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Will I Learn To Love? Ch. 01

By: bigmonkeypie



Hi there, this story has been submitted a year ago but I had to change my account name. I have re-edited it and hope you enjoy the story. Please remember to vote and comment so I can learn from my mistakes. :) Thanks.

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All my life I have wanted to be loved. To find that person that would hold me, caress me, kiss me and love me. I never dreamt in my wildest dreams that I would finally find that person. Things have been tough. At 19 I was raped by a crazy drunk. The smell of whisky still haunts me, the coldness of his fingers as he tried desperately to stimulate my mind and my body. The way he gripped my arms tightly within his hands as he held me to the ground, grinding his body into me. In that instant I froze, my body would not give into his caresses nor would it find the energy to fight back. I became pregnant.

My father told me I was dirty, a whore, that my child would be dirty too. He ordered me to get rid of it, but nothing within my body would let me. I tried to call up the abortion centre, but still I just couldn't pick up the courage to go through with it. The sickness, the headaches, the constant stomach cramps, these I learned to love and with it, I fell in love with my growing child. 

At 24 weeks I went for my first scan. I sat alone. Surrounding me was couples, snuggling, canoodling. I felt hatred for the man that did this to me, that made me unable to love another man. The appearance of the hospital burned in my mind, and the smell made me retch. I could think of nothing worse than to go through the birth of my child alone. Once again I though back to an abortion. Insanity reached me at that instant. I wanted to harm myself and my child! I couldn't do it, could i?

"Sarah George", the name entered my thoughts. That was me; my baby and I were going to be checked up. As I entered the office, I couldn't help but notice an attractive young man, with dark messy hair fallen scruffily over his face. He had bright blue penetrating eyes, although they were not staring at me, I could feel the look that would be given off by them, knowing they would make my legs melt. As my eyes moved further down his body, I noticed how tanned he was. He was wearing a smart suit. With the jacket buttoned up, a big loose knot on the tie, all worn with tidy black trousers. His shoes were brown and suede, a sense of style I thought to myself.

As I brought my face back to look at him, I noticed he was looking back at me, smiling smugly. I instantly blushed, feeling the red blotchiness crawling up my skin, finding my cheek bones. 

"Great", I thought, "I look like a bloody cherry tomato; I've shown I'm a single parent and all in front of a gorgeous bloke. Brilliant." I smiled at him slightly, before moving into a room where my nurse was waiting. 

Everything was fine with my baby, what a relief. No foreseen problems, how could it possibly be a devil child? As I left the room, again I entered the office, purposefully not looking around and exited quickly. As I got to the door I felt a hand on my arm, I felt the coldness, the harshness of the grip. I smelt the whisky; I was back on the floor being raped by a dead weight that I could not seem to shift. I screamed and I lashed out, never again was I going to be raped. I was held more tightly, more hands on my body, forcing me to be still. This time tears came, through my panic I knew if I was raped, I would probably lose the baby. Defeated, I stopped fighting, I cried to myself and felt the hands soften and someone was holding me close to them. Stroking my hair, telling me things were going to be ok.

When I finally opened my eyes, the smart man was holding me tight. There was no roughness about him, everything he did was gentle, and he smelt good. The smell of whiskey vanished. This helped my fear disappear slightly. He moved back, careful not to let go of me. I looked around; my nurse was stood beside me holding my hand bag. 

"Umm, excuse me, I'm really sorry for scaring you, I just wanted to give you your handbag back." She said it so quietly and timidly, I almost didn't hear.

The man beside me thanked her, took the bag and turned back to me. 

"Is everything alright Miss??" When I didn't reply he spoke again, "My names Tom, your Sarah right? Would you like me to get you a taxi? Take you home? Get you a coffee?"

I felt the tears coming back, I felt so stupid. A nurse had tried to tell me something and I had freaked out, completely. With a man next to me so sweet and I couldn't even thank him. Embarrassment was beginning to catch up with me, I realised how stupid I had been. I stood up quickly, snatching my bag off the tall stranger and stormed off.

As soon as I was outside the hospital building, feelings of emotion swept back over me. How could I have been so stupid? Was this one night, one horrible night, going to ruin my life forever? Was I ever going to get my life back? I then remembered the tall man, Tom he had called himself. How could I have been so rude, all he had done was try to hold me, to stop me crying, the one thing I wanted more than anything in the world. And I had pushed him away, rejected him. Even if it was only for that one moment, the heat of his body, the strength of it as he held me tight made me lust for him. I wanted him; I had never wanted anyone before like this. 

Tempted as I was to re-enter the hospital and make my apologies, I couldn't bring myself to it. As I walked away from the hospital, I flagged down a taxi, never letting my thoughts stray off Tom. As I entered my taxi, I knew I should contact my sister, my only family member still interested in me, and let her know that everything with me and the baby was ok. As I reached for my cell, I noticed a piece of paper folded up at the top of my bag. As I opened it, a tiny bit of hope rushed through my body. Slowly I unfolded it, un-wrapping each crease carefully. When it was fully unfolded, I looked down to three letters and a number. Tom was the name written in tidy handwriting. I quickly pulled out my cell, forgetting about contacting my sister and typed two words. "I'm sorry". Leaving it at that, I flipped my phone shut, carrying on with my journey. After five minutes of driving my phone rang, I answered it within the first ring, breathless to talk to Tom. 

"My, that was a quick answer, you expecting a call sis? How was the scan?" Although I didn't know Tom, I was secretly disappointed that he hadn't yet contacted me.

"Hey sis, yeah the scan went ok, there's nothing wrong with me, nor the baby and everything is fine. I'm stuck in traffic now though, hold on." I leant forward to the driver and asked if he could take a different route to get me home faster. "Yeah, I just asked the driver to take a different route and when I said I wanted to be home faster I didn't mean that ..."

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My world went black. I woke up in a white room, the world was all hazy, and nothing seemed real, or seemed to make sense. I couldn't remember anything. I strained my eyes a bit more to see my sister staring at me. I opened my mouth to speak but found it was covered with some harsh plastic. I looked up at her, the panic rising within me. 

"Shhhh", she whispered, "you were in a car crash baby, your taxi driver ran you into a lorry, but everything will be fine."

From the look in her face I knew that everything was not going to be fine. I stared deep into her eyes and knew. I knew I had lost the baby. The words croaked out my throat, I knew she couldn't hear me but she shook her head, and too started crying. Together we lay crying in despair for the baby I never got to have. For a while my body seemed empty, like there was a piece of me missing. My heart stung from the grief at losing not only my baby but a piece of the person I was to become. When my sister left that night I cried and cried and cried. Never had I felt so lonely. 

At some point, I must have cried myself asleep because I was woken to a nurse fussing over me telling me that my husband had arrived to see me. 

"Husband?" I thought to myself, "I don't have a husband... do I?"

Was I forgetting something? I racked my brain, searching for a memory of a husband and finally decided that I definitely hadn't got one. 

A knock on the door brought me back to my senses, as I looked up I saw a tall man, with a well cut suit on and a bunch of flowers in front of his face. He neared me slowly never once talking, or showing his identity. He walked past me and placed the flowers on the windowsill. I had a clear view of a lock of short, messy, dark hair, strong masculine shoulders and a pair of long muscular legs. Slowly he turned and I recognised him within an instant. 

"Tom??!"

"Hey babe", was all he said. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Thank you all for reading me, and let me know what you think. 

Will I Learn To Love? Ch. 02



I sat in awe, looking up into this handsome mans face. Those bright, mysterious eyes stared deeply at me. As I opened my mouth to talk, to ask why was he here? Why did he call himself my husband? He started talking before I had the opportunity to say anything.

"Before you ask, I had to come and see you. I had to check to see if you were ok. The only way they would let me see you were if they thought I was family. Immediate family is always in the records, and I didn't think husband was too far off what I could be to you." He smiled sheepishly, with a tint of redness reaching his tanned cheeks. "Now that's over and done with, hello." 

I almost laughed at the situation. Someone had gone through all the effort to see me, to make me feel better. And most of all, it was someone I didn't really know. He even hinted about being my boyfriend. I couldn't believe it. A moment after the smile almost hit my lips; my guard rose up around me again. I built myself a 12ft wall, guarding me from everyone and anyone. 

He must have seen the smile leave my face; my eyes dim as I faded out of the situation. He spoke softly, "hey, look I'm not going to hurt you. I really came here to see if everything was ok with you. I was worried. People were talking about a young, beautiful young lady that had..." He stopped talking instantly. I knew what he was going to say, 'the lady that lost her child'. Reality folded in, I had lost my child! Never was I going to see it walk, talk and play with the other children. It was gone, gone from my life. Tears filled my eyes as, again I mourned my babies death. I kept my eyes fixed on the bed in front of me; I couldn't bring myself to look into those mysterious eyes. 

