19 comments/ 45396 views/ 11 favorites Turn of a Card By: Moondrift I'd always thought Jarvis was a great guy, but he was an inveterate gambler, and I must say, a frequently successful one, so he said. I had good reason to know since during quiet social evenings with Jarvis and his wife Tania there was the inevitable card game and a little betting. Not that I lost much since Jarvis reserved his big betting for occasions other than those with his friends, but however little I always ended up losing. I often thought he must have won Tania, and in a way I suppose he did; or at least you could say he won her hand against a great deal of competition. I hadn't participated in that particular contest since my concern was the business, money and sex more or less in that order. Marriage wasn't on my agenda, and in Tania's case she was one of those smart girls who, being very attractive and knowing it, hung out for the best deal. In other wordsm for Tania, sex was what came after the signatures were on the marriage register. I had been the best man at his wedding and while I could envy him for what he was going to get that night, I didn't envy him being tied to one woman with all the hassle of divorce and property settlement if things didn't work out. Whatever the case, on the day of their wedding when Jarvis looked as if he'd won first prize in the national lottery, there were quite a few guys who seemed to be thinking about hanging, drowning or shooting themselves over the loss of Tania to Jarvis. That didn't include me. Jarvis and I had been friends since childhood. I've noticed how, when people get married, their friendships tend to change. They seem to enter into a new phase of their lives in which old friends are left behind and new ones established. That didn't happen with Jarvis and me. It might have been because I genuinely liked Tania, and that's often the trouble; the old friends don't like the new marriage partner so everybody drifts apart. Tania, you see, was not only attractive, but always seemed to me to be a very decent and modest sort of person. You might say that she was decent and modest despite her beauty, because I've noticed that many very attractive women do not display those virtues. So I saw both of them quite frequently, having dinner with them in their home and afterwards the almost unavoidable game of cards. Since we were not playing for life and death stakes the games were relaxed and we'd chat about family, business or perhaps some item in the news that had caught our attention. It was one such news item that set in motion a chain of events that led to an outcome that was least expected. The item concerned the divorce of a married couple that had come about through a bizarre situation. The couple had been offered a large sum of money by a man, to be paid if the husband and wife would agree that he spend a night with the wife making love. It seems that the couple had a hefty mortgage on the house plus payments for their car and debts on their credit cards. The upshot had been that they agreed to the proposal, the wife spent the night having sex with the man, and they got paid. Not long after mutual recriminations had started, the husband accusing the wife of being a whore and she accusing him of being procurer who had deliberately set her up for the sake of the money. Tania and Jarvis both expressed their moral outrage at such an arrangement, declaring that nothing could tempt them to engage in such a sordid agreement. I decided to play devil's advocate and said that everyone had their price, and even they would succumb if the sum of money offered was big enough. The argument went on for some time with Tania and Jarvis continuing to take the moral high ground and condemning outright anyone who did not accept their views. I suppose their rather smug judgemental attitude got to me a bit, so I went on to put a hypothetical situation to them. "Look," I said, "just for a moment suppose we imagine that I'm making a serious offer to you. I offer you a thousand dollars to be allowed to have sex with Tania for one night. It's an offer that stands only if you both agree; what would you say?" "Not on your life," Tania said. "Not for ten thousand dollars," Jarvis added. "Not for ten thousand dollars?" I asked. "What about for twenty thousand dollars?" "No chance," said Jarvis. "Anyway I'm not up for sale," Tania added. I added fuel to the fire and said, "We've all got our price, even you Tania." She laughed and said, "It'd take more money than you could come up with, Ted." "Aha, so you do have a price, even if it is more money than I've got?" "Tania didn't mean that," Jarvis said firmly; then a note of doubt crept into his voice and he asked, "You didn't mean that, did you Tania?" I saw Tania hesitate, and then she said, "I suppose if I'm honest I'd have to say that every woman has her price. It might not always be just the money, but power, prestige, social status. And I suppose every man has his price too." Jarvis looked as if he was going to protest then seemed to change his mind and asked, "Okay then; hypothetically how much would you offer for one night with Tania?" For a moment