13 comments/ 14706 views/ 3 favorites The Rekindle By: TalyisBagley Briel -- The Repercussion White flakes silently floated wistfully down from the bright night sky until it was melted into oblivion by a heated red light. Warning red circled with piercing white flashing the surrounding houses. The quiet neighborhood was happy and cheerful as Santas perched on snowcapped roofs, evergreen garlands draped over houses topped with bright red bows. Trees dressed in colorful rainbows of lights didn't shirk their happy greeting when the siren faded. My eyes were closed peacefully, but a painful grimace was permanently etched onto my face. The gurney bumped and squeaked as I was wheeled out of the ambulance into the small neighborhood hospital. My forehead creased as the team of medics moved around me, all wearing expressions ranging from concern to indifference. Guilt set in; it was so close to Christmas and the memory of my family who looked like mannequins that afternoon still burned in my mind. They had been sitting around me—mother, father, brother—all trying to seem cheerful for the holidays, all keeping a watchful eye on me. My grandmother's afghan kept me warm, a beautiful scarf my mother had purchased was wrapped around my head, hiding what remained of once beautiful brown hair that had cascaded in curls down my back. First, I remember the pain shooting through my body, contorting my face and putting expressions of alarm on the mannequins. They had tried so hard to make the holidays seem as though nothing had changed for the last year, as I'd requested. They tried so very hard to be happy despite the corpse-like body that sat in the living room now trembling through gritted teeth. "Briel!" a chorus cried, but I was gone already. My mind had protected me from the pain that raked through my body, the pain of seeing my family standing over me like a macabre tableaux of desperation and love. Desperation to save me. I was wheeled through the hospital corridors, bright and quiet other than the anxious people that cared for me so. Lazily, I opened my eyes and saw them standing around me, following the gurney down the hall. It was like the first time, months ago, their anxious nervous faces looking down on me as I was wheeled through a hospital. They had thought I was asleep, but I lay in the dark room of the hospital hearing words thrown around like blood disorder, bone marrow, degeneration. I turned over in the bed, careful to not disturb the clear tubes that pulled at my skin under the thin hospital gown, already acknowledging the inevitable. I knew the real cause of my illness, though no one would believe it. It was a broken heart. I even remembered looking it up once on the internet and my pathetic feelings were validated. It wasn't as uncommon as I had thought, as I discovered many people had died of a broken heart. It was as if the body could no longer fight against the soul's mystical way of running the body. It was shortly after he had left me that I fell ill. I dare not tell him, I did not want to feel that he would come back only because I was sick. I had buried my face in the pillow, feeling responsible for my family's sadness. My eyes clenched upon hearing my mother cry in the hallway as the doctor gave her the grave prognosis. My brother, Ehan, had not looked me in the eye since that day. It was as if he knew the real reason and it made him all the more furious. Slightly, I tilted me head to the side and saw Ehan racing with the bed down the corridor. He was looking at me now and through hazy eyes I saw the love that we had always shared together. I missed those eyes and hated being so detached from my twin, but loved seeing his eyes look upon me for that second until he realized that I had noticed him. The scowl that had creased his face since that first day returned, a mask hiding his true feelings. I tried to reach my hand up to touch his that held the metal bed rail to apologize in a simple touch, but just lifting fingers was too much exertion. A wet, hot tear burned, fighting to escape my closed eyes; I had never wanted my pain to infect my family, especially during the holidays. Ehan had always been very protective of me, his little sister—little as of one hour. I had came into the world with a struggle and he thought I had decided to leave it without a fight. Ehan felt that his sister that he had shared so much with had betrayed him. Betrayed him for Caden. He tried to reason with me; he would say, "Briel, do you really think Caden would want you to give up so easily?" I only turned away from him; I knew he was trying to help me. He later gave in to his frustration and anger. "Briel, he doesn't care for you. He left you. Please, just let him go. Let him go, so you can fight." I wince at his words. It was true, Caden had left and wouldn't care if I were dead or if I'd found someone else. I hadn't spoken to him since the day he had told me that he wanted to end it. He called it being pragmatic. I have despised that word ever since. Since when do feeling and love have anything to do with pragmatism.. I couldn't blame my brother for his anger. I loved him and I was causing him so much pain. All my life I had hated the feel of doctor offices and needles, but now I felt nothing. I'd had enough things stuck in me that I felt like a pin cushion. All I wanted were my memories. That was like cupping water to a thirsty mouth, as if my memories of being happy with Caden were enough to heal me. He had been my morning star and I had been the east waiting for him to rise with his brilliance, bring me joy and happiness, the peace of a new day. Caden had been my personification of love. He had danced through my gardens and plucked my petals. I gave him everything and believed in no obstacles. Nothing could destroy our love, no trouble; no storm cloud would trespass on our blue sky. Storms had indeed brewed and he had been trapped in a whirlwind of a black cloud. Indecision and suffering were his tumult. I held his hand, always available and open to him, but he closed himself off as he went to the funeral by himself. He had tried hard to be happy for my sake, to put on a mask of what was, what we had hoped to be, but his indecision and our small hurdles had grown, until there were mountains between us. Caden decided that being the only member of his family left in our small town was not what he needed. He needed to be near those who loved him unconditionally. My love was not enough for him to fight for. As I drove him to the airport that spring day, the tree blossoms had colored the sky, raining pink and peach flower petals onto my windshield. He had told me then, dashing my hopes, killing my dreams of future for the two of us. I had thought it was to only be a short break while he took some time to get