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Table for One Ch. 02

By: cranesgirl



Raine. I never believed, never expected, that a simple name could conjur up as many feelings as hers did. Many nights I would lie awake wondering if she and her brother were able to form any kind of relationship. Most probably not but that didn't stop me hoping for it for Raine's sake.

God she was so beautiful. 

I have to admit the whole situation had me questioning just who person I thought I was actually is. I was turned on by someone who looked and behaved just like a woman, who was a woman at heart, so was I a lesbian after all? Was the fact that Raine just happened to have a piece of male appendage a technical glitch? 

I found myself pretty much confused. My thoughts and questions sent me to the internet to get answers for both myself and to understand women such as Raine. I wanted to understand the right wording, the right terms to use, the right way to talk about it. I wanted to know everything. 

The more I read, the more I cried... for myself. For the first time ever I was beginning to understand why I was never truly happy within a relationship with a man. I spent my time trying to be something, but more importantly...someone... I'm not. Trying to please him and forgetting the bigger picture. It was ok to be exactly who I am.

It'd been three weeks since I'd seen her but she still entered my mind every day and more than once I found myself wishing that I knew where to find her. 

I wasn't really expecting a match made in heaven or anything like that. Ok, maybe I was, she already knew I thought she was beautiful, but I had to be realistic too. Just as there were many people in the world who wouldn't ever accept transgender as normal, there was also the ridicule that I knew happened because I'm a big woman. There was nothing saying that even though Raine was my kind of woman that I was anything like her idea of the perfect life partner... but there was nothing saying that I wasn't.

I just... God how do I explain this without sounding pathetic? I needed to know if I'd built this woman up into something that I wanted her to be rather than who she actually was. I wanted to get to know the person behind that beautiful face. I wanted to talk with her about her life and truly understand. I wanted... Ugh! Who am I kidding? I wanted Raine.

For three weeks I followed the same routine having my coffee break at my favourite coffee shop. Every day at the same time I'd sit at my table for one and try not to watch every person walking through the door. I'd try not to stare at women who reminded me of her as they passed by the window. 

I knew I was being foolish but if you've ever wanted to be with someone then you know as well as I do that acting foolish is part of the manual. In fact, I'm pretty sure that it's a part of the conditions imposed in getting the manual in the first place. I'm a straight woman who fell for a woman whom I finally got to see again; just when I was ready to give up.

I won't forget that day. The day when the waitress said "Usual table for one?" and a voice behind me replied before I got the chance to do my usual inward cringe and reply with 'yes'.

"Table for two."

I turned and there she was. Standing right there. She was there! I couldn't believe it. 

"Hi Carol"

I was so stunned I couldn't speak. I honestly didn't expect to see her again. I wanted to, hell after all my ramblings even you know I did.

"Carol? Is everything ok?" her hesitant voice had me nodding and suddenly grinning.

"Everything's great."

Moments later we were sitting at a table together. Our coffee ordered and looking at one another. 

"I'm sorry about that back there. I honestly didn't think I'd see you again."

Her eyes sparkled and she was grinning at me.

"There was no way in hell I wouldn't have come back to find the woman who told my brother he had to grow balls. That" she pointed at me "was extremely naughty and absolutely perfect!"

"I hoped I didn't offend you."

"Oh honey, what you said, what you did for me" she reached across and placed her hand over mine "you'll never understand how much that meant to me."

I was in heaven. My heart was racing as the warmth flowed from her hand to mine.

"I only did what was right."

She shook her head sadly and sat back, her hand leaving mine and immediately I felt the chill from the loss.

"No. Many people know right from wrong but few ever speak out."

"Did you and your brother sorts things out?"

I saw the tears form and she shook her head. "He was married last weekend" she paused and inhaled "I was uninvited."

"Uninvited? How... sorry that's none of my business."

"It's ok. The day we met you, Stephen was here to give me an ultimatum. I could go to his wedding as Peter but not as me."

My heart broke at the deeply sad expression she wore.

"I'm so sorry. That kinda sucks."

She laughed softly before replying in a serious tone.

"Nope. It totally sucks... big ones.. obviously not Stephens though because... you know... tiny ones."

My mouth dropped open and seconds later we were laughing so hard and loud the waitress asked us to 'keep it down' when she brought our coffees over.

"So. Carol. Tell me about you."

"Not that much to tell. I work. I go home. I love to cook and trying new recipes. That's pretty much it. I'm pretty boring really."

"No great love?" she asked.

I shook my head. "No, none. Not now anyway."

"What happened?"

We spent the next few minutes talking about my ex and the reason for our break up.

"Well he's a first class arsehole if you ask me" Raine's face held a scowl "obviously the problem is his. He didn't care to start with and then he did? What an arsehole!"

"It's taken time to get over it but I'm really ok with it now."

"mmmmm" Raine pursed her burgundy lips into fine lines "you shouldn't have to get used to it though."

I shrugged "When you have a body like mine you really don't have a choice."

"Don't. Don't do that!" Raine scolded.

"Do what?" Honestly I was confused by her reaction.

"Don't put yourself down like that. You're a beautiful woman and any man who doesn't see that is an idiot."

I sat stunned. My head was going crazy. So many questions flicked across my mind's eye but the one that kept pushing itself was the one that I blurted out and immediately wished I hadn't.

"Would you go out with someone like me?"

Raine's eyes opened as wide as saucers. I wanted to rip out my tongue, put it through the nearest mincer and feed it to the first cat I saw! The silence from Raine told me everything I needed to know. She wasn't attracted to me like I was to her. 

I stood up and grabbed my handbag. With actions I didn't really register I took the money out for my coffee and handed it to the passing waitress. I had to leave. I had to get out of there before I made a fool of myself and broke down in tears. 

