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Sharon's in Love

By: Egmont Grigor



CHAPTER 1

Hostess Helen Horsely watched intently the new recruit who had been introduced to her as Thomas Thom walked away. Her husband Hudson was managing partner of HBW, Certified Public Accountants and Advisors, and this was the Horselys' bi-monthly cocktail party for people on the HBW payroll along with partners to foster goodwill and togetherness. 

Helen broke away to go to her youngest daughter Sharon, who still lived at home and seemed to have far more girlfriends than boyfriends, and that was a bit of a worry.

"Sharon dear, please dress up and come down; there's someone I'd like you to meet."

"Aw mom, not again?"

"Come along, it will happen one day. This could be that occasion."

"Okay," Sharon signed dutifully, being smart enough to know when you live at home as an adult it pays to be polite and cooperative.

Helen had artfully engaged Thomas in conversation, knowing when Sharon came down she'd come to her mom, to be pointed to the young guy Helen had hoped would be Mr Right.

"How did the firm get the name HBW Mrs Hudson? That wasn't explained at my induction."

"Well the three original partners were named Horsley, Bobbitt and Winkowski."

"Oh, what a collection of odd names lumped together and making quite a mouthful. Some guy with a modern streak must have shaken the firm's principals out of the cobwebs and suggested HBW?"

"Indeed Thomas. By the way my married name is Horsely."

"Oh, no slur intended."

"Well calling my name odd could be termed offensive."

"Mrs Horsely I had no intention..."

"Relax dear. I think it's a hideous name but found Hudson to be quite a charmer when we began courting some thirty-five years ago. It was our youngest daughter who suggested HBW as a name change. Why here she comes now. Sharon I'd like you to meet our newest recruit Mr Thomas Thom. Would you two please excuse me; I must circulate."

It didn't work out. An hour later Sharon accepted Thomas's invitation to sit on the back porch in the dark with her. He groped. Sharon excused herself for a minute and didn't return and Thomas, poor guy, sat waiting in subduing excitement for a good half hour thinking she was taking a long time to remove her underwear and fetch towels.

At breakfast next morning Hudson said with satisfaction last evening's function appeared to have gone very well. Nothing appeared broken and he hadn't found any red wine stains on the carpets.

"Yes dear, it went very well," Helen said, eyeing her daughter in despair. "Sharon, what went wrong?"

"Nothing mom. Mr Thom decided to sit on the back porch longer than I cared for so I returned to my room."

A scowl spreading over his face, Hudson asked, "Did he grope?"

"What's a grope daddy," asked the apparent blue-eyed innocent.

Helen scolded, "Hudson for heaven's sake."

Later that day the twenty-five year old blonde Sharon left the loft where she wrote her daily column about the interests of young adults that syndicated to thirty-three newspapers and was heading for Pam's Coffee Shop to join some of her friends when a guy fell into step beside her.

"Hi I'm Tomas Thom's brother Miller, a sub-editor on The Clarion. He said he met you last night and considers you a cold-hearted bitch. Should I hit him for you?"

"Yes please. Now shove off."

"Sharon please. We are literary compatriots."

"Oh yes -- don't you mean we work for the same newspaper? Sub-editors are word technicians. There's little creativeness in them."

"That is an erroneous conclusion. Thomas is right; you are a cold-hearted bitch."

Sharon stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. "Take that back and apologize or I'll bloody your nose."

"Jesus."

"Come along now Mr Thom."

"Sharon sweetheart. I apologize and your virginity is safe with me."

The blue-eyed innocent asked sweetly, "What is virginity Mr Thom?"

"I-I well... Miller blustered, caught left-footed. "May I take your for a drink?"

"Very well."

Miller practically had to drag her into the bar.

"I-I had assumed you meant coffee shop."

"Nah, its early afternoon and... oh god, you don't inhabit bars do you?"

"Well now that you mention it may reply has to be no."

He said carefully, "So you are a non-drinking virgin?"

"I drink alcohol at home, at other people's homes and in restaurants and I can assure you I'm... Well enough said."

"About what?"

"That's for you to find out Mr Thom if you are good enough."

"I don't understand. You are talking in riddles."

"Well don't attempt to understand and you'll be left without that problem. Why complicate your life so Mr Thom?"

"Huh?"

"Or really Mr Thom. A single malt Scotch, no water."

