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I Know He's a King Ch. 01

By: Jane Shield



And I know he is a king, who deserves a queen. 
But I am not a queen.
And he doesn't see me...*

*English lyrics: Read / Ingebrigsten / Marazzi / Adams , Sarah Brightman's 'He doesn't see me'

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"THE KING IS DEAD! LONG LIVE THE KING!" shouted the exclaimer.

"Long live the king," the mass chanted. 

My mother pinched my ear and made me chant with them. Long live the king.

What if my life will be as long as the king's life?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

He was only twelve when his father died. Fortunately he inherited the crown, instead of his dreadful stepmother. She was a wicked crow, full of mischief and sorrow. She had long tried to give the late king another son, so she could kill the prince and become the next king's mother, which was a very desirable position. This meant that the new king – Alexander – had a lot of half sisters, which their mother could conjure for the king's attentions. 

I was supposed to be his best friend and best friends we were until suddenly Alexander – or Lex as I called him – rose to this high position. I never saw him again. He apologised to me the day before his coronation, but was he the one to blame? I didn't forgive him, and he doesn't know now that I do not blame him. I wish that I could see him but that will never happen. Nobody will let me, a peasant girl, close to the king. 

Now ten years have passed. I am nineteen, going on twenty, and he is soon to be twenty three. How old we suddenly are. If I met him now, he wouldn't recognise me. Farming the land makes your skin brown and weather-beaten. Your fingers grow thick and hard. I envy the ladies that sometimes visit the castle – they travel right past my village – with their pale blue skins and their shiny glossy hair. Their fingers are long and thin with pretty nails in different colours, although I believe they will snap if you give them a handshake. 

My father has long since tried to marry me off. Nobody wants me. I actually wonder why, I may not be the prettiest girl in my village but I beat most of the girls by miles when it comes to looks. I do have the prettiest hair in town – my only possession I worship and care for. Maybe it is my wits. I have never been afraid of saying what I think. I never talk much, but if there is something I see is wrong, I'm the first to say it. 

Lex hated that about me. Whenever we were playing a game he wanted to try with me I always pointed out at least one problem with the game. Lex always wanted to follow the rules, and I always wanted to go the easy way around so in the end we often ended up fighting. The last time we fought he gave me a peck on the cheek as an apology. That was also the last time we met. I guess it wasn't just an apology for our quarrel, but also a goodbye kiss. I wish I had known much more then. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

There was going to be a war. The Wilijies – those beautiful creatures that lived in the land of Veriton – had been preparing for years, but we never believed they were going to strike for our country. 

My brother was going to join the army – for a month now he had practised with me – almost beating the crap out of me, but I won anyway. The thought of becoming a soldier and rising in ranks seduced many young peasant men eager for wealth and fame. I thought them to be illusions; you didn't change once you possessed them. But Calem – my dear dear brother – didn't agree with me. He was going to be a soldier and be supreme on the field and maybe someday rescue the king in some hazardous scheme hatched by the enemy. 

"You could come with me and become one of the wenches for the soldiers. I hear all of them will be tried out by the king first. You can finally get to meet your precious Lexxy," he taunted me.

"Be quiet, you tadpole!" I cried and knocked him down. 

I knew that Lex wasn't that way. I was sure he didn't even allow prostitutes to come with the army. I still hoped that there were some good in this world left, and that Lex was trying to uphold it. But my father got an idea from what Calem said. 

The next day Calem, father and I went to the city. Calem got recruited immediately – no problem. But my father was up to something. As soon as Calem was enlisted my father went over to one of the officers and whispered something in his ear. I was sitting on the wagon, anxious to get home now that Calem the bully was gone. It really nagged me the way my father could drag out the waiting for me like that. Suddenly I saw my father pointing at me and the officer looked my way. 

I wanted him to stop looking at me. But though he looked at me the way that I had only seen some of the village boys looking at me I sternly looked back. He was never to know that I was afraid. The man nodded to my father and gave him a pouch of coins. 

..".Tis a surprise" I heard my father say. 

The officer nodded again and gave me a wry smile. Then I and my father went home.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The days following that event my father was unusually happy. He whistled in the morning and whenever I was around he said some strange things. He said happily: "I have given up searching a husband for you. I'm sure things will come around."

I tried pondering that out, but I couldn't get it together. I told myself not to worry about it. But it stuck in the back of my head. Whatever he was up to, there wouldn't come any good out of it. 

And I was right. A week after our trip to the village the army set out for the outskirts of our country where the battle was to be. They were coming to pass our village. The day before my mother warmed water and sent the whole family to bath. This was a real surprise, because it wasn't Saturday. 

The whole village stopped working to see the army pass by. When half of it had passed my mother took me into the house and sat me down by the table. 

"I have tried talking him out of it. But he said that he would sell the rest of our daughters if I helped you escape... I am sorry, Amram. But I can give you some things that will make it easier for you..."

I could see that she cried. Her eyes were red and swollen and I didn't like the things she was saying. She took out her pouch with herbs, the one she brought out when someone in the village was ill and she helped, and took out a few smaller bags. 

"This will prevent you from carrying a child," she said about the first one. "This will abort the child you're bearing if so will happen. This will loosen the pain and this you can blend with water and smear it over your body so that... so that whoever you are with will fall asleep when he... if he..."

I suddenly understood. The smile the officer had given me. My father's unusual happiness. It all came to light. My father had sold me to the army. I was to become a wench just as Calem had suggested. I felt sick to my bones and was ready to throw up if it hadn't been for my mother sitting in front of me.

"It's alright, mom. Thank you..."

"I have sowed you a new dress; you can hide the herbs near the hem. I will bring it. Wait a minute."

She brought the dress and I put it on. She helped me with the bags of dangerous herbs and then kissed me on the cheek. She led me out of our little house and I could see my father standing with the same officer that my father had sold me to. I wished that the world would end there. I wished for a lightning bolt to strike either me or my father. I hated myself for being a woman. I hated the world for being the way it is. I hated Lex for not forbidding prostitution. 

There was one last thing my mother had given me before leading me out to the waiting officer; a knife. She hid it also in my hem, saying that I should be careful of using it. "It may be your last escape. Keep it hidden, or they will take it away from you."

I now knew what I would use it for. There would be nobody feeling along the soft skin between my legs, nobody nipping at my ear or the skin at the base of my neck. I would never feel the joy of being loved the way I loved the king Alexander. Screw Alexander – there was no wonderful Lex, I now knew. 

My fate was set for the night.

I Know He's a King Ch. 02



I remembered how I had hated him, he was a pig, but now I regretted it. He wasn't a pig. He never was. I always blamed him of being a pig. The first time we met was when I was eight, he was ten. I had been bullied - I never used to have any friends, not now, not then - and was crying in the woods outside my village. Lex was hunting - I didn't know then, but I'm telling this now - with his father. Lex believed me to be a wild boar. He told me I sounded like a pig when I was crying. And I said: "The only one here, who is a pig, is you." His father slapped me lightly, and I thought I would never see him again, but the next day Alexander came back to the same spot.

"Why are you here?" I asked.

"I have nothing special to do... You're the only one who doesn't say your majesty all the time."

"There's nothing majestic about you," I answered. – I was wrong about that too.

"Would you like to play a game?"

"What game?"

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

I planned during the march. I was eager for revenge, revenge for taking away from me my freedom. 

We halted at sundown. I wasn't the lone woman in the army. I guess there were a hundred other females. I think I had been sold to the so called "organised" prostitution. We set up a tent where most of the women immediately started a big fire outside and bringing big cauldrons from the wagons that had followed the marching army. They were starting to cook food for the whole army.

Suddenly I felt like a fool. Perhaps I wasn't supposed to start whoring... There must be other uses for the females than just to lay on their backs whenever some soldier wanted. Looking around more than I had during the march I realised that many of the women were of older age – I seemed to be the youngest one there. There weren't any pretty fine girls, only strong looking, and broad shouldered women. 

"What are you standing there for, girl, looking as if you have just seen the day for the first time?" a husky woman said.

I jumped and looked down at the woman who was two heads shorter than me, but whom looked so much stronger. "I'm sorry?"

"Come on, give me a hand with the cabbage," she said and motioned me over to the big stack of green cabbages.

"So what's your name, pretty girl?"

"My name is Amram, and I'm not pretty."

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, they say, aye? My name is Beata, but most people call me Bea."

"Hallo Bea."

"How come you're here with the army? Shouldn't you be home with some husband of yours, trying to produce family members..."

I blushed.

"Ooh, you're a shy one."

"Perhaps..."

"So tell me. Why are you here?"

"First I'm not married. Nobody wanted to marry me..."

"There must have been somebody..." she cooed. 

"I have not much to offer, and they say I have too much wit for a girl."

"You come from a village?"

"The one we passed before noon."

"Peasant men will still be peasant men. Unfortunately some girls are destined to be born into the wrong families..."

For a moment we were quiet. I guess she still awaited my answer, so it blurted out of me:

"My father sold me..."

Bea looked at me suspiciously. Then she went back to her cabbage.

"He couldn't have... This isn't some kind of brothel."

"On the day my brother recruited the army, my father talked to an officer, obviously trying to sell me as a whore."

"No, impossible," Bea blurted. "Every woman or girl that comes with the army is free to choose what they want to do, but they have to accomplish something. If you look over to that tent over there," she pointed, "you can see those girls who have chosen to do what you thought would happen to you. Be thankful that you came into our troop, or perhaps this could have ended badly for you. I suspect you're a virgin..."

I once more blushed and unfortunately cut myself on my thumb. "Poor girl, watch what you're doing. We can't give one of the soldiers a cooked thumb, can we?"

Gently she stroked my hand and suddenly I didn't feel any pain any longer. The cut was gone. Bea smiled mysteriously at me. "What did you do?"

"I don't think your father sold you... Any girl who joins the army is free to fight, cook and clean, or whore. Pick your best. You get money for it too, just as the soldiers get their salary we have our own salary. Didn't you get the money when you recruited?" "No... I didn't recruit. But my father got money from the officer when he had talked to him."

"It seems to me that your father made a story of you being afraid so he could put the money in his own pocket. Is your father nice?"

"Do you really think that's what happened?" "Yes, dear Amram. Fathers can be really cruel."

"He is cruel. He made this big story out of it. He even fooled my mother."

"Now, you don't have to worry about it. I think everything is going to be alright..."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Bea took care of me. I helped her in the cooking and she kept me company during the march. She even scared away those few soldiers who tried to look up under my skirt once. 

"They never change... My husband used to be like that as well."

"Where is your husband?" I asked, but received no answer.

I saw more of those special scenes when Bea seemed to heal small cuts whenever she touched one. I dared not ask her about it, and I knew that she wouldn't give me an answer anyway. But I noticed even more strange things. 

She seemed to know when something was going to happen. 

"Don't worry about tomorrow," she said when there was only a day length's march left. "What we have to worry about will not come yet."

"What is the worry?"

"You'll see, you'll see..."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"Amram, wake up," my mother said.

"No, just a little bit longer," I mumbled.

"Wake up!"

I was pulled up. Suddenly, from lying on the ground, I now stood straight up. My vision was blurry, like watching from under water. I saw a man on a horse, his golden hair flapping around his head. His helmet lay on the ground. He was fighting two velvet-haired Wilijies, striking them down, only to be met by four of them again. He shouted something I could not make out, and suddenly I was riding on a horse, strong arms holding me up. Through my blurry vision, I saw the same man I saw fighting holding me. But it wasn't him. This man hade velvet hair, just like the Wilijies fighting the other man. Just like the Wilijies fighting the blond man with the same face.

"Amram, wake up..."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"You were screaming," Bea said. "I guess you had a horrid dream."

I didn't answer. Bea didn't ask again. I think she already knew what I had dreamt.

"When I have a dream, that seems... true, I guess it will happen in the future. But you shall not worry... The dreams never end badly..." "But I saw him die!" I protested.

"Who, my love?"

"I don't know."

"The truth of the dreams will only be clear when it has happened. But know this, Ammi; true dreams can never foretell deaths! Those who say they know are very wrong."

"So nobody will die?" "I didn't say that. But no one is dying in your dream."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

We approached the border of our country at sundown. In opposite to our generously green land, this part was harsh and windy. Nothing grew here, only the palm trees – and even those were scarce. The change from full green richness to eyrie windblown cliffs to dark brown lifeless dirt meant a change in the whole attitude of the army. The whole army had been a crowdy rowdy, happy bunch, but now... 

The veterans went quiet. The younger soldiers seemed to swallow their tongues when they gulped down their fear. I went stiff. I could barely walk. 

"It is better you let it out, instead of hiding it inside you," Bea said gently and stroked my hair.

So I walked on. Tears of fear, or desperation – feelings I could not make out – were dripping down my face. This place was to be the place where so many men and women would die. 

I did not fear of my own death. That would come in time, and I could never be ready. But the thought of so many innocent people dying, people dying in pursuit of taking over another country, made my soul tremble.

We reached a big open plain. There we halted. It was quiet. You could hear the wind blowing through our camp. We weren't allowed to lit fires, so we ate cold food that night - how horrid, even though I was a peasant I had all my life eaten warm food, never cold food.

It was very cold, despite the warm days. The lack of plants I guess made the nights go to freezing degrees. I could not sit still, I was so cold. Without the usual campfires, you could barely keep your warmest places more than lukewarm in this cold.

So I started walking around. Bea – most uncommonly – nodded her approval, so not late after I found myself strolling around the area where I knew Lex had his main tent. Here the highest ranked officers slept. 

It was totally dark, except for one place. There was a tent, showing a glimpse of light when the wind flapped the curtains. I sneaked closer. There was arguing voices.

"We cannot wait any longer, my king, we have to strike tomorrow, as soon as the sun rises!" said one of the voices.

"My dear Lazlo, it's not that easy..."

It was Lex! I could not believe I was hearing him right then, but it was him. It had to be. I tried to look inside the tent, but suddenly someone pulled me around.

"Sorry, sweet pie, but you're not allowed to hear that," the man said.

I looked up at the man pinning my arms together. I knew that face from the little light I had to see with. It was the officer my father had sold me too.

"Long time no see, pretty girl."



I Know He's a King Ch. 03



Authors note: I am so sorry if I have written something that seems strange, but sometimes when I look for the words or different proverbs (or whatever they're called) I almost always translate them directly from Swedish to English. If there is something you don't understand, ask and I will try to explain.

Now on with the story!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"I'm going to change the laws when I become a king!"

"To what? What is wrong with them now?" I asked Lex.

"You know what's wrong. Like this you know. You're my best friend, but actually we are not allowed to see each other. I could change that."

"Oh really? You do not get it do you? Even though you write the new law, there will still be walls to break down."

"What walls?"

Sigh.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

"Long time no see, pretty girl."

"It's you!" I yelled.

"Be quiet", he whispered and put a hand over my mouth. "Now you and I are going to have a nice private moment together."

He tossed me into his arms and I was kicking and squirming but he never let go. His hands were already groping and touching intimate places. I got a good kick in his stomach. He fell down, but still kept his strong hold on me. I couldn't breathe…

I dosed off.

When I came around we were in a tent. He had gagged my mouth so I could only make mewing sounds. My ankles and wrists were bound to sticks in the ground, and my legs were awkwardly spread. He was waiting for me to wake up.

