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Finding My Way Home Ch. 01

By: deadeye_76



 This is the story of a returning injured soldier to a small town in Illinois. There is no sex in the first part, just the characters rediscovering themselves. The story itself is less about the sex and more about the relationships. 

Chapter 1. Finding my way back home...

15 September 2009

I was recovering from my second shoulder surgery and was still trying to get back to sleep after a bad dream when a face and a person popped into my head. Lily Johnson. I don't know what made me think of her all these years later. Maybe it was just being back home with my mother in the small town in Illinois where I grew up, but it made me think back to the time when I was in high school and I was enchanted by Lily. Lily was about 5' 5" and had dark hair over pale skin, just like her mother. I remember that she and her mother had both had nice curves, but her mother was slimmer with a nice figure, pretty face, and those same deep blue eyes. Lily was still a little chubby, but the most beautiful girl I knew. Her eyes shined whenever she looked at me and smiled. I remember telling my friends that they both had 1000 watt smiles. They had straight white teeth and gorgeous full lips. When they smiled it looked so genuine that you couldn't help but smile yourself. I just knew that Lily was going to turn out like her mother, happy, fussing over her children, and enjoying life in general. These memories were nostalgic, harkened back to simple, easy times, and were much better than the dreams I had been having. The one about the ambush in Afghanistan that got me shot and led, eventually, to these two surgeries.

My mother, Janet, had been diagnosed with bladder cancer, which is very treatable when caught early, so I hoped that things would go well. But she did need help and my father had disappeared when I was 10, so it was up to me to provide the care she required.

I finally fell back to sleep, especially with the painkillers they were giving me. I thought about the Army and how I had loved that family when I finally drifted off.

The bullets were pinging and thudding around me, my shoulder was on fire. There were people shouting directions and my platoon sergeant was yelling and pointing something out to me. I nodded. We got up and started to circle to the left to outflank the enemy. We were circling and firing while the rest of the platoon fixed the enemy in place with their fire. We were coming around to their left flank and I was focusing on one man with an RPG...

I woke with a start, the dream slowly fading - again. I thought I could smell the cordite and blood, mixed with the dust and the sweat. I could just make out the fading faces of the 7 dead young men in my platoon. I remembered the attack, being shot, and then counterattacking with my platoon sergeant. As the dream faded, the reality of pulling out each man's death letter and sending it to their families cast a pall over what was a bright beautiful day outside. I tried to go back to sleep -- and not dream.

Chapter 2. Lily.

16 September 2009

This small town had not changed much in the time that I had been gone. It had two gas stations, one at each end of town, one large grocery store, several small independent stores, a hardware store, a bank, a couple independent restaurants, three chain restaurants (Pizza Hut, McDonald's, and Subway) and the obligatory set of taverns that all the small towns in southern Illinois had. There was one main street where the speed limit was 25. 25! I couldn't stand to go 25 anymore. This small place had a decent school system with an elementary school, middle school, and high school that served the surrounding area. There was not much there and many younger people seemed to leave and only come back to visit, which was exactly what I had had in mind when I left in 2001.

The houses in the few blocks right around the older section of town were typical 1930s style, two-story, with large front porches. They surrounded the main small square with the police station and the post office and several blocks in either direction. The area that came along in the late '60s early '70s was belted around the older section and consisted of mostly three and four bedroom ramblers. This was the type my mother had. There were some brand new homes, mostly built within the last five years, on the northern and western outskirts that were more modern two-story or split-level family homes. This recent growth must mean that things are looking up for the town.

It was on this day that I ran into Lily again. I had just dropped my mother off at the hospital, which was in the next town over from where we lived, and made my way into a small café situated next to the medical complex. It was similar to a Denny's in the seating arrangement with a counter in the middle wrapped around the kitchen and seating around the outside along the windows. The booths were red and white checkered and the tables had matching tablecloths. I sat down in a booth on the medical complex side and a cute little waitress brought me a glass of water and the menu. She left me to look at the menu and I perused it, looking for something filling, but not too bad for me. I had at least learned to eat better in the last few years.

I looked up from my menu for my waitress when I saw Lily. To say I was shocked would have been an understatement, but I recovered before she saw me. She was dressed in a large apron that was covered with stains as if she had been cooking. She had just come from the back and was telling a couple of the waitresses something when she glanced in my direction and saw me staring. She smiled a tired, wan smile and made her way over to me. I couldn't help but notice that her 1000 watt smile had dimmed to the 100 watt range. She had also slimmed down to where she was almost a clone of her mother when I had last seen her. She was slim, trim, and downright beautiful.

"Jon. How are you?" It seemed like a perfunctory question.

I looked into those blue eyes and they were the same gorgeous color. I could see that the teeth and lips and cheekbones were the same. But there seemed to be an absence of the fire and energy that had made her and these attributes so damned irresistible when I was in high school. "Lily, it's so good to see you." I started to get up, but it's not easy with an arm still in a sling, so she leaned over and gave me a peck on the cheek and a socially acceptable hug.

"You look pretty good, Jon. I read about you in the paper. How's the shoulder?"

I looked down sheepishly. The Army had something they called a Hometown News Release that they sent to a soldier's home town newspaper to tell everyone what great things the soldier had done when a medal was awarded or a school graduation occurred. Unfortunately, for most soldiers it was embarrassing and a little disconcerting. "Thanks. I'm fine. How are you? I haven't seen you since you graduated." I changed the subject.

She smiled that tired smile again. "Pretty well." She looked back toward the front of the café and I could tell she didn't want to stick around. "I'm working, so I need to get back. See you later?" Her body was positioned like she was ready to leave, but something in her posture seemed to be telling me to please say yes, that I would see her later.

"Sure." I said it with as much confidence as I could. "I'm staying with my mother for a while. What about you? Are you living around here?"

She stopped her turning and looked at me for a moment. She turned back to me. "Yes, I am, why?" She asked the question, but it seemed that she knew and hoped that I would ask her out.

"I thought we might get together and catch up on what's happening with all the people we knew since graduation."

Then she looked around the place and finally pulled out a pen and wrote her number on a corner of my paper placemat. "Here's my number. Call me and we can do that. I'll even show you around this thriving metropolis." She put a heavy accent and sarcasm on the last two words, and although not really bitter, they sounded at least a little sad.

"Okay, I'll call you." I assured her that I would definitely call, but she barely acknowledged it and went immediately back to work. She must be working in the kitchen because she went into the back and I didn't see her again while eating. I wondered about that. When I left she had been going to school at Eastern Illinois and I thought she would have graduated from college. Why then was she working here?

I stayed there for about an hour while I ate and tried to read a book before heading back to the hospital. The café was certainly a more pleasant place to pass the time. I hated hospital waiting areas and I had become even more turned off by them after suffering in them while waiting for appointments for my own injury.

I also thought about Lily. I had had several relationships during the past 9 years since I last saw her, but there was still something about the way my heart jumped and my pulse raced when I saw her. I just wasn't sure it was anything more than a passing fancy... or my growing horniness. I hadn't been laid since I had been deployed to Afghanistan over a year ago and the surgeries and pain pills had dulled the desire... until now.

I reminisced about the spring of 2000 when I was just starting to learn what it was like to be a man. I was a junior in high school working on my application to West Point, which would soon take me on a sobering and maturing ride. Unfortunately, at that time in my life I was still pretty naive about women and I was infatuated with a senior who would graduate in just a couple of months. A few of my friends kept saying she was cute, but wasn't up to speed with their definition of a real "babe". Her cheeks were a little chubby and she had a few more pounds than the cheerleader types that my buddies were falling all over. The problem was that none of that mattered whenever I stared into her eyes. Lily was excellent in English, but not in math and I was helping her thru the introductory calculus class. It gave me a chance to look into those eyes, searing blue, deep and mysterious, the ones that I felt myself falling into every time we met for my tutoring. She was still pretty, but not svelte enough for my friends. Never mind that none of them were dating a "babe", they just aspired to be one of the few who did and would make fun of anyone who didn't. But me -- I just couldn't get past the way I felt around Lily. She was very nice to me and didn't ignore me in the halls like some of the other popular girls who thought that anyone a class behind them in school was unworthy of attention. Unfortunately, Lily was still a senior with the popular crowd and I was not. I played sports and was a straight "A" student, but was only a junior. Lily hung out with the big jock seniors, especially her boyfriend, a running back who thought he was put on earth to be worshipped by the common people. So I worshipped Lily unbeknownst to her.

I remembered one time that we met at her house to study. We sat down at the dining room table and her mother buzzed around us. She was getting dinner ready and kept interrupting us, asking us if we needed anything, keeping our water glasses full. She was the sort of mother that would have made a perfect housewife representative on TV. I liked her energy and intensity and when I looked at her, I was impressed. She was in great shape.

Anyway, on this day we were studying and as I was discussing something, Lily decided that she needed to get something out of her backpack. It was on the floor next to her chair, and instead of picking up the backpack, she turned and leaned over to get something out of it. The top she was wearing was too short to stay tucked in and it pulled out of her skirt. I saw a nice expanse of creamy white skin between her blouse and skirt. She also had to part her legs a little as she turned a bit and leaned over to maintain her balance. Since I was sitting around the corner of the table and she was not pushed up against it, I had this brief moment of seeing her uncovered and beautiful thighs almost to her panties. I almost panicked when I realized I was getting an erection, but I was fortunately seated under the table enough to hide it. It was this brief moment that fueled my masturbatory fantasies for the next few weeks. I had never seen her in a bathing suit, so this was my most unrestricted view of her body. It stuck with me for a long time.

Lily never came to know how I felt about her; at least she never acknowledged my fawning ways when I was tutoring her. As I look back at it now, I don't know how she didn't see it. I guess I was just lucky that she didn't call me on it and embarrass me so much that I was uncomfortable around her. In any case, she graduated and I lost track of her and I got accepted to West Point and graduated. I left the dust of that small town behind me and went on a trek that opened up my personality, made me more confident and secure, gave me a job, and fulfilled me like nothing else. Being accepted to that school made me realize how lucky I was to have the gifts of being good enough at academics and sports to be able to attend a prestigious university, get a good degree, and have a job afterwards.

The Army taught me a lot about people, personalities, motivations, and motivating them. It also bares your limitations like nothing else. You have no choice but to learn and grow. Mistakes are made, but you had better learn quickly. The young soldiers entrusted to you by the country, your commanders, and their parents expect you to provide them sound advice and leadership. And they deserve it. They, too, have volunteered to do something that many can't even consider. They have decided to serve their country and possibly give their life so that others can live and thrive. It's the most selfless act I can imagine. I've had many discussions with many people about this and while some disagree, I cannot see their side of the argument. I guess I'm just biased in thinking that these young men and women are better than most when they put the needs of their country before themselves. 

I broke out of my reverie and went to the hospital to pick up my mother. She had been diagnosed very early and it was considered to be in Stage 1. They had first performed a 'Transurethral resection with fulguration'. This meant that they had performed surgery thru the urethra to remove some of the cancerous tissue, and then tried to destroy some of the rest of the bad tissue with an electric current. They told me that this was usually followed with some chemotherapy, which is what my mother was having done today. We had arrived early and she was going to be going home with me later in the afternoon. When I returned to the hospital the doctor discussed her situation with me and said that she was in good enough shape to be able to beat this back, take the chemo, and live a long life. She was only 50. I was thankful for that and I took her home. She was obviously not feeling well and immediately took something to relieve her nausea and went to bed.

I crashed on the couch for a little while, watching absolutely nothing on the TV for a while, and then went back to my book. I was in the middle of a chapter, my energy fading, my eyelids getting heavy when...

It was the spring of 2000 again. I was in Mrs. Tarkanian's English class, sitting in the third row, about four seats from the front. I looked to the fourth row, the front seat, and stared at the back of Lily Johnson's head. She had dark hair, almost black. She turned a little and I could see her beautiful glowing skin and those gorgeous blue eyes. It set her apart from everyone else in a way that I found mesmerizing. She turned all the way toward me, smiled, and I got up and walked toward her. Nobody paid heed to us as I walked right up and leaned over to kiss her. She lifted her face up and waited with pursed lips. I had wanted to do this for so long. As I leaned over she slowly faded and I tried to grab her. I wanted to tell her how I felt, how I longed to feel the touch of her smooth, creamy skin, but she vanished. 

I woke up with a start, only vaguely aware of where I was. I had fallen asleep and my book was on my lap. I looked over at the clock and it was 7pm. I guess it's time to make something to eat. The dream was very real and in the dream Lily was back to being so alive and full of energy. I wondered about that. My entire senior year I had thought about her as I passed some of her favorite spots or I thought about what she was doing in college. But after heading off to West Point and being so busy I had not thought about her since I graduated from high school. And now I was dreaming about her. I wanted her to be the way she was back then; alive and glowing, her eyes that bright piercing blue and her smile back at 1000 watts. Hell, I realized, I still wanted her... period. 

I checked on my mother and she was sleeping as well. I decided to make some pasta, which she always loved, and made some linguine with just butter and parmesan. I was finishing up when I heard my mother call out to me. I went to her bedroom.

"What's that I smell?"

"Linguine."

She looked at me. "That actually sounds pretty good. It'll have to be light on the parmesan cheese or my stomach won't like me." She knew that my favorite style was just butter and parmesan.

"No problem. I didn't even put the parmesan on yet. I figured I would let you add it as you saw fit."

"Thanks, sweetie."

I went back to the kitchen and fixed her a plate and brought it to her on a tray. I knew she would be tired, so I had everything ready to go. I gave it to her and she looked at it.

"Well, I hope this goes well. After the first treatment, I didn't eat for a whole day."

I watched as she added some parmesan and then toyed with it. "Yes, but the doctor told me he backed off a little on this treatment, so you should feel better, faster."

She looked up at me. "I hope so." She took a first tentative bite. "Aren't you going to join me?"

"Sure." I hurried back to the kitchen and got another tray and loaded it up with a plate of linguine. When I arrived back in my mother's room she was eating very slowly and taking small bites. I wolfed mine down.

When we were done, she lay back down and said she was going to sleep for the night. I kissed her forehead, cleaned up the kitchen, and retreated to the den. I figured I'd channel surf for a while and read some more before turning in.

It was about 9pm when there was a knock on the door. I was surprised, because folks around this small town seldom bothered anyone this late. 

When I opened the door I was even more surprised. It was Mrs. Johnson, Lily's mother.

"Hello, Mrs. Johnson! How are you?" I stood aside and let her enter the house as I greeted her. She looked almost the same, albeit some grey had shown up in her hair and she had laugh lines around her mouth and eyes. She was still attractive and had a great smile.

"Pretty good, thank you. How's your shoulder?" She nodded toward my left arm, which I had put back in the sling to take the weight off it after releasing it for a while during my cooking.

"Not bad. Nothing serious. Just needs some time to heal."

"Great." She looked around and I realized that we were still standing in the foyer.

"Oh, I'm sorry, come in. Let's go into the den." I pointed her that way and she preceded me into the den. She looked around and I waved her toward the couch. "Please, have a seat. Can I get you something to drink?"

She sat on one end of the couch. "No, thanks. I just wanted to see you now that you are home."

I sat at the other end of the couch. "I appreciate that. How is everything going with the Johnson family?"

She fixed me with those blazing blue eyes that she had passed on to her daughter. "We are all fine except for Lily. I came here because I could tell you always had a thing for her when you were in high school." 


Finding My Way Home Ch. 01



I looked down and smiled. I may have even blushed. "Was it that obvious?"

She rolled her eyes and grinned. "Oh, god, it was so obvious to everyone except her. She was oblivious to how you used to stare at her and light up whenever you were around her. I was hoping she would notice because I knew she was in trouble with Buck, her ex." She watched me carefully as she said that and it did catch me a little off guard.

Did that mean ex-boyfriend or ex-husband? "Her ex, as in ex-husband?"

She sighed. "Yes. They both went to Eastern Illinois and by the end of her junior year she was pregnant and he had been kicked off the football team for being such an ass. She decided to keep the child. They both quit, never finished, and he married her to give the kid a name. A few months after the baby was born he took off. We haven't seen anything from him since then."

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah, well it is what it is. Life is like that sometimes. At least her daughter, my granddaughter, is a little doll."

I sat there trying to see where this was leading.

"So tell me about what you've been doing."

I thought about it and told her the basics.

"Well, as you know I went to West Point and graduated in 2005. I chose infantry as my branch. I attended Airborne and Ranger Schools and then was sent to my first unit. It was only about a year after I arrived in the unit that we were deployed to Afghanistan. That's where I got shot. I was sent back to the U.S. at that point for rehabilitation and after another year, the Army asked if I wanted to leave the service with a service connected disability. It was to be my option. My shoulder would never be 100% according to the doctors, and when my mother became ill, I decided that I wanted to go home and see what I could do for her. My shoulder had had a ligament cut by the bullet as it grazed two bones and left bone chips in my shoulder. I had a second surgery just before I left the Army to provide further support for the ligament as it reattached itself."

"Sounds tough."

"Yes, and no. When I finally did leave the Army, I left behind a very important family to return to my original one. It was one of the hardest decisions I ever made. Being in the Army was definitely like being a part of a big family. It had given me a lot and turned me into the person I was today. I'm not sure I would have turned out as well if I had gone to a civilian university and worked a normal job.

"Sounds like you really liked it, even if it was tough."

"I loved it. I still do."

"Anyway, back to Lily. She told me she ran into you today at her coffee shop."

I looked at her. "Yes, I did. My mother was getting chemo over at the hospital so I was sitting there when I saw her. I was very surprised. I always assumed that she would get her degree and move somewhere else. She seemed to be drawn towards a big city." 

Mrs. Johnson looked down at her hands and spoke more quietly. "I'm sorry to hear about your mother. I haven't seen her in a while. Is she going to be okay?"

"Yes, the prognosis is good. She should be fine since they caught it early. It was Stage 1 bladder cancer."

She stared at me for a second. "Oh. Sorry."

"Thanks." I could see her contemplating telling me something else as she twisted her hands in her lap. One thing I learned in the Army was how to tell when someone was holding something back that they wanted to tell you. "Why don't you tell me what's on your mind, Mrs. Johnson."

She looked up at me with wide eyes. I think she was surprised that I guessed there was more and that I came right out and asked about it. "Lily said you asked for her phone number. Please, if you still like her, call her and at least get her out of the house. She needs to learn to enjoy life again. She needs to get out and about. She does nothing but work and take care of Lauren, her daughter. Some days I can't even see the buoyant girl that she was when she was younger. She needs to get out, but won't even let me babysit long enough for her to go to a movie. The only time she lets me babysit is when she has to work. I think she is punishing herself by throwing herself into her work and child rearing. I just want to see her have some fun and get back to the life-loving person she was."

I looked into her eyes and we stared at each other for a few moments. I knew she was also doing a little match-making, but hell, I wanted this, too. "I've always liked your daughter, Mrs. Johnson, and I will definitely call her. I don't know what I can do after all this time, but I will call her and ask her out. The rest is up to her."

She smiled. "Thank you. You were always the one kid who did the right thing."

I grinned and tried to deflect her praise. "Yeah, well, that was a long time ago."

She laughed. "I doubt that you have changed. You seem to be a fine young man, a war hero, who is here taking care of his mother. Anything you can do to help her out of her funk would be great."

"Okay, Mrs. Johnson, I get the point." I laughed. "Don't lay it on too thick."

She laughed and stood up. "Sorry. A mother's first rule is to make sure her children are happy."

I stood and shook her hand. "You mean a good mother's first rule. Not all feel that way in the world today."

She finished shaking my hand and suddenly grabbed me in a tight hug. "Thank you." 

She turned toward the door and I showed her out.

I sat on the couch and tried to think about it, but I was exhausted and just went to bed.

Chapter 3. Lily?

17 September 2009

The next morning I waited until about 10am to call Lily. It was mid-September and a school day, so I wondered about her daughter. I calculated Lily graduated in 2000 and finished her junior year in 2003. If she had the child in late 2003 Lauren would be approaching 6 years old and could possibly be in school.

"Hello?" It was Lily and I could hear the café noises in the background. She was already at work.

"Hi, Lily, it's Jon."

"Hey, Jon. It's good to hear from you so soon. I wasn't sure you'd call."

"Why not?" I decided to be a little forthright. "I always liked you Lily. You were smart and pretty and popular and I like to think that we were friends. I thought we might catch up on the last 9 years. Do you have any time free this weekend?"

"Well, not really. I'm a little short-staffed at the café and I'll be working long hours. I don't know if I'll have much time. I was planning on taking Friday evening off and doing a little shopping. I could meet you somewhere at the mall if you want to just talk."

I was trying to decipher her last comment 'just talk', but decided to take it at face value. "That's fine. What time do you want to meet?"

"How about 8 at the Panera's in the mall?"

"Okay, good. I was hoping you would suggest a place because I haven't been there in years."

"Yeah, I figured. So see you at 8?"

"Absolutely. I'll be there."

"Okay, I'll see you there. I have to go now. Work calls. Bye." She hung up.

I looked at the phone for a second. She seemed fine and nothing seemed odd. I guess I would find out tomorrow.

18 September 2009

On Friday I got dressed and put on a nice pair of dress pants, a long sleeve shirt and a black jacket. I wanted to at least look presentable for Lily. I still had to put the sling on because of the repair work last month. I couldn't support the weight all day without pain and I was supposed to start rehab in a couple of weeks.

I arrived at the mall at about 6:30 and browsed a few stores, picking up some local items to send to some of my Army buddies. They would appreciate some of the humorous t-shirts that I found.

Finally, around 8pm, I entered the Panera near the middle of the mall and immediately saw Lily sitting at a table near the windows. I approached her and watched as she was turned away from me staring out the window at the other shoppers. She struck such a sad, forlorn figure sitting there. I immediately felt that old familiar feeling of awe I had had of her when she was young and full of life.

"Hello, Lily."

She turned toward me and gave me a dim 100 watt smile. "Oh, there you are. I appreciate your meeting me here." She made it sound like I was there for a job interview.

I frowned. "What does that mean?"

She stared at me. "I know my mother came to see you. I also know that she probably told you that I need rescuing. She's been after me to get out of the house for a while now and I really am happy running the café and taking care of Lauren. I don't need you to come riding in to save the day."

I sat quietly for a second and thought about that. I could tell that she really was depressed, although she might deny it. "Lily, your mother had nothing to do with me calling you. She didn't give me your number, you did. And that was before she came to see me. Yeah, she made her pitch about getting you out of your current funk, but she didn't have to. I was going to call you anyway."

"Why? Why were you going to call a single mother with no free time and no interest in a relationship?"

"C'mon Lily, you know why. I always liked you and when I was tutoring you in math I was so infatuated with you I didn't even date anyone that last half of my junior year. I wasn't thinking about a relationship at this point, just getting to know that girl who is now a woman and single mother."

She looked at me like I had three heads. "You're kidding, right? You had a crush on me?"

"Nope, not kidding. I had a big crush on you." I smiled and she grinned a little. "Your mother could see it; my friends could see it. I guess you were the only one who couldn't see it. And I was, unfortunately, unable to deal with it. I was too shy at that age. Besides, would it have mattered when you were dating Buck?"

She sighed. "You're right. I didn't see it and it probably wouldn't have mattered. I was so in love with Buck that nobody could get me away from him." She looked at me and got a mischievous grin. "It's kind of funny now, all these years later to realize this. Thanks."

"Oh, great, so now my teenage infatuation is a source of humor to you? That really makes me feel much better." I tried to make light of it and smiled so that she could see that I was teasing.

She put her hand over mine and chuckled. "Sorry."

I smiled. The touch of her hand set my nerve endings jangling. I still wanted her, but I had to clear the air a little. "So what about Buck? What happened to him?"

Her entire demeanor changed as she pulled her hand back, folded it with the other and stared down at them. "I found out I was pregnant in late-May, just near the end of junior year. After I got pregnant things were good for only about 6 months. As soon as I got near term, he got antsy. We married in September, but by December he was ready to leave. I knew in the back of my mind that it was coming. I could see it, but couldn't face it. After Lauren was born in December, he continued to withdraw. Finally, I told him that if he wanted to leave so bad, to just go. He did. It was like I had cut some tether that he was on. Once I said that, he was gone the next day. I made sure to get the divorce and I didn't ask for anything as long as he didn't want to have Lauren at any time. He has no visitation rights." She was now wringing her hands forcefully.

"And you haven't seen him since?"

"Oh, yes. I've seen him. I just haven't told anyone else. The last time I saw him was just last year. He came by to see how Lauren was doing. He wanted to say hello for her birthday, he said, but he missed it by a day and was drunk so I turned him away. He was a little angry, but he didn't really seem to care that much. I found that I pitied him more than despised him when I saw him. At first I thought he must have felt at least something to drive all the way down here, but then I remembered that his father and brother live in the next town, so he might have just come down to see them."

"He doesn't live somewhere in the area?"

"No, I think he lives up near Chicago, but he can always come back down and make life hell for us. That's all I got out of his visit."

"Sorry."

She looked up at me. "You didn't do anything."

"I'm just sorry that anyone has to go thru what you are going thru."

She looked at me pointedly. "What do you mean by that?"

"Just that I'm sorry that you have been treated that way, that's all."

She took offense to that, but I don't know why. "What do you mean? This is a pity call, isn't it? My mother did get you to come here, didn't she? You're going to come in and make everything better, right? I don't need your pity. I don't need anyone's pity. I'll have you know that I am perfectly capable of raising my daughter by myself. I can take care of myself. We'll be fine. We don't need any white knights."

"Lily, what are you talking about? I didn't mean it that way..." I couldn't think of anything else and she interrupted me.

"I'm suddenly not hungry any more. I'll see you later." She stood up and stomped off before I could protest or say another word.

I let her go. I didn't know what to say or how to handle it. She had a chip on her shoulder or at least had started hating men because of her past. I could tell that all her emotions were just under the surface and that she was tense, but I didn't know what to do. One minute she was smiling and the next jumping all over me. I had no idea how just saying I was sorry had set her off. I wasn't going to solve all her problems... or even try. I just wanted to see her again. Damn!



Finding My Way Home Ch. 02



 Part II. 

From Part I: I returned from Afghanistan, having been shot in the shoulder and having two surgeries to repair it. I got out of the Army to help my mother who had bladder cancer and ran into the high school girl on whom I had had a crush. I found out she was a single mother of a young daughter and tried to ask her out, only to have her accuse me of treating her like someone who I thought couldn't take care of herself and needed to be saved. 

Chapter 4. My mother?

19 September 2009

 The bullets were thudding and zinging around us as SFC Garcia and I made our way around to the left flank of the attackers. There must have been a large number based on the amount of fire. We continued to work our way around and the rest of the platoon continued to try to fix the enemy and withstand the RPGs, the few mortar rounds, and the rifle fire they were sending at them. The good news was that the enemy had left an open flank for us to be able to get around and into a position where they were no longer under cover. We had open shots at many of them and they had to try to maneuver back thru the rocks without taking fire from either the rest of the platoon or Sergeant Garcia and I. It was not good for them, but Sergeant Garcia and I were able to start picking them off and making them retreat. I saw one of them turn to try to shoot us as he tried to exfiltrate back thru the rocks and I lined him up in my sights. I pulled the trigger and... 