"Huh?"

"Yes, you must be a word technician. Barman, a single malt Scotch and a beer for the gentleman."

"What kind of beer?"

"Don't ask me, ask him. I just picked him up on the street."

"In that case ma'am I'll have to ask you to leave these premises. The notice above the bar clearly says No Soliciting."

"Mr Stupid," Sharon said ominously. "If any soliciting had occurred it would have occurred out on the sidewalk wouldn't it? Now serve our drinks or I'll go to court and have these premises closed down for breach of license requirements compelling the licensee to serve liquor to bone-fide customers."

"What kind of customers?"

"Al, serve the lady and stop attempting to embarrass her." Miller said. "She's all over you and you will risk having the boss's license reviewed."

"Jesus. Best of malt coming up ma'am and Bozo with you drinks Claudeland's Larger."

"Thank you Al. Now hit him Bozo beside me for attempting to spoil my maiden journey into a den of iniquity."

Al reached for his baseball bat but eased away when he saw Miller thrust his hands into his pants' pockets.

"Well now that's settled amicably may we have our drinks Al?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Al you may call me Sharon. Why don't you allow sex in this bar? It's one of the few things young people of today seem really interested in."

Scandalized and not knowing how to answer that and to escape another possibly tongue-lashing, Al scurried down to the far end of the bar to fix their drinks in perceived safety.

"Well Sharon, that was an interesting insight to you losing you loosing your bar virginity, so to speak, and scaring our barman legless."

"Oh very droll Miller. Remember you did have the option of taking me to coffee."

"I have thoroughly enjoyed the last few minutes. Being with you has been momentous, shaking the dullness out of my Saturday afternoon and to think Thomas's description for you was, quote, 'As dull as a gray sky and she's determined to keep her legs locked."

"Hit Thomas for me Miller and then explained to me what he meant."

"Perhaps I'll bypass both of those requests Miss Horsely. I'm wondering if you are the Daughter of the Devil reincarnated?"

"Oooh, you surprise me Bozo."

"Bozo is not my nickname. It's a title Al uses when he can't remember guy's name."

"Oh, how fascinating. That is something I must investigate... how do young people remember people's names and if they fail to remember a name how do they substitute?"

"Hey you?"

"The young people I target may have an intellect that's above your level Bozo."

Miller grinned. "You are awesome and I'm now sure you cannot possibly be a virgin Sharon."

"That is something I don't care to discuss."

"Well have some more whiskies and become malleable."

"Oooh Mr Thom, that's a big word for you. No, after this one drink I'm off. You'll be given occasions to attempt to prove your theory"

"What? When?"

"Just sit tight. It will happen."

"Thanks Al," Sharon said and raising her glass to Miller drained it in one gulp. "Oh lovely. Keep the change Al. Bye Bozo and thanks for soliciting me in this bar."

"Bozo," roared Al. "Out of this bar."

"Al, come on, be reasonable. Look how she tied you up in knots with her words. The bitch is a shit-stirrer."

"Oh, one of those. Have another drink Bozo, er Miller."

Over dinner that evening Miller said, "Mom, I think I've found her."

"Found who?"

"Miss Right"

Miller's mother Milly, younger sister Kate, older brother Thomas and father Stanley looked at him expectantly.

"She's the Horsely's youngest daughter Sharon."

"What, that dried up young bitch?"

Bedlam erupted as Miller gave Thomas a big nose bleed, blood flying everywhere.

When the meal resumed, Thomas sat holding an icepack over his nose, and Kate said, "Sharon Horsely is on the honors board at college. She won the Sarah Lincoln Memorial Literary Prize and top gymnast prize each year she was at college and in her final year was runner-up in the state inter-collegiate award for journalism. Her older sister Macy is my gym coach."

Miller scratched his head and said, "Holy shit" to receive a mild rebuke from his mom. A mild rebuke? He looked at his mom surprised to find her smiling at him proudly. He looked away embarrassed.

"Why didn't she take to me?" Thomas moaned, lifting the ice pack to speak.

"Because you are scum. Those young women you mess with talk you know. At least Miller has some class."

"That's enough Kate," said their mom, losing her smile.

"Well being Hudson Horsely's daughter she'll be okay," Stanley said. "Hudson's a real straight-shooter as most accountants are. What does this kid do?"

