8 comments/ 15089 views/ 3 favorites The Recovery Plan By: Purple_Raihne Warning; This erotica has a lot of build-up, character development, and is an emotional roller-coaster based loosely on my own life. It contains themes and such that could be triggering to victims of physical and emotional trauma, and the sex is not til the end. Reader discretion advised. Hopefully, the wait is worth the ride. ************************* PROLOGUE "Of all the fucking luck," Lani cursed loudly. Not that anyone could hear her, high up on Grouse Mountain, hiking a small trail. The very unladylike curse was due to the pissing downpour that seemed to spring up from nowhere, and her Jeep was a good 45 minutes back down the hill. She was already drenched, her flannel shirt clinging to her body like a wrinkled second skin. She muttered curses under her breath, as if suddenly shy of being overhead. Then she remembered how alone she was and screamed a loud angry "FUCK!!!" straight up into the sky as she jogged onto a side trail that lead into the think pine wood that covered Grouse, hoping to find some shelter from the flooding showers. As she found a tree to hide under, she had little to do but think. As she pulled an extra shirt out of her pack to try to keep warm, she thought back over her life, trying to figure out where she lost control of everything... *** Eight Months Ago *** Lani was a beautiful honey brown brunette, in very good shape from daily gym visits, a modest five feet three, with a c cup bosom. Sadly she also had a severe type A personality. She found herself with a heart condition at only 26, the result of a hugely OCD work ethic. In her young life, in just the three years since graduated UBC with a Masters in accounting, she had risen through the ranks of her firm to a very high-paying position, peer respect, and a corner office. Until she terrified her secretary and all the girls on her floor by collapsing outside the boardroom after a meeting to land a very lucrative client, in the grip of the youngest aged heart attack her firm had ever seen. An ambulance was called as her boss and her secretary sat with her, both very panicked. As the EMTS arrived, they both rode with her. Her boss, Gerald Briggs, tried his best to stay calm as he called Lani's mother, who was out of province on business. Her secretary, Gina, squeezed Lani's hand as she drifted in and out of consciousness. Gerald and Gina could do little else but wait as Lani was in surgery. They hadn't spoken often, as he usually only dealt with the higher ups on staff in his own department, but Gina knew why he'd come here, or at least she thought she did. He caught her her staring at his wedding band, and broke the tense silence with a laugh. "No Miss Graves," he said suddenly, "I'm not having an affair with her." "Oh Mister Briggs I didn't think-" she stammered. "Yes you did," he smiled. "Everyone does. I suppose it's flattering. It bothers Allana but since she works so damned hard she at least knows no one thinks she only got promoted on her back." "But then," Gina asked, "Why are you here if she's not your Mistress?" "She's become like a daughter to me," he replied quite matter-of-factly. He told Gina about the day Lani and he had become close. It was after a late board meeting. He had never really discussed his loss of eight years ago with his staff, but that night had been the fifth anniversary of the car crash that took his wife and daughter, and as Lani was packing up folders, she turned to bid him goodnight and found herself hugged. Her first instinct was to scream sexual harassment until she heard him crying. She gently pushed him out of the hug and led him to a chair, bringing him water. He composed himself, though he still cried quietly. He apologized to her for his outburst, and explain to her about his loss. He had told her he was depressed that day to begin with, and she reminded him so much of Cheryl, his bright beautiful daughter who was killed at only fifteen. He then said he would understand if she wanted to find other employment after his outburst, but she instead just hugged him and told him about her father. He'd had colon cancer, and died only three days before her graduation from UBC. Over the past three years they had became very close. He transferred her to his partner's department to avoid conflict of interest because he just wanted to spoil her. Because of this, everyone knew her promotions were earned. Besides, no one doubted it anyway, no one else busted their ass like Lani did. And all that ass-busting soon had her laying on a hospital bed with a stitched up incision on her chest, barely able to move, with her substitute father figure trembling at the foot of her bed. Gina stayed long enough to see that she was okay and left to fill in her co-workers, who by now had filled up the waiting room in concern. Gerald sat quietly, tears in his eyes. He squeezed Lani's hand gently, not moving from her side. After an hour he felt her fingers weakly squeeze back, and he looked up. Her eyes were open, just barely, and she tried to move but couldn't. "You're in the hospital Allana," he said calmly, though his eyes were still wet. "A private room at St. Paul's. You had a heart attack. The surgeon said your coronary artery temporarily contracted and went into a severe spasm, mostly likely due to the horrible overstressing of your heart. They operated and conducted a bypass. The surgeon said that artery is too damaged, they had to bypass it.... at 26 you just had a goddamn bypass to save your life..." He broke down then, crying, seated at the foot of her bed. She wanted to hug him, feeling guilty that the man who'd filled the emptiness her father's death left, sat weeping because of her. But as weak as she was, all she could do was watch him cry. "I can't Allana," He choked out. "I can't. Not again. I let you in, I love you like I fathered you myself. I can't go through that pain again." "I'm... sorry," she whispered hoarsely, her throat dry from the morphine. He fed her a few ice chips, tenderly, with fatherly concern. "I know you are," he said, composing himself. "But you're so driven. I've warned you, the company physician has warned you. Your mother has warned you. Even your staff has tried to warn you. I mean my god Allana! A healthy twenty-six year old woman should not EVER be having a bypass operation. You were this close to being a corpse!" Lani just nodded and cried. She knew she overworked herself. Filling her life with work dulled the ache. It kept her from dwelling on her first great hurt. She'd only fallen in love once, in high school. With the captainess of the cheerleading squad. Or so she thought. After months of build-up, stolen kisses in equipment closets and library rows, hings went to hell at prom, as pictures of her kissing a girl were plastered on the gym wall in a slide show, which the chaperones didn't get turned off near fast enough. The girl and her boyfriend were expelled in grad year for perpetuating such a stunt didn't ease the ache. So like all hurt teenagers with a broken heart, Lani had sworn to never love again. Well, that was the official story anyway. Eight years later she'd succeeded in keeping that promise, and her method of doing so had nearly killed her. Mister Briggs squeezed her hand. "Allana," he said sternly, "at the company physician's express medical order, seconded by the surgeon who cut you open, and agreed upon by every