"Hello pretty angel. I found this; it fell out when we were having our small fight outside."

He held my dagger in his hand. He brought it close to my neck, drawing it down to my breasts, leaving rasps in its wake.

"You're scared now, little angel, aren't you?"

I was not scared. I knew what was going to happen, and then it would not matter any longer. I closed my eyes and turned away.

"Look at me, you bitch!" he said and slapped my face. "I'm not done talking to you!"

He took a big fistful of my hair and turned my head.

"You're going to watch everything, or else I'm going to kill that friend of yours. Yeah, I knew that you would understand", he said when I opened my eyes. "Her name is Bea, she's a healer. And you two have been awfully close this last week since you came. I wonder why… You were supposed to be in the prostitute camp, but she had to be nice to you, explain a few things… I wonder what's so damn special about you anyway, you have the body to seduce, but yet I guess you're a virgin. This is going to be a lovely night."

He cut open the top of my dress. Then he took one of my breasts in his hand and almost mashed it in his grip. I winced.

"Yeah, you liked that, little angel. I can't wait to fuck you, but this is going to take all night."

He then bit down on my nipple. I started crying. This was not how it was supposed to be. I started struggling. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

"Amram, wake up!" my mother said.

I could see the officer standing in front of me, his breeches open, holding his hands where his penis should be. There was dripping blood. It was more than dripping. Flooding.

Wake up, Amram…

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"I told you to keep looking!" He slapped me again. "First I will deal with you, pretty angel, and then I'm going to kill your precious friend Bea."

I was afraid now. I could not let him kill Bea. I struggled against him, but he thought me to be willing. I could feel the stick which was bound to my left hand losing its hold in the dirt. I pulled more and my hand was free. He didn't notice, he was pulling my nipples, smashing my breasts together. I pulled off the gag. 

"Kiss me", I said, my voice trembling, convulsions inside me threatening to take claim of me.

He looked up at me. "I knew you'd come around…" He didn't waste any time to kiss me. His tongue was big, too big, choking me. 

I let my free hand wander down his body. He opened his breeches and put my hand around his… Oh, I thought I would be sick. He motioned it up and down his length. He left my hand there, groaning into my mouth, and started pulling up my dress. I would not let him touch me.

I dug my nails into him and pulled the hardest I could. There seemed to be blood everywhere. He slapped me, but then realised what had happened.

"Ah! Help me!" he yelled. 

I freed myself and took the dagger in my hand. It looked frighteningly big in my hand, and in my other hand I held the leftovers of the officer. "You're dead", I whispered to him.

I launched at him, striking the dagger into his black heart. I threw what was in my hand away and then pulled my dress together. I fled.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Some things he had said stayed with me while I was running away. 'You have the body to seduce' was the first. 'What's so damn special about you' was the other, the one that had me thinking a lot. 

I knew by now that I could see things. See things in dreams. I tried to remember if I had been having the true dreams, as Bea called them, before. I had dreamt of Alexander's coronation before his father had died. Was that the special thing about me? Having the 'power' to foresee the future?

I stumbled upon some rocks and fell down. I did not want to run any more. I turned to lie on my back, the cold ground chilling me into the bones. 

So I slept.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

"Amram, darling, wake up." Someone shook my shoulder lightly. 

"What is it?"

"It's me, Bea."

I opened my eyes and saw Bea leaning over me. I suddenly felt so relieved. Bea was alive!

"Oh, Bea!" I whispered and hugged her.

"It's alright, beauty… It's okay."

She rocked me in her arms, softly singing an old lullaby about three ships and three old men. I cried in her arms, sobbing and watering her dress. 

"I brought you a new dress."

She helped me undress. My body was now sore, from lying on the ground – but even more from the treatment I had gotten last night. She ran her hands over my wounds, sealing them with her healing powers.

"I can't take away your bruises, you will look like a wreck for the rest of the week", she said and stroked my hair, comforting me. 

"He said you were a healer."

"Yes."

"He said he was going to kill you", I cried.

"I am safe, Ammi."

"What about me?"

"I don't know…"

"You said that yesterday was nothing to worry about. What was to come later was the worry. What am I supposed to worry about?"

"I don't know, my dear Amram. You will see in due time."

She looked above me, and I felt a cold shadow fall over us. When I slowly turned around there were three men, two of them with drawn swords. The man in the middle looked down on me. There was something strangely familiar about him, but I couldn't put my finger on it. His head was hooded; I could not make out the colour of his hair. He was handsome; his face was one of a god's. If I was ever going to surrender to a man it was going to be to a man like the one in front of me.

"Good, Bea… You may go now", he said.

She rose up. "You're not going to hurt her, are you?"

"You don't need to worry about the girl."

"Liar", she muttered and walked back to the camp.

"What is your name girl?" he asked me.

I rose up from the ground, eager to show him that I was not a girl. I was almost as tall as him. When he noticed he straightened himself, although he could not get any taller. 

"Amram is my name", I answered him. 

"Amram what?" he snapped. He seemed to be mad.

"Amram Lothansdaughtir. Will my family name make any difference?"

"It does. Your brother's name is Calem Sono'lothan, right? He was the one that ratted you out."

"Did he see me?"

"No, but he recognised the witnesses' description of you."

That explains why it went so fast, I thought. If only a few people had seen me, they could not know where to look for me. They knew that a girl had killed the man, but who it was? They would have to interrogate every woman in the camp, and it would take more than a few hours to find me, if they didn't by chance stumble upon me. 

"Are you a prostitute?"

"What?! No!" I protested. "He tried to rape me! He tied me down, and if I hadn't gotten my hand free, I…" I turned around and threw up – well, I had nothing in my stomach, but my gag reflexes were working fine. The walls came tumbling down hard on me. My body shook. 

"I know it must be hard on you", he said, almost sarcastically, "but the thing is that you have killed one of the officers, and one who is guilty of that will be executed!"

I looked hard at him; he didn't seem to care what had happened to ME! The officer had tried to rape me, and was going to kill Bea – which in turn meant he had to kill me first. But it didn't matter anything I said – I was a peasant girl who had killed an officer – I was just a simple woman. I was at the first step of the ladder, the end of the rope. I could have let myself get raped, and then kill myself… Nothing made any difference any longer. The more I thought of the officers handling of my body, the colder I got, the less I wanted to live.

The man's expression changed from cold-bloodedness to confusion and then to a sad expression. His gaze darkened and his forehead took the sign of puzzled thinking. Behind him one of the officers turned around and threw up – accomplishing in what I had failed; emptying his stomach.

"It seems you're of a magical kind, Amram Lothansdaughtir. You did well in projecting your feelings upon us. Was he going to kill you and Bea?"

I had no idea of what just had happened, but I nodded.

"I had no idea that he was a murderer. You're off the hook. But expect there will be some payback. You killed an officer with many friends, you will not tread safe any longer. Since you are magical I propose that you will join the Moonsisters' troop."

"What? Who?" I asked him, baffled. 

The man smiled; his vision suddenly happy. It striked me that perhaps this beautiful man was not as cold as he first had seemed. 

"The Moonsisters are magical warriors of the female type. You will have to fight in the war, yes, because you will no longer be cooking or cleaning as you did before. Come now, I will bring you to them."



I Know He's a King Ch. 04



Author’s notes: Fuor is pronounced Fju-or, just so you know.

I was thinking of not continuing to write… I felt that the two second chapters were not as appreciated as the first one. I know that they are not as good, but I have been trying to figure out what to come next. The second and third chapter I actually had no idea, so they were perhaps slow, and even a bit dull (okay, a lot) but now I know where this story is going at least for the five chapters coming up. So have patience, please! And do not forget to write if you liked this, I’m not that good to take criticism, but I do need the roses – I’m low on self-esteem.

I have to say this as well, the first chapter was one where I could do it in my own time. I felt a bit… well, how to say, in a hurry writing the next two. Now I will not rush. This will come in due time. If I take my time, it will be so much better, believe me.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The beauty of the castle lying before me was greater than anything I knew. The façade glowing white – how could it get so white? – and the towers climbing high in the sky. Our rich country overpowered by this green prosperity. Perfect lanes of trees, full of juicy fruits, gardens and fields colouring the landscape green, yellow and blue. This was the land of Veriton. 

Alexander and I had run away. We had to see those creatures that children heard tales of, the beautiful Wilijies. Alexander stole two horses – well, he did not steal, they already belonged to him – and in the dead of the night we rode. (I remember now that the border-country between Veriton and Aarenion, our land, was then as green as ours and theirs. I wonder how it got to be so… dead.) We rode for three days, never stopping, just for an adventure Alexander had conjured for the sake of him soon to be a king. 

The Wilijies are… beauty in itself. They look androgynous. Velvet black hair. Long graceful limbs. My mother used to say that they are the offspring of elves, the race that was endangered and exterminated by the so much more fertile humans. And the legend says that an elven man fell in love with the Wolfgoddess Fuor, the black wolf shapeshifter, whom treaded the earth when only a few elves still lived. The elf was named Wilij, the tale goes. Fuor rejuvenated the elven race with more fertility and an almost vicious look, like beasts of prey. Wilij’s and Fuor’s children were half immortals, not living as long as an elf, but neither as short as a common human. 

Then, Veriton was peaceful. We were not harmed, even though we ended up in trouble – trouble that Lex caused. Soon the king came for us – for Alexander. I got a good beating when I finally came home, a week after my departure. 

Huh, I could not sit for another week. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The beautiful man led me to the camp of the Moonsisters. I noticed many soldiers looking at me, almost staring. When I stumbled someone grinned, showing a lecherous smile. 

“I told you that many will take joy in your mishaps.”

I kept silent, afraid to stir anyone else to speak to me. I was afraid of their looks, not too few showed the same vision in their faces as the officer had had in his face when he first saw me – the officer I had killed last night. I walked with my head facing the ground, believing it would make me invisible. 

“Here we are. Let me introduce you to the Wizers. This is Amram Lothansdaughtir, she ended up in some trouble and I think she will fare better here, than walking in the end of the army when we march. Amram, this is Joanja Greens, and here we have Goovar Berdesdaughtir. I trust they will see that you get a weapon and a shield, because there will be a… small skirmish today and you’re expected to fight, just as everybody else. Now I bid you farewell.”

He walked off, and I followed his back with my sight. I did not like how Joanja looked at me; I could see her in the corner of my eye, staring with a vision of hatred. When I turned to face the Wizers again I was toppled over by the weight of a sword and a large wooden shield. 

“Prepare yourself for battle, Amram Lothansdaughtir…” Joanja almost spat out the last syllables of my name. “From now on you will not turn away from our gaze when we have your attention and you will every time refer to us as Wizer Joanja, or Wizer Goovar. Is that clear?!”

Goovar helped me up from the ground. “I understand… Wizer Joanja.”

Joanja turned around, leaving Goovar and me alone. “Don’t take her the wrong way, Amram, she seems not to care, but instead she does. Although there might be one objection from her side, she cannot speak of it, as it will judge her to be unjust.”

“What injustice might that be?” I asked, trying to hold the heavy sword in my hand. I had grown weak in my hands, these last few days, away from home.

“You noticed that she spat out the ‘daughtir’-part of your name, and she can never claim herself to be a ‘daughtir’ herself. That is the injustice.”

“I am sure she holds greater power than me…”

Goovar gave me a hard look. “Most girls here – well, except me, but I am no girl any longer – they are… just like her. They will all envy you of your upbringing and your name.”

“They would not like my father…”

“Yet you hold his name.”

“Well, I did not ask for it.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

“She will not live the day!”

“How can you say that? You do not know of her fighting ability”, Goovar argued.

“I know this: She’s a pain in the ass… She has been cuddled all of her life, she could have dealt with the man, lying on the ground, not making a noise. That would make her a nicer girl anyway… She knows nothing about pain, yet she killed a man just because he was kissing her…”

“Quiet now, Joanja. It is not wise to shout inside the thin walls of this tent.”

I was standing outside the tent, hearing their argument. I started crying when I heard Joanja saying that I should have endured the officers ‘caresses’. 

“She will not live the day, she is not strong.”

“Maybe you will be surprised…”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The rest of the girls in the camp glared at me. I supposed that they already knew of what had happened to me and what my family name was. I endured their looks; they were so much easier to handle than the men’s. I did not bother to talk to anyone; I doubted that they would even answer me. Instead I took the time to try to prepare for the battle. 

I figured that all the girls in this camp had magical powers, as the beautiful man claimed that I had as well. They would be able to fight with those powers, I presumed, but I had no idea what good my ‘powers’ would do in battle. 

I did not understand what Goovar thought to be surprising of me. She wanted me to survive, that much was clear, but how to survive? I was good at fighting, but that was with a wooden sword – not with a real one in metal, so much heavier than a wooden one. I hoped that I would not stand in the first line, where the mortality rate was near to complete.

I wrapped my hands in torn bits of linen cloth, trying to make my hands more callused than before. My hands had grown soft and round in the wet state they almost always were in when I had been in the cooking and cleaning camp. Goovar passed by me and gave me a pair of leg pads and a heavy leather armour, worn and used and battered to a light colour – the pads brown of dirt – but useable and would do me good in the fight.  

“I’ll help you. If you rise, Amram it will be easier”, she said. 

She also held a pair of garments to change. “The dress will do you no good. Let’s go inside my tent, so you can get dressed.”

I followed her into the tent she led me to. It was bigger than most of the tents, and I did not have to bend as I used to do in my and Bea’s tent. In the middle lay a lot of cushions and a pair of quilts. The smell in the tent was of warmth and of a tangy sticky kind as well. I had never felt such a smell, its musky tone stuck in my nose, but I did not find it uncomfortable – instead I wondered where such a smell could come from. 

When Goovar found me sniffing the air, she smiled mysteriously. I smiled back at her and blushed in the same instant. Somewhere deep down back in my conscious I knew what that smell was, but I never realised what it was until I myself could conjure the smell.

She helped me undress, murmuring comfortingly when she saw all my bruises over my body. “You should not listen to the evil things people will say to you. You had courage to do what you did, and every man who has that intent with you should from now on fear you.”

“Like a battered dog fears his owner?”

“A battered dog bites his owner… No, more like the mouse that flees the preying hawk.”

“I do not see men as prey”, I said before I could stop myself.

She laughed, her laughter bright – enlightening me. “Perhaps not, but they will still be afraid of you.”

A strange feeling rose inside of me, the looks Goovar gave me was different. She seemed to praise me when she gazed all over my body. I did not know someone could look at me that way. I liked the way she looked at me, but still I felt strange inside, like there was something wrong. She noticed the expression on my face and dared touching my breast. My nipple felt cold against her warm touch, and then warmed to its touch, although it went stiff as if her hand was cold. 

Then, as if nothing unusual had happened, she withdrew her hand. I dressed quickly and she helped me on with the leather armour, drawing in the bands as I imagined the pretty ladies of court drew the bands of their corsets. I felt a bit constricted, but the leather softened a bit when it warmed up against me. I did not have to worry about my breasts wiggling at least. 

Finally I gave sound to what had scared me since I had heard of that I had to fight.

“What if I kill someone?”

Goovar looked up at me and then secured the last string and hid it inside the leather. “I can assure you that the one you kill, if that will happen, is going to kill you if you don’t protect yourself. And there will surely be someone that will try to kill you. It’s a war. People die and get killed. Yesterday you killed a man because you were protecting yourself, and you have to protect yourself today. Whether it means you have to kill, or just injure, it’s nothing you can foretell.”