"She's a columnist for The Clarion," mother and daughter said almost in unison.

"Huh? I must jump her column," Stanley said. "You met her at the office son?"

"No, she never comes into the newspaper. She emails her column to us."

"Then how did you two meet?" Kate asked, looking puzzled. 

"Thomas told me this morning he'd met her last night and she was such a bore, wanting to talk and appeared to have her legs bolted together. So I thought she must be okay and then saw her on the street, recognizing her by her photo at the top of her column, so I chatted her up and we um went for coffee."

"Oh how sweet," cooed their mom. "When are you bringing her home to us?"

"God mom, I only met her today."

"When are you dating her?"

"I don't know mom. Why this interrogation?"

"Because I'm interested."

"She just said it would happen."

Their mom shrieked with laughter and Kate said, "The guys calls her Miss Impenetrable. But in general they seem to think she'd awesome."

"She'll be the type of girl mother's want their sons to bring home."

Everyone looked at Stanley in astonishment. That was a rare style of comment for him. Milly looked at Miller and beamed. He hung his head over his scrambled eggs.

Miller made a painful decision, thinking he should not call Shona but wait for her to 'make it happen'. This was like a game to her.

Early on Monday morning Miller collected the newspaper and flicked to page 5 and thought he'd read Sharon's Column -- that was the name of the column; nothing fancy.

The hairs on Miller's nape began rising as soon as he read the heading: Street Pick-up. His alarm was well founded. Sharon was suggesting how women should respond to 'legitimate sidewalk soliciting, not the sinister kind'.

Miller squirmed as he read of an 'incident' that had happened to someone she knew when the unabashed guy hauled her into a bar just after midday and plied her with whisky. But the strong willed young woman escaped quickly as she could and instead of waving goodbye scowled and said, 'See you later alligator'. Sharon wrote: 'That clever woman is to be admired for handling herself decorously. She escaped unharmed, avoiding a scene and the possibility of her over-eager young man being slugged by the barman wielding a baseball bat. However that same young woman has decided to give the young man another opportunity to try again, but this time on safer ground'.

The embarrassed Miller left the paper on a chair under the dining room table. It was Monday and everyone would be in a hurry to set off so wouldn't find it.

The family except for Kate was at the table eating sausages and fries when Kate sauntered in crying, "Ohmigod, Ohmigod." Miller's stomach pit dropped to knee level when he saw Kate held the newspaper.

"Listen to this guys. This morning Sharon writes about street pickups and here's a most enlightening incident she recounts, saying it happened to someone she knows. Well, Sharon knows herself."

Kate the cow read it out, the seething Miller not allowing his eyes to leave his plate.

Kate finished with a giggle, saying "Oh boy."

"Miller, you said coffee."

"Yeah mom."

"How can you mistake a bar for a coffee house?"

"Er, it wasn't easy mom."

"Now don't lie to me. Did you ply Sharon with whiskies?"

"No mom, and that's the truth. She bought a beer for me, a whisky for herself and then left after saying that piece it would happen."

"I am very disappointed in you Miller."

"And I am too," Kate said gleefully. "Ohmigod, women will rush you Miller to be plied with whisky before opening their legs for you."

"Kate, go to your room."

"No I'm off to college mom. It's my final, final exams remember?"

"Oh darling, please don't allow this disgusting incident bringing shame on this family upset you."

"No it will stimulate me."

Their mom had spoken, allowing Miller to feel he was off the hook. "Kate which is the best bar to frequent to allow all those women to find me," he joked.

"Miller would you please leave my house. For that disgusting comment I want you to drive Kate to college."

"Aw mom."

"Just do it Miller."

"Come on my disgusting brother. I'll introduce you to a bunch of loose fellow seniors."

"Kate!"

"Bye mom."

* * *

Miller worked an 11: 00 to 8:00 shift on the morning newspaper. On Friday he noticed a woman with a stunning figure in a tight short red dress and black accessories including a large black hat walk into the newsroom. The public was prohibited from entering the newsroom reinforced by hard-ass principal receptionist Mrs Roberts.

Now everyone at the subbing table was looking at her. Chief sub Archie Stokes stood and said, "Why Miss Horsely, it's a real pleasure to have you visiting us. A rare visit indeed."

"Cut the crap Archie. Just because my father's chairs the board of this publishing company is no need to slather me."