single person in my employ, I'm putting you on one year of paid medical leave. You are not to set foot in the office until next March. You're going to learn how to relax, maybe even catch your breath every so often. I want you going to cozy relaxing restaurants. You're to go the movies AT LEAST twice per month. You will eat no less than one tub of ice cream every weekend watching no less than 4 hours of mindless TV." She tried to lift her head to protest, but he stopped her, just as her mother arrived. Betty Lenton was irritated to say the least, and very afraid of what she almost lost. The still-attractive 45 year old blond greeted her beau with a hug, having been dating Gerald for little under a year. Then she took the chair beside Lani's head, opposite Gerald. She squeezed Lani's hand, just as the combination of exhaustion and pain medication put Lani back into unconsciousness. "How long?" she asked Gerald, trying but failing to hide the anger and sadness in her voice. "Nine and a half hours," he replied. "God Betty, Doctor Morrow said she had the heart of a 55 year old Wall Street stockbroker." Betty sat by her daughter's side, stroking her hair. She hadn't yet actually looked at Gerald despite the hug, and when she did she saw the legal notice in Gerald's hand and snatched it. "Oh dear Gerald," she protested, reading quickly. "You KNOW she'll fight this dear. She's so type A, she needs to have at least a little work or she'll go crazy. Can't you just give her severely limited workloads?" He sighed. "I suppose I can love," he replied, reaching over to squeeze her hand. "I just don't want her in the office, she'll never attend her doctor ordered counselling and work will keep sucking her back in. I'd have to fire her, and then you might stop dating me." Betty kissed him, and looked back down at Lani, who had introduced him over dinner the night after their good cry in the office over lost family. "Never going to happen Gerald," Betty said assuredly. "You're the best thing to happen to both of us in four years. You've beautifully filled a deep empty space both of us had after Micheal died, and I know we've done the same for you. I'm forever grateful she decided to bring you to dinner that night, but right now she has to come first. What can we do to get her to slow her life down a little? I can't bear the thought of losing her." Gerald squeezed Betty's hand again and looked at his future stepdaughter. His mind raced, searching for possibilities. Then his mind flashed back to the day before, at the meeting just before Lani collapsed, and the lucrative client Lani helped nail down for the firm. The client, a shy young woman who was filthy rich after a successful lawsuit, had been looking at Lani intently throughout the meeting, and seemed to show genuine concern when Lani fell. In fact the woman had knelt at her side until the paramedics arrived, holding Lani's hand and offering words of encouragement. "I'll let her handle the Sobreviviente account," he said. "Melanie is a low maintenance client. She's a very nice young lady, quiet and soft-spoken. She's not at all demanding, and won't require Lani to work too hard, but she's important enough a client that Lani's need to work should be satisfied. At least enough that she has time and the willingness to go to her counseling, and do lots of relaxing things. I think they'd work well together. Melanie asked about her today at the office before I left to come here." Betty scrunched her face a moment. "You don't mean the frail doe-eyed blond girl who acts like all her money is a curse, do you?" she asked. "Yes," He said. "She's a very sweet person. Lani might even come to be friends with her. Why do you know her?" Betty sighed. "Yes," she replied. "We met last week over lunch when Lani was talking to her about how your firm would keep her money well-managed. She spent most of the lunch nodding, with her head down. She acted as if afraid of randomly being hit, and kept looking at Lani with a look that..." She trailed off into silence for a minute, pondering. Then she smiled, just a little, creasing the corner of her mouth, and looked back at Gerald. "Do you remember what I told you about her senior year Gerry?" she asked. He nodded in reply. "Well, to this day I'm sure she still thinks Micheal and I were clueless about the whole thing, but we knew. I loved the bright shining glow of happiness on her face that year, even though she hid it from me. When the truth came out I wanted her to confide in me but she just shut down. I asked her why she had originally tried to hand off Melanie's account to someone else last month. For a moment, her face got that glow back, then she shut down again and just said she had too much else to busy herself with." "She refused that account?" he blinked incredulously."She told me she just didn't have room in her caseload, so I moved the Masterson account to Grable because I needed Lani. I had to have my best working this account." He paused there, looking at Lani, and Betty could see the light bulb going off over his head. "It does make sense," he said. "I did think Lani was abnormally professional even for her, always with quick curt handshakes and focusing more on the sales pitch than on the client. Like she was trying NOT to make eye contact. Well all the more reason I think. If she's assigned to an attractive client she may have a certain fondness for..." "I know Lani too well," Betty mumbled in semi-agreement. "It'll force her to be extra professional, and since she won't have any other assignments to throw herself into, she'll throw herself into counseling and recovery instead. If only to be able to come back to work and hand Melanie off. Mostly to keep her mind off of that glow." Betty didn't like the idea of Gerald using what seemed to be such a nice girl that way, and doubted the professional ethics of it, but they both agreed it was the easiest way to counter Lani's OCD work ethic. They each kissed Lani's sleeping cheek and went home, praying Lani would get through this. In the morning, Gerald placed a call. *** Seven Months Ago *** Lani was sitting upright in her bed eating lunch while Gina helped pack up her belongings. Gina had been house-sitting while Lani was indisposed. Truthfully Gina too saw Lani as family, like the older sister she'd always wanted as an only child. She just never said so. As for Lani, she was itchy and impatient and trying not to scratch the scar left by the surgery. The doctor had told her she would finally be released tomorrow, barring further 'incidents'. Her hospital stay had needed to be extended because Lani overstressed herself trying to force a quicker recovery and had pulled a few crucial internal stitches trying to excersize. It reached the point where he wheeled her to the morgue. He showed her victims of fatal cardiac arrest, and all but promised her she'd end up there very soon if she didn't take her recovery seriously. Melanie arrived, dressed in a casual business skirt suit with no tie, and sat politely by Melanie's bed, smiling at Gina and waving. "Hello G," she said cheerfully. She and Gina had spent the last two weeks preparing for Lani's release and got along rather well. Gina turned and returned the greeting warmly. Lani meanwhile just grunted and waved and avoided eye contact. "I um... I bet you're anxious," Melanie said softly. "Anxious," she replied, "is a dramatic understatement Ms. Sobreviviente. I'm