I could feel the tears begin to flood my cheeks, and my body began to shudder as I sobbed. His hands came up and around me as he sat on the bed. He held me close to him, I could feel the roughness of his hands, but they were also gentle as they ran up and down my back. The opposite emotions were running through my body, the sadness and also the feeling of being held. As much as I desperately wanted to move away, I couldn't bring myself to. My arms came up around him, my wall was gone. I hugged him, drew him into me as I let myself go. I cried and cried. Nothing in the world was letting me stop crying, stopping the tears from streaming down my face. Nothing was letting me release this man, the first man who had ever held themselves in my embrace with passion. Never did I want this moment to end.

Finally, he pulled away from me and stared deep into my eyes. I thought to how red my eyes would look along with my blotchy face. I pulled my hands up to cover my face. He tenderly touched my hand and brought it back down to my side. With his other hand he reached forward and touched my cheek, wiping away a tear that was beginning to fall. My tears had slowed, no longer crying for my baby, instead for the new sensation that was tugging at my heart. He leant forward, closing his eyes. My body froze at the thought at what might happen. His lips made contact with my cheek, and then he stood up. Adjusted his jacket, said his goodbye and left. 

I sat there for what seemed a lifetime, not that I had anywhere to go. I thought about the tenderness that he kissed me with. I felt disappointment. I wanted him to kiss my lips. I wanted to taste him, to feel those soft lips within my own, caressing and stroking them. I wanted to feel the unspoken passion between us in a kiss. 

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After I was sent away being fully recovered by the hospital, I didn't know what to do. Should I go back to my dad? Would he love me, would I love him? The way he had treated me, could I? I walked home, rather than getting a taxi. It would be an extra 20 minutes, but with the traffic, there wouldn't be much of a difference. As I was walking, my mind wandered back to the man that was Tom. What were my feelings towards him? The gap that was missing within me couldn't have been yearning for Tom. I had just lost a baby, never been loved. The attention was getting to me. I didn't love him, obviously, I didn't even know the guy, it was a hidden lust. I was saying all these things to myself to take my mind off those soft lips.

In the hospital, I would wake up feeling satisfied; there would be moistness between my legs and when I would think back to the dream Tom had been there, between my legs. Caressing me, making me feel things I had never felt for anyone.

As I reached my apartment, I thought about what I was going to do with my day. I needed a shower. As soon as I entered, I went round closing all the blinds, giving me some much needed privacy. I entered the bathroom half undressed, leaving bits of my outfit strewn all over the apartment. By the time I reached the shower there was nothing left on me. I untied my hair and stepped into the shower, turning it on and feeling the warmth of the water rushing past me. As I turned to soak my back, I noticed I had left the bathroom door open. I thought back to whether I had locked the front door, assuring myself I had, I continued to enjoy my shower. I made a grab for shower gel and started rubbing myself with it, trying to clean my self as best as I could. When I still didn't feel fully comfortable with my cleanliness, I made a grab for my foam back scrubber. As I caressed the soap up and down by back, I began to imagine that it was Tom's hands caressing and rubbing the soap through into my skin. The thought of Tom being so near got me feeling a hint of extra wetness between my thighs, this wasn't any water.

I slowly traced my finger down my slightly curved stomach, across the top of my pubic bush and down towards the inside of my thighs. Gone were the thoughts of the drunk, instead the longing for Tom's touch. With the door being open, I was more excited at the thought of someone walking in. As my finger went to penetrate between my legs, I stopped myself. I couldn't go through with the thought of pleasure coming from where that man caused me so much pain before. I finished my shower up quickly after that, feeling more aroused since I hadn't got the pleasure I so desperately needed.

As I left the shower, hair in a towel and a small towel round the rest of my body, leaving most of the length of my leg exposed, there was a knock on the door. A sudden thought to Tom being stood behind the door made me undo the towel on my head, and fluff my hair up slightly. I opened the door and a wave of disappointment flooded through me. "Hello, you ok sis?" 

"Hey, I see you discharged yourself. I went in to see you today and when I entered the stall, there was a handsome bloke stood in there asking if I knew where you were." She spoke in soft tones.

"Well, what did you tell him, is he coming over? Did he say if his name was Tom by any chance?" I asked before I got my hopes up too much.

"Yea, his names Tom, and he made me bring him over here now, so if I was you, I would put some clothes on now. His stare made me lose all my clothes and I have a thousand more on than you sis."

With that, I quickly hugged her, said my thanks and ushered her into the room, waiting for him to come round the corner. He turned the corner slowly, looking around and taking in his surroundings. When he spotted me, he walked straight over. As I went to talk, "Shut up" is all that was said, and it wasn't spoken by me. He came over, wrapped his arms around me, placed his hands on my back and placed a tentative kiss onto my lips. At first I made no movement just stood there, taking in the feel of his body pressed against mine. His mouth opened slightly and I felt the pressure of his tongue against my lips. As I opened my mouth, my tongue came out to meet his, and we stood there for a minute just caressing each other with our mouths. 

"You two, get a room! I didn't come here to see you two necking it. Aren't you going to invite him in Sarah?"

As I looked up at him, he stared at me with those bright blue eyes. "I've been so worried about you. Why did you leave without telling anyone, the hospital wouldn't give me your details, how was I supposed to know where you had gone?"

"Erm, excuse me, I seem to remember you were the one that just got up and left me, we barely even know each other and your acting as if I'm your fiancée. Drop it Tom." I couldn't believe it, how could he be such a control freak? I barely even knew the guy. I wanted him to leave, but he was still gripping me tightly, both hands around my waist, not even looking as if he was going to let me go.

"Hey, look, I'm really sorry. It's just ... when I first saw you, I knew I wanted you. I knew it was love. I know this is fast, we don't even know each other, but I know more about you than you think. From the way you cried at the clinic first time, the way your eyes give the hurt away whenever I come too close, I know that you have been hurt in the past baby, but I want to make it right. I want the pain to go away for you. I want to help with things. I'm sorry for seeming like such a jerk, its just I want you." His eyes were full of intimacy while he stared at me.

After a few moments passed he handed me a piece of paper, he smiled, "You know, just in case you lost it first time." With that he turned on his heel and walked down the corridor and then he was gone.

"Wow, some guy." I turned round so see my sister stood there, both hands on her heart, a glimmer of teardrops in her eyes.

"Oh, drop it Ellie. I've seen this guy three times in my life and he's admitting his undying love for me. Come off it." Although deep down, in the depths of my body, I felt what he was feeling.

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Please don't forget to vote and comments are welcome. 



Will I Learn To Love? Ch. 03



The next few days went by slowly. My thoughts only on the man who held me so tight, the man I longed to hold. Every time the phone rang, my heart would be leaping in my chest. All I wanted was to hear from this man, the man that made me feel so special inside. Stupid as it was, since he told me he loved me, I couldn't think about much else. It was a day long relationship. Three times I had seen him, did I really care. 

The more I thought about his love for me, the more I began to hate him. Was it some kind of sick joke? Who would tell me they loved me after three meetings, how could he do this to me? Did he think I was a fool? Through his absence, I started thinking about the sick things he could do to any woman. After all, what if it wasn't me that walked by him for my appointment. Would he have tried to woo the next dumb blonde who walked through? 

A ring of the telephone broke into my thoughts, this time I felt no desire for it to be Tom, if it was he would get a piece of my mind. I answered the phone gruffly, in a tone I couldn't really recognise as my own. I exchanged a few words, before hanging up. Plans had to be made now, why were birthdays so important. There the same day every year, and every year you just get another year older. What was the big deal? Big expensive meals, a night out on the town, pull some random bloke and head back home before waking up with a mad headache. It wasn't just my own birthday this was done for, it was everybody's! Talk about repetitive. 

With two days to prepare, a reservation at the local haunt, The Bronze, needed to be made. VIP tickets for my few, and very select amount of friends. In the last few months, since the rape, only a few people stood by me. The rest, well, they weren't worth my friendship anyway.

Cards began to enter through the post. It was a day before the 'big day' and my doormat was already covered in these cards, never had a package arrived before my actual birthday though. Normally, packages come on the day, all at once, in a big bundle. But not this one, it didn't even arrive with the post. It was a small package in an A5 brown envelope with the address scribbled rather scruffily, in handwriting I couldn't quite place. My surname wasn't included in the address either, just 'Sarah' written on it. 