"You mean fawn over you don't you?"

"No Archie; you are spreading it over me like butter. Slather is correct as a short-form of describing your action and it depicts your motive."

Archie grinned. "To think Marion and I used to baby-sit you when you were a little kid and your parents lived next to us. Are you here to take me to lunch?"

"Another time Archie and we really must do it. No, Mr Thom please."

"You heard the lady Miller. Grab your jacket and comb your hair. Are you the whisky would-be-seducer in Sharon's column on Monday, now being given that second chance to act like a gentleman?"

"Guilty Mr Stokes."

"It was true but with embellishments," Sharon smiled. "I had one whisky and left. At no time did Miller behave in an ungentlemanly manner and stood at my side, ready to defend me, when I engaged in a silly altercation -- perhaps you'd know it better as a batrachomyomachia - with the barman who threatened to throw me out for soliciting."

"A barman who was battered by superior intellect I would assume?"

"I try to avoid making such assumptions Archie. Hello everyone. I'm Sharon and we work on the same team although I work rather on the left field."

"Sharon I'm Lisa Watts. May I welcome you on behalf of everyone at this table and say I believe you are a valued member of our team and play above your weight. My husband and I love reading your column and I know my parents and my grandparents do. At your young age I believe you are on the way to becoming an institution on this newspaper."

"Why thank you Lisa -- you were Lisa Arthur were you not, cross-country champion in your senior year when I was a freshman?"

"Yes. Fancy you remembering that."

"People who excel ought to be remembered, don't you think Lisa?"

"Well yes but in my case is was only running."

"Does it matter what it was Lisa? You pitched yourself against your contemporaries and came out top. Ah, here comes Miller. I trust he has a rising future on this newspaper?"

Archie said, "Miller has completed three years as a reporter and almost finished two years in sub-editing. In September he replaces Mike Oliver as chief of staff on Mike's retirement."

"Oooh, good boy Miller. Come, I must ply you with whiskies."

Sharon and Miller left the room with the sub-editors laughing uproariously. Several reporters from all sections of the newsroom rushed over to find out the joke and to learn who the babe was.

"That was our esteemed columnist Sharon Horsely," said Archie pompously. "Lisa here has correctly predicted Sharon is on her way to becoming rather famous. I'm saying she'll eventually be recognized as the best columnist this newspaper has ever produced." 

"Why doesn't she come to one of our awards nights," someone called.

"Possibly because she'd never been invited," Archie said. "Her awards are couriered to her. Perhaps I should look into this."

"Yes," chorused a number of people as Archie shouted, "Back to work you lazy scribes." 

CHAPTER 2

Miller sat opposite Sharon at the small table. He pushed his knees forward, touched hers and left them touching.

She asked coolly, "Why are you doing that?"

"For physical contact. Is there a problem?"

"No."

"You don't want me to be a mechanical bull do you?"

Her blue eyes widened and her mouth curved. "God no."

They studied the menu, both still smiling, when she said, "Look at me Miller."

She stared at him and Miller thought he didn't feel uncomfortable so held her gaze.

"I can't decide about the color of your eyes. Sometimes they appear green and sometimes brown."

"They are hazel, my hair is called curly brown and underneath I have a firm muscular body. Do you have a firm body Sharon?"

Instead of answering she infuriated by asking, "Are we here to discuss my body?"

"I shouldn't think globally; my question was general and it would be considered polite to answer such a question."

"Yes, I believe my body is firm."

"Excellent, we should be both satisfied. You have learned my eyes are hazel and I have confirmed your body is firm."

"Confirmed?"

"Yes the way in which your body apart from your breasts, appears not to move under that tight and beautiful dress suggested to me you have a firm body and your tight thighs supported that opinion."

"You said your weren't here to discuss my body globally?"

"I did preface that with the words "I shouldn't think" but the fact is by mentioning breasts and tight thighs I have simply become regionally focused and that was only to reinforce an assertion."

"We are apparently now here to discuss my body and yet here we are discussing my body. My god, your term my tight thighs is approaching the obscene."

"Don't be ridiculous. The tightness of not of one's thighs has nothing to do with obscenity."

"Yes, quite right."

"You hoped I'd be a challenge to you. Is that correct?"

Sharon sighed. "Yes quite right but there is no need to exhibit your cleverness."

