3 comments/ 6055 views/ 5 favorites Cruising for a Bruisin' Ch. 01 By: komrad1156 *Note to readers: After writing The Agreement, I had several people email me and ask why I don't go full time. The answer is very simple: I like being a guy. I only want to be a girl part-time. I've never had any interest in being a woman, and any thoughts along that line were completely dispelled after going on a cruise with a former boyfriend. Whenever I write in the first person, the story is based on personal experience. Most of those experiences with regard to crossdressing have been positive. But it's not always sunshine and lollipops in drag. I'm an optimistic person, but there's a downside to everything, and I try my level best to write honestly about the good, the bad, and the ugly. It would be both easier and more interesting for the reader if I made everything sound all hunky dory. But not everything goes according to plan, right? In my male life, my dream marriage ended in divorce, my best friend was killed in Afghanistan in 2008, and my mother died from pancreatic cancer at an age that was much too young. Bad things happen to good people and then there's my favorite: shit happens. It's a kind of corollary to Murphy's Law. So while this story isn't macabre or even a "Debbie Downer", it's an accurate recounting of what happened and not all of it was fun and exciting. As to the trip overall, the first day was exhilarating! I loved flying back home to Seattle as a pretty girl with my then-boyfriend, Tim. Initially, everything was an interesting, new adventure from the boarding process at the Dulles airport to checking in to our cabin onboard the cruise ship. It was exciting to dress for the flight, then for dinner, and it was wonderful making love late into the night. The next day was also fun. Getting made up—again, dressing up—again, having breakfast and lunch in public, spending the day looking around the various shops on the ship, and again wearing semi-formal attire for dinner. But by the third day, I was getting tired of sitting up straight, smiling all the time, crossing my legs, watching myself constantly with regard to gestures, the way I walk and talk, and being pleasant all the time. I'm not an unpleasant person, but pleasant is different for men and women. There are exceptions, but generally speaking, women smile MUCH more than men. They laugh more, too. Keeping that up when it doesn't come naturally is a...bear. By the fourth day, I was sick and tired of being a girl. By the time I got home, I couldn't wait to get out of my female clothes, get the makeup off my face, put on a pair of shorts and a tee-shirt, drink a beer, belch, and scratch my balls and ass whenever I felt like it! Okay, I don't normally scratch either of those places, but I wanted to just because I COULD! What I wanted the most was to completely slouch in a big, comfortable chair with my legs spread wide apart and be a man again. So with that caveat, I decided to share my experiences—all of them. ***** Chapter 1 "Dude, why do you have two cells phones with you? You're not married, so what the fuck?" I quickly went back to the home screen after reading a text from Tim. There was no way I was going to tell the guys at work I'm a crossdresser and date men on the weekends. I and most of my co-workers are civilian contractors on a Navy base in Virginia. We're not active duty types so it doesn't matter who we date and besides, "don't ask, don't tell" had been repealed so dating men wasn't an issue regardless. But let's be honest. Crossdressing is one of the most misunderstood and maligned behaviors in America (or anywhere else it's practiced.) People are now mostly accepting or at least quietly tolerant of homosexuality and thanks to Bruce-turned-Caitlyn Jenner, transsexualism is getting a fair amount of exposure. But crossdressing and crossdressers aren't familiar to most people which makes for a lot of jokes and misunderstanding. So I choose to keep my private life private. "Keep this between you and me, but I'm working undercover for the CIA," I replied. "Yeah, right. And I'm James Bond," Kyle Greer quipped. "It's no big deal to me. It's just kinda odd to have two personal cell phones, but whatever." It really was weird in at least one sense. I buy a new burner phone whenever I have a new boyfriend and he's the only one who has that number. When we break up, I toss the phone. What's "weird" about it is that when dressed as a man, I have zero interest in men. I am totally straight, only into women, and never even think about any guy 'that way.' But once I'm in drag, I am (almost) only interested in men, and am 'totally straight' in that regard. No, I'm not delusional. I'm fully aware I'm a bi-sexual male playing girl a few hours at a time once or twice a week or occasionally for a weekend. Call it whatever you like, but that's the way it is where my interests in men and women are concerned. Before I started crossdressing (again) I was an avid weightlifter. I was in the gym nearly every day for years starting in my junior year of high school. I'd been overweight and had horribly misaligned teeth growing up and never been on a date until my senior year. In fact, the change was so dramatic I went from being ignored on my best days to humiliated by the popular kids on my worst to being hit on non-stop by nearly every girl who didn't know I was alive since the time I became invisible in the 3rd or 4th grade. I had an affair with my English/creative writing/mythology teacher which I wrote about in a story I call Creative Writing as well as with a lonely Mormon woman I shared in Bagging Lauren. After my interest in crossdressing came back with a vengeance, I stopped lifting literally overnight and started running seven days a week. It took me nearly six months to lose enough muscle mass to get to where I could fit into a size 12. It took almost six more months of running and extreme dieting to be able to fit into a size 8 or 10 depending on who the designer is. Now I can wear an 8 in pretty much everything but it takes a lot of work to stay that thin. For people who gain weight easily, I don't expect any sympathy because yes, I can stay thin. But it takes constant attention and very little cheating. My ex-wife was a wonderful girl who was several years older than me. I "rescued" her (and myself) from Mormonism and helped her become the bad girl she'd always wanted to be. She learned she had a real passion for B&D which I didn't share, but because she did everything else I'd ever dreamed of for me, I played along until I couldn't take it any more. We had several threesomes, tried couple swapping, and I even had her cuckold me a few times only without the humiliation that seems ever-present in stories on that topic. I'd find an attractive, younger guy and bring him to a motel where I'd watch him fuck my wife. I wrote about those experiences in Making Changes and Giving Me Claire. As exciting as that all was, it just got old, tired, and boring. I desperately wanted something new and fresh, but I was well, fresh out of ideas until... Once my deeply-buried urge to crossdress came back, it was pretty much all I thought about as I quit lifting and starting getting thin. My ex-wife came home unexpectedly once and found some of my things left out. That led to her seeing me dressed up and being genuinely shocked at how I looked. When she found out I was interested in dating men, she used that as an excuse for her to date other men without me being with her. We even double-dated once (and only once and at her suggestion) when I was in drag and that was the beginning of the end of our marriage. That's the gist of the story I referenced called The Agreement. I dated that guy for several months, then met someone else, and finally I found Tim. Or rather, he found me. I shared some of our experiences in Tim and Callie and Dave and Beth. The cruise happened about a month after the foursome we had with his best friend Dave, and his beautiful wife, Beth, who looks to me like a twin of the actress Leslie Bibb in her younger days. I pulled my burner phone out and reread the text. "Hi, honey! I want to take you on a five-day cruise. Will you go with me?" I know I said I'm not into guys when I'm dressed in drab, but if my mind 'goes there', then I can quickly find myself (herself?) fantasizing about being Callie and being with the guy I'm dating. I'd been staring at the