outright bloody restless." Melanie frowned. "I told you already," she said. "Melanie is just fine." "It seems unprofessional to call you Melanie," she protested. "So deal with it," Gina chimed in. "For the next eleven months, she's your responsibility. Mister Briggs and your mother have kept her up to speed." "And," Melanie interjected, "I'm as worried about your health as anyone. My money manages itself almost Lani. I barely spend any except on necessities. I plan to help you get healthy. So tomorrow I'm picking you up and I'm taking you to lunch on Granville Island. The stone slab grills there are heavenly." "Lunch?" Lani slumped. "I'm an accountant, why do we need to go to lunch now? Can I at least go home first to shower properly and dress?" Melanie nodded. "Yes you may," she said sternly. She stood up and shook Lani's hand softly. Lani felt a little jolt go running up her spine, but no one noticed, she hid it so well. After Melanie left, Lani sniffed her palm and sighed. The scent of natural lilac, her favorite. She almost wondered if someone had told Melanie this. She cursed her mother and her boss for doing this to her. She honestly had no clue how she was going to remain professional dealing with the first woman she'd felt anything for since high school. "Normally being attracted to a client would be frowned upon," Gina said, not even looking up. "But in your case I don't think anyone will mind." "what did you say?" Lani stammered. "You heard me," Gina retorted, turning around sharply with a scolding look. "I've known you three years. I've been at your side from co-worker to manager to junior vice president. You're my best friend and I know you too well." Lani sighed, wringing her hands. "Momma said the same thing," she sighed defeatedly, not feeling like an argument. "Do I have lesbian tattooed on my forehead and no one's bothered to tell me?" "Nope," Gina said. "I don't care for labels like that anyway. Besides, you're so desert dry you don't really qualify as ANY-sexual. What do you think made your little glow so easy to spot? And why are you acting like your dog died?" "Love isn't worth the risks," Lani said, still staring at her hands. "Sex is a vibrator away. And clients are off-limits anyway. I do like to retain at least an air of professionalism." "Bullshit," Gina said bluntly. "You're scared to let your walls down." Lani looked up at her angrily. "I should fire you," she fumed. "But you won't," Gina said smiling. "You love me to bits and besides, you need me." "Demote you then," Lani snirked. "Hardly," Gina said, hugging her. "It won't happen G," Lani said, hugging back. "Why not L?" Gina asked. "Because I won't let it," Lani said very matter of factly. "She's my client, end of story." Gina got up and walked toward the door. With a smile she turned back to Lani. "If you say so." With that she left the room, and all Lani could do was sniff her hand once more. "Lilacs....." she sighed wistfully, and went to sleep. *** Six Months Ago *** Lani sat at the quiet corner table at the Keg, growing impatient and nervous when Melanie arrived. So far everything had gone well. She'd been able to ignore the observations of Gina and her mother, and stick strictly to business. So she wasn't prepared to lose all the breath in her lungs at the sight of the black velvet cocktail dress suddenly standing in front of her, low cut and exposing just the right amount of cleavage, below a beautiful soft nape, adorned with a heart pendant choker. "Wow..." Lani muttered, unaware it was said out loud, and hurriedly buried her nose back in the menu as Melanie sat down. "Thank you," Melanie said shyly. "G helped me choose it. I wanted to look nice today." Lani frowned and made a mental note to find G and murder her in her sleep, but very quickly shrugged off her irritation. "Why? It's just another meeting." Melanie smiled shyly. "Not really," she said. "You've managed my money, sorted out my tax obligations, helped me invest some money wisely, and pretty much have everything running automatically. We don't have any business TO discuss." "Then.... why ARE we here?" Lani asked, acting puzzled but suspecting the reason, given how her therapist kept stressing the need to just cut loose and enjoy a lunch out with a friend or such. "Lani," Melanie began, "Your boss, your mother, your secretary, they all care very deeply about you. I think the whole firm does. You're in charge of managing my estate and I've come to trust you. I'd like to get to know you better and I KNOW you're on orders to relax and learn to have fun, so I wanted to just talk to you, over lunch." Lani thought about getting up to leave, but decided against it. She HAD been obeying Doctor's orders to avoid her old work levels, and she knew that Mom and Mister Briggs and G would all have a cow if she didn't at least attempt to show Melanie some simple friendly civility. So she decided one lunch couldn't hurt. The Recovery Plan "Alright," she said. "What should we talk about?" "Anything you like," Melanie said, easing slowly out of her shyness. Lani pondered that very open door, and for reasons she couldn't quite explain, stepped through it. "Where did the money come from?" she asked. Melanie stiffened. "I won a lawsuit," she replied quietly. "Well I know that, but what was it about?" Lani asked. "It was..." Melanie began, trying to organize the words in her brain into a satisfactory speaking order. "It was a suit against a Young Offender Detention centre in Ontario. It involved guards putting someone in harm's way because of personal bigotries, and someone being hurt very badly because of it." "I don't quite follow," Lani said curiously. "If YOU won the lawsuit and it was you who got the money, wouldn't that intone that you were the victim?" "I was," Melanie said, visible pain of a memory dancing angrily behind her eyes. "If you don't mind, can you ask about something else?" "Alright," Melanie said. "Just tell me about yourself in general then." "Well," she began, "I'm 22 years old. I'm single. I live in Yaletown with my chihuahua and my 3 cats. I like Sci-Fi and vampire movies and watching CSI." The waitress came by to top up their coffees and take their orders, and after she left, they both reached for the sugar at once. When their fingers touched, both of them shivered visibly, and the touch lingered for a moment before Lani abruptly yanked her hand back. "I'm sorry," she stammered. "You go first, please." Melanie tried to hide the hurt look on her face and added the sugar to her coffee, then placed the dispenser in front of Lani and stirred her coffee while staring out the window. "You're the reason I signed on with your firm you know." Lani nearly choked on her coffee. "Excuse me?" She said in near shock. "Well," Melanie began, "I'm not sure why but I feel.... something. From the first moment our eyes met, I just felt this overwhelming need to stay near you. I took a month to decide because I wanted to be sure it wasn't just my lonely imagination. Then you had your heart attack, and shame on you for ordering chili fries, but seeing you lying there something inside me.... I don't know... it constricted." Melanie paused to take a breath. Lani just listened, dumbfounded. "I couldn't breathe," Melanie continued. "The thought of losing you made my head swim. So when Mister Briggs offered me this chance to help your recovery I jumped at it. I can't stand the idea of losing the first real