5 comments/ 19277 views/ 10 favorites You Don't Choose Love By: demure101 (With many thanks to Stroker_347 who graciously took the time and effort to edit all this and to Northlander for preventing me from making another gaffe. Any mistakes, especially in the car ride which was not edited are all mine.) * Harold Danvers, who preferred to go by Hal, had taken a week off from work. He'd had a rotten time; his father, his one remaining parent, had died and he'd had to see to all the formalities alone; his sister had gone five years earlier, one year after his mother, of lung cancer. She'd always been a heavy smoker, so it didn't completely come as a surprise; still, it had rattled him considerably, the more so since his wife had succumbed to the same disease, only three years into their marriage. That was sixteen years ago now. After his father's burial he'd spent a few months getting his house into shape. He found a couple of somewhat disturbing things, some of them quite painful, and got rid of them fast. His father had been an inveterate collector, and it had been hard to sift the valuable things from those that were merely nice and the complete junk. He didn't always know and had to consult the Internet quite frequently. When everything had been sifted, sold, stowed away at his own place and the rest taken to a nearby charity he felt how tired he was, and how fed up with everything, so he allowed himself some time off. He booked a B&B in Wales for the first couple of days, to see what he'd wanted from there. The B&B was alright, and the scenery breath-taking and he had his first good night's sleep in weeks. He'd brought a pair of walking shoes, and bought a good map at a local bookshop and that first day he wanted to climb the middle mountain top from his place. It was a lovely autumn morning and he thought he'd probably have a wonderful view from up there. The climb was not too strenuous, and he enjoyed the sounds of the birds, the occasional sheep in the distance, a dog barking abuse somewhere... When he'd done one third of the ascent and felt a bit famished, he sat down on a rock appreciating the view and enjoyed a sandwich. Finished with his frugal lunch he went on - but the weather seemed to be turning a little. He could not see the top clearly any more, and the sky was slowly clouding over. It wasn't long before he realised he couldn't make it to the top; it would be no fun in the mist anyway, and it was obviously dangerous. He consulted his map. There was a horseshoe bend he could walk - it would keep him at the same level for a couple of miles and then go down another slope and lead him back to the main road that he'd travelled the day before, quite close to where he was staying. The weather kept deteriorating fast. It grew cold and there was a thin rain that slowly seeped through his trousers. He almost lost all feeling in his fingers, and when he had to stop for a wee he could hardly manage the buttons of his fly. But the colours were wonderful, and he walked on feeling rather in two minds about the whole experience. When at last the path started to descend he saw someone approach. He was completely enveloped in plastic and the rain was dripping from his beard. When he was within reach he grinned at Hal. "Isn't this a bracing day?" the other man said. Hal nodded and they passed the time of day. The encounter somehow lifted his spirits and he finished his walk whistling softly to himself. He went back to his place for a hot shower and a dry set of clothes and then he put a book in his pocket, took his umbrella and went to the George for the rest of the day. The pub was warm and cosy and there was a fire burning in the grate. He was early enough to find a place to sit close to it and he ordered a meal and a drink and opened his book. The pub was slowly filling up. There was the usual drone of voices, and Hal thought it was really a pleasant place to be in. He had a nice meal, and then settled down to do some serious reading now, pausing to look at the other guests. Outside the thin rain had changed its mind; it was now really doing the works. The door opened and a woman came in. She was wet through and stood shivering at the bar to order. It reminded him of how he looked and felt earlier on his walk up the hill and sent a little shiver through his body. After ordering she walked up to the centre of the room looking at the fire burning and then looking for a seat. Hal looked at her and said, "Excuse me, but would you like to sit here?" She glared at him and said, "Yes, please!" When Hal vacated his place and went over to an empty seat near the window, the woman sat down to warm herself and get dry. Huh, she thought to herself, he'll probably expect me to be grateful or something. She looked at Hal from the corner of her eyes but to her relief he didn't even look at her. He just sat reading some old book or something. Karen Wade was in a foul mood. She'd forgotten to bring some papers to work, so she'd had to use her lunch break to collect them, and she had not brought an umbrella, and she was tired, and generally, she thought, life was wholly ill-favoured. She ate her food without doing it justice. Then she had a pint of lager and sat brooding, looking into the fire. She glanced again once or twice at the fellow who had relinquished his seat, but he stolidly kept on reading. When she left, the rain had cleared and grumbling a little she walked home. The next day Hal took the car to drive to Hay-on-Wye. He spent a pleasant day visiting the bookshops; most of them were a little expensive, he thought, but still he bought quite a number of books. In the evening he had a quiet dinner at Roberto's, an Italian restaurant, and then he called it a day and drove back to the B&B. Karen had looked around that evening to see if that reader was there, but he wasn't. Good. It meant she didn't have to talk to him to redo the fact that she had not even said thank you when he'd offered her his place. Contentedly she'd sat down to her drink. Hal woke up to another brilliant morning. The weather forecast had promised a clear day, and he decided to give his mountain another try. This time the day stayed warm and pleasant; he managed the top easily as there was no scree, nor did the walk get very steep at any time. The view was wonderful indeed, he thought, and he spent quite some time looking at the distant slopes and the way the colours changed in the distance. "This is just great," he thought. He returned rather late and he was only just in time to have another meal at the George. He saw the same woman from the other day, sitting at the bar and nodded to her. Then he took his drink to a table and sat down. He took another book from his pocket and opened it. Karen looked at him read for some time. She thought he looked friendly. He had a crooked nose, and he looked a little scruffy - he could do with a haircut, she thought. He didn't look too dangerous. He made faces at the book, or probably at what he read - it really looked funny. She decided to go and talk to him. "Hello," she said. "Hello," Hal replied as he stood up. "I would like to say thank you for Saturday." "Oh, not at all. I was happy to. I hope it helped you get dry a little." "It did, thank you. Mind if I sit down?" "Please do. I'm Hal Danvers." As they shook hands, Hal noticed she had a firm but gentle grip, and her skin was soft and her nails were neatly manicured. "I'm Karen Wade. Er, I sat looking at you read for a moment. Is it a funny book?" "I think so," Hal replied. "I've really only just started. I went to Hay yesterday, and brought back a couple of things to read." He showed her the book, an old Penguin called Poet's Pub. "You don't live here, do you?" she asked. Hal told her he was on holiday, and explained why it had been necessary for him to have some fresh air. Karen commiserated with him, and decided she liked the sound of his voice. They talked about the environs for some time; Hal bought her another drink and let her talk about her job, her family and her likes and dislikes. He thought she was rather attractive, now that her shoulder length hair was dry, and he quite enjoyed listening to her. He didn't like his own looks; the only time he consulted a mirror was in the early mornings while shaving and after showering. He had a shock of unruly hair, grey, deep-set eyes and he was rather myopic. Anything up to two feet was alright... He looked at her a little better. She had hazel eyes, dark blonde hair and a wide, mobile mouth that he found very attractive. She seemed to have a good figure but he couldn't really tell because of the cardigan she wore. She talked with her hands, like he did, he thought. She told him that she lived in an old house in town that could do with a thorough overhaul - she was saving up to have it done; she couldn't afford a car because of it. But it was a nice place, she said. They were surprised by the bell for the last orders. "Gosh," Karen said, "I've completely forgotten the time. I must rush. Will you be here tomorrow?" Hal had planned to go on to North Wales, but then - "Yes, I will," he answered with a slight grin. "OK, See you then," she replied