"I'm sorry. I have to go."

I pushed out my chair and moved towards the door. Raine grabbed my arm.

"Carol please... "

I shook my head and pulled away.

"I'm sorry" I whispered "I should have known better."

"What? Carol.. no honey. Please..."

I couldn't handle the idea of hearing the usual crap. The usual 'there is someone out there but its not me' crap. The crap that said how beautiful I am and some lucky guy would love me forever. I left the coffee shop without looking at her again. The last thing I knew of her was the waitress telling her she had to pay before she left.

Somehow I found myself on a bus. Hell I wasn't even sure where it was going but being in the city I knew it'd be easy to work out what buses I needed to get home. I'd call work and tell them I was sick and had to go home.

I didn't look back. I wanted to. I wanted to see her one more time, just once, but I didn't want to look pathetic in doing it.

If only I had. If only I'd looked I would have seen Raine waving her hands at the bus trying to get it to stop. 

But I didn't. I kept looking ahead... though not really seeing the road. I just wanted to go home, go home and forget. Go home and curl under a blanket and eat a bowl of icecream.

Table for One Ch. 03



A/N Just want to say thank you for your support and comments. I considered writing this story in the typical way but quite honestly with the sheer lack of understanding and the cruel people of this world I wanted to show that appearances may change but the heart doesn't. 

Everyone has the capacity to love and Raine and Carol are no different.

And me? Well I'm a romantic with a wicked side :D 

*******

I'd like to say that I never went near the coffee shop again but knowing how much I abhor lying myself, I won't insult anyone's intelligence with such a blatant lie.

I couldn't help it. For three days I tried to stay away but on the fourth day I had to admit that in close proximity to where I was working there was no other place with coffee even half as good. The difference though, was I never went at the same time ; it made sense when I decided it. Don't judge me, I'm a coffee addict and good coffee is hard to find dammit!

I just, ugh, I felt stupid for my reaction to Raine. Hell, I even knew before hand that there was a good possibility she wouldn't want me. I mean sure, I was attractive in my own way and apart from my own insecurities regarding relationships I really am far more confident than I seem. 

Time to pull up the big girl panties and start moving forward. Right? Yeah well, I would if I could take away this ache in my chest that told me I lost someone special.

So I had my coffee each day. I enjoyed it but there was a pain, an ache when without asking, the regular waitresses started to just lead me to my table for one. 

This day at the coffee shop was a little different. One of the regular waitresses handed me an envelope. The writing was elegantly written. A simple 'Carol' was all that was on it but when the waitress handed it to me she told me a beautiful woman left it there for me.

I don't mind telling you that I was as nervous as hell while I waited for my coffee. God my heart was pounding. I looked at that envelope like it had the potential of bring me gold while at the same time I knew it could bury me. With shaking fingers I swallowed a gulp, slipped my finger under the sticky closing and opened it.

"Dear Carol, I would love to see you again. Would you go on a date with me? Raine"

Such a simple note but below it was her phone number. I wanted to scream. Hell I wanted to fangirl! I swear I grinned like a Cheshire cat. I wanted to... 

"I hope that smile means yes?"

My head snapped up and once again I was looking at the perfect woman. She pointed at a spare chair at the next table.

"May I?"

Ok. I don't mind telling you I was gobsmacked to see her. Getting her note I honestly expected the next time we spoke would be over the phone so I probably looked like a complete doofus as I nodded with my jaw on the floor.

Raine moved the chair but before she sat down she placed a kiss on my cheek. 

Ok... NOW I wanted to swing from the ceiling and scream like a banshee... I blushed. I actually blushed! Raine laughed softly at me but before I could duck my head she reached out a hand and wiped my cheek with her thumb. The sweetest gesture ever that left behind a trail of warmth.

"Lipstick." Her only explanation. "You know you still haven't answered my question" she grinned and teased "or said hello."

God I'm an idiot!

"Hi" I could feel the small smile building on my face before I frowned slightly. 

"How did you know I'd be here?"

Raine laughed and I have to tell you that it was beautiful. A sound that echoed through to my very soul and left my body's reactions in no doubt as to how much I was turned on by this woman.

"Well honey, I believe I am now officially a stalker." She flicked her long hair over her shoulder and I swear that she looked smug.

"A what?" I burst out laughing as Raine nodded with complete feigned seriousness.

"A stalker. Actually, I'm surprised you didn't see me. I've been pacing up and down the street for the last couple of hours waiting to see you. I left the note just in case I had to leave before you arrived."

It seemed incredible that anyone would want to do that for me.. for ME!

"Why? It's not like I'm anything special."

Raine shook her head "You have no idea just how special you really are."

I felt gooey, yes gooey, at her words and grinned suddenly "Yes. Yes I will go out with you."

Raine's eyes lit up and I found myself being pulled in further by her beauty.

"Thank god! Honey I'm so sorry about last time. Quite honestly I was in shock. I know I shouldn't have been after what you said to Stephen but" she paused as if looking for the right words "well, you're worried about your weight putting people off and for me, I'm a woman who used to live the life of a man. Honey there aren't too many people out there who are comfortable going out with someone like me."

"But why?" I blurted "You're gorgeous." 

This time it was Raine who blushed. Her long lashes fluttering as she looked down to the table.

"You're gorgeous too but you still don't believe it since that guy did a number on you. I guess in a way we're the same. We both have things we worry about. Have you considered the whole implications of being in a relationship with someone who's transgender? Honey, for you as a woman you'll be considered a lesbian, and for my part that's what I think you are. You've seen the way my brother reacted... that's more common than you think. You'd need to be prepared for a lot of cruel and hurtful comments from a lot of people. Then there's the fact that yes I am very much a woman but in some things I still have the remnants of Peter's male features. I can't change that so there's always people who look at me as a freak... which I'm not. I was just born into the wrong body shell."