friend I thought I could have. But you've been so distant with me, I feared you just didn't like me." "Friend?" Lani thought to herself, but said nothing. Melanie continued. "But I've gotten pretty close to G in the last 6 weeks, and she calls me her friend. So I confided in her how I feel about you and how afraid of you disliking me I am. That's when she told me." Lani gulped. "T-Told you w-what?" she stuttered. "That you want to be friends too," Melanie replied, "but you don't want to be unprofessional. You're afraid of violating professional boundaries if you get close to a client." Lani breathed a very visible sigh of relief. At least G knew how to keep certain things to herself. "Well," she said with relief, "a good investment accountant doesn't mix personal with professional. I thought it best to stay detached." "Well cut it out," Melanie countered. "Your boss says it's perfectly fine. And I need a few friends. I've been so lonely these last 3 years. My family abandoned me before the lawsuit cleared, I never really had friends, and most people now are only interested in my money. Please Lani, just pull back the guard dogs a little bit and let's see if we get along?" Lani looked at Melanie, really looked at her, for the first time not trying to keep her gaze away. She looked into those beautiful pools of hazel and her heart melted. She'd known instantly she was in love the first time they met, but love only brings pain, and she wanted no part of it. Now Melanie's innocent declaration of friendship gave her an out, a chance to be close without crossing that line. Maybe with them her silly crush would fade into feelings of sisterhood. She decided to take the escape she was offered. She could think of far worse things than a sweet girl's friendship. "Okay," Lani said smiling, playing along with Gina's little white lie. "If Mister Briggs says it's okay I'll agree to being such a brick. You seem like a pretty cool chickie. I think friends is a doable thing." They chatted more openly and freely now, over their lunch. Melanie insisted Lani call her Mel, and again scolded her about the chili fries. They told each other a few jokes and were laughing like old friends pretty quickly. Lani felt much more at ease knowing she could just ignore her romantic inclinations. For all she knew Mel was straight anyway, so why ruin things opening her mouth when she didn't need to. Mel's thoughts weren't a fair shake different than Lani's. While joking and laughing on the outide, inside she was sadly grateful Lani had believed her. Gina hadn't told her what she told Lani Gina had said. She told her very bluntly about Lani's crush. Mel couldn't have that. She was happy just to be close to Lani. Lani didn't ever need to know Mel was madly in love with her. There was no way it could work. Not with her secret. Mel knew if Lani really knew everything about her, she'd want nothing more to do with her ever. The very thought twinged Mel's heart painfully. This was for the best. At least now she could be close to Lani, and maybe with time her silly crush could evolve into feelings of sisterhood. They both let one wall down that day, but as they both had the same misguided idea about hoping friendship would dilute their longings, they'd merely succeeded in replacing old walls with new ones. Sadly it was what they were both best at. *** Five Months Ago *** Mel was elated. She'd never really known what it was like to have a good family, to do family things. It made her heart feel afloat when she was invited to the wedding. Mister Briggs and Betty had just kissed following the vows, and Mel felt so happy as the guests began cheering. She applauded loudly, a broad smile on her petite face, and watched as the happy couple ran the gauntlet of birdseed to get to their car. She rode with Gina to the reception. Mel nervously felt her elation drop a little noticing how uncharacteristically quiet Gina was. Gina never ever stopped talking, so the silence was crushing her. The tension was like a London fog; thick and smothering. Mel showed uncharacteristic behavior of her own, finding the nerve to ask about it. "G?" she asked. "Is something bothering you?" Gina didn't answer, focusing on her driving. Mel felt like she'd need an icepick to chip the cold off of her shoulder. "It was a beautiful wedding," Mel said sighing. "Yeah it was," Gina finally replied. "So why aren't you happy for the new couple?" Mel asked. Gina made a sound almost like a growl, and pulled into a McDonald's parking lot. She sat in silence for a moment, composing her thoughts, then turned to Mel angrily. "Oh I'm happy for THEM," the demure Hispanic beauty said sternly, her racial heritage never more clear than when she was angry and had to consciously fight to avoid cursing in Spanish. "I'm VERY happy for THEM," she continued. "It's YOU I'm furious with! ¡Mi mujer de dios!" "G I don't speak Spanish," Mel whimpered meekly. "I said 'My God woman!' to you," Gina explained. "Why are you and Lani still at lunches and window-shopping like best galpals? I was expecting motel visits by now!" Melanie's jaw dropped. "What are you talking ab-" Gina interrupted her angrily. "Ay mami, don't play stupid with me girl," Gina sniped, in full Angry Spanish Bitch mode now. "You KNOW why I told you about Lani's feelings for you. Why haven't you done anything about it? What is this "Just friends" bullshit she's telling me about?" "Um, Gina I'm straight," Mel stammered, lying through her teeth wanting this conversation to end. Gina wasn't buying it. "Try again." Mel began to turn beet red. "Okay I just don't feel that way about her," she said weakly. Gina stared a hole right through her. "Still no sale Mami." Mel looked at Gina's eyes, full of fire and anger and..... concern? Affection? She wasn't sure, but the angry part scared her, and she WAS sure of that. She tried to get out of the car. "I'll catch a bus to the Elk's Hall," she said, and pulled the door latch, only to find Gina had locked her in. "I'm not stupid Melanie," Gina said. "I see that wistful puppy look you both give each other. I know why SHE's being a stupid puta about this but I don't understand what's stopping you." "And you don't need to," Mel snapped back angrily. "What gives you the bloody right to third degree me like this?" "Because you're both my friends," Gina snapped back, "and because you're both miserable acting super happy and nobody is buying it but you two. We all see how much you two want each other, you're the only ones who think you've fooled anyone. I'm tired of watching my two best friends walk around like open wounds, I want to know what's stopping you from kissing her until her stupid resolve breaks and she's forced to let High School go already." Mel was crying now, looking at the dashboard. "It's none of your business," Mel said weakly. "I'm making it my business because I love you Mami," Gina said, trying to reel in her temper and speak softly. "You've become a very good friend and I don't want to see two wonderful women go on being so unhappy when the key to happiness is right in their faces." "Just let it go," Mel said, a little more defiantly. Gina pressed. "Not a chance," she said. "You can trust me, just tell me so I can help you fix whatever it is!" Tears were flooding now as Melanie turned and screamed at Gina. "IT CAN"T BE FUCKING FIXED!!!" she shouted, loud enough to get looks from cars in the drivethru. Gina winced, something