Coping Mechanism
My head aches harder than it ever has before. Every part of my body is throbbing and aching. I should have upgraded my security files. I’m not normally so stupid. I was just desperate this time. I had to work quickly and I haven’t been grieving like I should. Everything has been for Cynthia. Keeping it all inside has made me feel like more of a robot than our new Kendra.
Kendra . . .
Her voice still lingers in my mind as if the words were fresh, and the only reason I think that I can tell they’re not is because the whirring in my head is gone. I fried my hard drive and it stings like nothing else. I can almost feel smoke filling up my head, but I know that doesn’t really happen.
Something is tugging my head, but I can’t figure out what. It’s tugging from inside, though it feels external at the same time. Fuck! I hope I didn’t fry Kendra’s processor. The damage I did to myself is already going to be pretty expensive to fix, but I’m sure I can find a way to make it seem as if it happened for a legitimate reason. I can’t have the technician figuring out I fried myself with my fingers buried too deeply between my legs while working on a robotic clone of my dead lover.
My dead lover who isn’t dead . . . I know I intended to make it so I couldn’t even remember her passing, but I didn’t plan to do it like this, not so soon. Every time I try to doubt the little voice that says the memories I experienced during my short-out were real, I feel a wave of nausea.
This is really, really fucking bad. Kendra is no ordinary android, and it’s not as if I can just walk her out of here—especially not without some clothing. I would ask myself what the hell I was thinking, but the problem more seems to be that I wasn’t. My eyes burn and it’s so hard to open them. My thoughts feel sluggish and my pussy clenches just at the thought of Kendra’s scent.
I can smell her in the air and taste her on my lips. It’s so intoxicating. I wish that I knew which direction Kendra was in so I could climb up on top of her and cuddle close. Luckily for me not all of her programming is reliant on the memory implantation. The . . . special hardware I gave her to accommodate her mental resurrection wasn’t cheap, legal, or simple. To make sure she didn’t use it on just anyone took a lot of work. I couldn’t have her walking back to her old home and making her mother believe she was still alive. That would be cruel.
Reaching up I finally feel what’s tugging at me, the cord plugged into my defective hardware. Nervously my fingers trace down the cord to feel the plug. Luckily it’s not broken or bent, and though it feels like there should be a sharp popping sound when it comes free, at least it does.
Feeling empty is so strange. I had that cord deep inside of my mind, and my fingers inside of it just as deeply. I was fucking my mind using my memories of Kendra as if they were a smut film.
That should probably make me worry more or at least feel a little off, but the thought actually makes me clench a little more. It makes me clench a lot. My thighs are so wet, and it’s all for her, for Kendra. Some of it is for Cynthia, but not nearly as much.
Groaning, I blink my eyes open and force myself to stand. I don’t remember falling but I seem to be on the floor. Then again, everything is one big blur. It’s a hot sexy blur, but that doesn’t make it any clearer. It’s so hard to remember all of the reasons I’m here if Kendra isn’t really dead but she is. Once I’m standing, leaning over the console, I can see the dormant Kendra. That makes it easier to focus on what I think is the truth. Kendra is dead. This is my coping mechanism.
Unless when my hard drive fried it made me think she was dead and that this Kendra is just a robot . . . but that doesn’t make any sense. That’s just my mind trying to trick me into accepting the programming. There must have been some feedback from the program that was meant to give the memories to Kendra . . .
That does worry me, even if it makes me clench even harder.
I need to get her home. The panel tells me it’s hours past when I started working on Kendra. I must have passed out or . . . I don’t know. This programming has had a lot more time to settle than I’d like. I thought my hard drive being fried would make it harder for it to assimilate, but that means none of the safety protocols are there to help my mind get a firm grasp on reality.
My grasp feels slicker as I feel slicker. Kendra’s nude form doesn’t help. Why did I have to make her so perfect? I need to focus for a little bit longer. As soon as I get her home she can start working on Cynthia and then finish up what’s in my head. I’m sure whatever’s happening will only make this go even more smoothly.
The door opens and I almost pass out with the fright. I have to look like a wreck and soon enough they’ll see Kendra. I thought that I locked that door. Everyone should be gone or busy or otherwise not in my lab.
“Hey Lyssa, I got worried but the guard said you were still here and since you’ve let me back here before to show me your la- holy fuck what the hell is going on?!” I thought the pain in my head couldn’t get any worse, but Cynthia walking in makes my head throb even harder. “You . . . you look like you shoved a fork into a console, and . . . and . . . is that . . . that’s . . . you . . . No way . . . You didn’t.”
