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Winter in the Mountains Ch. 01

By: ozland234



I met the man I would love forever the day they gave me the death sentence.

The jailor made me dig my own grave in the soft earth. I looked into the hole where I they would throw me after my death and wondered why I wasn't able to feel anything. I wondered whether they would even give me a gravestone. What would it say? 

"Zia, Whore and Seedie". 

My life had promised more than this when I was young. I had lived in the village of Undartha, a few days travel from the city. My parents were poor farm labourers, but our hearth life was happy. I had roamed the village and the hills with my brothers and their friends and I was happy too. 

As the only girl, they often got me to bandage them when they were scratched. I learned to make pastes from some seeds in the hills that would help them to heal quickly. When the village healer heard of this, he spoke to my father and I became his apprentice.

Even though this meant I had to stop running in the hills, even at the tender age of twelve years I knew this was a good thing. I was no longer as welcome with the boys as I had been. Being a healer would give me real status in the village. But I couldn't be happy, because the healer was a grumpy old man, and not long after this, my mother died from the winter flu.

My father was never the same after this. He drank, and he didn't work. My brothers lost their friends. Oh yes, village people are harsh, no doubt about it. I was the only one who worked, and we lived on my tiny apprentice income. I think that my brothers stole food and money.

As the healers apprentice, I learnt how to read peoples health from their breath, skin and aura. I learnt how to use herbs and ointments, how to bind cuts and pull teeth. I learnt other things too, about how to start and finish life. I liked births the most. 

How I wanted to be a real healer. It would take me years of practice and study before I could be a real healer. But I gave myself, heart and soul, to that healer so I could learn how it was done. And the people of my village laid their naked bodies and souls before me. I knew their birthmarks and their life marks; their secrets, and their affairs. 

The day of my eighteenth birthday was something I had been looking forward to for many years. On this day, I would be of age. I would be able to ask the healer to go to healer school and he would arrange it for me. But he refused to do that until I had given him my body as well as my heart and soul. 

The healer, the lecherous fool, is the first of the three men who ruined my life.

He threw me out. He told me that I knew what I had to do if I wanted to be his apprentice any more. I went home to my father and told him what the old fool had said. He told me to stop acting like a spoilt princess, and go back and give him what he wanted, that he had to eat. I refused and shouted. He put his hand over my mouth. I struggled, so he tried to take me himself.

My father, the drunken sot, is the second of the three men who ruined my life.

I kicked my father in the groin and he collapsed. In my anger, I took my bag and walked out. I had nowhere to go. Nowhere. I knew how my brothers looked at me in the one bedroom we all shared. I knew I was a pretty girl, and I saw their desire in their eyes. I would not be safe now, not from my family either. And with the secrets I knew of the village...

I thought of staying with the Thain of the village. His daughter was my age and we had twice saved her from the embarrassment of childbirth. They couldn't turn me away. As I came to his door, I saw the healer leaving. I wondered what he had said to them. When he saw me he broke into a toothy grin, and looked me over like my brothers. 

I fled. I never saw anyone from the village of Undartha again. I made my way to the city. Surely there would be place for a young nearly trained healer in the city. 

I had no money, so I slept outside in the later summer nights and ate from the forest until I arrived at the city, hungry for real food.

In my innocent state, I had imaged a place for a young healer in the city. Perhaps there was, but there is also a place for a young pretty girl newly arrived in the ciy, and her not nearly as worldly-wise as she thinks she is. And that place came and found me within minutes of walking through the city gate. I know now that they watch the city gate, looking for girls like me who drift in from the country. But I didn't know it then. 

A beautiful girl, not much older than me, with bright fashionable clothes, lovely hair, and laughter in her eyes made friends with me and took me to a tavern. Bridget and I shared the best meal I had ever eaten, and over some real wine, I told her my story, and she promised to introduce me to a healer the next day. 

When she found out that I had nowhere to stay that night, she insisted that I stay with her for the night. Even her spare bed was a real bed. I was in paradise - I had never slept in a real bed. She changed to a beautiful nightgown - I was entranced at the idea of a nightgown that made someone appear so desirable. I wondered whether she had a boyfriend - or even a lover. She seemed so mature. I felt so country, so backwards, so inadequate compared to her, in my undershirt. If only my life had been like hers - how much happier I would be. Maybe I would have a boyfriend.

From a draw in her dresser, she produced a rich bag with a sweet pungent smell. She took some seeds out of it, crushed them, and then split them into 2 parts. She told me to take it – they were a nice dessert to finish off a wonderful night. In my desperation to be like her, I didn't think about it - after all she was going to eat them too.

Bliss.

Oh the bliss, I cannot describe it. It is so wonderful, the dreamlike state you enter when you eat the selial seed. All I can say is that it is better than any other experience you can have. No pain, no suffering. And then, after the wonderful time, you enter a dreamless sleep. 

I was addicted. I gave my virginity to a man by the name of Tom that Bridget introduced to me as her lover, in exchange for a small packet of selial seed. He owned me after that. Any person, any time, anyhow, I gave myself to any depravity that could be imagined. All I got in payment was a small packet of Selial seeds after my night's whoring was complete. 

Tom, the bastard, the cunt, was the third of the three men who ruined my life.

Oh, I wanted to die. For a year, I lived in the brothel. I worked every day. I tried running away. I tried going without the selial seed. But it was no good. Every night, I had to have it. And the better the tips I got for Tom, the more Selial seed he gave me. I tried to build up a supply so I could run away, but I couldn't. I didn't have the nerve or the wit anyway. The selial seed kept me in a haze of desire. For the seed, not for the other thing I did in my life. Though I had a certain skill at that. I was the busiest of the girls, even though not quite the prettiest.

I knew I had reached the depths of depravity when I performed the same seduction on a newly arrived country girl that Bridget had done to me. I got three days off whoring for that, and I spent all three days in seedie bliss state. Bridget had died, of the pox. I had done my best for her, but I could see that she didn't want to live. I hoped for the pox. It couldn't be long, surely.

The soldiers burst into the brothel as the night's work was complete. I was sitting a table at the front desk crushing my seed for the night. Caught in the act. They dragged me, naked, through the city streets to the barracks, and threw me into a cell. In the morning, they put me before a judge in prison garb. I was caught, red-handed, Zia, Whore and Seedie. I only said one word in the whole trial. "Guilty".

The judge sentenced me to six months jail in the local, and a tattoo in my forehead marking me as a sentenced whore. I knew I would die, having to go without Selial seed. I passed Tom on the way out. He would die in the public square later that day. How I wished to see that. But they took me back to the cell. 

The jailer told me what would happen to me. As a seedie, I would go insane without the seeds. I would yell and scream and the jailers would have to listen to me. So instead of putting me in a solitary cell, they would put me in the open jail with both men and women. The other prisoners would use me as they saw fit until I was fully insane, then they would kill me. The longest a seedie whore had ever lasted was five days.

So they made seedie whores dig their own grave first. It seemed fitting, he said, since we were walking dead anyway.

I looked in my grave. I thought about what he had said. I could see myself in there. All too soon, I would be there. I was afraid. I was afraid of everything. I was afraid of dying. Somehow it had never seemed real before. I was afraid of what would happen in the jail. Most of all, I was afraid of having to go without seed.

I jumped into my grave, and asked him to fill it now. He laughed and laughed. Then he told me that the prisoners already knew that they were getting a new toy, and that he'd hate to let them down. In fact, he was looking forward to watching. He took me back to the cell. He stripped me of my prison clothes and left me naked. That was how I would enter the jail, he told me, but I had a couple of visitors first.

The first visitor was a healer. He looked me over, and commented in surprise that I didn't have the pox. I asked him to give me something to make me die. He looked shocked and said that he was a healer, and wouldn't do that. I told him I knew better, that I had been a healer's apprentice. He looked at me with contempt - "a healer, and now a seedie? You deserve every minute of what happens to you". He left.

I crawled into the corner and wept. Perhaps I did deserve it, but I was so afraid. 

My second visitor was a frontier soldier. He wore the uniform - fur and leather, dark face, hard eyes, and he walked the frontier soldier's walk. I had seen enough of them. 

He looked at me. "Sit in the seat." 

What, naked? But what did I care; I sat in the seat. Whatever this was, it was going to be bad. 

"I offer you a choice. A chance."

I looked at him. How did this make sense? Would it get me seed?

"I am taking a squad of men into the mountains for winter to guard the passes against the enemy. They get lonely and cold up there. You can come with us for winter, look after the squad."

I looked at him. Winter? In the mountains? Whore? What about seed?

"Will I get seed?" I asked.

"No." he said, decisively. "If you try to do that, I will kill you."

"But I won't even survive tonight." I could feel the raging desire - I had missed last night.

"It's 6 days by horse into the mountains. You cannot travel without it. I would give it to you until then."

I leapt up to kiss him, to hug him, to - I don't know what. Seed!

"I know you will come, for those six days. But then there will be no more seed. And I will hold you to your choice."

Yes, Yes, what did I care. Anything.

He made me swear to my bargain - winter with his squad and no seed - on the patron of the healers, Heroclynius.

Healer - he knew I was a healer?

"Oh yes, I know who you are." 

"But I will die with no seed"

"No. You will go insane for a week or so, and you will always want it. But you can survive".

Oh, seed, for six days, then I would see. But there was no choice, here and now, jail or the mountains. Death, or six days of seed.

I had always wanted to see the mountains.

Winter in the Mountains Ch. 02



The jailer reluctantly gave me a prison uniform, and signed me out under the supervision of Caption Ulf. I was still a prisoner, but now the captain was my captor. The jailer told me the rules. The captain owned me, body and soul, like a dog. He could do anything he wanted with me, except let me go, until my six months were up. The jailer gave the captain a bag with some chains and manacles in it. 

The captain made me carry the bag. "Come." he said. I followed him out into the street. 

We walked down the main street of the city. I could feel the eyes watching me. Everyone on the street was looking at me. I felt like something the dog dragged in. I stuck close to the captain, as if somehow that would make me smaller.

He took me to down to the magician's quarter, to a door with a small notice on it that said "Wiz. Dulath Ironhand." The captain knocked, and a young boy opened the door. "Captain Ulf, I have an appointment with the wizard," the captain said.

The young boy gestured for us to follow him in, and led us into a dark room with a single table and a bench seat. We sat on the bench, and then the wizard walked in. I recognised him at once. He had visited Tom several times over the last year, but I had not known anything about him, except that he was always overdressed and wearing flashy jewellery. 

"I'd like you to look at this young girl," the Captain said. "Her story is not unusual - she is a seedie, someone gave her the seed to entrap her. I'd like to know if she is or was subject to some curse too."

The wizard looked me over. Then he pulled out his wand and said words in a language I didn't understand. I felt weird, as if someone had walked through me. 

There was a silence. The captain said, "It seems very likely to me that there is a curse. If you can't help me I'll have to wait to see the high wizard." It seemed to me that there was a distinct menace in the way this was said. The wizard, who had been about to say something, changed his mind, and looked at the captain. 

"So you're that Captain Ulf?" he asked. The captain nodded. The wizard considered this for a short time, and then said in a resigned voice, "I can help. She is under a curse to strengthen the effect of the seed, both the desire and the vagueness." 

I gasped. I didn't know about that. "Now would be a good time for you to fix her problem." There was a definite menace in the captain's voice this time. 

The wizard nodded. He shut his eyes, recited some more words, and then waved his wand. Once again, I got that feeling that someone had walked through me. 

"Thank you," said the captain. "The Amartis effect too?"

The wizard was surprised. "Yes, it seemed appropriate. You're sharp." 

"Yes, and I'm not the only one. You will be watched. You will find your income elsewhere from now on." 

The wizard nodded. "Surely." The captain paid him and we left. 

I walked behind the captain. Who was this man? How could he threaten a wizard? What was that about? I didn't feel any different for anything the wizard had done. I just felt like a puppy dog, bought and owned, now walking to the heel of my master. I would've licked his boots on the spot if he had asked me to. 

He took me to a store for frontier soldiers. We purchased some wonderful gear for me – really high quality coat and boots, and some heavy clothing for the mountains. Not the most suitable gear for a woman, but I didn't care. I was just starting to really enjoy myself, even in spite of the looks from the man in the store at my jail clothes, when the captain told me to change into the new clothes. I looked around, and there was nowhere to change in the shop. I suppose that I could've changed my clothes in parts to retain some modesty, but it seemed that modesty wasn't appropriate for a whore, so I stripped the jail clothes off first, before deciding what to wear. I felt that the captain was pleased with me. The man in the store was certainly pleased.

By the time we had finished in the store, buying lot's of other things as well, including some soft woollen blankets, we had a substantial load of stuff. The captain arranged for the whole load to be delivered to some military station, and then we left.

I felt so much more confident, no longer dressed in jail clothes. But as we passed through the door, the hunger for seed grabbed me again. Reminding me just what I was, what I needed to do to pretend that I was OK.

The captain took me to some other shops, where I bought some girl's clothes, and some other girl's things, including some tools of my trade, things I had learnt from the other girls. I had never spent money in a shop before. The captain seemed to have a great deal of money, and he let me buy anything I asked him for, though he warned me I had to carry anything I bought. 

As we passed through the town square, there was a crowd standing in front of a platform. On the platform were a number of naked people, all chained to the platform. All of them were very fair skinned, with blond hair. The captain stopped to look. "Enemy slaves" he told me, when I looked to him. There was a man selling them, a young girl crying on the front of the platform as she was made to show herself to the crowd. I had heard of these slaves, but not seen them – Tom's specialty of the house was full blooded Livian girls only, no ugly foreign women. Surely this poor girl would end up as a sex slave of some sort. Would they control her with selial seed too?

The captain frowned and made me leave. He took me down a side street and through a dark doorway into a dim room. I recognised the smell immediately, we were in a healer's treatment room. A wizened old lady came into the room and looked at me.

"Hello child," she said, "you come to me at a time of great need. I will do what I can to help you. But you will have to find some strength from within you." First, she made me undress, and she examined me thoroughly. Even after all that had happened to me, it was embarrassing to be examined so personally in front of the captain, who didn't move to leave. She made me spread my legs and lift my groin so she could spread my vaginal lips and look up inside me. I asked her what she was looking for. 

"I'm looking for early signs of pox, dear, and you don't appear to have any."

Once she had given me the all clear, she gave me a brew to dampen the desire for seed, and explained to me what would happen when I didn't get seed. I would actually have 6 or 7 days during which I would have no control over my body, nor any memory of the time, but that then I would recover fine, though I would always feel a desire for selial seed when I was tired, depressed, or pregnant. When I asked her how she could know that, she said something that really surprised me:

"I remember what it was like."

The captain asked her to help kit me out for winter in the mountains. I really enjoyed working with her to fill a bag of medicines. I found that I hadn't forgotten as much as I thought. How wonderful it was to work with a healer again, and even better that she shared a past with me. She taught me some new simple medicines, like the brew to dampen desire, and she gave me a good supply of thornstar, which I used to prevent my monthly bleed, and stop me getting pregnant. It had been the only plant that I had easily been able to get supplies of since leaving Undartha.

The captain had to drag me out of there. It was a long walk to the captain's camp, outside the city walls, and I had so much to carry; I was tiring fast when we finally arrived, and the need for seed was consuming me. I realised I hadn't slept for more than a day.

I struggled to be properly aware when the captain introduced me to his men. I was aware enough to see that some didn't seem to approve of me. He said I was known as "Magic Hands," which, to my surprise, some of them seemed to recognise. Sometimes Tom had called me that. I was glad that I didn't recognise any of the men, though that didn't mean that none of them had used me before. There seemed to be rather a lot of them. One really stood out – he had a deep scar running down the side of his face, but he gave me a nice smile. The captain took to me a tent, pulled a small bag out of a pocket, handed it to me, and said "I'll see you in the morning. We leave at sunrise."

All day I had hungered for this moment, when I once again held seed in my hand. But now that it had come, it didn't seem quite so attractive anymore. It didn't have the sweet smell I remembered, and the thought of taking it revolted me. But so did the idea of not taking it. I guessed that this what the wizard had done for me, I had never had anything but raging desire before. 

I decided not to eat the seed. I sat on the bedroll and looked at it. After a minute, I crushed it, just to have another smell, in case the smell was different, but it wasn't. Once I'd crushed it, I figured I might was well eat it. 

The captain woke me at dawn. We rode to the east, with the sun in front of us. At least I was comfortable on a horse, though it had been more than a year since I had ridden, so I would surely be very sore for the next few days. But right then, for the first time since I could remember, I felt good. Great, actually, happy to be alive, which was rather more than I had expected at this time the day before.

I rode in the middle of the group. I looked at the men riding with me. I counted them: eighteen, including the captain. I started to appreciate the magnitude of my choice. I would have to give myself to every one of these men. The sex bit didn't bother me so much; I had been giving my body to strangers for months, sometimes nearly this many in a single night. No, what bothered me was that not only would these men take my body, but that afterwards, they would not be strangers; I would have to talk to them, to live with them. More, that these men who had me would be my only company. Would I always be a whore?

I recalled how I thought that I would leave when the captain stopped giving me seed. But that didn't seem like a very practical idea anymore, as much as it had a lot of attraction. I thought of what the captain said: "I will hold you to your choice." What did he mean, what did he want? Would they take me whenever and however they wanted? Far away in the mountains, I would have no control, they could do with me what they wanted. But they could do that anywhere. My life was in the captain's hands, but what did he want? I thought about how he had treated me. He had treated me much better than I could have imagined. He had spent quite some money on my kit. And he had been interested in my healing skills. Much too interested – where had he found out about that? What had made him come to me? And what would've happened if he hadn't?

So, the captain wanted a healer. But that still didn't make sense. Why didn't he just get a real healer? Maybe it was for too long and none would come. A whole winter in the mountains was a long time. That got me thinking. The captain had felt like a master of men, in charge of his destiny. But frankly, some of the men looked like a bunch of losers. In fact, considering their aura's – there was something I hadn't done for a long time – some of them were plainly drunks. What was going on here? I recalled a song from my childhood, called "Ship of Fools," about some crazy sailors with a loony captain on a death mission. This group kind of reminded me of that song, except for the captain. It had a catchy tune, and I started humming it.

The soldier with the scar was riding next to me, and he chuckled. I looked at him, embarrassed. He laughed at my expression. I asked him what was going on, with all these men going into the mountains for winter, whether it was usual practice for the soldiers. He looked sad, and explained to me what was going on.

The captain was the golden boy of the frontier army. Everything he touched turned to gold. It was him that had led the attack on the enemy last year that had resulted in reopening the trade roads with the Pindal mountains. But he had clashed with the army command twice over. The first way was by arguing that the king should make peace with the enemy and stop taking them as slaves. The second was by romancing the daughter of the commander of the army when he was a commoner. So the captain had been banished to the mountains for the winter. The mission was to stop enemy agents creeping through the mountains. They had been causing trouble in the land – killing, raping and burning crops and villages. Since all the other borders were monitored, the army command had decided that they were coming through the mountains, and sent the captain to close the mountains for winter. But the soldier clearly thought that the whole business was cooked up as an excuse to banish him. The army command had gathered his squad for him, soldiers they wanted to banish or punish. Some had clashed with army command, some were drunks or slackers, and others ("such as me," the soldier said) were too close to the captain. But there were friends in the army command, and they had been kitted out very well. None of the soldiers were happy – and some had families, but serving under the golden boy would help make up for it. It was going to be a tough winter – once they were settled in the mountain they would be on station in the extreme cold for the entire winter. It was late summer now, and they were required to be on station until spring, a period of 5 months. 

Well, now I had even more to fear. What kind of desperate expedition was I stuck with?



Winter in the Mountains Ch. 03



We travelled all day on the main road, without stopping for lunch. We were quite a crowd; in addition to 18 men with horses, we had several huge horses loaded with gear, and an assorted crowd of dogs. The captain had a pet falcon. It spent most of the time in the air, only resting on his shoulder occasionally. The captain spoke only a little to me, he spent most of the time talking to the squad about military matters. For me, it was a day of blissful quietness, and I tried to think as little as possible.

That night, in a small hollow near the road where we camped, I waited for the captain to command me to serve him or some other soldier. But instead I heard him tell one of the soldiers that I was not to be touched until after I was no longer using the seed. I didn't know whether to be relieved or not. The men were watching me and there was no doubt what they wanted. I doubted that the captain would be able to hold them back. 

The captain came to me and told me that I would not get seed that night, to use my brew instead. My anger consumed me – he had lied to me. I swore at him; I used all the words I had learnt. But he was unimpressed. He said that I had already missed one night the night I was sentenced, and I could miss another. He said it would do me good. And I would get seed when I needed it, he had not promised me seed every night.

I saw that I had been deceived by the captain; that I would never trust him again. I brewed my drink, and planned to find and use the seed while he slept. I wouldn't be able to sleep till I had the seed. I waited by the fire while the squad prepared to sleep.

Finally, the captain summoned me; I was to sleep next to him. I pretended to do what he said, and lay down under my blanket next to him. 

"No one is to touch you. If some one tries, wake me up". Yes, sure, that was why I was sleeping next to him.

"You won't sleep well without the seed will you?" he asked me. 

I gritted my teeth: how could I answer that question? I opted for the truth, but I was unable to keep the resentment from my voice. 

The captain sat down next to me and spoke quietly, so only I could hear him. "You really want the seed?". Yes. No. I didn't know what to say, how to answer. I glared at him. "I understand that you will be tempted". He pointed to the man on watch – very close to us. "The men on watch will be watching you. If you try to find the seed, they will wake me and I will have to chain you."

He watched me for a while, and then spoke again. "You are still young. You deserve better from life, but it will be a hard road from where you are now, from what was done to you. Think of this as your first of many tests. Your responses will show you whether you have the strength to find what you deserve."

