7 comments/ 19036 views/ 15 favorites Haven By: greeneyelove The hollow autumn moon lingered low on the murky midnight horizon as a brisk, winter kissed wind relentlessly rolled along the harbor, effortlessly gathering up acrid ocean aromas that easily carried far inland. The stringent, salty stench added a bitter bite to the chilly, late November night, giving most just cause to keep locked indoors, safely sheltered away from the unpleasantly seasonal elements. In the hours since the sun had faded far, into the distant west, the temperature, had declined a good fifteen degrees, if not more. Not even the most hardy souls seemed eager, to venture out into the icy evening, rendering the streets borderline barren, save an occasional drunk aimlessly stumbling out on a desperate mission, to seek out renewed means of intoxication. Sweet amnesia in a bottle, a great many called it, those that were willing to admit that drinking served as their only true means of escape...drinking allowed them a brief chance, to forget, for a time, the harsh reality that surrounded them each and every day as they lived out their lives on the streets, sleeping in narrow back alleys while struggling to find minimal nourishment in moldy food scraps fished from musky, seldom dumped dumpsters. It was hardly a pretty sight to see...men and women and most especially children, silently terrified, huddled together yet alone with their fear as they tried hard to hide their thoughts and feelings behind a mask of carefully crafted indifference. It was a general, albeit unspoken rule, that one was wise to conceal as much as possible when living on the streets...it was wise not to allow anyone to see or even sense a weakness that could be exploited by those more than willing to prey on the weakest link in what was a hardened chain where feelings such as compassion and pity were not often felt, much less displayed, as most were too caught up in securing their own survival to give a damn about others. The streets were, for the most part, governed by the concept that it was every man for himself...worrying about someone else only wasted energy one desperately needed to pave their own way in what could be traitorous territory. Playing nice made one a target for predators...one learned quickly that self preservation was all that mattered...one learned quickly that living for the day at hand was the key factor in surviving and hoping for something better was little more than a foolish waste of time, just as it was foolish to worry about what the tomorrow would bring, as one was never guaranteed a tomorrow. It was always likely one wouldn't live long enough to see another day dawn...anything could happen...illness or accident...for a brief moment the natural guard could be lowered just long enough to allow an unexpected attacker all the time needed to descended with a vengeance, if they believed taking out one in circumstance similar to their own could improve their own dark lot in life. Born and raised in the upper scale of Manhattan, dotted on endlessly by a mother and father that wanted nothing more than to give their only child the very best, Callie Nolan had no first hand experience when it came to struggling desperately to survive on the streets in a hand to mouth existence. She had no clue what it felt like to go for days at a time without food, just as she had no idea what it was like to sleep wherever dry space could be found...she was a novice and an innocent to just how harsh the world really could be and it was that innocent nature, that utter clueless but somehow enchanting quality that she radiated in abundant spades that Logan Hansons found annoyingly remarkable the day his world and Callie's collided head on. It was innocent enough, he supposed, a young girl showing up at Haven, the small but fairly popular and often frequented homeless refuge he operated...he had numbers of men and women appearing at all times to offer their services, saying they wanted to volunteer to cook or clean or council. His staff was made up completely of volunteers, the budget he had to work with, went to purchasing supplies for the shelter, for those that turned to Haven for a decent meal and a place to sleep from time to time. He had a dormitory type setup, with rooms set aside for men, for women and children...he had a small daycare where kids often stayed while his staff did what they could to find jobs and permanent placement for their parent or parents, in desperate hopes of establishing a future that offered more hope than the past. Of course, most of those that volunteered, those that Logan worked with, were former members of the homeless population, just as he had been...his volunteers knew from experience, the plight faced by the men and women and children that came to them looking eagerly for the most basic comfort. A decent meal. A clean bed. A shower. Things most took for granted, during the course of their daily lives...the pain and fear and self hate were familiar concepts to the staff at Haven and Logan liked it that way, as he believed only a person who had lived on the streets, for however brief a time, could understand in any real senses what someone currently in the situation suffered and endured and when it came to Callie Nolan, he knew with one single look that the girl had never seen the horrors he and his staff had. She appeared at the shelter on a brisk day in early October and when she came in the door she brought the crisp autumn chill into the room with her as she paused for a quick moment to look slowly around the main lobby, so lost in her observations that she didn't see Logan as he stood to her right, having spotted her as he emerged from his small office. In his first assessment, he realized, later, that he looked at her the way any man would look at a beautiful woman who was unaware of his presence...it was only natural to take at least a brief moment to admire the sight she made as she stood there quietly, with her shoulder length copper colored hair falling freely, in a somewhat wind tangled cascade. The interesting marriage of brown and red shimmered with an almost crimson flare beneath the bright sunlight that spilled through the windows at her back, bathing her in an alluringly soft glow that made her seem a bit surreal, almost untouchable. She wasn't tall, no more than five three or five four, but her petite figure featured curves that were indeed perfect...flared hips and full breast with a trim waist all currently incased in black jeans and a purple sweater that stood in beautiful contrast to her ivory skin. Chine Doll ivory skin, he mentally corrected himself...her skin looked satin soft and damn near flawless and when she turned to look at him, suddenly aware of his presence, he could see that her eyes were a very rich chocolate brown, fringed with dark lashes. Bright and open, her eyes were the dominate feature in a delicate face that offered fully, naturally pink lips, high cheeks and innocent looking dimples that appeared when she smiled and moved towards him, her hand extended. "Hi. I'm Callie Nolan." Her voice was soft, almost musical, but laced with warmth that briefly made him think about the summer sun burning bright in a sapphire blue sky. Shaking the thought from his mind, he accepted her small hand in his while her eyes held his and her smile remained. "I'm Logan." He withdrew