himself together. I had thought it was indeed a sacrifice to let him go, but what wouldn't I sacrifice for Caden, my Caden? He needed to be near those who could help him. He said that it was not pragmatic to put off what wouldn't work- he believed we would never work in the end because of the problems that challenged us. Again that word. I hiccupped tears, buried my face into his shoulder. I had tried so hard to keep it light, to help him feel that I would manage while he was gone. Now it was more than a short goodbye; he meant it to be final. I couldn't breathe, my entire system had fought against me, as if the tears swelling inside me prevented air from entering my nose and my eyes burned red. "I love you, Caden. I am not afraid to say it. I will always be here for you, if you need me, If you want to talk," I had told him as he took his luggage from the trunk of my car. I did not walk beyond the curb. I couldn't. "I am sorry, Briel," he said. Tears were in his eyes and he had forced them back. "Take care." He had taken his luggage and never turned back. The nurse took my pulse and then patted my head; she felt sorry for me. Many of them did, seeing a young woman with so much promise have to go through so much suffering as the disease ransacked my body. The physical pain was nothing to me in comparison to the hurt in my soul that battered me everyday. I reflected n my last words to him. "I will always be here for you." How much time did I have left to keep that promise? I had a direct pass these days, like the A-listers at night clubs who were ushered ahead of the people waiting behind velvet ropes. I no longer had to wait in emergency rooms, instead I was directed right into the club immediately, but instead of artificial fog and swirling disco lights I was greeted with large machines with tiny blinking lights. I heard the doctor reassure my mother as she held my father so tightly outside my hospital bedroom, that I would make it through the night. I was stabilized. She whimpered, I could see her without looking, her face buried in his shoulder as he smoothed her hair back and pecked the top of her head with a kiss. My brother stood on the other side of the doctor, still scowling. I allowed myself to drift to sleep, no longer wishing to eavesdrop. , I knew my promise was nearly broken. I felt them smooth my hair back and kiss me goodbye. I wished I had the energy to say I was sorry. Christmas was days away and I had inadvertently ruined the holiday. A heavy slam hit my lungs in the middle of a blank dream and I woke up coughing, feeling like I had been smite with smoke inside my lungs. Ehan brought a cup of water to my chapped lips and I sipped through the straw. I saw Ehan's eyes downcast, avoiding looking me in the eye while still caring for me. Ehan was hurting the most and it made me both angry and guilty. "You're a hypocrite, you know," I said to him as he plopped into the seat under the window. I never would have believed he would elect to keep vigil on me when the end approached. "What do you mean?" His cold voice sliced into me with his distaste for me. "You broke up with your girlfriend, too. Don't you realize that she could be me?" His eyes darted quickly to mine and then away as he contemplated that. He stood up and walked back to my bed to help me sit up. He managed that without engaging in eye contact. "She broke up with me." It was true, I shrugged. She was upset with him for his preoccupation with my illness and she felt left out. She gave him an ultimatum he would never been able to honor thus she left him. I felt bad for trying to pick a fight. Trying to pick a fight with my brother was futile, as he had mastered the art of hardly speaking to me. A fight would have been major progress since our last conversation before that spring day at the airport. "Thank you," I said, still feeling guilty that I had brought up his girlfriend. Even though I miss my brother's company, I knew he would do anything. He suffered to give me a bone marrow transplant though it didn't work. Marrow wouldn't heal the broken flesh of the heart. "Please go back to her," I said. I never liked his girlfriend, she seemed beneath my brother, but I could understand her pain. I was in her shoes not to long ago and I couldn't fault her for trying to help him to move on. "Briel, go to sleep." "Ehan, she is hurting. Don't hold this against her. I under-" "Briel," his eyes flashed angrily at me. "Enough! Do not compare her to this mess with Caden." Upon saying Caden's name his voice was dripping with absolute contempt. My eyes drifted to the thin white hospital blanket that barely warmed me. "I am sorry," I whispered. He didn't respond, only swung his leg over the arm rest to find a comfortable position in his makeshift bed. I slept through most of the next day unable to keep track with who came and left from the post under the window. I remembered sleepy conversations of how life was when I was a child. Happy stories my designated sitter would reflect on, more for their benefit than my. They tried to keep the atmosphere light but the burdening guilt weighed everything down. Ehan had said that I should have moved on. Years ago he used to tease me as a late bloomer to finding love. I had never had a boyfriend or anyone who displayed any interest in me other than the chance to be my first. I took a long labored breath; no, he wouldn't dare tease me about anything let alone being a late bloomer. I even missed his teasing. My mom burst into the room, and her face wore the mask. A hideous mask of happiness but the hollow eyes could not hide the heartrending sadness underneath. She carried a small artificial Christmas tree that had LED lights for twigs. She plugged it into the wall, placing it on the window sill behind the chair. The branches looked like melting light that grew brighter in intensity in green and then meted into pink, blue, red and white. "It's not much, but I thought I could bring some Christmas cheer to this room," she said cheerfully, but her body couldn't hide its apprehension. Her hands were stuffed into her coat pockets, her foot tapping nervously on the tile. She exhaled finally, releasing whatever grave ideas she was thinking and sat on the bed. Her motherly hands putting my imaginary hair behind my ear. "We just have to get through Christmas, hey?" Her smile was more a grimace. "And then spring." She arched a hopeful eyebrow. I took her hand into my own. "Yes, Mom. I am sorry I ruined the holiday." "Nonsense. The holiday is about family. Friends. L-" she stopped herself. My entire family knew my heartache and I felt bad when she looked back at me with apologetic eyes. "No, your right," I encouraged her. "That is exactly what the Christmas is. It is the expression of love." My mom smiled, her eyes