8 comments/ 37758 views/ 56 favorites Something Personal Ch. 01 By: foolish_hobgoblin Brobdingnagian thanks to GaiusPetronius, not just for the editing of all four chapters, but for the brainstorming and the support. Any mistakes are my own, due to either stubbornness or lack of attention. This is a four-part series I'm submitting all at once; if past stories are any indication, there will be a new chapter posted each day. Thanks for reading! +++ "This line is endless," Gavin muttered, checking the time on his phone before looking at the eight people in front of him in the checkout line. Glancing once again in the direction of the bookstore's information desk, he was relieved to see an employee finally step behind it and wave a customer over. Gavin hurried to the line and stood behind a tall, dark-haired woman. She paused next to a man who was standing by the sign that read Please form line here but facing away from the information desk. "Sir, are you in line?" she asked politely. The man scowled and rolled his eyes. "Do I look like I'm in line? The line is there," he growled condescendingly, pointing at the customer being helped by the clerk. Gavin's mouth dropped open at the unwarranted rudeness. He couldn't see the woman's face, but saw her head jerk back. Amazingly, her voice was calm. "Actually, the line starts here, where you are," she said almost sweetly, pointing to the sign in front of him. The man looked at the sign and rolled his eyes again before sighing loudly and stomping away. "What a dick," Gavin said under his breath. Stunning, bright blue eyes regarded him with mild surprise and Gavin felt a shock run through him. The woman grinned and shrugged before facing the information desk. He wasn't even sure he returned the smile. She flipped her hair over her shoulder and he caught a whiff of her shampoo - an unrecognizable scent that was rich and heady without bowling him over. As she walked to the clerk, he let his eyes travel down her long legs covered in tailored grey pants, noticing how they molded to her hips and behind, and suddenly not minding this errand. He was busy imagining what the rest of her looked like and didn't notice she had moved away until the clerk called him over. "Hi, can you tell me where to find Pillars of the Earth?" he asked, watching the woman out of the corner of his eye. She was standing to the side with her back to him, scribbling something in a small notebook. One elbow was resting on the counter, her hip jutting out as she wrote. Damn, he thought. "Would you like me to show you where that is?" the clerk was asking him. Gavin blinked and realized he'd completely missed the answer to his question. "Uh, no. Could you write it down, though?" he asked, feeling like an idiot. The clerk looked at him strangely but quickly jotted the information on the back of a bookmark. "Thanks," Gavin told him, turning to where the woman had been - only to find the spot empty. With a small sigh, he looked at the bookmark and then around the store to find the section he needed. It took him several minutes because he found himself looking for her and had to remind himself what he was supposed to be doing. He wasn't sure why he wanted to find her - was it those blue eyes? Was it the way she'd handled the rude old man? Or was it because she hadn't seemed to give him a second thought after she'd looked at him? He didn't chase after women and wasn't accustomed to the anxious feeling in the pit of his stomach that he might not see her again. Finally locating the aisle where the book was supposed to be, Gavin struggled to focus. He was trying in vain to remember the author's last name when he thankfully spotted the book by its title. "That's one of my all-time favorites," he heard a sultry voice say. He whipped around. She was standing just a few feet away, and he saw instantly that his imagination hadn't done the rest of her justice. Her blazer was fitted and flared slightly at the hips, emphasizing her small waist. She was wearing a deep red blouse, which was in striking contrast to her porcelain skin. He noticed for the first time how tall she was - able to look him almost directly in the eye without tilting her head. He allowed himself a second to take in her full lips before looking at her vivid eyes. "Really? That's good to hear," he said with a smile. She gave him a small smile and turned back to the shelf. "What are your other favorites?" he asked. She spoke while continuing to peruse the books. "The Book Thief. The Thursday Next series by Jasper Fforde." Gavin had never heard of any of them, but nodded. She selected a book and turned toward him. "I hope you like it," she said as she started to walk past him. "Uh, it's actually a gift - for my niece," he said quickly, wanting to keep talking to her. She turned back slowly. "How old is she?" "It's for her thirteenth birthday." She wrinkled her brow. "Hm." "What?" "Well, there's a rape scene in the book," she told him. "I didn't read it until college, though I guess a high schooler could probably handle it. But thirteen..." she trailed off with a shrug. "Did she ask for it?" He looked at the book self-consciously. "No, I read a blurb about it," he said. "It was one of Oprah's books." He looked up in time to see her roll her eyes. "Not a fan of Oprah?" he asked with a grin. He knew he should be embarrassed but decided to take advantage of the opportunity to be self-deprecating. She shrugged. "I don't really have an opinion - other than it's good that she gets the masses to read, I guess. "What would you recommend?" "It really depends on your niece - whether she's already a book lover or if you're trying to get her excited about reading. If she likes mysteries or romance, if she prefers something light or can handle something heavier." She watched the struggle that was apparently evident on his face. "Okay," she went on matter-of-factly. "I'm guessing she's either not a big reader or you don't know her that well." "I guess I don't - I really only see her a few times a year," he said, trying not to sound defensive. She nodded, thinking. "I would try one of the classics like A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, or A Wrinkle in Time. Maybe Little Women. And get a gift receipt." She turned to walk away. "Wait," he said, fighting a wince when he heard the desperation in his voice. She turned slowly. "Did you need me to write them down?" He chuckled. "Actually, that would probably be helpful. But I really just wanted to thank you for your help and ask if I could buy you a cup of coffee." She looked at him speculatively for a moment. "Come on," she said and started walking past him again. Assuming they were headed for the cafe in the corner of the bookstore, he was flustered when she moved into another aisle, and then another, picking up books as she went. Naturally he followed until she finally stopped and handed them to him. "Read the excerpts," she said. "On the back?" she added a little patronizingly. "That should help you figure out which one to pick for her." She turned away again. "So, that's a no on the coffee, then?" he called to her retreating back. "No, thanks," she said over her shoulder without looking at him. Despite being blown off, and quite efficiently so, he found himself grinning. - "Dude, what are you reading?" Brett asked, dropping onto the opposite end of the couch. Gavin glanced up at his roommate. "Pillars of the Earth." "That book is mammoth. Why?" A slow grin spread across Gavin's face. "Seriously, a girl?" Brett burst out laughing. "Christ, that's some effort. Just look up the ending online and pretend you read it." Gavin chuckled but didn't respond. Brett's phone chirped and he threw a pillow at Gavin after reading the text. "Are you coming to the pub or are you going to stay home, Bookworm Sally?" Gavin held up his index finger, signaling for Brett to wait as he read. "Oh, did you need to just finish this one chapter?" Brett teased in a high-pitched voice. "Do you want me to make you a cup of tea and get you a kitty cat?" Gavin laughed heartily and placed the bookmark on the page. "Okay, you douche. Let's go." They walked the few blocks to the pub where Mark and Keane had already started a game of pool. They had been friends since college and since they still lived in the same neighborhood, most of the time it was like college never ended. But beyond that, they were the closest thing to family Gavin had. "Your round," Keane told Gavin as a greeting, holding out an empty pitcher. Gavin grinned and turned toward the bar. "Regina Saskatchewan," he said to the blonde behind the pub, resting his arms on the surface and leaning in with a smile. Gina rolled her eyes and smirked. "Gavin," she said with a nod to the pitcher. "Another one?" "Yeah, do they have a tab yet?" "Of course not - they were waiting for their sugar daddy to get here," she teased. He chuckled and handed her his credit card. Walking back toward the pool table he found Mark talking to a petite redhead who was flirtatiously tilting her head and playing with her hair as they spoke. He was not surprised to see Mark leaning slightly away from her and looking around instead of meeting her eye. "Hey, man," Mark said to Gavin. "Do you remember Catherine - we work together. Catherine, I think you've met Gavin before." "Nice to see you again," Gavin told her with a smile. "Do you want to get in on a game?" he asked, gesturing to the pool table. "Or are you just here for the company?" he added with a wink. She smiled and giggled. "No, I just stopped by to say hi. I need to get back to my friends," she added, waving her arm toward a nearby table. Gavin looked over automatically and his breath caught as he saw the long, dark hair of one of the women. Her back was to him but as his eyes fell to her backside, he knew it was her. She was wearing jeans, but they hugged her body just as her grey pants had. He blinked and turned back to Mark and Catherine who were looking at him with slightly puzzled expressions. He cleared his throat. "Well, you're all welcome to join us, of course," he said, pouring himself a beer. Catherine giggled again. "We'll think about it. See you." She directed the last comment to Mark and walked away. "What was that?" Mark asked curiously. "What?" Gavin hoped Mark hadn't seen his reaction to seeing the woman again. "You're all welcome to join us?" Mark quoted, raising his eyebrows. Gavin laughed. "Dude, she is clearly interested. You've strung her along long enough. I thought I was being a good wingman." Mark frowned. "We work together," he said with emphasis. "No way, man." He shook his head. "No way." Gavin shrugged good-naturedly and tried to keep his eyes from wandering to the table near theirs as they played pool. Catherine seemed to take any excuse to walk by them, so much so that Gavin found it difficult not to laugh when Mark would move to the opposite end of the table when she did. The others soon noticed as well. "What, are you scared of that tiny little thing?" Keane teased. Mark shot him a look. "Shut up." He glanced quickly at Catherine's table before looking at his friends. "I don't want to give her the wrong idea. I'm not shitting where I eat, man." Brett shrugged. "Get her fired. Then ask her out." They all laughed. Gavin kept a close eye on the women, making sure not to let his friends notice. He found his opportunity when Catherine made yet another pass by their table and stopped to say something to Mark. He didn't know where the third woman had gone, but the one he'd set his sights on was alone, sipping her drink and looking around the room. He strode over confidently and set his beer on the table next to her. "Thanks for your help the other day," he said conversationally. Her head snapped around and once again he was looking at those stunning blue eyes, startled for only a moment before she looked at him blankly. "At the bookstore," he reminded her. She gave him a polite smile, her expression clearing. "Which one did you pick?" she asked. "Actually, I bought them all. I haven't decided which one to send her yet," he said with a grin. She nodded, bringing her glass to her mouth again. "I'm Gavin," he told her. "Gavin Burke." She watched him for a few moments. "Nina," she finally said. "What a beautiful name." She shot him a sardonic look. "Wow. Really?" she asked. He burst out laughing. "Hey, it usually works." "With who - eighteen-year-olds?" "Come on, now," he said, his twinkling eyes belying his serious tone. "They have to at least be old enough to drink." When her lips curved up he could tell she was smiling despite herself. "So, twice in the same week - how is it I've never seen you around before this?" She gave a small shrug. "Maybe you're just not a very good stalker." He laughed in surprise. Her voice was matter-of-fact and he couldn't tell if she was trying to make a joke or if she was annoyed, but either way, he was amused. She looked at him as if she were slightly impressed. "I just moved here," she told him. "Oh? From where?" "Chicago." She kept looking around the room and sipping her drink as she answered him, but it didn't feel like rudeness or like his questions were unwanted somehow. It was more like she could take or leave his company and it didn't matter to her one way or the other. "What brought you here?" he went on, amused that she was making him carry the conversation. "Work," she said. She looked at him. "I'm a school counselor at Ridgefield Elementary," she added, anticipating his next question. He nodded, the smile still on his lips. "What kind of counseling do little kids need anyway?" he joked. "Their moms give them peanut butter and jelly when they wanted pizza, that kind of thing?" She turned to face him directly. Her eyes were solemn but her tone was still conversational. "Life isn't always easy for kids, you know. Bullying, learning disorders, divorce, absent parents..." Her voice trailed off as she watched him. He realized his eyes had started to widen and he tried to retrieve the smile. "I'm sorry," he said in a low voice. "It was a poor attempt at humor." She gave him a nod, the corners of her mouth turned up. It was probably the friendliest gesture he had received from her so far. "So how do you know Catherine?" he ventured. "We've been friends since high school." She glanced at the pool table toward her friend with a genuine smile. "It's been forever since we lived in the same place, but it's like no time has passed," she added. He smiled warmly. "That's great," he said sincerely. She met his eyes, looking a little surprised but still wearing the smile that reached her eyes. Catherine returned, looking curiously at Gavin. "Oh, hello," she said, her voice surprised. "Hi," he said with a grin. Catherine looked puzzled and glanced at Nina. Gavin waited, wondering if Nina would volunteer any information. "I helped him at the bookstore the other day," Nina finally said. "And now I think he's stalking me." She smiled when they laughed. "I started reading Pillars of the Earth," Gavin told her suddenly. She turned to him. "Really?" she asked in disbelief. He laughed. "Yeah. It's good." She looked pleased. "Good," she said quietly. They all looked toward the pool table when Brett called Gavin's name. "Gotta go," he said easily, picking up his beer. "Hopefully I'll see you again soon," he added as he faced Nina before joining his friends. Brett moved so his back was facing the table Gavin had just left. "Who is that?" he asked in a low voice. "She's hot." Gavin squashed the flicker of jealousy. "I met her at the bookstore the other day." "Ah," Brett said. "What?" Gavin looked at his roommate to see a mischievous look on his face. "Nothing." Brett shrugged, smirking. Gavin rolled his eyes and grabbed a cue. "Rack 'em," he said, hoping he wasn't blushing. - "He's cute," Catherine's friend Mira said, returning to their table. Nina looked openly at the pool table. "I guess," she said, still looking in Gavin's direction. Catherine snorted. "You haven't changed." Nina turned to her. "What do you mean?" Catherine laughed now. "You still don't give a shit if guys see you checking them out." "I wasn't checking him out," Nina specified calmly. "I was just looking at him." She shrugged. "Whichever," Catherine said. "You haven't changed." She turned to Mira. "She's never played games - doesn't flirt with guys, just tells them what she thinks, good or bad. She scared the hell out of all the guys in high school." She laughed again. Nina shrugged again. "I just don't know how to be any other way," she said candidly. "So why bother trying?" She allowed herself one more glance at the pool table, wondering if she should try to be more covert but unable to quash her sudden curiosity about him. She had ignored his flirting at the bookstore - it was clear he wasn't a book lover like she was and she knew she was a snob about it. But his response when she called him on his cheesy pick-up line was surprising and she'd found herself entertained. He leaned over the pool table to make a shot and for the first time she really inspected him. Tall with blond hair and brown eyes, a gorgeous smile, arms that were lightly tanned and muscular as if he worked outdoors. And the back of him is nice, too, she told herself, watching his behind as he straightened up. What she found most intriguing was his reaction when she described the issues her kids at school faced. At first it seemed like chagrin when she made it clear she didn't appreciate him belittling the children's problems. But she had watched his eyes closely and saw something like painful recognition when she mentioned divorce and family discord. He came across as easygoing and maybe it wasn't an act - yet she suspected there was more to him than that. Nina turned back to Catherine. "So, that's Mark, huh?" Catherine blushed and Nina grinned. Catherine had been talking about Mark for almost a year, since they started working together. "Is that why you picked this bar?" Nina asked, mostly curious but a little teasingly. "Shut up," Catherine said good-naturedly. Nina caught Mira grinning at Catherine. Mira met her eye and they shared a laugh. - "Do you want me to get her number for you?" Mark asked Gavin. Gavin jumped a little, realizing his sporadic glances had turned into an open stare. He tried to mask his embarrassment. "But then you'd have to talk to Catherine." He looked at his friend, feigning innocence. "Or is that just a good excuse to talk to her?" Mark chuckled self-consciously. "Fuck you, dude." Gavin grinned. "Ladies, are you going to play or what?" Keane asked. Gavin and Mark flipped him off simultaneously and he laughed. As Gavin settled back onto his pillows later that night, grabbing the book and opening it where he'd left off, he realized he felt relaxed. It surprised him. He flirted a lot but normally never gave women another thought if they didn't respond. Nina was different: he'd felt unsettled ever since she'd walked away without even letting him get her name. Impressed by her attitude, sure, but disappointed nonetheless. The unease seemed to have disappeared now that he knew her name and that there was a strong possibility he'd see her again. - Nina slammed the phone down and covered her face with her hands, taking deep breaths. Checking her schedule quickly, she decided to take a walk to clear her head fully. "I'm going to grab a coffee, Felicia," she told the secretary. "Do you want anything?" Something Personal Ch. 01 "No, thanks," the young woman said cheerily. Nina nodded. "I'll be back in half an hour." She tried to forget about her ex-husband's call as her feet crunched on the leaves covering the sidewalk. She had stopped speaking to Daniel shortly after he announced he wanted a divorce. Once it became clear he wasn't interested in explaining his reasons or in working it out, they had communicated only through lawyers and she'd expected to never hear his voice again. A few months after the divorce was final, he began calling. She never spoke to him, just cut him off and hung up. It wasn't surprising he'd found her after she moved since she was listed on the school's web site, but this was the first time he'd called her work number, which was way over the line. She hated the unsettled feeling his phone calls caused, and dealing with it at work made it that much worse. She really didn't want to have to tell her colleagues about the situation and hoped that refusing to engage him had been enough to keep it from happening again. "Hi, the house blend, please. With room for cream." Nina smiled at the barista and handed him a credit card. "Name?" The barista asked, pen poised over the cardboard cup. "It's Nina," a voice behind her said. "And I'll have the same, please." She turned to see Gavin standing next to her. He grinned. "Is this together?" The barista held her credit card up inquisitively. "Yes, but it's on me," Gavin said, plucking the credit card out of his hand and giving him a twenty dollar bill. "No, it's separate," she protested, reaching for the card. "Let me, I owe you," Gavin told her, holding the card out of her reach. She stopped herself from rolling her eyes. "No, you don't." Gavin raised his eyebrows in challenge, not bothering to hide his amusement. Glancing at the confused barista and then at the line forming behind them, Nina sighed. "Fine," she said briskly. "I guess it's together," she told the barista. She stared coolly at Gavin, holding her hand out for the credit card. His grin became cocky as he gave it to her. She walked to the end of the counter to wait for her coffee. "Congratulations," she told him calmly as he joined her. "You've really stepped up your stalker game." He laughed. "Thanks. Want to get a table?" "I have to get back to work." "Come on, you can't sit for ten minutes?" He was still grinning. "Nope," she said, pulling the buzzing phone from her pocket and checking the screen. Daniel. She hit the decline button and shoved it back in her pocket. "You can answer it," Gavin commented. "I don't want to answer it," she said shortly. "Is everything okay?" Nina looked at him, surprised by the suddenly concerned tone. His smile was gone and he wore a serious expression. She noticed for the first time just what a rich brown his eyes were. "It's just my ex-husband," she found herself saying without meaning to. "He keeps calling." "Ah, so you have some experience with stalkers," he said lightly with a small smile. She chuckled, appreciating the levity. "Well, he's not ambushing me in coffee shops, so there's that, I guess." "So I'm ahead!" he joked. "A dubious honor, surely." "You know, if you give me your number, I won't have to ambush you," he said genially. "Ha," she said dryly. "I don't need another stalker with my phone number, thank you very much." His smile faltered. "Okay, suddenly the stalker joke isn't funny anymore." He looked down awkwardly. "Look, this guy - is he...I don't know, unstable? Dangerous?" Nina was surprised again by the shift in his demeanor. She laughed at the thought of Daniel being dangerous. "No, he's the opposite of dangerous. Besides, he's in Chicago." "But if he knows how to reach you by phone, it wouldn't be hard to find out where you live," Gavin said quietly. "And it's not like it's difficult to get here from Chicago." Nina was silent, having never thought of the possibilities Gavin had now conjured up. She had known Daniel for years, since their first year of college, and had always trusted him. She never would have believed he could walk out on her without a reason, so there could actually be a great deal she didn't know about him. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that," Gavin said sincerely. "I don't mean to be an alarmist." "It's okay," she said softly. "He's really not the type, but I'll be careful." "Okay," Gavin said, his voice closer to the assured tone she expected from him, but his eyes still watched her closely. "I'm sure you're a difficult woman to get over, and that's the only reason he calls," he added reassuringly. She snorted. "He's the one that ended it," she said briskly. Gavin's head jerked back in surprise. "He's an idiot," he muttered. The barista called her name before she could respond, and Gavin leapt up to get both coffees. He looked at her for a moment before handing her one of the cups. "What is it?" she asked as he continued to watch her. He shook his head slightly, not moving his eyes from hers. Then he straightened his shoulders, seeming to come to a decision. "I have a feeling you're going to say no, but I'd like to give you my number. Just in case of - well, anything. If you need help with this guy or if something happens." He reached into his pocket as he spoke and pulled out his wallet, without breaking eye contact. Fishing out a scrap of paper, he looked around for a pen, scribbling something down before holding it out to her. Nina was too shocked to take it and just continued to look into his eyes. "I know I've come on a little strong, but I promise you this isn't a ploy," he said seriously. "I hope you don't ever have to use it, but I'd feel better if you had my number." "Okay." Stunned, she took the paper. "Thank you," she said meaningfully. He shrugged, studying his coffee. She felt suddenly awkward. "Um, and thanks for the coffee," she added lamely. Gavin gave her a small smile. "My pleasure. And -" he stopped. "Yes?" He met her eyes. "For the record, I didn't know you'd be here. I'm meeting someone from work." Her lips parted in surprise. He was really throwing her for a loop today. "I didn't really think you were following me," she said teasingly. "Don't worry about it. It seems like the powers that be just keep throwing us together." She blinked, hearing what she'd said. It was Gavin's turn to be surprised, and he gave her a bright smile. "I guess they do." "I have to head out, thanks again," she said quickly and started for the door. "Take care," she heard Gavin call after her. - Nina smiled at Owen when he opened his door. "Hi," he said, stepping back to let her in. "Hi," she repeated. "I got this for us," he said, holding up a bottle of wine. Nina forced herself to keep her smile steady. "Maybe later," she told him, taking the bottle and placing it on his coffee table. He let out a low chuckle, gripping her arms and leaning in. She dipped her head and let her teeth graze his neck, her fingers slipping under his shirt. He snaked an arm around her waist and led her to the bedroom. She whipped off her shirt as they entered. "Take off your clothes," she ordered, unhooking her bra. "You first," he replied, giving her a playful grin. He unzipped her jeans, shoving them and her panties down her legs. She pushed him back to the bed, going to work on his pants, discovering a condom in one of the pockets and dropping it onto the bed next to them. Straddling his thighs, she explored his chest with her hands and mouth, working her way down to the firmness between his legs. She hovered over him, teasing him mercilessly with her breath, running her tongue along the length of his erection several times and finally circling the crown before taking him into her mouth. "Nina," he groaned, tugging on her shoulders. "Come here," he gasped. She gave him a wicked smile and ran her tongue along his length a few more times as she reached for the condom. He grabbed her hips, his fingers pressing into her flesh as he slid into her. She arched her back as their bodies met, moving shallowly at first before raising herself up and plunging back down. Grabbing one of his hands, she placed it on her breast, encouraging his fingers to roll and squeeze her nipple. Meeting his eyes, she gave him a heated look, gratified when he pinched her nipple roughly at the same time he slammed into her. "Oh, God," Nina moaned. Her breath came even more quickly and she dropped her head. Suddenly she tensed and her body stilled, clenching him so tightly he stopped moving inside her. She cried out into his chest, her fingernails digging into his skin. "Mm," she moaned, rocking against him. Letting out a soft growl, she bit his chest and sat up grinning. She laced their fingers together and propped her weight on his arms, riding him again. Owen planted his feet on the bed to meet her thrusts, their bodies making a slapping sound. Her face was flushed, her mouth open as she cried out. She bit her lip and tensed before exploding on top of him, her hips jerking frantically. Releasing her hands, he wrapped both arms around her upper back, crushing her to him as his hips moved faster, crying out her name along with a string of unintelligible sounds. She gave a small groan as her muscles contracted around him in one final climax. She collapsed next to him, her chest heaving. "Wow," he breathed. She chuckled, rolling to her back. Owen ran a hand down her arm, still breathing hard, and she resisted the urge to move away from his touch. Surreptitiously, she glanced at his bedside clock before giving him a small smile and getting up to gather her clothes. "You know, a guy could get offended at you rushing out of his bed like this." Nina glanced at Owen, still sprawled on the bed, and flashed him a smile as she got dressed. "Where are you off to, anyway?" he asked. "I'm meeting some friends for drinks," she said. "Is there room for one more?" She looked at him with a frown. "Owen -" "I know, I know - against the rules," he said awkwardly. Nina stuck her tongue out at him playfully, choosing not to comment on his mood. After they had met at a networking event and shared many drinks, she had let things become physical between them. But, unwilling to become emotionally attached and risk getting hurt, she had insisted it be sex and nothing more. He seemed to agree readily enough and so far it hadn't been an issue, which she hoped would continue. It wouldn't exactly be pleasant to have to remind him that they didn't hang out together in public. He walked her to the door and hugged her. He paused with his hands on her arms, leaning in slightly and she tensed, relieved when he planted a kiss on her forehead. "Have fun tonight - I'll talk to you soon," he said. - Gavin entered the pub with his friends and was surprised to see Nina and her friends at a pool table. It had been over a week since they'd run into each other at the coffee shop and while she had consistently been on his mind since, he didn't expect the rush of excitement that swept over him at the sight of her. Her back was to him and she bent over the table as she aimed. His head reeled back as his mind instantly flooded with images of her, naked and on her knees. She raised her head to say something to Mira and he sucked in his breath as the Nina in his mind arched her back and moaned. Everything seemed to stop for hours as the erotic scene flashed through his head but once he shook himself back into awareness he realized it had just been a few seconds. Catherine had seen them and was calling out a hello; Keane and Brett were headed to the bar; Nina had straightened up and turned around to face him. He only had time for a fleeting thought of gratitude that his shirt was untucked and covered his crotch before focusing on her smile and all other thoughts disappeared. "Hi," she said. "You made it just in time to get a good laugh at me trying to play." Gavin still felt stunned and forced a laugh. "Well, maybe I'll have to play the loser next game," he said, trying to fall back to his usual flirtations. "You know, so I can really assess your skills." She shook her head with a laugh. "Oh, I don't know if I'm up for that. It's pretty embarrassing." He smiled, for once at a loss for words. Thankfully Keane showed up and handed him a beer. Gavin moved to a table close enough to watch them play but not so close to speak without having to shout. He was surprised when Nina joined them when the game ended. She seemed relaxed, leaning back in her chair and crossing her long legs as she watched their friends. "You okay?" He looked up to see her watching him and hoped his smile looked genuine. "Yeah. I guess I'm not chatty for once in my life." She tilted her head and surveyed him for a second before turning back to the pool table. "I finished Pillars of the Earth," he said suddenly. She turned her entire body to face him. "Already?" She smiled happily. "It's a long book!" He chuckled. "It sure is," he said dryly. "But I had a hard time putting it down." "So you liked it?" She looked enthusiastic. "I really did," he said, still surprised by how much he'd enjoyed it. "Thanks again," he added. "Hey, I didn't recommend it to you. Thank Oprah." He laughed easily now. "Well, thank you for the other recommendations." She studied him thoughtfully. "Which one did you end up sending your niece?" "Little Women. It was the one that sounded the least interesting to me," he told her. She laughed. "I don't know, you might like it." Watching her out of the corner of his eye, he tried to pinpoint what was causing his addled state. Since learning about the issue with her ex, something had shifted from wanting to pursue her as he typically might, as if he now knew something too personal about her. That shift made him unable to flirt with her as he was accustomed to. The problem there is I still want to flirt with her, he thought, watching her animated eyes as she joked with Keane. No, not flirt. He didn't want to hit on her. He wanted to get to know her. He wanted to spend time with her. The unprecedented feeling scared the hell out of him and made his throat close up. Noticing the empty pitcher, he was relieved to have an excuse to leave the table for a minute. After asking Gina to send another to the table, he stepped outside and breathed in the cool night air. This was only the third - no, fourth - time he'd seen her. What the hell. They'd barely had a real conversation and he couldn't stop thinking about her. He concentrated on his breathing. He only meant to stay outside for a few minutes, but it was taking a lot longer than he thought to calm down. Still, he was surprised when he heard the door behind him and saw Nina coming outside, pulling on her jacket. "Hey," he said lamely. "Hi," she said curiously. "Are you sure you're okay?" "I'm sure," he said with a smile. "Heading out?" She nodded. "You okay to drive?" he asked automatically. "I walked," she said with a smile. "Oh? Where do you live?" She looked at him warily, her brow wrinkling. He stifled the urge to roll his eyes but couldn't stop the frustrated sigh. "I live over on Harrison," he said, gesturing in the direction of the street a block away. "The Lambert building. I just wondered if we were neighbors." "Oh," she said, still cautious. It didn't escape him that she purposely avoided confirming where she lived. "Well, have a good night," she said with a smile. "Nina," he said quickly. She turned and looked at him. "Can we have dinner sometime?" There was a brief pause. "Why?" she finally asked. "Why?" he repeated, confused. "I mean, if you want to hang out as friends, or if you're asking me on a date - or if you're looking to score or win me over just to say you can...I'd just like to know." His mouth dropped open. "You are incredibly blunt, you know that?" "Yeah," she agreed. He blinked when she grinned as if he'd paid her a compliment, realizing it was how he'd meant it. "Well," he said, unsettled. "I was asking for a date. But if you want to hang out as friends, that's cool, too." "I'm just not dating anyone, since my divorce...I'm not interested. It's nothing personal," she said calmly. With anyone else Gavin would suspect it was a brush-off, but he already knew Nina was too straightforward for that. "Okay," he said, shrugging. "Then let's hang out, and you can give me tips on my reading list." She chuckled. "It's a deal. I'll text you." She started to turn. "Good night." "Be safe getting home," he called. It wasn't much, but it was something. Wandering back into the pub in a daze, he almost walked right into Keane. "Dude, what the hell -" Keane's eyes widened. "Holy shit." "What's going on?" Brett joined them. Keane's laughter was erupting from his mouth so hard he could barely speak. He clapped a hand on Gavin's shoulder. "Our little Gavin is smitten," he told Brett. Brett chuckled. "I could have told you that weeks ago when he started reading that book the size of an encyclopedia." "Shut up," Gavin mumbled, smiling faintly. "It's not like that," he protested. "If that's the case, can I call her?" Brett asked innocently. He and Keane burst into loud laughter as Gavin instantly shot him a glare of jealousy combined with panic. "Jackasses," Gavin told them. "Let's play." He headed to the pool table, where he played uncharacteristically poorly, unable to keep his mind off Nina. His reaction to her was something new, something he didn't understand. He did know he was embarrassingly thrilled to get her text a few days later. - Nina got to the coffee shop fifteen minutes early out of habit, flipping through a newspaper while she waited for Gavin. She realized she was looking forward to seeing him. From Catherine's descriptions of Mark and his friends as guys who seemed to avoid committed relationships, Gavin's initial flirtatious behavior wasn't surprising. But even though she'd only seen him and his friends a few times, she had a feeling they weren't shallow or deceptive. It was clear the four of them had a strong and loyal friendship, and Gavin's concern during their conversation about Daniel gave the impression of a lot of depth under his cavalier facade. She was admittedly clinical in her approach when getting to know someone, wanting to dissect their personalities and find out what made them tick. Gavin intrigued her in a new and different way, a way she couldn't define. "Sorry to have kept you waiting." She turned and smiled, taking in his hunter green v-neck sweater over a button-down shirt, noticing how his jeans skimmed over his flat stomach. He really is good looking. "I got here early," she said easily. "You look nice." Gavin seemed surprised by the compliment. "Thanks," he replied. "You look fantastic," he said seriously. She noticed his gaze drift to her pencil skirt and knee-high boots appreciatively. "Thanks," she said with a small smile. "Hey, are you hungry?" he asked. "There's a great pizza place around the corner." Nina hesitated only briefly. "Sure." Gavin surprised her yet again when he began talking about the book almost immediately after the waiter had taken their order. They discussed the architectural detail and the British history of the time enthusiastically, though she knew she was doing most of the talking. "I could talk about England for days if you let me," Nina said unapologetically. "So - what do you do with your free time when you're not reading epic books?" "Oh, the usual - work on ending world hunger and achieving world peace," he said with a straight face, breaking into a grin at her laugh. "I keep busy. I usually help out with a friend's construction company on my off days, and volunteer at the Boys and Girls Club." Something Personal Ch. 01 "On your off days?" she repeated, puzzled. "What do you do on your on days?" "Oh - I'm with Portland Fire and Rescue," he said. "I work a 24-hour shift and then have two days off." "Oh." She looked at him for a long moment, impressed. "What about you - what do you do when you're not working or hanging out in bookstores?" he asked. "Besides drinking?" she quipped. "I went to a lot of Cubs games in Chicago. Other than that, anything outdoors." "Have you been to Forest Park yet?" She shook her head. "We should go," he suggested. "Okay," she said brightly. "Are you free on Sunday?" - "This place is gigantic," Nina commented when they got to Forest Park, looking at the park map at the head of one of the trails. "Yeah, and it's right in the middle of the city - pretty awesome," he said, looking up at the trees and inhaling deeply. He gave her a smile and tilted his head toward the path. "Come on." "So, you and your friends - you all met in college?" she asked once they were on the trail. He nodded. "And you all still hang out all the time," she remarked. "You seem like a tight group." He smiled. "Yeah. They're my family, basically." "Gavin?" she asked quietly after a long pause. He turned to her immediately. God, he loved hearing her say his name. Her rich voice elongated the syllables, making it seem like an endearment. "How long ago?" she asked gently. He swallowed, marveling at how perceptive she was. "When I was a kid. My grandmother raised me." "I'm so sorry," she whispered. "Thanks," he said. He attempted to shift the conversation. "It was okay - a little lonely. I grew up in Springfield, near Eugene. I lived there until - until I left high school." He hesitated. "I always wanted a brother. Or a sister, for that matter," he added with a small laugh. She stopped short, her brow wrinkled. "What?" "Your niece - the book -" she stammered, looking at him accusingly. "Oh. She's technically Brett's niece. But I've known his family for so long...It's easier to say she's my niece instead of going into detail with a stranger in a bookstore," he joked. "But, it's how I see her." Her expression cleared and she smiled as they resumed walking. "Is your grandmother still in Springfield?" His smile disappeared and he saw her expression falter. "I'm sorry. Is she - did she pass away?" she asked quietly. "Yeah," he said in a low voice. "I'm really sorry, Gavin." He smiled gratefully at her understated yet meaningful tone. "Thanks." He focused on the path for a few minutes. When he met her gaze again his heart jumped to his throat at the sweet smile she was giving him. He cleared his throat. "What's your family like?" Her face brightened for a moment before she settled her features and shrugged one shoulder. "They're good - crazy, a little overbearing. You know." "Nina," he said softly. When she looked up, he smiled. "You're crushing those eggshells all around you." She giggled. "You don't have to pussyfoot around the subject. Tell me about your family," he told her earnestly. She looked thoughtful, her lips curved into an affectionate smile. She told him about her parents - her father worked in finance for a car dealership and her mother owned a nursery and did landscape design - and her siblings, her brother who was an engineer in Denver and the twins who were still in college. He was riveted. They were obviously a close family, speaking almost daily and getting together whenever possible. He looked at her admiringly. "They sound like amazing people - all of them." She smiled warmly. "I got lucky," she said simply. "Are you the oldest?" "Yeah, how'd you know?" He smirked. "Are you pulling some pop psychology on me?" She was still grinning. "The bossy, blunt one has to be the classic first child?" He let out a laugh. "Hey, you said it, not me." She tried to look offended but couldn't wipe the smile off her face. "Yeah, well, I'm okay with that." "You should be," he told her decisively. She looked pleased, giving him a radiant smile. The sunlight filtered through the trees and seemed to dance along her hair, and his breath caught. "Do you miss Chicago?" he asked curiously She thought for a moment as the path narrowed and she moved ahead of him. "Not really," she said over her shoulder. Gavin's eyes were wandering over the back of her body and forced his attention to her face as she spoke. "My ex and I moved there for grad school," she went on as they fell into step beside each other again. "I liked the city, but it never felt like home. And then after he..." She shrugged. "Why in the world did that idiot leave you?" he murmured without thinking. Her eyes widened in surprise and he shut his eyes briefly. "Sorry -" he said awkwardly. She shrugged, smiling. "It's okay. He never gave me a reason, for the record." "Well, he must be delusional," Gavin muttered. "You never got close to marriage?" she asked curiously. "Me? God, no," he said. "I'm only twenty-seven!" She snorted a laugh. "I'm only twenty-six," she pointed out. "But -" He stopped, at a loss for words. "I guess it never occurred to me." "You've never been serious with anyone, have you?" "No," he said slowly. The conversation suddenly felt much less casual than it had been, despite already telling her the few details about his parents and grandmother. As if there was a lot riding on his answers. "Why not?" she asked simply. He thought about her question for a long moment, watching the ground as they walked. Finally he shrugged. "Probably just because there hasn't been anyone who made me want to get serious," he said. They had reached a fork in the path and he stopped. She turned to him, nodding thoughtfully. "We can keep on or head back," he told her. "Are you getting hungry?" "I can always eat," she said with a grin. She tilted her head at him speculatively. "Race you to the car?" His eyes lit up in surprise. "You're on." The words had barely left his mouth when she turned and darted off in a sprint. Chuckling, he ran after her. He could have passed her at any point, but was enjoying the view and just called out a few directions when the trail became confusing so she wouldn't get lost. She slowed to a jog as they got to the parking lot, resting a hand on his car and stretching her legs. "You let me win," she said accusingly. She was giving him a big smile, her face flushed with exertion and her chest heaving slightly. He was losing control of his breathing although he had stopped running. Without thinking he stepped closer to her and she pressed her back against the side of his car, watching him. "Then why do I feel like the winner?" he said softly, getting lost in her sparkling blue eyes. Her lips parted slightly in surprise as she looked up at him. She was tall, but not so tall that without heels and at this close proximity she didn't have to tilt her head back to meet his eyes. Gavin felt a rush of satisfaction that he had surprised her, getting a glimpse of what she was like when she gave up a little control. He placed a hand on the car next to her shoulder, leaning in. His other hand was in his pocket, clicking the key fob. She blinked as they heard the car doors unlock. He slid his hand down the car to pull open the door, holding her gaze. He stepped back and gestured for her to get in, watching her eyes falter before narrowing at him. Grinning, he leaned over the door after she got in. "Do you like Thai food?" he asked. "Love it," she said, glancing up at him quickly. "I know a great place," he told her as he started the car. - "You weren't kidding," she told him as they ate. He chuckled. "I know, right?" He watched her appreciatively. She had ordered just as much food as he had and wasn't shy about eating. A lot of women he'd been out with were so self-conscious about it; it had never occurred to him until now that it wasn't that attractive a quality. He suggested they go to a bar that was a gigantic retro arcade. They spent hours there; Gavin couldn't remember the last time he'd laughed so hard his stomach hurt. Nina surprised him by becoming almost giddy as they darted from game to game. She gave the impression of being so focused and controlled - not rigid or severe, just deliberate. She seemed to let her guard down with each game they played. "You really brought the smack talk," he teased her. "I can get pretty competitive," she admitted with a grin. "We might have to find a pool table so I can get back some of my ego," he said after she won their third game of Space Invaders. She laughed and tucked her hand into his elbow. He felt a shock run up his arm and covered her hand with his. "Ready to head out? Or have we missed a game you can beat me at?" She checked her watch. "I should probably go - I need to stop at the grocery store," she said a little sadly. "We can stop on the way back," he offered. "Where do you shop?" "Why on earth would you want to take me to the grocery store?" she asked, puzzled. He shrugged as he led her out of the bar. "I'm not ready to say goodbye to you yet," he said simply. He heard himself and was momentarily astounded by his tone. It wasn't his usual forceful charm to try to win a woman over; it had sounded genuine rather than a manufactured flirtation. And it should, he thought. It was the truth; he didn't want their day together to end. He looked at her quickly to see if it had come across that way to her or if he was imagining things. He caught her eye in time to see surprise and pleasure flashing across her face. The smile she gave him wrinkled her nose adorably. He stopped on the sidewalk, turning to face her and forcing her to stop as well. Her hand was still tucked into his elbow, and he rested his other hand on the back of her arm to draw her closer. Nina's body tensed and she hesitantly took a step back. His smile disappeared and he dropped his hands to his sides. "I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to..." "Yeah," he said stiffly. "I guess I forgot this wasn't a date." "Maybe I did, too," she admitted. "I've had so much fun today, but I meant what I said - I'm just not dating. And it's not personal, really. I really would like us to be friends." He exhaled slowly. "Me, too," he found himself saying, and meaning it. They resumed walking to his car and he chuckled, noticing her glance at him quizzically. "This'll be a first. A woman friend," he remarked genially. - Nina's cell phone buzzed when she was between appointments and she answered without checking the caller ID, realizing she expected it to be Gavin. "Hello?" she said cheerily. "Hi, Nina." Daniel. Her stomach dropped. "I've asked you not to call me," she said as calmly as she could manage, hoping her voice sounded emotionless. "But -" She ended the call and set the phone on the desk in front of her, staring at it as if it were a ticking time bomb. Thankfully distracted by an email popping up on the computer screen, she was trying to focus on work when her cell phone buzzed again. This time she looked for the caller's number but it just said 'Unknown.' Nina took a deep breath, knowing she didn't have to answer but unable to ignore a ringing phone. "Hello?" she said shakily. "Hi." Gavin? She suddenly couldn't be sure it was him. Her heart was pounding loudly in her ears and she was unable to distinguish the difference in their voices. "Yes?" she managed. "Nina? It's Gavin," he said awkwardly. "Oh, hi." She swallowed. "Is this a bad time?" "No." She let out an unsteady breath. "I'm sorry," she went on. "The caller ID said 'Unknown' so I didn't know it was you." "Oh." He sounded confused. "Sorry about that. My phone's in my car." "No need to apologize, I'm the one who was thrown off." She had meant to say it self-deprecatingly and winced hearing the sharpness in her voice. "Are you sure you're okay?" Gavin asked quietly. She suppressed a sigh. "Yes," she said briskly, straightening her shoulders. "I'm sorry. I got a call from Daniel right before yours and it left me rattled." There was a long pause. "Daniel - he's your ex?" "Yeah." "He's still calling you?" "Sometimes." He sighed. "It's not a big deal," she tried to assure him. He made a sound somewhere