“And what if I die?”

“I don’t think you will. Bea told me about your premonitions. If you still can see them means that you will live to see them in reality. Come now, it’s time.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The Moonsisters were not to fight at once. The girls were annoyed, irritated, that they had to wait for a signal to fight. At last – well, I resented that moment – the signal sounded and all the girls, including me, ran and clashed with the enemy.

The enemy was the Wilijies. They were tall and beautiful, almost all of them wearing armour ornamented with gold and silver. Their long limbs gave them better reach than any human had. I was surprised that we could hold for so long, and we did not seem to have any major problems yet. 

The girls chanted, all of them different murmurs. Some Wilijies fell down, and darkness seemed to consume them, leaving them vulnerable to whoever wished to kill them. One Wiliji stopped in his movements, and I cannot remember seeing him move again.

I could only fight. A Wiliji attacked me almost instantly, and I fell down to the ground, but before he was able to strike me he was struck down from behind. It was Goovar. 

“Get up”, she yelled and then turned to fight another Wiliji. 

I got up and again I clashed with another Wiliji, but this time I held my ground, did not slip. He was hard to fight, he was so much faster than me and I was beginning to tire. His movements were swift, and in his speed lay a beauty. Their technique was so much different to the one I had been taught. 

When I got an opening I went for his arm, but he could foresee where I was aiming. He kicked me to the side and cut me. I cannot remember the pain now anymore, but I remember a fire that started in my lower back, close to my waist. I was angered, and I struck him with all the force I could summon. He was taken aback and could not raise his sword before I killed him. 

A sound of a horn blew over the plain. The Wilijies retreated. By then I could not grasp where I was, and I drew my sword against anyone who came near me. But I was overpowered and then my memory is all fussy. 



I Know He's a King Ch. 05



Author's notes: Yes, I have given the beautiful man the name Vicdaen, because I absolutely love the art of Linda Bergkvist – she's Swede, just like me. Check her out, by the way. (The picture of Vicdaen does not look like my Vicdaen. Bergkvist's Vicdaen is androgynous, and I do not plan to make my Vicdaen such – that would not do good for this story, would it?)

This one sucks! I hate this chapter... Blublublub....

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"I will teach you to fight!" Lex said. He was carrying two wooden swords with him. "I did not dare to take real swords, but I guess these will suffice. Here, take this."

It felt strange to hold a wooden sword. But the feeling of the wood was nothing new to me. I had ploughed and raked the earth for as long as I could remember. I would not get any blisters in my callused hands. 

Soon he was striking me, thrusting his wooden sword against me. "You're not a coward, Amram, I know that. Fight me!"

So I fought him, tried to conquer him with brute force. But he was bigger and weighed more than me. I was trapped beneath him ten breaths later.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

When I came around all I could hear was whining voices and cries. My back hurt – especially when I turned around to lie on my back. The stretcher where I was put lay on the ground, and I could feel lumps and stones sticking through the fabric, pinching my skin. 

"Good morning, sleepy head."

I looked around, surprised by the familiar voice. It was the beautiful man. He himself lied on a bed – not on the ground as me – and his arm was in a sling. He looked pained; I think he had broken his collarbone or something. 

"Yes, you're not alone in here."

"How did you end up here?" I asked him. 

He tried to sit up in the bed, but the only thing he managed was to groan and then slide back down in the bed. "Well, it's a long story. Care to hear it? By the way, I think it's better for your back if you rest on your stomach."

"Uhun?" 

I did as he told me. Then my back stopped hurting, but I noticed that it felt cold on my back. I realised then that with the cut the Wiliji had given me he had torn open my clothes, leaving my bum bare to the world. 

"The view is much better that way", he teased.

"Ha-ha! You're much of a prick, you know."

"Goovar told me to keep you lying on your stomach when she brought you here."

"And you nicely complied with her orders, of course."

"If there's ever a beautiful lady involved I don't mind taking any orders."

"What if I give you an order to quit flirting?"

He laughed brightly. I could see his teeth glistening white, and I noticed that his canine teeth were sharper and longer than of a normal human being. Perhaps there was something more to this man than I had seen before. Maybe there was a reason for him to keep his hair hidden under a hood.

"Well, that will undo the purpose." His smile was serious.

I almost choked. He was really flirting with me, not just fooling around. It felt unusual. The only one who had ever flirted with me before was Alexander, but I think he did it to annoy me – which he usually had no problem achieving. I liked it. The beautiful man was actually flirting with me – of all people! He could have chosen any girl he liked.

"Well, instead of flirting we could always talk..."

He laughed again, this time it sounded more as a low chuckle, as if he liked what I had said. And what he said next proved my idea.

"So you don't disapprove of my advances towards you?"

"Well, you haven't advanced very far yet."

"But I have come a bit, right?"

His smile was serene and warmed my insides. I could feel my cheeks get hot and red. I was sure I was beet-red. I turned away my head to avoid his gazing eyes, then I looked at him again to prevent him from staring at my behind – which he was doing the little time I had looked away from him.

"No one has ever flirted with me before."

"No, you're fooling me."

"Well, alright, there was one who flirted with me. But that was when I was ten years old."

"And nobody has ever since flirted with you?"

"Nope. Well, except you..."

"How come only when you were ten? You're one of the prettiest girls I know, and you escape the worships of men alike?"

"Well, for starters I'm not pretty..."

"Yes, you are", he interrupted. "I am not", I retorted.

"Don't fool yourself", he said almost as if he was angry. And his face went rigid and the look was almost beastlike. I recognised that look from yesterday, but then it had been on the Wilijies I had fought. 

"I'm sorry. I did not intend to scare you." 

"It's okay. I guess I was unprepared for that..."

"So you know what I am then?" His face now became soft; his features were so beautiful that I got tears in my eyes. I could not believe that he was a Wiliji, but the look he had given me just moments before proved nothing else than that. 

I nodded and he sighed. "You're not going to tell anyone, are you? It would not do any good if the rest got to know. It would bring uproar if they knew. They are fighting the likes of me, and I'm in the army fighting for the humans – it does not make sense, does it?"

"How come you are here anyway? Why are you not in Veriton?" 

He turned his face away and I could see from the way his chest heaved that he was sighing. I thought he had fallen asleep but after a long moment he answered: "My mother was a Wiliji. And my father was human. And the lineage from my father's side... is royal. My mother sent me here when I became eighteen – that was when all this trouble between Veriton and Aarenion started – because she feared that I was in danger because of my royal blood. Wilijies are keen to the scent of humans. You are supposed to smell... dirty."

"How do they... You can't smell it?" 

"Well, no. I don't hold the powers that a full-blood Wiliji has. But on the other hand, my mother fell in love with a human and I don't think she objected to his smell. I think that it's just something they say, Wilijies is a proud race."

"Sounds a lot like nobles saying peasants smell dirty too. In that case I guess it's true, because we normally don't have the time or the energy to bathe."

"And I really need a bath right now... I have never felt a stench like the one I am wearing now."

"You can get your bath right after you're healed, Vicdaen." 

I tried to look up at the man who stood by Vicdaen's bed. So that was his name. Vicdaen... While he had flirted with me I had not bothered to ask for his name, and I had not cared to do so anyway. 

The man took Vicdaen's arm out of the sling and stroked along his skin. The golden glow that emitted from his hand had to be the healing power. 

"Thank you, Devon. That felt nice." Vicdaen jumped up from his bed as if he had never been injured – the less been in a fight just half a day ago. "You wouldn't mind see that my dear Amram here can get a bit of healing herself, would you?"

The healer looked at me, and from where he stood I could see that he went stiff. "I would rather not."

"Come on, of course you can heal her. It's just a small wound in the back. She can't lay there with her arse stuck in the air for the rest of the night. Come on, be a good chap and heal her."

"The king asks for you, Vicdaen", was Devon's only reply before he walked away from my stretcher. I would never forget the contemptuous look he gave me when he walked off to heal another wounded.

"I'm sorry, Amram. I'll see if I can find Bea for you. I'll ask her to help you. Goodnight."

"Goodnight Vicdaen."

He halted in his movement out of the sick-tent. When he turned around he smiled his usual bright smile, the one that made my insides warm and fussy. 

"I'm sorry I did not tell you my name sooner."

"It doesn't matter."

"I sincerely hope it would matter to you, Amram", he said. Then he leaned over me and gave me a peck on the cheek. Again I flushed, my cheeks redder than a tomato, and I shied away from his gaze. "I hope we meet again."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The next dream I had nothing to do with Vicdaen or anyone else I had dreamt about. This dream did not blur its content; I could see every sharp feature. 

It was a fortress. A wooden fortress, with sharp poles sticking up from the ground around it. The wooden palisades formed a quadrate. It was on the plain, the cold and harsh environment the same as where we camped. I walked into the fortress and I... I could sense a danger, of that I was sure. I did not know what it was, but when I reached the ladder that went up to the tower I fell on my back. 

So I woke up. My body was hot and almost feverish. But although I was hot, the sweat on my forehead was cold – so cold that I started to shiver. I could see nothing in the tent, it was pitch-black. 

"Well, well. Who have we here?" said an icy voice just above me. 

I turned round and my lower back started to burn again. I gasped from the pain. 

"Who's there?" I asked and tried to reach out, but all I could grasp was thin cold air.

It felt a lot colder than it had before. I could see the respiration-fume clouds form in front of my mouth, but that was as far as I could see. I could only hear my own breathing and the thumps of my heart. My heart was up in my throat, as hard as it beat. There was nothing that was greater than the icy horror of real fear. 

Time passed – there was no other sound, no icy voice freezing my insides. Eventually I relaxed... Then I fell asleep again.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

"Amram, wake up."

I could feel a cold slap against my bum. It was Bea, and she was grinning.

"What was that for?" I cried. "You're supposed to heal me, not hurt me!"

"Someone has a lousy morning temper. I've actually never seen that side of you before..."

"Sorry, I was scared this night."

"Really?" she asked while she was healing my back. "Tell me."

So I told her about Vicdaen – not how he flirted with me, but that he was there with me – and about Devon, the healer. Then I told her all about the voice in the middle of the night. I did not tell her of the dream

"Strange thing that it was totally dark. We had fires all night, and I see that there's been a fire burning even inside here."

"About that... What took you so long?"

"Sorry, Amram", she said and she sounded really sorry. "I had the unfortunate responsibility to take care of the killed ones. I only just heard you were in here, Vicdaen told me."

She smiled that knowing smile of hers. I guess she already knew of the time Vicdaen and I had spent together. 

"That should do it. Vicdaen told me about your... position of the injury. We had quite a good laugh about it..."

Ha-ha – laughing at my expense. But that actually meant that she had brought a pair of trousers – without a look-through hole at the back. She gave them to me and I changed quickly while she made sure there was nobody looking while I undressed and redressed. 

"Good, I think you have to get back to the Moonsisters now..."

I did not want to go back there. I hated it there. Wizer Joanja hated me, Goovar was flirting with me, and the rest of the girls loathed me. I was a nail in the eye, and they were itching to get it out – except Goovar perhaps. But I think she had changed her mind since yesterday. I survived but she was the one who saved me at first. 

I wondered who it was who saved me when I went berserk. 

"Go now Amram, I have to take care of the rest of the injured."

That was the first time I looked around in the sick-tent. The tent was far from empty. I was shocked. There was no healer in the tent except Bea. She was the only one who was willing to save them. Were all of the healers like Devon, the man who had refused to heal me last night? I knew that the healers of the army were of a number somewhere between two and three hundred. Why would or could they not heal the rest of the injured? 

Then I remembered how Devon had come and healed Vicdaen. Vicdaen was an officer of a high rank. And I was nobody, just a private. And the rest of the victims in this tent were all of my rank – if higher, not very much. 

"Why aren't they already healed?"

"Amram, go now..."

"There was a healer who refused to heal me last night! Do they refuse to heal anybody who's a private?"

"Amram, there is nothing I can do about that... But what I can do is heal those who can survive, and ease the suffering of those whose fate is to die this day."

"But if there were more healers willing to do this, you could save every one in here... right?"

There was a long silence. Then she sighed. I think she was defeated by her own feelings, because I could feel them reaching out to me. She was just as sorry about this as I was.

"Yes, we could. But I'm the only one who is willing."

That sucked. And I had to go to the Moonsisters. I think my fate was less worse than those in the sick-tent.



I Know He's a King Ch. 06



Author's notes (there are a lot of them): I've decided that the fortress in the dream has to be of stone! You will understand further on when you read. If it's a wooden fortress it's easily burnt, and in war you don't give things like fortresses away just so easily, so it has to be made out of stone! So if you've just read chapter four, the wooden fortress is now a fortress of stone. Well, that said.

Second: I've lost votes. It's darn frustrating. I hate to lose votes. All of my stories have now lesser points than before. And the thing is that it's not that people are voting my stories down, I've actually lost voters. Can you believe this? If anyone knows what this is about, please tell me. And don't DON'T vote. I have approximately 700 readers per story, and about 15 voters each story. Don't be afraid to vote, it's good for me to know if you like it or not!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Another adventure that Lex lured me into was when he was obsessed with taming a wild animal. I tried to persuade him into capturing a mouse or anything that is small and will not hurt anyone, but he had already made up his mind about it. He was going to catch a Lynx kitten. 

I was afraid of cats. They hissed and spat at me whenever I was around one, and that time was no different. We had a bit of trouble finding the lair, but when we had found it we had no problem capturing a kitten. 

The kitten cuddled in Alexander's arms, but when he gave it to me – oh, I was so afraid – it started making those mewling, crying sounds a kitten makes when it wants to its mommy. And the mommy came. 

The only thing we managed to get that day was bad and deep scratches from the Lynx mother. When I came home my mother cleaned up the cuts. She had been worried about me all day, and she frowned at me when I came home.

"Why do you keep seeing him, Amram?" she said more than asked.

She never approved of my friendship with Alexander. I could see why. Sooner or later he would be king, and I would mean nothing to him. I would just be a happy memory, which he would never think of again. 

"He will never see you."

He does not see me.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

When I left the sick-tent I was instantly spat on by an ugly man with a deep scar over his cheek. The drool slid down my own cheek, and I knew that it was not only saliva in the glob. I wiped off the spit, disgusted by the sight when it fell onto the ground. 

Then I seemed to disappear in my mind. I watched at the guy's back, he walked away, and this strange and funny feeling in my chest seemed to expand. It felt... good. I had never felt it before... But then I knew that it would slowly kill him or me if I would not consume to it. It felt rather good, to be somewhere deep and dark – it was a twisted place in my mind. I loved that feeling.

The scarred man fell to the ground, clutching his chest over his heart. Strangled sounds came from his throat. I had everybody's attention by then. It was so quiet that you could hear a needle drop, and even more. 

"Amram that is enough", a voice slipped through my haze of hate and a hand slapped my face. 

The stinging pain on my cheek and lips brought me out of my trance. I had no idea how much time had passed, but the man that I had done something to seemed really relieved, and so did everybody else. I was now the one that worried.

"Deathbringer", I heard someone whisper. There was a low mumble in the crowd watching me. I think they were all afraid. And so was I.