his hand, folding his arms over his chest as he regarded her. "Really? Great. You are the person I am here to see." "And why are you here to see me, Ms. Nolan?" "Actually, I was told I needed to see you, about volunteering." It was the last thing he had expected her to say...she was there to volunteer...he stared at her for a moment, waiting for the punch line, but she only looked at him expectantly, completely serious and waiting for his reaction. "You want to volunteer here? At Haven?" "Yes. I attend NYU. I am actually in my last year..." "And one of your classes requires you to do at least fifty hours of volunteer work during the semester to guarantee you pass." "And this place was on the list that my professor passed out and I..." "We don't need any new volunteers." He cut her off curtly. "Oh. I...my professor said there could never be too many volunteers." "Yeah, well, your professor is wrong on that one. We don't need you here." "Excuse me?" Something in her eyes dimmed, the hostile tone he had taken had dawned on her finally as she looked up at him. "I don't understand what you mean by...I get a feeling I've somehow started off on the wrong foot here and I don't know how..." But he was glaring at her, his eyes filled with an anger, she didn't understand what she could have done to upset him, as he pushed away from the wall he had been leaning against, cursing under his breath, but still loud enough for her to hear it. "Listen, little girl, I get that you are just trying to do what you need to do to pass a class at your fancy college, but this here isn't a class project." "I didn't think..." "We do serious work here, helping people that need it, people who have had it hard, in life and you..." He released a bitter laugh. "I can look at you and see you don't have a clue what hardship is about, so why don't you go volunteer someplace where your expertise in running up your daddy's credit card bills can be put to good use." He looked down at her with open scorn, as she stood there for a moment, clearly shocked, her eyes wide and if he read them right, laced with more than a little hurt. "Excuse me, but you have no idea who I am." "I have a pretty good idea." "The fucking hell you do, you ass. You don't know a damn thing about me." "One look at you and I can tell that you are a spoiled rotten brat that has never had to so much as try and fend for herself a single day in your life." "I am a twenty three year old senior at NYU, currently working my ass off, to earn my degree in Education, so I can get a job teaching English and Literature..." "All on Daddy's dime, right?" "No, my daddy isn't around to pay for it, and neither is my mother, though I will admit that I have used part of the money they left to me to pay for my college education, but I would gladly trade every dime for a chance to see them again. But I can't, because they died in a boating accident, when I was eighteen." With each word she threw at him in her rage, her voice rose and her eyes blazed. "And yes, I did have an easy life and by most standards, I suppose I still do, but it doesn't give you the right to take just one look at me and shove me into some mold, because I'm not a spoiled brat, you arrogant ass." She couldn't believe the things he had said to her, that with one look he had made up his mind about her...it was beyond unfair and she was beyond pissed as she stared up at him, not certain what else to do or say. She had never had such an insane, and hostile, confrontation and she couldn't say she had enjoyed it, as she took a moment to pull in a deep breath, mentally willing herself to calm down. It was only a rare occasion that she ever lost her tempter, it wasn't in her nature, but this man...he had sparked her rage to life with his harsh comments and she despised him for it as she turned to leave, having made up her mind that enough was enough already. She could and would find another place to volunteer...someplace where she wouldn't be insulted for no good reason, she decided as she stalked across the lobby, only to find herself halting midway when she heard him calling out her name in a far less hostile tone that compelled her to turn around and look at him with smoldering eyes. "The kitchen." He waved in the direction behind him. "A lady named Betty is in charge of all the kitchen help and she mentioned something about maybe being able to use an extra pair of hands a couple nights a week." Just like that, he gestured for her to follow him and she did, not at all certain why, as he did not make any effort to apologize or excuse his nasty behavior, as she trailed behind him quietly, willing to ignore the nasty behavior he had displayed. She had a feeling the words 'I'm sorry' had no place in his vocabulary...stubborn ass that he was, Callie suspected he didn't intend to ever so much as acknowledge the things he had said and she decided not to push the issue as he guided her into the kitchen were he curtly and quickly introduced her to a short, stocky, gray eyed and white haired women named Betty. The moment he had the introduction, Logan left the kitchen without another word to her and Callie was left with the feeling she had just encountered a force of nature...the man was not like anyone she had ever met in her life, but she made an effort to push that reality from her mind as Betty explained to her how the kitchen worked. She was a pleasant women, bright and clever with a sharp humor that Callie warmed to instantly. Betty made her feel perfectly at ease, not foolish and out of place, as Logan had...Betty, bless her heart, didn't make assumptions, she asked quotations that Callie happily answered and in return, the older woman explained she had lived on the streets for ten years, between the ages of fifty and sixty. She had found herself homeless, after her husband died suddenly and what money they had saved went to pay their staggering bills...it just snowballed beyond her control, leaving her with no choice but to sleep first in her car, and then on the streets, after her car was towed. For a decade, with no one to turn to, she struggled to survive, often barely making in, until the day she stumbled into Haven, to have her first encounter with Logan Hanson. "That was six years ago, just after this place opened." She smiled as she shared the story, it was obvious to Callie that Betty cared a great deal for the surly man Callie wasn't certain how to begin to take. "He helped me find a job and an apartment and I finally managed to get myself on the right track once again." She had been volunteering at the shelter every since, she enjoyed the work, the chance to help others and she liked working with Logan...she had come to think of him as a son, she confessed to Callie, who waited a short week, before explaining to Betty exactly how her first encounter with Logan had played out. The man had made an impression, she did her best to avoid him at all cost, when she was at the shelter...she wasn't scared of him or anything even related to that emotion group, but he did make her feel on edge and nervous and as much as she hated to admit it, even to herself, she found him to be the most remarkably attractive man she had ever encountered. At six two, he towered over her petite stature, making her feel more feminine than any other man ever had...everything about him was over the top, brimming with arrogant