9 comments/  11207 views/  19 favorites

The Chaos Theory

By: HunterShambles



The Orangery was airy and lit naturally from the south side by floor to ceiling French Windows. These were now folded back alternately, along its whole length. A cooling breeze shifted the tied back lace curtaining and fans were dotted around the inner edges to further cool the room. It was large, fifty foot wide and nearly a hundred feet long. The high ceiling, vaulted and plastered, was sixty feet above the guests, it's covering of pale cream paint was interwoven with hand painted flowers. People mingled and talked in low tones, the occasional loud voice or rumble of laughter not really disturbing the peace.

Two people, unattached to any group, moved listlessly around and through the throng, until as fate decided, they met between two groups of happy chattering party goers.

"Hi!"

"Hi!"

They glanced at each other then around at the gathering. People with drinks and nibbles engaged in sparkling conversation, suits and cocktail dresses abounded. His DJ looked rumpled and well used, her knee length black dress, scoop necked and sleeveless looked stunning. He was six foot two, and a hint of grey at his temples betrayed his age, his messy hairstyle and boyish good looks showed a man turning towards middle age, a hint here and there of a crease, a line, or a wrinkle. She looked radiant, clear skinned, tanned lightly with little makeup, a single gold necklace at her neck, her blonde hair a stylish shoulder length, her legs long and tanned ended in feet encased in flat pumps. At almost six foot one, she was in every way his equal. 

They glanced back to each other, she smiled, he smiled,

"I'm Josh, Josh Greening, Professor of Business Studies."

"Bill, Bill Gates, my sisters the Academic Bursar,"

"Oh! Issy is your sister then? She's a great lady, very efficient and neat, her husbands here too, I understand."

"Yeah Geoff. He's a great guy, love him to bits, he and Issy are so good for each other."

They looked away, then back, she smiled, he thought then blurted out,

"Hhmmph! Bill's an unusual girls name, whatever possessed your parents to... Sorry that was rude, entirely wrong, I apologise, mouth in top brain in neutral."

"No it's OK, no need, honestly. My given name is Wilhelmina, bit of a mouthful. The family shortened it to Willy, then Billy, then Bill." She shrugged and grinned.

"Issy is Isolde, although she pretends it's Isadora," she smiled, he smiled.

"Very Teutonic!"

She glanced round and back, smiled again at him. Silence! They tried to avoid direct eye contact, and glanced away again.

"Look don't feel you have to try to small talk with me, if you have someone who you want to see, you toddle off and go," he said with a concerned look on his face.

"No! No! it's just, well, I don't know anyone here and I'm over from home to visit and Issy insisted I come along, but I don't feel I fit in here that's all."

"Well you don't, you're far too pretty for one thing, and about fifty years too young for another." He grinned and took a small mouthful of wine.

"Oh my! that was a bit unexpected, are all Englishmen as candid as you?"

"No and yes but for future cultural reference we say "British" not English, it's a little too xenophobic for us to call ourselves English. We are, after all, a multicultural society here. We have diverse ethnic backgrounds and the British mongrel's made up of many individual breeds intermingled."

She giggled uncontrollably and her tall body shook with laughter. Several nearby heads turned and surveyed the sight of poor old Professor Greening blushing as an extremely attractive young girl laughed at him. They giggled and whispered, enjoying the professors discomfort.

"Bill are you OK?" 

Issy walked up to her younger sister and placed a maternal hand on her shaking shoulder. They looked similar in many ways, both in features and height. Both were extraordinarily tall and willowy women, both looked, no shouted 'Class' he thought.

"Yes thank you Issy, Professor Greening is a most interesting and astute man, I could learn a lot from him." 

She instantly dissolved again, as Josh Greening spluttered into his wine glass a huge grin on his face.

"Do Not! embarrass me or yourself Bill. Get a hold of yourself. Remember you are not at home now!" 

Issy's rebuke was issued through gritted teeth as she leaned into her sister.

"Don't worry Issy, I'll take Ms...errr?" he stalled then continued, "...outside, or I may call you Bill?"

"It's Ms Gates, but yes of course, if I can call you Josh?"

"Absolutely, well let's away then, full speed ahead."

Josh crooked his elbow and Bill slid her slender arm through it. Clamping it tight Josh steered them through the room and out onto the patio outside the Great Hall, as Issy stood, mouth open watching them as they disappeared. 

Stepping outside,into the late afternoon sun he was quite pleased to see all the heads turn and chins drop as he steered the exquisite creature on his arm out of sight.

"Well that was a right to do wasn't it?" he exclaimed as they stepped outside the building.

"I'm so sorry Issy is very protective because she thinks I'm going to screw up again."

"Again!"

"I have a rap sheet as long as your arm."

"What a lovely phrase, mixing English and American, so descriptive."

"Thanks," 

She walked slowly with him along the patio outside the building, looking across the sun dappled sloping grass lawn to where it met the river. A few lazy craft moved gracefully along the waterway. Several people, strolled, as they did, following paths dotted about the lawn and riverbank.

"So what is it that you do so badly Bill?"

"Well, there's the incident with the dessert at Thanksgiving, the time I tore my "New Dress" at a Society Ball revealing my underwear, and the small but inconvenient panty wetting when I was nine."

"Oh Dear! sounds awful."

"That's only the headlines, I've done far worse."

"Ah!"

"Yeah, I am one of natures true fuck ups, oh sorry!"

He grinned, and patted her arm.

"No worries, welcome to my world. I too am a master of the stupid. I could have done my PhD in fuck ups. I am a Triple A rated clusterfuck master."

"Wow, that is some resume my friend, wanna give me a swift overview of the history?"

"I'm afraid I'd be boring you, well more than I am at present."

"Come On! you are not boring me, I find this a fascinating topic. It's kind of building up to a seminar or something. 'Great Clusterfucks, a history', know what I mean?"

"Maybe we should call a Conference, invite the inept, if they can make it of course, and discourse on great fuck ups we have witnessed, caused, got damaged in."

"You may have a point there Prof. what say you and I find a bar and discuss this important and upcoming Symposium?"

"Well there's a pub just round the corner, much frequented by the students, especially those on my courses, where we can talk in relative peace and quiet, and eat if you wish."

"Won't it be kinda busy, what with the students?"

"Ahh, now here's the curious thing; on a Friday and a Saturday evening, they go to the Students Union, since it has a Happy Hour from four thirty until closing time."

"Helluva Hour!"

"Indeed, Drinks fifty percent off, that's two for the price of one. Jugs of beer at seventy percent less than the normal price are always very popular."

"How do you know all this Prof?"

"I used to be a student here some while ago, I remember the headaches vividly. And I performed some of my most embarrassing cockups at the SU on a regular basis."

"Do tell?"

They had turned off onto a path by the side of the College and shortly he steered her down a narrow passage until they came to a building that lay slightly back from the rest, creating an inner court with tables and chairs. A small narrow doorway set in the wall of the building served as the entrance. Although the entrance to the pub stood shut, there were a myriad of small lights inside at the windows, together with strings of fairy lights hanging from the wall to the wall of the next building, creating a semi Victorian feel to the paved area set back from the alley.

"Oh that is just magical, I am impressed."

"We try to please, now may I?"

Josh allowed her arm to slip out from his and held the pub door open. Entering they stepped back in time forty years, the decor mid seventies, and distinctly faded. A few regulars drank desultorily in various corners. The lazy click click of balls on a pool table could be heard. The Jukebox hung off the wall, broken and unfixed for years. Bill glanced round and back to Josh.

"A real English Pub?"

"Spit and sawdust, as we say, seventies primitive, it has a real ambiance."

"You don't say?"

"What would you like to drink?"

"Do you think they'd have a Californian Chardonnay?"

"Doubt it, but I'll ask, any backup? or shall a I stick to any vaguely whitish wine from the New World?"

"Surprise me Prof.!" She grinned, "Is there a restroom here?"

"Toilets are over there, if by restroom you mean toilet?"

"Hmm, OK, thanks." 

Josh watched from the bar as her delightfully lithe body swayed away towards the back of the pub. The barman stood in front of him, he looked older than his fifty five years. Dressed in a reasonably clean but un-ironed shirt, unbuttoned at the neck, above a pair of blue denims, held up unsuccessfully by a black belt. Since he was the only person behind the bar he appeared to be the man in charge. 

His hangdog demeanor and monosyllabic voice had turned away many a chance entrant. Regulars knew and ignored his manner, finding the beer, food and general ambiance a better indication of the pubs worth. 

"Will you be drinking Greening, or are you just drooling this evening?"

"Hi Ted, a pint for me and a New World White Wine for my lovely companion."

"You lucked out there then, what happened everyone else got food poisoning?"

"Something like that, speaking of which, are you doing food now and if so, what's marginally edible on the list?"

"Cheeky bastard, Margery has assembled a set of hand crafted pies and fresh vegetables for your pleasure. The lists on the board, but if I were you I'd steer clear of the Game Pie."

"Bad Huh?"

"No I want a piece left for my supper! Now, White Wine; White Wine, white.. wine, white wine, white, ahaah. We have a Chilean Zinfandel, would that be OK?"

"Sounds delicious, I'm Bill,"

She had reappeared and stood slightly back listening to the two of them talking. Moving to the bar she shook hands with Ted and smiled,

"Ted, pleased to make your acquaintance, Greening was .."