Bea took hold of me and walked me out of the crowd. "Go to the Moonsisters..." she said very sternly. She seemed mad at me, I could tell from the frowning eyebrows and the twist of her lips. Was she afraid of me too?

"What..."

"Go now, Amram."

So I went... And I wept all the way.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"That's her, over there! Can you see her? She almost killed a man by just looking at him..."

The gossip consumed everybody. And mainly I was the juiciest subject on the agenda. Over the next few days I walked and stumbled, tried not to look back. I was scared to look anybody in the eyes, afraid of seeing hate or – even worse – pity. And it seemed to me that, though I was the hottest topic to talk about, people avoided me. 

The only ones who had talked with me were Goovar and Bea. I did not care so much about anyone else, but it would have been nice to make a friend closer to my own age. Bea was nice to me, but I feared that after the accident she had closed her mind from me. We rarely talked.

Goovar was a different matter. She seemed almost painfully too caring of me. I liked it... but I suspected she wanted something from me. She had more than once invited me to her tent at darker hours of the day, but I always nicely declined. I was not sure if what she wanted from me was something I was willing to give her, or any other woman. 

Five days from the day I had almost killed a man with just my looking at him, I had the dream again, the dream of the fortress and the tower where I fell down on my back. But this time, I climbed upwards the ladder, but I fell down when I had reached the edge. And I could see Vicdaen standing above me. He looked at me with a hard and still frightened look on his face. The same look Bea had given me when I was named Deathbringer.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The Wilijies were retreating. They were not forced to retreat; they did so without us humans even posing a threat to them. There had been no attacks. There were rumours about a Wiliji in the camp – I thought it was Vicdaen, but I was not so sure. He would hardly give away his heritage – not when there was a war going on against the ones like him. He would not survive a second. 

So, if not Vicdaen, who was it? No one knew. I only hoped that it was not him.

When the Wilijies retreated we marched further into their land. We left the desert landscape behind us and walked right into a jungle. This part of Veriton, I remembered, had been a lovely countryside when I and Lex visited Veriton. Now everything was overgrown, the fields had been conquered by fast-growing poplars, the original trees desperately fought for light against the clinging ivies – a battle lost. The now muddy roads had once been straight and hard. The air was hot, fuming and wet. 

Bugs irritated everyone, but they annoyed the soldiers the worst. The insects found ways into their armour, and not so few times several cohorts halted, trying to sustain the preferred march rhythm. The Moonsisters league were untouched by the winged creatures – well, not me – by just saying a small spell a few girls had made the majority of the Moonsisters invisible to them. I, on the other hand, had big troubles. It seemed they attacked me more badly than the soldiers.

They giggled and made faces. I hated them, and after a few moments the giggles stopped to be replaced by an eerie silence. I heard Goovar speak the same spell as the girls, so I was freed by the flying monsters. But by then the girls had turned their heads away from me, and they seemed to not speak for ages. 

Eventually the army halted. By then we were all sweaty, and especially the girls wanted to bathe. The jungle smelled like wet rotting grass and raw meat. It made your stomach clench of the thought of food. 

"I have never felt a stench like this. Is a jungle supposed to smell so?" a girl asked her friend. 

By then I could hear the rumour spreading lively through the army. It went from one cohort to the other. I went to ask Goovar about it.

"What are they talking about?" I asked her.

"It's a fortress up ahead... That means that..." Before she could finish her sentence I was up and running towards the front. 

"Amram, come back here!" I could hear Joanja shout, but I did not care.

The fortress of my dreams, I guessed it was. I had to see it for myself. If it was the fortress in my dreams, I had to stop Alexander from claiming it yet. I knew by now that whatever was in the tower was evil, and would surely hurt Lex.

When I reached the front cohort I shouted for someone's attention. The soldiers and officers looked up at me, all confused. Some of them tried to stop me, obviously afraid that I was posing a threat to the king. When I finally reached the king's party I was out of breath, and almost passed out in front of Alexander. Well, I had succeeded in preventing them from taking the fortress.

"Your highness", I started, but my voice failed me.

"Amram, what are you doing here?" It was Vicdaen. Where he sat on his horse I found him more royal than Alexander. Then I noticed what they both had in common. It was not the hair, Lex' golden hair was not like Vicdaen's black hair – I suspected it to be black, since most Wilijies had black hair. Nor was it their figures, Alexander was as tall as me; his body was very muscular, and big. Vicdaen beat my length with half a head, and his limbs were long and fine, with a wiry muscularity to them. 

It was their faces. They were brothers. They had to be. I remembered what Vicdaen had said about his father; that his father was royal... Perhaps Vicdaen's father had been Alexander's father. By the likeness of them I knew it had to be so. 

"Amram", Lex gasped. 

He recognised me. I could not help but smile, though the joyous feeling was mingled with fear for his life. I made a small curtsy for him and his lips broke out into a big smile.

"Do you know her?" Vicdaen asked Lex. His beautiful face had the vicious look of a Wiliji. There was something between him and Alexander that I could not understand. 

"Although this seems like a very happy reunion... Is it not time that we take the fortress, your highness?" asked the general, Lazlo.

"You can't!" I interrupted.

"And why not?" the red-faced general asked. 

"Because there is something inside. You can't go in."

"Your majesty... Are we going to take orders by a peasant girl, and if I'm not mistaken, a killer?"

Alexander flinched. Did he not know? He looked first at Lazlo to Vicdaen, then at me. 

"We should hear her out. She's a foreseer." Vicdaen nodded at me. "What is inside, Amram?"

"I don't know exactly. But it's evil. I volunteer to go inside and search for it..."

"And die going. I'll come with you", said Vicdaen. He jumped off his horse and gave the reins to a young soldier who looked thrilled to be holding them. 

"There's no reason for you to be playing hero, Vicdaen", said Lazlo. "Let her go alone. If there is something inside, and it kills her, well then we'll lose one of our major problems in this army."

"Well, that wouldn't be very gentlemanly, Lazlo. And I don't consider her to be a problem... more of a..." He swallowed hard, and then he smiled at me. "Anyways, let's go, Amram."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

We left the army behind us when we walked through the open gate. I knew where to look, but Vicdaen persisted in doing it his way. So we walked slowly around every corner, searching through the lower chambers of the fortress before we turned to search the towers. 

"You never told me that you knew Alexander", Vicdaen said when we had just searched through the rooms and chambers. 

"Oh, I tell everybody that I know Alexander... You would never have believed me. Nobody would believe me. Not even my brother believes me, because he never met Alexander when we were young."

"Do you love him?" He surprised me. 

Did I love him? I did not know. "Why are you asking? Are you jealous?!" He was driving me mad with his questions. Perhaps he was jealous. I knew he was interested of me, and now hated the thought of me liking his brother even more.

"He would just use you", he argued.

"In what way? And why do you care? You haven't given me a great impression of yourself. It seems to me that you come and go just like you want to. Or is it just because he is your brother?"

He backed a step away from me. "How did you know?"

"About you being a ladida, or that Alexander is your brother? I remember that you told me about you father. He was royal. Alexander's father was your father too."

"You can't tell anyone..."

"Anyone who looks at you two will see it."

"For the public I'm just his second cousin. But that's not why I care..."

Obstinate person! I thought. He really knew how to drive me crazy.

I pointed to the tower left of the gate. "I'm going to that tower. That's where it is."

"Wait..."

But of course he could not stop me. Ten seconds later I was climbing up the ladder, and when I reached the edge I could feel a hand grab my hair. I squeezed my eyes together of the pain. The hand dragged me upwards, but I let go of the handles and fell backwards and he fell with me.

"Amram... Lay still."

I had lost my breath. It hurt trying to inhale a breath, but it just stopped in my throat. When I put my arms over my head to try to regain my breathing I felt loose strands of hair. Once I could breath again I saw my hands full of yellow hair. My hair.

Vicdaen was fighting him. He had drawn his sword, and so had the evil man. It was a Wiliji, probably ordered to stay here to take out the enemy's leader, Lex. They both fought the way of Wilijies. It went so fast that I could not tell which sword belonged to whom, or who had the upper hand. Not until Vicdaen fell down to the ground, trying to parry the Wiliji's last blow. If I did not do something Vicdaen would die.

"You're weak, halfblood", the Wiliji laughed scornfully. "But even though your deathbringer will kill me, I will have time to kill you. The job will be done..."

He raised the sword above him, but it fell down behind him. His hand went to his throat, and his face became blue. His eyeballs rolled in their sockets, showing a complete white. 

I remembered this feeling that took hold of me. It was the same feeling I had when I killed the rapist, and almost killed the man who spat on me. Why did it feel so good? Twice I had succumbed to it, and once I had killed. But the rush felt so good. And it stayed with me longer after the kill. So I gave in to it. 

And he died so both Vicdaen and I could live.



I Know He's a King Ch. 07



"My father is dead..."

It was autumn then. The leaves were bright red and yellow, still hanging from the trees, desperate to leave the higher ground to mould in the warm soft earth. I always loved the autumn back then, but now I look upon autumn with sorrow. The dying part of the seasons' cycle. So much comparing to a human's life. The years before death. 

I had no idea what to say, no idea what might comfort him. I had never experienced death in that way. People died in the village I lived in, but never someone I cared for. I knew that Alexander loved his father – he always tried to live to the old king's principles. 

I started crying, because I knew what this meant. This meant that Alexander would become king. And a king has no time for a peasant girl, especially not someone who all the time throws him into the dirt and drags his hair. 

I threw myself at him – I wanted to hug him, but I did not know how to give him one. I punched him, pinched him, and kicked him. I screamed my lungs out. The only one I loved was going to leave me. 

Somewhere in my outrage I slumped down to the ground and I wrapped my arms around my knees. 

"I'm sorry..." he said. Then he leaned down and kissed me on the cheek. 

The tears stopped when I saw him mount his horse – a horse instead of the usual pony he had always ridden, he truly was an adult now. He did not look back at me. And the red and yellow leaves of the trees fell softly to the earth.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

When Wizer Joanja heard what had happened in the fortress she gave me a hard lecture. I wished I could not care about it, but I did. I felt great remorse. No matter how I did everything seemed to go wrong. I had killed a second time, this one I had killed trying to protect Vicdaen. 

And I could not tell anyone about it. Vicdaen forbade me to tell anyone that I had killed him. As soon as I had killed the Wiliji Vicdaen had slashed his sword into his heart, disguising the 'unknown' cause of death. He also forbade me to speak of the assassin's real target. Everyone assumed that he was after Alexander, but he had not been. He had been ordered to murder Vicdaen. The more I thought about it, the more confused I got. Why did he want to kill Vicdaen?

Of course, Vicdaen could be called a traitor. He was half-blood Wiliji and was fighting for the humans. That could look like treason in the eyes of the Wilijies. But why care about it? He was only one person. There had to be a greater reason. 

There was another thing that got me puzzled. The Wiliji had called me 'Deathbringer'. How could he possibly know that I was called Deathbringer? He also knew that I would kill him when he had finished Vicdaen. It disturbed me a lot that perhaps the Wilijies knew about me. And how? Perhaps it would have helped me if I knew more about the Deathbringer business myself. 

Almost the whole army had to stay outside of the fortress. There was barely room for the Royal Guard, and they consisted of only 40 soldiers, though all mounted. And then there were Alexander and I guessed Vicdaen, and his supreme staff. 

I did not like the arrangements, but I was afraid to say anything. Bea, on the other hand, felt free to say whatever she wanted about it. 

"They leave us out here, while they can feel safe inside. What kind of men act that way? I do not know how to fight. If we are attacked, who is going to protect us? I do not like this a bit."

And then she went inside the fortress, obviously to complain. I wondered who would listen to her. Well, probably not one, except Vicdaen – if she could find him. 

I had not seen Vicdaen since Alexander had claimed the fortress. I felt a nagging feeling in the back of my head, which made my stomach grumble from time to time. I did not recognise it; this feeling was brand new to me. It made me quite uneasy. I thought about speaking of it with Bea, or even Goovar, but I felt embarrassed. What if they knew what it was, and what if it was what I feared it was? It would make me feel more uneasy than before. 

Goovar had tried to make me sleep in her tent. It flustered me, and I had to struggle to get free of her hold on me when she had asked and I declined. Whatever she was wanting from me I was not willing to give. And she tried to touch me whenever she could, which I could barely stand. And whenever she was not trying to flirt with me she made me follow her around like a little pet dog – which she concealed by saying that she wanted me under observation and training. Oh, I loathed her.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

A few days after the event in the fortress a soldier from the Royal Guard, a rather handsome guy with dimples in his cheeks and slick hair like it was wetted, came to the Moonsisters and asked for me. First he asked a girl who was my senior by three years, one of those who despised me the most, and got no answer at all. Probably he was told that there was no Amram Lothansdaughtir here in the Moonsisters, that when he asked me for me, I could not stop laughing. I was sure I hurt his feelings. 

"I'm Amram", I answered after I had laughed. "I'm sorry I laughed, I did not know there were any who did not know who I am. I have quite a reputation to live up to, you know."

"To live up to..." he mumbled. "I am here to bring you to His Majesty, the king."

I must have looked like I had just wakened up. "Why so?"

"Come on, come with me."

"Wait, I cannot go to him looking like this!" I was sweaty, dirty, and I had on my old dress – which was more of a patch job than a dress. 

"You look fine." Liar he was, he had hardly looked at me. 

"Tell him I will be there in an hour." I had to go to the spring I had found two days ago. After the lack of water in the dry plains, I had found it more than a joy to be able to bathe again.

"It's the king. You can hardly tell him to wait for you!" he objected. 

"Believe me, if he really wants to see me, he will wait more than an hour." I was already running into my tent to gather my pants, shirt and hairbrush. 

Half a mile from the fortress laid a lake, possibly an old dam used for some watering system for the fields that used to be here. It was completely cold, in opposite to the warm and humid air, and totally black to look into. You could see a perfect reflection of yourself in it. The day I had found it I looked into it and saw me look older than I was. But this time, although muddy and brown, I looked younger, and especially happy.

I undressed quickly, not bothering to look around as I did when I first came here, throwing my clothes all around me. I did not search for any intruders, but I gathered that since there was nobody there now, and I had never seen any soldiers with wet hair in the camp, nobody except me knew about the dam. I was wrong. 

I threw myself into the water and took a few strokes into the darkness of the pond. It was cold, but if it had been warm water I think I would rather have been dirty. In this warmth you could give almost anything to alleviate the heat. I dived to the bottom, it was not very deep, and when I came up I heard a whistle. 

"So I see that this pond has taken you with its beauty as well, Amram." I recognised that voice. I was happy that it was him and not somebody else, but still, I was naked and he was most certainly not. 

"Hello, Vicdaen."

I turned around to look at him. He had taken off his hood, revealing the hair that I knew was black as a raven, and in real it was as black. It hung down his shoulder, almost to his waist. He was slowly taking off his shirt, unbuttoning it in small languid motions. "I thought I was the only one who knew about this place. It never occurred to me that someone else would find it." He finished unbuttoning his shirt and let it slide off his shoulders to the ground. Was he going to jump into the water? Naked? With me in it? I had to stop him.

"Vicdaen, can't you go away just now? Come back later, let me finish."