I listened to her words and once again I felt an ache for her... and for me.

I sat looking at her. Let me tell you I am emphatically in major like and most probably love with this woman so to hear her say that she was considered a freak just made my blood boil but there was still that unsure piece of me that questioned her reasons for saying what she did.

"In a way it sounds like you're trying to put me off you."

"Oh no honey," she shook her head quickly causing soft curls to brush against her cheeks "not in the least. I just... well it worries me that I may fall for someone who's more interested in the whole 'celebrity' side of being with someone different to what society sees as the norm."

"You don't have to worry about that with me. If anything I worry that you may have a problem with being seen with a big woman."

Raine put a hand over mine in comfort but her face told me I may not like what she had to say next.

"I won't lie and tell you that I've ever been with a big woman before because I haven't. Honestly..." she paused "I never even considered it. You see I own a gym and women there are, well they're fit, slim and..."

My heart, body and everything else about me sank and I would have paid a fortune for the ground to open up and swallow me whole. The idea, the thought of being with a gym junkie for someone my size was, is, like a slap in the face. My mind screamed failure and my chest heaved as I drew breath to quell my need to cry.

I'm guessing the way I felt must have shown in the expressions on my face because the next thing I knew Raine had pulled her chair next to mine and she had my hands firmly caught in hers.

"I didn't mean to hurt you by saying that because that's not why I told you."

I nodded slowly. I truly hadn't realised my feelings had been quite so obvious until our fingers entwined and thumbs were drawing small circles over my skin and I admit I was no longer really listening. I shivered as I felt the tingling warmth spread through my body with each gentle touch and I was wondering if I'd be leaving behind a tell tale wet spot when I left. I forced myself back to the present.

"Then why?"

"Because honey I didn't want to be like everyone who treated me like shit. The more I thought about you the more I realised that I'd been just as much of a bigot as they were. It wasn't a conscious decision so please don't think it was. In the world I live in it just never occurred to me to look." Her eyes captured mine "I guess I just needed to find the right woman who made me realise that size didn't matter. I want to get to know you Carol. The person behind what the world sees. I want to know that woman, what her dreams are, her hobbies... her kinks" she wiggled her eyebrows with a teasing glint in her eyes.

I blushed. God I tell you right now that if things work out with me and Raine then I plan on buying the best damn foundation that money can buy to cover up this damn red! 

"I" gulping I continued, I had to ask "are... are you really interested in me? I mean physically because if you're not then please say so now befo..." my words were stopped when her fingers rested over my mouth and she leant in to whisper in my ear.

"You have the most gorgeous tits I've seen in a long time; soft, luscious... and honey if the size they are is because of your weight... then never... ever... go on a diet."

"Oh my god!" I breathed out. 

I felt lips kiss softly below my ear and a warm breath touch me "If we weren't in public I'd happily play with you."

Our coffee arrived and I expected Raine to move back to her place. She didn't and when I turned to her I found she had her head bent and taking deep breaths.

"Raine...?"

"I can't move" she mumbled.

"What? What's happ..."

Raine raised her hand and I stopped and waited for an explanation.

"God this is so damn embarrassing!"

"What is?"

Raine inhaled and again bent to whisper in my ear.

"I'm hard."

"What do you... Oh... OH!" I looked at her lap and sure enough her skirt had a definite spike sticking up.

"Shhhhh" Raine quickly hushed me as she moved uncomfortably to cross her legs "it's all your fault!"

"Mine?" Honestly, I wanted to laugh but I didn't want to offend Raine.

"Yes" she all but hissed at me "you and your perfect tits did this!"

"I'm sorry." Hell what else could I say? I really didn't see the problem.

"Honey, I'm a woman. The last thing I want is something like this in public!"

I didn't want to laugh anymore. In her few words I understood the reasons behind her embarrassment. As a woman fighting to be accepted for her real self, any reminder to people that she still bore a part of a man's body kept her separated from the world and having to fight harder to gain the acceptance she deserved.

"It's not really your fault" Raine whispered "I'm just turned on by the thought of.. Oh God! Shit! I have to stop thinking about this. Quick! Tell me something horrible. Help me Carol!"

Raine's body squirmed while her face resembled a stop light. What the hell could I say?

"I want to meet your family."

Raine sat up straight, looking at me in shock.

"What?"

I nodded "Yep. I want to meet your family. I mean I've already met Stephen so I think..."

"Some of them are worse" Raine warned "and are you sure? We've only just decided to go on a date and..."

I couldn't help myself. I grinned widely. 

"Huh? What?" 

I started to giggle. 

"Carol" her voice whined "why are you laughing?"

"I think we just took care of your problem."

Raine looked down at her lap and then back up at me with a grin.

"We did."

"Don't get me wrong, if things work out then I would like to know your family but... not now."

Ladies and gentlemen the more we sat and talked the more turned on I was. I hated the fact that I had to leave and go back to work. I could've easily sat and listened to her talk all day. When I did leave, I swear to God I almost left behind a soaked chair and a definite need to go home and change my skirt! I was as horny as hell and needing to find a moment or five to myself to take away the ache. 

On a brighter note; Raine was coming around to my place for our first dinner that evening. I suggested it on the basis that I feel it's my civic duty to respect the fact that it's unhygienic to leave pussy juice behind on the chairs so a private meal was definitely in order! Raine agreed so quickly that I had to hope that we'd have something of an interesting evening together.