text when Greer asked me why I had two cell phones. I was imagining going shopping for a bunch of pretty new things and spending an entire five days as Callie! I was sporting a partial woody under my Levis when Greer broke me out my trance. Later on, I texted Tim back that it sounded very exciting, but I told him it couldn't be anywhere that's hot and humid. Tim immediately understood why. First of all, I have a sweater fetish that won't quit. I love pretty dresses and other frilly stuff, but growing up near Seattle and seeing girls wear them nine months out the year, I am a sweater girl through and through. If it's form-fitting, preferably (but not necessarily) rib-knitted, and sexy looking, I'm buying it. I won't wear some baggy, clunky, multi-colored, hideous-looking thing, but if it looks like my kind of top, it's mine. Sleeve length doesn't matter. I like sleeveless, cap sleeves, short sleeves, 3/4-length, and long sleeves. As long as it's in my clothing wheelhouse, it's coming home with me. Yummy, yummy, yummy! Secondly, I am, after all, a man. Men sweat more than women—a lot more. There's simply no way I could even sit, let alone walk around, in heat and humidity in drag for more than a few minutes at a time. I'd be a sweaty mess in short order and it would draw attention like nothing else. You can see my 2010 blonde wig pics and compare them to my 2015 brunette pics with my own hair (plus nose job and some other cosmetic changes) and decide how passable I am. Considering I've never once been "clocked" in public, my sense is I do pretty well. But women don't drip sweat the way men do, so most of my summertime forays into the world as Callie are done in the evening or where there's air conditioning at all times. "How about Alaska?" he texted me back. He was suggesting a cruise in September so it would be getting cold but wouldn't be freezing cold yet. I went on line and checked out the average temps and started getting excited! "Sounds perfect!" I wrote back. "Need to discuss details, okay? Love you, Callie." It was Wednesday afternoon and we had a date for Friday evening. Tim was taking me out to dinner and then dancing at our favorite local spot called The Blue Parrot at the Hilton Hotel in Springfield, Virginia. I don't have any friends who are crossdressers, but from what I understand, most enjoy getting ready as much as I do. It's just SO exciting to get a total body wax, come home and lay out what you're going to wear, then shower, and do your makeup. It's almost like being in a trance. Many years ago, I read a book called Flow by author Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi. Flow is the author's term for the state we get in when we're so into something, we're unaware time is passing. We become so absorbed in what we're doing, time begins to just...flow. That's exactly how it feels every time I sit down and start doing my makeup. I love the simple yet complex challenge of blending everything together to make my face and skin tone look perfect. Liquid foundation, concealer, highlighter, getting the eyebrows perfect, blending eye shadows, applying false eyelashes, mascara, blush, and a finishing powder. I get so excited just thinking about it. Doing it sends me into another world. You girls know exactly what I'm talking about, right? Before I grew my own hair out, the finishing touch was putting on a wig I'd carefully combed and styled. The moment it went on my head, I felt myself turn into Callie. For the next few hours, I was a woman or at least felt like one. The icing on the cake was dressing in the pretty clothes I'd laid out, putting earrings into my pierced ears, and finally stepping into a pair of 3-4" heels. O...M...G! What a thrill! And for those of us lucky enough to be able to go out in public, we have the joy of going somewhere and showing off our best self. Most women don't dress to the nines so there are only certain places you can away with it without drawing unwanted stares. Dinner and dancing on the weekend is a perfect opportunity to do just that. It was still summer, but the evenings were beginning to cool off a bit and any relief from the hot, humid days in Virginia was most welcome. For our night out, I choose a white, sleeveless, rib-knit top by Calvin Klein and a short, suede A-line skirt from Belk. I paired a pair of cute taupe-colored shoes with 3" heels with a matching purse and finished the look with a gorgeous gold and onyx necklace/bracelet/earring set that I loved and which looked fantastic with the outfit. Lastly, I carried a pretty white cardigan on my arm as it often got chilly inside. Tim arrived at 7:30 as he'd promised. "Hi!" I said as I let him in. "Jesus, you look so amazing, Callie!" he said as he kissed me hello. "Thank you!" I told him sincerely. I loved being pretty for him and I knew he appreciated it, but it was still nice to hear him tell me so. Tim had never dated a crossdresser (or any man) before me and I was so smitten with him I felt like I'd won the lottery when he noticed me at Screaming Queens. A very non-passable girl sitting next to me told me some handsome guy was staring at me but when I saw him, my knees went weak! He looked like Matt Bomer from he TV show White Collar. He was still legally married but had plans to file for divorce which he did shortly after our first date. Oh, and he's a very successful attorney. Did I mention he's handsome as hell? :-) "So where are you taking me tonight, sweetheart?" I asked him while my arms were still around his neck. "I hope you like Mexican because I have reservations at Oyamel," he said as he flashed his dazzling smile at me. "Oh, my goodness!" I said. "I've wanted to go there for the longest time! It's on the top 5 list every year." "I know. It's tough to get a table but I know someone who knows someone so..." I kissed him again and said, "Someone is definitely getting lucky tonight." We headed downtown and eventually for 7th Street in Northwest. It was such a beautiful place that was both luxurious and inviting. As we stepped inside, we were greeted by a very nice-looking young man who said, "Buenas noches, señor y señora! Bienvenido's a Oyamel." I wear a large, cubic zirconia ring on my left hand when I'm dating a guy I really like and I'm hoping that's why I was called señora rather than señorita. I hope it wasn't due to my advancing age. Ugh! I always let Tim order everything for me so he started us off with margaritas and tortilla chips with guacamole which was superb! For dinner, he ordered Postaza con Mestaza and for me, Cayo con Salsa Negra which is a dish of seared scallops with wild mushrooms, cauliflower, and a black bean chipotle chile. Everything was absolutely delicious! As we ate, Tim pulled out his iPhone and scrolled through some photos from the Princess cruise line. "These are amazing!" I told him. There was only one five-day cruise. All of the others were 10 or more days and I had no interest in being a girl that long! Little did I know that just five days would push me to my limits, but it seemed very reasonable at the time. Oh, we had to fly to Seattle first so that meant one extra day on both ends in drag along with all the potential hassle from TSA even though I was very careful to tell everyone with whom I spoke I was a male traveling in female attire. Government efficiency—an oxymoron if there ever was one! "So can I book us?" he asked with some impatience. "Well, I think I could manage to break away from work for a week so...yes. Go ahead!" I said excitedly. That was near the end of the fiscal year and things tended to get a bit slower and besides, no one else had put in for vacation so I had no trouble getting a full week off. Tim knew I made good money as an engineer, but he understood that being treated like a real woman was part and parcel of dating me. He was always happy to pay for everything and I have to admit I enjoyed letting him. It was no different than waiting for him to open my car door and help me out or to open a door to wherever we were going. That's just what any gentleman does for any lady he's with. Even so, when I caught a glimpse of the total price, I gasped. "Okay, I'm paying for the air fare, honey. No arguing." Tim tried saying he had that covered, but I wouldn't hear of it. I pulled out my phone and bought us two round-trip, business-class tickets to Seattle for the 17th of September and returning on the 23rd. "Done!" I announced