he had me stumped for an answer. Just how much would a night with Tania be worth to me? Tania protested, "Jarvis, that's a terrible thing to ask, it sounds as if you'd be willing to sell me to Ted." "No...no sweetheart, we're just talking theoretically; so how much Ted?" I laughed and making what I thought was a crazy offer said, "Well seeing that it's Tania we're talking about, and as she's so beautiful, I close my bidding at fifty thousand dollars." "For one night?" gasped Jarvis and Tania almost simultaneously. The discussion seemed to be getting out of hand so I said, "Yes, okay, fifty thousand, now let's change the subject." Nothing further was said; the card game became desultory and Jarvis so far lost his concentration that I won two dollars that night. It was customary for Jarvis and me to have lunch together every Tuesday in a favourite pub. On the Tuesday following we met as usual and Jarvis seemed in an odd mood. There was clearly something on his mind and towards the end of lunch out it came. "Ted, what we were talking about the other evening, you know, about paying fifty thousand dollars for a night with Tania, you weren't serious, were you?" I laughed and said, "I thought we'd agreed we were only talking hypothetically, but if we suppose Tania was up for sale, what do you think she'd be worth?" He didn't answer this but instead said, "Anyway, you couldn't come up with that much money, could you?" "Jarvis," I replied, "while you've been enjoying your marital bliss, and your gambling, I've been slogging my guts out building up my business, and since you've asked, yes, I could come up with fifty thousand." "Oh, really?" He looked surprised. I glanced at my watch, rose and said, "I'd better get back to work." Jarvis looked at me vaguely and said, "Yes...yes...I'd better make a move as well." As I went back to the office I was seriously wishing I'd never started the Tania and fifty thousand dollar debate, but I managed to shrug it off, telling myself that the last word had now been said on the subject. It hadn't been the last word. It was usually Tania who extended the invitation for dinner with her and Jarvis, and mid morning on Thursday I got a call from her. "Can you come for dinner again on Saturday night, Ted?" I was a bit surprised because I didn't usually get invitations for two consecutive Saturday nights. "Yes, that'll be fine," I replied, "usual time?" "Yes." I could sense the hesitation in her voice as she went on, "Er...Ted...you...you weren't serious... about...about the fifty thousand dollars for a night with me, were you?" I tried to pass it off as a joke and said, "Why, don't you think you're worth fifty thousand?" "No...but...but you weren't serious, were you?" "Hell Tania, what's going on, Jarvis raised the subject with me on Tuesday? I told him it was hypothetical, just as I said last Saturday. I had no idea it would become a favourite topic. He even asked me if I could come up with fifty thousand." "He talked to you about it? What else did he say? I could hear the note of panic in Tania's voice so I said soothingly, "Nothing Tania, he just asked if I had that sort of money, so I said 'yes' and nothing more was said. Is there something going on that I should know about?" "No...no, nothing Ted, see you on Saturday." I put down the receiver and sat thinking for a few minutes, apart from wishing I'd never opened the subject I had an odd feelings I'd stepped into something I didn't understand and things were getting out of perspective. I wondered if the two of them were playing some sort of game with me, perhaps trying to prove that I fancied Tania and would buy a night with her if I could. That set me thinking about how I felt towards Tania; did I fancy her? I suppose at one level most guys, short of being an impotent monk, would fancy her, but where your best friend is concerned you controlled those feelings even if they are present. In my code you don't try to seduce your friend's wife. Work took over my thinking and once more telling myself that the subject must now be closed, I got down to the matters in hand. From the first moment of my arrival at their place on Saturday I knew there was something wrong. Tania and Jarvis seemed to avoid talking to each other directly, and having invited me, now seemed embarrassed that I was there. We ate the meal almost in silence and any attempts by me to get a conversation started quickly faded out as the two of them sat staring down at food they barely touched. There was no suggestion of a card game after the meal, and that seemed ominous. They had something on their minds, and as my exasperation level rose and I was about to ask what the hell was going on, Jarvis burst out, "About the fifty thousand dollars..." "For God's sake, Jarvis," I said sharply, "the two of you have hardly said a word all evening; I feel as if I've dropped right into the middle of a marital quarrel and now you raise that bloody fifty thousand dollars again. So what's going on?" There was a very long pause. Jarvis was staring down at the floor, a picture of misery; Tania was looking at him, her eyes glittering with fury. It was Tania who broke the