"Thanks Ted. I'll settle this while you find a seat." he smiled at Bill.

Taking the wine and beer, Bill walked slowly across the bar towards a table with two chairs at it.

"Ok that's..."

Ted paused as the sound of glasses shattering disrupted the quiet atmosphere. Spinning round Josh saw Bill rubbing her shins as she surveyed the broken glass on the floor. Looking upset and on the verge of tears Bill looked at him, Josh's heart sank and he sprinted towards her, her knight in shining armour. 

Unfortunately the chair leg that caught her shin caught his and at speed, hurtling him forward, he pitched into the air to somersault and land in heap at her feet, stopping just short of the mess made by the glasses.

"Fuck, that hurt," he sat up, then standing he felt the back of his head and his backside.

"Oh My God! I am so sorry!"

"What for? I'm the twat who fell over, are you OK?" 

Ted ambled over with a mop, bucket and dustpan and brush, shaking his head, an unusual smile breaking out on his usually glum face.

"We don't usually have a cabaret on Fridays as the cost doesn't cover the takings, but Prof. me old mate that was an excellent turn. Can we do a regular booking?"

"Sod Off! I ought to sue you for Health and Safety issues."

"Bollocks! I ought to sue you for damage to the furniture and the mess on my floor."

"Right, well can we have the same again please landlord?"

"Certainly sir, shall I bring it over to you."

"It might be safer!"

Josh looked at Bill, she shrugged her shoulders and grinned.

"She's probably right," he said sitting down.

"No problem sir, I am here to serve," Ted settled the table in front of them then waddled back to the Bar with the bucket, mop, broom and brush, busying himself with the replacement drinks.

"So, now we know where we stand, or fall to be exact."

"Yes," she said grinning, "I'm impressed, I had no idea there was anyone else in my league."

"Oh! I've had a lot of practice, believe me, I can cock up for England."

"Shouldn't that be Britain?" her eyebrow hitched up a notch.

"Ahh, right, now, another piece of cultural information. If it goes right, Britain Triumphs! if it goes wrong, England loses again."

"Ahh, I see, and how about you Prof. how does this rate on your personal Richter scale."

"I would suggest that there are mitigating circumstances but this probably rates a three to four."

"Hmmm, as low as that, what are the mitigating circumstances?"

"You!"

"Me!"

"You! because you are truly amazingly beautiful and yet you are still here."

"Awww Prof. you're beautiful too."

"In a rugged manly way naturally."

"For sure."

"Thanks."

"Welcome."

"You see that's another thing, you Yanks are always so polite and confident; Have a Nice Day, Come Back Real Soon, Don't be a Stranger,You're Welcome, it's so corny but you make it seem so sincere."

"I guess it's how we're brought up, polite, respectful and resolute."

"Are you a card carrying Republican Church Goer?"

"No, one myth dispelled. I am a Democrat, and I am a Lutheran by birth and a no show by nature."

"You don't go to Church? on Sunday, with Mom and Pop, the Neighbors and the Priest who's a family friend?"

"No, guess I just lost some gloss huh?"

"No far from it, I like you better already."

Ted placed their drinks on the table and retreated. Josh picked his beer up and toasted,

"Cheers"

"Cheers,"

As he sipped he crossed his legs, and managed to kick the empty table, Bill smiled into her wine glass. He grinned.They sat contentedly and talked as they began to explore each others backgrounds. Suddenly the pub door swung back on its hinges and Issy roared in,

"Where the hell have you been? We've been looking all over for you, what the hell are you playing at young lady?"

"Hello Issy, I came for a quiet drink with a friend, care to join us?"

"Don't you smart mouth me Miss Wilhemina Maria Gates, I've changed your diapers too many times for you to act sassy with me."

"Ouch, good hit Sis., want to tell the Prof. how I peed my pants on Daddy's shoulders at the Zoo?"

"No! how old were you?"

"Nineteen!"

They dissolved into hysterics and Issy stood fuming above them.

"Sorry I lied, I was twenty two.."

They fell about as Issy felt the first twitch of a smile touch her down-turned lips.

"OK Ms. Funny-as-fuck, I hope you feel good about yourself, I am going home, ready."

"OK, OK, I'm coming, Josh it was a great experience, I hope we can do it again soon, well without the whole glasses disaster thing." 

She pointed at the wet patch on the floor. Issy's eyebrows arched. Bill stood, bent forward and kissed him on the cheek then straightened and downed the wine. As she placed the glass on the table he stood awkwardly, pint in hand, legs still crossed and trapped his knee under the table. In attempting to stay upright and rescue the table and wine glass his own glass slipped out of his hand, they heard the crash tinkle sounds again.

"For Fucks sake Greening go home before I run out of glasses," Ted shouted across the bar, wringing his dishcloth theatrically.

Issy stared at Josh, then Bill, she paused then looked again at her younger sister and the glow on her face,

"Professor Greening, would you like to come back for supper?" Issy said.

"What, well, why that would be lovely, are you sure? I mean, what I can do in a bar is nothing to what a house offers!"

"I'm sure you'll be fine, won't he Issy?"

Bill put her arm through Josh's again and clung to him.

"It's only a light supper and I promise not to use the good crockery."

"Gosh thanks awfully, that would be brilliant." 

Josh hugged Bill's arm and walked with her out the other exit to the car park, where Geoff sat in his car with an amused grin on his face. He opened the passenger door and leaned over.

"Hi Bill, you been breaking up the happy home?"

"Actually, it was Josh, he was really impressive."

Impulsively she kissed Josh's cheek, his face reddened, he gripped her arm tighter.

"Hi Professor, how's it going.?"

"Oh! fair to crap really. I win some, I lose a lot. you know how it is."

"Hah! sure do, now where's my wife?"

Issy walked out the bar and threw Bills handbag at her,

"You forgot your purse, did you have a coat?"

"I don't know, was I wearing one when we came out?"

"Oh for pity's sake can't you remember?"

"Yes, Yes I did, they took it when we went in and said it would go in the cloakroom, great word."

"I'll pick it up Monday," Issy said, hopping into the car next to Geoff and pulling her seat belt on. She closed the door with a smile and a wink at Geoff.

"Oh! OK! err, come on Josh get in!"

Josh opened the door and helped Bill in, then ran round and opened his door. He slid in then showed Bill how hard it could be to get into a seat belt but finally managed to strap himself in. Geoff eased away from the curb grinning and they drove home, Issy had a smile on her face too.

"Come on in and make yourself at home." 

Geoff opened the door and stood back, Issy swept in, followed hesitantly by Josh then Bill. Geoff came in and pushed the door shut.

"Beer Josh?" he asked and on the nod went off to the kitchen. They wandered into the lounge, where Issy sat with a frown on her face.

"How come you two high tailed it so quickly?" she demanded.

"Avoiding another Mutually Assured Disaster," said Josh, Bill giggled.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"He said we have a shared history of cosmic blunders, we are the Ying and Yang of the Fuck Up universe."

"we are intertwined in a heavenly, nay in a divine strand of cosmic chemistry, all of which leads to disaster."

"Are you two drunk?"

"Only on life dear lady, only on life."

They talked together, running into each others sentences as they walked Issy through the afternoon and evening.

"Well anyway, welcome to our home, restroom along the hall and there's another upstairs. I hope Geoff's organising drinks." Issy sat back in her chair with a smile on her face.

"Certainly am my beloved, here we go, a G and T for you, Bill a glass of indifferent, but chilled Chardonnay and a pint for me and the prof. Bung ho!"

"OK, well we'll have supper organised shortly, but Professor Greening, tell us a little about yourself?"

"Ohhh! is this turning into an job interview? Well, hmm. I'm thirty six, unmarried or unmarryable, whatever the correct term is. I have two older and smarter brothers, Ian and Mark; Ian's a Professor Emeritus at Oxford his field is Architectural History, and Mark is a microbiologist, working for a large multinational. I also have an Older sister Betsy, that's Elizabeth, who is a Junior Cabinet Minister and is in charge of DEFRA. She is the family genius, trust me, double first, smart cookie"

Issy smiled, Geoff grinned, Bill gawped.

"A family of genius's,"

"Yes and me. Oh! and Mum's the Head Teacher at a private school, Dad runs a Government Think Tank on Education."

"Wow, I'm impressed,"

"Don't be we're pretty down to earth. Naturally we have a large and ancient country pile with servants, a townhouse and a helicopter."

"Truly?"

"Well yes, except for the ancient Pile, Townhouse, servants and Helicopter. Although we do have a place in Cornwall, but it's just a cottage, but we all try to get there for at least two weeks in August. It's where we play catch up and relax as a family. The family's expanded obviously, there are nieces and nephews and a brother and two sister in laws, but we all go."


The Chaos Theory



Josh stared blissfully into space, Bill grinned.

"Do you play Croquet and Tennis and have family picnics?"

"Oh yes, that's positively encouraged , well actually it probably compulsory, but you have to love warm flat lemonade and jam sandwiches. When we were young we used to call ourselves the Famous Five, after the children's stories, but we didn't have a dog as a fifth member, so we imagined him. We'd go on adventures and right wrongs."

"Amazing, you make it sound like it was great fun."

"It still is, we really enjoy it, there's no television, no internet, no mobile phone access, perfect."