with a smile. Karen walked home deep in thought. She didn't really know what to think of him, nor of herself for that matter. Why did she have that smile on her face when he said he would be back tomorrow? She had had a couple of short-lived relationships, she liked male contacts, both physically and emotionally, but she had grown rather wary of men. No boyfriends had stayed for more than a month; they'd all proved unsatisfactory in some way or other, and the last one - she still felt a red blush creep up her neck when she thought about him. The bastard. He'd called her slut, and whore, and expected her to like it actually. "Take me in your slut mouth..." Though the others had eventually left her on some pretext or other they'd at least kept up proprieties. There had been no others. Oh well, she thought, talking won't do anybody any harm. Hal stayed at his B&B for the remainder of his holidays. On Saturday they left early for a ramble in the mountains together. They climbed the highest of the tops, and had a picnic there, and then returned to the B&B to get Hal's car. Karen had agreed to let him take her for an evening meal in a restaurant in the country. Because Karen didn't want to go in her outdoor clothes they first drove to her place. She had discussed the dinner invitation with Lisa, her one true friend. "You sure?" she'd asked. "Men always want something out of it..." "Well," Karen had answered, "if he should attempt anything I'm woman enough to stop him." But she thought it would be alright. "This is where I live," she said with some pride, as she opened the door of a Georgian house that, though a little in disrepair was essentially beautiful. "I can see why you like it," Hal replied as he took in its craftsmanship. "It's a beautiful house." "Yes, I think so. Come in for a moment won't you? I won't be a minute." Hal was shown into the living room. He looked at her books, saw her passport on the table and surreptitiously opened it to find her birthday was on November 26, and looked with interest at the photographs on a chest of drawers. Most of them seemed to be old, her parents, and perhaps Karen herself as a little girl; one of them seemed clearly out of place. It was a rather worn picture of a small, cone shaped doll with a round head, all covered in beads. He smiled at it; he had a similar doll at home. When Karen entered the room he looked at her, and asked, "Why is the photograph of that doll on your family altar? Or is that an impertinent question?" Karen thought a moment and replied, "My parents lived in South Africa for a few years; I was actually born there. They left before I was four years old because they could not stand the system there. It's a Zulu doll I was given. I used to carry it with me, but it got lost, and all I have left is that picture." "I see. You never found another one?" Karen shook her head. She preferred not to talk about it. "Shall we go?" she said curtly. Hal sensed he'd intruded and dropped the subject. They had a very nice meal and drove back rather late. Hal dropped Karen off at her place. "Thank you very much for coming with me," he said. "I very much appreciated being with you, you certainly lifted my spirits a lot." Karen smiled at him and got out of the car. "I hope we will meet again," Hal said. "Yes," she said. "Goodbye, then!" She gave him a little wave of her hand and went in. Hal sat alongside the curb for some time, looking at her disappear into her house and wondering at all the unpronounced things that she kept hidden inside; then he eventually drove off. Karen put up her coat and went into the kitchen to make herself a cup of tea. You could have asked him in for a cuppa, a little voice in her head said. But another voice said she was at least safe again. Well, that was that. No Hal anymore. She suddenly realised she hadn't even asked him where he lived; she had no phone number, nothing. She had not even noticed his registration plate. The cheerful mood of the evening vanished completely. When her friend asked her later about the end of the dinner she said, "Nothing happened." "I would think you were sad about that by the looks of you, if I didn't know you any better," Lisa said. Hal went back to work that Monday. Karen kept churning in his mind. The more he thought about her, the better he liked her. If only he had been able to break through her reserve... in the evenings he worked on making a cardboard box that could house the small doll. He'd taken it off its shelf and sat it in the centre of his desk. He found a piece of thin grey cardboard and drew the contours with a ruler and a T-square. His first attempt was not to his liking; the second was. Then he glued the box together apart from the flap on one end, and finally he used a print of a painted Zulu hut to decorate the box. Yes, he thought, that was it. He put the doll inside the box and sat it on his desk until the end of November. Then he started to write a letter to accompany it; it took him a long time to get things right, as he was afraid it might offend unknown sensibilities, and he didn't want to risk doing that. A few days before her birthday Lisa asked Karen what she intended to do. "I don't know," Karen said. "I don't feel like a party, really. But you are always welcome for a drink, of course." "Right," Lisa responded. "Did you invite that Hal person over?" "No," Karen answered. "Couldn't if I would... He didn't leave an address." "And you never asked!" Lisa said astounded. "I thought you liked him?" "Hmph," Karen responded. "He could be worse..." Lisa shook her head and smiled at her. "I think you're silly," she said teasingly. Karen didn't think so. She told herself that she had never felt ill-treated or insulted any more since she had stopped dating, and that though she occasionally missed a good cuddle she didn't miss the physical aspect overmuch. But it didn't really feel that good. "Bah," she said. "All men are idiots at best." Lisa left it at that. She'd known Karen for a long time and she had been told most of the ins and outs of her liaisons, and she knew it would do nobody any good if she went on now. The day before her birthday Karen was in a rotten mood all day. She told herself it was because she didn't like growing older; she almost believed herself. Lisa didn't, though. She made a playful remark about Hal and she almost had her head bitten off... Karen, oh Karen, she thought. You don't know your own mind. When she'd stopped working on her birthday Karen bought a few bottles of wine and went home to put her feet up. There were few postcards of old aunts and friends that lived far away, and there was a post office slip saying that she could pick up a registered parcel in town. She put it in her purse. She made an effort at acting cheerful; Lisa was there with her boyfriend, there were a few other couples and two other single girls and they did have a pleasant birthday party after all. The next day she went to the post office and picked up the parcel. It seemed to contain a little box. She shook it but it didn't make any sound. She didn't recognise the address and put it in her bag to open it at home. Lisa would came round that evening, too, since her boyfriend would be working late; so she just waited until Lisa was there before she opened it. "Why didn't you open this straight away?" Lisa asked. "I don't know," Karen said. "I don't know the address and I wonder what on earth would come in a box this size..." "Aw, come on. No one in his right mind would send you a pair of knickers, girl," Lisa teased. That was not exactly what she'd feared; but she didn't reply. "Now," Lisa said, "are you going to open it or do you want me to do it?" Karen tore off the paper. Apart from the box she found a letter inside. "Well," Lisa asked anxiously, "who is it from, and what's in it?" Karen slit the envelope open. She first looked at the name at the end. "It's from Hal," she answered. "I'd expected as much." Karen started to read the letter. It was dated November 23. Dear Karen, I wish you a wonderful birthday. I hope you don't mind my sending you a birthday present - hopefully you'll have some room for this little traveller. She sat on a bookshelf at my place for years and got dusted down now and again; I looked at her in passing sometimes. Obviously your old one can never be replaced, but maybe you will like looking at this one sometimes. I apologise for the fact that she's not brand new; but that's in the nature of these dolls. I think she should be with you. Karen stopped reading. She turned very white. "What's the matter?" Lisa asked. "He's not another one of those creeps you seem to attract?" "It's a doll," Karen said. She picked up the box, opened the lid, and took out a small doll, covered in beads apart for the face that had a couple of beads for eyes, and black hair made of woollen thread, and looked at it with tears in her eyes. "It's very much like the one I used to have," she said with a lump in her throat. "Why don't you tell me all about it?" Lisa said. "It seems to be just a doll to me." "You know I was born in South Africa. I had a nanny there, an old woman whose face I can still remember even though I was only