silence when, in a voice that matched her furious gaze she cried out, "Are you going to tell him or am I?" Without raising his head and in a barely audible mumble, Jarvis said, "You can tell him." "Tell me what, for God's sake," I snapped. Tania turned her gaze on me and said very slowly, "Tell you that his gambling has got us into the most terrible trouble." I was flabbergasted, "But Jarvis has such big wins." "Does he?" she said abruptly. "You mean he says he does." Her anger started to dissolve into tears as she went on, "He's used all the money I brought to the marriage; he's borrowed and not paid back; we're months behind on all sort of bills and now he's...oh my God what are we going to do?" "He's what, what has he done?" Jarvis sank lower in his chair as Tania continued, "He's stolen from his workplace and the auditors are due in next month and it'll all come out." She burst into sobs as I sat there dumfounded, unable to take in what she had told me, let alone speak. Two people who had occupied a central place in my life; whose marriage I had thought ideal – their's had been the model of what I hoped my marriage would be if ever I got married – now the...the what? Yes, the illusion, came crashing down. In the long silence I thought how little I had really known about their lives – how little we know about anyone's life. So many seemingly happy evenings spent with them and all the time this was lurking there. It was Jarvis who broke the silence and without looking at me and still with muffled voice said; "About the fifty thousand, Ted; Tania and I have talked it over and if you meant..." "God Almighty Jarvis don't start that again, selling Tania to me for a night of sex; she's your wife for God's sake, a man doesn't sell his wife." Now he did look up and there was desperation in his eyes; "Ted, I've got to get the money or they'll send me to jail and I couldn't face..." "But you could face sacrificing Tania?" I was sickened; I was seeing a side of Jarvis I had never in all the years of knowing him suspected. I looked across at Tania; she was staring at Jarvis but probably sensing my gaze she looked back at me. I could see the strain of anxiety in her face that had turned an ashen colour but I couldn't read the expression in her eyes. My disgust at Jarvis' suggestion had been such that I had been on the verge of getting up and leaving. Now I realised that if I did go I would be leaving Tania to endure the same catastrophe as Jarvis. I returned my gaze to Jarvis; I could see the beads of sweat forming on his forehead; the sweat of a man caught up in fear. I made up my mind and said, "Look, I'll lend you the money if it'll help, but no sick deals over Tania. She's not for sale and I'm not buying." Very slowly and deliberately, her eyes fixed on me, Tania spoke. "You're not lending him...us...any money, Ted. If you do I know just what would happen, you'd never get it back. As Jarvis said, we've talked it over; if any money changes hands I'm willing to..." she transferred her gaze to Jarvis and smiled mockingly, and went on, "pay the price and..." Jarvis, who didn't seem to understand how sickening it sounded, interrupted her, "After all, Ted, what's one night in a lifetime." This time I did rise to leave but Tania got up and came to me. "Please don't go, Ted, there's no one else we can turn to." Now I could read the expression in her eyes, it was one of utter despair. Of course she would not go to jail with Jarvis, but she would be implicated in his disgrace and probably lose everything, house, cars...yes, everything. I sat down again and said, "All right Jarvis, I'll give you the money." He looked at me and I could see the relief and something else in his face. I tried to work out what that look was and could only think of one word; it was fanatical. I somehow knew what that look meant, he would gamble that money away too. He started to express his gratitude in a sycophantic tone of voice; "Oh that's so generous of you, Ted, I'll be eternally..." Tania cut him off again. "There'll be no giving, Ted, if we get the money I pay the price; after all, as Jarvis said" – again mockingly – "what's one night in a lifetime?" I at last began to understand where Tania was coming from. She wanted to punish Jarvis for the pain and anxiety he had brought upon her. She might pay the physical price, but he would pay the emotional and mental price of knowing what Tania would be doing with me. I started to say, "I can't..." but once more Tania waded in. "Why, would one night with me be so hard to take?" "It's not that, Tania," I protested, "just think of how the future would be. We'd never be able to look each other in the eyes again; it would end our friendship..." "Hasn't it done that already?" Tania said quietly. I knew she was right. What had happened during this evening would always stand between us; the knowledge that I had bought Tania; that Jarvis had been willing to sell her and that Tania had agreed to the deal. Jarvis, clearly panicking put forward what I now realised was a gamblers proposition. "We cut the cards." "What?" "We cut the cards and whoever comes up with the highest card wins." "Wins