"Ohh! I don't think I'd manage a week without my cell phone."

"You would, there's so much going on you'd never worry about the outside world."

"Sounds bliss!" 

Issy sighed and grinned, Geoff grinned and drank his beer.

"Where does everyone sleep?"

"Oh well the three ladies share the second bedroom. Mum and Dad have the master bedroom of course. Youngsters and any younger girls get the spare rooms and the old barn is a dormitory for all boys, aged twelve and upward, mentally as well as physically."

"Sounds like a well rehearsed plan goes into operation."

"Well yes and the boys also get to have cold showers and pee outdoors."

"Nice"

"It's very character building, toughens you up and makes a man of you."

"OK I trust you on that."

"Well I'm going to set up the supper, Geoff more drinks. No Bill you and Professor Greening sit back, we can manage."

"Please call me Josh, Issy."

"You got it Prof."

"I give up."

Later after they had finished with no major mishaps, apart from Bill knocking her water glass over and Josh spilling his beer onto the table as he took a new pint from Geoff, they returned to the lounge for coffee.Issy arrived with the pot and cups and saucers arranged on a large tray.

"Issy, could I have a mug, it's probably safer!" Josh said.

Bill grinned and rose, walking out leaving laughter in her wake. Geoff tried to hide his grin as Issy sighed. They heard the crash in the kitchen and the shouted "sorry!" from Bill. The sounds of something being swept up came through. She came back red faced and grinning,swinging a mug.

"What have you broken?" sighed Issy as Geoff pulled a cushion across his face to hide his laughter. Josh grinned like an idiot.

"Oh nothing really. That red dish was it expensive?"

"Oh no that's Le Creuset and yes it's hideously expensive. Bill please try to be more careful. I'm running out of crockery."

Geoff by now was hysterical, tears rolling down his face as he flapped his legs uncontrollably.

"Geoffrey Martin Hemsworth, I will thank you to control yourself when we have company!" Issy rebuked, a smile spreading over her face.

"Awww come on, Issy your adorable sister's doing you a favour, she's letting you replace the old stuff much quicker than you planned." Geoff said, tears rolling down his cheeks.

"Hey Prof, do you wanna go take a look in the cupboards too?" Geoff spluttered before dissolving again.

"Geoff!" Issy screamed as Bill laughed out loud. 

Josh just grinned and reached for Bill's hand.

"I think it's marginally safer if I sit here actually." 

"I agree."

"Thanks Bill"

Later Josh stood in the hallway and held Bill close to him.

"Well thanks awfully for a terrific evening, I had a really good time."

"Me too, do you want to see me again?"

"Are you kidding, I would love to see you again, are you sure you want to see me?"

"Oh Yeah! I mean yes please." 

They came closer, Bill tilted her head slightly and aimed at Josh's mouth.

"I... I ... I.."

Josh got no further as her sweet warm moist lips met his, he sighed and pulled her closer. They held the kiss and as it developed, their lips opened into a sensual lingering exploring, loving one.

"Mmm, good kisser..."

"Yes you are and ..."

"Don't talk, kiss me again," 

Issy, hmmphhed and they parted, faces red and smiling.

"Well I hate to interrupt this cozy conversation but regrettably as most of us have work tomorrow I think goodnight is in order," 

"Oh yes, gosh err. goodnight Bill until we meet again."

Josh pumped Bill's hand as she looked surprised and flushed.Issy put her hand to her mouth and turned slightly a short giggle escaping.Walking out he waved and turned away.

"Josh!" Issy called,

turning back he saw her jangling her car keys,

"I'll run you back," she shouted.

"Oh no I couldn't presume to, honestly. Anyway the walk will aid my digestion, but thank you." he shouted as he walked away.

Turning he walked into the brick gatepost of the driveway. Wincing, he turned again and waved, seeing Bill's concerned look and Issy's smile.

Setting off he walked quickly along the road. Turning right, he passed a series of elegant mid twentieth century detached houses, timber framed, with large double garages. Each was set in their own grounds and fronted by large gravel drives which had lawns either side. The lawns lead to neat walls and gated entrances. Twenty minutes later he realised he should have turned left instead of right. The mistake would cost him an extra fifteen minutes walking. He laughed at his own stupidity, just as he felt the first drops of rain patter down on him. 

He arrived back at Hall just as the gates were closing, he nipped past the Gatekeeper and smiled. The Gatekeeper laughed at the wet bedraggled figure crossing the square to his flat in the College buildings. Outside his door on the green baize board a half dozen notes and an envelope were pinned to it. A bottle of milk sat warm on his doorstep. He shook his head and picked it up. Opening the door he put the milk and notes on the hall table with his keys.

Stripping off his clothes he walked to the bathroom. Turning on the shower, he waited until it was barely warm, before standing under the thin stream. Gradually both the water and he warmed up and his skin flushed pink again. The purple colour under his nails gradually lightened and he flexed his fingers, enjoying the warmth, such as it was. His body was uniformly hairy and slightly pudgy and whilst he had muscles they weren't well defined and he had no intention of developing them. 

He played a lazy game of squash once or twice a week, with a colleague or someone from his tutor group and neither won or lost heavily. He tended to walk most places, although in all honesty it was never more than to the lecture rooms, his tutor room or the refectory for lunch or his evening meal. He ate sparingly, occasionally he had a big meal and drinks but these tended to be high days or holidays. He enjoyed the company of his fellow tutors and masters, they in turn watched in admiration as he bumbled his way through their lives.

His students and those attending his lectures were uniformly amazed at how this inept, bumbling man became Professor Joshua Greening PhD a man capable of enthusing his audience and carrying them along with him when he spoke on that days subject. He was used to applause on completion of his sessions, his entire dialogue spoken without reference to notes and delivered with passion, verve and intelligence. He answered questions with skill and accuracy almost to the point of pedantry, but delivered with a smile and a grace many envied.

The following day he gave a series of lectures and finished each with a question and answer session, impromptu and again without notes, they ranged across the whole syllabus.

"Hey Prof. we're going to the Ship do you want to come?" came from the leader of a noisy group of Final Year students, as his attendees finally began to wander out from the last lecture of the day. 

He enjoyed these after lecture sessions, where he was able to mix with them informally and try to understand the modern mindset and the latest idioms. Often he was the centre of attention as he recounted an infamous episode from his childhood. Many pints later he would remember he had a tutorial or one to one in less minutes than it took to run the distance to the tutor room he occupied. Begging for release from his audience, he would run back through the College to whoops and cheers as the passing crowds realised Greening had done it again.

"Sorry, must pass on it this time, papers to mark, yours in particular," he grinned, as the leader waved and the others pushed him through the door.

Late in the evening, as he sat in his rooms reading the presentations and submissions, he wondered what Bill was doing. His phone rang and as he reached out to answer, he knocked over the pile of papers he had placed on the table by his chair. Flustered he answered the trill ring.

"Three, eight, one, five.. hello?" he almost sang.

"Hi Prof. it's Bill, you sound cheery,"

"Good lord, what a coincidence I was just thinking about you,"

"You were?"

"I certainly was, how are you?"

"I'm good, kicking my heels a bit and wondering if you fancied meeting tomorrow for a beer or a walk or anything really?"

"Wow, err, a beer with you would be lovely, where shall we meet?"

"Do you know the Unicorn on Stoke Lane?"

"Vaguely, is the one with the big rear garden and the aviary?"

"I think so, Issy suggested it."

"Ohh! well fine when?"

"Tomorrow about six thirty?"

"Umm, yes that should be fine, do we eat there?"

"Could do, Issy says it's 'OK' so I guess the food should be edible."

"How absolutely wonderful, well I look forward to that."

"Me too, bye!"

"Yes, goodbye.. Bill..."

He heard the dial tone as he tried to think of a final message for her. Placing his phone down he looked at the mess on his floor, sighed and moved to sort it out.

Bill danced back into the lounge and sat next to her sister on the sofa.

"He said yes," she grinned and reddened.

"Thank God for that, I dread to think what you would be like if he'd have said no," Issy smiled and put an arm round her sister.

"I will miss you when you have to go back you know."

Bill smiled and kissed Issy on the cheek. 

"Me too big sis and I'll miss Geoff too."

"Yes the adorable devil loves you like you were his own sister," Issy hugged Bill and they sat together reflecting on their shared sisterhood as the television played to itself.

"Talking of which, where is Geoff?"

"In the bathroom, reading," sighed Issy, as she released her hold on Bill.

"Do all Englishmen read when they crap?"

"Bill!"

"I just wondered," Bill made a face.

"I have very little experience on the subject, except for Geoff."

"Has he always done it?"

"I refuse to answer that question, the subject is closed."

"You sound like Mother, that's what she would do if the subject offended her."

"Ladies do not discuss.. err."

"crapping?"

"Bill, please that is not a word I think you should use, especially in this house."

"What else can I call it, shitting, defecating, using the can?"

"BILL!" Issy shouted, just as Geoff walked back in, a newspaper clutched in his right hand.

"What's all this shouting ladies?"

"I was just asking Issy if all Englishmen read when they..."

"Bill!"

"..shit?"

"Wouldn't know, why?"

"Nothing!"

"I do, if you need to know?"

"Thanks."

"Bill can we please change the subject, you're not twelve anymore and playing up in that tree house with Martin and George." 

Issy mentioned the names of two boys who Bill used to hang out with.