proudly. Tim leaned over and kissed me. "Thank you, sweetheart. Did you know I love you?" he said as we ended our kiss. "I do," I said sweetly. "And I love you, too." Just then, we noticed our server standing there with the check. "Sorry to interrupt," he said. "Are you two newlyweds by any chance?" he asked. Tim smiled and looked at me. I winked letting him know it was okay. "This is my beautiful new wife, Callie." I held out my left hand and showed off my (faux) diamond ring with some modest amount of flair. "A beautiful ring for a very beautiful young woman," he said gallantly. "Can I get you two anything else tonight?" Tim ordered an after-dinner drink and we sat and made small talk while we sipped it. At around 9pm, Tim said, "The band ought to be into its first set by now. You ready?" "Definitely. And thank you dinner, honey. It was wonderful." Tim came around and helped me out of his Lexus as we pulled up in front of the Hilton. "Be right back, okay?" he said as he kissed me on the cheek. He saw me shiver slightly and helped me pull my sweater on before suggesting I wait inside while he parked the car. "No, thanks. I'll be okay out here," I assured him. Tim paid the $15 cover charge for each of us and led me into the lounge area. There was a very good local band playing a series of golden oldies which meant music from the '70-'90s. They played one great song after the other and the lead singer had an incredible voice. She was talented and very attractive. We danced a half dozen times. Some fast, some slow. While we were sitting at our table and sipping a glass of wine, I noticed two good-looking guys staring at me and talking to one another. One of them turned to the other and said something which made him raise his eyebrows. He then high-fived his buddy who walked over to our table. Without looking at Tim he said, "Hi. I'm Eric. I was wondering if you'd like to dance." I looked at him then over at Tim who looked back at me before addressing Eric. "My wife's a big girl. She can dance with whomever she wants." Eric was a pretty big guy and Tim is as cute as Matt Bomer but built like him, too. In other words, he's not the kind of guy who's going to fight for the honor of his woman because he would almost certainly get his ass kicked! I smiled at Eric and said, "No thank, you. I'm very much in love with my husband." Without flashing it as I'd done at the restaurant, I let Eric see it. He glanced down at it and said, "That's okay, I'm not gonna propose to you. I just wanted to dance." I put my hand over my mouth as I laughed. I looked over at Tim and said, "Do you mind?" I could tell he didn't and after having let his best friend fuck me a month ago, I knew it would be okay. Besides, I'd been to the Blue Parrot several times by myself when I was still wearing my blonde wig. I'd been asked to dance dozens of times and not once did any guy ever so much as hint he might know my secret so I felt very safe dancing with this very tall, very muscular, very cute guy who believed I was a married woman. Cruising for a Bruisin' Ch. 01 "Well, as long as you're not going to ask me to marry you..." I slid out from the table and offered Eric my hand. As we went past his table, his buddy handed him a $20 bill. I laughed and said over the music, "I'm only worth $20?" Eric leaned down and said, "That was the price to ask you to dance. You don't know what he agreed to pay me if I could get you to go home with me." I laughed again then put my arms around him as a lovely slow song started up. We held each other close and I felt a very large something pushing against me toward the end of the song. I knew I shouldn't do it, but I pushed back against it when it brushed up against me the second time. "Sorry," he said with a smile. "It's just hard to keep that from happening with someone as pretty as you." I smiled and said, "Well, it most definitely IS hard." As the song ended, he said, "Do you mind if I kiss you?" "If you cut me in for half of your next payment then...okay," I teased. He leaned down and kissed me full on the lips. I kissed him back and said, "I'm afraid that's all the money you'll be winning from your friend tonight." As he walked me back to the table, he grabbed another twenty from his buddy and said, "If you change your mind, I'll be right there the rest of the night." I smiled, thanked him for the dance and the kiss and sat back down. I slid close to Tim who put his arm around me and said, "Okay. That was very hot. If I thought he wouldn't beat the shit out of both of us, I'd suggest we..." I pulled myself right next to him and said, "Hmmm. I was thinking the very same thing. But he doesn't look like the kind of guy who'd be understanding of that um...special something you like so much about me." Tim groaned and said, "You ready to go home?" "My place or yours?" I asked coyly. "Since I drove, it might be best to go back to your place," he suggested. I didn't like getting up in the morning and driving home with beard stubble showing so I agreed. (I've had a modest amount of electrolysis so my facial hair is sparse and very light, but it doesn't take much to give a girl like me away, so I was happy to have Tim stay at my place.) Of course, that meant I wouldn't be getting much sleep but it was the weekend so... Tim kept a toothbrush, razor, and shaving cream at my place but that was it. No matter how much I like a guy, he's just not ever moving in with me. So while he was in the bathroom brushing his teeth, I got ready for him. I'd already given myself a very thorough enema before dinner so everything was clean as a whistle...in there. I slipped off my suede skirt and knit top, then carefully pulled off my padded undergarment being very careful not to break a nail. I lightly glue them on so they won't just fall off in public, but it isn't hard to snap one off! I was standing there in my bra and panties, stockings, garter belt, and heels but as you might guess, I don't feel complete without a sweater of some sort. I was wearing a lacy white bra so I chose a rib-knit, white cardigan to wear to bed. I love, love, love seeing the rib knitting around my tiny wrist while I'm holding my lover's cock. Yes, I love seeing my red nails (or kind of a copper color this night) but for whatever reason, the ribbing just does it for me. We men hold nearly 100% of the paraphilia/fetishes and I don't even bother trying to understand why anymore. I/we like what I/we like. End of story. And since Tim didn't care, why wouldn't I wear what makes me feel pretty and feminine? (That's rhetorical, of course!) Just one thing left to do. If you've read my other adventures you know I don't like having any man touch my cock. I made an exception for his best friend, Dave, because Beth, who is SO smoking hot, basically begged me to let him suck my dick. I think she wanted to tease him about it later on. Then again, maybe he's got a true cuckold fantasy of being humiliated. Who knows? I just let him do it because well, Beth is so fucking gorgeous and I really got caught up in the moment. The panties needed to go so I slipped them off then pulled on a pair of pussy panties which give the rough illusion of having a vagina. They have an, um...access port...in the back in a strategically-located position so on they went. I lay down on the bed on my side propped up on my elbow with my legs slightly spread apart waiting for my handsome boyfriend to come fuck me good night. When he came out of the bathroom, he was already sporting wood. "You taking Viagra?" I teased. "No. I definitely don't need that," said with a wicked smile. "It's just that waiting an entire week to make love to you is an eternity. Do you have any idea how horny I get going 5-6 days without having sex?" I raised my eyebrows and said, "Um...yes, I believe I do." My own phallus was growing but the material in my faux pussy was doing a good job of concealing it. "In fact, I'm so horny I can't stand it. Can you bring your gorgeous body and beautiful cock over here and let me take it in my mouth?" Tim slid onto the bed and lay down next to me. I raised up and started kissing him as I ran my hand down his hard body to his even harder cock. "Mmmm. That feels so good, honey," I whispered. "I love your pretty cock." Tim moaned. "God, that feels good, baby. I love the way you make me feel," he said to me. I ran my hand down under his scrotum and ran my thumb between his right ball and