37 comments/ 19528 views/ 33 favorites Was I Man Enough? By: Andyhm Was I man enough? This is something that has been rattling around in my mind for several years ever since an old friend of mine told me how he'd been able to pull his imploding marriage back from the brink with the help of counselling and a sex surrogate. It got me wondering, what was the real story behind the use of surrogates, and not the tabloid press version, and how do friends and relatives react. I've been writing and rewriting various versions of this story for the last year, I hope that this version works for you. The time line flits back and forth between the two main characters, not always in perfect sequence. But that's how the story grew in my mind so I'm afraid you will have to live with the confused musings of my imagination. There is some sex but not as much as my other stories. I can't thank Romantic1 enough for the time he spent reviewing, commenting on and editing this story, any remaining mistakes are mine. Was I Man Enough? I checked my watch and did a quick calculation; the show started at eight. If we wanted to eat beforehand then we needed to leave by five, and that's what I told her. "Good," she said, "Then we've got lots of time......" She stood up and pulled me into a long sensual kiss that left me breathless. She took my hand and led me upstairs to my bedroom. We stood at the foot of the bed and I held her in my arms. My heart was beating rapidly and my mouth was dry as I asked her, "Are you sure about this?" She put her finger on my lips and replied. "I've never been surer about anything in all my life." She stepped back and slowly started to unbuttoned her blouse. I placed my hands on hers and took over. I felt her shiver as my fingers touched her skin as I pull it off her shoulders and it fall to the floor. Her skirt followed and she stepped back into my arms. And we kissed as I ran my hands down the curve of her back. Her fingers fumbled with the buttons on my shirt, opening it and sliding her hands over the skin of my chest. She reached down and unbuckled my belt, and then my jeans. She pushed me back until I sat down on the edge of the bed. She knelt in front of me and I lifted up to allow her to pull my jeans off and she threw them to one side. She gasped and her finger tentatively rubbed the bulge that appeared in my boxers and I moaned and reached for her. She stood up and I was able to appreciate her full beauty. Her elegant legs were enhanced by the shear black stockings she wore. She reached behind her and unclasped the lacy blue bra exposing her pert conical breasts and her large chocolate brown nipples to my hungry gaze. I reached out and slowly, deliberately ran the back of my forefinger around the curve of her breasts. As my fingertip brushed over her nipple she gave a sigh, the first sound she'd made since she started to undress. I hooked my fingers in the sides of the matching blue lacy panties and tugged them over her hips and down her legs. A fine line of black hair led to her glistening slit and I could smell her arousal. I pulled her to me and ran my tongue up her slit tasting the sweet, sharp, spicy tang of her juice. She moaned as my tongue found her clit hiding at the top of her slit. She reached down and pulled my boxers off allowing my hard cock to spring free. Her eyes widened as she saw the full seven inches standing erect in homage to her. She licked her lips then the purple crown, running her tongue around the groove. I groaned and she looked up at me with a satisfied expression. I pulled her onto the bed beside me. Running my hands slowly over her beautiful body, I felt the fine hairs on her arms stand up and the tiny goose bumps that covered her body created a Braille roadmap to her erogenous zones. I looked into her eyes and I saw trust and lust in equal proportions. I claimed her lips in a long sensual kiss that left us both gasping. She shivered as I caressed her breasts and gently pulled and teased her nipples. She reached down and cupped my balls in her hand. She drew her hand along the shaft and smeared the drop of pre-cum over the crown. Mia brought her finger to her mouth and smiled as she licked it. I eased myself down her body kissing her as I did, until I reached her belly button then the tiny trail of fine soft hair that led to the soft curls of her pussy. She gasped as I swept my tongue along her slit, savouring her unique taste. I positioned myself between her thighs and she let her knees fall open exposing herself to my gaze. She raised her legs and placed them on my back. I ran my tongue gently over the dark rose of her anus and heard her hiss. Then I lapped at her wet lips, letting the tip slide between them to taste her womanly heaven, sugar and spice and all things nice. "Oh god Daniellll," Mia moaned, as she rose up on her elbows to watch me, then she threw her head and cried out as I slid my fingers into her wet passage. I sought and found that slight change that announced her G-spot, that mysterious giver of so much pleasure. Gentle pressure had her writhing and gasping. My tongue found her clit rising from its hiding place and I teased it until it stood proud and hard. The walls of her velvety soft passage rippled and her thighs shivered as she came. A small gush of girl juice coated my hand and