Bill grinned at the memory of the large timber hut in Martin du Plessis's garden tree. They had played Doctors and patients. They had played peeing games too. Bill astonishing the boys with the height and length she could make, especially after large quantities of Martin's Moms cloudy lemonade had been consumed. She also remembered the look of astonishment on Mrs Du Plessis face when Bill owned up to being the originator of the stream of pee which had soared out over the lawn one particular afternoon, soaking the family's pet dog. She had been grounded for three weeks after that episode.

"Ahh, the arc of pee!" said Issy with a grin, as she watched her sisters face remembering.

"How did you know?"

"I know the look, boy did Dad go to town on you! apparently Mother took the call from Martin's Mom and went white."

"I was sore for days after Dad finished with me."

"I got grounded for a week for not looking after you properly." Issy moaned.

"Hah!"

"What does that mean?"

"You know!"

"No I don't know, What?"

"You were making eyes at Martin's elder brother!"

"Oh My God! Scott du Plessis," Issy screeched.

"Exactly! Scott "Blond Skateboard God" du Plessis. Tanned and tight buns Scott du Plessis. You had a real thing for him."

"And he was gay and didn't care who knew it, came out that summer."

"Major bummer."

"Totally sucked, I cried for days, as did my girlfriends."

" I am here you know!"

"Oh Geoff you are my one true love.."

"Thank you."

"..at the moment." Issy finished. She and Bill laughed and linked their arms.

"Yes, very good, hah, hah, get the doctor my ribs cracked."

"Aww Honey you know I love you and adore you, don't you?"

"Of course I do," Geoff smiled.

"Sucker," stage whispered Bill to Issy. Issy snorted and cupped her mouth with her hand.

"Smartarse!" said Geoff with a grin. Issy rose and stepped over to Geoff, sitting on his lap and smiling.

"Hey Bill, how's the love life going, have you spoken to the Prof. recently?"

"I've arranged to meet him at the Unicorn tomorrow for a drink and a meal."

"Oh ho! the Sisterhood strikes while the irons hot."

"you will so get yours Hemsworth, trust me, I will get you back."

"Look forward to it sunshine, bring it on as you Americans are fond of saying."

"Just watch your back, I strike like a Ninja, in and out in seconds."

"Sounds like our sex life honey." Issy fluttered her eyelids at Geoff, then smacked his arm.

"I felt that!"

"Good, you were meant to."

"What did he do?"

"Never mind... Geoff!" Issy smacked his arm again a broad smile on her face.

"I can't see what he's doing, oh!" Bill's face flushed as the penny dropped and Issy laughed, Geoff's grin a mile wide.

"I think I should go to bed, goodnight."

Bill stood red faced and left. As she passed through the door, she heard Issy yelp again and giggle in a distinctly sexy way. Bill grinned, they were so happy together, it was such a pleasure to be around them.

The following night Geoff dropped Bill outside the Unicorn and told her to ring when she needed picking up. She thanked him and closed the door. Geoff punched the horn and drove off. Bill looked around and saw the entrance. Careful with the placement of her feet she stepped down into the bar. She saw Josh looking pensive and glancing around, a pint glass half full in his hand. His face lit up as she gave a little wave and walked towards him.

"Hi,"

"Hi yourself, how long have you been here?"

"Oh! all day practically, I was afraid I'd be late and you'd have left in a huff because I stood you up."

"Really?"

"No, actually, I've only been here about fifteen minutes, I tried to be early so I was here to see you arrive, and I have. What would you like to drink."

"The usual please."

"OK indifferent Chardonnay coming up, here."

Josh handed Bill his pint and went to the bar, returning shortly with a large glass of chilled wine.

"Really strange, it's actually French, who'd have thought it."

They swapped glasses and raised them to each other.

"Cheers,"

"Your Health, mmm this is good."

"Really? Look do you want to find a table and have a look at the menu?"

"Sure, that would be nice."

The pub was full but not packed and they found a table in a corner, near the fireplace.

"I bet this is cosy in the winter," Bill said wistfully.

"Hmmm, I expect so, I don't come here that often, although at the moment it is my favourite haunt."

"Hah! because of me?"

"Exactly, because of you, I can't believe you wanted to see me again."

"Well there's strength in numbers, and I can be very relaxed around you, since you and I share a cosmic bond."

"Ahh yes the clusterfuck principle, hmm, I think there's a lot of mileage in this you know."

"We should meet often to compare notes."

"yes, I think by pooling our resources we could have a working hypothesis fairly quickly."

"Although it will require a lot of intense research and full time co-operation."

"I like the sound of co-operation, especially the full time bit."

"Good, shall we choose something and then return to the subject."

"OK Prof."

"Good."

They silently looked through the menu, each glancing at the other before smiling and returning to it.

They chose and ordered. After thirty minutes the meals arrived. In true British Pub tradition it was magnificently indifferent. The vegetables were slightly overcooked and rapidly cooling on cold plates. The pie Josh had chosen had a rather rubbery texture and an indescribable meat and gravy gloop inside. Bill's fish defied description but was allegedly salmon, however, it was not unpleasant.

They chatted back and forth until as they finished eating the conversation stilled.

"Dessert?"

"I don't think so, that was rather..."

" ah, maybe, err, different?"

"Yeah, different probably describes it, hmm, now what Prof.?"

"Another drink, coffee?"

"I think two glasses of wine is about all I can manage tonight, and British coffee is a beverage I can't quite get to grips with, sorry."

"No that's fine, I quite understand, I hate the stuff."

"Really? but you drank Issy's?"

"Yes, well she'd gone to all that trouble to make it, it would have been rude to say no."

"You are so damn polite Prof."

"Absolutely, where are we without our manners, politeness costs nothing but means a lot."

"Your Mother?"

"Oh yes and Daddy too, they were sticklers for politeness and good manners, please and thank you, may I instead of can I, thank you for having me."

"Before or after sex?"

"I.. I... I wouldn't know, actually." he looked into his lap.

"It was a joke, or at least it was supposed to be." She also looked down.

"Right, yes I get it..."

"Sorry"

"What for, I misunderstood, no harm done, word of honour."

"You are so different from any man I've ever met, Geoff aside,"

She took his hand and his face brightened.

"Look I'll pay for this and then walk you home."

"No this is a Dutch Treat, we both pay our own half. I can't ask you to come out and then expect you to pay now can I?"

"But, oh no! you have that look Issy has when I've lost some papers again, I'm not going to win am I?"

"Absolutely not old thing." she mimicked his accent accurately.

"Touche, ok Dutch it is, but next time we toss for it."

"I have a two headed penny."

"I bet you have."

"Let's settle the tab and walk,"

"Yes lets."

They paid and left the Pub, the air still and warm, the walk refreshing.

"Prof.?"

"Yes Bill?"

"do you really like me, I mean am I a good date?"

"Was this a Date?" he emphasised the word 'Date'.

"For sure, wasn't it for you?"

"Well of course but I wouldn't presume to assume you would treat it that way."

"Really, why is that?"

"Well you are young and pretty and to be honest, way, way out of my league."

"You think so?"

"God yes, I never, ever thought I'd meet someone as beautiful and lively as you, let alone enjoy the luck of two dates with you."

"Two dates?"

"I count the pub and the meal at Issy and Geoff's as a date."

"You cannot be serious?"

"Yes I can, my life is a series of cockups joined by a collection of boring days, until I met you that is. Life has looked up a hundred percent since then. No a million percent, at least."

"You're funny, why are you so down on yourself?"

"Experience, I know that out there I have a twin who is living life to the full. Right now, his coffee's cold and he's forgotten his umbrella on the wettest day of the year wherever he lives, because I've met you."




The Chaos Theory



"God I love you Joshua Greening, you are so, so..."

"Ordinary?"

"No! you're gorgeous and caring and funny and attentive and sexy and you make me laugh and feel alive."

Impulsively Bill swung round and kissed him on the lips, his arms came round her and he held her fiercely tight though she pulled him even tighter to her. As they parted he brought his hand to her face.

"Oh God! Bill please forgive me, I have fallen head over heels for you, I can't bear to be apart from you, you're so life giving, so full of fun and love." 

he tenderly stroked her face and kissed her lips gently. She pulled into him and tears formed in her eyes.

"Josh, I love you, I want you around all the time, I can't get you out of my head, you make my life worthwhile."

Smiling he stepped back slightly.

"Well old thing, this is a nice muddle isn't it, we are silly, aren't we? Can't trust us not to fall deeply in love in minutes, God you're beautiful."

"Do you really love me Josh?"

"Yes I do very much, you light up my rather dull and drab existence, yes I love you so very much."

"Hmmm, whatever happened to that shy British reserve you're all so proud of."

"Oh, I've adopted the attitude of my American cousins and have decided to be 'Way out Front' with my emotions."

"The hell you have, now kiss me."

"My pleasure."

"and mine...mmmmm"

They held each other and kissed, holding it for an age, then just held each other, foreheads just touching.

"Prof. enjoyable as this is, it's nearly pumpkin time, we gotta go, Issy will have phoned every hospital and the police by now."

"Oh, I take it Geoff's loading his shotgun, ready to fill my arse full of buckshot?"

"Probably, he is very, very protective you know."

"Should I leave you at the door, ring the bell and run away."

"Probably, but I'd like you to stay."