heat and masculine dominance that seemed to radiate from him each time he walked into a room, giving one the impression that his hazel, gold flaked eyes missed nothing. He was a powerful built man, a solid construction of defined muscles that rippled with an energy Callie found fascinating each time she managed to steal a look at him, finding herself oddly drawn to that energy. He never said much, he watched and observed more than interacted, but it was obvious that he cared about the work that took place at Haven...of course, his devotion to the shelter was only part of what drew her to him, Callie admitted to herself, unable to deny that she believed him to be physical perfection. Not what one could call pretty boy handsome, he had a rugged appeal, a masculine and almost heady aura that went with his hard build, watchful eyes, sensual lips and angular features, each perfectly defined, from his straight nose to his sculpted cheeks. He didn't shave every day, he didn't seem to care for it and the whiskery look worked for him, as did the somewhat unruly but soft looking dark brown, slightly curled hair that lingered to the collar of his customary black or white, chest hugging t-shirts. She knew, via Betty, that he was thirty two, unmarried, had operated Haven for seven years, with monetary support from donations secured by a friend of his...a friend that had been the one to first help Logan get his lift together after he had spent nearly ten years struggling daily to survive living on the streets. It came as a shock, to Callie, to learn that Logan had once been homeless himself, that he had found himself with no place he could go when he was fifteen. His father had never really had a role in his life, he hadn't a clue where the man was at, and he assured Betty that he didn't care, in the least...he had only had his mother he could depend on and when he was fifteen, she died, from an unexpected heart attack, leaving Logan orphaned. With no family to turn to, he had initial been placed in foster care, but for reasons Betty did not know, he didn't stay there long, before running away. In truth, Betty confessed she didn't know much about the time Logan had spent living on the streets, he didn't talk much about it. He tended to be closed mouthed when it came to details, involving certain aspects of his life and Betty and those that knew him best didn't push the issue, feeling it was best to allow him whatever privacy he wanted. Betty felt he had earned it, given all he did to help others...he worked tirelessly, day and night, she often wondered if the man slept at all, if by some random chance, he had a social life, Betty didn't know anything about it, though she was certain, he could have his pick of most any woman, adding that, if she were younger, she would make a play for him herself. "A girl could do much worse." Betty said with a wink and Callie laughed. "I am sure a girl could do much worse, but...he seems like he can't relax." "I think he could, if he gave himself a chance, but I will admit that he is very serious and he is very intense." Brooding and arrogant were the words Callie would have used, but she didn't, she hated to admit it, but she really liked the man and she actually admired him, though there was not a chance in hell she could work up the nerve to tell him as much, for fear he would somehow find fault with anything she said. "I know you think he doesn't like you very much, Callie, and the fact is, I don't blame you for thinking that, given how he reacted when you first come here, but in all reality, I am pretty such he has a higher opinion of you than you realize." She was sure he did, truth be told, just as she was sure Callie wasn't the only one stealing apperceive glances when the chance presented itself. More than once she had noticed the reaction Logan had when Callie came into the room, easily smiling, looking perfectly at ease despite the fact that all that surrounded her was so unlike anything she had ever experience before. She simply seemed to blend in yet stand out, all at once, those that worked with her in the kitchen adored her and when she met some of the regulars that came to the shelter for food or a place to sleep, she easily conversed with them, never hinting in any manner that she believed herself to be somehow better or superior, because she didn't think, along those lines, Betty knew. Of course, Logan never gave any outward sign that he had an interest in Callie, Betty only knew him well enough to pick up the signs and Callie had a boyfriend, a guy named Curtis Miller, that she had been dating for about six months. He was the son of an old friend of her late mother and Callie explained to Betty she had known him most of her life, he was about three years older, than she was. He worked with his father, at an accounting firm that his great grandfather had first established...Callie casually provided the information when Betty asked if she had anyone in her life and as she spoke, Betty realized she did it without any enthusiasm or even a hint of affection in her soft voice. Haven "So what is he like?" Betty asked, curious, as she and Callie stood alone at the kitchen sink washing vegetables to prepare for dinner that evening. "Curtis is...well, he is very driven when it comes to his career, because he knows he will be the one to take over the company when his father retires. I guess he is really smart, he works as hard and as often as he can, expect for the times he has dinner with family or with what he sees as his most important clients." "What about fun? What do you to do for fun?" "We..." Laughing, she shook her head. "Fun is not a worked that Curtis is familiar with." "So you two don't go out?" "We do, but mostly its work related. Curtis likes having me with him." Nodding as she processed the information, Betty made no comment, as she didn't want to tell the girl that it was obvious she and Curtis were not a perfect match...the young man only wanted Callie at his side for the purpose of window dressing, Betty was sure and she didn't like it in the least. She felt Callie deserved better, she had come to like the girl, Callie was kind and sweet and open...everything about her was real and genuine, she couldn't have been fake if she had tried, she was simply too warm for that, an observation that Betty eagerly shared with Logan when she finally got the chance to talk to him privately about Callie. She started the conversation off casually, mentioning that Callie had been volunteering at Haven for a month, at that point, and she was doing a remarkable job...everyone adored her, all the girl had to do was smile and she could easily win anyone over, Betty commented, before very firmly adding that Logan was the only one that seemed to have some sort of problem with Callie working at Haven. "I don't have a problem with Ms. Nolan." He kept his attention on his desk, on whatever file he was reading as Betty set across from him. "Really? I heard about how you reacted the day she first came here." "I am sure you did hear about that." "Jumped down the girl's throat before she could get a word out." "That isn't exactly how it happened." Finally, he looked up at Betty with a frown. "Really? So you didn't call her a spoiled brat?" "Well, I might have..." "And you didn't tell her to go so place where her expertise in running up Daddy's credit cards