The Erotic Mind-Control Story Archive

Despite having programmed the bimborg units, sometimes I don’t understand them.

It was a Saturday. Stephanie, Annika, Jeri, Maria, and Cindy all insisted to me that they had to shop for new clothes.

Some of the logic I understood. Cindy was larger breasted than a year ago, and the other four were now humongously breasted. And much of the clothing in Jeri’s closet looked “lesbiany,” which is not necessarily the same as making Jeri look hot to a guy.

But the next part, I couldn’t follow. I was told, by five different women, that we were coming into the Fall season, so “of course” they needed new clothes. Which, to me, doesn’t track. Because unless a woman spends much time doing ice skating, or springtime lawn parties, or lounging by the pool, or attending local football games, what does she need season-specific clothing for? Most of the time she’ll be indoors, where there’s heating and air conditioning, and lighting for the darkness, and so it doesn’t matter what the outside is like.

But no-no-no, I didn’t understand, they simply had to buy new clothes. Thinking I’d stop them, I asked, “So how are you women going to pay for five completely new Fall wardrobes?” Cindy eyed me and said only, “Linda-5 says cost is not a problem.” So I said, “Fine, have your fun,” and they dashed off to Mall Le Grande.

I went to Mall Le Grande too, in my own car. I wanted to check out the bookstores for good new books, kill zombies in the video arcade, and test-drive any new restaurants in the food court. After eating, I decided, maybe I’d go in search of my bimborg units, to see what they were buying—or maybe I’d go straight home.

Things went pretty much to plan, at first. I bought a hardback novel and a paperback, and I destroyed fifty-seven zombies before their sheer numbers overwhelmed me. After being killed by zombies, I came in third in a NASCAR race. Then I headed to the food court to read and chomp.

About fifteen minutes after sitting down in the food court, I looked up from my Moo Goo Gai Pan to notice a teen boy sitting several tables away in front of me, who was staring fixedly at someone or something to my right. I looked where he was looking, and found myself looking into the smiling face of a teen goddess. Red hair, blue or green eyes, a flawless complexion except for freckles, huge tits barely covered by a lime-green top that was cut short to reveal muscular abs, and a kelly-green skirt—this honey was luscious.

When the honey saw me looking at her, she picked up a plastic fork from her table and sashayed over to my table, smiling at me the whole time. It was only because the teen boy was in my field of vision that I saw that he, too, was watching this girl’s walk. But whereas my own expression was simple curiosity (“Who is this girl, and why is she coming toward me?"), the boy’s face showed that he longed for this girl. This same girl who gave him not a moment’s glance.

Just before the girl reached my table, she squatted down almost to floor level. When she stood back up, she was holding out the plastic fork. “Excuse me, sir, I believe you dropped your fork,” she said. Then she added quietly, “King James, I am unit Caitlin-74. How may I serve you?”

“Have a seat,” I said. As she gracefully took a seat on the other side of the table from me, I looked her over. Up close, this green-eyed beauty looked even better than she did at a distance, with white teeth (that were now revealed in a beauty-queen smile) and diamond pierced-ear earrings. She was wearing an expensive perfume. Her tits were trying to burst through her clothing. The only thing to hurt her looks were warts on her left hand. In short, she was Grade-A fuckable.

Caitlin leaned forward and said confidentially, “Right now, Annika-2 is trying-on a lavender bra-and-panties set that she is, like, totally sure will give you a boner for a week.”

I said, “Thanks for the news flash. So Caitlin, are you in college? GCCC, or one of the four-year—”

“Oh no, sir, I’m not that old. I’m a senior at Grand West.”

“I’m guessing you’re a cheerleader—”

“Like totally, since freshman year.”

“—so why aren’t you at a Grand City West High School game right now, cheering for your team on a Saturday afternoon?”

“My grandmother is sick, which is such a total bummer, you know? So the family was, like, visiting her, so we just got back into town. And I knew that you were here, somewhere at the mall, and I like totally wanted to meet you!”

I glanced beyond her to the teen boy. He wasn’t looking at Caitlin anymore, but his shoulders were stiff.

I said, “Caitlin, who’s the boy behind you? He knows you.”

She shrugged. “That’s Howard Hall. He’s also a senior at Grand West, one of the smart nerds.”

“It looks like he has a monster crush on you.”

She shrugged again. “His feelings are irrelevant.”

I decided that before I left the mall, Caitlin-74 would get an attitude adjustment. But for now, I said only, “Caitlin, tell me what orders and instructions you’ve been given as a bimborg and as a Pleasure Unit/Welcomer.”