his leg. When Tim groaned, I knew he enjoyed it as much as I always had. "Feel good?" I said. "That's amazing!" he replied. "Keep doing that." As I continued doing what he wanted, I made my way from his soft lips to his chest to his tummy to what I wanted most of all. "Mmmm. I've been wanting you so bad all night, honey," I said as I lowered my warm mouth onto his throbbing cock. I sucked on the head using my tongue on the underside. Tim groaned even louder as my thumb also kept doing its thing. I took him deeper and deeper until I couldn't open my throat any wider. I held it there until I felt a gag reflex then bobbed up gasping for breath leaving long, thick streams of saliva. "My God, that's beautiful!" Tim gasped. I alternated between sucking and deep throating for another couple of minutes as my thumb and fingernails continued to work their magic. I knew Tim was getting close when he pushed my shoulder back. "You ready to fuck me?" I asked playfully. "Get on your fucking knees, bitch," he ordered me. "Mmmm. Someone wants to be dominant tonight. I like that," I said with a smile. I got on all fours as I was told and felt warm lube being poured into the crack of my ass. I felt Tim's hand rub it into my ass as one of his fingers prepped my hole. I gasped. "That feels so nice," I whimpered. "I want more." "Oh, you're gonna get more tonight, bitch," he promised. I felt Tim start pushing against me just as he slapped my right butt check. "Yes!" I said. "More, please!" Tim slapped my ass until it was glowing red even as he gently but firmly pushed the head of his sweet cock into my bum. I absolutely adored the way it felt when it popped inside of me. I moaned and begged him to fuck me hard. Moments later, I felt his massive cock hit my prostate gland. "Fuck yeah!" I moaned. "Just like that, honey," I begged. Tim obliged me as he hit the right spot over and over and over while slapping my small ass. I felt like I might cum myself as I felt Tim tense. Since he'd been clean on three tests in a row, I had decided to let him cum inside me. I loved the feeling of hot cum splashing inside my body as my lover shot his full load into me. "Oh, my God!" I cried. I felt myself losing control and in spite of the way my cock was being held down, I felt long streams of sticky goo flow out of me as Tim came inside me. Even after he pulled out, I was unable to move. Both of us were panting and I was basking in the feeling of having been freshly fucked by the man I loved. I was dressed as a woman wearing a beautiful, lacy bra, a pretty sweater, stocking, heels, and jewelry. I was so happy, I felt like I might cry. I couldn't help but wonder what it would be like were I to start taking female hormones... "You're leaking, sweetheart," Tim told me. He was resting on the pillows as his cum dripped out of my hot ass. "And your ass is beet red. You should get that checked out." "No need. My boyfriend beats me," I said matter of factly. I paused then added, "And I love it." I finally turned around then crawled up on top of him. I put his arms around me and said, "Do you know I love you, Callie?" "Yes," I answered. "And I love you, too." "Enough to let me fuck you again?" he asked as though it was unlikely. "Just once more?" I said wantonly. "Let's see," he said as he rolled me over and mounted me from on top. His hard cock slid right back inside me as I raised my legs as high and wide as I possibly could. "Feel good?" he asked as he began pounding me again. All I could do is nod and whimper until he came inside me a second time. He woke me up at 2am for round three and fucked me goodbye in the morning. I was so (blissfully) sore, I couldn't even go running until late in the afternoon. Even then, I had to be careful as I was prone to releasing some of the most awful-sounding flatulence imaginable. But it was oh-so worth it! Over the next three weeks, I did as much research as I could about what to bring on our cruise. I wanted to be able to dress up but I also knew I'd have to fit in. I didn't care for jeans or any kind of pants, but there was no way I was going to able to wear skirts and heels for five days straight. So... I found some excellent blog links where women shared their packing lists. It confirmed what I already knew. A warm coat, gloves, lots of sweaters (yum!), jeans, comfortable shoes (big downer), but also some nice clothes for dinners and dancing onboard ship. I managed to pack everything into two suitcases, a makeup case, and my purse. I had another full body wax before going and for the trip. For the flight to Seattle, I chose a very soft, pretty, blue cashmere sweater, a black skirt that fell to about three inches above my knee, and a pair of 2 1/2" black heels. I wore silver earrings, a silver necklace and a matching watch along with my faux wedding ring. (I have two of them, by the way. One is gold and the other silver. Hey, a girl can't have too much jewelry, right?) As I mentioned, I'd had to coordinate with the airlines and TSA in advance to let them know I was biologically male but flying as a woman. I'd read about some horror stories, but I was willing to suffer fools in order to be myself. As it turned out, it was much ado about nothing. In fact, one kind lady even advised me not wear an underwire bra to avoid being singled out for further scrutiny. Everyone was very courteous and no one called me "sir" when I quietly told them who I was on the passenger list or said anything that made me feel uncomfortable in any way. That was especially nice because we had several children and teens on the flight and none of them looked, snickered, or giggled. Then again, I didn't expect anyone would unless a TSA agent went rogue and said something along the lines of, "Hey, everybody, this is a dude!" We sat in business class and about half way through the flight the first officer came back and asked several of us how we were doing. We were in row 4C and when he got to us he said, "Let me guess. You two are on your honeymoon, right?" Tim smiled and said, "How'd you know? Is it that obvious?" The co-pilot looked down and said, "You're holding hands. Who else does that?" He winked, smiled, then moved on to the next row behind us. I hadn't been back to Seattle since I finished my MS in engineering and left for Virginia. It really is a beautiful city, especially on those rare days when the sun is shining. We got there about noon and it was one of those days where the sky is so blue that the white of Mount Rainier in the background is breathtaking. Tim had never been there so after we got settled in our hotel room, I agreed to show him around. I took him to Pike's Place Market, which is a must-see for any first-time visitor. There's shop after shop of fresh seafood and all kinds of other things to buy. We also had enough time to take a taxi to the Space Needle and take the elevator to the top. We walked around the perimeter enjoying the sunny, 65-degree temp that made it possible for me to go out in public without melting. In fact, it was very pleasant. Tim took me to dinner in the hotel restaurant then fucked my brains out later at the hotel. This was the first time I'd ever stayed with a man more than overnight so I warned him about my need to prepare each morning and evening. He didn't mind at all but I just have this thing about being seen as the real me by someone I'm dating. I made him stay downstairs as I shaved, showered, and did my makeup. Once I was ready, I sent him a text and told him he had permission to come home! It was going to be a balmy 50 in Anchorage so I chose a very pretty, heather-gray turtleneck sweater to wear with a pair of modestly tight jeans on the flight to Alaska. I like the way tight jeans look, but they are very uncomfortable to wear for long periods of time. I decided to wear a pair of rather expensive, Aquatilia knee-high gray suede boots with a two-inch heel I found at Saks. I probably shouldn't have bought them, but I just couldn't resist. They were just so pretty and I absolutely loved the way they looked with my jeans and gray sweater. I wore a pair of silver stud earrings and a simple, silver sausage-link necklace along with a silver watch. We had a representative from the cruise line there to meet us and take us directly to the ship. Once we were on board, a young woman showed us to our cabin. When she unlocked the door and asked us if we had any questions, she said, "I just love