He halted in his movements. "Why, Amram? Even if I'd oblige your wish, I cannot. I have not time to come back later. You'll have to endure my company." He smiled his serene smile at me. Then he untied his pants. 

He had bewitched my eyes, forcing them to look at him while he undressed. And I did not want to look away, even though propriety should have forced me I did not. So I watched him undress completely – I was red in the cold that should have whitened my cheeks – and walk into the water. It was not until he was a few meters away from me that I turned my face away from him. 

"How are you, Amram?" I startled, his voice was just a breath away from my ear. 

"I'm fine, how are you?" I replied. I speculated in where this little quiz would lead to. 

"I'm alright. But when I asked, I was more wondering how this situation makes you feel. Please look at me, Amram."

"Vicdaen, I..." I was afraid that if I looked at him I would do things that would... end badly, but when I heard him speak next I could not stop myself from glancing at him.

"I never got the chance to thank you, Amram... You save my life five days ago, and the only thing I did was to ensure that you would not tell anyone of the circumstances of the death, and who he was after. So please forgive me Amram for my rudeness." 

I would have forgiven him any day no matter what. "Of course I forgive you. It was not exactly like we had much time afterwards."

"No. Thank you, Amram. It means a lot. Now, what do you say about letting me wash your hair? I have a soap bar here."

He made me turn my back to him and he started massaging the soap into my hair. He took the liberty to massage it into my neck and shoulders as well, but I did not stop him. Instead I moaned – in my very naïve way I did, not knowing what effect it had on him. After I had rinsed my hair thoroughly he asked me to wash his hair. And I did, eager to please him, but I stayed strictly to just massaging his scalp. I did not dare to move my hands further down his body. 

He groaned and his whole body shivered and I realised I had pressed my full body into his back in order to reach up to his head. I had not felt it, only that it was warmer than before. And it felt so good I stayed there, even though Vicdaen would take it as an invitation and sooner or later turn around to do something with me. But for the moment I chose not to care. 

He dipped his hair carefully into the water as soon as I released him and then he grabbed hold of my hands to cross them behind his neck. Now we were standing body pressed to body, and I could feel more of him than I had ever felt before of a man. And it felt good. For the time being I could not let him go, or ask him to let go of me. He kissed me. And I kissed him back. 

His lips were so smooth I could not believe it was flesh I was kissing. His tongue was like his hair, like velvet in my mouth, filling me. It was as if he was trying to lap up my whole mouth. 

'What about Alexander?' a thought flashed through my head. I pulled away from Vicdaen. 

"I'm sorry. I have to go and see Lex."

He nodded silently. I remembered his earlier comments about Alexander. Why did he seem content?

"Do you know that he wanted to see me?"

"Yes."

"But..."

"The guard talked to me. Alexander never got to know. I came here to... hinder you." He grimaced, as if he had said something he should not have said. 

"So he thinks I'm late. Or does he believe I'm not coming?" I panicked.

"How should I know?"

"You're his brother. Why would you want to do such a thing? What kind of trick are you trying to pull?" I let my anger flow over him, and it felt so good. This was not like when I had killed, but it still felt good to let out the rage. 

I waded through the water to the beach and quickly put on my clothes, not caring about how wet I was. I was pleased that the colour of the shirt was dark, because if it had been white – as Vicdaen's shirt – you could have seen most of me with just a peek. I walked quickly away from the dam, almost running, to go see Alexander. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

When I reached the fortress, the pretty soldier of the Royal Guard ushered me inside and showed the way to Vicdaen's quarters. Just outside his door I bumped into Lazlo, the red-faced general, who looked at me scornfully. 

"You're a bit late, aren't you, Deathbringer?" He said and walked off. 

The soldier knocked on the door and I heard a faint 'Come in'. "Well go on, then", said the soldier. I hesitated and jumped when the door opened in front of me.

"Amram. I thought you weren't coming."

"Hello, Alexander – Your Majesty", I corrected in front of the soldier.

"Thank you, Zorba. You may leave", Alexander said nicely to him and made a welcoming gesture for me into his chamber. 

I looked around his room, taking in small details like how his bed was not made and that there lay a pair of pants on the chair in front of the fireplace. On the desk lay a worn book, his journal – which I found out later that day when he asked me if I would like a drink, and when he turned around I carefully opened the cover and saw with big black letters 'Journal of Lex'. I was thrilled to see that he had used his nickname, the one I had given him. 

"How come you did not come until now? I thought that you would not come at all."

Should I tell him the truth or say a small white lie to hide what really happened? I chose the latter. "It was a small misunderstanding between me and the soldier you sent to fetch me."

"I told him quite clearly what I wanted."

"Well, then it was my fault", I said quickly. I did not want to risk that the pretty face of a soldier ended up in trouble. "What do you want from me then?" I gasped. 

"As the gentleman I pretend myself to be I would like to thank you for what you did five days ago, but frankly I just wanted to see you. Until now we haven't seen each other in..."

"Ten years."

"Ten years and seven months. I can count the weeks and days as well." He sighed softly and smiled at me. I loved that smile. Alexander had two kinds of smiles – for me. One was the one of mischief he used to flash at me when we were little, and the other one he gave me when I did not drag his hair or punched him. The one of mischief was a nuisance but this one – the latter – he gave me now and it was enough to make my toes tingle. 

That was when Vicdaen decided to barge in on us. We both jumped and turned around to see Vicdaen in the door opening. His hair was as wet as my hair, and Alexander noticed that detail as fast as me. When I turned to look at Lex I saw him eyeing me with a worried look in his eyes. 

"Amram..." he whispered.

"Good day, my dear brother. Oh, don't worry about that, she figured that out by herself. I don't think she will tell anyone about our relations." 

At that moment Vicdaen was a big bastard with the only thing speaking for him his beauty. And I hoped that he would not tell why both I and he had our hair dripping wet. But of course my wish was not obliged by anyone, in the least by Vicdaen.

"It was a nice bath, wasn't it Amram? I hope to enjoy your company more times when I stroll to the lake in time ahead*. It sure would do me good, if anyone."

~

Author's note: I have started with a new story. It takes a lot to be writing two stories at the same time, but I can't leave this new one alone. But even though it will take longer time (at least for a while) I will not give up on Amram – it's another matter with the second story. So just because I've said that I've started with it does not mean that I will submit it to Lit. I have to come to like it first. 

* Sometimes there is no good way to say some things from Swedish in English. I hope you get what I'm meaning with 'in time ahead'. 



I Know He's a King Ch. 08



Author's note: Someone wished to know why Amram didn't know of her powers before she came to the army. Is it fair to say that I've already written that she knew that she had had premonitions before – like the one about Alexander's coronation (chapter 3)? The deathbringer business, well that will finally be explained in this chapter. And it is not as simple as it first may seem!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Although I more considered Alexander as my best friend than anything else I would have loved to hear him say that he loved me. I loved him, it took all of my willpower not to hug him and whisper it to him every time we met. The longer time we spent together the harder it got to say goodbye. 

Once when he was about to leave I tried to hide my disappointment in his short visit. It turned badly. We yelled and I tried to kick him, and then he just left. He did not return for a full week, and I was convinced it was my fault. I treated him like filth to disguise my... love. 

When he finally came back he blamed his absence on illness – a cold that had gone really bad – but I did not forgive him. It was another of my attempts to keep my feelings for him inside of me. Of course it did go as bad as any other and he damned me for my 'perseverance to not forgive' him. 

I was quite obstinate back then. Perhaps I still am.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

When I came spinning out of Alexander's room the soldiers avoided to cross my way. I guess I understand them. I must have been looking blazing mad. I was, but not as mad to kill anybody. I was more annoyed. But I wished I had a personal hitting bag to give a good hard punch. It would have sufficed with punching Vicdaen. 

Wizer Joanja walked towards me when I came to the Moonsisters. A black piece of cloth brought my gaze towards her hand. It was a blindfold, and with it she was carrying rope. What was she going to be using those for? 

"Nice to see you, Amram. Would you like to join me for supper?"

Supper? That was a word I had never thought someone would speak to me. Dinner or food perhaps, but not supper. It hit me that although Joanja was worth less in birth than me, she sure knew how to behave as if she was worth more than me. But then, I never cared about social manners with Alexander, who was the only one I ever had met with a higher social standing than me – except the village's priestess, the postman, the teacher, the teacher's mother and rest of the family, and then everybody else, but I never cared for any of them. 

"Supper? Why not?" I answered and added after a glance: "Wizer Joanja."

"Good."

Joanja led the way to her tent. While I followed her I wondered what she had in mind with inviting me for supper. She could not enjoy my company, that was for sure, and she would not do it to oblige Goovar. She was up to something and the most frightening reason came to mind. Was she going to kill me?

I would have a big laugh about it later but then I was scared to death, imagining her binding me up and blindfolding me and then gutter me while I cried for some attention nobody would give me. But then, I knew she did not like me, but I hoped I was in higher esteem than just a piece of meat in her way. 

"Enjoying your thoughts?" she surprised me. 

"Huh?"

"Your thoughts of me killing you... I know were not fond of each other, Amram, but I have no wish to kill you."

"Uhun. How did you know?"

"How do you think I knew?"

"You're a telepath... Hey, that's not fair!"

"It's fair. I have a fair chance to know if you're going to kill me if you get mad at me. Then I will know, and I can make a run for it." She smiled at me. We stopped in front of Joanja's tent. 

"You're not the type of person that seems to flee from the slightest danger."

"Slightest? You're a dangerous magical creature, Amram. And that needs to be seen to." With that she opened her tent and showed me no sign of food at all. By the way, it was not her tent either. I knew her tent was big and lay next to Goovar's tent – Yes, I knew where Goovar had her tent, awful thought. This was my tent!

"What..." 

The air flew out of my lungs as Joanja knocked me over and started tying my hands together. I got a good kick at her leg, but she just slapped my face and then after she made sure I could sit comfortably on the ground she sealed my eyes away from the world. 

"I thought it was soup as usual for dinner, not me", I tried to laugh. 

"I'm sorry, Amram, that I fooled you but... You're too dangerous to be walking around in camp like you've never killed two persons, one of which was a good soldier of this army."

"Two? No, only one..."

"Vicdaen told me that you killed the Wiliji in the fortress. I could figure it out by myself anyway, since you're always thinking about it. So, we have to keep you here in your tent, and we'll do a couple of experiments, trials, on you. This will not start today."

"How am I supposed to stay here? What if I need to do some business...? Hrm."

"I'm sure someone will help you if you call, now goodnight."

When she had left me in my tent, with hands tied at my back and eyes blindfolded, I started yelling. I could not believe that she would leave me here like this. It had to be a joke, but then Joanja never laughed by herself. She could be amused, but I never heard her laugh. 

When I was sore in my throat, and nobody even came when I called for someone to let me loose so I could go and have a private moment, I quieted down a bit. I moaned in my stupid situation, but then again I could handle it. I knew my bed had to be to the right of me so I tried to scoot over a bit and soon I landed on my not so soft bed. 

"Oh, hello, Amram", a familiar voice said. "Let me help you", Bea said.

With help I thought of her releasing me and taking of the blindfold, but she just helped me lie down on my stomach and pulled the duvet up over me.

"Couldn't you just untie me?" I asked of her but she did not reply my question.

"Have you never wondered what would happen if you killed someone you loved? Of course, by accident it would be, but it's a possible situation. You should take this as a good opportunity to learn to control your emotions, because they are what are helping you in your killings."

"I wouldn't do that..." I would not kill someone I loved. Or could something affect me that badly to make me take out the consequences on someone I loved?

"I know what happened today between you, Vicdaen and Alexander. You were mad, weren't you?"

"Not that mad. Not so angry I could kill."

"Twice you've killed in self-defence, but what if something really triggered your anger or hate. And picture that Alexander is nearby, and you looked the wrong way... isn't there a possibility that you could harm him, instead of what made you so angry?"

I knew I had problems, but I never thought they were this major. I had imagined that there were two possibilities with this magic and power I had felt the last month: either it disappeared or I could use it as a defence against threats. But now I knew I had to get used to it, learn to control it or I would do serious harm against people I cared deeply for. After the day we had fought the Wilijies I had been spat in my face and that alone had triggered the dark magic to almost kill. If Bea had not stopped me then, I would have killed not just once or twice but three times. 

If Alexander was in the way I could easily kill him. If Vicdaen pulled more of his tricks on me I could kill him, and that would be a shame because I liked him as well. 

"That could happen, yes", I answered finally. 

"Good... Then, have a good night's sleep."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

In the morning I was awakened briskly by Goovar. She said that she would help me with 'business' – as I called it – and then with breakfast. It made me uneasy that she was to be the one to help me with that, and I almost asked her to send one of the other girls to help me, which probably would refuse, but I bit down on it. 

While I did my thing, I imagined myself in a totally different situation – somewhere in a flowery land watching the butterflies fly between the flowers. It was the only way to keep me from thinking that Goovar was watching me half-naked and probably had a good time doing so. I had tried to make her promise me that she would look away but she could not resist the temptation. Before she tied my pants together she slapped my bum and remarked how beautifully shaped it was and how glorious the colour of it was. What was I supposed to respond to that? Thank you? 

I did not like her touching my flesh. When she helped me back to camp she held my arm and I tried really hard not to flinch, but I did. "Don't fret", she said and stroked my back very intimately. She slid her hand from my neck down to my bum and then up again. 

"I wouldn't if you stopped touching me", I retorted.

"Such a shame..."

But she did not stop touching me. While she fed me with bread and water for breakfast she stroked my arm occasionally and while she made sure that none of my hair was venturing into my mouth she slid her fingers over my lips slowly – and once she did that I was sure they were wet from her own saliva. 

"Please stop, Goovar", I pleaded.

"Why? We're having such a good time... well, I am."

"You're making me uncomfortable", I squirmed.

"You should know how pretty you look when you're making those faces."

At that comment I tried to make my face as blank as possible, but it was as hard as not to smile when tickled, since she put her arm around my waist and kissed me. It was my fault that she could easily introduce her tongue to me because I was so surprised by this forwardness that I dropped my jaw. 

Although I did not want it to happen I let her kiss me for a while. Since Vicdaen's kiss the day before I was curious if I would feel the same racing emotions that staggered my breath and made my heart jump if I was to be kissed by someone else. I did not. But then it was not the easiest job to get away from Goovar – she had me locked in her grip. So I devoted my whole force in my jaw to bite her tongue and I felt my mouth filled with blood.

"Oh, so you like it rough. You could've just told me, I am open to suggestions."

She pushed me down to the ground and started tearing my clothes apart. I remembered this position from before, but then I was more of a victim than just a very reluctant participant. I had never thought of Goovar as the kind of threat that the officer had been to me, I was sure that she wanted me to be as eager and as willing as her. I was not. Before this she had treated me with utter respect, she was subtle about it and only brushed the idea that we could be a couple. But I did not like girls in that way.

"Stop, Goovar, please." I felt resigned, calm and tried to lie as still as a limp dead body. 

Goovar withdrew her hands from me but otherwise she made no notion that she obliged my wishes. I made an attempt at sitting up, but that was hard to do considering my back bound hands.

"I'm sorry, Amram", Goovar said when she helped me sit up. "I got carried away."

Was I wrong to say what I said next? I think I hurt her feelings, for what she was and what she felt for. I was still fuming mad and since I had no other way to give an outlet for my rage it just went as it went. But I'm deeply sorry.