After thoroughly examining the packaging, I decided to open it. Inside was a small IPod. I picked out the small gadget and turned it in my hand, noticing the yellow post-it stuck inside the envelope. "Turn it on and press play", were the words written in the same scrappy handwriting. I turned it on and pressed play but there was no sound. I read the song title on the display screen. It said, "A song from me to you to show I care", no artist, and no album, just that name. I quickly scanned the lounge for my CD player, looking for some headphones to hear the song.

I searched, and after finding no headphones. I placed the IPod down and carried on with my day, pushing all thoughts of it to the back of my mind. I had to prepare for tonight, the night I would go out and wake up feeling rough on my actual birthday. 

At 9:00pm, Ellie and a few friends came round, ready for a heavy night of drinking, each bringing a bottle of something. By 10.30 we were all merry and ready for a night on the town. After glamming ourselves up, as much as possible in our drunken state, we made our way to The Bronze. On entry, we were scooped into the VIP section, watching over the rest of the club, sitting with our free glass of champagne. I downed the glass, and made a move for the dance floor. I only had an hour left of being 19, I was going to enjoy every second of it. I could think about love and mystery songs when I was 20.

All six of us made our way down the stairs, on to the dance floor, ready to strut our stuff. Before long, we had found ourselves a selection of guys, some hot, some not so, either way, the girls were enjoying themselves greatly. Every so often I would feel a clammy hand come up and grope my ass, my hips, even my breasts. I pushed all thoughts away and continued to dance, never dropping my sisters' hands. The girls were long gone, each eating a different guy's face. Looking around I couldn't help but laugh, in the morning they would all regret wearing their beer goggles tonight.

Ten minutes before the night ticked over into day, I had the sudden need to pee. Stupid alcohol I said to myself. 

"I'm going to the toilet", I shouted to Ellie over the din of the dance track playing. It used to be one of my favourite tracks, before it was turned into a dance track. The second I left Ellie, I saw some of the guys making a grope, she just carried on dancing. I hated how much it didn't bother her to have random guys tugging at her body. 

When I came back onto the dance floor, my friends were no longer there, every single one had left. 

"Great", I thought to myself, "Happy birthday". As I went to leave, there was a track change, right in the middle of the song. 

"Hello everybody", came a roar from the speakers, looking up to the DJ I saw all five girls smiling and waving at me. A spotlight was placed on me, highlighting where I was, "We have one minute until it is this lovely lady's birthday, and I want a happy birthday to be sung by everybody." Two of the club workers came over, offering me a 'dirty pint'. I downed it as fast as I could. I was ready for my birthday! The DJ then started a ten second countdown, before everyone broke into song around me. Feeling drunk again, I made my way onto one of the empty tables, dancing round and round, clapping, screaming and shouting for my own birthday. 

Soon after the song finished, I made my way off the table. Hands were all over me, touching my legs, pulling at my short shorts. One guy pulled me off the table, catching me in his arms. He leant in for a kiss. I pushed him off telling him I was in love, I had a boyfriend. Ellie was beside me, pulling me away, seeing my sudden drunken state, opted on calling it an early night.

Inside the taxi, a wave of nausea flowed through me, making me retch; the lack of dinner had a nasty effect on me. I made it home without throwing up but walking through my front door, I rushed to the bathroom and was sick. I felt arms around me, taking me into my room and tucking me into bed. I heard the door close before falling into a deep sleep.

Waking up the smell of sick surrounded me. I could taste it. I sat up in bed, recalling the events of last night. It had gone exactly to plan, get drunk, come home, wake up, feel rough. But this was my birthday, the big two-zero, was I ever going to sit in bed all day, trying to recover. I got up slowly feeling another wave of nausea, made my way to the shower and showered for a good 20 minutes cleaning my self thoroughly before brushing my teeth, wiping the taste away. I then got myself ready for the day, pulling on a pair of jeans and a low cut jumper.

Breakfast seemed like the next good way to start the day, making myself a boiled egg with toast, forcing it down my neck it made the rotten feeling of being sick disappear slightly. As I entered the lounge, I noticed again the IPod set on the coffee table. I picked it up just as there was a knock on the door, assuming it was my sister I called to come in. I heard the door open but there was silence. 

"I see you like the gift then?" a voice behind me asked.

I spun round, recognising the voice instantly. "Daddy, oh my god, what are you doing here?" I ran to him and embraced him in a deep hug. As I hugged him I realised how much I missed him. 

"Sweetie, I'm not here to stay. I know I haven't been around that much recently. I thought I would come and see you, someone came to see me about you." He paused, "I wish you would have told me about the baby." He sat down and I followed suit. I listened quietly and when he finished talking, he told me he had a train to catch but we could have dinner some time soon. He gave me a quick hug before heading out. 

I stayed sat down, thoughts whirring through my head. Someone had told him about my loss. I hadn't thought about that in a while, too many other things to think about, talking to my Dad brought back the memories. The next thing he said to me really confused me. He told me that the IPod was a gift from Tom. Tom had gone to see him, to find out who my Dad was and had called himself my 'boyfriend'. That's when my Dad got up and rushed himself out.

Everything was so confusing. Tom had taken it too far this time. Some joke, first he tells me he loves me – funny, but getting my family involved that is too far. I picked up the phone, and typed in the number I had memorised by now, after many attempts of ringing Tom and never going through with it, I finally had the rage, rather than bravery, to do it.

A voice answered at the other end. 

"You bastard, what the hell are you trying to do". I shouted at him for a few more minutes and when I was done, I hung up before he could reply. Feeling much better and finally hoping I might be able to forget about him, I took the IPod into my room ready to chuck it into a drawer and forget about it. Opening the drawer I saw my headphones, did I listen to the IPod?

As much as I wanted to leave the IPod and forget about it I just couldn't, curiosity got the better of me, as usual, I plugged the headphones in, putting them in my ears and hitting the play button I listened. Within seconds of it playing, I knew the song, my favourite song. It was 'truly madly deeply by Savage Garden'. My all time favourite song. Listening to it, the lyrics got me thinking about Tom. 'I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish, I'll be your fantasy. I'll be your hope, I'll be your love, be everything that you need." Those words played over and over again through my head. 

Another knock at the door, which was only just heard through the volume of the headphones, brought me to my senses. I went to the door, still holding the IPod tightly in my hand. Opening the door I saw Tom stood there with a bunch of flowers and a balloon, written on it was 'Happy Birthday Sarah'. In all the excitement of the day's happenings, I had forgotten about my birthday, meaning my Dad too had forgotten. Looking up at Tom I saw the softness in his blue eyes, and then I looked to his mouth it was fixed in a straight line; he licked his lips and opened his mouth to talk. 

"What do you want?" I asked gruffly, knowing that if he spoke my anger would subside. He started talking as I turned around back into the house, leaving him on the doorstep. I didn't even bother to listen as I went into the kitchen and made myself a cup of tea. When I entered the lounge again, Tom was still stood on the doorstep and still talking quietly. 

As I looked up into his eyes, he stopped what he was saying and asked if he could come in. I agreed wearily, knowing this was going to be a long night. He entered, setting my gifts on the tabletop; he walked up to me and gently grabbed my arms. I badly wanted to step back, to tell him where to stick it. But his eyes seemed to hypnotize me; I could feel his breath on my lips, as if he was gently blowing on them. Staring into his eyes I could see the passion within him. The stare was too much so I closed my eyes having nowhere else to look.

"Please open your eyes", he said gently. Without opening them, I felt his head dipping, his breathing stopping as he leant down to place a light kiss on my lips. I opened my eyes then as he pulled away, licking my lips, tasting spearmint. As I looked into his eyes again I noticed just how blue they were. I stared and noticed that they were bluer than all the oceans and just as deep. 

This time I leant in for the kiss, letting all my past experiences fall behind me. I tried to raise my hand to hold his head, to pull him into my mouth, but he held my hands down by my side and kissed me. He controlled the pace; his lips lingered on mine for a while before he slowly parted his lips and pushed his tongue lightly into my mouth. I kissed him back, trying to get him to kiss me harder, with more passion, but still he kissed me softly, never speeding up, making my legs melt with every movement he made. 

He pulled away, releasing my arms staring into my eyes searching for my reaction. I stood there not saying anything, lost in the moment. He brought me close to him again and searched for my lips, already tender. His hand came up to the back of my head this time, pulling me to his mouth. One short kiss became another and this time I could feel the passion fuelled within him. Pulling me closer, holding me up against him. Finally I pulled away, breathless.