what exactly," Tania asked sardonically. "Here's the deal," Jarvis said, his voice unsteady, "we cut the cards and if I win I get the fifty thousand no strings attached, okay?" "And if Ted wins?" Tania asked. "He pays the fifty thousand and gets you for the night; is it a deal?" "It seems to me that you win either way," Tania said. "Well Ted did say he'd give me the fifty thousand, so what's the difference, this way he's got a chance of getting something for his money?" Neither Tania nor I made any response, so Ted went on, "Just so we're clear, if you win you get Tania from sunset to sunrise, I'll go to a motel for the night so you won't be embarrassed." He laughed shakily and continued, "You'll be getting a good deal Ted, it's winter and the sun sets early and rises late. What's more, just to show I trust you, you don't pay until after sunrise – in cash of course." I thought he must have gone mad making such a proposal, but I had ceased to worry about Ted and his problems and was solely concerned for Tania and what she might have to face. Since I'd offered to give the money I felt as if I now had nothing to lose. I looked at Tania and she nodded. "Okay Jarvis," I said heavily, "if that's how you want it; when?" He gave a crazy sounding giggle and replied, "Not tonight, I don't want to cheat you; it's a long time after sunset, so suppose we make it next Saturday?" With shaking hands he pulled a diary out of his pocket and began to leaf through it. "Yes, here we are, next Saturday the sun sets at five thirty six and rises on Sunday morning at seven fifteen. You get here around five o'clock, we cut the cards and...well, it depends on who wins, okay." This time I did leave. I wanted to get out of that mad house as quickly as possible but felt guilty about leaving Tania alone with Jarvis. He made no move to accompany me to the door, but Tania did. As we got to the door she put her arms round me, kissed me on the cheek, and whispered, "Thank you Ted." "For what?" I asked. "But don't worry; it'll be okay whichever way it goes." During the following week that evening with Jarvis and Tania haunted me day and night. Of course I knew there were men who sold their wives and wives who agreed to be sold, but for me to be involved, and for it to be happening with two people whom I had idealised so much, seemed doubly shocking. I knew just what I'd do if I won, and this would at least save Tania from distress. I drew the fifty thousand from the bank on Friday. I'd never actually had that much in cash before and was amazed at how much space it took up in the case I had brought with me. All day Saturday I couldn't settle to anything. I wasn't looking forward to the evening. People say that time flies when you're having fun; it also flies when you're faced with something unpleasant. At five o'clock I was knocking at the door of their house. Tania answered it and her first words were, "It's perfectly all right, Ted." Jarvis was in the lounge looking agitated, a new pack of sealed cards on the coffee table. "Sit down...sit down Ted," he urged. When I'd sat he began to unseal the cards, giving his crazy giggly laugh as he did so. "Heh...heh...I won't even ask to see the money because I know you wouldn't try to cheat me." He shuffled the cards expertly and then handed them to me. "Heh...heh...you shuffle, don't want you thinking I'm cheating, heh...heh..." He had a fanatical gleam in his eyes, "The look of the inveterate but unsuccessful gambler making his last throw," I thought. "Ace high?" he asked. "Yes...yes, ace high." I somehow felt dissociated from what was happening. All I was really doing was handing over fifty thousand dollars whichever way it went. I would be glad to get it over with and leave this mad house. "Who cuts first?" he asked. "I don't care, you can." He looked at Tania and said, "You're part of the deal, how would you like to cut for me?" "It's your deal not mine," she replied, "You cut." For a guy who was destined to win at the money either way Jarvis was really tensed up. His hand shook as he cut from the pack. He laid his card face down and said, "Now you." Turn of a Card I picked a card off the top of the pack and turned it over. "Jack of diamonds," I said. He hesitated for a moment then turned his card over. It was seven of clubs. Amazingly he looked up at me and grinned. "You win, I'll be on my way then; see you in the morning." Without another word he rose and left, not even a glancing at Tania. I had the unpleasant feeling that the floor was moving up and own and the walls spinning round. I was going to pass out but before I did Tania was beside me. "Ted, are you all right, you look terrible?" Things gradually came to a standstill and I managed to say, "Yes, I'm okay...I think...it's just all so weird." I looked up at her; she was smiling and said, "Am I such a frightening prospect, Ted." "No...no...of course not, it's just the whole mad thing, and you're not to worry I won't try and touch you." "Why not, you won, didn't you?" "I don't buy women and I don't win them on the turn of a card," I said, perhaps a trifle self-righteously. "Well my dear, it looks as if you've done both, like