As we parted and I returned to work I wondered if Raine would think I'm crazy if I cover the chairs in plastic... and did she have a favourite flavoured ice-cream?



Table for One Ch. 04



OK so maybe this wasn't my finest idea. In fact I was questioning the whole logic side of my decision. 

Civic duty? Bah!

Promising to cook a meal for a woman I'm trying to impress while knowing I only had a little over an hour? One word... Stupid!

"You're an idiot Carol! What made you think you could pull this off? A total blooming idiot! Stupid!"

Oh great! Now I was talking to myself! Just call me crazy and be done with it. You certainly wouldn't be wrong!

"Yes!"

Ok. Now I'm not so stupid. Stir fry. Everyone likes stir fry and I had everything I needed to make my special chicken and pine nut concoction. 

Relief. I went into overdrive and for the next thirty minutes I chopped vegetables to perfection, lined them up in order of going into the wok. Had the chicken sliced and in the fridge waiting. 

I looked at the clock and eeked out a squeal. I think I forgot to mention that I'd already had a shower before I started and while busying myself with dinner I'd done it with a simple emerald green satin wrap that fell to my feet. 

I needed to get dressed! What the hell was I going to wear? I wanted something that...

Oh!

My!

God!

Please. Please. Please. Please don't be Raine. 

Yep. There was someone knocking on the door. I patted down my hair and grimaced as I took a quick glance in the mirror beside the door. I inhaled and with my breath held I opened the door.

"Mrs Harman" 

I have NEVER been happier to see that woman.

"Carol, the post man delivered this mail to the wrong box again." She held out a letter that looked like it'd been pawed over repeatedly.

"Thank you for hand delivering it. I do apologise but I really must go. I'm having a guest for dinner and..."

"Oh a nice young man?" her eyes lit up as she obviously hoped for some piece of juicy gossip.

"No. A female friend."

"Oh that's too bad. You're a young woman but you really need to think about settling down with a nice man and having a family."

"Still a lot of years left before I have to worry too much. I have to go now..."

"Don't wait too long and don't be too fussy. If you get an offer you should take it. I'll never understand why you let that young man go."

"Mrs Harman" My jaw clenched and I had to grip the envelope in both my hands so I didn't strangle the woman "As I said, thank you for..."

She reached out and grabbed my arm.

"I only want what's best for you dear. A woman of your... stature... shouldn't be too fussy."

"That's why she's with me."

Two feet away, looking like a runway model, Raine's anger rolled off her at the old woman's words.

Mrs Harman looked between Raine and I until finally the penny dropped.

"You're..."

I nodded my head "Yep. For her I am."

I saw the look of horror etch its way over her face and counted to see how long... she squealed a piercing shriek and snatched her hand away from my arm rubbing it down her side as if to wipe away any contagion. 

Raine stepped in front of me, completely ignoring Mrs Harman, and reached to hold the back of my neck and lower her head to kiss me with such tenderness I could have lost myself in it forever.

Mrs Harman backed away stuttering words of hate, loathing and 'the devils work', shaking her head before she turned and rushed into her own apartment and slamming the door.

I found my arms going upwards to wrap around Raine's neck and shoulders. Her mouth pressed firmer and her tongue pushed forward to dance with mine. 

"Hahum"

The word echoed through my brain until I couldn't deny the second time it was offered.

Raine reluctantly pulled her mouth away from mine and I whimpered at the loss.

"Uh... ladies?"

My head snapped towards the voice. It was the guy who owned the third unit on my floor. Mark had been a major contributor to my daily dose of eye candy. I grinned.

"Looking good there ladies but Carol you know..." he nodded towards the Mrs Harman's door.

Raine grinned and waved a hand in the air. "Been there. Done that."

"Yep. I think we just took twenty years off her life."

"Well if she stops by my place with mail..."

I waved the envelope in my hand and Mark groaned.

"Thanks Carol. Just..." he sighed "I might go out."

"She'll only get you tomorrow and tell you how you're never home."

"Oh hell. I forgot about that" he looked at me with a deep frown "You owe me."

"What do you want?" I grinned. Mark was a sucker for home cooked food.

"Surprise me."

"I will. Oh I'm sorry. Raine this is Mark... the other Mrs Harman target."

We chatted for a few minutes before Mark left us and we finally closed the world outside my front door.

I could feel Raine's eyes boring into me as I turned.

"So" she started "Do you usually open the door wearing a see through robe?"

I stood stunned for what could have easily been a life time but was in reality a mere three seconds. My arms flew around me in what I can only assume was a stupid gesture.

I squealed "I never knew this was so thin! Oh my God! I have to get dressed. I was about to when Mrs Harman knocked and then you came and then..."

Raine took a step closer, placed a bunch of perfect white carnations, that I hadn't even seen, on the entry table, then she moved to lean against me, she took hold of my face and looked into my extremely embarrassed eyes with mischievously sparkling ones. 

"Breathe honey" Raine whispered "Breathe. I don't mind at all and it's only at certain angles and trust me, I made sure that Mark couldn't see you. And the old insulting bat?"

"I thought she was you."

"You think I'm an insulting old bat?" Raines nose wrinkled in mock disgust.

"No, no, no. I just thought you might be early and I.."

I heard Raine's hoarse whisper just before her lips trailed across the sensitive skin of my throat.

"So you wore it for me?"

"Oh God" I breathed out as my eyes shuttered closed and I lost myself in her touch before she moved away.

"Honey. Go and get dressed before I forget that I'm here to get to know you over dinner."

I nodded as she stepped away, my gaze drawn to her chest which heaved with her need to find control. I was definitely ok with forgetting dinner but obviously Raine wasn't.