I jerked awake, lightly sweating, my breathing slightly elevated. The dream was not coming as often, but it was still there. I looked at the clock; 3am. Ugh! I lay back down, but it took a while to get back to sleep.

I didn't get up until much later that morning. It was Saturday and I had stayed out late after my meeting with Lily, going to a movie and then planting my ass in a bar stool to drink and watch sports. My mother said she was going to bed when I called, so I had stayed out way too late. I must have gotten home around 2am, and then had the dream at 3. I rolled out of bed around noon and walked into the kitchen. My mother was sitting there drinking coffee.

"Well, good morning sleepyhead."

"Morning." I opened the refrigerator and took out a Diet Pepsi. Some people have to have their caffeine via coffee; I took mine from diet soda. I had never taken to the taste of coffee.

After I poured a glass I turned and sat down. My mother was staring at me with a slight grin on her face. "Lily called this morning."

I perked up a little and my head jerked up toward my mother, but I tried not to be too obvious. "Yeah?"

"She told me that she blew up at you last night and wanted to apologize so you are supposed to call her when you get up. She's already at the café and wants you to come by."

"Okay." I sat there and drank my diet soda.

My mother continued to stare.

"What?"

She grinned. "You've still got a thing for her, don't you?"

I smiled at her. Nothing ever got past my mother. "I think it's just a wish to be young and naive again. I'm trying to fulfill some wishful thinking from a crush I had as a teenager. Unfortunately, you can't go back and relive the past. I don't know if I should do anything about her or not." I was lying and she knew it.

"Yeah, right. I saw your subtle reaction when I said that she called. You were hoping that she would."

"Okay, maybe. But it's still just wishful thinking."

My mother turned serious. "She's had a rough way to go and she was always such a beautiful person. I feel sorry for her. It's tough raising a child alone. You were ten when your father left so I know the deal. She's had to raise that one alone from the beginning. Her mother helps as much as she'll let her, but she still seems to want to martyr herself."

I chuckled. "Mom, you seem to know all about this. So why don't you tell me what I should do? Should I try to rekindle some teenage crush or not? Should I even bother going out with her? What do you think?"

She looked at me very seriously and I could see the wheels turning. "Well... I know you still find her attractive. I think you should try to break thru her façade and see what happens. You should see if you can make her at least consider living again. She seems so tense and angry at the world, and you can't do that forever."

I looked at her and decided to turn the tables on her. "And what about you, Mom? Did you ever try to get your own life back after dad left?"

She looked down at her hands. "Probably not as much as I should have." She looked up at me with a piercing stare. "That's why I want her to get on with her life. I know what happens. If you focus only on your child you wake up one day when they are gone and realize you're alone... and lonely."

I had never heard her talk this frankly about her own life before and she was making me feel bad. "I'm sorry I wasn't around more."

She smiled. "Don't be sorry. Mothers have always watched their children grow up and go off on their own. We want that. We want the best for our children and I could see that the military was very good for you. You grew up to be a man that every mother would be proud of." Tears came to her eyes so I went over and stood next to her chair and hugged her, holding her to my chest.

She let me hold her for a minute and then pulled back. She wiped her eyes. "I haven't been a recluse, you know. I do have friends."

I smiled and sat back down. "Yeah, okay, but why didn't you ever take your own advice and start dating again."

She looked at me and grinned. "Who says I didn't?"

I acted shocked. "Mom? You out on a date? Will wonders never cease."

She grinned. "Well, I'm older, but not dead. And there was sex, too."

That stopped me in my tracks. I put my hands over my ears. "Okay, too much information!"

She stuck her tongue out at me. "See, even your mother can still shock you."

I stood up and grinned at her. "I'm leaving. I can't stand these open discussions about your sex life."

I walked out of the kitchen to her laughter. Turning the tables didn't work so well and she had definitely shocked me. I guess we never think about our parent's sex lives... and for good reason. Ick!

I called Lily and she tried to apologize and I tried to tell her there was no reason, but she did so anyway. She asked me to come to the café for a late lunch and I agreed. I got there just after the main lunch crowd and sat in a booth near the side windows, staring out at the remains of a corn field. The café was the last building before hitting farmland having been built in response to the hospital and medical offices that had sprung up on the outskirts of this town.

Chapter 5. Lily makes nice.

I waited and the same cute little waitress came over. This time she was wearing a nametag and it told me her name was Cindy. She gave me a glass of water and a menu. She smiled. "I'll be right back." Then she grinned and whispered. "I'll tell Lily you're here." When I frowned at her she smirked. "Be good to her."

Okay... that was different. I hadn't even done anything with her yet except piss her off at the mall and I was getting this sort of attention? I decided on what I would order and put the menu down. The waitress came over. 

"What can I get you?"

"I'll have the eggs over easy, bacon, home fries, and wheat toast." They served breakfast all day and I loved breakfast; the hell with eating well when you have a hangover.

"Anything to drink?"

"Diet Pepsi?" She nodded and turned to go. "Wait!" I stopped her and she turned back. "Why did you say that about me being good to Lily? I haven't seen her in years and we were just friends in high school. And where is she?"

She grinned. "She's in the back closing up her office. She had been filling in for a missing cook, but she found a temp for that. She's been running this place for a couple of years and we all like her. I've been here for two years. In all that time I've never seen her anxious about someone coming in. And a few minutes ago she went to the ladies room to fix her make-up; another first. Just be good to her."

"I have no intention of being anything but good to her." So she was running this place. That made a little more sense for someone who was as smart as she was.

As I said that I saw the waitress's eyes look over my shoulder. "Thank you, sir." She scampered off as I turned to see what she was looking at. 

Lily strode up and sat down opposite me in the booth. She was no longer wearing the café garb if she had been at all. She was in a short black skirt and cream colored blouse with a black cardigan draped over her shoulders. She looked delectable. I wanted to eat her for lunch.

"Hi, Jon." She seemed a little sheepish.

"Hi, Lily. I'm glad you called."

She smiled and the wattage was definitely higher today. She appeared to be feeling better. "I didn't mean to go off on you like that last night. I've just been under a lot of pressure lately and raising a daughter alone is not easy. I guess I jumped to the conclusion that you were looking at me like some of the other yahoos around here, a woman who needs a man's help or a charity case that needs to be saved. I'm afraid you were just an easy mark for me to take out my frustration."

I shrugged. "Apology accepted. It's forgotten. That's what friends are for."

She smiled. "Okay, thanks." She brightened and seemed glad to get that over with. "You know, the café is usually a little empty between now and dinner, so we could go somewhere."

I looked at her. She had a little grin on her face, but I was trying to figure it out and where you could go in that small town.

She stood up. "C'mon, let's go." She stood up and waved at Cindy who seemed to understand immediately that she was to cancel my order.

I stood up and followed her out and she led me to my car. "Where are we going?"

"Out. C'mon, you'll see."

I followed her out and we went to my car. We got in and I looked at her. She grinned. "To the mall."

I stared at her. "The mall?"

"Yep."

I started the car and drove to the mall. The local mall was not far from the small towns in our area and was about 15 miles from St. Louis. It was an enormous 100+ store mall that drew people from all around the area.

Lily wouldn't tell me anything during the drive and when we got there she was still secretive about where we were going. Finally, we went into a Bennigan's. She asked the waitress where the Johnson party was and she led us to the back of the booths. Sitting there waiting for us was Ted, an old friend of mine from high school that I played baseball with, John, the guy I used to hang out with at the local fast food place, and two women. I smiled and Ted and John jumped up to give me a hug, both of them hurting my shoulder and causing me to wince.

"I am shocked." I turned to Lily. "Thanks for this." I gave her a brief hug and then Ted and John introduced me to their wives. I hadn't seen either of these guys since graduation. I was surprised that Lily even knew about them. I was also shocked that she had taken a chance on me coming over or being able to meet her here in time to see them. But it turned out well.

We ate and had a couple of drinks and I really enjoyed the company. When we were done, we left after exchanging phone numbers and headed back to my car. When we got to it I went with Lily around to the passenger side of the car. I stopped her, took her into my arms, well my one good arm anyway, and kissed her. It was a surprise to her at first, but she relaxed and let me kiss her. I kissed her for about 15 seconds and she kissed me back. It was everything I had hoped it would be and I got an instant erection.

When we pulled back, Lily smiled at me and glanced down at the indication of my erection, which was causing a noticeable bulge in my pants. I had hoped she hadn't noticed. "Looks like you really do have a crush on me."

I looked at her a little sheepishly, a little embarrassed. "Sorry."

She just grinned, turned to open the door, and I let her. I got in on my side and turned to her. "Lily. I want to take you out. I want to 'date' you." I quoted the word date with my hands. "Whatever it takes to get to know you and find out who you are now."

She looked at me, appearing to think about it. "I think I'd like that."

"And thanks for tracking down my friends." I couldn't stop smiling at her. A teenager's wish was finally coming true.

She grinned at me. "I do remember some things. And, of course, they are at the café pretty regularly since they are locals. I found out who they were one day from your mother when she was in there eating after visiting her doctor and so it was easy to track them down. It was just my way of apologizing for last Friday."

"Thanks."

I smiled and drove her back to the café, thinking all the way back how lucky I was to get to relive this portion of my life. We got out and went inside. I waited until we were in there when I remembered that we hadn't set up the time for the first date. "Wait!" I reached out and touched her arm. "When can we go on our first date?"

"How about Thursday? I have someone else closing up the café."

"Cool! Pick you up at your house?"

"That's fine. 6pm? I need to get back fairly early because I open on Friday morning."

"That's fine."

Before she left me, she leaned in toward me and whispered. "You can't seem to wipe that smile off your face. I think that's the best compliment anyone's ever given me." She kissed me on the cheek and turned to go.

I think I smiled all the way home.

Chapter 6. Oh, no. Buck!

22 September 2009

The next week was busy as I decided to go thru a lot of the items in my room and the attic and cull out the trash. I organized what was left and at the same time took care of my mother. My mother's next appointment was on Tuesday of that week and I took her in so that I could visit the café. When I got there I again sat in Cindy's area and she told me that Lily was off that day doing shopping and visiting with her family. To say I was disappointed is an understatement. Cindy could see it.

"Don't worry. She's interested."

"Interested in what?" The question by Cindy seemed to come out of nowhere.

"A relationship with you." She grinned.

"You sure?"

Cindy laughed and it was a good laugh. "She's been smiling more, she's been nicer, and she's walking around humming ever since you asked her out. She's definitely looking forward to it."

I smiled broadly. "Thanks."

Cindy leaned over and said quietly, but with a smirk, "Just be good to her, okay?"

I laughed. "I already told you I'll be nothing but good to her."

I ate there and took my mother home. Thursday could not come soon enough.

24 September 2009

Unfortunately, on Thursday afternoon I had an appointment with a doctor to discuss my 'dreams'. He was supposedly a specialist in Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

"So, Jon, tell me about any stressful situations you've been in and how you feel being back in the real world."

I stared at him. What the fuck did he know about anything except the real world? "Well, I've had the dream about my actions in Afghanistan a couple of times, but only portions of it now. I don't dream the entire action. I also don't have much stress in my life, so I don't feel like I have PTSD at all. I'm not working or going to school. I decided to take a couple of months off and watch over my mother."

He looked at me carefully. "That's good, Jon. You haven't shown any serious signs of it, but we have to do these routine follow-ups. Anything you want to discuss? Do you miss the military, the weapons, the fighting?"

"I miss the military and my men. The military is a big family with, as we call it, a shared suck. We all pay the price in some way for our service, but we love it and we stick together. I miss my men because you can't go thru something like that without getting close."

We danced around some other subjects and he asked about my integration back into civilian life. After about 45 minutes we were about finished. My final statement was again about missing military life.

"Military life is so different. It's dangerous, has long hours, is difficult even when not in combat, but it's a work-hard, play-hard sort of thing and you never forget the bonds formed."

He nodded and looked at me thoughtfully. "Well said. I feel the same way."

I stared at this old guy. "You?"

"Of course. I got my initial education in Viet Nam."

I looked at him again. He really did know what it was like to take hostile fire. That made him much more palatable – for a shrink. "That's interesting. I'm glad I didn't get some bookworm with no sense for what a fighting man has gone thru."

He chuckled. "Just remember that they are well educated bookworms and are generally very good at their jobs. You were just unlucky enough to get an old soul with a desire to continue to help the military."

"Well, I wouldn't say that was unlucky for me. Thanks, doc."

When I left, he told me that he didn't think the dreams would last much longer and that from my conversations and discussions I didn't show any signs of PTSD.

Later that day, I picked Lily up and we went to dinner at a restaurant in the next town. They were supposed to have excellent food, and they did, it was just very heavy stuff; all meat and potato dishes. We ate and really had a wonderful time. We discussed ourselves a little as she failed to say anything about Buck other than saying that he had left. She couldn't stop gushing about Lauren. I finally laughed and she stared at me. 

"What are you laughing at?"

"You can't stop talking about your daughter, just like all the other moms. It amazes me how much mothers love their children. It sometimes makes me sad to be a man and never carry and give birth to a baby. You guys have a closeness that is amazing."

She giggled. "Have a baby, huh?"

I chuckled. "I said sometimes I think about it. That doesn't mean that I ever want to feel the pain that you guys go thru."

She smiled at me, watching the way I spoke. "So like a man. You'd rather take a bullet than have a baby." I knew she was ribbing me.

"Amen to that!" 

I couldn't stop smiling the rest of the night. It was one of the most relaxed and enjoyable dates I had ever been on. When I took her home, I parked behind her car in the driveway and got out quickly. I hustled around to her side and opened her door for her. She looked at me with surprise in her eyes. 

"Nobody does that anymore."

I grinned. "Well, I just disproved that, didn't I?" I put out my hand and walked her to the door. She stopped and got out her keys. She put them in and turned the lock. She started to open the door, but turned to face me.

"I'm not going to invite you in."

I looked at her. I could see her indecision and I really wanted to go in, but I deferred to her better judgment. "I understand."

She looked at me closely. "Do you?"

I looked at her with a slight frown. "Well, we just met after all this time and we don't know each other well...."

She interrupted me. "No, that's not it. I can see and I've always known that you were one of the good guys. I would love to 'get involved' with you, but I have to be careful because I'm a single mother with a very impressionable daughter."

"Oh, okay." What else could I say to that?

She then leaned in and grabbed me by the collar. She smiled and leaned toward me as she pulled me down by my collar to kiss me. I returned it. It was just a small 3 second kiss with no tongue, but she held her lips against mine tenderly and I loved it. She pulled away and looked up at me. She seemed a little shocked at how it felt. Then she smiled. 

"That was nice."

"I think so, too. More?"

She laughed and gave me a little jab in the chest. "Don't push your luck."

"Can I take you out again?"




Finding My Way Home Ch. 02



She looked up at me and smiled. It almost reached 250 watts. "Saturday, 7pm, I'll cook dinner, okay?"

"Great!" I was on cloud 9 all the way home.

26 September 2009

When it finally reached Saturday, I dressed nicely and did what my mother had taught me many years ago about what to do when going to a woman's house for dinner; picked up flowers and wine. I drove to her little house and had no trouble finding it from the address. The town was small and all the streets were pretty well laid out.

When I arrived, I immediately noticed that something was wrong. Her front door was ajar and there was an old pickup in the driveway. I knew that she drove a Jeep and it was in the driveway as well. I left the flowers and wine in the car and parked in front.

I walked up to the door and peeked in around it. "Hello?"

There was no answer at first so I pushed the door open halfway and repeated it. "Hello?"

Suddenly the door flew open and standing there was Buck, her ex. He looked a little wild-eyed and drunk and I was immediately afraid for Lily.

"Where's Lily?"

"Who are you?"

"Jon Kenton, an old friend from high school." I stuck out my hand, offering a handshake, hoping to lull him into talking to me reasonably.

He stared at me. "Nope, don't know you." He started to close the door.

"Where's Lily?"

"Fuck off!" He tried to slam the door, but swung it closed with one hand and I easily blocked it and shoved it open. I made my way in, knowing I was in trouble with only one good shoulder, and he backed up in surprise. I had to find out about Lily.

"Where's Lily?" I tried to remain calm to keep him from getting further worked up.

"None of your business, asswipe!" 

He started to grab me and I decided that I could not get in a tussle with him with my bad shoulder. He was two inches taller and now at least 40 pounds heavier. I did the only thing I could think of quickly. I gave him a jab to the Adam's apple. It had the immediate affect I desired. He stopped and tried to breathe, his eyes going big at the loss of air. I rushed by him and into the back bedroom to find Lily out cold on the bed. I didn't know where Lauren was, but I was hoping that Lily sent her to her mother's for our date. I knew he would recover quickly, so I picked up the hard line phone next to her bed and dialed 911. Even if he interrupted me, they would have the number and therefore the address. 

The operator came on the line and just when I was going to say something Buck burst into the room. I put the receiver down, leaving the line open, and stood to face him.

"What did you do to Lily?" I tried to make him react to my accusation while the operator responded to the call. 

"None of your fucking business. The fucking bitch is hiding my kid from me." He advanced on me and I tried to think what I could do. He would be ready for almost anything and was bigger than me. All the combat training doesn't do much with an arm in a sling in a tight space.

Since I was in a cramped area, I figured the only option was to make the first move to try to surprise him. I braced myself and then rushed him, trying to ram him with my good shoulder, but he still had good reflexes and I was not fully successful. I was able to slam him against the wall and get in a couple of good thrusts of my knee into his midsection, but he knew my weakness from the sling I was wearing. He made sure to grab and push on my bad shoulder. When the pain hit, I was shocked at how intense it was. It slowed me down enough for him to hit me on it and that sent me to the floor. The pain was so intense that I couldn't concentrate on hitting him at all. He kicked me a couple of times, once in the ribs and once on the shoulder, and then laughed as he watched me writhing in pain. The last kick was pushing me toward unconsciousness and I tried to hold on. He had left me, but the pain was dragging me down so fast I couldn't tell what he was doing. The last thing I remember was him laughing as he walked over and hung up the phone.

Chapter 7. Recovery?

27 September 2009

I slowly came awake and was aware of the hospital surroundings. I was in a bed and hooked to an IV. I could also feel that my left arm was tightly bundled, not in its normal sling. When my eyes opened, I could see my mother and Lily's mother standing in the room. They both noticed me waking up.

My mother rushed to me. "Jon!" She hugged me and pulled back to look at me. "How do you feel?"

"Like I got beat up." Wasn't it obvious?

Then Mrs. Johnson leaned over and kissed me lightly on the lips. "Thank you, dear boy, for saving Lily."

I looked at her, trying to get my mind around what she just said. Everything was slowly coming back to me, but I didn't know exactly what she was talking about, and the medications had made me groggy.

They could see my confusion so my mother filled me in. "When you went to see Lily, Buck had drugged her and, according to the police, was planning on taking her back to Chicago with him. He lives just outside there now. The police arrived as he was putting her into the truck and they stopped him and then found you on the floor. It was the 911 call and open line that did it. The operator heard everything."

I interrupted her. "How long have I been here?"

"That all happened yesterday. You've been here since last night." My mother looked at her watch. "It's 6pm, so you've been here almost 24 hours."

"Where's Lily?"

"In the room next door. She's doing fine. She's already been up and around and is leaving in a few minutes." She looked up at Mrs. Johnson, who smiled and scurried out the door.

"What about my shoulder?"

"The doctor said they will have to wait a couple of days to be sure, but he thinks the only damage is some bruising and pulling of some stitches where the wound was not completely closed yet. They repaired the stitches and everything should be good."

About that time Lily came into the room. She was dressed in street clothes and holding her hand was a beautiful little clone of her and her mother. She walked over to me with Lauren and then bent over and kissed me lightly on the cheek. She hugged me, whispered a thank you into my ear, and then turned to Lauren.

"Lauren, this is Mr. Kenton. Say hello."

Lauren looked up at me shyly, not releasing her mother's hand. "Hi, Mr. Kenton."

"Hello, Lauren. I'm very pleased to meet you. You're a very pretty little girl."

I think Lauren and Lily both blushed at that and Lauren smiled shyly, moving slightly behind Lily and peering at me from behind her mother with her big blue eyes. Her thank you was barely a quiet whisper.

"I'm sorry you had to get in the middle of this." Lily looked around the room at everyone. "I hope your shoulder is okay."

"It'll be fine." I smiled.

"I'm sorry that you got involved. This turned into a real disaster."

I reached for her hand, but she wouldn't let me hold it. "Don't worry about it. I'm just glad you are okay. What's going to happen to Buck?"

Lily turned to her mother. "Mom, Lauren has been asking for something to drink. Can you take her to the cafeteria?"

"Sure." Mrs. Johnson took Lauren's hand. "C'mon sweetie, let's go get a soda." Lauren looked like she was going to protest to her mother, but then thought better of it and let her grandmother lead her from the room.

Lily turned back to me. "They took him to jail and threw the book at him. They charged him with assault, attempted kidnapping, and some other things. I also filed a restraining order against him to keep him away from both me and Lauren. I have no idea how to explain to her that it was her father that did this. She's only seen him a couple of times and has no idea what he's really like."

I stared at her. "So what's he like now?"

Lily stared at me for a second and then looked at the floor. "He's become a mean drunk. He never finished his degree, just like me, and is now working construction up near Chicago. He's meaner than I've ever seen him."

"How did he drug you?"

She looked up at me. "I forgot he can be so devious. He acted nice and said he just wanted to talk about Lauren. I wanted to believe him since he's her father, so I let him in – against my better judgment. He then went to the kitchen and got a couple of beers from the fridge. I guess he put something in mine, because after a few minutes, I started feeling woozy and couldn't stand up. I knew then that I was in trouble. The doctor told me it was one of those date rape drugs. Fortunately, Lauren was with my mother for our date." She finally reached out and touched my arm. "Sorry about that, by the way."

"Sorry about what? You didn't cancel the date or cause it to be interrupted. I'm just glad you are okay."

"Well, I'm definitely sorry that you got in the middle of this. I wanted to let you know that his brother came to the hospital and said he was going to do something about Buck being put in jail. He's just as mean, if not meaner, than Buck and I don't want you to get hurt."

"I'll be fine."

Lily stared at me. "No, I mean that we can't see each other anymore. I don't want to be responsible for you getting hurt more than you already are."

"Lily, I'm a big boy now. I can take care of myself. Don't worry about me."

She looked at me, then my bad shoulder, and then at the floor. "Sorry, but I mean it. I won't go out with you again. I can't take the chance that he'll find a way to hurt you. I couldn't live with myself if that happened. This is my fight and I'll handle it. Besides, we barely know each other after all this time."

I stared at her. My emotions were all over the place. I was just getting old feelings about a beautiful woman I knew in high school, had felt wonderful around her, and she was going to blow me off? "No, Lily, I won't do that. I'm going to keep asking you out until you go out with me. Remember, I'm pretty stubborn." I tried to smile and make her smile.

She smiled at me with the tired, resigned smile that I saw a lot from her nowadays. "Sorry, but that's the way it's going to be." She turned around to leave.

Fuck! I had no way to stop her from my position in the bed. "I'm not taking no for an answer!" I shouted at her back and she didn't turn around as she went thru the door and turned left. "I'll see you again Lily!" I shouted louder. 

I looked over at my mother, who was standing there watching all this. She looked at me and walked over to the door. She peeked around the corner for a few seconds and then looked back at me and smiled. 

"What?"

She looked outside for a few more seconds and then turned and walked over to me. "I was watching Lily in the hallway. She stopped about halfway down the hallway, leaned against the wall, and took several deep breaths. She appeared to be trying not to cry. I think that's a good thing."

"You think she was upset because she turned me down? It wasn't just all her emotions of the last few days?"

My mother leaned close to me. "I think she's finding you irresistible. Any woman would."

I laughed a little in spite of my predicament. "Spoken like a mom."

"You betcha!" She turned and left the room.

Chapter 8. Lily, have you been drinking?

28 September 2009

I didn't get out of the hospital until the next day and I had been asked by the police to come down, provide my story and then review and sign a complaint against Buck. I did that and headed home. I was still pretty tired and decided to take it easy for the rest of the day. I also planned on contacting Lily as soon as I could. I was not going to let this go.

Over the next few days I called her and went by the café, but she continued to put me off and wouldn't talk to me. I went by her house and she wouldn't even answer the door. I was starting to get angry at her, at Buck, at life in general. My mother was not taking my mood swings very well either.

I also obtained an Illinois Firearm Owner's Identification Card (FOID). I wanted to purchase a weapon in case Buck's relatives decided to come after me. Illinois has very restrictive laws about weapons and I would not be able to carry it with me like I wanted, but I wanted to have something for personal protection just in case.

At one point during this period I had the dream again. This time it was only up until I got shot. I jerked awake, the pain in my shoulder reminding me of that wound.

Nothing happened for a while so after about three weeks, I sent Lily a very appealing note, at least in my mind, about how she deserved more out of life and that she needed to get past Buck. I said in it that I still had a crush on her and wanted to go out on a date. I was hoping that she would at least talk to me after reading it. I got no answer.

17 October 2009

It was 9pm and my mother had just gone to bed. She was going to bed earlier than I had ever remembered because of the chemo. The doorbell rang and I went to answer it. It was Lily.

I opened the door to her and she looked up at me with apprehension. "Hi, Jon. Can I come in?" Her words were slurred, her eyes wide and staring, and I could tell she had been drinking... a lot.

"Sure." I opened the door and she came into the foyer. I had to tread carefully. "It's really good to see you Lily."

"Thanks." She didn't stop in the foyer, but continued into the den, staggering slightly. "Is your mother still up?"

I followed right behind her. "No, she goes to bed early every night. The chemo wipes her out for days." I couldn't help but notice her style of dress. Her jacket was open. She was wearing extremely tight jeans that showed off her cute bubble butt and a t-shirt with a slightly darker bra underneath. She looked edible. 

"Okay, good. We need to talk." She sat down on the couch, removing her jacket and dropping it beside her.

I stood in front of her. "Can I get you something to drink?"

"Sure." She giggled. "I've already been drinking, but what the hell, eh? Beer's fine."

I went into the kitchen and retrieved two beers. I opened them and want back into the den. I gave Lily her beer and sat on the opposite end of the couch. "Okay, so let's talk." I made her take the lead.

"Look, Jon. I know that you harbor some lin... linger... lingering high school crush kind of feelings about me, but I'm not that person. I'm a strug... struggling single mom trying to make life good for my daughter. You can't keep p... pestering me like you are doing." Now it was obvious that she had been drinking quite a bit because she was slurring and stumbling over her words and her eyes were bright and a little glazed.

"Is that what I am doing? Pestering you?"

"Yes, and it's getting annoying."

I leaned forward. "Lily, say what you want, but I really do want to get to know you. Yes, I had a crush on you in high school, but now I'm an adult. I know that I can't go back and relive those days. But I still find you a beautiful and attractive woman. I just want to get to know you. I'm not the type of person who is doing this because I need to save someone and I don't look at you as a 'project'. I really want to get to know you as you are now. I cannot say that anything will come of it, but we'll never know if we don't at least get to know each other better, right?"

She stared at me and sighed. "Yeah, I know. I've been a total b... bitch. Sorry."