"Tom, we can't. I'm sorry, I just can't, I don't even know you." 

"Sure you do," he smiled, "you know I'm a great kisser." He smiled again, flashing his perfectly formed teeth, pulling me up against himself before dipping his head again. 

After enjoying his taste for a while, I pulled away. A sudden feeling of rage burst through me, I had no idea where it even came from. I just remembered what I had been thinking prior to his arrival. Had he victimised me, was he like this with every other woman? The thought to it all being a sick joke made me speak harshly to him, "Oh look, you've been here a whole five minutes, isn't it time for you to go yet?"

Instead of retaliating, as I thought he would, he spoke in a calm, controlled voice, "I don't know what has happened to you in the past. I'm not leaving; I don't want to, I don't think I could go even if I wanted to. I'm here to listen. I want to know what has happened to you and most of all ... I just want to know you."

All the demons vanished. My anger, my pain, it was all gone. As he held me there I whispered two words to myself, "Me too."



Will I Learn To Love? Ch. 04



That night, Tom stayed with me. We didn't talk much, nor did we kiss. We sat in my living room in a comfortable silence, neither wanting to break the feeling. When I began to feel drowsy, I asked him if he wanted to stay, hoping that he wouldn't. To stay would mean sleeping in my bed and I didn't want to 'sleep with him'. When he answered asking for a blanket, that he would stay on my sofa, I made no objections. 

I left him with a blanket and a pillow, leant him a toothbrush and left him. After I had cleaned my face, brushed my teeth and hair, I entered my room, changed into my oversized T-shirt and lay on my bed, thinking things through, finally falling to sleep.

I woke up to a sound outside my bedroom door. I looked over to see the door handle move slightly. I stayed absolutely still, wrapped tightly in my covers, watching the door. It was pushed open ever so slightly, making a tiny creak. Still no-one had entered my room. A minute passed and the door was pushed further in, I kept my eyes fixed on the figure that popped their head cautiously around the door. All that I could see was the bright white of their eyes, looking around the room before focusing on me, my bed. 

"Sarah," the voice startled me, I hadn't expected anyone to speak to me. "Sarah are you awake?" When I didn't answer, the figure made its way into my room, tripping over a pile of my clothes that I had changed out of earlier. As the figure neared, I exhaled realising that I had Tom in the house, the figure was Tom. He didn't seem to have noticed my slight movement. Still watching him I noticed him bending over to pick something up, as he stood tall I saw him gripping a pair of my panties, dirty ones! I wanted to say something but my 'asleep game' was turning out to be quite fun.

As he neared again I saw him bring my panties to his nose, inhaling deeply before continuing to rub them between his fingers. He made a noise that sounded very much like, "Oh, so damp. She must like me." This time I couldn't hold back my giggle as I snorted into the cover. 

He was on me in a second. Laughing, Smiling, The whites of his teeth shown clearly in the darkness of the room. I pushed my hands into his stomach, noticing for the first time that he wasn't wearing anything on top, and tickled him hard and fast. He fell off me rolling to the side in fits of laughter. I straddled him, wrapping my knees tightly against his bare legs, noting that boxers were all that he was wearing. Shortly he was crying with laughter and I reduced my tickling tactics. In that moment he flipped me on my back again, my legs still wrapped around him feeling his bulge press into my knickers. 

We both stopped frolicking, the world seemed to stop. The only sound I heard was the ticking of the clock. Seconds passed feeling like hours where neither of us spoke, neither of us moving. This time it was an uncomfortable silence. 

I was the first to move, pushing him off me and walked into the living room. Feeling him there between my legs had me gagging for more, to feel his manly touch between my legs, feeling him press into me, filling me. I quickly shook those thoughts out of my head as he entered the room turning on the lights. 

I turned to look at him, eyeing the bulge in his boxers, tenting it at the front. No embarrassment was shown on his face, he knew I was aware of it, I had felt it pressing into me. 

"Thank you." The words startled me. "I'm sorry about being a spoilsport and wrecking our game, just the thought of you on top of me, straddling me, riding me was getting me a little excited. I really enjoyed the fun we just had, if it wasn't for me and my stupid cock, it wouldn't have ended so damn fast." 

Staring at his face, so serious, so worried about my reaction had me giggling again. I laughed and his eyes lit back up, the blue shining through again. I walked over to him and put my hand on my shoulder, facing him with my most serious face. His eyes seemed to darken again, preparing for my comment. 

"TAG!" I quickly poked him, running away, hearing his laughter as he chased me around the room. I ran into my kitchen, squealing as he almost caught me, then sprinting through to the bathroom. Running there was a big mistake. The only way to escape was either back to the door he was guarding or into my bedroom. I knew if I took the game back into my room, it was sure to turn sexual.

Deciding on going into my bedroom I jogged in, gasping as two soft hands came around my waist and I was chucked lightly on the bed. "Caught you now it's your turn to catch me," Tom spoke softly into my ear. He didn't move though, I reached up and touched his chest.

"Tag." I spoke breathlessly. If it was the running round the house or the sudden sexual heat between the two of us I wouldn't have known. He leant down bringing his lips closer to mine. I still stared at his gorgeous eyes, watching them looking at my lips, closing just as his lips encountered mine. I didn't respond, his lips didn't move, it was just a tender sensual kiss.

"Tagged... You... Back..." He managed to muffle into my mouth, bringing me to a fit of giggles again. He pulled back slightly, no longer keeping contact as my body heaved with laughter. As I saw him staring I became self conscious and held my hand over my mouth, stopping myself from laughing. He pulled my hand away slowly saying, "I don't know why you would do that, your laugh is beautiful." His words making me blush, bringing a burning feeling up around my cheeks.

His body being so near to me, feeling his hard chest pressed into my breasts, made me want to kiss him. I slowly started caressing his chest, moving them down his hard front, dragging my nails back up finding the stubble on his face. His lips pressed into mine, the kiss changing. It was hot and wet, his tongue found mine, caressing mine with his, leaving me again short for breath. He was in control of the kiss, the movements he made, precise, knowing what I liked, what I wanted, kissing me deep. I slowed the kiss and pulled his bottom lip between my teeth nibbling on it slightly, hearing his reaction in a moan. I carried on, urged on by his responses to my actions.

His hands worked their way up my body, around my breasts and up to my arms, pulling them away from his face. He moved his kisses down onto my jaw and pressed my hands down deep and hard into the pillows. A wave of panic flowed through me. No longer did I have any control I desperately needed. I felt the same claustrophobic feeling flooding through me all over again. 

"Stop, your hurting me," I cried out, thrashing my body. I felt so relaxed, so ready a few seconds ago and all of a sudden, one movement by him brought back all the memories, the nightmares. He released me quickly, worry flooded through those beautiful eyes. 

"I'm sorry baby, did I hurt you?" he implored. I glanced at him, feeling his pain, knowing it was my pain. 

"There are probably a few things about my past you would like to know," I whispered, barely audible.

