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Amidst the Shadows Ch. 01

By: Ambrosia_Jewel



Author's note: 

I wrote this as an erotic fanfic for Dragon Age, so the story is based loosely on the events of the game. 

A quick rundown on what has happened up until the time this story begins. An evil magister god Corypheus seeks to destroy the realm. The mages in the realm of Thedas are treated like prisoners, kept in towers guarded by templars. The chantry (which is another name for a church) see magic as dangerous and mages are imprisoned, controlled by the Templars that act on behalf of the Chantry. The mages rebel and escape the towers, and go to a chantry (church) conclave meeting to try and discuss a resolution to the mage/templar rebellion. Ophelia Trevelyan, the main character, is one of the mages that goes to this meeting. 

It is here that Corypheus tries to attack the meeting, and Ophelia unintentionally gets involved and obtains a power from Corypheus, a green orb that she absorbs into her hands. The power allows her to seal the green portals in the sky (that are releasing demons into the realm) and she is the key to saving the realm from Corypheus. 

An explosion occurs at the conclave and everyone at the conclave meeting is killed, except for Ophelia. She is taken to the village of Haven, where a group called the Inquisition are formed, in order to destroy Corypheus. Ophelia is appointed the Inquisitor, a position thrust upon her because of her special powers. Haven is destroyed by Corypheus in another attack and the Inquisition relocate to a large castle keep called Skyhold which is in the Frostback Mountains. The Inquisition seek to stop Corypheus and his army of red templars that seek to destroy the realm of Thedas. 

The story focuses on a man, Cullen Rutherford, who is a former knight templar who has a dislike of mages. He is now the Commander of the Inquisition, and is in charge of the army and soldiers. Cullen is a dark character who uses sex to cope with all the terrible experiences he has endured in life as a warrior. I won't say too much, you'll learn about him soon enough! 

I wrote this not just to be a chapter by chapter story full of sex scenes. There is a lot of sex in it, don't get me wrong, but there is also a lot of character and storyline development as well. Just a heads up in regards to what to expect when reading this. Don't feel like you won't understand what is happening if you haven't been familiarised with Dragon Age, a lot of the story deviates away from it (as it is mainly based on the sexual intrigues of Ophelia and Cullen). 

Anyway, I hope you enjoy and please feel free to comment, send me a message, like it, and well anything. I love feedback, and I love hearing from my readers. 

Finally, I hope you all enjoy the story, and as always have a lovely week! 

***** 

Chapter One: Guilty Pleasures 

In my darkest dreams I do not dare 
To fancy upon the deviant cares 
For all I am is broken pieces 
Of churning lust that never ceases... 

I woke that morning hating everything. Hating fucking Thedas and the Inquisition, hating Corypheus and the breech, hating Skyhold and its cracked walls and crumbling roof. The smell of dung that lingered through the open windows, or the sound of hacking lungs coughing from the people in the courtyard below. It was all filling me with insurmountable levels of blinding and uncontrollable rage. 

The people I had murdered filled my mind, their blood seeping into my dreams until I woke up screaming in terror and my sheets were drenched soaking wet with a cold sweat. I couldn't shake the horror of surviving the blast at the Chantry Conclave, or the attack on Haven. Seeing the people fall as I defended that damn trebuchet. I couldn't erase the memories of the dead. I tried to, by the Maker I really did, and sometimes I thought I was ok. But then I would walk into the main hall of Skyhold and start shaking uncontrollably, even violently, my hands quivering as I tried to hold them still to no avail. The post traumatic shock takes its hold and I am lost to it, like a hungry wolf in a forest, finally finding its prey. 

I used to glorify the brave warriors of Thedas, and when I rose to the occasion of becoming one myself, I dreamt of days where I would be that heroic soldier. I would destroy evil and protect the good. There would be no grey, no shadows, no in between. What did I know? When I discovered that there was no such thing as evil and no such thing as good, and only a blurry shade of something in between, it was too late. The faces of those I had killed never left my eyes, their voices never left my ears. When the last breath left their lips, I breathed it in as if I breathed in the very essence of their soul, and before I knew it, it had consumed me and I had become a monster. I was the evil that I was trying to fight, staring back at me until I transformed into it. 

According to us all, the Inquisition serves a righteous purpose, so why do I find myself murdering so many innocents in the name of our cause? People who have been victimised and turned to fight on a side, just like I have, only they are on the wrong side in the eyes of the Inquisition. We shall dispose of them for the greater good. What is that? I know deep in my heart that this is not glory. It is anything but. 

I spent the day trying to forget my woes, and by nightfall I was drenched in Golden Scythe 4:90 Black, wandering the battlements in hope of a friend. The evening was filled with drunken cheer, spilling out of the inn of The Herald's Rest and onto the stone courtyard, but it was nothing to the oblivion I had found myself in. No rowdy soldier or sloshed mage could appease me now in the utter lament that had befallen upon me. 

Cullen. I let out a heavy sigh as my thoughts lingered on the ex-Templar. The Commander intrigued me. A man so serious that he hardly ever smiled, always keeping himself busy, and when you looked at him you could tell he was plagued by events in his past. Another tortured soul, perhaps we did have something in common? Not that we were friends. Cullen was a singular sort of man, keeping to himself for the most part. When I had crossed paths with him in the hope of exchanging a few words he would often sternly walk by. I understood the desire to be alone, I wasn't judging him for his behaviour. When Thedas has fucked with you one too many times, all you desire is to be rid of the place and the people in it. A moment of silence, when there is just you and your darker thoughts to contend with, nothing more, nothing less. 

My eyes were hazed and I knew I should not dare venture near his study, not in this intrepid state, but the spirits had numbed my senses and I pushed forward. Stumbling over the cold stone steps, climbing the battlements with sheer determination, I approached Cullen's secluded part of Skyhold. Twisting the handle of the door, I was surprised that it was open, and even more so surprised that there was no one in his office. It was late and I should have known better. I knew I should have left, but I heard noises from his quarters in the loft above. Damn my curiosity, but it had gotten the better of me. 

Fumbling for the ladder, I pulled myself up quietly, peeking up into the loft, and there he was. Cullen was stripped down to his bare flesh, his rigid cock full mast and hard. His hands were wrapped around it, and his eyes closed, moaning so loudly I had no fear of being heard. None of that mattered however, as my eyes widened in fear. Wrapped tight around his neck and connected to the poster of the bed was a red silk cloth, cutting off the oxygen as he continued to furiously stroke his cock, red faced and vicious. His eyes kept rolling back, the moans louder and louder, wild crashing waves that threatened to drown him, and possibly would, as the air evaded him. He was unleashed and I had never seen this side to anyone, let alone the Commander, as his chest rose up and down, deeper and faster. Crimsoned faced, he let out a final loud cry, high pitched and drawn out, almost as if he was in agonising pain and sheer ecstasy all at the same time. 

Loosening the ligature from his neck, a heavily panting Cullen collapsed backwards onto the pillows behind, depleted and apparently overly satisfied. His forearm was resting across his eyes, his member somewhat deflated now although it still lay long and semi aroused, and his stomach and chest were utterly coated in his white stickiness. 

Dead in my tracks I remained on the stairs, head poking up into the loft, wide eyed and speechless. I needed to descend for at any moment Cullen would see me. Slowly, I took the first step down the ladder. 

Squeak. 

Withdrawing his arm, Cullen's amber eyes fearfully drew to the loft entrance, while grabbing a blanket to cover himself, as his gaze fell hard upon me. 'Inquisitor.' he remarked in shock. His eyes drew around the room nervously, knowing he had been caught out and there was no escape, before turning to me once more. 'Please, could you give me some privacy.' he barked, his embarrassment now transforming to anger. 

I didn't need to reply, I didn't even need to hear another word from Cullen. All I needed to do was escape from that room. I never descended a ladder as fast as I did that night, scaling down it like a frightened rat into the night, bolting through his study and scurrying into the shadows of a deserted part of the keep far, far away. 

Well sober now, I couldn't shake the image of Cullen gratifying himself like that. I had never seen self-stimulation taken to such an aggressive, insatiable level. It was heated and furious, as he unleashed his wrath on his member, mercilessly. I caught my breath as my mind wandered to other thoughts. Was he trying to pleasure himself, or was he trying to...end his life? Is that was I had stumbled upon? Cullen's last moments in this world, only to be foiled by my sudden appearance? 

'No.' I muttered, reassuring myself 'He took the silk tie off his neck. It was his choice.' 

I ambled back to my quarters and fell asleep in an exhausted heap. All I needed was another experience to be haunted by, and thanks to my damn wandering eyes I had succeeded in that. Not that it disturbed me like the other memories that plagued my mind. In secret, I had been fascinated, dare I say titillated, watching Cullen manipulate himself the way that he did. His muscular arms and torso, and the look on his face as his eyes rolled back in his head in sheer ecstasy. Wearily my eyes fluttered shut, a soft smile on my lips, as the realm of dreams took over my mind. 