Caitlin parroted back the same stuff that Stephanie had said to me on the day of her Welcoming. But then Caitlin added, “...I’m to Welcome any Grand West girl or other-school cheerleader who meets Babeness Standards; and after that, wait for further instructions from Stephanie-1 or from you.”

“Wait, whoa, time out! What are ‘Babeness Standards’?”

“The Club decided a few months ago that if we Welcome too many girls as Pleasure Units/Welcomers, maybe a cop or FBI man would, you know, notice something. On the other hand, if only the hottest of babes get made into Pleasure Units, that makes your life better, right? So it’s like, we’re just following your Supplemental Orders One and Two. Anyway, at Grand West we’ve Welcomed all the Pleasure Units we can Welcome, till new hotties transfer in.”

“Oh? How many Pleasure Units are there at Grand West?”

“Sixteen who meet Babeness Standards, plus Cathy-31, who got Welcomed before we got fussy about zits.”

“Since you’re finished with Welcoming for the time being, what are you doing now?”

“Nothing, except pretending to be our Solitary selves. We’re just waiting for new orders, from Stephanie-1”—Caitlin gave me a sexy smile—“or from you. By the way, The Club says there are, ohmigod, three places in this mall where there’s privacy enough for at least a blowjob.”

I started thinking. And while thinking, I absently looked past Caitlin to Howard. He had been looking in Caitlin’s direction, but when I made eye contact, he dropped his gaze.

That’s when I got an Idea. Call it my good deed for the day.

My eyes bored into Caitlin’s. “Just so I understand, Stephanie has given you girls no specific orders except about Welcoming? You seventeen Pleasure Units haven’t been told to otherwise act any different than when you were Solitary?”

“That’s right, uh-huh,” Caitlin said.

“Caitlin, you’ve just come from visiting your grandmother,” I said, “so let’s use that. Okay, I have new orders for you seventeen at Grand West.” Caitlin sat up straight. I added, “And Caitlin, I’m giving you special instructions.”

In the Mall Le Grande food court, Howard Hall was miserable. Just a few feet away sat his personal goddess, Caitlin Ryan. And even though he was sitting close enough to her for him to be maddened by the scent of her perfume, she couldn’t be bothered to talk to him, or even look his way.

Instead, Caitlin was staring at a guy a few tables away, who wore glasses and looked nineteen or twenty. The guy did not look handsome, he did not look rich or athletic—if anything, he looked geekier than Howard himself. Hell, the guy was sitting in the food court, reading books! He certainly was no competition to Tony Carlotti, and yet Caitlin was looking at the stranger like he was Adonis and Casanova and Clark Gable all rolled into one.

Then Caitlin stood up and walked to the stranger’s table. The way she walked—god, she was sex in stilettos. And when Caitlin squatted down by the stranger’s lap, Howard actually thought that she intended to give oral gratification to the stranger, right in the food court.

Instead, she stood up, and spoke a few words to the stranger. He then gestured for her to sit at his table. She sat down with the gracefulness of a beauty-pageant winner meeting the Queen of England. Caitlin and the stranger talked, but Howard couldn’t hear what they were saying. A big part of Howard’s mind was glad he couldn’t hear.

After a while, Caitlin stood and gave the stranger a girly wave goodbye. But Howard didn’t think the stranger noticed, because he was reaching for his open book. Howard was amazed. Howard also loved reading, enough that jocks pushed him into lockers because of it, but no printed page was more interesting to look at than was Caitlin Ryan!

And then—wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles—Caitlin walked up to seated Howard and actually smiled at him. “Hello, Howard, how are you today?”

He stammered, “Um, fine. Yeah, I’m fine.”

Caitlin looked at Howard not with her usual thinly veiled contempt, but with sympathy. “Howard, I really, truly want to know, you know? So how are you? How is your life these days?”

Howard smiled at his goddess. “Right at this moment, life is wonderful.”

Caitlin smiled again. “I am, like, so happy for you. Listen, I gotta run, but I totally look forward to seeing you in English and History on Monday. Bye!”

Caitlin smiled a third time at Howard as she waved her girly wave, then she click-clacked away.

“What in the heck just happened?” a grinning Howard asked himself.

“Get out of my way, dweeb, before I kill you!” Tony Carlotti ordered Howard. “I sure want to kill someone today, and maybe it’ll be you.”

It was 7:30 in the morning, Monday. Classes at Grand West would start in a few minutes, and so the hallway was packed. But the jocks always acted as if they had the entire hallway to themselves, and this morning, Tony seemed even nastier than usual. So Howard hurried out of Tony’s way.