"I'm here for you honey, I want to listen. Open up for me, I can help." His words brought a smile to my lips knowing that just letting my emotions out would help me more than he could ever imagine. I was ready to talk.

~~~~

Don't forget and leave a comment if you would like. Thankyou for reading me.



Will I Learn To Love? Ch. 05



I stared into his eyes for a few moments contemplating on where to start. There was so much to tell. Slowly he moved his body off of mine and rolled onto the other side of the bed, his breathing slowed. I sat up, crossing my legs preparing myself for what I wanted to say.

At first my words were barely audible. Tom sat up too and held my hands, caressing them slowly, looking into my eyes, telling me that I could trust him. I began to tell him my story. 

"Ok, this is pretty hard for me, I have never told anyone the full extremity to this, its been too hard, the police knew the major facts but the rest, I kept them to myself." Already I was blabbing, telling him irrelevant information. Still he listened. "The girls and I went out for new year. We had planned to go out into the centre as there would be more of an atmosphere, something we hadn't done before. Ellie's friend, Jack, drove us down, he was the non-drinker. By eleven we were all hammered. I don't remember the count down, it's all a blur, but I do remember going back to the car with Jack. The alcohol in my system must have made me an extra flirt because I did something to lead him on. We went to the car, in the middle of a car park somewhere and well we, you know, did stuff. I was pretty drunk, not fully aware of my actions, whereas he was aware, and loving the state I was in.

"Some jerk must have been watching all the action because halfway through my pleasure, we heard a knock on the window. Both of us decided to ignore it as he brought me closer to climax. As I came, another knock on the door sounded, afraid it might have been the police we bounced, got out of the car and run. Me a bunch of giggles, and Jack well... I didn't see much of him after we got out of the car, he was too quick.

"This guy caught up with me pretty fast and noticed I was pretty hammered. He told me that my friends were all nearby and that he would take me to them. I'm the kind of person that thinks, nothing would happen to me, it only happens on the news. I mean I didn't even catch the guys name for god's sake!" I began to feel the memories coming back. Could I go through with it, would it be that simple?

One tear slid down my cheek. Tom leaned over and brushed his lips over where my tear fell. He let go of my hands and held my head, kissing my cheek, my forehead, my ears, my neckline and then finally my lips. Pulling my face towards his, holding it softly while he continued to plant kisses. His hands came down from my face, stroking down my hair and onto my back, caressing down the lines of my body. The sensations running through my body were like I had never felt before. 

I was aware of every touch, his lips kissing me softly, his hands floating around my back, all those touches bringing me to new heights. After a few minutes of his touch he pulled back. 

"You don't have to tell me now you know, shall we go to sleep, it might be easier in the morning," he spoke as he released me. He moved off the bed and headed towards the door.

"Wait," I stuttered, "Would you mind staying with me? It's just... well to be honest... you make me feel better."

He looked round and asked me if I was sure, but I swear I caught a smile. When I nodded he came round into the bed, and lay with his back to me leaving me to admire his muscular back. When I went to face the other direction, the covers were snatched off of me, freezing me instantly. I pulled them back, hard. We both heard the rip and started laughing although I was still hurting inside. 

"The only way your going to be warm tonight is to get a little closer, it's no good you being over the other side of the bed, the covers stay with me," I giggled. He shuffled closer. After a while his breathing slowed and I was sure he was asleep. I thought back to the evening's happenings, what had just happened and what was going to happen. 

I woke up to find the room still dark. I glanced over to Tom, still sleeping soundly. His eyes closed and his lips ever so slightly open. I sat up and looked at him for a while. He seemed to mutter something in his sleep, giving me the incredible urge to place my lips upon his. I leant down and kissed him ever so lightly, afraid he might wake. When I pulled back, he rolled over onto his back, tangling the sheets round his leg, leaving the best part of his body exposed.

I couldn't resist touching him. I ran my hands down the front of his chest down to the waistband of his boxers. Knowing that I could do what I wanted with no pressure, was making me incredibly horny. I wanted to touch him, to feel what he was like. I slowly slid my hand underneath his shorts, feeling what was underneath.

A moan escaped his lips and I quickly withdrew my hand, worried to have been caught in the act. I waited a minute to be sure he was asleep, and then slid my hand back into his boxers, finding him now semi-hard. I continued to run my fingers up and down, feeling what was there with an eye fixed on his face for any movement. As he became fully hard I no longer knew what to do, it was already wrong of me to touch him while he was sleeping. I moved away.

"Awww, no! You can't stop there, please don't stop." I was surprised to see him staring at me, eyes wide open, longing within them. 

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I... well I... I just wanted to know what it would be like. I'm sorry I should never have...." I stuttered, my voice trailing off.

"Yea, you defiantly should have started!" He exclaimed, "You were doing fine baby. I'm so hot for you right now."

"Maybe, maybe we should just go back to sleep..." I rolled over, away from him, thinking about the length of him filling my hand, thinking about it filling my mouth and, mainly, where else it could fit. 

I heard him say something under his breath before he cuddled up to me, his length pushing into my bum. His arm came round my shoulders, holding me close to him. He placed a kiss on my shoulder, before slipping his head back down, still holding me tightly in his grip.

I woke up this time with my t-shirt pulled high. Toms hand rested on the flat of my stomach, leaving my skimpy underwear exposed. My first instinct was to pull my top down, instead I lay there feeling his hand brushing up and down, coming in to contact with the bottom of my boobs, before dropping down again to the lining of my knickers.

I could feel his bulge still pressed into my back, along with a damp feeling. I snuggled back into his body, holding his hand within mine, before drifting to sleep again, a smile on my face.

~~~~~

Sorry this chapters short, it seemed like a good place to leave it.

Thanks for reading me, and please don't forget to vote. Comments are welcome too! :)



Will I Learn To Love? Ch. 06



I woke this time in my bed, alone. I looked round searching for Tom. Where had he gone? As I got out of the bed, the smell of cooked breakfast hit my nostrils. 

As I walked through into the kitchen I laughed, "Can you get anymore cheesy?" I giggled when I saw him, wearing only his boxers and an apron. I took a second to check out his figure, those long legs, and that muscular back I had come to know so well last night.

He looked behind at me, his eyes shining. Stubble covered his chin, making him look ultra sexy. I walked over slowly, keeping my eyes fixed on his firm buttocks. As I neared him, he spun round quickly, landing his lips on mine, surprising me. I gasped, and he took the opportunity to invade my mouth with his tongue.

He possessed my mouth, his hands moving up to my breasts. This time I left him, the sensations running through my body all too much to try and stop him. He brought his hands back up to hold my face to his, keeping me there as he moved his body to the chair. He placed one hand to my ass, whilst the other held my face, and pulled me down onto the chair. With me straddling him, our mouths still connected as he used his tongue, bringing me to new heights. 

I wrapped my arms around the back of his head, pulling him deeper into the kiss, not wanting it to ever end. The thought of him underneath me, was beginning to get my juices flowing. I could feel the material of his apron underneath my bare legs. And behind it, his naked chest free for my hands to roam.

Just as I was really letting myself go, he pushed me off of him. I moaned with the sudden loss of his heat. Turning round I was suddenly aware of the smell, and saw the slight flame glowing above the cooker. I watched as he leant over the sink with a wet cloth, his back tensing as he drained it. His biceps flexing, sweat beginning to form on his lower back. I continued to stare, watching as he reacted to the small fire, putting it out with ease. I carried watching his movements even as the smoke seemed to ooze out of the room.

When he turned to face me this time, I noticed his eyes were a little more tired and his face almost dirty. I felt the instant attraction come back. I wrapped my arms round his waist, pulling him towards me removing the apron slowly. Seeing the tent in his shorts, I pulled him towards me, kissing just above the waistband. I stood up carefully, kissing up his body, tasting the slight salt of sweat and it had me spurring on, kissing everything visible. 

I moved my kisses over to his left nipple, kissing it, then flicking it with my tongue, feeling it harden, I moved across to the other one doing the same thing. My hands ran up his back, feeling the crevices of the muscles. I kissed up his neck finally planting a kiss on his mouth. 

He wrapped his arms around my waist, picking my slight form up off the ground, never breaking the kiss, and started walking in the direction of the bedroom. I laughed at the uncomfortable position I was held in, feeling slightly scared at the thought of what was to come in the bedroom. Moving though, feeling my knickers rubbing against my legs, made me realise how wet I was. I wanted him.

He lay me down on the bed slowly, carefully, making me feel light as a feather as he effortlessly moved me in a comfortable position. His lips lingered on mine before moving down my body, his hands just ahead of his mouth. As his hands reached my hips, I felt his fingers hook on the sides of my knickers. I felt a tug as he pulled them slowly down my long legs, the smell of my heat filling the room. 

"I want to do this right," he spoke in soft tones, his hand just touching the tip of my sex. I moaned as I felt the heat of his hand pass. He brought his lips down to mine, kissing me slowly, letting his lips caress mine as he brought his hand back down over my pulsing flesh.

He worked his mouth back down my body, pushing my t-shirt up to expose my breasts. His mouth latched on to one nipple, flicking it, licking it, sucking it, and making my back arch, pushing my nipple further into his mouth. Although I wanted to it to stop, my thoughts on the rape, the way my body was reacting to his touch, I knew it couldn't be wrong. His tongue reached my belly button flicking inside whilst he slowly pushed my legs apart, again letting the smell escape into the room.

He looked up into my eyes before moving down further, his body settled between my legs. He looked for a moment at my sex, I watched him watching me, feeling my face turn red under his stare. He moved his head down, his tongue tracing my lips first, making me jump. He then slipped his tongue between them before licking all the way back up, hitting my clit. I cried out, my back arching deeply as his tongue found and played with it. He held my thighs, keeping my sex tight to his face as my body squirmed underneath him. 

I moved my hands down, clutching his hair, mashing his face down into my now, sopping wet pussy. The feeling of orgasm brewed within me and I was barley able to catch my breath. He built it up fast, slowly nipping and rolling my clit within his mouth. Bringing me to new heights as the orgasm overpowered me. I cried his name out, keeping his head between my legs as my body began to spasm, the incredible feeling of the orgasm within me. 