your boots!" I thanked her for the compliment and felt a little less guilty about spending $700 for them knowing I would probably only wear them a few times. Our room was a suite which sounds fancy, but in reality, it just means we wouldn't have roommates. It was still very spartan with a tiny shower, toilet and sink, two fold-out beds, a small closet, a desk, a mini refrigerator, and a desk area with a chair. Oh, there was a small TV, as well, but we didn't plan to sit in our room and watch reality shows. But it was there, just in case, you know, we got really bored! The girl who showed us to our room also told us there would be a bon voyage dinner at 7pm after which we would head out to sea. I asked her how formal it would be and she said, "We have ladies wear everything from formal gown to jeans. Sorry, I know that doesn't help much, but it is the truth." She seemed genuinely apologetic and I understood the dilemma. A lot of women hated dressing up so it wouldn't be smart to mandate any kind of attire even for a formal dinner when the passengers were heading to the ultimate wilderness. I hated taking off my new boots so soon, but I had no intention of wearing the same outfit to dinner. Besides, I had to strip off the warpaint (ugh!) so I could shave very closely again, then reapply it. Tim wanted to christen our room, too, so that meant another half hour on one of the tiny little beds getting nicely fucked. As much as I wanted that, I was able to talk him into settling for a nice, long blow job with a promise we could make love later that night. He agreed. Gee, what a surprise, right? Tim brought a clothing bag for us and I had two nice dresses in it along with his suit and a sport coat. I was relieved when I saw they were barely wrinkled at all. I was able to use the steam from an iron to get rid of the few little creases I saw around the waist. I'd brought the standard little black dress and a beautiful red one. I planned to save the red dress for the farewell dinner, so I slipped into the black one once my hair and makeup were done—again. I loved this dress as soon as I saw it. It had cap sleeves with a large cut out just above my boobs with a smaller cutout above the main one on each side. There was a fairly large open area in back, as well, which meant I'd have to go braless. I knew the adhesive used to hold on silicone breast forms would keep them in place, but it was always a scary thought that one of them might slip or heaven forbid, fall off! I wasn't worried about cleavage at all as I had become very adept at creating it using a large makeup brush. A couple of swirls and some shading and no one could tell the difference. The dress came to just over four inches above my knee and I was excited about wearing a new pair of 4" black ankle-strap sandals with it. I found them at Express of all places and I was thrilled to pay less than $100 for shoes that would normally cost three or four times the much. I wore a pair of glossy suntan pantyhose with them and I was very happy with the look. As to accessories, I already knew what I would be wearing. Tim had bought me a gorgeous vintage geometrical pattern diamond bracelet with a matching pendant and earrings. I sprayed on some Ombre Rose, my all-time favorite perfume, and painted my lips a very dark red to match my finger and toenails. Tim stepped around me and said, "Holy shit. You look unbelievable!" There was just barely enough room for me to spin around so I did just that. As I did, I tossed my hair and said, "So you like?" He came over and grabbed me by my waist and said, "Let me show you how much I like." I pushed him away and said, "Uh-uh. You already had your snack. That's gonna have to last until dessert." "So are you saying I can have you for dessert?" he said pretending to be hurt from this very serious rejection. "Uh-huh," I teased. "I promise." I rarely ever go anywhere without a cardigan sweater, but I knew Tim preferred a bare-arm look. He was so understanding of my insane fetish that I felt like I had to do this for him. I felt almost naked, but I forced myself to tough it out! I took Tim's arm as we entered the dining room. It was very nicely done with an Alaskan theme of Mount Denali, moose, caribou, and other facets of life up North. I quickly scanned the room and saw several women in cocktail dresses which made me feel much better. There were indeed some older women sitting in jeans and down-filled jackets and that was fine, too. People were paying a lot of money for this cruise so being comfortable was very important. We were seated at a table with a couple in their mid-50s who were celebrating being empty nesters. They'd married young, raised two kids, and just sent the youngest off to college. This was a second honeymoon for them and the celebration of their 35th anniversary. The man was wearing a nice sports jacket and slacks and his wife was wearing a nice but plain blue dress. Both of them were a bit overweight but who isn't at that age, right? I know my parents had both put on a few pounds before my mom got sick. The main thing was they were genuinely friendly and they seemed very happy. Ed introduced himself first then introduced his wife, Anna. Ed was a corn farmer from central Iowa and Anna had been teaching elementary school 32 years. "Let me guess. You two are on your honeymoon!" Ed said. Tim and I looked at one another being he answered for us. "You're the second person to guess correctly. Last time, we were holding hands. What gave it away this time?" he asked. Anna spoke for him and said, "It's the way your beautiful bride is looking at you. I can just tell. How long have you been married if you don't mind me asking? Ed and I are celebrating our 35th year together on this cruise." I listened carefully so I could remember the details in case it came up again. Lying can very difficult! "Almost two weeks now," he said as he leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. Cruising for a Bruisin' Ch. 01 "You've got a very beautiful wife, young man," Ed said a bit too loudly. Anna put her hand on his arm and said, "And you have a very handsome husband, sweetheart! We wish you as much happiness as we've had." Ed said, "Anna? Why would you say that? Don't you want them to actually BE happy?" Anna swatted him playfully and said, "I don't know what I'm gonna do with him." "Keep him?" I said with a smile. "I guess so," Anna replied. "It's a little early to know for sure, but I think I may just hold onto him." Everyone laughed politely as the wait staff poured each a glass of red wine. Ed raised his glass and said, "To a long and happy marriage!" Tim and I looked at each other, smiled, then repeated the toast then took a small sip. We made small talk during dinner which consisted of a delicious burnt Alaskan salmon with fresh asparagus, brown rice, and a very rich chocolate cake for dessert. After dinner, a string quartet came in and began playing some soft, quiet, but recognizable music. "Shall we?" Tim asked as he offered me his hand. Once we'd got out onto the dance floor, Ed stood up and raised his (third) glass and bellowed out, "Everyone? A toast to our newlyweds, Tim and Callie!" Everyone clapped and many of the women said, "Ahh!" or "Oh, isn't that romantic?" as we smiled back and tried not to laugh. "I guess it's a good thing I wore the big diamond tonight," I told Tim. "Yeah, I wouldn't want anyone thinking I'm a cheapskate," he said. I laughed as I looked at the huge cubic zirconia on my left ring finger. "You really are a big spender, aren't you?" I teased him. I'd spent less than $50 on it at a place called Drama Queen. The irony of that made me smile. Tim and I danced several more times then around midnight, my biggest fear came true. Ed looked over at Tim and said, "Hey there, pardner. You mind if I ask that little filly o' yours to dance?" Tim glanced at me as I tried not to express shock or horror. I was sending him mental signals which said, "Don't you dare! Find a way to tell him no..." just as he told Ed that would be fine by him. I managed to elbow him as I excused myself to stand up and he managed not to flinch. "No dessert for you tonight," I whispered as I stood up. I smiled as Ed reached out for my hand. I was so, so glad I'd taken some dancing classes after I started dressing up again because I never wanted to be caught in a position where I was out as a girl who couldn't dance. I'd learned how