“Jesus Christ,” said fellow jock Hank Makowski, “what’s got your panties in a bunch?” Howard noticed that Hank had to move fast, to keep up with Tony’s angry strides.

Tony replied, “The bitch broke up with me! Caitlin actually said—you will not believe this shit—she said my grades weren’t good enough, which meant I ‘lack ambition’!”

“That’s fucked,” Hank said.

“I’m gonna go all the way to the NFL, baby, what’s this ‘lack ambition’ shit?” Tony said. He said more after that; but by now he was so far away that Howard couldn’t hear it.

So Caitlin’s available? Howard thought. For one second, his heart blazed with yearning hope.

Then his shoulders slumped and he thought, Get real. If Tony no longer floats her boat, she’ll just switch to a different jock.

As Howard was walking from Calculus class to English class, he heard this conversation—

Girl One said, “Can you believe it? Can you believe she broke up with him over that?”

Girl Two replied, “Over his grades? Nah, there must be more going on. Maybe she’s seeing someone outside of school.”

“Or maybe she’s gone over to the pink side. That group of girls is really close, you ever notice?”

“Poor Stephen. He must feel terrible.”

“And you know just the way to console him, right?”

“Damn straight. If Stephen would go on just two dates with me, he’d forget that Cathy was ever born.”

“Dream on. But it’s a laugh, Cathy Baumgartner the big-breasted skank, suddenly getting snooty about grades.”

When Howard walked into English class, Caitlin Ryan was already at her desk. She was surrounded by a group of curious-looking girls, and she was saying, “...talking with my grandmother, who gave me ideas, which I then, like, shared with my closest friends.”

Someone replied, “Ideas which Cathy Baumgartner also bought into, sounds like.”

Caitlin nodded. “Ohmigod, you guys, girls our age gotta think long-term, really.”

Then Caitlin turned her face toward Howard and gave him a megawatt smile. ”Hi, Howard, it’s good to see you this morning.”

When English class ended, Howard was walking out of the classroom when he heard behind him, “Um, Howard? Can I walk with you?”

Howard recognized the voice, even before Caitlin caught up with him. Howard was amazed: Caitlin was asking if she could walk with him? But aloud he replied, “Sure, come on. Caitlin, you look very pretty today.”

“You’re sweet,” she said, and gave him a smile. Then she dropped the smile. “Howard, listen, since this weekend I’ve been thinking about lots of stuff and, well, it’s like...” Besides stammering, Caitlin also was blushing.

“Go on.”

“Well, I realized that, you know, you’re a really sweet boy and, like, I’ve acted totally bitchy around you. And I’m like totally sorry.”

Wow, Howard thought. “Caitlin, you don’t need—”

“So I’m asking if you’ll be my friend. And I want to be, you know, your friend.” Now she was blushing even redder, and looking at the floor. “That is, if you’ll have me. I’ve been a real snot.”

Howard wanted to do cartwheels down the hallway, but his answer was spoken calmly: “Yes, Caitlin, we can be friends.” Then he added, “So as my friend, tell me: Who was that guy you were talking-to in the food court?”

“Oh, him? That’s James, my math tutor.”

“Your math tutor,” Howard repeated skeptically. Caitlin had acted very friendly toward her supposed tutor.

Caitlin said, “He’s a straight arrow, and I wanted to tease him. I guess that was the wrong thing to do, huh?” When Howard grunted, she added, “But I tell you truthfully, I’ve never kissed him and I’ve never done any kind of sex with him.” Caitlin looked utterly sincere, saying those things. “But...”

“But?”

“But, um, could you not tell anyone that, um, unlike you, I’m seeing a math tutor? Especially as, um, it’s clearly not working?”

“Sure, Caitlin, I promise.”

“You’re sweet,” she said, then stopped in front of a door. “This is my stop: Chemistry for Jocks.” Then she raised her voice and said, “Thanks for walking me to class, Howard. You’re sweet.” Caitlin kissed Howard on the cheek, waved her girly wave to him, then walked into her class.

Somehow Howard got to his own class before the tardy bell rang. His mind wasn’t on where his feet were going; his mind was on Caitlin’s kiss.

Friday was almost a week after Caitlin Ryan had returned to Grand City after visiting her grandmother. By end of school Friday afternoon, everyone at Grand City West High School was flabbergasted, shocked, and confused by the events of the last five schooldays—

The fifteen hottest straight girls in the school had broken up with their jock boyfriends because of the boys’ “lousy grades.” At the same time (probably coincidentally), lovely and busty gymnastics princesses Donna and Marybeth had broken up with each other, supposedly realizing that “Girls are fun, but boys are more fun.”