between doubt and acquiescence. "What's your schedule like this afternoon?" he asked suddenly. "What?" she asked, confused. "I know the weather's kind of crappy today, but I was going to suggest you head out for a walk, if you have the time. Clear your head a bit." Nina blinked, feeling the surprising presence of tears forming in her eyes. "I'd invite myself to join you," he went on in a teasing tone. "But I'm at a construction site for the day." She cleared her throat and swallowed. "It's a good idea, I'll do that. Thanks." "Of course," he replied simply. "I'll let you go," he continued in a soft voice. "But call me later if you want to talk. Okay?" "Okay." She smiled gratefully into the phone. "Thank you." "Anytime," he said, his voice serious. Gavin stared at the phone long after he'd replaced the receiver, drumming his fingers on the table. He could tell that Nina had shed some of her unease by the end of their conversation, but he was now wound tight. He felt an unexpected rage and panic hum through his body, as if her stress had been transferred to him through the phone. He fought the urge to blow off work and drive directly to her office, knowing he couldn't do anything productive to help and that she probably wouldn't appreciate his interference. It had been years since he'd felt this kind of helplessness. The feeling took him immediately back to his childhood, to memories he'd convinced himself to forget. Forcing himself to stand, he took several deep breaths to calm down. That night Gavin woke drenched in sweat and thrashing around his bed. His throat felt hoarse as if he'd been screaming. He shot out of bed and sat on the floor, leaning against his dresser, breathing hard. His nightmares had lessened over the years to the point where he rarely remembered them but when he did, they were always the same. Resting his elbows on his knees, he buried his face in his hands. He closed his eyes and an image of his father, face red with anger, popped into his mind. His eyes snapped open, remembering. His heart was racing, pounding loudly in his ears. This one hadn't been exactly the same. This time the woman had been Nina. Something Personal Ch. 02 Nina inspected her reflection, adding a bit more eyeliner to her cheek to perfect the whiskers of her cat costume. She had waited too long to think of what to wear and ultimately fell back on what seemed easiest; all she'd had to buy where the ears and tail. Checking the time, she grabbed her keys and hurried to the pub to meet everyone. Gavin stood out immediately. Wearing an Ironman mask that covered his face, she would have been able to pick him out of the crowd just by looking at his broad shoulders. She couldn't see his eyes but knew when he saw her by the way he straightened up slightly a moment before he walked over. As he slowed to a stop next to her, a smile spread across her face. "My hero," she teased. Gavin pulled the mask above his head, laughing. "You look fetching," he told her, his eyes twinkling. She giggled and followed him to the others. The bar was crowded, but his friends had gotten there early and had commandeered several tables in a tight cluster. She laughed at Mark's Frankenstein costume. "Very authentic," she told him. "Beers." Keane suddenly appeared with glasses, pouring from a pitcher. "What are you, the sky?" Nina asked, puzzled at the simple garment. Keane had a blue sheet wrapped around his large frame like a toga with cotton balls attached to it. Keane grinned boyishly and grabbed something from under the sheet. "I'm cloudy with a chance of rain," he said, lightly spritzing her pants with water from a spray bottle. Nina burst out laughing. "Where's Brett?" she asked once she had recovered. Keane snorted and nodded his head toward the corner of the room at the far end of the tables. Brett, dressed as Thor, was snuggled up to a woman dressed as Xena, clearly ignoring everyone else. "Whoa." They turned to Mark as he said the word, then followed his stunned gaze to the bar. A woman dressed as a mermaid was talking to a couple dressed as a mummy bride and groom. Nina smirked. "Catherine!" she called. She snuck a glance at Mark in time to see his head reel back a little as Catherine turned around. Her friend did look spectacular - she was wearing a pink sequined top that showed off her midriff and a long, very tight, sparkly green skirt that narrowed at her ankles, the fins flipping out behind her feet. Her long red hair was hanging around her shoulders and down her back in large waves, and her eyes were dramatically made up with a hint of glitter at the end of her lashes. Catherine walked over to us slowly - hindered by her costume - and Mira and her boyfriend Leo followed. "You guys look great," Nina told them. She glanced at Mark once again, trying not to giggle at his stupor. Everyone exchanged hellos, but Mark didn't seem able to speak. "Should we play a game of pool?" Catherine asked the group. "Yes," Mark said vehemently and they all looked at him. His eyes widened slightly and he turned quickly to the table. Gavin and Nina brought their glasses to their lips to hide their amusement. Catherine looked at her and winked. "Come on," Gavin told Nina. "Let's kick their asses." They won easily, thanks to Mark's distraction whenever Catherine moved in her tight costume. Brett and Xena - whom he introduced as Sarah - appeared at their side when the game ended. "Let's go back to our place," Brett said. "The college kids are taking over." Nina and Catherine followed the others to Gavin and Brett's, giggling whenever Mark glanced back at them. "Well played," Nina whispered. Catherine shrugged, grinning. "So what's going on with you and Ironman?" she asked Nina. "Nothing," Nina said. "We're just friends." "Okay. Is he a good kisser?" Catherine whispered. "Cath!" Nina hissed. "I'm serious, we're friends. That's it." Catherine simply smirked. --- Their friends played a video game while Gavin and Nina sat at the kitchen bar in his apartment, where she was telling him about the Halloween her brother fell and twisted his ankle but insisted they continue trick-or-treating. She was a good storyteller, describing just enough detail to allow the pictures to form in his mind. When she got to the part where the swelling had gotten so bad her brother could only hop on his good leg, Gavin was laughing too hard to speak. "Oh my God, he was in so much pain but so goddamn stubborn." Nina was giggling uncontrollably. "Every hop he took, he would let out this whimpering squeak. It was pathetic. But no, we had to finish getting all the candy. And get this - when we got home? My mom was so pissed - at me! I think she would have grounded me for not bringing him home right away if my dad hadn't stepped in and convinced her not to." "Well, candy is very important, after all," Gavin said. "What was your costume?" "I was Wonder Woman," Nina told him. "What was your favorite costume as a kid?" He hesitated. "I never went trick or treating as a kid. I think I didn't dress up until my freshman year of college." "What? Really?" Nina looked astonished and a little horrified. "Why not?" "My grandmother was kind of...I don't know," he said. "She was a kind woman but probably not your typical grandmother. I think she never got over my mom's death." "Oh." She gave him a sympathetic look. "What about before you moved in with her?" she asked tentatively. Gavin was silent for a minute. "I don't remember," he told her. She bit her lip, her brow wrinkled in concern. He was relieved when movement in the living room distracted them. Brett and Sarah were disappearing into Brett's room and the others were gathering their things. Catherine waved a goodbye and Gavin gave Mark a discreet thumbs-up as his friend followed her out the door. Gavin busied himself cleaning up, not allowing Nina to help, and returned to the living room to find her curled up on the couch with her eyes closed. He hovered over her. "Nina?" he said softly. Sitting on the opposite end of the couch, he watched her with a soft smile. She looked utterly lovely, her features relaxed and her lips parted slightly. He said her name a few more times before nudging her arm, but she didn't move. "Well, now what?" he said under his breath in amusement. He felt bad having to wake her, especially since it seemed like it would take a loud noise or vigorous shake to do so. But he couldn't let her sleep sitting up on his couch. The thought of putting her into his bed made his breath stop for a second and he took a few large gulps of air. Okay, just pick her up and she'll wake up before you get to the bedroom and then you can put her in a cab and take a cold shower, he told himself firmly. It was as good a plan as any. "Nina?" he repeated, resting a hand on her shoulder. Still nothing. He slipped his arm around her shoulders and the other under her legs, trying not to jostle her too much. One of her hands rested on his chest and he froze, relishing the feeling. He felt her stir and looked down to meet her eyes. "There you are," he murmured with a small laugh. "What -" she started, blinking in surprise. "You fell asleep," he said softly. "I can take you home." Nina's eyes were drooping. "Mm-hm," she mumbled, her head resting on his chest again. "Nina?" he said, holding back a laugh. Her eyes fluttered open. "Do you want to crash here? I'll put you in my bed and take the couch. Okay?" "Whatever," she whispered, shutting her eyes. Smothering a chuckle, he carried her to his room. Grateful he had put fresh sheets on his bed that day, he lowered her slowly and removed her boots before pulling the covers over her. She immediately turned to her side and curled her legs up. Unable to resist touching her, he removed her cat ears, allowing his fingers to stroke her hair briefly before grabbing a pillow and heading to the couch. Gavin lay awake for a long time but must have finally fallen asleep, because he woke up when his arm slammed on the coffee table. He grabbed his hand, cursing loudly, and heard a door open. "You okay?" Brett was standing in the doorway. "Fuck," Gavin said, opening an eye to look at his hand. It was bright red. He glanced at Brett. "I must have hit the table in my sleep." Brett walked into the kitchen and returned with a towel full of ice. "You had a nightmare - you were shouting," he said quietly, handing Gavin the towel. "I was? Shit." Gavin propped himself up and placed the ice on his hand, sucking in his breath. "Sorry to wake you." "No problem. Why are you on the couch?" Gavin looked at him, puzzled. "Huh?" He looked around the room. "Oh," he said, remembering. "Nina fell asleep so I put her in my bed." Brett snorted a laugh. Gavin couldn't help a grin. "How chivalrous of you," Brett said. "Fuck off," Gavin said, laughing. "Go back to bed." Brett chuckled and turned to leave, then stopped short. "Oh," he said in surprise. Gavin glanced up and saw a very confused Nina in the doorway. Her cat makeup was smudged and her hair was tumbled around her shoulders, her eyes still heavy-lidded. She looked adorable. Nina rubbed her eyes and tried to focus on them. She'd woken up to a loud noise followed by immediate panic when she didn't recognize the room she was in. Lying there, taking deep breaths and looking around blankly, she had tried to retrace her steps. "What the hell," she'd muttered. Her shoes were next to the bed and she was still dressed, so that had at least been reassuring. Her fear was just starting to subside when she heard voices. Creeping to the door, she opened it a crack and thought the voices sounded familiar. Once she entered the hallway she realized it must be Gavin's apartment. And now she was standing in the living room, looking at Brett's surprised face and Gavin's sheepish one. Brett looked between them awkwardly. "Goodnight," he said quickly and left the room. Gavin stood and took a step toward her. "I'm sorry I woke you," he said. "What am I doing here?" she asked, residual panic raising the usual pitch of her voice. "You fell asleep on the couch," Gavin told her, confused. "I told you I was going to put you to bed," he added. Nina shot him a doubtful look. "I did," he said firmly, trying not to sound defensive. "You don't remember? You're a heavy sleeper," he joked. She crossed her arms, inexplicably embarrassed and annoyed. She looked around the room, unable to meet his eye. "You put me in your bed?" she asked sharply. His head jerked back. "Yes," he said stiffly. "Would you rather I had left you asleep sitting up on the couch? It's not like I could take you home - I don't know where you live," he added coldly. She looked at him, still annoyed, and noticed his hand was wrapped in a towel and his face looked a little pained. "What happened?" she said. "I slammed my hand into the coffee table in my sleep," he told her. "Jesus," she muttered. "Are you okay?" "I'll survive," he said grimly. Nina ran her hand through her hair. "Look, I'm sorry I fell asleep. I'll get out of here." She looked around for her purse. "It's the middle of the night," Gavin said in concern. "It's fine," she replied briskly. He sighed. "I'm sorry I put you in my bed. You did wake up - I mean, we spoke, but maybe you weren't really awake," he added. He met her eyes. "Sleeping is like your superpower." Nina couldn't stop the chuckle, her irritation and embarrassment fading. "I'm sorry I snapped at you," she said. "I was a little freaked out waking up in a room I'd never seen before." Awareness flashed through his eyes. "Shit. I didn't even think of that," he said apologetically. "I'm really sorry." She shrugged. "I'd feel better if you didn't leave," he went on, looking solemn. "I can give you a ride home in the morning." "I can just walk from here," she insisted. "At this time of night?" he asked in horror. "Gavin -" She paused, biting her lower lip. "I just live across the street." He took a step back, sitting on the armrest of the couch, looking at Nina in astonishment. "You...live across the street," he repeated. She nodded. "Just how has that never come up?" he asked, the towel slipping from his hand. She walked over to him and scooped up the ice cubes in the towel, wrapping it around his hand. "Are you sure nothing's broken?" He watched her slender hands around his wrist, probing his fist gently. Her fingers brushed against his pulse and he wondered if she could feel it racing. "I'm sure." Her head was bent over his arm and he closed his eyes briefly as he caught the scent of her hair. "Are you avoiding the question?" She looked up at him. "I guess." He raised his eyebrows pointedly and she sighed. "I just - didn't want you to know where I lived at first," she said awkwardly. Gavin frowned. They had spent a lot of time together in the past few weeks, and he thought they were actually succeeding at being friends. What was it that made her so frustratingly private? Or was it because she didn't feel like she could trust him with even the most basic information? "It's nothing personal," she said calmly. He met her eyes, open and guileless, and felt guilty. Maybe it had nothing to do with him at all. "Well, this is good news," he announced. She gave him an inquisitive look and he smiled. "I can just watch from the window to make sure you get home safely," he explained, grinning. She chuckled and pressed an ice cube onto his bare skin, making him jump. "Lazy ass," she teased. --- "Where's your girl?" Gavin glanced at Keane before turning his attention to the pitcher Gina had just served them. "My girl?" he repeated scornfully. Keane snorted. "Yes. Nina," he said condescendingly. "She's not my girl, we're just friends," Gavin said. "Right." Keane grinned. "Hey, her idea, not mine," Gavin told him, laughing. "Is that why you've been working so hard at it?" Mark teased. "You guys hang out, like, every day." Gavin's amusement disappeared and he frowned. "I'm not working at anything. We have fun together. She's a good friend," he said stiffly. He walked away but not before he noticed the look that passed between his friends. His defensive response was uncharacteristic, and it left him unsettled. Much like everything about Nina. They had been spending a lot of time together, either alone or with their friends who had now become a combined group since Halloween when Mark, bowled over by Catherine's costume, had given up his restriction on dating a co-worker. Even on days they didn't get together, Gavin and Nina spoke on the phone, usually sitting at their living room windows where they could see each other from across the street. Gavin had never had a female friend before and hadn't expected it to be so easy and comfortable. He still felt off-kilter because of his attraction to her, but it was hardly a drawback considering how well they got along. They could talk about anything, and they did, often getting into fierce debates when they disagreed only for one of them to become amused at the other's vehemence or outrage, at which point they would begin laughing. He already couldn't imagine not having her in his life. Ordering a pitcher and having it sent to Mark and Keane as an apology for his brusque tone, Gavin joined Brett and Sarah. They introduced him to a friend of Sarah's, a leggy blonde who instantly began flirting with him. He responded half-heartedly, his eyes flitting over to the door repeatedly. He must have missed Nina's arrival, because he saw her at the bar with a drink in her hand. Glancing at the sedate grey-blue eyes of Sarah's friend - the eyes he unconsciously compared to Nina's that reminded him of not only the color of the ocean but also its mesmerizing ability to shift from calm to wild - he wondered how to leave the conversation gracefully. A movement drew his gaze back to the bar and he saw a tall man with Nina, leaning into her as she took a sudden step back, shaking her head. "Sorry, Mary – can you excuse me for a minute," Gavin said instantly. "It's Marta," she said, irritated. "Sorry," Gavin threw over his shoulder as he charged toward the bar. "Hi," Gavin said as he approached Nina, carefully placing himself between her and the man. "Hi, Gavin," she said, mildly surprised. "This is Owen." He gave Owen a short nod. Owen looked between them for a moment blankly. "Nice to meet you," Owen said politely. "I'll see you around, Nina." Gavin found himself glaring at Owen's back until he left the pub, then noticed Nina watching him with amusement. "What?" he asked. "Why are you acting like my bodyguard?" she teased. Gavin was flustered. "It looked like he was coming on a little strong." Nina shrugged. "He forgot himself for a minute." "Huh?" There was a pause while she studied him, her lips pursed thoughtfully. "He's...kind of a friend." "A friend?" "A friend with a singular purpose," she said, nodding. "It's like you're speaking Greek," Gavin complained. "Since when are you vague?" She giggled. "He's a benefits-only kind of friend." Gavin stared at her as her meaning became clear, shocked at the burning jealousy that instantly spread through his chest. "So, he's your fuck buddy?" he asked bitterly. Her eyes hardened. "I guess, if you want to get crude." "Then why did you step away when he was going to kiss you?" Gavin demanded. She sighed. "Because I told him from the start, I won't kiss him. That way no one gets confused or misled." "But you sleep with him," Gavin stated. "Sure," she said nonchalantly. "I see," he said icily. "Well, I'm sorry I got in the way." The judgment was practically dripping off Gavin as he turned on his heel and stomped away. Nina was instantly enraged. Him, of all people. By now she knew he wasn't manipulative - he was honest with the women he went out with, making sure they knew he wasn't interested in anything serious - but he made no apologies for it. The thought that he would think less of her for essentially the same thing? No. No way. She followed him, grabbing his arm before he reached their friends. "What the fuck is your problem?" she hissed. "I don't have a problem," he said. His eyes were distant and blank, staring at a spot on her forehead instead of meeting her gaze. "Oh, really?" she said sarcastically. "I can feel your judgment from a mile away. How dare you - what, it's okay for you to have casual sex but not me?" "What?" He met her eyes now, looking flabbergasted. "I'm not judging you. Sleep with whoever you want." "Right," she said. "Then why are you acting like an ass?" He sighed, glancing around at their friends. "Outside," he told her, nodding toward the door before charging out of the bar. She rolled her eyes. So now he's ordering me around. Awesome. Still, she didn't hesitate to put down her drink and follow him. She stood next to him with her arms crossed over her chest. "Well?" she prompted. "Why didn't you tell me you were seeing someone?" he demanded. "I'm not seeing anyone," she explained. "You know what I mean," he said loudly, exasperated. "I thought we were supposed to be friends. We talk every day. Why do you keep things from me?" "I'm not keeping things from you," she protested, her anger fading. "Really? You didn't tell me about this guy. You didn't even tell me where you lived until you absolutely had to," he said harshly, pacing on the sidewalk. "God," she muttered. "It's nothing personal -" "Sure. Of course it isn't. You know, I don't know how you are with your other friends, but in my world, friends share things about themselves, about their lives," he told her. Her mouth dropped open, her shock and anger returning. "Well, in my world friends don't put requirements on each other," she said coldly. "Friends don't make demands about what is shared and what isn't." Something Personal Ch. 02 "I just don't like feeling that you're holding me at arm's length all the time," he said sheepishly. "For Christ's sake," she exclaimed. "I didn't tell you about him because it's not important. Even Catherine hasn't met him - I keep that separate because it doesn't mean anything." He nodded but didn't speak. He looked almost sad and she felt herself softening, resting her fingers on his arm lightly. "Gavin," she said quietly. "It's really nothing personal. I can be...private about some things. But that's me, it doesn't say anything about you. I tell you what matters." The silence dragged out and she awkwardly removed her hand from his arm. She bit her lip, not wanting to say something she'd regret. Gavin's eyes were still stony and distant. "Fine," he said finally. "Share what you want. But for the record, I was never judging you for fucking that guy." She rolled her eyes. "Fine," she repeated icily. --- Gavin swung his legs off the bed, rubbing his eyes. The sigh coming from the bed reminded him he was not alone. Glancing over his shoulder at Sarah's friend Marta, naked and asleep, his stomach twisted with regret. He wasn't new to the one night stand, but this was the first time he'd brought a woman home solely for the purpose of using sex to forget, to banish another woman from his thoughts. He'd been honest with Nina that he didn't judge her for fucking that guy. He'd even been telling the truth about how it felt when she held him at arm's length. But none of that was what really bothered him. He was jealous. And jealousy was not an emotion he was familiar with; he'd never cared enough about anyone to have it come up. He didn't want Nina to be with anyone else. That thought alone made him crazy enough, but adding the fact that there were still things about which she was so private made it that much worse. He felt like a fool, like he was giving one hundred percent to their friendship while she gave maybe ten. He knew it wasn't fair, or even accurate. Not knowing how to deal with any of it, when Marta kept flirting with him even after he'd gotten her name wrong, he let himself get drunk and take her to bed. She was a beautiful woman with a terrific body, but there hadn't been anything particularly magical about their encounter. And now she was here, asleep, when all he wanted was to have his bed to himself. Much as he was dreading having to deal with awkward small talk the following morning, there was no way he was going to wake her up and kick her out. Sighing, he grabbed a pillow and headed to the couch. --- The lack of curtains in the living room meant Gavin woke up with the sun. Of course. November in Portland but of course today the sun is out. Stifling a groan, he gave up on sleep and started the coffee maker. Passing by his window, he noticed Nina in her living room, reclining on her couch with a cup in her hands. Without thinking, he called her. "You drive me crazy, you know that?" he said when she picked up. He watched her walk over to the window and look up at him. "You have a real gift with apologies," she said sweetly. Gavin laughed in spite of himself. "Okay. I'm sorry I was a jackass. I really wasn't judging you," he added sincerely. "Thanks," she said quietly. "Did you still want to go on that hike today?" he said hopefully. "I -" Nina stopped talking and Gavin could see her eyes widen. "What's wrong?" he asked. She made a squeaking sound that was something between a laugh and a gasp. Gavin heard footsteps behind him and turned to see Marta wearing one of his t-shirts and nothing else, the hem barely covering her behind. Marta smiled brightly at him and walked over to give him a hug. He smiled back awkwardly, glancing at Nina, who was covering her mouth, her shoulders shuddering as if trying to hold back laughter. "Uh - there's coffee in the kitchen," he told Marta. "I don't drink coffee," Marta said, her arm still around him. "Okay. Well, help