"Why are we here Sharon?"

She colored hugely. "God you are impossible."

"Go on, slip off to the restroom and recover."

"There is no need for that. I mostly don't mind if I blush when confronted."

Miller knew there was no need for it this early but nevertheless moved in for the kill. "So what was the exceptional reason that made you blush this time Sharon, embarrassing you?"

"Much against my usual good judgment I have taken more than a passing interest in you."

"Thank you Sharon. What on the menu appeals to you?"

"Grilled chicken over a bagel but without any sauce."

"Good choice for maintaining a great figure. I'm having grilled chicken over fluffy rice, double serving of rice, with the light curry sauce."


Sharon's in Love



"I must try that sometime. It sounds delicious."

"Sharon, I'd like to know how could you become a columnist on a large daily newspaper like ours at your early age and be permitted to work from home?"

"I compiled five sample columns clipped to a covering letter containing my CV. In the latter I explained the narrowed focus of my column as being directed at and about younger people would attract their readership over time and contended it would be read by older people wishing to understand more about the activities, values and attitudes of younger people. I gave that to my father who is chairman of the company, told him I wished to write from home and wanted my column to be marketed to other newspapers and then requested him to make that happen."

"Using his position of influence? That's nepotism."

"Yes, why have influence if it's not used."

"I see."

"Do you Miller?"

"Your attitude was to use your father's influence as you would a tool."

"God, I wouldn't have figured you would work that one out."

"Thank you. Where's our fucking wine?"

"Yes, precisely my thought as well."

Miller grinned. "You are appealing Sharon."

"May I say I'm pleased about that without that encouraging you to stroke my tight thigh?"

The waiter's hand holding out the wine label to be read began to shake.

"Yes, that's the wine I ordered thank you. There is no need for a tasting."

As the waiter left, Miller said, "Yes you may say that."

"Say what?"

"That may you say you're pleased I said you appeal to my without that encouraging...."

"Yes, yes, got it. I am very pleased you think you like me. I've asked you to lunch to suggest we should date."

"Often?"

"Yes?"

"With or without sex?"

"Don't disappoint me Miller."

"Okay, dating with sex."

Sharon frowned.

"But with the time for the commencement of sex being left for nature to take its course."

Sharon smiled.

They held up their glasses.

"Here's to great sex."

Sharon was unable to stop a smile breaking through. "Here's to great sex."

They clinked glasses and stared at one another as they took the first sip.

* * *

Arriving home that evening Miller found his mom and Kate bubbling.

"Hi," he said, kissing them both. "Exams go well, did they?"

"Yeah, I think so."

His mom said, "Your father lunched today at the club with Hudson Horsely who mentioned Sharon had said over breakfast she'd be lunching with you today. "Tell us all Miller. How did it go?"

"Okay I think mom but it's difficult to really tell. We didn't have sex."

Next morning Kate rushed in with the newspaper, poking her tongue out at Miller. He gazed down at his two rissoles.

"Today Sharon is on about Tight Shapely Thighs. 'I lunched with a young man yesterday and to my astonishment found he didn't judge the desirability of females by the shape, hang and bounce of breasts as many of his contemporaries do. No, this charmer -- and I emphasize charmer -- took me into the private world of his minor fetish. He talked almost passionately about women's legs as if discussing art form. A nice turn of ankle was a delight to see, a muscular lower leg could make him go cross-eyed, the knees and backs of knees -- sorry girls -- were a write-off. But where it all came together for him was thigh-highs. He spoke like a wine buff when detailing the optimum, tight shapely thighs. Oh god, he had me panting. At no time did he reach for my thighs or even personalize his tribute to the female thigh. I reckon mine are pretty awesome but no, he didn't even ask to view mine with an unwelcome promise not to touch. I went home and cried in my pillow. Oh so close but yet, ahem, my tight shapely thighs had been ignored. Ladies you all know how I felt but we understand this is just one of those burdens any female has to bear'. What do you think mom?"

"Miller, I could screw your neck. Why didn't you attend to that poor darling in her darkest hour of need?"

The family, Miller included, gaped at Milly.

Helen Horsely read the article and gaped at her daughter. "Talk about that young man not personalizing, you have personalized to an embarrassing extent."

"Well mother, it's how I felt and you know I write how I feel. Until now you have complimented me on that, saying it adds authenticity."