hopeful again. I spent Christmas Eve moving from nurse to doctor to specialist. I was passed around like a hot potato. Each moved about my body which was less and less my own and then tossing me to the next, not willing to let my death happen on their watch. Death. I rarely let the word come into my mind. I had adopted other phrases such as passing on, sleeping. My brother would let one phrase pass his lips angrily as he dreamed: "giving up". I didn't see it as giving up. I wanted to wait, to be available for him, to live. But everything had a road of its own, a path I had never thought to take. I paid no mind to the timeline the doctors had given my parents, every hour was like a day, every minute like an hour. "A week," I heard him say and my mother gasp, crying into my father's shoulder. Even though I did not see them. I knew that my twin stalked away. "Ehan, remember when we made gingerbread cookies for Santa? And when we snuck out of bed in the middle of the night, we found mom and dad sitting on the couch. Mom's legs were over dad's lap while he fed her our cookies for Santa," I said to Ehan, the current occupant of the death watch post. He was the only one who did not engage in reminiscing. "You charged at mom and dad, saying that Santa was going to take them off the good list for stealing his cookies." I waited for him to finish the story, but he only sighed heavily looking out the window while snowflakes fell past. "And then you saw the tree was filled with presents. I don't think you ever believed in Santa again despite mom and dad telling you that Santa said he was allergic to ginger." I laughed slightly but he did not join in. I sighed. "Ehan, I'm sorry," I said to him, my hands tracing the patterns on the blanket. "I am trying to fight—to live." He didn't respond and a louder sigh than I wanted passed over my lips. I fell back against the pillows that propped me up. I grabbed the television remote and flipped through the stations, when Ehan's hand startled me, touching my hand with the remote. Tears were streaking his face which pushed me aback. "Briel, I'm sorry,," Ehan was looking me in the eye for the first time since he learned I was dying. The nurse came in, interrupting our reunion. She placed my dinner on the hospital table and wheeled it nosily to my bed. Ehan huffed a smile, his eyes were happy for the first time when he lift the lid to the meal. He picked up a little gingerbread boy I was allowed for dessert. "Give it to Santa," I smiled and watched as he took the small plate and placed the little confection smiling man underneath the Christmas tree. I slowly ate my holiday meal. Bland turkey, white meat and steamed carrots. A nurse returned and asked for my brother. He stood, patting me on the head as I absently ate my meal. It took me awhile to realize the commotion outside my door was coming from my brother. His voice was filled with heat. "No, you may not. Only family. Stop him. I don't want him in there!" I heard my brother shuffle against the window that looked into the hospital nursing station. I heard his body hit the wall besides the door. "Damn you. Stop. You've done enough." Then I heard the frantic squeak of shoes running towards my door, just as my door swung open. The light from the hallway flooded into my room. He stood there, his hair covered with crystal snowflakes, a small, perfectly square wrapped box in his hands and perfect smile on his lips. My heart stopped. I couldn't move. Then, hands seized his shoulders, pulling him from my door. Ehan—The Reception I smiled grimly at his struggle against the hands that held him down. His face was filled with pain as one of the orderlies had clenched his arm, twisting it behind his back as they tossed him to the floor. His perfect face was red as tried to ease their hold on him.. Justice. I reveled in seeing him in pain, my arms crossed my chest while I watched him with dark eyes. I noticed the surprised nurse behind her desk, the receiver to her ear while her other hand dialed the police. I hoped. Her eyes were glued to the fight in front of her desk. This was indeed justice. I stood smugly over his body until I heard the blood-curdling scream that always sent my heart racing. I was back in the room only steps ahead of the nurses. My twin sat up in her bed, her body glistening with sweat screaming, "No!". I thought she was in pain, that seeing that bastard on the ground had finally made her system give out. But as my ears adjusted, I realized my celebration was short lived. She was begging—no, screaming—for him. "You have to calm down or everyone will leave," the nurse warned her as she tried to calm Briel. I hated seeing my sister through the wall of white coats that always surrounded her. It made me nervous as they inspected her. I had long ago realized when a team of doctors surrounded her, it wasn't good. Four months ago, when I had come out from the anesthesia, the nurses wheeled me down the hospital hall to visit her, the shroud of doctors limited my view. My marrow was the closest match. I had shared my life with Briel, my mother's womb. We had shared everything that helped us live, but now she struggled and my marrow was rejected. My eyes darted away when the white cloud dissipated. I hated this, seeing her so dead. Every time I'd look at her it tore at my heart. Her shallow, dark circled eyes pleaded. "Please, I want to see him," she directed her request towards the nurses but I knew she was talking to me. I ran away from the door as he gathered himself to his feet. His perfectly wrapped box had been crushed in the rumble. As my former friend walked through the hospital door, I saw Briel light up, honestly light up for the first time in seven months. She had tried to live for us, had put on a brave face, but that was like a candle to her now-luminous countenance upon seeing him. Caden—I felt sick just thinking his name—held the rumpled gift in his hand as he took tentative steps towards my sister. His face was at first with joy but with each step closer it transformed into my family's permanent expression of utter helplessness and concern. The Rekindle Briel shuffled nervously on the bed as she tried to hide the effects of her illness from him. I should have felt glad to se the pain crest his face when he at last saw what he had done to Briel, but for him to share in our grief as a communal member was a great insult. "Please," she said reaching for him. "Don't look at me that way." She nervously smiled, the poor teeth of her once brilliant smile were spaced apart and looked thin. "Your mother- I went to your house and I felt like I was intruding." "You are intruding," I said, leaning against the far wall. "I didn't want to intrude on your holiday," he continued nervously looking to me and then my sister