I felt a finger enter me, pushing deep inside me, my body still recovering from my orgasm. He pushed his finger in, deeper than before, hitting my G-spot bringing a second orgasm out. He continued to lick my clit whilst finger fucking me. I could feel the waves of pleasure this time as he continued to terrorise my clit, waiting for my body to react. "Oh god!" was all I could call as the orgasm struck me, I felt its prickly heat course through my body, before slowly stopping, leaving me feeling breathless.

As the second orgasm subsided, I felt as if my body would melt. Never had I felt like this with anyone. I opened my eyes to see Tom stood over me, his shorts off, and his cock stood proudly in-front of him, pulsing as the blood rushed through it. He moved his body between my open legs, slowly waiting for any reaction. I sat up, closing my legs, and leant forward. 

"I've got a better idea," I spoke, kissing the head of his cock before taking it slowly into my mouth. I inched my way down, hearing his moans. I knew I was turning him on and it spurred me on to do an even better job on him. I brought it deep into the back of my throat, fighting my gag instincts, wanting to do well, wanting to please him, like he had pleased me. 

He was too long to fit all the way in my mouth, so I moved my hands down. I moved one to caress his balls, whilst the other moved down to stroke his rod, where my mouth couldn't reach. I increased my suction as he slowly started to fuck my mouth, pushing it in, and then out. 

His hands came down, pushing my head, making me take him deeper than ever thought possible. When he first moved his hand down, I felt the panic, being forced to do something, the lack of control again. I pulled my mouth off of him, seeing his cock glisten from my saliva.

I heard his moan as I pulled away. I looked up into his eyes, and placed my hands on his buttocks, pulling him down onto the bed. He sat next to me. 

"Lie down." He lay down, moving up the bed, watching my face carefully. I roamed up his body, letting my breasts rub against his chest. When I reached his face I kissed him softly, letting my hands find his. Moving them up, above his head I told him to hold onto the head board.

He looked deep into my eyes and smiled. I leant down to kiss him before setting to my task. Playing with him when he was sleeping made me horny, I wanted to try it. The thought of no pressure, doing things my speed, letting me experiment, just that thought made me even wetter.

This time I took things more slowly, knowing he couldn't touch me. I kissed his mouth, playing with it, nipping lightly on his tender lips. I moved down, kissing his neck, biting gently at his skin. Moving down onto his hard muscled chest, kissing everywhere, I had the undesired need to let him take me; instead I carried on with the tease. 

I flicked his nipples lightly with my finger nails, seeing them harden. I started to lick down his body, down his centre line, between his muscles, down to his belly button. I then moved my tongue around it, licking slowly down one side of his hip, down to where it met his crotch. He was moaning as I was nearer. His breathing slowed as I neared his cock again, I breathed lightly on it, seeing it react to the slightest touch. 

"Please baby, no more teasing," he moaned as I began again to lower my head. With the flat of my tongue I licked the liquid formed on the head, then lowering my head down, again taking him into my mouth. My eyes stayed focussed on his own, watching his reaction, knowing I was doing well, what he liked what he didn't like.

His hips stared to move, pushing his cock deeper within my throat again. This time I increased my suction, swirling my tongue around the tip, moving my hands with the rhythm I had set myself. I could feel his balls tighten under my touch and his cock strained, feeling harder than ever in my mouth.

"I'm going to cum babe," he cried out.

"Mmm," I moaned, the vibrations triggering off his orgasm. He spurted his seed into my mouth, load after load. I cleaned up his cock before removing my mouth and licking my lips, tasting him properly for the first time. 

Flopping down on the bed beside him, I heard him start to talk. "I think its time for me to tell you why I'm here."

~~~~~~

Thank you for reading me, don't forget to vote and comment if you would like.



Will I Learn To Love? Ch. 07



I sat up, leaving his side immediately, my hands coming up to cover my breasts. "What do you mean, 'tell me why you're here'?"

He sat up too, bringing his hand up to touch my face. I moved away repeating my question.

"I'm really sorry. Things were never meant to happen this way. It was never supposed to be like this."

"What wasn't supposed to be like this? Tom, look at me. What has happened? How come you are talking like this?" I was beginning to panic.

"If I told you, you would hate me. If I didn't, you would hate me. Things weren't supposed to happen this way..." He spoke softly, almost inaudible. His eyes unfocused, staring through me.

"Tom talk to me, tell me what's going on."

"If I tell you, promise not to hate me." I looked at him, watching his eyes, seeing the pain in them.

"I can't promise anything I'm afraid, let's just hope it's not that bad." I giggled slightly, hoping to lighten the tone.

He looked directly into my eyes. I could see the base of each eye covered with a silky form of liquid. He moved his hand to my face, touching it lightly, before moving it back into his lap, his eyes staring down before talking again, "I only wanted to see my brother grow up."

The words hit me like a ton of bricks. "What do you mean? What do you mean your ... your brother?" I stood up quickly, pulling my gown off the bed stand before moving into the lounge, a thousand thoughts filling my mind.

I was angry. I had just done almost everything with this man, he hadn't come for me. He wanted to know my child. The child I lost. Then suddenly it hit me, the only way my child could be his brother was if he was the child of the man that raped me.  

A rage brewed inside me and I stormed back into the bedroom where Tom was desperately trying to get his boxers back on. "Get out," I screamed, "Get out, Get out, GET OUT!!!" I pushed him towards the bedroom door, picking up his jeans and chucking them at him. 

"Get ... The ... Fuck out of my fucking house!" I emphasised each swear word as it was unusual for me.

"Hey babe, let me explain, please don't do this to me. We had fun right?" He asked, his words making me even madder.

"Fun, you call this fun? You stalk me, seduce me and then dump this shit on my back. I'll give you fun." I pushed him again at the door, more force behind it this time. He held onto me, balancing himself, I mistook this for an attempt to try to speak to me. I slapped him. Hard. 

His eyes fixed on mine, staring down at me, before turning on his heel and leaving. "It wasn't my fault I fell in love with you." He said as he left, slamming the bedroom door, then the front door behind him. His words of love flew past me. I was angry.

I stayed in my room, feeling the emotions rolling through me. I sat on the bed and cried. I knew it was too good to be true, why would someone like me, just because they liked me? Everything had complications. I was just glad that I hadn't slept with him. The thought that Tom and his father, who had raped me, both having their way with me was just too awful to think about. 

I cried and I cried. I felt the tears welling up inside long before they dribbled down my cheeks. Every part of my body was up for crying, my shoulders heaved; my head felt heavy; my eyes were sore. Everything felt sad, lonely and hurt.

Now the rape had been brought back up, I tried to remember. I wanted to remember everything. Tom had come along, telling me it was his Dad that did it, now I could hand him over, tell the police. I could get him screwed over the same way he screwed me.

I thought back to that night, leaving the car and then that man, Toms Dad. Thinking about it, I could remember his age more, in my original statements I had said between 30 -- 40, now I could see him more late 40's. 

His hair had thinned, leaving it a light brown, and his eyes, the same eyes as a pair I had so accustomed with, but his touch, it was not the same. His touch was different to Toms. This man had been rough and aggressive, desperate to pleasure himself despite my actions to fight him off. Yet Toms had been so warm, gentle and caring.

My sleep that night was horrible, I dreamed of Tom's Dad coming to get me. I dreamt that he had tried to make that rape. Tom had held me, protecting me. He would kiss me, placing his hands on me, pleasuring me. When I would look up at him, he would be his Dad, evil and staring. His warm touch would turn cold. Then I would feel Tom on me, helping his father grab my body. I woke up covered in a sweat, afraid.

That morning I tried to call the police, ready to convict Tom's Dad. But when I picked up the phone, I couldn't go through with it. Something inside of me was stopping me from going through with it. My feelings for Tom wouldn't let me go through with it.

As I placed the phone down, it rang instantly. Answering I heard a male voice pleading with me. Hanging up, I turned and took my phone off the hook, not wanting to be disturbed by anyone. I wanted time to myself. Time to do my own thing, live life the way I should. At 20, I was way too young to be tied down.

He turned up on my door a few times, flowers in hand, 'sorry' plastered on his face. Nothing could let me forgive him. I carried on with my life, ignoring the calls, forgetting about Tom and his Dad. I couldn't ring the police. All I could do was move on and forget.

Moving on was easy. I got back into work, a nurse at the local vet, keeping in touch with my friends, forgetting everything that happened. Almost.

There had been no word from Tom for over a month. No phone calls, no surprise visits, nothing. Forgetting was going to be simple. Forgetting would have been simple, if I hadn't seen him. 

Walking home one evening after work I spotted him, he looked gorgeous. The whites of his eyes and teeth glowing in the dimming light. I stood for a moment, watching him standing there. His posture stood upright. I could see a few worry lines on his forehead as he squinted, searching around him. Then he saw me.

Our eyes locked, neither one looking away. I held his stare for what seemed like an eternity. I noticed him moving, lifting himself, walking towards me. Suddenly I dropped the gaze, walking away in the opposite direction hearing my name whistling in the wind.

I walked away fast, my heart thudding in my chest. The feelings stirring inside of me, the attraction being brought back up, it was still there between us. That feeling inside of me, the longing, the searching, it was still there.

Reaching my apartment, I entered slowly still feeling his stare still with me. Entering, I had visions of the two of us running around the room, playing tag, tickling each other, the fun I had with him. I sat down, remembering our talks on the sofa, how nice he had been.

Moving into the bedroom, I was startled by what I saw. There was a woman led on her back, a figure leant between her legs. I could see as his tongue moved up and down her wet slit, licking up and around her precious jewel, her body writhing with ecstasy. I saw a finger wriggle up, pressing at her love hole before slowly penetrating, moving it in and out as he continued to lick her clit. I could feel her orgasm, could see it brewing through her. 

When her orgasm subsided, she moved her head looking down at the man between her legs, that's when I noticed who it was. It was me. I could see the flush running up my neck, my breasts wobbling from the activity. I watched as the person between her legs stood up, stripping himself of his jeans, flaunting his pride and joy, ready to penetrate her.

I remembered this situation. It was Tom. I watched as I leant forward to take him in my mouth. I closed my eyes, reliving the situation, remembering the feel of his cock in my mouth, remembering his spunk as it shot down my throat, load after load. 

When I opened my eyes the images were gone. My bed was still made, not a crease on the cover. Although the images were gone, the wetness between my legs had not. The images of what we had done, watching myself from the outside, had made me incredibly hot. I have no idea how the images were so clear, watching, seeing every movement made. There was no blurriness. 

I was clear on what I had seen. I was clear on what I felt. I was clear on what I wanted. 

I sat upright. Could it have been a dream? What I had just seen was clear in my mind. I could still smell the musky scent of my bedroom, yet I hadn't moved anywhere since coming into the apartment. It meant nothing, it was just a dream I told myself over and over, still trying to ignore the damp feeling between my legs.

As I rose I heard a slight knock on the door. I went to the door, pulling it open. Tom stood there, his hands shaking, holding a letter.

"Hi," he spoke softly. "You don't have to say anything to me, I understand that you're mad, just please, please read this. You may think I'm still a jerk, but after reading my side of the story, you may feel differently. I'm sorry how things happened the other day. It wasn't supposed to happen like that. If you want to talk to me, I will be at the same place I was today, every night. Please just give me a chance."

With that he pushed the envelope into my hands, kissing me lightly on the cheek, before walking briskly away from the room. I looked down at the envelope in my hands reading the front, 'whatever happens, don't forget, I love you.'