"But darling, your sexuality is mean to remain in the bedroom."

"Balls mother."

"I beg your pardon young woman!"

"Mom, you are far too conservative. Get real."

"Oh my goodness," Helen said, as Sharon left the room, slamming the door. "My daughter is two or three decades away from menopause. What on earth is it?"

"Something called love -- remember?" Hudson said, lifting up from the business section of the newspaper.

"Oh yes, I remember," Helen said now flitting into romantic mode. "You are so correct darling."

Sharon called Miller.

"Hi, it's Sharon."

"Hi."

"Mom has made such a fuss about today's column, saying I've personalized myself too much. That got my thinking and I thought oh god, what do you think being used like this? The truth is until mom got to me I hadn't given a thought about your reaction. I am so sorry."

"Don't be. It's okay you have to get your motivation from somewhere. I'm also a journalist remember? I understand."

"Oh you darling boy."

"Just don't describe my cock, that's all. That would be an invasion of privacy."

"No, of course not. I'd never do that."

Only when Sharon slid her phone shut did she realize what they had just been talking about. "God, I've been talking to him about his cock. Oh what's wrong with me and where is this heading?"

The next morning column was headed, 'Ways to Remove Stains from Bras'. Leaving readers in no doubt that the increasingly daring columnist had retreated as fast as her tight and shapely thighs could carry her. But it was page 3 that caught the attention of readers. The chief reporter was pictured with an estimated 380 letters about Sharon's columns on tight and shapely thighs. The newspaper declared it had received 1532 emails at the last count on that firm thighs column.

The chief reporter Rick Blewitt wrote: "And where is Sharon? She's in hiding, apparently deciding she went over the top with that firm thighs column, believing it would upset older women with what I'd describe as puffy, shapeless pale tubes masquerading as thighs. But wrong Sharon if this feedback counts for anything. As to be expected there were a few abusive responses, one particular bad one recommending you being mutilated came from the Fat Thighs Collective. But from our test sampling we estimate 90% of respondents were all for exceptionally great thighs receiving homage and almost everyone, including the secretary of the Fat Thighs Collective wishes you well in getting the dork you wrote about to see your thighs, saliva over them and tell you how beautiful they are. I understand your topic tomorrow is how to resign from the job you love. Don't do it Sharon. We on your team at this newspaper say, Rip into it Sharon. Your column is meant to be about provocative journalism."

Sharon Horsely appeared on TV that evening on The Roast Show. A panel of journalists with a couple of invited guests who were a female jurist and the president of the Fat Thighs Collective attempted to roast Sharon but she held up well, being judged to have retained her composure and credibility so scored at the top level: Only slightly roasted.

She was surprised to find Miller waiting for her outside the studio. He explained he didn't think she should go home alone being amid a little bit of notoriety. They traveled chatting and Sharon invited Miller in for supper.

"You haven't eaten?"

"No I was nervous so decided to eat late," Sharon said. "The family has waited for me. It's time you met them."

"Oh."

"Meaning?"

"Another step towards the inevitable I assume?"

Sharon giggled and said he was funny.

Older sister Macy was also home and she quickly placed a setting for their unexpected guest.

"Good evening Miller, I'm the mother, Helen."

"Oh mom, sorry, dad was busy congratulating me. Isn't he a fine young man, I mean appearance-wise?"

"Yes dear, tall enough and quite handsome. You know my Hudson won't you Miller?"

"Yes Mrs Horsely. We have met. He sat on my selection board. Good evening sir."

"Selection board" Whatever for?"

"I am to be the next chief of staff ma'am."

"Oh heavens, call me Helen. You know what that means at your young age don't you."

"That I'm expected to last a long time in that position?"

"No silly boy; you are being groomed to become managing editor although there may be a parallel competitor. Tell him Hudson."

"Yes that's the career path Miller. Hasn't anyone suggested that to you?"

"No sir."

"And I'm the attractive sister," Macy said. "I coach your sister Kate in gymnastics. Surely that rates a kiss?"

"Oooh, I hope so Macy. Here goes."

It was a cozy, no pressure evening and no more newspaper talk apart from Sharon's Column.

"Are you embarrassed about Sharon writing about you?"