The captain's words filled my thoughts long after he had gone to sleep. I could not sleep; though I ached with tiredness, the brew had not dulled my desire enough. Yes, the captain was right, this was a hard road. Did it lead to what I deserved? I had no idea. But he had filled me with the determination to show him that I could resist temptation. I began counting the night off. If I could hold to the end of the first watch, I would have begun to show some strength. Before the end of the first watch, I fell into a disturbed sleep.

I barely remember the second day at all. I hadn't slept well, and I was consumed by the desire for the seed. There was nothing to distract me. I thought about trying to run for it, but it was no use; it was hot, they had better horses and would track me down. Nor were my wits any match for them, even at my best. I think I barely spoke. Towards the evening I began to feel better; perhaps it was only because I was sure I would get the seed that night. I was able to care for my horse and help wash the dishes after the evening meal.

The squad were sitting around the fire laughing and singing when the captain showed me where I should sleep and gave me that precious little bag of seed. I did not delay, and once again, taking the seed brought me no pleasure in the way that it had before.

On the morning of the third day, I woke early to a beautiful morning. I was able to wash quickly in the stream we had camped by before many of the men were awake. I decided that I would start to master my fears. I had passed my first test, and I would pass all the others. And this morning, I would start by learning the names of these soldiers I had to give myself to. I helped with breakfast, I smiled at them, I spoke to them. I began to learn their names. Most of the squad were known by nicknames, often relating to something that had happened in their past. 

"Scar" was obvious. In fact, you couldn't miss the big red weal running down the left side of his face. "Gong", a huge man, had been given his name because he had made an enemy commander's armour echo like a gong in a battle when he had attacked him with a hammer. "Ferret" was a clever woodsman who could move through the woods with no sound at all. Not all the names were complimentary. "Sock", I was told, to the evident enjoyment of the audience, got his name when he stuck a sock down his pants to impress a woman. Sock laughed, and told me that it wasn't true, and he'd be happy to prove that he didn't need a sock. I was sure that I would find out. 

Not long after we broke camp, we came to the end of the farmland we had been travelling through, and the captain decided that we would head away from the road and through the forest. It was another hot day; very hot by the middle of the day. The captain said that this was the last hot spell of summer, and the men all took their shirts off to enjoy the sun. I thought, since we were no longer on the road, we had seen no one since we left the road, and I was very hot, that I'd join them too. 

I brought my horse to a stop so that I could take my shirt off, then lift my undershirt over my head. The undershirt got caught in my hair, and by the time I had lifted it over my head, the entire squad had come to a halt, watching me. I enjoyed the look in their eye's – they wanted me. I shook my chest for effect. It really pleased me to see that they all couldn't take their eye's off me.

"OK, soldiers, you'll get plenty of time to look, get moving", the captain called out. He smiled at me as the squad started moving again. "Make sure they all get a good look." 

I stayed like that for several hours, and the soldiers took it in turn to ride next to me. The captain changed both the point and rearguard riders so that they could ride next to me too. It was another opportunity to talk with them all. Or at least, for them to talk to my chest. 

Our pleasant ride through the woods came to a sudden halt midway towards the end of the afternoon. I felt that I had heard a scream of pure terror. I looked around, but I didn't see anything, and none of the soldiers had heard anything. I heard it again, clearly the voice of a girl. This time I knew where it was coming from, just over the hill, though why I could only hear it in my mind, I didn't know. I called to the captain, and galloped over to his horse. 

"What is it?", he asked

"Please, Captain, I hear screaming from over the hill". As I said this, I heard another voice, a cry of fear, that was cut off during the middle of cry. Death. I felt death for the first time. Ashes in my mouth. 

Gong, who was riding next to the captain, said "I don't hear anything". I looked at the captain, his eyes were out of focus and he seemed to be thinking.

"Halt" he called. "There is a problem over the hill. It looks like an enemy attack on a small village. We will ride to the rescue". He began to bark out orders to the squad. Two of them were to wait with me and the dogs and horses. The others were divided into 3 groups, and the captain led them over the hill. 

While I waited, I dressed again, and prepared a small bag of the things I'd likely need if there was anyone wounded. I was afraid. Why had I been able to sense this from over the hill? Nothing like that had ever happened before. I was no longer hearing voices, but I could strongly feel fear, filling me up, and adding to fear of my new sense. 

It wasn't long before Ferret appeared over the hill and summoned me. I followed him into a small village with six houses. The dead lay all around, and some of the houses were burning. I couldn't see any of my squad. Ferret spoke to me. "They are around us looking for the enemy. We caught one alive but we think there is more. There is only 2 survivors, a mother and her daughter. They were raping the mother when we got here." Ferret's voice was low and tight. When I looked at him, I could see the anger in his face. "They were going to start on the daughter when they finished with her". He led me into the middle of the village, where there was a small open area. 

In the middle of the open area was a woman laying on the ground sobbing, and a young girl, maybe 13 years old, was sitting next her crying. They were both covered in old ragged blankets. One of the soldiers, Digger, was standing over them. He looked at me. "These are the only living ones. The captain wants you to look at them. Anyone else living will be brought here too, and I am to help you". 

Oh, no. What a dreadful thing to happen. I asked Digger to make me a small fire and sat down next to the girl. I laid my hand on here mother's shoulder, and looked at the girl. She was quite pretty, but tears were running down her face, and she wasn't looking at me. "I am a healer" I told her. She lifted her eyes to mine, and looked straight through me. She went to speak, but words would not come. "Are you hurt?" I asked her. She shook her head, but moved the blanket to show me some surface marks on her side and her arms. I knew that I would need to tend to her but she could wait for now. 

I lifted the blanket covering her mother, and gasped in shock. They had not just raped this women, they had beaten her too. She was already bruised across much of body, and she probably had some broken ribs. She must have fought them viciously. I had treated a rape victim once before, but nothing like this. She was lying in a pool of blood and still bleeding from several places.

I took a deep breath and gathered my wits. Though I was no stranger to death and injury, the depth of evil and size of the problems I faced here made me afraid. But even if I was out of my depth, I was all that these two poor victims had, and I would have to put my problems aside for them. "Right". I tried to be as decisive as I could be. I turned to the daughter. "What is your name?"

"Lani" she replied.

"Lani, your mum's going to be OK, but we have to do things for her. Can you help me?"

She nodded. "OK, can you help Digger here find a clean bucket of water and a cloth?" She looked relieved to have something to do. While I was waiting I checked the woman. Other then several sharp but shallow cuts, and the bruises, she seemed to be in reasonable condition. 

Lani ran back with a bucket. I washed the woman. She had lain on the ground sobbing to this point, but when I open the first wound to check it and clean it she fainted. I bound her wounds with some of the bandages the old healer had given me. They looked clean, and would probably heal OK. 

I wiped the sweat from my brow and took stock. Things were not as bad as they had seemed. Both Lani and her mother were going to survive. I used Digger's fire to prepare a poultice for them that would help to prevent infection in their cuts. While I was waiting for it, I spoke to the mother. Her name was Edina. They had no warning, the enemy had run in on foot and started killing everyone in the small settlement. Two men were holding her down and using her when Digger had run up and killed them both. She pointed out the body of a small child, her son Peter, and a body of a man lying on the ground, with an arrow protruding from his face, not far from us. She told me that he was the one that had beaten her. 

I think that it was at this time that I started to understand that this wasn't even war. This was something worse, just killing and raping poor innocent working people who were struggling to make a living. What possible response could there be to this outrage? This was far different to how I had been treated. Tom had been hung as a criminal, but this, how could you respond? At this moment the captain walked into the area with several other soldiers dragging a prisoner. His blond hair and pale skin marked him as an enemy. 

The captain asked me to prepare a special brew that the old healer had shown me how to make. He would force it into the prisoners mouth while he was unconscious so that he would be disorientated when he became conscious and would talk. When the prisoner became conscious, the captain spoke softly to the prisoner in a language I did not know. The prisoner groaned and answered in the same language. They spoke for a few minutes. Then the captain stood up and looked around at his watching men. "This scum here confirms that we have killed all of them. Scar, tie him up and leave him on the ground down there. Gather all the enemy bodies with him, and the villagers up here". 

The soldiers spent the next couple of hours gathering bodies and digging a pit for the enemies and graves. I helped with the graves – digging graves was something I knew how to do. We buried the dead from the village, many of them young children. The soldiers didn't say much, but their grey faces showed a grim pall. The captain pointed to the prisoner, who was fully awake now, and explained that the prisoner had proudly claimed responsibility for killing the children and raping the woman. They gagged the prisoner, placed him on top of the bodies of the other thugs in the pit, and burnt them.

The captain gathered all the soldiers together. "I know that many of you have doubted this mission. The prisoner told me that they came over the mountains to rape and kill until they are dead. These thugs will keep coming, this will keep happening. Do not doubt anymore. We must hold the mountain passes through winter. And we will hold them. We will do this, not for ourselves, but for the people and the land."

We stood as one, inspired, and echoed, "For the People and the Land", our age old war cry.

The captain wanted to take Edina and Lani to a nearby city, but they completely refused to leave the village. By the time we left, the sun was setting. The captain announced that we would be staying at the garrison in the nearby city tonight. 

As we rode to the city, the captain spoke to me. "So, you heard the woman in your mind?". I nodded. "Is this the first time that's happened?". 

"It's never happened before", I said.

"OK. We will talk about it later."

"But how did you know to believe me?" I burst out.

"Well, don't tell anyone, though the squad knows. I can see through my falcon's eyes when I want to."

I shivered. I had already thought his eyes were piercing. That was incredible. Well, there was no way that I would ever try running from this amazing man. I repeated to myself, this man owned me, I had to do anything he asked without second thoughts. And I knew that I'd do anything for him and for the mission after today. "Even lick his boots" I said to myself, though I figured I'd be using my tongue somewhere else. And, looking at his piercing eyes, I shivered again. For once, it'd be a real pleasure.



Winter in the Mountains Ch. 04



Late in the afternoon on the sixth day, we found a place for our base camp. We had been climbing into the mountains for two days. We had ridden into cold driving rain since we had left Edina and Lani. The men had been happy to stay in garrison cities for the next two nights, but once we had headed into the mountains, we had left civilisation behind, and had camped out in the cold. 

I had felt particularly cold on the fifth night. For the second time the captain had refused to give me my seed. I had cried in my frustration, I knew that I would get no more. But after that I suffered quietly. I was determined to overcome any challenge the captain threw at me; I had to, if I wanted to live. And I had discovered that I did want to live, very much. I had even begun to hope that I might survive this foolhardy expedition, and that I had more future than a whore. 

I now knew that some in the squad had similar problems to mine. They were alcoholics, they needed to drink. The captain had said that while we were taking wine into the mountains, it would be strictly rationed, and no one was to get drunk. He had let them go for one last drink the second night we stayed in a garrison. We had left late on the fifth morning after that, a sorry looking bunch of men; all wet, some with hang overs. I was glad that at least I would know that there was no more seed. Although it was always possible that the captain had more yet.

While we unpacked, Gong used a huge hammer to drive a massive stake into the ground. Once he had finished, the captain called me over to the stake. "Undress" he said, while holding some chains and a manacle in his hand. 

I shivered. In my head I saw myself, chained, naked and spread on the ground, with the men standing in a line to use me. Well, I had feared the worst, and now it would come to pass. Here would be my final payment for my innocence, the innocence that Bridget had taken from me, that same innocence I had taken from another. I could not keep the tears from my eyes as I pulled my clothes off. For the first time, the men would see me fully naked, though I had become used to sharing toilet stops with them. I took some small pleasure from the look on Gong's face as I stripped, such naked pleasure at my naked body. When I had cast the last of my clothes on the ground, the captain gave me a blanket to wrap myself in. 

"You will be chained to this stake until you have recovered. I will look after you until then. When you make too much noise, we will gag you. Scar is going to build you a shelter, and you will have blankets to keep warm." 

I did not reply. I decided to say as little as I could while I was chained. I would be dumb. I sat with my legs crossed and my hands on my knees in the meditation pose that the lecherous healer had taught me while I was still his apprentice. I chanted an old calming chant under my breath while they attached my chain and Scar built me a simple shelter with some sticks and a hide. 

The captain came to me after the men had eaten and gave me my meal. He sat and watched me eat. When I finished he pulled a small bag from his pocket. "This is the last of the seed" he said. Just out of my reach he built a small pile of wood for a fire, and placed the bag on top of it. Then he left and returned with a burning branch. He was as surprised as I was that I had not moved to see if I could reach the seed while he was gone. 

I watched the seed burn. So much was going up in flames with it. Though I didn't know the future, I knew that the last remnants of Zia, whore and seedie, burned in front of my eyes. Soon I would arise from the flame, to build a new life.

The captain looked at me with compassion in his piercing eyes. "Good luck" he said. There was a finality in his voice, as if he would not be speaking to me again. 

"Do I get a final request?" I asked him.

"And what might that be?"

"If you could get my girly bag." He nodded, and I told him where to find it. When he came back, he gave me my hairbrush and things. Whatever I faced, it would be easier if I was looking my best. 

As the evening progressed, I groomed myself. I combed every knot out of my dirty messy hair. I trimmed and plucked my eyebrows, legs and patch. I had learnt what it was that men liked, and I wanted to be at my best. And I meditated, chanting to myself while I waited for the desire to take me, feeling it growing, growing inside me. I told myself, as I chanted, that whatever came, I must retain my dignity. I must be quiet, I would simply meditate.

Sometime late in the evening I started losing my mind. I saw visions. Fire leapt from the ashes of my seed and burnt me alive, but I was only getting colder. My father came and laughed at me, and reached in and caressed my breasts. I was hanging in a gibbet, I couldn't move to stop him. Then he suddenly changed into beast, terrible in form, and reached up to tear my neck with his horrible jaws. Then the captain leaned down, picked him from my off chest while I lay on the ground, and threw him into the sky where his falcon grabbed him like a small rodent, tearing him to pieces. And then, I believe, the madness truly took me.

I was cold and disorientated when I woke up. I groaned. My tongue was sore and swollen, and I was dreadfully thirsty. I tried to sit up, but I felt weak. I groaned again. Hands lifted me up, and water was placed to my mouth. I drank until it was taken away. "Enough" a voice said. I forced my eyes to open, and looked into the face of the captain. "What is your name?" he asked me. I groaned again. He gave me more water to drink. 

"Zia" I said.

"Welcome back. I will bring you some food". 

While he was gone, I looked around. I was still chained to the stake, but we were somehow some where else, in a valley completely surrounded by high mountains. They had moved me. The captain came with small meal. I was ravenous, and wolfed it down. "More" I pleaded, but he refused me. I sniffed. I stunk. "I need to wash". He nodded.

"Wait". 

He returned with another of the squad, Drowsy. Between them, they removed my chain. I pulled my stinky blanket tight, and the captain helped me stand, guiding me to a bubbling stream. I dropped the blanket and walked in. It was cold. Bitterly cold beyond anything I had ever experienced. I quickly washed myself and my hair, but I had lost all feeling in my fingers long before I had finished my hair. When I came out, the captain wrapped me a clean blanket and held me tight until I was merely very cold. I leaned in against him, enjoying his comfort and strength. This was the first time anyone had held me tight for a long time. The first time anyone had simply just cared about me since as long as I could remember. The feeling and the morning sun warmed me quickly.

When I could speak, I asked him how many days had passed. "It's been eight days since I chained you to that stake."

Eight days! But I had survived. Now that I was starting to warm up, I realised that I felt different. For the first time, I truly felt free of the seed. I laughed, great gales of laughter. I was free!

Well, not actually free at this point. The captain owned me. Now, truly, I knew, he owned me, and it was time for me to start paying my dues. I pulled away from the captain, opened the blanket, and presented myself to him. "I am yours, Master". It was the first time I had called him that. 

His eyes scanned my body, and he caught his breath. "Yes, and you are beautiful" he said. "But it's too cold for that yet. Come with me and have some breakfast, and then we will talk about your duties". 

"How can I perform my duties when I haven't had any thornstar for eight days?"

The captain smiled. "I've been making it for you, and making you have it."

Oh really? How did I know that he made it correctly? Before breakfast he showed me how he made it: properly. The old healer had showed him, he said.

Over breakfast, the captain explained my duties. The men were divided into four teams of four, each on a four day cycle. They would go out on patrol for two days, staying somewhere overnight on the patrol. On the third day, they would patrol the main route through the mountains. On the fourth day, they had a rest day, during which they spent time resting and working on weapons and skills. Also, on that day, they would get a turn with me. The captain and his second in command Whistle were not on the four day cycle, and would get a turn with me as they had a chance. My duties were to make sure that the men were clean, healthy, and happy. They had set me up a little room to do my stuff in, and he would show it to me soon. And did I have any questions?

I didn't even know what "my stuff" was. So the captain showed me inside a log cabin, which was still not complete. I was amazed at the size of the log cabin they had built, how much they had already done. It was fairly low, and dug out below into the ground. One end was curtained off with some heavy skins, and behind this was a small room with a bath and a bed in it. A small fire gave enough light to see by.

"A bath? How did that get here?"

The captain grinned. "Gong and Sock got it here. Ask them, I'm sure they'll love to tell you the story". 

There was a channel of running water around the bath, and some complicated set up over the fire that looked like a way to fill to the bath with warm water. 

"Your real job is to fill the bath with warm water, get them into it, and wash them, and give them a massage. And to watch their health. This winter will be hard for them, and you need to keep them going." 

And to give my body to them, I knew, that went without saying. But now I could see what my stuff was. The bed was a log bed on rocks, I would have to make it more comfortable somehow.

"This afternoon, if you are ready, you will have a practice run on me, I will give you this morning to sort all your stuff out and figure out the bath. Have one yourself."

I looked at the captain and desire spread through my body and into my voice. "Oh, I'll make sure that I'm ready."

I spent the morning preparing the room and sorting out my things. Mostly I had things for healing or for pleasure. Just a few clothes were for me, and my girly bag. I folded them in a corner, I still wasn't sure where I'd be sleeping myself. 

Many of my users had come for a simple suck and fuck. We had called them "In, In and Out" or "Simple Dicks". But Tom had a list of special services that cost more. One of the special services was called "Saucy Bath Attendant" and I had played that role occasionally. Here, it would be more than a role. Another of the special experiences was called "Full Massage Treatment", and I had done that a lot. The most expensive service we had offered was called "Pretend Girlfriend Experience". Bridget had taught me those skills, using them on each other, and I knew that I would use them here.

I figured out the fire set up, and had a wonderful warm bath. If only I'd known about this bath earlier, I wouldn't have frozen myself in that damned stream. I lay fully submersed in the warm water, caressing myself. It had been two weeks since I had last had sex, and to my surprise I was missing it, a lot. The anticipation of serving the captain was filling me with a pleasant warm feeling inside. I lifted myself onto the edge of the bath, and slipped a finger inside my slit, imagining kneeling down in front of the captain, both of us naked, taking his hardness in my mouth, his taste and strength filling me up. 

I had to stop. I was quite noisy when I came, to which I was surprisingly close, and it wouldn't do for anyone to hear what came next right now. Oh, how I wanted the captain. I had to resist the urge to pleasure myself as I dried myself with a blanket.

I looked through the few small clothes I had bought. Now was the time to put aside the travelling gear and wear some of the other clothes I had bought. I settled on a simple cotton sundress. I would keep the other few outfits hidden for later. I didn't think the dress was quite warm enough for the weather, but I figured I wouldn't be wearing it for long – it was fairly tight and short, and emphasized my breasts wonderfully. Given that I hadn't tried it on when I bought it, I was pretty proud of my choice.

Whistle was outside with the captain, and no one else was around. The astounded hungry looks on their faces filled me with pleasure. I had never dressed like this before I came to the city, and after that it hadn't really meant anything however I dressed or didn't. The look on their faces, it gave me a wonderful feeling. I sat opposite them as we ate lunch, with my legs crossed, and the dress only just covering me. I felt as though sparks were flying across the small fire between us.

I bounced up, leant over the captain, and whispered into his ear. "Just let me get your bath ready, Sir." I gave him the tiniest little growl. I walked seductively back to the log cabin. I was going to drive these men mad if I could.

When the bath was ready, I went out to call the captain, and found him hanging right outside the door of the log cabin. I pulled him into the cabin and kissed him passionately. I could feel his erection against me, he kissed me back hard. He led me into my room. I started undoing his belt, but he shuddered and stood back from me.

"Uh, hang on, there's a couple of things we need to talk about first."

I had never imagined seeing the great captain flustered but he definitely was right then. Nearly the only time I ever saw him flustered, actually. 

"Yes, Master, anything you want". I was nearly purring, pulling the hem of my dress up. How hard could I push him?

He shut his eyes. "Stop that – let us talk, then I will have you."

I let go of my dress. 

"Are you up for this? You only came back to us today."

"Just try and hold me back." 

He nodded. "OK, just checking that you are ready."

I was ready, no doubt about that. Finally, I was going to get my hands on him. 



Winter in the Mountains Ch. 05



I undressed the captain. Oh, he was everything I imagined. There was such power in his body. It wasn't just his physical appearance, though that was as good as you could imagine. His muscles were hard and clearly defined, his stomach flat, his bum wonderfully tight. Some men, when they are naked, don't radiate the raw strength they can appear to have when they are clothed. But with the captain, the way he moved and stood radiated his power and commanding attitude perfectly, no clothes required. This is the true mark of a powerful man.