her fingers tightened their grip on my head. "Ohh yessss," she moaned. "It's been a long time since I've done this for me." She lay still for a moment regaining her breath before pulling me up beside her. She held my turgid cock in her hand as she kissed me. She teased the tip of my tongue with her own. "What is it about you that makes me feel like this," she mused. "So safe, so comfortable, so natural, and no pressure." A somewhat of an odd thing to say I thought before I lost myself to the spikes of pleasure her hand was generating in my cock. She decided that I was as hard as I was going to get, all eight inches were throbbing in anticipation and I could see the delicious trickle of her juices running down her inner thigh. "I need you in me as hard as you can," she pleaded. "Do I need a condom?" I grunted. "I know I'm clean," "No," she moaned, "I'm safe; I want to feel all of you as you slide into me; I want you to give me a treat and cum in me." I needed no further invitation and I pushed her over onto her back and moved between her welcoming thighs. She wrapped her legs around me, her heels drumming against the back of my thighs and I slid hard and deep between her lips. I could feel her cervix at the top of each stroke, I took it slow, pausing each time I drew back, then slowly pushing all the way in to the hilt and each time I did the base would press down on her highly engorged clit and she would cry out I varied the angle so that my glans would rub over her G-spot on each stroke. Her moans grew louder and more continuous. "Oh my...oh my god......ohh fuck me....oh....oh,...oh fuuuck meeee," was all I could hear. I rolled her large firm nipple between my fingers and I could feel the muscles in the wall of her passage start to spasm, as I continued thrusting. She reached down and used her fingers to gently flick her clit, and a few moments later that tipped her over the edge and she came with an almighty scream. I was so close, the dull ache in my balls had been growing and her orgasm pushed me over the edge. I cried out as streams of hot cum shot into her as my thrusts came to a shuddering halt. Was I Man Enough? What was happening? In my head I started to hear echoes of that fateful afternoon three years earlier. "Why didn't you give me a clue as to what you were thinking," she said. "If you had, I could have tried to prepare you for the reality of my life so much better." She sighed then said, "The answer to your question is yes I do want to marry you, but..." And she stopped me from saying anything. "The question really should be will you want to marry me after I tell you about myself?" "I don't understand what is it about you that could make you think I could change my mind?" "What do you think I do here?" "I only know what you've told me. You're a partner in this firm of marriage guidance counsellors." She sighed again, and said softly to herself "Ohh, god, why did I ever agree to that damn non-disclosure clause in my contract." "Daniel, I've never lied to you but there's a lot about what I do in this office that will upset you. I'm not supposed to talk about this without the rest of the partners approval, but I don't care this is too important." She took my hand in hers and squeezed hard. "Please remember this, I love you more than I've ever loved anyone. But I'm not sure you will love me after I explain what it is I do here. And I don't want hurt you." She stared at me intently, looking to see my reaction to her words. "You are right, we are a marriage guidance practice. But that's not why what most of my clients are referred to me. Most of mine are referred for physical relationship problems in all their different forms." "I don't see the difference," I said. My confusion was growing. What difference did it make that she was a relationship counsellor rather than a marriage counsellor. And why did she think I wouldn't want to marry her? Shit, the echoes of rejection were rattling in my mind and the deep sense of dread was growing in the pit of my stomach. She looked at me and squeezed my hand, "You need to understand that there are lots of different types of relationship issues. Each of us in the firm concentrated on a different type. Mike is one of the best at patching up marriages where one or both of the partners has been in some form of adulterous relationship. Sally has put so many dysfunctional relationships back together. And I, well I look after the clients with sexual problems." She gestured at the diplomas hanging on the walls of her office. "I've spent over ten years to reach this point in my career; I've two degrees and a Ph.D. in behavioural science. I am an IPSA qualified sex surrogate, and I love my job." I stared at the diplomas on the wall as I didn't want to look at her as I spoke, "I don't understand, I'm not asking you to stop working." "You will when you understand what I'm trying to tell you." I still wasn't sure where this was going, so she helped couples who had sex problems. No, hang on a moment she didn't say couples, she said clients and she's a sex surrogate whatever that is. With a quiver in my voice I asked the question I'm not sure I wanted her to answer, "Just how do you help them with their problems?" "Are you sure you really want to know?" I nodded; I didn't trust my voice. She held my hand and