to do several different steps for both slow and faster songs without looking ridiculous. This song had a country sound to it, so Ed asked me if I knew how to two-step. "Of course!" I said with a smile. "Well then, hang on little lady because Ed loves him some two-step!" He drug me around the floor zipping in and out of other couples and almost stumbling once. His watch got stuck in my hair and I thanked God I wasn't wearing a wig! What could have potentially been disastrous was little more than a couple of hairs getting yanked out at the roots. "Sorry, honey! Ed's had a little too much to drink tonight." I was just praying he wouldn't make some kind of clumsy pass at me or try and kiss me afterward. When he gave me a big old bear hug at the end, I counted my lucky stars knowing it could have been much worse. Just as we sat back down, Tim was standing up to ask Anna to dance. As we passed he said, "Hope this makes up for that." "We'll see," I said with mock seriousness. Anna was clearly reveling in dancing with such a gorgeous young man. She was all smiles all the time throughout the entire number. Unlike Ed, she was actually very graceful and clearly a very good dancer. Tim thanked her and kissed her on the cheek before they sat down. "If I wasn't a married man, I might give you a run for your money, Ed. That's quite a remarkable woman you have there," Tim said trying to fit into Ed's world. "Well, it's lucky for you you are, young fella. I might have to snap you like a twig if you tried." Anna was very much enjoying all the attention even as she said, "Oh, Edward. You stop that kind of talk right now! He was a perfect gentleman." Ed roared and we all laughed with him. Or at him? What could have been a disaster of an evening turned out to be a very pleasant time for all of us. We wished one another good night then headed back to our cabin at about 1 am. We were well out to sea by now, at least relatively so as cruise liners go, and everything was perfect. Until it wasn't. I "forgave" Tim and offered up my body to him twice that night. Okay...morning. He was such an amazing lover and I adored the feeling of having his big cock inside me. It didn't matter whether he was in my mouth or my male pussy, the feeling was absolutely wonderful. And I simply loved letting my faux husband cum inside me. I felt so happy knowing he remained inside me even it wasn't for all that long. It was times like that when I truly wished I could experience life as a genetic woman for some short period of time. To have my husband cum inside of me. The thought of getting pregnant. But that was just fantasy. The reality was I was happy being me—a guy who loves to live life as a woman every now and then. For me, I had the best of both worlds and I wouldn't trade it for anything. The "until" started the next evening. We'd made port in a small town, walked around and done some shopping for trinkets and even went on a brief tour through a fish cannery. The smell was a bit much, but it was really was quite interesting to watch the entire process. I wore an off-white sweater with jeans and black peacoat with a pair of comfortable (read: boring!) shoes. It wasn't exactly what one would call exciting, but it was pleasant and enjoyable just being out with Tim and in drag. As we headed back out to sea that evening, the water got a bit rough. I'd been out on a couple of sea trials on a carrier and knew I didn't get seasick. Tim had never really been on a boat before, and after just half an hour of some gentle rocking, he said he thought he was going to lose it. I walked him back to our room and asked him what I could do to make him feel better. Normally, that would have been an immediate invitation to reply with something like, "I know exactly what you could do to make me feel better." When he told me he just needed to lay down, I knew it was serious. I remembered some of my Navy friends telling me that Dramamine could help so I took off my coat, helped him lay down, then went to the ship's store to buy some. On the way, I passed through what was for the most part a kind of sport's bar. There was a very nice looking guy sitting alone having a beer and as I walked by he said hello to me. I smiled and kept walking. On the way back, we made eye contact again and he asked if I'd like to join him for a drink. I told him my husband wasn't feeling well and needed to take care of him. He said if I changed my mind he'd be there for another couple of hours. I found Tim curled up in bed. He didn't even want to turn over but I made him take two tablets with some water. He nearly threw up just getting the pills down but he did manage to lay back down without getting sick. He mumbled, "If you wanna go do something, go ahead. I can't do anything but lay here and breath." He sounded terrible. "You don't mind?" I asked him. "No, you go ahead. I can be miserable all by myself." "If you're sure," I said. "Oh, I'm sure. Go have fun. Just don't touch me, okay?" It was just after 9pm. I made the decision to change out the pants and into this pretty green skirt that would go perfectly with the off-white sweater with the scoop neck. I ditched the comfortable shoes for pair of heels and decided to go have a drink. As I walked back into the sports bar, I caught the attention of the cute guy I'd seen a few minutes earlier. "Wow! You look amazing!" he said. "Change your mind?" "I did," I said. "May I?" He stood up and helped seat me then asked, "Can I get you something to drink?" "Vodka and tonic, please," I said with a smile. He ordered another beer for himself and I thanked him for the drink. "How's your husband?" he asked. "He's really seasick, but he'll live," I told him. "I'm Andy," he said. "Pleased to meet you. I'm Callie." "I've noticed you several times. Your husband is a lucky man. You're very attractive." "Thank you," I said as our drinks arrived. "I like that you changed. I love the skirt. You have very nice legs...among other things, if I may say," he said in a very flirty way. I took a sip of my drink, smiled, and said, "You may...say." We sat and made small talk for awhile. As we finished our drinks he said, "Would you like another?" "Oh, no thank you," I said. "So how long have you been married, Callie?" he asked. "We're actually on our honeymoon," I told him keeping the ruse alive. "I see," he said. He sat there for a moment just looking at me then said, "That's a shame." "How so?" I asked as I tilted my head slightly. "Because that means you probably wouldn't be interested in going back to my cabin." I lowered my head slightly and raised my eyebrows also very slightly. "Are you asking me to come to your room?" I said with mock surprise. "I am," he said as he smiled, too. "Well, I'm very flattered but I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to give you want you want." "That's okay," he said. "Maybe we could just sit and watch TV and see if you change your mind after a while. I'm a pretty nice guy so maybe you'll warm up to me." I raised my eyebrows again and said, "I wasn't aware that nice guys ask other mens' wives to go back to their rooms with them. That isn't very nice, is it?" "Okay. You got me. I'm a schmuck. But I'm an honest schmuck, right?" My voice is very passable but laughing is another thing altogether. I've learned how to laugh softly in a convincing way, but a genuine laugh is out of the question. So is yelling or cheering at a sport's bar for that matter. I laughed softly then said, "Well, I am a married woman." Then I looked directly at him and said, "But if you don't mind settling for...Clinton sex with all my clothes on then..." Andy then laughed but not so loudly it drew attention. "Would you like to meet me there or are you brave enough to walk with me?" he asked. "I'm not afraid of what other people think," I told him. "Let them talk." Andy helped me with my chair then indicated which way we needed to go. I laughed to myself when we passed the room where Tim was in bed sick as a dog. We went five rooms beyond it on the other side of the aisle. He used his key card to unlock it said, "After you, beautiful." Once inside, Andy told me he needed to use the bathroom. "Ah, yes! According to W.C. Fields, one can only rent beer, right?" I said with a bright smile. "Smart girl," he said. "Be right back." "Lose the clothes," I said in an I'm-in-charge kind of voice. "Yes, ma'am!" he said. I sat down my purse and waited as I heard