"No need to apologize. I know it's tough on you. I have no idea what it would be like to be a single mother, but I have heard my mother talk about it before. It's difficult, but that doesn't mean that you can't still have a life, right?"

"You're right." She stared at me and smiled. She took a big pull on the beer. The alcohol seemed to be affecting her more as we sat there.

"Lily, when I was in high school, just being near you excited me. It still does. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it's the truth."

"It doesn't sound ridiculous. Maybe a little like a Disney movie..." She giggled to see my reaction and then hiccupped.

"Oh, so you want to make fun of me again." I grinned. "You really are a cruel bitch, Lily Johnson."

She laughed and I loved that throaty laugh. "Yes, I am. So you really want to date me? Take me out to dinner and do all that romantic stuff?"

"Yes. I want to do whatever it takes to get to know you and see what it is about you that drives me nuts. We can take it slow and learn who we each are after all this time."

Lily grinned at me and stood up, albeit a little shakily. She reached for her t-shirt and suddenly whipped it off, dropping it on the couch. "At this point, taking it slow seems too painful – and I'm horny." She reached up behind her back to undo her bra.

I was just staring, shocked by this turn of events. One minute she wants nothing to do with me and the next she shows up drunk and starts stripping for sex? "Uh, this is a little sudden after not even wanting to see me, isn't it?"

She had her bra unclasped and was holding it against her breasts. "You want me to stop? You don't want to have sex with me?" I couldn't tell if she was annoyed or just teasing me now.

I stared at her for a couple of seconds, my dick already making his choice known to me. "I want to have sex with you in the worst way."

"Good!" She whipped off her bra and her beautiful alabaster breasts were bared to me for the first time. They were magnificent. They were almost a C-cup, with nice pink areola and very prominent nipples. Her entire body seemed to be very pale. There was just a hint of freckles across the tops of her breasts. I looked up at her face and she was smiling. "You like?" The question seemed to be a mixture of her searching for a complement and needing reassurance that she was still attractive.

"They're fantastic."

She smiled and relaxed. "Good answer." She came over and sat on my lap. We kissed then. It was fast, but slow; tender, but aggressive. It was the best kiss I had ever had in my life. Nobody had ever seemed to completely enthrall me with a kiss. Usually, I was already thinking of my next move, or where my hands were when I was kissing a woman. But with Lily, just the kissing completely occupied my thoughts. When she finally pulled back she stared at me wide-eyed. "Wow! I've really missed kissing."

I gave her another little quick kiss. "I've never had one like that, so I've been missing out my entire life."

She giggled. "Careful, you're going to give me a big head." Then she squirmed on my lap. "And it appears that I've already given you one."

"You're killing me, Lily."

She suddenly took my head in her hands and looked directly in to my eyes. "Jon, I haven't had sex in two years."

I stared into those blazing blue eyes. "I haven't had sex in about 15 months."

She giggled. "We're pathetic."

I grinned at her. "Shut up and let's get naked."

She smiled and stood up. She undid her jeans and I sat there, unmoving, as I watched. She wiggled her hips and worked her tight jeans down and then off. Her panties were half down on one side from removing her jeans and I could see the beginnings of her pubic patch. She removed her panties and stood back up a little shaky due to the alcohol. I could see that she had shaved her pubic hair to a small patch directly over her pussy, leaving her lips visible below them. I wondered if she did that all the time or just for this 'event'. I hadn't moved and she looked at me pointedly. "You're not undressing." She covered herself, suddenly becoming a little self conscious as the only naked one in the room.

I stood up and took her by the hand. "Grab your clothes, let's go to my room."

She grabbed her clothes and I led her to my bedroom. I worked the buttons on my shirt and she helped me get it off over my bad shoulder. Once that was done she dropped to her knees and started removing my jeans. I just stood there and let her. She worked my jeans and underwear down at the same time and my now very hard cock popped up. She giggled at it as she waited for me to lift one foot and then the other. She looked up at me and smiled as she reached out and grabbed my dick.




Finding My Way Home Ch. 02



"Nice!" She exclaimed and she kissed the tip lightly.

I groaned. "Careful. When it's been a while, it's like a grenade. It has a short fuse and may go off in your hand."

She smiled at my bad Army humor and stood up. She pushed me back toward the bed. "You've got the bad shoulder. Just lie down and let Lily take care of you."

I was more than willing to do that. 

I lay back and scooted up toward the head of the bed so that I was completely on the mattress. Lily climbed up over me and held my dick. "I'm sorry, Jon, but I'm wet and excited and can't wait any longer. No more foreplay, okay?"

I smiled. "No problem for me!"

She giggled and centered herself over my crotch. She took my dick and rubbed the head in her pussy, getting it wet and ready for penetration. She then settled slightly over it and started slowly lowering herself down. She was tight and I was going to have to work to contain my 'excitement'. I took in her beauty as she worked me completely into her. She had a small waist, those wonderful alabaster breasts, and very well shaped hips. She was in better shape than when she was in high school. She had her head forward so that her hair dangled in front of her face as she concentrated on getting me wet and buried into her core. 

She got settled completely over my lap and sighed. "Oh, fuck, Jon that feels wonderful." She threw her hair back with a flick of her head and stared at me. She started moving her hips back and forth and grinding her clit on my pubic bone. I grabbed her hip with my good hand and started thrusting a little, helping her grind it out. She was already moaning. "Just like that. Oh, that's good."

I took my good right hand and put in on her pubic mound. I moved my thumb down onto her clit and helped her with her immediate stimulation problem. She groaned. She started thrusting harder and I suddenly didn't need to cum, but just watched as she enjoyed herself and my stimulation of her clit. It felt wonderful to see her there on my dick, her nice tits bouncing, her nipples extended and desiring attention. Her entire body was pale and slightly freckled anywhere she got sun. God, I wanted her to stay there forever. 

It was only a couple of minutes before she suddenly erupted into orgasm. She just groaned and doubled over, curving her body towards me as she jerked and moaned and trembled with her 'la petite mort' or 'little death' as the French idiom for an orgasm goes. She finally relaxed and fell forward onto my chest.

"Oh, Jon, I really needed that."

I smiled and thrust my hips a little. "I could tell."

She lifted her head and grinned at me. "You ready now soldier boy?"

"Absolutely!"

She then started moving her hips back and forth and rising up and down a little. She leaned over and whispered to me to entice me to orgasm quickly. "I love the feel of your big, hard dick in my nice, tight pussy. I want to cum again, but I really want to feel you cum in me. Please fuck me and fill me full of cum." 

Of course, that did it. I suddenly tensed, shoved my hips up to bury my dick in her as much as possible, and groaned. I held myself there, making little jerks against her as I filled her with 9 years of desire and 15 months worth of sexual frustration, all contained in a large load of cum.

When I finally fell back to the bed, she sat there on top of me. "I think you liked that."

I looked up at her, still trying to catch my breath. "Whatever gave you that idea?"

"It was that look of pure unadulterated bliss and focus when you came. You had your eyes closed, concentrating on your orgasm, your mouth slightly open, with your entire body tensed up. You looked to be enjoying yourself so much at that moment."

"Mmmm. Thanks. I was."

She rolled off me and made her way to the bathroom naked, still staggering a little from the alcohol. I watched her beautiful form as she was backlit by the bathroom light. She cleaned up and then climbed back into bed with me. "Can I stay here tonight?"

I looked at her and whispered. "And the next, and the next, and the next."

She suddenly looked serious. "We'll see."

It appeared to be a mistake to say that, but I didn't try to cover it up. The moment was past and there was nothing I could do about it. I think we were both asleep in 10 minutes.

Chapter 9. What did you say?

18 October 2009

I woke the next morning at 7:30 and Lily was still there. I watched her face as she slept. It was one of the most beautiful sights I had ever seen. There was something slumbering inside of me from when I knew her in high school that she had awakened. I wanted her now and forever and it scared me. We had only just met again and I was thinking about things I hadn't considered before. I had never felt this way before and my training required me to be circumspect and try to figure out why. It couldn't be just the sex. I had had longer physical relationships with other women and they didn't give me this feeling. There was just something about Lily. Were we meant to be together? Was it fate? Was it my desire to help out someone I had cared about? I had said that she wasn't a 'project', but was that true? My ruminations were interrupted by her waking and slowly opening her eyes to look at me. I was in for a surprise.

She stared at me for a second and then muttered words that you don't want to come out of the mouth of your previous night's lover. "Oh, shit!"

I continued to stare at her. "What?"

She sat up and covered her breasts with her arm. "Damn it!" She hesitated for a second and said it again. "Damn it!" She stood and grabbed her clothes and started getting dressed. "This was a mistake. I should never have come here."

I sat up, too. "What are you talking about? Last night was wonderful."

She stopped getting dressed, standing there now in her bra and panties. "Look, we both just needed to get laid last night. I drank a little too much and got carried away. It was fun, but it was just sex – it was just a friends-with-benefits booty call. Let's not get carried away with this." She started putting on her jeans.

I was flabbergasted that she would act like this. "Lily, just stop for a second." She continued to get dressed. I got out of the bed and moved toward her. 

She looked at my nude form. "Stop! We made a mistake last night and we both just need to admit it and move on. We cannot be together."

I stood there, feeling more naked than ever. "You can't really believe that."

She was pulling her shirt over her head. "I do. Absolutely, I do." She finished dressing and headed toward the door.

"Lily, wait." I reached out for her arm, but she pulled it back forcefully and glared at me. I pulled my hand back, feeling like she was going to bite it.

Lily was out of my room and to the front door by the time I had my robe over my shoulders and closed enough not to run naked thru the house. "Lily! Wait!"

She didn't even turn around, just kept on marching out to her car. She got in and drove away.

I turned around, completely confused, to see my mother standing in the kitchen doorway with a cup of coffee in her hand.

She looked at me and frowned. "Interesting."

"What?"

"Was that a lover's quarrel?"

I fidgeted. "I don't know what that was. She came over last night and spent the night. She was a little drunk, but I didn't think she would wake up and look at me like I was a leper."

"What did she say?"

I went over it with my mom and tried to recapture Lily's words.

My mother watched me carefully. "I think you are rocking her boat, upsetting her life. She thought she had everything worked out and you are just making it difficult for her to stay on path. At least that's my initial thought... but I could be wrong. She could just be a psycho bitch." She gave me her mother's knowing grin at her attempt to be funny and turned and went back into the kitchen.

I watched her leave and retreated to my room to get dressed. Fuck! One of the most amazing women I had ever met and had always wanted had finally had sex with me! And then she acted like I had the plague and bolted from the room and my house. What the fuck? I had to find out more about what was going on in her head.

I quickly showered, shaved, and dressed for my trip to her house or café, wherever she was. I called her cell phone and it went to voice mail. I called her home and got no answer. I finally called the café and found out that she was there.

I drove to the café fast. When I walked in, I was waylaid by Cindy. 

"Whoa!" She pulled me over to the side of the entrance. "What the hell happened between you two? She's very upset right now."

"I wish I knew. She came over and threw herself at me last night while she was drunk and then this morning acted like I was a fate worse than death."

Cindy stared at me. "She threw herself at you? This morning? She spent the night and you two had sex?"

I looked at her sheepishly, realizing that I had let that out of the bag. "Uh... yeah."

"That's interesting. Had she been drinking?"

I started at Cindy. "Yes, she had been."

Cindy shook her head. "Look, Lily doesn't drink much. When she does, all social graces and her ability to reason seem to disappear. Hell, I don't think she knows anything that she's doing. I've seen her tell people exactly what she thinks about them when it's absolutely the most awful thing you could ever say. Something happens to her and she forgets all about societal norms. She just acts on impulse and seems to not know what she's doing. Alcohol is bad for her."

I stared at Cindy. "Societal norms?"

She smiled a little. "Sorry, former psychology major."

"So she just does whatever she wants, mores and morals be damned?"

"That's what I've always seen. It's kind of strange because she doesn't have to look drunk, but I think if you measured her BAT it would be well over the limit. It takes a while for her to get that way." She looked over her shoulder. "You sure you want to have this out in her place of business?"

I looked around. "You're probably right. What time is she supposed to be leaving today?"

"10pm. She'll be leaving then and picking up Lauren at her mother's."

"Okay, thanks." I started to turn and go and so did Cindy. I turned back and grabbed her arm. "Cindy." She turned back toward me. "Thank you. You are a good person and a good friend to her."

She smiled. "You bet your ass!"

I left and went home to wait out the day. I did call and leave a voice mail on her home answering machine and cell phone. I watched a little college football and then, as it got close to 10pm, I headed over to her house.

I arrived at her house at 9:45 and parked down the street. I waited, very impatiently, as the clock ground around to 10:20. That was when she finally pulled into her driveway. I waited until they got out of the car and went to the front door before I started my car and pulled up in front. By then, Lily and Lauren were inside. I got out and walked to the door. I rang the doorbell, ready for almost anything.

The door opened slowly and I saw the very sad face of a beautiful woman. Lily looked devastated. "Hello, Jon." She opened the door all the way.

"Hi, Lily. May I come in?"

She stood back to the side and waved with her hand, indicating that I could enter. I walked in and went straight to the couch and sat down.

"Lily, we need to talk."

She had walked over and sat on the other end of the couch. "I know." She hung her head.

"Tell me what's going on. Tell me why the fact that we had sex was such a terrible thing."

She looked over her shoulder. "Just a moment." She stood and went into the back of the house. Oh! I had forgotten about Lauren. She came back a few minutes later with Lauren, who was dressed in a Pooh t-shirt, wearing large bunny slippers.

"Lauren, say good night to Mr. Kenton."

Lauren looked at me with a little smile and her blue eyes smiled as well. "Good night, Mr. Kenton." 

Lily kissed her on the head and stroked her hair. "Go get in bed and I'll come back in a moment to say good night."

"Okay, mommy." Lauren turned to go, but suddenly pivoted and ran over to me. She threw herself into me for a big hug, causing just a little flinch of pain in my bad shoulder. "Thank you, Mr. Kenton."

After we finished the hug she leaned back and I looked into those amazing Johnson blue eyes. "For what, honey?"

"For saving my mommy." She smiled and then ran back to her bedroom, leaving Lily and I there looking at each other.

"Be right back." Lily left the room and went to attend to her daughter. 

When left alone with my thoughts, I considered for the umpteenth time that day what I was going to say. I knew it would all change as soon as we started talking, but I wanted to be ready.

Lily came back into the room. "She's down and will be asleep soon. We should be able to talk now." She sat down on the other end of the couch, up against the arm, and turned toward me. She grabbed a pillow and held it up against her front like it was armor and pulled her legs up. She finally looked up at me. Her gaze seemed to be challenging me. She seemed to be looking at me with a "so what do you want" gaze.

I decided to launch into what I had planned to say. "Lily, I have wanted you since I first met you. You were and are the most beautiful woman in the world to me. I'm not saying I'm in love with you, but I want to know you, I want to find out who you are, I want to at least give us a chance to get to know each other before we decide we can't be together. Let's just go back to going slow and see what happens."

Lily watched me closely. I could see the wheels turning in her head. Then a sad and morose look passed over her face. "Sorry, Jon. We can't be together. My life is set as it is now. I have everything planned. I will own the café outright in 3 years and Lauren and I will be comfortable and set. I will not let anything get in the way of her having a good childhood and growing up right. Any kind of relationship I have will just get in the way and I've made my share of mistakes in that area. I have to concentrate on her, not on keeping a relationship up with a man, having to worry about his needs, how he interacts with my daughter, as well as everything else that comes with that. On top of that, I can't put you between us and Buck's family. We just cannot be together. And I would appreciate it if you would stop coming around and trying to worm your way into my life."

When she finally stopped I was speechless. I couldn't believe what I just heard. "So that's it then. I'm supposed to just walk away."

She looked down at her hands and I noticed that she was wringing them, and then up at me. "Do whatever you want. I don't care."

"You can't be serious. Lily..." I started to go on.

"Just respect my wishes and leave... please."

I didn't know what to say to that. A very uneasy silence followed where I stared at her and she looked at her hands. Finally, I stood up. "I think you are making a mistake. If not me, then at some point you will want... no, need, an adult relationship with a man. You are still a beautiful, living, breathing woman. You can't just give up on life. I know that I won't." I moved toward the door. "I'll see myself out, thank you."

I moved to the door and turned to look at her. She looked so sad sitting there staring at her hands. I stared at her for about 15 seconds, daring her to look up at me, but she refused. Finally, I opened the door and stepped out. I closed it behind me, wondering why this damaged woman intrigued me so much. Why did I want this one? Fuck, life sucked right now. 



Finding My Way Home Ch. 03



 Part III

From Parts I - II: I returned from Afghanistan, having been shot in the shoulder and having two surgeries to repair it. I got out of the Army to help my mother who had bladder cancer and ran into the high school girl on whom I had had a crush. I found out she was a single mother of a young daughter and tried to ask her out, only to have her accuse me of treating her like someone who I thought couldn't take care of herself and needed to be saved. She realized her mistake and we dated once then I was invited to her house, where I ran into her ex, who had drugged her and then knocked me out. After the incident, Lily says she won't see me anymore, but then, one night she arrived, drunk, and fucks me. When she wakes, she says it was a mistake and goes back to not seeing me anymore. 

Chapter 10. Ahhhh, Cindy!

Over the next few weeks I never saw Lily. She was either not in the café or avoiding me. I looked for her everywhere, but never saw her once. I called her home and cell, but she wouldn't answer or talk to me.

During this period, my mother asked me what I was going to do about her and I could only shrug. I had no idea what to do. I was not in love with her, but there was a strong attraction there that I wanted to know more about. But if she didn't want to see me, I could only try for so long. It was time to consider other things in my life.

My FOID (Firearms Owners ID Card) had finally been approved and I purchased a SigSauer P226 9mm handgun. It's a nice model and I was able to affect the purchase and get the handgun in a reasonable amount of time. It was used and had only been fired a couple of times, so I got it cheap. I had my eye on the famous Glock, but the SigSauer was too cheap to pass up. I also got one box of hollow point bullets for self protection and a couple of boxes of full metal jacketed bullets for going to the range. Most people don't understand that the hollow point bullets are not just for the stopping power, but they also prevent the bullets from traveling too far. If you happen to be attacked in your house and you fire a weapon, a full metal jacketed bullet, if it misses your intruder, can continue to travel through the walls and out of the house to other houses and locations. A hollow point, by the way it mushrooms when it strikes, will not travel much beyond the immediate area of the room where it's fired.

10 November 2009

One day I was in the café again. I was undergoing physical therapy for my shoulder and stopped to get something to eat. Lily was nowhere to be found, but I once again got Cindy as my waitress. She handed me the menu.

"So what can I get you today?"

"Is she here?"

She looked at me sadly. "Yes, but she won't see you."

I looked closely at Cindy. She was a cute little strawberry blonde woman, probably only about 5'2", 105 pounds, with her hair in a ponytail for work. I liked her and, coupled with Lily's ignoring me, she suddenly seemed like an option. "Can I ask you a personal question?"

She looked at me carefully. "Depends."

"Will you go out with me?"

Her eyes narrowed and she studied me, cocking her hips and putting a hand on one of them. "Why?"

"Do I have to have a reason to ask a good-looking young lady out?"

"No, you don't. But I have to have a good reason to go out with someone that my boss seems to have a problem with."

"If she has a problem with me, why won't she see me or talk to me? Why does she ignore me? She won't even speak to me even though I thought we were friends."

"Jon, I like you. But I can't get in the middle of something that could get me fired."

"Then we'll do it where she won't see us. She can stop living her life, but I'm not going to stop living mine. I plan to continue to date and meet other people. Why can't you be one of them?"

She looked at me closely and then glanced over her shoulder. "Okay, look. I'll give you my cell number, but you have to promise she will never find out. I don't want to take a chance on losing this job right now. Okay?"

I agreed and she took my order. When she brought my order out she left a small piece of paper next to my plate with her cell phone number on it. I pocketed it and ate.

I only waited until that night to phone Cindy and ask her out. She agreed to go out with me on Saturday night.

14 November 2009

On Saturday, I went to the address that Cindy had given me and found that it was a small set of apartments in the next small town over from mine. It was a complex of only about 20 apartments, wrapped around a small parking area. All the apartments were arranged so that they had doors on the inside and went through to the outside. The ones on one side were single-floor apartments and the ones on Cindy's side were two-story townhouse style apartments.

I walked up to Cindy's apartment and knocked. She answered the door immediately and I was greeted by a beautiful sight.

"Hey, Jon, come on in for a second."

I walked into her apartment and looked around. It was nicely appointed, clean, and rather large. I then took in the sight of Cindy. She looked fantastic. I had told her we were going to a nice dinner and drinks at an upscale place in St. Louis and she was prepared. She was dressed in a very nice deep purple dress that had a single shoulder strap on the left, leaving the right shoulder bare. The bodice hugged her form and revealed to me that her true shape was not very well seen in her work attire. It showed me that she had a very small waist and perfect small breasts. The hips were nice and curvy and her ass was delectable. The dress came down to just above her knees and her heels, which must have been approaching four inches, accentuated those nice legs and butt.

I guess she saw me looking her over. "Well, is this appropriate for where we are going?"

"Perfect." I smiled at her.

"Does it look okay?" 

I couldn't tell if she was fishing for a compliment or not, but I gave her one. "You look delicious."

Her eyes sparkled at that and she smiled. "Thanks. I've never been to this place before, so I wanted to look good."

I grinned. "Cindy, you look amazing. You are way past good."

She giggled. "Thanks. Do we have to leave now or do you want a drink first?"

"We have a few minutes. If you have any diet soda, I'll take one of those? I don't want any alcohol since we'll be drinking at dinner and it's a long drive there and back."

"Sure. Diet Pepsi okay?"

"Perfect. That's my drink."

She walked over to the small kitchen. "If you want to wait a couple of minutes, my roommate will be down." She lowered her voice and smiled. "She wanted to meet you."

"That's fine. We should have plenty of time to get there."

She finished making my soda and poured herself a glass of wine. "Cindy, what's your last name?"

"Tomlinson."

"Can I ask you a personal question?"

She looked up at me. "Sure."

"How old are you anyway? I have no idea."

She smiled at me. "I'm 23. Just turned 23 last month. Why?"

"No real reason other than wanting to know more about you. Did you go to college?"

"I went to Southwestern Illinois College for two years and then dropped out. There didn't seem to be any point in finishing my degree in psychology. I knew of several people with that degree that had trouble finding work so I wanted to take some time to determine what marketable field I wanted to be in. I didn't see any jobs coming my way in psychology since I'm not smart enough to be a doctor. I can't see myself working in an office every day, but my feet and back won't hold up long if I don't find something other than waitressing." Then she looked up at me. "So what are your plans for the future?"

"Not sure. I can't stay with my mother forever. She's getting better and I need to get a job. I have some more physical therapy to go through for my shoulder, but I need to consider working or going back to school."

"In this area?"

"Not sure yet. I think so. I want to be near my mother for a while to make sure she gets better, but once I get a job, moving would be no big deal for me."

"That's cool."

I heard her roommate come in behind me. She spoke before I could turn. "Hello, Jon."

I turned quickly. I knew that voice. I turned to meet her eyes and she was smiling a familiar smile. It was Rhonda Mortensen. Shit! I had dated her and even had sex with her when I was a senior and she was a sophomore in high school.

"Rhonda!" I said it as a surprise and she laughed. I glanced over at Cindy and she was obviously perplexed.

Rhonda had come over to me by this time and given me a big hug.

Cindy finally spoke when we separated. "You two know each other?"

Rhonda grinned, nodded, and turned to Cindy. "Remember when we discussed our first time and I told you about my boyfriend when I was a sophomore?" She turned and with a flourish held her hand out indicating me.

Cindy's eyes went wide and then she grinned and finally laughed. "Wait, you mean that this is the guy who wouldn't have sex with you at first because he was leaving town and didn't want to hurt you?" The way she said it made it obvious that they had talked about the entire thing.

"Yep. This is him."

Cindy grinned wickedly. "I like him even more now."

I looked back and forth between the two women as I took in what they just said and I know I had to be three shades redder than normal. I could feel the heat in my face. "I can't believe you told her about us, Rhonda."

She patted me on the arm and Cindy came over to me as well. "Jon, I didn't really tell her about 'us'. Cindy and I just told each other about our first sexual encounters and I told her about mine without giving a name. It was several months ago when we first became roommates and I had no idea you were going to turn up as her date one night."

Cindy put her arm around my waist. "It was an endearing story, Jon. You should feel good to hear how she talks about you. I know a lot of women that are not so pleased with the way they lost their virginity – or to whom."

I shook my head. "God! I still can't believe you know all about that."

Rhonda leaned up and kissed me on the cheek. "You were sweet, Jon. I'm very glad that for my first time I had you."

I know I was blushing now. It seemed to me that women were much more open about discussing their sexual adventures. The guys I knew just wanted to let other guys know that there had been a conquest, but no details. "Okay, okay, can we please stop talking about it? I think it's time for us to leave, Cindy."

They both smiled that smile that women get when they are being condescending and letting you have your way. "Sure thing. I'll just get my purse."

Rhonda leaned over toward me. "If this doesn't work out, just give me a call."

My eyes went wide, but before I could say anything, Cindy was back. "Okay, I'm ready."

We headed out toward the car and got in. As I drove to St. Louis, there was a lull in talking with Cindy where I remembered that time with Rhonda. I was a senior, just ready to graduate. She was a sophomore who was very cute and, since we grew up in the same block and had known each other since grade school, I asked her out. She and I hit it off and dated for three months. Near my graduation, she told me one night in the car that she had decided that she wanted to have sex to find out what it was all about and wanted it to be with me. I was shocked. None of my other girlfriends had ever talked so frankly about sex. I had only had sex with two other girls and both of those were fumbling disasters because we were rushed into it in the back seat of a car. Rhonda and I had both made out heavily, including getting each other off with our hands while still dressed, but we had never gotten naked or discussed 'doing it'. Suddenly, to Rhonda, it was the most normal thing in the world to decide to give up her virginity. I was a little shocked and at first said that I was leaving for West Point at the end of June and didn't want to hurt her. She looked directly at me and said that it would only hurt a little and then she would be free to enjoy it more. She said she was on the pill and wanted to have sex. I put it off, saying that I didn't want to do it in the car because of how uncomfortable it was. I was really hoping she would change her mind. I liked her and wanted to have sex, but I felt that she was so young that it might be a mistake with me leaving shortly. She continued to press the issue the next couple of days and then asked me to come over one Saturday. We normally hung out at each other's house on Saturdays, but what I didn't know is that her entire family was going to be away that day. She had told her parents that she was going to be at her friend Jennifer's house, so she stayed behind. When I got there, she opened the door and was standing there in just her panties. She had decided it was to be right then. She ushered me in, my mouth hanging open. She smiled and said it was time. She led me to her bedroom where she had laid a couple of towels out and we had sex. It was wonderful and she had somehow already broken her hymen, so it was easy for both of us. We then had sex every two or three days before I left. It felt badly for her when I had to leave, but she said that she knew it was going to happen and she liked me, but was happy to know what sex was all about. She had no regrets, but I still felt bad about it and had poured my heart out to her in a letter. She wrote back and told me it was no problem and that she would always think of me fondly.