I ran my hands over him. He had a normal amount of hair on his chest, and a perfectly sized erection, straight and clean, I was reassured to see. I like average sized man. Too small or short, or if they are fat, and I have to work hard to give them what they want, and there's nothing left over for me. Too big, and I have to manage the way they use me, and often it goes to their head too. But normal or slightly bigger, then if the man knows how to use it, I can really enjoy myself. 

I led him over to the bath. While he got in the bath, I removed my sundress. Under it I had a wrap bunched around my waist, covering enough to create a desire to take it off while not covering anything at all. I wondered how long the captain would let me keep it on. I leaned forward in front of him, so that my breasts were right in front of his face, and took hold of his shoulders. "I am going to wash your back, and then your hair, and then I will get in there with you, and finish washing you." He just nodded. I could see he could barely control himself, it was time to back off a little.

I sat on the end of the bath and washed his back. I sought for and found the tension in his shoulders. Such powerful men who drive themselves hard for their goals, they usually have such tension, and ignore it. He would feel wonderful when I finished with him.

"Scar tells me you were romancing the daughter of the commander" I said.

The captain seemed surprised that I brought it up. But men often like to talk about their loves to me. Once he opened up, he was happy to talk of her. Their relationship was rather deeper than I had thought from what Scar had said. He described her to me, and she sounded a lot like myself in my daydreams before I became a healer. Tall and elegant, with long straight hair, Holly was considered one of the prize catches of the kingdom, and many eligible men had attempted to win her heart. But she felt trapped in the palace, playing the role of elegant debutante, and would much rather have been exploring the country and racing her horse. The captain had met her once in the forest, several years ago, and they often met outside the city. He described her as his burning flame.

The king had given him a great reception when he returned from his last mission, and they had declared themselves at the feast. Her father, one of the most powerful barons in the kingdom, had been very angry, as he wanted her to marry for the family. She had threatened to run away and publicly repudiate the family name, so he had backed down, and instead sent the captain away to give other suitors a chance. But Holly and the captain had given each other their pledge, and Holly had given him her heart and soul, though not yet her body, so he wasn't worried that she would change her mind. They had crossed hearts with blood the night before we left, after he had given me the seed. He showed me the scar on his ring finger. I was touched by the beautiful story.  

I hoped that what we were doing wouldn't ruin the story, but it was the captain's story and his decisions that had led me to here. I had kept washing the captains hair during this story, for fear of interrupting it if I stopped, and his hair was now beyond clean. I climbed into the bath between his legs. 

He was silent while I lifted his legs and arms out of the water and washed them. I looked at all his life marks. They told the same story that I had already plainly seen, that the captain was a man of great strength and resolution. His hands were rough and calloused from the weapons he worked with. He had various assorted scars across his body. Most of them were training or combat injuries, he told me, but a few on his feet and legs were from stinger fish or octopi from when he had worked on his father's fishing ship. He had to explain to me what an octopus was. His explanation made me laugh, and this kept him somewhat distracted while I finished cleaning him. Even so, by the time I finished, he was fully erect and struggling to control his breathing, close to coming. 

"OK, out", I said. He stood, and I dried him with a blanket. I got him to kneel while I stood in front of him to dry his hair. While I was doing this, he pulled my wrap down so he could look at my pussy. I opened my legs so he could see more. He ran his finger through my patch, along my slit, and gently rubbed my clit. Wow.

I dropped to my knees with my eyes shut, and he chuckled. "Gotcha!" I was surprised, now it was me who had nearly come. If I hadn't been standing up, I probably would have. Waves of pleasure coursed through my body. I took a deep breath, and asked him to stand. I stood and dried him, rear and front. I finished with his dick. I knelt in front of him and gently dried it. When I had finished, I kissed the end of it, and licked it with my tongue. I could feel his pulse on my lips, and I knew he was very close to the point of no return.

I guided him to the bed. He was aroused enough and fit enough that I was sure he'd be good to come more then once, so I got him to lie in his back, and stood next to him, with the wrap still on and still pulled down at the front. I leant over and took him in my mouth. I was good at this, but no skill was needed at this point. He breathed in sharply. I took his balls in one hand, and gently caressed them. I could hold him back, but this wasn't the right time for that; we both needed him to come. One of this hands grabbed my hair and the other took hold of the top of my leg and bum, with his fingers reaching right in to my slit. It felt good to be held like that, like I was owned, and he pulled my head up and down. After only a few movements, he started to come. I think it had been a while for him, he spurted into my mouth, many times, and even after all my practice, I still struggled to swallow it all. He tasted good. Good, because I would surely be doing that again.

I looked at him. He had come with unusual intensity, with just a few groans. He had a slightly dazed smile on his face. "Yum", I said. It's kind of expected, afterwards, but I meant it this time. I sat on the bed next to him and rested while he caught his breath, running my hands over his chest gently. 

After a couple of minutes, he lifted his hand and caressed my breast. "That was amazing." 

I smiled back at him. "Thanks. We haven't finished yet. Turn over and enjoy."

He turned over, and I spread oil over his back. I started working his back over, in long sweeping strokes, and feeling him out for how hard I could work him. As I expected, I needed to work him very hard. The bed was a little low for my comfort, and a little hard for the captains comfort, but he was such a hard man he probably hadn't noticed. I would have to improve the bed. He lay there quietly, focused on enjoying my hands. 

"Magic" he murmured gently. Yes, it was for this that I had been called "magic hands". I slowly worked over his whole body. When I stood above his head, he reached out and undid the wrap. After that, whenever I was in easy reach of his hands, he would caress me, either on the legs, or on my bum, and sometimes my pussy. Anytime he got me sufficiently aroused that my concentration wavered, he would back off. He was driving me to ever greater levels of arousal. A few of my users had done this, it was one sure way to make me come. I was trembling and wet, leaking down my legs, but I was determined to give him a full treatment. After I asked him to roll over, I had a brief respite while I worked on his feet and legs. His dick had been starting to come back to life, as he watched me working his legs, and when I gently brushed against his balls as I got to the top his legs it suddenly was restored to it's former glory. I brushed my fingernails across the ridge on the underneath, and it jumped in response. 

I started working on the captains upper body, which brought me back into reach of his hands. He very quickly brought me back to the edge. I was surprised, he had some skill at reading my response. I got respite again when I worked on his face from above his head. I like this bit, it's very intimate without being sexual. It's my favourite bit to either give or receive. I gently massaged his face and scalp, taking my time to ensure that he got the full benefit from my touch. I bent down and kissed the captain on the forehead, and then nuzzled his ears with my lips. I leaned over his head to work on his chest, and he started licking and kissing my nipples. I knew, as soon as he started doing that, that the massage was over. I stopped, closed my eyes, and let him enjoy my breasts for a while, but I knew that it couldn't last. When I felt myself starting to tremble, I climbed onto him, impaled myself on his erection, and squeezed. He thrust back at me, and suddenly I completely lost control of myself. I came harder than I ever have, shuddering and crying out.

I became aware that I was lying on his chest, still enjoying the occasional after shock. He ran his hands through my hair. "That was truly amazing" he whispered in wonder. 

He was still erect inside me. Oh, what a wonderful feeling. I sat up, and started moving up and down on his erection, this time ignoring the sensations I could feel and concentrating on making it as good for him as I could. He played with my breasts, and I worked him hard, leaning into his hands, squeezing his dick, and caressing his chest and face. I could see that he was trying to hold on and make it last as long as he could, but I knew that he wouldn't last too long. I watched him coming ever closer to the brink - this is why I prefer being on top, I feel like I am in control of a galloping horse, and I know how to guide it, control it, and lift it over a big jump. We lifted off together, with perfect timing. He came again, shuddering and crying out and then I came again, just after he did.

I lay on his chest, listening to his breathing and feeling his erection flagging inside me. I held him tight. I was full of emotion. For the very first time, I had made love. Not sex, with nagging regrets afterwards, like it had been in the past. No, I had given myself to the captain, body, heart, and body, and, for the very first time, I felt complete, like a woman is supposed to feel after she has made love. 

He slipped out of me, and I moved over to lie half on the bed beside him, still holding him tight. I started to cry. My tears flowed, I couldn't stop them. I cried for my old self, the opportunity I lost. I cried for my wasted year, and the desperation and despair that I hadn't been able to shake. I cried for the wonderful happiness that the captain had given me. I cried for the virginity I had thrown away. I felt, for the first time for a long time, if ever, like I was at rest. Truly, I had risen from the flames.

He asked me why I was I crying. What could I say? I thanked him because I felt like a women should; because I felt like this is how I should feel when I lost my virginity, that I would count this henceforth as the day I truly lost my virginity. He gave me a bemused smile, I guess this is not what a man expects from a working girl. I lifted my head and we kissed. This kiss was something special too, quite chaste yet very tender. 

"That was pretty incredible, I had no idea you were so good."

I was filled with pleasure. "Well, I had no idea that it could be that good."

We lay together for a few minutes. He rolled me over a little bit and tenderly caressed me, and ran his fingers through my patch. Then I sat up, and looked at an open sore that I had found on the inside of his thigh. It was a little inflamed around the edges. "Where did you get that?" I asked him.

"Fighting the thugs, though I'm not sure how" he replied.

I frowned. Even though it was on a spot where it would rub painfully against his horse, it should've healed by now. "I will give you a poultice for it tonight". 

He nodded and sat up. "You know, you made an amazing amount of noise when you came."

I blushed. I'm usually fairly noisy, and the first of my orgasms had been very intense, I had no memory of making any noise. That's usually a bad sign. "I'm really sorry, but I just can't help it". 

"Don't be sorry, it was a wonderful thing to watch."

I'd never figured out how to keep quiet when I did come, or how to pretend convincingly when I didn't. I could fool men who hadn't seen me come, but once someone had seen or heard me come, I could never pretend again. It was going to be a problem, I knew, with everyone able to hear me here. That got me thinking about my duties, and we spoke about them.

The captain told me that he had given the squad a set of rules about me. They had to spend time with me on their rest day, and they had to let me wash them. It was up to them if they wanted more from me. They weren't allowed to hurt me or bruise me in any fashion, nor were they allowed to touch me at other times unless I wanted it.

I was thinking about those rules when the captain gave me my rules. I had to get them into the bath and make sure they were clean, and check their health thoroughly every time I saw them. If there were any health issues, or I felt that they were showing signs of being worked too hard, I had to talk to the captain about it. If they didn't want to play with me, I had to respect their wishes. If there was any talk of mutiny or problems like that, I had to tell the captain immediately, but otherwise I wasn't to talk to the captain or anyone else about what happened inside my room. Finally, I had to give them all a fair go as long as we were on the mountain.

I thought about those rules. "What if any of the squad have pox?"

"Well, what do you think?"

I thought about that. Men carried the pox, it made urination and sex uncomfortable, but it usually killed women who got it. There was no way I'd let a man with pox inside me now. There was a week or so between a man catching pox and when I could detect it on him, and if he entered me during that period, I would catch it myself. The squad had all been up here for more than a week. I figured that at least some of them had sex while we were at the garrison cities, but not since. So at least there should be no surprises. But if a man had the pox, I could probably clean him of it. And I knew ways to look after him till it was fixed. We agreed that if any of them had pox, I would discuss it with him, and only bring the captain in if there was a problem.

"If you can give the men a fraction of what you just gave me, they will be very happy."

"I'll do my best." 

The captain looked at me with his piercing eyes. "Usually, on missions like this, a squad falls apart and many of the soldiers die from cold or drink. I'm counting on you to get them through the winter. We have to hold these mountains."

I felt a chill. I thought about Edina, Lani, the thug, and the squad, what was at stake here. It was all too easy just to think about me, but there was something more at stake here. The captain – my master and owner - had given me an important mission that I could perform, and I would not fail. I looked him in the eyes and straightened my back, still naked, sitting as tall as I could. I drew my breath. "I will do this, for the people and the land." 



Winter in the Mountains Ch. 06



And so I began my new life, holding to that promise that I made to earn any kind of life at all. I had been afraid of my promise, afraid of what I would have to do. But when it came to it, I had nothing to be afraid of at all. In fact, those first weeks were the best yet of my life. The best part is that I knew, even at the time, how good it was. In the morning I arose full of excitement for a new day, and in the evening I fell onto my bed, tired but satisfied from a day full of enjoyment and purpose.

My days very quickly fell into a pattern. I would awake with the squad as the sun first peeked into the valley, and I would share their morning exercises with them. They told me that I didn't have to do it, but I wanted to share in their lives as much as I could. Then, after breakfast, I would do a short clinic checking on the various running health issues some of the squad had. After this, those in the squad who were on patrol for the day would leave. I would spend the next hour or two cleaning and washing, and then one by one, I would work my way through the soldiers who were having a rest day. By the time I had done this, with lunch thrown in, it would be late afternoon, and I had a little free time, before the patrols returned, and we shared an evening meal. Over the evening meal and then into the evening we would share each others company, with music and stories and much laughter, before falling into bed once it was truly dark. 

There were many things that made me so happy.

I quickly came to think of the camp as my home. The camp was nestled in the hollow of a small valley that ran east to west. There were tall steep mountains to the north and south, with forest reaching up towards their peaks. The base of the valley between them was about a mile wide, with a river running down the far side of the valley. On the opposite side of the valley, the camp was nestled on the edge of the forest partially protected by a rocky outcrop. Between the camp and the river was an open grassland where the horses roamed. Eventually we built a shelter for the horses to protect them from the wind through the depths of winter.

The centre of the camp was a log cabin which we completed not long after my new life began. The log cabin was set low into the ground, with a fairly steep roof because of the snow. In each end of the log cabin there was a window – made with logs, not glass - which could be opened when it wasn't windy or cold. One end of the log cabin was curtained off for my use, and the rest of the cabin was a single room with a large fireplace in the center. I chose to sleep in the main room with the squad. If it was good enough the captain, then it was good enough for me. In my other life, I had lived in a stone hovel that was falling apart, and then, in the city, in a tiny dirty room with no light, so this was more than good enough for me.

Outside the camp there was a scattering of tents and log huts used for various purposes. Behind the log cabin there was a small spring, with a small pipe running out if it bringing water into my bath, and further downstream, a couple of outhouses positioned over the stream. There was also a cool cave in the mountainside where the food was stored. I thought that we were very lucky to find a place like that but it turned out that Ferret had known of the location. 

We ate well. The patrols hunted, usually successfully. The captain encouraged them to hunt. Tracking, stalking and killing wild animals was good practice for doing the same to any people who tried to cross the mountains. They caught deer, and mountain goats, and once or twice a large bear. There was a prize for anyone who could catch a mountain goat with their bare hands, as they were particularly tricky to catch. Even if the patrols didn't catch a large animal, they regularly caught birds such as pigeons or petrels. So we had a regular supply of fresh meat, enough to start storing dried smoked meat in the cave for later in winter when meat wasn't so readily available. We also had good stores of grains, vegetables, oils and herbs, so we ate well. Much to my surprise, most of the soldiers were competent cooks. They took turns, each night, two of them cooking. I had never eaten so well. 

So I was comfortable and eating well in the camp, in my surprise new life. But there were far more important reasons why I was enjoying myself so much. 

At last, I was truly a healer. My small flock was actually in fairly good shape, so I could have stepped back and waited for things to go wrong. But this wouldn't be doing my best for my master to prepare for the darkness I foresaw for the squad as they battled with winter. And I welcomed the chance to practice prehealing, something I had longed for when I trained for all those years in the village of Undartha. I paid attention to the smallest cut each of the men had. I inspected and cleaned their teeth and insisted that they clean their mouths with the herb mixture I gave them. Not only did it protect their teeth, it made their breath smell better; I was able to get them to clean their teeth even though it did truly taste foul. It helped that the captain ordered them to use it day and night once I explained to him why. And it worked. I didn't have to pull one tooth in the whole time we were in the mountains, which pleased me greatly since I wasn't sure I could have done it. Imagine trying to hold Gong down for that!

So though my healing duties were light at that point, I felt as though I really was taking very good care of the squad, and finally, I was fulfilling my destiny as a healer. Not, perhaps, how I had originally looked for it, but I was happy. 

I fell into the duties the captain gave me with joy. I had eighteen good men at my beck and call. They worshipped me. I expected they would be focused on me, as the only female within two days journey, and available too. But the adoration I got from them went far beyond that. I used all the skills I had to look attractive and available, without being too obvious, and when they were with me, I gave them my total attention, the best time I could, with no thought of holding back. 

And, oh, how they repaid me! Almost all of them treated me with tenderness, respect and enthusiasm, like a lover, and at least twice a day I would get earth shattering orgasms. I felt like I had my own harem, eighteen strong, fit men just hanging out to give me the time of life. They were good men. I got to know them all well. 

The captain had told me that I needed to get them into bath, and wash them. For most of them, the hardest thing about that was making them wait for the sex they hungered for until after the bath. But I knew how to control things. For me, sometimes, it was hard to make myself wait till after the bath, but I had decided early that I had to have that discipline, and they did smell terrible before their bath, so that helped me to remember.

I chose Scar as my very first. It was an easy choice, he had been nice to me from the start, and even though his face was quite disfigured from the scar, he had a nice body and I liked him. I was filled with anticipation when I called him to me. I had mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, I still had a very pleasant tingling between my legs from my wonderful session with the captain the day before, and I was looking forward to more of the same. I could really get used to that. On the other hand, I was nervous and alert; I had to give my best.

I sat Scar down on the bed, and placed my hand on his arm. He placed his other hand over mine and smiled at me, that same wonderful smile he gave me on the first day we met. I was glad that I was able to choose him first. I explained what would happen, about the bath and massage, that he could have more if he wanted, and that I would speak of nothing that happened between us to anyone else. I gave this same introduction to each of the men.

"Great" was all he said.

I undressed down to my wrap, and then undressed him. I was intrigued to find that the name Scar went deeper than I thought. Like the captain, he had a wonderful hard body, though he did not radiate power in the same way. But what fascinated me was his scar: three deep parallel lines running across his chest and stomach, but fortunately stopping a little above his groin. That there was no functional effect was evident from the hardness of his erection. I sat next to him on the bed, and traced the scars with my fingers, and drew in my breath. "A bear?" I guessed from the size of the marks. He nodded. "You were very lucky then." He nodded again, and told me the story. He was with the captain, in a foreign land, hiding in the bush when they had accidentally got between a bear and it's cub. It had attacked them, and Scar had jumped in front of the captain to protect him. The bear had mauled him, but he had killed the bear with a spear. He considered himself very lucky since it had been 2 days before the captain had been able to get a healer to look at it. I was amazed he was still alive, this was one tough man. But they had completed the mission, he was at pains to tell me. 

"Do you regret what you did?", I asked.

"I would be honoured to die for the captain", he said. "You can see for yourself what a great leader of men he is."

I nodded. I had watched him already, in the few days I had, working with each of the men, teaching them, leading them. I shivered. "He is a great man." I felt some special bond with Scar. We were bound by our service to the captain. I leaned into him, holding his chin and kissed him. 

I had given some thought to the kiss question. Maybe I could avoid kissing the men, even though they had open access to the rest of my body. A kiss was so intimate, they would likely not expect or want to kiss me. But I realised that the kiss question was the same question as to what degree I was committed to my mission, to my master's desires. And I had decided that I was completely committed. I would hold nothing back. Nothing at all. If the men wanted to kiss, I would kiss them with all the passion I could imagine. But I had decided that I wouldn't initiate a kiss.

So I was rather surprised then, to find myself in a dreamy, drawn out kiss with Scar. How he felt about that captain had drawn me in. I broke the kiss, and we both breathed deeply. "Woo, and I hardly know you yet", I said, with a smile.

While I bathed him, I asked him about his past. He had grown up with the captain, served with him on the same fishing boat, and run away with him to join the army when they were just fifteen, and then served with him for twelve years. 

"I do his dirty work for him." Scar said this with a smirk in his voice, as if it was a joke, but that somehow it meant something.

Dirty work... I thought about that. Maybe the dirtiest work recently had been looking after me while I was insane. I looked in his eyes.

"You looked after me?"

He nodded. 

I felt weak at the knees. I actually fell in the bath. I suddenly felt empty, worthless. I was about to break into tears. I steeled myself. I would not cry. I would turn myself off and let this man use me, if he still wanted.

He reached to me and lifted my face to his. "Don't be upset. None of it's your fault, I know what happened to you."

That didn't make me feel any better. But a bitter curiosity crept over me. What had I been like during that time that didn't exist? I asked him.

"You spent almost the whole time in the meditation pose. You hardly said anything. Just a few times you cried out, mainly when we moved you, and tied you over the horse. You looked empty, it broke my heart."

Somehow, I felt a little better. I remembered deciding that I would be silent and keep as much dignity as I could. It seemed that it had worked. But my bodily functions had gone on, and while I had stunk when I recovered, I had evidently been cleaned. So Scar had done that? So much for dignity. 

It was as if Scar could read my mind. "Yes, I cleaned you. I felt honoured to do it. But you shouldn't feel humiliated. We've all cared for mates who have been badly injured and done the same for them." 

I blinked. Yes, and I wouldn't have hesitated to do the same for any of them if they were wounded, nor would I think anything of it. I grabbed Scars hand and kissed it. "Thank you"

Scar pulled on my hand and pulled me forward into him with a splash. He pulled me up and kissed me forcefully on the lips. He broke off, and said, "You have won our respect by the way you carried yourself. Now, show me a good time." 

I laughed, and as he stood, I dried him off. I couldn't help it, I knelt before him, took him in my mouth and made him come. I watched his eye's, and he watched mine till his eye's rolled into his head. I was impressed though, he didn't fall down. I think the captain would've. 