a very long stream of pee from the bathroom. I was laughing to myself about the situation. My faux husband was sick in bed during our faux honeymoon, and I, a faux woman, was about to suck some stranger's cock who believes I'm a newlywed knowing Tim wouldn't be too jealous when I told him. He wouldn't like it, but he would definitely understand. I wanted to burst out laughing in my male voice but managed to stifle the urge. I was still smiling when Andy came out wearing nothing but his socks. "My feet get cold," he said pointing toward the floor. He was partially hard and I was very happy to see he had a very nice, very thick cock. It wasn't particularly long, but it was definitely very fat. I also couldn't help but notice he was rather well built. I guessed he was maybe 40 and about 5' 11" or so. He had a tuft of hair on his chest which was otherwise nearly smooth. He had nice eyes, great hair, and his body was in pretty decent shape. I was a very happy cheating "wife!" Andy sat on the side of his bed and I kneeled down between his legs. "You are absolutely freakin' gorgeous," he said as I reached out and took his growing cock in my hand. "So is your beautiful cock," I said as I took in my mouth without taking my eyes off of his. Andy gasped. "Feel good?" I asked knowing the answer. "Oh, fuck that feels great," he moaned. "Jesus that feels good." Tim's cock was longer but not quite as thick. I nearly laughed again when I thought about how this one might actually hurt going up my... The one thing that wasn't faux was my hair. I could have never gotten away with this with a wig. Well, that's not actually true. I'd let several straight guys pick me up at the Blue Parrot when I was still wearing my blonde wig. I'd just tell them my ex-husband used to pull my hair and feel me up when I blew him and that it was a huge turn off. They were all so eager to get their cocks sucked, they were happy to lay back and leave me alone. Andy, on the other hand, was a big-time hair puller which I actually liked—a lot—as it was another part of the female experience I enjoyed so much. That thought got me thinking about my own marriage and how I couldn't imagine I would ever tire of being with someone who did EVERYTHING I liked and ever wanted. Yet that's exactly what had happened. It was like the analogy of eating steak for dinner seven days a week. No matter how perfectly it was prepared, it got old eating steak. I returned to crossdressing with a vengeance and even as I was sucking this nice-looking man's cock while my boyfriend's cum was still inside me, I was wondering how many new experiences were left. At least blowing a guy with my boyfriend a few feet away could now be crossed off the list! Then, for whatever reason, I thought about all the traditional marriages around the world. Two people meet, fall in love, get married, have children, work full-time jobs, get too tired for sex, fall out of love, have affairs, get divorced, then start all over again. I couldn't help wonder how many others had walked the path I was now on. Andy was getting ready to cum as all these thoughts ran through my mind. They were interrupted when I heard, "I wanna cum on your face, baby!" Andy grunted as he got ready. "Uh-uh," I managed to mumble in spite of him pushing my head down on his cock. "My husband is..." "Your husband isn't here!" he hissed. "I'm gonna cum all over your face, baby!" I'd taken martial arts for three years but quit going because I had too many other things on my plate. I knew a knife-hand strike to his throat with my sharp nails would end this problem instantly, but it would create another, far more serious one in its place. Keeping my male self under wraps was more important than worrying about getting my makeup ruined. After all, I made this bed, as it were, so now I was getting to lay in it. Oh, joy. "Okay. That's fine," I said sweetly. I smiled as I came up for air then went back down to finish him off. Maybe it was because I gave in and said 'okay' but at the last second he let me just jack him off as he came. In fact, after a few strokes he took over and finished the job himself. Like so many other guys, Andy did a Jekyll and Hyde thing during and after orgasm. He was probably a really nice guy who got caught up in the experience then as soon as he shot his load he returned to his nice-guy self. "I'm really sorry," he said. "I'm not like that. I promise." I stood up and reached for something to wipe his cum off my hand and said, "That's okay. I'm just glad you changed your mind." I stood up and didn't bother kissing him goodbye. "So I'll see you around then?" I said as I smoothed my hair. "Yeah, sure. And don't worry. I'm not gonna tell your husband, okay?" he said. He smiled but I didn't smile back. I just picked up my purse and left as another thought ran through my head. I wondered how many real women had gotten themselves into that kind of situation with a guy who wasn't as nice as Andy. It wasn't a very pleasant thought but it was a very real concern for any woman pushing the envelope with a strange man. For those ten steps back to my own room, all I really wanted to do was flop into a big comfy chair and slouch like hell! Instead, I opened the cabin door and quietly slipped inside where Tim seemed to finally be asleep. "Being a girl isn't always fun," I said very quietly in my male voice. "Honey? Is that you?" Tim murmured. I switched back to my feminine voice and said, "Yeah, I'm back. Go to sleep, okay? I'll see you in the morning." I didn't bother kissing him goodnight, either. I just wiped off my makeup, went pee, got into a comfy nighty and fell sleep. Tim was fully recovered the next day as we arrived at Glacier Bay National Park. I wore a black turtleneck sweater with jeans, gloves, my black peacoat and a black knit cap and a pair of black Gucci sunglasses. Tim said I looked like I was getting ready to go rob a house before saying, "You're the cutest cat burglar I've ever seen." We spent about six hours on water which, fortunately for him, was as calm as glass and which was so still it provided a perfect reflection of the surrounding terrain. It was one of the most beautiful things either of us had ever seen. There were majestic, snow-covered mountains all around us and although it was cold, it wasn't unbearably so. It was by dinner time this third day that I was getting agitated with being a girl 24/7. What started out as a thrill was now beginning to wear on me. It was such a pain in the ass to have to have always sit up straight, smile, be pleasant, and cross my freaking legs! I have to admit, it never once crossed my mind this might be a problem. I knew I loved going out as Callie and I'd been in drag for nearly 24 hours a couple of times. Once, I even spent a weekend in my female persona and I'd loved every minute of it. But after three days on board and a fourth spent flying, all I wanted to do was be a guy again! We still had another day on board AND a return flight to Dulles airport in Virginia. I was seriously thinking about telling Tim he'd need to fly back alone so I could be myself a day earlier, but I was sure I wouldn't do that. I knew he'd be hurt and besides that, he'd spent a lot of money on this trip to be with me as Callie so I just had to um...what? Man up? Woman up? Tranny up? Still, I was aching to just flop down and flop out! We ate dinner alone that evening, but I did see Andy. True to his word, he not only didn't say anything to Tim he didn't even try and speak to me. We made eye contact a couple of times, but that was the extent of it. And mercifully, we didn't have to spend another evening with Ed and Anna. That sounded mean, didn't it? Sorry, but I was in no mood to make silly small talk with the King of Corn. I really didn't even feel much like talking with Tim but forced myself to be cordial. I let him fuck me that evening but my heart just wasn't in it. I didn't even give him a blow job and that was a first. He didn't say anything about it until the next morning. "Is everything okay, Callie?" he asked me as I got ready. "Sure. Why?" "You don't seem your normal, bubbly self. Did something happen when I was in here by myself?" I decided not to mention the incident with Andy, but I knew I'd eventually tell him. I played it safe and said, "I think I might be coming down with something. I've felt kind of run down since yesterday." That seemed to placate him as we prepared