Cindy broke me from my reverie. "So, are you remembering what happened with Rhonda?"

I glanced over at her. "How did you know that?"

"You seemed a little lost in thought and after what just happened in our apartment I figured you might be thinking about what happened back when you two were together, not listening to the radio."

"I had known her since we were kids, so it felt a little odd at first. And yeah, I was sad that I had to leave her."

She patted me on the arm. "Don't be. She talks about you in the most wonderful way. She said that she learned that sex can be a wonderful, enjoyable thing, not to be hidden and locked away. And I have to say after meeting you, that I can see how it would be you. You are still a nice guy."

"Ugh! Don't say nice guy."

"Well, you are. And believe it or not, we women want a nice guy. Sure, we're attracted to bad boys, but in the long run we all want a nice guy."

I thought for a moment. "You don't know that I'm that nice anymore." I paused and she was smiling at me. "So Rhonda told you all about it, huh?"

"Yeah. She said that you were trying to be this understanding grown-up guy who was watching out for her until she attacked you one day at her house."

"She told you everything, didn't she?"

"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone else."

"Gee, thanks."

We were quiet for that last five minutes and then arrived at the restaurant and had dinner. I had only had the one date with Lily in the last year, so I really enjoyed spending time with Cindy. She was so easy to talk to.

After dinner, she said she didn't really want to go anywhere else so we headed back to her place. When we got there she asked me in.

"How about a beer now?"

"Sure." It was only a short drive home now.

She went into the kitchen and came back with two beers. She handed me both of them. "Here, put mine on the table. I have got to get out of these pantyhose." She disappeared and I took a long drink of my beer. 

After a couple of minutes I heard her coming up behind me. "Rhonda is out for the night, so...." 

I turned to look as she walked back into the room and she was in just her panties. 

"Interested?"

I stared at her beautiful, tiny body. She was small with just the right curves and her nipples were already at attention. "Oh, yes."

"Recognize the seduction move?"

"Oh, yes. Just like Rhonda did to me."

She held out her hand. "That's right. Now come with me stud."

I stood and she led me into her bedroom. She turned and kissed me hard, her tongue searching out mine. I put my hands on her ass and felt her beautiful bubble butt. She purred as I fondled it. She then broke off the kiss. "You have too many clothes on."

Cindy helped me undress and then pushed me back on the bed. "Yum! You have a perfectly sized and curved dick." 

I looked down at it. "Curved?" 

She was now kneeling between my legs and was getting ready to go down on me. She looked up. "Yes, it has this perfect upward curve when it's hard – and it's definitely hard." She emphasized that by pulling it down and releasing it, letting it slap up against my stomach. "I bet that curve is going to hit my g-spot just right." I stared at her as she smiled at me when she did that and I was suddenly happen with my upwardly curved appendage. And then she lowered her head to suck me. Fuck! That felt fantastic! 

I was having sex for the second time in a few weeks after a 15 month break, so I really had no recent comparison for it, but a woman sucking your cock is a woman sucking your cock. It reminded me of the old joke my buddy in the Army used to tell. "What's the difference between a good blow job and a bad blow job? There are no bad blowjobs, some are just better than others."

She looked up at me and I stared into her blue eyes. She smiled around my cock as she continued to lick and suck on it. I groaned out loud and she lifted her head. "I think somebody likes having their cock sucked." She said it with the emphasis on the last two words, trying to sound like she was talking dirty. Then she continued as she stared at my dick. "Of course, every man loves to have his cock sucked. But I'm going to give you a cock-sucking like you've never had." And she attacked my dick again.

I leaned back and let her just play. She took her mouth off and licked all around the back and over my balls. Then she licked up to the head and teased around the crown of my circumcised dickhead. She put her lips around the head and slowly lowered her head, burying me in her mouth. It felt amazing. She was not just blowing me; she was making love to my cock. She lifted her mouth off it and rubbed it around her face, staring at me as I lifted my head to watch. She grinned. "Do you like my cock-sucking skills?"

"Oh, yes."

"Do you want to cum in my mouth, Jon?"

"Fuck yes."

"Good. I'm going to suck on this big dick and I want you to fuck my mouth. I want you to fuck my mouth and fill it with your spunk. I'm going to swallow all your cum and then suck you hard again so that you can penetrate my cunt with your hard dick."

I groaned. She obviously enjoyed talking dirty and telling me what she was going to do. She went back to work on my dick and I was really into it. I started thrusting, knowing that this was it. I was going to spurt into this cute little blonde's hot little mouth. And she was sucking and bobbing and stroking me for all she was worth.

Finally, I announced it. "Fuck, I'm cumming!" She pulled her mouth up to just cover my head, continued to stroke me with her right hand, and kept running her tongue on the sensitive spot just under the head. I blasted her. I came and came and came. I couldn't stop thrusting into that hot fucking mouth!

After what seemed like an eternity, I was spent and collapsed back on the bed. I watched as Cindy smiled at me and then finished cleaning up my dick. She smacked her lips. "Yum! I just love a large load of cum."

I stared at her. "Really?"

"Oh, yeah. I love the feel of a hard dick throbbing and spurting into my mouth."

"You're not kidding? I've only been with women who gave blow jobs and swallowed because they thought it was expected of them."

She crawled up next to me and cuddled to my chest. "Not me. I love everything there is about sucking cock. I love knowing that I can get a guy that excited, that I can make them cum almost whenever I want by doing it. I love holding that piece of muscle in my hand, controlling it, owning it, feeling it grow until it spurts, and then shrivel as the blood leaves it. It's just so cool."




Finding My Way Home Ch. 03



I was shocked. I had never met a woman like this. "Well, you certainly can give a blowjob. You were making love to my cock. You are one of a kind in my book."

She rose up and looked at me. She grinned. "Yeah? Well, you remember that, stud."

I chuckled. "Somehow I think you won't let me forget – at least I hope you remind me often."

She grinned and started playing with my genitalia. "Don't worry, I will. Now I'm gonna get you wound up again so you can take care of my itch." She moved down and started sucking and licking on my balls and dick, waking it up for another round.

I pushed her away and crawled off the bed. She stared, waiting to see what I was planning. I couldn't support myself with my bad shoulder, but I figured kneeling on the floor would be easy and let me get to her pussy. I knelt and pulled her around so that her crotch was facing me. I pulled her toward me and she got the idea and helped. She let me pull her so that her legs were dangling over the side on either side of my head.

"Mmmm. I like this idea, stud; someone who can return my oral favors. Do you like the taste of blonde pussy?"

"I love the taste of pussy; the color of the rug doesn't matter."

She giggled and laid her head back as I went to work. "Mmmm, Jon. Eat my pretty little blonde pussy, suck up my juices and lick my clit. I want to cum!"

Fuck! This woman had quite the dirty mouth on her during sex. 

I leaned in to study the features of this small woman's pussy. She had just the hint of blonde hair over the top of her pussy and the rest was free of all hair, either shaved or waxed. It had nice full outer lips that were swollen with blood due to her arousal, and bright pink inner lips that opened to show her very wet and pink cunt. It was beautiful and from the moment I took my first taste, I loved hers. I settled in by kissing her right on her pussy and then all around it. I pushed her legs up and she reached down to hold them up and apart for me. There was no hesitation or sense of unease at spreading herself wide open for me. I parted her outer lips and kissed her inner ones, running my tongue all around inside. I pulled back and ran my tongue down over her asshole. She twitched and moaned in appreciation. I slowly drug my tongue back up over her pussy to her now revealed pearl. Her clit was aroused and demanding attention. I gave it some and after only a minute of sucking and licking on it Cindy reached her orgasm.

"Oh, fuck, right there!" She moaned her desires out loud and started going through the spasms of her first orgasm. I released her clit and just kissed her pussy. She was holding her legs up tightly to her chest as I finished her off and I could see her jerk each time I lightly brushed her clit. 

Finally, she relaxed and let her legs slip down to either side of me. I lifted my head up and she suddenly sat up and grabbed my head. She kissed me hard, her tongue working me over, and then licked around my mouth. She pulled back and looked into my eyes. "Baby, you eat pussy pretty good. I think I might have to keep you around for a while." She grinned. "And I love the taste of me on your mouth. God, that's so fucking hot!"

She then lay back down and pulled her legs back, baring her delectable treasure to me. "Are you hard enough to give me the fucking I need?"

I smiled and stood up. I was hard as could be and pointing straight at her pussy. I started to bury my dick in her, but she blocked her pussy with her hand. She leaned to the right and reached over to the bedside table to pull out a condom. She opened it and slid it quickly over my erection. Then Cindy turned over and scooted to the edge of the bed so that I could fuck her standing up. She was on her knees, chest on the bed, her ass up against my cock, rotating her hips. "Oh, yeah. Fuck me hard, Jon. Show me what that hard cock can do."

I pulled back so that my dick came out from where it was laying between her butt cheeks and aimed it at her cunt. Her dirty talk was making me want to pound her. I lined it up and slowly eased it in. She was soaking after her orgasm and I slid in easy. I only had to pump a couple of times to get enough moisture on my condom encased dick to bury it completely in her. When my hips hit her ass she groaned. 

"Fuck, yes, Jon, that feels great. Now pound me. Fuck me. Make me your bitch."

I was amazed at what was coming out of this cute little pixie of a woman. I thought I was getting the shy girl next door and instead I got a horny, blonde, dirty-talking, sex goddess. So I did as she asked. Using my right hand, I steadied myself on her hip and started slowly fucking her, accentuating the thrusts by ensuring that I buried it hard and slapped up against her ass. She loved it.

"Yeah, Jon, that's it. Now make it fast!"

I obliged and started fucking her hard and fast. She started groaning and emitting 'fuck yeah' every time I bottomed out. I watched as she arched her back, shoved her hips back, and made sure that I could really bury it and make good contact. I slammed and slammed into her and she moaned and groaned and had at least two orgasms before I reached mine. I finally reached my peak and just buried my dick into her as I spurted over and over. She was still rotating her hips a little, stimulating that sensitive spot on my dick so that I couldn't stop jerking. Finally, I had to pull out of her. I pulled back and saw her gaping hole, my condom filled with spunk. Her cunt closed quickly and I had to peel off the condom, toss it in the trash, and then sit down on the bed exhausted. When I finally sat down she collapsed over onto her side and looked up with a smile. 

"Nice job, Jon. I haven't been fucked that good in a while."

I stared down at this surprising woman. "Thanks." I took a deep breath. "I think you stole all my energy, you little minx."

She grinned. "I guess that's something guys don't guess about me unless they see me in action. I love sex and I love talking during sex and I love sex games." She reached over and lightly caressed my now limp and sated member. "I'm glad I decided to have sex with you. I really needed it."

"Me, too."

She sat up and ran to the bathroom. When she came back she lay down next to me. I had fallen back on the bed with my legs still over the side. "It looked like you were going to fuck me bareback without thinking about it. I just want you to know that I don't do that with anyone. If you want, we can get tested just to make sure and then if it comes up, I might give you a break." She grinned at that.

"Yeah, sorry about that. I've only had sex twice in the last 16 months, so I'm a little out of practice."

"You mean the other night with Lily was the first time since you were deployed to Afghanistan?"

"Yep. And you're the second."

She grinned. "Well, you may not remember condoms, but you definitely remember how to fuck. I'll be thinking about this all week."

I smiled and looked at the clock. "I guess I should get dressed and go now." 

She put her arm over my chest. "Not unless you want to. You can stay here tonight. Maybe we'll be able to get one more round in tomorrow morning."

I looked over at her. She was so open about everything it was almost scary. "What about Rhonda?"

"What about her? You think we haven't had men stay overnight since we've been roommates?"

"Yeah, but I know her."

"Don't worry about her. She would probably love it if I let her jump your bones again. I really meant it when I said she still had very fond memories of your time together and introduction to sex."

"Really?"

"Oh, yeah." She was lightly stroking my chest. "Will you stay if I beg?"

I laughed. "You don't have to beg. I'll stay. I would love to snuggle and sleep next to you, you little sex bomb you."

She grinned. "No problem with the fact that you still have a thing for Lily?"

I looked at her closely. "I don't know if I do or not, but she certainly made it plain that I wasn't welcome and that she didn't want anything to do with me. I've pushed a couple of times, but I can't moon over her forever. I've got to move on with my life if she's going to be that way."

She looked at me very intensely for a moment. "Okay, good. You are mine tonight, baby."

We both got ready for bed and crawled in. I never heard anything from Rhonda before I was fast asleep.

Chapter 11. Domestic Cindy.

15 November 2009

I woke the next morning when Cindy got up to go to the bathroom. I lay there and thought about what had happened. Was this where I really wanted to go with my life? Did I want to do this or should I go back and make a solid pitch for Lily? I knew that I was feeling more than just a normal attraction to Lily, but she was making it clear that she didn't want anything to do with me. Did she want me to wear her down? And what about Cindy? She was a sexual dynamo. Was she just a fuck? I liked her, but I didn't get those tingly feelings I got from Lily. Would she be okay as just a friend with benefits? She seemed to be, but things always looked a little different in the light of day.

After a few minutes, I realized that Cindy never came back to bed. She must have gone out the other side of the bathroom and downstairs. I decided to get up. I got dressed and walked downstairs, ready to head home and get cleaned up. Cindy was making some scrambled eggs and Rhonda was buttering toast. They looked up as I came in.

Cindy rushed over and kissed me hard. "Morning, lover. Did you sleep well? Want some breakfast?"

I looked over at Rhonda and she was grinning.

"Uh, yeah. I slept very well. And yes, breakfast would be great."

I walked over to their small kitchen table. Rhonda came over and put some toast on the table. "Hey, Jon."

I looked up at her sheepishly. "Good morning."

She grinned. "I hear you and Cindy had fun last night."

I looked up at her. "Do you guys talk about everything?"

They looked at each other and smiled. Cindy spoke. "Sorry, Jon, but yes, we do. Does that embarrass you?

I looked back and forth between them. "Well, a little."

Rhonda laughed. "Look at you. Are you going to blush over this? I don't know why. You've already slept with both of us."

Cindy giggled as I shook my head. "You guys are crazy."

Cindy finished putting a large plate of scrambled eggs on the table. "No, not crazy. We're just honest and open with each other."

"Okay." I tried to not look at them as I spooned some eggs onto my plate.

Rhonda changed the subject to the restaurant we went to last night and then we talked about everything else. When we were finished eating, Cindy walked me to the door. 

She kissed me. "So Jon, will I see you again?"

I looked down at her. "Absolutely."

"Look, there's no pressure. It was just two people hooking up and enjoying sex. You don't owe me anything and I don't owe you anything. I just want to know if you want to see me again."

I thought about what she said and looked down at this little sexual dynamo. "I definitely want to see you again," I leaned over and whispered into her ear "with your lips wrapped around my dick."

She giggled. "Deal."

I left their apartment feeling wonderful. But on the drive home I revisited my feelings about her and about Lily. There was still something drawing me toward Lily even while I loved the feeling and idea of having sex with Cindy again. It seemed like Cindy was just a happy-go-lucky woman who enjoyed sex and didn't mind hooking up with someone from time to time. But was that totally correct? And could I keep my feelings for Lily from interfering with my physical relationship with Cindy? Or could I maintain a purely physical relationship with Cindy? I was never the type who could do that. I was a one-woman-at-a-time kind of guy, who usually committed myself to my relationships, few that there had been. It was going to be difficult and I didn't even know if I could do that. 

When I got home, my mother was in the kitchen reading the paper. "So, didn't come home last night, I see."

I didn't want to divulge too much. "Nope, it was too late to come home."

"Mmm-hmmm." She grinned at me without looking up.

"Okay, I spent the night with the woman I went out with last night."

She looked up and put her hand over her heart as she mocked me. "Oh, my God! You spent the night with a young lady? And had sex? I'm shocked."

I smiled. "Yeah, yeah. Real funny." I went to the fridge to get a diet Pepsi.

She looked at me over her reading glasses. "Well, I'm glad you told me before you left that you might not be back so I didn't have to worry."

"No problem. How was your night?"

"Oh, pretty normal; went to dinner, danced with some strange men, and then I brought them back here for sex." She grinned and I knew that she was kidding.

I stared at her. "You're hilarious, Mom." I took my diet Pepsi back to my room and got cleaned up for the day.

16 November 2009

When I woke the next morning I felt worse than the day before about how my feelings for Lily seemed to be stronger than those for Cindy, and yet I was going to be going out and hooking up with Cindy and not Lily. Something seemed so wrong about this. I thought maybe I would feel better about it after sleeping on it, but the opposite was true. I didn't know what to do about it. 

I called Cindy at about noon and she was already at work. She was on break when I called so I could talk to her for a minute about it. 

"Cindy, I need to talk to you about the other night."

There was a momentary silence. "I guess it's not to complement me on my oral skills."

I had to chuckle at that. "Well, they were the best I had ever encountered. Your other skills are exemplary, as well."

She laughed. "Yeah, yeah, spit it out lover. You're having second thoughts because of Lily, right?"

"Well...." I let it trail off. She knew immediately.

"I know. Me, too. But I have to tell you that the sex was some of the best I've had and I'm not letting you go very easily. Even if I have to kidnap you."

"Cindy, can we get together to talk about this seriously?"

"Yeah, okay. How about tomorrow night at my apartment? I'll be off. I know I shouldn't make light of this, but if she doesn't want you, then baby I got first dibs."

"Agreed, my excellent little cocksucker."

"Shit, don't say that. You know I like dirty talk and you're going to make my panties wet. Then how will I get any work done around here?"

I grinned and apologized sarcastically. "Sorry, baby. See you tomorrow."

I hung up and turned around and saw my mother standing there. I could tell by the way she looked away that she had heard the cocksucker remark. I blushed when she looked back up at me. 

"Better be more discreet with your conversations, Jon." She grinned when she said it and walked away shaking her head. Damn! That was not something I wanted my mother to hear.

17 November 2009

The next night I arrived at Cindy's at about 6pm. I rang the bell and Rhonda answered. 

"Hello, Jon." She smiled and gave me a peck on the cheek. It still felt a little weird being in the presence of two women that I had slept with. "Dinner's almost ready."

"Dinner? There was no need for you to cook dinner."

Rhonda laughed, shook her head, and lowered her voice. "It wasn't me. Cindy is going all out over you, stud."

I chuckled. "Stop calling me that."

"Why?" She had an evil gleam in her eye.

"Because it sounds terrible to me. It sounds like all I'm here to do is service someone."

She looked at me and thought hard for a moment. Then as she walked toward the kitchen with me following she tossed this over her shoulder. "And would that be wrong?"

I slapped her on the ass – hard. "Smartass!" She jumped and yelped.

Cindy heard all of that and stuck her head around the corner. "Who's a smartass?"

Rhonda just grinned and I pointed to her from behind so that just Cindy could see. Cindy giggled and Rhonda turned to see me pointing. I kept it up.

"Hey!" She tried to slap me but I avoided it and protected myself from any further onslaught. Rhonda just laughed. "Well, I've got a date in an hour, so I'm going upstairs. You kids be good." She winked at Cindy and Cindy stuck her tongue out at Rhonda.

I walked over to Cindy. "Hey, gorgeous." I gave her a quick kiss on the lips.

She smiled. "Mmmm. I like your welcomes." She went back to the stove. "Broccoli will be ready in a minute. Why don't you get out the wine on the inside door of the fridge and fill the glasses on the table."

I went to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of white wine that she had there and moved back to the table. It had been set very nicely. She had definitely gone all out. I poured a couple of glasses of wine and took hers to her. "What are we having?"

"Baked chicken, mashed potatoes, and broccoli. You like?"

"Yum!" It sounded and smelled wonderful. "My favorites." Then I moved up next to Cindy and ran my hand over her tight little bubble butt. "Among other things."

Cindy laughed and wiggled her ass. "Mmmm. That kind of talk will get you everywhere with me."

"All the way over here I thought we were going to have tube steak and fuzzy taco."

Cindy groaned. "Ugh! Those terms are so passé." Then she turned to me and grinned. "But I heard they do make an excellent dessert!"

I grinned back and she shooed me out of the way as she started moving everything to the table. She pulled the chicken and potatoes, which had been done before the broccoli, out of the oven in covered dishes and put them on the table. Then she drained and served up the broccoli. I sat down and she finished putting everything on the table and joined me. 

"Everything looks wonderful." It did and I told her so as I was spooning the potatoes onto my plate.

"Thank you, kind sir."

"Of course, if anything doesn't meet my approval, I'll take it out on you later."

Cindy grinned. "Oh, yeah? I think I'm going to have to keep my eye on you."

I laughed and we ate and discussed the local sports teams while we ate.

Once dinner was finished, we cleared away the dishes and put the leftovers away. As soon as that was done, Cindy took me by the hand and led me to her bedroom. "C'mon, baby, I need sex."

Naturally, I didn't disagree with her or try to stop her. She was a woman on a mission and both my heads agreed with her.

She led me into the bedroom, stripped, stripped me, and then pulled me into bed. She looked at me and grinned. "Jon, do you think you could do me a favor and eat my pussy again?"

How could I refuse this delectable creature? I kissed her on the lips and grinned. "No problem, my little sex fiend."

She giggled. "Don't worry, you're going to get yours, too." Having said that she turned and faced the foot of the bed and straddled my face. She looked down at me and grinned. "Still my favorite number." I knew that she meant 69 and she lowered her pussy onto my face as she leaned forward and started licking my dick. She was definitely a sex-loving woman and after my long time off I was enjoying having regular sex again. 

I ate her with gusto and she sucked me like she hadn't had cock in a year. We brought each other to an orgasm and then basked in the afterglow of being sated with food and sex. 

"Mmmm. I think I could get used to this." Cindy turned to me and looked at me as she said that.

I teased her a little. "Not me, I hate it when a woman feeds me and blows me. I hate feeling so relaxed and satisfied."

She smiled and put her head on my chest. "Who's the smartass now?"

"Rhonda."

She started laughing at that. "I can't wait to tell her how her name came up like that."

"You guys really tell each other everything?"

She raised her head up from my chest. "Well, we don't usually go into minute detail, but we definitely discuss the general... uh... abilities and... uh... well, the satisfaction levels we receive from our lovers."




Finding My Way Home Ch. 03



I looked down into her eyes. "And have you discussed me?"

"Oh, yeah. I told her you were a pussy eating expert."

I narrowed my eyes and looked at her. "Really?"

"Well, not in those words, but I told her that you definitely knew how to have good sex. And Rhonda and I both agree that a man who doesn't eat pussy is not worth having sex with."

"Okay. But I've heard that women usually never say anything bad about a current boyfriend or lover, but once they break up, they dish the dirt. Is that true?"

She smiled at me said mockingly. "Who's been giving away our gender secrets?" Then she put her head on my chest. "That's probably pretty close to the truth. Most of my friends would never say anything bad about their lover while dating or living with someone, but they'll trash them once they leave. And I mean intimate detail trashing. Of course, my married friends dish the dirt on their husbands no matter what."

"Really? Ouch. That has to hurt."

"Whatever, let's discuss something else... like my next orgasm."

She rolled over on top of me, starting kissing me, and fondled my recovering member. He was up for round 2 and we made it a good one. I didn't leave until 1am and Rhonda was just driving up when I walked out. 

"Hey, Rhonda."

"Well, hello, stud." I rolled my eyes at her comment. "Heading home tonight? Can't take the breakfasts around here?"

I chuckled. "No, just need to be home to take my mother to the hospital tomorrow morning."

"Oh, sorry." 

"No problem." I left and was thankful that Cindy was in my life.



Finding My Way Home Ch. 04



 Part IV

From Parts I - III: I returned from Afghanistan, having been shot in the shoulder and having two surgeries to repair it. I got out of the Army to help my mother who had bladder cancer and ran into the high school girl on whom I had had a crush. I found out she was a single mother of a young daughter and tried to ask her out, only to have her accuse me of treating her like someone who I thought couldn't take care of herself and needed to be saved. She realized her mistake and we dated once then I was invited to her house, where I ran into her ex, who had drugged her and then knocked me out. After the incident, Lily says she won't see me anymore, but then, one night she arrived, drunk, and fucks me. When she wakes, she says it was a mistake and goes back to not seeing me anymore. After a few weeks of being ignored and turned down by Lily, I asked the waitress Cindy out and she proved to be a sexual dynamo. 

Chapter 12. Playful Cindy.

Over the next few weeks, Cindy and I met regularly. She was a bit wild, but then I needed that. I needed someone to draw me away from Lily. 

One very tense incident occurred on 14 December when I was in the café after physical therapy and Cindy was working. I sat in her area and she waited on me. After I finished eating, I guess our flirting and playful banter was noticed by Lily. We had said we would be careful, but we got a little carried away. Lily came over just after Cindy had gone to wait on someone else and sat at my table. Cindy noticed, but stayed away, probably waiting to see what would happen.

Lily looked tired and stressed. "Do you hate me?"

I was shocked by the question. "What? No, I don't hate you. What would ever make you think that?"

She looked over at Cindy. "Why else would you start hooking up with a waitress that works for me and throw it in my face."

I sat there trying to process that and then looked down, feeling sheepish. "I'm sorry. That was not my intention. She's just a beautiful woman and I was attracted to her. It had nothing to do with you and I certainly wasn't trying to throw it into your face. We didn't mean to be obvious. You didn't want anything to do with me, but I certainly don't hate you. Do you hate me?"

She stared at me for a few moments and then looked down. "No." She got up and walked away, leaving me feeling like an asshole.

That encounter made me not want to go back there, so Cindy and I limited our being together to places outside of the café.

I knew there was still something that drew me to Lily when I saw her, but she was always completely closed off to me and I decided that the best thing was to continue to be with Cindy. All the great sex was taking my mind off everything else. My mother was doing well and my shoulder was responding well to the physical therapy. The more I took physical therapy the more I knew that part of the recruiting process for them was to ensure that they were masochists. 

Lily, however, was still something of a paradox. She was a beautiful woman and the great sex we had that one night had really enthralled me, but ever since she had been cold and unapproachable. She had told me she wanted nothing to do with me. Cindy, meanwhile, was turning out to be amazingly good company, an intelligent woman on many subjects even though she didn't finish her education, and a witty talker who could hold her own. I felt like we were getting really close.

One night as I was leaving and Rhonda was downstairs when I left, she stopped me to talk.

"Jon, can you keep a secret."

"Sure."

"It's about Cindy."

I was suddenly uncomfortable. "Uh... sure, I guess."

She smiled. "It's nothing bad, just something I wanted to pass along."

"Okay, go ahead."

"Cindy is a very sexual woman." I smiled and nodded at that. "She is also still a woman with feelings. Don't forget that."

I frowned and stared at her. "What do you mean by that?"

"Okay, I'm going to just come out and say it. Cindy usually has several lovers at a time and makes no bones about it being her prerogative to do so. Since she has started having sex with you she has turned down all her other 'friends-with-benefits' regulars. I think she's getting attached to you. I just wanted you to know. I love her and don't want to see her get hurt."

I was a little stunned, but not completely. I could tell the way Cindy acted around me that she really enjoyed taking care of me and was a little enamored with our relationship. "I don't intend to hurt her in any way. I really like Cindy. I can keep a secret and I'll be good to her."