Caitlin hosted a slumber party at her house on Friday night. Sixteen newly available hotties came to her door. Nobody at school could say what the seventeen Grand West hotties talked about on Friday night, but everyone at school knew the results—

The next day was Saturday. All seventeen girls declined all offers of dates, and seventeen girls who were hot enough to never stay home on a Saturday night, stayed home.

Then Sunday, the seventeen hotties started acting even more strangely.

Howard walked into Calculus class Monday, and took his assigned seat. As soon as Howard greeted his classroom neighbors, Sang Pham gestured for the boys around him to lean in close. Sang dropped his voice and said, “You guys will not believe what happened to me yesterday.”

“You were kidnapped by aliens,” Lester Gillis said.

“You found an oil lamp and rubbed it,” said Melvin Newman.

Sang glared at them. “Are you guys planning to let me tell my story before the bell rings?” he said.

Lester and Melvin shrugged.

Sang said, “Yesterday I went to church with my parents like I always do, and I saw Stacie Hollingsworth there. She hadn’t come to church in months, but she came yesterday.”

“She probably had some serious repenting to do,” Lester said. Quietly, so that Barbara-Lee Milford, who was sitting three desks away, wouldn’t overhear and go into one of her “Women are more than just sex objects!” tirades.

“Hush, not now,” Sang replied, glancing at the classroom clock.

Lester said (quietly), “But it’s true. Stacie has a body that’s made for sinning.”

Melvin added, “Especially after her tits got so big.” At Sang’s glare, Melvin threw his hands up, meaning Okay, okay, I’ll shut up.

Sang continued, “After church, we had a potluck in the Fellowship Hall. My folks got in line, then I got in line, and Stacie—her parents were walking slow—she broke away from her parents to rush over to the end of the line. She got in line behind me.”

Lester said, “Meaning, she was hungry.”

Sang ignored that remark. “So Stacie and I, we got to talking. And guys, Stacie wasn’t only talking to me, she was hitting on me.”

Howard spoke up to ask, “How was she ‘hitting on’ you? What was she doing?”

“Standing real close, smiling at me a lot. She touched my arm several times.”

Melvin said, “Sang, you are either clueless or you have a vivid imagination. There is no way that Stacie Hollingsworth, the Stacie Hollingsworth, would be hitting on you. Mega-babes do not hit on Vietnamese computer nerds!”

Lester added, “Maybe she was punking you. Girls who look like her sometimes pull tricks on guys who look like us.”

The tardy bell rang then, and the Calculus teacher stood up and walked around his desk. In the almost-silence, Sang Pham’s voice was easy to hear: “You guys weren’t there. I was there, and I say she hit on me.”

Howard suspected that Sang was right, as incredible as that story was. Lately, many incredible things had been happening with Grand West girls, starting—well, starting right after Caitlin had talked to her math tutor in the mall food court.

Not quite two hours later, English class ended and Howard walked Caitlin to her Chemistry class. In the past week, Caitlin had turned Howard escorting her to Chemistry class into a tradition.

“How do you think you did on the pop quiz?” Howard now asked Caitlin.

She laughed. “Better than if I was still with Tony, you know? I, like, actually read the chapters this weekend.”

“So that stuff about your grandmother is true? You’ve changed your attitude toward school, for real?”

“Yes, but also I did the reading because I had all this free time last weekend. And I totally think I’ll have even more free time this weekend, you know? I’ll have, like, gobs and gobs of free time.”

“Caitlin, you’re punking me. I’m sure your phone’s been ringing since the minute you dropped Tony.”

“That’s true, many guys have asked me for a date.” At this, Caitlin stopped dead in the hallway. When Howard stopped and turned to look at her, Caitlin’s eyes locked with his and she added, “But none of those guys are anyone I wish would ask me out.”

It’s time to fish or cut bait, Howard thought. He gulped, then said aloud, “Caitlin, would you go out with me Friday night? I can’t afford much, just a movie and a burger, but I’ll show you the best time I can.”

Caitlin gave Howard a big smile and said, ”Yes, Howard, I’ll go out with you. Thank you. Email me at [email protected], and let’s set it up.”

Again she kissed his cheek, again she gave him a girly smile and girly wave, and again she walked into Chemistry class. And again Howard walked from Caitlin’s Chemistry class to his own German class in a lovestruck daze.

Eleven days and some hours later, Howard and Caitlin walked out of the multiplex. They were on their second date.