I gave him a long deep massage. He was cooing with pleasure when I finally finished and I sat over him to take him into me. As soon as I did, he sat up, held me tight and kissed me. He took control of me, lifting me up and down with one hand while exploring my body with the other and my mouth with his tongue. I'd never had such intimacy before, it really blew my mind. I could feel myself getting worked up towards an orgasm. Scar was taking me along for the ride. I didn't need to help, in fact I couldn't do anything. I broke the kiss. As much as a loved it, I just couldn't hold myself together anymore.

When I recovered, I looked into his eye's. He smiled and kissed me. I sighed. "I was noisy wasn't I?." He nodded and smirked. Well, I wasn't having that, I was supposed to be the expert, the one in control. I squeezed his erection, still hard within me, and he shut his eye's and sighed. Time to make up for lost ground. I wasn't used to this – I rarely came before the man, if at all. What had come over me?

When we had finished, I felt like I'd made up for lost ground. Scar had come again, and then I'd brought him to the dry orgasm that some men get when they are empty and exhausted but still completely turned on. 

Scar held me tight and said "Thanks for the good time." The inflexion in his voice told me how deeply he meant it. I snuggled up to him and kissed him. I wasn't sure I would be able to cope if it was always as emotionally intense as that.

But mostly, it wasn't that intense. Most of the men were very straightforward. They liked me undressing them, they liked me washing them, they liked the massage, they really liked it when they screwed me, and they loved it when I sucked their dick. No emotional involvement, just straightforward sex. 

Not all of the squad wanted sex. Digger was a good example. He was one of about half the squad who had families, and the first time he came to me, he told me that he loved his wife and that he didn't feel right cheating on her. I didn't know that such honourable men existed, and I told him so. He smiled, and told me that he hoped I would find one. 

"Ha, I don't think I have any chance now", I told him.

He thought differently. He said that the squad had been very doubtful about me, but that I had won their respect. This was a common theme, that I'd won their respect, and they were comfortable sharing themselves with me. It was important to all of them that they believed that I would never say anything to anyone about what happened in my parlour. I told him that, that no one would ever know what happened in here, but he said that he would know. Ok, I said, so I'm here to do whatever you want. A bath and a massage were fine, he said, but no more. So I didn't get undressed, and did my best to give him a bath and a massage without making them sexual. But he got an erection anyway. The second time I served him, he told me, stuff it, he needed to come, and I brought him to orgasm with my hands. It was the same with all of them. They all wanted me naked, and by the end of the winter I had taken every one of them in my mouth, though several of them had refrained from having sex with me. I didn't mind. 

So they all adored me. None more so that Junior. He was the youngest of the squad, barely a babe. I wondered why he was here. He was so very nervous when he first came to me, shaking like a leaf. I sat him down on the bed, and held his hand. 

"You're nervous" I said. He nodded. "Is this your first time?." He nodded again. I smiled at him. I enjoyed virgins. I'd seen a fair few, their father's would bring them in for an education. I usually ended up educating the father too while I was at it. So I taught Junior about sex, how to pleasure a woman, what to expect from a woman. He learnt well, and after a few times he was one of the men who could reliably give me an orgasm.

It certainly helped me understand their health, being so intimate with them all. One of the most important times was when I was lying in their arms, relaxed and mellow, when we finished. I managed to get nearly all of them into this habit. While they were doing this I concentrated on their aura, and put everything together, the feel of their bodies, the sound of their breathing, the taste of their seed. I listed to their heartbeat slowing and tried to work out how they really were. I started keeping a score for each of them, points for how much energy they had, for any sore spots on their body, for how happy they were. I kept a little diary, with their names, the day, and how they were. 

Although they were all strong and reasonably fit, not all of them were completely healthy or OK. I worried about a few in particular, the drunks. They were going without here. Clonk wasn't drinking any alcohol at all, and Drowsy and Tin Man were only drinking the normal ration of wine for the night. They were all doing it tough, but I worried about Clonk the most. He was actually showing some of the physical signs of drinking too much, and his aura told me he was struggling, that he needed a binge. I was worried enough to speak to him. He was angry, he told me that I had no right to interfere, that I wouldn't understand. I held his arm gently and said that I understood addiction and the resulting price. I think this shocked him; he burst into tears. He lay with his head in my lap and cried. He told me he knew he was falling apart, but what could he do? He couldn't let the captain down. My heart went out to him. Once he calmed down, I told him that I would see him every morning he was at the camp in my clinic to check on him, and that there was some things I could do to help. So I saw him every morning for a chat, and most nights I made him my special brew. It helped, but not enough, and I was still worried.

The soldiers were caught up in their work now. The captain worked with them on the rest day, teaching them tracking skills, and working on their weapons skills, particularly their archery. Out on patrol they worked hard to make sure that they would see or track any human crossing the mountains. Every second patrol or so found men on the mountains. If the men were convinced that they were Livians, they let them off with a warning for the first two weeks, and then after that the mountain was fully closed – instant death with no questions asked. The news had been passed around on our side of the mountains, so there was no mercy. They told me that on the other side of the mountain was a small area of prairie, but no one lived there except some nomadic tribes who were not part of the war. 

Whistle went off to meet with them and came back with the promise that they wouldn't come into the mountains or help any of the enemy across. The captain believed them. He said it was good because the enemy soldiers were not frontier men, and they'd be a lot harder to stop if the nomads helped them. Whistle wasn't a real soldier like the rest of the men. His job seemed to be to keep track of everything. He kept a book where he wrote down everything that happened. He would often go off by himself for the day, but he would usually be back to get a report from the patrols. If he didn't come back for the report, he would be gone for a night or two. He came back with mail. Most of the men were able to read and write and got letters from him when he returned. I had no one to write to. 




Winter in the Mountains Ch. 06



I watched the captain at work. He really was a great leader of men. The men would do anything for him. I guess it helped that he wouldn't ask them to do anything he wouldn't, and that his commitment to the mission was clear. He hardly rested; in fact, I had to chase him down to see him, but I insisted. He didn't have sex with me again, but he liked the massage and coming in my mouth. I was disappointed, but if that was what my master wanted, then I would be happy. 

When the soldiers relaxed in the evening, they were actually pretty good company. Every night, around the fire, there would be music and stories. Some of the soldiers had bought guitars or pipes, and I learnt to sing for them. But their favourite art was story telling. Sometimes the stories were lore, mainly war stories, but often, they were simply tall stories. These stories all started with the same sentence, "This is how it really happened." Gong or Sock told the story of how they got the bath up to the camp several times, each different but all equally unlikely. I never found out how they really did it. 

Good food, company and great sex, with a clear mission and purpose, what more could I want?

On the fourth night, I found out. The captain came to me, and asked me to come with him. We went outside, and sat cross-legged outside in the cold, facing each other, but still in the light of the fire. "Do you know what the Amartis effect the wizard cast on you is?" he asked me.

I had wondered, but I had never felt able to ask. I was too scared to know, I think. 

He took my silence as an answer. "The Amartis effect is a fairly advanced spell. It awakens the inner sight of a person, so they can see and hear things with their mind rather than just their senses."

"Is that why I heard Edina?"

"Yes, that's why. And that's why I believed you as well." 

"So what about you?"

He nodded. "Yes, I've had it too, but it differs for each person, how much they can hear. Usually it only works close up. The Wizard did it for you, so that you could be trained to avoid being tricked again the way you were tricked the first time."

I didn't understand. "How does that work?"

"With proper training, you can tell what intent people around you have, and you can detect and even resist magic if they use it against you. But the fact that you heard Edina suggests that you can see at a distance. I want to know how far you can see. The further you can see, the more useful it will be to us."

"But I can't see anything."

"Of course not, you need to be trained, and we're going to do that now."

The captain told me to close my eye's and relax. To clear my mind and think of nothing for a minute. I tried to do this, and then I wondered, "Why me?" This consumed me. Why me? How come he had plucked me from prison, from a death sentence, and given me a new life? 

"Did you clear your mind?"

"No, I couldn't, there's something I need to know." I had wanted to know since that first day, but the time was wrong, or I had been too afraid to ask. 

"What?"

"Why me? How come you knew to find me? Why did you pick me? How did you find me?" The questions just poured out of me now that I had asked.

The captain gave me a rueful smile. "Well, I suppose you had to ask eventually. And I guess that I have to answer." He paused, and thought for a while. 

Finally, he drew in his breath and started to speak. "It was Holly who found you."

Holly? Holly? No. It couldn't be. 

The captain saw my amazement. "Yes, it was Holly. See, when I got given this mission, we both knew it was going to be tough. I went and read the records, and found out for myself what the past history of missions like this was. So I spoke to Holly about it." He noticed my sceptical look. "Yes, I told you she was my soul-mate, of course we talked about it. She said that the men needed a woman to keep them going. I laughed at her, but she was serious. I said there was no way that we could take a woman with us. But I couldn't tell her any reason why, except that no one would want to come."

"She got a little smile on her face, and then we didn't speak about it anymore. But a week later, she asked me about it again. I hadn't thought about it anymore, but she told me she thought she'd found someone who'd want to go. When I asked who, she told me that it was a young girl who was working as a prostitute because she was addicted to seed. She even had healing training – and I had complained to her that they hadn't given me any one with healing knowledge." 

"I told her that there was no way I'd let a prostitute come with us, but she said that that was exactly what we needed to come with us. When I asked her why this girl would want to come, she told me about being a seedie."

"But how did she know that?"

"I don't know. Holly has a broad education, she has many servants and she's very down to earth. She introduced me to that old healer woman, and the three of us worked it out. So here you are."

I thought about that. "So is that why you kept the men away from me before I was off the seed?"

"Yes, the old women said if I let them touch you before then, the karma would be all wrong."

It still didn't make sense to me. "So, you're telling me that Holly set all this up? But what about you and me?"

"Yes, I worried about that. But she knows I'm not a virgin, and she told me that she trusted me to do the right thing."

Wow. "Umm, have you?"

"I think so. I'm not convinced, but I've written to her and told her what happened." 

I began to feel that Holly was casting a long shadow over me. Only one thing I still wasn't sure about. "So, you guys knew that I would come?" I thought that I wouldn't have come at all, except for my death sentence. I stared at the captain hard. "You got me arrested!"

He looked at me. "I wonder whether you'll believe this. I was very sceptical that you'd want to come – it was just too desperate and I didn't think you would do it. Of course, I hadn't met you, but one of Holly's servants checked you out and he thought you'd go for it." 

Great. I imagined this Holly virgin princess getting a blow by blow account of my performance.

"Would you have gone for it?"

I didn't know. Obviously, it would've been the best thing for me to go for it, but I doubted that I would've made such a big decision. I shrugged.

"So I still hadn't decided whether to talk to you or not. I had done some preparation – got you a horse and stuff – but I still didn't know whether I was going to talk to you. Then Holly sent a messenger early that morning to say that the vizier had found out that Tom was giving money to one of the kings enemies, so they decided to use the prostitution laws to take him down. When they had found one of his girls doing seed, they had enough to sentence him to death, all clean and above board. We were just lucky that you were the girl, you had to be sentenced as part of the grounds for Tom's death. So I came and talked to you."

Well, that made sense. I had wondered why Tom had been raided, when the city was full of brothels, and why I was the only girl jailed, even though all the others were the same as me. "How come brothels are illegal? There's so many of them, and the soldiers use them all the time. How can they be illegal when the king's army is selling slaves for sex?"

His face went dark. "It's the king. On the one hand, he says that brothels are bad for society and families, so he wants to close them down. On the other hand, he wages war on the enemy and takes slaves. Then he sells them so he can continue fighting – it's an expensive business, war. But the vizier doesn't care about the brothels, he just uses it as a convenient way to bring people down. So everyone's happy except for the slaves. But it's hypocrisy, we shouldn't tolerate it. Still, what can you do?"

"So you don't agree."

"No, I don't. They wanted to send me out on a slave gathering mission. It was a way to corrupt me, and it wasn't even a proper mission, purely slave gathering. That's the problem with war, you start it, and then it gets out of control and you lose sight of your goals and you're just reacting, and making things worse."

"You told us that that thug had come over to rape and murder till he died. I don't understand why he would do that? How can we not fight against that?"

"Well, what I didn't say was that what he really wanted to do was find his younger sister who had been taken as a slave. If he could find her, then he would try and escape, otherwise his life was too bitter to live."

I thought of that young girl I had seen in the square, forced to display herself to the crowd. Maybe that was his sister? Probably not, the timing was wrong. My brothers wouldn't come looking for me. "So why did we call him a thug? Wouldn't you do the same?" 

"Yes, I would, but my sister was killed, not taken as a slave. But now, since we started taking slaves, she would be taken as a slave. If he had come over the mountains to just find his sister, then I might even have helped him. But he raped and killed, so I burnt him live instead."

"So how can it end?"

"Well, it doesn't. We just go on killing each other, taking slaves, making everyone hate each other more."

"You said that you'd give your life for this mission. But you don't sound very convinced now."

He sighed. "Yes, I'd give my life for this mission, we are defending our people and our land. This mission is a simple compelling one."

For the people and the land. I nodded. He had been very open and honest with me. "Thanks. I'm surprised you told me all that. I'm sorry about your sister."

He shrugged. "You need to know, if you're going to help me."

So I started my training. I started with a simple task, to close my eye's and describe where each of the soldiers in the camp was. Mostly they were just inside, and I could actually remember where they were sitting. One of the soldiers, usually Junior, when he wasn't out on two day patrol, sat in the door and told me whether I was right. Once I got good at remembering where they were, they started moving around. I was thrilled when, on the third night, I felt them moving in my head. Every night for an hour or so I would sit there with my eye's closed, meditating, and gradually extending the distance that I could feel the locations of living things.

I felt as though my eye's had been opened. I became aware that the camp was just part of a greater community. I could feel the trees, the horses, the fish, and the birds in the trees. I became aware of the men, how they were feeling. I could feel them in the camp. The most amazing part was how much more aware of their feelings I was when I made love to them. It lifted me to a whole new level; I could feel the desires that they didn't even know how to express, and often I could anticipate them. And when they came, I shared in the explosion of pleasure in a completely new fashion, and doubled my enjoyment. 

In the third week, the men had found a big party of the enemy thugs coming through, so several of them missed out on their rest day. I was left behind, alone, at camp. I realised that this was the first time since I arrived in the city that I was properly alone. In all that time, I had never even slept behind a closed door. I spent the morning in a frenzy of cleaning, and then treated myself to a long hot bath at lunch time. After lunch, I sat outside and felt my surroundings. The camp felt so quiet and peaceful, compared to its usual state, since there was no men or horses around. I realised that for the first time, I had the opportunity to escape. When I thought about it, I knew that there were two main reasons why I wouldn't try to escape. The first was that I knew that there was no way I could actually get away from these men, and secondly, I couldn't think of anywhere I'd rather be than right there right then. So I just relaxed and enjoyed my peaceful break. 

When the men came back later in the afternoon, I was still asleep, but their presence woke me as they came close. Some of them had minor scratches and bruises, mostly from crawling through the bush, but none of them were seriously injured; the ambush had been complete. But since they were tired, I volunteered to cook for the first time. 

I went all out. I felt that I was on display. I remembered one of my favourite recipes from when I used to cook at home that I could make with the dried meat, one that softened the meat and brought out good flavours from the meat. That night, for the first time, all eighteen of the soldiers sat around the fire at the same time, and we shared the meal I had cooked. 

I sat in circle, watching them eat. Would they like it? They ate in silence while I fretted. Why didn't they say anything? 

Gong was the first to finish. He burped, and grinned. "There was something wrong with that meal."

There was a silence. Oh no, they didn't like it. My heart fell.

He smirked. "It ran out. That was good."

The squad burst into laughter at the expression on my face. Gong had got me good. 

Tin Man said "Why do we have to cook? Zia can cook, she's a woman, she should always do it."

Again, there was silence and my heart dropped. I really didn't think that I could face cooking every night as well as everything else. They all looked at the captain.

"Well", he said, "it's certainly true that she's shown herself to be an excellent cook." He turned to me. "That was great. But, you know, there's only so much that she can do in a day, and somehow, I'd rather she focused on her other duties. I'd hate to get you guys to share those duties."

They all burst into laughter. I looked around the circle, at them all laughing. I think, again, that I'd had my leg pulled. They probably planned it while I was cooking. I looked at the happy faces, and felt a thrill of pleasure. These were good men, and their happiness was my doing. I felt so lucky. But I felt sure that it was too good to last.



Winter in the Mountains Ch. 07



The first snowfall heralded a great change – winter arrived with a bang. Up to the time of the first snow, we had only had rain twice in 5 weeks, and otherwise the sun had shone every day, though it had been cold. After the snow, the weather settled down to what Ferret called the winter pattern. Every few days, we would have a storm, which would last about a day, and drop some snow on us. Then it would find up for a couple of days, and the sun would shine. From the day it first snowed, there was snow on the ground the whole time through to the end of winter. We were lucky, in our snug little valley, we continued to get regular sun, and it never got as cold as it did in some parts of the mountains.

My mood changed when the snow came. Although I still got up early, if the weather was good enough, to do the morning exercises with the squad, I was no longer filled with excitement for the new day. I wasn't sure why my mood changed. Not much had changed, but I had. I wasn't sad or down, but I was no longer on the incredible high I had been on up to that time.

Our mission got much harder when the snow came. The captain was already very concerned about this. In the beginning, there had been a small trickle of thugs making their way across the mountain in small groups, usually about four in each group. They had no field craft, and they hadn't expected to encounter any trouble in the mountains. Each time, the patrol that had found them had been able to ambush them with complete surprise, and we had not even had any injuries at all, until that big group of them had come through. They had also been taken by surprise, but since then, there had been nothing. While the men were happy, the captain was concerned that they had realised that we had closed the mountains. 

The snow made quite a bit of difference to our tactics. Mainly, it made it easy to track men in the snow. But this cut both ways. While it was easier for us to track them, it made it impossible for us to hide our tracks, and less likely that we'd catch them by surprise. The snow made the captain's falcon even more important. It slept in the log hut, and spent each day high in the sky over the mountains searching humans. 

Each night, the squad sat around the fire in our log hut discussing tactics. The captain wanted to make as much as possible out of our better knowledge of the land. They knew the paths through the mountains, they had found their own paths, ones no one else would find, and they mapped out new patrols, secret ways they could use to catch anyone by surprise. There were caches of arrows all through the mountains. 

All the squad practised with their bows every day, it was their preferred weapon. "Let them die at a distance" was one of the captain's mantras. The squad usually carried 4 weapons with them when they were on patrol: their long bow; a battleaxe, a hunting knife; and a stave. A few carried swords with them. 

Scar had taken me under his wing, and he was teaching me to use a knife. He was teaching me close in knife work, very personal fighting. I argued that I wouldn't fight like that, but Scar told me that with my beauty, my utter desirability, I needed to know how to fight dirty, as a last resort for personal defence. I hit him for that, but he just laughed. So he taught me unarmed combat, how to use someone's strength against them, and how to finish someone off with a knife. I found that my inner sight gave the ability to predict what my opponent was going to do, and I learnt to defend myself well. 

My inner sight was growing every day, though it made me tired to use it. If I wanted, I could feel everything that lived in the valley. More animals had moved into the valley as the weather got colder on the mountains, and some mornings one of the squad would go out hunting, in the direction I sent him. They usually came back with a kill for our evening meal.

Early one afternoon, I was laying in Whistle's arms when I felt something wrong. Someone in great pain was coming into the valley, and it was Drowsy. My heart dropped; as I had feared, one of the squad was seriously hurt.

I was waiting, ready, at the camp entrance when Nimble and Crunch carried Drowsy in on a litter. He was only barely conscious, and his clothes were soaked in blood down his right side. I got them to put him down just outside the log cabin, next to a small fire I had lit as I prepared.

As I cut his clothes off him, I asked Nimble what had happened. They had run into some thugs, and for the first time the thugs had been expecting trouble. They hadn't been fully caught by surprise, and one of them had managed to get an arrow away. It had hit Drowsy in this stomach a few inches from his right side. The arrow hadn't gone right through, and when Nimble had tried to pull it out, the head had broken off and got stuck inside. 

Great. Nimble was covered in blood, so it must have been spurting out. I didn't like the look of this at all. It would've been nice if Nimble had left the arrow in – he was called Nimble because he wasn't, but the idea of running back here with Drowsy on a litter with an arrow poking out of him didn't sound very good either. Nimble had bandaged the wound by wrapping a dirty cloth tightly around his body, and blood was still running slowly out of the bandage, which was soaked. Drowsy was going into shock from the loss of blood. 

I was very afraid that Drowsy would die from this wound. He had lots of blood loss, the arrow head – which was probably quite dirty – still inside him, and a stomach wound would mean it would be a while before he could eat, and any food or shit already inside him would get mixed up with his blood inside him. I thought how he had lain in my arms and told me about his little girls, waiting at home for him, how they loved him so much. I swore to myself that I would do anything to save him. 

My first decision was whether to try and stop the bleeding right away, or whether I should try and get the arrow head out. I carefully lifted Nimble's bandage with a grimace, it was terribly dirty. The blood was no longer spurting out, but he was still bleeding briskly. I decided to try quickly for the arrow head. Before I could do that, I would have to sedate him. He was only barely conscious, but conscious enough to be a problem. I retrieved some hash and some wildberry leaves from my pouch. If the men had known I had hash.... But what they don't know won't hurt them. Mixed with wildberry leaves, it had more potency as a sedative, I could put Drowsy's mind somewhere else. I put the leaves in a sleeping pipe, and put it to his mouth, making him breathe through it. While I was waiting for it to take effect, I prepared to look for the arrow head.