could be put to good use?" "Yeah, I said that. I said a lot of stupid shit." "I have to agree with you there." "But I have been perfectly nice every since." Snorting, Betty glared at him. "Nice? You don't even speak to the girl." "And I am sure she doesn't mind." Closing the file on his desk, he set back in his chair, as he looked at Betty hard. "Care to tell me what this is about, Bets?" He knew when she had a topic on her mind, one she felt she needed to discuss with him and he gave her the opening she sought, knowing she would take it. "I am worried about her, Logan." "About Callie?" It was the first time he had used her first name. "Yes. I am worried about this guy she is dating. I think he is wrong for her." "Betty..." He groaned and shook his head. "This is not a dating service." "I am well aware of that, but I..." She paused and blow out a breath and he could see, in her eyes, that she was indeed concerned and it made him curious. "I just get the feeling that Callie is vulnerable and this Curtis guy sounds wrong for her because he seems self centered and I have a bad feeling." She couldn't explain it, she only knew that her gut was telling her something and she felt she needed to share her fear with Logan. "Look, I get that you like Callie, and despite my reaction to her, I am sure she is a decent girl, but the fact is, she is twenty three years old and she can take care of herself." "Age has nothing to do with ones ability to take care of themselves." "I know." More so than he cared to recall, he knew age wasn't a factor in self defense. "I hope I am over reacting, but...I don't know. I will just keep on eye on her." "You do that." He couldn't help but smile, Betty's big heart was a beautiful thing. "And I guess I can rely on you to continue doing the same." She said it casually, with only a hint of a smile, as she stood and he frowned again. "What? What do you mean by that?" "Oh, Logan, cut the crap, baby boy, and remember who you are talking to." "Betty..." But she waved a dismissive hand, cutting him off. "I know you, I have eyes, and the fact is Callie is a very beautiful girl." "What does her being beautiful have to do with anything?" "So you do think she is beautiful?" "Betty." Exasperated, he cursed under his breath and she laughed. "I'm sorry, dear, but I just have to call you on it." "On what?" "The fact that you like her." She sounded almost smug. "I can see it, Logan." "You are imagining things, Bets. I...if you think I have an interest in..." "I do believe you are flustered, my dear boy." Cursing again, he raked a hand through his hair, silently counting to ten, unable to believe she had managed to corner him. "Bets, I have no interest in Callie Nolan. I don't care what decent and good you think she is, I don't care that she is beautiful, the girl is...hell, she is a child in more ways than not and you know as well as I do that she is pampered and spoiled." Everything in her life had been handed to her...yes, she had suffered when she lost her mother and father, but that was, Logan was certain, the only pain the girl had ever known. She was an innocent, clueless as to how hard life could really be when one didn't grow up in a safe little world where bad things did not happen...he could look at her and see that she was too soft, too trusting, and too naïve for her own damn good, yet with all that knowledge combined, he couldn't deny to himself, that he was indeed drawn to her. Stupid and foolish, he knew the attraction was best left ignored, for his sake, and for Callie, who wouldn't have any idea how to be involved with someone who didn't come from a background similar to her own. Never mind the age difference, the fact that he had lived far more than his share of lifetime experience put her out of any league he wanted to be involved it...Callie was in a class he didn't dare venture near, despite the fact that the conversation with Betty made him even more aware of the girl each time she came into a room. She was impossible to ignore, she was too bright, too warm and welcoming and watching her do something as simple as walk across the room made him so damn hard he couldn't form a rational thought. His mind was too filled with images of Callie bent over his desk, her sweet ass in the air as he fucked her hard and fast from behind...he fought a constant battle to keep the very sexually charged thoughts from his mind, but the battle was, more often than not, a losing one, as he found his desire inflamed by the reality that Callie appeared to be just as attracted to him as he was so intensely attracted to her. He noticed, just as Betty had, the looks she stole in his direction...more than once their eyes locked across the room was they pretended not to be aware of the other and several time he found himself tempted to see how it could play out, but he never did. For her sake as much as his, he knew Callie was a woman he needed to stay away from...she was wrong for him in every way imaginable...he had no illusions that he could fit into her world and according to Betty, she had a boyfriend that Logan got the chance to see for himself a few days after his talk with Betty. Stepping outside for a moment, to savor the cool evening breeze, his attention was drawn instantly to the sound of Callie's voice as she and a tall man with pale blond hair stood a few feet from him, beside a fancy looking car that was completely out of place parked in front of Haven. Callie stood with her back to him and the man she spoke to was too caught up on what he was saying to notice Logan lingering in the shadows, just outside the building, watching closely and not bothering to not listen to what was being said. "Callie, this is simply unacceptable." The man's voice was laced with hard anger. "You are being impossible, Curtis, and I can not talk to you when you are like this." "What I am is pissed off and it is your fault." "For crying out loud. I told you I volunteer here every Friday." "I know, but you could have changed days or something, anything that would have made it possible for you to attend this dinner with me." He shook his head in obvious disgust. "Curtis, I am sorry, but...I like working here and I have made a commitment." "What about your commitment to me, to the fact that I need you at my side, at certain functions, to make a proper impression." He stressed each word carefully, as if he were talking to a simple minded child and listening to him, Logan instantly decided he didn't like the man. "I am board out of my mind at these dinners. All you talk is business..." "And all you have to do is stand at my side and look beautiful, but apparently that is a task that is too difficult for you." "Curtis..." But he waved a hand, dismissing anything she had to say. "Forget it. I will go alone, but this is a one time deal, Callie. I mean it. Never time, you will attend with me and I assure you, I'm just about sick of the amount of time you spend here..." He looked towards the building, clearly very disgusted by what he saw as Callie sighed and shook her head. "I am not giving up volunteering here, Curtis." "Once the semester is over you will have no obligation to this place." "Once the semester is over, I intend to continue working here." "I sincerely do not believe that will happen." "Curtis..." "Not now, Callie. I have to go. But we will finish this conversation." With one final