"You disgust me. Don't touch me! Go away!" I yelled at her. "I hate you."

For a moment I believed she would slap me or hurt me in any way she might choose, but I realised that she had gone away. Did I hurt her that badly that she ran away, or had she decided to go while I was saying those words? 

"Way to go, sister", a voice whispered right into my ear.

"Calem, what are you doing here?"

"No 'nice to meet you, brother' or 'long time, no see'? I thought we were family", he said and pinched my arm so hard I was sure I would get a bruise. 

"You're not acting like family."

"No... Of course I'm family. And family has got to stick together. And I'd like you to do a favour for me." His breath stank and his body odour reminded me of a pig. 

"A disfavour I reckon I'd like to do." I could not stand the sight of Calem, and partially I was happy that my eyes were blindfolded – but my hands were tied... 

"Yeah, yeah. You remember that night when you killed an officer?"

"How could I possibly forget?" I greased on with sarcasm. 

"Anyway, I want you to do it again."

He wanted me to do it again? No, no, no, no and no until hell freezes over.

"Not the killing part, I mean, the other part", he continued.

"The rape part?!" I cried.

"Well, if you put it that way, yes, but I don't consider it as rape."

Did I mention that he was my only and cherished brother? Did I also mention that he was a little slow in his head, and that he always fought with me and loved making fun of me? This was the brother that had ratted on me after that dreadful night in the officer's tent. 

"So what do you consider it as?"

"He never even got the chance to..."

"He sure was thinking... And are you aware of that he wanted to kill me once it was over? Then he was going to kill Bea! How people looked up to him I have no understanding for, and he was no wonderful person. He fooled father – but then father fooled me, so I guess that makes it even..."

Whatever happened to me brought my thoughts back to that moment in my life when my father had 'sold' me to that officer that I did not even know the name of. How could you erase such a thing out of your life? But although that time was nothing I wished to look back on it was for good or worse. Sure, the officer had tried to rape me, but if it never had happened I would never have met Alexander again. Or Vicdaen. 

"Go away, Calem. I'm not going to help you, and there's nothing you can do to persuade me."

"But..."

"Don't you know? I'm a deathbringer. Go away before I do something you will regret happening."

He was quiet for a moment and then he pinched once again – it hurt even more this time. "You were never of the helping kind, Amram, and you never will be."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I yelled after him when he walked away. No, I never helped Calem, since he was father's favourite. He could get away with anything, and he often used that advantage against me. 

Had this been a trial? Had Goovar been a trial? Then I remembered the night before. Had Bea been a trial? I did not know what they were expecting me to feel, but when I thought about Bea and what she said I felt more sorry than angry. Were all those words said just for the plain sake of these experiments?

Then I could not help me from smiling if Vicdaen would get to know about this. Oh, no, what if he came? While I lay down, hands tied together. Somehow the thought excited me, and I would not have pushed him away as I did with Goovar.

'What about Lex?' I thought.



I Know He's a King Ch. 09



Author's note (I can't get enough of those): You know I've started every chapter with a memory of Amram's time with Alexander? I'm out of good memories, so don't expect any more to come. Perhaps they will, perhaps not. I hope you've noticed that they contributed to the story.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Both Vicdaen and Alexander stuck in my mind like boots stuck in mud. Although I tried so hard not to think about Vicdaen's kiss I did and I liked the tingle in my chest that spread outwards to every part of my body. But then I remembered the confused look on Alexander's face, and the wicked look of Vicdaen's. 

What was I supposed to do? Which one was I going to choose? I could not love both of them! Vicdaen set my body on fire, said lovely words that calmed my mind, but he could do such things that made annoyance seem like the least appropriate word. Alexander smiled at me and I felt better than I had ever done before, but he was the king... And the king cannot love a simple peasant girl.

I sat in awkward silence until my stomach started to grumble. It said it was time for food. I figured it had gone a couple of hours since I said those horrible words to Goovar and the 'nice' visit by Calem. And as if my stomach had acted like a bell someone came into my tent. 

"Good evening, Amram. I'm disappointed to say that you've failed the trials", Wizer Joanja said and drew the blindfold from my eyes. Rays of the evening sun drew tears from my eyes, making them hurt.

"I failed?" I did not even know that the trials had started. Had they started with Bea or Goovar? If I failed, and she sure knew that I would, why had she even attempted them on me? Had she learnt anything useful? I sure had not.

Except that when the rage started to build inside of me I remembered how I had humiliated Goovar. If I had not been blindfolded I could easily have killed her. And Joanja could pull that trigger inside of me by a few well chosen words, and I would not even hesitate to give into the anger. 

For the first time in my life I subdued that anger. Instead of seeing Joanja collapse I saw every occasion when someone had died in front of me, just before my eyes. I saw the Wiliji, the rapist officer, and then I saw three more deaths – the first my old school teacher who at the time I was fifteen had clutched his chest and died after an argument with me. The second was a neighbour who dropped down dead when I found him beating his wife senseless. The third one was the priestess daughter who had whored with almost every man in the village and died in a terrible cough-attack when she had said some very nasty words about my mother. They had all been killed by me. No!

How could I ever have done such a thing? There was no restraint in me. Whatever acts all the victims had done the emotions that had filled me had caused me to kill without a blink. And it was wrong, so wrong. I could justify that I killed the rapist, and perhaps even the Wiliji, because they were themselves seeking death, but what of the other three? They had done horrible things, but they could be amended in other ways than by death. I had done great wrongs. 

"Good, Amram", said Joanja. "You've improved your control. Very good. You've passed the trials."

"Was this a trial?"

"Yes it was", she said and then bent over to release me from the ropes. She told me I was good. I smiled. That was the only praise I would ever get from Joanja. But it still warmed inside of me, knowing that she thought I had done well. 

Bea came into the tent and Goovar followed. An awkward quiet moment passed as I tried to think of what to say to Goovar. I still felt really ashamed of what I had said to her. But as soon as I was to open my mouth Goovar interrupted.

"Don't worry about it, Amram. I know you're sorry. I'm a touch-psychic you know."

The three of them sat down in front of me and started lecturing about how I could improve my control. They talked about meditation and relaxation training. They were just to leave as my eyes started drooping. But there was still something I wanted to ask. 

"What about the deathbringer business?"

"There is no such thing as a Deathbringer, Amram", said Bea surprisingly. "It's a far too complex magic to decide when to just kill. What you are experiencing is the magic of life. The easier part of that magic is to kill, but you still have to learn to do life. But the most crucial thing for you to learn right now is to control your feelings. Which you will achieve with meditation – and perhaps you should stay away from Alexander and most certainly stay away from Vicdaen."

"No!" I protested. "Why?"

"You're hot for Vicdaen, and you don't know which one to choose", said Goovar. "If Vicdaen and Alexander weren't having enough problems as it is, maybe it wouldn't matter, but it does. Vicdaen and Alexander are not known to cooperate very well, and you are not helping them. 'Tis best for all three of you if you don't meet any of them again."

Grudgingly I let it pass, but I was not so sure I would mind their wishes. But for the moment, there was a more pushing matter I wanted to ask.

"Why do they call me a Deathbringer, then? If I'm not a Deathbringer, what is a Deathbringer?"

All three of them smiled at me – like I was a child and they were adults who had been asked a very silly question. "It is ancient mythology", said Joanja. "After life had been created by Tree's Gods one of the gods went astray and after a millennium he came back. He was angry because none of the other gods had searched for him. So he left death and destruction in his wake. And he was named Deathbringer. The first one that named you Deathbringer probably had a very bad knowledge of this certain mythology, and nobody cared to adjust the mistake."

"Not even you", I dared to accuse Joanja, throwing a smouldering look her way. It had given me great pain to be called something I felt like I was not, and now that I was free of the label I could finally blame someone.

"Do not blame Joanja for what someone else did wrong, Amram", Bea said sharply. "Say you're sorry."

What was it with older people that could make you feel great regret – or was it disappointment from someone you cared of that was disguised as remorse? But the problem was that I did not feel the least sorry, I could blame her all I wanted and not care of her feelings. And so would Joanja keep doing, and I knew that she could get away with it. No way would Joanja apologise to me, regardless the complexity of the problem. 

"I will say that I'm sorry if you say that you at least tried to defend me. Then I will be sorry."

Bea flashed a smile of approval but Goovar looked exhausted and Joanja, she looked like she would blow up anytime. "Well, I didn't, so you can keep your excuse. Go and eat something. You're back to training again tomorrow, no exceptions", she blurted out and left the tent. Goovar followed her, but Bea stayed a bit before saying goodnight to me; remembering me that I under no circumstances should meet Vicdaen and Alexander. I could always try.

When dark fell I found myself an insomniac. I tossed and turned on my thin mattress, my state of awareness never reaching that blessed state of unconsciousness. Faint voices of the guards patrolling camp slipped through the tent's cloth like moths flying softly past my ears, and as annoying as mere flies landing on my nose. I could not sleep. I thought back on my conversation with the Wizers and Bea. How dared they forbid me to see Alexander and Vicdaen?! Determined to disobey them I slipped out of my tent and shied away to the fortress gate. The gate was guarded on the outside by two guards, but neither of them seemed to be fully awake, so I slipped easily past them and walked through the small door in the gate. 

As I walked towards the guard-less – where were they? And those who were around, why were they sleeping? – door leading to Alexander's chamber, I heard loud arguing voices, voices talking about me. 

"What makes you think that you have firstborn right to her?" That was Vicdaen, the fire in his voice bright and clear, and so hot you could easily get burnt. And so were probably his intentions.

"I've known her a lot longer than you. Amram and I were best friends when we were young, and we would probably be so now, if you only would stay away from her!"

"Perhaps you've known her longer than me, but what was it, ten years since you saw her last? Much happen in that long time. You change, and so does she. And you're the king of Aarenion and she's a lowly peasant."

"Watch what you're saying!" growled Alexander. By now I was leaning into the door, pressing my ear against it hoping to catch every last word they would say.

"In Veriton her heritage does not matter, you know that. But here with you she would be judged by everyone, and despised by her a likes. And in the end you would hold it against her, just like everybody else, since you would never be free from it yourself."

After the moment's silence that followed the door handle was pushed down. I knew Vicdaen could feel the pressure of my weight upon the door, but he waited to push it open. "Alexander, given promises are supposed to be kept."

"I know, Vicdaen. I'm trying."

There was no sign of surprise in his face when Vicdaen came out of the room. He grabbed me by the arms and pushed me up against the wall. His nose and lips were wrinkled like a dog shows his fangs to his adversary. "He can't make you happy."

"And you can?"

"I could at least try. If you'd only let me."

"You had a chance two days ago, but you did something inexcusable..."

"You can't have us both!" he interrupted. "You did not want Lex to know about us, you were going to lie to him. And I was mad, because you... Don't you know how it feels to be jealous? The first moment you were kissing me, in the next you were ready to kiss Alexander."

"You forced yourself on me", I protested.

"You were the one that made the invitation, you know that. You were pressing your lovely body against mine, and making sounds as well. And I don't remember you pulling away from my kiss. One day or another you have to choose, you'll have to decide. Good night, Amram."

He left me in the corridor, where I tried to smooth out the wrinkles in my shirt. Were my cheeks red? They were so hot I could fry an egg on them. My hair was rumpled and a lot of strains had wriggled out of the braid. No matter – I needed to see Alexander. 

"You heard us arguing", Lex said as I entered.

It was no question, but I could still answer no and make him feel more comfortable, but I did not. "Yes." And you heard me and Vicdaen argue, I thought.

"I'm sorry."

"No, don't be. I'm sorry. You were fighting about me. I can't see why. But I don't want to be causing you trouble, because I heard you already had problems... Argh, I don't know what to do!"

He did the same as Vicdaen and grabbed me by the arms, almost pushing me backwards to the wall. "What do you want to do?" he asked with a low growl in his throat. "Why did you come here tonight?"

I came because I wanted to see you, my heart roared like a lion. I came because I wanted to break the rules someone had so determinately set down. I came because there was no chance for me and you.

"I'm not trying to fool myself, Lex. I know what you are and I know what I am. And even though there could never be I wish that there was a chance. And I guess that's why I came, to ask you of that chance."

I thought I could see a bright light in his eyes, a twinkle that sparked for me. He smiled, and it widened in that fashion that I loved. But eventually his smile faltered, and his face became closed. "But there is none." He released my arms and left me to massage them. He paced the floor back and forth. 

There is none. He would not even give me the faintest hope, the hope that I needed. The hope I needed to sleep well at night, what I needed to keep Vicdaen away from me at an arm's length, he could not give me what I wanted. Had I been wrong to think that what we had when we were young was so much stronger now? Strong enough for me to feel it when I once saw him again after the long years? 

I was ready to shed floods of tears, still I stayed with Alexander as he wore out the floor with his strides. Whatever the chances we had or not, he must have felt something for me to be able to walk the floor like he did. 

"I have given a promise, and promises are to be kept." He stilled in front of me. "Tomorrow I leave for Islanda. Perhaps when I come back, we can speak again."

"You're leaving?"

"Yes, in business. War is expensive – I need money to be able to raise more armies to place at the border. Please, Amram. You'd better go sleep." With that he pushed me out of the chamber and slammed the door behind me. 

I felt like a dead as I walked back to the Moonsisters camp. Exhausted by the day's trials and the night's emotional tests I fell asleep immediately as I fell back on my mattress. I wished for a dreamless rest, and perhaps it was, but I was awakened by a little pull on my toe – and the small movement had me awake and alert in a second. 

The intruder in my tent was Vicdaen. When I tried to sit up he pushed me down and settled himself down next to me. "Sch... Do not make a noise. I need to speak with you about my past."

"Your past?! What for?"

"Would you just listen for a second...? You heard me and Lex argue tonight. That was not supposed to happen, but it did. And there are a few things that I want to make clear for you. Alexander is going to marry... No, please let me explain, Amram... He has to marry. His stepmother has made an ultimatum, because of Alexander's sisters. He wants to marry them off as soon as possible, but in order to do so the queen made him promise to marry first. And he needs his sisters to be married because he needs the money for this war he's waging... Yes, it sounds very cold, but he's doing it all for me."

"For you?"

"You know that my father was Alexander's father. But what you don't know is that my mother was the queen... of Veriton. Eight years ago my mother sent me to Aarenion, to my brother who had no idea that he had a brother, let alone a halfbrother, trying to protect me from Placident."

"Who's that?" I asked. Vicdaen and I were lying close to each other as we whispered. It felt cosy, and I snuggled closer to him, in the way that I never noticed but everybody else did. 

"The most powerful person in the world, and she knows it. She's an auto-magician... She acts as a focus for the Maester magician..."

"Wait, you're confusing me. Who's the Maester magician?"

"Waranler, but he's nobody important. Placident seduced my mother's lover Hajieelkhe, Veriton's general and he under Placident's spell betrayed my mother. They put Ziyakhede on the throne, and the first thing she did as ruler of Veriton was to have me and my mother executed. What they didn't know was that I was already halfway to Aarenion when that happened..."

"So you're living in exile?"

"I chose it on my own, but yes, I live in exile. But now I want my throne back, and Placident wants me dead."

"I thought it was just some border disputes this war was about..."