The real problem was how deep it was, and how much more damage I would do before I even decided whether I could get it. I asked Nimble, who was sitting watching, what angle the arrow had hit him. He showed me, it was heading towards his side a bit. I asked him how far in it broke off, and he showed me. I was a bit sceptical, actually, if it really was that far in, it would've come out the back. I rolled him over a bit to look, and there was nothing in his back. He only murmured a little when I moved him, so the hash had taken affect. 

I asked Nimble and Whistle to hold him down, so that he wouldn't move, and then I lifted the bandage again. This time I removed it, I would replace it with a clean one of my own when I finished. I decided to explore with my finger first. Not a pleasant way to do it, but I would learn the most. He jumped as I pushed my finger into the hole, and blood started coming out quickly again, with his heartbeat, which I could feel quite clearly around my finger. I wanted to be very gentle, but I didn't seem to get my finger in very far. I had thought that the arrow would leave a hole I would be able to follow, but it didn't seem to be the case. The old healer had taught me this once when we tried to save a farmer who had been gored by the handle of a plough. Obviously, that was bigger and did more damage. Maybe there was some hope. I placed a bandage on his wound and held it done while I thought about it. Was it really worth getting the arrow head out? It depended on how big it was, how dirty it was, exactly where it was, and I didn't have anyway to find those things out. Or did I?

I turned my inner sight to my hand, let my attention flow from my hand to his wound and from there further inside him. All of a sudden all the answers I needed were there. I could see the arrow head sitting very far inside, actually close his back. His insides felt all wrong, but there was little I could do for that right now. I would have to try this on one of the other men later to see if I could compare what I saw. But one thing that stood out clearly was the feeling around the arrow head. I could feel the burning feel of the arrow head, it was killing him as I watched. I had no doubt now, I had to remove the arrow head. I looked behind it, there was just a pad of muscle then skin, so I had a clear decision, I would cut in from behind and remove it. 

Drowsy was far gone now. I rolled him over, and wedged a pad under him to hold the bandage in place while I got the arrow head. I cleaned his back and my healers knife with the water I had boiled over the fire while I waited for him to arrive. I could feel the arrow head under his back while I was cleaning it, which gave me hope. I decided to go for a single longer cut. I grabbed some charcoal and marked the cut I was going make on his back, and held the knife over it, practising the angle and depth of the cut I as going make in my head. I noticed that Nimble and Whistle were staring at me in confusion, they didn't understand what I was doing. I explained it to them, and explained how they would need to help me. 

I was ready. I cut into Drowsy following the line that I had drawn, a single cut, about an inch deep. I pulled the cut apart, and blood starting flowing. But I could see the arrow head clearly so I lifted it straight out and then held the cut shut. It had been open for only a few seconds. I closed my eye's and shuddered. It was a good thing I hadn't really thought about what I was doing before I did it. 

Now I just had to clean everything up. The first thing I did was wash my hands. I suspected that there was something poisonous on the arrow, and it wouldn't do it spread it around inside Drowsy. I had been lucky enough to be given something very special by the old healer in the city, a fine curved needle with some silk. I had never heard of such a thing but she had been sure that I would need it. I had practised using it once when Digger had brought an animal in that was still alive. It seemed as though the sun was going down by the time I finished cleaning and stitching Drowsy's wounds, three in his front, which finally stopped the bleeding, and twelve stitches in his back. I could see that I hadn't lined the back up quite right, so I figured that he'd have a good scar and get a twinge when we stretched, but if he lived that long, I'd be very happy.

I stood up to start organising a place for Drowsy to lie, inside near the fire. It was only as I stood up that realised how tired I was, and I nearly passed out. Whistle caught me.

"Hey, take a break, girl, you've not stopped to rest since he got here."

I leaned on him. I was hot and tired, sweaty, even though it was now starting to get quite cold outside. 

"Take him inside and get him warm and comfortable near the fire." 

That night I rested by the fire, sitting next to Drowsy. The squad fell over themselves to do anything they could for me; Digger had fixed me a warm bath, and then Scar sat behind me and massaged my shoulders after we ate. I felt that I was treated differently by the men. Oh yes, they adored me, their lover. But now, it seemed as though the respected me, their healer; as finally, they were really willing to trust me with their lives. I understood that I had to earn that, and now, they were amazed at the way I had got the arrow head out, and put stitches in. Only a few of them had even heard of doing that.

As I was going to sleep that night, Drowsy started to wake up. He had been out from the hash for much longer than I expected. Perhaps it had mixed with the arrow's poison in his system. All through that night, he kept waking me up with his groans. 

The next day I watched Drowsy as much as I could. I had no other duties. The soldiers on their rest day had told me that I should focus on Drowsy, and gone out on patrol. This was the start of a new sense of mission amongst the men. I had already been impressed by the way that the captain had bound them into a team, but from this point it started to become quite scary the way they focused on their mission.

Drowsy was at death's door for a couple of days. I spent much of the next day and night searching inside him with my inner sight. I had worked on several of the other men so I started to get a feel for what I should see inside him. The arrow had turn his guts inside, and I tried to pour my energy into him, to see if it would help – I had said I would do anything I could think of. It made me tired, and though I still don't know whether it worked or not, I'm happy I did it. Drowsy run a high temperature and a fever, and bleed from his rectum, ugly clots of blood, but by the third day, I could feel that the heat where the arrow had gone was decreasing and his fever was starting to turn. It was more than a weak before he was eating, walking and defecating properly. But after that, when he came to me, I would often look at him as I lay in his arms, and it would make me glad, knowing that I had saved his life, against all expectations, and that he was back at work, for the people and the land.

Healing Drowsy had an unexpected consequence. Gong, Sock and few others took it upon themselves to "reward" me for my successful healing of Drowsy by having a competition to see who could make me come the loudest or longest. It had been a regular feature of discussion, to that point, how noisy I was. I had gotten used to it, it didn't even embarrass me anymore. I didn't know about the competition at first, I just knew that all of a sudden a few of them started to take a more serious interest in what pleased me. Some had all along, particularly Scar, though he didn't join into the contest – I had something different and more special with him. Sock, by the way, I think he got his name from the fact that he claimed to have used a sock to cover for the fact that he was huge. Initially it took me a while to teach him how to control himself so as not to hurt me. I like to think that I saved some women considerable pain later. By this time we'd worked it out and he was able to hold me at the point of pleasure for quite some time. 

So after a couple of weeks of some amazing earth shattering sessions, one night as we ate, Gong and Nimble stood up holding an amazing wooden phallus, about 2 feet in size. I still have no idea where they got it from. With much ceremony, they awarded it to Sock. It was engraved with the words "Longest and Loudest." I suppose I should have been embarrassed, but instead I simply took all my clothing off, crawled over to Sock and up into his lap, and kissed him my own big thank you. I spent quite some time, naked, curled up in his lap with his arms around me. I could see that the other's were jealous, and I realised that I had started something new. I hadn't, to that point, been naked and provocative like this in front of them all, even though they had all seen me naked individually or wearing some provocative clothes. 

It was about this time that I started to get concerned about the work load that the squad was under. They were all working so hard, but it was starting to show in their bodies. They were a little bit stiffer, a little bit more sore each week. I spoke to the captain about it, but he said that they could keep going for the moment. They had encountered several more groups of thugs coming passing through, and had been able to destroy them with no injuries to the squad. They were getting pretty good at ambushes now, and the thugs had no fieldcraft to make them dangerous, no matter how good they were at weapons. They had to keep the level up, so that none slipped through. Actually, I was most concerned about the captain. Since Drowsy had been injured, he'd led all the ambushes personally. He seemed to be everywhere at once, and I could see the strain that he was under.

Clonk continued to have problems. He was one of only two in the squad who was struggling with the mission, the workload, the captain. The captain had told me that Clonk had a history of drunkenness and poor discipline, and that he was doing very well, good enough for the captain. One night I awake from a deep sleep. I listened to the noise of the squad snoring, and wind moaning gently outside. What had woken me? Suddenly I realised. Someone had snuck into my room, and was opening my healer's bag. Clonk. He should've known better than to try and steal from me. I crept as quietly as I could into my room – I didn't need any light for that now, and watched him searching carefully through my herbs by the light of a small lamp. No doubt he was looking for my hash. But he wasn't going to find it there. Once I'd used it in front of the soldiers it had seemed like a good idea to hide it somewhere else. Eventually he leaned forward to smell something that would leave him with rather a serious headache, so I coughed. He spun round and looked at me.

"Do you often look through healer's bags?" I whispered. I felt the guilt and desperation run through him. "You were looking for the hash weren't you?" I asked. He nodded. "Well, you won't find it. Why now? I thought you were coping OK?." I placed my hand on his arm and saw and felt his anger and his tears. "Whistle caught me sneaking wine last week, and if he catches me again, he'll tell the captain, but I have to have something." I didn't know what to do. I'd done what I could for Clonk, made him that brew most days, blown him extra times as a bribe for being sober, what else could I do? Time for a threat of my own, I guess. I told him that if I caught him searching through my stuff again, I'd tell the captain, after I had let him smell the herbs he had been about to smell. I followed him out in the lamp light. As we walked past he captain, I thought I saw him look up at Clonk. But when I looked again, he was asleep. And it was useless using my inner sight on the captain; though I could feel his presence, anything else about him was closed to me. 

The other squad member having problems with the mission and the captain was Tin Man. And those problems were about to blow up in my face. Tin Man had never got on very well with me. Most of the squad did, but Tin Man was the exception. From the very beginning, he'd been confusing and difficult for me to handle. He wanted me naked; he hated me seeing him naked, though as far as I could see he had nothing to hide. He hated me touching him, but he got an erection when I did. He allowed me to massage him, but he kept his pants on, even though it made it difficult for me to give him a good massage, and uncomfortable for him with an erection. I never saw him come, though sometimes I felt that he desperately wanted me to make him come, but every time I got that feeling, he would withdraw and insult me. I had never seen anything like it; it felt very personal. Initially I had been so happy that I just ignored it, but I had really begun to fear Tin Man's sessions. He was closed to me, I couldn't understand him, and I disliked him intensely. 

Since Sock's award, most nights I would undress after we ate, and sit in one of their laps until I got too cold. I had seen Tin Man's eyes watching me as I selected whose turn it was. He was warning me – don't come my way. One night, out of sheer devilry, I selected him, and crawled up to him. He kicked me in the face and swore. "Get away from me, you filthy whore."




Winter in the Mountains Ch. 07



My anger filled me up. I swore back at him, I insulted him, I said that he was impotent. Then I realised I had broken my word – I had said something about what had happened inside my room – even if it was false. I burst into tears and run out into the night. How could he do this to me? I realised, once I was outside, that I had made a mistake. It was pitch black and very cold, snow swirling in the stormy wind, and I was naked. But I was damned if I was going back in there, ever. I could still feel the silence in there, they were all stunned. How could I face them again? But, oh, it was cold. 

Scar came out with my clothes, a blanket and some skins. He didn't try to speak to me, just handed them to me, and went back inside. I dressed, made myself a small fire, and sat by it nursing my anger and the pain in my face. I would never do anything for Tin Man again. 

It was late in the night when the captain finally came out to talk to me. He had already talked to Tin Man, I had felt it when they moved into my room to talk. I had grown very cold, and very sad. But I didn't know what to do after this. I felt that I really needed to leave, but I didn't think he would let me. And, for the first time since I had been tied to the stake, I wanted seed badly. If I just had a little seed, I would at least get a good sleep. I realised that I was still very much tied to the stake. It was just an illusion that the I was not tied and spread for the men to use me as they wanted. I had deceived myself, when I thought I wanted them. 

The captain sat down next to me in the snow. He looked at me with those piercing eye's, and I fell apart. This man, he could make me do what ever he wanted. Not only was he allowed to make do anything he wanted, but I would willingly do anything he wanted. The sudden realisation made me feel trapped and angry again. I struggled to control my breathing.

"Are you warm enough?" he asked me. I shrugged. We watched each other in silence for a while. 

"I want you to talk to Tin Man tomorrow, to sort this out."

I swore at the captain, I argued with him bitterly, I cried, I begged him, I didn't want to do that, I'd rather die. But he said that I had no choice, that it would be hard, but that it would also be hard for Tin Man. I told him that I thought he was nice, and how wrong I'd been.

He took hold of my chin, made me look into his eye's, and said "How wrong you are. I am not nice. What I am about is holding these mountains, whatever the cost. If you do the right thing, then everyone will be happy. If your pride gets in the way, I will crush it or you" 

It was something about the way he said it, it was no empty threat. In fact, I felt completely crushed already. I cried my heart out for a little while. Once I settled down, he said to me, "You know, you need to master your emotions, you will find life easier if you do."

"I'm a woman, or perhaps you hadn't noticed," I spat at him.

"Yes, we've all noticed, and we're all very impressed. But what has that got to do with it?"

"Well, I can't help being emotional. It takes emotion to do what I do. You want someone who just lies there?"

"Yes, you are a woman, you are filled with emotion, that's a great thing. But I've watched you, your emotions swing all over. You alternate between being happy and afraid of things. When we first got here, you were deliriously happy for a few weeks, but since then it's been a struggle. The old healer told me this would happen, that you'd never be free from it, but that you need to over come it, to take control of your life. What you have to decide is whether you are dragged along behind your emotions like you're tied to a horse, or whether you sit on the horse, steering it and enjoying the ride."

I was stunned. How had he been able to see into my heart like that? Could I have no privacy from this man? 

"Think about that. Scar will come to get you in soon. No one else will say anything to you tonight."

He built my fire up and left me to my thoughts. I thought long about what he said about my emotions. I pictured myself sitting atop them, steering them where I wanted to go. Oh yes, I could see how my life could be so different if I could steer my emotions. I saw myself saying "no" to Bridget. I saw myself staring the old lecherous healer down, putting him in his place. It was a wonderful picture. Maybe I was deceiving myself again, but it was still nice. I thought about if for a long time. That night I made myself a little mantra, like the captains mantra's, and repeated it to myself. It would guide me – well – for a long time. "Think before you feel."

Scar came to out to get me in. He had moved his bedroll next to mine, and I found that quite comforting as I lay down to sleep.

The next night the captain took me outside and we sat around a small fire with Tin Man. I had very mixed feelings about this. The men had been nice to me through the day, as if nothing important had happened the night before – and maybe nothing had, for them. I was trying hard to steer my emotions, to think first, but I really found myself hating Tin Man. I didn't really know what the captain thought there was to sort out.

The captain asked Tin Man to tell me his story. I could see it was difficult for him, I don't know why he didn't trust me. I went to say something, and the captain held his hand up. "Patience" he said.

Tin Man began to tell his story in a halting voice. It was a truly horrible story, I'd not heard the like of it before, even though I had seen much of life's hard side. He had grown up as an orphan in a small village where everyone believed he was cursed because he was a bastard and his mother a prostitute, he was always hungry, thin and scrawny. At the age of eight he had been taken in by a family who lived near the village. That had been worse. The mother had beaten and abused him, and the father had raped him regularly. But he had stayed because they threatened to kill him if he left. When he was twelve, he had fought the father off. The father had threatened to kill him, and afraid for his life, he had waited till they were drunk, then tied them up, burnt them in their house, and run away to the city. He had lived on the streets of the city for a while, working as a male prostitute. He'd got the pox there, had nearly died from being beaten up in street fights. At the age of sixteen, looking older than that, he'd been locked up for bar-room fighting. The judge had given him a choice – sign up or go to jail. So, naturally, he had signed up. 

I listened in amazement, I had no idea. No wonder he was conflicted about sex, no wonder he was an alcoholic. My heart went out to him. I actually wondered, when I realised that I felt like that, what had happened to all that hate I had before? Was this an example of what the captain was talking about? Think before you feel. I thought it through, and decided that Tin Man really did deserve better from me. He was watching me, obviously afraid of how I would respond. 

I leaned over and touched him on this arm. "I had no idea," I said. "So you still have the pox?." He nodded. Well, that explained why he didn't want me to see him naked. "OK, I can fix that. Tomorrow morning, we'll start, unless you don't want to." I could see that he did. 

So I treated him. Over the next few weeks I put salve on his penis myself each morning he was in the camp. I could've let him do it, but I was working on being intimate with him. Whenever I gave him a massage, after it I would sit behind him and cuddle him. He was very nervous, but eventually he started to get used it, and I worked my way round to his front. He gradually opened up to me. Like me, he hated what he had been, but he had not been able to see that I had moved beyond that. We spent a lot of talking, I guess I was learning to heal with words where my other techniques wouldn't help. 

Life became tougher as we came tighter into the grip of winter. The days got shorter, the nights got colder, and then men worked harder. They had encountered only two more parties of thugs on the mountain since Drowsy had been wounded. I actually argued with the captain, pleading with him to reduce the patrols, as the men were starting to show real signs of hard ship. But he refused. He was concerned that we were in the calm before the storm, that we needed to keep the patrols up. 

I won, eventually, though not in the way I would've liked. The men were starting to get bruises, particularly on their feet and ears. I told them that I had heard of this, it was from the cold, to make sure that they wore good protection for the feet and kept the ears covered. But they were losing the battle, particularly when they went and stayed at the other camps they used on the overnight patrols. 

Junior, who was the thinnest of all the soldiers, got it worse than the rest. As I feared, the cold bruises on his small toes of his right foot got so bad that they stopped healing, and I had to cut them off, back into his foot. Only once I had to do that did the captain listen to me and cut the patrols back. I was proud that I got Junior walking again. As soon as he was on his feet again, he was back out no patrol.

Not long after that, they brought a prisoner to the camp. This was the first time. Usually they killed first, or sometimes they "questioned" them before killing them. Which suited me, really, I didn't want to know about it. And I was sure that some of the squad – Tin Man in particular – would've enjoyed that part of it. So I was very surprised when I felt someone else coming into the valley with the patrol in the afternoon. When they arrived, I found that the extra person was a woman, a very beautiful one, and she was a prisoner. They had attacked a bunch of thugs who were escorting this woman as a prisoner through the mountains. She had cried with relief when the rescued her, but none of the men in that patrol could communicate with her. 

Whistle spoke to her, and discovered that she was a prisoner, the daughter of a great lord, of the Letar people, our allies against the enemy. She had been captured, and was being taken over the mountains so that she could be slain at the gates of the city. 

She was a remarkably beautiful woman. I hated her on sight. I wasn't sure why. I had a strong feeling that she was lying to us, but I found her very difficult to read, my inner sight didn't give me a clear picture. I wondered if I hated her so much because she threatened me. And I was very threatened. For so many weeks I had been the only female these men had seen, and now there was a very much more beautiful lady here in my own camp. She was dressed plainly, but even that could not detract from her beauty. When she first saw me, she looked me up and down. It was quite a warm day that day, and I was wearing that sundress with my thick knee high boots under it. A strange combination, but the men loved me in those boots, and we were used to wearing warm footwear in camp. But the expression on her face showed plainly what she thought of me, where she thought I fitted in. 

Whistle decided that we should free her. I could see that a couple of the men weren't happy with that decision, but the captain wasn't around. The men fawned over her, showing her around the camp, our provisions, which were still looking good, specially given the amount of provisions were had taken from the thugs that we had killed. They arranged for her to have a bath. Oh, it made me sick. Yes, I was jealous, this was my patch. But even I wasn't sure why I felt so strongly about this. I had thought before how wonderful it would be to have another woman around.

Whistle decided that I should check her over. He tried to come in and watch, but I wasn't having any of that. I shoved him out through my little curtain, and indicated with hand motions that the woman should take her clothes off. Her outer garments were all she was wearing. She undressed with less hesitation than I would've expected from a lady. But then I thought of what the captain had said about Holly – perhaps ladies were used to undressing in front of slaves, which is pretty much what she thought I was. She had a few bruises, and her feet were in a bad way, so I got out the salve I was using for the men, laid her on my bed, and massaged it into her feet. 

"So, the men screw you in here," she said to me. 

I look at her, amazed. "I thought you didn't speak Livian." 

She smiled. "I can if it suits me." I hadn't answered her. "They all do it to you, don't they. Are you happy with that?"

I wondered what she was saying. Did she want some of the action? While there was more than enough to go around, I'd die rather than let her have any of my boys. Was she trying to talk me into leaving here with her? But I decided I didn't want to give her anything.

I shrugged. "I've had worse. They're good men." I'd had enough of this, I told her she was fine, that I'd check her feet again in the morning. I left her to get dressed herself. I wasn't going to slave to her ladyship.

When the captain came back, I could tell he was very unhappy about the woman. But didn't do anything about it. Over the fire after dinner he spoke at length with her in the other language. Whistle and the captain were the only ones fluent in the language, though Nimble and Clonk new enough to follow a little of what they were saying. 

As we all lay down to sleep, I realised that I hadn't told the captain that she spoke our language, that she lied about that. They had offered her to sleep in my room – oh, how I hated her – but she had declined, preferring to sleep in the same room as all of us. I decided to tell him early in the morning.

During the night, I awake to a terrible nightmare. Someone had just had their throat cut, I felt it clearly. As soon as I was awake, I realised that it wasn't a nightmare, someone actually had just died. I glanced round our room, there was two bodies missing, Clonk and the woman. Had he raped her and killed her? But then I became aware of the woman, outside, agitated and nervous. She had cut his throat? I was right to hate her. 

I grabbed the knife that Scar had taught me to use, and crept towards the door. I nudged Scar as I went past. I peered out the door, there was a light moon, just enough to see by. I spotted her coming towards the door. She had my oil pot in her hand. Instantly I knew what she was, what she was going to do. She was an assassin, she was going to burn our lodge down. If she lit it right, all of us would die, she would stop us getting out. I should've waited and surprised her from closer, but I couldn't stand the idea that she would get close to the lodge, and I rushed out. I did have the sense to hide my own knife. 

"What are you doing?" I asked her as she came close. 