yourself to juice or whatever you'd like," he suggested. He felt like a jerk, but he automatically leaned away from her. In addition to feeling uncomfortable with Nina watching their interaction, he was now feeling suffocated. Pressing his phone to his shirt so Nina couldn't hear them, he tried to choose his words. "Listen, I'm about to head out for the day," he said carefully. "Will you be able to get home okay?" Please don't need a ride. Please don't need a ride. "You can't come back to bed?" Marta asked, nuzzling his cheek. "Sorry, can't," he said briskly. She pulled away, pouting slightly. Gavin held his tongue, not wanting to give in to any dramatics. He had been drunk last night, but he distinctly remembered telling her that he wasn't looking for anything beyond one night. He'd said some version of the same speech so many times it was basically automatic. As that thought crossed his mind, he became aware of how distasteful a notion it was, to have one's no-commitment line essentially be part of their seduction ritual. Disgust rolled around inside him. No wonder Nina didn't see him as anything other than a friend. Marta seemed to accept he wasn't going to say anything to placate her and left the room. Looking out the window, he saw Nina was still covering her mouth, her shoulders still quivering. She had been watching their interaction with a combination of amusement and something like panic. Her reaction - the initial chest-tightening shock along with borderline hysteria - was completely foreign to her. She wasn't bothered by Gavin taking home some random girl. Am I? she thought, trying to calm herself. No. More than likely it was the irony that he would do so after the subject of their argument. "Had a good night?" she asked when he returned the phone to his ear. "Oh, zip it," he said, trying to smile. "Hike today? Or not?" Nina giggled. "If you're sure you're up for it." "I'm hanging up now," Gavin growled, unable to stop the grin at the sight of her doubling over in laughter. --- Nina sighed at the shrill sound, her fingers fumbling for her phone. "Yeah?" she muttered. "Hi, Peanut." "Dad?" she mumbled, opening her eyes a sliver. "Sorry to wake you," he said. "God, what time is it?" "It's six-thirty." She groaned, annoyed at her father's amused voice. "Dad, what the hell?" "I wanted to catch you before you got on the road -" "Well, bang up job," she said sarcastically. "Nina Elizabeth Halleck," he said sharply. She sat up in response to the ultimate parental tack for commanding their child's attention. "Did something happen?" she asked anxiously. "No - just the weather," he said. "It's snowing like mad up here, we already have almost a foot. And according to the news, it's coming down in Portland, too." Nina jumped out of bed and opened the blinds. There was enough snow on the ground that she couldn't discern the sidewalks from the street, it was just all one thick blanket of snow. And there were large flakes continuing to fall. "Shit. I thought it wasn't supposed to start until later tonight or tomorrow," she muttered. She leaned her forehead against the cold window despondently. Portland hardly ever got snow, so when it happened the entire city shut down. "Honey, you can't drive up here," her father said gently. "But - it's Thanksgiving," she protested. "I know, but there's just no way it's safe," he insisted. "Let me see if I can work something else out," she said suddenly. "I'll call you back in a bit, Dad." "Nina -" "Call you right back," she repeated, hanging up and quickly dialing Gavin's number. "What the hell are you doing up this early?" was his greeting. "Sorry to wake you," she said in a rush. "I was wondering if we could swap cars for the weekend?" "What?" "It's snowing," she told him. "My car wouldn't make it to my parents' but you have chains for your tires, right?" Nina walked into the living room as she spoke, looking up at his window. There was silence on his end and she waited for him to appear, holding the curtain open to look at the street. She gave him a wave. "Nina, you can't drive in this," he said slowly. "Of course I can," she said insistently. "In your SUV I could." "Hang on," he mumbled. Nina watched him grab his remote and waited impatiently while he presumably checked the weather channel. "Gavin," she prodded. "There's no way," he said decisively. "What?" she cried, her voice shrill. "Why not?" She could see his body jerk back in surprise. Forcing herself to take a deep breath, she tried to quell the panic. "The temp's dropping fast," he said quietly. "Which means it's going to turn into a sheet of ice soon." "It's Thanksgiving, Gavin," she said plaintively. "My entire family is there. I have to go." "Not in this, I'm sorry - I really am," he said. "But it's just not safe." "Gavin." Her throat was constricted. "I have to be there." "Nina -" he said regretfully. "Fine," she snapped, hanging up on him. Nina glared at him through the window for a moment before striding away. A few hours later, she had exhausted every possible idea to get to her parents' house, had two tear-filled phone calls with her family, and had ignored every one of Gavin's texts and phone calls. There was a knock at her door and she opened it angrily, not surprised to find Gavin there. He looked frustratingly calm. "Yes?" she snapped. "Do you have skis?" he asked conversationally. "What?" she asked in confusion. "I'm taking you to Brett's for Thanksgiving," he informed her. "But we'll have to walk. It'll be easier on skis or snowshoes since nothing's plowed or shoveled." She took a step back, looking at him in shock. "Oh, you're taking me to Brett's, are you?" she said. "How nice of you to ask. Thank you, but no. I'm going home." "Oh? How?" She scowled at his innocently curious tone. "Nina," he said quietly. "I really am sorry you can't be there today. Look, if it stops overnight, I'll drive you there myself tomorrow. I promise. I just can't let you go on your own, not even in my car. I wouldn't let you go off alone in this mess in a snow plow. What if something happened to you and you were stranded, completely by yourself?" Her shoulders slumped. "I know. We've just - we've never not all been together on a holiday," she said morosely. "And they're all there together and I'm...here." She shrugged, mortified to feel her lower lip tremble. "You must think I'm a huge baby." He stepped into the apartment and closed the door behind him. She was surprised when he wrapped his arms around her in a hug, but leaned into him gratefully. "You're not a baby," he said. "You love your family and want to be with them, that's a good thing. It's just not going to work out today. It totally sucks and you're allowed to be as sad about it as you want," he added. "It does suck," she muttered, her voice muffled by his clothes. He chuckled. "It really does. But there's no reason to sit around by yourself. Come with us to Brett's. His mom is an awesome cook." "Fine," she said with a sigh. He grinned. "We'll leave around nine. Don't eat breakfast, Deb puts out quite a spread." She ended up enjoying the entire day in spite of herself. They had trudged the few miles to Brett's parents' house, where they were immediately welcomed with hot chocolate, blankets, and seats by the fireplace. Gavin hadn't exaggerated Deb's cooking skills, and whenever Nina tried to help she was repeatedly shooed away. She resigned herself to sitting at the kitchen island, keeping Deb company and learning a lot about Gavin. He and Brett had been roommates since their freshman year in college and Gavin had been welcomed as part of the family since. In the evening, Gavin's friends Bill and Diane stopped by for dessert, and Gavin introduced Nina to them somewhat proudly. "Bill was my first boss when I moved to Portland," Gavin said. "I worked for his construction company for a couple of years before starting college. They kind of adopted me," he added, looking at the older couple fondly. "I wouldn't be who I am today if it weren't for them." She was startled by Gavin's candor and noticed Diane's eyes shining with moisture. "So - you took time off before starting college?" she asked, puzzled. Gavin hesitated, glancing at Bill and Diane. "Kind of. I...I was sixteen when I started working for Bill." "You graduated from high school early?" "Something like that," Gavin said awkwardly. He finally met her eyes, and seemed to come to a decision. "My grandmother died at the end of my sophomore year," he told her. "I had to live with a couple of foster families afterward, and I just - I didn't want to do that for two more years. So I got my GED and moved to Portland." "You've been on your own since you were sixteen?" she asked softly. "Well, at first," he said. "But then these guys were stuck with me." He nodded toward Bill and Diane with a grin. Nina smiled at them, still a little stunned. Gavin went to get them drinks and she looked at the older couple gratefully. "That was really...wonderful - that you helped him out," she said lamely, her chest feeling tight. "He's a great kid," Bill said easily. "He's not a kid anymore," Diane chided. "He's the best young man we know," she told Nina proudly. Nina blinked against the threat of tears. "Yeah," she agreed. --- "Missed me?" Owen said with a laugh. Nina had just pulled him into her apartment and was lifting his sweater over his head. She flashed him a grin. She unbuttoned his shirt and ran her hands over his body until she reached his belt. Walking backward to the bedroom, she dragged him with her, unfastening his jeans as they moved. He pushed her onto the bed, diving for her pants. He grinned wickedly at her surprise. "Take off your bra," he told her, removing her pants and underwear. She narrowed her eyes at him accusingly, but complied. Their hands met at his jeans, both of them shoving them off his legs. Owen shrugged his shirt off, then grabbed a condom from his jeans pocket and tossed it next to them. Wrapping his hands around her elbows, he pressed her arms down, running his tongue down her neck and chest. Her back arched when his mouth encompassed one breast and her arms struggled against his hold. He smiled around her nipple and met her eye, pushing her arms further into the mattress. Nina made a frustrated sound and circled his hips with her legs, bringing his groin right to the heated center between her legs. His eyes fluttered shut, his hold on her arms loosening enough for her to break free. With a satisfied laugh, she gripped his behind with both hands and pressed him to her. He was just reaching for her arms again when she pulled away and got on all fours. Flipping her hair over her shoulder with a toss of her head, she looked back at him. "Put the rubber on," she ordered. Rolling the condom on, he slipped a hand between her legs even though he knew she was more than ready. She bucked her hips back insistently. Making a sound between a growl and a chuckle, he gripped her hips and entered her fully in one motion. Her head came back and she let out a cry of pleasure. They moved together, thrusting hard against each other. Her head dropped to the bed, the quilt smothering her moans. Owen was squeezing her butt cheeks when her hands came back to meet his. She grabbed his hand and placed it around one of her wrists, snaking the other hand into his grasp. She yanked her arms and he instinctively tightened his grip on her wrists, pulling her body up slightly. Her movements were restricted but she still rocked against him as he pummeled her, the friction of the new angle causing her cries to become louder. He moved his free hand around her hip to her belly, skimming her abdomen until he found his target. He circled his finger around the firm nub until her body began jerking into his, then he pinched it lightly. Her back arched again and she let out a long, loud shriek. "Yes, yes, yes, oh, God," she cried out, grinding into him. "Oh, my God," she panted. He continued slamming into her as she shuddered and moaned, only slowing when her head fell forward and the only noises coming from her were soft whimpers. He released her wrists and flattened her to the bed, covering her body with his. Holding her hip down with one hand, he thrust into her, slowly at first and picking up speed as she responded. She arched her back beneath him, a long groan emanating from her throat. "Oh, God, God, God," he shouted into her skin. He was still moving inside her when she gave one final shriek before slumping onto the bed, their moans filling the room. --- "How was your holiday?" Owen asked sleepily, running a finger along her arm. Nina smothered a sigh. More and more he seemed to be trying to move the boundary line she'd drawn in the sand, and she couldn't decide which topics were benign enough to let go and which she should avoid on principle. "I ended up getting stranded in town so I couldn't go home," she said. "But I spent the day with Gavin and Brett, so it worked out. It was fun. How about you?" He withdrew his arm. "You spent Thanksgiving with that guy Gavin?" he said sharply. "And our friend Brett," she replied. Owen got out of bed and pulled on his jeans. "Something wrong?" she asked tiredly. "If you were going to be in town, why didn't you call me? We could have hung out," he said. "Owen," she said reproachfully. "You and I don't hang out. And we certainly don't spend holidays together." He had put his shirt on and stood staring at her. "What's the problem?" she asked flatly. "I don't like you hanging out with other guys," he said. There was a silence as Nina regarded him, not necessarily surprised by his reaction. She didn't feel much of anything, actually, other than drained. The whole point of this had been to avoid any emotional traps, and she didn't have the energy to get invested, much less muster up any anger or sadness. "I'm sorry you feel that way," she told him quietly. "You're a real piece of work," he spat out. "Excuse me?" She got out of bed and put on her robe, crossing her arms over her chest. "It wouldn't bother you if I was hanging out with gorgeous women all the time?" he challenged. "No," she said simply. "We don't have a commitment, Owen. I'm sure I was very clear about that. If you want something more, then I'm not the one you should be looking to for that." "Maybe you're right," he said angrily. "It's been fun, Nina. I'll see you around." Nina rolled her eyes and went to the bathroom, hearing him stomp around before slamming the door on his way out. Wandering through the living room to lock the door, she saw he had knocked her picture frames over and swiped a stack of magazines onto the floor. Well, that's mature. When her phone rang she was relieved to see Gavin's name and not Owen's. "Do you ever stop tidying up your apartment?" he asked teasingly. She walked over to the window and grinned up at him. "Tornado Owen just flew through here," she told him. "Oh, gross. I don't need to hear about your wild sex," he said. "Oh, my God - that's not what I meant." She sat on the windowsill, laughing. "It's over and like a child, he knocked over some of my stuff on his way out." "He did what? Asshole." She could see Gavin's free hand form into a fist. "Chill out," Nina said in amusement. "He didn't break anything." "Well, I'm sorry it's over. If you are," he added. She shrugged. "It ran its course, I guess. How was your shift? Were you able to sleep?" she asked, leaning against the window and looking up at him while he told her about his day. Something Personal Ch. 02 These calls were almost a nightly ritual, to the point where it felt like something was missing if they didn't speak at the end of the day. It had been so long since she'd let her guard down with anyone new, but with Gavin it was basically effortless. Whether they were on a hike or playing pool or just hanging out at one of their apartments, it was just easy and comfortable. He put up with her teasing him for being too scared to commit to a woman and he poked fun at her obsessively organized habits. He reminded Nina a little of her brothers; knowing exactly which of her buttons to push while making it clear that he'd always have her back. "I'll let you go," he said later. "Yeah, I should probably sleep. Goodnight." She smiled and waved at him. "Sleep well, Nina." --- The horrifying crash made Gavin bolt out of his seat. He rushed to the window and saw a small car smashed into the row of mailboxes belonging to the apartment building next to his. He turned to find his shoes, his EMT training taking over, when something made him pause and narrow his eyes, studying the car closely. Nina's car. He froze for what felt like hours but was probably only minutes. Sirens broke through the fog and he hurried downstairs. By the time he got to the street, she was already being looked over by a paramedic. Nina was pale, seeming to curl in on herself. "Nina," he said, his voice pained. She looked at him, her eyes dazed. Then: "Hey, Gavin." It took him a second to register the voice and he noticed the paramedic, recognizing her as someone he had worked with several times on various calls. "Hi, Steph," he said faintly. "What happened?" "I - my brakes -" Nina stammered. He sat next to her, resting a hand lightly on her back while Stephanie took care of her, feeling utterly helpless and using all of his self-control to not wrap his arms around her. "It'll be okay," he said, hoping he sounded convincing. Finally Stephanie gave her the all clear and they were alone. Gavin placed his hand lightly on her back, trying to get the image of her smashed car out of his mind. He was hanging on by a thread, wanting nothing but to crush her to him and keep her safe. "Let's get you home," he said, his voice hoarse. She swayed slightly and nodded. He helped her up the stairs and into her apartment, settling her on the couch under a blanket and handing her a glass of water. She held the glass as if numb, shivering under the warm blanket. Gavin hovered nearby, watching her anxiously. "Can I get you anything else?" he asked quietly. Nina looked up at him, taking a second to focus on him. She put down the glass and held a shaking hand out to him. He was at her side in an instant, gathering her in his arms, tightening them around her securely. She let out a shuddering sigh and burrowed into him. The panic in his chest morphed into something else. Relief. Comfort. A longing that became almost as painful as the fear and worry that had gripped him. "Thanks," she whispered. He kissed the top of her head in response. He didn't know how long he held her but noticed when her breathing steadied. "I think I'm okay now," she said, her voice muffled by his shirt. "Okay," he said, not loosening his hold. "Gavin?" She giggled, poking his stomach. He flinched but kept his arms around her. "Yes?" "I'm okay...you can let go." "I'm not okay yet; give me a minute," he said quietly. Nina softened. Not that she relished being the reason for his concern, but his obvious worry for her safety caused a surprising reaction. She had always been self-reliant, refusing to let it seem she couldn't take care of herself, but it had felt natural to let Gavin soothe her, and she gave in to the urge to comfort him in return. She slipped her arms around his waist and hugged him, not moving until he did. "Thanks," he said, leaning away to look at her. Lifting her head, she rubbed her finger on the wrinkle between his brows, then rested her hand on his cheek. He swallowed hard, the contact creating an electric spark on his skin. "I'm fine," she assured him. He nodded uncertainly. "Do you need anything?" She snuggled against him, still shaking a little. "Want to watch TV?" he asked. "Hush," she admonished. "Just – stay. Okay?" Stay? What the fuck? "Nina –" He lost the ability to speak when she nuzzled his neck, kneading his back with her hands. His chest rose with the force of his inhale and she ran her hands up his chest until they were around his neck, her fingers teasing his hair. He forgot how to breathe. He stared at the top of her head and was about to speak again when her lips pressed against his neck. She ran her tongue up to his ear and flicked his earlobe with her tongue. Sucking in a sharp breath, he gripped her shoulders and held her away, waiting until she looked at him. Her eyes were darker than he'd ever seen them, smoky and mysterious. Ignoring the doubts in the back of his mind, pushing aside the impulse to question her, he cupped her cheeks and leaned in, baffled when she moved her head back. He tried again but she eluded him. They were like two matching ends of magnets trying to be forced together. He looked at her inquisitively. "No kissing," she whispered. "It only complicates things." So that's all this is. It was as if he felt his entire body deflate. Well, not his entire body. A certain part of his anatomy was yelling Who cares?! while his mind railed against the idea. It wasn't enough. Was it? Maybe it could be. He swallowed hard, trying to think. Looking into her eyes, feeling the soft skin under his hands, he succumbed. He twisted his fingers in her hair, tugging her head back slightly, watching her eyes widen, her beautiful lips parting. "Bedroom," he said firmly. She smiled devilishly, standing and taking his hand. She cocked her head suggestively and all his questions disappeared, instinct and desire taking over. Her eyes widened when he stood and wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her into the bedroom. She nudged his shoulders, sitting him on the bed and grasped the hem of his shirt, her fingers tickling his skin as she nudged it up his torso. His breath caught in his throat when she dropped the shirt to the floor and stared at him for a long moment before touching him. Nina moistened her lips, roaming her hands over the light dusting of hair on his chest, admiring his well-defined chest and arms, the ridges of his six-pack. Her fingers traced the Maltese cross tattoo on his right pectoral, having never realized how sexy a tattoo could be. She murmured approvingly, undoing his jeans as she stared at him. He stood suddenly, kicking his jeans off, his eyes trained on hers. The heat from his gaze made her feel light-headed, a thoroughly unfamiliar response. She tried to smile coyly at him, needing to keep the upper hand, fighting the uncharacteristic impulse to lie back and let him take over. As if he could read her mind, he took her arms, turning her and shoving her back onto the bed. She narrowed her eyes defiantly, sitting up and whipping her shirt over her head. He froze at the sight of her chaste white bra against her porcelain skin. He let her undress, his fingers twitching with the urge to help. She unhooked her bra, holding it over her breasts for a moment of unexpected shyness before drawing the garment away. Reclining, she undid her jeans, smirking at his gasp when she shimmied her hips to lower them. She was more stunning that he had imagined – shapely limbs, perky breasts, and a trim waist that flared out into sexy hips. Her abs flexed as she slid her panties off and he sucked in a breath. That she was fit was no surprise, given her active lifestyle, but the combination of athleticism and femininity in her form was more alluring than he thought possible. He growled, gripping her hips, and she grinned. He surprised her by kneeling next to the bed, giving her inner thigh a bite. She flinched, trying to scoot away but he held her still, slowly running his tongue along the crease in her thighs teasingly. Nina heard herself whimper and pushed at his shoulders. This was too much. It was too...intimate. But then his tongue came closer to its target, still taunting, and her hands moved of their own volition, tangling in his hair. She felt his soft chuckle vibrate against her, teasing her for a few more seconds before he finally ran his tongue along the length of her. She jerked her hips and gasped, the current running straight through her body. He moved languidly over her, circling with his tongue and stroking her with his hands as he explored her. A low moan started from deep in her throat and he increased his pressure, steadying her legs with his hands. She raised a leg and hooked it over his shoulder, his arms coming around her hips to hold her tightly to his face as his tongue found the firm button, flicking it several times. Nina groaned, pressing his head into her. God. It had been too long. Refusing to let herself become attached to anyone since her divorce, she had denied herself this for too long. Not that anyone could compare to this. Gavin clearly had a talented mouth and the experience to back it up, but there was more to it than skill. His touch gave the impression that it really was all about giving her pleasure and not some perfunctory obligation before he could get to the actual sex. "Gavin," she gasped. The sound of her husky voice saying his name made him grateful he was already on his knees, and he moaned against her. Her legs stiffened and he circled her clit with his tongue before closing his lips around it. She tensed and he squeezed her behind, applying more pressure with his tongue and soon she was writhing against him, her breath coming in quick, surprised gasps, her thighs almost crushing his head, until finally she let out a loud cry. Her legs relaxed and started to tremble before she went completely slack. He unhooked her leg from his shoulder and ran his hands up her flat stomach, gently stroking and caressing her breasts with his hands and mouth. He stroked the length of her back, noticing she was still trembling a little. Nina moved her