almost four at the time. She was a Sangoma, they said, a sort of shaman, or medicine woman, and the local population said she was good at divination. She gave me my doll, and she said it would bring me happiness in the end. But when I had my first boyfriend, and we had a fight because he said he wanted to make love to me and another woman together, he got so angry he threw it into the fire. It didn't do me any good anyways." "Can I have a look at it?" Lisa asked. Karen passed the doll to her and Lisa studied it intently. "It looks as if it's been played with," she stated. "Yes, that's what he meant. The good ones really were played with. They're expensive, too. That's one of the reasons I never bought a new one." "Oh," Lisa said. "They must have been used to be OK, then?" "Yes," Karen replied again. "That's just it." She stared into the distance for some time. Then she picked up the letter again. I would like to thank you for your time this autumn, and I'd like to tell you how well I like you - I suppose you noticed. When I said I hoped we'd meet again I really meant that; I hope you do not think I was just making socially acceptable noises. I would very much appreciate to meet you again at my place; if you do not feel at ease with me on your own you could bring a chaperone. You Don't Choose Love Ch. 02 (Many thanks to Northlander for pointing out some grave omissions, and to Dawnj for editing and for being there.) * Geoff Danvers and Kathy Smiths - Kathy Danvers, thank you - rolled down the windows of their car and waved at the crowd of people around them. Kathy had thrown her bouquet at them and it had landed in the hands of her best friend. A fistful of rice pattered on the roof, and the spectators cheered. Kathy blew them a kiss and Geoff started the engine. The newly-weds drove off slowly in a clatter of old tins. The left-behinds stood looking at their taillights until the car disappeared round a bend in the narrow road. Then the guests took their leave from the various parents, and the throng slowly dispersed. When they had gone, Joan and Freddy Smiths, Kathy's parents, went with Lisa and John to their car. They had come the day before to stay the night at the Danvers', and they would have dinner together. It was a nice way to round off the day's excitement. "See you at home," John said. Hal and Karen, Geoff's parents, smiled at him and nodded. They had arranged things that way, and John and Lisa understood they wanted to walk home together; they knew how much they loved their village and the area around it, and how important it was for them to wind down a little. Hal and Karen waited for the four of them to get into John's car. When they had driven off, they smiled at each other. They went home arm in arm, along the narrow lane, past the church and across the bridge - they always stopped there for a moment to enjoy the view and listen to the gurgling water running over the stones below. They had stopped there so often when Geoff was small, to play for some time. Hal picked up a small blown-off branch and dropped it into the water, and they quickly went to the other side of the bridge. The branch shot out of the shade of the bridge and disappeared. Hal looked at his wife and smiled. "Happy?" he said. She nodded. "Kathy will make Geoff a good wife, and they really love each other. They look happy when they meet and even when you mention them to each other. What more could you want?" Hal put his arm round her waist. They paused for some time and looked at the river. She thought about the children for a while. Then she asked, "Do you remember when we first stood here?" Hal nodded and smiled warmly at her. As if he could ever forget... They grinned at each other and walked on. Lisa and John would be waiting for them with the Smiths. Lisa was Karen's best and oldest friend. She'd known her longer than she'd known Hal, and Geoff called her aunt Lisa, even though she wasn't; Hal was very fond of her, too. If Lisa hadn't taken Karen to task, those long years ago, their lives would never have converged... The four of them met a few times a year, and as in all good friendships it always seemed as if they'd only seen each other the day before. They could talk about anything, and they could be silent together, too, sitting and reading and enjoying each other's presence. Lisa would deny she'd had anything to do with it. Yes, she had acted on an impulse, and the impulse had proved felicitous - but she had anxiously waited at home for most of that Christmas Eve until Karen had called her, all jubilant and excited, and told her everything had worked out well, before she could go on her way again with a glad heart. Karen knew she was playing down her role; Lisa didn't like to be praised at all. When Karen thought back about those days long ago she sometimes still felt a little embarrassed about her qualms and uncertainties. She had gone through a bad patch emotionally, and an unpleasant experience with an unfeeling young man had capped that nicely, and it had taken her a long time to realise that Hal wasn't like that at all. Fortunately no one knew, apart from Hal and Lisa, and they would never remind her of those horrible times, and when she was with Hal she never even thought about them. She would never forget the ride to the place where Hal had picked her up, with Lisa driving and talking lots of nonsense to divert her and keep her mind off the meeting, nor how fantastic their first night together had been. It had felt as if she'd come home after a long stay in the wilderness, with no questions asked, no reasons given - nor needed, for all that - but simply acceptance of and a need for who and what she was: Karen. In their first days together she found that Hal had wanted her as badly as she'd wanted him - his letter had indicated as much but it had been written so diplomatically that she hadn't been quite sure if it really said what she hoped. The look in his eyes had eventually restored her trust in men. Hal, who'd been a widower for a long time, had already stopped hoping when Lisa called him. He had driven the stretch to meet Karen that night with wet palms for sheer anxiety, and a mixture of joy at the prospective meeting and fear it wouldn't materialise after all. He'd got out of his car in the cold and walked up and down until Lisa drove on to the parking place. She hadn't left the car, but left the stage free for Karen. Then they'd gone home. The entire night was fixed in his memory as sharp as a steel engraving. They had talked and talked, and made love in between, and they had blessed their good fortune every moment of those Christmas holidays. When it was time for Karen to go back to Wales they had already decided she would give up her job and put her house up for sale. Hal had been rather anxious about that; he had seen how much she loved her house, but Karen said she liked his place as much. They could always spend their holidays in Wales, couldn't they? She had driven back in Hal's car, and gone straight to Lisa to tell her all about it. Lisa said she had seemed rejuvenated - happy and beaming and quite unlike the tense woman she'd driven to meet Hal. Karen told her employer the next morning. He was quite glad for her, and promised her to give a good account of her when asked. She visited an estate agent next; then she went through her possessions and decided which ones to bring to Kent, and which ones to sell; she had the remainder taken away by Oxfam's. She visited Lisa every evening in the week it took her to arrange everything, and then she took her leave of her, after extracting a promise from her to come and visit them as soon as she could. "Will that be ok with Hal?" "He said he hoped you'd come. He'd be quite disappointed if you don't. You will, won't you?" "Of course, silly - I'd like to see things with my own eyes; and I haven't met him yet." She poked out her tongue at Karen and added, "You may well be lying. I suppose he squints, has warts and goes bandy-legged!" "And you're a dragon with wings," Karen replied with a grin. Lisa was a wonderful friend; she'd miss her most of all she left behind. When the van had dropped off her things at Hal's place they spent quite some time rearranging his set-up together. January had brought snow and a light frost, so they stayed indoors most of the time, apart for some short walks in the neighbourhood, and it wasn't long before they felt Hal's place had become theirs instead, to the delight of both. Karen had a few pictures that fitted in beautifully with Hal's; they rearranged two bunches of LPs into an alphabetical whole and managed to bring some system into the book collection. The Zulu doll Hal had sent her for her birthday stood in the living room with the family photographs, and whenever she saw it she smiled at it - it was another good friend. The bedroom was quite big enough for all of Karen's clothes. One evening she took Hal upstairs, put him in a chair and gave him a private fashion viewing that grew more and more daring as time progressed. She had great fun watching her lover get very worked up and smiled at him wickedly - she had placed a bet with herself how much he could stand. To