"Please, have a seat. I won't be long. It's just stir fry. I hope that's ok?"

"Perfect. Now go." She raised her arm and pointed to the hallway door. I giggled at the dramatic 'game show' like action before finally leaving the room. 

Have you ever had two minutes to get dressed to impress? Let me tell you I am not the queen of two minute makeovers! In fact, if I were to resemble anything I'd like to then I'd need at least an hour, maybe four but with two minutes my wardrobe found a new home on my floor, my bed... and anywhere else that happened to be in the way.

So what did I decide on? My favourite floral shirt that moved softly when I moved and a pair of three quarter pants. A quick brush back of my hair a clip, a flick of mascara and lip gloss and I was done. 

I looked nothing like the gorgeous picture Raine presented me with tonight and that upset me until I heard her voice.

She was standing at the door of the kitchen with a spatula in her hand and she'd found my silly 'kiss the cook' apron and was wearing it.

"You look beautiful and just so you know I do like knowing I have a girl who doesn't take as long as me to get ready" she winked with a wicked little grin.

"Don't get used to it. This is a one off."

"One off or not I like the results. I hope you don't mind but I've taken over your kitchen. I wasn't sure how long..."

Her voice trailed off as I walked towards her. 

"You..." I could see her swallow "You aren't wearing a bra!"

"I.. um" I grabbed my lower lip between my teeth. "Is that a problem? I didn't even think about it. I just wanted to get back out here and..."

"Oh honey. The only problem with the girls hanging free is that my mind's in overdrive wondering... nope" she pointed to the door again "no intelligent conversation will happen if you don't put one on."

I shook my head with amusement clearly on my face.

"Sooooo... does this mean I should put on panties too?"

Her eyes snapped to mine and I felt myself burning inside from the dark, passion filled brown eyes staring back at me. We stood there, neither moving as control was sought.

"You are a bad bad girl Carol" she inhaled deeply "go, get dressed properly so we can eat"

"I should be the one cooking."

"Nope" a definite shake of the head "not like that. Go now. Shoo!"

I couldn't help it. I laughed all the way to my room and quickly redressed before joining Raine in the kitchen. Seeing her there brought on a sense of contentment. It was if she belonged here.

Raine grinned at me suddenly and nodded her approval.

"Sorry honey, but I am just a simple woman and temptation is difficult to resist."

I walked to the side of the counter she was on. She had all the cooking in hand so I started getting what I needed to set the table. 

"Chopsticks or fork?"

"Chopsticks."

It all seemed so... right.

"So, tell me about Mark. Have you known him long?"

"Oh, he moved in around a year ago with his wife."

"He's married?"

"Was. Well still is technically but his wife left him for an old flame."

"Oh that's sad. So he's all alone?"

I laughed.

"You've seen him Raine. He's gorgeous. He dates all the time. Girls are hanging off him."

"And you? Would you date him if he asked?"

"At one time maybe but we spend a bit of time together anyway so..."

Raine's frowned into the wok. Her hands moving quickly as she tossed ingredients into the stir fry.

"Would you fuck him?"

I put the water jug that I'd just got from the fridge down on the table with a thud and turned to look at Raine properly. Her body was tense and I'm pretty sure her jaw was so clenched it'd take more than a crowbar to jimmy it open.

"Pardon?"

"I just asked if you'd fuck him. You said..."

"Raine" I said softly.

"I guess it'd be easy seeing as he's..."

"Raine" I leant across the counter and placed a hand over hers "come here."

"Can't. Dinner will burn."

"And now it won't." I flicked the switch to warming, picked up Raine's hand again and tugged it in the direction of her coming around the counter. I slid out a chair and Raine sat down. Her face showed me the child behind the woman. The uncertainty; the fear. 

Both feelings I knew well.

Raine tried to cross both her arms and legs as she stared at the floor. I wouldn't let her. Thankfully her skirt was full and made it easy for me to step between her legs and still leave her with her dignity. Her arms I wasn't so much worried about at that point, I just needed to be close.

I lifted her chin so she was looking at me. Her eyes... oh my god. My heart ached for what I saw there.

"Talk to me."

She shook her head.

"It's silly."

"How can it be silly if it's affecting you like this?"

Her arms wrapped around me and I gladly held her against me.

"I'm worried."

"About?"

"What if we do make a go of this and one day a guy like Mark comes along... maybe even him and you decide you want that instead. It's easier to be man and woman and not..."

"Not what I'm looking for. I've tried to be with men and yes, I still enjoy a bit of eye candy like Mark but that doesn't mean they're right for me."

Her head raised and her eyes, vulnerable, sad, searched mine.

"But how do you know that I'm the one for you?"

"I don't" I shrugged "just like you don't know if I'm right for you. You yourself said that you'd never been with a big woman before... well I'm taking a chance on you as well."

"One day at a time?" she asked tentatively.

"One day at a time" I confirmed with definite nod of my head. 

I decided it was time for me to be bold.

"You know. I questioned whether I was a lesbian or bisexual because of my attraction to you."

"You did?" she sounded surprised.

"I did. You see I am attracted to women but there are things that women do together that I know I can't do. On the other hand" I traced a finger downwards over her chest "I quite like the fact that you have these."

Raine shivered as I traced my finger across the swell of her breasts. I heard her gasp as I approached the hardening point pushing through the pale purple material that covered them from view. I watched her face and the passion I felt was mirrored on hers. My hand covered the swelling skin and tightened briefly before letting go to do it all over again.

"Carol" her voice hoarsely whispered "please..."

"Please what baby? This?" I squeezed her nipple between my thumb and forefinger. "Or this?" I scooped her breast upwards and rolled it in my hand.