lips to his neck, running her tongue along the length of it before focusing on his chest, her fingers pinching his nipples lightly. She nudged him to his back and straddled him, a fierce look in her eyes. Leaning over him, she opened the nightstand drawer and took out a condom, ripping the package open with her teeth. Gavin groaned at the sight, then watched her roll the rubber on, realizing for the first time just how erotic putting a condom on could be. She dug her fingers into his chest, lowering herself onto him agonizingly slowly. Her eyes rolled back and she groaned. He was lost at the sight, at the sound, at the feel of her, tightly clenching around him. Cupping her breasts, he flicked her nipples, grinning when her back arched. He fought the impulse to flip her over and plow into her until she was screaming his name, forcing himself to wait patiently for her to move. He continued teasing her nipples, rolling them between his fingers. She whimpered and rotated her hips, her hair falling over her face. "Jesus," he breathed. She looked at him smugly through heavy-lidded eyes, giving him a slow smile. "Ready?" she murmured. His eyes widened, transfixed by the wantonness of her expression. Her smile grew and she rose up to his tip and plunged back down. He grasped her behind, kneading the flesh of her firm cheeks. She circled her hips on him again and he groaned. "Tease," he gasped. She arched her eyebrows, leaning back to prop herself up on his thighs, continuing to roll her hips. He gave her bottom a sharp slap and her body jerked forward. She looked at him accusingly and he stifled a laugh. Inflamed, he slipped his fingers between her legs and found the slippery, swollen nub, flicking and pinching. It was as if he literally flipped a switch. She narrowed her eyes and grabbed his arms, pinning them to the bed. A low growl coming from her throat, she began riding him, hard. He was strong enough to overpower her grasp but was too aroused by the way she took charge to even consider it. Instead he wrapped his hands around her ankles and thrust his hips up to meet her. She bounced on him wildly, her hair flowing over her shoulders and chest, her mouth open as she cried out. Her inner muscles were clutching at him and he gritted his teeth, trying to hold out. "Yes, yes, fuck – God, yes, oh – oh – oh," she chanted. Nina's head fell back, her fingers still clutching his arms, as the burning warmth washed over her. Before her climax ended, she planted her feet on the bed and kept moving on him, needing more. After her third or fourth orgasm – she lost count – her legs began to tire and she leaned back, pulling Gavin up with her. She fell to the bed with him holding himself over her, looking astonished. She wrapped her legs around him and squeezed his behind, rocking against him. "Don't tell me you can't keep up," she teased, her chest heaving. He blinked, still looking stunned. "You're a fucking wildcat," he said huskily. "But, yeah – I can keep up, you competitive freak," he teased. He withdrew slowly, holding his crown just inside her until she began whimpering, then bottomed out inside her in one motion. "Gavin," she dragged out his name in a moan. He inhaled sharply at the sound. His jaw clenched, he thrust into her again and again with increasing force each time, listening to her grunts get higher pitched. His fingers were digging into her waist, pulling her body to meet his. Her breasts jiggled with each movement, her hair splayed out on the bed, her cheeks bright pink; she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. It didn't take long before he felt the telltale flutter soon followed by the contractions of her inner walls. Her grunts turned into cries of pleasure before ending with a long moan as she shuddered beneath him. Gavin bit his lip as he felt the pressure mounting. "Oh, God, Gavin," Nina cried, arching her back. He buried his face in her neck and placed his teeth just above one breast, crying out into her skin as he came. --- They rested comfortably side by side, his arm under her neck but otherwise not really touching. Once his euphoria faded, once he could breathe normally again, he cleared his throat. "So...are we going to be okay?" he asked, focusing on the ceiling. "Sure, why wouldn't we be?" she said simply. He shook his head slightly. He'd never known a woman who could compartmentalize like her. "You don't think we've just messed up our friendship?" he challenged. "Maybe we weren't close enough friends to mess anything up," she teased. He pinched her arm and she giggled. She flipped onto her stomach and he reluctantly met her eyes. "It'll only be a problem if we let it," she said, shrugging one shoulder. He studied her for a minute. Her face was still flushed and her hair had tumbled in a gorgeous mess around her shoulders. He had to stop himself from running his fingers through it. "Good," he said, sighing. "Because we are definitely going to have to do that again." She pretended to look offended before laughing and getting out of bed. He watched her go to the closet, admiring the way she carried herself as she comfortably walked across the room naked. He felt a stirring between his legs and covered himself with the sheet as she slipped on her robe. Returning to the bed, she tucked her legs under her and sat next to him. "I do have one request," she said slowly. "And you don't have to agree – it's your choice. But I would prefer if our friends didn't know about this." "Ashamed of me, huh?" he joked. She cocked her head, looking at him with a combination of affection and exasperation. "You know that's not it. It's just...private. It's none of their business," she said simply. "But, I know that's my deal and not yours, so if you want to tell them –" "It's okay," he interrupted. "Probably save us both a lot of hassle and teasing from them if we keep it to ourselves." She smiled, continuing to watch him for so long he grew uncomfortable. "What?" he asked warily. "Nothing, just – I'm going to go to bed soon..." she said. "Oh." Right. Of course I won't be staying over. Because that's not what fuck buddies do. Not sure he could disguise the bitterness of his thoughts, he flipped back the sheet and swung his legs off the bed, pulling on his boxers and grabbing the rest of his clothes. When he was dressed he found her studying him closely and grinned. "Enjoying the show?" "Mm-hm," she murmured emphatically, smiling. He felt his cheeks get warm and looked away. His embarrassment grew when he heard her giggle. She walked him to the door and he pulled her in for a hug, automatically aiming for her mouth, feeling even more awkward when she moved so his lips landed on her cheek. This no-kissing rule was going to be difficult to remember. "Hey," she said as he started out the door. "Thanks, really." He snorted a laugh. "I think I should be thanking you." To his surprise she blushed and gave a shy laugh. "I meant - the car accident," she said. "Thank you for being there." He was overcome and lifted a hand to her cheek, stroking it lightly. "Always," he said sincerely. Nina smiled appreciatively, watching until he disappeared before closing the door. Leaning against the door, she became aware of the slight ache in her muscles, that strange energized exhaustion that resulted from good sex. That was so much more than just good sex, she told herself. She couldn't remember anything ever feeling that wonderful. She floated down the hall to bed, a smile on her lips. Something Personal Ch. 03 Catherine watched Nina closely as her friend put the finishing touches on dinner. "You're chipper," Catherine commented. "Am I?" Nina asked, handing her friend a bowl of pasta tossed with shrimp, basil, and tomatoes. "God, this smells amazing." Catherine practically leered at the food. "Dig in," Nina said, chuckling. "This recipe made so much more than I thought - do you mind if I see if the guys want to come over?" "As long as there's enough for me to have seconds," Catherine said. "So, why so bouncy? Did you get back together with Owen?" "We were never together," Nina reminded her, texting Gavin to extend the dinner invitation. "Fine, fine," Catherine said with a sigh. "Forgive me for using the easiest terminology. Did you?" Nina was looking at her phone, not realizing she had a smile on her face as she read Gavin's enthusiastic reply. "No," Nina said firmly, looking up to see Catherine watching her thoughtfully. "What?" "It's Gavin," Catherine realized, grinning broadly. "What about him?" "Gavin is the reason." Catherine looked like she was about to burst with excitement. "I don't know what -" Nina began. "Right," Catherine interrupted gleefully. "So? How is he?" "Cath," Nina mumbled in protest, blushing. "Wow, he must be really good." Catherine seemed stunned. "You like him." "Of course I like him," Nina said briskly. "He's my friend." Catherine smirked. "How long?" "How long what?" Nina said. "Nina, come on." Catherine laughed. "How long since you two got together?" "We're not together," Nina repeated. "I'm not dating him...it's just –" "Just...physical release?" Catherine teased. "How long?" "About a week, since my car accident," Nina said quietly. She cleared her throat. "How are things with Mark?" Catherine rolled her eyes. "Very subtle subject change. It's good. Very good." She winked. "Actually," she continued. "He invited me to Christmas dinner at his grandmother's." She met Nina's eyes hesitantly. "Wow." Nina grinned. "Almost three weeks ahead of time? That's awesome." "Yeah, nothing like a low-key holiday to meet the entire family, right?" Catherine joked, but looked apprehensive. "It'll be fine," Nina assured her. They both looked up at the knock on her door. "That was quick," Nina said as she let the four of them in. "You didn't even ask what was for dinner." "Does it matter? If you made it, it's bound to be excellent," Keane told her. "She's already feeding you, no need to butter her up," Brett said. Nina laughed, serving them each a heaping bowl of pasta and handing out forks and napkins. They crowded around her table, knowing she didn't allow dinner on the living room furniture. She sat on one of her barstools, smiling while they all ate in complete silence. She loved cooking, especially when she had people to cook for. The noise and comfort of having several people in her apartment reminded her of her house growing up. After dinner the guys insisted on cleaning up while she hovered around them, somehow managing to refrain from correcting the way they were doing things. Gavin winked at her and she blushed; he knew how much she was dying to take over and do it herself. They had brought a case of beer, and they played a board game in her living room, laughing and shouting and teasing each other. The evening came to an end when Catherine gave Mark a meaningful look that no one else missed, and everyone got up to leave. Gavin lingered near the kitchen, raising his eyebrows questioningly at Nina when he caught her eye. She smiled, pointedly running her gaze over his body, and he relaxed, leaning against the doorway of the kitchen. Brett gave him a puzzled look. "I'm going to hang out for a while," Gavin said casually. The others glanced from him to Nina, then exchanged looks with each other before saying goodnight. Nina locked the door behind them and turned to him with her arms crossed. "So I guess that cat's out of the bag," she said, smirking. "Is that a problem?" he asked, chuckling. She shrugged. "Catherine guessed before you guys got here - it was probably inevitable. So," she drawled, walking slowly toward him. "What do you want to do now?" He returned her shrug. "Well, now that you mention it...I know a certain wildcat I'd like to let out..." She giggled. "Why do you call me wildcat?" "Seriously?" He grinned. "You know why. Let's just say your Halloween costume was appropriate." "Rawr," she said playfully, her eyes twinkling. Gavin lunged for her and she gave a small shriek, running toward the bed while laughing. She climbed onto the bed and Gavin caught her around the waist, his chest pressed against her back. "Gotcha," he said, his lips tickling her ear. She giggled as his hands unfastened her jeans and dragged them off her legs. She started to turn but he stopped her with his hands on her waist, pulling her up so her back was resting against his chest. He slid her shirt off before unhooking her bra, trailing kisses down her neck, running his hands down her body until he reached her panties. "Well, this just will not do. You are still far too overdressed," he told her, hooking his thumbs under the waistband and edging them down her hips. Nina's laugh quickly turned into a moan as he removed the last of her clothes. Her skin felt like it was on fire, and he had barely touched her so far. Being with Gavin was unlike anyone else she had been with; in the past she had enjoyed sex immensely, but she was realizing it was nothing in comparison to this. She assumed it was because they were such good friends it was simultaneously fun and comfortable and so incredibly hot as well. She pressed back against his crotch and he stopped his hands to grip her, sucking in his breath. Gavin leaned forward, lowering Nina until she was lying on her stomach, then pulled her underwear off the rest of the way. He stretched out on top of her, kissing the back of her neck and stroking the length of her body. She let out a whimper and started writhing beneath him. "Take off your clothes," she demanded. "Or what?" he teased, biting her earlobe. She sighed. "Fine, don't. We could always just watch TV." His breath tickled her back when he chuckled. "You're so bossy," he murmured, pushing himself off her reluctantly. He quickly whipped his shirt off and tore off his jeans and boxers, pausing only to get a condom from his jeans pocket. He rolled it on and stretched on top of her in a flash, his hands finding her breasts. "You love it," she said in a gasp. He pinched her nipple, hard. Nina's head flew back. He ran his other hand down her side, stopping to squeeze her behind roughly. His fingers moved between her legs, lightly teasing. Nina tried to thrust her hips onto his hand, her ability to move restricted by his body. She whined and turned back to him. He noticed and raised his head to look at her, trying not to grin at her expression. She was trying to glare but her eyes were burning with desire. "What did you want to watch?" he asked innocently. She narrowed her eyes. He couldn't contain his laughter and she rolled to her back, clasping her hands behind her head. His amusement faded as the movement caused her breasts to arch up toward him. "I think there's a documentary on," she said conversationally. He growled, plunging two fingers inside her and curling his fingers toward her pelvis. Her body jerked off the bed and she gripped his arms, crying out. He gave her a smug smile, removing his hand. She whimpered at the sudden emptiness when he withdrew his fingers, then moaned when he flipped her over and entered her. He moved achingly slowly, his hands on her hips preventing her from pushing back. He bottomed out inside her with a groan and held himself still, his hands stroking the backs of her thighs and her behind. "Gavin," she dragged out his name in a moan. He sucked in a breath; the way she said his name consistently weakened his control. His jaw clenched, he withdrew to the crown and shoved inside her, rocking into her steadily. Her satisfied sighs turned into gasps and then shrieks, her hips moving back to meet his body. When he felt her climax begin, he pulled her upper body to meet his, leaning back on his heels slightly so she could rest against his chest, holding her narrow waist as she rode him. She dug her nails into his arms, her head flung back against his chest, crying out his name. He cupped her breasts as she came down, alternately caressing and pinching her nipples and giving her small aftershocks. Nina threw her arms behind her to grasp his head, pulling his mouth to her neck. Sinking his teeth into her skin, he started moving inside her again, his thrusts shallow but insistent. Her climax hadn't had the chance to end before she felt the warming tingle start again. Her body turned to jelly and she slumped against him, unable to do anything but take his onslaught. He lowered her to her stomach on the bed. She could almost feel his triumphant grin but when she propped herself up to look at him, his expression was nothing but pure heat. She turned and wrapped her legs around his hips, using her body to flatten him on his back. Pressing down on his chest, she gently tugged the condom off. "Wait here," she said, giving his chest a bite. "As if I could move," he called after her curiously as she left the room. She returned with a warm washcloth, washing away the latex residue while maintaining eye contact with him. He just stared into her eyes, mesmerized. Everything she did was sexy. She settled herself between his legs, her warm hands exploring his thighs and stomach before stopping at his cock, straining and aching for her touch. He felt her cupping him gently, her warm breath teasing him. Then her tongue was stroking his length. His head fell back, one hand brushing her hair out of her face before resting on the nape of her neck. She circled the crown with her tongue, flicking the tip with her tongue before closing her lips around him. One hand circled the base of his shaft, squeezing as she took him deeper. Gavin let out a long, low groan and gripped the back of her head. She began moving in a steady motion, squeezing him with her hand on each downward motion, her tongue stroking him as she moved back to the tip. Over and over, until he was drowning in the soft warmth of her lips and the strong grip of her hand. Through barely opened eyes, he watched her mouth devour him, saw the arousal on her face. When she opened her eyes to meet his, he sucked in his breath through his teeth and his hips jerked involuntarily. The hand cupping him started rolling his balls in her fingers. He squeezed his eyes shut and there was bright white light burning against his eyelids. "Nina," he gasped, his hands moving to her shoulders, trying to pull her up to him. She didn't pause or alter her movements and he slowly opened his eyes to see her. She blinked once at him, her fingers pressing firmly on the underside of his scrotum. "Oh God," he breathed, inhaling sharply and fisting her hair. He saw the tiny flicker of satisfaction in her eyes before she closed them and increased her onslaught. His hips moved on their own, coming off the bed to meet her mouth, and he lost himself in the sweet valley of her tongue and lips. She drew him into her, caressing him with her mouth and hands, moaning around him as he climaxed. He dropped back on the bed, throwing an arm over his eyes, panting heavily. She continued with soft kisses and light touches until he began trembling. He gave her hair a gentle tug and she crawled up next to him, running her hands over his chest. "Jesus Christ," he gasped, clutching her to him, preventing her hands from touching him, every inch of his flesh suddenly too sensitive. Nina nuzzled her lips against his neck and ear, smiling against his skin. He turned to her. "You look awfully proud of yourself," he said weakly. She giggled against his cheek. "You should be," he whispered, trying to steady his breathing. "That was incredible." She wiggled her arms around him and nudged him up to the pillows, drawing the quilt over them. Her head was in the crook of his neck and he brought a shaky hand to her side, stroking her from breast to hip. Recovering, he pressed her to him, circling her nipple with his fingers. She covered his hand with hers. "It's okay," she whispered, kissing his cheek. "Oh, I know it's okay. It's more than okay," he said mischievously, his eyes fixed on her hardening nipples. "Mm, look at that," he said teasingly. He glanced up to her eyes before returning his gaze to her breasts. "It's like they're standing at attention, just calling out to me." "Gavin," she said in a soft moan. "That's a good girl," he murmured, rolling her onto her back and covering a breast with his mouth. "Mm, you taste like peaches and sunshine." Her giggle was cut off by a sharp intake of breath as Gavin's mouth worked his way down her body. "Oh, God," she breathed. She felt his soft chuckle vibrate against her skin and smiled, her hands tangling his hair. The dim light from the bedside lamp created strange patterns on the ceiling. She had just noticed the sharp angles and lines when it all blurred together, her vision clouding as his tongue pushed her to the edge. There was a hazy mist over her eyes, hovering for a moment before bursting into a fiery white color, her eyes almost burning. Then it rushed through her body, the heat tickling from the inside out. Finally there was just a warm, golden afterglow, gently lapping at her flesh. She closed her eyes, purring in satisfaction. "Wildcat." She opened her eyes a sliver. By the amusement in his voice, she guessed Gavin had said her nickname several times. "Mm?" she murmured, stretching. "Oh, good. You're still with me," he joked. Nina turned to him instinctively, nestling her head into the crook of his shoulder. He folded her into his embrace automatically and they each let out a long sigh. Some time later she woke up because of the chill in the room and reached for a blanket, stopping short when she saw Gavin curled up on his side. Obviously she didn't remember them falling asleep together. She bit her lip, fighting the impulse to wake him. Along with the ban on kissing, spending the entire night with someone was something she hadn't allowed herself to do. Gavin had accepted this easily enough, not lingering for long after sex. Studying his face, she felt herself softening. His features were relaxed, one corner of his mouth turned up in an enigmatic smile. Impulsively she touched his mouth, transfixed when his smile grew. He looked adorably boyish and she relented, tucking the blanket around both of them. --- Gavin woke to the sound of something breaking. Gasping for air, his heart pounding, he turned his head in the direction of the sound. Without opening his eyes, he could feel the sheets tangled tightly around him. Startled, he opened his eyes and looked around. He had knocked over the bedside lamp. Taking in the unfamiliar room, he suddenly remembered where he was. Nina, he thought regretfully as he searched for her. She was sort of huddled at the foot of the bed, her fearful eyes trained on him. He untwisted the sheets constraining him, frustrated, and slowly sat up. He leaned forward, running his hands through his hair. "I'm sorry," he said sadly. He forced himself to meet her stare, sliding a hand across the bed toward her. She flinched almost imperceptibly and he drew his hand away, looking into her eyes carefully. "Did I hurt you?" he asked anxiously. Shit, what have I done? "No - not really," she said uncertainly. "Please tell me what I did," he said in a low voice, positive he didn't want to hear it. Nina watched him for a moment before straightening her shoulders. She crawled up next to him and wrapped her arms around his neck, nudging him so that his head rested on her stomach. Gavin hugged her gratefully, his arms locked around her waist. "I tried to wake you up," she whispered. "You just shoved me a little, that's all." He squeezed his eyes shut in pain. "Fuck. I am so sorry -" "Shh, don't be. You weren't awake." She stroked his hair. "I just got startled because I wasn't really awake either, but you didn't hurt me." He pressed his face into her skin, the tightness in his chest too much to bear. "Gavin," she said gently. "You pushed me away and told me to run - to run and hide." His eyes snapped open. "I was trying to get you away from my father," he blurted without thinking. Nina gasped, stilling the hand in his hair. "He's dead," Gavin reminded her, his face still pressed into her stomach. "He's not a danger to you or anything. It was just...a nightmare." He pushed himself off her and propped up on an elbow. "I really am sorry," he said, resting a few fingers on her cheek lightly as if he was afraid she would break. Pressing his hand on her cheek, she turned to kiss his palm before drawing him back into her arms, his head on her chest. "You have nothing to be sorry for," she told him firmly. She began massaging his scalp. "Do you want to watch TV? Or talk? About something else," she added quickly. "It's okay. Uh, I can take off," he said awkwardly. "No. Let me take care of you now," she said tenderly. He squeezed his eyes shut again, holding her waist tightly. She was silent for several minutes before speaking. "Did I ever tell you about our cat? Her name was Mrs. Fuzzy Bottoms." Gavin tried to laugh. "No." Nina continued massaging his head, moving her hands to his shoulders to knead his muscles as she told him about the family cat in great detail. Gavin barely heard the words, focusing on the soothing sound of her rich voice. He felt himself relaxing, the effects of the nightmare fading, and made an effort to concentrate. "She ran off when I was in college," Nina was saying. "It was devastating. She was gone for over a week, then one of our neighbors called my mom at work to tell her he saw a dead cat on his way home that he thought was ours. She sent Dad over there, and he brought her home to bury her. My brother and sister were too squeamish to look at her - Dad had put her in a box - so they just buried her in the yard. The next weekend