look at her, he turned and walked to his car and to Logan's delight, Callie did not make any effort to call out to him or stop him, though it was obvious by the her ridged stance that she was upset. "Seems like a real ass." The words were spoken before he had a chance to really considered them and with a look of surprise, Callie turned to face him as he moved away from the building, into the light cast by several nearby streets lamps. "Logan..." "I didn't mean to overhear. I stepped outside for a moment..." "And Curtis and I were not whispering." She smiled despite the somber emotions that he could clearly see flaring in her eyes. "Sorry you hard to hear that, but he...well, he is upset and he can get a little vocal when things don't go his way all the time." "There is a word for that." "Spoiled. I know. My fault, I guess." Tilting his head slightly, he regarded her with a serious look as she took a step towards him, her arms folded over her chest, in a vain effort to ward off the cold. "How is his being spoiled your fault." "Well, I tend to be at his beck and call, and when I am not, he gets upset." "He needs to learn to deal with it, Callie, because it isn't your place to be at his beck and call and old Curtis needs to realize you have a right to do what matters to you." Guys like Curtis where, in his opinion, a dime a dozen, but he decided not to say as much in that moment as the cool night wrapped around them. "Look, I know it isn't any of my business, but I think you might want to consider your relationship with Curtis and see if it's what you really want, because it is obvious to me that you can do a hell of a lot better." The guy clearly didn't see her for the person she was, he only wanted her because he felt she looked good on his arm, and in Logan's opinion, it seemed pretty shallow. Callie had a right to more...she needed someone to respect her thoughts and her feelings and she needed a man that could and would realize that she was more than just a remarkable beauty, because she was a remarkable woman as a whole. Mind, body, and soul...she had it all...she had all any man could want, a reality that Logan found rather unsettling as he cast one last smile in her direction, before going back inside, directly to his office. The comments Logan made rendered her near speechless, and she kept replaying his words in her mind as she went back inside, into the kitchen to help Betty, hoping she would see Logan again. But she didn't, he didn't make an appearance for the remainder of the night, he kept to his office, leaving Callie to ponder all he had said, as she went home that evening were she lay awake for hours, mentally comparing Curtis to Logan and not liking what she discovered. The men were as different as two men could be...Curtis was self centered and spoiled and convinced the entire world revolved around his wants and his needs. He refused to give even the slightest consideration to others, while Logan did nothing but that...all that mattered to him, it seemed, was Haven and keeping it operational so he and his staff could give a helping hand to those that needed it most. He was a bit gruff, at times, there was no denying that, but Curtis could be downright rude and unfeeling...and if she were honest with herself, she had never once felt as drawn to Curtis as she was to Logan Hanson and not just on the physical level. Of course, the fact that she was attracted to Logan meant little, it wasn't as if she had any plans to act on the attraction, feeling certain she would be turned down flat, and that, thank you, very much, was a humiliation she could live without, just as she decided that she could live without Curtis and be much happier. The decision she, she finally fell asleep and the next day, when Curtis insisted that she take time to meet him for lunch, to discuss what he called her horrible behavior the might before, she took the chance to tell him it was over. She was done, she couldn't be at his beck and call because she wanted to have her own life, the freedom to come and go and do as she chose...she made it clear that she couldn't and wouldn't be the mindless little arm candy he needed, she had a right to more, Callie stressed, telling him she was sorry, despite the fact that she wasn't. Naturally, Curtis did not take the news well, he didn't care for people making decisions that created a difficult situation for him...he was pissed and he told her as much, calling her every horrible name he could come up with and in the end, Callie hung up the phone in disgust. His childish reaction only confirmed that she had made the right decision and she felt free when she went to the shelter the following afternoon and when she explained to Betty that she had called it quits with Curtis, she received a hug and an assurance that she had done the right and most reasonable thing for herself. "He sounds like an ass." Betty said with a huff and Callie smiled. "I take it Logan told you about the conversation he heard?" "He mentioned it, but that only confirmed what I felt after you told me about Curtis, the first time, and I am glad you are done with him." She smiled easily, recalling how upset Logan had seemed when he had explained to her the things he had heard Curtis say to Callie. "I know you're too good for that Curtis ass, and I am sure someone better will come along really soon." Maybe, Betty mused, Callie's someone was closer than she realized...it seemed the attraction was more than just mildly mutual, the looks exchanged between Callie and Logan could have set a rain saturated forest ablaze in six second flat. The trick was getting one of them to take action...make a move that would clue the other in on what they were feeling and how great it would be if they just took a chance. They did come from different backgrounds, there was no denying that, some would have even suspected they had nothing in common, but Betty knew better. She had a feeling Logan and Callie were more alike than they realized, they were both passionate, caring souls...they devoted themselves one hundred percent to the things that mattered most to them and despite the age difference, they were well matched maturity wise. Convinced that they could have something great, together, Betty made certain to share with Logan the information regarding Callie having ended her relationship with Curtis and though he didn't say anything, she easily sensed that he was pleased. His eyes said it all, each time Callie's name was mentioned he got a certain look...Betty didn't call him on it, but she knew what it meant, even if he wasn't ready to face it. That was something he would have to do on his own, it would backfire, if anyone tried hard to blatantly push, but a few nudges in Callie's direction could not hurt, Betty decided, so long as she was subtle about it. She began it simply enough, asking Callie to take their weekly inventory list to Logan, to go over the supplies they needed, knowing the task would force the two of them to sit down and have a conversation. Alone. In Logan's office with the door locked...with no distractions from the outside...it was Betty's theory that two combustible forces couldn't be in close quarters for long, without some kind of explosion finally occurring. Not even Logan and Callie could have that kind of will power...hell, he was a man after all and she was a beautiful young woman