"Oh shit honey..." Raine's head dropped back, her beautiful brown orbs now closed and her mouth dropped open.

I wanted more than this, I wanted to taste this beautiful woman. I didn't know how far she'd let me go but I really wanted to see how she reacted to my mouth suckling on her breast.

I kissed her neck, trailing kisses over her sensitive skin. Her breath hitched and her hands grabbed my hips and pulled me closer.

"I want to see you baby" my free hand went to the hem of her shirt, lifting it slightly leaving no doubt as to what I wanted.

"Honey..." she gasped as my fingers plucked at her nipple.

I raised her shirt higher and sucked lightly over the pulse in her throat.

I felt the soft lace that stood between my hand and her bare skin. Looking down briefly I inwardly laughed in relief to know the clasp of her bra was at the front and not the back. Thank God I'm female and able to make short work of it with one hand. The delicate material parted and I groaned.

She was perfect. Absolutely perfect. Pink and perfect.

"Baby you're beautiful" I whispered.

"Honey please" she pleaded.

I lowered myself until my mouth found it's treasure. That hardened softness felt like a slice of heaven as I sucked my cheeks in gently and was immediately rewarded with a moan and pants from the woman above me.

My tongue traced the taut skin, lapping, licking and promising more. 

I suckled. God it felt amazing! Raine's whimpers and tiny groans egged me on. Her arms wrapped around me and held me to her while her body jerked upwards.

I have no idea how long I held her in my mouth but when I felt her hands gently pushing at me I protested with a whimper which proved I wasn't ready to stop.

"Honey" she breathed out softly "we have to stop."

"Why?" My question was muffled against her skin.

"I don't want to embarrass myself honey. Please. We have to stop."

Ok. I stopped. I didn't want to. Hell I could have stayed there for a hell of a lot longer but I let bloody manners and respect take over. 

My forehead rested on the skin above her breasts and I drew in the deepest breaths I ever have to calm myself down.

Raine held me with one arm and stroked my hair until my body returned to normal along with hers. I stood and she took my face into the palms of her hands and gently kissed me. It wasn't a kiss of passion but more a gentle act of caring.

"Thank you honey. That was wonderful."

My inner turmoil almost settled... but not quite.

"I'm so wet for you Raine."

Her eyes flashed something more before returning to the beautiful brown that called me in.

"I'm sorry honey. I just think it's too soon to go all the way.

"But we can... play... right?"

"Oh you bet we will. You owe me a taste of these beautiful tits" she kissed each of them quickly "but, now, it's time to eat."

"I think I might need to change" I giggled.

Where was that plastic now?

Raine reached and lightly tapped my butt and gently pushed me towards the door.

"Go then. I'll put out dinner."

"Ok." I honestly had no choice. I knew my pants were saturated so I headed to the door before I stopped and turned to see Raine fixing her clothes. 

I grinned widely.

"Hey Raine?"

She turned her head to look at me "Yes honey?"

"Do you like ice-cream?"



Table for One Ch. 05



A/N Me again. Again I say thank you so so much for all your support and apologies for the time. I stupidly deleted an almost finished chapter and had to rewrite.

Ok... Explanation time. Carol's thoughts and feelings regarding her size are based on my own life experiences. Her thoughts back in ch 1 about being with a ts woman are my own (have I? No. Would I? In a heartbeat.)

Raine is an accumulation of my listening, reading and researching as a way to understand myself. I hope that I'm doing her justice by the way I'm writing her perspective. If anything's wrong then please don't hesitate to tell me as I've fallen for this pair and am considering developing the story further and I'd much prefer to spread the truth.

I know this isn't full of sex but I tried that with the other story I did on here and I hated writing it. To me it's pretty much trash. I'm a romantic so I write romance (yes in the outside world too) with love, twists, turns and with some kind of teaching happening. That's just me.

************

Star crossed lovers? Well I definitely felt like I was starry eyed as we talked over dinner. It's not like I could help it. Raine was simply amazing. 

I listened as she talked about her life as Peter. It was... and wasn't... hard to imagine Raine as being extremely popular with the girls through highschool. In fact, the more I listened the more I was grateful I didn't know Peter. The person she became to hide the truth from the world was far apart from who she really was and, well in Raine's own words, Peter was a dog. A cruel, uncaring person who 'loved em and left em' on a regular basis. To the 'in' crowd she was someone to admire, to the females she was someone to swoon over, to the nerds she was someone to step back from when she walked by and to everyone else? She was some one to fear from the shadows.

Raine explained that she was forced to live a lie from her earliest memory and by the time she'd reached her mid-teens she was angry at everything... her parents, her siblings, at the world for their bigoted ideologies and even the neighbours. Especially the neighbours for their interfering gossip on everything she did.

Her only relief, her escape, was going home, locking the door to her room and being herself. 

She told me that at one stage of highschool she'd dated a girl very close to her own stature just so she could buy clothes as a gift for her girlfriend. The girlfriend never got the clothes but Raine had an awesome wardrobe. I mean seriously, how damn creative.. and sad... is that?

Something she said resonated with me in ways I never expected it to. To hear her say that she never once thought of herself as a male regardless as to how she lived was just... wow. I mean I knew, or at least I thought I did... but to hear Raine say the words affected me in a way I wasn't expecting. 

I cried. I considered how the millions of actors of the world would go to work every day and 'live' their parts. The difference was they got to be themselves freely away from the spinning reels of recording. 

Raine never had that.

The more Raine talked about Peter and being forced to play a part, a role, the more tears slid down my cheeks. I'll be honest and say that I thought I knew a lot about transsexuals, I'm fairly sure I understand a lot more than many people, but knowing for certain from the words this beautiful woman spoke made it all seem far more real in my mind. 