"Not really Helen. Sharon called me to explain and I said I understood, that being a fellow journalist I knew she had to get her concepts and motivation from other people but my family worked out, thanks to my sister Kate, Sharon was talking about me and that heaped embarrassment on me. You have to know what Kate is like. But as I said to Sharon she must not reveal details of my penis. Something in a guy's life has to be private."

There was silence.

"Um when I told Sharon that she laughed as if it was a good joke."

"Of course it is, Macy laughed. "Come on mom and dad, Sharon probably hasn't seen it yet. We know about Sharon's shyness around men."

"I really don't think..."

The parents had said that simultaneously and then laughed, the three younger folk laughed and that little low patch in the evening was quickly left behind them.

At the car Sharon and Miller kissed for the first time.

"That was lovely," she sighed. "Um, this talk about your penis. You have my worried. Mind if I have a feel?"

"No, go right ahead," Miller said confidently, pulled back slightly from her.

"Ohmigod, there is nothing to worry about," she said, kissing him with her lips parted.

After Miller had gone Sharon raced to her workroom and called the senior night sub-editor. "I want to pull my column Sid, I'm writing the replacement right now."

"Thank god Sharon, we guys were almost puking over the column you had, 'Dealing with Acne. Christ Sharon, your readers expect you to demonstrate worldliness and persona."

Three quarters of an hour later Sid called. "A great column baby; no time to send you a copy for proofing. This column, "Remember Your First Kiss" will have every woman crying into her cereal. It's really great -- you have written this one from the heart Sharon, well done."

* * *

"Ohmigod, Ohmigod," Kate came into breakfast weeping.

"What is it darling? "You can't have received your exam results this soon?"

Kate handed Milly the newspaper, pointing to Sharon's Column. Milly began reading 'Remember Your First Kiss' Soon she was weeping. Thomas, Miller and Stanley began grinning and rolling their eyes but soon they were listening; hanging on to every word being read to them.

"That is simply one of the best piece of prose I've ever read," Milly said.

"I'm right with you baby," Stanley said. "Remember our first kiss?"

The children had to endure hearing that yet again, first their father's version and their mother's version; they were never identical but that never varied.

Once normal conversation resumed Miller said, "Mom, I've invited Sharon to dinner tonight. Please mom, no panic, nothing special. Just ordinary family fare. I had supper at Sharon's place last night and it was nothing special."

"Very well dear. I am so excited we are to meet her at last. Tell me, did you kiss Sharon last night?"

"Yeah of course."

"Was it the first time?"

Miller didn't have to reply: his mouth dropped open and stayed open.

"Ohmigod, Kate screamed. "Sharon's in love. She would have written that after The Big Kiss."

"Shut up Kate," Miller said and for once his mom didn't make him apologize.

Kate and her mother were watching TV news at 6:30 and the guys were out in the garage inspecting a cut in a tire on Stanley's SUV when they Kate screamed at them to come in and watch TV. Typically, she'd over-reacted and ads were running.

"The next item is headed 'Chaos at The Clarion over it's First Kiss column'. I hope your girlfriend is not in the shit Miller?" 

Milly was too tense to ask Kate to apologize for using bad language.

The film clip showed bags of mail being delivered, all addressed to Sharon Horsely. A shot showed Sharon in a sexy dress with her palms turned up saying, "This is unbelievable" and another of the IT manager looking angry and saying, "It has been chaotic here. Email news services have been blocked by the sheer weight of emails about people wanting to tell the world about their first kiss. What on earth is the world coming to? At the last count we've received almost 10,000 kiss and tell emails, all unsolicited."

The TV reporter said, "Well Sharon are you likely to be fired for stirring up readers like this. I understand several hundred emails have come from the circulation areas of other newspapers who take your syndicated column."

"No, I'm unlikely to be fired but might be given my own newspaper to play with. I'm so happy that we at The Clarion have touched this nerve in people."

"What prompted you to write that particular column?"

Sharon blushed and looked at her feet.

"Come on Sharon, tell all."

"A guy I have been dating a little. We kissed for the first time last night."

"Oh well done Sharon. Please name him."

"No, I can't do that to him."

"The name I have been given is Miller Thom, a rising star on The Clarion."

"Oh god, I'm sorry Miller. Yes it was Miller Thom."

"Wow, that must have been a sensational first kiss. Thank you Sharon. This is Wendy Pratt reporting."