it or not." "Nothing says we have to go through with it," I replied. "I can leave here right now. I can leave the money with you and no one will be any the wiser." Tania knelt down I front of me and took my hands. "Ted, suppose I tell you I want you to stay; that I want to spend the night with you, and it has nothing to do with money, cards or winning?" "You don't mean that," I gasped. "We've said, and even Jarvis said, 'It's just one night', would it be so hard for you to give me that?" "No...but Jarvis..." "You don't imagine that he'd believe either of us if we told him nothing had happened, do you? "No, I suppose he wouldn't believe us." In my confused state I did not take in the full import of what Tania had been saying. It was not until later that I understood and even then she had to spell it out for me. What I did have the wit to perceive was that like the turn of the card, I had to lose one way or another. In other words, whether I had sex with Tania or not, Jarvis would always believe I did. Tania rose and still holding my hands said, "Come to bed with me," and looking at her wristwatch, smiled and said, "It's after sun set." Given the befuddled state I was in it's hardly surprising that I had no erection, but in the bedroom, and as Tania stripped herself, I knew I wanted her. How many men could have resisted her? Yet I, like so many others before me, quailed before the loveliness that was Tania. Many beautiful women have complained that it was their very beauty that had turned men aside, afraid that they would be unworthy of them. Yet here was a woman of beauty who was saying, "I'm yours, take me." I had known many women; the one night stands; the short term relationships; the women I had avoided long term relationships with; women whom I knew would be in bed with another man the next night, or the night after. But here was the woman I had idealised; one who would never cheapen herself. But then, I had idealised Jarvis as well; idealised their relationship as husband and wife. Tania must have sensed the battle that was going on inside me because she came to me and pressing her body to mine, kissed me softly on the lips and said, "There's nothing to worry about Ted." With that she started to undress me. Between us we managed to get my clothes off, and for a moment I stood looking at her. I thought she was the loveliest woman I had ever seen; her chestnut coloured hair flowing over her shoulders; breasts standing out proudly, their nipples long and firm; the swell of her hips and her sex organ without pubic hair. Starting just below her mons I could see the firmly cleft vulva and I wondered how, even given his dire straits, Jarvis could so readily let another man enjoy Tania's body. Tania saw me looking at her genitals and said, "Jarvis doesn't like pubic hair so I had it permanently removed; you don't mind?" I couldn't resist a weak smile and said, "No, it gives you a look of innocence." She came close to me again. I could feel her firm warm body against mine; she kissed me and said, "I think we all lost our innocence tonight." She took hold of my penis and drew it between her legs and started to work it along the lips of her vulva. I could feel her moist warmth, signifying her readiness for me. I eased her carefully onto the bed and she opened her legs wide to receive me. I came between them and she guided my shaft to the entrance of her vagina. I placed my hand on one of her breasts and kissed her. It began with the tender pressure of our lips, and gradually our mouths opened and tongues explored each other's mouths. Tania made a slight movement with her hips and I slide into her. There was warm, moist softness, and as I pushed my full length into her she said, "I do want you Ted." As I drew back and started to plunge into her again she began to make an upward thrusting rotating movement. This was the most beguiling movement I had ever experienced with a woman. We moved very slowly, looking into each other's eyes until, closing her eyes she gasped, "Oh Ted...Ted...I'm going to come." Her movements grew more forceful and starting very quietly but with increasing volume she cried out repeatedly, "Oh...hah...oh...hah..." Then suddenly her legs were wound round me; she wailed, "Oh my God, it's coming...its coming...ahaheeow." Her movements had worked up into a wild frenzy and as she came to climax I shot my sperm into her. This seemed to make her even wilder and as she passed her climax I felt a sudden convulsive grip round my shaft as if she would hold me in her and suck the sperm from me. Grasp and release...grasp and release; this went on with diminishing force until she emitted a long drawn out sigh and I felt her body relax under me. She lay still for some time, then opening her eyes and looking at me she said, "I feel so good, Ted." "It's beautiful with you, Tania," I responded. She held on to me for a long time, keeping my penis in her vagina. After becoming flaccid my penis rose again and Tania whispered, "Can you do it to me again Ted?" In reply I started to move in her again, feeling the sticky mixture of our fluid to which I was soon to add. Tania was very relaxed, making