"No. It may seem so, the way the Wilijies are fighting, and the way they can suddenly retreat. They're bloody treacherous, that's what they are. They're planning something big, and I know that Placident's behind it all."

"What do you think will happen?"

"Placident's always had an eye for the magnificent, and I bet that whatever they are doing will be so. But then again, she's deceitful and never thinks twice about killing. I've got a feeling she will hit me where it would hurt the most."

"She's a scumbag", I yawned. 

Vicdaen pulled me closer to him and whispered softly in my ear. "I want to stay with you tonight, Amram. I promise I won't do anything unless you want me too."

The thought of having Vicdaen at the beck of my will made a fire burn inside of me. I could almost hear it roar. But the tenderness he spoke with brought out other feelings. I had been hurt that evening and I needed someone to care for me. With an amazing effort I tried to keep the tears from filling my eyes, but I failed.

"What's wrong?" 

"He doesn't love me", I sobbed.

"Who? Alexander?" I nodded. "I think he does love you, Amram. But he can never have you."

He could not have me, because I was a peasant girl. He is a king who deserves a queen, but I am no queen.



I Know He's a King Ch. 10



Hardly anyone noticed that suddenly the king had left the army to go back to the capital, Islanda. Chores were carried out as usual, as well as the training. My own training started the day he left.

Until I got the hang of it – meditation – it was so dull, so boring that I could rip my eyes out. But when I mastered the relaxation technique and how to sit and clear my mind, it was the most amazing state I had ever been in. I found myself drifting into another world, somewhere beautiful. It was abstract, colours floating before my eyes and I felt like I did not have any worries at all. I could sit for hours meditating.

But perhaps I sat too long. My limbs went weak, so weak that one day I collapsed after a really long period of meditating. Goovar and Joanja gave me a terrible lecture about exercising and eating properly. Together with Bea they split up my schedule and since then I have not been able to meditate for longer than two hours at a time. Bea helped me with the meditation and Goovar made sure I ate.

Joanja drilled me hard during exercise. Every time she saw that I was close to collapsing from exhaustion, she pushed me further. If she was having a good day, she would push me even more, so much more that my usually happy self became a raging maniac. I was afraid that an accident would happen during these bouts of extreme fatigue, but because of the trials they put me though I learned to control myself. I did not have to be afraid.

After a week of Alexander's absence, the Wilijies saw this as our weakness and began attacking. Stealth and speed was their strongest weapon. Their first attack was hardly discernible; they came so quietly into camp through gaps in our guard system and killed a few soldiers in their sleep. Then it got more serious. Every other daybreak they attacked us, appearing like bandits raiding a village. The first times they were so quick and we were so unprepared that although there were only fifty of them it felt like five hundred. After a few times we got used to their technique and we were able to predict their attacks. Just as suddenly as the Wilijies attacked, they disappeared. 

The attacks may have stopped, but we did not relax for one moment. The guard watch was reorganised and strengthened – no loopholes were to exist. Every division – even in the centre of camp – had guards keeping watch day and night. 

The initial anxiety and excitement subsided quickly for me. I missed them. Yes, Vicdaen and Alexander. I could not stop thinking about either of them. The only time they steered clear of my mind was in meditation. I blame them for my inability to focus during meditation as well as why I need such long meditation sessions. And since I could not meditate for longer than a couple of hours, I fell into a kind of depression.

I blamed all the bad things happening on the absence of Vicdaen and Alexander. That bad things happened was kind of naïve of me to think. Of course it had only to do with me. I, oh embarrassment, cut myself while sparring with the sword. I fell and stumbled, and hit my knee, or fell into the lake with my clothes on – that happened only once! And those things happened not because I was clumsy, but I thought of either Alexander or Vicdaen, and I was totally distracted and I am just happy I did not land myself into bigger trouble. 

Sooner or later in the absence of my two – alright, only one – suitors, I stopped thinking about one of them, and what was left of my thoughts of them were undeniably spent thinking of the other. I felt a bit confused, and even more hurt, because there is nothing that hurts more than love lost. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

'Where is he?' said the ice cold voice.

'I don't know...' another voice replied, trembling.

'Find him.'

'But milady, he...'

'He will come back to her. And when he does, you know what to do.'

The icy cold air was cut open with the sound of my mother's voice.

'Amram, wake up.'

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"Amram, wake up."

"Just a little bit more, please mama."

"If I had known I had such a female voice I would never have spoken to you", Vicdaen chuckled in my ear. "If you think of your mom when I speak to you I will leave you be."

I opened my eyes, and indeed it was Vicdaen peering over me. He was too close for me to feel comfortable, so I tried to scoot away from him.

"What a cold welcome back I receive. I imagined you screaming and yelling and hugging me, perhaps even a real kiss." His eyes were smouldering hot, and the curl of his lips made me think of the wolf he was so like. 

"I did not expect you back so soon."

"Nor did I... What do you say about the kiss?"

My cheeks burnt as I imagined him kissing me. If I let him kiss me would it be like the time in the lake or would it feel different from then? There was only one way to find out, and I did not need to encourage him to kiss me since he leaned over me at my silence.

It was chaste as our lips touched first, my lips dry and his lips soft and wet in anticipating salivation. As I took one step forward, he took two steps. I licked my lips to accommodate him easier, and he slid his tongue out to meet it. I lost myself in the complex dance he engaged my tongue in, and I could not hold my head up as he closed his arms around my waist to press me against him. 

In that movement I revealed my neck and shoulders to him, parts that had been hidden beneath a rough blanket. He lost no time in the lack of decorum I displayed and plunged for the soft skin at the base of my neck. If the tongue-dance had been overwhelming the neck nipping was a few steps away from nirvana. And that, of course, disturbed me.

"Please, Vicdaen, we shouldn't", I croaked. My voice was peculiarly hoarse.

"I promise you, Amram; I won't do anything that you don't want me to do."

"That's not fair", I answered after a moments consideration.

"When is life fair? Now, do you want this or not?" 

As embarrassing as it may seem, it was I who pulled him down for another go at my mouth, but at the moment I was not the slightest embarrassed. That kiss was nothing chaste. It was the complete opposite of chaste. He had made my knees go weak with the other kiss, but now I felt fiery hot and that fire seemed to originate from my lower abdomen and even lower. Sounds emanated from my mouth, and I did not even realise it was me until he withdrew from my mouth to look at me while he drew his fingers down my stomach. Any try to stop making those sounds was forgotten in the instant he found the wet folds between my legs and – oh my, what was he doing?

'Where have my clothes gone?' I thought a bit secluded minded. 'Where are his clothes?' All those thought vanished as Vicdaen found a little nodule in between the damp folds. Then my mind stopped caring at all, it was overloaded by the pleasure. Instincts took over the reactions of my body – hips thrusting against him, my back arching like a string bow. Not to mention the moaning. 

He groaned as my hips made contact with his own hips. I looked down at where our bodies connected and blushed at the intense image of him aroused. I had seen a few men aroused before, but they had not been for me – the only one that had been aroused because of me had wanted to rape me. 

"Oh..."

"What?" He pulled away from me to give me space. 

"It's just... I don't think you'll fit."

He flashed his canines at me in an amused smile. He choked down laughter – he better or I would have kicked him out of the tent. Then he lay down beside me on my thin mattress with a sigh. 

Without him atop of me it seemed awful cold. I shivered and reached for the blanket. The thing was that the blanket lay behind Vicdaen so I had to lean over him to get it. As I did he caressed my arms, shoulders and breasts. But he did so without the passion he had used earlier in his touch. From the look in his eyes it was possessiveness that ruled his actions, but the touch was cheerful, like he valued the feel of my skin. 

"You're afraid, aren't you? It's not that I won't fit inside you, you fear that I won't fit with you." How awfully acute of him. Painfully correct. So, I felt that way, but not because of the reasons he thought I did.

"I don't love Lex any longer." He transferred his gaze from my chest to my eyes questioningly. "Well, I do, but not that way, you know."

"What way?" he said with a grin. He knew what way. THAT way! That way that I hope you love me, that I know I love you.

"Uhn... This way..." I leaned into him and stroked tenderly across his brow, a wrinkle creasing his magnificent forehead.

He smiled a knowing smile of male appreciation. That smug grin that annoys you so much, but you still cherish it when you see it. He rolled around so that I suddenly was on the bottom again, and he on top. Then he kissed me, kissed me with all the passion he had, and stole my breath. He stopped for a moment, making sure I could breathe. 

"This way?" Again that grin, and he thrust his hips against mine and made me moan in consent. I closed my eyes, much to stop thinking dirty thoughts, but also because it felt too much, too much sensation at one time. When I opened my eyes again it was dark around us – he had released his black hair from the knot on his head and now we were enclosed in velvety darkness. It helped, made me forget that we were in camp, with tents just a few feet away from my tent. 

He was everywhere. He touched my skin with tender gentleness, one place at a time, but it felt like he was everywhere. He had squeezed himself in between my legs and covered my upper body with his chest. Our lips were locked in a kiss, but his hands were drawing light circles on my skin – tracing my flesh from my eyes, cheeks and chin, down to my hips and thighs. He continued to coax sounds from my throat, some soft and high-pitched, others growling low like thunder. He kept quiet, making me blush from humiliation. How could he stay quiet, and I had to fight against every sound?

Determined to make him groan like he had earlier I let my hands roam his body. I was mesmerized by his arse. So hard, but yet so soft. I kneaded his flesh, pushed at it, pulled him against me, and suddenly I felt a sharp pain between my legs. I had pushed at him so hard I had pushed him inside me. Stupid, I thought, but my own fault. I pulled away from Vicdaen's lips, trying to swallow down the pain. He slid further inside me, and this was not without pain, but it had eased a bit. 

"Vicdaen", I gasped as he started thrusting back and forth, in and out. Forget the pain, this was... Wow. It ended too soon. 

"Amram", he cried out and fell down over me. He gasped for air against my neck. I tried hard to be happy about it, but it felt like it had been far from finished for my part. I wanted him hard again, moving in and out of me, in that place where none had ever been before. 

"Oh, I'm sorry, Amram. I... I promise it won't be like this the next time", he said as he rolled over on his side. "It won't hurt, and I'll last longer."

I sniffed and pointed my tongue at him. "It'd better be longer next time."

"Disappointed? I'll make you happy", he said and threw himself over me. His hands where everywhere – though this time not to touch and sense, but to tickle. I rolled into a small ball, trying to escape his relentless attacks. He did not go on for long, soon he was stroking my thighs and calves, letting me catch my breath.

"Amram, you're late for exercise", a familiar voice sounded outside the tent. A hand pushed away the tent cloth and Goovar's head looked inside.

"Ooh... I smell love", she sniffed in the air, smiling widely. She did not tease about us being naked and everything in full view, just pointing it out subtly. I smelled the air, and I could feel that sweet fragrance I had sensed in Goovar's tent a long time ago when I had joined the Moonsisters. I must have looked like a tomato, not just from the tickling but from the clear evidence of what I and Vicdaen had done. 

"I had my vote for you, Vicdaen. She finally came to her senses..."

"I thought you weren't in favour of me to have a relationship with either Vicdaen or Alexander."

"Tsh, that was some bull that I let Joanja and Bea say. I don't bother. Besides, with the meditation going on and everything, it'll be okay. Now, go and clean up, and then come back here. Let's hope you're back to your nimble self now that you don't have to think about two persons at the same time", she excused herself, leaving with a laugh. 

Vicdaen started to pull his clothes on. He looked very serious; he almost avoided looking at me when he dressed. I came to think about the day he left. How he had said to Alexander that with Vicdaen my heritage did not matter. Vicdaen was the rightful prince of Veriton. If I married him, would that make me princess?

"Vicdaen. Did you mean what you said?"

He looked at me, smiling questioningly. "Sorry, what do you mean?"

"The day you left, you argued with Lex. You said that with you, in Veriton, I would no longer be a peasant. Did you mean that, and if you did, does that mean you want to marry me?"

"It must have sounded like that", he answered after a long consideration time. "I... It's... Damn, I normally never lose my words like this... It's true. I do want to marry you. And, I want you to be my queen."

I had prepared myself to hear him say: 'No way, I won't marry you... You're whiny and stupid, and who would ever want to marry you?" so I released my breath in a shudder. "You really mean that?"

He nodded.

Queen? Me queen of Veriton? No, completely impossible. I could be his mistress, anything, but me as a peasant girl on the throne, next to Vicdaen – it did not make sense. He could say that my heritage made no difference, but I would still feel it. I would feel like a mouse around cats.

It was too overwhelming, I gulped down my fear – he noticed. "You're afraid... again."

"It is hard not to be... It's so much, you know. And then I wonder if there is an end to it."

"What do you mean?" he asked, perplexed.

"You say so much, promise so much... What if it doesn't come true? What if we lose against Veriton – you'll never be king."

Certainty painted his face as well as rage and arrogance. "I will be king of Veriton. No bloody Placident will stop me!" he yelled.

I scooted away from him. Such fire, such passion – it was enough to make me shiver.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. But I will be king", he said softly, smiling reassuringly. "Do you want to be my queen?"

"I'll have to think about it, Vicdaen", I said honestly. "It's not something I can put my foot down on right now."

He pulled me in for an embrace. I leaned my head on his chest, trying to forget that he was fully clothed. This was how I would feel next to him, him as king and I as a queen. I would feel naked under everybody's gaze. I pulled away from him and took on my dress. It was dirty and old worn, but kept my flesh from peeking through.

"It's going to be fine", he said as if he could feel what I was feeling. He could not. 

I ran out from the tent.

"Amram!" he yelled after me.

"Leave me alone."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

"It's not going to be fine... Shit!"

I ran towards the dam, still intent to clean up before training with Goovar. I did not watch my step, so I tripped when I reached the water and fell with a loud splash. I roared in frustration. Now my clothes were all wet! I pulled off the dress – it tried to stay on me, the wet cloth straining against my ministrations. I finally had it off and threw it down in the water triumphantly.

"Ha!" I thought the battle to be won, but as I say a white cloudiness sift through the fabric, tainting the water I knew I had lost. The herbs! 

I pulled it quickly out of the water. Searching through all the hidden compartments my fingers went sticky with water-soluble drugs. It was of no use any longer. The herbs my mother gave me vanished into the black water.

Mama. She must be worried sick by now. But... I was not in that kind of danger she worried about. Of course it had been close for a while, but not any longer. She and I had believed I would lose my virginity to a mindless brute, but here I was – still tender after the lovemaking of Vicdaen – and he wanted to marry me! Now, that was a turn of events. I wanted to contact her, somehow, to let her know everything was okay. 'I'm fine, mama, everything will be alright. I'm going to marry a king. Not the king you thought I wanted to marry, but close. You will become the queen's mother, the king's mother. And I'll kill papa, he can never do anything to you again, I'll make sure of that.'

The last of the whiteness disappeared into the black water. I should have been sorry, but it was different now. I was no prostitute. The soldier who had wanted me to be was dead, my father was miles away – I could not even remember the sound of his voice. And Calem, my brother, was an impotent idiot – I could handle him, I never saw him anyway.

"I'm fine, mama", I whispered into the wind. Perhaps the wind could whisper for me, whisper into her ear. I am fine.

I shivered in the cool water. Someone was watching. A twig snapped and the faint sound of metal against metal echoed over the water. 

"Amram."