"Ohmigod -- Miller, please don't murder her."

"Nah, it's cool mom. Sharon did her best to shield me. She had to confirm it was me otherwise rumors would be all over the place, with guys saying it was them and they were fucking Sharon."

"Oh god Miller, you can't talk to your mother like that."

"It's cool mom. I won't berate Sharon."

CHAPTER 3

Sharon called Miller. "Have you seen the news?"

"Yeah, great stuff. You'll be a celebrated columnist now. I'm not mad at you."

"I had to confirm it was you Miller. I had no other choice; if I hadn't confirmed it jerks all over the city would be claiming they were the one, some claiming they were having sex with me."

"I know and told mom that."

"Miller I'm home and under siege by a media stake-out."

"Don't worry. Get in the cab after announcing where you are going and tell the driver he's not to attempt to out-run the media. I'll come outside to get you and we'll chat to the media and then tell them to fuck off."

"Can you do that to the media?"

"Yeah, of course. Mom is expecting you at 7:30. Enjoy it baby, it could be your finest hour."

"You called me baby."

'I did."

"That's an endearment."

"I'm attempting to calm you but even so it's an appropriate endearment."

It was the usual media orgy. 

Miller came out of the house. Flashlights flashed and floodlights lit the area like day. Neighbors gathered.

Miller helped Sharon out of the cab and the media changed, "Kiss, Kiss."

They did that.

"Where is your family Miller?" someone shouted.

Miller herded them out and introduced Sharon to members of his family, calling to the media his parents and sister were meeting Sharon for the first time.

A woman's magazine journalist shouted, "What are you serving for dinner Mrs Thom?"

Milly dealt with that nervously.

A Sunday newspaper journalist yelled, "Show us your tits Kate" Kate began unbuttoning but Milly shouted no and that was the end of that.

A reported from TV Weekly asked, "How many children are you going to have Sharon?"

She replied three, one of each. That really cracked up the media.

The questions continued to another fifteen minutes and then Milly took over.

"I'm afraid you'll have to go now," Milly said severely. "I require to time with Sharon before I serve dinner. Now off you go."

Despite mutinous comments everyone began packing up and leaving.

The family escorted Sharon inside and Kate said it was the first time they'd ever hosted anyone really famous.

"Kate, believe me to be famous you have to work at it and I have no intention of doing that. I'm a columnist and my desire is just to write. Within two days no one will know who I am, mark my words.

EPILOGUE

Of course modest Sharon under-estimated the strength of public adoration for someone who's sweet and writes like an angel. Seventy-eight newspapers now publish her award-winning column produced five days a week. She recently learned she is pregnant.

Following Kate's submission to her college administration, Sharon was invited to present the commencement address at graduation where Kate received the college's award for its best senior female gymnast. Sharon spoke about the need for young people to value themselves and not to regard everything as 'old hat' or to needlessly attempt to reinvent the wheel. She added that graduates had been empowered by their education and should not be shy at using that power for the betterment of themselves, their family and their community. She said, "I once wrote an article entitled 'Remember Your First Kiss? It won me a national award in print journalism and I treasure it dearly simply because it was my first major award and people had responded to that article. Like you I went through college and received advanced education on kissing (laughter) and received quite a few lessons, perhaps more that some (laugher). But from that experience and since I can give you this piece of advice: Never, never under estimate the power of a kiss. Do it well, treasure kissing and being kissed and in all probability you will do well, because that what kissing does for people if not misused. Kissing delivers one of mankind's most touching emotions. So remember that. Kiss-kiss -- that's me finished." Instead of shaking hands, Sharon and the college president Dr Marshall Smith kissed.

A film clip of Sharon and Miller's marriage appeared on local TV on the evening they were married. 

Miller was promoted to deputy editor of The Clarion only ten months of becoming chief of staff.

Sharon's sister Macy and Miller's brother Thomas were paired up for the wedding and have since taken a real shine to one another. 

Macy had noticed Kate's gifted way of handling and encouraging young girls beginning gym classes and encouraged her to complete professional training as a coach. She now specializes with females aged seven to eleven but still helps out with nursery classes. 

Finally about the baby. Although Sharon has declined to have a scan, she is excepting a girl while Miller strongly believes it will be a boy. Sharon's medical consultant is not expecting twins.

THE END