only little gasping sounds as I drove into her. She seemed to have a series of minor orgasms when she would give an upward thrust with her hips and softly cry out, "Oohaa." As I unloaded into her she murmured, "Deep darling...put it in deep." When it was over I pulled out of her and drew her to me, the top of her head just under my chin. I felt a deep sense of contentment, as if I had at last found what I wanted in a woman. Sunrise was still along way off, but already it seemed to hang like a spectre over us. It would end our one night and in a perverse way I regretted that we had ever begun this time of love making. I've heard people say, "What you don't know you don't miss," but now I knew, and the pain of knowing that it would all end with the dawn was agonising. Unknowingly Tania made it worse when she said, "It was always you Ted, even when we were at high school it was you." "I didn't know," I replied, "you never gave the slightest sign." She drew my hand to her breast and continued, "What was the use, I could see even then that you had your mind set on other things, not marriage, and as you know I would never have accepted anything less than that." "Yes, I knew." "You could never have known how much it hurt me when I knew about the other girls – those casual affairs you had – probably still have." The desire I had suppressed for Tania had been let loose, but it was more than desire. At that moment I knew I had loved her for a long time, and that love added to the pain I felt. I could have been the one climbing into her bed; I could have been making babies with her, and I had thrown away that opportunity for what? The business and the money that had bought her for one night? The turn of a card by which I had won this night? Tania was worth more than this, far more. I felt as if I'd betrayed her love and mine. Tania stirred and said, "Darling, I'm in such a mess, I'm going to have shower, do you want to come with me?" I shook off my mood and laughing said, "Well, since I'm partly responsible for the mess I suppose I'd better help clean it up." By the time we got to the shower our mingled fluids were running down the inside of Tania's thighs. I washed her very gently and removed as much of my sperm from her vagina as I could. As I did this I thought ruefully about making babies with her; what an opportunity I had missed. I wondered vaguely why Jarvis had never made babies with her. "Perhaps," I thought, "they've decided not to have children, or he's too eaten up with his gambling to want to have them." Then I realised the incongruity of my own desire to make babies with Tania. Always with other women making babies was to be avoided. Was the desire to make babies with Tania another sign of my love for her? Tania was washing my penis and in the process it started to rise again. Holding my penis firmly Tania said, "Is this telling me you want more?" "If you can stand it," I replied. She smiled and said, "I think I can give as much as you want." She paused, looking at me keenly, then asked shyly, "Is there anything you don't like doing...I mean, sexual things?" Its strange how there are things you can happily do with one woman that you don't like doing with another. In Tania's case I felt that I could do to her whatever she want me to, so I said, "Whatever you want Tania, is fine by me." Back in bed I soon found out what she wanted. I had started to suck on one of her nipples and fondle the other breast with my hand, when she suddenly moved to sit across my chest, and then starting to squirm her genitals over me she moved slowly up to my face leaving a trail of lubricant as she went. As she reached my face I looked up to see her cleft poised over me. She reached down with her fingers to part her outer lips to reveal the rose petal-like lips beneath and a hint of the dark canal of her vagina beyond. She lowered herself until the warm wetness of her sex organ covered my mouth. I could smell her female aroma, and as I began to lick, taste her. Tania kept control of the places she wanted to have stimulated, and as her lubricant began to flow freely she moved so that I was working my tongue over her clitoris. I could hear her cries of ecstasy that rose to a long drawn out cry of, "Ooooohaa...Ted," and then I had to hold on to her thighs firmly as she thrashed about on me. For a moment she slumped over me as if exhausted by her orgasm, and then seeming to come suddenly to life she moved quickly down my body, said, "Come darling," and took my shaft into her mouth. She sucked so avidly I thought she was trying to swallow me and in seconds I was shooting into her mouth, each lurch of semen from my urethra dragging a groan from me, and as she seemed to suck the last drops from me I felt as if I'd been transported to heaven. There were sticky droplets of my sperm glistening on her lips as she withdrew away from me. She moved to lie beside me and said, "Hold me Ted." I put my arms round her, drawing her close. "It's been hell, Ted," she whispered. I knew what she meant and asked, "How long have you known?" "I've know for a long time that he gambled, but you knew that as well, but he was always talking