**** 

Sitting at my desk in Skyhold the next day, I was drowning in a pile of correspondence that seemed to never end. Offers of support to the Inquisition for the right price, favours, deals, and even a few death threats. It seemed everyone was out to profit from or destroy the Inquisition, and I was cursed to read each drivelous, rambling letter. 

My head throbbing from the previous night's indulgence, I lifted a shaky hand to tear off some bread on a plate close by, eager to ease the growing nausea. 

Tap, tap, tap. 

'Enter.' I called out wearily, expecting a messenger to present with more letters, and to pile them unceremoniously on my table. 

Ascending the stairs into my chambers, however, the Commander walked in. He was dressed in his usual attire of metal cuirass, gauntlets and pauldrons, finished off with a red cloth and gorget of black raven feathers, his short mop of sandy blond waves neatly presented. Cullen looked at me almost arrogantly, a small curl on the right side of his lip where his white scar lay, throwing a smile my way. 

'Inquisitor.' he remarked pleasantly. 

'Cullen!' I replied hastily 'Uh...how can I help you?' 

The atmosphere was awkward, and painfully drawn out as he stood firmly in front of me, a smirk ever present on his lips. Taking a few steps towards me, he stopped, rubbing his neck achingly as he looked my way. 

'About the other night.' he remarked suddenly, his amber eyes piercing into mine 'Ah...don't get the wrong idea, I wasn't trying to kill myself. I wasn't trying to commit suicide. I was...masturbating.' 

He remained silent, eyes fixated on me as I stared back, stunned as I was in his chambers the previous night. 

Did I just hear what I thought he had said? 

'I shouldn't have been there in the first place.' I replied with a frown 'You don't need to explain yourself.'. My cheeks were bright red, and I didn't need a looking glass to know that. They burned with intensity, like searing flames under my skin. 

Cullen moved over to the seat by the bed and eased himself in it comfortably. 'I know,' he murmured 'I just wanted you to know, in case you thought it was...something untoward. I hope I did not frighten you.' 

He ran his hand across the unshaven stubble of his jaw, as he continued to watch me. 

I put down my quill and paper, and turned towards the Commander, giving him my full attention. He looked so calm and composed, considering the topic of discussion. The confidence was actually quite unnerving. 

I shook my head in confusion. 'Forgive me but...what were you doing?' I asked. 

'Autoerotic asphyxiation.' Cullen simply replied, adding mischievously. 'Got a ride. Am I bad.' 

He drummed his fingers across the armrest of the chair, the smirk on his face not diminishing in his admission. If anything it grew larger, as if he was enjoying my unease at the brutal honesty of his confession. 

'You...choked yourself. For an orgasm.' I replied doubtfully, a confused albeit uncomfortable smile on my face. 

Cullen sighed, lifting his eyes to meet mine. 'It wasn't just an orgasm, it was the orgasm. Of a lifetime, you have no idea.' he chuckled, before noticing I was not reciprocating in his amusement. 'I'm sorry,' he replied apologetically 'I have never spoken to you of what happened to me at the Kinloch Hold in Ferelden, and then at Kirkwall. Sufficed to say, life has been...hard. Unforgiving, to be brutally honest. I try to forget a lot of what has happened and it never goes well. So I resort to...other vices, to sate my desire to be happy, for a little while at least.' 

Some part of me knew what he meant. That desire to forget that which never went away. 

'So it felt good then?' I inquired curiously, blushing slightly at the question although knowing I secretly was growing more aroused as the conversation progressed. 

Cullen laughed. 'Better than any drug you've ever had, although I've ever had includes a quite extensive list I can tell you.' he muttered. He rubbed his neck achingly around the base of his neck, moving his shoulders side to side. His amber eyes smiled wickedly at mine and I caught myself feeling very turned on by the Commander. 'How long where you watching for?' he asked softly. 

'Uhhh,' I replied shakily 'not that long. Just the end really.'. I was mumbling and shifting my eyes anywhere but to my companion. I knew he could sense my discomfort, but why did I get the feeling he was actually enjoying it? 

'It's okay.' he whispered 'I'm not angry that you saw me. In fact...'. He ran his thumb teasingly across his bottom lip '...the thought of it excites me more than a little.' 

A short, sharp breath released from my lips as I grinned back slyly 'Perhaps I enjoyed watching more than I should admit.' 

'Better and better.' Cullen chuckled in response. 

'Isn't it a tad bit dangerous though?' I remarked suddenly 'I mean, strangling yourself is never safe now, is it?' 

He shrugged 'Risky actions excite me, I confess. Perhaps it was all the years of brutal willpower enforced upon us as Templars, forgoing everything for one's duty. All those years of wanting to lose all sense of fucking control and never having that release.'. Cullen ran a hand loosely through his sandy blonde hair as he drew a deep breath 'The act itself creates this semi-hallucinogenic state, then you bring in the act of stimulating yourself. Look all I'm saying is you cut off the flow of blood and oxygen to the brain, your dick gets unbelievably hard. It's why these guys who are hung get these stonking boners and ejaculate when they die. You get this euphoria...'. Cullen's voice was smouldering as he described the act, like warm, oozing honey. 

I caught myself holding my breath as he spoke so freely of his darkest fetish. We had never even spoken as friends, and now...this. I adjusted the position in my seat, feeling the ever slight sensation of warm arousal between my legs. 

'It sounds pleasant enough.' I quipped back teasingly, trying to diffuse the intensity in the room that threatened to consume me. 

Cullen laughed in response. 'Pleasant is nothing compared to it. It's like having one foot in heaven.' he replied softly 'Sex is a portal to the Maker. That feeling of every nerve and fibre of your being filled with complete pleasure, losing yourself in that moment and everything blurs into pure fucking elation.'. He shook his head as if even the thought was sending shivers all over his body 'The act itself is enough of a reward to make me cope with the rest of the shit I have to deal with in my head on a daily basis.' 

'I know the feeling of wanting to escape.' I murmured 'You saw a quite sloshed version of me last night. Vices make life worth living sometimes, eh?' 

Cullen raised an amused eyebrow 'If I may ask, what were you doing wandering in my chambers at so late an hour?' 

I bit my lip. 'I just wanted to say hello.' I lied. 

I knew what I wanted to happen. Every time I was near Cullen all I wanted was for him to put his hands all over me and push me hard up against a wall, kissing me until I was begging for mercy. 

As if guessing what dark and dirty thoughts were filling my mind, Cullen slowly rose to his feet. With drawn out steps, he approached me, never tearing his eyes from mine. My chest was rising heavily up and down as he towered in front of me, finally placing his hands gingerly on my waist, so our hips were facing directly in front of each other. 

'Hello.' he murmured devilishly, a wide grin growing on his lips. 

Cullen's lips were pale pink, full and tender, and I saw that white scar begging for me to lap at it with my tongue. I wanted to suck it, to bite it and devour it. 

I let out a chuckle at his reply, but only for a moment, before I was quietened once more, as Cullen drew his hands, lingering along the curves of my figure, teasing me with his touch. Moving his hands to my breasts, he rubbed his thumbs across my mounds, over my nipples, fondling the fabric standing in the way, before placing his right thumb between his lips, licking his digit and coating it with his saliva. 

Easing my top down with his other hand, my breasts were presented bare and shivering flesh as he pinched his wet thumb and forefinger hard over my right nipple in an unforgiving manner. I yelped from the surprise of the sensation, but it felt good. Too good. 

'Pain and pleasure.' Cullen murmured softly, as he pulled and pinched my nipple, refusing to let go as he leant his head towards mine, brushing his lips against mine but refusing to submit to what I expected. I tried to move closer, but he withdrew his face, his lips curled in a smirk. 'Does the Inquisitor want to play? Perhaps experience the drug I speak of?' he asked gently, lulling me to him as his hands ran across my bare arms. 

'If you show me how,' I murmured 'I want to play.' 

'I would like that also.' smouldered the Commander 'I can take you places you've only dared to think upon in your wildest fucking fantasies, but you need to trust me. And if you're willing, let me do what needs to be done.' 


Amidst the Shadows Ch. 01



'Including the silk sash?' I asked precariously. 

'I confess I did not think to bring it with me.' mused Cullen, his eyes lighting up suddenly as he moved his hand to his armour 'But I think we could improvise, just this once.' 