~~~~~

Thank you for reading me. Please vote and comment if you would like.



Will I Learn To Love? Ch. 08



I looked down at the envelope, processing the words. Flipping it over, I opened it, pulling out the letter. Unfolding the sheet I started to read aloud.

Sarah,

I have started writing many letters to you, each one awful in its own sense. Words to try and make you forgive me, this time I am going to try the honest approach. Please read this, I hope that when you have read it you might understand my perspective. I am going to be honest about why I came to see you and I'm going to be honest about my feelings. 

Firstly, my dad is in prison. He got convicted a few months back. I'm guessing you never called the police as his case never got reviewed. He got convicted for two rapes. I went to see him all through his 'innocent' stage, he was denying everything at first. One week he admitted everything to me, the rapes, the times, and the girls. 

He heard that one had killed herself from depression after his rape, he soon spoke out and is in prison to stay. There were four of you in total, you, the girl who killed herself and two others.

I made it my mission to come and see you all to see how things were. It was something to ease my own guilt, nothing for his benefit. I never wanted to talk, just watch from afar to see how things were holding up.

The first girl, I soon learned was the one that killed herself. She didn't live long enough to see him fully convicted. I never spoke to the family. I just saw the hurt that haunted them all as they tried to carry on with their lives. 

The second girl, she was a bit like you. She was trying her best to carry on with the usual routine, keeping her friends close, working her way through life. She was a bit jumpy, but overall coping fine considering the situation.

The third girl, she amazed me. She was still with her boyfriend, he had stuck by her throughout and they were together and happy. Her courage astounded me, almost as much as the fourth girl I saw. That was you.

You were the last girl that he ever touched, I'm sorry to say that so bluntly, but it's true. I watched you for a while, seeing that things were alright. Something about you couldn't make me walk away. I soon learned your favourite place to eat, drink and who your friends were. You were different to the other girls I had seen, you had a strong presence about you. I still believe you don't know about it.

Your world was so different to everyone else's, yet so similar. The way you would walk, people noticing you, heads turning to stare, something you would never notice. Your bravery astounded me, you did not show the emotion boiling inside. You kept it hidden, only for you to know about, yet I knew I felt your pain. On the outside you looked so strong, but on the inside I could see the fear you felt.

It was then after a while, that I noticed you walking to the hospital, I followed wanting to know what was wrong, you seemed so healthy. Seeing you waiting in the baby section made my heart stir. I walked straight past you into the next room, wanting to know what your results were, planning to ask the nurse after you left. Was it going to be a boy or girl? Was it ok, was it my fathers?

That was when it happened, you broke down, I couldn't just leave you crying. I held you still and tight, everything in my brain was telling me to leave, I couldn't be involved with your life. Yet everything in my body was telling me to hold you. Somehow I scribbled my number just in case you wanted to get hold of me.

You left, I don't know why, but you seemed embarrassed. I wanted to take that away, I knew the reason why you had broken down, and I wanted to help. My heart wanted me to help you.

I heard about the accident and did everything within my power not to visit. I walked past the hospital all the time thinking about you. When I saw a flower van I took it as a sign to see you. I arrived with flowers, and when you cried again in my arms, I knew my heart was set on you. I also knew you no longer had that tie with my father. 

When you left for home I genuinely was worried. I know when I saw you that evening I seemed possessive, I just couldn't keep my feelings at bay any longer. Never had I seen a woman more beautiful than you, braver than you and with a bigger heart than you had. I could see your heart wherever you walked, shining, showing me the person you were.

When I went to see your father it was something I just had to do. My father being who he was, well I just needed to meet yours. The IPod I gave you was just a song that reminded me of you. I wanted you to know how I felt without actually having to tell you, it might have scared you away. I needed some way of telling you how I felt.

I remember the first night I stayed. Your innocence shone through. Knowing you wanted to know more about me, yet not finding out how, holding you in my arms, sleeping made me happier than I have ever been.

The past few days I have been thinking non-stop about our close encounter in your room the other day. I have dreamt about the things you did to me, the things I wanted to do to you. The way you made me feel that night, made me feel like no woman has ever made me feel. Seeing you brought new feelings to me, I knew it was love. 

It was the best night and also my worst. I knew I couldn't keep up the pretence any longer, I had to tell you before it was too late. If my Dad taught me anything in life, it was not to mess women about. I know he didn't do his best with women, but that advice... it helped me through.

I thought I could never do enough to make you forgive me and believe me, I realised though that, well, love could. My love for you, and hopefully your love for me, could bring us back together. I love you. I know it means nothing on a piece of paper, but the fact we don't see each other doesn't put me in a situation exactly to tell you. 

I am sorry about the things I have said to you, having you gone has made me realise how much I need you in my life. I want you, need you and love you. 

If this letter has not stirred anything in you, wherever it may be, throw it away happily, knowing I will disappear from your life. If, and I mean if. If this has made you feel something inside, again wherever it may have been, I want to see you. I will stay for a day. I don't want to rush you into anything its just, I just can't stay here without you.

Where you saw me the other day, I will be there, tomorrow afternoon. If you think we can sort anything out, I would love to see you again. 

I'm sorry to end this letter so short. There are a thousand more things I could say to you but it would be easier to tell you when, and if, I see you. I hope to see you soon.

All my love, Tom

I stared down to the letter in my hand, feeling the first tear trickling down my cheek. Staring at the sheet of paper I knew I had to see him. Everything he had said made so much sense and I wanted to forgive him so badly. Could I bring myself to do it? Could I forgive him?