about how much he won. I trusted him, and then one day, about two months ago, I found out he'd milked out bank balance dry. When I confronted him there was a terrible row and we had to keep it hidden from everybody, even you." "You managed it very well," I said, "I hadn't the least idea until last Saturday." "Yes, but by then the full truth had come out; he'd not only milked our bank balance dry, he'd borrowed all over the place and worst of all, he'd somehow been taking money from his workplace. He finally panicked and poured it all out. Ted, its thousands and thousands of dollars; exactly how much I don't know, and apart from what he's stolen from work I don't think even Jarvis knows." I understood the disease well enough, and in some respects it infects most of us. We make a decision and act on it, only to find it was the wrong decision and find ourselves in a mess and then try to cover it up by making another lousy decision. For Jarvis always the next bet would get him out of trouble, but it hadn't. "He knows how much he's stolen from work?" "Yes, around forty two thousand dollars and if that came out everything would come crashing down." I could see that Jarvis had not only put all his usual worldly goods at risk, but his professional future and his relationship with Tania as well. Tania seemed to pick up on my thoughts and said, "I don't know how we can go on together; I won't ever be able to trust him, and even if he swore off gambling I'd always be suspicious, always waiting for it to happen again." She stopped speaking for a couple on minutes and although I could not see her face I could feel she was crying. Then recovering a little she said, "You know Ted, he didn't even seem to care what happened to me; he even wanted me to...tried to talk me into...well, what we've been doing. If he really loved me, do you think he could have done that, sell me off at the turn of a card?" Trying to find some justification for Jarvis I replied, "He was desperate, Tania," and then went on somewhat unwisely, "And you did insist that..." "Yes Ted and I know how it must look...probably how it is in the end." She clung to me more tightly and went on, "Oh Ted, why couldn't you have loved me when I wanted you to so badly?" I knew her question was purely rhetorical since she already knew the answer, nevertheless I said, "I put other things, other ambitions before love and a permanent relationship. That was always going to come later." There was another pause, neither of us knowing what to say next, then with a sigh Tania said, "Its weird isn't it, I was so set on no sex before marriage, and here I am committing adultery. They used to put people to death for that once." "Would you have committed adultery if it hadn't been for circumstances as they are?" "No, I don't think I would have, but that's the terrible thing; when you chose the card I was willing you to turn up the highest one just so I could do with you what I've always wanted to do. That's evil, isn't it?" "As you said Tania, we've all lost our innocence, such as it was, tonight. Any one of us could have stopped the situation. If we try to count our sins now we'll go on endlessly. What's done is done and we can't call it back now." "No." She drifted off into sleep. I lay awake for some time after thinking about her and the bizarre circumstances that had led to our being together like this. I felt a tremendous wave of love and pity for her sweep through me. "All because I tuned up the jack of diamonds," I thought. I was wakened before dawn by Tania stroking my penis. "Once more before he comes back," she said. My penis had risen and she sat astride me and inserted my shaft into her. We moved hardly at all for a long time, just looking at each other in the half light. Then with very slight movements she came, gasping, "Oh my love." As I ejaculated I groaned, "I love you Tania." We showered, washing away the odour of sex, and dressed. Jarvis came in some time after sunrise. He asked nothing and said nothing; he simply took the case of money from me, opened it, and without actually counting it began to riffle through it. There seemed to be nothing more for me to say and do. Tania came to the front door and putting her arms round me and said, "Goodbye, my love." I knew it was goodbye because nothing could ever make us forget that night; it would always be there between the three of us. In other days, in other circumstances, I would have left Tania rejoicing over our love making, knowing that I would return to her; but those other circumstances had never been, and now we all had to live with the guilt of those that had been. As I knew it would be, there were no more invitations to dinner. I saw and heard nothing from Jarvis and Tania. More out of bravado than anything else I went to the pub a few times where Jarvis and I used to meet for Tuesday lunches. He was never there. Perhaps I should have gone further and written or telephoned or even called at their house, but I didn't. Why not? A strange mixture of desire to see Tania again and knowing the pain I would feel if I did; a love for her now acknowledged and guilt that I had not walked away that