was their anniversary - their 20th - and I had planned a trip home to throw them a little party. The day after I got there, I went to the end of the driveway to check the mail and heard a meow. And I saw Mrs. Fuzzy Bottoms trotting across the street toward me." Gavin managed a laugh. "What?" "I seriously thought I was losing my mind, that I was seeing an apparition because of my grief or something," Nina told him, chuckling. "But it was her. She ran right up to me and I grabbed her and ran inside, shouting." She laughed harder. "My poor dad had gone and buried the wrong cat." Gavin looked at her. "Was he mad?" "No. Embarrassed." Nina grinned. "He hates when we tell that story." "Poor guy," Gavin said, smiling faintly. She squeezed his back. "Can I get you anything?" He rested his head on her chest again. "I have everything I need," he murmured, planting a kiss just above the neckline of her tank top. Nina sucked in a breath, startled at his words. The logical part of her brain - the part she typically relied on one hundred percent - was telling her this was too much. She had already broken so many of her rules for the friends-with-benefits situation. But he was her friend, and he was in pain. So she hugged him, her mind flooding with questions that she didn't allow herself to ponder. In the morning she poked his arm and waited for him to wake up, rewarded with the sight of his lips curving into a dreamy smile. Something Personal Ch. 03 "Breakfast," she whispered. "Hmm?" His eyes blinked open slowly. "Breakfast," she said quietly but firmly. "There's eggs and bacon and pancakes -" she stopped and giggled at his confusion. "And toast and coffee and orange juice." "What?" he said, chuckling. "I made breakfast." "How many people have you invited to eat all this food?" he teased. She snorted a laugh and tickled his belly. "You didn't need to do all this," he told her as she dragged him to the table. "I know, but I'm awesome," she joked. "Now eat." "Better?" she asked when they were doing the dishes. "Much better," he said, squeezing her arm affectionately. "I'm sorry again about waking you up - like that." "It's okay. I just wish I would've handled it better." He hugged her. "You're perfect." --- "Interested in going on a shopping spree?" Gavin looked across the street and saw Nina waving a piece of paper at him from her window. "What's that?" he asked. "The check from the insurance company. I'm supposed to use it for a new car, but we could always hit Vegas." He laughed. "What kind of car are you going to get?" "I don't know - my folks want me to come up and buy it at my dad's dealership in Bellingham," she told him. "How are you going to get there?" he asked, an idea forming in his mind. He could see her shrug. "Train, I guess," she said. "I could drive you," he offered. "Really?" she asked dubiously. "Sure. I could go to Seattle for a couple of days after I drop you off." He was amazed at how casual his voice sounded. She was silent for so long that he was about to play it off as a joke. "Well," she said hesitantly. "I probably wasn't going to go car shopping until closer to Christmas, instead of making two trips home." "That makes sense," he agreed. "We could go the weekend before?" she suggested. "You could still meet everyone." "You want me to meet your family?" he asked in surprise. "Sure," she said easily. "There's always extra people around, and the twins usually bring a straggler or two home from college." Extra people. Gavin stamped down the bitter thought that he was nothing more than just another extra. "It'll be a full house," Nina continued, chuckling, oblivious of Gavin's pain. "But my parents love it. And they wouldn't allow you to drop me off and head to Seattle, by the way. They like having our friends around the house. So you can totally rescind your offer now," she added jokingly. Declining seemed like the automatic response, but he didn't feel like the same Gavin where Nina was concerned. One mention of her parents and siblings along with all the extra people over a holiday visit conjured up a charming image that he was inexplicably desperate to be a part of. "When do we leave?" he asked. --- "Daddy!" Nina ran into her father's arms. "Hello, Peanut," her father said happily, kissing her cheek and hugging her. Nina turned with a bright smile. "This is Gavin." "Mr. Halleck," Gavin said, reaching out a hand, "it's nice to meet you." "Gavin," Nina's father said with a smile. "Good to have you here. Come on inside, Mom's just finishing dinner." Gavin followed them through the ranch style house to the kitchen, where a brunette woman was setting the table. She smiled brightly at them. "Honey," she exclaimed, holding her arms out to Nina, who embraced her. "Mom, this is Gavin," Nina said. "Gavin, so glad to meet you," she said warmly. "Thanks for having me, Mrs. Halleck," Gavin replied. "You have a beautiful home." Nina's mother smiled appreciatively. "Call me Liz," she told him. Turning to her daughter, she added, "Go on and get settled, dinner will be ready soon." Nina turned to Gavin. "Come on," she said, touching his arm lightly as she passed him. She started to pick up her bag but Gavin beat her to it, grabbing his as well and following her down the hallway. "Are you sure it's okay to stay?" he asked nervously. "Of course," she said simply, looking puzzled. "I told you my parents would be offended if you dropped me off without staying. They like having our friends around, especially over the holidays." It was the same thing she'd told him a few times once they'd made their plans for the weekend, but staying at her parents' house was still awkward. Am I intruding on their holiday celebration? Maybe what was really awkward was the thought of sleeping in the next room, without being able to touch her. He shook his head slightly and smiled at her. "The guest room," she said unnecessarily as she led him into the room. "Mine is across the hall." "Can I see yours? Or is that not allowed?" he teased. She grinned and showed him the bathroom before they entered her room. It was feminine but didn't seem personalized, with a pair of twin beds set up across the room from each other and little in the way of decoration. Gavin studied the room and felt Nina's eyes on him. "It doesn't seem like there's much of Nina in here," he said with surprise. She shrugged. "We had all moved out by the time they bought this house. None of us really put the energy into decorating our rooms here." "Do you have any pictures of your old room?" he asked, eager to see her childhood home. Nina laughed. "Yeah, there may be a few thousand. Mom will love you forever if you ask to see the family albums." "Good to know," he said. "Any other tips?" "Are you nervous?" she asked teasingly. "Yes and no," he admitted. "Chin up, soldier," she said, punching him lightly on the arm. Gavin had never met a girlfriend's family before, not that he'd ever really had a girlfriend – and not that Nina's my girlfriend, he reminded himself - but her parents quickly put him at ease. He spent most of the dinner just watching their interactions with admiration and more than a little longing. After dinner Nina's father showed her a list of cars she might want to test drive, and Gavin insisted on helping clean up. Liz watched him wash the dishes approvingly. "Someone taught you well," she commented. Gavin grinned. "My friends Diane and Bill took me in after my grandmother died," he said without looking at her. "Diane taught me to keep house," he joked. "She said my future wife would thank her." He spoke without thinking and dropped the knife he was washing into the sink when his hand suddenly shook. Risking a glance at Nina's mother, he saw her smile knowingly, but she didn't comment. Gavin was grateful when she began asking him about his job, and he tried to reply normally while his hands still shook. --- That night Gavin woke up to Nina crawling into bed with him. "What -" he asked in horror, looking around for her parents, afraid they were going to be caught. His throat was dry and he began coughing, starting to sit up. The sheets were tangled around him and he became aware of the tension in his body. "Shit," he whispered. Nina was resting against the headboard, her arms already wrapped around him, one hand stroking his hair. He covered his face with his hands, shutting his eyes tightly. "Was I screaming?" he asked quietly. "Not really," she murmured comfortingly. "You made some noise, but it wasn't too loud. I don't think Mom and Dad heard anything; don't worry." She began massaging his scalp. "I'm sorry," he said guiltily, his face still covered. "Shh," she whispered, stroking his arm. "You're going to get me in trouble with your parents," he said, his voice muffled by his hands. "Don't worry about it." Gavin dropped his hands but didn't look at her. "Regardless. I'm okay, you can go back to sleep." "No. Come here," she said firmly, tugging on his body until he was resting against her. "Nina -" he protested. "You have to shut up and accept that I'm staying," she admonished in a light tone. He chuckled. "Okay." He gave in to her warmth, wrapping his arms around her and nestling his head on her chest. "Do you want to talk about it?" she asked softly. He shook his head, causing her breasts to jiggle and they both laughed quietly. He looked up at her with a charmingly boyish grin. "This isn't going to work for much longer, you know. Us lying here like this, without my baser instincts taking over," he said mischievously. "Are you changing the subject?" she asked, her breath quickening. He looked sheepish. "Maybe," he said, stroking her hip. "I don't remember it. But I'm okay." "Okay," she murmured. "Do you want to talk about something else?" Gavin's hand moved more insistently on her hip and he placed a soft kiss on her neck. "Gavin," she whispered. "Mm," he said in a small groan, running his hand across her stomach. "If that was meant to stop me, you should know that the way you say my name turns me on." "Really," she said breathlessly with a small laugh. "Mm-hm," he murmured, grazing her skin with his lips. She arched against him and moaned softly. They both stopped at the sound and looked at each other, panting slightly, their eyes wide. "This is a bad idea," Gavin said, clearing his throat. "Yeah," she agreed, not moving. She giggled and clapped a hand over her mouth. "Christ, it's like we're high schoolers." Gavin laughed softly. "Do you want to watch TV?" she asked. He shook his head. "I'm okay, really. Go back to bed." Gavin dropped his head onto the pillow in frustration as she got up. "We should've gotten a hotel room," he muttered and heard a giggle. --- Nina was up early enough to see her father on his way out the door, telling him she'd see him at the dealership in a few hours. Her mother offered to make her breakfast before going in to work. "Sleep okay?" her mother asked, giving her a strange look. Nina nodded, watching her closely. "Did I wake you up last night?" she asked, choosing her words carefully. Liz hesitated. "I heard something," she said slowly. "Your father didn't wake up." She looked at Nina expectantly. "I had a nightmare," Nina said quietly, glancing toward the bedrooms. "And - Gavin heard me...he stayed to talk to me until I calmed down," she explained. She felt guilty about lying but felt like it would be a betrayal to tell the truth about Gavin's nightmares. Liz's eyes softened. "Oh," she said in surprise, her eyes shifting away. Nina recognized the look and smirked. "Jeez, Mom, what did you think was going on?" She laughed. Liz's cheeks grew pink as she tried to laugh. "Nothing," she said quickly, chuckling. "Okay, now since I am genetically predisposed to relieve any awkwardness with food, eat. You look thin." She set a plate of eggs and toast in front of Nina. "God," Nina muttered, amused. "I told you we're just friends," she added. Her mother gave her a questioning look. "Are you sure about that?" "Of course I'm sure," Nina insisted. "Because I can tell -" "Mother," Nina interrupted. "I'm not meddling," Liz protested. "I'm simply observing that Gavin is a very nice young man who is clearly enamored of you." Nina burst into laughter. "Enamored? Really, Mom?" Liz shrugged with a smile. "You get along well," she speculated. "Mom," Nina said plaintively. "I told you guys I'm not dating again. Anyone." "Surely you don't mean ever," Liz said in astonishment. "Probably," Nina muttered. "I don't want to go through all that again. I already failed at marriage once; why would I try again?" "Honey, you didn't fail," her mother said sharply. "All relationships are a leap of faith and no one ever knows how they're going to turn out. And if they end, it doesn't mean you're a failure. It just means you tried and now you've learned something about yourself in the process - something that can only help your next relationship." "Maybe what I've learned is that I'm not suited for it," Nina said bitterly. "Don't be ridiculous. You're a wonderful woman and I'm not saying that because I'm legally required to as your mother. If you never try again you could risk missing out on something wonderful," her mother said. Nina ate in silence, feeling her mother's eyes on her. "What if I'm not willing to take that risk?" she asked quietly, focusing on her plate. "What if it doesn't seem worth it - to set myself up for that again? What's the point?" "Nina, I know you'd be perfectly fine if you never dated again. You can take care of yourself and you don't need anybody," Liz said calmly. "But a good relationship isn't about needing them, it's about how they complement you. If you let someone know every bit of you and are rewarded with unwavering love and support, it's completely worth it. You just have to let yourself be vulnerable, which is scary. But you can't think of it as giving up your independence or losing a battle because you let someone in." "Is that what I do?" Nina said, shocked. "Maybe. A little," her mother said. "Be honest, don't you feel like letting yourself get close to a man - what you think of as relying on him - means that you're letting yourself down?" "I guess." "Well, it doesn't have to mean that," Liz said firmly. "It should be a natural amount of give and take, relying on and supporting each other without keeping score or feeling like it takes away from who you are." "Why are you a gardener and not a therapist?" Nina asked suddenly. "Why are you always so obvious when you want me to drop a subject?" her mother replied, grinning. "Just think about it, honey." Nina heard footsteps coming down the hall and nodded quickly to her mother. "Hi," Nina said, looking at Gavin affectionately. He was wearing pajama bottoms and a t-shirt and though his face was freshly washed, his hair still looked adorably tousled from sleep. "Hi," he replied. "Morning, Mrs. Halleck," he added. Liz shot him a look and he grinned self-consciously. "I mean, Liz." Liz laughed. "Eggs and toast okay, Gavin?" "I can do that -" he started but was interrupted by Nina. "Don't bother; she'll win this round." She grinned at her mother and got up to pour Gavin a cup of coffee. He laughed. "I concede to the Halleck women," he said, taking the cup from Nina. "Eggs and toast is great." --- "You don't have to come with me to the dealership," Nina told Gavin once her mother had left for work. "I know it's not a fun way to spend a vacation." "And miss the opportunity to impress your dad with my extensive knowledge of cars?" Gavin asked. "I mean, they come in both two- and four-door models. And in all kinds of colors." Nina laughed. "Did you end up going back to sleep okay?" she asked, concerned. "Yeah, I did." He smiled at her. "I'm fine," he assured her. "Well," he went on with a devilish grin. "Mostly fine, other than being wide awake in the middle of the night, turned on and lonely." Nina snorted a laugh. "Tell me about it," she muttered, looking at her food. She met his eyes and their gaze remained locked for a long moment. She felt her breathing quicken and moistened her lips. Gavin's eyes darkened as he took in her mouth before meeting her eyes again. He cleared his throat. "You are wicked," he said in a low voice. Nina blushed and smiled. After breakfast she sent him to shower while she cleaned up, almost dropping a dish in her distraction thanks to the lingering frustration from last night. With a grin, she marched into the bathroom. Gavin was just reaching for the soap when the shower curtain parted, making him jump. He was too shocked to speak. She smiled and took the soap from him, lathering it in her hands and running them over his chest, her breasts smashed into his back. "Nina," he croaked. "Your parents -" "Are at work," she said. "Now turn around." She made an approving sound as he complied, her eyes devouring him. "You have a gorgeous body, you know," she said huskily, running her soapy hands over him. "Your shoulders...your chest...your arms..." She washed each area as she spoke, her eyes following her hands. She glanced up at him, looking into his eyes intensely. Gavin was staring at her, breathing heavily. She grinned, raising his arms to rinse off the soap and took first one, then a second finger between her lips, swirling her tongue around them before sucking them deep into her mouth. Gavin's head fell back and a low moan erupted from his throat. Her hands were moving down his body, lathering his erection and giggling seductively when it twitched and spattered soap on her face. She spun him around to rinse him off and soaped his behind and legs, continuing to praise each feature that her hands were cleaning. Gavin turned again, letting the water wash away the rest of the soap, and gripped her face in his hands, remembering at the last minute to avoid her mouth. He nibbled her neck, teasing her ear with his tongue. He broke away too soon and Nina tried to pull him back, but he shook his head playfully and took the soap from her. "Your turn, wildcat," he said in a mock threatening tone, working up a lather and circling his fingers around her breasts. He exacted his revenge in slow, teasing movements over every inch of her body. His soapy hands ran down her body and he let out a soft moan as his fingers danced between her legs teasingly. "Gavin," Nina whispered. "Hm?" he asked innocently. She narrowed her eyes. He tickled her ear and straightened up, his fingers still teasing her. "Now, now," he mocked as she opened her mouth to speak. "After that delightful way you complimented every part of me I deserve the chance to worship you as well." "You can worship without words," she said in a wavering voice, gasping as his fingers entered her. Gavin laughed. "Why, Ms. Halleck, I have no idea what you're talking about," he said, raising his eyebrows. His fingers curled up toward her pelvis. Nina gasped and gripped his arm. He withdrew his fingers and stroked her thighs. She looked at him with a combination of frustration and amusement. Her eyes were heated with arousal but she spoke precisely. "Gavin," she said, hoping she was saying it the way that seemed to spur him on. "Let me be clear. I want you inside of me in the next five seconds." She stuck an arm out of the shower to grab the condom she had placed on the vanity and handed it to him, amused at his delighted expression. "Oh," he said softly. "I see." He grinned. "Turn around and grab the wall, wildcat. I've been thinking about this since two am." Nina turned instantly and was not rewarded with his entry, but instead got subjected to long moments of torment when he ran his hands over her back and hips. She let out a whimper. Positioning himself at her opening, he entered her agonizingly slowly, the hands on her hips immobilizing her. His jaw clenched when he finished his descent into her and held still, watching her hands grabbing at the tiles, smiling in satisfaction at her groan. He stroked her hips and behind before starting to withdraw just as slowly. He waited, torturing himself as well as her, before he entered her again with a sharp thrust, hearing her squeak in surprise. "Gavin," she whispered. He was lost at the sound of his name and began thrusting inside her, holding her steady as her cries increased. She weakened and her arms fell to her sides, her entire body trembling. He wrapped both arms around her to steady her, never changing his speed. He felt her climax begin and let himself go, their cries echoing off the tile. --- Nina's siblings filtered in over the next few days, the house transitioning quickly from a relatively quiet space to a bustling, noisy, overflowing home. The twins, Lucy and Gabe, had brought three friends with them, and they were all crashing on the floor of the finished basement. The middle brother, Joel, came home alone, and he and Gavin often found themselves together as spectators to the rest of the boisterous Hallecks and their friends. Joel, more reserved than his siblings, seemed to take after their father. Gavin was uncharacteristically quiet, overwhelmed by the crowd but not in a bad way. In awe of their closeness, he felt compelled to observe, as if joining in would keep him from fully appreciating and savoring it. Something Personal Ch. 03 He remembered Nina once saying that her family was like a 1950s TV show, and he could see why. They were far from prim and proper, but they had their traditions - from taking turns setting the table to Friday night pizza to the thumb-wrestling matches that determined who got to pick what they watched for movie night. Mostly they just interacted with an ease and comfort that made it impossible not to smile when he watched them. It was the exact opposite of his childhood. Brett's family was close, and they had always treated him as one of their own, but Nina's family was different in a way he couldn't articulate. Although he had to return to Portland for work before the holiday officially began, it was the best Christmas he could remember. --- The snow fell steadily, blanketing the ground as Nina waited for Gavin to pick her up. She had taken the bus to work, knowing it was more reliable than trying to drive her car. Besides, she was still a little gun shy about driving since her accident. They'd made plans to meet their friends at the pub but she was considering asking Gavin to just stay home. Her body flushed in anticipation of what staying home implied. She smiled to herself, knowing he would agree without question. It had been just over a month and she still couldn't get enough of him. He was unequivocally the best lover she'd ever had; the perfect combination of adventurous and generous, not to mention being one of her best friends made her more comfortable with him than with anyone before. Lost in her thoughts, it was a moment before she heard her name being spoken. "Nina." She looked up at the voice, her stomach plummeting when she saw him. He was a little thinner than she remembered and was looking at her anxiously. "Daniel," she said flatly. "What the hell -" "I'm sorry about showing up, but I really wanted to talk to you and you kept hanging up on me," he said plaintively. "Why do you want to talk to me?" she burst out. "It's over. You wanted it to be over. Why can't you just leave me alone?" "Nina -" "Jesus Christ," she huffed, turning to walk into the school. "I'm gay." She stopped short, facing him slowly. "What?" "I'm gay," he repeated. His voice was calm but she could see the fear and nervousness in his eyes. "You're. Gay." She sat down on the steps, oblivious to the snow. "Yeah," he said quietly, walking toward her. "So..." She strung the vowel out. "So, that's why...you..." "That's why I wanted a divorce," he confirmed. "Nina, you're sitting in snow." She looked down blankly and then met his gaze. He was clearly trying to hide his amusement and she smirked in turn. She let him take her elbow and help her up. "You're gay," she said again, brushing the snow from her clothes. "Yeah," Daniel said with a sigh. "It took me a long time to figure it out, obviously. And even when I did, I still didn't know how to say it - how to tell people. I've actually only been able to tell my parents so far." "What? Why?" she asked curiously. "Well, clearly it's shocking," he pointed out. "And...I knew I wanted to tell you first – after my parents but before anyone else." "Me?" "Of course," he said as if it should have been obvious. "You were my best friend. For so long, before we got together. I couldn't imagine anyone else knowing - besides my parents - before you." "Oh." Nina was stunned. Speechless. "So that's why you kept calling," she mused. "I didn't want to tell you over email or in a letter. Though I was going to have to resort to taking out a billboard ad if showing up here didn't pan out," he told her. She noticed his eyes twinkling and shook her head, stifling her own amusement. "Are you enjoying this?" "It's not often you're at a loss for words," he said. "Jerk," she muttered, smiling in spite of herself. "Nina," he said, sobering. "I feel terrible about what I did, about how I handled things. It wasn't right, not giving you a reason for wanting the divorce. I'm really sorry." "Yeah," she said absently, still trying to process everything. "I get it. I mean, it's a lot to take in right now, so I'm not going to say it's all totally okay, but I do understand." "Thanks," he said softly, nodding. "Listen, can we have dinner? Or at least coffee? Maybe not right now - I understand if it's too much too soon. But I'm in town for a couple of days and would like to talk it out with you. Let you yell at me, if you want." She