for assurance. "So much of a holiday," I sneered and my sister paid no attention. "Your mother said you were in the hospital?" I knew what the end of his sentence meant. He hadn't expected to find her like this. He looked as if he were tying to see past the death on her to find her former glory. My heart raced and my stomach knotted angrily. How dare he judge her. "I know..." she said quietly, "I look hideous." She expertly adjusted the scarf on her head and patted the bed beside her. "I am glad to see you," he said as he sat down. I rolled my eyes. "I brought you something." He put the crumpled present on her lap. She took it and shook it to her ear with a grin, like she had every gift since we were children. I couldn't stomach anymore of this reunion. I walked out of the room to stand in the hallway. The nurse smiled at me and I nodded. There were benefits to this small town hospital; when your younger sister lay on her death bed in the other room they were very lenient about the visitation rules. My teeth ground together hearing her laugh float out of the room into the hallway. I wished I had never introduced her to him. My best friend in college. We had been roommates together, inseparable. Our mutual friend had nicknamed us "Double Trouble," mostly because of the infamous pranks we had pulled in the dorms. "Who is this Brrrr-ell you keep speaking to every night?" Caden asked one day, his body draped over his bed and desk chair. "She's my sister," I said. "Hopefully, she doesn't share your genes, Ehan," he teased and I only smiled with a shrug. "She's my twin, actually." His eyebrows floated up his forehead. "Twin? You have a twin?" "Yep. We decided to go to different schools. You know, find our own way. She's a music major at the U." "Wow, what's it like, can you read each other's thoughts, finish each other's sentences?" "No, but we are close." "Wow! Ehan has a female copy." Caden came to our home for Thanksgiving that first year instead of traveling to his family. My sister took to him right away. We all became a new team, Double and Trouble had been newly coined The Musketeers as Caden and I would drive to Briel's university on weekends. I enjoyed having my sister and best friend around without having to choose one over the other. One day things shifted to a new level and before I knew it my sister had a boyfriend. I didn't mind my sister dating my best friend. I trusted him with her. I knew he was going to be sensitive to her delicate nature and honor her as her first true relationship. Now I regretted having ever laid eyes on him. I watched my sister during those days after tragedy had hit Caden's life. She was just as frazzled as he was. She had sleepless nights when he wouldn't return her calls. She had a way of sucking up her feelings and concerns for him when he refused to let her accompany him to the funeral. She had reasoned it as everyone had different ways of dealing with grief. "I have to give him his space," she would say as a mantra. She was incredibly loyal and devoted to him, more than any girl I had ever dated was to me. I was shocked that he decided to break it off right before he left the country. Briel spoke with him until the nurses took her for more tests. I thought he had left us to our personal hell, giving us peace from his presence, a horrible memory we wanted to forget. He returned while she was with the nurses. I couldn't stand being in the same room with this so-called-friend who had pained Briel so. I saw red when she returned, her face was again bright with joy, the real joy that had been absent for so long. Caden had brought her hopes up—I could not believe he would do this when so much was at stake to keep her alive everyday. Caden left after my sister was given drugs to help her sleep. He looked at me with disbelief as he left. He couldn't believe that she had declined so rapidly since he had broken her heart. I glared at him as if my stare could inflict as much pain on him as he'd put Briel through. We didn't say a word to each other, though I wanted to know how long he planned on staying and what was his motive for seeing her now, at her end, when he had made it impossible for her to communicate with him before this. When I returned to the room, Briel lay asleep. A silver locket hung around her neck and she had turned her claddagh ring back to facing in. I sighed against the tightness in my chest but it did not disappear. Caden—The Reappraisal Ehan's shoulder hit me as I left the room, his body was vibrating with tension. I had had no idea that I would walk into what I saw that Christmas Eve. I thought that if I were to return, I would find her in the arms of someone new. She was beautiful, despite what she had always thought of herself. I was taken aback when I was told to go to the hospital, but I had assumed it was something simple. When I approached her, I realized something grave was haunting her. She was my angel and her wings were clipped. I went back to my hotel that Christmas Eve and sat on the edge of my bed unsure what I was feeling. I was in shock. My second Christmas gift for Briel was a complete gamble and I dare not open my suitcase to look at it as I had every day for the past month. Despite the pain that contorted her face and the scarf that covered her head, she was still beautiful. She was my Briel. She talked to me, comforted me as if she weren't in a hospital bed connected to machines that beeped, eavesdropping and distracting me from her. The machines, my mouth dried as I recalled the sight. I made myself breathe through my mouth, it was the only way I knew to make sure that I was breathing. I decided to sleep; maybe I was jumping to conclusions, maybe she was coming around. She couldn't be that ill, not within just seven months. I blinked my eyes forcing the tears into back. I should have stayed, and helped her through this. If I loved her and I knew I did, I should have been the one willing to sacrifice, not her. I crawled under the covers and let my dreams remind me of what she meant to me. I was her first. After a solid year of being friends, she told me that she was attracted to me but she was afraid of what I would think. I liked her, too. It was strange, liking your best-friend's sister, let alone his twin. She was so tender and graceful in everything she did and her approach to the world. I kissed her impulsively, but when my lips touched hers they were incredibly soft, sweet and I couldn't wait to kiss her again. She smiled, more out of nerves than anything. She was excited but in her naïveté she didn't know what the next step was. I didn't want to tell her brother right away that I had decided to date his sister. I remember vaguely him saying that she was not experienced before I met her. I knew her brother was going to be