that seemed to be having an increasingly difficult time in hiding the sensual admiration in her eyes each time she looked at Logan and Betty knew he was just as on edge. In all the years she had know him, she had never seen Logan as tense as he increasingly became aware of the way Callie looked at him...she could easily sense he was reaching a breaking point of some kind, Callie was as well, Betty was more than sure as she quietly watched the more than obvious desire build. It seemed almost tangible, it added an electric like vibe to the air, most anyone that happened into a room could feel it radiating like heat from the midday sun and even though Callie said little about her weekly meetings with Logan, Betty knew she looked forward to them with eager anticipation reflected in her manner and her dress. Of course, she didn't have to do anything special, to attract Logan's attention, even if she did not fully realize it, she had his attention the moment she walked into a room...she kept all of his attention focused on her when she walked out of a room, looking flushed and disorientated to such a degree it took great effort on Betty's part not to laugh out loud. She had never in all her life seen two people so determined to ignore the intense pull between them...rather she had never seen a man so determined to ignore what was obvious, as Betty had already come to conclude that Callie needed only a nudge that Logan might be interested and she would jump at the slightest chance to jump him. Logan, however, managed to keep his desire more in check, or he tried to, at least, until the unexpected moment came when his basic needs managed to over ride logic and simple reason to such a degree control went out the window during his weekly meeting with Callie. It was well after eleven, when she finally managed to get to his office, the inventory list in hand and the instant she came into the room, as always, his body began to react...he fought not to stare at her openly, as she set across from him, her long legs incased in jeans and her full breast perfectly displayed beneath a black sweater. She looked damn near perfect, so sweet and soft and beautiful...he wanted to pull her from the chair and into his arms...he wanted to bend her over his desk and finally, completely, submerge himself in her until he could think straight again. "That pretty much covers it." Her soft voice pulled him from his erotic things. "Excuse me?" "The inventory list. That covers everything." "Right." He shook his head clear as she stood and he followed her with his eyes. Haven "Well, if you don't need anything else, I'm gonna go on home." She smiled at him easily, her eyes on his for a moment as she thought about the things she really wanted to say...what she really wanted to tell him about how he occupied her every thought day and night, but she knew it wouldn't be wise. Turning, she was almost at the door, when he called out her name and her breath caught in her chest as she turned around to look at him. "Can I ask you something?" He stood, telling himself to just let her leave, keep their talks simple and related to work. "Sure. Go ahead." "What you told Curtis, about continuing to work here after the semester is over, did you really mean that?" It was something he had wondered about for weeks, and he needed to know, though he wouldn't admit to himself why he was so curious. "Actually, I did mean it. I really want to continue volunteering here." "I see." "Unless..." She shifted uneasily, her eyes downcast. "If you would rather that I not, then I guess I can understand...I mean, I know I am not your favorite person around here, so if you are not thrilled with the idea, I don't have to do it." She still recalled their first encounter and he knew she was thinking about the things he had said to her then. "Look, Callie..." "You don't have to explain, Logan. Really. I can volunteer somewhere else..." "That isn't what I want." He cut her off and she looked up at him again. "It isn't?" "No. No, it isn't. The truth is, I am glad you intended to keep working here." "Really? I thought you...well, you don't like me." "That isn't true, Callie." "Well, what you said that first day I came here kind of makes me think otherwise and you kind of avoid being around me, so I just figured..." She lifted a shoulder in an effort to appear as indifferent as she believed him to be, but the pain in her eyes was obvious. "I know I acted like an ass the day you first came here." Sliding his hands into his pockets, he moved from behind his desk, taking several steps towards her, but paused with at least five feet still separating them. "I looked at you and I made a snap judgment that was completely unfair and unfound and I want you to know now that I am truly sorry." "Thank you." He had apologized? Wow. She hadn't expected that. "I think I should say it, that I am sorry as well for the things I said to you...for calling you an ass and a dickhead." "You didn't call me a dickhead." "Not to your face, but I was thinking it." At that, he laughed and Callie realized that it was the first time she had ever heard him do so and she smiled. "Okay. Fair enough. Anything else I need to know?" "That pretty much covers it, but for what it is worth, I have changed my opinion." "Good. I'm glad. I know I can come across as an ass, but I like to think I'm not." "You aren't. I know I can seem like a brat..." "But you really aren't." He finished for her and she smiled again. "Thanks. And I want you to know, I love volunteering here." "I am glad to hear it, because I love having you here." The words were out before he had a chance to consider them and Callie felt something inside her flutter...his eyes were on hers, very intent and serious, sucking her into him, telling her what he couldn't with words because he was convinced it would be beyond wrong. "Logan..." But he shook his head, to try and ward her off. "Callie, we...you and I know that this isn't a good idea." He waved a hand between them and she pulled her bottom lip through her teeth in an innocent gesture that he found oddly erotic. "Why? Why is this not a good idea, Logan?" His name sounded almost hypnotic, coming from her, in that satin soft voice that instantly made him hard each time he heard it. "There are a thousand reasons why you and I don't make sense." "Name them." She seemed confident as she issued the challenge and he almost smiled. "For one, I am nine years older than you are." "You're kidding me?" With a roll of her eyes, she shook her head. "The age card? Are you seriously trying to play the age card?" "It's a serious issue." "If you were fifty years older than me, maybe it would be an issue." "When it comes to life experience, I am about fifty years older than you are, if not more, and that is an issue, sweetheart." It pained him to say but it was the truth and he could not allow himself to hide from it as they stood there, the world that existed beyond his office forgotten, for a time. "I don't mean to sound harsh, and I...hell, Callie, our backgrounds are..." He cursed under his breath as he shook his head and she nodded. "I see. It's back to that. Stupid Callie has no clue what the real world is like." "I didn't say that." "You didn't have to, because it is obvious that you..." She released a bitter laugh as tears she didn't want to shed came rushing to her eyes. "God, I know I