night after "winning" her. Tania had said "goodbye" at the door that morning in a tone of voice that had indicated finality. I buried myself in my business and relieved my sexual needs with casual relationships, yet these relationships seemed to have soured. I had known what it was to have sex with someone whom I loved and who loved me, and anything else was now second class. It was about six months later and after work one night when I was trundling a trolley round the supermarket doing my weekly shopping that I saw her. She was coming towards me pushing her trolley and scanning the shelves. I stood motionless. She didn't see me until we were very close. She went to move past me, and then she too stood stock still, both of us staring at each other. "Ted," she gasped. Recovering slightly I gulped, "Hello Tania, how are you?" "I'm...as you see." What I saw was that she was pregnant. "How's Jarvis?" "We don't see anything of each other now." "Separated?" "Yes, for four months now." "Will you two get out of the bloody way," an ancient snarled, "blocking the bloody aisle." We moved to let her pass and as she did she muttered, "Bloody people standing in the aisle talking." Tania's face was pale and I could see she was trembling; I was quivering a bit myself. "Would you come and have a cup of coffee with me?" I asked. "Yes but...the shopping, I haven't..." "We can do that some other time, I must talk with you." "All right." We took what goods we had through the checkout and made our way to a nearby café. There were few people in there and we found a corner table and sat. We said nothing until after the girl had taken our order. When she had gone I said, "That night I suppose?" "Yes, but not straight away. He didn't seem to care about that. All he wanted was the money to get him self out of trouble." She gave a bitter laugh and went on, "You know Ted he didn't even thank me for saving him." "What was it then if it wasn't that night?" "Oh, it wasn't the night itself that offended him, it was the outcome." She touched her abdomen. The girl came with the coffee and we stopped speaking for a moment. When she had gone I asked the obvious question, "It was me, then?" "Yes my dear, it was you." "Are you sure, it could be Jarvis." She smiled wanly; "No. because he can't, that how it all came out in the first place." "I don't understand." "You see, we found out that Jarvis couldn't fertilise me. We were going to go on one of the programmes and you know how expensive they are. I knew – or thought I knew – we had the money in the bank. That's when I discovered he'd taken it all to gamble with. So you see, since I'd been with no one else, it had to be you, and Jarvis knew it." "God, I'm so sorry Tania." "Don't be, Ted, because I'm not. I'm glad it was you and...oh God this is going to sound terrible. After that night I couldn't bear Jarvis to touch me." "I could have walked away from you, not touched you." "Please Ted, try to understand, I'm not sorry, but if you're sorry...if you regret it, then it's somehow spoilt. I...we got Jarvis out of the worst of his troubles; we had a beautiful night...or at least I did, so don't be unhappy because I'm pregnant. In any case, I'm certain that Jarvis and I would have split up eventually." Turn of a Card "How are you managing?" "Oh, I've still got my job, when the time comes," she shrugged, "I'll manage somehow." "You don't have to manage 'somehow' Tania. Would you come to me?" "You don't have to offer that Ted. If we hadn't met just now we might never have seen each other again and you'd never have known, and I had no intention of telling you." She paused and gave an odd smile; "After all, you paid enough for that one night." "God's sake Tania," I exploded, making the other customers look up so I went on more quietly, "It wasn't like that, and you know it wasn't. I told you I Ioved you and I'd never said that to any woman before, and you said you loved me." She reached across the table and laid her hand over mine. "I'm sorry Ted, it's just that I don't want you to take the responsibility, I..." "Dammit Tania, doesn't it occur to you I might want to be responsible? I told you I love you and I want to be responsible for those words. That child inside you is part of me as well as you, so why wouldn't I want to be responsible?" "I knew...I knew you'd be like this if you ever found out and it isn't the way I wanted it." "Tania, it doesn't matter how you or I might have wanted it, it's the way it is now. Come to me...let me show you I love you...please." Her hand tightened on mine. She was crying but at the same time she tried to smile. "Ted, do you mind if I ask you to do something that will sound silly?" "Ask away," I replied, "just so long as you'll come to me." "Would you court me, just for a little while...oh my God, that sounds so old fashioned; I'm making myself blush." "I'll court you for as long as it takes to get you to come to me." Epilogue. I've given up playing cards even to win or lose a few dollars. There are a few card games Tania and I play with the children, but nothing is ever going to depend on the turn of a card again; least of all, Tania and the children.