"Honey," she reached up from the table to gently wipe my cheeks "you're crying."

I wanted to sob. I couldn't help it. The horror of her life, even though it was obvious that she'd resigned herself to the knowledge that Peter was part of her history, was one of the saddest, most heartbreaking things I'd ever heard.

"I..." I choked back a sob "it's so wrong that you had to live like that."

"But I'm not now" she said gently.

"I just feel so heartbroken for you. Living like that must have been hell."

"It was" she agreed "but now that I've been able to live my life as I should you can believe me when I say that I refuse to let anyone push me back into that way of life." She paused before continuing "I have a choice. I can stay that bitter, hateful person or I can live as I should." She smiled softly "I choose to live. I'm happy. Really happy being me." 

Raine's fingers were tracing my hands at this stage and her pale pink lips were still held in a soft smile. She looked up from my hands and smiled widely.

"If I didn't have that life then I wouldn't have met you. I wouldn't have heard your beautiful words to Stephen."

How corny! In another place and time I probably would have rolled my eyes... but not now.

"Yeah but if you didn't have to live that way then you would have been happy all your life and not just recently." I had to point it out. Her happiness meant a lot to me.

"Three years. When I turned twenty four I couldn't do it anymore." Her wistful face held... and hid... many emotions in that moment.

"How the hell did you last that long?" I was gobsmacked.

Raine sat back in her chair with a humph.

"Acceptance. I thought I had to live as Peter to be accepted in this world but finally I realised it wasn't me that had to be something I'm not to be accepted. It was the attitudes of others that needed to change. I still stayed playing Peter with my family until about seven months ago. Everywhere else I was me. Some of my family were ok with it but most were like Stephen and wanted nothing to do with me. Sometimes I think it would have been easier to continue but it was making me miserable and I... " she shook her head sadly "I just couldn't do it anymore. As much as I love them it wasn't right for me."

I placed a hand over hers and squeezed gently.

"Well I think you're wonderful."

Oh my God!

I removed one of my hands from hers and wiped over my face. I suddenly remembered how absolutely bloody dreadful I looked when I cried.

Great timing!

"You still look beautiful" she teased.

"Yeah sure. Red, blotchy and..."

"Caring, understanding, loving... accepting. That's far more beautiful than you realise."

I rolled my eyes.

"Oh great. In other words I look like shit but..."

Raine cut me off with her laugh.

"Oh honey, in no way do you look like shit. In fact, it kinda makes me feel good to know you care so much."

OK. I did it again. I blushed. This woman was going to be the death of me! And now I was feeling old... 'the death of me?' Who says that at my age?

"You know, you've probably worked out that I'm twenty seven. How old are you?"

I gasped! 

"Asking a girl her age? Shame on you woman!"

"Awww come on. I wanna know if my girl is a sexy younger woman or a sexy cougar."

"Your girl?" I asked softly.

Raine reached over and gently placed her hand against my cheek.

"Yes honey. My girl." She licked her lips nervously "If you want to be?"

"Raine you wouldn't be here if I didn't want to take the chance in seeing if we can make a go of us."

I could see the relief on her face and felt my own relief to know that she felt that way.

"Honey I don't plan on seeing anyone else. We don't know where this will lead" she reached and tucked a loose tendril of hair behind my ear "but I hope getting to know you takes a long time."

"So do I" I breathed out.

"I want to hold you." Her lips found the tender spot beneath my ear and I shuddered. 

God it felt good!

Raine stood, holding my hand and looked down at my enquiring look and smiled.

"Honey I want to hold you and sitting here at the table just isn't cutting it."

Um... der! Why didn't I think of that? I stood and found myself brushing against her. I felt her shudder just seconds before she groaned softly. Looking up at her face I could see her eyes looking straight down at the tops of my breasts, the material of my shirt having parted 

and exposing my milky white skin. 

"Honey" she whispered "go to the lounge... now."

I don't know what it was but right there in that moment I felt a driven need to please Raine any way she wanted me to. I've never considered myself to be submissive at all but with her... with her I wanted to obey. Whether it was the tone of her voice or the strength of my own longing I had no idea but... I went.

Raine stopped me as I moved to lean back against the lounge. She knelt in front of me after kicking off her shoes.

Her hands went to the buttons on my shirt, determined and yet, they were shaking.

"I think we can get you out of this shirt now... and the bra. The bra has to go too."

"But you said..." I tried to tease but her eyes darkened with a command I didn't want to fight.

I'm not sure exactly who removed my clothing. I think we both did but with my gaze being captured by Raine's beautiful eyes I couldn't say for sure.

I felt her hands slide down my arms. Arms I wanted to cross to hide my exposed body. I gulped as Raine smiled softly and looked down at me. She hadn't ever been with a big woman so what if my body turned her off? What if she was so disgusted by what she saw that... I felt tears come to my eyes as I watched her look over me. You see, when I say big, I mean big... as in huge and now, being here with the woman of my dreams, I felt smaller than I ever had before.

Her hands trailed over me, her finger tips tracing lines caused by my weight... and my skin was on fire. The sensations caused by her light touch sent waving pulses of excitement to my lower body... but my heart... my heart bled.

What did she think? I wished I knew. Her face had taken on an almost closed look that filled me with fear.

"You're so soft" she said softly.

"I'm sorry I..."

Her eyes snapped to mine and her expression changed. My breath held as her fingers pressed to my mouth.

"Shhhh. That's a good thing."

I shook my head slowly and her fingers dropped away.

"I should take better care of myself."