have had it fairly easy in life but I don't understand why you have to hold that against me, why you hate me..." "Callie, I don't hate you, baby. I never could. I am glad you have had it easy." "Don't..." "I mean it." He went to her then, placing his hands on her shoulders as she looked up at him and he lowered the guard he usually held tight around his soul. "I thank God, that you didn't have to live on the streets, that you never saw the things I have saw...that you never had to do the things I had to do, in order to survive. I would never wish that on you, baby, and I am so glad that you had a mother and father that loved you and did everything in their power to make you happy, to give you a good life..." For the first time in longer than he could recall, he had tears, in his eyes and Callie was crying openly as she placed her hands gently on his wrist, all she felt bright, in her beautiful eyes. "Talk to me, Logan." She whispered the words pleadingly, dying inside at the pain in his eyes as he shook his head. "I can't. I can't do that to you." "Yes, you...I think you can tell me, baby. Please. Let me help you." His eyes closed and that she he swallowed hard, trying to battle back his emotions, his fears and his feelings that he had spent years trying to outrun...feelings that were very close to the surface, powerful and real and threatening to overtake him. "Listen to me, Logan." She cupped his face in her hands and he opened his eyes to look at her as she drew in a breath, doing what she could to be strong. "I am here and...no matter what I hear, no matter what you tell me, I assure you, I am not going to run or leave, because I...Logan, I care about you so much more than you realize." She was certain she was in love with him, but it didn't seem the time to say as much, she didn't want to overwhelm him, as it was obvious to her, that he was clearly tittering on the edge, wanting to trust her, but not certain if he could fully trust himself to open up the old wounds. "Don't, Callie. Don't care about me. I am not worth it." "Bullshit." Despite the tears, she smiled gently and he almost managed to do the same. "This is new to me" "What's new?" "This..." He pulled her to him then, hugging her close as he buried his face in her hair. "It's new to me, too. I have never felt this before." Her arms went around his waist. "It's pretty damn scary." His words were muffled, but she heard them and the fear. "It is, but that's because it is new, not because it is wrong, because I do not believe, for a moment, that this is wrong, Logan." Being in his arms was glorious...she was warm and safe...she was home, she realized, certain she had found her port in the storm. "Baby..." "Talk to me, Logan." His arms tightened around her. "Are you sure? My past is...it is kind of ugly." Easing back, she lifted her eyes to his, seeing the fear fresh and clear. "I am sure." Nodding slowly, he took her assurance for what it was, telling himself that it had to be done, she had to know...she had a right to hear it all, firsthand, from him, in detail, so she could see for herself what he had once been and how the past he hated would always, always, be a part of him and all he would ever become. Taking her hand in his, he walked across the room, to a small sofa that set in the corner and after gesturing for her to sit down, he perched himself in front of her on old oak coffee table, her hand still in his. He couldn't seem to let her go...holding her hand gave him an odd feeling of comfort, it made him feel almost okay, as she quietly looked at him, her eyes filled with concern, with a warmth that seemed genuine and real. "How...what exactly do you know about my past." He kept her one hand captured in his as he asked, almost fearing her answer. "Betty told me a little. About your dad leaving. And your mom dying." "That's all true." "Betty also told me you don't talk about the past much." "I don't. Ever, really. It's kind of hard." It hurt like hell, truth be told, but he had to face it, to share it with Callie, so she could better understand why they couldn't act on the feelings that had come to life between them. "I try to avoid thinking about it as much as I can, but..." He gave a heavy sigh as he shook his head and she squeezed his hand. "Take your time." She was already aching for him, cursing the pain he had suffered. "Callie..." He lifted his eyes to hers. "I'm not going anywhere, Logan." Her words were gently spoken, her eyes kind and warm and understanding as she looked at him and he nodded, not sure where to begin, feeling like he was ripping of a bandage to reveal a wound that had never quite healed. "You say that..." "Hey." Callie cut him off quickly. "I am not going anywhere." She stressed each word and he nodded, half smiling, as it began to occur to him that he had indeed misjudged her, because she was far stronger than he had first given her credit. "You know I was fifteen, when my mom died?" She nodded slowly. "Betty told me that." "Did she tell you I was sent to foster care." "She said you didn't stay long." "Less than a month. I left right after my foster father beat me for the first and last time." "Logan..." But he shook his head, seeing the tears in her eyes, hating that the worst she needed to know about was still yet to come. "He was a bastard. Beat all the kids. Most stuck around. I didn't." "Were you hurt badly?" "Some broken ribs and a lot of bruises." "I am so sorry." "It's okay. I mean, I split, because I had to, I thought. I couldn't live in that, I figured that I would be better off on my own and I..." Pausing for a moment, he looked down at her hand still held in his. "I was a stupid kid, I guess, cause I thought I was tough enough to fend for myself, and I thought I could watch my own back and not get hurt at all, if I stayed smart and kept mostly to myself and..." Again, he paused and shook his head, trying but failing to detach himself, in some emotional sense, from all he was telling her. Easily sensing his struggle, knowing he was hurting and hating it, she squeezed his hand once more, to reassure and comfort him, as best she could, wishing she had the means to take it all away and ease his pain once and for all. "When I left, I really had no clue where I was going, or what I would do, but I ran and to my surprise it was easy to do. I mean, no one came to find me or anything, I just sort of got really lost in the streets. I was just another homeless kid. Nothing special." He said it all in a very matter of fact manner, but Callie could hear the hurt echoing in his voice and it ripped her apart inside, as she imagined him as a terrified child, all alone in the world. "The first night, I broke into a building, an old building and I slept there, for a while. It was early winter and all so it was cold, at night and I...I kind of thought that I was safe there, because I was alone, but some other kids soon came by and they were a lot older and they said they were taking my place for themselves and I tried to fright, but that was a mistake." "What happened?" "I got stabbed twice." He said it almost casually, and she winced. "Jesus..." "It wasn't all that bad." Quickly, he tried to reassure her, but she still had fresh tears in her eyes and he knew she was hurting for him. "I got it in the back and in my left side...I ended up at a free clinic, where a doctor stitched me up and