chuckled. She was about to agree when a car door caused them both to look at the parking lot. Gavin was walking toward them. "Hey," she called. "This is Daniel," she said hesitantly when Gavin approached. The change in his expression was terrifying. He shot Nina a sharp look, then placed himself between her and Daniel in one quick movement. "What are you doing here?" he asked Daniel angrily. "Gavin -" Nina said. "Nina, get in the car," Gavin ordered. "Excuse me?" she said, instantly annoyed at his tone. "Look, we're just talking," Daniel said awkwardly, giving Nina a questioning glance. "She doesn't have anything to say to you," Gavin told him. "Stop calling her and leave her alone." "Gavin," Nina implored, taking his arm. "Don't talk to him. Get in the car," he said, whipping around to face her. His expression softened but only slightly. "Please get in the car," he repeated quietly. "It's okay -" she insisted. "Nina," Gavin said angrily as if he hadn't heard her. "You don't know what he's capable of. I do. You're not safe." He gripped her arm. "Get in the car," he said slowly, emphasizing each word. She tugged her arm, trying to get him to release her. "I'm just trying to protect you," Gavin went on, his voice growing frantic. "Get in the car!" Nina took a step back in fear, his hand still locked around her arm. She caught a glimpse of Daniel looking concerned before Gavin spun her around and forcibly walked her to his car. "Nina? Are you okay?" Daniel called. "Leave her alone," Gavin growled. "Look, I don't know what you think is going on -" Daniel said, his eyes wide. Gavin lunged toward him in a blind rage and Nina rushed to him. Daniel took a few steps back, alarmed. Gavin stopped when she grabbed his hand. He looked around in confusion before finally finding her eyes. "Nina -" he said, his eyes full of pain. "Let's go," she said, her voice quiet but insistent, imperious in its tone. Gavin started to turn his head toward Daniel but Nina stilled him by taking hold of his chin. "Look at me." Her eyes held his. "Let's go." "It's okay," she said to Daniel, who nodded doubtfully. Gavin's shoulders fell. He allowed Nina to lead him back to his car where he gripped the steering wheel and rested his head on it for a few seconds. When he looked up, Daniel had disappeared. He glanced at Nina. She was staring forward out the window, her hands twisted together in her lap. Her eyes were wide with fear or panic and she was breathing heavily. "Are you okay?" he asked. She turned to him. "Take me home," she ordered, her voice tight. They drove in silence. Nina was gripping her hands together so tightly they became numb and she tried to relax them. She didn't give Daniel another thought, but she couldn't get the image out of her mind of Gavin's features twisted in outrage. It was as if he'd been taken over by some kind of monster, as if he wasn't in control of himself, hurtling into a rage that was so clearly an overreaction. She had the worrisome realization that if his eyes had been open during his nightmare when he'd pushed her away, his expression would have been the same as the one she had just seen. She wondered for the thousandth time what his father did to him, her heart aching despite her fear. Gavin did his best to drive the speed limit, his self-control stretched to the brink. Along with the anger at seeing Daniel just show up at Nina's work, he was panicked by how little he remembered of what he'd said. He knew he had overstepped a major boundary when he grabbed Nina so forcefully. Had he yelled at her? He resisted the urge to shut his eyes at the thought, focusing on the street. "I'm sorry I grabbed you," Gavin told her quietly. "That is not okay. I'm really sorry," he added with a glance at her. Her head had fallen forward, her hair shielding her face. All he could see was her pressing her lips together and a slight shake of her head. At her apartment he hesitated, unsure whether she wanted him to come in or not. But she turned and looked at him expectantly so he followed her into her building and up the stairs eventually coming to rest on the couch. "Nina, I'm so sorry," he whispered, his head lowered. "What the hell was all that?" she asked, her voice shocked. "I know, I shouldn't have grabbed you. I'm sorry," he repeated. "Did - did I hurt you?" "I'm not talking about that," she said angrily. "I'm talking about the way you reacted to Daniel. You looked like you wanted to kill him. And he didn't even do anything." Gavin's head shot up. "Are you defending him? Showing up like that? After months and months of calling you?" "Of course I'm not defending him. I'm not talking about him, I'm talking about you. The way you acted - you blew the whole thing out of proportion!" "I did? Me?" Gavin stood up and started pacing. "This guy calls you for months, shows up unannounced after you've told him you don't want to talk to him, and I'm the one who acted inappropriately?" "You don't understand -" Nina began. "No, you don't understand. He needed to be told. You can't just do that - just show up at someone's work like that. Crazy people do that kind of shit." He stopped pacing and looked at her. She was watching him, her brow wrinkled in confusion, but her eyes...her eyes were scared. Of him? Gavin's heart ached. "Nina, you can't be reasonable with people like that. It doesn't work." "So clearly beating them up is the way to handle them," she said sarcastically. "Maybe," he muttered. Nina's head came back in shock and he saw her mouth open in horror. The fear was still in her eyes but now it was combined with something else: disgust. "I - I can't even believe what you're saying. It's like you're another person right now." He sat down next to her. "Because I want to protect you? To make sure nothing bad happens to you?" "Gavin, I'm not even sure you remembered I was there until I made you get into the car," Nina said slowly. "So don't make this about me. Wanting to protect someone and getting ready to kick someone's ass are two different things." He knew he should feel guilt or remorse, especially since she looked repulsed by him. But all he could feel was anger. Anger at Daniel for being crazy and not leaving her alone, and anger at Nina for not recognizing the danger she was in. "I'm not going to apologize for that," he said coldly. She gasped. There was a long silence as they regarded each other. Finally Nina spoke. "Look, I don't - I can't be - I can't handle this kind of - physical violence. I don't know if I can be around someone whose first impulse is to punch someone." She bit her lip and looked at the ceiling, blinking rapidly. More silence. "What are you saying - that you don't want to see me anymore?" Gavin said in a low voice, his stomach twisting. "I - I don't know," she whispered. "I - maybe we should take a breather. Take some time apart." Gavin squeezed his eyes shut. He knew theirs was not supposed to be a 'real' relationship, but he couldn't imagine his life without her, he couldn't imagine not seeing or talking to her daily. "Fine," he managed to say. He stood up again. "I'll call you," Nina said awkwardly, standing as well. He looked at her for a long moment. His hand lifted unconsciously to touch her and he had to instruct himself not to. He gave her a quick nod and left. Something Personal Ch. 04 Nina met Daniel for lunch the following day. What started as an awkward conversation eventually became relaxed as they began to rediscover their old friendship. Nina was still reeling from the news, but also felt like a weight had been lifted somewhat now that she knew the reason why he left her. Naturally the conversation turned to Gavin. Daniel had called her the previous night to make sure she was okay, and she could tell even now he didn't believe her. "It's fine. He was never going to hurt me," she insisted. "Why did he think I was going to?" Daniel asked. "I'm not sure; he's been concerned about how often you would call," Nina explained. "I guess he thought you were some kind of stalker." Daniel looked so horrified at the thought that Nina couldn't help being amused. "Well, you can't blame him," she pointed out. "He doesn't know you, and you did call a lot," she joked. "Yeah, but to immediately jump to stalker," Daniel said, stunned. Nina shrugged, not wanting to divulge her suspicions about Gavin's parents and childhood. "How long have you been seeing him?" Nina looked up in shock. "We're not together. We're just friends." Daniel studied her for a long moment, nodding thoughtfully. "If you say so," he said lightly. She narrowed her eyes at him. "Shut up," she said. He chuckled. "I'd like to think I still do know you pretty well, you know," he remarked. "And I don't have to know him to see that he's crazy about you." "We're just friends," she repeated firmly. "Okay," Daniel said, feigning innocence. Nina went home feeling somewhat lighter-hearted after her conversation with Daniel. Gavin was another story; that still muddled her brain. It was a long week with no contact with him, a long, lonely week where she often found her gaze wandering across the street to his living room window, not knowing whether she hoped or dreaded seeing him there. She was at a loss as to how to handle it. She missed him, sure, but also couldn't avoid the disturbing memory of his rage. --- Gavin slammed the file drawer shut and leaned over the desk, resting his forehead on his arms. He went to Bill's construction site every day off that week, throwing himself into twelve-hour days just to avoid thinking about Nina, but it wasn't working. If anything, it made his feelings for her even more painfully clear to him. It was killing him to not see her or talk to her. But his reaction to both her car accident and Daniel's appearance served as a reminder that being around her, being with her as a casual sex buddy was just as painful. Even with how much he needed her friendship, he couldn't handle the confusion of 'just sex' with her. He doubted he would be able to manage going back to only being her friend. The fuck-buddy non-relationship was corrosive; it had undermined the friendship they had both enjoyed so much. He shook his head and pushed away from the desk. Not that it mattered. She obviously didn't want anything to do with him after the way he acted. She hadn't wanted more from him before Daniel showed up, anyway, and certainly wouldn't want to be with him if she knew the whole story of his past. Walking to his apartment building that night, he was stunned to see her waiting outside. His feet stopped briefly before continuing slowly toward her. "Hey," he said quietly. "Hi," she replied cautiously. There was an awkward silence while they eyed each other. Finally Nina steeled herself to speak. "I was hoping - do you want to talk to me...about what that was all about?" she asked tentatively. "Gavin?" They both turned at the new voice to see Marta approaching. Gavin suppressed a sigh. "Hi," he said. "What brings you here?" he added. He was hoping he didn't sound rude but wanted Nina to know that he hadn't invited Marta, that this encounter was totally unplanned on his part. "I...need to talk to you," Marta said, glancing at Nina. Nina chewed her lip, folding her arms across her chest. Gavin looked between them, frustrated. The last thing he wanted was to have one uncomfortable conversation, and now there was the potential for two. Struggling to keep his voice even, he held out his keys. "Do you mind waiting for me upstairs? I'll just be a second." His hand remained outstretched without Marta moving. "It's really important," Marta said plaintively. "Okay," he said, clenching his jaw. "I'll be right up, I promise." She rolled her eyes and took his keys, throwing a sharp look at Nina over her shoulder as she entered the building. Gavin faced Nina but looked past her, over her shoulder. "Gavin?" Nina prompted. "Can we talk about -" "No," he said sharply. "I still think I'm right about him, but I can't force you to believe me." "Look," she said with a sigh. "He just – " "I don't want to hear it," he snapped. "Jesus," she said, startled. "What the hell is going on?" He stared at her, trying to find words. "I – I can't do this anymore," he said in a tight voice. "Do what?" she asked, baffled. "I don't think I can be around you," he said, unable to keep the words in. "I – I want more from you. And I can't – do this. I can't just be your friend anymore. And I can't be just your fuck buddy." "What?" she whispered. He nodded. "You heard me. I can't do it, Nina." "Gavin..." She stopped, blinking rapidly. "I have to go," he said quickly before rushing into his building. --- "You're going to talk to me," Catherine said, brushing past Nina and flopping on her couch. "You've been avoiding us - me - for weeks. Now, what's going on?" Nina sighed and dropped to the couch next to her friend. She hadn't done anything other than work and come home since the day Daniel surprised her and Gavin freaked out. She missed them - him - but couldn't face them. Not when she knew it would be horribly awkward to be around him. Not when she knew how much it would hurt to see him. "Nina," Catherine said worriedly. "Please tell me what's going on." Catherine remained silent while Nina told her everything, her eyes growing larger as Nina spoke. They sat in silence for several minutes after she was done. "I never thought I would say this to you of all people and not be joking," Catherine said slowly. "But you're an idiot." Nina's head shot up. "Gee, thanks?" "I mean it, Nina. Gavin's a terrific guy and he's nuts about you. Why would you let him just walk away?" "Cath, he was about to rip Daniel's head off - for no reason. That wouldn't freak you out? I can't even tell you - I didn't recognize him at all. It was scary." "Okay, I get that. I'm sorry," Catherine said, giving her a hug. "I really am. It must have been frightening. But it was because he cares about you so much that he's that protective of you," Catherine pointed out. "I don't think so," Nina insisted. "He was in a daze of some kind, like he didn't even know what he was doing." "But - you shouldn't let it ruin what you two have -" Catherine implored "We don't have anything," Nina snapped. "He doesn't even want to see me now anyway!" "Jesus Christ, that's just because he's hurt. He's wanted you since he met you," Catherine said sharply. "Why do you think he hasn't gone out with anyone in all this time?" "What?" Nina asked, baffled. "Of course he has - he flirts with women at the bar all the time. And we both know he slept with Marta." Catherine's expression fell and she looked at the floor. "What is it?" Nina asked cautiously. "Is he seeing her now?" "No," Catherine said instantly. "Look, he flirts, because that's his nature, it's like breathing for him. But Mark told me he hasn't gone out with any of them since you two met. He's been waiting for you," Catherine told her. "I don't think he realizes it, of course, even though it's obvious to everyone else. Except you, of course," she added with a playful grin. "Well, whatever," Nina mumbled. "It doesn't matter. I can't date anyone now. I don't know if I ever will." Catherine sighed. "Nina -" Nina noticed Catherine's concern and gave her a worried look. "I can't even imagine what you've gone through - going through a divorce," Catherine said slowly. "But...you've changed." Nina rolled her eyes. Of course I've changed. "How?" she asked stiffly. "You've always been straightforward and logical, of course," Catherine said earnestly. "But now...you're even more reserved. Like, cold...severe." Nina could feel her friend watching her apprehensively. She wasn't upset by the assessment, appreciating when others could be as direct as she was. It just wasn't anything she'd considered before. "I am?" she asked quietly. "Yeah," Catherine murmured. "I get why, I do. But...it's not you. And it's no way to live." "You might be right," Nina admitted. "The whole thing with Daniel really messed with my head. Maybe now that I know the whole story, that it really wasn't anything to do with me...maybe I can get past it." "I hope so. About Gavin -" "Cath, I just - can't. Not now. Besides, he said he couldn't be around me anymore. I have to respect that," Nina told her firmly. "That's not what I was going to say," Catherine said slowly. "That Marta thing - that was just a diversion...but..." "What?" Nina asked impatiently. "She's pregnant." Catherine gave Nina a sympathetic look. Nina's eyes widened. "What did you just say?" Catherine sighed sadly. "Marta's pregnant." Nina jumped to her feet and began pacing, clutching her stomach. Catherine stood as well. "You okay?" Catherine asked worriedly. Nina swallowed against the lump in her throat. Pregnant. "Oh, God," she muttered. "Yeah. He's freaking out, according to Mark," Catherine told her. A pained sound came from Nina's throat and she nodded weakly. "And – and she's keeping it?" Nina asked in a tight voice. "Sounds like it," Catherine said softly. "Look, I know he said he can't be around you, but you are his friend. And he needs his friends now, even if he can't admit it," Catherine pointed out. Nina sat gingerly on the couch, nodding again. "Besides, the other guys are your friends, too. Everyone misses you. So you should come out with us tonight." "I'll think about it," Nina muttered. "Good. Because frankly, they're starting to annoy me with how much they ask about you. It's like my charming personality isn't enough for them or something," she said haughtily, her eyes twinkling. Nina smiled despite herself, giving Catherine a grateful hug. When Catherine left, Nina shut the door behind her friend, flattening her back against it. Her breath was coming in short, painful bursts, her chest so tight it was burning. She slid to the floor, letting the tears fall. --- Nina shuffled into her kitchen and made some tea. She couldn't shut her mind off and had been tossing and turning for hours, same as she had the past few nights since hearing the news. The echo of Catherine's voice had been repeating on a loop in her head. Marta's pregnant. Considering how floored she was, she couldn't begin to imagine how Gavin was feeling. Making herself comfortable in a chair by her window, she wrapped her hands around the mug and stared outside absently. A light coming on across the street caught her eye and she realized it was Gavin's apartment. She could see him pacing and reached for her phone without thinking. "Nina?" he said in surprise. "Hi," she said awkwardly. "I saw you were up." She watched him walk to the window and look down at her apartment. She lifted her teacup with a small smile. "Can't sleep?" he asked. "No - you, too?" "Nope." He sighed and she watched him drag a chair to the window to sit down. He leaned on the sill and looked at her. "I guess you heard," he said flatly. "Catherine told me," she admitted. "Yeah," he said morosely. "Are you okay?" she asked timidly. "No," he said with a sharp laugh. "Understandable." She bit her lip. "But - you'll be a great dad, Gavin." Despite the truth in her words, saying them hurt her more than she expected. He snorted derisively. "It's true. Once the shock wears off, you'll be excited about it. I know you will," she said reassuringly. He made a noncommittal sound and she saw him running his hands through his hair. "So, when is she due, anyway?" Nina asked, trying to find the positive of the situation. "Have you been able to see the baby on an ultrasound yet?" "No - she didn't want me to come with her to the doctor. I don't know when she's due, she said she's not sure." Nina's brow wrinkled. "But - I mean, she must have an idea. You were only together that one night, right? Unless -" She stopped, horrified at the thought that he might have kept hooking up with Marta after they'd started sleeping together. "Just once," he confirmed bitterly. Nina let out a long breath, relieved. "So, it would be easy to calculate how far along she is." "I don't know," he repeated. "Why wouldn't she want you at the doctor appointments?" Nina asked. "I don't know," he said again, sounding impatient. Nina gave a start as some horrible thoughts occurred to her. She blurted the words before she could tell herself not to. "Gavin - are you sure she's really pregnant?" Or that you're the father if she is? she added silently. "What?" he exclaimed. "Well, it's just - I would think she'd be excited about it, and want to share doctor's visits with you..." Nina trailed off anxiously. "Most women would want the fathers there for that kind of stuff." "So you think she's lying? To - what? To trap me? Am I on Jerry Springer right now?" "I'm sorry," Nina said meaningfully. "I am. I don't want to upset you. But, you really don't know her, and it's a possibility. That's all. I hope I'm wrong." "Of course you're wrong," he said heatedly. "Just because things went to shit with us doesn't give you the right to say things like that." "That's not why I said it," Nina said, hurt. "Right," he said sarcastically. "It's true," she replied stiffly. "Whatever," he said. "I have to get to sleep. Thanks so much for your call," he added harshly. "I'm sorry -" "Goodbye, Nina." --- While driving home Nina had to force herself to concentrate on the road. The past few days had been consumed with her last conversation with Gavin. She slammed her car door shut and impulsively kicked one of her tires in frustration. "Problem?" She looked up to see Keane approaching her with an amused smile. "No. Everything's just peachy," she said sarcastically. She sighed. "Sorry. How are you?" "I was just coming to see you, actually. I got my ass chewed out by Gavin yesterday, so I'm also terrific," he replied, matching her sarcasm. Nina looked at him in surprise. "What happened?" "I tried to advise him to be careful about Marta." Keane leaned against her car, stuffing his hands in his pockets. Nina snorted. "I can imagine how that went." "Yeah, I hear you tried the same thing," Keane remarked. "I asked him if he was sure she's really pregnant," Nina said in a quiet voice. "I managed to stop myself from asking how he could be sure he's actually the father if she is," she added bitterly. Keane looked surprised. "Huh. I didn't think about her lying about being pregnant. I was mostly worried about him marrying her because he thinks it's what he's supposed to do." "Shit," Nina said in horror. "He said he was going to marry her?" "No," Keane assured her. "I think it was more my concern than it actually occurring to him, but I couldn't live with myself if I didn't talk to him about it...I just hope I didn't inadvertently put the idea in his head. If she's not really pregnant that makes it even more worrisome - you know she's not a US citizen, right?" "No, I didn't." She slung her bag over her shoulder in determination. "We can't let that happen," she said fiercely. "How do you plan to stop it?" Keane asked. She chewed her lip thoughtfully. "I don't know," she admitted. "But I'll think of something." Keane chuckled appreciatively. "I know you will." When Nina got home, she paced her apartment for several minutes, keeping an eye on Gavin and Brett's apartment window. When she saw Brett walk through the room, she grabbed her phone. --- Gavin was on his bed, the heels of his hands pressed into his eyelids. He was alternating between anger at Keane's accusations of Marta - as well as his last conversation with Nina on the subject - and extreme exhaustion. He was just so tired of this whole mess. He'd never thought seriously about being a father; even in the abstract the concept sent him into a panic. It didn't seem possible that it was actually going to happen. Sighing heavily, he dug his phone from his pocket and dialed Marta's number. "Hi," he said when she picked up. "Are you at home? We need to talk." --- Nina was sitting nervously on Bill and Diane's porch the next night, barely feeling the chilly rain, when Bill and Gavin walked up to the house. Brett, also worried about Gavin, had readily told her where Gavin would be tonight, and Diane had suggested she come over. Bill was expecting her, but Gavin wasn't, and the look in his eyes was one she'd never forget. Pain, anguish, regret, hostility, betrayal. He had never looked at her that way before. She felt instantly queasy but couldn't look away. Bill quickly disappeared inside and they stood there staring at each other for a long minute before speaking at the same time. "I guess you still think she's lying -" Gavin said harshly. "Don't marry Marta -" Nina blurted. Anger flashed in his eyes. Nina swallowed hard. "I don't know if I'm wrong about her, but I don't really care. Just - don't marry her," Nina said unsteadily. "What?" "Just. Don't. Marry her," she repeated. "Why?" "Because -" She stopped and pressed her lips together. "Nina?" he prompted. She shook her head slowly, opening her mouth but finding no words coming to her. "Nina?" he said softly. "Why don't you want me to marry her?" "Because...having a kid is no reason to get married," she said weakly. "It's a big deal. No one should rush into it. Not when you barely know each other." "Is that really why?" "Of course it is," she said impatiently. "I've been through a divorce. It's not picnics and rainbows." "Yes, I know you've been through a divorce," he said sharply. "You don't have to remind me." "What's that supposed to mean?" "You think I don't know that your divorce is why you've closed yourself off to everyone? To letting anyone in? To letting me in?" "I let you in," she said plaintively. "As much as I could." "Right," he said sarcastically. "It's nothing -" "Nina, I