As Howard and Caitlin were walking out of the theater, Sang Pham and Stacie Hollingsworth walked in, holding hands. Caitlin gave Stacie a girly-wave. Howard noticed that Sang’s face looked flushed.

Howard smiled at Caitlin and said, “I must make a weighty decision. Do I take you to McDonald’s now, or to Burger King?”

Caitlin bit her lip, then said, ”Or we could go to Starlight Hill now, and avoid the rush.”

She can’t possibly mean... Aloud, Howard said, “Astronomy isn’t my strong suit, but I do know a few constellations I can point out.”

Caitlin clapped her hands. “Oh Howard, I’ve never dated a boy who talked about going to Starlight Hill and actually looking at the stars, you know? That’s so totally romantic.” Then Caitlin stepped up close to Howard and said, “But please, can we save that for afterward?”

Twenty minutes later, Howard and Caitlin were in the back seat of Howard’s dad’s Camry, which was parked at the bottom of Starlight Hill.

Caitlin asked, “Did you bring condoms?”

Howard said, “Um, aren’t condoms part of third-date stuff? I wasn’t planning to buy any till next week.”

“Third date, that’s true, if the girl can be patient. But I’m not feeling patient now, you know?” Caitlin said. Then she moved her butt to the edge of the back seat and let herself fall sideways, so that her head was very near Howard’s lap.

Howard’s dick got hard as steel.

Up till now, Howard had let Caitlin take the lead in their relationship, lest Howard jinx his good fortune. But now Howard undid his belt, unzipped his pants, and said, “Suck me, Caitlin. Suck me and swallow me.”

Howard thought, Please, don’t let this be some kind of cruel cheerleader trick!

But it didn’t seem to be. Caitlin look him in the eyes as she moved her head down by his circumcised cock. She licked him from base to head. That’s wonderful, Howard thought. She moved his cock to where it was sticking straight up, then she licked his head like an ice-cream cone.

“Mercy sakes, but that feels wonderful,” Howard gasped.

“Just you wait,” Caitlin said.

She moved his cock around, changing its direction of point, so that she could lick the top, underside, and sides of his cock—and Howard figured out how the word ‘joystick’ had been invented. By now, Howard was gasping and moaning.

“I’m hot to put your cock in my mouth now,” Caitlin said. And she did.

Slowly she moved her mouth down the head of his cock. As soon as her lips engulfed his head, her head began rising again. She did this tease several more times, then suddenly her head zoomed down and all of his cock was inside her mouth. Her eyes looked into his.

He gasped, “Isn’t deep—deepthroat hard for—hard for girls to do?”

She couldn’t at the moment tell Howard the answer to his question, so she showed him: Her head came up, so that she kept only the tip of him; then her lips came down to his pubic hair again. Up, down; up, down. Meanwhile, her tongue was doing something glorious. When Howard got happy enough that he couldn’t speak regular English, Caitlin quickened her pace.

Howard spurted, while the only world he knew was his happy cock.

As soon as Howard quit spurting and screaming, Caitlin slowed down her pace a lot. At this point she was no longer sucking him, she was milking him. She kept doing that until Howard was drained, small, and soft.

Caitlin sat up. “I got you so hot and hard, you know? This is like, sooo sexy.”

Howard took Caitlin in his arms, kissed her, and had every intention of right then paying her back. But while cuddling Caitlin, he fell asleep.

Friday a week later, Howard picked Caitlin up at seven o’clock at the Ryan residence. He bought her a burger, they went to see a movie, and he brought her home at a few minutes after midnight.

Ho-hum, right? Not when told the night’s specifics—

Howard drove Caitlin away from her parents’ house at 7:05.

At 7:14, Howard and Caitlin arrived at Starlight Hill. A little over two hours later, at 9:25, they left Starlight Hill to find a drive-through line at McDonald’s. Howard was beaming as he started the car.

At 10:05, they were in their movie-theater seats for the beginning of Attack of the Thong-Bikini Mind Slaves. Howard thought the premise was nonsense, but the actresses looked hot.

At 11:37, Caitlin and Howard got into his dad’s car that was parked in the now-deserted movie-theater parking lot. Caitlin looked at Howard with an upraised eyebrow and a mischievous smile, so he gave her an order. Seventeen minutes later, at 11:54, Howard stuffed his cock back in his pants and started the car.

At 12:06, Howard walked Caitlin to her door and kissed her for a while.