cautious but when we told him he was excited and happy. He approved of me dating Briel. Despite being less experienced she was a tender, giving lover. I knew that everything she did was a full expression of her heart. It was another Christmas when she decided she wanted to give herself fully to me. I was more nervous than she was. I wanted it to be perfect. I was on a small college budget but I saved and took her to a quaint bed and breakfast in the hills. I covered the bed with rose petals and candles flickered all over the room. I had bought a bottle of champagne; granted, it wasn't the best-tasting, but she liked it more for the thought. I gently sat her down on the bed, she glowed in the candle light, her big brown eyes were like a doe's, beautiful and wanting. I sat beside her, taking her hand. I gave her a claddagh ring, turning in towards her heart. "What is this?" she asked, her eyes smiling. "It's a claddagh ring. You can only be given one as a gift. You turn it towards your heart to signify that your heart is occupied and away to show that you are looking for love to fill it. I will try to fill you heart the best I can, Briel. I love you." I said it, but I also felt it, it wasn't like just trying to get over saying it, I wanted to say it again. I had never told a girl that I loved her. She shared her body with me that night for the first time and I shared my heart. I cradled her body beneath me, my naked chest to hers as I held her head between my hands. She was so delicate, her skin was soft I never wanted to leave from her touch. I crushed my lips to hers as I pushed past her maidenhead. She only cried for a moment but our kiss helped the pain melt away until we found rhythm together. We were no longer separate beings orbiting around her brother, we had formed our own bond that no one else could share. We rarely argued and I fell more in love with her each day. I knew she was the girl I would love to marry to spend a lifetime together in each other arms, helping her raise our children made from our love. I knew she was the woman I couldn't wait to grow old with. I pictured her sitting beside me on the porch swing, her long curly brown hair grayed with wisdom. I sat at the edge of my bed trying to understand all that had transpired tonight. My best friend. who had once been as warm as his sister, was cold to me. Briel was wakeful one moment and then she'd succumb to short naps. The nurses had taken her away and I needed air. I wanted air to sort out the volcano that was stifling my insides. "She's not here," Ehan spoke to me coldly when I returned to the room. This was not the Ehan who had been my friend when I left seven months ago. I frowned, unable to understand the change. "Why are you here? You cannot handle tragedy, remember." "What do you mean?" I felt sick. "You left her. You ran away because you couldn't face uncertainties head on. Life throws you punches and you forget everyone except yourself." "You can't fault me for that. I lost my-" "You weren't the only one who lost someone. It was as if you wanted her dead to you." My face flushed at his harsh words. I never wanted her to feel that way. I was in my own personal horror but I cared deeply for her. And I imagined always looking fond on her, often picturing myself wondering what she was doing in life when I grew older. "I'm sorry, Ehan." "Sorry is not enough, Caden. You have come too late and I am glad. You are no good for her." "What do you mean, too late?" I spoke slowly. Then it came to me, I was set aback. It was what it appeared but I had hoped that it wasn't the truth. Ehan spoke plainly, his voice no longer tainted by the unnerving malice he had for me. She was dying; expected dead by the New Year. I was ready to apologize again to Ehan, to tell him to tell Briel that I wouldn't be back. I rather she feel ill will towards me than to realize that her brother loss of confidence in me was true. Something would indeed happen to use eventually and would I be able to handle it and still be a good person for Briel. Two people in one year. I couldn't handle it. I knew I would not manage. It was like death followed me, where ever I went the closest and dearest people to me had been lost. I believed Ehan. I was ready to turn to the door, excuse myself from her life once and for all when the nurses wheeled her in. She looked worse than she had hours before. She sat in the wheelchair, her head tilted back, her skin was gray, eyes dull. When she had passed me she opened her eyes and smiled. Her weak, tube-covered hand reached for me but I did not reach back. However, I was struck again by my reason for my return. I had to re-evaluate, remember what she meant to me. And then I saw my precious angel for what she was and I could not leave, I had to show her my love. She deserved it. "I thought you were leaving?" Ehan sneered at me as he helped his frail sister into the bed. She looked at me, her eyes happy and pleading. "Please don't go, Caden. I'm fine." I couldn't leave. I wouldn't. She deserved so much more than to have to deal with my fear again. She was better than the consequences of my fear. I shook my head and sat on the bed next to her. Ehan, his body full of resentment and tension, stormed out of the room. I had never seen him like this, he was usually my carefree friend, cordial, gregarious, and easy-going nothing could faze him. Briel followed him with saddened eyes as he left her room. "He's upset with me." I looked at her curiously. "I don't want to talk about it." "Merry Christmas," I said, changing the topic. I didn't want to talk about it, either. "You turned my ring around when I was sleeping" she said. Wow, I didn't think she'd notice so quickly. I had turned her ring back towards her heart after she fell asleep last night. I nodded and then pulled the second gift from my pocket. "Yes, I did turn it around because you should have a full heart." With shaky hands I placed the box in her lap. She looked at it tentatively before opening it. It was a two-carat princess-cut diamond I had purchased a month ago when I decided to take a chance that she would consider my gift. "Briel, will you marry me?" I asked her. She stared at the diamond turning, it this way and that watching the light glint off the facets. She slowly put the gift back down in her lap and looked at me. "No, I cant." I was surprised. "Why not? I love you. I'll make sure it is perfect. I'll make sure everything is perfect." I was desperate. "No." she said again with more resolve. "I am dying in a matter of days. It's just not going to be how my life worked out. I don't want you to be a widow. To deal with the pain of two deaths in one year. Please don't feel sorry for me." "I want to marry you, life expectancy be damned. I love you Briel." "No." she said and