then called the police, but I managed to leave as soon as I got the chance, long before the cops showed up." At the time, he had thought the police were what he most had to fear...if he was caught by the cops, he knew they would send him back to foster care and that thought brought nothing but terror to mind, as he recalled the beating he had suffered, that had prompted him to run in the first place. "What did you do after that?" He looked at her, the question she had asked had snapped him from a silent reprieve he had fallen into and she sensed he was caught up in the past and she simply wanted to offer him a reminder that she was there, with him...she was there and she wasn't about to leave, no matter what he shared with her, because she already knew, in her heart, that he was the man she wanted in her life for always. "I went back to the streets, found another old building, and crashed there for a while and I did okay..." He shrugged and looked down at their hands, sill locked together. "I have to say, in a lot of ways, I didn't do to bad, fending for myself. I learned where to find food, where to find a place to sleep and I...I found out quick which restaurants in the area kind of left scraps out for kids to find, so most nights, I managed to find a least something for food. Not anything grand or great or even all that decent tasting, but it was something...to be able to go to sleep and not have your stomach growling for food was a pretty big deal." "I...I don't know really what to say, other than I am sorry." "Honestly, Callie, you don't even have to say that." "I do. I hate that...I hate that you suffered so much, Logan." "That's just how it happens sometimes. I wasn't the only one. A lot of kids lived the same as I did, making it from day to day, never expecting it to get better, but knowing it could easily get a lot worse." "And it did, didn't it? Get worse, I mean." "Yeah. Actually, things...it got a lot worse." "Was there anyone to help you at all?" But he shook his head before she even finished the question. "Not really. It's...it is hard to explain it, but you...when you live like that, in this never ending struggle to survive, you tended to learn right away that depending on anyone for anything is foolish, because the only person you can count in is you. Friends aren't really friends. I mean, yeah, there were kids that were kind of grouped up, trying to appear united and tough, but when push came to shove, everyone was out for their own well begin." "So there was no one you were close to?" "No. I didn't even get into the group thing, because I didn't want to pretend that I gave a damn about anyone but myself." He flicked his eyes to hers. "That sounds harsh." He knew Callie wasn't at all familiar with such feelings, for that, he was glad...he had meant it when he told her that he was grateful that she had never suffered the hell he had, because the idea of her hurting, in that manner, in any manner, made him feel ill. "It doesn't sound harsh. It sounds like the way things were for you." "Callie..." "Don't shut me out." "That might actually be the best thing I could do for you." But it was her turn to shake her head. "I disagree." Lifting his hand to her lips, she kissed it gently and he felt something inside his soul tremble as their eyes locked and held. "If you change your mind after you hear this, I will understand." "Logan..." "I mean, I won't hold it against you. You deserve better." "Stop it now. I mean...Christ, I am not going anywhere, so tell me." He smiled at the force in her voice, the reality that she wasn't running...well, he silently amended, she was not running yet, but the odds were, she would and he knew he couldn't blame her in the least, just as he knew he was stalling, because he didn't want to let go of her yet, when simply holding her hand gave him more peace than he had ever known. "After a while, living like that, time kind of starts to blur and each day and night bleeds all together and you sort of forget about days of the week and holidays and stuff that is important to other people. All you really pay attention to is seasons, because of the change in the weather, as it goes from hot to cold..." Blowing out a breath, he paused again and Callie allowed him the silent moment, as she easily understood that he was gathering his thoughts and emotions and while she chose not to call him on it, she also knew that he was filtering what details he wanted to share verses the ones that he didn't want to expose her to, in his effort to protect her. "For two years I...I just struggled really hard and I did what I could, but when I turned seventeen, something happened..." His eyes closed and he seemed to be almost physically ill and it worried her, as she brushed her hand through his hair, wanting desperately to comfort him, in any manner she could. "It's okay, Logan, you are okay now." He would be okay from now on, she would see to it, she assured herself, knowing she would do everything within her power to help him and give him all the emotions and tenderness and understanding he had been denied as a child. Leaning into her hand for a moment, he savored the feel, the sensations her tender touch brought to life...she made it possible for him to feel safe and warm and he wanted desperately to take her in his arms and hold tight to her forever. She was sunlight, bright and pure and he wanted to step completely into that brilliant light, but he didn't believe he had the right...he was certain in his soul that she deserved better, but for a moment in time, he wanted to pretend that it was right to have her touch him, even in the most innocent manner. "Logan." At the sound of her soft voice, he opened his eyes to look at her and she smiled gently at him, trying hard to hide just how much she was already hurting inside...trying hard to keep firmly in mind that she was determined to be strong for him, no matter what. "Sit beside me." She patted the cushion next to her on the sofa, but her eyes remained on his, silently assuring him it was okay to move closer. "Callie..." "Come on. I don't bite." At that, he smiled and moved from the coffee table, to the sofa and Callie held back a sigh, feeling greatly relieved that he was at least willing to be closer to her in the physical senses, as she held to his hand, not willing to let go. "Is this okay?" She gave his hand a gentle squeeze and he nodded. "Yeah. I like it, actually. Touching you." "I am really glad to hear it. I want very much for your to touch me." "You might not..." "None of that, sweetheart. I want to you to just take your time and talk to me." He half smiled at her, amazed by her words, her gentle and tender words that made him fee almost safe as he sighed and nodded, turning his thoughts once more to the past that mocked him each time he tried to imagine Callie still wanting him when all would finally be said and done and he would have no place to hide from his history. "When Betty told you I don't talk about the past, she was right, because there are things, about me, that even she doesn't know." But Callie soon would, she would know more about him than anyone else in his life. "I couldn't tell her, or anyone, because it...when I was seventeen I did something stupid. I started drinking." Three words that were only the tip of the iceberg...one that would get uglier before it was all out in the open.