her delight, she lost. He suddenly got out of his chair and lifted her off the floor to deposit her on the bed while she squealed with laughter, only to wrap her arms around him as soon as she'd landed, and to be wafted away from her clothes into Hal's admiring eyes. They'd spent a long time making love that night... Hal had his own business, which took a lot of time, and Karen hated sitting at home idle, so she applied for a job herself, and she found one in early February. Her old employer had been true to his word and lavished praise on her, apparently. Her old house had fetched a good price and she bought a car for the daily stretch back and forth to Sevenoaks. In the period of sunshine that followed, they established a lovely walking routine at weekends. They especially liked the river and the fields, and they would walk hand in hand, enjoying the gradual change in the light as the year progressed; Karen was very sensitive to all the little things nature had to show her in her new part of the world. She'd never noticed the sudden chorus the birds had to offer her in the early morning, and she loved the occasional glimpse of a fox or badger at dusk; to her delight a couple of pheasants regularly visited the garden. She found she loved gardening. She hadn't had a garden in town, just a paved backyard, and it turned out she was very good at it. Hal wasn't. He did his best, but his heart wasn't really in it. Together they made a wonderful job of it, with Hal doing the heavy work and Karen attending to the really important things. The indifferent attempt at a garden that Hal had made was slowly turned into a little Eden by Karen's green fingers. Lisa came down with John, her boyfriend, in March. When they rang the bell Hal and Karen came to the door together, and Lisa saw immediately that whatever misgivings she might have harboured concerning Karen's great step were completely unnecessary. When Karen and Hal looked at each other, there was such a clear rapport that no one could fail to see they were as happy together as anyone could hope for. They had a wonderful weekend together. John, who was at least ten years older than the others, was a very pleasant, erudite lecturer at Cardiff University, and the men spent a couple of nice hours going through the bookshelves while Lisa and Karen caught up on the latest gossip about friends and acquaintances. They spent the afternoons on a few of Hal's favourite walks. Hal and Karen got married in June. They had bought rings in April, and they kept the wedding simple, with only some relatives and their best friends. One couple, an old schoolmate of Hal's and his wife, came to the wedding with their child, a four-month-old girl, and Karen suddenly realised with a pang that she was already thirty-five, and that, if Hal... She broached the subject a couple of times. As she had hoped, and more or less expected, Hal had the same ideas on the subject; children would be most welcome. But they hadn't done anything about it yet; she was still on the pill. A fortnight later Hal went away on business for almost two weeks. Karen had the day off, and she decided to do a lot of gardening. She was kneeling beside a herbaceous border to get some weeds out when Lottie, one of the cats, came rubbing her legs. Karen stroked her head and said, "What is it, darling?" and then she sat down flat on her behind, realising that she wanted not just cats to talk to; she wanted a child. Not next year, but now. She took Lottie's head in her hands, rubbed behind her ears and said, "Don't you think I should stop taking the pill?" Lottie just purred and rubbed her body against her calves. Then she got up and skipped off after a butterfly. The butterfly escaped, and Karen got up with a smile. She shook the earth off her hands, went in and took the remaining pills for that week and stuck them into their cardboard box. Then she put them at the back of the top shelf of the medicine cupboard. Maybe she would want them later, after all, but not just now. Sod the garden, she thought. She went downstairs, locked the back door and walked to her favourite spot on the old stone bridge across the river, where she sat down on the parapet with her legs dangling over the stream, and she tried to envisage what life would be like as a family. It certainly seemed very attractive, and she felt quite warm inside at the idea of having a child with Hal. She was certain it must be lovely; she just wished she could sit there with Hal's arm around her shoulder and talk about it, and start planning the necessary changes. The days suddenly seemed long - she always missed him when he was away, but this time his absence was much longer and time seemed to go more slowly than ever, and she was eagerly looking forward to seeing him again; she longed even more than usual to take him in her arms and kiss him. They had a great sex life. She knew Hal was perhaps a little too inhibited to her taste sometimes, but he was always in for anything she wanted, and he was both passionate and considerate. She felt so lucky. If it hadn't been such awful weather that day - but it had. She smiled. One more day to go, and then... She couldn't wait for Hal to arrive. She'd perfumed her breasts with some Sun Moon Stars, a perfume she knew Hal loved - he'd given it to her on the tenth day of their being together - and put on a light summer dress with nothing underneath. That'll be a real surprise, she thought; and the idea in itself made her feel quite light-headed. She heard Hal's car crunch up the drive a little before dinnertime, and she hurried outside to greet him. He took her face in his hands. "It's good to be home," he said. "I've missed you awfully." Then he kissed her. When the kiss was over she said, "Hal, I've stopped taking the pill. That's ok, isn't it?" He looked at her and slowly broke into a wide grin. He nodded and kissed her again. "It is," he said. "Hmm, you smell lovely!" Over dinner Hal told her about his activities and Karen told him how Lottie had made her realise it was time to try and get pregnant. Hal smiled; he understood exactly what Karen meant. It was just like her to attribute part of her decision to his old cat. They did the dishes together and Hal made some coffee. They took it into the living room and put their cups on a side table. Hal stretched his back, still a little stiff from the long drive, and smiled at his wife, looking into her eyes the way she liked best, and then Karen couldn't contain herself any longer. "Oh, Hal," she said, and she took his arms and worked him onto the floor. She tore off his shirt and ripped off two buttons in the process, and then she unbuckled his belt, unzipped his trousers and pulled them down his legs. After his long days of abstinence Karen's treatment was quite enough to give him a raging erection, to her great delight. She lifted her skirt and squatted over him, and the sight of her naked pussy excited him even more. She sat down on her knees astride of him and took him into her. She couldn't remember ever having been so aroused before, and she felt him disappear inside in one smooth motion and the tip of his cock touch her cervix. Hal tried to take off her dress but she was too preoccupied to assist him and it took him some time to remove it. When he saw she didn't wear a bra either he almost came then and there. Looking into his eyes she held out her hands to him. He reached out for her and she dug her fingers into the palms of his hands. Karen rubbed her bottom on Hal's legs. She loved the physical contact, and she loved his body, and now... she raised her bum and slammed down on his legs again and then there was no stopping her. She saw him beam at her with a look of such tenderness that she had to smile and cry at the same time, and with her breasts swinging up and down she rode the cock of the man she loved, hard and with determination, hands holding hands - she wanted his sperm and she wanted it without delay, all of it. Hal understood only too well what was on her mind. For a brief moment he found himself fervently hoping they wouldn't turn out to be barren together - but then Karen's image blotted out all thought other than the love he felt for her. They kept looking into each other's eyes while Karen worked herself into a sweat, fucking him frenziedly, laughing and crying and calling his name, revelling in the feeling of his cock sliding in and out of her, pressing his hands, all smiles and happiness, and Hal lay back marvelling at the sheer luck he had had to meet this wonderful soul mate of his. Karen squeezed her pussy round his cock, and he tried to meet her motions as well as his position allowed. They put all they had into pleasing each other, loving every second of it. The room was thick with the smell of Karen's arousal, overlain with a whiff of perfume. Hal found himself strangely lucid - he wanted to remember all of this, the smell, sounds, sight, the overpowering emotion that made Karen laugh and cry at the same time. "It'll be alright, love," he whispered. Karen felt all built-up passion push her over the brink - she trembled and shivered in a prolonged orgasm that felt so intense she hardly