Cullen moved his hands to the large belt around his waist securing the red material, and unbuckled it, placing it carefully on the desk. He then commenced removing the feather shoulder piece, before unwrapping the red material and dropping it to the ground. As he unbuckled and pulled off his armour, piece by piece, he held my gaze fiercely and I dared not turn from it. Pulling his metal gorget over his head, he dropped it with a loud bang against the cold stone floor of the chambers, followed by the cuirass, gauntlets, pauldrons, faulds, greaves, cuisses, tassets and poleyns. Finally all that remained was a loose white shirt and black cotton pants, his hair slightly dishevelled in brushed waves of sandy blonde. 

Lifting the shirt over his head, Cullen revealed his torso, rippled with muscles across his abdomen. His smooth, pale white skin was sun kissed and revealed a few long, white scars from former days of battle. Cullen grinned widely as I blatantly stared at him, unwilling to look away from such a fine, chiselled work of art. 

'Would you like me to take off my pants?' he asked mischievously. 

I knew I couldn't wait that long and rushed over to him, wrapping my arms around his neck and bringing my mouth to his, but the Commander pulled away again. 

'You will get your reward when I say so.' he replied sternly but still holding a soft smile 'Now, take off your clothes.' 

I let out a gasp, followed by a laugh. Cullen's authoritative nature was even more arousing behind closed doors. I wanted to yield to his will, to let him take full control over me. Standing close to me, the Commander was easily one foot taller than me and much stronger as well. He could overpower me so easily and I wanted him to. Something in me wanted him to use that strength against me until I was begging for his mercy. 

I pulled the black top I was wearing hastily over my head, exposing my pale breasts and torso, before unbuckling my belt and pulling off my pants, leaving me in my bloomers and nothing else. 

'I said all of it.' Cullen ordered dangerously, using the stern voice he presented for the recruits in the training circle. 

Cullen leant back against the desk to watch me step out of my under garments, and I presented myself naked in front of him, waiting with an intrigued grin. 

A satisfied sigh left his wicked lips as he held his gaze fast on me. I could see he was aroused, his pikestaff was pushing unforgivingly hard and upwards from under his pants. Cullen caught my line of vision and chuckled. 

'All in good time,' he remarked softly 'now come.' 

With one hand he pulled the belt off the desk, and with the other he took my hand, leading me to my bed. Cullen sat down on the edge of the bed, and pulled me to straddle his lap, his member prodding beneath me as I placed myself across his legs.  

'Tonight you are my lady, and I am your Commander.' he informed with a grin as he gently brought his hands across my back, slowly bringing his belt to my neck. 

Never leaving my eyes, he slowly wrapped the leather strap around my neck as I breathed heavily in my chest, trying to control the nervous tension I was feeling. Cullen tightened the belt so it sat firm around my jugular, but I could still breathe easily. 

Looking into my eyes he pulled it a little tighter. 'What do you say?' he growled. 

My heart was beating fast as I caught my breath. Cullen played the authoritative role a little too well and it was driving me crazy. 

'Yes Commander'. I smirked. I couldn't believe I was role playing kinky games in my chambers at Skyhold with Commander Cullen, of all people. It was dirty and perverse, and utterly perfect. 

With a smile that flashed his brilliant white teeth he loosened his grip, letting the belt rest around my neck as he cupped my face, bringing his lips close to mine, barely touching. 

'When I fuck you tonight,' he whispered 'I'm going to tighten your leash so you cannot breathe. You need to ride that wave of pleasure, let it fill you like an empty cup, and take you higher and higher than ever before. When you get scared, do not be afraid. Your brain will tell you to breathe but you need to trust me. Your body will thank you when you experience the greatest fucking high you have ever reached.' 

'What about you?' I asked 'Do you want me to tie something...' 

Cullen smiled 'I'll take that in my own hands, don't worry. You have a lot to learn. Now, on your back.' 

The Commander stood up and in one swift yank, pulled off his black pants, revealing a hard, full mast erection in front. It was long but quite thick, with a smooth bulbous, shining head, and I wanted to touch it ever so badly. Cullen pushed me back on the bed as he spread my legs, bending them at the knees. 

'You have been good, my lady, listening to your Commander and letting him play with you thus far. You shall get a boon, I think.' murmured Cullen, as he brought his lips onto the soft parts of my inner thigh. 

My stomach fluttered as he began to place light, wet kisses starting from the inner side of my right knee, trailing upwards with soft and teasing puckers until he reached between my legs. 

His warm breath tickled my lips and heated my exposed fleshy entrance as he looked up to me, lustfully. 

'Our first kiss, my lady.' he whispered, as lowered his lips onto mine and bestowed upon them an open mouthed kiss. 

I gasped as Cullen's tongue ran along my labia, the point teasing the bud of my clitoris in cheeky swirls. He chuckled in amusement as he produced a delighted groan from my throat. 

Two of Cullen's fingers dipped into my moist depths as he continued to assault my pink, fleshy entrance with his tongue. Sucking and licking and lapping, in swirls and flicks, over and over again. My breathing was ragged as my hips rose higher to greet him, and Cullen moaned as he lapped at my juices, sucking them enthusiastically before lifting his head with a wide grin. 

'A perfect first kiss.' he remarked pleasantly, looking extremely mischievous. 

He crawled over me as I remained laying down, his strong, muscular arms supporting his weight as he continued to prowl towards me. Except he did not stop when his eyes met mine, only to throw a wicked look before moving higher above me until I was looking up, face to face, with his hot and furious dick. 

'Open wide, if you please, my lady.' Cullen smouldered, but I was already ahead of him, eagerly rounding my lips as he eased into my mouth. 

I could taste the salty pre cum on his head, tangy and moreish as the soft smooth skin of his hardened member filled me. Cullen was so warm, so exquisite, and I wanted to devour him whole. I could hear Cullen grunting softly above me, as he began to move his hips slowly, with small thrusts, in my mouth, over and over again as I tried to take him in. Cullen was being purposely gentle, and I soon realised why, finding myself gagging on his rather large intruder. His skin was so smooth and his scent musky, and I felt that desire he spoke of filling me, as he filled me. 

'Try to relax, and hold your throat open as I go deeper.' murmured Cullen, pulling out for a moment to ready me before entering in again. 

With a deep breath I relaxed, trying to stop my gag reflex as I felt him slowly draw his entire length in, holding it in at the hilt for a few moments until I found myself gagging once more. He left me gasping as he withdrew, but I felt extremely titillated by the experience. 

'Did you like my tasty morsel, my lady?' Cullen smouldered, looking down at me from further above, a few small waves of his hair brushing down on his forehead. 

I knew he was checking to see if I was alright, and I liked that even in his dirtiest moments he still held that concern. 

'Yes Commander.' I hoarsely replied with a devious smile, before I was greeted by Cullen's member sliding into my mouth once more. 

Cullen was straddling my chest now, and I could enjoy the view of his sturdy, muscular thighs as he pumped into my mouth. In one long thrust, he held his member deep in my throat, only this time he pinched my nose, holding me in place. Unable to breathe for a few moments, he released me again and withdrew, the pleasure creeping over me as I gasped under him. 

'The lack of oxygen is exhilarating,' he remarked 'but it is only half the pleasure. You need to combine it with a body wracking, ground shaking orgasm to feel the full effects of what I speak.' 

Dismounting me, Cullen pulled me up with a smirk, as he led me to the balcony. 'Rest your hands on the ledge and look out across the view.' commanded the Commander. 

Naked and exposed, I could feel the cold air nip at my chest and pink exposed lips. 

Thwack! 

I cried out suddenly as Cullen landed a large, flat smack on my behind with his hand. He was a strong man and knew how to deal a blow. My ass stung as he rubbed it tenderly with his hand afterwards, running his fingers up to the belt still hanging around my neck and pulling it towards him, to whisper softly in my ear. 

'Do you like your naughty bottom being spanked by Commander Cullen?' he murmured. 

'Yes.' I replied breathlessly, giddy with excitement. 

Thwack. 

I cried out in real pain this time. 

Cullen pulled the belt sharper 'You didn't call me Commander.' he growled 'You need to be punished.' 

Leaning over, he placed a few soft kisses on my cheek before laying a stinging slap on my other cheek. It felt sharp but pleasurable, the wetness growing within me, and I moaned louder and louder as he continued to slap my ass until it was bright red and warm to the touch. 

Falling to his knees, Cullen placed kiss after kiss along my derriere until I was mewing like a kitten. My pink lips exposed, he offered a long, lingering lick along my labia, pushing his tongue in between the folds. I gasped as Cullen began to assault my well wet depths again, moaning deeper as I was filled with his tongue. He held my hips sturdy as he open mouthed kissed my lips, over and over again. I squirmed in pleasure but he would not cease, driving his tongue more furiously against my clit until I started to moan louder and louder, a wild relentless pleasure building up. 