brought it up to her lips a kissed it. She spoke softly but firmly as though she was giving a lecture. "It really depends on what is the problem is. Some of the time it's just a case of understanding a set of deep rooted inhibitions and then helping the effected person get past it." "It's often the case that physical problems such as premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction have a psychological or emotional component. It's rarely just a physical problem. Even if it began with a physical issue, we have found that the effects of the problem on a man can be emotionally difficult. The combination of therapy and physical sessions are enormously helpful in making progress with it." "That doesn't sound too bad, why are you so worried about what I'm going to think?" I asked. "Ohh, god, Daniel, this is hard for me because there's no simple way to say this. Our treatment involves sessions with a therapist, that's me, and work with a surrogate, usually that's my assistant who's also a professional sex surrogate. But for the more difficult cases I often take both roles as I'm also a qualified sex surrogate." My thoughts were rattling around my head and the feeling of nausea was growing. And I didn't want to understand, that was the problem. I knew I loved her, and I didn't want to lose her the way I'd lost Liz. Because what I think she's telling me is that she sleeps with her clients and if that is true ... She looked at me sadly, "But I'm scared you will hate me when you understand what I'm trying to tell you. Please remember I love you." She took a deep breath, "A lot of the cases that get referred to me are because the husband or boyfriend is sexually inadequate." Oh Christ, has she been comparing me the same way? "Premature ejaculation is one of the most common problem, erectile dysfunction another. A lot of couples get referred as the husband has a complete lack of understanding about how to sexually satisfy their partner. And those are just the most common types." I listened to what she was saying from behind a vail of mist. She must have seen my incomprehension as she took my hands in hers. "Daniel, do you understand what I'm trying to tell you. In these examples I work with men, mentally, emotionally, and physically to teach them to control their premature ejaculations, to resolve their PE, or how to give pleasure to a woman. Some of the time I do it, other times I'll work with a sexual surrogate." "What....what do you do with them?" There was a heaviness that was settling in my stomach as she tried to talk to me. There were tears running down her cheeks, "You don't really want to know, just leave it that I help them, but I only love you." I shook my head, "I'm sorry, but I do need to know, to understand just what it is you do with them?" Please tell me it's not true. She sighed and then in a low monotone almost clinical voice said, "I start by showing them how to pace their masturbation, how to draw the orgasm out. But at some point the surrogate or I will have sex with them, to teach them the techniques they'd will need to prolong the act. Other times I will let a client touch me, to show them exactly what they need to do to arouse their partner. I try not to but I can't stop my body responding." She looked at me and said in a pleading tone hoping that I was understanding her. "I can't tell a client that sucking a woman's clit or finding the G-spot will turn them on, and then just lie there while they practice on me and not get aroused. It doesn't mean I don't love you, it just means I'm trying to help my clients." I heard what she was saying; I don't know if she said what she did to shock me or just point out the realities of her work. What I did understand was that all the time we'd been together she'd been performing sexual acts on other men. She didn't love them but she'd still done them. But there was another voice echoing loudly in my head. Liz was screaming at me after I walked in on her and her lover. "You fucking looser; you never were any good in bed. I've had to fake every orgasm I've ever had with you. Get out you pathetic creep, I want to be fucked by a real man." I'd turned on my heel and walked out of the bedroom. I stood up; I needed to find the bathroom to throw up. I fumbled with the first of the doors and stumbled into a bedroom. Oh fuck it was like déjà vu, at least the bed was made and not full of rutting lovers. I threw up into a waste bin by the side of the bed, heaving until there was nothing left. Mia held me as I shook, I knew I said something but I can't remember what it was. She led me back into the office. She fetched a wet towel from the bathroom that was hiding behind door number two and wiped my face. Christ, what was I going to do, I loved her so much it hurt, but could I live with a woman who would be coming to my bed, fresh from the one in the adjacent room. I need time to think, to collect my thoughts. I managed to say, "I love you Mia, more than anything but I have to go away. I need some time to think." I placed the ring and the key on its chain in her palm and she closed her hand tight around it. She held on to me crying and managed to say, "Please, don't leave me, I love you too much." I said, "Please, don't do anything foolish, I will be back. I'm just not sure when." I kissed her then