swear to God, if you tell me it's nothing personal one more time I am going to lose my fucking mind," Gavin snapped. "Fine," she seethed. "What about you?" she blurted. "Like you've told me every little thing about you? You still haven't given me a good explanation for why you freaked out on Daniel that day, even after you saw how much it scared me. So don't act like you didn't keep parts of yourself from me, too." "What do you want me to say?" he shouted. "That I was scared out of my mind that he was going to hurt you?" "But why would you even jump to that conclusion? It was like you were a completely different person." "Because I know what men can do, Nina. I've seen it. I know what kind of animals some men are - how they can appear to be perfectly normal to the world and then in private they beat the shit out of -" He stopped, his eyes widening. "What...happened?" she asked slowly, scared of the answer. "Nothing." "Really? You're just going to keep shutting me out? Gavin, you were my best friend. And now it's...nothing. I hate it." Something Personal Ch. 04 "I hate it, too," he said angrily. They stood there in silence, their bodies taut with anger, their chests heaving from the exertion of shouting. "Are you going to marry her?" Nina couldn't help asking. He rolled his eyes and ran his hand through his hair. "Why do you care?" he asked sadly. "I care," she said in a small voice. "Of course I care." "But why?" he persisted. She looked up at him, staring at her with those deep brown eyes, warm and tender despite the despair. "You know why," she mumbled, not even sure she knew herself. "Tell me why," he said slowly, walking toward her. Just then Nina's phone rang and out of habit she checked the screen. Gavin was standing close enough to her to see Daniel's name. "Oh, for fuck's sake," Gavin groaned. "It's not what you think -" she began. "Whatever," he said, walking past her to the house. "I'll leave you to your call." "Shit," she muttered. "Oh, by the way," Gavin said, halfway through the front door. "She's not pregnant. You were right. So congratulations." "What? Gavin -" But he was already inside, the door slamming shut behind him. --- Gavin angrily kicked off his shoes, forcing himself to pause in the foyer before joining Bill and Diane. He wasn't sure what he was upset about - that Nina was still talking to Daniel, that she was right about Marta not being pregnant, that she was just still so...Nina. So smart and beautiful and well-read and funny. And so infuriating and closed off and stubborn. Of course none of that angered him; even though those traits drove him crazy, they were all part of what made her Nina. And he loved all of them. He loved her. He fell against the door, shutting his eyes. He loved her. "Dammit," he muttered. The hiss of a bottle opening brought him out of his trance and he saw Bill walking toward him with a beer. "Dinner's ready," Bill said, handing him the bottle. Gavin followed him to the table in a stupor, feeling their worried gazes. Finally he looked up and spoke. "She's not pregnant after all." There was a brief pause before Bill and Diane spoke in unison. "Thank God." Gavin couldn't help but smirk. "Yeah." "She was lying?" Diane asked quietly. "She says the test was positive," Gavin said, shuddering at the memory of Marta's tears during their confrontation. "The doctor said it might have been a defective test or that it was something else – I think a chemical pregnancy, she called it." There was a pause while they digested the news and he was surprised to see Diane looking outraged. "Wasn't her doctor's appointment last week? Why didn't she tell you right away?" "She said she was waiting for the blood test results. To see if she was really pregnant before she told me anything." Gavin recited Marta's explanation flatly. "I don't know if she was being honest," he admitted. "But she kept crying and I couldn't deal with it so I didn't push it." "Oh." Diane softened at the mention of Marta crying. "Poor girl." Gavin shrugged. "Yeah, but she's better off not having a kid this way. It'll happen for her with the right guy. I'm not that guy." I'll never be that guy, he thought. "So, what happened with Nina?" Diane asked. Gavin sighed, pushing the food around his plate. "She drives me crazy," he told them. Bill chuckled and Gavin shot him a curious look. "Of course she does," Bill said. "That's how you know she's the one." Diane rolled her eyes. "I never drove you crazy, dear. You drove yourself crazy resisting me and my charms." Gavin forced a smile. "Well, I don't think we'd work out, anyway." "Don't be an idiot," Diane said fondly. "You're going to see her after dinner." "Am I?" Gavin asked, momentarily amused at the command. "Yes. You two need to hash this out once and for all," Diane told him firmly. "There's nothing to hash out," Gavin protested. "She's made it clear she's not dating anyone and even if she was, I'm not boyfriend material." "Didn't I just tell you not to be an idiot?" Diane repeated. "Maybe she's scared, maybe you are, maybe it can work, maybe it can't. You'll never know if you don't give it a shot and tell her how you feel." She looked at Bill as if for confirmation and he grinned at both of them. "I generally agree with whatever she says," he told Gavin seriously. "It makes life easier for everyone." Gavin forced a laugh in the hopes that the subject would be dropped. He suspected Nina would never be willing to take a chance on him, but maybe if he were at least honest with her about his childhood and his reaction to Daniel, they could get back to being friends. It would be better than not having her in his life at all. He wondered glumly if he was brave enough to be that honest. --- Nina had remained frozen in place, getting soaked by the rain, after Gavin went into the house. Eventually she straightened her shoulders and drove home. She had just gotten out of a hot bath and was making some tea when there was a knock at the door. She tightened her robe on the way to answer it, guessing who it was. He was drenched. He just stood there, looking sadder than she'd ever seen anyone look. She opened her mouth to speak, to say something, anything, but he spoke before she could get anything out. "He beat my mother," he said flatly. She closed her eyes briefly, her shoulders slumping. She suspected as much, or something similar, but hearing him say it was heartbreaking. "Come inside," she said, taking his arm. Nina took off his coat and handed him a towel, directing him to a chair. He ignored the chair and followed her to the kitchen, leaning against the counter as she poured them both some tea. "He beat her all the time," he said in the same eerily distant, detached voice when she handed him the cup. "She tried to leave him, hundreds of times. She and I moved in with my grandmother for the first time that I can remember when I was two or three years old. But he always convinced her to come back somehow." Gavin swallowed. "She always went back," he added bitterly. "By the time I got old enough to realize what he was doing, I tried to protect her. I couldn't stand up to him, but I would throw myself on her, trying to at least get between them. She would always push me away, tell me to run and hide." Nina shut her eyes in pain. "He never touched me – not to hit me or hug me. He barely spoke to me, actually. Like he didn't notice I was there. It got to the point where she was so beaten down she barely spoke to me either. My grandmother told me later it was because she was still trying to protect me, to keep me off his radar, but I don't think that's true. I don't know." Gavin sighed, turning away from her. He placed his hands on the counter and bowed his head. "When I was seven we went back to my grandmother's for the last time. He kept coming around, same as before. But this time she stayed away longer than she ever had - almost a year. And I thought we would finally be free. One night he showed up, plastered. Screaming and shouting. And he forced his way into the house. He - he had a gun. But I apparently thought myself to be the man of the house, after living so long with just my mom and grandmother. So I tried to stand up to him, shouting at him to leave, telling him to leave my mother alone. He still didn't touch me. He actually laughed at me, like I was an annoying dog or something. Like I meant nothing." Nina rested a hand tentatively on his arm, tears streaking her face. He still wouldn't look at her. "I remember trying to shove my mom out of the room - telling her to run and hide like she'd always told me. She had this intense look in her eyes - not even scared. Just - willful, maybe. Determined. She was looking directly at him; she never looked at me. She pushed me behind her and told me to go to my grandmother's room - my grandmother was already hiding back there. I was clawing at her, throwing my arms around her legs, begging her not to talk to him, not to go. But she just shook me off. And she left with him. And she didn't take me." His last words came out in a sob and Nina tightened her hold on him. "When I ran to the door after them, she was just walking with him calmly to his car. Neither of them turned back to look at me." Gavin was silent for a moment, his arms falling to his sides. "I ran after them. I ran the mile and a half to our old house. And I heard her screaming. And I heard him - what he was doing to her." He gulped. "I was banging on the door, shouting at him to leave her alone. I think I finally broke a window and crawled in. But I couldn't get to her. By then some of the neighbors had heard me and had followed me in, and my grandmother had called the cops and they had shown up. They pulled me out of the house." He took another breath and forced himself to go on. "He had beaten her unconscious," he said in a hollow voice. "He was arrested. And she never woke up." Nina gasped, squeezing his arm. "He died in prison. Some prison riot. I hope it was painful," Gavin spat out. "I'm so sorry," she whispered. He turned and she risked a glance at him. He was staring past her. "So, that's what happened," he said despondently. "No one really knows - Brett knows some of it, and his mom. Not even Bill and Diane know the whole story. When Daniel -" He stopped and sighed. "I was just so sure -" "Daniel's gay," Nina interjected. "That's why he kept calling: he wanted to tell me why he left me." Gavin blinked. "He's gay?" "Yeah." After a long moment of silence while Gavin processed the news, he shook his head with a wry smile. "Well, that's probably the only sane explanation for why any man would leave you," he said softly. Nina blushed. "I'm sorry about how I acted that day," Gavin said. "When he kept calling and then showed up...I got so scared for you. It was like I was suddenly living in my nightmare." "The nightmares," she murmured, making the connection. "Yeah. They were always the same," he said in a distant voice. "Always of that night. Except since I met you...you were the one in danger. It wasn't my mother in the nightmares anymore, it was you. You were the one I had to get away from him. After that day when Daniel showed up, I began to wonder if, in my nightmares, I was actually him. If I was the one you needed to be protected from." Her head shot up. "You're not him, Gavin. That's not who you are." Her voice was steady. Gavin met her eyes briefly before looking down. "How can you be sure of that?" he asked doubtfully, heartbreak in his voice. "Because I know. I know you. You're not him, not in your nightmares, and certainly not in reality. You were incredibly brave," she told him, gripping his arm. "You were just a little boy, you couldn't have stopped him." He focused his eyes on her. "I'm so sorry," she repeated. "Yeah, well," he said awkwardly. He poured his unfinished tea into the sink and rinsed the cup, walking over to where his coat hung on a chair. "Where are you going?" she exclaimed. "I'm going home," he said as if it should be obvious. "But - no," she said helplessly. "You want me to stay?" he asked in shock. "Why would I want you to leave?" she said, confused. "Because - you did just hear the story I told you, right?" He was looking at her like she was a simpleton. "So?" she asked, dumbfounded. Suddenly awareness washed over her. "Gavin," she breathed. "God, you don't think that people - that I - would judge you for what your father did?" "How could you not?" "Jesus, is that what you think? That I wouldn't want to be with you because you had the misfortune of having that asshole as a sperm donor? Do you really think so little of me?" she asked furiously, crossing her arms over her chest. "Of course not," he protested, thoroughly bewildered. "I thought you were smarter than that. Turns out you're an idiot," she was muttering. His confusion faded as her words sunk in. She watched him, mystified as a smile spread over his face slowly. "What are you smiling about?" she snapped. He began chuckling, which infuriated her. "What is so fucking funny?" "Nothing," he wheezed, losing control. "Gavin -" she said threateningly. "It's just - only you would tell me you want to be with me while being pissed off and shouting at me," he said, laughing so hard his shoulders were quivering. "What?" she demanded, suddenly embarrassed, her words coming back to her. "You know what you said," he told her cheerfully. "I don't know what you're talking about," she said briskly, stirring her tea. "You said you wanted to be with me," he said triumphantly. "Well, I just meant -" she stopped, pressing her lips together. "What? What did you mean, Nina?" he asked softly, all humor gone. "I just didn't want you to think that your friends would judge you for what happened to you when you were a kid," she said defensively, turning away from him. Excitement surged through him as he watched her, tickled at her overly attentive cleaning of the tea kettle. He had felt somewhat relieved and lightened by telling her about his parents, but the overwhelming emotion had been exhaustion, emotional and physical exhaustion. That was gone now, faded completely as her words washed over him. She'd said she wanted to be with him. Maybe she hadn't meant to say it, but she had said it. He was elated, his doubts surprisingly gone. "Nina," he said quietly. He stepped up behind her and rested his hands on her shoulders when she didn't respond. "Nina," he repeated, squeezing her shoulders. "Why did you tell me not to marry her?" "Because it would have been a mistake," she said insistently. "Why?" God. Nina rolled her eyes. He was like a dog with a bone. He was not going to let it go. What had she really meant? Of course his past wouldn't make his friends think less of him. But clearly the words that popped out of her mouth without any thought meant something. She hadn't wanted him to be with Marta, and not because it would have been a mistake. Because he didn't belong with anyone else. Trouble was, she wasn't sure if she could be the one he did belong with. Damn him. "You don't belong with her," she whispered in a tight voice. "Why?" he said softly. He pressed his chest against her back, slipping an arm around her waist and holding her against him. She relaxed automatically, her head coming back to rest on his shoulder. "Gavin," she implored. "Tell me," he whispered, his lips tickling her hair. "Because..." She sighed in surrender. "Because I - I think - I think you might belong with me." Her head dropped forward and she squeezed her eyes shut, feeling like a fool. He spun her around so quickly she needed a second to focus on him. Gone was the goading, triumphant expression. He smiled tenderly, looking both stunned and relieved. "That's right," he said as if he were a teacher praising her for a correct answer. "And you belong with me," he added. She rolled her eyes but couldn't stop the grin. "Condescending bastard," she muttered. He smirked, cupping her face in his hands. "I may be a bastard, but I'm your bastard. And you're my wildcat. You make me crazy and I love every little thing about you." Her smile faded. "What -" she whispered. He ran a thumb across her lower lip, his gaze flitting from her mouth to her eyes. She watched him swallow, felt him tilt her head and lean in, and forgot how to breathe. Her eyes locked on his, she waited as he approached, excitement and apprehension leaving her immobile. Then his lips were on hers, molding together sweetly, and the pressure in her chest expanded. She melted into him, a small sob coming from her throat, and slid her arms around his neck. His lips parted and she opened her mouth to him, suddenly desperate to get closer. She whimpered as their tongues met, heat rushing through her body. He sucked on her tongue, pulled back to nibble on her lip, tangled his fingers in her hair. His mouth became hot and demanding, kissing her possessively. Her knees trembled and she locked her arms around him, just trying to hang on. She had the fleeting thought that if it weren't for her stupid no-kissing rule, things would have been a lot clearer months ago. Gavin broke the kiss suddenly and they stared at each other, both dazed and breathing hard. What he'd said came back to her and she rested a finger on his mouth. "What did you say," she murmured dreamily. He closed his lips around her finger, sucking it into his mouth, and her legs threatened to give out. His mouth slanted over hers, exploring, flicking, coaxing her to meet him. She lost the ability to think and plunged her fingers in his hair, returning his kiss greedily. Grinning mischievously, he cupped her behind and lifted her, her legs automatically going around his waist. To her surprise he walked to the couch instead of the bedroom, and they tumbled onto it, their arms and legs tangled together. "Gavin, what -" "Hush," he said, grazing her lips with his. "We've done enough talking." "But - you said -" Nina sucked in a breath as his teeth found her ear. "Be quiet, bossy," he teased, trailing kisses down her neck. She met his eyes, dark and twinkling, and succumbed, gripping his arms and pulling him to her, sighing as their lips met. Seconds turned into minutes, which might have turned into hours. Seasons could have changed, calendar pages could have flipped through an entire year as she got lost in kissing him. He alternated between sweet and demanding, passive and forceful, speaking volumes without words. She was shocked that she could still learn new things about him, amazed at the intimacy of what they were sharing considering how much sex they'd already had. Somehow this felt like the true consummation, and she gave herself over to it willingly. Their urgency slowing momentarily, Gavin brushed his lips against her cheek and forehead. "I want you," he said quietly. She smiled. "Then take me to bed," she told him. He carried her to bed, placing her gently on her back before slowly undressing her. She lay docile except for her arching back and undulating hips as he ran his hands over her body. Soft moans came out of her mouth, her hands touching him wherever she could reach. He stripped quickly; even a second of not touching her was too long. Stretching himself next to her, he took her into his arms and kissed her deeply, his hands still stroking her. He knew at some point she would take control and tried to take advantage of her submissiveness until he couldn't resist any longer. Moving slowly, he rolled on top of her, settling himself between her legs. She arched up and pressed against him. She brought her lips to his, slowly drawing his tongue into her mouth as her legs fell open. "Nina," he said against her lips. "Do you want -" "Please," she whispered, looking at him with need. Gavin was surprised; she had always taken the lead, very vocal about what she wanted. It wasn't like anything he experienced with any other woman and wouldn't have expected to enjoy it so much. This uncharacteristic passivity made him unsure. Nina focused her eyes on him, wondering why he was hesitating, and saw his confusion. She knew she was very bossy in bed. She had always been that way, knowing what she wanted and how to get there. For the first time she acknowledged that it had been her way of maintaining control, of not allowing herself to be vulnerable with anyone she slept with. Even she was surprised by her desire to yield now, wanting to give herself to Gavin in a way she never had with anyone before. Without making a decision to do so, she realized she wanted him to see that vulnerability. She needed him to strip away the last of her defenses. Something Personal Ch. 04 "Gavin," she said huskily, placing a hand on his cheek. "I need you take me. I need you to make me yours," she whispered nervously. She felt self-conscious but forced herself to hold his eyes. His eyes fluttered shut and he buried his head in the crook of her neck. He reached for her nightstand drawer, scrambling for a condom, and was stopped by her fingers wrapping around his wrist. "We don't need to...I'm on birth control," she whispered tentatively, staring into his eyes. He swallowed hard. "Are – are you sure?" She smiled tenderly and nodded. "Nina," he groaned quietly, entering her in one surprisingly gentle motion. Gavin felt his breath leave him in one big gust at the feel of her around him, flesh to flesh, without any barrier. He had never done this before and the sensation was beyond anything he could have imagined. She arched her back again, her arms circling him as he began moving inside her. His thrusts were tender and steady, shocking her with the sensation that he wasn't just filling her physically but reaching toward some place deep inside that had previously been unattainable. She felt tears forming in her eyes as the noticeable tingle started from her belly, the warmth spreading throughout her body. He felt her fluttering around him, her muscles contracting. "Look at me," he whispered. Her eyes found his and he was startled by the sight of moisture in hers. She gave him a tender smile, one hand reaching up to tangle in his hair. He blinked, intense emotion threatening to split his chest open. "Wrap your legs around me," he demanded softly. Her clenching around him increased and he felt his testicles contract, felt himself swell inside her, frustrated that he was so close to climax so soon. She started to moan and his eyes rolled back at the sound. "Come for me," he said softly. He grasped the side of her face, kissing her, trying to transfer the emotion welling up inside him. She responded in kind, a tear falling down her cheek. He finally broke the kiss with a gasp, starting to pant heavily. "Now," he told her fiercely. "Come for me now." Nina let out a long, low moan, her legs tightening around him. "You're mine," he whispered just before his own climax started. His hips sped up, plunging into her as they cried out with their eyes locked. He kept thrusting long after they had both peaked, dropping his forehead to rest on hers. Finally he stopped, snaking his arms around her shoulders and clutching her tightly. Her legs and arms were still wrapped around him, both of them breathing heavily. They didn't move for what seemed like hours, still trying to get as close as possible. Gavin regretfully rolled to his back, sure he was crushing her. He dragged her body on top of his, hugging her to him. "What happened to my wildcat," he wondered out loud, stroking the length of her back. Nina attempted a laugh but was still trying to catch her breath. "I guess I don't need to be bossy with you," she said softly. "At least, not all the time." A little smile played on her lips. "Hm," he said thoughtfully. "I like the wildcat," he told her, lifting her chin and giving her a slow kiss. "But I like making you mine too. Now you're my wildcat." He brushed a finger against her cheek where her tear had fallen. She smiled, staring at him for so long he grew worried. "What?" he asked. "What you said..." she whispered. "Oh." He swallowed nervously. "Well, I meant it." "Really," she stated, grinning. "Really," he confirmed, returning her smile. "I love you," he added in a whisper. She bit her lip, feeling the threat of tears pricking her eyes. He meant it. The words were hovering on her lips, wanting to burst out but stopped by some invisible dam, by the cage she had locked around her heart. They stared at each other for a long silence, her struggle obvious. She blushed and her eyes faltered. "I -" she began, looking at him helplessly. "I - I'm scared, Gavin." "I know," he murmured, embracing her. She buried her face in his chest, feeling ashamed. "Hey," he said quietly, cupping her chin so she would look at him. "It's okay. I'm scared, too," he admitted. "Besides, it's nothing personal, right?" Her mouth opened to protest, then saw the playful twinkle in his eyes and she poked his stomach, laughing. He chuckled, stroking her cheek. Getting lost in his eyes, in the sincerity of his expression and his words, she felt a smile spreading across her face, warmth flooding her chest. She ran her fingers through his hair. He smiled as she trailed a finger to his mouth, stroking his lower lip. "It's actually something very personal," she murmured, staring at his mouth before meeting his eyes. "I love you, too," she said quietly. "Yeah?" he said in surprise, grinning. "Promise?" he teased. "Promise," she said, returning his grin. "Kiss on it?" she added playfully. "Thank God that no-kissing rule is over," he said, chuckling. Her laugh was cut off abruptly by his lips on hers and she pulled him on top of her, letting herself get lost in his kiss. The End