then turned away from me. I rubbed her back, I could feel her body shudder slightly. I knew she was hiding her tears from me. I said after a moment of silence. "I should have stayed." Her parents pushed through the door singing "Joy to the World" and she had just enough time to recover herself. Her parents were always kind to me and hospitable. Unlike, Ehan, they seemed unchanged by their opinions of my return, almost like they were happy that I saw their daughter. Maybe there was more to this dying because of me. Was it possible to die of a broken heart? Was is possible that these two wonderful people had placed all their chips in hopes that I would help Briel get better? They stood around her opening their presents; eerily, she opened none for herself. Her mother whispered to me while her father flipped through the channels with her. "She insisted that we not buy her anything." Briel was indeed happy to watch them open their presents. I finally laid back and feel asleep, the image of her happy face so opposed to what fate had given her could not be erased from my mind. Christmas day should be a day of miracles and perfection. In all ways it did looked like it should be as I drove the rental car to see Briel. A fresh coat of snow had fallen overnight. Light and perfect. Children in red and green jackets up to their knees, trapped in the white powder tossed snowballs at each other. Another family made a snowman, picking their youngest up to place a winter's hat on the top. I couldn't help but think of Briel's love of singing the Christmas songs along with the radio as I drove only a year ago. Her brilliant smile coaxed me to join her as she tapped her feet to the music. I'd take her hand, realizing how wonderful it was to be with Briel and happily sang along. She had always made me happy with just the simplest things. As simple as singing Christmas carols in the car. When I arrived I felt nervous, like time was running out. I didn't know what to expect. I knew that I had to be present, to give her the love she so deserved but it was possible she wouldn't want to see me. She had turned down my proposal. I didn't understand how so much could happen in such a short time. "Oh, hello, Caden," he mother greeted me. "We are celebrating Christmas but this is a no purchase gift zone, just the gift of words." I heard Ehan scoff as he kicked the wall, then he leaned against it, his arms forever crossed over his chest. "How's your first year after graduation?" her father asked. I shuffled my coat off and said, "Fine." I was eager to see Briel but she was asleep. "How's your fifth year?" I asked Ehan. He had been very nervous about changing his major, realizing he would have to do an additional year. I remember helping him weigh his options for weeks, listening and encouraging him. "I had to drop out!" he snapped. I knew I had been at fault for being a distant friend during this time where is twin was slipping through his fingers, but I never suspected that I would receive so much hostility from Ehan. He blamed me for everything. I sat down beside Brie, my fingers traced her face and brushed across her lips. "I asked her to marry me," I announced so suddenly I caught myself off guard. Ehan hissed and I could already hear a storm brewing. Ehan's voice shot through me. "How dare you." His parents' happy surprise competed with each other, jangling into one disjointed noise. "She said no," I continued. "You don't belong here," he said but was careful to keep his voice low, considering his sister. There it was, the source of the hostility. He couldn't possibly blame me for something that was of no control of my own. "She's dying because of you. You broke her heart." He glared at me. "That does not happen," his father interjected. "You need to be more hospitable towards your friend, son." His voice was pure ice. "It's true. Briel knows it, too. It's why she has chosen to give up-" "That's enough, Ehan!" his mother cried. She grabbed her heart as if it were about to burst from the anguish on her face. "Its true," he continued with fire, "she is dying of a broken heart. I don't want him here. He will only worsen-" "Please," Briel's voice said, surprisingly strong. "Ehan, please stop." Her eyes were brilliant; the fire in her brother's eyes was also in her own. She took my hand tightly into her own. "Can I have a moment with Caden?" she asked when the tension in the room finally eased. Her family filed out, Ehan following his parents, his eyes not leaving mine until he had to turn to shut the door. Briel sighed. "We all deal with grief in our own way," she said. I rubbed the back of my neck, feeling guilty if the means of my dealing with grief had cause her to live under such torturous circumstances to the end. "Briel, are you dying of a broken heart?" I took both of her delicate hands into my own. She looked at me with her big brown eyes and nodded. Tears fell down my cheeks. "I am sorry, Briel. I love you." "I can't let you marry me." "Your brother was right. I don't deal well with tragedy. But, Briel, I am here." "It wouldn't be fair to you. You should find a nice girl, marry her." "You don't understand, I don't want any other girl-" The Rekindle "You will." "No, Briel," I said as sincerely as I could. "I won't." She exhaled and stared at the ceiling, looking away from me. "I will make the most of the time we have, Briel. I won't leave your side. I will help you pass, if that is the only gift I can give you." She looked up at me with her eyes glistening with pools. She smiled slightly, "Yes." I remember kissing her head, smelling her lovely hair. As I moved to remove her scarf, she breathed sharply, her hands touching mine to stop me but then she pulled the scarf from her head. I kissed her beautiful head. It would always be a crowned glory despite her missing locks. "You are always beautiful to me, Briel," I whispered into her ear and nibbled kisses on her lobe. I stayed with her, pulled the chair up to her bed from below the frosted window and held her hand through it all. I reminded her that she was loved, that we loved her, her mother, father, brother and I. She squeezed my hand as every vein in her body rose from under her thin skin in anguish. I was there on New Year's Eve as tears spilt from her eyes down the side of her cheek, as though her labored breath was too hot for her lungs. Her breathing grew shallower with each second. Seconds that were moments etched forever in my memory as the love of my life fought for the air to live. New Year's was for new beginnings, new outlooks, new chances. I kissed her damp cheek and she took one more breath. Strong and full. The clock struck midnight. Briel—The Reprise The snow fell outside the frosted windows, faint cheers could be heard in the distance. A chorus of "Happy New Year" rang in the distant. Red and white lights swirled silently, splashing water to the sides of tires as it drove past the house. They briefly lit the room, we held our breaths. And then left it dark the room dark again with the only light coming from the fire in the fireplace. On the television flickered images of thousands of people huddled in the cold thousands of miles away, confetti raining on them and their screaming faces muted. I only glanced for a second at the yearly Times Square broadcast, where the camera zoomed in on a man proposing to his girlfriend while others around them celebrated their own beginnings. I felt lips on my neck, bringing my attention back to the present. Hands tangled together passionately at the nape of my neck, pulling me closer to him. My Caden, who a year ago had mended my heart and brought me back to the world. I kissed his eyelids, praying he would never have to deal with the nightmare of last year again. His fingers tangled into my short curly hair as he continued to kiss me passionately. New Year's will forever have a great meaning to us. My cell phone rang, and I smiled into his eyes. His eyes always looked at me as if I were the last woman on earth and he would travel around the world for me. My brother was ringing me, but he knew better. So I let it ring. Shortly after, a text message popped up. I chuckled lightly and showed it to Caden. His hands felt so good massaging my shoulders. Ehan wrote: Congratulations again and Happy New Year, you two. Caden nodded in agreement, but his eyes were full of lust and passion; he had other ideas on how to celebrate the baby hours of the year and reading text messages from my twin was not what he had in mind. He pushed the phone from my fingers, setting it on the bedside table and covered my body with his strong one. He leaned over me, his tender love raining down on me from chin to neck to ear. "I love you," I spoke through the passion that nearly overwhelmed my voice. "I love you too, Briel. Happy New Year." My husband said as we turned the television off and cuddled deeply into our bed, our honeymoon bed—rekindled. ************************* Happy Holidays! I thought I'd try out something completely different than what I normally write. Thank you PennLady for your feedback and editing. Thank you for reading my story in the Holiday Contest. Please don't forget to vote. Leave a comment or two, anonymous or signed, I will appreciate them the same. Cheers, ~Talyis The Rekindling He lay there gently stroking his half hard cock basking in the warmth of the early summer sun as it shone a leaf dappled pattern on his nude body. A contented sigh broke from his lips as he thought about the last year or so that led up to this pleasant interlude. This favourite secluded spot in the garden hadn't always been there. It was a recent creation in the former almost cookie cutter suburban back yard. Back then he and his wife were leading almost separate existences dashing out the door each morning for the rush to the station hardly even having the time to talk about important things let alone chat about the minor occurrences of daily life. It was on his forty fifth birthday on a cold December day when he opened the gift from his wife that the utter dreariness of their lives hit him like a freight train. "A pair of comfortable slippers! had the excitement gone so far from their lives that a fucking pair of slippers was an acceptable birthday gift from his wife? Things are going to change." He muttered. He decided to call in and take to day off work then changed his mind. He was senior enough not to need to justify taking a day for himself. The suit he was half dressed in was taken off and hung up as he looked for some casual clothes. To his amazement there were none that fit. As he passed the full length mirror he glanced at his naked body and wondered when he had last been nude for no particular reason. To his dismay he couldn't think of a single occasion since he and his brother had gone skinny dipping as teens. There and then he vowed to stay naked the entire day. That would be a great start to the changes that had to happen. He looked harder at his image and wasn't too upset at what he saw. He was in decent shape for forty five, improvements could be made, but not bad. A little chest hair but certainly no rug, it seemed about right. The one thing that really rankled was the lack of tan lines. "Hell how can you have tan lines on a lily white body?" In the past he had liked a nice golden tan and now he determined that the lily white condition had to go. On impulse he picked up the phone book and thumbed through to the tanning salon section, picked one at random and dialed. The appointment was set for one fifteen that afternoon. Too late he realized that he would have to break his vow to stay nude all day but came to the conclusion it was worth it but he could put off dressing until he left the house. Relaxing on the tanning bed he started to list the changes he was going to make. He would get a bike for the trip to the station each day, he would get into better condition , build some muscle, get a nice tan, get more sex than of late. "Hmm now that's the best one yet." he thought. Arriving home with the nice glow that the tanning session gave him he again started thinking of the future. As he got out of the car he looked about the front yard and was dissatisfied that it looked so much like all the others in area and the idea came to him to start a landscape project. That would help get him in shape, start a new hobby and with some work could give him privacy. Through the winter he had a number of tanning sessions where he planned the landscape project with the focus on privacy, by spring he knew just what was to happen to the property and by the end of the summer the yard was no longer a copy of the neighbours. Hedges were in place and trees firmly rooted giving a quiet private area out of sight of anyone. As the summer progressed his wife was starting to notice the changes in him. He was getting the body back again that she fondly remembered, the flabby white tired man that she had shared a house with for too many years had become someone who gave her a little thrill to think about. She started to feel sexy again being around him. It occurred to her one day that she had been seeing him without clothes more and more. "Mmm he's got quite a nice butt," she was surprised to find herself thinking, "and its rather nicely tanned." The thought stayed with her all day and for the first time in many months she found herself getting aroused. It was a delicious feeling that had been missing too long she suddenly realized. This started her to wonder what had been missing in their lives. She was still feeling nicely aroused on the way home