I thought about it for a long time. We had never meant to happen, it was a coincidence, fate maybe, but he loved me. I didn't want to wait until tomorrow, I would have thought about things for too long. I wanted to see him now. 

I grabbed my coat and walked out into the cold air, with no idea of where to start looking.

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Thanks for reading me again. Please vote and comment. :) thank you 



Will I Learn To Love? Ch. 09



Hi, this is the last chapter in this series. Thanks very much for reading me, and please vote and comment. I am currently working on another story that i hope to be out soon. Enjoy!

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I walked for what seemed like hours, milling here and there, with no idea about where Tom might be. I walked through the village, down the high street, hoping to see him outside somewhere. Walking through the park it began to rain. I thought to myself to give up, no-one would be out in the rain. At least I had given myself time to think things through.

I knew what I wanted now. I knew who I wanted. And I knew what I had to do in order to get what I wanted.

Leaving the park that's when I saw him, stood over the other side of the playing field. At first I didn't recognise him with the rain being so heavy. I could barely see two foot in-front of me clearly, there was just a blurry figure at the other side of the field. I stopped walking. Standing still I could feel the warm rain trickling down my cheeks, I focussed upon the figure finding the similarities to prove it was Tom.

I could see he was just as wet as I was. His hair was stuck down onto his forehead. His brow creased slightly as he continued to look my way. He made a step towards me, giving me a signal to make my move. Before I even had time to think properly, I was running towards him, my skirt trying to flap in the wind but sticking to my sodden skin.

When I reached him I flung myself on him. My arms went around his neck, my legs around his waist, my lips upon his, kissing him passionately in the soaking wet rain. 

He held me, his hands roaming down my back, sticking to my wet clothing. We continued to kiss and I felt his tongue enter my mouth. It was a wet kiss and he sucked on my tongue, continually caressing my lips. Neither of us made any effort to move into shelter.

Somehow he managed to walk us. He moved in circles, going in one direction before moving in the next. He kept walking until I felt something solid behind me, a wall. He put me down, keeping my back pushed against the wall, never once breaking the kiss. His hands came up to my face holding me to his mouth, his kisses becoming more urgent.

I pushed him away slightly, seeing him look up into my eyes as the kiss was broken. I stared at him, seeing his clothing sticking to the lines of his body, showing off the bulge in his trousers. I pulled him back towards me, moving my hands down to his jeans and undoing the button, before unzipping him. 

I reached into his drenched jeans pulling out his hard shaft. Tom continued to watch my face, his eyes soon moved down as he saw me hitching my skirt up. He opened his mouth to say something to me but I muffled it with my mouth bringing him back towards me, kissing him deeply again. He pressed against me, his body leaning on me.

I wrapped one leg up again around his waist and moved my hand between our bodies moving my sopping wet panties to the side. He looked deep into my eyes, searching for some sort of reaction.

"Are you sure you want this babe?" He asked me softly. 

"Just shut up and do it," I spoke. I felt his hands come onto my hips lifting me up, pushing me harder against the wall. While he tried to adjust our position I stared at his face. It was soaked, his hair dripping, rain drops dripping off his nose, his ears, his mouth, making him a new, different type of handsome.

I felt his length begin to push at the opening of my pussy. Both his hands were on my hips, controlling the speed at which he moved into me. I felt stretched around his length. It was the first time I had been with anyone since the rape, and I needed it.

I felt my body reacting, trying to have his cock deeper inside of me. He reacted to my actions, dropping me down, letting my body take in all of his length. He held me still for a second.

"Are you ok? Did I hurt you?" He spoke again softly breathing in my ear.

"Did anyone ever tell you that you talked too much? Now shut up and fuck me!" He carefully started lifting my soaking body up before slowly moving me back down. My hands came down resting on his shoulders, helping him with my weight as I continued to rise and fall on his length.

One of Tom's hands came off my waist, moving between my thighs he placed a finger on my clit, rolling it. I felt my climax approaching fast. His continuous thrusting and his invasion on my clit was bringing me close to the edge. 

"Oh Tom," I cried out, thrusting against him harder. 

Here I was in the soaking rain, fucking for all I was worth. This man I hated, I hated his father, I hated him. I had sworn to myself, never again was I to let a man touch me, yet here I was. I could feel his cock inside of me, stretching me to meet the length of it. 

I looked down at his face, his eyes staring deep into mine. The water still dripping off him, his shirt tight to him, it was truly an erotic sight. I felt my orgasm coming now. I looked into his eyes once more before throwing my head back, screaming with pleasure as wave over wave of pleasure hit me.

I was just coming down from my orgasm, he was still pumping away at me, his eyes still fixed on mine. I then felt his cock get bigger inside of me and knew he was ready. He carried on pinching and rolling my clit and I felt my next orgasm coming.

"Cum with me babe" he cried before I felt him spurt inside of me, the feeling causing my next orgasm. My name was on his lips as he came. He grunted with the effort of keeping the pace going as he came deep inside of me. 

We were both spent and stopped moving. I slumped forward onto his wet shoulder, before slipping down to the floor kissing him passionately. 

"I never thought I would feel like this again," I spoke, "Thank you."

He kissed me deeply, holding my head to his. I looked down feeling him harden. I reached for his hands, re adjusting my knickers with the other I started moving back towards my place.

He buckled his trousers quickly before chasing after me, placing his hands round my waist from behind, hugging me tightly to him. I leant round to kiss him, stopping as he kissed me back, placing my hand on his cheek as his hands came up to cup my breasts. I groaned into his mouth as I felt his length pushing into me from behind.

"Do you want us to get home?!" I queried, giggling as he pulled away looking at me with puppy dog eyes.

"What I want babe, is another round with you," he whispered as his lips came once again to meet mine. "Fancy another session in the rain," he moaned pulling me closer into him, making sure I felt his body pressed tightly against me.

With all my inhibitions gone for the second time today, I spun around pulling his face back to mine. I taunted him, kissing him deeply then retreating, letting my tongue linger in his mouth before licking the inside of his lips. He moaned into my lips, trying to pull me deeper into the kiss.

Here we were in the middle of a field, making out like two crazed teens, in the pouring rain. The image that gave me made me chuckle, I pulled away giggling.

"Not here, not now... again", I laughed as I saw his eyes form into a really cute puppy dog face. I brought his face down towards me, kissing each eye before running past him towards my house.

After about five full minutes of running, I stopped at the end of my drive, Tom was standing in my door way. His shirt was off and on the floor, his trousers undone and his hands on his hips.

"How did you...?!" I asked, "I thought I was in front of you, you were behind me."

"Oh yea baby, I'm always behind," he laughed at his own joke as he walked towards me. "Is it time for us to go upstairs, or shall I just start down here where all your neighbours can see us."

I pushed him hard, and laughed shouting 'jerk' as I sprinted past him, fumbling with the keys in the main door, ready to go up to my apartment.

He came up behind me as I was still trying to get in my apartment. He placed his hand on my bare leg, moving it upwards slowly, giving me the goose bumps. I stopped trying to enter my apartment as he continued to stroke up and down my leg. He moved my skirt up and grabbed the side of my knickers with his fist, pulling hard and forcing the material to rip, leaving me knickerless. As I stood there, I felt his other hand move down between our bodies removing his shaft from his already undone jeans.

"I told you I was always behind," he whispered into my ear as he pushed inside of me.

I gasped as my body adjusted to the feel of him again, pulling him deeper inside of me. He leaned over me, took the keys from my hand and opened the door to my place, giving me the option of staying in the doorway with him, or moving inside.

I desperately wanted to move inside, as to not get caught, but the feeling of him inside me was too much for me to let go. I stood where I was, waiting for him to make his next move, I knew it was coming. Yet he stood there, just holding me, his arms around my waist, pulling me deep into his bare arms, kissing my neck slowly.

"I think we should go inside now," he spoke softly into my neck, "you have made your choice, I know what you want" 

He removed himself from me, and pushed me through the door. He spun me round, touching my face and stared deeply into my eyes. 

"I know that you have chosen me, just as I have chosen you. I want us to be together!" He moved his lips close to mine, but never let them touch, our foreheads touched together, both being able to see each others eyes, and no other point of contact.

Finally, after what seemed minutes he brought his lips down to mine, and embraced me with the passion from earlier. He held me close to him, I felt if he were to let me go, I would be gone forever. Slowly we moved backwards into my bedroom. Ready to finish off everything that had already been started. 

Tom had saved me. He had saved me from his father. He had let me feel, let me love again. And for everything, I was grateful, and never was I going to let him go again.