knew where she was. Hal's face filled her vision and her pussy contracted around his cock. It made Hal come so hard it felt as if he were drawn bodily into his lover, spurt after spurt. Karen let go of his hands and let herself slump down on top of him, and then she rolled over, put her legs around the small of his back and kissed him. They stayed lying like that for a long time, kissing and whispering and stroking each other. When they finally got up off the floor Hal put his arms around her bottom, lifted her up and carried her upstairs. He put her down on the bed and lay next to her. He told her how much he loved her, and thanked her for the love she'd shown to him that evening. Karen lay beaming at him. She nodded; somehow it felt as if she could feel Hal's sperm inside her uterus. She never knew if that was actually possible, but she didn't care. She took his hands in hers again and looked at them. "Oh dear," she said, "look at your palms." The impressions of her nails stood out like bluish lines against the pale skin; Hal had never noticed it. He bent over to kiss her. "Never mind," he said. "This was one of the sweetest fucks we've ever had!" Karen looked at him. She felt over the moon, and she lazily stretched herself like a contented cat on a sunny morning. "I feel so wonderful," she said. "Come, I want to feel you inside again." Over the next weeks they made love even more often than was their wont. Karen looked fantastic, Hal thought. It was as if she had an inner light that shone out through her eyes, and she wore an expression of pure happiness. She often sat in the living room stroking Lottie on her lap, to Lottie's delight, apparently, and she usually ended up next to him on the couch, cuddling him or sitting close, with a hand on his knee, smiling at him. One evening as they sat together she said, "You know what? I think we've succeeded. I feel it, somehow. I expect it was when you were back from up north. I'll go and find out tomorrow." She beamed at him, and he put his arms around her. "That would be the best news," he said. The pregnancy test was positive. Hal took Karen out for dinner to celebrate, and he gave her a silver locket to house their child's picture once it was born. When they were back home Karen took his hand and led him upstairs where they made love long and tenderly, in the glad realisation there was more joy to come. The one night had been July the eighth; their son Geoff was born on the eighth of April the next year. "I told you so, didn't I?" Karen said later. Karen had had to stop working a few months before her child was due. The final months of her pregnancy had been rather problematic. Her gynaecologist had strongly advised against another child, and so Hal decided he'd better have himself sterilised. Karen was a little sad about it, but oh well, she had a beautiful son, and she didn't feel like complaining. You Don't Choose Love Ch. 02 They were very happy with Geoff. He was a lovely baby with a shock of blonde hair and a friendly disposition. He seldom cried and seemed to enjoy whatever Karen and Hal did with him; Karen didn't go back to work. "I want to be around and enjoy watching Geoff grow up," she said, and Hal thought she was absolutely right. He didn't like the idea of having others look after their baby -- who could be better at that than Karen herself? When he was old enough to walk they took him to their favourite places. They played Pooh sticks at the bridge, and sat watching the ducks on the village pond, and Geoff learnt to look at the things his parents found important. He loved their holidays; they'd visit Wales at least once a year, and he always looked forward to visiting aunt Lisa and her husband, who never had any children themselves - John felt it wasn't a good idea for a child to have a really old father, and Lisa secretly felt glad. She liked children for an afternoon or so, but having them around permanently... No, children weren't really her cup of tea. Geoff was an intelligent child. He loved going to school; he loved learning things and having fun with the other children, and he did quite well at both. Once Geoff had gone to school the years seemed to fly by. He was a good pupil, and he eventually finished secondary school with a nice handful of A-levels. He was a little shy with the girls at first, until he spent a night on the downs with a group of youngsters and one of the village girls showed him what you could do together. It was a one-off thing, but it opened his eyes wide to the other sex, and left him with an appetite... At university he met Kathy, and he fell for her head over heels. She took her time to get to know him better first before she allowed herself to accept him as her friend, but once she did it was very right for the both of them. After university he took over part of Hal's business; Hal kept on working part-time, and Kathy found herself a part-time job as well. "No need to sit at home any longer, eh?" she'd said. And now there had been their son's wedding. Karen found Hal's hand and squeezed it. He smiled at her and pressed back. "Life's wonderful together, isn't it?" he said. "It seems we've come full circle somehow. This rounds things off nicely." Lisa and John, who had a spare key, had arrived well before them with Joan and Freddy and let themselves in. They'd made a pot of tea, and welcomed Hal and Karen. Then the six of them sat in the living room, silently enjoying each other's company before they went to the kitchen. After a light dinner Lisa and John took Joan and Freddy to the nearest station before motoring back to Wales, and Karen and Hal were on their own again. They rinsed the dishes and put them into the dishwasher they'd bought some years ago. When they'd got the kitchen spick and span again they stood in the middle, looking at each other and smiling. They began to speak together. "How about..." Hal said, and Karen said, "Let's go..." They also stopped together as if on cue and grinned at each other. Then Karen took Hal's hand and hurried him upstairs. You Don't Choose Love Ch. 03 (Many thanks to Northlander for the final paragraph, and to Dawnj for editing and smiles!) * Hal Danvers stood on the old stone bridge. It had taken him quite some time to cover all the distance from his home to the road and on to the river, and he sat down on the seat of his Zimmer frame, panting. His son, his only child, had come over for Christmas with his wife and children, and they had bought a Christmas tree. It stood in the living room, decorated with his old collections of birds and bells, and the contents of four boxes of rather ugly violet baubles they'd bought at a nearby supermarket. The star he'd used all those years had been found wanting, so the tree was crowned with a red tree topper that seemed an aggressively sharp object to him - not in the spirit of Christmas at all. Karen and he had never had that big a tree in their house. They preferred a small one, with real candles, and Karen had ritually placed the two white doves on the top branch every year. Now that Karen was gone, he'd not wanted to have one any more, but the children didn't like the idea much and he had let them do as they pleased. It stood in the living room complete with streamers and electric lights. His grandchildren had done most of the decorating. The doves sat somewhere on a lower branch and they had broken a bell. Oh well, their intentions were good, and it was lovely not have to spend Christmas alone. The two children were busily playing in the living room and his son Geoff and Kathy, his daughter, were upstairs unpacking clothes and making beds. He had gone to his study when a howl came from the living room. He went there immediately. The children's play had evolved into a violent quarrel, and this had resulted in an accident involving the tree. They had broken two baubles, and they had knocked the head off of one of the doves. After having ended the hostilities he had gone down on his knees with the aid of the couch and picked up the head; he could only just see it, but his fingers had managed to get it off the floor. When he had straightened himself again with some difficulty he'd opened the clip the birds were fastened to. He'd gone to the corridor and put the pieces into his overcoat pocket. When he had left the house he had felt a sudden pain across his chest. It must have been the difference in temperature, he thought. It was cold. His coat was warm enough but his gloves weren't - even so, he didn't notice the cold too much. The walk to the summit of the bridge had taken a lot of energy and he felt very hot. He felt the doves through the material of his coat. He couldn't bear the idea that they'd go into the dustbin to end up covered in the remains of other people's Christmas dinners. They had always been so important to him. Karen... Karen had loved the doves, too. She had put them in the tree the very first night they'd spent together. She had done so on Christmas Eve ever since and she'd taken them down every January the sixth. He missed her terribly. She'd fallen ill early in spring, and he had nursed her as well as he could; she wouldn't have anyone else. She