"Well perhaps a cup of tea or a glass of squash then."

"No Prof. I mean I want you to stay with me, in my room, overnight, in my bed, naked."

"I say old fruit, Issy would lash me to within an inch of my life is she caught us, God knows what Geoff would do, but I think I'd end up singing falsetto."

Bill laughed and slipped her arm in his.

"I think you'll would find no objections from Issy or Geoff, trust me on this Prof."

"I might act strong and silent, but I'm tightening every sphincter possible at the moment. "

"Cut yourself some slack Prof. your not on any shit list at our house."

"OK, I trust you, lead on McDuff, lead on."

They arrived back and Bill used her key to let them in. They kissed and giggled, then Bill led him into the lounge. In the lounge Issy lay across Geoff in the armchair, running her hands over his chest as he stroked her legs idly.

"Hi Guys, we're back, everything OK."

"Fine, good evening?"

"Yes thanks, food was marvelously indifferent, but yes, it was very pleasant thank you."

"Tea, Coffee, Milk..."

"Are you going to say Cookies?"

"No but we have some if you want."

"No it's okay, thanks." Josh took his jacket off and dropped it onto the sofa, watching as it slid off onto the floor.

"That was going so well," he said as he sat down and pulled his jacket onto his lap.

"Okay, well we'll leave you to it, see you," 

Issy moved off of Geoff and kissed Bill on the cheek, then moved towards Josh who stood and recieved Issy's kiss and cuddled her into his arms, returning the kiss on her cheek.

"Look after my little sister, be gentle with her, I know you will, but remember she's pretty fragile." Issy whispered in his ear.

"Like Porcelain Issy, I promise." He returned, stepping back smiling.

Geoff ambled up and shook Josh's hand,

"See you soon mate, take care."

He kissed Bill tenderly and ran his hand up and down her back.

"G'night sweetheart, sleep well see you in the morning."

He disappeared out the door and they heard he and Issy going upstairs. Then they heard Geoff's rumbling laugh,

"Oh is he, really, OK..." 

The rest was lost as they reached the upper floor.

"Sit down, do you want a drink or anything?"

"No, I'm fine, perhaps a glass of water.. at bedtime."

She laughed and reached for his hands. He gripped her fingers and looked in her eyes.

"Bill, there's something you should know, I'm a virgin, if we, err, make love you will be my first."

"Hmmm, do you see that as a problem?"

"Well I assume, that you may have more experience with the world than I do. Not that that is intended to imply you give your favours generously, but I should think that you have a relatively good, err, sex life."

"Ouch! Well to be honest, I have had a few fumbles in the past; but to be perfectly candid, most guys never got past first base before I panicked and ran home to Mom and Dad."

"Really, well this should be a first for both of us then, wait, what about protection?"

"Are you suggesting we keep our socks on, that's pretty weird and wild Prof."

"No you know what I mean, I don't have any condoms, I wouldn't even know where to start buying them. Come to think of it the widow hand and her five daughters never required me to don one, so that may be a new entry in the annals of..."

"Josh shut up you're rambling! Look don't worry, I've been on the pill since I was fourteen, problem periods etc."

"Oh poor thing, are you okay now?"

"Thank you for your concern, and yes I've kept on with them and I have no problems."

"Well that's good then isn't it, well done."

"Oh God Prof. you're driving me insane, for heavens sake let's just go to bed and enjoy whatever happens, OK?"

"OK, lead..."

"If you say 'Lead on McDuff' again I will hit you."

"Lips are sealed, quiet, silent, schtum."

Josh placed his finger to his lips. Bill laughed and took his hand, turning the lights off they headed to the stairs.

In Bill's room, she put on the bedside lamp and drew the curtains.

"If you intend to stand there all night, sex will be pretty difficult Prof. I don't bite, well not on the first time, after that it's up to you."

Josh smiled and slipped his shoes off, turning his back he unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it free of his trousers.

"Hey Prof., look at me, I want to see you undress, don't you want to see me?"

"I thought you might want some privacy."

"You're shitting me? we are about to have the most basic of human interaction and you want me to have some privacy?" 

Bill giggled which became a guffaw, then a full blown snorting laugh, her body shaking, which caused Josh's dick to crowd it's prison. He joined her laughing and they stood facing each other tears falling. Finally they slowed and walked towards each other. Wrapping their arms round each other they kissed, holding each other tightly.

For many minutes they kissed and their tongues tangoed around each others mouths. Finally gasping they separated and held each other loosely.

"I'm going to undress and put on my robe, go clean my teeth and wash up. Wait for me."

"OK" 

Steeling herself Bill slipped off her blouse and then skirt, her slip followed, leaving her in bra and panties. She smiled and uncinched her bra strap, it fell away from her and she opened her arms letting it fall to the floor. She watched Josh's eyes, saw his pupils enlarge and his face change from a worried frown to utter delight.

"Ok I'm guessing you like these puppies," 

she touched her small pert breasts briefly, feeling her nipples tightening, before sliding her hands into her panties. Holding her breath she slid them over her hips and let them slide down her legs before trying to step out of them. Josh's eyes bugged out and he stared in open desire and lust as she stood naked before him.

"Pass my robe please."

"No, wait just stand there for a minute, I want to remember this moment for ever."

Slowly he tore his eyes from her and reached for her robe. Holding it out he opened it and folded it over her shoulders. Gratefully she slipped her arms in and pulled it together. Josh cupped her chin and kissed her lips lightly.

"You are truly beautiful, like a Raphael painting or a Rodin statue, I can't believe I'm here with you, if this is a dream please do not wake me up, ever."

"Silly, give me five minutes, get undressed and sit on the bed."

"OK, be quick."

"I will, now go on undress."

She swept out and Josh undressed and sat nervously on the end of the bed. Shortly Bill came back and slipped the robe off.

"Do you need to, you know, and if you want to use my electric toothbrush, there's a spare head in the cabinet."

"Thanks, won't be long." He picked up her discarded robe and slipped it on.

Bill sat on the bed, then heard the scream and shouts, then laughter, fighting her giggles, she pulled on the skirt and a sweater lying on her bedroom chair.

On the landing, the door to Issy and Geoff's bedroom was open and the light was on, she could hear them laughing and giggling and Josh's stammering apology. She rushed in giggling. Issy was sat up in bed and despite her red face she was crying tears of laughter, Geoff sat open mouthed. Josh embarrassed stood trying to explain, the robe wide open and displaying his body to them.

"For God's sake Josh do the robe up," Bill cried trying to get round him to assist.

"Oh! so sorry, I didn't really tie it up tight. I seem to have fucked up again."

Issy looked at his semi erect dick and wiped tears from her eyes. Geoff was holding his sides as his aching ribs protested. Suddenly Issy seemed to realise that the cover had fallen away leaving her breasts in full view. This set her off again and instead of covering herself she lay back and screamed with laughter, her breasts rolling and bouncing on her chest. Josh tried not to look, but the movement fascinated him. Geoff looked down and saw that the semi had become full and his tears increased as he laughed louder still.

"Josh!" said Issy as she saw his erect dick waving at her. "Please put that thing away, before it goes off or has my eye out."

"Oh God!" said Bill as she attempted to close the too small robe around him. Her thigh caught his cock and Josh jumped back a step.

"I am so, so sorry, I really am, Issy I apologise for staring, it is so rude and Geoff there is no offence intended. Issy is a magnificently endowed lady but I'm sure you already know that..."

"Josh how deep do you want to dig this hole?" Bill said calmly.

She dragged him away and showed him the bathroom and the cabinet, leaving him to finish on his own.

As she passed Issy and Geoff's room, through the closed door she heard whispers and giggles, then a slap and more giggles. She smiled and walked to her room, leaving the door open as a guide for when Josh left the bathroom. Several minutes later he returned and slipped the robe off, hanging it back on the hook behind the door.

His dick was still semi erect, and as she slipped out of the skirt and cardigan, she was pleased to see it begin to fill out and harden. She smiled, so I can interest a man, she thought as she held her arms out to him. he moved to her and they kissed open mouthed, she adjusted herself so his erection slid up between their stomachs. Finally his hands moved and he began to explore her body. She shuddered as his gentle but firm hands found her hips her back, her bottom, finally he returned his hands to her shoulders as he held her tightly.

Pausing she stepped back to the bed and again held her arms out to him. She lay back as he stepped between her opening legs and moved down to her. 

His hands found her small breasts and his fingers spread over them , feeling the firm nipples and rolling them in his fingers. She sighed and opened her legs more. He knelt before her and lowered his face to her stomach, kissing it, then down to her groin, all the time his hands played a melody on her breasts. She gasped as he kissed her bare mound, then slid his tongue down the slit, slyly prising the lips apart, his mouth kissing one then the other. She writhed and twisting enjoying the sensation of another human touching her most private and sensitive places.

Pausing he moved his hands down and prised her lips apart, pushing his tongue into her folds. She cried in pleasure as her found her vagina and licked her there, his tongue gently probing her entrance. Moving back up he gently licked and sucked on the folds of her clitoral hood. She pushed back against him. She felt his finger enter her, she stretched wider giving him better access. Soon she felt her orgasm building, heating her body until a wave of pleasure burst through her and she jerked and twitched on his fingers and tongue.

"Oh My God, where did you learn to do that?" she said,

"Nowhere it just all looked so delicious I thought this was what one did."