My plan is falling apart all around me. Why did I have to lose my detached nature? Normally I can just program and watch. I knew this was a bad idea, but it sounded like the best idea. I couldn’t let us suffer forever, could I? We could never really get better, not about this.
So many different justifications try to flow from my lips, but I choke on the overabundance. I can’t tell her the real why. I can’t tell her that inside of this Kendra’s eyes are special lights that can daze a woman’s mind, and special vocal cord modifications that allow a voice to penetrate much deeper than any should be allowed to. I can’t mention that if her programming calls for it she can make her saliva into a potent drug. Cynthia wouldn’t understand that no matter how I justified it.
I was really looking forward to surprising her with all of this naturally. I would bring Kendra-bot home, face hidden, tell her that I’d brought home an old friend and then Kendra would kiss Cynthia, Cynthia would melt . . .
That would have been so gorgeous to see, and now I have to play damage control. I can’t let her leave before she believes in Kendra as much as she needs to, as much as my mind keeps trying to convince me. She can’t ruin this. I’ve worked too hard for this. I got over far too much to embrace them both, I can’t lose her because I didn’t want to lose my Kendra.
Maybe I am taking this just a little bit harder than I thought I was . . .
“Cynthia . . . Nnn . . .” My throat feels tight and so much drier than I thought it was. How many hours was I lying on the floor? I can’t even do the math, my head feels so scrambled. “This . . . this isn’t . . . well it is, but, please don’t freak out! Please don’t go . . .”
My eyes are welling with tears as I start to cough from just how sore my throat feels. I must have moaned and screamed instead of just imagining it. The inside of my head must be so twisted right now.
I feel so twisted right now. “Lyssandra, you built a new Kendra! You weren’t here because your mother needed your help . . . You were here building that. That’s why you left, that’s why you were dodgy and wouldn’t go into detail . . . I knew the pianist excuse was bogus. I should have known how bogus that was. You were making a new Kendra. You left me alone to build that.”
“Quit calling her a . . . well she is a that. You’re right.” Feeling clumsily for my chair I pull it closer and almost fall to the floor as I sit. “Sorry, my hard drive fried, I’m having a lot of trouble processing right now, thinking, anything. I’m surprised to be talking without a stutter.”
I deserve to be slapped for actually seeking sympathy, but I really am in a lot of pain. Kendra is just resting, but soon she’ll wake up and then she’ll make everything better. I need to activate her and set her to work. That’s the only way we can all make it out of here and stay together. It’s the only way. I can’t build a Cynthia-bot too, and I won’t be alone again.
Cynthia steps in and closes the door behind her. The look on her face seems torn between revulsion and worry. I’m not sure which is stronger, and that scares me. It’s not illegal to make a bot like this, but its certainly twisted. It is illegal to make a bot with some of the hardware she has, but I’ve covered that.
“You fried your hard drive? That’s awful . . . your mother is always telling you to go easier on yourself and to quit skipping updates and- you lied to me! You came here to work on this, to build this. Were you ever going to tell me? Was this just going to be your little secret or were you going to bring it home as if it would cheer me up?!” Tears start to well in her gorgeous eyes and I have to bite my lip to keep from making a sound. “I don’t want a copy! I don’t want some robot with realistic skin and identical eyes. I want Kendra . . . but she’s gone. So I want you.”
“I didn’t come here to just build a robot . . .” If she knew how long I’d been planning this she would be so much paler right now. If she knew I’d been ordering the harder to come by parts while she was crying into my chest she’d be horrified. “This isn’t just some robot, she’s so much more . . .”
Cynthia was moving closer to me, and to Kendra, but now she just freezes in place and stares at me with even more dismay. I don’t like seeing that look being because of something I did. It makes me want to stop all of this, but at the same time it makes it so I can’t. I can’t have her leaving and hurting even more, and I can’t make her feel worse. This will make her feel better.
With all the precision and dexterity of a woman with a smoking hunk of useless metal in her head, I start to activate Kendra. It’s hard to do stealthily, and several button presses need to be voided because my fingers won’t stop twitching as if I’m suffering from mild electrocution, but that’s all right.
Sighing, my for-sure living lover softly grasps my chin and makes me look into her eyes. “I’m sorry, Lyssandra . . . I spent so much time thinking about my needs and my pain that I was oblivious to how much this was affecting you. I didn’t see just how deeply, just how much you were being affected . . . You’re not well, Lyssa. Especially not if you did something to fry your hard drive. Come on . . . Let’s go home. I’ll talk to your mother tomorrow, explain everything. We can get someone else to dismantle her or—”
“No! No one is dismantling Kendra!” I tear from her grip and try to hasten her activation. Ignoring the fact that I would be locked up just for half of the extraordinary components, this is Kendra! She’s alive, all I need to do is wake her up. She remembers us. She knows us, and she loves us. She has the power to make Cynthia understand.