She eyed me carefully. "I hope so. See you again soon."

"Okay, bye." Now what was I supposed to do about that?

It was 15 December, just before Christmas when I heard from Cindy about a 'special' night that she had in mind. She wanted me to come to her apartment at 8pm that Friday and let myself in. She said the door would be unlocked and I was to come in and sit on the couch. There would be a note for me there. Cindy and I had had pretty regular sex and I thought this might be a continuation of that, but I wasn't sure what she had in mind. 

18 December 2009

I was anxious and horny when I entered her apartment. I went to the couch and there was a written note. It was a scenario. It read:

 I'm sorry stepfather that you caught me and the next door neighbor playing in my room. I'm sorry that you caught him sucking and fondling my breasts and with his hand up my skirt. We were not going to do 'it', but sometimes I cannot deny my urges. Please, do not take it out on him. He was just succumbing to my advances. He's too dumb to do otherwise. I know that I am a dirty, nasty girl and that I deserve to be punished. I'm also sorry that I tease you by flaunting my body in my panties and t-shirts in the morning. I'm just a sinful girl. I'm willing to take whatever punishment you want to give me. I am waiting in my room for you to call me and administer it.

Your stepdaughter, Cindy.

P.S. Rhonda is out for the night. 

I put the note down. She told me almost everything I needed to know in this scenario. Once before during sex, she had asked me to slap her on the ass and she seemed to get into that, but this was a much different scenario. I was a little surprised by it, but she was basically telling me what she wanted. I also noticed the items that she had placed on the coffee table. I stared at what was there. There were five items; a blindfold, pair of handcuffs, a butt plug, some lube, and a small paddle. She had provided everything that she wanted me to have to enact her little fantasy. She was kinkier than I thought. I was a little shocked, but very interested. I had always been a pretty straight person myself and now was excited by this new turn of events. It was something that I had never experienced and would never have asked for.

I picked up the blindfold and called her name. She walked into the room and was the poster child for a teenager's wet dream. Hell, every straight man's wet dream. She was wearing a sheer blouse that she had tied up under her small breasts and a plaid schoolgirl's skirt, except she had rolled up the waistband until it only came to the bottom of her ass.

"Come stand in front of me." She did. I whispered to her quietly. "What's the safe word."

She looked at me and whispered. "I don't know, I didn't think about one."

"I can see that you are telling me you trust me, but we have to have one, right? Isn't that how it's done? How about 'snowstorm'?"

"That's fine. I trust you, so I don't think I'll need it."

"Yes, but I'm new to this. I would feel better about having one so that I don't go too far."

"Okay -- snowstorm it is."

I leaned back and looked up at her, trying to get into character. "What do you have to say about this incident with the boy next door, Cindy?"

"I'm s.. s.. sorry stepfather. I shouldn't have let Joe touch me... but...." She stopped.

I stared at her. She had her eyes downcast and her hands clasped in front of her like she was really ashamed, and she was slightly rocking from foot to foot. She was playing this well. "But what?"

"But... but sometimes I cannot stand the ache in my body. It wants to be touched, in a bad way."

I stared at this woman in front of me. There was much I didn't know about her, obviously. I thought I knew her pretty well, but how well do we really know someone's secret desires?

"What do you mean 'in a bad way'?"

"Sometimes I like to touch my breasts and my, you know, my other thing."

"What other thing? Cindy, if you can't be honest with me, how can I properly discipline you? You must tell me everything."

"You know, stepfather, my vagina." She was trying to keep to the ashamed little girl, but a slutty grin passed over her face.

"You mean your pussy?"

She looked up at me and answered in a whisper. "Yes, stepfather."

She was standing directly in front of me, her small breasts and areola easily visible through the gauzy blouse. Her nipples were hard and pointy. Her legs were visible all the way to just below her pussy because it was so short. After giving her a good looking over I looked up and could see the lust in her eyes.

I stood up and walked behind her. I lifted the blindfold up and showed it to her. "I am going to put this on you for your punishment."

"Yes, sir."

"You will call me sir or daddy while I am punishing you, understand?"

"Yes, sir."

I put the blindfold on her and waited for a few seconds. If she wanted to play, I would at least make her anticipate it and think about it. After a few seconds I went and sat back down. I reached up and fondled her tits. "Did you like it when Joe fondled your tits and played with your nipples?"

"Yes, sir." She squirmed as I played with them. 

I released the knot of the tied up shirt and let it fall open. I pushed it back over her shoulders and she shrugged it off onto the floor. "You have very pretty tits, Cindy."

"Thank you, sir."

"Do you like to have them pinched?" I pinched one nipple a little harder and pulled out on it. She had a sharp intake of breath.

"Yes, sir, very much." She started squirming more so I leaned forward and sucked on one.

"Oh, yes, sir." She moaned and reached for my head. 

I slapped her hands away. "Keep your hands down."

"I don't think I can, sir." She grinned from beneath her blindfold.

I realized that she was hinting at the use of the handcuffs, so I got up and retrieved them. I stood behind her and pulled her arms back and she let me cuff her. "That should keep you under control, my little minx." She didn't say anything and I sat back down and sucked on one tit and pinched the nipple of the other for the next few minutes. I never pinched hard enough to hurt her since she had never let on that she was into pain. She was moaning and squirming a lot now. I could tell she was getting turned on. I leaned back. "So what else did you let Joe do? Did you let him play with your pussy?"

"No, sir. He only got to rub it over my panties."

"Did you like that?"

"Yes, sir. It made me get... you know... a little wet."

"Are you getting wet now, my slutty little stepdaughter?"

"Yes, sir, I think so."

"Well, let me just check then." I reached under her skirt and found that she was not wearing panties. I lifted the front of the skirt and saw that she had shaved all her pubic hair and was definitely wet. "You are very wet and you have completely shaved off your pubic hair."

"Yes, sir."

"Only nasty little sluts who crave to have their pussies played with and fucked do that. Are you ready for your punishment now?"

"Yes, sir."

"Are you my own personal little slut?"

"Yes, sir."

"No, I want you to repeat what I say back to me."

"Yes, sir, I am your personal little slut."

I stood up and led her to the middle of the living room. "You are going to kneel down now." I held her arm as I helped her kneel. "Now bend forward and put your face on the floor." She did so. I flipped her skirt up over her ass and looked at it. It was magnificent. I had an erection that was threatening to burst the zipper on my Dockers so I stripped. She didn't say anything while I did so even though I know she heard me, so I retrieved the lube, butt plug, and paddle and approached her. "You have been a very bad, very slutty girl. I'm going to have to teach you a lesson. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir, you are going to teach me a lesson."

I ran my hand over her soaking gash and made sure I ran a couple of fingers over her clit. She jerked at the contact and moaned. This was really fun. I had never played this sort of game and had this kind of control over a woman. I was enjoying lightly tormenting her. I wasn't sure about the paddle, but I loved teasing. I came back up to her ass and played with her asshole.

"Please, sir, not there. That's dirty."

"You are a very dirty, very slutty, very nasty girl and I am going to teach you what happens to sluts who act like you did and try to seduce a nice young man. Are you ready for me to put a plug in your ass, you little slut?" 

"Yes, sir, I am ready for you to put a plug in my ass."

I opened the lube and dribbled some on her ass crack just above the hole. I rubbed it all around her little pink star and then into it as I pushed my index finger in. She wiggled a little and I watched as my erection bobbed right next to her ass. I was almost as turned on as she was. I started slowing fucking her ass with one finger and she moaned and wiggled. I then put just a touch more lube on her asshole and started working a second finger in. She was very tight, but eventually I was in her up to the middle knuckle. I had never done more than play with or lightly lick a woman's ass while having sex and had never penetrated one. It was an amazingly dirty, taboo, and exciting feeling. I looked at the butt plug she had left out. It was not small, but not humongous. I pulled out my fingers and lubed up the plug. She was still there, slightly wiggling her ass, taking slow measured breaths. I put the butt plug against her asshole and started fucking her with it, pushing harder each time to get it closer to entering her. 

She groaned. "It's so big, sir. Please don't put it in my little bottom." I wondered if she had really had anything back there before, but her pleading during this role play led me to believe that either way, she wanted it now.

"This is my ass, slut, and if I take this instrument out, I'm going to put my big, hard cock into this tiny little asshole."

"Sorry, sir. I will take whatever you desire."

She was playing along well and I was amazed at the freedom she gave me. She was very trusting considering we had been dating for only a little over a month.

Finally, the butt plug got past the large part and was seated into her ass. She moaned as her ass closed around it. She had never mentioned any desire for anal play in our few weeks together, but she seemed to be enjoying it now.

"So what does my little slut think about having her ass plugged?"

"It makes me feel so full, sir. Will you take it out soon?"

"We'll see. We still haven't gotten to your punishment. So far all I've done is shown you what a little tramp you are for sex."

I picked up the paddle and looked at it. It was like a ping pong paddle with extra padding. It was meant more for show than pain, which was good. I was not really into inflicting pain. I brought it down and rubbed it over her ass. She squirmed, showing her nice little ass with the bottom of the butt plug on display, wiggling in front of me. I suddenly brought the paddle back and then down on her ass. It hit her ass and she jerked and yelped as it hit, but it was an amazing sight. I had never in my life played at spanking or something like this. I couldn't hit her hard because I had no experience with this and was afraid I would really hurt her. I tried to hit her just enough to make it interesting.

"I think I will give you 10 swats." And I started doing so. I took a few seconds between each one and made sure they were not too hard. In any case, by the time I finished, Cindy was moaning and her pussy was starting to actually leak her lubrication out and down her legs. I stared at it. Wow! This was fucking amazing.

After I finished the swats, I ran my hand down into her pussy and it was flooded with her juices. She was seriously aroused. I patted it and leaned over toward her head. "Are you a virgin little girl?"

"No, sir."

"What?! You've already had sex? What a little slut! Who did you fuck?"

"I'm sorry, sir. I have not f... had sex with anyone. I only meant that I broke my hymen on my mother's toy."

"You are a nasty girl, aren't you? You have used your mother's dildo to fuck yourself. You know that your mother is a little bit of a prude in the bedroom? I bought that dildo for her and she won't let me use it on her. I don't know if anyone has used it except for my slutty little stepdaughter, but I'm going to love fucking her slutty little girl. And you are going to love it when I thrust my big, hard dick into that tiny little cunt you have and fuck you like the slutty little bitch you are." Cindy just moaned. I knew she loved the dirty talk. I shuffled on my knees behind her and lined my dick up with her hole. I started slowly thrusting into her and decided that this was not a good position because of the angle with the butt plug. I pulled out and Cindy groaned in disagreement with that. I went over to the table and came back with the handcuff keys. I unlocked her hands and removed the cuffs. I then pulled her up a little and removed her blindfold. "Come over here my little personal whore. I want you to fuck me on the couch." I walked to the couch and sat down, my dick sticking straight up. Cindy looked at it hungrily and slowly clambered up over me. She put my dick into her cunt and started lowering herself onto it. I could feel the butt plug, but because she could arch her back differently, I felt like I had more room and was comfortable with fucking her. Cindy looked down at me and continued her role playing.

"Oh, shit, fuck me sir. Please fuck your stepdaughter's bald pussy and make her cum. I really need to cum, sir."

I reached down and thumbed her clit while she was rocking back and forth and that set her off. She started jerking and jerking and threw her head back. Her mouth was open and she was breathing heavily as she came and came and came. When she finally relaxed she collapsed onto me, her head buried in my chest. I smiled as I thought of how good she looked when she was wrapped up in her orgasm. 

Finally, she leaned back and looked at me. I thought we were done with the role-playing, but apparently not. "Are you ready to cum, sir? Do you want your stepdaughter to make you cum, sir?"

"Mmmm. Yes, I do. I want you to get off me and suck me like the brilliant cock-sucker you were born to be. Then you're going to swallow every ounce of my cum and make me happy."

Cindy grinned. "Yes, sir."

I stared at her. "Repeat it."

"Yes, sir, I am going to suck your cock and swallow all your cum to make you happy."

She got off me and knelt in front of me. She wasted no time in getting her mouth over my pussy soaked dick. She started licking and sucking.

"Do you like the taste of your pussy on my dick?"

"Yes, sir. I love the taste of my pussy on your dick." She pulled back to answer me, but put her mouth immediately back on me. She sucked me some and then pulled back to lick all around my dick and balls, slurping up all the girl cum that she had left all over my crotch. She cleaned that up the best way that she could and then resumed sucking. She put her mouth over my dick and went at it like a demon, fucking her mouth with my dick by bobbing up and down mercilessly, forcing it into her throat without prompting from me. I was in awe how she attacked my dick. Finally, I could feel the cum rising and my orgasm closing in. I told her I was going to cum and she brought her mouth to just around the crown and stared at my eyes as I reached nirvana. I spurted and spurted and spurted some more. I filled her mouth and she swallowed every drop as she continued to stare into my eyes. She was wonderful.




Finding My Way Home Ch. 04



After I relaxed back against the couch I looked down at her. "You are a wonderful cocksucker, but I think you need some deep throat training."

Cindy smiled up at me evilly. "Yes, sir. You may use my mouth whenever you desire."

"That's good, because your mother is terrible at sucking cock."

She grinned. "I will try to be the best you've ever had sir."

I grinned. "Okay, enough. I want my girlfriend Cindy back."

Cindy stood up, naked, dripping from her pussy, and flushed over 90% of her body. "Wow, Jon that was wonderful."

"Quite an interesting way of introducing a fantasy."

"Yes, it was, but I was hoping you'd be up for it." She climbed up onto my lap sideways, curling up like a cat.

"I was."

"You're also the only guy I've ever dated who I trusted with handcuffs."

"Thank you."

She looked up at me. "No, thank you. I've had this idea in my head for years and just wanted to try it once. Like I said, I wouldn't trust most guys in that scenario. I always wanted to see what that felt like. I think I liked the light spanking and being controlled for a little while, but it's not something that I want to do often. I'm too much of a wild woman who likes to control sex. What did you think?"

I grinned and said jokingly. "I liked it, but I think I'm more of a straight sex kind of guy. I'm not really a spanking, demanding sort of guy. I like strong woman who I have to wrangle." I gave her an evil grin. "However, you were a very good little slut for me and I think I like that idea."

"Oh, you like strong women, huh? And you liked me being your little slut?"

"Of course -- to both."

"Well, we'll see." She stood up and I also got up. I picked her up in my arms and carried her up to her bedroom. My left arm was working well enough that there was very little discomfort from picking up this little pixie of a woman. She giggled the entire time. I put her in bed and climbed in with her. She smiled and threw her arms around me.

"Mmm. My big, strong lover."

I kissed her and we both turned to relax and get some sleep. 

Just as I was dozing off, I heard her whisper to me. "I love you, Jon Kenton." I knew that she thought I was asleep and that I wasn't supposed to hear that, but I did. I tried to determine how I felt about that, and I have to admit that I actually liked the idea of her falling in love with me. Was I in love with her? When I thought about that, for the first time in a long time I didn't see Lily. But I wasn't sure about Cindy. I really liked her, and having sex with her, and she was really fun, but was that love? Was that going to fulfill me? I drifted off, wondering about all these things.

Chapter 13. Buck... and family. Cindy!!

The second week of January 2010 saw Buck in court and we all showed up to provide our testimony. It was a short trial and only took three days. The night before I had to testify I had the dream again. It was getting better each time, but still occurring.

13 January 2010

When it came time for me to testify his lawyer tried a typical ridiculous tactic. The prosecutor, a guy named James Edelmann who liked to be called 'James', had just had me give my version of what happened and then Buck's lawyer, a sleazy guy named Christopher Reuben who didn't seem very good, questioned me.

He tried to make it look like I just barged in and attacked Buck, but it didn't come off very well. I had already testified and been taken through the attack by the prosecutor, so the defense attorney was just trying to poke holes in my story. He was not able to do so and his case was really nothing. The 911 call recording was pretty damning, too. By the close of business on the 14th Buck had been sentenced to 15 years. Lily was overjoyed, but his brother and father were not. They were angry, but kept away from us. I still remember what Lily said though, and kept my eye on them.

The prosecutor was an assistant in the local county office and afterwards he came to me and told me that his boss wanted to talk to me. I met him just outside the courtroom.

"Hello, Jon, my name is Darrin Walker. I'm the DA. Have you got a few minutes?"

"Sure." 

He led me downstairs to the small cafeteria in the courthouse and he got a cup of coffee while I got a Diet Pepsi. 

"Jon, I'll get right to the point. My assistant tells me that you have recently left the service and have not looked for work yet. Is that correct?"

"That's correct. I have not done anything about that yet. I've been worried about my mother and going to physical therapy for my shoulder."

"How is your mother?"

"She's doing well. She has just finished a round of chemo and the doctors say that she should be fine for many years."

"That's good. Sorry to hear that she had bladder cancer." I could see that he had checked this because I hadn't said what she was receiving treatment for.

"Jon, we are in need of an investigator. We are a small office and have never had one before, but with the explosion of the suburbs this far out from St. Louis, we have a new position that I am authorized to fill. I saw you in the courtroom and I know of your history. You don't have any criminology background, but I believe we can assist with that. Are you at all interested?"

I thought about it for a second. It would keep me here, which was a double-edged sword. I was not as fond of these small towns as some folks, but my mother needed some attention for a while longer and I needed time for physical therapy. "I'm interested. Can I come by later to talk about this?"

"Sure. It was authorized with the new calendar year, but I don't have any other applicants at the moment. It will be available for a little while, but I do have to fill it, so don't wait too long."

"Okay, thanks. I just need to consider what I plan on doing with my future."

"I understand." He handed me his card that he retrieved easily from his jacket pocket. "Just call me when you make up your mind one way or the other."

"I will. And thanks for considering me."

"No problem." He stood and left and I tried to think about where I was trying to take my life. But I couldn't make up my mind right now. I decided to head home and discuss it with my mother.

And, of course, there was Cindy. My relationship with Cindy had been deepening. I was feeling more attached to her and wondered if maybe this was love. 

30 January 2010

One Saturday Cindy and I went to a firing range. We took my 9mm and taught her how to assemble, disassemble, clear, load, and fire the weapon. The folks there were very helpful and by the time I was done, Cindy was much more comfortable around it. I just wanted her to be able to handle it and not be afraid of it. Her father had had weapons when she was young, but she never really learned anything about them. It was for the boys, not the girls to learn about firearms in her family. I made her fire about 50 rounds by reloading the magazines and learning how to do everything herself.

After the range, we were at her place and Rhonda was upstairs getting ready for a date. I had just finished cleaning my weapon and laid it on the counter that they had between the kitchen and the small eating area when I brought up the subject that I had been waiting to discuss with her. I decided I had to tell her what I heard that night when she said she loved me after we enacted one of her fantasies. I had been thinking about this for a while and was getting a little attached to her myself. I decided that I had to discuss it.

"Cindy, I have to tell you something."

"Mm-hmm." She sounded a little uninterested.

I sat up a little. "Cindy, I really need to talk to you."

That got her attention. She immediately sat up and her eyes got big. "Okay." She looked scared. "Is it about us?"

"Yes, it is. I wanted to talk about our relationship and where we're going."

She just stared at me. "Okay. I hope nothing's wrong." I could hear the tension in her voice. I knew then that she was definitely getting attached to me.

I didn't want to upset her so I tried to calm her fears. I reached out and took her hand. "No, nothing like that. I think we need to discuss what you said that Friday night before Christmas after our little fantasy romp. I was almost asleep when I heard you say that you love me."

She stared at me and I could see tears forming in her eyes. I was a little shocked that this strong, independent, everyone-else-be-damned woman was getting so emotional. "Okay."

"Well, is it true?"

She looked down at her hands and I saw a tear leak out of her left eye and start to make its way down her cheek. She finally shook herself, wiped her cheek off, and seemed to steel herself for the conversation. When she spoke, her voice was firm and strong; the independent woman was back. "Yes, Jon. It's hard not to love you. You are a good man, a well-mannered man, and a good, considerate lover. I feel a connection with you I haven't felt before. I've never felt like I wanted to be with just one person before, but I do with you."

I watched her. "I see."

"That's all you have to say?"

"I'm sorry, of course not. Cindy, I'm not sure I can define love or what it means to me, but I really enjoy being with you. I don't care if we are eating, drinking, having sex, watching TV, or just reading. All of those things are better with you."

She smiled and another set of tears brimmed. She reached out and took my hand. "I can't believe I fell in love with you so fast. I didn't even want to go out with you at first because I thought you were still hooked on Lily. But you are so easy to fall for. I can't believe that the other women you dated didn't try to nab you."

"Who said they didn't?"

She smiled and wiped her eyes. "Smartass!"

I reached out and pulled her to my chest in a big hug. "Cindy, I'm not ready to say that this is permanent because it's been such a little amount of time, but I really like you. I want to be with you and see what happens. Is that okay for now?"

She looked up at me and rose up to give me a quick kiss. "That's just fine, lover. At least I can say it out loud now, right? I love you, Jon Kenton."

I smiled. "You are a beautiful woman and I'm surprised that nobody has latched onto you, either." I leaned down and kissed her.

We both heard the sniffle from behind us and stopped kissing to turn and find Rhonda standing there grinning with tears brimming in her eyes as well. "You guys are a good couple."

"You heard that?"

"Yes, and it was beautiful. I've never had a guy be that open and honest about things."

I smiled. "It must come from growing up with my mother and then being in the Army. Or it might have been that sophomore girlfriend I had when I was a senior."

"Smartass." Rhonda stuck her tongue out at me and then turned to go upstairs. "Now if you'll excuse me, you lovebirds have caused me to mess up my makeup, so I have to go back and fix it. If my date shows up, let him in and tell him I'll be right down." She scampered upstairs.

Cindy went back to watching TV and snuggled up against me. "Let's just watch this movie for a while."

I was happy with that and kissed her on top of her head. We watched the movie after Rhonda left and until the credits started rolling. Then Cindy attacked me on the couch.

It was about 11pm and we were lounging there, having gotten dressed in case Rhonda returned when the doorbell rang. Cindy looked at me quizzically. "It's late. Who could that be? Did Rhonda forget her key?" She stood up, but as she approached the door, I got a bad feeling and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. It was a feeling that I hadn't felt since Afghanistan. There was something wrong.

"Cindy, wait!" She turned towards me and frowned as she stopped about four feet from the door. I was moving toward the kitchen pass through where I had set down my weapon when the blast occurred. It was deafening, blowing parts of the door inward and knocking me to the floor. I was dazed for a moment by the noise and being knocked down and then looked toward the door. There was a man standing there peering through a hole that had been punched in the door by what had to be a shotgun and Cindy lay on the ground in a bloody heap. I tried to quickly see if she was alive or seriously hurt, but there was no movement. There was still a bit of debris and smoke lingering in the air and the guy didn't see me because I was slightly out of sight behind the couch. My ears were ringing and everything was slightly muffled.

As the man peering through the door withdrew I blinked a couple of times and suddenly the battle environment appeared to me. 

The gray rocks came into focus. I could again hear the yelling of my men as they coordinated medical attention to the wounded and returned fire. I had been hit in the shoulder and my platoon sergeant was helping me up but telling me not to stand straight up. The smell of cordite and blood and sweat was back. The gray dust was being kicked up by the bullets thudding into the ground and zinging off the rocks around us. I got up and I could hear him tell the injured and assisting personnel to stay put and fix the enemy in place. He and I were going around the left flank.

The man on the other side of the door stood up and reached inside through the hole to turn the latch for the lock and I leaped to my feet. I had to stop him so that I could get to the wounded. I reached up and grabbed my gun and one of the clips of hollow points that was in the bag where I was also carrying my cleaning kit. I had it loaded and cocked when he opened the door. I took my position and thought nothing of it as I put two into the center of his chest. I could see his eyes come up and focus on me and see what was happening just as I pulled the trigger. He was pushed back through the doorway by the slugs and I heard someone curse and scream. Then one of the elders came into view carrying what looked like a pump shotgun. He was shooting as he came around the corner and I ducked down behind the rocks. I knew he would keep coming, so I crawled forward and poked my gun around the corner of the large rock I was behind, roughly aiming it at where he should be. It was only 15 feet, so I had a good chance. I pumped three rounds in his direction and heard his surprised scream as one found him. I peeked around the corner to see him struggling to try to get up and hold his side where the round had evidently found him. His gun was on the floor and he was reaching for it. I stood up, walked to him and calmly put two rounds into the center of his chest.

I went to tend to the wounded and as I assisted the wounded woman on the ground, I could hear other people outside the door. I jerked around, holding my weapon at the ready and saw nothing but scared civilians. 

I blinked and suddenly I was back in Illinois. I looked down at the wounded woman and could see that it was Cindy. I shook my head some more, trying to clear it completely. What the fuck just happened? 

Cindy was breathing, but it was labored and her back and side were peppered with the shot from the shotgun. I was still a little confused at the change in scenery, but my military training took over. I could hear the neighbors all milling around outside and looking in, but I was too concerned about Cindy. I cradled her head and tried to comfort her as we waited for the ambulance. I grabbed the blanket that we had been cuddling under on the couch and wrapped it around her tightly, hoping to stem some of the blood flow and keep her warm. I don't know if she heard me or not as I finally told her I loved her and that I would be there when she woke because she appeared to be in shock. She was breathing and had a pulse, but was definitely not recognizing me.

Finally, I heard the sirens, both police and ambulance, but I stayed there with Cindy, holding her, comforting her. By the time they got there, I had the shakes from the adrenalin wearing off. The police arrived first and were quick to ascertain what had happened. They took all the weapons, including my gun and then the ambulance arrived. The paramedics rushed into the room and they loaded Cindy up. I tried to go with them, but the police wouldn't let me leave. They wanted a statement since it was my gun that killed two men. I was angry and fought it, but to no avail. Cindy was whisked away without me. I turned to the younger of the two detectives who had arrived about 15 minutes after the initial police and ambulance. He looked so young I was surprised that he had enough experience to even be a detective.

"Detective, I need to get to the hospital to see how my girlfriend is doing, so what else do you need from me right now? Can't we do this later?" I was in no mood for administrative bullshit.

He looked at me, and his answer was so condescending, I wanted to smack him. "Well, you just killed two men. I think I need to know more about that now, not later."

I stared at him. "My girlfriend was just taken to the hospital with life-threatening injuries. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see what happened here and I already explained it once. In fact, it doesn't even take much of a detective to verify this, so I'm going to head to the hospital. If you want me, you can meet me there and we'll talk all you want."

I started to walk out and he put his hand on my arm. "I didn't dismiss you."

I stopped and stared at him. I jerked my arm away, completely wrapped up in my desire to get to Cindy. "Unless you are going to arrest me, I'm leaving. I'll see you at the hospital." 

I waited for him to say something about arresting me, but he didn't. I saw him look over to an older detective who was also in plain clothes and talking to a couple of neighbors, checking their statements even thought they were mostly being gathered by the uniformed officers. The older detective came up to us. "Mr. Kenton, I'll take you to the hospital. We'll get there faster."

I nodded. "Thank you." I glared at the younger one.

We got into an unmarked police car and he turned on the siren and we headed down the road at high speeds. He spoke to me as he drove. "You're the Jon Kenton who was in the paper last year about a battle in Afghanistan?"