"Come here and make love to me, please Josh, now."

He moved over her, bringing his mouth to hers and his hand to her breast. She found his erect dick and caressed and massaged it before pointing it at her sex, rubbing it along her slit gently until it was coated in her juices. Slowly she fed her hungry vagina, feeling him fill her up. He moved slowly, delicately and she felt the heat again. Slowly they increased the rhythm until she could hold back no longer, her muscles pulling tightly against his dick, pulling him in as deeply as she could. Josh cried out and he discharged into her copious streams of seed.They lay back, she half on his chest, her leg over his.

"Well I don't know about you, but I found that totally awesome."

"Bill, that was the most breathtaking moment of my life, are you ok?"

"I'm OK, that was mind blowing, and no fuck ups, if get my drift."

"Yes we seem to fit together easily. I love you my darling, more than you will ever know and I will prove it to you every day we are together."

"You have nothing to prove to me Prof, I know you love me as much as I do you."

He stroked her hair from her face and kissed her gently. Soon he heard the gentle purr of her sleeping and closing his eyes he to fell asleep.

The light and the alarm combined to wake them, they looked at each other and smiled. She ran her hand over his chest.

"Hi Prof."

"Hello Ms Gates, did you sleep well."

"Oh Yeah, you?"

"Perfectly"

The bedroom door echoed to a knock.

"Hi Guys Bathrooms free, do want a drink?"

"Hi Issy. we'll shower and be down."

"OK, plenty of hot water, and it's big enough."

"What is?"

"The shower in their room, it takes two."

"You mean.."

"Hell yes, come on Prof. bath time."

"wait, I'm naked, and.."

"Hey Prof. ain't nothing you got we ain't seen already."

Bill dragged the struggling Josh out onto the landing and into Issy and Geoff's bedroom. She circled him and pushed him in the shower. Pushing the power button they gasped as cold water hit them full on.

"Bastard! Geoff's pushed the lever to cold water only, hang on."

They shivered until the water reached a warmer temperature.

"Hotter?"

"Just a little."

"Better?"

"Oh yes."

"Hmm, mini you's disappeared."

"Can you blame him, don't worry he'll be back."

"Sure hope so, I miss that little fellah."

"Not so much of the little please, he's very worried about his stature."

"Felt okay to me."

"Really?"

"Girl Scouts Honour."

She raised her fingers in salute.

"Thanks."

"Welcome."

"That word is rapidly becoming my favourites."

"Oh! I was hoping it was 'again'"

She giggled and he lunged for her, pulling her to him, kissing her gently but firmly. They touched each other intimately, slowly lovingly, finally they washed and stepped out of the shower. Seeing Issy had left two large fluffy towels for them they dried each other with exaggerated care.

"That thing okay, or is it loaded and ready to fire?"

"Safety's on and it'll turn itself off in a few minutes."

"Good, because getting that in your pants looks like a tricky old number."

"Oh my God, I'm going to have to look the other way, do you know how divine you look bent over like that?"

"Think pure thoughts Prof."

"Not easy when you look so temptingly delicious."

"Think Rhino, or Hippo,"

"I'm thinking, lips or tongues at the moment."

"Later big boy, wow it is big isn't it." she half turned to him, seeing him gazing at her wonderingly.

"Earth to Prof. time to dress, breakfast in ten. move it."

"You are so cruel and heartless, tearing a man aware from the beauty of a perfect woman to the the mundane tasks of a working morning."

"Blow it out your ass and get a move on slowpoke."

They held hands as they bounced downstairs, Issy and Geoff were in the kitchen.

"Morning Prof. Sleep well?"

Issy asked, kissing his cheek in passing.

"Ahh! yes thanks Issy, very well thank you. Yourself?"

"Oh you know so-so."

"Josh, tea or coffee? also we have various cereals, bread, croissants or fruit, or any combination."

"Tea please, I'll find some cereal, what can I make you?"

"Well you make me happy already, but you can fix me a couple of croissants please."

Issy held out a bag of croissants and pointed to the oven. Eyeing it, Josh took two croissants and slipped them onto a shelf, set the temperature and turned to the table. Finding the muesli he poured a bowl.

"Yoghurt or milk in the fridge," said Geoff as he popped a piece of toast in his mouth.

"So Prof. busy day?"

Geoff opened his newspaper and glanced at the headlines.

"Tutorial at ten thirty, heads of department meeting at two, a quiet afternoon, probably marking some papers."

"Can I see you tonight?"

"Of course, hey look, why don't you come to High Table with me. It's fairly formal, even if it is only sausage and mash. I have to wear a cap and gown, as do all the Staff, but you can sit with me, the high table's never full. We sit about a foot higher than the students facing them. It's a wonderful tradition."

"Oh that would be awesome Prof. Is my little black number okay?"

"Well I suppose so, if you have a degree and your robes with you, you could wear them."

"Oh damn, I forgot to pack them when I left home, how could I be so stupid."

"Sadly, I don't think the local outfitters run to..?"

"Caltech."

"You were at Caltech?"

"Majored in Biochemistry and Molecular Biophysics."

"Bugger me!"

"Pardon me?"

"Nothing, you talk normally, well American normal, no geekspeak."

"You seem surprised Professor?"

"No I'm gobsmacked, you my dear are probably a genius, and you are so hot."

"Oh Oh, hormone alert!!" Issy grinned.

"Hey Prof. any sign of those croissants yet?"

"Coming right up genius, now plates?"

Geoff pointed at a cupboard to Josh's left without looking up from his newspaper.

Josh took a plate from the cupboard and opened the oven, flipped the croissants onto it and put it down on the table.

"OK people, Geoff is leaving the building, goodbye dear friends."

Geoff kissed Bills cheek, grabbed Issy bent her back and gave her a full on french kiss. Lifting her deftly back up, he patted Josh on the shoulder and left. Issy, licked her lips and tried to straighten her hair and clothing.

"I hate it when he does that." she said grinning, they all laughed.

"Come on Prof. time to go, hut, hut, hut."

"I haven't finished my tea.."

"Out! go, leave, goodbye, see you later alligator."

"I'm going too, I'll give you a lift Josh, see you later Bill."

With that Josh found himself in the driveway climbing into Issy's runabout.

"Belt up Prof. time to hit the road."

"Locked and loaded, let's go."

Bill waved as they left, then skipped inside.

Issy drove steadily into town, settling into the rhythm of the traffic and following her normal route.

"So Josh, how are you and Bill getting on?"

"We're fine, well better than fine actually, this is so great, right outside any of my usual girlfriend scenarios, not that there have been that many really."

"Well from my part I haven't seen Bill so lively and happy for... well since we were kids really."




The Chaos Theory



"Wow, that's good and bad, good she seems to enjoy being with me and bad she has to wait so long to be happy."

"Oh! I can see why she loves you Joshua Greening, you silver tongued devil."

"Oh! Issy, don't be silly, she's a really fun friend."

"Just a 'friend' then?"

"No! more than a friend, oh what the hell! Issy I love your sister, truly, madly, totally, completely. She lights up everything I see or do with her. I feel lost without her, I just want to make her happy all the time."

"Well you're doing a great job at the moment."

"I hope so, I just wish I could make her happy with me for always."

"Whooa Buster, that sounds a bit too serious, are you thinking what I think you're thinking?"

"If you're thinking, that I want to marry her, you're right, or do I misread you?"

"Noooo! I think you may be a little bit ahead of yourself now, after all it's been one date and a night together."

"Err two dates and a night together."

"Two?"

"Yes, look the meeting at the College, then on the pub and back to your place, that's one; then the meal at the Unicorn, altogether that's two dates."

"Hmm, that's sounding like a bit of a statistical fudge, Prof., you sure Bill counts it as two dates?"

"Pretty sure, well almost, I think so, I explained it to her."

"She laughed?"

"Yup!"

"OK!"

"What's 'OK' mean?"

"Nothing,"

"No, no don't 'nothing' me, explain please?"

"Bill was joking with you, you know..."

"She was fucking with me, as you Americans so succinctly put it, humouring me."

"Pretty much, but I think that's because she loves you too."

"You think so?"

"I'm sure Prof., my kid sister is completely gone on you."

"Wow!"

"Wow Indeed!"

"Issy, do you think your parents would approve of me?"

"Are you for real? they would love you, the minute you fell in the door they would lap you up."

"Now you're fucking with me!"

"For sure. No really, they would welcome you with open arms. Mother would be unbearable, so over the top, Dad would want a man to man," 

Issy's voice deepened, 

"Take care of my little girl, she is my world, hurt her and I'll kill you," she smiled

"You know the usual mano a mano thing you guys do."

"Ohh really?"

"Hey Geoff got it and he stayed around."

"I will be around Bill for as long as she wants me to."

"OK then don't go planning any solo trips for a while."

"Thanks Issy, I love your sister, I really do."

Josh glanced at Issy and smiled.

"You Goddam Brits and that lazy smile, us Yankee girls fall for it all the time." She grinned back.

"Oh it's a genius plan by the Government for slowly reclaiming America, by marrying every American girl to an Englishman."

Issy laughed as she pulled into the car park and nosed the car into a vacant space.

"There you go Prof. from our door to your floor. Chequer cabs, find us in the Yellow Pages."