With the final panel press I collapse back into my chair and try to will away the pain and the fear. Kendra will be able to do that for me, but I don’t want to give her that much work as her first act resurrected awoken, and my head is still playing tricks with me. I wish I knew which voice was the right one to listen to.
Soon it won’t matter. Kendra can fix me. Kendra can look after me.
Turning to look at my creation, at my lover, I’m gifted with the sight of Kendra’s eyes slowly falling open as she rises to a comfortable sitting position. Her naked flesh makes my body tingle and the skin around my head jack pulse. She’s perfect. Her smile is even perfect. She’s Kendra.
“Oh my god . . . What are you doing? Lyssa . . . Please let me help you. Turn her back off and we’ll get you help. I don’t even know what kind of trauma you must have given yourself however you managed to fry it, but you can’t be thinking clearly. You have to realize on some level how wrong this is!” Her voice isn’t nearly as convincing as she thinks it is. That’s okay. Kendra can help her realize that too.
Luckily only I’m malfunctioning—Kendra is fine. The smile on her face turns into a lazy, sexy grin and her eyes lock with Cynthia’s. “Cynth, come on, relax. You don’t need to worry like this, everything is going to be just fine. I love you so much, and I’m here for you. I’m here.”
Speechless, she just stares. I don’t blame her. Hearing Kendra’s voice and knowing that it’s really her voice makes my heart flutter. We can be together again. I knew that she never died. That was just a lie my hard drive must have infected me with before it popped. I should have believed that. I don’t know why I doubted it. I’m always doubting what’s best for me, like helping Kendra’s eyes do that magic trick they’re doing right now.
She rises off of the table and stands before Cynthia with wide open arms. Her glistening doll flesh skin looks so gorgeous and every curve is just like it should be. Her nipples stiffen just enough as she stares into Cynthia’s eyes, and mine follow suit.
It’s all happening just like I knew it would . . .
Cynthia tries to respond, but her words must be frozen in place. She was grieving for nothing. Kendra was just resting, and now it’s all better. Now everything is better. I don’t know why that little voice thought I would need Kendra’s help to accept this truth when it’s already so clear. This is how things should be. This is how they’re meant to be.
Kendra’s eyes start to sparkle, and I look away from them to watch the effect on Cynthia’s face so I don’t get lost in it too. The light plays itself tenderly over her face, and I can see her lips quiver just slightly as she stares deeper into our Kendra’s eyes. The look on her face is so gorgeous. She can see the perfection in her eyes. There’s no way she can doubt that she’s the real Kendra, our Kendra, after looking so long and so deeply.
She starts to speak, Kendra, and her voice is still just like all of my memories say it should be but there’s a different cadence to it. There’s a deeper perfection to it. There’s something that makes her words . . . undeniable. “That’s right Cynth . . . Everything is going to be so much better now. You just need to get lost in me . . . let me hold you, let me feel you, and let me see deep into my love’s eyes . . .”
The programming for the enhancements was so complex, I had no idea it could adapt so well to her. Her sensual voice reminds me so much of watching her tease me in high school before she would let me melt between her legs.
Cynthia whimpers, but doesn’t back away as Kendra strokes her cheek and melts her body so very close. She gasps in that perfect way she always does when she gets aroused, but this is more. The pain in my head is starting to go away and the sight in front of me fills me with so much pleasure. Kendra can make it so Cynthia never cries again.
“Kiss me, Cynthia . . . Kiss me, and surrender to me, let me feel you melt against me, let me savor it . . . Like we always used to . . . like we always will . . .” With a moan Cynthia’s lips press into Kendra’s and then quickly part as tongues begin to play, and Kendra’s light of truth shines so deeply into Cynthia’s eyes.
Her knees weaken more as the kiss continues, and soon she’s leaning on Kendra instead of really standing. My head is still buzzing, but it knows that this is really how things should be. We both just need to obey Kendra, and let her make our memories perfect.
Their foreheads press together as Kendra continues to speak in sweet low whispers, and I slowly close my eyes as I slide a hand down between my legs to lazily caress. This is so much better than any memory. This is pure bliss, and it will be forever. Cynthia moans, and I can’t wait for my turn.