin. She likes what she sees. The crowd is on its feet! And Toshiko pokes Daniel on the forehead. It’s a reversal! He’s struggling. He’s looking rough. He’s starting to drop down to his knees. He’s shaking. Toshiko has her hands in his hair. And he’s fellating an imaginary cock! Listen to those boos from the crowd!”
“Classic mind control ninja move, Jack. Daniel should have seen it coming.”
“It’s too late now! Toshiko is the winner. She’s skipping out of the arena to escape the angry crowd. Daniel is wiping imaginary cum from his face and getting a few more cheers. This is going to be a total humiliation for Daniel Bison.”
“Maybe he liked it.”
“Just wait until he sees the replay tomorrow. It is non-stop action here at the ‘World Series of Mind Control’ on planet Borges II. We’re at the end of the octofinals round. Entering the arena from stage left is Deiter “Ja Man” Gedankt. Deiter is six feet tall with short blonde hair and a tough-looking build. He is a professional gymnast from Old Earth Berlin. I’m told that he also like to say “Ja, Man” a lot. His opponent is Antonio Lazio from planet Baudolino. Antonio is also six feet tall, has short black hair, and is very thin. He is a professional computer hardware engineer and FTL technician.”
“This is going to be great. What we have here is the classic ‘Kirk versus Spock’ match-up. Can Antonio’s brains stand up to Deiter’s self-confidence? I have the odds at fifty-fifty.”
“It’s a toss up in our final match. And the battle is on. The contestants are moving in closely now. They are forehead to forehead for direct psychic battle. Their arms are locked. They’re wrestling with each other. It’s pure mental and physical combat here on the arena floor. Deiter brakes the hold. He’s chanting ‘Ja, Man’ over and over again. Antonio is looking relaxed, letting the taunts bounce off. Deiter and Antonio are circling each other.”
“I can’t tell if they’re mind controlling each other are kick-boxing each other.”
“Deiter kicks the air and Antonio doubles up in pain. Deiter is punching the air and Antonio is getting rocked. It’s psycho-physical combat. Antonio karate chops the air and Deiter goes down clutching his throat. Looks like an imaginary shot to the windpipe. Antonio is pretending to climb up to the top rope of an imaginary wrestling ring. Deiter is trying to stand. And Antonio jumps through the air to deliver a mentally devastating tap to Deiter’s forehead! Deiter is on the ground. Antonio pins his shoulders to the arena floor. One. Two. Three. It’s a pin. Antonio wins.”
“Wow, Jack. It’s takes a powerful mind to convince a tough-guy like Deiter that he just got physically dominated by a pencil-necked geek.”
“This looks like another job for Barbara Bingo. Ladies and Gentlemen, we’re here at the ‘World Series of Mind Control’. And now a break for a word from our sponsor.”