"Yes." Oh, great, I thought. He was going to ask about that -- but he didn't.

"My name is Detective John Wilson. Will you answer some basic questions without a lawyer?"

I thought about that. I would answer until I felt threatened. "Sure."

"How long have you had that 9mm?"

"I bought it late last year."

"You have your FOID, right?"

"Absolutely."

"How did you happen to have the gun with you? You know Illinois doesn't have a carry and conceal law."

"I took Cindy to the range today so that she could learn to shoot it, too. We went back to her place where I showed her how to clean it. Who knew that several hours later some assholes would show up? Just pure dumb luck that we aren't both dead."

He thought about that for a second. "I believe you. And we can verify that you were at the range very easily. I'm sure you'll be cleared. Those two have a record of violent actions and have been arrested for it before. I also know that you put Buck in jail, so it's obvious what their motive was."

This guy had obviously done this many times. "Thanks."

It was just a few minutes later we arrived at the hospital. Cindy was in emergency surgery and the detective stayed with me. He called back and told the other officers that he was with me and then sat with me as we ate terrible junk food from a machine and waited... and waited... and waited. About an hour later a very distressed Rhonda showed up. She was in tears and I held her, trying not to cry, but feeling her sobbing in my arms made it hard for me to hold mine back. I was still trying to tell her that we were hopeful, but the longer Cindy was in surgery, the worse I felt. 





Finding My Way Home Ch. 04



Rhonda got on the phone and called Cindy's mother, who now lived in Florida. Her father had left and had never been seen again after their divorce when Cindy was young. And still we waited. The chairs were extremely uncomfortable and exhaustion was setting in. I was having trouble staying awake after the long day I had had.

Finally, at 4am, a very exhausted looking surgeon came into the room and asked for Cindy's kin. I stood up and walked to him, Rhonda joined me and the detective stood behind us. The doctor was a little confused at first, but the detective showed him his badge and told him that we were there for her and that he could tell us even thought we weren't officially Cindy's relatives. I don't remember the doctor's exact words. He said she died. That's all I remember. I don't remember how he said it or whether he was nice about it, just that it meant she was gone. Forever. I had just felt like I was in love with that woman and fate takes her away from me.

After that I was in shock. I was stunned beyond anything I had ever had happen to me. I can vaguely remember being led to a chair and someone holding me, but that was it. When I realized where I was, it must have been quite a while later. Rhonda was clinging to my right side and I was sitting there, tears drying on my face as the police and medical personnel kept themselves busy. It felt different losing someone so dear to me so unexpectedly in the civilian world compared to it occurring in a combat zone. It was never easy, but the shock factor felt greater back in the real world. I extracted myself from Rhonda's grasp and she looked at me, stopping her sobbing for a moment. I knew I had to get out of that hospital.

The police took me home and I sleep-walked through the trip and getting into bed. Then I slept, tossing and turning, but never coming awake. I could barely remember anything after learning of Cindy's death until I woke up the next day, about noon, 'The Dream' running around in my head. Only now it included Buck's brother and father amongst the Taliban fighters and Cindy in my platoon. I had incorporated them into my dream. I sure as hell hoped this was not going to last. I couldn't take too many dreams like that and I really didn't want to be stuck with visits to the shrink. I climbed out of bed and walked into the kitchen. My mother was there, red-eyed and sniffling. She looked up at me and burst into tears as she ran and held me. She kept repeating that she was sorry over and over and I stood there like a zombie.



Finding My Way Home Ch. 05



 Part V

From Parts I - IV: I returned from Afghanistan, having been shot in the shoulder and having two surgeries to repair it. I got out of the Army to help my mother who had bladder cancer and ran into the high school girl on whom I had had a crush. I found out she was a single mother of a young daughter and tried to ask her out, only to have her accuse me of treating her like someone who I thought couldn't take care of herself and needed to be saved. She realized her mistake and we dated once then I was invited to her house, where I ran into her ex, who had drugged her and then knocked me out. After the incident, Lily says she won't see me anymore, but then, one night she arrived, drunk, and fucks me. When she wakes, she says it was a mistake and goes back to not seeing me anymore. After a few weeks of being ignored and turned down by Lily, I asked the waitress Cindy out and she proved to be a sexual dynamo. After getting very close to Cindy and having wonderful sex, Buck gets sentenced and his family comes after me, leading to Cindy getting killed. 

Chapter 14. Now what?

1 February 2010

I managed to get through that day, but barely. The next day the police brought my car home and asked to talk to me. They asked me about the incident and I took them through it as I remembered it. I didn't tell them about the Afghanistan flashback or the dream. No fucking way. They said it would be awhile before I got my weapon back. They were very apologetic while staring at me as if there was something wrong with me. It wasn't that they seemed suspicious, but it was as if they were looking at someone who worked for the circus, the bearded lady or some other such freak. It made me realize that in this area and that town none of them had probably ever shot and killed someone. I wondered if any of them had even drawn their weapon while on duty.

I had intermittent bursts of emotion for the next few days and my sleep was interrupted by any sound at all. The slightest thing could make me angry and a sappy commercial could make me break down and cry. In short, I was an emotional mess. I couldn't stop thinking about how I had found someone that I really did feel that I could spend time with and she was taken from me. I wondered if there was anything in life that was going to be fair to me when it came to relationships. I also thought about how great Cindy was about everything -- sex, hanging out, shooting at the range, working as a waitress; she seemed to be able to enjoy everything in life. Her outlook had been rubbing off on me and now she was gone; and with it my cheerful outlook. When they killed her, they killed that in me, too.

I also felt that it was my fault. I knew that I wasn't responsible for the actions of two lunatics, but if I had never gotten involved with her, she would be alive. She was so fun-loving, alive, and full of promise and good will. I think that's what made me feel the worst. She always meant well and never once did I hear her utter any bad things against anyone. She didn't blame anyone for her upbringing, her station in life. She just lived. And she knew how to live and have fun. That was the most difficult thing to take. 

There was also the problem with Buck's family. They didn't go after Lily, they came after me. They went after me and Cindy got in the way and killed for it. At least I killed those assholes.

I didn't leave the house for the next week at all, except for the funeral. It was sunny until about 10am when the clouds rolled in. It appeared that even God did not want to watch the funeral of a person so full of life and joy. All the sunshine was taken with her. It even started raining a little just when we laid her to rest, like tears had to be shed for her. I just prayed that there was a God, because Cindy deserved the best and she could even brighten his day.

Everyone there was local except for her mother. I finally met her mother, who looked exactly like what I expected. She was a little too tan, a little too flashy, and a little too much in every way. She was the cliché I had always seen on TV and dismissed: divorced, but still playing the game, living in a small home in Florida, and probably chasing some man or other every moment. We only spoke briefly. She looked me over good. "My daughter said good things about you. I also know that you are the one that killed her killers. Thanks." 

What do you say to that? I thanked her and worked on getting through the funeral and wake without getting too emotional. Earlier in the week, Rhonda had mentioned that they might want me to stand up and give the eulogy. I passed on that and vehemently told her no. 

The worst part was when someone came up and wanted to talk about what if felt like to kill somebody. He asked it loud enough that several people were shocked and stared at him almost as much as I did. If stares could kill, I would have left him a smoking hole in the ground. I didn't answer; I just turned and walked away. I left the wake after that. I didn't want anything else to do with that crowd and I was still feeling responsible.

It was at the end of that week that I thought of something that puzzled me. I had been wallowing in self pity and beating myself up over getting her killed when it came to me. I called Detective Wilson and asked how the Boyds could have possibly known where I was and where Cindy lived. He looked into his notes and hesitated for a moment. "They went by Lily Johnson's café and she told them." 

I was shocked. I was dismayed. I was angry. Did Lily tell them because she was angry with me, jealous of Cindy, what? She had accused me of going after someone who worked for her on purpose. What a bitch!

The more I thought about it the angrier I became. She had done it because I had moved on and she was jealous of Cindy. That had to be it. She couldn't stand the fact that I moved on and she didn't have me fawning over her any more. I was not going to let her get away with that. I was going to make her regret it.

I got dressed and called her home phone. She answered the phone and I hung up as soon as she answered, confirming that she was home. I didn't want to talk to her on the phone; I wanted to do this in person. I rushed out to my car and headed to her house. By the time I got there I had worked myself into a dark rage. I pulled up to her house, got out and slammed my car door. I was going to make her pay for this.

I stomped up to the front door, and it opened before I could knock. Lily was standing there; she must have expected me. She was wearing her robe. I just walked right past her and waited for her to close the door. I stopped in her den and turned to her. "You told them where to find us, didn't you?!" I was yelling and she flinched at that. 

"Yes." She answered meekly and I could see some fear in her eyes, but I could also see something that looked like sad acceptance of what she considered her shitty life. I could see that she had been crying, but nothing could deter me from what I wanted from her.

"You fucking jealous bitch." I advanced on her. "You couldn't stand that Cindy and I had something special, could you? You were jealous that I had moved on from you." I was now standing very close to her, advancing as I yelled, scaring her. She was backing up as I moved toward her, invading her personal space. "You just had to tell them where we were, and now she's dead! How do you feel about that?!"

She stared at me, tears starting to fall down her face, but I didn't care. I was in the blackest mood I had ever been in. I had finally backed her up enough that she hit her legs on the couch, sat down, and I stood over her. She finally answered me. "Terrible. I loved Cindy, too."

"You loved Cindy? Well you had a fucking terrible way of showing it, didn't you? You pointed two armed men in our direction and might as well have said 'Go ahead, kill them'! And then you didn't even call to warn us or call the police to have them get there before the Boyds!"

Lily struggled to her feet and I waited to see what was next. I couldn't bring myself to punch her, but I sure wanted to. I stood there with my hands clenched at my side, taking deep breaths because I was so worked up.

She walked past me and pulled a belt from her jeans that she had hung on the back of a dining room chair. I stared at her and got ready for a fight. She was going to defend herself with the belt. I backed up and got ready.

Instead, she held the belt out for me. What? I stared at it and then snatched it from her grasp. She turned around and dropped the robe, leaving her naked, facing away from me. She leaned over and put her hands on the couch and looked back at me as I stared at her alabaster skin.

"Whip me. I deserve it." She murmured.

I was not sure I heard that correctly and looked at her and then at the belt in my hand.

"Whip me!" She shouted at me, tears streaming down her face. I stood there stunned. "Beat me until you can forgive me." She turned and put her head down and started sobbing. "Maybe then I can forgive myself."

I stared at the belt in my hand and at her bare ass. My anger went up again. "Forgive you? You think I could ever forgive you for that?" And then I hit her with the belt. I let her have it across her ass and she flinched and jumped, but returned to the position. "I'll show you a beating, you worthless bitch. How could you ever tell those assholes anything and not warn us?!?! You fucking bitch!" I hit her again and again, shouting all the time. "You fucking bitch!"

I don't remember how many times I hit her, but when she collapsed against the couch and I stopped, she had plenty of red stripes across her back and ass and was sobbing uncontrollably. I was out of breath from yelling and swinging the belt. I was surprised that she could take the number of stripes I saw across her back. It had to be at least 15 hard whips with a leather belt. My rage was diminished now and I looked at the damage I had done and immediately regretted it. I hated what she had done, but I hated what I had done more. I had wanted to hurt her, but this looked to be too much. I was too strong to be swinging a belt like that at her. I threw the belt on the floor in disgust and started toward the door. I had to get out of there. I heard a noise and I looked back and she had collapsed onto the floor. She seemed to be in an awkward position, so I walked over and picked her up and lay her on the couch. I covered her with her robe and then I decided to leave before I said anything else, but she reached out and grabbed my hand. I looked down at her.

She seemed barely conscious, so I was surprised at what she said. "I'm so sorry, Jon. I wish it would have been me, but they didn't threaten me, they threatened Lauren. They said they would eventually find her no matter what happened. I'm so sorry." She turned into the couch and seemed to just pass out.

I stared at her. Fuck! Talk about sapping me of my anger and what remained of my strength! I almost collapsed in disbelief. How could I forget that? I was so depressed and angry and self-centered on my own grief that I was not thinking clearly enough to see that they would have used her daughter against her. Shit! I just beat her unmercifully and she took it because she felt as guilty as I did. She could have told me before, but she felt so awful over Cindy's death that she just took the punishment as her atonement. It wasn't until I finished that she told me about their threat.

I stared down at her poor abused body and wished I could crawl into a hole. There was no way I could ever forgive myself for being such an egotistical asshole. I never did ask her why; I just assumed that she did it to get back at me based on my own ego and self pity. 

I continued to stare down at her. I couldn't leave her like this. It was too much. I had done too much damage and now felt as bad as I ever had. I had lost my temper in the worst way and taken it out on a young woman who was only protecting her child. I sat in the chair next to the couch, trying to come to grips with what I had just done, but also shocked at how blind I had been to the truth.

After a few minutes of staring, catching my breath, trying to comprehend my actions, and watching her as her body tried to accept what I just did, I got up and went to her bedroom. I pulled back the covers and got it ready. I then went into the den and carefully picked her up. She was exhausted and passed out, but still seemed to flinch at any contact with where I had beaten her. Fuck! I was such an asshole.

I carried her into her bed and lay her down there. I made sure she was on her stomach and then I looked for some lotion in her bathroom medicine cabinet. I poked around and found some lotion that was for sunburns and figured that would be good for the injuries that came from being beaten with a belt; a beating that I had done. When I got back to the bedroom I looked at the damage and was shocked at what I had done. I sat on the bed and rubbed lotion into the angry red marks that lined her back and ass. Her skin was pale and sensitive and the marks showed vividly, with some swelling around them. She moaned a couple of times, but didn't wake up. I couldn't believe I had hurt someone like this. I had never, ever thought I would take a belt to someone like this, in anger or for any other reason.

After I had tried to provide some relief to the wounds, I covered her with just a sheet and I went into the den and tried to call my mother, but she wasn't home and I didn't want to call her cell. 

I lay on the couch, turned on the TV, and tried to watch something to take my mind off what I had just done. I don't know why I was staying, but I figured I should at least make sure she was okay when she woke up. With my anger depleted and the last few days behind me, I fell asleep.

When I woke, it was to being lightly shaken. I came to with a sudden jerk and the person who was shaking me uttered a surprised 'Oh'. I sat up, shaking the sleep from my eyes and saw Lily's mother closing the front door and Lauren standing in front of me. 

Lauren didn't say anything, so I smiled weakly. "Hello, Lauren."

Mrs. Johnson came over and looked at me suspiciously. "Are you okay? What are you doing here?"

I looked up at her. "I'm fine. I was just talking to Lily and she and I were both pretty worked up about, you know, everything, so she went to bed and I guess I fell asleep here on the couch. What time is it?"

She looked at me, trying to determine if that was true. "It's 5pm. Is Lily okay?"

I stared at her, willing myself to look innocent, but feeling that she could see right through me and knew that I had beaten her daughter. "I don't know. It's been a rough time for all of us."

Mrs. Johnson seemed to accept that. "How are you doing, Jon? I understand you and Cindy had become close."

I thought about that. Close? Is that what we had become? Close? Lovers? More than that? Did it matter now? "I'm getting better. Yes, we had become... quite close."

I stood up. "I need to use the bathroom. I'll be right back." I got up and slowly made my way back to the common bath. I watched carefully to see what Mrs. Johnson and Lauren would do and they went into the kitchen. That allowed me to quickly duck into Lily's room and check on her. I found her still on her stomach, covered by a sheet. All her wounds were hidden. I looked out into the hallway and the coast was clear so I rushed into the bathroom, flushed it, and came out to go into the kitchen.

Mrs. Johnson was checking out the kitchen, which looked like a mess. "I can see that Lily has been falling behind in doing the dishes." She was stacking dirty dishes in the sink.

"Yeah, I guess so." I needed to get out of here. "Mrs. Johnson, I think I'm going to head home now. Lily has been sleeping for a while and I need to get home."

Mrs. Johnson looked at Lauren. "Lauren, don't you have more homework to get done?" Uh-oh. Here it comes. She knows something.

She looked up, that typical pleading look was on her face; the one that young children get whenever they are asked if they have homework. "Can I watch some TV first grandma?"

Mrs. Johnson glanced at me. "Sure, honey. Go ahead."

"Thanks!" Lauren was up and out of there in a flash.

Mrs. Johnson stared at me. "Jon, tell me what's going on here. Lily has been upset for a week over what happened and I know she feels responsible. I also know that if you found out she was the one that told them where Cindy lived, that you might be angry about that. She told me she felt responsible because she was afraid to call anyone and warn them after you left. So what's going on here? You are the last person I expected to see here."

I stared at the floor, but there were no answers there. I decided to give a bit of the truth. "I came over angry when I found out about her telling the Boyds where Cindy lived and Lily and I fought about it. I think I understand her side of it better now and she and I were both exhausted after that, so after she went to her room I lay on the couch and just happened to fall asleep."

Mrs. Johnson stared at me, searching my face for the truth. I was petrified that the actual truth was written on my forehead. "Okay." She kept looking at me and I tried not to show her my unease. "I'm going to check on Lily. Are you going to stick around?"

"No, I should be going. I'll see you later, Mrs. Johnson."

"Okay, bye."

I walked through the den and told Lauren good-bye and headed for my car. I could do nothing but hope that Mrs. Johnson didn't see Lily's injuries and that Lily didn't mention them. If she did, well -- I deserved whatever I got after what I had done.

When I got home, my mother was in the kitchen fixing some dinner. "Oh, good. I was hoping you were going to be home for dinner, Jon. Where did you run off to?"

"Lily's." I didn't elaborate.

My mother turned and stared at me. "You went to Lily's? How did that go?"

I sat down heavily. "Not well."

"You want to talk about it?"

"Not really."

She left it at that and she finished the pot of soup she was making and brought two bowls to the table. I got up and got a beer out of the fridge and we ate and discussed anything but the one subject that was foremost in both our minds. I finished four beers with dinner and then collapsed on the couch with my fifth while my mother flipped channels. I didn't see anything. I was wondering what I was going to do about Lily. I would have to see her again tomorrow and discuss what had happened so that we could clear the air. It was also important for me to determine what kind of trouble I was going to be in.

I lost Cindy last week and now had beaten Lily so that she would never want to see me again. My life had fallen into a chasm so deep I couldn't see a way out. After enough beer I finally fell into a restless sleep. 

Chapter 15: The shit hits the fan.

2 February 2010

I woke the next morning feeling terrible about the beer drinking and about Lily. I felt so bad that I was afraid to call her. Several times I picked up my cell, but each time I stopped. Finally, I got cleaned up and decided I had to see her. I had to face the music. One lesson they always taught us in the military was that bad news does not get better with age. You have to face the music about a bad decision or action immediately. I knew I was doing that now.

While I was driving to Lily's I suddenly remembered that she was running a café and might not be home. I certainly couldn't do this at her place of work and it had taken me a lot of time to work up the courage to get to this point. I sure hoped she was home. I pulled up and saw her car and breathed a sigh of relief, then had a moment of panic. I was glad she was home, but freaked out about seeing her. What the hell do I say to her? How do I apologize for being so self-centered and self-focused? 




Finding My Way Home Ch. 05



I took a deep breath and walked to her door. I rang the doorbell. There was no answer. I tried several times, to no avail. I called her cell and it went to voice mail. I finally gave up and went home.

When I got home I was in for a worse surprise. I saw Mrs. Johnson's car in front of our house. Oh, shit! Did she know? What do I do now?

I entered the house sheepishly, knowing full well that I was in for a thrashing. I just hoped it didn't include assault charges.

When I entered, my mother and Mrs. Johnson were sitting on the couch and Lily was standing off to one side, staring at the floor. Maybe she couldn't even sit down. The two mothers looked up at me, one with unbridled hatred and the other with shock and dismay. I felt worse than I had ever felt when I did something wrong as a teenager. I could see the shame on my mother's face and that was the worst thing. My mother started on me immediately. I didn't even get a chance to sit down.

"Jon Kenton, how could you take a belt to Lily like this? What the hell have you done? Do you know what her back looks like? How could you ever strike a woman like this?"

I continued walking until I sat down in one of the easy chairs. I looked at the two mothers, both of them waiting for some response to that. But what could I say?

"I'm sorry. Yes, I did it. I wish I could take it back, but I was so angry that I didn't even think. I'm sorry." I hung my head and looked at my feet, unable to look either one of them in the eyes.

Mrs. Johnson then got in the act. When she spoke I looked up to see her eyes blazing and showing that she wished only the best diseases on me. "The only reason I'm not pressing charges is that Lily says she asked you to do it and won't cooperate. Is that right?"

I looked up at the sad face of Lily. "Yes, ma'am. But it's still my fault. I should never have done it. I should have asked why she told them where Cindy and I were. I'm so sorry."

They both stared at me, looking like they were still unable to believe that I had done this heinous act. It looked like they were waiting for me to say more, but I couldn't think of anything. I had done it, it was wrong, I was an asshole. 

Mrs. Johnson stood up. "Well, Jon, you will never be welcome in my home again. I don't want to ever see you around Lily again, you understand?"

"Yes, ma'am." I looked at the floor. She got up to leave and my mother walked her to the door. Lily stayed put.

Lily turned to her mother. "Mother, please wait outside for a minute. I need to speak to Jon." Lily's mother started to protest, but Lily cut her off. "Mother! Please. Just a minute."

Mrs. Johnson looked at me and then over at Lily. Finally, she left in a snit. My mother looked at the two of us and then left as well, leaving us along.

Lily walked over to where I was sitting. I couldn't look up into her face. I had hurt someone I thought I had feelings for in a way that I never thought I would. She reached down and lifted my chin up so that I had to look at her. She stared into my eyes her gaze never wavering. "I forgive you, Jon. It was my penance. I had to atone for what I had done. I will always protect Lauren, but I should have called someone immediately after they left. I was just scared into inaction. Can you forgive me for what I did?"

I stared up at this beautiful woman, so scarred so early in life, and my beating had just added to it. "Lily, after learning the truth, there was nothing to forgive. You were protecting your child, something innate in a woman. I just don't know why you felt that you had something to atone for and why you are forgiving me. It was unforgiveable what I did."

She smiled a sad smile. "No, Jon, it's not unforgiveable. And don't listen to my mother. I like you and would like to remain your friend. If you want to ask me out, I'd like that, too."

I stared at her. "Are you sure?" I couldn't understand where this level of compassion was coming from, but I was glad. It was just like the Lily I knew from high school to do this. I didn't know if I could ever fully forgive myself for it, but it made me feel a little better that she said she did.

"Of course. Just give it some time." She sighed and gave me a resigned smile. "I have plenty of that."

I stood up in front of her and went to hug her. She looked at me briefly, and then let me. I tried to be gentle, but I could feel her wince just a bit as I put my arms around her. "Lily, you are a very good person. I'm sorry I hurt you."

She smiled a tired, sad smile. "I asked you to, remember?" She looked back up and directly into my eyes, another intense gaze at me.

I squirmed under the intensity and looked away. "I know, but that doesn't make it right."

"I didn't say that it did."

I looked up at her. I tried to smile a little. "Thanks, Lily. I'm glad you told me."

She looked away. "If only I had believed you when you said that you just wanted to date me -- we wouldn't be here now."

I quickly looked up at her. "Are you blaming yourself for all of this?"

"Yes, hence my atonement. It wasn't just for telling them where you were. It was for getting you involved in the first place. It all started with inviting you over and you having your run-in with Buck. It started there and just kept snowballing."

"Lily, you're wrong. Nobody can foresee circumstances like this. We just have to do the best we can and keep living."

"I think I see that now. Same to you, Jon."

She was right about that, but it was hard to admit it at that moment. "Right. Thanks."

Lily turned to leave. "I'm serious about you calling me. I think I'd like to go out on a date again."

"Okay." I watched her leave, knowing that it would be awhile before I could forgive myself for being what I always despised in other people; self-centered to the point of ignoring someone else's position or situation. I didn't know if I could ever call her or see her again.

While standing there my mother came back in. She looked at me differently. "I don't know who you are anymore Jon. I would have never suspected that you could do something like that."

"I'm sorry." I looked at her, trying to convey that I was in pain as well.

"I think it would be best if you figured out what you are going to do with your life and get to it. I'm going to go over to the mall and do some shopping. I can't be around you right now."

I watched her leave and sat down heavily. At least it was out in the open. I didn't have to worry about being blind-sided by it later. I headed back to my bedroom and flopped onto the bed. Maybe I could get some sleep. I now felt responsible for Cindy's death and Lily's strapping. It was not a red letter day for Jon Kenton.

After thinking about what my mother said, I decided to head up to Chicago and see a friend of mine. I had to get away from this little town and all the bad memories that were running around in my head. It was the only way I could face tomorrow. I called ahead and reached his cell. He lived in LaGrange. I packed a small bag and left within an hour. I left my mother a note, afraid to speak to her on her cell.

It was a gray winter's day on the trip up, matching my mood. There was no room for sunshine in my life right now. 

I arrived at about 10pm and Jim opened the door and greeted me with a big hug and then asked me in. He had about 8 people there and they were all watching some movie. He could tell that I was not in the mood and pulled me into the kitchen. "What's going on, Jon?"

"It's a long sad story, and I need some time to get over it. I just needed someone to hang out with while I got away from home."

He looked at me closely. He and I had been to Afghanistan together. He was in another platoon in the same company. "Jon, what's this about?"

"Short story. I was dating a woman I think I was in love with and she was gunned down by relatives of a guy I sent to jail protecting another woman, who I then blamed for the first woman's death and whipped with a belt."

He stared at me. "Fuck! Wait here." He went into the other room and I could hear him. "Okay, everybody out." There were protestations and questions about why. "I need to talk to my buddy. We can do this some other time. Right now, he's got problems that need immediate attention and I need to give it to him." They were not happy, but he eventually shooed all of them out; after all, we were military family. He came back into the kitchen. "So tell me the longer version."

I started telling it and he and I went through about a six pack. After he heard the entire story, he sat back and looked at me. "Wow! That is some story. How did you leave it with Lily?"

"I didn't. She just said she would be waiting and I just said okay."

"Alright listen, there's a bar just around the corner that has some pool tables. It's only midnight so we have a couple of hours. Shall we go there and finish off this drunk? It's all on foot. We can do that!"

I just didn't want to be alone and drunk, so this was good. "Great idea. Let's go."

We traipsed down to the bar and the pool tables were full. We sat at the bar and had another drink and then some guy started roughing up his girlfriend. She was taking it, too. I don't know why. My rule was to never get involved in a domestic dispute and never, ever do it in a bar. I stayed away and the bartender finally broke it up and ushered them out. I wondered if I could ever pass judgment on someone like that again after my actions.

Jim and I drank and got fairly drunk. By the time we got back to his apartment it was about 2am. We crashed.

3 February 2010

I was awakened the next morning at 9am, way too early, but my cell was buzzing and it was sitting on a table that amplified the vibrations. I reached for it as my hand shook and my head said no to everything. "Hello?"

It was my mother. "Jon, are you in Chicago?"

"Yes, I left you a note."

"I know. I just didn't hear from you and wanted to make sure all was fine."

"Yeah, it's fine." I felt like I was a high school student checking in, but it was good to hear her speaking in civil tones to me.