I walked out of the office carefully closing the door behind me. I'm not sure how I made it back to the house, but fifteen minutes later I was back in the car driving to the airport with a hastily packed bag, my laptop and passport. Was I Man Enough? Was that true, had I become addicted to the physical side of my role as a relationship councillor? Was that why I'd made no effort to step back from that side, even though Daniel and I had become a couple? Was the gratuitous sex that came with my job so good I didn't want to give it up? I called Roger and after a lot of discussion he agreed that I needed to take a consultative role with the clients and leave the physical side to the surrogates. I wasn't surprised he agreed; I generated almost twice as much revenue as any of the other partners. On one hand it was a load off my mind, the flip side was that I was really going to miss the satisfaction that come from knowing I was able to get results where others had failed. I knew of no other councillor who was willing to assume the surrogate role when necessary. I fetched my laptop from the trunk of my car and logged on to see if Jenny had sent me the information she'd promised me on Liz. There wasn't that much, her name was Elizabeth Ward. She was twenty-eight and still single and she still lived in the same village that Daniel had grown up in. Interestingly, she was the sister of one of his best friends from his school days. His other so called best friend, the one he'd caught Liz in bed with had disappeared from the scene fairly soon after the incident. I kept going back and reading the note he had left me. I took solace in the message of hope that underlined it. If he wanted me to be here when he returned then that's where I'd be. Over the next couple of days I packed up my apartment. I took him at his word that he still wanted me to move in, I arranged with a storage company to collect and store my furniture and those boxes of my stuff I didn't need. The things I wanted I took over to Daniel's and I unpacked over the weekend. It felt so right to be hanging my clothes in my half of the walk in closet. I was crying as I unpacked my lingerie and added it to the lingerie he had bought for me. Every day I'd go for walks along the same trails I'd walked with him the past couple of months. We had marvelled at the way the land recovered from the depths of the winter and began the promise of spring and renewal. Roger had made me an appointment with the practice's psychiatrist and insisted I go. I sat in her office, which is in the same building as ours, and poured my heart out to her. She sat listening patiently for the full hour and made an appointment to see me again in a few days. Was I Man Enough? But in a way it is no longer relevant as I can't see me ever taking that role again. I've discussed it with Roger, and I will hand over all of my clients' surrogate work to Sally and two new surrogates we are hiring as a result of my crisis with you. I'm doing this because I want to put us first not my clients. I'm not going to deny that I gained a lot of satisfaction from that side of the process. Taking a broken couple and giving them hope for a new future meant a lot to me. There is only so much that can be done by talking, at some point you have to get your hands dirty. Nonetheless, those days are behind me now. I know you have other questions and I will do my best to answer them but most importantly all the clients are tested every week and in the case of penile penetration they must wear a condom there are no exceptions. I'm checked routinely as well so there is no need for you to get tested, but I'd understand if you decided to go ahead and get checked. I can't discuss specific cases but as I tried to tell you I was never emotionally involved with any of the clients, and as far as I am aware you don't know any of them. Yes, I've felt pleasure in that part of my work, and I can't deny that I have come on occasions. But that was never the goal of the physical sessions. Their function was only to teach the couples how to have a good sex life, any physical pleasure I got was an unexpected bonus. What did I do with them? I've taught men techniques to delay an orgasm. I've taught men how to give pleasure to women, and I've taught wives and girlfriends how to arouse their partners and give them an erection. But I've only ever done this after many therapy sessions to get to the root psychological causes of their problems. Every action I've ever taken with a client was the result of hours of discussion and debate. Every move, every touch was thought out in advance. Why is that important - because everything I've ever done with you has been spontaneous and full of passion and love. I've never calculated what I want from you, I just see you and want to feel you inside me. I've never consciously compared you against anyone else. I just know you are the best lover I've ever known. Daniel we need to be together soon either here or in England. I miss you, I need you to put the ring on my finger. I need for us to move on together in a way that is acceptable to you, even if that means I stop work entirely. I love you. I hope to see you soon. Mia xxxxxxxxx I pressed send and it was gone, and I hope my future hadn't gone with it. I packed a bag and I was ready to go.