I couldn't stop the waves coming over me, the intensity of his tongue was bringing me closer to release on every lick. Lifting my leg higher on the balcony, Cullen had full access as he assaulted my entrance, sucking and slurping until I felt my muscles tighten and I revealed a high pitched yell that echoed across the peaks. My body was wracked with an uncontrollable convulsion as I came hard onto his mouth, and Cullen remained eagerly in position as he sucked greedily at my nectar that was now flowing steadily. 

I crumbled over the ledge of the balcony, but Cullen swept me up in his arms tenderly, holding me close. He looked down into my eyes gently, lowering his head as he brought his lips to mine and kissed me deeply. It was a soft and passionate kiss as he explored my mouth, moaning softly into mine before pulling away. 

'By the Maker, you make me feel fucking alive.' he whispered breathlessly, as he carried me to the bed. 

I was panting, still recovering from the pleasurable assault on the balcony, but I managed to cup my hands across his chiselled jaw and bring my mouth onto his once more, heatedly kissing his soft lips. 

'I want you to take me, all of me.' I whispered 'I want to take one step closer to the Maker with you.' 

Cullen released an aroused groan, smiling as he moved over to pick up the red cloth of his attire, lying on the ground. Standing before me, he wrapped the red cloth around his broad neck, wrapping it a few times round, presenting himself like a present. 'The first time is like nothing you have ever experienced.' he warned 'If you have never felt yourself losing your fucking mind, you are about to.' 

Leaning over the corner bedpost at the headboard of the bed, he looped one end of the material around the pillar, lying down on the bed but not letting go of the cloth in his hand as it connected securely to his neck. 

'One tug and I'll be joining you soon enough' he grinned, beckoning me to move towards him. His pikestaff was hard and furious, standing tall and ready. 'Climb on top of me, my lady.' he purred with a smile, eyes fixated on my body as I crawled over to him. 

Positioning myself over his lap, Cullen torturously positioned his member to my entrance, covering his dick with my wetness before I lowered myself onto him. Cullen impaled me, thick inch by inch, moaning in release as he filled himself to the hilt. 

'Maker's breath.' he murmured shakily as I started to move on top of him, sliding him in and out of my depths, my weight falling onto his shaft and transforming us both into quivering, breathless participants. 

The sensation had me rolling my eyes back in my head and finding words too difficult to speak. 

Cullen's eyes were also lulling shut, his head leaning back and exposing the red material tied firm around his muscular neck, his hand holding onto the other end firmly but not pulling on it...yet. I could feel the Commander getting more and more aroused on every thrust, moving his hips higher to greet me on every ride, and a soft moan escaped his lips, over and over again. 

Opening his amber eyes once more, he ran his free hand across my breasts before cupping my cheek tenderly. 'Trust me.' he murmured as he brought his hand to the belt still wrapped around my neck. He pulled firmly and I felt the leather strap tightening all of a sudden, choking me, as Cullen began thrusting hard upwards into me. With his other hand he pulled his own red material tight, cutting off the flow of oxygen. 

Blurring and hazy, I could feel myself losing sense of reality as Cullen continued to thrust up into me, harder and harder, unrelenting and forceful, his thick member spreading and penetrating me as deeply as he could drive, rock hard and furious. A buzzing sensation grew in me, like a deep, satisfying tingling warmth starting in my belly and spreading through into the rest of my body. I could feel this electric sensation of pleasure filling my every raw nerve. 

The build-up was intense and the lack of air was making it unbearable to endure, such was the exhilaration of the moment. Cullen was crying out in moans of unrelenting pleasure as he continued to assault my depths, both of us bright red in the face and transcending into another state of blissful consciousness. His grip was tight on both ends he held, his left hand pulling the red cloth tight and his left pulling the belt on my neck, the ecstasy filling us until a final sharp thrust sent us both over the edge. Cullen and I screamed out in release without any inhibition, echoing loud in my chambers. The Commander let out curdled sob as he released himself into my belly. 

Cullen released his grip on us both immediately, and we gasped for air, our chests rising and falling rapidly as he still remained deep in me. His brow covered in sweat, he cupped my face in his broad hands, bringing his lips onto mine and kissing me over and over again. 

'Thank you,' he murmured 'that was the furthest I have ever flown.' 

His hands were trembling as I placed my hands on his cheeks, continuing to kiss him deeper and deeper. 

'That was...' I shivered, knowing no words would come close to giving its due. 

'...fucking euphoric.' replied Cullen, with a grin 'I know...' 

Cullen eased me off him, and into a warm embrace as we came back down to reality. It was there that we lay together until day break, finally enduring a night away from our darkest thoughts and instead, entwined in each other's arms, finally at peace.



Amidst the Shadows Ch. 02



Chapter Two: Ruins Of Chaos 

The turn of the season came fast upon us at Skyhold, and all through the summer we enjoyed the endless days of blue skies and warmer nights with an almost childish delight, our troubles dissipating in the warmth of the season by the bright sun above and the soft soil beneath our feet. Shoots of grass sprung from the frozen grounds and there was life in places that there had never been before. The realm was changing before our very eyes and anything seemed possible under that blanket of hazy hope that shrouded our shoulders. However as autumn fell upon us, we could all feel the echo of summer calling out to us one last time as it was slowly drowned by the arrival of an unwelcomed intruder that was winter. Before we knew it, we were wrapped in furs and our breath was icy upon the air once more. The blissful ignorance of our plight had been forgotten, and now we were being reminded once more that nothing ever ended, and although we longed for stagnation, it only changed evermore.... 

We found ourselves in the city of Denerim that morning in early winter, to meet with a merchant, Farius Terryn. Terryn had sent word that he could provide the Inquisition with a collection of rare and highly valuable magical weapons fresh from a carrack that was coming to the docks from across the Amaranthine Ocean that day. It was questionable as to how the Ferelden merchant had managed to acquire such a valuable bounty, but we all knew we were in no position to question anything that might aid us in our plight. 

Cullen and Leliana had joined the expedition, adding a brutally unforgiving and severe dimension to the journey. The pair held a similar disdain for pleasantries in general, keeping their focus on the road ahead with no time for small talk to ease the discomfort that silence often brings, leaving me to while away the hours in my head as the emptiness grew thick across the company of soldiers marching with us. 

To be honest, I had wondered at times whether my previous interlude with Cullen had been a result of my wild and vivid imagination, especially now in the aftermath, such was the way he was acting towards me, and such was the oddity surrounding our unexpected, lustful session. There was not even the slightest acknowledgement of my person on Cullen's behalf, apart from the expected civilities owed to each other as we travelled across Ferelden. A firm nod, a sharp order and a stiff jaw, these were the only offerings bestowed upon me, and it left me rather disillusioned even at the best of times. 

Often I would cast my gaze across to the Commander on his steel plated steed and see him deep in thought, a frown covering his face and hardened lines heavy on his brow. He was troubled, that much he had already confessed and that much was clearly evident, but I wondered whether passing so close to the life he once had been a part of had caused him further pain at present. Surely this journey brought back too many memories he had wished to forget? 

My nature was one that urged me to grab his hand and squeeze it reassuringly, perhaps in the selfish desperation that my comfort would in turn be reciprocated. Perhaps that was a flaw of my own self, despite my belief in thinking I wanted to help the Commander, I in secret only wanted him to help me. Perhaps he already knew this much in his infinite wisdom, and merely knew how to act accordingly. With silence. 

Arriving at the city a few hours after a red sun rose across the amber plains, we were all relieved for the break of ceaseless riding. I sighed heavily as I lead my horse to the stables just outside of Denerim, handing the reigns to the stable boy a little too eagerly, before following my escorts through the large wooden gates of the city. Denerim. The capital of Ferelden and birthplace of our holy Andraste. Many a legendary bard's tale had been spun thanks to this city, and it was indeed humbling to grace such a mighty place. During the previous blight, Denerim had been almost destroyed, and even after all this time there was still evidence of the destruction it had left in its wake. The city had been rebuilt, but there still remained charred and blackened ash burnt deep on some of the stones, perhaps left as a reminder to those that nothing was safe from the evil that seeks to destroy us. In the end, no one was safe. 

'Inquisitor,' called out the Commander from a way ahead, walking towards me with a focused pace 'I have spoken to our soldiers and we have agreed to meet at the Gnawed Noble Tavern at midday to converse with our merchant trader, Farius Terryn. You are free to wander the city until then.' 

'Free?' I replied with a smirk, hoping to produce one from the Commander. He, however, did not reciprocate. 

'Yes.' Cullen replied directly 'Although unless you have other business in the city before then, I would like your advice regarding some of the magical equipment we intend to purchase, before the merchant arrives. It shouldn't take too long.'. Cullen drew his hand outwards, directing me towards a strip of shops in the alley nearest to us 'If you please, Inquisitor.' 

'Of course.' I replied darkly, hating the way Cullen insisted on only addressing me by my formal title rather than my name. Perhaps it was his intention, but it dehumanised my being into nothing more than a superficial role and I knew it was unworthy of him to do so while others made the effort to address me by my actual person. 