had a wasting disease and he had seen her deteriorate day by day; eventually she had died in his arms, a shadow of her former self. When she had seen his dismay it was she who'd tried to comfort him. On the day she died she had been unconscious most of the time. Only once had she opened her eyes; she had smiled at him through her pain and told him to take good care of himself. He had managed to keep himself in hand then, but when she'd died in his arms he had given in to his misery. He had been absolutely inconsolable. Now only a kind of dull pain remained, together with an empty feeling of loneliness. His son's family was nice enough but they were no substitute for Karen. He stared into the water. When she had been with him for a couple of months they had stood here together playing Pooh-sticks. It had been great fun; they had been noticed by some unimaginative passers-by who obviously thought they must have been out of their minds. Karen had always been fond of simple things. One warm morning, when it was just getting light, she had woken him up to listen to the dawn chorus coming in through their bedroom window. She had put a finger on her lips. They used to sleep naked, and they lay like spoons, with his arm around her, and she had lifted a leg over his and found his cock, and they had made love very slowly and sweetly - listening to how the birds celebrated the bright new day, in complete agreement with their joy. He still saw her smile that morning in his mind's eyes. Karen, oh Karen! He looked away from the water for a moment and took off his gloves. He experienced the pain in his chest anew - it was not a good idea for an old man to go tramping up bridges in this temperature, he thought. But it quickly subsided again. He felt in his pocket and found the doves. He could take them out easily; the little head gave him more trouble. His fingers were stiff and a little rheumatic, and the cold didn't help. When he had found both parts he held them in his hand and looked at them a little sadly. Once he'd thrown them into the river, the current would break them entirely to little pieces, and they would be ground and polished. The iron was a little rusty already; the water would surely take care of that. He nodded to himself. He hoped they would reach the sea, eventually; they would at least not end their days ignominiously on a garbage belt. So much had changed that year. Last Christmas they'd still celebrated together, unaware of the illness that must already have been undermining Karen's system. They had cuddled up together on the couch, watching the candles burn with a bucket of water stand-by, and they had finished another bottle of Drambuie. It had lasted longer and longer, that bottle. Karen had insisted on it. She had no taste for wine any more, but she'd loved the sweet, strong liquid. It gave her a feeling of opulence, and it reminded her of their first night at his place, in the early morning of December 24, almost forty years ago. They had had a fantastic time together. Karen, who had been thirty-five at the time, got pregnant that summer. She had stopped taking the pill while he was away on business for two weeks, and when they were together again she'd told him. They had discussed children before and they felt that the time had come if they really wanted any. That very night, when Karen had been even friskier than usual, she had simply floored him in the living room and almost torn off his clothes. He grinned when he remembered how she'd lifted her skirt; she'd obviously planned the attack for she wore no panties and jumped him just like that. It had been quite a trick to get her dress off while she was riding him with complete abandon, smiling at him and laughing and crying. Once her dress was off, he had lain there watching her breasts swing up and down, and she had taken both his hands in hers. The impressions of her nails had taken some time to disappear, but it had been one of the most joyous times of all. She used to say she had felt it was that very time she got pregnant; he was rather inclined to believe her. Geoff was born nine months later to the day. He hoped she was right; they had been so completely into each other that night... But all other times had been great, too. Hal sighed; there was something wrong with his eyes. He told himself it was the cold and wiped his eyes with his gloves. Being old was a nuisance. When he was younger - oh well, he had no reason to complain. Karen and he had enjoyed each other's company for a very long time. Life had been really good together, and even the final months had been very valuable. He had read to her when she couldn't do so herself any longer, and he had wheeled her to all her favourite haunts in the neighbourhood until the pain got so unbearable that she had to have her painkillers in a drip. She had loved to be in his arms until the very end; he could almost feel her head on his shoulder still. The little doves got cold in his hands. He looked at them once again, and then he dropped the pieces over the low parapet into the river that swirled under the bridge. He lost sight of them straight away. It was a rather ambiguous feeling - the one true symbol of their love for each other had gone down in the fast, cold water, just like Karen had gone, irrevocably - she had gone, but there was no getting around her for him. Still, it was much to be preferred this way. He put on his gloves again and pressed the little handle to get his Zimmer frame off its brake, and carefully turned it around to descend to the road again. When he'd just started to shuffle down the bridge the pain returned again. Somehow it didn't want to go away, and breathing seemed more difficult than usual. He tried to press on to get home and out of the cold. In his mind Karen's old image and the wasted, well-loved face of her final days seemed to come together. My love, my love, he thought. Oh Karen... Then the pain seemed to reach out for his throat and everything grew dark before his eyes. It was some time before Geoff noticed his father wasn't there. He asked his children if they knew what their granddad was up to, and Jim, his elder son, said that he had left without telling them where he was going. Geoff looked at them perplexed. "Why did he do so?" he said. Shamefacedly the boys admitted to their quarrel, and they said they'd broken some decorations. Geoff saw the broken baubles on the floor. He didn't think they could be the reason, for his father didn't like them very much anyway - and then he noticed the doves were missing. Grampa had picked up the broken head, Jim said, and taken the doves from its branch, and gone to the hall... Geoff understood. He had guessed the importance of that one object long ago - putting them up was one of the very few true rituals his parents had observed all through their marriage. It must be unthinkable for his dad to dispose of it in the garbage. Now where would he take it instead? He went back upstairs and told Kathy in a few words what had happened. "We'd better go and look for him," he said. "I'm afraid..." Kathy nodded. She knew what Geoff meant without his finishing his sentence. "So am I," she said. Geoff and Kathy found him about an hour later. He lay on his back, looking peacefully up at the sky with unseeing eyes; his walking aid had collapsed on top of him, and they stood looking at him, wondering why on earth he had walked all the way to the bridge. Then suddenly Geoff understood. He went to the parapet and looked down into the water. There, lodged between two rocks, was a brilliant fragment of something white. He pointed it out - and then Kathy had to hold him close. * Geoff Danvers stood with his family at the graveside as Hal's body was laid to rest alongside his Karen. He thought of his two parents, of the love they had had for each other and how the bridge and the river had been a part of their lives. It was if a light had been turned on in his mind, he looked at his wife and after his youngest son asked, "Why did Grampa go to the bridge?" had no difficulty saying, "One day you will love someone so much that you will understand why." You Don't Choose Love You told me you're no big fan of Christmas; neither am I. But perhaps we could be morose together then? You probably have very good reasons for being reserved and wary of people. I know they can hurt you. I can't vouch for my not being an idiot at times; but I can assure you I'd never consciously hurt anyone. Oh well. What I am really trying to say is that if you should ever feel like visiting me, you are welcome at any time you want, and for any length of time. Once again, a happy birthday! Yours, Harold Danvers The letter ended with his address, somewhere near Tunbridge Wells, and his telephone number. She said nothing. Lisa looked at her questioningly. Karen passed the letter to her. Lisa read the thing in silence. "He does like you, doesn't he?" she questioned. "What about you?" "Oh, I don't know, I think I... No, I just don't know." "Do you allow yourself to think clearly?" Lisa asked playfully. "Oh, stop it. Please!" Karen said. "Life's difficult enough." You are difficult enough, Lisa thought, but she