very rare for the proud woman, legitimately surprised at such fury from such a meek mousy girl. "Nothing is unfixable Melanie," Gina said, putting a hand on Mel's shoulder. Mel flinched but didn't move. "Really?" she said sarcastically. "So you can make my blood disorder go away so I can have surgery without bleeding to death? You can make it so I can get my birth defect fixed safely? You can make me a normal person Lani could love instead of the fucking freak I am?" "What are you talking about?" Gina asked in confusion. "Lani's not shallow, she's not going to reject you because of a birth defect." "Yes she would," she said sadly. "Everyone does when they find out. If I'm LUCKY. If I'm not lucky they beat the shit out of me, THEN they leave." Gina was determined, refusing to back off. "What are you talking about?" she asked insistantly. Mel couldn't find the words. She took Gina's hand. "This..." was all she said before she put it inside her skirt. Wanting to understand, Gina allowed it, but when she felt it her eyes grew wide and she yanked her hand away reflexively. "Oh my god," Gina gasped, in shock. "You're a..." "The clinical term is intersexed," Mel said coldly, cheeks puffy from crying. "Now you know. And now I'm leaving. Give Mister & Mrs. Briggs my apologies. I'm going home." Mel reached over Gina and unlocked the doors. Gina wanted to stop her and say something reassuring but she was too stunned to move. She could only watch as Mel got out of the car and walked to the Skytrain station behind the McDonald's. Gina composed herself after a few minutes, and drove to the Elk's Hall for the reception. Her heart broke at Lani's great disappointment that Mel had ditched the party. It was all she could do to appear calm and collected as she quietly asked Gerald and Betty to follow her to a private room. "Things have hit a snag," she told them. Gerald looked at her puzzled. Betty just sighed. "Lani's being stubborn?" she asked Gina. "Always," Gina said with a forced chuckle, "but that's not the problem. I told Melanie how we all know Lani feels, and waited for the fireworks. My three brothers are gay, I know rainbow when I see it. So when they were still just friends, coming separately to your wedding, I pried. I stopped at a parking lot on Broadway and I asked her. I wouldn't buy her excuses and I pushed, and I found out." "Found out what?" Gerald asked with concern in his voice. "Betty," Gina asked, "How open-minded is Lani? I mean really? How much can she overlook?" "I'd like to think I raised her to accept everyone regardless of differences? Why?" Gina took a deep breath. "Do you think she can overlook the woman she loves having a dick?" Gina asked in her ever-so-blunt style. Betty and Gerald's jaws dropped simultaneously. "My best account is a man in drag?" Gerald said, which immediately resulted in Betty punching his arm. "Sorry dear," he said with a slight smile. "No," Gina said. "She said intersexed. I googled it on my cel on the way here. It means hermaphrodite. It means she's both." "Oh my..." Betty said, sitting down to think. "That explains so much actually. The crippling shyness, the dislike of the attention her money brings her, why she refuses to discuss the details of the lawsuit." "So what are we going to do about it?" Gina asked. "She was pretty upset when she left my car." "Well," Gerald said, "You're not exactly known for your light touch Chica." Gina and Betty both frowned at him, then couldn't help but laugh. The laughter faded quickly though, and they were stymied. "Should we even tell Lani?" Gerald pondered. "I mean, it would be an awfully huge invasion of privacy I think." "I know deep in my heart Lani loves her," Betty said. "I have no doubts. But if this got sprung on her BY Melanie she might react out of surprise and give Melanie the wrong impression. Maybe it'd be best to warn her in advance?" "No dice," Gina said. "Lani still tries to act like we're all wrong, she might use this as a further excuse to just stay friends with Mel and avoid EVER having to come out of her shell." "Nice to know you all think so little of me," a cold voice said from the doorway. The three all gasped and turned to see Lani standing at the door, arms crossed. She was fuming. "How long you been standing there Mami?" Gina asked nervously. "Long enough," Lani replied icily. "What the fuck is wrong with you people? Manipulating two people because of what YOU think is best for us? What's your bloody rush? Maybe I was beginning to soften, you don't know! Maybe as Mel and I got to know each other I was privately beginning to let go of the past and open up to her. MAYBE I was even considering asking her on an actual date. And maybe, just maybe, I feel so strongly about her she could've had a third eye and I wouldn't have balked." The three conspirators lowered their heads, ashamed. "Never once occured to any of you," Lani continued, "to just trust me to know what I want? No, you have to have your stupid timetable, trying to save me from myself by dangling pussy in front of my face. I'm horrified at all three of you. Was it so hard to accept that maybe Mel and I taking our time getting to know each other was a good thing? I don't understand why you're all so damned eagar to have us in bed like rabbits in record time. Is it so awful to want things to blossom at their own pace?" "Lani, we, I mean, you see I," Betty stammered. Lani cut her off. "Shut up Mom," she said brusquely. "You know why I never cried on your shoulder in high school over Monica? Because of this. Because you're a meddler. You always have been. If I'd talked to you about how everything with Monica hurt me, you'd suddenly have found excuses to start inviting classmates over hoping one of them might be a lesbian too. And in college you did. Always trying to get me involved with fundraisers for queer organizations, hoping I'd meet someone. You were never content to just wait until I was ready, however long it took. I'm only 26 mom, is there some life or death reason I have to be muffdiving at the earliest possible convenience? I'm not dying, my heart is recovering very nicely. I've slowed down, I've tried to learn to relax. I go to my therapy every week. I'm doing okay. So please, one of you tell me, what's your goddamn rush?" The three just stood there, dumbfounded, amazed that Lani was standing up to them, having always seen her as compliant and unassuming. Gerald worked up the nerve to speak first, forgetting he was her boss, acting and feeling more the cuckolded father, dressed down by his daughter for meddling in her love life. "Sweetie," he said quietly, "we just wanted you to be happy. We were afraid if you hadn't hooked up with her before your year off was up, you'd just shut out all future possibilities and bury yourself in your work again." "I WAS happy," Lani said coldly. "Now I have to go do damage control. You three couldn't leave well enough alone, and now instead of earning HER trust as I slowly deconstructed my own walls and her and I becoming a couple in our own time, you may have just destroyed the best thing that ever happened to me because none of you could trust me to know what I was doing on my own. Thank you ever so much." They all stared in silence. Gina especially wanted to protest but she knew she had pushed most of all. Betty just slumped in her seat, knowing she couldn't say a word, because Lani was spot on about everything. Gerald just