"Thanks Issy," 

Josh leaned over to kiss her cheek just as Issy turned to say goodbye, their lips met and she pushed him back laughing.

"Getoff you big lunk save that for the girl that cares," she said as she pulled herself out of the car.

Reddening Josh opened the door put a foot out and realised he still had his seat belt on. Issy leaned back into the car saw Josh's antics and roared.

"God Almighty Prof. you start early in the morning don'tcha?"

"I'm OK, here, now, just have to push the catch and, Oh!" 

The belt under tension whipped back and the metal buckle caught him on the chin, dazed, his head fell forward. Issy heard the bump as he failed to get his hands out in front of him and his forehead hit the dashboard. Looking back into the car she saw him slump sideways. Shaking her head she pulled her mobile out and pressed a speed dial number.

"Hi Bill, yeah, you might want to go down to A & E, looks like the Prof. just knocked himself out. No he's out cold and I need to dial for an ambulance."

Cutting off her sister Issy dialed the emergency number and gave the details. A crowd of Masters and students gathered round the unconscious figure slumped in the car. Issy shook her head slowly and smiled, what a pair.

"OK people, let's give the Prof. some air please, stand back or go on with your business, there's aid on it's way," she yelled fruitlessly, as the rubberkneckers all gathered around.

Josh woke with a pounding in his temple and an ache in his jaw. As things began to focus he saw a worried Bill sitting at his side.

"Whereami?"

"Hi Josh, you know where you are don't you?"

"Whereami?"

"That's right Hospital."

"Whathappenedtome?"

"You probably can't remember what happened to you?"

"S'rightWhathappenedtome?"

"You bumped your head, do you remember?"

"I..."

"OK, you rest now, it will be OK, you need to rest."

"IloveyouBill!"

"Yes it's me, you're going to be fine, I love you Josh, now sleep."

"Whereami?"

"Yes, you need to sleep."

"Whereami?"

"Yes I'll stay here at the hospital."

"Ohh!"

His eyelips drooped and Bill watched him drift back to sleep. Issy and Geoff arrived and Geoff took Bill away to the cafeteria to find a hot drink and a snack, whilst Issy sat by Josh's bed.

Issy saw Josh's eyelids flicker then open.

"Well hello Professor Greening, how are you this evening."

"Bill?"

"No it's Issy, Bill's getting refreshments and will be back soon."

"I love her, I really do you know."

"I know silly, we all do, she's a very lovable girl."

"I love you too Issy, but as a friend, a very, very good friend."

"Aww now that's sweet honey, but you need to rest."

A tall man in his sixties came in with a woman, elegant and slightly shorter than he.

"God almighty what's he done this time?" exploded the man, as his partner raised her fingers to her mouth.

"Quiet, George, can't you see the boys sleeping. Oh hello are you the lady that called us?"

"Hi! yes I'm Issy, I work with the Prof. he had the accident in my car this morning."

"Oh! are you and he..?"

"Oh! no he's dating my sister, she's just getting some refreshments, she's been here all day and my husband has made her take a break." 

Issy rose and offered the woman her chair.

"God Issy I really love her, she's so cute and fresh and..." Josh murmured in his sleep.

"Well, I must meet your sister, she's seems to have made quite an impression on our son."

"He's made a hell of an impression on me too." Bill walked in and held her hand out.

"I'm Bill, Josh and I we're, well we.. ahh, I'm getting a little bit flustered here Issy, can you help me out?" she winced and looked pleadingly at her sister.

The man turned and glared at Bill, then broke into a smile.

"If my son professes his love for you, then I guess you two are more than friends am I right?"

"You're right?"

"good let's not beat about the bush, I'm George, this is Pamela, you're Bill, that's your sister Issy and this gentleman is?"

"Geoff, I'm Issy's husband, Bill's brother."

They shook hands and the women hugged each other.

"So glad to meet you all," Pamela Greening said. "George can be a bit off putting at times but he's a teddy bear really, aren't you dear?"

She placed an arm round his waist, he smiled and kissed her forehead,

"Grrrr." he growled grinning.

"Please Mrs Greening, Pamela, take a seat, sit down." Issy pointed to the chair by the bed.

"No that's Bill's seat, come on, sit down, he's been murmuring your name. I expect he'd rather see your pretty face than any of us." 

Pamela Greening ushered Bill to the chair and placed her arms on her shoulders when she sat. 

"There, now all we need is for the patient to wake up," 

As if on cue Josh opened his eyes again, this time his focus was almost perfect, he stared at Bill enraptured.

"Fuck! I've died and gone to heaven." he said, as the others giggled.

"You can be so coarse Joshua, what happened to all the manners we taught you, " grumbled George Greening, whilst the others suppressed their laughter.

"Dad? is Mum here?"

"Hello sweetie."

"Ohh wow, how did you get here?"

"We were flown here by a pack of wild Hippogriff's, how'd you think?"

"Father, sarcasm is the lowest form of wit!"

"But effective if used sparingly."

"Touche"

"Well Tumbletot you've dragged us away from work again, but at least this time we have the pleasure of meeting the rather lovely young lady you seem to be caught up with."

"Thanks Dad, appreciate that."

"Bit out of your league isn't she though? she's a beauty."

"George!"

"Just winding him up, he knows it."

"George, he does, but Bill doesn't. Bill take no notice of George, he's a terrible tease, as I hope you will learn."

"By the way old thing, are you bringing Bill down to Curnow with you next month?"

"I haven't had chance to ask her yet Dad."

"Well no time like the present, Bill what are you doing the last two weeks in August, fancy a Cornish Holiday?"

"Well, yes I'd love to come, Issy is that OK?"

"You don't need our permission Hun, you're all growed up now, entirely up to you." Issy smiled and held Geoff's hand.

"Tell you what, bring your sister and her hubby too, we've got the room, you like cold showers Geoff?"

"Oh absolutely, my favourite, alongside warm lemonade and jam sandwiches." 

"It means no hanky panky for a week or so, still think you can handle it?"

"George!!"

"Dad!!"

"Hell woman I'm taking the piss again, can't you see that?"

"Dad, quietly please, my head hurts,"

"Ahh and who's fault's that may I ask hmm?"

"OK, it's mine, I admit it, I was stupid, again!"

"Josh," 

"It's OK Bill, I know when I'm beaten."

"Good all settled then, now is there a bloody cafeteria here, I'm gagging for a cup of something?"

"This way Mr Greening, follow me," 

Geoff pointed out the room, taking Issy and George Greening with him. Pamela Greening stood behind Bill and rubbed her hands on her shoulders.

"George is right Bill, you are very pretty, where are you from?"

"Boston, Massachusetts, well a little town called Medford on the north side, we've lived there our whole lives."

"Well you and your sister seem like very nice girls, or should I say young ladies, your parents must be very proud of you, as we are of Josh and his siblings."

"Mother and Father would be very pleased to hear you say that, Mrs Greening, thank you."

"No thank you Bill, for making Josh so happy, despite his being knocked about, I don't think I've seen him this happy in years. By the way, please call us George and Pamela."

"Thanks Mum, I'm actually awake now."

"Hush son, this is girls talk."

"Yes, quiet now, ladies talking."

Later they left Josh as he slept again, and went to the local Italian Restaurant and enjoyed a meal. Issy and Geoff offered to put the Greenings up in their spare bedroom to save them having to find a hotel at short notice. The Greenings were preparing to drive back that night but accepted the offer. 

They left after a very enjoyable but mad family breakfast the next morning, and Bill made her way to hospital.

Josh sat in a chair in the day room, dressed and holding a carrier bag. Bill smiled and walked towards him, scrunching down she kissed him lightly.

"Hello darling, how are you this morning?"

"Discharged, all is good, no problems, my scan was clear, my vital signs all normal, I'm free to go, you just need to sign for me at reception and I'm all yours."

"Wow! it's that easy huh?"

"Apparently gorgeous they trust you with me."

"The fools,"

"Quite, now would you please sign for me so I can go home."

"Don't whine!"

"Sorry!"

"No you're not, you're giving me those big puppy eyes, now sit here whilst I sign you out."

"Thanks Mom."

"Don't push it Greening, I might just walk straight out of those doors."

"Love you,"

"OK, wait up."

Five minutes later she came back,

"OK soldier let's go home, Oh! which home?"

"Mine, please."

"OK, lead on McDuff."

"you've been waiting to say that haven't you."

"Yes indeedey,"

"Did I say I love you?"

"Not enough but keep trying."

"I love you, I love you, I love you..."

"Nice." 

Josh carried on as they left the ward.

"OK enough, I believe you."

Holding hands they made their way out the main entrance to the taxi rank.

At the College entrance Bill paid the taxi off and they walked up to his rooms. On the board more notes were pinned. As Josh opened the door Bill removed the pins and took the notes down. Pushing the pins back in she entered and noticed the notes, envelope and bottle of milk on the hall table.

"Hey Prof. how long's this milk been here?"

"Oh God, about two days, is it ok?"

"Not by the smell coming from it no."

"Shit, we may have a milk problem then."

"Ok, well I'll have a black coffee if that helps?"

"Yes that would help."

"Oh I've bought all the notes in, here."

"OK, err, right let's see what's here; OK, OK, waste of space, he's failed, nope not interested, juvenile excuse, right done." 

He threw the notes in the bin and grinned. 