"I didn't want to be checking up on you, but I was pretty angry when I left yesterday. I guess I should have stayed and asked for your side of the story."

"There's nothing much to say. I overreacted and did exactly what you saw to Lily. I was angry and depressed and didn't even ask why she did it. She didn't tell me they had threatened Lauren until she collapsed and I laid her on the couch. Until then I didn't even think about it. I was too focused on my own pain."

"Still, I should have talked with you about it. Are you coming home soon?"

"I don't know. I'll talk to Jim and call you later, okay?"

"Okay."

"Bye, Mom."

"Jon?"

"Yes?"

"I love you, honey."

"Thanks, Mom. Bye."

I closed my cell and tried to get back to sleep, but my mother's call cleared my head of all but the alcohol. It made me realize that there was unfinished business back home. My running to Chicago would do nothing to resolve that. I waited until Jim got up and told him that I was going to have to go right back. 

Jim stared at me. "You sure?"

"Yeah, I should go back and at least make sure my Mom's okay."

"Okay. Listen, if you ever need a place to stay, no calls are necessary. Just show up. You are always welcome."

"Thanks, Jim."

We ate breakfast and then I gave him a good manly handshake and quick hug. He looked me in the eye. "I mean it. You need something you call me. I can come down there, too. Got it?"

I gave him the Army answer. "Hooah."

"Hooah. Now get your ass home."

I left and started driving. I thought about what I was going to do there. I was a little afraid of staying in that small town after what I had done to Lily. If that ever got around, I'd be toast in the entire county. But the more I thought about it the more I decided to at least give it a try. At the next exit, I got off I-55 and pulled in to fill up my car. I also pulled out my wallet and retrieved the card of the prosecutor who asked me to be an investigator for them. I called him and told him I was willing to give it a try, He said that since it was Wednesday I could wait until next week and then we'd get together and go over the work.

With that accomplished, I felt better about at least starting toward becoming a productive member of society again. It also made me feel better about myself. I had not felt good in a while with all that had been going on in my life. It would provide me something to focus on while I decided what I really wanted to do with the rest of my life.

Finally, about 8pm, I pulled into my driveway. My mother came out of the house to greet me and gave me a big tearful hug. We walked into the house before she said anything.

"Jon, I think I understand what happened with you and Lily. I think it was very wrong, but I understand you were in pain and just handled it wrong in a spur of the moment reaction."

I looked at her. "It was still wrong. I know better than that. I'm better than that."

She gave me a wan smile. "Yes, you are. But you're not a saint and it just shows that you are a fallible human."

"Thanks... I think."

"C'mon in. I knew you would get here around now and I have some chili on the stove."

"Chili? Sounds good."

We went into the kitchen and were able to get through the meal talking about everything but Cindy or Lily.

Chapter 16. The new job... and Lily... again.

8 February 2010

The following Monday I reported to the county courthouse and met with the DA. He told me what kinds of things I would be doing. It's mostly a boring job being an investigator for the DA. You have to do all kinds of research, track down information, and sometimes actually do something exciting. I told him I'd take it. I was looking for boring and steady.

"Jon, we have to do one thing first."

"What's that?"

"We have to make sure you are cleared in the shooting death of the Boyds. I have two assistants going over that and they will come to me with their recommendations after going over everything with the police."

"Oh, right."

"I'll get you started on an interim basis since I believe everything will show you acted in self defense, but if it shows otherwise, the job offer is off."

"I understand."

"Okay, let's go."

Darrin walked me out and introduced me to a young woman who had just graduated from law school and was working for the DA's office. She took me to a small office that was to be mine and then walked me around, introducing me to everyone else in the office. Finally, she asked if I was ready for lunch, and since it was almost noon by this time I agreed. We walked directly across the street to a small tavern that evidently served a good lunch.

We had sat down at a small table in the corner and I decided to find out more about her. "So, tell me, Diane, how did you end up here?"

She looked at me for a few seconds. "Well, I'm from Saint Louis and just graduated from law school at Wash U. I wanted to work in town, but this was the best place for me to be close to the family, but far enough away at the same time, you know what I mean?"

I knew. "Yeah, I know what you mean."

"I wanted to be on the prosecution side to learn the ropes and this place had an opening so I took it."

"Is this what you want to do permanently? Be a prosecutor?"

"I think so. I'm not in this for the money."

"Yeah, me neither."

She grinned. "Yeah, I know what the approved salary for the investigator was set at and it's less than mine. It's abysmal."

"Well, gee thanks for cheering me up."

"Welcome."

The waitress came and we ordered lunch. She got a soup and salad combination. I just opted for the BLT on wheat.

"So, Jon, how did you end up here? I heard about the run in with Buck. James told me about it and I saw the case when it was coming up for trial."

I told her about my life and my mother. Then we got to the present. "Well, you probably also know about the situation with Cindy Tomlinson and the shootings."

"Yeah, I heard. I was initially surprised that the DA wanted someone who was involved in a deadly shooting for this job. But from what I heard he is not going to press charges. I figured there still might be more to it than the rumors."

"What do the rumors say?"

"Just that you and Cindy were attacked and you killed both of them. But they also say that Buck's father was alive on the ground when you went up and shot him at point blank range."

"To be truthful, everything happened so fast, I don't remember how all the shooting happened." I lied, knowing that I couldn't tell the truth. I remembered everything perfectly, although some of it through an Afghanistan induced flashback. There was nothing to be gained by telling her that.

We finished lunch and she took me back to the office and so began my life as an investigator. Over the next couple of weeks, I had to learn more about doing computer searches and how to get access to other restricted resources than I had ever imagined. Diane was engaged and I was off the market, at least I was not even considering dating at that time, so we had lunch a lot when we were both in the office. She turned out to have a quick, biting wit, and a very good eye about people.

15 March 2010

It was about a month later that I was having dinner with Diane at one of the more upscale restaurants after we had both been in court all day. It was about 7pm and her fiancé had called and had to work late. We decided to have dinner together. We were dressed up from court and enjoying our meal. I had started earlier than her as she cleaned up some paperwork and was already on my fourth beer when she joined me. While we ate, she came up with some good one-liners to make fun of some of the key people in the case. I was enjoying all this when I saw Lily for the first time since our last meeting. I had avoided her café like the plague since our falling out, and it wiped the smile from my face.

She walked in with a man and they were shown to a table directly behind me. Lily saw me turn and watch them be shown to their seats and gave me one of her present-day wan smiles. I waved quickly and Diane watched to see who I was waving to. 

Diane looked at me. "Pretty. How do you know her?"

"We went to high school together."

"Have you seen her since?"

"Yes, we dated once."

"Who is she?"

I didn't even think about Diane being in the DA's office. "Lily Johnson."

"Wait, that's Buck's ex-wife? The one that you were meeting for dinner when you found him trying to kidnap her?"

I stared at her for a second. "Oh, yeah. I forgot that you saw the case when it was coming up for trial."

"Yeah, I saw it. I wanted to prosecute it, but I was too new for the DA to assign it to me. She's pretty. I thought during the trial that they said that you were going over there for a date? What happened after that?"

"She closed me off. She said she wasn't going to see me anymore because Buck and his family would come after me. She got that right, eh?"

Diane nodded. "No shit!"

"Anyway, I guess she finally decided to start dating again."

"Yeah, especially after you took care of Buck's family!"

I just looked down at my food and Diane and I continued to eat. We got to dessert and Diane excused herself to go to the ladies' room. I got beer number five.

Dessert arrived and I waited for Diane. She came back from around my left side and sat down in her chair across from me. Lily followed her and sat down in the chair between us to my left. She looked up at me and then over at Diane.

Diane spoke first. "Jon, I saw that she couldn't take her eyes off you and when she went to the ladies' room, I followed. I asked her if she needed to talk to you and so here she is. So talk." Diane stood up and left. She was going to make a good prosecutor. She had a sense about people and could see right through them.




Finding My Way Home Ch. 05



"Hello, Jon. How've you been?"

I took in Lily's appearance as she sat and said hello. Her hair was pulled back, baring her beautiful pale neck. She had a nice slim neck that looked delicate and delectable and she had dressed it in a small strand of pearls. She was wearing just enough makeup to accent her beautiful cheekbones and eyes. Her dress was a nice black dress with thin straps and it came down to about her knees. She looked wonderful -- and I hated that I couldn't get her out of my mind. "I'm okay."

She looked down at her hands and over at her date. "I can't talk long. My date will be getting antsy." She looked back at me, staring into my eyes. "I just want you to know that I really do forgive you. You don't have to avoid me or my café. I like you Jon."

I could have fallen into those eyes. They always mesmerized me and I could feel their pull and attraction. I wanted to hold her, kiss her, and make love to her again. But I was still unable to forgive myself. "Thanks, Lily. I always liked you. I just don't think it's in the cards for us."

"What's not in the cards? We can't even say hello? You can't even stop by and visit my café for lunch? No, I don't buy it. You are not over what happened between us. I just want to say that I am. I'm over it. I want to move forward and stop dwelling in the past. I want you to do the same. Even if we never have a date, I want you to know that I will always be your friend. Is that okay, Jon?" She reached out and put her hand on top of mine. I flinched and felt the warmth of it.

I looked up at her and she was smiling, but she had this sad look on her face, like she had just lost a friend, and I thought it might be me. I tried to smile, but couldn't. "I would like to think that we are still friends. I just need some more time."

"Okay, Jon. Just stop by any time."

I looked over my shoulder. "And it looks like you are dating again, anyway."

Lily smiled. "It's nothing. Just a first date. You know me on first dates. Besides, you are the one who told me I needed this." She then grinned at me and it looked brighter than I had seen in a long time. "But if it will make you jealous, I'll fawn over him."

I tried to smile at her attempt at teasing me, but I know she saw through it. "It's your date, Lily. Do what you want."

She looked at me sadly and put her hand on my shoulder. "See you later, Jon -- I hope." She left and returned to her date.

Diane sat back down as soon as she left. "So, was that okay?"

"Yeah, fine." I stared into my drink, not paying much attention to Diane as I thought of my history with Lily.

"So, there's some history there and you're not over it."

"What?" I looked up, finally paying attention to her and getting Lily out of my mind.

"Nothing. Just making an observation about how you were miles away and didn't want to talk about her when I asked that question."

"Sorry."

"Don't be. I can see she's hung up on you."

I looked up quickly. "What?"

"When I spoke to her, I could tell she was hung up on you. She would rather be sitting here with you than her date, and she jumped at the chance to talk to you. I guess that's why she was staring at you and ignoring her date."

"Oh, yeah. Well, I was hung up on her in high school, but that was years ago." About that time the waiter came by and I asked for a scotch -- a double. I was going to do this drunk right.

"Scotch, huh? Do you want some company while you drown your sorrows?"

"I just feel like drinking. I'm not drowning my sorrows. What are you talking about?"

She looked around and spoke jokingly. "Do I look like I just lost 50 points off my IQ? I thought that you respected me, but if you think I'll believe that, then I'll have to reevaluate."

I rolled my eyes and tried to look entertained. "Okay, okay. So I had a thing for her. It was over long ago and we can't get back there now."

"Okay, got it." She waved the waiter over and ordered a scotch as well.

"You, too?"

"Well, my fiancé is going to be working late and won't get home for a couple of hours. We live in an apartment just down the street, so drink to your heart's content. We have a couch that is very comfortable."

"Thanks." The waiter returned with my scotch and then hers. I held mine up and said a little too bitterly. "To ex-girlfriends."

She shook her head. "I'm not drinking to that sarcastic toast. How about this? To true love."

I groaned. "Shit, I have a hopeless romantic on my hands."

"Yes, you do. I think you are, too, from the conversations we've had. Don't deny it, Jon. You are, too, aren't you?"

"Yeah, whatever." I finished off my first scotch and waved to the waiter for another one. Diane just shook her head. 

We traded more barbs and I finished 5 scotches by the time Lily and her date were ordering dessert. I had gotten well along toward my drunk after six beers and five double scotches. Diane said it was time to go so we paid and I stood up, albeit shakily. She helped me to the door and down the street to her apartment. We stumbled in and I was slightly aware of my surroundings at this point. She put me down in an easy chair, and I could barely make out that she was pulling out a couch with a hide-a-bed. Things were definitely getting a little fuzzy. She was talking into her phone, but I couldn't make it out. I was very tired and the drunkenness was making me pass out. I leaned back and smiled. I was dozing off when I felt someone help me out of my jacket, shirt, shoes, socks and pants, leaving me in my boxers. They lay me down and covered me up. I fell fast asleep.

16 March 2010

I woke about 6am, having to go to the bathroom -- badly. I slowly rose and looked around. It was dark still, but I saw a night light coming from the hallway. I walked that direction and found that there was indeed a small light in the bathroom off the hallway. I went in and peed for about a minute. I had way too much liquid in me. It's funny how you can consume all those liquids, but get dehydrated. I washed my hands and headed back to the couch. When I got in there, I noticed that there was a human lump under there on the other side. That was odd. I couldn't remember anything about getting onto the couch or how I got down to my boxers, and I couldn't understand why someone would be covered up with me on the fold out couch. Shit, I hope it wasn't Diane. The last thing I needed was an office romance with an engaged woman. Her fiancé was even coming home last night if I remember correctly. I went over and lifted the edge of the blanket and found myself staring at a sleeping Lily. I had an immediate flashback to the last time I woke to her pretty face. It was not a nice awakening, but she looked so peaceful lying there. 

I walked around and lay back down on my side. I was too tired and hung over to do anything about it, so I just went back to sleep. The next time I woke it was very bright. Diane's apartment faced south and the morning sun was starting to come in. I looked up and found that the other side of the hide-a-bed was empty. I looked around. No sign of Lily. Was it my imagination? Was it a dream? 

I sat up and my head reminded me that I wasn't supposed to partake of alcohol in large quantities. At that moment I agreed. I stretched and heard someone in the bathroom. I waited for a few minutes and then the bathroom door opened behind me. I just sat there, trying to make the headache go away when a vision walked in front of me. It was Lily.

"Good morning, sunshine."

I grunted. She was still beautiful, and was only in her bra and panties. I stared, a little shocked, a little horny, and a lot confused.

"How about some breakfast?"

"Maybe." My voice sounded terrible. I rubbed my head. My libido was wondering what exactly she might be offering for breakfast, but my head wouldn't let me concentrate.

"Trying to drown your sorrows, Jon?"

"Yes. How did you come to be here?"

"Well, after Diane brought you home, she called my cell. I had given her my number at the restaurant, just in case, you know? So I came over to help you get comfortable and stayed."

"What about your date?"

"Ugh! Dud. Glad to have an excuse to get out of there."

"Lauren?"

"She's with grandma; her favorite person right now." She waited for something else from me. "See, you have no excuse not to take me out for breakfast after all that."

"Diane?"

"Her fiancé came in late and they are both still sleeping, I guess. Or maybe they are waiting for us to leave."

"Why are you not dressed?"

She grinned. "I didn't want to mess up my nice new dress." She looked down and ran her hands over her body. "Do you like my new lingerie set?" 

I stared at her body now that she had given me the chance to look it up and down. The panties and bra were both black and had lace around the edges. The panties were full, but high cut. The bra flattered her breasts, pushing them up a little. The set flattered her -- well, fuck, everything. She looked fucking great. Shit! I had to get away from her. I just nodded. "Just a minute." I grabbed my clothes, made my way into the bathroom, and tried not to look at myself in the mirror, but couldn't help it. Oh, boy. I looked like hell. I got dressed, took a leak, washed my face and hands, and then tried to rinse my mouth a little. I felt like the Afghanistan terrain looked.

When I returned, Lily looked almost as presentable as she did last night. It stopped me for a second and I stared at her.

"What?"

"Huh?" I hadn't realized I was staring so intently.

"You were staring at me. Do I have something in my hair or on my dress?" She was running her hands over her head and looking up and down her dress.

"No. It was... I mean... well, you look beautiful."

She smiled and her smile approached half of its old radiance. "In that case, I forgive you for making me sleep in a bumpy hide-a-bed."

"What? I didn't make you do that, you did it on your own." I was not very receptive to her attempts at humor.

"I know. Just teasing."

Ugh! She was too damn playful for talking to with this hangover. "Okay, let's go eat. At least I'll try."

We left the apartment after Lily wrote a note and proceeded down the stairs. 

When we got outside the sun attacked me. I couldn't open my eyes toward it and I shielded myself with my hands. "Damn! It's bright out here."

Lily took my arm. "Don't worry. I'll guide you." 

Again with the playfulness. What the hell has happened in the last month? She used to be closed off to me and now she wants to talk, trade friendly banter, and what else? She offered to go out with me. Is that what I wanted? Could I do that without thinking of what I did to her? Or what happened to Cindy?

While ruminating on one of the major issues of my life, Lily guided me across the street to a small breakfast café. The main street in this town was not large, but it had several places to eat breakfast. This one was a small café with seating for only about 25 people. Lily led us over to a table in the back, thankfully away from the sunny windows and we sat down. When I looked up, I noticed that there were about 10 people in the place and they were all staring at us. I chuckled.

"What?" Lily looked up at me as she sat down.

"I just noticed everyone checking us out. You are in a cocktail dress and I'm in my clothes from last night. We look like quite a pair at this time of the morning."

She looked around and the people tried not to let on that they were looking. "Yeah, well, let 'em look. I don't care."

The waitress came by and took our order. I ordered my usual and hoped that I could eat it.

I looked up at Lily. I was still a little uncomfortable being around her. I leaned over so that not everyone could hear the conversation. "What the hell is going on, Lily? I mean we had a date, a second one went awry, you come over drunk one night and attack me, and then ignore me. Finally, after Cindy is killed, I whip you and now you are suddenly acting like a love struck schoolgirl coming after me."

She looked at me for a few seconds and then took a deep breath and let it out as a large sigh. "Look, I'm not acting like a love struck schoolgirl. It's just that, well, I was an idiot. There, is that what you wanted to hear?"

"About what?"

"About all of it. After our first date and our discussions over dinner I wanted to be with you in the worst way. I was really attracted to you, but it scared me. I wanted to protect Lauren, I had prepared myself to be a single mother, and I was still afraid of Buck and bringing a man into my life. As you can see, my past history with men was not good. I was going to tell you all this on the night that Buck was there. Unfortunately, that event scared me more than I thought it would. I tried to deny my feelings about you for a while after that, and by the time I realized my mistake, you were with Cindy. When I found out about you and Cindy I got jealous and angry. Once I realized that, I knew that I really wanted what you initially said -- just to find out if we had a chance. When you came over that day, I wanted you to hit me. I wanted you to take your anger out on me because I felt so guilty about everything; denying my feelings, being jealous, telling Buck's family and not being brave enough to call after they left. I just wanted... well, I just wanted for us to have a chance again." She paused after rushing to get all of that out. She looked up at me and tried to smile. "So. Do we have a chance again? Is there anything I can say that will convince you that I'm over that incident with the belt?"

I stared at her. "I don't know. What made you think that now was a good time?"

"Well. Please don't be angry about this, but I've been over to your house talking to your mother a few times after you left for work. We talked through all of this and she helped me understand some of what I was feeling. Then she referred me to a guy at the hospital who helped me understand my life and made me want to try to live for me again, not just for Lauren."

"My mother? And a shrink?"

"Yep!"

"And what about your mother?"

"She'll come around."

"Will she?"

She stared at her hands and then looked up at me. "Does it matter?"

"Yes."

"Why? I'm an adult. I can make my choices."

"Because she's your mother and Lauren's grandmother. She will always be there."

She smiled at me. "And she loves me, so if she sees me happy, then she'll understand."

"I wonder."

At that moment the food came and I tried to eat as much as I could. The sausage tasted wonderful and the eggs were okay. The toast went down well, too. However, the first belch that came up tasted like sausage and I stopped trying to finish it. We didn't talk much during that period and finally, after I put my fork down and pushed my plate back, Lily was ready to leave. We got the check and I paid, and then we went back to my car, which was only four blocks away at the courthouse. I was still squinting because of the sun and my head was hurting. Lily held out her hand as we approached my car. 

"Here, let me. You don't look like you should be driving."

"No, I'm fine. I just need my sunglasses."

She stopped in front of me, her hand still out. "Bullshit. You shouldn't be driving at all. I just read a report about how people are almost as dangerous and apt to have an accident with a hangover as when they are drunk."

I stared and handed over my keys. "Okay, fine."

She grinned and walked around to the driver's side. We got in and she drove to her house, fiddling with my radio the entire way. We finally arrived and I felt better, but tired.

"Jon, why don't you come in for a minute. I have some Tylenol and you look like you could use it."

"No, I don't think so. I can't... I mean I don't think I can... well, I just can't."

She stared at me with those penetrating blue eyes. "Okay, Jon. You know where I live, where I work, and you know my home and cell phone numbers. When you are ready, I'm here."

I looked away from her gaze. "Okay."

She got out of the car and headed toward her house. It was probably now almost 11am and I watched as she opened her door. She turned and smiled at me and then blew me a kiss. I was shocked. She had not shown much in the way of this kind of playfulness since I had come back home. She was a like that in high school, but it was definitely new for the adult Lily that I knew. I had to figure out what I was doing with my life and the amount of alcohol I had drunk was not helping me. Could I do something about Lily or not? Could I really see myself with her after all we had been through? 



Finding My Way Home Ch. 06



Part VI - The Finale

From Parts I - V: I returned from Afghanistan, having been shot in the shoulder and having two surgeries to repair it. I got out of the Army to help my mother who had bladder cancer and ran into the high school girl on whom I had had a crush. I found out she was a single mother of a young daughter and tried to ask her out, only to have her accuse me of treating her like someone who I thought couldn't take care of herself and needed to be saved. She realized her mistake and we dated once then I was invited to her house, where I ran into her ex, who had drugged her and then knocked me out. After the incident, Lily says she won't see me anymore, but then, one night she arrived, drunk, and fucks me. When she wakes, she says it was a mistake and goes back to not seeing me anymore. After a few weeks of being ignored and turned down by Lily, I asked the waitress Cindy out and she proved to be a sexual dynamo. After getting very close to Cindy and having wonderful sex, Buck gets sentenced and his family comes after me, leading to Cindy getting killed. When I find out that Lily had sent Buck's family to Cindy's address, I take it out on Lily... with a belt. Then I find she was protecting her daughter and I feel shitty. Our mothers find out and I am lucky I escape with my life. I visit a buddy in Chicago, but must return home and move on. I start a new job as the DA's investigator and run into Lily one night. She throws herself at me, but I cannot get away from the past. 

Chapter 17: Me and guns don't get along.

16 March 2010

I continued to think about the situation with Lily. I just couldn't seem to get past what we had been thru. It was too difficult to think about with the hangover still affecting me, so I decided to put it out of my mind for a while.

27 March 2010

It was a few days later, a Saturday, and I was working on tracking down something on a guy who was being charged with grand larceny. The prosecutor had asked for information on the guy from his previous employers and his previous living location. I was checking it out using some web sites that the district attorney's office had paid for access to. It was amazing to me what was put on line.

I was sitting there at about 2:30, taking a break and ingesting my favorite Diet Pepsi and a turkey sandwich from the deli across the street, when several phones started ringing quickly in succession. First the DAs phone went off, and then it went to each of the other offices. I glanced around. Whoever was calling was working through all the lawyers in the office. It was a Saturday, but all of them rang. I wondered what was so important that this would happen. 

I continued to finish my sandwich as I surfed for information and checked my email. I was bored and was getting ready to leave when my cell phone went off. I took it out and looked at the number. I didn't recognize it, but took the call.

"Hello?"

"Jon Kenton?"

"Yes?"

"This is Detective John Wilson. Do you remember me?"

"Of course." It was the good guy from the night of the incident with Cindy. "What can I do for you?"

"We are trying to reach everyone involved, but we just received word that Buck escaped from prison."

"What!?"

"Yes, I know. Sounds ridiculous, but there was some sort of riot there and then a few guys got out. Buck was one of them."

"Which prison was he at?"

"Decatur. It's a medium security prison."

"Okay. How long ago?"

"About four hours ago they had everything locked back down and were able to do a roll call. He's probably been gone for about 5 hours."

"Roger that. I'll be on the lookout for him around here. That's why you're calling, right? You think he might try to come here?"

"Definitely. You were the one who caught him at Ms. Johnson's house and then you were the one who killed his father and brother. I don't know if he's going to try to find out where you live or if he already knows. I do know that he knows where Lily lives and he may try to use her to get to you."

"Okay. Got it. I've got to go and see about Lily. Does she know yet?" I had grabbed my stuff and logged out. I started heading toward the door.

"Her mother does, but we haven't been able to reach Lily. Do you have her cell number? Her mother called, but said it went straight to voice mail."

"Okay, got it. I've got to run. Did you guys send someone to the house as well?"

"Yes. There's a local sheriff's deputy out front. Nobody's home."

I was at my car now. "Later, detective. Can I reach you at this number?"

"Yes."

"Bye." I started my car and backed out in a hurry. This guy was a fucking lunatic and I was afraid for Lily and Lauren. I left that small town as I left a voice mail for my mother on her cell and Lily on her cell. Neither answered. I called the café and they said she had come by earlier to check on folks, but had left about noon. I called her house and got no response. I was worried. I called my mother's land line and she answered. Her cell was off and plugged in charging. I told her the situation and said I would be home in about 20 minutes to pick up my gun. She didn't even try to argue with me. She just said she would run it out to the car. She knew how dangerous this was. I pulled up in front of my house, slammed on the brakes, and my mother ran out and handed me my gun. I pulled it out, loaded it with the hollow points, and took off. I put it between my legs and rushed toward Lily's.

I picked up my phone and called Detective Wilson again. "It's Jon, do you know who the guy is who is posted in front of Lily's?"

"No, but the local sheriff said they have a guy out front in a marked police car. He looked around and didn't see any sign of anyone home and nobody answered the door. There was no sign of forced entry, so he's just sitting out front."

"Okay, I'm almost there. Hang on."

I pulled around the corner and saw the police car. I pulled up alongside it and looked. It was empty.

"There's nobody in the car."

"Procedure calls for them to stay with their vehicle. Sometimes they don't follow that, but I made sure the Sheriff knew to tell his guy that. I'd be careful. This may be a bad sign."

I pulled to a stop at the house past Lily's. "Roger. I'm going to check it out."

"No, Jon, let me call the sheriff and get some uniformed folks over there. The guy has to check in every so often, so they may already be on their way there. I'm on my way, too."

"No time. I'll call you back in a couple." I hung up before he could protest.

I watched for a couple of seconds and, seeing nothing, jumped out and made my way around to the side. I stuck my gun into my belt and pulled my shirt over it as I approached the house. I tried to peek in a couple of windows. I didn't see any movement of the curtains, the door, or any indication that anyone was home. But Lily's car was there, the sheriff's deputy was not in his car, and everything seemed way too quiet. I had that bad feeling again and the last time I had it Cindy was killed. I looked around quickly. I could feel my nerves calming as I slowed my breathing and concentrated on what to do. It had always worked for me in the Army and was working again. I was able to focus completely on the immediate actions.

In this case, my immediate actions were to proceed around to the back of the house, continuing to search for an open curtain to see inside. I found that Lauren's room had the curtains open, but I could see nothing other than her room; nobody was there.