In short: At 7:14, Howard was a virgin; by 9:25, he was not. That night, Howard learned several lessons that would serve him well in the years ahead—

• Put on lots of deodorant ahead of time—if you’re doing the sex right, you will get hot and sweaty.
• Back-scratches are a good news-bad news deal—they mean that the girl likes you; but they hurt and they can be distracting.
• A well-bred gentleman says “Thank you” after a blowjob, then repays the favor with pussy-licking.
• A very excited pussy makes a squishy noise when you fuck it.
• The back seat of a car is not a comfortable place to fuck.
• Fucking is more fun than every Playstation game ever written. Bonus lives do not compare to giving a girl orgasms with your dick.

Monday, Howard got to Calculus class before Barbara-Lee Milford did. When she walked into the classroom, Howard and the other guys nearly fell out of their chairs.

To start with, Barbara-Lee had rolled her hair. She didn’t roll it a lot; she didn’t look like any Texas beauty-contest winner, but neither did she have the “hairstyle” of a hippie chick anymore.

Barbara-Lee was wearing a skirt? Howard had never seen her in anything except jeans. She was wearing two-inch heels? Wow. And didn’t Barbara-Lee herself once say that cosmetics were the Judas of feminism? And yet Barbara-Lee walked into Calculus class with a (modestly) painted face.

Sang Pham walked into class then. He acted differently than before, he acted cocky. Sang gave Howard a look that asked You too? Howard nodded and smiled. Lester and Melvin seemingly didn’t notice, but Barbara-Lee frowned.

Nearly an hour later, the dismissal bell rang. Amid the sounds of boys in motion, Barbara-Lee said, “Howard, can I talk to you?” Before he even replied, she was walking toward him. When she got close, he discovered she was wearing perfume.

“What do you need, Barbara-Lee?” he asked.

“You’re seeing Caitlin Ryan, aren’t you? That big-tit bimbo?”

“Barbara-Lee, I’m dating Caitlin, who indeed has big breasts. Speaking of whom, I need to get to English class now.” Howard turned toward the door.

Barbara put a hand on his arm. “Doesn’t it perturb you that you can’t converse with her about anything intellectual?”

“It does, sometimes. But Barbara-Lee, it also bothers me that I can’t flirt with you without hearing a feminist sermon. Now excuse me.”

Howard walked away then, but Barbara-Lee rushed to keep up. She said, “What would it take for you to ask me out?”

“It would take Caitlin dropping me for a football player, and you acting like a girl instead of a talking pamphlet. I don’t see it happening.”

Barbara-Lee followed him out of the Calculus classroom and into the hallway. As he turned left and she turned right, she called out, “Anytime you need to talk smart with a girl, call me, okay? I’m here for you.”

Howard didn’t reply.

As Howard walked from Calculus class to English class, he was struck by how many girls smiled at him in the hallway now. Nancy McCarthy not only smiled at Howard, but also eyed his crotch.

Not quite an hour later, Howard had decided: If Nancy McCarthy was going to cause trouble, better that Caitlin find out from Howard than from anyone else. During the walk to Caitlin’s Chemistry class, Howard asked, “What do you know about Nancy McCarthy?”

Caitlin smirked. “She wears, like, way too much eye make-up, she brags about blowing rock stars, and she’s currently dating Tony. Although, you know, ‘dating’ is probably totally the wrong word. I mean, I doubt they cuddle up to watch ‘Monday Night Football’ together, seriously.”

“Nancy is dating Tony? That isn’t good.”

Caitlin asked “Why?” and then Howard explained. Howard braced himself for Caitlin’s anger, but that’s not what he got—

Caitlin clapped her hands. “That is so totally cool! Listen, if Nancy wants to fuck you or suck you off, go for it!”

“Excuse me? I’m dating you. And I want to keep dating you.”

“You are so sweet,” Caitlin said. “But I know how boys are built. Every one of you will horn-dog if given a chance—you can’t help it. But afterward, Howard Hall, I want to be sure you’ll come back to me.”

“You’re telling me that I can cheat on you with Nancy McCarthy or someone else, and you’ll welcome me back with open arms?”

“For sure. And, like, it won’t be just my arms that’ll be open, you know?” Caitlin smiled mischievously and raised an eyebrow.

In Calculus class the next day, Barbara-Lee Milford looked every bit as girly as the day before, plus she’d added nail polish. As soon as the dismissal bell rang, Howard walked over to her. Howard told her, “Caitlin told me that it’s okay for me to date other girls, and next Saturday she’s cheering at a game out of town. So I’m asking you out for Saturday afternoon.”

Barbara-Lee eyed him. “Caitlin said it was okay to date other girls?”

“More than date, actually. Date and/or sleep with.”

Barbara-Lee glared at him. “So you’re asking me to be your mistress?”