She never answered me, just brought a small knife up towards me. But she was careless, thinking I wasn't trained. I stepped inside her thrust, grabbed her arm, pulled her towards me, and buried my own knife in the side of her neck, just like Scar had taught me. Her knife had nicked my shoulder, the wound filled me with fire. I realised that the knife had been poisoned, and I started to feel dizzy and faint. As I fell on top of the assassin, I saw Scar behind me and heard his cry of alarm.

I dreamt. In my dream the world was filled with darkness. I saw the each of the squad like a moving picture in their own little light, a children's drawing but one that moved. I could see their hearts, but I didn't know who was who. I moved through them, looking at each one in turn.

I groaned. My whole body was wracked with pain. I opened my eye's, this was no dream. It was dark and cold. Some one leaned over me, pleading with me to drink. Water. Thornstar. I tried to drink, but the pain....

I dreamt again. I saw the squad again. There was a shadow, fading away. I knew that one of the squad had died, his presence was fading. The shadow spoke to me of desperation, a great desperation to please everyone, a longing that was unrequited. 

I saw another, a line drawing full of sharp edges. It spoke to me of great anger, of terrible things that had been done, a hunger for terrible things.

Then I saw a naked flame. One of the squad was all flame, burning brighter than any other flame. I went to turn away in fear, but me eye's were drawn to the flame. I looked into the flame and saw that it was contained, controlled, and so much more intense than I first realised. 

I felt myself retching, trying to throw up. The pain was worse, I was surely dead. Being dead would be better than this. I willed myself to die. I had done my part, my time was past. I stopped breathing, I would get relief very soon. I heard voices, pleading with me to open my eye's, to breathe. 

I drifted off to my dream again. I was looking at the squad, spread out before me. I noticed one I hadn't looked at before, near to the flaming one. It was drawn with a great intensity of it's own, but it didn't give me the same fear as the flame. I saw that it was love, a great love that filled a person. It was for me!

Someone in the squad loved me that much. I heard them calling me, calling me back. I didn't understand, how could someone love me? But the call was strong, insistent. You must come back. We want you, we need you. We have a job to do together. I love you.

I snapped back. My boys, I needed to look after them, for the people and the land. 

I would live. And I would find out: who was it that loved me so much?



Winter in the Mountains Ch. 08



We laid Clonk to rest under a great cairn of stones just outside the camp. The captain and squad chanted an old soldier's dirge to mark his passing, the first of our squad. I knelt before the cairn and thought about Clonk's life and death. He had crept out in the middle of the night to raid the wine store, so the devils in his life had lead to his death. But his manner of death had saved our lives; he had surprised the assassin at work preparing to kill us all. If he hadn't, at least most of us would've died. 

For Clonk, the easy things had been hard, the hard things impossible, but he had certainly tried, far beyond what I had expected. I hoped that he lay in peace. He had been a considerate man, he had taken whatever I had given him as a gift he did not deserve. I remembered lying in his arms, him telling me of the little boy he had fathered, but only saw rarely, growing up in another family but still looking forward to his daddy's visits. I wept.

We were somber, shaken deeply. Not only had Clonk passed away, but also this had been a direct, deliberate assault on our camp, and that woman, an assassin of the highest skill, according to the men, had embarked on a suicide mission, along with the men that had been her guard. I wondered who would be next? How many of us, if any, would survive? What made the mountain crossing so valuable to the enemy? How would they attack us next?

The squad was very impressed with what I had done. I didn't think it was a very big deal - I had been awakened by a terrible feeling, grabbed my knife, and managed not to get killed. But only just. Only the fact that I had only a small nick and quick thinking by Scar to clean my wound had saved my life. She had made a very nasty poison from a couple of herbs in my collection. I had nearly died – I had actually stopped breathing for a few minutes, they told me, during the middle of the morning. But once I started to recover, I recovered fairly quickly. By the end of the second day I felt up to resuming my duties.

Scar took me aside quietly to talk about how I had handled the situation, as a mentor would for a student. We agreed that I was lucky, I had only been saved by my special sight. Scar didn't really know what I should've done better, but he said that he didn't want me to get over-confident. 

I watched him, as he was telling me this. Was Scar filled with love for me? The symbolism in my dreams had seemed so straight forward: Clonk died. Tin Man was the terrible angles. Only the captain could be the man of flame, and Scar would certainly be the one in his shadow, filled with love for me. But in the glare of day, everything was less sure. How could someone be in the shadow of a flame? If Scar loved so much, so that it consumed his life, how could I not feel it in him? Maybe I had interpreted the dream wrong. Or maybe it had no meaning, it was just self delusion? I had already though this through lying in my bedroll recovering the first day. Oh, there was no doubt in my mind that it should be Scar, that if I did love anyone it would be Scar. 

But love was such a strange concept for me. I had never loved before, nor had I ever been loved. Oh, I'd had many men who wanted my body, came back time and time again. But then I was just a body, that's all I was. My heart and soul were with the seed. Now, I had grown to like all the men. Even Tin Man was growing in my heart. I had given them my heart and soul – but love? Oh, I had started with a huge crush on the captain. I had enjoyed that, given myself to him with a passion that astounded me. I had no problem getting wet for him – though if it was a problem, I had an herb to add to oil and rub on my lips that made me wet anyway (a working girl's secret). But the depth of the captain's love, commitment and involvement with Holly had weaned me of that. I still enjoyed giving myself to him, as I did with many of them, but I no longer had a crush on him. Though I no longer had a crush on him, he was still my master, and I still felt that way about him. 

Was I falling in love with Scar? I had something special with him from the start, and there was no one else I looked forward to spending time as much as Scar. I had already dreamt of marrying Scar after we left the mountains. But who was I kidding – after giving myself to all the squad, I was sure that none of them would want me afterwards. And if I ever wavered on that, there was the fact that I actually enjoyed having sex more with a couple of the other guys to remind me who I was.

So I had come to the conclusion that love had no place in my life, for now, if ever, and I had concentrated my dreams about the future on a much simpler, but still impossible dream. I dreamed that I survived the winter, and then they would decide that I had given enough, and let me free. I'd find enough money, somehow, without selling my body or soul, to go to healer's school. It was in a small town only a couple of day's walk from the capital, and I dreamed that they would accept me, and I would learn to be a real healer. As I said, a smaller dream, but I knew, in real life, there was no chance. 

But my vision had shaken me to my core. It had come with such power, such vivid strength, and I had seen things in the dream that I had not known. But now they were clear. I wanted to believe that my inner sight had been able to see extra things I couldn't usually see. Take the captain, for example. Now I saw clearly the burning of the flame, his ambition, and his discipline. It was easy to miss this, he controlled it so well, but oh, how he burnt. 

On the second night, we talked about my inner sight. He wanted me to see more of the mountains, but my vision stopped at the edges of the valley. For a long time I'd been able to see to the ends of the valley, but no more. We didn't know whether this was my upper limit, or just because I hadn't seen the lay of the land beyond that. The captain said, since I'd already missed two days of my duty, that now would be a great chance to take another two days and they'd show me around the mountains.

I worried about the guys, I had come back to look after them, but they assured me that they were fine. Anyway, Ferret pointed out, if I could see more of the mountain they would have an easier time though the depths of winter. Gong chimed in, saying that it was only for another two days that they were fine, any longer and he'd die on the spot.

I was nervous, the next morning, leaving the camp. I hadn't been further than the river since we got here. We paused next to Clonk's cairn, to remember him – this would be our practice always after this – and then we rode on up the valley. I was riding Clonk's horse, and wearing Clonk's coat over mine. It was cold outside the camp, and I was not used to it. There were quite a few of us, in the party. Everyone had urgently wanted to go, to help protect me. My, but did they feel strongly about that. Eventually the captain managed to restrict the group to just himself, me, Gong, Ferret and Digger. Scar was left behind in charge. He seemed far to accepting of this for my liking, surely he wanted to come with me?

Whistle had been appalled at his mistake, freeing the prisoner, and he had knelt before the captain and thrown his rank and command, which would leave him as a common soldier. The captain had refused to take his rank, but accepted his command. He told Whistle that since he had been such a good organizer, he'd sort things out with the army so that he didn't lose any pay, but he didn't want him to take command anymore. I could see that Whistle was very relieved with this, and the squad approved of the way the captain handled it.

As we headed up the valley, the river curved around so that we could no longer see the part of the valley where the camp was. I knew that I was out of my previous range, though I could still see things happening at the camp, which gave us hope. Then the valley started to climb rapidly, and the river started to get smaller and smaller. Eventually the valley came to a halt in a vast bowl shaped wall of rock. We followed a well used trail up towards the top of the bowl, a saddle between the two largest mountains I had yet seen. They were quite symmetrical, but not quite even with each other. "Nimble's Teeth" they called these mountains. I'd heard the term, but not appreciated quite what it meant. As we climbed up the bowl, I suddenly saw the similarity between the mountains and Nimble's lower front teeth. I told them how cruel they were, and they laughed and laughed. 

Finally, at about mid-morning, we climbed to the sharp top of the pass. I gasped, the sheer grandeur of the sight took my breath away, and the cold wind stopped me from getting it back. I had thought that I knew the mountains, but I had known nothing. We rested the horses while they pointed out the features to me. We were standing on a thin ridge. Behind us was our valley. In front of us was another pass, which was the main way through the mountains. From where we were, we could see valleys leading away from the pass in both directions, and a clear trail leading over the top of the saddle. They told me that this was the main path through the mountains. Beyond the saddle in either direction was a towering range of mountains, hidden from us in our valley by the smaller mountains on either side of it. I was astounded by these mountains, their height and steepness. "The dragon's backbone", they were called. And I could see why. 

It was a clear day, but still extremely cold. The wind was not strong, but extremely cold. Digger showed me how to wrap my face to stop it freezing in the wind. From were we were, I could look down the valley that lead to Livia and see all the way down to the plains. I could also see, vaguely in the distance, the steppes on the other side of the mountain. They were a funny blue colour. Ferret told me that it was a special grass that grew only on those steppes. I looked back and forth, we were only half way up the range of mountains. They told me that as you started climbing higher than we were, the air started to get thinner, and it became harder to breath, but that few people had ever gone higher than this. The Dragon's Backbone was a very dangerous set of mountains, impossibly steep, and completely impassable except through this pass, and one further over, though even that second pass further over was extremely dangerous, and could only be done on foot, not by horse. 

They pointed out the details of the path below, their favourite ambush sites, where they had caches of arrows, where most people would camp. It was considered a 4 day journey through the mountains, as it was so hard to travel on the paths. I was surprised, given how far we had travelled in half a winter morning, through fairly deep snow, but the captain said that we had just done the easiest bit, and also they knew and travelled these paths daily. 

We took a narrow difficult track down to the floor of the valley on the Livian side of the pass. The floor of the valley was tough, broken terrain. Our horses clearly knew the path well, and passed quickly across the ground. When I looked back from where we came, I didn't see any hint of a trail or even a saddle that would be worth crossing. Where we crossed over the main trail through the mountains it was in a rocky place with no snow cover, so that there was no evidence that we had passed. I wondered how there could be no snow cover, but Gong explained it – the rocks were hot here, and there was a hot springs slightly further down. The captain thought that we might use it on the way back the next day. 

We travelled along the side of The Dragons Backbone all that day, through an impossible trail I would never had believed. I had known my boys were tough, but I was still surprised. Late in the day we came to another vantage point, and I saw the narrow twisting valley that was the path for the second pass. Not far from there we camped in a cave, one of three secondary camp sites they had established. The only wood we had for a fire was the small amount we had carried. We slept in the cave. For the very first time, I was bitterly cold through the night, even though we all, both humans and horses, slept huddled together. 

We rose very early and it seemed as though day and night had become confused. There was a hint of light, but I could not tell where from. We headed off as soon as we could see each other, higher into the mountains, following a trail they must have known by heart since I could barely see anything. Gradually, as we climbed, the light improved, and then suddenly we burst out of the thick fog we had been in to a spectacular sunrise. It was as if The Dragon's Backbone was an island in a sea of cloud. Again, I was awestruck by the spectacle the mountains presented.

Shortly after this we arrived at a pass, and I looked over it into a second valley, also covered with cloud. Here, I was told, was the second trail through the mountains, but it was much more difficult and dangerous than the first, even in summer, let alone the depths of winter.

We travelled faster that day, though still slower than they would go without me. By the middle of the day we had arrived back at the point of the hot water springs. Both the captain and I were sure that there was no one around, so we indulged, and all went swimming naked in the hot water springs. I loved that. If hadn't been so cold, I might've got carried away and made love to them all there, an idea I stored away for future use. 

So we came at last to the depths of winter. Travelling off our standard paths was getting slower and harder, and we scaled our patrols back, increasingly dependent on the falcon. It spent any fine day in the air over the mountains, but there was nothing to be seen now, no one else was stupid enough to be on the mountains. My range of vision gradually extended into the first pass and beyond, so we scaled back the patrols to one a day, which gave the men more time to care for the horses and dogs and practice their skills.

I worked to my schedule, looking after each of the men, watching as their health slowly deteriorated through winter. I was finding it difficult, myself. At least there were no colds or other sicknesses. I had been very worried about that, but Ferret, who had been born in the mountains, told me that when it got this cold the diseases died too. And when I was with Scar, I wondered, did he love me? Could I ask him? If he did, why didn't he say something? 

Our talk around the fire turned away from the conduct of little pitched fights to the subject of wars, why they started, and how to win them. Or lose them. The captain said that sometimes it was hard to tell winning and losing apart, but you had to know when and how to finish them. One story sticks in my mind.

Digger told the story. King Woody was king of a great and powerful people called Freeland. Why Freeland, the rest wanted to know. He explained that the people believed that they were free, because they chose the king. They all gathered in a main town square, and the barons put a man or two forward, and the one that got the loudest cheers became king. The squad was pretty amused by that. Digger shrugged, and said that it didn't sound like freedom to him either, but that the king's men were not allowed to actually kill the people of Freeland, at least not if they had money. Money, that was the key, the people of Freeland had the best ships and merchants, and so they were all rich and nothing mattered much and the poor people went into the army, and so nearly everyone who counted was happy. Well, at least, richer and happier than in many other kingdoms.

But there were other kings who were jealous – of course - and one day some foreign looking thugs had barricaded the doors of the main trading house, and burnt it down, killing everyone inside it. King Woody had blamed it on a far distant country called Stonia which had a notoriously evil and blood thirsty King Butch, and immediately attacked it with a grand army. The captain interrupted and asked whether that was the right thing to do. The squad tossed it around for a while – they were pretty confused about why King Woody chose this particular country, no one was quite sure whether King Butch had anything to do with it, but they all agreed that he sounded worth attacking. Generally they thought that King Woody had to do something. 

So King Woody invaded. They'd expected some sort of fight, King Butch had made all sorts of threats, but he ran away and the army just folded. So then King Woody had said that the system that worked in Freeland would work well in Stonia, and as soon as they had shouted for a new king, he would pull his army out. But instead, law and order collapsed, and suddenly thugs appeared from everywhere stealing, raping and killing the Stonians, and any of the Freelandian soldiers they could get their hands on. They threatened to do this until the Freelandian army left. 

Hold on, Drowsy wanted to know, how did any of this make sense? Why not just have the shouting match, and then the army would leave? The squad argued about this for ages, trying to make sense of it. About the only thing I could see was that Stonians didn't think that the whole shouting system would give them any freedom, since they didn't have any money, like me, so nothing could make things better. 

Eventually the captain interrupted again. He said we'd argued about that enough. Wars were like that he said, once you've started them, you have to finish them, whatever happens, even if the things that happen don't make sense. He pointed out that King Woody's real failure was that when the war didn't go how he expected, he didn't have any other plan to finish it, other than to keep waiting for his original plan to work. 

What happened eventually? Digger laughed. Well, eventually the rich people in Freeland started to notice that the poor soldiers were dying and they had to start paying more tax, so they had an impromptu shouting match and picked another king. King Woody disappeared to live in the wilderness, and ever after he was known as King Woody the Dunce. And King Butch turned up again in Stonia, but he was so busy fighting the thugs there that Freeland didn't notice him anymore. Of course, it was all bad for the people of Stonia, but the squad shrugged, and said that it always worked that way for the poor.

One day, the captain and I were sitting by the fire practicing our skills, when he asked me whether I could send messages to people. I'd never tried. Intrigued, we tried sending words to each other. I tired to think of a word, and while thinking of it, imagine myself throwing the word at him. But it didn't work, in either direction. We tried all sorts of things for the whole night, but it didn't work. Eventually I thought of how I couldn't see inside the captain, how he was closed to me – maybe I was trying the wrong person? I glanced around the room, saw Sock, and imagined him naked, with his massive erection, and me riding him with abandon. I cast the picture at him. Wow, what a reaction I got! He turned to me, with a stunned look on his face. I smiled at him and called him over. He had seen exactly what I imagined, and he knew exactly where the thought came from. We had to wait to later to discuss that, I had to take Sock aside and finish what I'd started. 

But this started me practicing a new skill altogether, much harder to master. It was all too easy to send an image, a picture, to anyone in the squad, but very hard to send them an image that was useful and that they could understand. But this new skill proved a real frustration for me. There was one other person in the squad that I could not send anything to, and that was Scar. Unlike the captain, there was no reason, it just wouldn't work. I hated it. The trouble with Scar was that I was so unsure where I stood with him. I was trying to work up the courage to talk to him about it, but I kept imagining it all going wrong. I tried so hard to send to him, but I could feel it inside me, he was closed to me, I wasn't allowed to do it. 




Winter in the Mountains Ch. 08



And then, we had a visitor. He came in with Whistle, who had gone down for dispatches. The trip had started taking longer, as the going got harder, but this time he'd been away for 5 days. I felt that visitor coming, and alerted the captain. In case of trouble, we had a prepared ambush – with me as the bait - but as soon as the captain saw Whistle's guest, he called it off, and stood at the camp entrance waiting. He gave the visitor a hearty welcome, but it seemed to me that he was less than thrilled to see him. He introduced him to us as Captain Oltan. The squad later told me that he was one of the best connected captain's in the regular army, and it was expected that he'd end up as commander in chief.

Over dinner, the Captain announced that we had new orders. There was a stunned silence. Our new orders, he said, were that the next party of thugs was to be allowed to cross the mountain unhindered, and they were to see no evidence that we were still alive. Then we were to close the mountain again, whatever the cost.

There were shouts of anger at this, the men were enraged. The captain let them express themselves, though I could see that the visitor thought this was most inappropriate. Eventually they calmed down, and discussed what the orders meant in detail. I could see that none of them, including the captain, were at all pleased. But he explained that the thugs who came through would be handed over to Captain Oltan to watch, and that we would obey orders, since high command must have some good reason they mightn't want to share with us. 

They discussed handover, and agreed that Whistle would take the captain back down to the lowlands after a days rest. That night, I lay awake wondering about our new visitor. Would I be expected to service him too? I hadn't much liked the way he'd looked at me. But I guess that finding a woman here would have been unexpected, and he'd have been wondering what my role was. I decided that in the morning I would take the initiative and call him in, first, that way I'd be better able to control what I gave him. And as our guest, I felt that he was my guest too. 

The next morning, I prepared the bath, and called our visitor in. But as I did so, I saw Scar look disapprovingly in my direction. I could see what he thought in his eyes, and it filled me with anger. Like I had any choice? I was keeping my vow, I'd do it well. To hell with him if he didn't like me. I hadn't meant to, but I was angry at Scar and the visiting captain was a keen participant, and not unskilled either, and I ended up giving him quite full service indeed, and making quite a bit of noise while I was at it. 

Lunch that day was a silent affair. The men were clearly angry with me. I was surprised, but they clearly felt betrayed by what I had done. I was destroyed. How could I have done what I did? I had run a real risk of pox. It made me sick inside. I should've spoken with the Captain first, I was his to command. Instead, I had just acted. The whole point was so that I didn't actually make love to him, but instead, because of my emotions with Scar, I'd let the whole thing get right of hand. I remembered the captain asking me whether I was towed along by my emotions, or whether I sat on them, steering them in the direction I wanted to go. 

I steeled myself, and took a difficult decision. Instead of running away from the problem, I looked at them all in the eye, one by one, and cast an apology their way, an image of myself hanging my head in shame and apology. To my surprise, each of them accepted it, I could see it in their eye's, though I guess it was a powerful way to say sorry. Last, I got to Scar. I didn't know what to say, and I could not cast to him. I said nothing.

For a week, I fretted. I wanted to speak to Scar about it, but I couldn't. I let him use me, but I couldn't speak to him about it. He didn't show his usual care and attention to me, he just took what he wanted from me, then rose and left without saying anything. In a way, it could've been worse. At least he was angry with me, but I still didn't know how to talk to him anymore. I missed him terribly.

One night I lay awake, listening to a great storm as it wound up itself up to a frenzy, looking at Scar. He still slept next to me, but he turned his back on me now. I often cried in the night now, when everyone else was asleep. How could I fix things up with Scar? Even if he didn't love me, I just wanted to be friends with him again.

That was a terrible storm. No one went out of the valley for the whole time. We hardly went outside at all, just to get supplies or check on the animals. It was the first time that a storm had lasted more than a day and it lasted for a week. It wasn't as cold as the others, but we'd had nothing like it before. The wind howled, and trees fell. When the storm finally broke, leaving the most snow we had seen, it was the end of winter, and we started to feel spring coming. 

It was wonderful to see spring. We had survived winter with no causalities, not even any more lost toes or fingers. I watched their health improve, and my mood improved a little. Scar and I had come to an uneasy understanding during the storm. One night I had found myself in his arms as we all lay awake listening to the storm at its worst. After that we would actually talk, and we made love, but it wasn't the same, as if he was just putting up with me until we left the mountains. 