Cullen nodded to the remaining men, directing some to the gate while others set off to their own devices, most likely to the loving arms of The Pearl. Turning back to me, Cullen proceeded to direct me through the tired and dusty laneways of Denerim, walking by my side in silence. After many narrow twists and turns, I realised we were completely away from the prying ears of any unwanted company, and I turned to my silent companion in somewhat of an act of desperation to appeal to his senses once and for all. 

Suddenly aware of my presence, something I questioned whether he had been fully aware of before this moment, Cullen slowed his pace to a halt. We were in a part of the city that was quite abandoned, only for the loose crumbling rock foundations of abandoned buildings and the skeleton of wooden frames from buildings yet to be completed. 

'Interesting place to discuss business?' I remarked dryly, throwing a sceptical glance around the ruins of the city 'Unless you were hoping to be robbed before then? Then I'd say this was an excellent place.' 

Cullen chuckled, a devious smirk growing on his lips as his hand suddenly grasped mine and pulled me aside, pushing me against a tired wooden beam close by, and pressing his armoured body firmly against mine. 'No rogue would dare interrupt me now.' he remarked lowly, almost growling, as his amber eyes drew into mine. 

My breathing intensified as I felt the Commander move his hands to my shoulders, drawing his lips to my neck as his fingers lingered across my collarbone before exploring lower over my chest, fondling my breasts as he continued to pleasure me with his mouth. 

'This journey has given me no release,' Cullen murmured 'and I've been tortured from having to watch the back of you as you ride your damn horse for over a week now.'. He brought his lips to mine and roughly kissed me, biting firmly at my bottom lip before pulling away. 'I need release.' 

I raised an amused eyebrow 'Here?' 

'Why not?' Cullen growled, tightening his grasp around my waist so we were pressed tightly together 'I'd fuck you in the middle of the merchant square at midday if I could, and take delight in seeing all the perverse eyes of the men and women watching me conquer you mercilessly until you were screaming out my name on your hands and knees, begging for more.' 

I grinned back at his mischievous remark, a deviant smile reflecting on his own face that seemed entertained by the thought. Cullen's loose sandy blonde hair fell across his brow as he held my gaze, almost as if he was challenging me to protest so he could chastise me. I often felt he took delight in trying to take me off guard. To shock me with his confessions. Little did he know I was beyond that. I loved the way his Templar nature came out when the Commander was aroused. Cullen was so stern and unforgiving, and it always tempted me to inflame him further, and the more he spoke of his depravity the more I found myself desiring to be part of it. 

Cullen started to undo his cuirass, quickly unfastening the buckles on each side and pulling the steel over his head with his feathers and red fabric still attached. It was evident Cullen was not interested in preserving the attire his position demanded, throwing it down like a pile of old rags at his feet as he tugged the remaining loose cotton white shirt over his head. He revealed his smooth sun kissed abdomen, tight and firm, with broad shoulders and large, well defined arms that could easily overpower me whenever it took his fancy. 

Running his hands across my belt, Cullen began to unbuckle the clasp with firm pulls and tugs, yanking me with it so I was pulled closer towards him. I wanted to make him furious at me, such was the way of my delight, so I pushed off him roughly in protest. 

'You've not said one word to me since you left me in my room weeks ago.' I remarked angrily 'I deserved a little more than that. And I don't exist to entertain you when it suits.' 

Cullen raised an amused eyebrow, obviously entertained by my heated observations. 'What would you have wished me to say?' he inquired politely, a smirk on his lips 'Or perhaps do? Offer you a posy of flowers perhaps?'. With a final hard tug, he released my belt and hooked his fingers into my pants, pulling them slowly down to expose my flesh. 'The only flower that concerns me is the one between your legs.' he growled. Suddenly the Commander pushed me furiously against the beam behind me, running his hands through my hair as he embraced me furiously with his hot mouth, before grabbing my locks sharply with a clenched fist. 'Or perhaps I should have been whispering sweet nothings to you since that day? Sonnets perhaps, of a Templar knight pure and true, determined to protect your honour...when all I really want to do is tarnish it with my darkest deeds. Drag you into my perversity. My thoughts are nothing but sweet, and I refuse to deceive you with anything but. I lie awake at night thinking of all the immoral acts I would like to indulge upon you, to sate my insatiable desire until I am weak and dripping, a shadow of my former self quenched of all his darkest fucking desires. Pleasant civilities do not enter into the realm I wish to enter with you.' 

Rendered more than a little speechless at his brutal honesty, I let out a surprised gasp. I could feel how unforgiving his cock was right now, pressed hard up against me, even with all the trappings between us. Cullen was heated and aroused, as was I by his filthy confessions, his honesty making me quiver with delight, his broad chest stirring my temptation. My fingers edged towards the concealed bulge as Cullen kept himself pressed against me, and I could feel him grinning next to my ear as I desperately tried to release him in that moment. 

'Then what do you want from me?' I whispered, finally managing to wrap my fingers around the soft warm skin of his hard member. 

Cullen's eyes shut and he released a moan as I stroked him with a firm hand, up and down his hot dick. He was incredibly hard, maybe from the many days of tension building up, or maybe that was a delightful regularity of Commander Cullen. 

'Right now, at this moment, I want to fuck you before we have to meet this fucking merchant.' he groaned in reply, responding to my touch with enthusiasm. Opening his eyes once more, he threw me a grin, his mischievous hands having pulled my pants now over my hips, and down to the ground around my ankles. Kicking off my boots, and pants, I watched as Cullen released his member from amidst his own attire. The Commander was ready. 

'I never talk about my past to anyone, but there is something about you that makes me want to, for better or for worse.' he muttered as he held his erection in one hand, while holding me close with the other 'Before I was tainted with the cruel hand that fate bestowed upon me, I was but a naive Templar who had faith in my duty but also trusted the mages left in my charge. We were to keep a distance from the mages, in order to supervise them effectively. We could never be close. But I had faith in their purpose, and that they would arise to the same amount of integrity that the Templars upheld. That I upheld.' 

Cullen rubbed his throbbing head across the pink of my folds before positioning to enter, slowly easing into me as he kept his eyes held fast on mine 'And so the day came when they betrayed that faith I had. I saw so much evil in that tower, and I saw my fellow Templars slain like cattle before my very eyes. By the end I hated mages. I hated magic. What I endured was unspeakable. It was abhorrent. Now, however, there is something about mages that makes me so angry...and so fucking horny at the same time. Like a swirling pool of maddening lust that I cannot control. You do that to me.' 

'I am not like those mages.' I responded breathlessly as I felt his generous length fill me to the hilt, the warmth of his breath on my shoulder as he supported my weight beneath me with his strong arms, easing out again to repeat what he had begun. My breath drew into shallow pants as Cullen starting to thrust up into me with long, rhythmic thrusts, slow at first but increasing in intensity as he spoke. 

'I know,' he muttered 'yet to me that circle represented what mages across Thedas are capable of and that is enough to secure my disdain. I was tortured in that circle. Perhaps you would say broken. The things they did to me, the things those abominations showed me.'. He thrust harder up into me and I cried out. It was forceful and the roughness was sending me over the edge. 'I cannot be the man you want,' he grunted as he continued to sate himself 'or the one I was meant to be. I cannot bring you flowers and entertain you in idle pleasantries, taking pleasure in the flightless pursuits of a perfect courtship that can never be. I cannot be that person for you...or for me.' 

Moaning against his continual wave of intrusions, I kissed the base of his neck as he continued to assault me. 'Cullen,' I murmured between forceful penetrations 'I never asked you to be anything else than what you are.' 

Cullen used his weight to hold me against the beam as he wrapped his hands around my throat, his thrusts becoming harder and faster, his fingers pressing firmly into my flesh and covering my skins in excited bumps 'All I can do is fuck you with every part of my being, my soul, my mind. I give these to you freely, but I warn you, you will not like what you find there. My mind is a dark labyrinth of unfulfillment and disappointment that you will surely drown in.' 

I could feel an uncontrollable urge to come as he held me tight, and Cullen knew it. He released me suddenly and I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, resting my weight heavily on him as his held me up against him and furiously unleashed himself on me, fucking me harder and harder on every thrust with unforgiving diligence as I fell down on him again and again. 

'Dig your nails into me.' he ordered sharply 'Scratch and rip my flesh. Do it!!'. There was an almost desperation in his voice, as if Cullen needed the pain in order to feel his release. As if the two coincided with each other, and one could not be felt without the other. 

Without hesitation, I dragged my nails heavily across the smooth, white skin of his muscular back. At first I only left a few white trails of scratch marks but as I continued the scratches cut deeper and deeper until I could feel myself tearing his flesh and Cullen started moaning uncontrollably. 'More!' he growled 'Hurt me, damn you, tear me to fucking shreds!' 