"Perhaps. Perhaps not. You don't need to be someone you're not for anyone else honey. If you're happy with your size then don't change. If you aren't... then change. But!" Her eyes twinkled "If you're tits shrink then we'll have to have another discussion about it."

My lips pursed together as I tried not to giggle. I lost that battle. My giggles started and Raine smiled wider than I'd ever seen her do before.

"Always laugh honey. You have no idea how beautiful you are when you laugh."

"Yeah right." Now I know it must seem like I was fishing for compliments but I promise you I wasn't. Years of feeling inferior, being taunted, teased and laughed at because of my size... well in the end it was easier to believe the problem was mine and not the attitudes of others.

"One more word about not being beautiful young lady and I'll turn you over and spank that luscious arse of yours."

Ok. Now I was wishing I really had put plastic down on the lounge. I could feel the moisture seeping into the material of my pants and squirmed to try and delay the inevitable wet spot I was going to leave behind.

"Honey?" 

I reddened with embarrassment as Raine watched me wriggle with amusement in her eyes.

"Honey what's wrong?" her words teased.

"I..." Oh God! How could I explain?

"Yes?"

I inhaled deeply and blurted out the words before I couldn't.

"I'm wet. Soaking."

"Wet honey?" Raine raised herself to lean over me and I gasped at the teasing of her shirt against my nipples as her mouth placed kisses to the base of my neck. 

"Mmmmm... Yes!" I hissed as her tongue tasted my skin.

"Wet from being touched? Or wet" she moved to my ear and nibbled the lobe "at the thought of being spanked? Mmmm? Is that making you wet honey?" she bit harder on my lobe and I let out a groan. "Do you want to be spanked? I would love to be your Mistress some time. Would you like that? Would you like me to place clamps... here?"

My entire body bucked as her fingers found my nipples and she pinched down and twisted before releasing to move swiftly and take one in her mouth. Her tongue swirled over the pain to replace it with the most glorious sensations I've ever felt.

"Please... Oh God. Please!"

"Please what honey?" She looked up at my face and smiled a wicked smile. "I think my girl has a dark side."

"I've never..."

"You don't have to do anything right now honey. Baby steps ok?"

I nodded and I guess my relief was apparent and she nodded her approval.

"Now honey. I do believe these beautiful" she groaned as she looked "fucking beautiful tits... need some attention."

Her mouth worked my nipples gently at first with laps that trailed over them and ignited me inside in a way I hadn't felt before. Then the pressure of her tongue was joined by a soft suckling. As each nipple was encased in the wet warmth the other was squeezed, lifted upward and rolled between fingers. Her palms kneaded the heaviness surrounding them and as she moved from one to the other she lifted the new nipple up to her waiting mouth. 

I held her shoulders in a grip I didn't know I had and gasped, moaned and screamed while she brought me to the edge without letting me go over.

I'm not sure when she moved but I know I there came a point when I was aware that she'd moved one of her legs over mine and was grinding herself on the calf of my leg. 

It was that urgency that took me for a ride I never expected. My release was so strong I had no choice but to grab Raine by the hair as my lower half arched towards her. I yelled out, well at least I think I did, as the burning warmth kept flowing from my body.

Raine didn't stop. She kept her assault on my nipples as if her life depended on it. From one wave I went straight into another, and then finally another.

The delicious feeling I felt hummed through me. Every nerve ending awake and aware. 

Raine groaned loudly. Her face buried in the pushed up hollow of my tits. I could feel the warmth as her lower body stilled with slight jerking movements.

"Oh shit" she whispered as we both panted "I didn't mean that to happen."

"What?" Hell I was confused. She didn't want me to cum?

She moved away with an embarrassed look on her face. 

"I need to use your bathroom Carol."

"It's through there" I pointed towards my bedroom door. 

She nodded and holding her skirt out from her body she walked uneasily from the room. I sat for a moment before reaching for my shirt. Hang the bra. I knew I'd have to use the bathroom myself and grimaced as I moved slowly off the lounge. I could feel the distinct wetness of my pants and with hesitant eyes I looked at my lounge and sighed in relief to see that it was clean.

Wrapping my arms around myself I walked to the window and watched the world below while I waited for Raine. I was so engrossed at watching the lights of the cars driving by I didn't know she'd returned until her arms wrapped around my shoulders and she placed a kiss on the top of my head.

"Did I do something wrong?"

Her body stiffened and she pulled me closer into her body. Her warmth was somewhat soothing.

"No honey. You didn't."

"You called me Carol." I felt like I was being petty but at the same time it was my way of explaining that I felt like she'd pulled away from me.

"Oh honey" her voice soft "it wasn't you. I wanted you to lose yourself but I lost control and... well..." she moved to take my shoulders in her hands and gently turned me "look at me" she looked down, my eyes followed hers and I could see the large wet streak of material.

"Honey, I don't regret cumming when you did. I just regret that I hadn't planned it and made a mess of myself."

"I don't mind" I started as I looked back up at her.

"But I do honey. It's just like being hard in public. This wet spot draws attention to me and I don't want that."

Ok now I was feeling like a jerk. How could I have forgotten something so important?

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry honey. It was amazing. Hell it was better than amazing but I'm afraid you're stuck with me until my skirt dries."

I grinned at the sparkling of her eyes.

"Oh I think I can put up with you a little longer."

Her hand moved down and swatted my arse.

"Cheeky wretch! How about we go into the kitchen and you can show me where I'll find your coffee?"

"I... um.. I need the bathroom first." My cheeks blazed!

"Ahhh" her eyes darkened once more "then go! Get clean and we'll sit and relax."

"How about some dessert?"

"Like what?" her head tilted slightly.

"Well. I have icecream."