A few weeks after the great storm, I sighted a party of thugs coming through the mountains, through the main pass. There was about ten of them, it was hard to count at a distance. The captain watched them through the falcon, and I felt them struggling up the path. These were not good mountain men, though they felt like very disciplined soldiers. Eventually, after the third night, they crossed the pass, and the captain sent a group under Scar to a hideout down he valley, to shadow the thugs once they got that far. I worried as I watched him go, though really, it was one of the least risky patrols they had done. 

We watched as they passed Scar and then Scar tailed them out of the mountains. A couple of days later they returned and Scar reported that they had successfully handed shadowing the thugs over to Captain Oltan and his band.

A couple of weeks later, Whistle brought us a report of what had happened. As soon as the thugs had hit the plains, they'd gone on a spree of destruction aimed directly at the capital, killing and burning everything in their way. Captain Oltan and his men had challenged them in battle, and they had been destroyed. Eventually another unit of soldiers had been drawn by the column of smoke and killed the thugs, though that unit had nearly been wiped out. We were angry beyond measure. All our work thrown away for nothing, how could this happen? 

The captain wasn't so much angry as afraid. As I lay in his arms the next day he told me that we had to be extra alert, there was no saying what would happen now that the enemy believed the mountain was open again.

Two weeks later, I told the captain that I felt as though there was a presence on the steppes, beyond where I could see it, but coming closer to the mountains. That morning he sent his falcon over the steppes, further than it had ever been before. The report he gave us left us shattered. 

The enemy king, with his main army, several thousand soldiers, was making his way across the steppes towards the valley leading to the first pass.



Winter in the Mountains Ch. 09



As the sun set, we stood on the top of the narrow pass on the main trail through the mountains. Behind us a valley led to the plains of our home. Before us a valley led down the steppes across which the main enemy army had come. We were watching them coming up the valley not far from us now; they would start crossing the pass on the next morning. The captain spoke to us, only a few words, but even now, as I write this, they give me shivers in my bones.

Soldiers of Livia. They are coming.

The captain's eldridge tones filled my heart with awe. I hadn't heard him speak like this before, but standing on the pass with the army approaching us and the sun setting behind the mountains, there could be no other way.

You know what will happen when they get down the plains. You know what just ten soldiers did. If they get down to the plains, our kingdom will fall, our people will be killed and raped and our land destroyed. You've seen this yourselves. We must stop them here.

I swear this to you now. As long as I live, no enemy soldier will pass over this narrow strip of rock alive. 

He paused, and we filled his pause making the same oath, all of us.

It may be that tomorrow some or all of us will meet our doom. Soldiers of Livia, if you meet your doom with honour, you will be covered with glory. 

But I believe that this army that will meet their doom tomorrow. We have a plan, and if we stand together, then we will destroy them all.

My friends, we are standing on a knife's edge between doom and glory, between light and darkness. Of all the soldiers I've ever served with, there's no one I'd rather be with here than each of you. Make me proud, show these enemies the strength of our weapons and our hearts!

He paused, and looked at each of us in turn, as we were spellbound by his intensity. Then he pounded his staff on the rock.

Soldiers of Livia, are you ready?

We growled and yelled. Yes, we were ready

Soldiers of Livia, why do you fight?

"For the people and the land", we cried in unison.

Then he dismissed us, and sent us to get ready. For the first time since we knew of the army's approach, we had hope. As we stood there and watched captain, burning like a flame, I could feel that we all dared to believe that we could actually stop this army, that our plan would work. 

We had been busy since that time three days ago when we first knew that they were coming. As soon as we knew about the army, the captain had sent Whistle off to ask for help and instructions. He had looked quite unsurprised when Whistle came back a couple of days later with the information that all the other soldiers had been withdrawn to the far border to prepare to meet the main enemy army there, because spies had said that the main army would invade there. The commander of the army had given instructions that we were to hold the mountains to the last man. 

He just grunted, and said that indeed, we were alone, just as we had supposed. It didn't make any difference to our plans, we had already assumed that we would be alone, no one had time to come to our aid. In fact, we had already decided on our plan within a few minutes of finding out the army was coming. 

The squad had decided that there was quite obviously only one place to make a stand, at the top of the pass. The enemy could only approach the top on the normal trail one at a time, and any other way up the cliff was impossible, or at least, very easy to defend against since they were vertical rock climbs. Since there was only one workable route to the top, and it was a great killing zone for archers, they figured that they could hold out against the army for several hours, even with just a few of them. 

Eventually they'd run out of arrows – they thought they had maybe a thousand stored across the mountain, so this alone wouldn't hold the pass. This was where our secret weapon fitted in. Looming above one side of the pass was a massive bank of snow running up high towards a mighty peak. It had received a massive dump of snow from the huge storm, and it was all sitting up there, slowly warming up in the sun. There had been hardly any run off from it so the men had already placed bets on how long it would be before the whole lot filled the valley below in a massive avalanche. They figured that there was a chance that a battle would precipitate an avalanche. It only took a few minutes for them to get to that point. Here, the captain smiled, and said that he had a magic spell that he could use to help make the avalanche happen. 

So the plan was simple: to hold the army at the pass, wait for them bunch up below the snowfield, and if the avalanche still hadn't happened, the captain would trigger it. There were lots of things that could go wrong with the plan, but no one could think of anything else that sounded remotely plausible. 

Then they started talking about what the enemy might do. It was hard to imagine that the enemy would simply walk up to the pass, and gather under the snowfield, but equally, it was hard to imagine why they were risking coming through the mountains so early in spring at all. The captain said it was the enemy king, that he was reckless, and that if we could just kill him, then the enemy would probably turn around anyway. 

They decided that the one thing they could do was to make the enemy scared. So almost straight away, Ferret, Digger and Junior set off on their horses with a very simple mission: to stay out of sight, to kill anyone who got separated from the main body, and then to return to the head of the pass before the army. The three of them were our best stalkers – Junior had learnt a lot through the winter – and they were the best at something we had been doing all through our time in the mountains. The squad had these tiny bows and arrows, where the arrow was tied to a string. The small arrow would just penetrate the skin, and it was painted with a poison. If they approached close enough, they could hit a person, who would think it was just an insect. They'd be dead a few moments later. It was pretty scary, and the hope was that they could induce the army into a superstitious fear of being alone, as this would encourage them not to spread out as they approached us.

The rest of the squad spent the time preparing for battle. They retrieved all their arrows and stored them around the top of the pass. They surveyed the top of the pass to see what possible routes there was to the top. 

But though we had a plan, and they were busy, their mood was fey. I could tell that they didn't really believe in the plan. Actually, the captain didn't really believe in the plan. But he said that he believed it, he looked liked he believed it. I watched as he got more and more intense, as if he could destroy the enemy just by his intensity alone. But it held the squad together, they were each reluctant to show that they didn't believe as long as the captain was sure. And they were prone to posturing to each other to show how they were tough, not scared. It didn't fool me, but with these men I was past being fooled, I could read them all like a book. Except for Scar. 

I saw him, often, watching me, any time he thought I wouldn't notice. But no, I really did have eye's in the back of my head, I could see. I would wonder, why was he watching me so? On the day before we went out to battle, I had the chance to speak to him, alone. It didn't go well. He responded coldly. All I wanted to do was to talk to him, to tell him that he was special to me, that I was sorry for upsetting him, but he just looked at me distantly and said that it wasn't a great time. I was heartbroken, to be rebuffed by him like that.

So I ended up with a fey mood to. It was a good thing that the men were too busy for my normal services, I might have been a bit savage to them. I was still giving them all – even Scar – nightly checks, particularly their feet. And otherwise I prepared for the battle, for my own role. 

Towards the other side of the pass from where the trail came to the top, there was a pinnacle of rock poking out from the cliff face. At the top of the pinnacle there was a small flat spot from where you could see the entire field of battle. The captain wanted me to sit there through the battle and coordinate. I could see everything and let the men know what was going on. I argued that I could see everything from anywhere, but the captain was concerned that with so many men around I'd become overwhelmed, so he wanted me somewhere where I could see what was going on with my eyes as well. I couldn't argue with that, and I could see faster with my eyes than my inner sight, so I accepted that I would do it, though, remembering the view from the top of the pass, I shuddered any time I imagined that spot.

I didn't really know how to prepare. So I just did what I could to help the men, and tried to sleep well. 

So suddenly it was time, we were standing on the rim of the saddle at sunset watching the army camp a few hours down the valley. The valley was much easier going on that side, it didn't drop down to the plains so much, and they could march many abreast. They were sticking together; Ferret, Digger and Junior had been very successful and had joined us only a couple of hours before. They reported that the enemy soldiers were very disciplined, and very good with weapons, but not at home in the wilds of the mountains. Just like all the others. 

The captain had asked Scar to take me to my perch. I left my healer's bag in a safe spot near were we had gathered, and we made our way along the top of the pass. All I was carrying was a couple of blankets; it would be a cold night. At places the ground was broken and we had to jump over crevices and climb over big boulders. Then we came to the pinnacle, and we climbed up to my perch. It was a short climb, but steep. I was proud that Scar only had to help me in a couple of places. Finally we climbed over the top of pinnacle and found my small perch. 

The view was stunning, even though the sun was nearly fully gone by this stage. This side of the pinnacle had a vertical drop straight down to the valley far below. Sitting at the front of my perch, I would be able to see almost everything in the valley and around the top of the pass. I could see the dark scar of the trail running down from the pass. Turning my eye's further down the pass, I could see the fires burning where the army was camped down the pass. It was a stunning view, and I found it terrifying. I shuddered, I would be here, alone, for a night, and then at least most of a day, whatever happened the next day. If I didn't fall off. 

I sat down, in my meditation pose, and shut my eyes. I had to master this fear, I had to push it behind me. I remembered what the captain had said about facing my fears and overcoming them. This would be my ultimate test. I didn't know whether I was ready, how I could do this. But I knew that I had no choice, there was no one else and I had to do my bit. 

I opened my eyes. Scar was standing over me, he looked hesitant. I wasn't sure what he was waiting for, he needed to leave and find his own spot before it was too dark. I said so, and then his face fell. I guess he had been working himself up to say something, but now all we had was a stony silence. He stood watching me for a few moments, and then climbed back over the pinnacle. 

What was that about? I felt sad. Since the time that the assassin had nearly killed me, my feelings for Scar had grown stronger, but it been harder and harder to figure out where I stood with him. I felt as though I should've done better, but I couldn't see how I could truly give myself to him when I was giving myself to all of them. Nor could I see that Scar would want me under those circumstances. For a while it had seemed different, but his reaction when that captain had come and I had looked after him had really shaken that. I hoped that if we both survived, maybe I could have another chance. For now I just felt alone.

Since Scar had left, there hadn't been a faintest sound. It was cold, very cold, and I wondered how I would survive the night. We had to be in place through the night in case the enemy tried to open the pass with a night sortie. The captain had said that he would, if he was the enemy, but they evidently believed the mountains were free. The captain thought that they had spies that had reported that the group had got through before – it was pretty obvious, after all. So I was to watch through the night and alert them if anyone came. I didn't expect to sleep that night. If I did fall asleep, and I rolled over, there was a real risk that I would fall off the side. I wrapped myself in my blankets and tried to relax. 

I waited through the night. A stiff breeze came up, and froze me to my bones. Even with 2 blankets, my own coat and Clonk's coat over that, I was still freezing cold. I wondered how the other men were surviving. I scanned the rim of the pass, and they all seemed to be asleep – they were better protected that I was, and I could wake them if I needed. At least the cold kept me from sleeping. So I sat and thought, wondering what happened. From this high pinnacle there was no way to do anything but watch, and if we were lost there was a reasonable chance that I'd be left here alone, alive. I wondered if this was an additional part of the captains plan? 

As the sun rose, the wind died down, and everything again became perfectly still, there was not a sound. The men awoke and began to wait. They were calm now, an almost serene feeling crept across me. Whatever the day would bring, it would bring, and I could only do my best. When there was enough light, I was once again greeted by the incredible sight of a sea of cloud below us. It came to near the top of the trail, and we could see nothing. I sent an image of this to them all, except Scar, since many of them were hiding out of view of the valley. 

At last I felt movement from the valley. The main army was making it's way towards the top of the valley, and I could feel them spreading out. When they got to the base of the trail over the pass, a small group of them started making their way up the trail, while the rest waited below. By the time they were half way up the trail, I had counted them, there was twenty one men. I could feel their fear – the trail was narrow and the cloud was thick around them. As they made it to the top, I let the captain know. The whole squad was gathered at the top of the trail waiting for them. 

I held my breath as they crested the pass, waiting for the killing to begin. But nothing happened, they gathered at the top, catching their breath and talking to each other. In the eerie silence I could hear their voices for real. I wondered what the captain was thinking, what had become of his vow, but all I could feel from the men was that same serene patience. 

The scouts began to separate, some going forwards, and a couple going back down the pass. All of a sudden everything burst into life. I saw the squad rising out of the ground around them, all armed with bows. They got off several arrows each, and by the time the enemy soldiers had started to respond, they were all dead. The trap had been sprung, and we had won the first round. In addition, the main army down at the foot of the cliff would have no idea what had happened. I could feel that some of the scouts were still alive, that same dying feel that still filled my mouth with ashes. I steeled myself, I would be feeling that a lot today, better them than my boys. The squad killed those still alive with swords, and tossed the bodies off the other side of the pass. I guess they wanted to spring the same trap again.

Down below I could feel the restless waiting, they were waiting for the scouts to come back. The army was spread out, some where still back at the camp, but they were starting to gradually gather in the huge field at the bottom of the trail, as the captain had hoped. 

After a short wait, another group of scouts set off up the pass. I could feel their fear and wariness, I didn't think that we'd be able to pull such a trick as the first time. This time, when they started to come out of the cloud, they froze, and a small group of soldiers walked the last little section of the trail together. At set points, a soldier would stop and wait. At first I wondered what they were doing, and then I realised, they were maintaining visual contact, but were spread out too far to get caught in any ambush. I was impressed, and cast an image of what they were doing to the squad. 

Two soldiers made it to the top of the trail, and as they went forwards to look over the far side of pass, the others started following but maintaining their rough position. Suddenly I heard one of the leading soldiers cry out, and he stooped down to look at the ground. All of a sudden all hell broke loose. The squad jumped up and killed the few soldiers in reach of their bows, and started chasing them back down the path. They killed many, but several got away and headed back down the trail, while the others gave their lives to make sure they got away. 

Open battle was at last joined. A few moments after those three soldiers got to the bottom of the trail, I felt a stream of soldiers heading up the trail. I let the squad know, keeping track of their progress. This time, as the enemy approached the top, the archers stood in the open in and killed the soldiers as they entered the killing zone. This was the last part of the trail, where it was really the only choice, there was just no other way to approach the top other than smooth vertical cliff with no handholds, and there was a higher cliff face overlooking the trail so that we could fire at them, but they couldn't fire back. In addition, the trail was very narrow at this point, just wide enough for a horse. For an hour or more the enemy tried to reach the top of the trail, but the killing zone was something they could just not penetrate. 

For this part of the battle I was just a spectator. There was nothing I could do except watch. I was supposed to warn if the enemy tried any tricks, but they'd tried nothing. While the fighting was going on, I could feel the day warming, the cloud thinning, and the enemy bunching up at the foot of the trail. Finally, they withdrew back down the trail. There was no point pursuing them, the trail was effectively blocked by dead men and horses and slippery with blood. More than a few men had died simply by slipping off the trail. The captain and his men let out a cry of victory. 

Within a few minutes of this, the cloud finally completely disappeared quite suddenly. Suddenly I could see the army below, and they could look up at the pass above and see the bodies spread out on the rocks and cliffs below the top of the trail. 

For a while, nothing happened, and the enemy soldiers slowly moved back down the trail. I could feel the happiness from the squad; we had one the first battle without even any casualties. But that was the easy first battle. Now they could see what they were facing. 

As I looked down I could see a huge army gathering at the base of the trail. My heart fell. The trail seemed like an easy position to hold, but this was a vast army. As I watched, I could also see them forming into divisions and I could hear their chanting and trumpets, but I could also feel their fear and dismay. I got a chill as I felt their fears, these soldiers weren't really different to us, and they had families they were concerned for too. But it didn't matter, we still had to kill them, or they would kill us.

All of a sudden, they started heading in all directions, approaching the walls of the cliff, trying to climb anywhere they could. I sent this message to the squad, but they had seen it for themselves, and I watched them spreading out along the top of the cliff to their prearranged spots. 




Winter in the Mountains Ch. 09



For the next little while, I watched them trying to climb the cliffs. Though the day was warming, it was still very cold, and there was plenty of ice on the cliffs; they were very treacherous. I saw and felt several slip to their deaths. But they kept coming. Eventually I could see that they were making substantial progress on many fronts, and preparing for another assault on the main trail. 

While we were waiting for this to happen, I saw the captain try something he'd thought might make a difference to the outcome. He summoned his falcon, and gave it a fist size rock. It took the rock in its talons, and flew out over the army. Then I saw the falcon dive towards the army. I felt the falcons burst of pleasure as it approached the fastest point of its dive and then lift out of the dive. The captain gave a cry of pleasure. I knew that his target had been the King. He hoped that with the King out of the way, the other commanders might be more willing to withdraw. I wondered whether we had hit the king. But the falcon had enjoyed that, and spent the rest of the battle finding stones to dive bomb the army with. They started firing arrows at it, but it was moving way to fast for them to hit it, and I think the arrows killed more soldiers than the falcon did.

All of a sudden, my life became very busy, as they started approaching the top of their routes. Some didn't make it, they found the route had simply led to a dead end. But enough were getting close that I was concerned that we wouldn't be able to hold them. Once they first of them made it to the top, I was busy co-ordinating several different battles. I didn't tell the men what to do, just kept them informed about who was coming their way. At first, they simply shot the climbers with arrows, but they kept coming, and in a few places they were able to make it to the top and get to hand-to-hand fighting. They enemy soldiers were exhausted from their climb, and could hardly lift a sword, but nevertheless they put up a good fight, better than I had hoped. 

The worst trouble spot was at a point where they had two columns of men coming up near each other, and one column had made it to the top. Scar was at the top, and Sock had joined him. They were hard put, with Scar having to put his bow down and use his sword. All of a sudden I saw an enemy soldier creeping along the rocks behind Scar. How did he get there? I freaked, I should've known that he was there. He was quite close to Scar, behind him, ready to kill him. I cast an image of him to Scar, and saw Scar turn around and kill him with a single strike. 

I scanned around the pass. Had I missed others? I become aware that there were quite a few loose soldiers near to the top or coming onto the top of the pass. As I watched, one drew a bow and shot one of the squad with an arrow. I felt Crunch's cry of pain, and then he fell forward and over the edge of the cliff. My eyes followed him down, and I noticed something that sent a shiver through my bones. There were a couple of soldiers climbing my pinnacle. I had thought it was impossible, but they were looking at me, and I could feel the hunger behind their eyes. I wondered how they knew about me, but I knew with certainty that I was their target. 

Alarmed, I sent a message to the captain, things were starting to get out of hand, and it was obvious that we wouldn't be able to hold the pass for much longer. I looked down at the army, and saw that they were fully gathered at the foot of the trail, perhaps two thousand soldiers still down at the bottom. Time for the avalanche, as soon as possible.

The captain turned to his magic. It had involved quite a bit of preparation, mixing a small cauldron of black stuff he had made up. I had wondered what it was, hiding in our storage cave through winter, but he had always laughed, saying that I probably didn't want to know. He had taken the cauldron to the bottom the of the massive snowfield the night before, much to the disbelief of the other squad, who wouldn't go near it, and left it at the bottom. I waited, and while I waited I felt something that shocked me to the core. Sock died. It didn't seem possible that such a fun loving bundle of energy could have died. I turned to look, and as I looked, Scar killed the soldier that had killed Sock. 

I felt the captain perform some sort of spell, and there was a massive sound from where the cauldron had been. I felt every single soldier in the area stop what they were doing and look towards the cauldron, which had disappeared in a cloud of snow. I waited for the avalanche, but nothing happened. 

Nothing. I looked around, and realised that our position was now desperate. They were starting to flood the pass, indeed a large group was approaching the bottom of that snowfield from the other side and would soon roll us up. Two of us had already died, and several were wounded but still fighting. We were starting to run out of arrows, and there was more and more sword fighting going on. I was constantly busy warning my boys of threats around them, and only my organisation was holding us together. And soon, I would be dead. The soldiers coming for me were making remarkable progress. Only one of my boys was near enough to me to save me, and it was Scar, the only one I could not warn. 

How I regretted my actions now. Why had I allowed pride and ease to stand in the way of sorting things out with him? How stupid I had been, now we would both die and we had lost our opportunity. I saw it clearly now, he was so in love with me, and that had been his problem, why he could not hardly talk to me about it. And I had made it hard for him. Why? Scar, the love of my life, the only one I could not warn. All this passed through my mind in a moment. But then I realised that there was something wrong with that – I had communicated with Scar before, saved his life. If I could do it once, I could do it again. I looked to him, he was resting on his sword with no soldiers around him. I cast him a picture of the soldiers climbing the pinnacle, and felt a distinct reply, concern and love for me. He started running in my direction.

But it was too late. He wouldn't make it, he couldn't. I cast my eyes around, we were done. It was all over. We would all die up here. I was looking at our destruction, and that of the people and the land. I sent some more images out, but I started to wonder what the point was. I only had a few minutes, and there was nothing I could do to make any difference now. At least my end would be quick, these soldiers wouldn't muck around with me. Their very ardour for the task told me that somehow they knew I was special. 