"Best filing cabinet ever,"

"What's in the envelope?"

"Oh it's from Mum, ahh, reminding me to bring a friend to Cornwall! well that's already settled, good, no reply necessary."

He flipped the envelope and note into the bin.

They went back to the lounge and sat in the two saggy raggedy armchairs, with their fifties styling and thin upholstery, Bill felt too low to the floor, her legs were angled upwards and her elbows perched high on the arms.

"These are rubbish chairs, but they came with the rooms so I just use them, I'm not about to buy anything new." He offered by way of explanation.

"Adds to the charm, so refreshingly antiquated, so British, so..."

"Crap?"

"Exactly."

"Sorry Bill, for wasting your last couple of days, I am an idiot sometimes."

"No you're not!"

"Yes I am,"

"Well maybe a little."

"Yeah!"

He rose and moved over to her chair, took her cup and placed it on the floor by the side of the chair.

"You may regret that in a minute,"

"You're right, but not this.."

His lips pressed to hers and she opened her mouth to him. Shuffling closer, he moved between her spreading legs, as she crawled to the edge of the chair. She pulled him onto her and he balanced himself on the edge of the cushion, his arms gathering her in.

With a loud crack, the chair sagged even lower beneath Bill. She started to giggle, they separated, laughing. He placed his hands down and moved back, she lowered her legs and attempted to lift herself out of the chair, which moved slightly and scrunched up the rug, tipping the cup over. He looked down and his laughter increased, causing Bill to laugh louder. Finally she heaved herself out of the chair only to fall forward onto him.

"You hussy, launching yourself at me."

"You wish Buster, unhand me before my Daddy horsewhips you."

"Does your Father have a horse whip?"

"Sure, I suppose, don't all girls fathers get them at birth?"

"I expect so, they always threaten to horsewhip someone don't they?"

"Frankly My Dear I don't give a Damn!"

"Oh! very good, I see what you did there, good call,"

"Why thank you kindly sir."

"OK, Bedroom?"

"You Bet!"

Later they lay together and just enjoyed the pleasure of feeling close to another person, a special person. They lay hands resting on each other, legs entwined. Through the morning they loved and slept. Soon in the dark they slept, peacefully, deeply, totally sure of the other.

The sun rose lazily the next morning and slowly the heat and light reached the bed.

"What time have you got?"

"All my life for you."

"No silly, what does your watch say?"

"Tick, Tock?"

"Idiot, what is the time?"

"Oh! about twelve thirty nine, Oh Shit, fuck, Cock, Pussy, Damn, Bollocks."

"Missed a meeting?"

"Worse! Lecture at one, Head of Faculty there, Dean and honoured guests, finger buffet beforehand, meet the staff, blah, blah, blah, Fuck."

"Tee, Hee, Hee, Oh boy you really did it this time, Josh, why didn't you say?"

"I... I wanted you here, with me, is that so wro..."

The door resounded to a series of crashing bangs,

"For fucks sake Greening get your sorry arse downstairs, the Deans about to go nuclear, there is such a shit storm brewing and you are definitely target number one." shouted a voice from the other side.

"I think you ought to go.. go, go!"

Bill used her arms and legs to push him out of bed, and watched him dressing frantically. She watched with an amused grin as he pulled his clothes on and struggled to wrap his robes on himself, find his cap and disappear. Sighing she rose and walked to his bathroom and set the taps running. A thin stream ran from each. Low pressure she guessed. Oh how she loved this country, warm beer and cold baths. Smiling she stepped slowly into the bath.

Three weeks later Bill was a regular and welcome face around College. She had met and liked his colleagues, the students and staff. The Gatekeeper in particular took a shine to her and couldn't be more helpful, personally escorting her as she found her way around. He offered to be her personal door opener, letting her into the Refectory for High Tea or Lunch. He gave her a detailed tour of the buildings and imparted the ancient rules and regulations of the College. 

Soon Bill was on first names with Cedric, something even Masters who had been there for over forty years hadn't achieved. But there was no animosity, her cheery wave and smile melted a million hearts and everyone thought "Lucky Bastard" when they saw her with Josh. He wandered round College with her on his arm grinning like the Cheshire Cat to her Alice.

Sitting in his rooms she held her mobile to her ear hearing the clicks and purrs as she rang her mother. It was early evening here and early morning at home. A voice answered.

"Mother, hello it's me, yes how are you?"

"I'm fine Honey, how are things going?"

They talked for about twenty minutes, after which Mrs Gates seemed to become distracted and Bill heard noises and shouts in the background.

"So Wilhemina how are things in England, have you been meeting any nice Englishmen?"

"Oh Mother it's all so dreamy here and yes I've met a man, he's a Prof, he's really nice."

"Oh Wilhemina are you sure? You know what these feckless English Gentry are like, be careful Honey, he might just be after... you know?"

"Mother what are you on about? he's a Prof not a Toff, wha.."

"He's a what? Honey this line is terrible, so much noise here, did you say he's a Goth?"

"No Mother, he's a Prof. A Professor, he's an Academic, he lectures at the University Issy works for."

"Oh Honey, I'm so sorry, I completely lost that, look why don't your Father and I come over and meet this.. gentleman and see if we approve?"

"Oh God No, Mother do not come over, not yet, please. Look I'll text you everything. I have to go now it's supper time, speak soon bye."

"Honey I didn't get any of that, your Father's here and he's lost his watch, there's so much noise. I have to go, why not text me with the details, I'll speak to you soon Bye..."

The line clicked and the hum of random white noise echoed down the line.

Josh looked over grinning,

"How's Mom?"

"It's Mother, never, ever Mom, please remember that. I think I'll have to text her about us, she got confused."

"Confused how, I heard she thought I was a toff, what else is there?"

"She was distracted by my Dad, she now thinks you're a Goth!"

"Good God, as in an axe swinging Germanic raider, come to rape, plunder and pillage?"

"Don't, I dread to think what she pictures."

"Hmm how about I dress up and we take a picture of me dragging you off to heaven knows what fate?"

"No way, do you want Daddy and the horsewhip."

"Maybe not, just the usual head and shoulders shot, tidy and hair combed then?"




The Chaos Theory



"Better, maybe you and me all smiles."

"That's easy, we can do it on your phone, then you can add a message underneath."

"OK, I'll sit on your lap and hold my phone out, there hold it, three, two, on..."

The chair they were sat on finally gave up any pretense of usefulness and collapsed under them. They lay back laughing and after a few minutes started to untangle themselves. Bill looked at her phone screen and burst into laughter handing it to Josh. Josh laughed too. The picture, blurred at the edges showed four legs upended and diagonally across the screen.

"Err perhaps not this one then, " he said and sat on the other chair arm.

"I'm keeping it though, a memento of our life together."

"So Miss Gates you think we have a life together?"

"I sure hope so, don't you?"

"You had me at sorry!"

"Oh nice, way cool Prof."

"I like to think so, I love you Miss Gates, have I told you that?"

"Hmm you have, but don't stop, I love hearing you say it."

"I love you Bill, you make my life worthwhile, I feel like a new man."

"Ohh no, just as we were getting on so well!"

"Oh good, sarcasm and irony as well, you are catching on fast Miss Gates."

"You're a good teacher Prof. Greening, the best."

"And you Miss Gates are the most beautiful woman in the world."

"Really, well you're biased."

"True, and totally, completely besotted with you, you are truly the love of my life. I would be lost without you"

"I've always had a weakness for lost causes once they're really lost." 

"Nice, that's from Gone with the Wind, love that film. Anyway so when do I get to meet the Folks?"

"Soon."

"Good, I look forward to it."

"Fiddledee dee!"

Josh grinned then swept her off her feet into his arms,

"I've always thought a good lashing with a buggy whip would benefit you immensely."

"It ain't fittin'... it ain't fittin'. It jes' ain't fittin'... It ain't fittin,"

"Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn."

Josh walked across the room to the bedroom door, using her body he pushed the door back and strode to the bed, throwing her on it. He pulled his shirt open and towered over her,

"No, I don't think I will kiss you, although you need kissing, badly. That's what's wrong with you. You should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how."

Bill sat up and clasped her hands together covering her chest, as Josh pulled his shirt off, balling it up and throwing it into the far corner of the room.

"Oh, Rhett, Rhett please don't say that. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry for everything."

Grinning he undid his trousers and stepped out of them, standing before her he pulled his pants down and his virility was there to see, staring her in the face. Looking at her haughtily he said,

"Strip!"

"No, never, you will not dishonour me sir, I am a lady."

"Strip." 

He grinned and stepped towards her.

Bill grinned and slowly slid out of her clothes, lying back she welcomed him with open arms. He moved next to her and they came together, longing for, loving, needing, each other. Outside the world turned as it should, inside time stood still. They came together, parted, came together, in the age old act of love. They gave and received from each other until exhausted, they fell side by side and felt time restart.

"I love you Bill,"

"I love you Josh."

"Well that's all right then."

"Yes it is, it's all we need."

"What would your Mother say to this?"

"I don't think she should know at the moment."

"Mmmmm,"

"Are you going to sleep?"

"Mmmm,"

"Good, love you."

"Mmmmm."

Josh giggled, and they huddled together, the light grew dim and they rested. The world carried on without them, lost for a few hours. Their breathing slowed and they slept, wrapped in the blanket of their own love.