Dark angels danced around us, of that I am certain, their black wings flapping as we rose on the wave of delight, taking us higher and higher into a realm of forbidden desire. I knew I was a part of something much bigger than just being fucked by Commander Cullen. He was opening himself to me, perhaps the first person he had ever done so with, and his was a mind of riddles and mazes, threatening to consume my own mind perhaps as I tried desperately to understand him. There was something about Cullen and his darkness that fascinated me, drew me towards him and craved him even more. I could feel my soul weeping for his, as if it felt what he felt when he revealed himself from behind that black curtain of his past. His shadows were my companions and I knew even if I wanted to run away, his sad song would lull me back. I was under his spell. 

His thrusts were sharp and unforgiving now, and it was rough and ecstatic as I mercilessly ripped and scratched the skin on his back with my nails as he held me up, the smell of blood and sex in the air as he fucked me harder and harder until we both screamed out in total uninhibited...release. Cullen shuddered, filling me deeply with his splendour, the sweat on his brow touching my lips, salty and pure as the release we had both just experienced. 

Cullen held me against the wall, still deep inside me, as he drew his lips to mine and kissed me between breathless pants. Perhaps in that brief moment, there was a short time where the Commander was at peace. His touch was softer, almost tender, as his soft lips lapped over mine gently before pulling away. 

'Thank you.' he muttered withdrawing from me, and I felt alone, an emptiness that wasn't a result of physical means. Cullen turned to retrieve his breastplate, revealing the many scratches and smeared blood from the fresh cuts left on his back. 

'You're bleeding' I remarked in concern, feeling guilty for being the one who had injured the Commander. An addition of injuries to the already long list. 

With a smirk, Cullen drew his eyes back towards mine, pulling the loose cotton shirt over his head. 'Like I said, thank you. I used to cut myself, after what happened at the Circle Tower. In Kirkwall in the privacy of my chambers, I would delight in running a blade over my skin on different parts of my body and every time it felt so...good. Every time that heavy pain in my gut started, when the memories came to haunt me, the physical pain of piercing my flesh would ease me. Your nails felt wonderful.' 

I hesitantly moved closer to him, grabbing his hand as a cold breeze scattered loose leaves in the isolated corner we had come to pass in. 'I don't want to cause you further pain.' I appealed. 

'You're not,' Cullen replied shortly, a faint smile following 'in fact it is quite the opposite.'. Cupping my face, his amber warmth held my gaze 'You could never hurt me, but I could hurt you. I warn you against getting close to me.' 

'The sun may warn the shadows to stay away, but we all know it is the light that allows the darkness to prevail as much as the darkness allows the light.' I replied with a shrug. 

'Perhaps, but you are no shadow.' replied the Commander bluntly. 

'We are all shadows.' I muttered 'You are not the only one that has lost faith in this life.' 

Pulling away, he continued to dress himself in silence until he was once again a pristine image of a Commander of the Inquisition. 

'We meet at The Gnawed Noble at midday. Until then Inquisitor.' 

'Until then Commander' I replied dryly, if not accusingly, berating him for using my title so formally at such an informal moment. To turn on such titles after such intimacy boiled my blood, and left me feeling even more alone than when I started. His emotional detachment was like a blade against my own skin, although I felt no pleasure in it. 




Amidst the Shadows Ch. 02



Cullen chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck bashfully as he acknowledged his cold manner, and flashed me wink before turning away once more. 

Turning away, I was once again alone. Drawing a deep breath, I sighed heavily as I dressed myself. Perhaps Cullen was right, perhaps he would only hurt me in the end. So why was I so drawn to him? Why did his suffering make me want to care about him more? Every time he opened up himself to me, he showed me parts of him that were terrible, indeed flawed. So why did I find them curiously beautiful? Why was I so attracted to his darkness, and the shadowy deeds he was capable of? Why was that what appealed to me the most, that of which Cullen feared would destroy me in the end? 

There was such a sadness in the Commander's eyes, as if once he had beheld all the beauty in the world only for it to have been ripped from him, piece by piece, until there was nothing left to behold except the emptiness of his soul staring back at him, a shallow vessel of grief and despair. Hallow and discarded, a steady stream of sadness that had taught him to be a wiser person, even perhaps a better person, compared to those who rely on affirming their existence on the approval of others, and cast a blind eye on the suffering of the world for they have never been a part of it, only to pass it every now and then with a bat of an distracted eyelid. Cullen had found himself in the spiralling depths of torment and pain and somehow had managed to survive it. He had survived and he had returned a changed man, a beautiful mirror that was now shattered into a thousand shards, although still intact it was a piece riddled with flaws. 

I couldn't fix him, but even if I could I never would...



Amidst the Shadows Ch. 03



'This is a shield.' yelled Cullen 'It's not for decoration, it's not for balancing your sword's weight. It's not for eating your dinner off at night in the barracks when you're in need of a table and there's none to be had.'. Murmured chuckles sounded around the yard before growing quiet once more as the Commander continued 'It can however defend you, and it can attack your enemies. If you have a shield in your hand, use it.'

The new recruits were gathered around Commander Cullen in the courtyard of Skyhold that midday, the warm sun beating upon their fresh steel as they listened attentively. Like fresh ducklings in the wild, they stood together wide eyed, uncertain yet curious, and somewhat alert as the Commander addressed them. They varied from bright youths barely reaching fifteen to those late in their years and well rough around the edges. It mattered not however, for the Inquisition did not discriminate when it came to fighting their cause.

Armed and ready, Cullen pointed his sword towards a black hair man in his early twenties that stood at the front of the group. 'You there, what is your name?'

'Kieran, sir.' mumbled the man.

Cullen nodded 'Well, Kieran, come at me.'

Nervously, the young man cast his black eyes around the crowd, hoping to disappear amongst his fellow recruits rather than being singled out.

'Come on man!' roared Cullen 'Do you think the enemy is going to leave you alone in the heat of battle? You'll be faced with one, if not five or more enemies coming at you at once, ready to spill your blood as best as they can. Now come at me.'. Cullen's last words were stern and low, with a tone that could not be interpreted as anything but an immediate threat. Standing tall in the middle of the sparring circle, the ex-templar's feet were firmly planted in the ground, sword and shield ready, as if he had done this a million times before and probably had.

Raising his right arm that was holding his blade, the young man lunged towards the Commander. Kieran swung his sword diagonally across at Cullen, who effortlessly took a step back to avoid it, leaving the recruit to fall forward, his blade hitting the dusty ground with an unceremonious clang. With one short, sharp shove, Cullen rammed Kieran with his shield, and the young man fell backwards onto the ground with an oomph. A few men and women chuckled in the crowd before silencing quickly as the Commander threw his eyes dangerously across the group.

'Do you think this is a joke?' he roared 'If this seems funny, I can imagine how hilarious it will be to see you all run through by an enemy blade on our next mission.'. The courtyard went deadly silent, not even the pigeons that resided in the wooden rafters of The Herald's Rest dared coo when the Commander was in such a mood. 'To those of you who are actually interested in learning how to fucking fight, did you see how I used my shield as a weapon to destabilise him? I used it on the offence. I used it as a weapon, with more force to push my enemy off his feet than a sword ever could. When you're fighting the enemy remember to use what you have in your hands to the best of its abilities.'

The Commander stood over Keiran and reached out his metal gauntleted hand, helping the recruit up off the ground. It was clear that Kieran was struggling under the weight of his metal cuirass to gain his foothold.

'It's hard to move in this armour.' winced Kieran achingly as he rejoined his fellow recruits. A few nodded in agreement, and there was more than half a dozen shifting uncomfortably in their steel dressings even as they stood idle.

'We could train better without it.' observed one of the younger recruits, producing a few ayes in the crowd.

Cullen nodded briefly and raised his eyebrows as if pondering the thought. 'Yes, you're probably right. You could swing a sword better without the cuirass, and you could move easier without the pauldrons.'. Walking slowly and sagely, like a man who had seen more in one lifetime than a dozen soldiers ever would, Cullen threw his eyes sternly across the recruits. 'Has anyone heard of The Great Serf Rebellion of Bastion?' he asked, looking around at a sea of blank faces 'No I thought as much.'.