I dove into the water. Lex was calling my name. 'Not now, please' I thought. He could not come now, when I was still aching between my legs. It was too soon to meet him. 

"Amram, what have you done?" He appeared out from the bushes, riding his black stallion, his helmet reflected the sun. He dismounted and kneeled by the shore, picking up my wet dress from the water, then removing his helmet from his head. The metal cladding his broad upper body rattled and shrieked in protest as he almost bent double.

"I fell", I said with a smile, although I knew that this was no laughing matter.

"You fell, alright", he said angrily. Ferocity blazed in his eyes. "Why did you have to fall for him?"

"Who? Vicdaen?"

"Why did you fall for him?" he cried out, throwing the garment down in the dirt. He gave it a punch; the dress would be black if I picked it up. 

"Who else would I fall for?" I protested sharply. "It's not like I could fall for you. I did fall for you, but that was ten years ago... Why do you care? You're married!"

He looked up, the metal shrieking again as he unbent. Sadness poured into his face. A tear left his right eye – a tear he quickly wiped away. "I'm not married. I'm engaged. That's why we left, because I had to court, I had to..." He trailed off, whispering softly: "Why did you believe I was married?"

I felt dumbstruck as the realization hit me. 'Vicdaen is a liar', I thought. 'How could he?' I did not even care about the fact that Lex was free – free to love – all I cared about was that Vicdaen lied. He made me believe that Alexander was going to marry. Did Vicdaen carry out a grand scheme, like Placident – the one he accused of being a conspirator?

"It was Vicdaen, wasn't it? He told you that I was going to get married. Well it wasn't a lie, not exactly, but I'm not wed locked yet!"

"Does it matter? I don't feel that way for you!" I turned away from him, not daring to see his reaction. It must have stung. Before he left I offered myself to him, I wanted to be his and I wanted him as mine. I loved him... but now...

The sound of hooves on dirt reached me, Alexander softly cooed behind me. I glanced over my shoulder, Lex mounted his stallion, looking anxiously over the water. "They're coming."

"Who?"

"The Wilijies." I followed his line of sight and saw two Wilijies appearing out of the woods, on the other side of the dam. Soon, four other followed close. 

"Get out of the water and get help. Amram! Now!"

Propriety was not the first thing I thought of as I tried to get out of the water. Water is a force – if you are not careful it will take you down – and a force to conquer. Running in water feels like someone has tied weights to your feet, dragging you downward. And if the Wilijies or Alexander could see my naked body as I ran was not one of my concerns.




I Know He's a King Ch. 10



I had reached the shore when the Wilijies came up to Alexander. "The other way!" he yelled as he fended off blows, soon striking down the two first Wilijies. I noticed the helmet gleaming in the sun. I recognized this... I knew this... My premonition! This was my premonition, where I saw Alexander on his stallion, fighting Wilijies. 

While I reflected over my memories the Wilijies had Alexander down from his horse and kneeling. 

"So kill me. Just let Amram live", he pleaded.

The most vicious looking Wiliji brought his sword up to Alexander's throat. "I say we take the girl and kill you anyway", he said with a sneer.

"No!" I said before thinking. I had the attention of them all. Now was the time when I felt the little chill over my body. "Don't kill him!"

"Is he your lover boy? Isn't one king enough?" he laughed. "Got to have two kings as lovers... hmmph, human", he spat on the ground before Alexander.

"We're just here to get the girl", said one of the others. He tried to point the tip of the other guy's sword elsewhere. "We can't kill him."

"Aw, spoilsport. No king: no war to finance, isn't that right?" (I'm not sure what you mean by finance... finance what? Do you mean to pay a ransom?

"I've got a cousin somewhere who'll be willing to finance if I die", Alexander diverted. 

"Shut up!"

"We've got to go now, before someone comes looking for him..."

The 'nice' Wiliji took a step toward me and picked up my dress from the ground. "Get dressed", he growled, throwing the dress at me.

I quickly pulled on the dress, trying to ignore Alexander, who was looking at me.

"Now, your majesty", the foul one said. "Tell prince Vicdaen that we've got his lady. If he wants her back, he'd better come get her." With that he punched the hilt of his sword in Alexander's neck. His eyes went upwards, and the rest of him went down.

"No!"

"Shut your mouth, or he's finished."

I tensed, but stayed quiet. 'Just go with them', I thought. 'It will be alright.'

Hopefully it would.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

For this chapter I would like to say thank you too: Bob Inskeep, for giving back my imagination and enthusiasm. I wrote the tenth chapter just for you!

My editor StuckInMyCorner for a wonderful job on this chapter. 

My little sister, for being so indulgent towards me. Love you!



I Know He's a King Ch. 11



They gagged me, blindfolded me, and tied me. It would have been better if they had just blindfolded me, but they manhandled me like a carcass. That was where my killing power laid. If eyes could kill, they called it. I definitely could. 

Still I slapped myself mentally, because I had not even tried to get mad at the Wilijies, not attempted to protect Lex and myself. They came, knocked Lex out, and took me away. I tried to reason with myself that it was too a small amount of time for me to react, but it was enough. The real cause for me not to kill them had been the simple fact that I had not felt threatened by them. I almost gave myself over to them. I could have put up a fight, killing them faster than they could kill Lex, whom I knew they were bound to kill if I tried. 

Why did I not feel threatened by them? I do not know. Perhaps I was slightly affected by Vicdaen, him being half Wiliji and everything. It was not impossible. I dared not think more about it, because it was land to tread carefully, and I always was clumsy. Then... I felt something. I felt something larger than me... something divine. It could have been divine, it could have been human, or Wilijian, just something that took me over as I recognised my vision from much earlier. It had to have a meaning. 

So just for that silly feeling I let myself be manhandled by four musky Wilijies, which by the way were not as horrible as the humans had made me believe. Muted, blinded and unable to move they put me on a bareback horse, and I had to ride it for what seemed like ages, but it was no more than a simple sun turn. As the insides of my eyes went dark they carried me away; I heard noises I recognised – those of a training army, and the more substantial sounds of torture – I was at the Wilijies's army camp. I could hear the rattling of metal, the clangs of steel against steel, and words of encouragement, words of discipline.

I was put down, and released from all the bondage, except the blindfold. Then a door slammed shut behind me. I released a shaky breath, and tried to make out where I was. I felt wood under my fingers, under my hands and feet. 

I stopped my search when I felt air slip me by, as something passed by me. I was not alone. 

"Start", a cold voice said just above me.

"Are you Amram Lothansdaughtir?" My ears twitched, and I turned my head the way the sound came from. 

I did not believe that dishonesty would help me now. "Yes... Who are you?" I dared to request.

"Say it", I heard the harsh voice utter as there was a pause.

"I am Hajieelkhe."

Wait. Hajieelkhe rang a bell, a bell that rang too much to ignore. "I recognise that name..."

"Really", he snarled. "Could it possibly be because I am the general of the Wilijian army?"

"Nope, didn't know that", I said impolitely, before I could stop myself. "It's not that."

He sighed, the sound much more close to a groan than a sigh. "It does not matter." But it did, I knew it did. If I could figure it out, I was sure I would gain advantage. 

"What is Vicdaen's main priority?" he asked.

"What?"

"What is Vicdaen's goal? What does he want more than anything else?" he said with an urgent tone.

"I don't know..."

"He wants you!" the two voices said at the same time. 

I laughed, because it felt so amusing. "No, he doesn't want me... He wants his throne... back..." Now I finally remembered. He wanted his throne back, because they killed his mother. Placident seduced the queen's lover, and then killed the queen. And Hajieelkhe... He was the queen's lover, Placident's lover. 

"You're Hajieelkhe."

"No, you don't say."

"No... I know who you are... May I speak with you alone?" I dared to implore. 

"We are alone."

"What? No, we aren't."

"She can hear me."

"Yes I can", I said to that cold voice. 

"But you're not supposed to", Hajieelkhe said with a voice that barely hid the anxiety of my revelation.

"I will go", she said, and as if I had been covered in a thin sheet of ice, the cold evaporated and warmth flooded to my skin. Why she left, I do not know. It seemed too easy. Either she was still listening, or she really trusted Hajieelkhe. Who was she anyway?

I pulled off the blindfold, and peered at the sudden flash of light, even though it was still dark, the only illumination coming from a simple oil lamp. I rose up, stretching my limbs free of the bonded numbness. As I did so I carefully looked around, finally noticing the tall beautiful man sitting in an armchair. He looked regal, even more regal than Vicdaen and Lex put together. He had the same cold expression Vicdaen had had when I first met him. He was lean, but still on the muscular side. His hairline was high on his forehead, but not in the way of an aging man, because his forehead was magnificent. His lips were pursed in an arrogant, yet humble way, and the colour made all fashionable lipsticks worthless. His skin was pale, paler than Vicdaen's, and looked hard to the touch. This was the first time I saw and analysed a Wiliji up close, Vicdaen did not count since he was half human. I felt as if I should worship his beauty but there was one thing that stopped me. His eyes... His eyes, almost completely hidden by thick black eyelashes, spoke of great experience... and great sadness. 

"Well, what did you want to discuss?"

I shook my head. What to say, what to say? I knew exactly what I wanted to say, but I believed it would be hard to persuade him. 

"I don't know if it is true, but I believe that Vicdaen's mother must have been wonderful. She must have been beautiful, kind and generous. And I think that anyone who loved her must have been the same... and are the same..."

As I spoke I watched his expression go from cold and uncaring to tender and loving. When I was finished he slid his hand over his face and hid his eyes. 

"You did not know her", he said.

"No... But I know Vicdaen."

"Vicdaen killed her!" he snarled. 

Wait... Did he? I thought he said that both his mother and he were supposed to be executed, but he got away. Did Hajieelkhe not know that?

"Wasn't she executed?"

"Yes!" He rose up from the chair and walked towards me. "He executed her."

I shook my head in protest. "Vicdaen is no murderer."

Suddenly, in the blink of an eye, I was snatched from the floor and upheld by my throat at least a head's length above the floor. I struggled to draw my breath, but he clamped down further. I felt the darkness rise in me, that good snug feeling in my chest, but it did not expand as it used to. Instead it rose to a halt, and then was subdued. What was wrong with me?

"I wouldn't love him", I struggled to say, ", if he hadn't been as kind and loving as his brother."

He released a snort, somewhere between a laugh of amusement and a sneer. He released the strong grip on my throat, but still held me tight, balancing me on the soles of my feet. 

"Perhaps it is Alexander we will acquire instead of the half prince. We could trade the two of you for Vicdaen. He would..."

"He would give himself for us. Doesn't that remind you of someone that cares? Does a man who killed his own mother do such a thing? He loved her... Placident is the murderer. Placident killed the queen!"

It hit me as a bit frightening to be standing there, upheld by my throat, defending the man who had lied to me. It still shook me that he had lied to me. Why did he lie to me? Why did I take him in defence? Did I love him so much that I could still take him in defence when he was threatened?

"You're a liar, just like him", he snapped. "What you've got coming for you is plain justice."

He released me, letting me fall into a heap on the floor. I stayed there, frightened to draw attention to me. But not long after I heard the bang of the door, and felt brave enough to get up. 

I considered the option to bang on the door, demanding to be released, but I knew that was futile. More likely they would only come and shut me up, and which way they would take care of that I strayed from thinking about. Instead I guess I gave up... I felt useless then, in that room with a door as the only exit. I could do nothing, I felt... However childish it is of me to say it, I felt forgotten. 

'He should be here by now', I thought. 'Why hasn't he come for me yet?'

Stupid, stupid Amram... What value do you carry? What difference could you make? You're just a peasant girl, nothing more, and probably less. 

Then I got angry. "Then why did he ask me to marry him?!"

But it continued on and on, a torrent of anxious and sad thoughts. In the end I felt like banging my head on the wall, intentionally knocking myself out, relieving me of those thoughts. I crawled into a corner of the room, watching the last drops of oil burn into darkness. And it was dark for me too.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Boys have a thing for fire... Well, Lex had. And I remember Calem had it too. I dreamed of them both, Lex set one of his pamphlets on fire and Calem set a whole forest on fire. I laughed at them. A king burns pamphlets and a peasant burns forests. And in war you burn down houses.

'Houses? Like the one I am in?' 

Yes, indeed. It made sense to me why I had dreamt of pyromaniacs and fire when I felt the smoke tickle my nose. It was burning! 

I forced my eyes open and saw smoke trickling through the door slits at the floor and ceiling. I immediately started to bang on the door, calling for help, but the smoke pushed me away. I wiped my eyes free from tears and coughed a bit before realising how hot it was. Then I saw the fire starting to flicker from below, scorching the wooden door.

"Help me!" I yelled at the top of my voice. But the roar of the fire drowned what ever sound I made. 

"I'd give my cursed death magic for some elemental magic right now."

I barely remember much then. I knew I still wanted to live, my life was in danger, and I did not think about anything else. My survival instinct kicked in.

There was no way out except through the door. But the flames were licking the door from outside, and soon it would burst through the door. I could see the red and orange light through the slit, casting a hellish light on the floor. And that was my only way out of there. One thing was sure; however I chose I would go down. If I stayed the smoke would choke me to death before the fire consumed me. If I broke down the door and tried to break through the raging inferno outside would smother me to ashes, but I preferred that to the slow death of choking smoke. 

'Outside here, you have a chance. You're trapped in here, get out of here', my head told me. 'At least try. In here you'll surely die!'

My primal instinct was to escape and survive. I wet myself with water from a basin the Wilijies had so politely left in the room for my comfort. I ripped a large piece from my skirt and wrapped it around my head and torso to ensure me not getting burned. It had to do.

I pulled the chair from the floor and embraced it with the legs sticking out in front of me. I tried, but I did not run fast enough. I felt the door give a bit, but not enough. Second try the door gave even more, the hot hinges letting go of the charcoaled wood.

"Third time's a charm", I said encouraging myself. 

Miraculously the door gave. Suddenly I was through the door, only red heat around me. I wasted no breath in staying – I ran, smelling my own burning flesh. And strangely felt large amounts of cold water washing over me.

As soon as I got out I collapsed on the ground. My whole body was pounding, perhaps from the warmth of the fire, or the cold water, or just pure adrenaline. 

"Crazy girl, you're lucky we just finished that water spell on the house when you decided to break out."

I opened my eyes wide in amazement and laughed as I saw Joanja hovering above me. "You should have let me know", I croaked.

"Stupid girl. What were you thinking? Got to choose the worse way to die?"

"Does it matter?" I defended myself. "What's going on? Where's Vicdaen?!"

"He's around here somewhere. Don't worry about him... We need to bring you to a healer."

Joanja bent down and picked me up, carrying me in her arms. 

"Romantic", I heard Goovar say. "Ugh, that's some nasty burns you've got, Amram."

"We're going to the sick tent", Joanja said.

"That sounds like a good idea. I'm not going to stop you..."

"Good. And perhaps you should let the king and his brother know that she is safe."

'I'm safe.'

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Author's Note: Yeah! I can't believe I actually posted the next chapter. I'm wonderful, I'm the best! No humility here. I just want to say thanks to all of you patient readers who've been sending wonderful emails to me, encouraging me and all. And I have a surprise: I'll be uploading a different kind of story within a few days. Hope you like it.

Thanks to StuckInMyCorner for the editing.