If only the snow had avalanched, as we had hoped. How different things would be. In frustration, I lashed out at the snow. I felt it push back at me. My magic wasn't the right magic, we would all die.

The enemy soldiers were close now. I turned to check where Scar was, and saw him leaping from rock to rock, almost as if he was flying. I watched mesmerised, I could not believe what he was doing. He was desperate to reach me, to protect me. It was a form of magic, surely what he was doing was not physically possible. I measured the distances, it still wasn't enough. As a good bye, I cast him all my love, and felt his urgency and determination return to me.

At that moment I realised that I hadn't given everything, that I needed to give more. Scar's urgency and determination passed to me, and I knew that I could do one last great act. I felt myself filling with power, and I turned back to the snow that had pushed back at me. If it had pushed back at me, then I could push it harder. I turned my whole being, everything that I had, and pushed at the snow. 

I felt it push back at me, and I felt it come alive. I could feel that it wanted to fall, to slide, it just needed to know the way. I felt it's vibrancy, the incredible tension running through it, and then I felt the weakness underneath it. But it was no use pushing at the bottom of it, the way the captain's magic had done. It needed a decent shove from the top. I gave it one, and felt it moving, slowly at first but then gathering pace. I felt the incredible power growing, and suddenly I saw what would happen. I pulled away from the snow and cast an image of the avalanche to the squad, along with a very clear image of them standing back from the edge of the pass.

For a couple of moments, I couldn't see anything happening. Just as I was giving up hope, I saw the snow starting to move, high up at the top of the snowfield, and the snowfield bulging and growing in the middle. Suddenly, very suddenly, I saw it burst, and snow went everywhere. Then I heard the sound, unlike anything I had ever heard before. Though I felt very weak, I managed to scramble back from the edge of the pinnacle myself, and wedged myself into a crevice in the rocks. I saw a hand reaching over the edge of the platform I had been sitting on, and then the avalanche finally broke over the rim of the pass, taking many enemy soldiers with it.

The next few moments are a confused memory in my mind. The snow fell into the valley like water into a bowl. I felt an unimaginably vast feeling of death as the snow hit the main army, still gathered below, and a windstorm of incredible magnitude suddenly blew out of the valley. The feeling of thousands of soldiers all dying at once overcame me, and I passed out.

I came to in Scar's arms, he was holding me tight. I looked around, and there was a dead soldier lying on my perch. Scar had made it, I was completely amazed. I looked up at him, and saw love in his eyes. "What happened?"

"The avalanche killed most of them, blew them off the cliff. I killed this one, the other was gone. You've been unconscious for about half an hour, we think we've cleaned up the few that are left."

We won. I started to relax, then realized that I would not one moment more go by without sorting something very important out. I gripped his arm. "Scar, I love you".

He smiled back at me, and looked at me with love and sincerity, and I felt his words echo through his very soul. "I love you too, Zia".



Winter in the Mountains Ch. 10



On that high pinnacle of rock, in the midst of a fresh snowfall from the avalanche, and surrounded by the majesty of the mountains and the wreckage of the enemy army, I sat on Scar's lap, and we kissed. This hard soldier, with his scarred face and his wild hair, he was mine, and it was an amazing feeling. We buried ourselves in that kiss, it was as if we were trying to consume each other. I knew that I had found the love of my life. His inner strength, his patience, his kindness, his humility and his willingness to sacrifice himself for what he believed in: all these things combined to make him my man, the only one I would ever have. I shared my feelings with him, and found that, now we had broken the barrier between us, I could feel his feelings too, and this increased the intensity of our kiss. I had kissed many men, and kissed most of the squad men many times; I had even kissed Scar many times, but I had never experienced anything like this.

I knew that it was my feelings for Scar that had driven that amazing power I used to cause the avalanche. Later, I'd find out that what I had done was considered impossible, just like I considered that what Scar had done to reach me was impossible.

It was there, on that spot, as I sat on his lap, that we took our vows. We vowed that we would love only each other for the rest of our lives, that we would share our lives from this moment forth. For the first time in my life, when I looked into the future, I saw no reason to fear at all. How much I looked forward to the future now, to share my life with Scar.

But we couldn't stay in that spot. Scar was hurt, bleeding a little, and so were the others who had survived. We had to put aside our pleasure, and go help them. I was so sad when we joined them down on the pass, there was so many missing. We had lost six men, including Crunch, and Sock – I had seen both of them die – and also Tin Man and Digger, who had both been alive when I made the avalanche. All the dogs that had come to the battle with us had died as well.

I patched the squad up, there were no serious injuries, though several of them could be life threatening if they got infected, I'd have to stay on top of them. While I had been working on the worse injuries, the ones with only scratches had gone along the top of the pass and thrown every body that they could find down into the valley.

Finally, we gathered together where the trail crossed the pass to rest before we made our way back to our camp. The captain asked me to scan the valley for survivors. I could feel a few of the enemy running in total terror down the valley away from us, but that was all I could find. We had completely destroyed them. Scar led us in the traditional chorus of cheers that were due to a victorious commander. The golden boy had struck again. When our cheers had died down, he spoke to us again. He simply thanked each of us by name for what we had done. He thanked all the squad, and finally he got to me. He thanked me, but then he hesitated, and asked me about the avalanche, whether it was me that made it happen. I nodded. I could see that no one was surprised.

That night we rested at the camp. The three horses we had carried Digger, Tin Man and Wag, and Gong carried Sock all by himself. All of us were exhausted by the time we arrived at the camp, and for the first time, no one cooked, we simply ate the stored food as it was. I rested in Scar's arms. I had been hesitant about showing our love in front of the others, but Scar had insisted. He said that they all knew already anyway.

We stayed awake after all the others had gone to sleep, talking and kissing, and we made a decision. We talked about whether I would continue to share my body with the others. On the one hand, I obviously wouldn't do this anymore, now that we had sworn our vows. But on the other hand, I made a promise, that I would sleep with the squad for the whole six months. In my seedie haze I had thought of breaking that vow, but not now. If I didn't keep my promises, I would be worthless. Yet I remembered the look on Scar's face when Captain Oltan had come. I didn't know what to do, and I laid my problem out as I lay in his arms, with my head on his chest.

He lifted my chin and looked in face. "Of course you should keep your promises", he told me. I told him how hurt I'd been when that captain had come, that I'd do anything rather than have Scar upset with me like that. He looked surprised. He was actually upset that he hadn't got the opportunity to explain how things were to the captain, to ask him to be gentle with me. He knew what I would do. My commitment to the cause and my promise, and how desirable I was were part of why he'd fallen in love with me, and made what happened with that captain inevitable. He told me that while I was here I should keep to my promise, but that after we left here, then I was his alone. I promised, and I looked forward to it.

He told me that as far as the squad was concerned, I was the best they'd ever had, way better, every time. And I had chosen Scar, he was thrilled, when he never expected to catch any girls' eye after what had happened to him, let alone the best there ever was. Surely I wasn't the best there ever was, but I spent a long time kissing him anyway. We snuck away from the camp, and down by the river, in the cold dark night, we cemented our vows with some rather wild sex. For the first time in a long time, I felt free to make as much noise as I liked. Afterwards, and then afterwards again – we were still high on our victory - I held him tight, and knew that I had found the man I would love forever.

The next day we laid our dead comrades in a grave that we dug beside Clonk, and then we built another cairn for them. We told each other mostly true stories of the heroic acts that they had done in their lives, and the captain led the final dirge in their lament. ** personal obituary **

We rested after this, and ran light patrols through the mountains, but there was nothing on the mountain now. The men believed that the main way through the mountains was closed forever; with that many dead, no one would ever try to go there again. The way of the dead.

I resumed my normal duties. They men were a bit subdued with me, they weren't sure where they stood now Scar and I had sorted ourselves out. But once it became clear that Scar didn't mind, things went back to normal and I had my harem again, though smaller than it was. But I didn't kiss any of them again.

Two weeks after the battle, Whistle came back with a new order: we were to report to the Tower of Obost at dawn in eight days time. The squad burst into shouts of joy at this. I looked to Scar for an explanation. Being summoned to the Tower of Obost not only meant that we were being called off the mountains, it was a tradition that from there you would be escorted on a victory parade through the city by the King's guard, and thence to a public audience with the King himself. And our families would be there to witness it. Not that Scar had any, but most of the men did.

The men wanted to know whether this was really good, how could they have found out already and organised everything. The captain told them they should've figured out by now that both we and the enemies had active and efficient spy services that used magical communications, so there had been plenty of time for them to find out from our spies what had happened even if they didn't believe the captains report.

I asked the captain when we would leave. He said that if we left at dawn the next day we would make it. Then I asked him about my status. He smiled and said that I had given far beyond my calling and my choice, and I could consider my service complete anytime I wanted. I counted quickly, it would be a week over five months on the day we met the King.

I wanted one last time to say a proper good bye to each of the men, so I proposed to the captain that we stay an extra two days at the camp, so I could give each of them one last go, and that we rode harder on the road. The captain looked around the squad to see whether they were prepared to ride harder, and their eye's said it all – they'd ride to hell for one last time with me. Anyway, we really needed the time to get ready to leave.

I was tired and sore by mid afternoon on the second day. I had seen all of them but the Captain and Scar, and each of them had wanted something special "to remember me by." I hadn't expected any less, and honestly, I had enjoyed every minute of it as well. None of them were Scar, but each of them was special, and I gave them exactly what I'd learnt that they wanted. And I sorted out with each of them what story I would give their families if it came up. Finally, after we dressed, I sat in their laps and kissed them, thanking them for looking after me so well.

The captain was my second last. I looked at him, and thought of how I'd admired his power when I first undressed him. I knew him so much better, and now, although I certainly had much stronger magic than him, I understood the depths of his fire and his self discipline. The captain was a great man, who would go on to achieve much in this life. I wasn't fooled by the growth of my own magic. It might appear powerful, but the only really powerful thing I had done, starting the avalanche, although it had been astounding, had arisen out of complete desperation. I was still honoured to call the captain my master. In all the time on the mountain in the winter, he had never taken me again since that first time, presumably as a mark of respect for Holly. Well, I understood that, but today, we were going out with a bang, and I was going to be taken by him.

He tried to resist, but he never had a chance. When I turned my focus to seducing him, given how well I knew him, and how I could sense his feelings, he was powerless to resist. And I guess that was why I wanted him. But he was good, he gave back as good as I gave him, and once again I found myself resting in his arms, full of emotion. Then I sat up next to him, rested my hand on his chest, and said "You know that you are still my master." 

"Oh no," he said, "not any more. I remember giving you a challenge to show that you had the strength to find what you deserve. Not any more. You have the strength to be anything you want now. I only hope that you continue in the path you've laid for yourself, and look after Scar for me, he is my best friend."

I thought about that. I could see that this was true. "Perhaps this is true, but the law still counts you as my Master. And so do I, I think perhaps forever, you are a great man."

"I am honoured indeed. And we will sort out the law when we see the King. I will be happy simply to count you as a friend." And so there, still naked, we promised to each other that we would always be friends, and that we would help each other stay true to the people and the land.

I kissed him good bye with a tinge of regret. He was a great man, and Holly was very lucky. But the regret passed quickly as I realised that I was finally free. Free to give everything I had to the love of my life. After a short rest and a bit of packing, I called him in, and we made the camp ring. I wasn't ashamed, I wanted them all to know that Scar was the man I wanted. 

As we rode out of the mountains and I started recognising landmarks from the trip in, I thought about how much I had changed in those few months in the mountains. I had been a dazed and weak girl, a seedie whore with no friends, no future; no redeeming qualities at all, in fact. Coming back I was finally a grown woman, desirable, with love, happiness, and a future. How much I had changed, and I knew that though it had taken three men to ruin my life in the first place, it was almost entirely the work of only two men to build me a new life, a much better one. The Captain, and Scar. It made me happy to know that giving my life to Scar also meant that I would continue to be around the Captain. I thought of what the Captain had said about riding and steering my emotions like a horse, and how much my love for Scar filled me up now that I had allowed it to be released. I think I finally understood what he had meant.

I was in a bit of a quandary about my future. Up till the last few weeks, all I had ever considered was that somehow I would like to go to healer's school, but now that would take me apart from Scar for a few years, so I really didn't want it anymore. Scar thought I still should go there, he would still see me often, and it would be worth it. I didn't know what to do, but it would take a strong force to separate me from Scar now.

The first night, as we rode though the forest, towards the evening, I felt a group of people ahead of us. When I told the captain, he smiled and said that we were nearly at our camp site. I was amazed when we entered a dell in the forest and found a large group of people preparing a feast, especially for us. Late into the night we were entertained and fed, guests of the mayor of Pilbin, one of the cities we had stayed at on our way out. The high command might not fully appreciate us, he said, but they were in awe of what we had achieved, and they wanted to show us their appreciation. In the mountains we had eaten good food, but it had been very monotonous, and this feast was the best we had eaten since going into the mountains. It was certainly the best food I'd ever eaten. 

On the third day, we passed through the forest where I had first gone topless, and in memory of that pleasant afternoon's ride, I wore an outfit I had not worn before. It hadn't been warm enough since that day, and I had forgotten it until I saw it while I was packing up. It was a shame that I had never been able to wear it, but I knew that Scar would approve thoroughly if I wore it then. I had bought it as a joke in that short shopping trip with the captain all those months ago, and I don't think he even noticed it when I got it. It was made from strips of leather and chains, that covered my nipples and my slit, but not anything else, like my patch, for instance. Just the image that daring adventuresses are supposed to have, which is why I bought it, though I'm pretty sure no one would actually wear it. Other than me.

I put it on while no one was looking and covered it with my long coat, since it was still cold early in the morning. By the time we passed Lani and Edina's village – which was empty – it was warm enough, and I took my coat off. Scar noticed immediately. "Only now you wear it!" he exclaimed. That got all the guys to look, and they let me know their appreciation loudly. 

I wore it all day, earning myself some rather intense stares from the few passers by that we saw. One poor farmer even fell of his horse he spent so long staring at me instead of looking where he was going. But I regretted it at the end of the day. We had ridden hard, particularly the last day. I wasn't sure why the captain was pushing us so hard until I felt someone ahead waiting for us. I looked at the captain and lifted one finger. He nodded in return, as if he had known there was someone there. As we rode around a corner and they came into view I knew why he had known.

Ahead of us was a truly beautiful lady on a glorious horse. She was easily the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. When she saw us her face lit up and she rode quickly toward us. Every movement was graceful and elegant yet she simultaneously radiated enthusiasm and happiness. So, this was Holly. Suddenly I felt ugly and uncouth, and turned to throw my coat over my revealing outfit. But Scar reached out his hand and held me back. Well, if that's how he wanted me, I'd be proud to wear it. 

Holly brought her horse to a halt beside the captain and leapt into his arms. It was a pretty impressive piece of horse riding. After they kissed, they dismounted and he introduced her and the squad. Last of all, the captain introduced me, and when I went to put my face to the ground before her, she would have none of it. She grabbed my hands and gave me a hug, as if we were equals. 

"Oh," she cried, "I've heard so much about you, and how you saved my man. And I can see that not one word was wrong, you are the sexiest of all."

Yes, I did regret wearing that outfit, this wasn't how I wanted to be known. But that night, as we sat around the fire, dressed in my normal outfit, I got to know Holly better, and I could see that I could trust her. I was very impressed. Although she was a high princess and well informed of events at the court, she was also a nice girl who wanted to talk about everyday girl things with me, and oh, how I had missed that. She seemed to appreciate how lonely I had been for other girls, and gave up precious time with the captain to spend with me.

She told us that the King had sacked her father from being Army commander. She didn't care, the only thing that mattered was that Ulf had come back to her. She didn't even mind that I had slept with him. She shrugged and told me that she had to be a virgin till they were married, so she knew he would, but that if he did it after they were married she'd kill him herself. Not that he would want to, she laughed, and with her beauty and joy for life, I believed it. Very quietly she told me that although she was a virgin, the captain had been given good evidence that he was in for the ride of his life, and later she'd want to learn from me so she could make true on that promise. I could see why the captain was so in love with Holly. Holly spent the night in the captains arms, and then rode away before dawn. 

On the last night, the captain spoke to me about what was to happen the next day. He told me that he wanted to keep my magic a secret. The main reason was to protect me from all the attention I would get if the true nature of my power was known. Not all of that attention would be friendly. This would mean that I might not get as much recognition as I deserved, but he knew, and every one of the squad as well, just exactly who it was that saved the country, and they wouldn't forget. I didn't care. I had almost all of what I wanted. The only thing I wanted was for the King to let me go free instead of serving the last few weeks of my sentence. The captain assured me that there'd be trouble right in front of the King if he didn't.

Finally we presented ourselves at the Tower of Obost at dawn on the appointed day. From there we were escorted into the city by the King's guard, the Black Bulls. It was a truly amazing experience. Here we were, with long wild hair, unkempt after months in the wilderness - I had wanted to trim mine, but the captain wouldn't hear of it, though he did let me brush it – and our tough mountain clothes, making our way into the city led by the Bulls in their shining black armour, but the cheers and the flowers from the crowd were very definitely for us. We walked tall and proud. We had come through paths cold and dark to serve, for the people and the land. And once again, the golden boy had delivered. This was his third such parade, he told us, and the King and his commanders would've done all that they could do to avoid another one, but after what we had done, they had no choice. 

By the time we reached the main square, I was riding high on a wave of euphoria coming off the crowd. Today was a wonderful day, and nothing would go wrong. The King was waiting for us, on the same spot as the slave trader had been when I last passed through the square. I had never seen the King before, he was older than I expected, but he stood tall and looked every bit like I thought a King should. At last we came to a halt at the foot of the stairs to his platform. I looked around and everywhere I could see the square and the buildings around it were filled to the brim with people. Trumpets blared and then the square was filled with complete silence. 




Winter in the Mountains Ch. 10



A herald came forth and proclaimed in a poetic form an odyssey, the story of our mission. I was glad to hear that I was mentioned a few times in the story – for healing Drowsy, for killing the assassin, and for co-ordinating the final battle. I looked around as he was telling the story, and found Holly, as part of the King's court. I also spotted the old healer who had prepared me for the trip, amongst a group who were quite obviously the families – they were waving to the men, and the wives were holding the small children back. How cruel, but King's and their ceremonies must come first. It gave me a real thrill to know that there was someone waiting for me, even if I had no family.

Finally the herald finished his odyssey, and the awards began. The King started with awards for each of the men that had died, and spoke of their achievements. Then he gave each of the squad a Hero Badge, the highest award that could be given. It made me so proud when Scar went up and the King shook his hand. It made me realise how far I had come in my new life. 

Finally it was the captain's turn. There was no badge for him, he had already received it before. He knelt before the King, who simply said that he had once again saved the land, and thanked him on behalf of the people. The captain turned and spoke to the people. He praised each of the men on his squad, both the living and the dead, and even me, and thanked us for serving with him. Then he repeated the speech that he gave us on the pass, the one that had stirred us so. Although it wasn't the same, it was still completely amazing, and when every single person in the square joined in the final refrain my hair stood on end.

Finally, he finished with an appeal, now that the enemy was choosing a new King, for us to pull back and try to make peace with the enemy before a new enemy king that didn't make the same mistakes as the old one destroyed us in battle. There was a sudden hush. I could see that this was very unpopular, particularly with the King. 

The captain ignored this. He summoned me to the stage, and introduced me to the King. I put my face to the ground before him, and when I stood, he shook my hand. The captain spoke loudly, so that all could hear. He very quickly told my story, how he had taken me from prison to serve, how I'd saved their lives by healing them, and looked after them, killed the assassin, and co-ordinated the battle. Nothing that the herald hadn't already said except for my background. Finally, he asked that the King dismiss my remaining sentence and let me go free.

Suddenly I was nervous. The King's views on the sex and seed trade, though hypocritical, were widely shared. And female healers weren't always popular either, many people thought that only men could do it properly. 

The King looked at me, sizing me up. 

Very quietly he spoke, so that only the captain and I could hear. "Were you a prostitute to these men?"

I looked him in the eyes and replied quietly. "I looked after them. If they needed it, I gave them all that I had. But I took nothing for it, nor will I accept anything now".

He smiled. I appeared to have passed a test. "And I believe that it's really your magic that saved my kingdom?"

Startled, I looked at the captain, standing next to me, who nodded. I turned back to the King and nodded, "I did what I had to. I hope I am never that desperate again."

He stood back from me. He gestured to a Lord standing near him, and spoke loudly. "Lord Eastland, what was this woman's sentence?"

He answered immediately. "Six months in jail, and a tattoo on her forehead, my Lord."

The tattoo – I'd forgotten about that. My heart fell. 

"I take it that you'd rather not have the tattoo now?" the King asked me. 

I shook my head. There was no way that I would take that now. I could feel the concern radiating from the captain. This was going badly. 

"Well, you have given this land a great service, but justice must be done. Perhaps we should trade, you can have more time "on the King's ticket" instead of the tattoo?"

I didn't know what to say. I didn't want either, and this was most unfair after all that I had given for this mission. I suddenly became aware of the absolute silence around us, as everyone waited for the King's decision. 

He smiled, and spoke loudly. "Yes, I decree another three years living at the expense of the King."

I tried to control my gathering anger. After all that had happened, now this? 

"The only question that remains is where?"

Somehow I knew that everything hung on the King's next words. What did he have in mind for me?

"I think that rather than put you in prison, or guard you, I can trust you to do your time at the healer's school."

I lowered my face to the ground in obedience, and turned to look at Scar, who gave me a big smile. Three years, but it would be worth it. The King had made my decision, and he would even pay: I was going to Healer's school. It would be a long wait, but the time would fly, because I would love Scar forever.