Throwing his shield to the ground, Cullen rested against the stone wall of the foundations behind him. the sweat from his brow glistening in the midday sun. 'Bastion, for those of you who do not know, is a large city in the south of Antiva, well known for it's feudalistic tendencies, and the subsequent peasants obligation of serfdom under that regime. The land is controlled by a handful of extremely powerful merchant families, I believe the lords of the land are referred to as Merchant Princes over there. Fifty years ago there was one group of serfs that worked over a rather extensive part of Bastion under the servitude of Lord Sarzurious, a man who owned many of the lucrative mines and vineyards in south Bastion. Forced to work for the Merchant Prince, the Bastion serfs under the regime of Lord Sarzurious were offered little in return that amounted to adequate protection or food. In fact, Lord Sarzurious treated his serfs worse than slaves for the most part. As you can imagine, over the years the serfs became somewhat...disgruntled in their predicament and decided to overthrow their tyrannous master. Lord Bravadius, another Bastion landowner in the region, desired such a rebellion. He knew that it would open up an opportunity to take over the lucrative estate of Lord Sazarious, something that would otherwise never fall into the hands of Lord Bravadius.'

Cullen held up his longsword to the recruits, the silver steel's reflection from the sun blinding their eyes 'In secret, Lord Bravadius funded the serfs in their planned rebellion, providing them with exceptional quality Antivan steel weapons and armour. For a year the serfs trained to fight in secret, practicing with sword and dagger, bow and axe, until the day arrived that they decided to strike. Lord Sazarious naturally had soldiers protecting him, however they were half the number of the serfs that approached the gates of his manor in the early hours of morning on that fateful day. Each and every serf was donned in the finest steel plate armour, and each held an exquisite weapon in their hands. The outcome of the day was assumed obvious and victorious in its result. However...'. Cullen turned his sharp gaze upon the crowd '..they were all misled in their assumptions. As the battle began, the serfs struggled and stumbled to fight as they were met with the soldiers and knights of Lord Sazarious. For all the weapon training they had done in secret, not one of the serfs had practiced wearing their armour. Not one. The weight of the steel exhausted them, drained them of their stamina. They couldn't yield their weapons, and they couldn't move with agility. Although not outnumbered, the serfs were struck down that day effortlessly. Each and every one slaughtered at the entrance of their master's estate.'

A heavy blanket of silent unease fell across the courtyard. Satisfied by the response, Cullen nodded before continuing 'This is why we train in our armour. This is why when you are not training, you will continue to wear your armour throughout the day, right up until you retire for the night. These heavy, uncomfortable steel trappings are now your second skin, and if I see anyone not wearing them in their entirety there will be repercussions. Do I make myself clear?'

'Yes Commander.' replied the group of recruits.

'Good.' remarked Cullen 'For the rest of the afternoon I want to see you in groups of five, using your shield for attack and defence. We will not stop until the sun goes down. Proceed.'

The recruits hastily joined off in groups, eager to placate their Commander. Everyone knew Cullen Rutherford was an exceptionally talented warrior, however he lacked the bedside manner that others may have bestowed when teaching. To the Commander the only thing that mattered was results. He would push every recruit under his command to their limits, and refused to coddle and comfort in between. Perhaps he would get little thanks for it in the short run, but Cullen knew in the middle of a fight his recruits would be eternally grateful for his method of teaching.

Running his stern gaze over the group, Cullen could see Leliana approaching in the distance, descending the stairs from the Great Hall with a light swiftness in her step. Silently she approached the sparring circle and sidled up to the Commander with a raised eyebrow, looking towards the soldiers fumbling about with their shields.

'Give them time, they will come good.' muttered the Commander.

'Time is something we may not have.' observed the spymaster with a hint of doubt. Leliana looked tired, her ginger hair lay scattered across her face limply, and dark skin bulged under her eyes. It was apparent she had enjoyed little sleep or respite for many days. 'I have had word that Samson was spotted near the Emerald Greaves but a week ago. One of my spies was taken by his Red Templars. I will be heading out tomorrow at dawn to track them.'

'Use your fucking shield Flinders!' Cullen roared towards an older recruit in the corner of courtyard. With a heavy sigh, he turned back to Leliana. 'They will be ready, even if they do this all night.'

A curl grew on Leliana's lip as she observed the agitation in the Commander. She knew Cullen too well to believe shields were the real reason of his displeasure on this particular afternoon. 'I assume Cassandra mentioned I will be taking the Inquisitor with me?' she added.

'Of course.' muttered Cullen, turning his back to observe his recruits. With his face concealed, Leliana could not see the shadow that fell across it at the mention of Trevelyan. 'Hopefully you will be able to locate Samson, as well as your agent.' remarked the Commander 'If that is all, I must return to my duties.'

With a swift nod, Leliana withdrew back to the steps, eager to ascend into her study at the top of the tower once more.

'Leliana.' called out Cullen

'Commander?'

With dark amber eyes that glared into her green quite sternly he stopped for a moment. 'Keep her safe.' he said in a softer voice, before turning with a sharp step towards his recruits once more.

The spymaster watched Cullen, curiously, as he returned to his recruits, already barking orders at several. With a small smile, she departed the courtyard to prepare for the next day's journey. There was much to be done and little time to ponder anything in between, however much she may have wanted to do otherwise.

****

Stumbling through the green forest of the Emerald Greaves, a peace had fallen upon us that dreamy afternoon as we drifted through the broken sunlight filtering through the leafy branches above. Holding my hands above me, outstretched into the endlessness, the warmth peppered across my fingers, begging me to dance with it like a long lost lover, revelling in our reunion after such a very long, long time. Such euphoria at such a simple moment, I dared not close my eyes for I knew what would come to pass. What often crossed my mind in the silence of a rare moment to myself. Cullen.

While the others drew up their cloaks tight to their necks and blew warmth into their fingers, I was oblivious to the unforgiving chill in the afternoon air. The pink flush on my cheeks had nothing to do with the threat of an impending winter frost on the air, nor was my lack of hunger a result of having had my fill of nourishment. As many a fool before me, I was stumbling along the path of my life with my eyes shut tight, humming the sweet tune of infatuation all the way along, unaware that the shadows loomed close by.

Not even Corypheus could dampen my spirits at present, and that was why I knew what I was feeling was dangerous. Unrealistic. Perhaps even delusional...but I did not care. None of this mattered anymore. All that I wanted, all that I truly craved was the company of a man whose time was scarcely bestowed upon me. Unrequited. Unreturned. Unwanted. For every action of his that warranted serious question, I was eager to excuse it with the flippant excuse of fate. Of destiny, to which we fools are ever obliging to use to explain why two people meet. Time had chosen to bring Cullen and I together for a higher purpose, so who was I to question the troublesome facts?

Of course I knew I was being ludicrous. Cullen was nothing more than the keeper of my affections, a wonderful and most cruel master that dangled a small sceric of happiness before me before pulling it away from my grasping hands. I wasn't even sure if he knew he was doing it half the time, so powerful was his hold over me that merely being in his presence filled me with strange comfort and delight. The more I feasted on that delirium, the more I wanted, and the more I needed it, until I was nothing more than a rabid beast in the wilds craving it's next meal in uninhibited, wanton desire.

The pendulum of my psyche swung from bliss to despair many times in every breath I took. I was losing control over my every part of being and the sad desperation of the Inquisition had sent me drowning into morbid reality. I was suffocating, if not dying already, and I was using Cullen as a rope to pull me out of it. I knew however that the temporary ignorant delight I experienced through him only lead me further into the depths of that pool of ruin. When I finally opened my eyes, when I tried to draw my one last breath, I knew I would be long past saving myself and there would be nothing to be done about it.

The sound of a second horse approached from behind me, it's hoofs softly treading through the long wet grass of the damp forest floor. Looking across to my side I was greeted by Cole, serenely looking about the forest as he rode beside me, the brim of his hat hanging low across his face. 'Falling, falling. Ever falling.' he whispered in a sing-song manner 'The water is rising above your head and you are sinking into the depths. Flaying arms and short breaths, you are losing control and you wonder what to do. But what can you do? To love is to feel pain, and no one loves pain. He does though. He loves it, and he knows he will cause it.'

A heavy sigh released from my lips as I looked away from the rogue. I didn't need this, not now. I knew Cole was reading my thoughts. I knew he had read Cullen's. However I did not want to know. Not like this.

'The pain is so strong,' continued Cole placidly 'seering like white heat, and there is no escape. I try to take it away from him but it is sewn into his flesh and blood, flowing through his veins, running deeper to his core. It is bound to him and I cannot take it away lest I destroy him, for now the darkness and him are one and the same. They cannot be parted, they cannot be torn apart.'. Cole sighed sadly, his shoulders hunched over as if he could feel the very pain himself and could not bare it.

Casting a frown to my companion, I pulled my reins to slow my horse to a halt. 'Do you have something to say?' I asked sharply.

'Bad things, terrible things happen to people and there is no way to remove them from the past they have endured. It becomes a part of them, and they change. They are transformed, liked a caterpillar into a moth, and even though the nightmares have changed them, they are no less beautiful than the butterflies of the world. Dark winged creatures of despair, so perfect. So...perfect. It has changed him and shaped him into the man that he is now. If I took those memories away he would be a different person. Cullen would cease to be.'