said, "Alright. Do these dolls always come in boxes like that?" "I don't think so. I suppose he must have made it himself." She realised with a pang that if he had, he must really like her a lot. "So what are you going to do with that doll?" "I'm going to put it next to the photograph." And so she did. Over the next week or so Karen tried to brace herself to the task of responding to the parcel. But she kept putting it off, and eventually she didn't dare to do so any more. It had grown cold. December was well on its way to Christmas, and Hal had almost given up the hope of hearing from Karen again. Still, he went out and bought a small Christmas tree. He put it up in the living room and decorated it with bells, birds and a couple of real candles. He disliked the idea of having an extra lamp about the place. He put all the birds he had in the tree apart from the two small, white porcelain doves that had been his parents' and that had been on the top branch when his wife was still alive. He had bought a necklace that would go well with Karen's eyes, he thought. If it was no go, then he had at least got a nice necklace, but he didn't deem his chances were too favourable any more. Three days before Christmas Lisa rang at Karen's place. "Hi you," she said as she went in. "So are you going to spend Christmas with Hal?" "No," Karen said, almost inaudibly. "I haven't even thanked him for his present. I - I just don't dare. And the longer I put it off..." "Now come on," Lisa said, for once not caring if she trod on Karen's toes or not. "You can't do that! That's ridiculous! And from what I read in that letter he'll be only too happy if you call, if only to say thank you decently." "Yes, I suppose you're right." "Go ahead then girl," Lisa said. Karen took the letter from her purse and dialled the number. To her great relief Hal didn't answer the phone. "This is BT -" a female voice started. She put down the phone. "Not at home," she said. "You will try again tomorrow, won't you?" "Yes, I will," Karen said with a sigh. "Promise?" "Promise," Karen replied. That night Karen had great difficulty falling asleep. When she finally did, she was plagued by dreams. In the final one she did get through to Hal. She saw him while she called; he was in bed, and there were two young women crawling all over him. They were all stark naked. "Telephone, Hal," one of them giggled, while the other one was crawling up to his crotch. "Probably that Karen woman," she said. Karen was furious. What are those girls doing in MY place, she thought - and then she woke up with a start. She was in a rotten temper all day. She was fuming and couldn't get the dream out of her head. When Lisa called on her that evening her anger hadn't subsided yet. "I'm not going to call that rotter," she spat at her. "Hullo," Lisa said, "what the matter with you? Another letter gainsaying all he said in the first one? Your period? Migraine?" Karen started to cry. Lisa went to her and tried to comfort her; she had a lot of difficulty understanding what Karen tried to explain through her sobs. "Right," she said. "Now you give me that letter, and I'll call him. I can't have you messing up your life continuously." "It's in my bag," Karen said and she started to cry again. Lisa took her cell phone. She punched in the number and went to the kitchen, leaving Karen to dry her tears in her own time. "Hello?" Hal answered. "Is that Hal?" Lisa asked. "Speaking," he said. "Look," she said. "I'm calling on behalf of Karen. She -" "There's nothing wrong with her?" Hal interrupted, and Lisa thought she heard great anxiety in his voice. "Er, no. Not really. I'm her friend Lisa, and she - she's difficult sometimes. But - well, what I have to know is whether your invitation to her still stands." "Of course," he said. "To the self-same tune and words." "Excellent," Lisa rejoiced. "Look, I'll have to talk to her. I'll call you back soon." She ended the connection then and there without waiting for a reply and dashed into the living room. "Come on," she said. "You go and pack a bag with clothes, enough to last you a fortnight, and you go there tonight." "But..." "But me no buts, young lady. You do want him, don't you?" Karen started to cry again. "That's what I thought. Go and pack! Pronto! Stuff for a fortnight!" Karen got up. She went upstairs to pack her things and Lisa made a couple of calls only to find that a flight from Cardiff to Gatwick Airport would be much too troublesome and British Rail would only get Karen there around noon the next day. She then called Hal and told him she'd drive Karen halfway. She would leave the M4 near Newbury. She said she'd turn left off the motorway and wait for him there. "You don't mind it'll be late? It's really OK with you, is it?" Lisa asked. "OK? I'll be having difficulties driving - you can't dance and drive at the same time. Yes, it's OK - more than OK with me. It's the best news I could ever get," Hal said, elation foremost in his voice. "Fine," Lisa said. "I'll hang up on you now - I'll have to get Karen there. Be gentle with her, will you?" "That goes without saying," he said. "Ok then," Lisa said. "Cheeribye!" She went back to the living room where Karen sat waiting with a suitcase full of clothes. "You got enough shoes? Pyjamas? Underwear? Socks? Toothbrush?" "No toothbrush," Karen said. "Get it and hurry up! Spongebag? Make-up? Right then," Lisa said. She unceremoniously bundled Karen into her car and drove off. Karen sat staring out of the window. She felt both crushed and excited at once. On the way, Lisa kept up a continuous stream of banter; she wasn't going to have Karen go back on this. It was high time she found someone nice, and from what she'd heard this could very well be he, she thought. She'd known her for ages, and she had experienced her fall from a happy-go-lucky young woman to this reserved, frightened spinster who mistrusted everything in trousers - certainly not without reason in her case, but still - The road signs announced they were nearing the A34. Karin felt a knot in her stomach. What if Hal didn't show up? Please be there, please be there, please be there... Then Lisa steered her car off the M4 and drove to the nearest parking place to find Hal impatiently looking down the road waiting for them. Before she left the car Karen kissed Lisa on the cheek, saying, "Thank you very, very much, you're a great friend. Wish me luck!" Lisa smiled at her and watched Karen get out of the car. She opened the rear door, got out her suitcase and closed the door. She turned around once to wave at Lisa. Lisa started her car and drove off, somewhat more slowly than she'd come. "Here's to luck," she said to no one in particular. "You do need some!" Karen was too excited to feel the cold. To her surprise it was after midnight - and Hal was waiting for her, smiling, beaming at her - she saw him standing there, let go of her suitcase and ran. She almost knocked him flat off his feet. "Hal," she cried, "I am so happy with the doll you sent me - but I couldn't get myself to call, or write - I'll explain. You're not angry, are you?" Hal took her hands and tried to steady her. "No," he responded with a gleam in his eyes, "I'm just glad you like her. From what I saw in the photograph she was rather like your first one." He looked at her and smiled, and Karen didn't know if she should laugh or cry. Hal took her face in his hands and kissed her cheek. "And I'm very happy to have you here. Let's go home." He took her suitcase as they walked hand in hand to the car. Karen recognised it, and before long they'd passed Reading and Bracknell and found themselves on the M25. She was glad that he was driving; she could talk and not be stared at, she thought. Hesitantly at first, she told him about all her boyfriends and how she'd decided to call it a day, and how she's told herself she didn't want a close relationship with another male person again, and how he had almost broken through her defences that autumn. "Lisa tried to make me think, but I didn't dare permit myself to take off my armour. I must have been very unreasonable." She was silent for some time. Then she said, "Remember what I said about the picture of my old doll? My nanny, an old woman then, gave it to me. When we left she gave me a letter to accompany it; I still have it. I thought it was difficult to read, and I think she had it written for me; she was illiterate. But I think I know it by heart. She told me the doll would eventually make for my happiness but it might take some time. One of my ex-boyfriends threw it into the fire in a fit of anger... and then you send me yours - it felt as if my past doubled back on me. And I saw the box she came in and I thought ... and I had tried to convince myself all the time that I didn't want you, and then, last night, I had this dream..." She paused and Hal smiled at her for a moment. He touched her arm very briefly. "Lisa had badgered me into calling you and you weren't at home and I promised her to try again today. And I dreamt I saw you in bed with two young girls, and I felt so angry - I thought they'd usurped what was my right - and then I woke up and realised it wasn't, and