and decided to go shopping for some new clothes to suit her mood. Her usual tiredness had gone as she left the station headed toward the shops. She remembered seeing a shop on Main Street that might have something to fit her mood. Wandering through the store picking up items and putting them down she was amazed at how sexy the clothes were. The assistant seemed to notice that she was having trouble selecting anything and came over to help. Quickly the assistant put her at ease saying "Don't worry if he will find your clothes sexy. Get the ones that make you feel good. Men are turned on by women who show they feel sexy." "You have a great body, your boobs are a nice size and pretty firm but you have been covering up way too much, lets see what you look like in these." The drive home from the store went by in a moment as she thought excitedly about the new clothes and how they would impress her husband. It came as a bit of a shock to her how much she wanted to impress him after having thought so little about it for so long. The thought came to her that they hadn't had a good evening meal together at home in many months. The idea really seemed to fit her mood but it was too late for elaborate preparations so she phoned an order into the best Chinese restaurant and retraced her drive to pick it up. She set the table with her best table linen, placed candles and opened some wine then went to upstairs to put on some of the new clothes. She happened to glance out of the bedroom window and saw him working on his garden project. Her mouth opened in surprise as she saw he was naked and seemed very at ease working at clipping and weeding without a stitch on. It was clear that he was so involved in his new hobby that he hadn't come in to get dressed before her arrival. She stood and watched for several minutes and her arousal came flooding back. As she reflected on this she began to feel that it seemed right for a man to be working with nature without the hindrance of clothes. Remembering what the shop assistant had said she decided to put on the clothes she felt sexiest in. First the lacey black bra that was designed to lift and present her breasts, seeming to be almost two sizes smaller than her usual size. "Very daring for a woman my age." she thought. Next came the black stockings that the assistant had said made her legs look so long and shapely followed by the briefest black panties she had ever owned. Nervously she wondered about covering up with a robe and tried on one that had seemed very daring last week only to see it ruined the effect. With a deep breath she ventured down the stairs to place the food, which had been warming, on the table. She opened the door to the back yard and called "Honey, supper is ready." He was clearly alarmed that she was home and he was still naked in the yard. Putting on a brave face he entered the house as if he had no care for his nudity. His composure was shattered at the sight of his wife dressed like he hadn't seen in years. He simply stood, looking. She waited for a reaction still not sure what he would think of her attempts to be sexually attractive to him. Then she saw the true indication of his thoughts, he was rapidly becoming erect and not even attempting to hide it. He said not a word but stepped up to her and pulled her to him, his head tilting to kiss her. His hands dropped behind her and lifted her as his rock hard cock slipped between her thighs. She could feel her wetness soak through the tiny panties in a second. After some minutes he set her back to the ground, held one hand, saying "Come with me." He didn't lead her upstairs as she expected but opened the door to the back yard. They walked hand in hand across the yard she still in her new clothes and he nude till they came to the bench newly part of his garden project. He turned and sat in the bench as she faced him. He pulled aside the panties as she moved forward to straddle his legs. His cock was between them harder and stiffer than either could remember. She kneeled on the bench lowering herself on to him. Her slick wetness and wide open lips drew him in fully in one movement. She uttered a long sigh of contentment and briefly held her position. He groaned "Oh that is so good." She slowly began to rise and drop as she rode his cock. Gradually she sped up as an unbelievable heat of passion rose in her. Soon she was slamming her body at his. Neither was capable of coherent speech, all that could be heard was the moaning of their pleasure and liquid sounds of their sex. Suddenly her breath was held as a deep shudder passed through her body, she was coming. He was still hard and rocked forward so he could still push into her. He knew he couldn't keep this up for long. He would soon come himself but she was at the edge of orgasm again. Still he thrust deep into her rocking faster and faster. She let out a deep deep moan as her pleasure peaked again. Her inner muscles grasped him in a tight ecstasy grip and brought him to his orgasm. His movement stopped as the feeling of his balls release sent him into a daze of satiation. A single word passed his lips "Fuck." said soft and low. She leaned onto him her sweat dampened hair brushing his shoulder as she regained her regular breathing. Still locked they sat quiet for a period. His gradually softening cock slowly retreating from her pussy, the lips still engorged. Their reverie was eventually interrupted by the cramping of her legs obliging them to separate. She turned to sit across his lap as they still held each other in the warm afterglow. Eventually he murmured "Now that's why I have been working here in the yard." "Hmmm," she responded, "I think the food will be cold by now but I really don't give a shit." They slowly walked back to the house again hand in hand not needing to say anything at all. She could feel their combined juices on her thighs and found she liked it as a perfect natural after sensation of their love making. In the house he poured the wine as she served the now cool food as they were content to stayas they were, she in her new clothes and he nude. Later that evening he gently unhooked her bra and slipped off her panties and stockings, holding them to his face saying "Please don't ever use these again unless I ask." "I don't think I'll need them for a long time." she responded. That night brought about a big change in their lives. The love and passion had been rekindled, made more so by her finding that she also enjoyed the openness of nudity making her feel sensuous and prepared for arousal. Their new found sexuality could be expressed in a new relaxed manner. Coming back to the present he lay back, eyes closed, his hand still gently stroking until he felt her fingers softly take his away and he became fully hard in her tender grip.