stood there, remembering something painful, but saying nothing. Lani left without another word. After a few minutes the newlyweds put on their game faces and returned to their guests. Gina just sat alone quietly, crying and beating herself up for making such a mess of things. *** Four Months Ago *** Lani and Gina sat at a quiet table in darkness at DV8. It was Lani's favorite restaurant. Today would've been six months since the first day she and Mel had met, and she had planned to officially ask Mel on a real date over lunch here. With that plan in ruins thanks to the well-meaning but still infuriating interference of her little patchwork family, Lani had spent much of the last month just trying to get ahold of Mel to talk. Mel had withdrawn completely. She stayed with the firm, but sent instructions to have another department manage her account as Lani had arranged it without changes. She changed her phone number. She stopped leaving her apartment, having anything she needed delivered to her. She had ignored literally hours of pleading knocks on her door from all four of them. Gerald and Betty had tried once to talk to her. Gina tried several times a week, shouting apologies through the door until a police officer politely escorted her off the premises, telling her not to return. Lani had tried a few times a week to get her to answer the door. None of it worked. As a last ditched effort, Lani had yesterday slipped a letter under Mel's door. It read that she was quitting the firm because of her boss interfering in her personal life, a little white lie to give her an in, and asking if Mel would at least be courteous enough to meet with her and another staff member to make certain her money would continue to be handled as she wished. She left a phone number for confirmation and the address and time to meet at. Mel had called that evening, only long enough to confirm she would attend. Gina hadn't said much beyond hello to Lani since they sat down. Lani hadn't contacted her since the wedding, and Gina was actually very surprised to receive an invitation to lunch. Yet it had been very awkward thus far. They hadn't even managed small talk. Lani seemed very cold and clinical to Gina right then, and Gina, still ashamed of what her meddling had done, just drank her Coke and said nothing. The Recovery Plan Melanie entered DV8 15 minutes after Lani and Gina had sat down. A young college guy saw her coming in, and having already knocked back a few beers decided to say hello. She rebuffed him as politely as possible and pushed past him as he made drunken catcalls. She found her way to Lani's table, and in spite of her suspicions about why Gina would be there, she sat down anyway. "You look good," Gina said. Mel scrunched her nose in cold disapproval. Gina pressed on. "Look miha, I've tried to apologize so many times that you had to call the cops on me. I don't know any other way to prove to you how sorry I am! I thought I was helping, I swear. PLEASE just talk to me again? I miss shopping with my little sister girl." "Is this why I'm really here?" Mel asked coldly. "To hear you apologize while you condescend to me and act like I'm normal?" "Stop that," Lani said sharply, speaking for the first time since she sat down. "There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. And I let Gina tag along to apologize yes but no that isn't why we're here." "You told her?" Mel asked. "No," Gina said quietly. "She overheard me telling Mr. Briggs and her mom about a possible snag in our grand plans to fix you two up for Lani's health. She read us the riot act." Melanie looked quietly at Lani, who said nothing, waiting to see what Mel would do. "She chewed you out," Mel said to Gina, still looking at Lani. "What specifically for?" "For one," Gina began, "plotting behind her back. For meddling and not letting you two go at your own pace on your own terms. For upsetting you selfishly for nothing, and for assuming your cock would dissuade her from being into you, which she took as an assumption she was closed minded." Melanie shot Gina a look that could freeze lava, and Lani punched her in the shoulder. "Nice G," she spat. "Tell the whole restaurant, embarass her more. Way to help the conversation along." "Sorry..." Gina said, slumping in her seat, silencing herself with her calamari. Lani turned back to Mel and took her hand gently. She stroked Mel's palm gently with her thumbs, and in spite of her best effort to hide it, the shiver was noticable. Mel didn't try to pull her hand away. "So I guess," Lani began, "that you thought as little of me as they all did? You thought a birth defect would get in the way?" Melanie nodded. "Look," Lani continued, "I know I held onto my high school baggage too long. The truth is I fell for you the minute I laid eyes on you. But I was scared. I was afraid if I opened up again I'd get hurt. I needed time to work up to it. Time I had assumed we would spend getting to know each other. Today was going to be the day I either asked you on a real date, or resigned myself to my repression. I didn't know the vultures who love me had a damned timetable." "But I," Mel started, but Lani shushed her. "Please just listen? "Mel nodded. "I don't care how you're built. I like spending time with you. I enjoy being close to you. And I wanted to keep opening up to you. Then Miss Mouth here had to go and push and pry and piss you off, and everything was derailed. I can understand your anger with G, but you didn't have to avoid me for a month." Melanie looked at her, eyes watering, wanting to give in but hesitant. "I..." she started nervously, struggling to find the words. "It isn't just.... my birth defect. It's.... a lot of things. I mean, I doubt my feelings for you are any secret, but there are so many other factors. I mean, you'd be subjecting yourself to lots of abuse by just being with me." "I don't care," Lani said. Melanie nodded quietly. "Let me go have a smoke break," Melanie said. "I need to think about all this. I'm scared too you know. Everyone who ever found out has been less than friendly to me. I've been hiding too long to just take you at your word no matter what I feel. But... I AM willing to at least talk. I'll be back in 5 minutes." None of them had noticed the drunk college boy walking past them on his way to the bathroom, right as Gina had stuck her foot in her mouth. Nor had they noticed him and his buddies now watching them with icy glares. They followed Melanie out after a moment. She was leaning on the wall, trembling. She was trying to work up the nerve to go back in. She didn't even smoke. She'd just needed to breathe, feeling overwhelmed. She wanted to believe it. She desperately wanted to believe Lani could really love her as is, without hesitation, but her history convinced her it could never be so. She just couldn't let herself accept it was possible, that Lani wouldn't recoil upon seeing her. If she hadn't been so lost in self-doubt, she may have seen the fist coming. The drunk college boy and her friends had suddenly surrounded her, and she could only hold her face in shock, her jaw stinging from the punch. "Nice night eh faggot?" the drunk college boy sneered. Then he and his friends all started to pummel her. She was screaming as feet and fists impacted flesh, the thuds and smacking sounds ringing in her ears, her body on fire with pain, and all the while the drunks kept screaming at her, calling her names, acting