“That’s not the word I—yeah, pretty much. If things work out.”

“And what exactly will we do on this Saturday ‘date’? If I go, that is.”

“I’ll take you to lunch at a Mexican restaurant that I like, then we’ll hang out for a while at a comic-book store.”

Barbara-Lee still looked offended; for a second, Howard thought she was about to blast him with one of her tirades. Instead, her shoulders slumped and she asked, “What time should I be ready?”

A week later, Howard skipped Study Hall to hook up with Nancy McCarthy behind the closed curtain of the auditorium performing stage. Nancy spent the entire period giving him slow head. When Howard got to History class, Caitlin walked up to him, eyed his crotch, sniffed meaningfully, then smiled at him and whispered in his ear, “Feel better?”

Two months later, everyone at Grand West was talking about the new student. Joanna Eberhart’s dad had just retired from the Army and moved to Grand City, and rumor had it that Joanna had done modeling overseas. Tall brunette Joanna certainly had good enough looks for Grand West kids to believe the story about her modeling career.

The other reason that everyone was talking about her: She had freaked out when she learned about Grand West’s dating arrangments. Howard and everyone else in the lunchroom listened, amazed, as Joanna said, “Am I hearing right? The school’s hottest girls, who can get any guy, are all dating losers?”

Stacie Hollingsworth said, “My boyfriend is, like, not a loser.”

“Hello? Stacie, you’ve got blonde hair, blue eyes, cheekbones, a smooth complexion, and a chest I would kill for. You could be working runway in New York City next June, without a doubt—and you’re dating a short Vietnamese guy?”

“A sexy short Vietnamese guy.”

“Why are you dating him?”

“Well, because—um, Caitlin can explain it totally better than I can.”

Joanna now turned to face a different hottie. “And what about you, Marybeth? You supposedly gave up lesbianism because of Jim Whatzisname—”

Marybeth Rathbone said, “His name is Roach, Jim Roach.”

“Jim Roach does not have abs. If a lesbian who’s got what you’ve got, goes straight, is it too much to ask that the guy be hot too?”

“Jim is hot, better believe it! Well, in his own way.”

Joanna shook her head. “So now I’ll ask you, Marybeth: Why not date the cool guys?”

“Because they’re not really cool—listen, Caitlin can for sure explain it better than I can. Really.”

The football players were high-fiving each other. Soon one of them would be dating Joanna the mega-babe—which would make them all cool again, right?

Caitlin was in class, having a different lunch period, so wasn’t in the lunchroom for this discussion. Through texting, it was agreed that Joanna would talk to Caitlin after school.

Howard worried about his friends. If Caitlin couldn’t persuade Joanna that dating jocks was a bad idea, would other hotties go back to dating jocks too? Were a bunch of nerds about to get dumped by their hot girlfriends? Might Howard himself get dumped someday?

After school, Howard watched Caitlin and Joanna meet up in front of the school office, then go looking for an empty classroom where they could talk—

—that is to say, Howard watched from a distance. For some reason, Caitlin had asked Howard to stay away from her and Joanna “till the time is right.”

Besides Caitlin and Joanna, Marybeth was part of the group, because she supposedly had thought of a few more things she wanted to say. Fourth was Donna Burton, Marybeth’s close friend and recent lover, who had appointed herself as Door Guard. Joanna pointed at a classroom, and Howard watched as the four girls walked toward it.

But then Caitlin tripped over Donna’s foot, and she fell against Joanna. For several seconds, both Caitlin and Joanna were sprawled on the floor. When Joanna stood up, she was looking at her forearm. Joanna said something and Caitlin replied, but Howard was too far away to hear it.

“What did they say?” Howard asked, not expecting an answer.

Stacie Hollingsworth answered, “Joanna said, ‘I bleed! Do you bleed, Caitlin?’ And Caitlin said, ‘No, I’m fine, thanks. And I’m totally sorry I knocked you down and scratched you.’”

Howard said, “Wow, Stacie, you have amazing hearing.”

But the trip-and-fall was the end of the drama. Howard saw buxom and sleek Caitlin, buxom and muscular Marybeth, and tall and not-buxom Joanna enter that empty classroom, and buxom and muscular Donna shut the door.

Fifteen minutes after Donna shut the door, she opened it and smiled. Caitlin, Marybeth, and Joanna walked out, smiling as well. Donna and Marybeth headed in a different direction, but Caitlin and Joanna walked straight toward Howard. Howard at last saw Joanna up close, and to him she looked just like girls he’d seen on magazine covers.

Caitlin was beaming as she introduced Howard and the new girl: “...He’s an exciting, gratifying lover, as well as smart.”