'No one is asking you to fix Cullen.' I snapped.

'Yes you do.' replied Cole sadly 'You want to take away his pain all the time. That is why you need to understand. That is what I am trying to make you understand.'. His eyes lifted from under the wide brimmed hat, and drew patiently into mine 'He likes you but fears to love. If he opens himself to you, you will see...you will see.. and he knows you will not want to see.'.

Digging my heels into the side of my horse, I quickened the pace and left Cole behind. Perhaps what he said was true, but I didn't want to hear it.

As the sun fell behind the trees and darkness began to engulf the forest, we set up camp, Vivienne, Varric, Cole, Leliana and I. A small grove of trees provided us with some concealment, and a small fire burned brightly, a warmth that was eagerly welcomed. One of the Inquisition's agents had gone missing, and it was imperative that we find them. We had been wandering through the forest for less than a day, searching for any signs that the Red Templars had ventured this way, although to our dismay and possible relief we had found nothing except the deep serenity of the forest.

Shaking my head, I threw some twisted up leaves I had been diligently tearing away at into the depths of the camp fire. Ever since I had spoken to Cole, I had been thrown into a most foul mood. My bubble of my infatuation, idealising the misconstrued actions of Cullen, had been burst by the observant spirit that took pleasure in analysing the minds of others. Cole was trying to help, of that I knew, however like many with such good intentions the result often rendered quite the opposite.

I spent the better half of the night meditating on idle thoughts, trying to distract myself from what I craved to think about, until all my companions had retired to bed and I was left alone with my mind to haunt me once more. Leliana was also awake, however she too seemed plagued by her own demons that night, quietly observing the silence with welcomed reverence. Leliana lent her ginger hair against the log behind her, and was looking up to the stars, as if searching for an answer from the Maker above.

'The stars are so beautiful in a clear night sky,' she murmured 'I almost forget how much so when I spend too long at Skyhold in my study.'

'Yes,' I murmured 'out here it almost feels how life should be.'

'Life is never how it should be.' muttered Leliana bitterly.

I turned my eyes to the spymaster, half interested in that remark, half concerned. I was under no pretences at how important Leliana was to the success of the Inquisition. If she was losing faith, then we were all doomed.

Leliana's eyes were wide and looking deep into the night, as if only slightly aware of my presence and her observations were rather directed to herself. 'I spent many nights like this in Ferelden,' whispered the spymaster 'after I left Lothering. I would sit and tell so many stories to my companions on a nightly basis, like a naive little child, unaware of what foul events would come my way as the days progressed. How I long for that innocence again, in our blissful unawareness of the impending terrors fate bestows upon us all, perhaps it is only there where we can truly be happy?'

'Cassandra mentioned that you travelled with the Hero of Ferelden' I remarked, interested in holding a conversation that could distract my spiralling thoughts.

'Hero.' scoffed Leliana bitterly 'Hardly. She killed an arch demon but does that act alone make you a hero? No. Heros are just people, and people can do terrible things. I believe a hero must be selfless in their sacrifice. She is self serving until the end.'

Raising my brows, I shifted my body to face Leliana. 'What did she do to warrant that assessment?' I asked curiously, if not a little surprised.

A tired sigh departed Leliana's lips, her eyes glassy at the memories filling her already consumed mind. 'There were many things that Sierra Amell did, where does one begin? Ah that's right.' chuckled the bard bitterly 'She murdered me.'

'What?!!' I blurted out.

A hardened expression grew on Leliana's face. 'Yes.' she replied sharply 'At the temple of Sacred Ashes. She intended to taint the ashes of our holy Andraste for the sake of a cult, The Disciples of Andraste. They worshipped a high dragon which they falsely believed was the reincarnation of Andraste herself. What fools. We all knew they were delusional and dangerous, but the hero believed she could use this to her advantage. The leader of the cult, Kolgrim, asked her to pour a vial of the dragon's blood onto the ashes of Andraste.'




Amidst the Shadows Ch. 03



'Why would anyone do such a thing?' I asked in horror.

'Why indeed.' muttered Leliana 'To defile something so pure...'. The spymaster sighed heavily, finally turning her gaze away from the heavens and towards me 'In return for such an act, Kolgrim offered her a rather large amount of coin, and membership into the cult. She was only after allies, and a way around the dragon she did not fancy to fight. Sierra did not care what else came of it. For that is the way of the hero, the end always justified the means, even before there was an end to pursue.'

I shook my head in disbelief 'But, why turn on you? One of her companions?'

'After she tainted the blood I was angry,' explained Leliana 'so angry at her. You cannot imagine the frustration I felt in that moment, after everything that we had gone through to find that forgotten place that had been hidden for so long. To witness the hero so willingly corrupt the remains of our holy mother in such a way without a moment's thought or hesitation. Sierra was not one of the faithful, but there were others that did believe, many, many others whose faith guided them. People like me. The ashes would have served as hope for all these people, no? It would have given them so much faith in a realm filled with so much despair. I knew that anyone who tried to destroy that was wrong. I challenged Sierra and she became angry, nay furious, at my refusal to accept her decision. I could not back down and neither could she, so we fought each other. She ran me through in that chamber. The light left my eyes and I was dead, for that I am certain, but then I woke up again in the cold mountain side of the temple many days later without a scratch on my skin. I had been brought back for a purpose. The maker had saved me.'

'That is amazing, a true miracle.' I remarked 'Although I am sorry for what you went through. Such betrayal...'. I paused, noticing that the sad look Leliana held in general had now amplified in her confession to me 'I always heard the inflated stories of the hero of Ferelden and Alistair the Grey Warden. The tales are usually of the lovers more than the details of the Blight. I guess everyone loves a good tale of true love rather than be concerned with the actual facts.'

Leliana scoffed even more bitterly 'Don't mention that to Cullen.'

My heart leapt more than a little at the mention of the Commander's name in such an unexpected context. 'Why-why would I...' I stammered, but Leliana cut me off.

'You fancy each other, I know.' she stated bluntly. I began to protest but she drew her eyes sternly into mine. 'I know.'

'Ok,' I replied, growing red in the face and thankful that the shadows of the night concealed it 'but why would Cullen care about the stories of the Hero of Ferelden?'

'Because he was in love with her at the circle tower.' replied Leliana flatly 'His first true love.'. Leliana paused, looking slightly surprised 'He never mentioned her?'

'No' I replied darkly 'I don't suppose he did.'

Not that Cullen and I had spoken much in general, but I wondered if this was the reason behind his distance towards me?

Leliana shrugged 'I'm sure he had his reasons. Not that he feels fondly about her now I imagine, I wouldn't worry about that. Sierra left him at the tower to be conscripted as a Grey Warden, only to return to the tower when it was under seige...with her new lover, Alistair, by her side. All the time we travelled together Sierra never mentioned one word about Cullen, not even to Alistair I suspect, that poor doting fool. Even when we found Cullen in the tower, she pretended they were little more than general acquaintances. Sierra is devious and manipulative in that way.'

'You knew Cullen from the Kinloch Hold?' I asked in surprise.

'Of course,' replied Leliana with a smile 'I helped contain the tower during the seige, that was when we came across Cullen.'. Leliana sighed 'That poor man. We all thought he had lost his mind. He was begging us to kill him there and then before he realised we were not abominations. Ah, but Cullen is a strong man. When everyone around him broke he stayed strong until the end. That is the way of the Commander.'

'That's horrible.' I murmured 'After all Cullen endured in that tower, to have to face Sierra's betrayal of their love in tow.'

'Love often is horrible,' muttered Leliana 'and makes a mockery of us all.'

'There is nothing going on between Cullen and I,' I added guiltily 'you read too much into it if you think otherwise.'

Leliana let out a high pitched laugh, almost a giggle, light hearted and free 'Oh please Inquisitor, you may try to conceal your feelings and I applaud you for trying, but the Commander has already exposed his hand long ago. His eyes, you see, betray him every moment you approach, it is but a small but rather obvious tell tale, and you needn't be an assassin to know that, I assure you.'

'If you say so...' I replied more than a little in doubt. Perhaps his eyes took interest, but I questioned whether his heart followed suit.

'The Commander has had an unforgiving life,' muttered Leliana 'but he is in a better place now. Old wounds may never fully heal, but he is for the first time in control of his life. He serves the Inquisition and the Inquisition serves him well. I would not lose all hope for the Commander just yet. I have known Cullen for quite a while, and he is one of the most strongest and selfless people I know. He is a good man who has experienced terrible things, that is all.'

The soft call of the night birds was the only reply left to be said. Leliana and Cole may have known more about the Commander than I, but it gave me little comfort in the end. I had no control over my heart, and it had already made it's own opinion of the Commander of the Inquisition.