as if she had no right to be herself, and they had every right to punish her for trying. Melanie's screams drew out some of the staff and customers. One waitress called 911 while the other ran back in for help. She soon came back out with some guys and a couple of the cooks, who jumped into the fray to restrain the drunk college boy and his friends. Gina and Lani came out to see what was going on, and they saw a bunch of people struggling. Gina asked the waitress with the celphone what was going on. She didn't notice Lani bolt between flailing bodies. It was only when the police arrived and started to shove the drunkards into the paddy wagon with the help of customers and staff while the waitress told them what she had seen that Gina noticed Lani had run off, and she looked to the pavement and saw Lani sobbing, cradling..... meat? No, not meat, it had clothing on. A person? That's when Gina realized what had happened, and ran to Lani's side, overwhelmed with guilt, knowing this was her fault. She felt it in the pit of her stomach, it had been because of her big mouth. No one would've known about Mel to BE homophobic about if she'd kept her mouth shut. Gina slumped and rubbed Lani's back, as Lani held the bloody pulp that had been Melanie. She was covered in Mel's blood now and didn't care. The Paramedics had to coax her into letting Mel go so they could get her on the stretcher. Lani insisted on riding with her. Gina could only pull herself together long enough to call Lani's mother to tell her what had just happened. Then she paid the bill, thanked the staff and other customers for helping, and drove quietly home, certain she'd already done more than enough damage. Lani was in the waiting room when Gerald and Betty arrived. Betty squeezed her daughter's hand. "There's.... nothing yet" Lani said, trembling. "No word. She's still in surgery, and it's not going well. She has this blood disorder you see. It makes her bleed a lot when she's cut too deeply. She'd already lost so much blood." Lani had to choke back a sob. "Yes sweetie I remember," Betty said. "At least they were all arrested." "So much blood..." Lani mumbled. Betty cuddled Lani while Gerald squeezed her hand. She was numb, in shock. The sight of Mel was burned into her brain now, face so swollen it looked like a bloody pumpkin. She could hear some of Mel's bones grinding loosely as she had held her. She was finding it hard to focus enough to remember Mel's face uninjured. The doctor approached them after three more hours. He recognized Lani right away. "How's the heart Ms. Lenton?" she asked. "Broken..." Lani mumbled, not looking up. Gerald took over. "She's been following orders," he said. "Her physical recovery has gone swimmingly. We may have impeded her emotional recovery, but right now we want to know about Ms. Sobreviviente. Is she going to recover? How badly did those assholes hurt her?" "He took a pretty bad beating," the doctor began, "And he required a lot of blood to counter how quickly he was losing it on the table, but he'll live. There may be som-" "SHE," Lani said loud and cold. "Melanie is a SHE. I will thank you to respect that." The Doctor looked at her unaffected. "His birth certificate says male. I'm not paid to humor crossdressing fantasies. The bottom line is that your boyfriend will live." Lani was up like a shot, slapping him so hard it knocked him on his ass. "Put another Doctor on her," Lani said coldly. "One WITHOUT his head up his ass. Do it now or I WILL sue you into oblivion for the disrespectful behavior you just displayed. You're a fucking doctor, and you can't respect gender?" The Doctor just glared up at her, rubbing his cheek. "Whatever you say Miss Lenton," he said. Then he stood up and left. After another half hour the doctor who seconded him in surgery approached then, having been assigned to Melanie's primary care and brought up to speed. "You know," Doctor Marie smiled, "You're lucky he already has a lawsuit pending, or he could have justifiably called security and had you charged." "I don't care," Lani said. "He was being an asshole." Betty and Gerald agreed. "Oh I know," Doctor Marie said. "He's notorious for that. He's old school. He's being sued for 'fixing' an intersexed child born here last year against it's parents' express wishes. He's lucky I was in surgery with him to keep him focused on the job. He still lives by the old code of doctors concerning gender and sex." "We can tell," Betty said. "Now, about Melanie?" "Well she took a lot of damage," Doctor Marie began. "We're going to put her into an induced coma for two weeks to allow her body to focus completely on healing. They broke forty-three bones, her left lung was punctured, as was one of her kidneys, her left kneecap was all but shattered, and there's severe tissue damage around her right eye. However the bulk of her older injuries have toughened her up some. The hardest part of the surgery for me was putting her eye safely back into the socket. We knew from her records how easily she bleeds so we kept a good supply of O positive handy. Healing is going to take some time, but physically she'll recover." Lani twitched. "Older.... injuries?" she asked puzzled. "Yes," Doctor Marie replied. "According to her medical history she's been beaten up before, though never quite this badly. And she already had some minor nerve damage from when she was assaulted sexually in her teens. The scope of injury suggests a very difficult life. But it's made her tough. I doubt she'd have survived surgery otherwise." "The lawsuit..." Lani mumbled. "That was why she sued a jail.... she was in juvey for some reasons and she.... she...." Lani broke down into sobs, unable to stop the graphic flood of her imagination in her current state, imagining every horrible act Melanie must have endured. Betty held her, crying quietly, while Gerald just squeezed Lani's hand, in shock. Doctor Marie looked very sheepish. "I thought..." she stammered. "Oh dear I'm so sorry! I thought you would know, being her family." "Her family?" Gerald asked. "Yes," Doctor Marie replied. "She listed you three and a Gina Rae Escolta as her next-of-kin, I just assumed... I'm so very sorry. You um.... you can see her now, but she's very groggy. Please keep it brief." Lani, Betty and Gerald just stared at each other. Lani composed herself and hugged them both, and went to the recovery room alone. As she walked through the sterile hallways she'd hoped never to see again, she hesitated. Melanie had tried so hard to keep a barrier between them, and Lani had been happy to let her do so, hoping they could grow into each other until they both felt safe letting their walls down. Now Melanie was a bloody pulp in a hospital bed because of her. If she hadn't invited her to lunch, she'd never have been in this situation. She swallowed her fear and steeled herself. With a deep breath, she entered Melanie's room and sat by her bedside. She went to hold Mel's hand only to find it in a cast. She sighed and Mel stirred. "Who..." she whispered hoarsely. "It's me Mel," Lani said sadly. "The stupid bitch who loves you, for whatever it's worth." "I love you too," Melanie croaked, "but now you see why we can never be together." "What are you talking about?" Lani blinked. "If we were lovers," Mel said slowly, hard of breath, "you'd forever be at risk of the crossfire. You'd be fair game to every homophobe, ever mouthpiece, every gaybasher