I didn't really know if you'd like to have me at all, and... Well, I was angry with myself, with the world around me and with you, and my resolve to call you went out of the window. And I shouted at Lisa..." She looked at the road before her. "If it weren't for her... She made me realise that I really do want you. So here I am." Hal found her hand and squeezed it. "You know, I did realise that you had a lot of defences up. I hoped I could break through them someday... Thumbs up to Lisa!" He took the steering wheel in both hands again. They were driving down the A21 in silence when the first snowflakes of that year came whirling down. The outside temperature was too high as yet for them to make much of an impact, but Karen liked watching the snow come down. "Look!" She exclaimed. "Isn't it nice? Do you mind if we try and have some Christmas together after all - I mean, we don't have to be morose, do we?" "No, we don't," Hal said with a smile. "And I think Christmas with you must be awesome. I'll see what I can do." Then he suddenly wheeled off the main road. "A few more miles to go," he proclaimed. "We're almost there." The snow had stopped again when they arrived at Hal's place. "We're here," he said with a smile. He parked in the drive and got her suitcase from the boot. Karen walked along with him to the side door. When he opened it a tabby cat came out. With her tail high she rubbed against Hal's legs and then sniffed at Karen. She rubbed her leg, too. Then she disappeared into the dark. "That's Lottie," Hal said. "You don't mind cats, do you?" "No, not at all. I hope she'll like me." "It looked like it, by the attention she gave you. Welcome to my home," he stated as he stepped aside to let her enter. "Look, I... I know it's late - but I'm far too excited to go to sleep now. Do you think we could sit and talk a little longer?" "Yes please, that would be lovely." she replied. He led her into the living room where another cat was fast asleep in a chair. "Oh!" she said. "A Christmas tree! And oh, look at all those birds!" He smiled at her and produced some glasses. "What would you like to drink?" Karen came over to the cupboard. "Mm, that's nice," she said pointing to a bottle on the shelf. "I'll have some Drambuie. I haven't had any for ages." Hal handed her glass. "Cheers," he said. She took a sip and put her glass down. "Hal," she said, "I would like to thank you properly now." She wrapped her arms around him and soon found his tongue with hers, the taste of her mouth mingling with the sweetness of her drink as she finally allowed herself to give up her final reserve. She cuddled him in her arms, moved one hand to the back of his head and stroked him, and then she whispered, "I don't want a chaperone - no nosey parkers." They looked at each other and smiled, then untangled themselves and sat down side by side on the couch. After a bit, Karen looked around seeing the room was quite comfortable and that there were a few watercolours, two oils, and a photograph of a lovely young woman on one wall. She got up and went over to look at it. "Miriam, my wife," Hal said solemnly. "She's been dead sixteen years now." "Did you have any other women after that?" Karen asked. "No, I never found anyone I felt comfortable with - nor anyone I wanted to make an effort for. Not until this autumn when I met you." She returned to the couch and cuddled again. Karen put her head on his shoulder. "This is nice, I could sit like this for hours." Hal put his arm around her, pulling her tight to his side. "I hope you will, you don't know how welcome you are." They sat together in silence while they sipped their drinks, smiling at each other now and then. Karen put a hand on Hal's, and then she said, "Hal? Shall we go upstairs?" He nodded. "I'd love to." They put down their glasses and Hal led Karen to his bedroom, a room with two large windows that got the morning sun, and a double bed that looked almost new. Hal had actually bought it eight months ago because his old one had become rather shabby. "This is my bedroom," Hal said somewhat superfluously. Karen smiled at him. "Now let me cuddle you in earnest and get you out of those clothes." Hal had a nice body, she thought. No love handles, not flabby and not too skinny either. She hoped he would like hers, too. She put her hands on his chest, and Hal put his hands on hers and pressed them into him. He smiled at her and then he pulled her pullover over her head. She wore a thin top under it; and then he had her standing in her bra. She was well built, with the slightest hint of plumpness - just what he liked. "Wow," he said. "You're even more beautiful than I expected!" Karen reached behind her back and unhooked her bra, and then she stepped out of her jeans and panties. She stepped back and posed for him. "Will I do, sir?" she said in a girlish voice. Not waiting for a reply she took him in her arms, and pressed her breasts into him. He lowered an arm to fondle her behind, and stroked her back with the other, as she nuzzled his face. Then she let go of him, took his hand and led him to the bed. Her boyfriends might have been hopeless, but at least she had a good notion of what she did and didn't like. And she was certain she would get Hal to be a little less of a gentleman in bed - but all in its own sweet time. Karen pushed him back onto the bed and crawled on top of him. She tickled him under his armpits - and he reacted in kind, and then bent down to kiss him, and felt for his cock. To her satisfaction there was nothing wrong there; he was erect and very stiff. It seemed to wake him up, too, for he started using his hands on her as well. She loved to touch him and to be touched and she could hardly wait to feel him inside her. But first she crawled up a little farther and touched his face with her breast. He sucked her nipple into her mouth, and she felt he really liked to do so - he seemed to know how to make her feel good that way. "Lovely," she thought. Hal, who had been celibate for so long, felt overwhelmed by the realisation of how good it was to have this sweet woman in his arms. He loved to kiss and suck her nipples, and to feel her hair on his face, and he found her belly with his hands. Karen kissed him again, and rose a little on her knees. "Right," she said, smiling. "Here we go!" She took him in her hand and placed the tip of his penis against her pussy lips. Then she wiggled her hips and slid down slowly. When she had all of him inside she moved her hips to feel him even better. She gave him a happy look and then she looked at his body and scratched a nipple with the tip of her nail. Hal fondled her breasts and bum, and alternately looked at her face and at the spot where his cock was embedded in her pussy. He started to move his pelvis a little and Karen felt his cock move inside her - only a very little, but still - and she stopped holding back. She bent down over Hal, found his mouth with hers and started rocking her hips and squeezing his cock. "I'm on the pill," she whispered. "You don't have to be careful." Karen ran a wet tongue from his chin to his nose, and bent over to bite his ear. Then she held him tight and rolled over. She wrapped her legs around his back and whispered, "Go for it! I'm almost there!" Hal didn't have to be asked twice; he loved the feeling of her wet, supple flesh around his cock and her tongue in his mouth, trying to touch even the farthest recess. "I've dreamt... of this..." he said to her in between kisses. "Try and come with me," she said as she felt her climax build within her. She closed her eyes and worked her pussy on him as much as she could. Much to her delight she felt Hal come as he spurted into her again and again. "Ohh, Hal..." she whispered and pressed him against her. "Karen, my love," he said at the same time. They lay together until Hal had gone limp, basking in each other's warmth, and then she opened her eyes and they looked at each other. Hal kissed her eyes and then he bent down and bit a nipple. "Scoundrel," she said and pinched him. They kissed again, cuddled for a bit in the afterglow of their lovemaking and then went downstairs for another drink. Hal wore his bathrobe, and Karen made do with Miriam's - to Hal's delight, since it was decidedly too small for her. When he had poured them another drink Hal took a little brown cardboard box from the cupboard and handed it to Karen. She raised her eyebrows. "Just have a look," he said. Inside she found a single Christmas decoration that consisted of two tiny white porcelain doves. "It used to be my parents'," he explained. "And it sat in our tree each Christmas when my wife was still alive. It's not been used since. Will you put it in the tree?" Karen looked at Hal and felt her eyes go moist. She nodded. When she looked at the tree she saw immediately that there was only one place for it and with shaking fingers she put it on the highest branch, right under the star. She turned round and took Hal's hand. "Thumbs up to Lisa indeed," she said softly. "She made me realise at last that you don't choose love. Love chooses you." * (With apologies to Jeannie Kendall for using a garbled version of her lyrics.)