I had made my way around to the back yard, slowly opening the wooden fence gate without sound when I heard a sound I had hoped I wouldn't. It was a muffled scream or cry for help, but there was no mistaking that it was from someone in trouble. I made it around to the back where Lily's house had a kitchen door and a set of sliding glass doors from the dining room. I peeked at the kitchen door and it was closed up tight. I tried the doorknob lightly and found it was locked. Lily was always good at locking up. I moved around from the kitchen door toward the sliding glass doors that entered the dining room. The outer wall of this room was recessed about three feet further in than the kitchen so I peeked around the corner and saw what I needed to know. There was Lauren in a corner seemingly tied up. I could make out part of Lily sitting in a chair with ropes around her. As I moved along the outside wall indentation, trying to stay out of sight of most of the room, I also spotted what looked like a pair of feet from someone on the ground. They were not moving and I was betting that that was the deputy sheriff. 

I considered my options. There weren't many. I was sure that the sliding doors were also locked and shooting through thick double-paned sliding doors was not a good idea. They could deflect any bullet quite a bit if the shot was at any sort of an angle, and the hollow points make it even more difficult to shoot thru them.

It was about then that I heard a car come to a screeching halt out front. Somebody was not trying to be discreet about their arrival. I moved slowly out of sight of the windows and peeked around the corner. I couldn't see much, but I heard a car door slam and I figured it had to be the sheriff. I knew that Detective Wilson would be much quieter. I was moving back toward the doors when I sensed movement at the back of the fence. I looked over and could see someone move furtively along the fence line, staying below the level of the fence. When they got out of sight of the windows, the individual stood up and grinned at me. It was Detective Wilson. He hurdled the fence and rushed over to me.

"I sent the sheriff out front to be loud on purpose." He whispered to me as he drew his gun. "Can you see them?"

I whispered my view of the layout. He nodded and then went around the side of the house. He pulled his cell phone out and I heard him whisper the information to someone, probably the sheriff. He came back.

"You stay here. I'll see if I can get into position at the sliding doors when the sheriff rings the doorbell."

I nodded and waited while he moved around to the side of the doors. I heard the doorbell and then came Buck's voice. "We're busy! Come back later!"

The sheriff shouted and his voice was deep and booming. "Open up, Buck. This is the sheriff. We know that you're in there. You're not going anywhere. Just come on out and we can settle this."

"Fuck you! I got your deputy in here and he's not doing so well. I also have Lily and Lauren. So back off, asshole, and I'll call you when I'm ready for my transportation."

Things went quiet after that. I waited and waited and heard more cars pull up out front. Then, suddenly, state police officers appeared on either side of the yard. They stared at me and one pointed his weapon at me. Detective Wilson came back around the corner and flashed his badge and scowled at the man. The man lowered his weapon. 

Detective Wilson pulled me back around the corner toward the gate. "I think we are done here. They are going to take over and run it like a typical hostage situation. They aren't going to let us play anymore. Buck closed the curtains in the back, too, so now it gets more difficult."

I protested. "I'm not leaving."

"I didn't say leave, I just meant that we should return out front and stay behind the barricade they are putting up."

I followed him out front and, just like he said, a barricade was going up. He definitely knew their tactics.

We were just getting set for a hostage negotiator to start talking to him when my cell phone rang. I was standing in the middle of them and they all looked at me. I looked at the phone. "It's Lily's phone." They all gathered around me. 

I answered it and put it on speaker. "Hello?"

"Listen to me, you murdering fucking bastard. If you want to see Lily or Lauren again, you get them to let you come into the house. If you come in, I just may let them go."

"Fuck you!" Everyone stared at me. "I'm not coming in on that promise. I'll come in only if you promise to let Lauren go completely free."

The cops were all waving at me not to make any deals, but I did it anyway. They didn't want me to interfere and add another hostage, but I had to move this along and keep him occupied.

"Well, Buck?"

"Deal."

"Good. I'll approach the front door and when you let her out, I'll walk in."

"Two minutes." He hung up.

I turned to the negotiator. "What can I do? I have to get the girl out. What approach do you want me to take?"

He stared at me for a second. "I think you've already sealed your fate. He wants you dead. I think as soon as you walk in there, he's going to kill you."

"Shit! Okay, how about this. When he lets Lauren out the front door, he'll be standing right there. Do you have guys who can get a good rifle shot in there? We can get him as he opens the door and grabs me."

He looked over at another cop who came over. "We have our snipers set up. They're ready. Do you want us to take that shot?"

The negotiator nodded. "Yes. Once this guy enters the house, I'm afraid they are all dead."

I took a deep breath. "Where do you want me to stand?"

The sniper team leader told me how he wanted me to stand to allow them to see inside and to get Buck in the best position at the door. I looked around and took a deep breath. 

The negotiator turned back to me. "How do you feel?"

"Pissed off."

He watched me carefully. "You know I can stop you. I don't have to let you go up there."

"I know."

"Why should I take this chance?"

I took a deep breath. "Because it may be your only shot to get this resolved without everyone inside dying. We don't know the status of Lily. We don't know if the deputy sheriff is injured. We only know that we can draw Buck to the front door if you let me go up there, so I think it's your best shot."

He mulled it over and then looked at his watch. He gave a thumbs-up to the sniper team leader, who gave him one back. Then he turned back to me. "Your two minutes are up. Get ready."

I reached behind me and pulled my SigSauer out of my belt and handed it to him. His eyebrows went up, but he didn't say anything.

We then heard movement and the front door opened. As I started walking toward the house, I caught a glimpse of Lily's mother on the far sidewalk where the police were keeping most of the crowd that had gathered. I just gave her a nod and continued walking toward the front door. I could almost feel the negotiator watching me closely. I walked toward it and saw Lauren appear in the door. She was being held back by Buck.

"I'm here." I shouted it so everyone could hear it. "Let Lauren go."

Buck answered from behind the door. "As soon as you are on the stoop, asshole."

I approached the front door stoop and when I reached the last concrete slab of the sidewalk right in front of the small stoop, he leaned around the corner and pointed this gun at me. I watched as he pointed it at me and let go of Lauren. She didn't move.

"Lauren, please come out." 

She looked at me, tears in her eyes, her body trembling. "But my mommy's in there."

"I know. What she really wants right now is for you to be safe. Come out here and I'll go in there, okay?"

She slowly moved forward, pushing the screen door open and coming outside. Buck kept his gun trained on me. "Don't move or you're dead."

I just nodded and moved to the side as Lauren passed. I patted her on the head and made sure there was a clear line of fire for the snipers. I kept waiting for them to take the shot. Unfortunately, Buck wasn't waiting. "I don't need you anyway asshole. I have two other hostages. I'll just get this part over with now." 

I knew he was talking about shooting me and so I pivoted slightly to the side away from the snipers to dive for cover. I heard the report of Buck's pistol and the sniper's rifle shot at about the same time as I got hit in the lower back. I went down and the world was nothing but pain again. I looked up and saw all the police officers rush past me and into the house. One officer came to me and started putting his hand on my wound. He rolled me over and must have found an exit wound, because he put something on the front of me, too. The other officers started rushing into the house and I could hear radios barking and snatches of conversation. I was trying to watch them closely, but couldn't tell what they found. I just knew that I was tired of being shot at. I felt another pair of hands at that moment and looked up to see Detective Wilson kneeling over me. 

"Did we get him?" I managed to choke it out.

"Yeah, we got him."

"Lily?"

"Not sure." He looked up. "Just rest, the EMTs are right here." He left me.

I remember the EMTs arriving and feeling strange as they pumped me full of pain killers, put an IV in my arm, and put me on a gurney. I felt oddly detached. Then I was out.

28 March 2010

I awoke the next day in pain. I slowly opened my eyes and saw another hospital room. I was so fucking tired of hospitals. I was so fucking tired of being shot. I rolled my head to the side and there was Lily, dozing in a chair, looking disheveled, tired, and more beautiful than I had seen her in a long time. I groaned. I could see my mother behind her, also asleep in a chair.

Lily woke suddenly. "Jon?"

"Yeah?" I groaned again.

She moved up over me and kissed me. "How you feeling?"

"Like I just got shot. What's the deal?"

"They said that he grabbed a gun, but it had steel bullets or something like that, I couldn't understand everything they said. It went right through your side and didn't really damage anything important. You're going to be fine."

I groaned again. "I'm tired of being shot."

She smiled, stared into my eyes, and tenderly ran her hand along my cheek. "And I'm not leaving this time. I'm staying. I'm not going to let you go. You saved me, saved my daughter, and I've been a fool."

"Thanks." I stared up at her. "All of Buck's family is dead, right?"

She laughed at my question. "Yes, thank god. We don't have to deal with any more of them." Lily came around to my left side so that she could get around the IV running into my arm. My mother was awake by now and moved up along my right side. Lily leaned over and kissed me on the lips. I just lay there, trying to absorb all that had happened, and the painkillers were making it difficult. I did feel that familiar tingling that I always got from her and when she pulled back I gave her a small smile. She grinned. "Well, I have a café to run and your mother is here, so I'm going to go." She leaned back toward me and stared into my eyes. "Will you promise not to be a stranger in my life?"

I hesitated. "Yes?" It sounded more like a question to me, but not to her.

"Good. I'll bring Lauren around later. She is a celebrity at school and can't stop talking about how much you have saved her and her mom."

I smiled. "I can't wait to see her again."

Lily got a serious look again. "I can never thank you enough for what you did for Lauren. Never."

I smiled and squeezed the hand that she had put on mine. 

Lauren said good-bye and she and my mother talked briefly. She left with a flourish and my mother and I talked for a while. My mother filled me in on their discussions over the last few weeks. I just smiled.

A few hours later, I was a little more awake when my door opened again and this time a young, beautiful Lauren came bounding into the room.

"Mr. Kenton, Mr. Kenton!" She raced up to my bed. Her eyes were luminous and her smile infectious. I couldn't help but smile when I was around her. "Hi, Mr. Kenton. How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine sweetie. How are you?"

"I'm okay, Mr. Kenton, but I didn't get shot. You got shot."

I chuckled. "Yes, I know that." I saw Lily's mother move into the room just inside the door. She didn't look angry any more, but she was not coming over to talk to me. She just stood there staring at me and Lauren. "How is school?"




Finding My Way Home Ch. 06



"School is fun. Everyone wanted to know about you and how you got shot saving me and Mom and the policeman. It's fun."

"Well, I'm glad you are enjoying it."

Mrs. Johnson cleared her throat. "Okay, Lauren, that's enough for now. The doctors said that he needed to rest, so we'll see more of him later."

"Bye, Mr. Kenton!" Lily chirped as she smiled and bounced out of the room.

Mrs. Johnson let the door close without leaving. She stood there for a few seconds. "Jon, I want to thank you for saving my daughter and granddaughter. I am still angry about what you did to Lily, but thanks."

I could see she was having difficulty with this. "You're welcome."

She left without getting close to me.

1 April 2011

I was released on April Fool's Day, which I found a little humorous. My mother, Lily, and Lauren were there. Lauren gave me a big hug and told me how much she liked me. It made me feel good.

I got settled in at home and the ladies left me to sleep about 8pm. I slept through until the morning.

3 April 2010

That Saturday, we had a little celebratory cookout in my back yard. The guests included Lily and Lauren, Detective Wilson, Diane and her fiancé, Dave, and my friend Jim from Chicago. Jim, of course, gave me a large fake purple heart in the manner of the award Samuel Jackson gave to Harrison Ford in Patriot Games.

We ate and drank and my wound was healing quickly. It had been a steel-jacketed bullet and passed through me easily and quickly, just missing my kidney. I was very, very lucky.

As things were settling down after dinner, I found myself sitting in a nice cushioned wooden chair on the patio. Jim came over and sat on a folding chair next to me.

"I can see why you like Lily. She's beautiful and full of life."

"She wasn't that way when I came home. She's just now returning to being that way."

He looked over at her and she saw us both looking at her as she talked animatedly to my mother. She smiled. Jim smiled and turned back to me. "Well, she and her daughter are both so full of energy now. I think you should give her another chance."

I started at that and looked at him. "You do?"

He leaned closer to me. "I remember what you told me when you came up to Chicago. I could tell that you really felt badly about hurting her. I could also tell that you still had a thing for her. Admit it."

"I've always had a thing for her. But this is real life, and everything doesn't always work out in real life. I've been shot twice, got really close to a beautiful Cindy only to have her killed, and have been working on keeping my mother healthy. You can see my life is working out real well."

He stared at me. "Well, maybe you just need to be with the right person to change your luck."

I smiled at him. "You're a real charmer, Jim."

"Thanks. I think you should take her out and see what happens."

I looked over at her and she smiled. It was radiant. "Yeah, maybe we can get over our past."

"And maybe that's what you needed to get you two to clean up your lives and get together."

I turned back to Jim. "Not exactly a fairy tale."

He chuckled. "Well, Snow White didn't start out that well, either."

I laughed. "Okay, you made your point. I'll ask her out and we'll see if we can get over everything that has happened."

Jim stood and slapped me on my good shoulder. "She is ready. I can tell the way she lights up whenever you are near."

I looked up at him. "Really?"

"Yep. And look, here she comes."

I looked up and he was right. She was on her way over to us. Jim grinned and left us as she arrived. Lily joined me by sitting on the wide wooden arm, her body heat distracting me from everything else. She leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. I looked up at her. "Lily, will you go out with me?"

She grinned and I swear she was would have jumped up and down with glee if she hadn't felt like that would have been a bit gauche. "Jon, I would love to go out with you. When?"

"How about next Saturday?"

Lily looked at me for a second. "How about Tuesday? I have that day off from the café and I want to invite you over for the dinner you never had. Sound good?"

"Sounds good."

The rest of the party was uneventful, but fun.

6 April 2010

On Tuesday night I was pulling up in front of Lily's house, flowers and a bottle of wine on the seat, when I felt a flash of nervousness. It brought back memories of the last time I was here and Buck was at Lily's house, but I managed to get to the door and have her answer it without problems. 

Lily greeted me with a big kiss and I was instantly hard. I wanted her so bad. She could feel it and just smiled and invited me in. We had a nice dinner without Lauren, who was with her grandmother. We finished and I told her I had a little bit of a headache. Lauren offered to get me some Tylenol while I moved to the living room. I got up and went in there while she fetched the Tylenol.

It seemed to take longer than normal for her to get it, when I heard her come up behind me. She reached around from behind me, on both sides. One hand held a glass of water and the other some Tylenol. I took everything and gulped down the medicine.

She moved around in front of me and I stared. She was naked. 

"Uh, Lily, what's going on?"

"D'uh. I think it's obvious. We haven't really had a chance to have good sex without me being drunk. I want to correct that." She watched my face. I didn't say anything at first. I was a little shocked, but she took my silence the wrong way. I was thinking that it sounded wonderful and my headache was immediately forgotten. But Lily started to squirm and made a move to cover her nudity. She looked away from me and then back. "Please?" 

"Are you sure we should move immediately to this stage of a relationship?"

"Yes, I think we should. Jon, I told you before that I was wrong and a little depressed and very confused. The shrink helped me understand that. Plus, I'm really horny for you Jon. I have thought about this all day." She regained her confidence and moved between my legs, putting her gorgeous pink-nippled tits right in my face. I grinned and palmed them. She groaned.

"Please, Jon, I need you."

I suddenly felt much better. I leaned forward and slowly circled one nipple with my tongue and the other I rolled with my fingers. 

"Oh, Jon." She grabbed my head with both hands and held me there, suckling on her cotton-candy nipple. "You really do turn me on."

I leaned back and grinned up at her. "Really?"

She smiled at me. "Don't be a smartass." I flinched and she saw it. "What?"

"Sorry, it was something that Cindy and Rhonda and I joked about. It's nothing."

She leaned over and kissed me on the mouth. "No, it's not nothing. I could see that it bothered you and I know that you cared for her." She started to tear up. "I'm sorry."

I grabbed her and pulled her down onto my lap, hugging her. She started sobbing, suddenly letting out a lot of apparently still withheld emotion. "I'm sorry, Jon. I'm still so sorry about what happened."

"Shhh. There's nothing that can be done now." Saying those words was hard, but I knew them to be true. I just couldn't utter them before now. I couldn't fully face the facts until I also felt and saw the hurt in Lily's eyes and voice.

She cried on my shoulder for a couple of minutes and then I picked her up and carried her to her bedroom. I laid her down and she held onto me, trying to pull me into bed with her. I resisted and stood up. I then undressed and crawled into bed with her. We just held each other and lay there for about 20 minutes although my dick was hard as a rock. Lily cried and just kept whispering to me to hold her.

Finally, Lily looked up at me and smiled, wiping her eyes. "Sorry about that."

"Nothing to be sorry about. The last few months have been quite an emotional roller coaster ride, for everyone."

"Make love to me, please. I want to feel loved and cherished and desired by someone. Please."

"Lily, you are a beautiful woman. You have always been desirable. You just didn't let anyone get close enough to make you feel loved and cherished. If you had let someone, you would have found someone."

She looked up at me. "I don't want 'someone', Jon, I want you. Please. Now."

I kissed her. We kissed furiously, displaying the combination of our lust and our desire to get past our recent history. I ran my hands over that beautiful alabaster body that never seemed to tan, only freckle. She held onto my dick while I explored her tits and then her pussy, which was becoming very wet. We never stopped kissing and nipping each other's tongues while we did this.

Finally, Lily pulled away. "Now. Please."

I crawled up over her and she spread her legs. She guided my dick to her pussy and I slowly started to push. I pulled back. "Oh! Condom!"

She pulled at my shoulders with her hands and my ass with her feet. "Fuck it! I'm on the pill. Fuck me!"

I didn't need a second invitation. I slowly worked my dick into her, gathering her lubrication on my dick, until I was fully seated. 

Lily had her eyes closed. "So nice."

I grinned and started working in and out, feeling what was a very tight pussy for a woman nearing 30 with a kid. I tried to savor it, make it last. She threw her head back, which lifted up her tits and I assaulted first one then the other nipple. I was slowly plunging into her, making sure I ground up against her clit. She groaned.

I had only been in her for a few minutes when she arched her back, grunted, and had a major orgasm. Her entire body spasmed and she started gasping for air. She looked wonderful.

I slowed down, wondering if we should change positions, but she pulled me back tight. "Cum in me, Jon. Do it. I want to watch and feel you cum in me. Go ahead. Cum in my tight pussy."

I started thrusting into her and she continued to whisper in my ear that I should fill her pussy with cum. Well, who was I to deny her that wish? I thrust and thrust. I could feel her body under me. So soft, but firm; so beautiful and wonderful.

"Shit! I'm cumming!" I announced it to her.

She smiled and held me as I gave my little thrusts to pump my cum into her. When I finally finished I looked down at her and she was smiling. It was that 1000 watt smile that I hadn't seen since high school.

When I finally rolled off her, she cuddled up to my side and whispered to me. "I loved that, Jon. Maybe we could make it more regular."

I turned to meet her grin. She was back to being playful. "And I think its better when you're sober."

She blushed and hid her head against my shoulder. "Sorry about that. I guess in my drunkenness, I couldn't deny the attraction I felt for you."

"Or you just needed an available cock."

She slapped me on the arm. "I hope you were joking."

"Of course." I moved my left arm under her and she rested her head on it. I wrapped it around her and stroked her hair. "But seriously, where do we go from here?"

She rose up on her elbow and looked at me. "Do you want to date me?"

I grinned and kissed her on the lips. "Do I get to partake of these fringe benefits?"

She put her head back on my shoulder and I could feel her smile. "Oh, God, I hope so. I really have missed regular sex." She rose back up. "How's your headache?"

I grinned. "What headache?"

She laughed. "See, we found the miracle cure for headaches." She then turned serious. "Jon, I should explain more to you about what happened while you were with Cindy."

That got my attention. "Okay."

"When I felt jealousy for the first time in so long, I questioned my life. I started talking to your mother whenever she came into the café, and believe me; she always made sure she stopped by. I also started going to your house to visit her. I just wanted to know more about how she dealt with her life. Then, she told me that I really needed to see someone who could help me with my situation and recommended this old friend of hers at the hospital. I resisted it at first, but eventually took her advice. I went to see him and he helped me understand that I had wrapped my life up in work and Lauren. I was showing signs of depression and he led me to believe that I could still have a full life. We talked through everything about my life and he was able to get me to see how I kept closing myself off every time I started to like a man. I tried to keep everyone at bay. I was punishing myself for my poor choices, allowing myself to get pregnant too young, marrying such a jackass, and everything I had done wrong. At that point, I decided that I had to at least see you again. I saw him again after you beat me and he explained to me why I felt that need to be whipped. He also explained why you felt the way you did. In any case, I think I am out of my depression now and I feel like I can go on with my life. However, I'd love it if you'd try to be in it more."

I stared at her. Her words had come gushing out and washed over me so quickly I barely had time to comprehend them. But I did understand one thing. "Lily, I would like to try to be with you more, too."

Lily returned to the light mood again and kissed me quickly. "Please tell me it will include sex."She giggled.

I laughed, too. I was about to say something else when we heard the front door open. Lily's eyes went wide. "Shit! My mother was supposed to keep Lauren later than this. She must still be mad at you and decided to come home early enough to interrupt us. Grab your clothes and get into the bathroom and get dressed."

She leaped out of bed and threw on a pair of jeans and shirt without panties or a bra. I was in the bathroom in about 10 seconds, but I still heard Lauren.

"Mom? We're home!"

"Just a second honey." I could hear Lily rush out of the bedroom for the living room.

I finished dressing and came out of the bathroom. Mrs. Johnson was staring at me. "Hello, Jon." She seemed to be holding back with Lauren around. I was going to take advantage of it and get out of the house quickly.

"Hello, Mrs. Johnson." I barely looked up. "I'll call you later, Lily, okay?"

Lily stopped what she was doing with Lauren and came over to me. I was shocked when she pulled me down and kissed me on the lips. "Tomorrow. Okay?"

"Sure." I looked over to see Mrs. Johnson looking on disapprovingly, but Lauren was giggling. 

"Mommy, you're kissing Mr. Kenton."

"Yes, sweetie. I like him a lot. A whole lot."

I headed toward the door and got out of there before anything else was said.

I was only about half way home when my cell rang. I picked it up without looking. "Jon, you'd better call me tonight before you go to bed. I don't like it when a guy just fucks me and runs." She was giggling.

"Yes, ma'am. I'll call back as long as you promise to give me some more of that delectable ass."

I heard her giggling stop. "Jon, are you still seriously interested in me?"

"I think so. I'm still confused by everything Lily; me, you, Buck, Cindy, everyone. But I have always felt something special toward you, so I'd like to see what happens."

"Me, too. I mean see what happens -- well, and the sex, too."

I pulled into my driveway and got out. My mother opened the front door and waited for me to get there.

"Sleep with Lily?"

I groaned. "It's really complicated, Mom."

"I know. Mrs. Johnson was livid because when she tried to tell Lily to stay away from you Lily threw her out of the house."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

I suddenly remembered something. "Hey, why didn't you tell me Lily had been coming over here before I had to ask you in the hospital?"

She grinned. "Women's secrets."

I grinned back. "Jerk."

"Just looking out for my son."

"You always do, Mom."

"Don't you forget it."

"I'm sure you won't let me."

"You got that right!"

May 2010

During May, Lily and I spent a lot of time together. We were almost inseparable after she finally convinced me that she was no longer the depressed, unreachable woman she was before. At first, I was skeptical. But she stayed cheerful, continued to see the psychiatrist, and told me that he said she was over her period of depression.

We continued to see each other and Lauren was a joy. She was very perceptive and very intelligent for her age. I liked being around her and sometimes she clung to me, which actually made me feel very good. I had wondered if she was going to have some problems after the incident with Buck, but she displayed no signs of any. She got over it and Lily thought that was because he was never really her father and she didn't really know him. But I reminded her that that tense hostage situation could have a deleterious effect on anyone.

5 June 2010

We were in Lily's back yard for another small cookout. Mrs. Johnson had come around quite a bit, but still looked at me from time to time like she was waiting for me to go off the deep end again. I was grilling burgers and it was just me and Mom, Lily and Mrs. Johnson, and Lauren. Lily seemed very distracted and a little nervous. She had no reason to be. I was the one that was nervous. We had become soul mates in my mind and I had just bought an engagement ring. We had both kind of hinted at it, but had not had a full discussion about marriage, so I found myself nervously fingering the ring whenever I had a chance. It was in my pocket and I was going to propose after we ate. 

I had been spending a lot of time at Lily's and Lauren had really taken to me. So much so that Lily had even lifted the 'no sleeping over' rule in front of her daughter. Lauren took it in stride like it was nothing, not seeming to even realize at her young age what that meant. Letting me stay over was a big step for Lily, so I knew she was in love with me. I just hoped she was ready for the next step.

As we finished cleaning up, I went and sat down next to Lily. "Lily, I have something I want to ask you."

She turned to me. "I have something I have to tell you first." She looked very serious and I was concerned. She waved to our mothers, who both joined her as we sat at her picnic table. They seemed to know what this was about. Her mother put one protective arm around Lily. Now I was petrified. "I, uh -- I'm, well, I'm pregnant." Mrs. Johnson was staring at me, gauging my reaction. My mother was smiling and watching closely, too. Lauren was over on her swings so she didn't hear it. Lily was looking at me, trying to discern my reaction. So this is why she was nervous.

I stared and then smiled. "How far along are you?" I took her hand in mine and held it.

She squeezed my hand. "Two months. I had the doctor verify it yesterday. I guess what they say about birth control is true. It's not 100%." She stared at me. "So -- are you going to say something?" I could see more than fear creep into her expression.

I grinned, leaned forward, and kissed her briefly. "That's fine, honey."

She let out a deep breath. "You sure it's okay? I mean, we didn't talk about it and I was on birth control. I don't want you to feel an obligation. I just want...".

I put my hand over her mouth. She was starting to talk fast and nervously. I grinned and reached into my pocket. I palmed the ring and pulled out my hand. "Then I guess it's a good thing I have this and a good time to ask this question." I put my hand out in front of her and opened it. The two mothers were leaning towards us to see what it was. When I opened it and Lily saw the ring, her eyes got big and filled with tears. She slowly reached out and picked it up. She looked at it and put it on her left hand.

The two mothers were now smiling and Lily got up and sat on my lap. "God, yes, Jon. I'll marry you, you broken down old soldier." I kissed her and looked over at Lauren. She was still swinging and Lily called her over. "Lauren, honey, come here. I have something to ask you."

I watched as Lauren did one of those patented leaps from the swing as it swung forward that all kids learn. "What is it, Mom?" She had taken to calling her Mom instead of Mommy lately. She said Mommy was for little kids.




Finding My Way Home Ch. 06



Lily took Lauren's hand. "Honey, what do you think of Jon becoming your father and living here?"

She looked at me and then at her mother. She shrugged her shoulders. "I thought he already was."

Lily started laughing at that and we all joined in. Out of the mouths of babes!

And so I ended up with the girl of my dreams from my high school days. It was a tough journey, but I know we're going to make it. After all, we've already been through more than most couples will in their entire lives. 

Oh, yes, we have a daughter on the way. We're going to name her Cindy.