that would target me, just by being at my side. I'm used to this treatment from the world Lani, I'm a freak of nature, it's my lot in life, but you-" "You are NOT a freak!" Lani interrupted. "But you," Melanie continued, "I'd die if someone ever hurt you because of me. I can't ever let it happen. Not to you." "Isn't that my risk to take?" Lani asked, caressing Melanie's cheek. "No," Mel replied. "It's my choice. And I choose for you to leave." "Mel please-" Lani tried to protest. "I said go!" Mel croaked. Lani began sobbing again and left the room. Melanie just sighed and cried to herself, convinced she'd done the right thing. She let the pain medication sweep her off to a fitful sleep, and dreamed of a world where Lani could stay. Lani was numb by the time she returned to Betty and Gerald. She was about to ask them to drive her home when she noticed her mother was in shock, and Gerald was just staring numbly at his cel-phone. "What's wrong?" Lani said tremblin. "What else can possibly go wrong?" Betty looked up, her eyes wet, as if just now noticing Lani, and started to sob. Gerald, without even looking up, answered her question in a defeated broken voice. "Gina's dead," he said numbly. Lani fainted. *** Three Months Ago *** Lani on a bench on the Seawall at Stanley park. She'd been trying to watch a few guys trying to windsurf near Third Beach, but her eyes kept wandering to the jar in her lap. She had cried herself out lately, and tears almost never came anymore. She was too numb. On a crisp August evening, surrounded by happy families and laughing children, it was all Lani could do to just breathe. Gina hadn't come to work the morning after the beating, while Gerald, Betty and Lani were at the hospital waiting for word on Mel's condition. Calls to her apartment got a repeated neverending busy signal. One of the secretaries, Linda, had gone to her house to see if she was okay, and found her door unlocked. Linda had looked around the small apartment and found a note on her refridgerator. The note was in Gina's handrwiting. It read- "One of my best friends might die tonight in the hospital because of my big mouth. And my very best friend might lose the love of her life, because of me. I only wanted to help them both. I wanted my friends to be happy. And I screwed up so badly somebody might die. I can't live with that on my conscience. I just can't. I can only hope someday Lani and Mel might forgive me the damage I've done. Maybe then my conscience will be clean. Tell them I love them both like sisters, and tell Mister and Mrs. Briggs it was my pleasure to know them. Goodbye." Linda had panicked and began to run around the apartment frantically, and found Gina dead in a bathtub of red water, a razorblade on the side of the tub. She'd been dead since the night before. Lani couldn't bring herself to attend the funeral. Too much had happened too quickly. This kind of rapid-fire trauma was only supposed to happen in movies wasn't it? How could fate screw her and those she loved so badly in so short a time? She slapped herself. There were people murdered daily in africa, cultural genocides. Babies dying, children starving. How selfish of her to think her pain so giant. But it was. The pain was maddening. She blamed herself both for Melanie's hospitalization and for Gina's suicide. Maybe.... maybe if she hadn't been so closed off she would have persued Mel, and then neither Mel nor Gina would be where they now were. Dammit why was she so stubborn about things? She was practically a virgin at 26 because she couldn't let anyone close. Now her best friend was dead, and the woman she loved more than anything was still in a hospital getting ready to start rehabbing her injuries. She'd visited Melanie once, the day after being told to go, to tell her about Gina. Mel cried and held it up as further proof that anyone who got close to her gets burned. She again insisted Lani leave, and crying, Lani did so. She'd tried twice more to visit Mel but security had been asked to keep her away. She looked down at the jar in her lap. Gina's ashes. Her brothers didn't want them after the service, so Betty gave them to Lani. "Well G," She said, "here we are. Isn't it beautiful?" She spoke to herself, imagining how Gina would reply. "Yes I know," she said in pretend reply, "The water is beautiful. I think that's where I'll put you. You always did like the water. I'll go down there in a little bit and set you free G, but I wanted to talk to you first." "You were right of course, but you knew that. I'm so madly in love with Mel it's crazy. But she rejected me. Silly woman thinks she's protecing me. She even used you as an excuse. Apparently you're proof that she's poison or cursed or some bullshit like that. It's frustrating. I can't even get near her now. She's asked hospital security to keep me away." "I honestly believe she does love me, and that she really believes she's keeping me safe somehow. I do G. But it's silly bullshit.And I WILL find a way through it G. Life is too damned short." She hugged the jar to her chest and sighed. "You know that better than I do. But it's time to move on G, to let the past go. I will win Mel over, and I will be happy. I deserve to be happy, and so does she. No matter what, there will be no more unhappy endings. I refuse." Lani stood and walked down Second Beach and waded into the water calmly. She kissed the jar and opened it, and let Gina's ashes flutter away in the wind. Then she put the jar in her bag and walked back to her shoes. She smiled sadly as she walked to her jeep. "Goodbye Gina. Go in peace." She drove to the hospital and waited patiently in the recovery room for physio patients. She hid herself behind an open newspaper, and waited. Melanie hobbled out a few minutes later. Her injuries were healing very well. There were scars to be sure, but they looked as if they would easily fade into near non-existance. According to her doctors, chances were the only visible long-term damage would be her limp. She still had a couple of her casts on, and was clearly winded after the physio session. She sat down beside Lani and didn't even realize it. "You know," Lani said, not putting down the newspaper, "getting security to keep me away from your room is a pretty chickenshit way to hide from me." "Jesus!" Mel said with a start, pulling the paper from Lani's hands. "Don't scare me like that! What are you even doing here? I thought I made my feelings crystal clear?" "You did," Lani smirked. "That's WHY I'm here." "I don't understand?" Mel said. "You know I'm poison Lani. You can't be with me, more bad things will happen. I'm a freak, I'm always going to be a target, you'll never be safe. And besides that, you're a lesbian. We both know once you saw me naked you'd balk and take off." "So basically," Lani said, still not looking at Mel, "you pretty much have as little faith in me as everyone else?" "What do you mean?" Mel asked. "The wedding," Lani answered, finally looking at Mel. "When Gina got to the reception without you I was worried. When she pulled Gerald and my mom to a private room with concern on her face I was even more worried. So I followed them. I stood outside the door listening. I heard Gina tell them what she'd discovered about you. I heard them all talk on eggshells about me. They asked each other if it was 'safe' to tell me about you. It pissed me off and I spoke up and told them so. They all looked sheepish."