for our last port call before returning to Anchorage. We got off the ship in Sitka, the former capitol of Alaska. It's a port town that's bordered picturesquely by the sea and snow-capped mountains. The city has a dual heritage as Russian settlers and the indigenous Tlingit people fought each other in 1804 (the Tlingits won). Today the town is a peaceful cultural blend of the two heritages. Cruising for a Bruisin' Ch. 01 It was very chilly and I wore an off-white, down-filled jacket with light blue sweater and black leggings with my wonderful, comfortable suede boots! We had coffee and pastry in a little shop and browsed for trinkets along the main street before heading back to the ship. We spent the afternoon in our cabin relaxing just listening to music and catching up on the news. The farewell dinner was tonight and I'd been saving my killer red dress for the final soiree. I'd been SO excited when I bought it and now I was almost dreading having to wear it. It was a floor-length, sleeveless, open-back gown with a split that ran from the floor to the middle of my left thigh. It had a large, silvery kind of lace all along the neckline, which with a pair of 3 1/2" glittery silver heels and more faux diamond jewelry, was a perfect mix and match. Specifically, I was wearing a teardrop diamond necklace and earrings. I got ready by 7pm and Tim whistled at me. "Holy shit, girl! You look good enough to eat or even..." "Thank you!" I said. "I have a very handsome, very rich husband who spoils me terribly." Tim laughed. "What's funny is that most people can't tell the difference between diamonds and imitations. For all anyone knows, you could be wearing the real thing." "True," I said, "but they'll as phony as me." I didn't say that in a joking way and Tim picked up on it immediately. "Hey. There's nothing phony about you. Do you know how hard it was to find you? I was beginning to think girls like you didn't exist except on the internet or in my fantasies. You're everything I want in a woman, Callie. You know that, right?" He put his hands on my shoulders as he talked. He really was amazingly supportive and I couldn't ask for a better guy. "Thank you, Tim," I said as I looked at him. "You make me feel very special." I hoped that sounded convincing enough that he'd drop it. "That's because you are special, honey. I love you." He moved closer and kissed me before saying, "I may even be falling in love with you." His eyes were so alive and sincere. I wanted to say what he wanted to hear, but all I could think of was, "Oh, God. That's all I need." I'd had a long-time fantasy of a wedding in Las Vegas but a faux wedding, of course. I wanted to wear a beautiful dress with a tiara but had no desire to be anyone's wife or husband. I wasn't in love with Tim and there was no way in hell I'd ever marry a man. I doubt I'll ever marry another woman for that matter, but I couldn't last a week with a man in a marriage where I was supposed to be the woman. I did love Tim. I just wasn't in love with him. "I love you, too," I said honestly. No lying this time. Did I mention lying is exhausting? Even the little white variety on a cruise ship gets to be very taxing! Tim looked very dashing in his dark suit, red silk tie, and white shirt. Over the course of the evening, we had three different women make mention of the way his tie matched my dress. It was so interesting to me the different way that men and women viewed the world. We were all human beings, but our focus and priorities are often very different and those differences have been the source of endless joy as well as endless aggravation and frustration for married couples over many millennia. Everything was going great until 10pm when the ship's captain stood up and asked to speak. "Ladies and gentlemen, it's been my pleasure to have you on board with us for the last four days. We hope you've enjoyed being with us as much as we've enjoyed serving you. I'd like to dedicate this next dance to two couples who are with us here this evening. One is celebrating their 35th anniversary this week and another is here on their honeymoon. Can we please give a warm round of applause to Ed and Anna Martin and to Tim and Callie Mansfield?" Every applauded warmly and some hollered out congratulations and others many happy returns. Then the captain asked if the four of us would start out the next dance. What choice did we have? Everyone was staring at us while clapping and encouraging us. Tim took my hand and led me out to the middle of the open area which served as a dance floor while Ed brought Anna along with him. No sooner had Ed gotten next to us than he said in his booming farm voice, "How 'bout we switch partners, young man?" Without waiting for Tim to reply, Ed reached over and grabbed my hand as the music started playing We've Only Just Begun by the Carpenters. People were still clapping while many hooted and hollered at Ed's bold move even as he began waltzing me around. One by one, couples joined us on the dance floor. I was keeping my distance from Ed just fine until someone nearly bumped into us. That gave Ed an excuse to pull me in close. As he did, I could smell the beer on his breath. "I've been wantin' to get close to you since the first time I saw you, honey," he told me. He had me in a bear hug and Tim was somewhere with Anna unaware of my dismay. Then things went from bad to worse when Ed put his face right next to mine. "You sure do smell good, pretty lady," he said as he held me in his death grip. "Would you mind if I gave you one little kiss?" he said. Before I could scream out, "NO!" Ed pulled back and shoved his fat face into mine and kissed me full on on the mouth. I fought back the overwhelming urge to knee him in the groin and waited for it to be over. It only lasted for a second and I kept my mouth completely closed but Ed was so drunk he didn't notice. "Oh, that was really nice, young lady. You wanna go back to my cabin with me and keep that up?" I reached the breaking point. I pulled back then shoved Ed as hard as I could to force him off me. He lost his balance and fell hard on his fat ass. I was immediately worried he'd hurt himself and that their might be a law suit, but he just bellowed with laughter. "That's a fiery one, right there, folks!" Someone helped him back up as he straightened his glasses and looked around for his wife. When the song ended, Tim came back to our table and noticed my lipstick was a mess. "What the hell happened to you?" he said. "Ed," was all I told him. "Oh, my God. Did he kiss you?" "Oh, yeah," I replied. "But I put him on his ass so we'll just call it even, okay?" Tim laughed and said, "You wanna get out of here?" I told him I thought he'd never ask. We made an early evening of it and spent the rest of that night in our cabin. I had zero interest in sex and I was grateful Tim didn't ask me why. We watched the rest of a mindless comedy on TV and went to bed just before midnight. Early the next morning, we pulled into port in Anchorage and I couldn't wait to get off the ship. We'd been able to move our flight up from the following afternoon to that afternoon and I was thrilled to be going home. I wore a long-sleeved charcoal-gray sweater and black skirt with heels and silver jewelry, but my heart just wasn't in it. It was almost midnight when we landed at Dulles airport and I talked Tim into letting me take a cab home. I got there about 1:30am and couldn't wait to get undressed, get the makeup off, and go to bed in my birthday suit. The next morning I got up, put on a t-shirt and pair of running shorts, then made a cup of coffee. I sat down on the couch, put my feet up on the hassock, spread my legs wide apart, and slouched as far down in the sofa as I possibly could. "Thank God!" I said to myself. Post Script: I'd still like to go to Las Vegas and have a fantasy-pretend wedding, but I can assure you I won't be spending the entire time en femme. I like being Callie, but not for that long. Never again is my new motto! The lesson in all this for me is this: no matter how much you enjoy it, crossdressing just isn't necessarily glamorous all the time. I've learned that a little bit goes a very long way for me, and I won't repeat this mistake again. But I'm also not giving up on being Callie part time. I tried that before and it was by far the bigger mistake. For now, it's time to crack another beer—and maybe even belch a time or two.