Joanna gave Howard a bedroom smile. “Wow, Caitlin, you didn’t tell me that Howard was good-looking, you know? It’s in a smart-guy kind of way, but he’s, like, totally flooding my mineshaft.”

Caitlin said, “You’re welcome to, you know, borrow him. Well, so long as you don’t try to break him and me up, okay?”

Howard said, “Umm...”

Joanna looked into Howard’s face, then said, “Caitlin, I don’t think he truly believes you won’t, like, freak out if I sleep with him.”

Howard said, “Umm...”

Joanna said, “So the answer to that problem is—”

Caitlin finished the sentence: “—a three-way. If I’m naked along with you and Howard, then he can, you know, relax.”

Hearing this, Howard’s dick got very unrelaxed. It got hard as steel, in fact.

Howard couldn’t believe his luck. Just 3-1/2 months ago, he’d feared he’d die a virgin. Now he was getting fucked and sucked on a regular basis by the hottest redhead in the school, plus he was getting a blowjob once a week from Nancy McCarthy, plus he was getting a handjob most Saturday afternoons from Barbara-Lee Milford—and now he was going to be in a threesome with two mega-babes? Wow.

Joanna now gave Caitlin a pouty smile. “Are you one of those cheerleaders who also likes girls?”

Caitlin showed her own pouty smile, to both Joanna and Howard.

But not everyone was happy that Caitlin had been so persuasive. Upon learning that Joanna also had “gone over to the dork side,” Tony Carlotti put his fist through a wall (or so Howard was told later).

Caitlin dragged Howard and Joanna out to her car. “C’mon, I know a great little sleazy motel where the three of us can get better acquainted!”

Howard said “Umm...”

Howard made as if to get in the front seat. Caitlin said, “No, Howard, get in the back seat! Poor Joanna is lonely.”

When Howard got in the back seat, Joanna said, “For sure, I am like totally lonely. I’m about to die of loneliness.” Joanna grabbed Howard’s hand and stuck it up her skirt; her panties were soaked and hot. Joanna’s nipples were jutting through her bra and blouse like bullets. No sooner had Howard noticed Joanna’s nipples but she leaned forward and started tonguing Howard’s neck and throat. Howard looked up—and saw Caitlin’s eyes in the rearview mirror. Caitlin didn’t look jealous or angry or sad, she looked horny.

They reached the motel. Joanna said, “I have an idea. Howard honey, could you please stay here? Caitlin, here’s what...” Joanna whispered something to Caitlin, then the two girls walked toward the motel office. Arm in arm. Stroking each other, and giving each other secret smiles. In short, acting like the two horniest teenage lesbians since 1970s porno.

When the girls came back to the car, they were laughing. Caitlin said, “He bought it, he totally fell for it! Gave us a discount, even.”

Joanna told Howard, “You shoulda seen your girlfriend acting all Lesbo. ‘Please, sir, can you help us out? Our parents won’t let us be together anymore, you know? But we need each other.’”

“Joanna?”

“Yes, Caitlin?”

“It wasn’t all an act. I’m gonna enjoy this threesome coming up.”

Howard thought his erection would make his zipper explode.

Once inside the motel room, Joanna prowled up to Howard and started to unbutton his shirt. She said, “Caitlin, I’m like hot for you too, but first I want your handsome and smart boyfriend to fuck me silly.”

Howard was only inches away from Joanna the tigress as she was hurrying to unbuckle his belt. He saw anew that she had truly a beautiful face, and long and shiny brunette hair, and she reeked of horny girl. Howard wondered, Two luscious babes are hot for me. How can I be so lucky?

Stephanie said to me, “King James, an eighteenth Pleasure Unit/Welcomer has been Welcomed at Grand City West High School. Is it still your command that Joanna-2141 become an additional girlfriend for Howard Hall?”

I said, “Exactly. And if a nineteenth girl meets Babeness Standards and gets Welcomed before Howard graduates in June, he gets her as well. Ditto the twentieth girl, and the twenty-first. That should do wonders for his self-confidence!”

I thought back months ago, when I had sat in the mall food court and had taken pity on Howard. Back then, he’d been a lovelorn teenage nerd. Now him, and sixteen other nerd boys at his school, had a much happier life. I felt proud of myself for being so generous.

Aloud I said, “This calls for a celebration! When you girls sit down for dinner tonight, I want you all to be wearing clothes that you bought on the day I met Caitlin-74.”

Jeri and Annika looked at me in horror. Stephanie said, “But King James, Fall season is over!”

“Humor me,” I said.